April 18, 2025 • 2900 mins
We’re diving into real Reddit stories where people gave singing feedback… and things got messy. Coach Emily joins me to break down what actually makes feedback helpful, when “brutally honesty” crosses a line, and how singers can get better without losing their confidence.
If you've ever wondered how to give feedback kindly or just love watching a little musical drama unfold—this one’s for you.
🎧 Come for the chaos, stay for the coaching. Let’s get into it.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
this is something that we talked a lot at Berkeley
talked a lot about at Berkeley
they were like look
all of y'all are great uh huh
you gotta be easy to work with because yeah
like there's so many other instrumentalists
singers producers
audio engineers whatever arrangers
there's so many people who are just as good as you
(00:23):
and they're easy to work with
yeah you can get replaced like this
hey voxstar and welcome to from singer to artist
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach and the host of this show
(00:46):
at VoxTape Studios
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the 3 fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources
(01:06):
Alrighty are you ready
let's get started we are live in New York City
together with the wonderful Coach Emily
welcome thanks for being here
thanks for having me
are you ready for a little fun episode
yes yes
so read it uh huh
we all know Reddit we go to it for advice
(01:27):
and there's some funny stories on Reddit
and also some like disturbing stories
yeah on Reddit
and I am obsessed with some of these podcasts out there
like um
smosh does it and um
2 hot takes I think is what they're called too
like
they talk about Reddit stories and they dissect them
and I was like oh my God yes
(01:49):
let's do this but we're gonna do it for singing stuff
yeah specifically
and there's so many stories
I was like okay
we gotta we gotta have a little theme going on here
today's edition is the critique edition
yeah am I the asshole
Reddit stories critique edition
uh huh so without further ado
shall we get right into it
I can't wait to hear and if you hear something bananas
(02:09):
use the yeah use the little use our little wiggle guy
the little dancing cactus
oh yeah and apparently he's a dude
so he's a dude he's a dude now okay
am I the asshole for giving my 17 year old daughter
proper feedback on her singing
uh proper feedback
what a nice way of saying your shit
(02:30):
yeah okay
yeah proper feedback
doesn't mean you're giving her exercises and practice
to do no
it's like that was fun probably not very constructive
you know yes
it's like that like brutally honest
like calling it brutally honest
and thinking that that makes no
you're just being an asshole yeah
you're just being an asshole
like you like just
just like you can be straight up without like sucking
(02:50):
like yes
honesty without kindness is cruelty
yes there you go
yes alright
here's the story on Friday
night my 17 year old daughter
decided to give a singing performance for my wife
brother and myself
she sang the song somewhere from West Side Story
when she finished
she asked for feedback and being nearly an adult
(03:12):
I felt she
I felt I should give her the feedback she would get
okay I said this
quote you have a great voice on the last two notes
because the beginning of the song wasn't strong enough
and you screwed the words a little bit
screwed up the words a little bit
but whatever okay
and it didn't have the emotion
(03:34):
because you got so nervous
a singer cannot get that nervous
you deserve to be successful in this field
but you gotta get better it's not negativity
it's constructive criticism
end quote
she nodded her head in agreement
throughout my statements
strong girl
when my wife gave her opinion
quote last week I thought you were excellent
(03:55):
the song I'd have to agree with OP's name
the person who wrote this
I felt like it was faked emotion
it didn't feel real to me
end quote she nodded in agreement as well
then her uncle gave his opinion
he said that he was really staggered by what we said
(04:16):
quote I mean guys
this is a kid who is 17
taking on a great Leonard Bernstein song
and from arguably the greatest musical ever written
we tried to inform him a little bit but he kept going
quote she
had a great emotion behind her eyes
and wonderful emotional range
yes okay
you did falter but uh
(04:37):
but you did well hold on
yes okay
you did falter you did
but I'm not surprised at your age
that you would do that
and as you train and enhance your voice more
you will get better and better and better bravo
that was a long ass sentence
sorry it was hard to read anyways
um she was very chuffed with his comments chuffed
(05:00):
is that a word chuffed
never heard that anyways
she was very chuffed with his comments
later I spoke basically just saying
she's 17 and wants to be treated like an adult
and that's the feedback she would get
she would be getting in order to improve
she would less
she would need less sugarcoating and more honesty
hmm there is a word missing here
(05:21):
but okay um
I felt I was stern and fair with her
she often says
a lot of my constructive feedback is really negative
but I don't feel it is was I the asshole
haha oh wow
I love that
he's just like the last sentence in his feedback was
(05:44):
it's not negativity it's constructive criticism
if you feel the desire to defend what you just said
yes yeah
it probably is what you're saying
it it
it probably is like negative to say like
not to be racist or like I
I don't mean to be racist
and then they go on to say the most racist thing ever
(06:04):
like it's that's what you're doing here
yeah that's huh
that that was challenging to listen to um
1 you can give notes
well okay
obviously not everyone's a trained teacher
especially like parents who listen to their kids sing
yeah right
what as it as a teacher
what I would do is like ask for how that experience was
(06:27):
ask what that experience was for you
uh huh or for the singer
and then kind of see where they're sitting with it
if they're like I felt amazing yeah
you don't have to tear them down
and not saying that you don't give them notes
but you don't go really
because it seemed like you faked it yeah
like what the hell like that's insane behavior
yeah that is insane behavior
you know like just taking on the other role here
(06:50):
just for the sake of this yeah
like I get where the parents come from
yeah right
like they want their kid to improve right
be like alright
that was good here's things that you can do better
right like I get that the way it's executed
that's that's where the problem is
where the problem is
not that you're giving your daughter proper feedbacks
(07:13):
like you know
like interesting constructive criticism yeah
like he says later
like that's a good thing if the child wants it yeah
yeah but it sounds like she does yes
she sounds like this
is not the first time she's done this right
I think the uncle gave great feedback yes
that was like for your age
you're in a really successful spot yeah
(07:35):
not every single moment was perfect
but I
I think that you did a great job performing for people
like roughly that's kind of I don't I don't get like
you know he's like yeah
she's 17 taking on one of the best songs ever right
and then yeah they said
we try to inform inform him a little bit better
but he kept going
what does that mean inform him a little bit better
(07:55):
that's very interesting like
it could be about like the feedback she's looking for
maybe they think they know
when clearly she has communicated to them
that she's not looking for the exact type of feet
she's looking for feedback
she's not looking for like
what was everything that was wrong yeah
like because especially because well
it's also not helpful when you're giving somebody yeah
(08:18):
many different things
then it gets overwhelming really quickly
it's like let's focus on one maybe two things max yes
three but
and we and we were just talking about like
things that stick with you like
like that this evening in her living room
performing for her family is gonna stick with her
the next time she sings a standard
(08:40):
or the next time she sings something from golden age
musical theater yeah
or something even something in her head voice
because that's
that sort of stuff is typically head dominant
like now those and this I don't know her
I don't know these people
but like from my experience
like I don't like the sound of my head voice
I don't like sound like that's where
that's where it ends up in
(09:01):
in three years
I just something about my head voice is just like
I just hear it and it just sounds like
that's where it's gonna end up in three years right
it's like not immediately right now yeah
but eventually it's like
cause right now it's gonna be oh
I'm not gonna sing that song anymore yeah
you know or I'm not gonna sing well
if she wanted to start putting up a boundary of like
(09:21):
I'm no longer asking you for feedback
and if you can't respect that
then I'm no longer singing for you
that's one thing but yeah
that's like that's where I feel it ends up like
and and they can't pinpoint what's wrong about how
what I perceive as like a perfectly normal head voice
you know like I'll say in lessons yeah
(09:41):
and they can't quite pinpoint it
and then one day they're like oh
you know what this just reminds me of
when I was auditioning for this musical
and I sang my song in front of
this is I'm making this up
but I sang my song in front of my peers
and they told me
that it sounded weird and like way too light
(10:02):
hmm now we're like
oh that's why you can never be happy in your head voice
yeah and then we kind of break that down for a second
and like actually
what I like to do exercise wise
when I'm working with someone
bringing this into teaching
but like what I like to do exercise wise
when I'm working with someone who like
has a specific event or for lack of better terms
(10:25):
trauma around a certain part of their voice
is I don't target it as singing
I target it as making a noise like yeah
in head voices being like beep beep beep
sound like a microwave
your goal is to sound like a microwave
you know
like don't try to sing it just like do the thing
oh
as a kid
I would always tell my grandma when the oven alarm
like the you know
the timer goes off and I was I would always say
(10:50):
grandma machine goes beep beep in Swiss German
love that that just reminded me of that beep beep
so the the top comment here was
you're the asshole
it sound like you only gave negative feedback
yeah criticism should be constructive
review what was right and what was wrong
but also share advice on how to improve
(11:12):
not approve yeah
there wrote approve but anyways
um it feels like you just tore her down
uh huh and then the comment underneath that
was the criticism her uncle gave
was what I would consider to be actual
constructive criticism yeah
he did point out the flaws
in the areas she underperformed
but he also pointed out
and emphasized the areas she excelled at
and then ended it on a positive note
(11:34):
encouraging her to keep practicing
as she has the potential to grow even more yes
yeah uncle is the All Star coming in there yes
give it up for the uncle yeah thanks
thanks man
yeah I
I do think that the intention is right
the execution has a lot to be desired
has a lot to be desired and the
(11:57):
the thing that's really hitting me is at the end
when he's like
she's told me before that this isn't what she wants
but she's wrong that sort of thing roughly
you know yeah
yeah yeah
it's like she has communicated to you hey
that is not the feedback I'm looking for
I just
purely negative stuff feels like it's tearing me down
it's making me feel insecure about my voice
like
(12:17):
so continuing to do that is not going to serve her
because she's the second you start talking
and you mention one negative thing
now she's not even taking it in yeah
yeah yeah
you know like now it's no longer feedback
it's just like here he goes again
when I work with students
I always say the positive things first
always cause it's so easy to just go
(12:38):
straight to the thing that you can do better
yeah exactly
no start with the positives
and there was no positives in here
yeah except like the uncle
uncle's great yeah
yeah yeah yeah
but yeah exactly
and I also try to get them to say what they feel like
they did well
uh huh yes
oh yeah
yeah knowledge
oh I really like when I'm in this part of my voice
or I really like the sound
or if they can't find that this is my favorite part
especially when I'm working with a singer who's like
(13:00):
I just really hate the way I sound
like if that's what they tell me
the first time they sing something
I'm like okay
tell me one thing you liked about this
and then go from there yeah
alright well
you're the asshole dude
you're the asshole for sure
do better for sure again
I get where you're coming from
but yeah I see it like
it kind of reminds me of when Northwest Kardashian
(13:23):
I don't know if she has an Instagram
but oh yeah
Kim Kim's daughter was
what was she like Simba
Young Simba in the Hollywood Bowl or something
and the internet tore her apart
and they're like why did nobody tell her
it's just kind of like
you don't wanna be the one on the internet
that goes viral for
I mean like nobody wants that
and that's yeah
breaking for those for those kids
but like they goes viral
because they're not making typically desired
(13:47):
yeah
so I I understand being like yeah
I'm not gonna I don't want you to do that in front of
the whole school like the talent show
because this is not in a place
but there's like you said the thought was there
but the execution was yeah
really below subpar well
and painful
if you have the desire to defend what you just said
(14:08):
uh huh
then it's probably not a good sign yeah yeah
then you're too focused on being right
then like actually solving the problem yes yeah
all right boo boo boo boo boo boo
haha so like boo
I love it love it
all right moving on
(14:29):
I've got another story for ya
am I the asshole for telling my friend
she doesn't have the voice for singing
like I do haha
just the title oh my god
can I can I make a guess that there are 15 and 16 on
16 auditioning for the school musical
or are there 18 I don't have any ages oh
I don't know oh
(14:50):
this could be so many things okay
well let's let's look at this
let's look at this so okay
my friend is a good singer
I'm not denying that that's the first sentence
but her tone is more light and breathy
her range is on the higher side
and she has a softer voice and not a loud big voice
people usually praise this as it's unique in quotes
(15:10):
and angelic often referred to it as
if that helps explain it she can sing low notes
but I'd compare her to Ariana Grande
Billy Sabrina Carpenter softer lower register
what the heck's wrong with that
okay let's keep going
yeah uh
we were singing along to a piano during her part
and during her part she got a bit quiet
(15:31):
so it sounds like they're singing together
um I made a joke about how it would be helpful
if she actually Learned how to use her chest voice
since she didn't really have one
I also demonstrated how it would be easier for her
if she had a voice like mine
since I have a strong musical theater voice haha
she responded she naturally has a softer voice um
(15:54):
and different voices have different strengths
so I suggested if she can't do it
to just give me her part
the other girls then butted in
okay there's other people involved
okay of course
the other girls then butted in as they do
uh huh sounds like this is not the first time
and said not everyone has to have the same voice type
(16:15):
and that different sounds
make the group sound interesting
wow they also said that singing loud
doesn't mean singing good
apparently in parentheses
and she sounded loud enough just in a thin um
mixed voice and not a full chest
and apparently it sounded good
um there's so many problematic things happening here
(16:36):
okay this is so high school um
after some practice I start I started to get frustrated
I need the part needed a clear strong voice
not a breathy whisper voice
it's just what's best for the group
and our success at the audition okay
so they're preparing for an audition um
so I voiced this and suggested I take her part
since I don't think she suited the song
(16:59):
one of the girls said in a rude tone quote
if you're going to dictate
what everyone has to sound like
and act so up your ass
that
and that anyone who doesn't sound like you is wrong
just get the fuck out haha
so I just left
I tried to work things out with them later
but
they informed me that they've redistributed my solos
(17:21):
and no longer wanted me in the group
I found this hurtful oh no
since I had everyone's best interest in mind
and never said she couldn't sing
I don't see what I did wrong
am I the asshole for literally being honest
for literally for literally being on
yeah okay
be real girl like okay
Rachel Barry like haha
(17:41):
like come on
this is problematic on so many different levels
but can I interject and say that the rest of those
that group they're awesome
great work loving yourselves at
it really does sound like high school age
but like I don't know
but it sounds like but they're you know
they're literally saying like
it adds to the group when not everyone sounds the same
(18:03):
right and I think that's
that's beautiful it keeps it interesting
and so just a little like where
where my brain goes with this
yeah to
to try and relate to this asshole
cause this person is clearly an asshole yeah
like I think we can agree on that yeah
but I'm always like trying to relate to like
(18:24):
these people are like why are you reacting like this
like what makes you say this
but just for me
like I grew up listening to Christina and Beyonce and
you know like big
big big voices
and because of that probably uh
I always wanted to do the same and always
you know be a big belter
and I was always I have this
(18:44):
you know head voice is weak
I don't wanna do that I wanna belt
I wanna be loud I wanna be powerful
like yeah
what I hear these other singers do
obviously like I was very young back then too
and I just didn't quite understand how this all works
yeah but so I
I can relate to it in that sense yeah
where I'm like okay
like she likes big belty stuff yeah
(19:06):
but then she goes on and says like
you know I'd compare her to Ariana Grande
Billie Eilish I would assume yeah
and Sabrina Carpenter
those are some of the most successful singers out there
yeah that's incredibly famous
I'm an SNL and you're not like yes hello
so why can't your friends who's in this group sing
like Ariana Billy and Sabrina
(19:28):
yeah what's wrong with that
if you're
if you're struggling with the sound and blending
what I always do is offer to change my temper haha yes
I say hey
especially when it comes to blending yeah
it's usually the big power
powerful belty thing that like
that needs to
needs to pull back or you need to tone or
or uh
or adjust your tone yeah
(19:48):
to fit with the group and that's totally fine
there's I here's the thing
I'll I'll also offer if these
if this girl is as young as I think she is
I have so been there not being mean to my friends
yeah yeah yeah
but watching like American Idol and being like
these people don't have vibrato
(20:09):
so they aren't as good because yeah
I never I just became obsessed with musical theater
two years before you know
like she gets a little bit of Grace
because it's so possible that she can grow out of this
in like
two seconds hold on
we didn't even dissect this
hold on she says
since I have a strong musical theater voice
that's exactly why I'm like
if she is like really in that world of like
(20:32):
everything I sing needs to sound like Sutton Foster
in 2,010 like then
and when Sutton Foster is winning all
the Tony's and all that yeah
then I totally see where she
where her brain is sitting of like
but they but they don't get it
it needs to have this Broadway sound yeah
probably singing a musical theater piece
I'm assuming for an audition for some sort of
(20:53):
that's I maybe I'm putting this in my life
but they're singing it in a group
in a group so like
I don't I don't know like we can only yeah
we can only we can only fill in the blanks
but yeah
this is very much feels like to me that op is like
musical theater is superior yes
100% to pop singing yes
yes 100%
it's like where's the power is like necessary
(21:16):
when it absolutely isn't necessary
it serves it serves a purpose
it communicates a message
and I think it can be very effective yeah
the same way that soft singing can be a very effective
I also wonder if this big musical theater singer
is in voice lessons
and no one else in the group is in voice lessons
and she feels like she feels
(21:38):
and these are not her words
maybe or roughly
or she feels like I'm studying and fixing my voice
so everyone else should be studying and fixing theirs
too maybe like again
we can only like fill in the blanks as we guess
but I'm just I just wonder like she's young
she's taking steps to like quote unquote better herself
(22:02):
better her own voice
why can't these people just fix theirs too
yeah even though
there's nothing
inherently wrong with what they're doing
yeah absolutely yeah
looking at the comments here
quote for literally being honest
well don't that take the cake
yes you're the asshole op
and it isn't because you were honest
(22:23):
it's because you're self centered
entitled and egotistical not to mention in this case
the honesty is completely an opinion
yes seems like no one else agreed
that's the thing if you said hey
I really think your voice would blend better
if you had power
and everyone else in the group was like
I actually disagree with that
(22:43):
you're outnumbered yeah
you're outnumbered okay
maybe this isn't the group for you
if you want this is a democracy
yeah haha
like okay
maybe join a different group
if you really can't handle that
uh huh which I mean
it happened to you anyway
but they ousted you
which is like okay
boundaries like go
(23:04):
oh there's another good comment
okay okay
it's a longer one and I just kind of skimmed it
but yeah I think it's gonna be a good one
I've been reading Julie Andrews's memoir
and from the very beginning
she has was always super self conscious
that her voice wasn't as robust quote um
a tone like as a robust tone
um as some singers
(23:25):
and she struggled to project naturally in large spaces
especially at a young age lamenting
lamenting lamenting thank you
English second language here
oh yeah
lamenting that
it's sweetness and purity at higher notes
meant it seemed weaker to her hmm
and Opie and the group sound young
we're making the same Assumption um
(23:47):
their voices won't even have fully matured yet
and frankly pushing for full bomblast
belting cool word as a young singer
is probably gonna fuck up OP's voice in the long run
but yeah that's just me being honest haha
so yeah op
you're the asshole
and your honesty is just your inexpert opinion
(24:07):
and even if you were out there belting
like Whitney Houston which you are not
no amount of vocal talent
could make up for your insufferable attitude oh
this brings up a good point too
um also
note that
Whitney Houston and Julie Andrews are powerhouses
in their own styles yeah
it's laughable that you think
you could just take over the vocals
in a different style and louder is somehow better
(24:30):
I wanna go back to and
no amount of vocal talent
could make up for your insufferable attitude hmm
this is something that we talked a lot at Berkeley
talked a lot about at Berkeley
they were like look
all of y'all are great hmm
you gotta be easy to work with because yeah
like there's so many other instrumentalists
(24:52):
singers producers
audio engineers whatever arrangers
there's so many people who are just as good as you
and they're easy to work with yeah
you can get replaced like this
and that's literally just being honest like no
but yeah truly no
but that's it like
don't be hard to work with
because you're gonna get kicked out of the group yeah
(25:13):
and it that's literally what happened to her yeah
she was too hard to work with
she was being a diva
even if she's objectively the best singer
which yeah obviously be which is no
please not objective at least like
what does that even mean like
who's to
say that Whitney Houston is better than Billie Eilish
they're just completely different it sound yeah
it's and yeah right
and but also
(25:33):
Whitney Houston and Julie Andrews both did Cinderella
and then it's just a different version of Cinderella
it's just a different version right
I mean Whitney Houston was the godmother
but like nonetheless no
but like yeah yeah
but the yeah the different things but oh man
it also sounds like if again
if they're as young as I think having power
especially in her voice
especially in the way that she described
sounds like a grasp at some sort of like
(25:56):
control in her like ever changing high school life
yeah and that lose
and that losing this control
because if everyone else in the group is lighter
and they don't want to blend with her
maybe that means she thinks she has to blend with them
and now she's losing
losing the one thing she feels really good at
so now
she's freaking out and she's being mean to everyone
you never know what's going on in someone's life
you never know but you're the asshole
(26:18):
but but in this circumstance yeah
yeah yeah
and you're the asshole and and you know
it it sounds like it's just really not a good fit
yeah for the group yeah
right
like it they they clearly want something different
so you know
let's just not force it yeah
cause why bother if it's not do some
take this moment and reflect
(26:39):
and see where that gets you yes yeah yes
alright let's let's do one more okay
let's do it okay
am I the asshole if I don't like my partner singing
and ask them to kindly shut the fuck up
haha okay
my boyfriend always sings along with his music
that he plays in the car and he gets really into it
like with his whole body
(27:01):
and trying vibrato and all that jazz haha
it's not terrible but it's very annoying
even at 1 a m
driving home from a night out
he will belt out songs and I love that he loves it
but it grates on my nerves so bad
I don't like anyone singing what
well that's a okay
that's you problem I don't like anyone singing
(27:23):
but he particularly bothers me
and when I ask him to stop
he pouts and acts like a baby
which makes it worse
am I the asshole for just wanting
the actual music that is professionally done to play
and not have to act like I love his performances
this one's actually the the trickiest one
(27:45):
because she's clearly over stimulated
it's like this is not a good great relationship
yeah it seems like there are other things going on
my like the the
the sentence here that made my alarm bells go uh huh
weep weep
weep is I don't like anyone singing
but he particularly bothers me yeah
(28:09):
it has nothing to do with his singing yeah
there's something
going on in that relationship where it's like
there's something off something
I am not a relationship advice expert
nor am I I have been married for six years
so I know what I'm talking about
no
but like no
come on like yeah
(28:30):
it's
it's pretty clear that there's some miscommunication
something where it's like this is not a great fit
I also think
it's okay to be over stimulated by your partner
like that happens like I
I know for me I'm a sound machine
I'm always just like
yeah
(28:50):
like just always making some sort of noise
and I don't take it personally when my girlfriend says
hey I'm a little over stimulated right now
could we just like take a break on the sound
that's how you communicate
thank you that's how you say it
that's how you say it you don't say shut the fuck up
(29:11):
haha like okay
are you are you fucking kidding me like yeah
that's how you say it you just communicate effectively
and then if he is still pouting
when you communicate effectively
like it's 1:00am and we're driving and I'm so tired
and we just got off a flight
please I just need a little bit of quiet yeah
but it seems like this is like an all the time thing
and all the time thing yeah
(29:32):
just in a blue moon thing
just freaking talk to each other
and if you can't talk to each other girl
I don't know I don't know why
everybody's so bad at talking to each other
it's honestly I used to be really bad at that really
oh my gosh so grant and I
my husband and I met when I was 21
and we got married when I was 22 wow
I was really young yeah
immigration purposes haha
(29:53):
it was like get married or break up yeah
cause I was losing my my status yeah
so anyways turns out great
love him dearly really do haha
um otherwise I wouldn't be here
I'm an American citizen now
I can leave his ass if I want to
but I don't want to cause he's great
but every time there was conflict
I would shut down hmm
cause I would get overwhelmed with myself
(30:14):
like
my mind would go a million miles an hour and nothing
at the same time like
I had a million thoughts and no thoughts
at the same time and I'm like
finish and he was like
tell me what you're thinking and I'm like
I don't I don't even know what I'm thinking yeah
I had to learn it yeah
I really had to and because of like
the situation that we were in with our relationship
(30:37):
it was like
we're already married so let's figure this shit out
yeah because divorce is not an option yeah
so you know like we
I had to learn how to process my own thoughts yeah
and feelings and then communicate that with him
and he really had to pull it out of me
and I'm forever grateful yeah
(30:57):
that that he did that he taught me that yeah
um he's a six years older than I am okay
um and comes from a very communicative family um
I'm at my family we've always been open
but like we didn't share everything yeah
they share everything so you know
he's a very good communicator
um and I Learned so much from that
(31:19):
and I'm so grateful for it
and I'm seeing you know
friends and random people on the internet or it's like
oh they haven't Learned that yet yeah
and I know what it feels like
to not have Learned that yet
but I really hope that they're gonna learn it somehow
through a partner through a parents through a friend
(31:41):
through listening to a podcast yeah
somehow
right yeah
cause it's
it's really it's really important cause again
I don't think the singing is the issue
I don't think the singing is the issue
and I'm the opposite of you
I am overly communicative
I wanna talk about every single thing I'm thinking
and I you know
we've come to an I've come to an agreement with Tate
(32:01):
like what we do is we like
we just take a we take a beat
we take a breath we go process
we can come back and talk about whatever it is
and like we never get to a point now or very
I'll say never like
we don't escalate things to the point where like
they're problematic because we know that
we have a communication plan set up
(32:22):
so when we feel that both of us are in a mood
like just take a second and be like
what is going on what okay
I'm just over stimulated today and I'm annoyed
and I apologize for letting you feel the brunt of it
because of your singing or because of what I'm yeah
because of the singing but you know
like
yeah but I'm
I'm overly communicative
(32:43):
and that's actually funny because in my teaching
thank god I have not my notes up cause I'm like
da da da da
da da
da da and then we talk about one to three things
yes and I create my to do list for the next week
and I put all of the things that I think in my head
okay
I wanna work on this with this with this person's voice
and then we'll do like the top three things
(33:03):
and then I move the rest down
and we just keep going and going yes
because I
I'm an external processor and I just know that like
I gotta say things out loud or I gotta put them
I got to gotta get them out of my brain
it's awesome though that you are self aware enough to
to do this in your lessons
I love therapy and not haha no
(33:24):
cause it again like
if you're throwing
too many different things at your student
nothing is gonna get done yeah
so in my lessons it's a little different
because I do the first time lesson right
like yeah yeah
they're new to our studio
they wanna take a lesson with us
or are interested in taking lessons with us
they do it they set up a session with me
(33:45):
and then I place them with whoever is the right fit
right so the lesson with me is mostly like
let's diagnose yeah right
like let's play doctor uh huh
that's why I have the stethoscope
or whatever that thing is called
uh yeah
so like we
we play we play I play doctor just being like alright
here's here's all the different things that I'm hearing
(34:07):
how does that make you feel
do you hear those things do you not agree right
just like obviously ask them first
and then
and then I give my two cents to the conversation
and then we can talk about it
and then we don't we do some application
like we look at 1 2 things yeah
depending on how much time we have
but I also wanna mention like
other things that I'm hearing too
(34:28):
just so that they can see like
oh there might be more to this than I thought yeah
or I never thought about this
but we don't look at everything in this one session
yeah right
and then haha
and then we come and then you hand them off to me or
or another coach and eight weeks in
they're like
my partner told me to shut the fuck up on this
no
(34:49):
no that has never quite happened
but like that's
this person would be like
why can't we just access this part of your belt
it's kind of like the other one where the
the the first story um
it's like why is this thing so hard to access
when you're fundamentally set up for it
but the second that we really start going for it I
I hear hesitation
and that's what's creating some sort of entanglement
(35:10):
um or at least
you know it feels like that's the primary source of it
and it's like and then they
they just drop like yeah
I was told to shut the fuck up
because my voice is annoying
when I was singing this song in this range
and you're like ah
and it had nothing to do with the singing
yeah and all to do with whatever else is going on with
whatever else is going on with people
or someone feeling over stimulated
(35:31):
and just not processing yeah
uh be nice to each other
yeah that's
that's the solution you don't have to be mean
I know constructive fee
I feel like these are all cases
uh oh
because it's because it's critique
it is it is
it is category but it's like
you can be constructive and you can give feedback
(35:54):
there's no harm in giving truthful feedback
but like just be a nice a normal nice person about it
like yeah
you don't have to tell other people
how you see their faults uh huh
like that's really not what we're looking for
and also it has nothing to do
because I was just talking with a friend yesterday yeah
um it has nothing to do with like
(36:15):
everybody gets a part patient trophy like
oh yeah
you know like the over cradling
yeah people
it has nothing to do with that either
yeah it's just about singing is something so vulnerable
yes for so many people
cause like
you're not hiding behind an instrument or anything like
yeah you are the instrument
so when you're critiquing something in a negative way
(36:38):
yeah in a not very constructive way
then they take it as a personal attack
it feels personal yeah
even if you know in your head
we're talking about like that
your mind and your heart
and your voice can be doing three different things
uh huh
like you know okay
I the point of you telling me this is saying
I need to work on my head voice
(37:00):
my me
knowing that I need to work on my head voice
isn't necessarily gonna
just make that magically happen
and it's gonna hit in your heart and be like
oh what do you mean my head voice sucks yeah
you know
and even if sometimes that's even if like on on Monday
I was I had my listening focus face
I was like hmm
like yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
listening focus face on
(37:21):
not paying attention to what I was doing
and the student stopped and was like okay
what's wrong like what what am I I'm doing
I just feel like this is really bad
I was like what
why oh
how how did you get there
and she was like your face
like you just you just look like you don't like it
your face I was like no
I'm thinking I'm thinking yeah
I was like I actually thought that was very successful
especially looking at the goals that you had just set
(37:42):
yeah whatever
and not now being like oh no
but it was really good yeah
yeah yeah
they were like it seems bad yeah
no absolutely
one more thing that I yeah
it's crossing my mind here too
is
what is your goal
with telling your partner to shut the fuck up
yeah what are you trying to achieve
(38:03):
there's no goal here like
there's no goal here it's just like
it bothers me yeah
and that's it like that's not helpful like okay
like that's not gonna do anything
because then
they're gonna start
tapping their hands on the steering wheel
and that's gonna piss you off
or then they're gonna start yeah
coming to quiet the noise and that's gonna piss you off
like there's no winning in this scenario
(38:24):
no but we either have a conversation about it where
you know it's like
hey when we're in the car together
you don't do it when I'm in the car
when you're in the car by yourself
you can do it exactly
you can you can find some sort of solution
but again like
what's the goal
clearly she feels like she's not being hurt or
or something like that yeah
oh yeah yeah yeah
so that's the underlying yeah thing yeah
(38:45):
and I I truly believe that everybody should think
before they say something about like okay
if I say this what is this going to achieve yeah
you know like what's being intentional
yeah like
does it do any good if I say something here
or not at all right
and so just like take it like
(39:07):
considering what's the next step after the yeah
the immediate thing that you're saying
do you understand what I'm trying to say yes
yes it's like
what am I trying to get by saying this yes
what what result am I trying to yield
yeah cause again
the result may
on paper be to get him to shut the fuck up
uh huh but it also could be to feel heard yeah
(39:30):
you know yeah
and by and if you just like take a beat
I mean
it also takes like fair amount of reflection and like
having the
the tools available to like under to process like that
but if you take a beat to like think
why is this pissing me off so much
I'm over stimulating yes
and I keep saying this and I keep saying it
and he's not listening oh
(39:51):
he's not listening that's where the conversation yeah
can go yeah
say hey
I really feel like I'm not being heard when like
basically what you just said
like I'm not being heard when I ask you
I'm feeling overwhelmed by all this sound
and it feels like you're just prioritizing
what you wanna do over yeah
(40:11):
me can we figure out a plan to like
make that no longer the case yeah
you know like yeah
it's basically what you said
but yeah couples therapy yeah
couples that's that's that's your solution here
solution 1 covers the couples therapy
solution 2 get it get him in a voice lesson
so he has an hour outlet a week
yes
(40:32):
find a different outlet absolutely yeah
that's a good one didn't think about that honestly
the the comments here are not very oh
they're just like interesting
just like you're the asshole I can't sing at all
but I belt out songs with passion because I want to
um that's great
other people aren't required to enjoy that though
is somebody else wrote that um
(40:54):
nobody is turning on music
to listen to somebody next to them
sing it every single time
that would drive me insane
and I do love singing along occasionally
with regards to my company lol
but there's also
did we talk about like
living your life for other people
I feel like we started talking about that but like yeah
but like I don't know
(41:15):
there's a balance of like
being aware of your surroundings
and respectful of those around you
and then there's also like
she doesn't like with anything
so I'm never gonna sing around her
and then that is not gonna go anywhere positive yeah
that's not gonna go anywhere
yeah so
I would say the moral of the story
when it comes to looking at these critiquing stories
(41:40):
is
constructive criticism
might not be what you think it is yeah yeah
like it needs to be constructive yes
like
it needs to be something they can do something about
like uh huh
anyways
I'm gonna go off intention if I go down that route
but you know
just like start off with something positive
(42:00):
if you're going to critique anyone on anything
start out with something positive first
and then be like um
I heard this is that what you were going for or um
was this not intentional for example
right like
and then you can dissect it like
oh okay
so like honestly
that wasn't quite my favorite
(42:20):
I don't have the knowledge or
you know the background to tell you why not
uh huh but that's how I feel
um maybe someone can help you with this
like just
you know if you don't
if you're not a professional
like you don't know the answers right
like and you don't have to know the
you don't have to become a voice teacher
because somebody asked you for feedback
yeah exactly
like yeah
it doesn't have to be like
(42:41):
well that's why we have our accountability groups
yes like yeah yeah yeah
when you're when you're enrolled in our
singer to artist transformation program
you get one on one coaching
but then also accountability groups with um
other singers yeah
who are in the program
and there's no vocal coach involved in it on purpose
yeah so you're not like being watched exactly yeah
you can just be amongst peers and
(43:04):
you know some of them are very experienced
others are just starting out
but everybody can learn something from each other
but we can do it in a safe environment
yeah and um
anyways you don't
need to be a professional to give feedback yeah
but
you need to be mindful of the words that you're using
especially in singing
cause it's such a vulnerable thing yeah
(43:26):
yeah just be
be nice to each other yeah
is it so hard just be nice sometimes like
oh my God I remember when I was in
in school here in New York City actually
um studying musical theater um
one of my friends said that
he overheard two girls in my class
they were walking by the classroom where I was singing
they're like oh my god
(43:46):
here goes Laura screaming again
and then
he told me later that he overheard them say that and um
and I was like
they don't know what they're talking about
turns out I was in fact screaming haha
so they were right but there's a way you can yeah
but like say that yeah
was was them saying that gonna help you stop
no no
exactly again
like no
(44:07):
take it to the next like one more step ahead
give feedback why am I saying this
what is this going to achieve
yeah right
also listen to the part the point No. 3
listen to the person who is asking you for feedback
what are they asking for because clearly
uh in the first story
she had gotten
too much negative feedback for what she could handle
(44:30):
in the past and she knows this is a pattern
and she is asking specifically
not for exclusively that yeah
yeah yeah
you know
like she's asking really intentionally for that
uh huh
just listen
listen to what people are telling you and asking of you
and then go from there yeah
that's that's really it's a lot
(44:52):
I won't say it's easy but I'll say it's like simple
it's a lot simpler than it seems yeah
I would agree with that to like give
good feedback yeah
helpful feedback constructive feedback constructive
constructive
and if you have the desire to defend what you just said
yes it's a pretty good indicator
that what you just said makes you
an asshole yeah
(45:12):
yeah yeah
so there you go asshole
asshole asshole
they're all assholes oh my God
what we we picked asshole stories
the critique stories are all asshole stories yeah
in a in a different edition
I'm sure we find some that are not
if we get an if we get an edition that is like
I got the critique and this is how I reacted
that's where the gray line maybe yes
that's where it may move the gray area
(45:34):
but all these people were the ones giving the feedback
yeah and just needed to be proven right well
we need to go down
the Reddit rabbit hole a little bit further
and see if we can find some people who
received the feedback
and are not the ones giving the feedback yeah
do some research and we'll get back to you on that yeah
in another episode yeah
anyways this was fun
thank you it's fun
I love these stories it's
(45:55):
it's important again like
choice of words and your energy and all that stuff is
is really important
so if you are out there giving somebody feedback
just think about it for a second
before you say something
that could potentially hurt them
and then they're
then you're the reason they never sing again
of course like you can't be like
you know like you can't tell someone like you um
(46:17):
you are the reason why I'm happy like
you know you got yeah
like you are responsible for your own yeah
for your you yourself exactly
you're responsible for yourself
so you know
but things stick with you yes
and we've all heard something negative about us
that takes
what feels like too long to get over
uh huh and if you're
(46:39):
if you're not getting that feedback in the first place
that's awesome yeah
um but also like
then step 2 is for these people to like
just start breaking down okay
this is this person's problem yeah
it is not about me it is about them yeah
needing to feel like their way is right
it's so hard it's so hard
it's so much easier said than done yeah
but okay I'll can I'll
(47:01):
I'll forever be working okay
yeah we'll
we'll keep trying yeah
we'll keep trying haha
okay anyway
so be kind no exceptions
yeah my mom always says that too
I love my mom in case you can't tell
no be kind
no exceptions I love that
be kind no exceptions
um feedback or like criticism
(47:22):
like honesty uh huh
without tact is cruelty
so if you're giving somebody feedback
you wanna be honest yes
but you wanna do it in a tactful way yeah
otherwise you're just an asshole yeah
so think about those two things
always be kind and honesty without tactless
cruelty before you say anything yeah
same goes when you're critiquing yourself yeah okay
(47:44):
oh yeah yeah
oh that opens up a whole other
don't beat yourself up just because you think you know
what you're supposed to be doing yeah
and you're not doing it right according to whatever
yeah absolutely yeah
well thank you for being here
chatting with me about this stuff
we gotta do this again yeah
at some point yeah
for sure
(48:05):
Alrighty we'll see you guys in the next one
we'll do some more am I the asshole stories yes
we can learn from them yeah
and there's some
important little nuggets here and there from
from those stories so we'll see you in the next one
thanks for joining yes bye bye
this is something that we talked a lot at Berkeley
talked a lot about at Berkeley
they were like look
all of y'all are great uh huh
you gotta be easy to work with because yeah
like there's so many other instrumentalists
singers producers
audio engineers whatever arrangers
there's so many people who are just as good as you
(00:23):
and they're easy to work with
yeah you can get replaced like this
hey voxstar and welcome to from singer to artist
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach and the host of this show
(00:46):
at VoxTape Studios
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the 3 fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources
(01:06):
Alrighty are you ready
let's get started we are live in New York City
together with the wonderful Coach Emily
welcome thanks for being here
thanks for having me
are you ready for a little fun episode
yes yes
so read it uh huh
we all know Reddit we go to it for advice
(01:27):
and there's some funny stories on Reddit
and also some like disturbing stories
yeah on Reddit
and I am obsessed with some of these podcasts out there
like um
smosh does it and um
2 hot takes I think is what they're called too
like
they talk about Reddit stories and they dissect them
and I was like oh my God yes
(01:49):
let's do this but we're gonna do it for singing stuff
yeah specifically
and there's so many stories
I was like okay
we gotta we gotta have a little theme going on here
today's edition is the critique edition
yeah am I the asshole
Reddit stories critique edition
uh huh so without further ado
shall we get right into it
I can't wait to hear and if you hear something bananas
(02:09):
use the yeah use the little use our little wiggle guy
the little dancing cactus
oh yeah and apparently he's a dude
so he's a dude he's a dude now okay
am I the asshole for giving my 17 year old daughter
proper feedback on her singing
uh proper feedback
what a nice way of saying your shit
(02:30):
yeah okay
yeah proper feedback
doesn't mean you're giving her exercises and practice
to do no
it's like that was fun probably not very constructive
you know yes
it's like that like brutally honest
like calling it brutally honest
and thinking that that makes no
you're just being an asshole yeah
you're just being an asshole
like you like just
just like you can be straight up without like sucking
(02:50):
like yes
honesty without kindness is cruelty
yes there you go
yes alright
here's the story on Friday
night my 17 year old daughter
decided to give a singing performance for my wife
brother and myself
she sang the song somewhere from West Side Story
when she finished
she asked for feedback and being nearly an adult
(03:12):
I felt she
I felt I should give her the feedback she would get
okay I said this
quote you have a great voice on the last two notes
because the beginning of the song wasn't strong enough
and you screwed the words a little bit
screwed up the words a little bit
but whatever okay
and it didn't have the emotion
(03:34):
because you got so nervous
a singer cannot get that nervous
you deserve to be successful in this field
but you gotta get better it's not negativity
it's constructive criticism
end quote
she nodded her head in agreement
throughout my statements
strong girl
when my wife gave her opinion
quote last week I thought you were excellent
(03:55):
the song I'd have to agree with OP's name
the person who wrote this
I felt like it was faked emotion
it didn't feel real to me
end quote she nodded in agreement as well
then her uncle gave his opinion
he said that he was really staggered by what we said
(04:16):
quote I mean guys
this is a kid who is 17
taking on a great Leonard Bernstein song
and from arguably the greatest musical ever written
we tried to inform him a little bit but he kept going
quote she
had a great emotion behind her eyes
and wonderful emotional range
yes okay
you did falter but uh
(04:37):
but you did well hold on
yes okay
you did falter you did
but I'm not surprised at your age
that you would do that
and as you train and enhance your voice more
you will get better and better and better bravo
that was a long ass sentence
sorry it was hard to read anyways
um she was very chuffed with his comments chuffed
(05:00):
is that a word chuffed
never heard that anyways
she was very chuffed with his comments
later I spoke basically just saying
she's 17 and wants to be treated like an adult
and that's the feedback she would get
she would be getting in order to improve
she would less
she would need less sugarcoating and more honesty
hmm there is a word missing here
(05:21):
but okay um
I felt I was stern and fair with her
she often says
a lot of my constructive feedback is really negative
but I don't feel it is was I the asshole
haha oh wow
I love that
he's just like the last sentence in his feedback was
(05:44):
it's not negativity it's constructive criticism
if you feel the desire to defend what you just said
yes yeah
it probably is what you're saying
it it
it probably is like negative to say like
not to be racist or like I
I don't mean to be racist
and then they go on to say the most racist thing ever
(06:04):
like it's that's what you're doing here
yeah that's huh
that that was challenging to listen to um
1 you can give notes
well okay
obviously not everyone's a trained teacher
especially like parents who listen to their kids sing
yeah right
what as it as a teacher
what I would do is like ask for how that experience was
(06:27):
ask what that experience was for you
uh huh or for the singer
and then kind of see where they're sitting with it
if they're like I felt amazing yeah
you don't have to tear them down
and not saying that you don't give them notes
but you don't go really
because it seemed like you faked it yeah
like what the hell like that's insane behavior
yeah that is insane behavior
you know like just taking on the other role here
(06:50):
just for the sake of this yeah
like I get where the parents come from
yeah right
like they want their kid to improve right
be like alright
that was good here's things that you can do better
right like I get that the way it's executed
that's that's where the problem is
where the problem is
not that you're giving your daughter proper feedbacks
(07:13):
like you know
like interesting constructive criticism yeah
like he says later
like that's a good thing if the child wants it yeah
yeah but it sounds like she does yes
she sounds like this
is not the first time she's done this right
I think the uncle gave great feedback yes
that was like for your age
you're in a really successful spot yeah
(07:35):
not every single moment was perfect
but I
I think that you did a great job performing for people
like roughly that's kind of I don't I don't get like
you know he's like yeah
she's 17 taking on one of the best songs ever right
and then yeah they said
we try to inform inform him a little bit better
but he kept going
what does that mean inform him a little bit better
(07:55):
that's very interesting like
it could be about like the feedback she's looking for
maybe they think they know
when clearly she has communicated to them
that she's not looking for the exact type of feet
she's looking for feedback
she's not looking for like
what was everything that was wrong yeah
like because especially because well
it's also not helpful when you're giving somebody yeah
(08:18):
many different things
then it gets overwhelming really quickly
it's like let's focus on one maybe two things max yes
three but
and we and we were just talking about like
things that stick with you like
like that this evening in her living room
performing for her family is gonna stick with her
the next time she sings a standard
(08:40):
or the next time she sings something from golden age
musical theater yeah
or something even something in her head voice
because that's
that sort of stuff is typically head dominant
like now those and this I don't know her
I don't know these people
but like from my experience
like I don't like the sound of my head voice
I don't like sound like that's where
that's where it ends up in
(09:01):
in three years
I just something about my head voice is just like
I just hear it and it just sounds like
that's where it's gonna end up in three years right
it's like not immediately right now yeah
but eventually it's like
cause right now it's gonna be oh
I'm not gonna sing that song anymore yeah
you know or I'm not gonna sing well
if she wanted to start putting up a boundary of like
(09:21):
I'm no longer asking you for feedback
and if you can't respect that
then I'm no longer singing for you
that's one thing but yeah
that's like that's where I feel it ends up like
and and they can't pinpoint what's wrong about how
what I perceive as like a perfectly normal head voice
you know like I'll say in lessons yeah
(09:41):
and they can't quite pinpoint it
and then one day they're like oh
you know what this just reminds me of
when I was auditioning for this musical
and I sang my song in front of
this is I'm making this up
but I sang my song in front of my peers
and they told me
that it sounded weird and like way too light
(10:02):
hmm now we're like
oh that's why you can never be happy in your head voice
yeah and then we kind of break that down for a second
and like actually
what I like to do exercise wise
when I'm working with someone
bringing this into teaching
but like what I like to do exercise wise
when I'm working with someone who like
has a specific event or for lack of better terms
(10:25):
trauma around a certain part of their voice
is I don't target it as singing
I target it as making a noise like yeah
in head voices being like beep beep beep
sound like a microwave
your goal is to sound like a microwave
you know
like don't try to sing it just like do the thing
oh
as a kid
I would always tell my grandma when the oven alarm
like the you know
the timer goes off and I was I would always say
(10:50):
grandma machine goes beep beep in Swiss German
love that that just reminded me of that beep beep
so the the top comment here was
you're the asshole
it sound like you only gave negative feedback
yeah criticism should be constructive
review what was right and what was wrong
but also share advice on how to improve
(11:12):
not approve yeah
there wrote approve but anyways
um it feels like you just tore her down
uh huh and then the comment underneath that
was the criticism her uncle gave
was what I would consider to be actual
constructive criticism yeah
he did point out the flaws
in the areas she underperformed
but he also pointed out
and emphasized the areas she excelled at
and then ended it on a positive note
(11:34):
encouraging her to keep practicing
as she has the potential to grow even more yes
yeah uncle is the All Star coming in there yes
give it up for the uncle yeah thanks
thanks man
yeah I
I do think that the intention is right
the execution has a lot to be desired
has a lot to be desired and the
(11:57):
the thing that's really hitting me is at the end
when he's like
she's told me before that this isn't what she wants
but she's wrong that sort of thing roughly
you know yeah
yeah yeah
it's like she has communicated to you hey
that is not the feedback I'm looking for
I just
purely negative stuff feels like it's tearing me down
it's making me feel insecure about my voice
like
(12:17):
so continuing to do that is not going to serve her
because she's the second you start talking
and you mention one negative thing
now she's not even taking it in yeah
yeah yeah
you know like now it's no longer feedback
it's just like here he goes again
when I work with students
I always say the positive things first
always cause it's so easy to just go
(12:38):
straight to the thing that you can do better
yeah exactly
no start with the positives
and there was no positives in here
yeah except like the uncle
uncle's great yeah
yeah yeah yeah
but yeah exactly
and I also try to get them to say what they feel like
they did well
uh huh yes
oh yeah
yeah knowledge
oh I really like when I'm in this part of my voice
or I really like the sound
or if they can't find that this is my favorite part
especially when I'm working with a singer who's like
(13:00):
I just really hate the way I sound
like if that's what they tell me
the first time they sing something
I'm like okay
tell me one thing you liked about this
and then go from there yeah
alright well
you're the asshole dude
you're the asshole for sure
do better for sure again
I get where you're coming from
but yeah I see it like
it kind of reminds me of when Northwest Kardashian
(13:23):
I don't know if she has an Instagram
but oh yeah
Kim Kim's daughter was
what was she like Simba
Young Simba in the Hollywood Bowl or something
and the internet tore her apart
and they're like why did nobody tell her
it's just kind of like
you don't wanna be the one on the internet
that goes viral for
I mean like nobody wants that
and that's yeah
breaking for those for those kids
but like they goes viral
because they're not making typically desired
(13:47):
yeah
so I I understand being like yeah
I'm not gonna I don't want you to do that in front of
the whole school like the talent show
because this is not in a place
but there's like you said the thought was there
but the execution was yeah
really below subpar well
and painful
if you have the desire to defend what you just said
(14:08):
uh huh
then it's probably not a good sign yeah yeah
then you're too focused on being right
then like actually solving the problem yes yeah
all right boo boo boo boo boo boo
haha so like boo
I love it love it
all right moving on
(14:29):
I've got another story for ya
am I the asshole for telling my friend
she doesn't have the voice for singing
like I do haha
just the title oh my god
can I can I make a guess that there are 15 and 16 on
16 auditioning for the school musical
or are there 18 I don't have any ages oh
I don't know oh
(14:50):
this could be so many things okay
well let's let's look at this
let's look at this so okay
my friend is a good singer
I'm not denying that that's the first sentence
but her tone is more light and breathy
her range is on the higher side
and she has a softer voice and not a loud big voice
people usually praise this as it's unique in quotes
(15:10):
and angelic often referred to it as
if that helps explain it she can sing low notes
but I'd compare her to Ariana Grande
Billy Sabrina Carpenter softer lower register
what the heck's wrong with that
okay let's keep going
yeah uh
we were singing along to a piano during her part
and during her part she got a bit quiet
(15:31):
so it sounds like they're singing together
um I made a joke about how it would be helpful
if she actually Learned how to use her chest voice
since she didn't really have one
I also demonstrated how it would be easier for her
if she had a voice like mine
since I have a strong musical theater voice haha
she responded she naturally has a softer voice um
(15:54):
and different voices have different strengths
so I suggested if she can't do it
to just give me her part
the other girls then butted in
okay there's other people involved
okay of course
the other girls then butted in as they do
uh huh sounds like this is not the first time
and said not everyone has to have the same voice type
(16:15):
and that different sounds
make the group sound interesting
wow they also said that singing loud
doesn't mean singing good
apparently in parentheses
and she sounded loud enough just in a thin um
mixed voice and not a full chest
and apparently it sounded good
um there's so many problematic things happening here
(16:36):
okay this is so high school um
after some practice I start I started to get frustrated
I need the part needed a clear strong voice
not a breathy whisper voice
it's just what's best for the group
and our success at the audition okay
so they're preparing for an audition um
so I voiced this and suggested I take her part
since I don't think she suited the song
(16:59):
one of the girls said in a rude tone quote
if you're going to dictate
what everyone has to sound like
and act so up your ass
that
and that anyone who doesn't sound like you is wrong
just get the fuck out haha
so I just left
I tried to work things out with them later
but
they informed me that they've redistributed my solos
(17:21):
and no longer wanted me in the group
I found this hurtful oh no
since I had everyone's best interest in mind
and never said she couldn't sing
I don't see what I did wrong
am I the asshole for literally being honest
for literally for literally being on
yeah okay
be real girl like okay
Rachel Barry like haha
(17:41):
like come on
this is problematic on so many different levels
but can I interject and say that the rest of those
that group they're awesome
great work loving yourselves at
it really does sound like high school age
but like I don't know
but it sounds like but they're you know
they're literally saying like
it adds to the group when not everyone sounds the same
(18:03):
right and I think that's
that's beautiful it keeps it interesting
and so just a little like where
where my brain goes with this
yeah to
to try and relate to this asshole
cause this person is clearly an asshole yeah
like I think we can agree on that yeah
but I'm always like trying to relate to like
(18:24):
these people are like why are you reacting like this
like what makes you say this
but just for me
like I grew up listening to Christina and Beyonce and
you know like big
big big voices
and because of that probably uh
I always wanted to do the same and always
you know be a big belter
and I was always I have this
(18:44):
you know head voice is weak
I don't wanna do that I wanna belt
I wanna be loud I wanna be powerful
like yeah
what I hear these other singers do
obviously like I was very young back then too
and I just didn't quite understand how this all works
yeah but so I
I can relate to it in that sense yeah
where I'm like okay
like she likes big belty stuff yeah
(19:06):
but then she goes on and says like
you know I'd compare her to Ariana Grande
Billie Eilish I would assume yeah
and Sabrina Carpenter
those are some of the most successful singers out there
yeah that's incredibly famous
I'm an SNL and you're not like yes hello
so why can't your friends who's in this group sing
like Ariana Billy and Sabrina
(19:28):
yeah what's wrong with that
if you're
if you're struggling with the sound and blending
what I always do is offer to change my temper haha yes
I say hey
especially when it comes to blending yeah
it's usually the big power
powerful belty thing that like
that needs to
needs to pull back or you need to tone or
or uh
or adjust your tone yeah
(19:48):
to fit with the group and that's totally fine
there's I here's the thing
I'll I'll also offer if these
if this girl is as young as I think she is
I have so been there not being mean to my friends
yeah yeah yeah
but watching like American Idol and being like
these people don't have vibrato
(20:09):
so they aren't as good because yeah
I never I just became obsessed with musical theater
two years before you know
like she gets a little bit of Grace
because it's so possible that she can grow out of this
in like
two seconds hold on
we didn't even dissect this
hold on she says
since I have a strong musical theater voice
that's exactly why I'm like
if she is like really in that world of like
(20:32):
everything I sing needs to sound like Sutton Foster
in 2,010 like then
and when Sutton Foster is winning all
the Tony's and all that yeah
then I totally see where she
where her brain is sitting of like
but they but they don't get it
it needs to have this Broadway sound yeah
probably singing a musical theater piece
I'm assuming for an audition for some sort of
(20:53):
that's I maybe I'm putting this in my life
but they're singing it in a group
in a group so like
I don't I don't know like we can only yeah
we can only we can only fill in the blanks
but yeah
this is very much feels like to me that op is like
musical theater is superior yes
100% to pop singing yes
yes 100%
it's like where's the power is like necessary
(21:16):
when it absolutely isn't necessary
it serves it serves a purpose
it communicates a message
and I think it can be very effective yeah
the same way that soft singing can be a very effective
I also wonder if this big musical theater singer
is in voice lessons
and no one else in the group is in voice lessons
and she feels like she feels
(21:38):
and these are not her words
maybe or roughly
or she feels like I'm studying and fixing my voice
so everyone else should be studying and fixing theirs
too maybe like again
we can only like fill in the blanks as we guess
but I'm just I just wonder like she's young
she's taking steps to like quote unquote better herself
(22:02):
better her own voice
why can't these people just fix theirs too
yeah even though
there's nothing
inherently wrong with what they're doing
yeah absolutely yeah
looking at the comments here
quote for literally being honest
well don't that take the cake
yes you're the asshole op
and it isn't because you were honest
(22:23):
it's because you're self centered
entitled and egotistical not to mention in this case
the honesty is completely an opinion
yes seems like no one else agreed
that's the thing if you said hey
I really think your voice would blend better
if you had power
and everyone else in the group was like
I actually disagree with that
(22:43):
you're outnumbered yeah
you're outnumbered okay
maybe this isn't the group for you
if you want this is a democracy
yeah haha
like okay
maybe join a different group
if you really can't handle that
uh huh which I mean
it happened to you anyway
but they ousted you
which is like okay
boundaries like go
(23:04):
oh there's another good comment
okay okay
it's a longer one and I just kind of skimmed it
but yeah I think it's gonna be a good one
I've been reading Julie Andrews's memoir
and from the very beginning
she has was always super self conscious
that her voice wasn't as robust quote um
a tone like as a robust tone
um as some singers
(23:25):
and she struggled to project naturally in large spaces
especially at a young age lamenting
lamenting lamenting thank you
English second language here
oh yeah
lamenting that
it's sweetness and purity at higher notes
meant it seemed weaker to her hmm
and Opie and the group sound young
we're making the same Assumption um
(23:47):
their voices won't even have fully matured yet
and frankly pushing for full bomblast
belting cool word as a young singer
is probably gonna fuck up OP's voice in the long run
but yeah that's just me being honest haha
so yeah op
you're the asshole
and your honesty is just your inexpert opinion
(24:07):
and even if you were out there belting
like Whitney Houston which you are not
no amount of vocal talent
could make up for your insufferable attitude oh
this brings up a good point too
um also
note that
Whitney Houston and Julie Andrews are powerhouses
in their own styles yeah
it's laughable that you think
you could just take over the vocals
in a different style and louder is somehow better
(24:30):
I wanna go back to and
no amount of vocal talent
could make up for your insufferable attitude hmm
this is something that we talked a lot at Berkeley
talked a lot about at Berkeley
they were like look
all of y'all are great hmm
you gotta be easy to work with because yeah
like there's so many other instrumentalists
(24:52):
singers producers
audio engineers whatever arrangers
there's so many people who are just as good as you
and they're easy to work with yeah
you can get replaced like this
and that's literally just being honest like no
but yeah truly no
but that's it like
don't be hard to work with
because you're gonna get kicked out of the group yeah
(25:13):
and it that's literally what happened to her yeah
she was too hard to work with
she was being a diva
even if she's objectively the best singer
which yeah obviously be which is no
please not objective at least like
what does that even mean like
who's to
say that Whitney Houston is better than Billie Eilish
they're just completely different it sound yeah
it's and yeah right
and but also
(25:33):
Whitney Houston and Julie Andrews both did Cinderella
and then it's just a different version of Cinderella
it's just a different version right
I mean Whitney Houston was the godmother
but like nonetheless no
but like yeah yeah
but the yeah the different things but oh man
it also sounds like if again
if they're as young as I think having power
especially in her voice
especially in the way that she described
sounds like a grasp at some sort of like
(25:56):
control in her like ever changing high school life
yeah and that lose
and that losing this control
because if everyone else in the group is lighter
and they don't want to blend with her
maybe that means she thinks she has to blend with them
and now she's losing
losing the one thing she feels really good at
so now
she's freaking out and she's being mean to everyone
you never know what's going on in someone's life
you never know but you're the asshole
(26:18):
but but in this circumstance yeah
yeah yeah
and you're the asshole and and you know
it it sounds like it's just really not a good fit
yeah for the group yeah
right
like it they they clearly want something different
so you know
let's just not force it yeah
cause why bother if it's not do some
take this moment and reflect
(26:39):
and see where that gets you yes yeah yes
alright let's let's do one more okay
let's do it okay
am I the asshole if I don't like my partner singing
and ask them to kindly shut the fuck up
haha okay
my boyfriend always sings along with his music
that he plays in the car and he gets really into it
like with his whole body
(27:01):
and trying vibrato and all that jazz haha
it's not terrible but it's very annoying
even at 1 a m
driving home from a night out
he will belt out songs and I love that he loves it
but it grates on my nerves so bad
I don't like anyone singing what
well that's a okay
that's you problem I don't like anyone singing
(27:23):
but he particularly bothers me
and when I ask him to stop
he pouts and acts like a baby
which makes it worse
am I the asshole for just wanting
the actual music that is professionally done to play
and not have to act like I love his performances
this one's actually the the trickiest one
(27:45):
because she's clearly over stimulated
it's like this is not a good great relationship
yeah it seems like there are other things going on
my like the the
the sentence here that made my alarm bells go uh huh
weep weep
weep is I don't like anyone singing
but he particularly bothers me yeah
(28:09):
it has nothing to do with his singing yeah
there's something
going on in that relationship where it's like
there's something off something
I am not a relationship advice expert
nor am I I have been married for six years
so I know what I'm talking about
no
but like no
come on like yeah
(28:30):
it's
it's pretty clear that there's some miscommunication
something where it's like this is not a great fit
I also think
it's okay to be over stimulated by your partner
like that happens like I
I know for me I'm a sound machine
I'm always just like
yeah
(28:50):
like just always making some sort of noise
and I don't take it personally when my girlfriend says
hey I'm a little over stimulated right now
could we just like take a break on the sound
that's how you communicate
thank you that's how you say it
that's how you say it you don't say shut the fuck up
(29:11):
haha like okay
are you are you fucking kidding me like yeah
that's how you say it you just communicate effectively
and then if he is still pouting
when you communicate effectively
like it's 1:00am and we're driving and I'm so tired
and we just got off a flight
please I just need a little bit of quiet yeah
but it seems like this is like an all the time thing
and all the time thing yeah
(29:32):
just in a blue moon thing
just freaking talk to each other
and if you can't talk to each other girl
I don't know I don't know why
everybody's so bad at talking to each other
it's honestly I used to be really bad at that really
oh my gosh so grant and I
my husband and I met when I was 21
and we got married when I was 22 wow
I was really young yeah
immigration purposes haha
(29:53):
it was like get married or break up yeah
cause I was losing my my status yeah
so anyways turns out great
love him dearly really do haha
um otherwise I wouldn't be here
I'm an American citizen now
I can leave his ass if I want to
but I don't want to cause he's great
but every time there was conflict
I would shut down hmm
cause I would get overwhelmed with myself
(30:14):
like
my mind would go a million miles an hour and nothing
at the same time like
I had a million thoughts and no thoughts
at the same time and I'm like
finish and he was like
tell me what you're thinking and I'm like
I don't I don't even know what I'm thinking yeah
I had to learn it yeah
I really had to and because of like
the situation that we were in with our relationship
(30:37):
it was like
we're already married so let's figure this shit out
yeah because divorce is not an option yeah
so you know like we
I had to learn how to process my own thoughts yeah
and feelings and then communicate that with him
and he really had to pull it out of me
and I'm forever grateful yeah
(30:57):
that that he did that he taught me that yeah
um he's a six years older than I am okay
um and comes from a very communicative family um
I'm at my family we've always been open
but like we didn't share everything yeah
they share everything so you know
he's a very good communicator
um and I Learned so much from that
(31:19):
and I'm so grateful for it
and I'm seeing you know
friends and random people on the internet or it's like
oh they haven't Learned that yet yeah
and I know what it feels like
to not have Learned that yet
but I really hope that they're gonna learn it somehow
through a partner through a parents through a friend
(31:41):
through listening to a podcast yeah
somehow
right yeah
cause it's
it's really it's really important cause again
I don't think the singing is the issue
I don't think the singing is the issue
and I'm the opposite of you
I am overly communicative
I wanna talk about every single thing I'm thinking
and I you know
we've come to an I've come to an agreement with Tate
(32:01):
like what we do is we like
we just take a we take a beat
we take a breath we go process
we can come back and talk about whatever it is
and like we never get to a point now or very
I'll say never like
we don't escalate things to the point where like
they're problematic because we know that
we have a communication plan set up
(32:22):
so when we feel that both of us are in a mood
like just take a second and be like
what is going on what okay
I'm just over stimulated today and I'm annoyed
and I apologize for letting you feel the brunt of it
because of your singing or because of what I'm yeah
because of the singing but you know
like
yeah but I'm
I'm overly communicative
(32:43):
and that's actually funny because in my teaching
thank god I have not my notes up cause I'm like
da da da da
da da
da da and then we talk about one to three things
yes and I create my to do list for the next week
and I put all of the things that I think in my head
okay
I wanna work on this with this with this person's voice
and then we'll do like the top three things
(33:03):
and then I move the rest down
and we just keep going and going yes
because I
I'm an external processor and I just know that like
I gotta say things out loud or I gotta put them
I got to gotta get them out of my brain
it's awesome though that you are self aware enough to
to do this in your lessons
I love therapy and not haha no
(33:24):
cause it again like
if you're throwing
too many different things at your student
nothing is gonna get done yeah
so in my lessons it's a little different
because I do the first time lesson right
like yeah yeah
they're new to our studio
they wanna take a lesson with us
or are interested in taking lessons with us
they do it they set up a session with me
(33:45):
and then I place them with whoever is the right fit
right so the lesson with me is mostly like
let's diagnose yeah right
like let's play doctor uh huh
that's why I have the stethoscope
or whatever that thing is called
uh yeah
so like we
we play we play I play doctor just being like alright
here's here's all the different things that I'm hearing
(34:07):
how does that make you feel
do you hear those things do you not agree right
just like obviously ask them first
and then
and then I give my two cents to the conversation
and then we can talk about it
and then we don't we do some application
like we look at 1 2 things yeah
depending on how much time we have
but I also wanna mention like
other things that I'm hearing too
(34:28):
just so that they can see like
oh there might be more to this than I thought yeah
or I never thought about this
but we don't look at everything in this one session
yeah right
and then haha
and then we come and then you hand them off to me or
or another coach and eight weeks in
they're like
my partner told me to shut the fuck up on this
no
(34:49):
no that has never quite happened
but like that's
this person would be like
why can't we just access this part of your belt
it's kind of like the other one where the
the the first story um
it's like why is this thing so hard to access
when you're fundamentally set up for it
but the second that we really start going for it I
I hear hesitation
and that's what's creating some sort of entanglement
(35:10):
um or at least
you know it feels like that's the primary source of it
and it's like and then they
they just drop like yeah
I was told to shut the fuck up
because my voice is annoying
when I was singing this song in this range
and you're like ah
and it had nothing to do with the singing
yeah and all to do with whatever else is going on with
whatever else is going on with people
or someone feeling over stimulated
(35:31):
and just not processing yeah
uh be nice to each other
yeah that's
that's the solution you don't have to be mean
I know constructive fee
I feel like these are all cases
uh oh
because it's because it's critique
it is it is
it is category but it's like
you can be constructive and you can give feedback
(35:54):
there's no harm in giving truthful feedback
but like just be a nice a normal nice person about it
like yeah
you don't have to tell other people
how you see their faults uh huh
like that's really not what we're looking for
and also it has nothing to do
because I was just talking with a friend yesterday yeah
um it has nothing to do with like
(36:15):
everybody gets a part patient trophy like
oh yeah
you know like the over cradling
yeah people
it has nothing to do with that either
yeah it's just about singing is something so vulnerable
yes for so many people
cause like
you're not hiding behind an instrument or anything like
yeah you are the instrument
so when you're critiquing something in a negative way
(36:38):
yeah in a not very constructive way
then they take it as a personal attack
it feels personal yeah
even if you know in your head
we're talking about like that
your mind and your heart
and your voice can be doing three different things
uh huh
like you know okay
I the point of you telling me this is saying
I need to work on my head voice
(37:00):
my me
knowing that I need to work on my head voice
isn't necessarily gonna
just make that magically happen
and it's gonna hit in your heart and be like
oh what do you mean my head voice sucks yeah
you know
and even if sometimes that's even if like on on Monday
I was I had my listening focus face
I was like hmm
like yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
listening focus face on
(37:21):
not paying attention to what I was doing
and the student stopped and was like okay
what's wrong like what what am I I'm doing
I just feel like this is really bad
I was like what
why oh
how how did you get there
and she was like your face
like you just you just look like you don't like it
your face I was like no
I'm thinking I'm thinking yeah
I was like I actually thought that was very successful
especially looking at the goals that you had just set
(37:42):
yeah whatever
and not now being like oh no
but it was really good yeah
yeah yeah
they were like it seems bad yeah
no absolutely
one more thing that I yeah
it's crossing my mind here too
is
what is your goal
with telling your partner to shut the fuck up
yeah what are you trying to achieve
(38:03):
there's no goal here like
there's no goal here it's just like
it bothers me yeah
and that's it like that's not helpful like okay
like that's not gonna do anything
because then
they're gonna start
tapping their hands on the steering wheel
and that's gonna piss you off
or then they're gonna start yeah
coming to quiet the noise and that's gonna piss you off
like there's no winning in this scenario
(38:24):
no but we either have a conversation about it where
you know it's like
hey when we're in the car together
you don't do it when I'm in the car
when you're in the car by yourself
you can do it exactly
you can you can find some sort of solution
but again like
what's the goal
clearly she feels like she's not being hurt or
or something like that yeah
oh yeah yeah yeah
so that's the underlying yeah thing yeah
(38:45):
and I I truly believe that everybody should think
before they say something about like okay
if I say this what is this going to achieve yeah
you know like what's being intentional
yeah like
does it do any good if I say something here
or not at all right
and so just like take it like
(39:07):
considering what's the next step after the yeah
the immediate thing that you're saying
do you understand what I'm trying to say yes
yes it's like
what am I trying to get by saying this yes
what what result am I trying to yield
yeah cause again
the result may
on paper be to get him to shut the fuck up
uh huh but it also could be to feel heard yeah
(39:30):
you know yeah
and by and if you just like take a beat
I mean
it also takes like fair amount of reflection and like
having the
the tools available to like under to process like that
but if you take a beat to like think
why is this pissing me off so much
I'm over stimulating yes
and I keep saying this and I keep saying it
and he's not listening oh
(39:51):
he's not listening that's where the conversation yeah
can go yeah
say hey
I really feel like I'm not being heard when like
basically what you just said
like I'm not being heard when I ask you
I'm feeling overwhelmed by all this sound
and it feels like you're just prioritizing
what you wanna do over yeah
(40:11):
me can we figure out a plan to like
make that no longer the case yeah
you know like yeah
it's basically what you said
but yeah couples therapy yeah
couples that's that's that's your solution here
solution 1 covers the couples therapy
solution 2 get it get him in a voice lesson
so he has an hour outlet a week
yes
(40:32):
find a different outlet absolutely yeah
that's a good one didn't think about that honestly
the the comments here are not very oh
they're just like interesting
just like you're the asshole I can't sing at all
but I belt out songs with passion because I want to
um that's great
other people aren't required to enjoy that though
is somebody else wrote that um
(40:54):
nobody is turning on music
to listen to somebody next to them
sing it every single time
that would drive me insane
and I do love singing along occasionally
with regards to my company lol
but there's also
did we talk about like
living your life for other people
I feel like we started talking about that but like yeah
but like I don't know
(41:15):
there's a balance of like
being aware of your surroundings
and respectful of those around you
and then there's also like
she doesn't like with anything
so I'm never gonna sing around her
and then that is not gonna go anywhere positive yeah
that's not gonna go anywhere
yeah so
I would say the moral of the story
when it comes to looking at these critiquing stories
(41:40):
is
constructive criticism
might not be what you think it is yeah yeah
like it needs to be constructive yes
like
it needs to be something they can do something about
like uh huh
anyways
I'm gonna go off intention if I go down that route
but you know
just like start off with something positive
(42:00):
if you're going to critique anyone on anything
start out with something positive first
and then be like um
I heard this is that what you were going for or um
was this not intentional for example
right like
and then you can dissect it like
oh okay
so like honestly
that wasn't quite my favorite
(42:20):
I don't have the knowledge or
you know the background to tell you why not
uh huh but that's how I feel
um maybe someone can help you with this
like just
you know if you don't
if you're not a professional
like you don't know the answers right
like and you don't have to know the
you don't have to become a voice teacher
because somebody asked you for feedback
yeah exactly
like yeah
it doesn't have to be like
(42:41):
well that's why we have our accountability groups
yes like yeah yeah yeah
when you're when you're enrolled in our
singer to artist transformation program
you get one on one coaching
but then also accountability groups with um
other singers yeah
who are in the program
and there's no vocal coach involved in it on purpose
yeah so you're not like being watched exactly yeah
you can just be amongst peers and
(43:04):
you know some of them are very experienced
others are just starting out
but everybody can learn something from each other
but we can do it in a safe environment
yeah and um
anyways you don't
need to be a professional to give feedback yeah
but
you need to be mindful of the words that you're using
especially in singing
cause it's such a vulnerable thing yeah
(43:26):
yeah just be
be nice to each other yeah
is it so hard just be nice sometimes like
oh my God I remember when I was in
in school here in New York City actually
um studying musical theater um
one of my friends said that
he overheard two girls in my class
they were walking by the classroom where I was singing
they're like oh my god
(43:46):
here goes Laura screaming again
and then
he told me later that he overheard them say that and um
and I was like
they don't know what they're talking about
turns out I was in fact screaming haha
so they were right but there's a way you can yeah
but like say that yeah
was was them saying that gonna help you stop
no no
exactly again
like no
(44:07):
take it to the next like one more step ahead
give feedback why am I saying this
what is this going to achieve
yeah right
also listen to the part the point No. 3
listen to the person who is asking you for feedback
what are they asking for because clearly
uh in the first story
she had gotten
too much negative feedback for what she could handle
(44:30):
in the past and she knows this is a pattern
and she is asking specifically
not for exclusively that yeah
yeah yeah
you know
like she's asking really intentionally for that
uh huh
just listen
listen to what people are telling you and asking of you
and then go from there yeah
that's that's really it's a lot
(44:52):
I won't say it's easy but I'll say it's like simple
it's a lot simpler than it seems yeah
I would agree with that to like give
good feedback yeah
helpful feedback constructive feedback constructive
constructive
and if you have the desire to defend what you just said
yes it's a pretty good indicator
that what you just said makes you
an asshole yeah
(45:12):
yeah yeah
so there you go asshole
asshole asshole
they're all assholes oh my God
what we we picked asshole stories
the critique stories are all asshole stories yeah
in a in a different edition
I'm sure we find some that are not
if we get an if we get an edition that is like
I got the critique and this is how I reacted
that's where the gray line maybe yes
that's where it may move the gray area
(45:34):
but all these people were the ones giving the feedback
yeah and just needed to be proven right well
we need to go down
the Reddit rabbit hole a little bit further
and see if we can find some people who
received the feedback
and are not the ones giving the feedback yeah
do some research and we'll get back to you on that yeah
in another episode yeah
anyways this was fun
thank you it's fun
I love these stories it's
(45:55):
it's important again like
choice of words and your energy and all that stuff is
is really important
so if you are out there giving somebody feedback
just think about it for a second
before you say something
that could potentially hurt them
and then they're
then you're the reason they never sing again
of course like you can't be like
you know like you can't tell someone like you um
(46:17):
you are the reason why I'm happy like
you know you got yeah
like you are responsible for your own yeah
for your you yourself exactly
you're responsible for yourself
so you know
but things stick with you yes
and we've all heard something negative about us
that takes
what feels like too long to get over
uh huh and if you're
(46:39):
if you're not getting that feedback in the first place
that's awesome yeah
um but also like
then step 2 is for these people to like
just start breaking down okay
this is this person's problem yeah
it is not about me it is about them yeah
needing to feel like their way is right
it's so hard it's so hard
it's so much easier said than done yeah
but okay I'll can I'll
(47:01):
I'll forever be working okay
yeah we'll
we'll keep trying yeah
we'll keep trying haha
okay anyway
so be kind no exceptions
yeah my mom always says that too
I love my mom in case you can't tell
no be kind
no exceptions I love that
be kind no exceptions
um feedback or like criticism
(47:22):
like honesty uh huh
without tact is cruelty
so if you're giving somebody feedback
you wanna be honest yes
but you wanna do it in a tactful way yeah
otherwise you're just an asshole yeah
so think about those two things
always be kind and honesty without tactless
cruelty before you say anything yeah
same goes when you're critiquing yourself yeah okay
(47:44):
oh yeah yeah
oh that opens up a whole other
don't beat yourself up just because you think you know
what you're supposed to be doing yeah
and you're not doing it right according to whatever
yeah absolutely yeah
well thank you for being here
chatting with me about this stuff
we gotta do this again yeah
at some point yeah
for sure
(48:05):
Alrighty we'll see you guys in the next one
we'll do some more am I the asshole stories yes
we can learn from them yeah
and there's some
important little nuggets here and there from
from those stories so we'll see you in the next one
thanks for joining yes bye bye
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