September 19, 2025 • 61 mins
Karaoke can be such a great way to get out there and sing in front of people without and pressure. It’s a chance to practice confidence, flexibility, and performance skills all while having fun.
We’re sharing my best tips for making karaoke less stressful and way more fun. From choosing songs that fit your voice to managing nerves, even handling those surprise “sing this instead” moments—karaoke can actually make you a better singer. Remember: karaoke isn’t an audition. It’s a playground for your artistry.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
what are some things that we can do to make sure
karaoke night is a success for song choices
finding your strengths and living there
but then also like knowing
does the place that where you're going to karaoke
can they do that right
and if they can't have some back UPS yeah
yes yeah
like yes
have a it's
it's good to have a couple in your pocket that
(00:20):
you know or just say
I got it every time or just say yellow
I'll go for it
you can practice for karaoke by practice
I don't mean you know
structured practice but if you are really
really nervous and you know what song you wanna sing
sing through it one time at home yeah
just sing along to it one time at home
it gives you that reassurance of like oh
I already sang it today I can I can hit those notes
(00:42):
yeah whatever yeah
if that if
if you're really working through those nerves
I think that's totally fine
I think and when I go to karaoke
I think like oh
what am I gonna sing what am I gonna do
and like that's how I pick my first song
and then from there you know
you like get the vibe of the room and do whatever
but sometimes yeah
the or the karaoke guy will be like
hey can you sing this song
you know like that's happened to me before
(01:04):
they really wanted to hear Break Away by Kelly Clarkson
Hey Vox Star and welcome to from singer to artist
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach and the host of this show
at VoxTape Studios
(01:25):
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the three fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry
whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources Alrighty
are you ready let's get started
(01:46):
singing a karaoke can be so fun and to prove it
I have the entire box safe team here with me today
welcome Coach Bree and Coach Kate
and Coach Emily and Coach Juliana hello hello
plus a very special guest oh
plus a very special guest pickle
the Captain Pickle
(02:07):
yeah yeah
yeah so we have a couple things for you today
we have some karaoke singing tips
we've got some karaoke OK
Reddit stories that are I'm sorry
what I mean
it's been 6 months since I've read the story
so I don't really remember what happened
but I'm sure they're gonna be crazy
otherwise I wouldn't have picked them
and also we're gonna do a karaoke sash ourselves
(02:29):
oh yeah yay
love it Alrighty let's maybe start with um
like what's a
what's the most important thing when we sing
karaoke fun have fun
it's not that serious it's not that deep
oh my gosh
you're supposed to sound kind of bad when you sing
my favorite pet peeve is watching like
people be divas at karaoke that like no
yeah really think they're eating and they're like not
(02:52):
but they're also like
taking the performance way too seriously
and you can tell and you're like
I'm a little embarrassed for you right now
yeah it's not that deep
you know when I lived in Nashville
I went to a karaoke bar or whatever
or they had karaoke whatever
and I went with a couple friends
and I feel like in Nashville
at least where I was there
this was in Franklin I guess
(03:13):
so outside of Nashville OK
um and it was like
so like serious and I was like oh
I gotta go you know
where is this
the best karaoke in Nashville is at Lipstick Lounge OK
yeah that's elaborate
you just have to be there
you just have to be there
um it's in East Nashville
(03:34):
it's like a lesbian bar
and it's a five dollar cash cover to get in
and it's just always a party
I love um
and it's always a party
cause people are always picking crowd pleaser songs
yes and that's what you should do on the show
and half the time these divas are
their vocals are not slaying now
but also it's Nashville so a good amount of time
they really are eating
they're eating it up and it's just so fun yeah
(03:56):
like regardless of the vocal quality
that's coming from the person on stage
because it's just to sing along in the whole room
and like yeah
the most important thing is like
you're putting on a show you're enjoying yourself
you're like yeah
and I think karaoke is like
a really great way for somebody who's terrified
to sing in front of people yeah
oh yeah
to just go up there and sing something and then do
(04:16):
pick a song like you said
something that was like people can sing along
you know
and so just pretend like you're having a good time
gaslight yourself yeah
into thinking you're having a good time
and you're absolutely freaking out
pick a song that everybody's can sing along to
and then people are gonna start singing along
and then you're like oh my God
this is actually fun
I prefer that even like as an like a bar goer
(04:37):
yeah and as a singer that likes to also sing in karaoke
with her friends
I love when people join in and it's like yeah
sing with me like I don't wanna be like
this is not my show you're not coming to see me perform
yeah it's like a unity thing
yeah I love it
well I mean
when I go to karaoke I always
I have this moment at concerts and at karaoke
(04:58):
where I just like
there's always a second where I'm like
my phone's connected by music yeah
oh my God oh my God
yeah it's like
it's not about how you sound
it's okay to sound great at karaoke
it's okay to sound bad at karaoke
it's not about how you sound
it's not about your singing
it's about coming together
like you said as a community
and just like expressing and having so much fun
(05:20):
and it doesn't mean
you have to express the deepest of your hearts
you know yeah
like the you know
deep to your core
but like sing espresso and we'll sing together
another thing like I
I always find two people to sing bang bang with me
hundred percent
yeah okay
like nice because
(05:40):
yeah that would have been a fun one
then we all go crazy on the
yeah
yeah but like it's about community having fun
so if you are super super nervous
bring a friend with you and share the mic or the
they will probably have two mics
yeah absolutely yeah
sing later in the evening
maybe don't if karaoke starts at 9
(06:01):
that's when people are starting to drink
yeah right
at the bar so maybe do it at like 11
you know when the stakes feel lower for you
yeah yeah yeah
but don't get used to drinking
like you yourself drinking alcohol in order to perform
oh no yeah
oh yeah
that's a sobriety a lot of singers go south
real quick with that and develop an addiction
(06:23):
oh yeah
you don't have to be the one
so drinking yes
let everyone else drink not you
that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a drink
yeah you can do whatever you want
but also we're not saying drink yes
to get the courage to no yes
yes yes yeah
just want to make sure that no
please clarify that not that that's what you said
but
just wanted to make sure that we're all on the same
page yeah
I feel like karaoke can be a really great way of like
(06:44):
experiencing that feeling of uh
that like big massive artists get
like all the time when they're on tour
everybody's singing the words at you
you know what I mean
so that's why I always tell people like
pick a song that people know yeah
and is like you know
if it's a
a big crowd of people trying to have a good time
like maybe don't sing my my heart will go on
actually maybe do sing My Heart Will Go on
(07:06):
that was
but that one I heard that could pull the care of no
yeah and no yeah
that was the wrong song
but I was like you know
something very very serious
maybe more unknown 10 minutes
all too well yeah
yeah listen
I would drunkenly sing to I would too
you know it's like so
you know there are situations you gotta read the room
yes right
you know what I mean um
(07:27):
but like it is like
one of those things where you get to experience
the thing that an artist like
who is you know
massive might get to experience as well
which is kind of like a cool
yes feeling to get
you know it's electric
yeah it is
it totally is and you get why they get
they love it so much too you know
you get why they love the electric feeling of it
so that's what's so fun about karaoke
(07:47):
oh yeah
I also wanna offer um
I I think there are two circumstances in life uh
where oh yeah
singing like that I sing intentionally bad
hmm
and I think it's more fun that way
the Happy Birthday song dear God
oh I love singing that bad
(08:08):
I I love singing it terribly
I chill with I actually
I hate singing it like true to its tune
um and 2 karaoke like yeah
it's more fun when you're just a little bit off wrong
yeah hahaha
well if
there's something cool about going
with the intention of like
like doing that especially as a performer
(08:30):
it's kind of like
it's like your little resistance of being like
this is not work yeah yeah
like I don't have to be perfect
I don't have to be turned on
this is just it's just fun
we're just hanging out I give that as homework a lot
I will like tell my students if they're really uptight
to go sing karaoke
and have a nice time with your friends
because sometimes
people get so in their head about singing
(08:50):
and we've talked about that a lot on this podcast
like we get in our heads about singing and like
karaoke is supposed to not be
is supposed to be a get out of your head
yeah kind of activity
you know yeah
I do wanna say though
I feel like we do get a lot of people that come in
and who are like I wanna get better at karaoke yeah
it's like very like it's very serious for them
so like what do we say
(09:11):
like you know what I mean
like there's something about
kind of going off what you said about like
it feels like you're the artist at the concert
I think there is something
I mean this is like
and this is how High School Musical started
you know like
like there's something about being the karaoke star
where everyone comes up to you after
and it's like whoa
you got a killer voice and there's always someone
some hometown local who just like loves doing karaoke
(09:34):
and they're there every Tuesday
and they're there every Tuesday and they sound awesome
and maybe they don't sound super trained
but that's not the point right
it sounds super awesome
and then you go visit one Tuesday and you envy that
I mean I think we all
we always want to be grass is always greener
we always want to be what we're not um
and it's okay to strive towards that and be like
oh I have a new aspiration yeah
(09:57):
um but yeah
I think it's a very interesting thing of
I think it's well
this gets into something
I think it's okay to like want to want validation
absolutely I think yeah
100% internal for sure
but I think that's where that comes from
being like wow
you have this special talent that's so cool
I think I mean
(10:17):
with singing and like everything
it comes down to confidence
like building them up a little so that they feel
uh huh
free enough to get that mic
get on stage and start singing
whether it's bad fun
beautiful or whatever
but just to be able to like
actually physically get the will to do it
cause a lot of people are like I
I could never yeah
(10:37):
no yeah
for sure no
no for sure
going back to your question Kate
uh like
I wanna get better at karaoke
like that's my goal yeah
yeah which is a valid goal 100% yeah
um I would say just knowing like
what makes a good karaoke singer right
like and
and maybe not the intentionally wrong singing part
(11:00):
yeah right
but like or like
not necessarily intentionally wrong
but just like not adding not like you're not locked in
yeah yeah
and so I would say you know
making sure that everybody's having a good time yeah
like the the performance aspect of it
not necessarily like the vocal performance
that's also important don't get me wrong
but like
the overall performance and song choice goes into that
(11:24):
definitely knowing your voice
what can your voice handle
where do you feel comfortable
like even if nerves start kicking in
what's a song that you can pull off
even when that happens to
and also what's a song that other people like and know
it doesn't always need to be an uptempo song
like you mentioned my heart will go on
is that yeah
every night
(11:47):
but you can totally sing that seriously
no yeah
but everybody will sing along and everybody
and have a good time and
and then maybe still come up to you and be like
girl you ate that yeah
right
and you would go through every table and like perform
and like no
yeah you are my Jack
yeah it's campy
I mean that's
(12:08):
I think
why my heart will go on is so successful is be a diva
can be a little campy positive connotation
be a diva with a feather but be like Miss Piggy
yeah period hahaha
stop it that's iconic
she's my Muse
she's my Muse yeah
you gotta be a little um
(12:28):
what can I say the word cunty
yeah sure
you gotta be a little cunty
you do yeah
yeah like that's like it's
it's can't be it's cunty like
yeah sir
you know a compliment
yeah hahaha
um and then like vocally
if you wanna like hey
I wanna get really good at karaoke
(12:49):
and I want to get that validation from people
uh huh so vocally
what are some things that we can do to make sure
karaoke night is a success
for song choice
check out this episode on Song Choice where you can um
yeah learn to choose your best song
but no like finding your strengths and living there
(13:10):
and also
most karaoke places will let you change the key
oh yes
that is that is what you need ahead of time
and know that if I wanna sing
my heart will go on I'm a mezzo soprano babe
I'm not singing it in Celine's key
we're taking her down yeah
we're taking her down but then also like knowing
(13:31):
does the place that where you're going to karaoke
can they do that right can they
and if they can't have some backups
yeah yes yeah
like yes
have a it's
it's good to have a couple in your pocket that you know
or just say Yolo every time
or just say Yolo and go for it
yeah yeah
pull pull the artist move where you're like
are you saying yeah
(13:52):
yeah everybody now
yes yes
and you're just like mouthing the word absolutely yeah
absolutely hahaha absolutely
I also think you can and I have to explain it
you can practice for karaoke
by practice I don't mean
you know structured practice
but if you are really
really nervous and you know what song you wanna sing
(14:15):
sing through it one time at home yeah
just sing along to it one time at home
it gives you that reassurance of like oh
I already sang it today I can
I can hit those notes yeah
whatever yeah
if that if
if you're really working through those nerves
I think that's totally fine
I think and when I go to karaoke
I think like oh
what am I gonna sing what am I gonna do
and like that's how I pick my first song
and then from there you know
you like get the vibe of the room and do whatever
(14:38):
but sometimes yeah
the or the karaoke guy will be like hey
can you sing this song you know
like that's happened to me before
they really wanted to hear Break Away by Kelly
oh a great one
absolute banger yeah
oh yeah song
talking about that
what's your guys'favorite karaoke memory
memory not yet yet
when you did karaoke yourself
(14:58):
oh the very first time I did karaoke
I was on a Carnival cruise ship
and Carrie Underwood had just won American Idol
and she had sing like this song like uh
she had sing this Martina McBride song called uh
Independence Day it's Independence Day
and I didn't know it was a Martina McBride song
I thought it was a Carrie Underwood song um
(15:18):
cause I had the CD and um
I there was a little karaoke
lounge on the Carnival Cruise
and I had never sung in front of anyone
and I got up and I sang that song
and everybody was like wow
yeah and I like got back to like our
you know cabin on the cruise and I was like dad
I sang in front of people
and he was like asleep and he was like whoa
(15:40):
but like I just remember like
I had a very positive first karaoke experience yeah
it was kind of like that was like the
the electricity of like performing and like
and the validation oh yes yeah
very similar for me I was not on a cruise ship
I was in France with my cousin and his family
and my grandparents so my parents weren't there
but I was with family and we were camping
(16:03):
and they had karaoke night one night
and everybody was singing
and I was singing Black Eyed Peas
of course wow
what song gotta get the boom boom no not that one
uh I heard that
it's mostly singing
and then there's one rap part that I forgot about
where is the love I don't remember
(16:23):
oh my gosh I'm gonna have to figure this out later
there's one rap part and I was like
oh my God I don't know how to do this rap
and so I was just standing there
I didn't speak English oh
so I couldn't read the words
I don't know what's happening happening
she should have just started spinning spice yeah
(16:43):
but yo I I killed the singing part yeah
and everybody was clapping was like
whoa that was so so great
so like just like
and then I decided to sing a second song later too
but I don't remember which one that was but yeah
some Black Eyed Pea song
and I forgot about the rap part
and I was just standing there with the microphone
and I'm like we gotta I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do that's it's amazing
(17:05):
one of the most famous one
oh my God I I'm sure we can just list
are you pulling it up yeah
I'm pulling up like Black Eyed Peas songs
you're gonna have to like play it
meet me halfway I gotta meet me halfway
oh oh oh 20th anniversary
pump it
don't funk with my heart my style my humps
(17:27):
um my humps
I
I don't know what song you're saying shake your monkey
she has like a duh
let's get it started
yeah oh
yeah yeah
that one isn't on the list that I'm looking at
(17:49):
running running and running running and running
running and running
running and there's contact no disrespect
so when I something to something you break your neck
that part I skip that part
but I I did the singing part
and we should have done a karaoke yesterday
hey oh oh
Laura goes oh oh
(18:12):
it was that or wicked yeah
next time do you guys have a favorite memory
yeah OK
so I
so I've always had like weird feelings about karaoke
because when I was 8 years old
I decided I was a singer and I was
and then I would do like I'm not singing for free
I was like what the f
um so
(18:32):
hahaha
she brings it out of me
it's so funny
so anyway I was always
my loving and supportive parents
anytime there was a microphone
we're like you should go sing
something goes oh my God
you should go sing oh my God
mine too yes
and it was and like listen
(18:53):
I am obviously so extroverted
and I think that's part of it
so I'll take it big
big dub for me but um
then I kind of started singing more and more
doing a lot more theater
and eventually started realizing oh
I feel really weird being really good at karaoke
I felt very uncomfortable
I don't even I know the last time I did it
(19:15):
but before that
I have no idea when I actually sing karaoke
I think it might have been like 2014 hmm
I I sing karaoke
and I sing a Disney song with my boyfriend at the time
yeah um
and was it a duet we've all been there
did you sing tangled no
no it wasn't tangled
(19:36):
I did that with my ex no
it was a no
I sing reflection from Mulan
oh with your ex
no cause it was a solo with your ex
that was a solo I was 14
it was right before I went off to high school
was that summer um
and that I think that was maybe where I clocked like
okay like us
this little group of theater people
we're all singing and no one else is singing
(19:57):
and it started making me really uncomfortable
so then I just got turned off
not to cut karaoke for other people
but karaoke for myself because I thought
am I am I the asshole hello
am I the asshole for getting up at karaoke and singing
well because I also don't like to dull my sparkle
that's so real I
I really I
and it was a really weird thing
(20:18):
and then a couple months ago
and I maybe have done karaoke since
I've done karaoke with my singer friends
in their houses so
you know we pull up and sing but not going out to a bar
not the karaoke we're talking about um
I don't even remember the last time I did that
it's been years yeah
like like at a bar
yeah yeah
it was I sing karaoke with like other singer friends
(20:39):
and then we go all
all out and I always sing the Wizard and I
and yeah and it's
it's a little easier when there's like multiple of you
like
I go out with acapella people and we would go sing like
and you know it's like
so it's not just like you're just like
and I'm singing right
it's like everyone like who gets up and sings a song
yes yeah
and I made a friend in Philly
(20:59):
just moved well not just now
but I moved to Philly about a year ago
made a friend and she was like hey
my birthday is tomorrow night
and a couple of us are going out to karaoke
at this bar right by us
would you like to come and I was like
oh yeah absolutely
and I know she's a singer actor as well
and but
I didn't know if anyone else in the group was gonna be
so I was like yes 100% and then I was like shit
(21:22):
I'm so nervous I'm so nervous like what do I do
I have to pick the right
I have to I we know I have song freeze big time
like I have to pick the right song
that's not gonna feel too show offy
but also isn't gonna just be like weird
but also as a crowd pleaser
but a lot of the crowd pleasers
start getting a little high
and I can sing the high stuff really well
(21:43):
and then like what do I do
so I ended up going with a Carol King song oh um
which one
um earth move
feel the earth move
I feel the earth and we got there early yeah
and we say we got there early and started
we sang just until more people
until like the bar filled up and there was a wait yeah
um
but I knew she was a singer so it was her birthday too
I was like well
I'm not gonna belt my face off on her birthday yeah
(22:04):
you don't wanna take away first yeah
exactly
then she gets up and sings I wanna dance with somebody
yeah knocks it out of the freaking park and I was like
alright you said OK
I can sing now yeah
this is my Carol King and then we keep circling
and then a group of college
theater kids walked in
and got the table right next to us
oh god I hope it wasn't my students no
(22:25):
I don't think it was
because I don't think they were empties oh
they weren't empties OK
or they might have been like a couple of them
some of them were in were in tech but yeah
um cause someone else was named Emily and she was like
oh my God yeah
but we need to talk about this after yeah
we can actually flush this up yeah
but um yeah
and so then they started sing singing and I was like
(22:45):
oh okay
so everybody's sing singing here now I'm invited
I'm safe party yeah
I'm safe I feel like I'm not coming in
like dulling their sparkles
yeah like look at me
yeah because that's not my vibe at all
so then I sang since you've been gone
hell yeah and I went
I went for it and then everybody was very excited
and I was very excited
(23:06):
and everyone was singing along too yeah
um and so that's my favorite karaoke story 3
oh that's a good one
I feel like I got to embrace my sparkle
yes
without like
watering down other people or diminishing myself
yeah yeah
we love that that's a good story
that's a good yeah
yeah
and I wanna know where you went later
(23:27):
yeah cut this
it was the Nut Hut it was a nut hut
oh my God it's called Nut Hut Saloon
oh my God that's a funny name
the people in our neighborhood wrote a petition
so they could never change the name of the restaurant
that is hilarious that is so funny
yeah yeah
people be like that
do we wanna get into some Reddit stories about
(23:50):
yeah let's
oh wait
oh yes
and Juliana do you have one
I don't have one no
um I have to
they'll both be really short okay
um one
I was my dad was visiting me with one of his friends
they were like going to a work conference or something
and it happened to be in Nashville
which is where I live
and so we were going out one night and found this like
(24:12):
super divey bar there was like nobody there
but they were running karaoke
and so like
like
I think even my dad got up and sing and he was just
like having a ball hahaha
um and
and so I was singing
and I kept going back up'cause there was nobody there
and I was like alright
I'm pulling all the ones that like I'm
are like too diva to sing with
like a room full of people of like
(24:33):
unbreak my heart by Tony Braxton
and like I think I sing a couple of JoJo songs
and then later
like two of the other guys that were in the bar came
came up to me and they're like
were you the one that was singing the JoJo song
I was like yeah
and he's like
she's like literally one of my best friends
I was like shut the f up hahaha
you s the f up right now hahaha
(24:55):
and like and you know
Nashville where you can never really tell if people are
like serious or if they're just kind of like
she's my best friend but like really
we just went to second grade together
and I haven't seen her since then
no but they like
actually are besties and they have like
a collaboration like out together
and he's been on tour all over Europe this
like over the last year and what not
(25:17):
cause he has some songs with Kaigo um
and like he's insane so I was like
it was so fun for me hearing him sing too um
and like did you get to talk to JoJo
no she wasn't there
I wish
but I did go to her show recently and it was incredible
and I would like to clarify that
(25:39):
nobody in this room is talking about
uh JoJo Siwa
we're talking about JoJo Joanne
Joanna Joanna um
I don't know her last name
but she went by JoJo yeah
her like songs when she was a teenager were like
it's just a little too late and like get off right now
she is an example of a prodigy amen
(25:59):
yeah oh my gosh
that's right anyway
so that's like one of my favorite karaoke memories
cause one was like so random and I was like no
I don't wanna go to karaoke
that's so like lame and awkward and like it just I
it in the same way that it makes you feel weird
it makes me feel weird too sometimes
um anyways
but then last year on my 25th birthday hahaha
there was a karaoke night being hosted
(26:21):
one of our favorite little cafes in Nashville's
called tempo it's a coffee shop that is also like
do cocktails and also do evening events um
and they were hosting a karaoke night
that happened to literally
be on the night of my birthday
so I have friends that work there
there's also like the drummer in my band um
great when you know people that work there too
yeah oh
(26:42):
and the drinks were coming on the night right
I was like I would have asked you to bartend
if I had hosted a party anyways
so this is nice cause you get paid
um and it was so fun because I was like
I'm going full diva like I had the sash
I had the crown
I had like sparkle velvet sequin black pants on
and I think this bodysuit with it
(27:03):
and sparkle was sparkling
oh it was
it was sparkling and it was so fun
cause it was
a lot of my friends from music school that we all like
yeah did singing studies together
so and it was like a safe place that we like
frequent a lot and hang out at
and so um
I my first song of the night was
first of all they did like
karaoke sign UPS through
like a form submission on your phone
(27:24):
and so you could like
put in your name and then put in the song and whatever
and I put my name as Birthday Bree
so they called me up to the stage
um Birthday Bree
and I was like
oh my God
um and I please please
please by Sabrina Carpenter just come out
and I was obsessed with it naturally and saying it
(27:46):
and it was so fun and it like
was nowhere near
like the best vocal performance I've ever
given in my life
but I was strutting all over that stage
and like the the most fun part was like
coming back to the table afterwards
and people were like that was just so fun
like I'm so glad you did that
and like it was it was fun seeing you enjoy yourself
and and also
to your point of like going out with musical friends
like yeah
(28:06):
it was so fun
fun too to hear all of my my singer friends like yeah
sing celebrate each other
you guys celebrate each other's wins
or funny moments or anything yeah
it's not about critique no yeah
no I'm not I wasn't like
so how was that yeah yeah yeah
I'm not asking genuinely I don't wanna know
and I think it was I'm mixing right yeah
(28:26):
it lasted so well for me because it genuinely was like
the first time that I've been at karaoke
and just like
got to enjoy it and have fun and not feel like
weird about like singing good
but like not singing perfect
but like all the stuff you know
and it was just like it was awesome
I feel like something's oh
I'm sorry finish your finish your thing
(28:47):
and my second song was a thousand Miles
by Vanessa Carlson oh
hell yeah it's an absolute banger
and I absolutely sing along to the piano line oh
that's so good
I was like what you were saying about like
you know
like you don't need to like worry about it or judge it
I feel like a lot of times in like
music school programs there is a lot of uh
pressure to like perform and then receive feedback
(29:08):
like every single time you sing something yeah
you're in a studio class it's like okay
you sing and the kids give feedback
the teacher gives feedback
you know
like it's constant feedback on how you can do better
how you can do better yeah
and a like that's why a lot of times
I'll give people the actionable
go to karaoke and don't ask for any gosh darn feedback
(29:29):
yeah no feedback
just freedom just fun
you know just freedom yeah
let us steal the joy
I feel like what I'm hearing from like
both of our stories and I feel like all of us as well
um I think karaoke is similar to musical theater
in the sense of you have a very strong opinion on it
and then something something happens
(29:50):
and flips your opinion to the other side
like you nobody's neutral haha yeah
nobody's neutral
and we'll get you to the other side of musical theater
that's the last thing I do
I don't know you're gonna haha
I don't know about it I'm scared haha
help me we'll get you love in musical theater haha
but yeah
it's a beautiful world when I'm old and wrinkly hahaha
(30:12):
I am getting wrinkly it's okay
oh me too girl
it was fun pictures too
they had like
sparkly tinsel as the backdrop for the stage
like they went all out for like
decorating to make it like a little disco
it's all about environment and like you said
like reading the room yeah
like the physical space around you too
of like oh
this is this is Diva Town right
or like I'm at a dive bar
(30:33):
maybe it's not the time for Diva Town right
honestly there's
I think those are really fun
there's one bar in LA that's called Brass Monkey
it's a dungeon
it smells like pee and beer
yeah like a stale beer
it's dark no
it's full of people always
and people there's not a stage
(30:53):
you just like go up to like where the DJ is
and then there's a little space and you sing
and it doesn't matter how
you know good or bad
everyone hypes you up and everyone claps
and everyone's just like very drunk
so I feel like
that's when you can truly be the most
crazy version of yourself
yes and it's so fun
(31:14):
but I do love a stage I love myself a stage
but that's always fun too
cause like people will go off and I'm like
you you did that
you did that that was something yeah
oh my God
you just you just saying
you just you open your mouth
good job
you bring up such a good point
that I wasn't even thinking
(31:35):
about
cause the karaoke bar I went to didn't have a stage
either if you're super nervous about karaoke
find a place that doesn't have a stage yeah
yeah
you're not elevated the performance part out of it yeah
and then you are either gonna stand next to your table
by your comfort zone
or you'll like walk around a little bit yeah
or you have to stand right next to the karaoke machine
like right
like you have a designated thing to do
place to do
(31:55):
where it is a lot harder for it to be all eyes on you
and you to see people watching you yeah
for sure yeah
for sure I love it do you wanna do some Reddit stories
yes alright
let's have a look cause they be crazy alright
am I the asshole for allowing my boyfriend to sing
karaoke
(32:16):
interesting yeah
I 25 female love karaoke nights with my friends
we have a bar that does it every Saturday
and we are almost always there
my boyfriend doesn't join
and usually goes and does something else
he has a good voice
but he's very self conscious about it
apparently in high school
he was singing during a youth group one day
and a girl leaned over to him and said
(32:37):
if you aren't going to try to sing
then don't sing at all
he says since then
he doesn't like letting most people hear him sing
as he feels he doesn't have a good voice
you guys
people suck like
be mindful of the words that you're using
when you're words have impact
oh yeah
when you're giving somebody feedback on their singing
(32:58):
especially if they're a water sign
no
haha um
I tried convincing him to come with us for months now
and that his singing voice is good and that uh
and that what that girl said was cruel
but he has to try to move on
I promise he didn't have to sing and he couldn't
and he could instead just watch and enjoy our company
(33:20):
Saturday he agreed to come
we were all taking turns and singing and having fun
friends would ask him what he was going to sing
and he kept saying that karaoke isn't his thing
as the night went on and the drinks were flowing
I guess people kept asking him to try
and he was starting to consider it
he gave me the look like he wanted my opinion on it
and I said I won't make you sing
(33:41):
but it may be good for you to try
the whole group agreed
so he went and selected his song
I don't know if it was the nerves song or the alcohol
but he admittedly wasn't very good
he was off key even for karaoke
and he wasn't great with the timing
he's usually better however
when it ended I still gave him a big cheer
(34:02):
and my friends cheered too OK
the rest of the place was pretty silent
minus a few claps here and there
he sits down and is friendly with everyone for a minute
and then he tells me he wants to go home
I asked if we could stay just a bit longer
he said that I could
and went and ordered an Uber for himself
he left telling everybody that he was feeling tired
when I got home he went ballistic on me
(34:24):
saying that I pressured him to sing
and that it was extremely embarrassing for him
uh seeing my friends pity clap him
and the rest of the place just silent and awkward
I don't believe I pressured him
but he said that not shutting down my friends
requesting him to sing was endorsing it
which I understand
but feel my friends weren't that insistent
(34:45):
and that he was good we cheered him on afterwards
and we gave him a bunch of compliments
I can't control how he is feeling about others
and while they maybe shouldn't have kept asking
he is fully capable of refusing their requests
he slept on the couch that night
and the past few days
hasn't wanted to hang out or really talk
(35:08):
I I feel he's overreacting
and making a bigger deal than it needs to be
my friends agree that he shouldn't be acting like this
they feel if he is this self conscious about it
then he should take singing lessons instead of uh
taking his insecurities out on me
who was only trying to help and share a hobby of mine
maybe I should have said something
or just shouldn't have invited him to karaoke
(35:29):
am I the asshole oh
I fear you're being gaslit by a man honey yeah
I fear you're being gaslit by a man who is uh
very socially insecure and emotionally insecure
and hmm I'm like
where's the guy with the red flags
yeah hahaha
you know what I mean what the heck OK
you wanna know the craziest part
(35:51):
the verdict on here was asshole what OK
I I disagree
don't don't with asshole or with asshole okay
oh okay
yeah same
okay it was like you're not my friend anymore
no it's like wait
wait I clarify
I can see where he's coming from
and obviously I'm not in his brain like
(36:13):
and in his lived experience
but I know like peer pressures
even the slightest little like
whisper of a touch
feels like 40 mile an hour wind gust
when there's alcohol involved
oh yeah and that that can be a factor so um
like
maybe it should like
(36:34):
I can hear where he's upset of like
maybe I was I was too drunk
and I wish that you should have known that
and seen that in me
that I wasn't gonna be able to like
do well with this and whatever
and I think she was just seeming very like neutral
like I'm not gonna tell you what to do either way
like I'm gonna support you no matter what
and so that just sounds like a
(36:56):
a miscommunication between like the partners
but like no
I don't I don't think she didn't post like asshole
like she didn't force them to do it
she didn't hold a gun to his head and said sing a song
yeah yeah
like he he has free will
he needs to grow his own balls and say like I no
I'm not going to I'm not feeling like it yeah
(37:16):
and then not being mad at her in my like
I can understand feeling upset about like
how you performed 100% but like
why are you getting like it
it sounds like projection to me or like regret
like I wish I hadn't done that
that's so valid but don't yell at your partner about it
you can't make that somebody else's fault
you know
it is so much easier to blame others for your problems
oh yeah oh yeah
you don't have to take responsibility
(37:37):
I like how she said like
he should take some singing lessons to like
get confidence he should take singing lessons
and he should take therapy yes
oh yeah period
well I think there's something that we've talked about
just outside of the pod as like friends
as women
of when you are really insecure about something
and then somebody says something
or does something that confirms your insecurity
(37:58):
to make it feel like truth
yeah right
and I'm not gonna go into detail about it
but that's what happened to him
and he does not have the tools to yes
understand to let me not say understand yeah
to cope yeah
because he immediately was like
this is like
he put so much mental pressure on it of like
this is my chance to prove that girl
(38:20):
standing next to me wrong
whether or not that was conscious right
this was this was his take 2 at like
now the people around me are gonna think
I'm an excellent singer yeah
and then he didn't get it didn't go the way he wanted
and he didn't get the reaction that he wanted
and it hurt him deeply really deeply
probably more than that
the very first comment did years ago
(38:40):
because that was confirmed to be true
well maybe this whole time I should have just shut up
yeah right
and that's really painful to experience
but your trauma is not my problem
yeah right
that with Grace and nuance obviously
but it is absurd to say you should have stopped me
(39:01):
because if she if he turned and asked
should I go should I sing and she said no
you shouldn't
we'd be reading a Reddit post from him saying
I'm is my like
am I the asshole for getting mad at my girlfriend
when she told me not to sing
literally I was just thinking that there's no way there
it's a lose lose situation yes
yeah hundred percent
if he's if he is deciding to
to give into the peer pressure
(39:23):
whether or not to give into the to the
what he's considering peer pressure
like and turning to her and asking
he probably wants a yes absolutely
well he there's actually a comment here that says um
and it's actually this person said
you're the asshole sorry girl
but he's right you should have told them to stop
he has told you over and over uh
he's insecure about this
(39:44):
you should have told your friends beforehand
if not pressure him
and this is where it's getting to what you're saying
he repeatedly said no he asked your opinion
and so I'm like hold on
he asked your opinion and she said hey
I'm not gonna pressure you to do it
but if you wanna do it go and do it
and that's like that was her answer
she would look so controlling if she was like no
(40:06):
you're not singing exactly
you're not singing you look like a real insecure
that's a crazy thing to say absolutely yeah
absolutely yeah
you're gonna look like a controlling well
and I think right
coming going back to the original post
like it said like she said
I'm not gonna make you sing
but it might be good for you if you did yeah
like offering maybe it could be a good thing
yeah and in this case
(40:26):
it is not a good thing but it could have been
but it could have been right
like there wasn't any false statement there
yeah and it also just shows that
just because one thing went south once
like it happens and it's okay
and you can come back from that and try again
like yep
there's probably a million
(40:47):
good experiences that you've had
and then one thing went south and you're like alright
that's it I'm never doing it again yep
like
why do we give the quote unquote negative experiences
uh so much power
so much power robbing them from the joy
it feels like a hundred positive yeah experiences
oh 100% yeah yeah yeah okay
well so interesting
(41:08):
as educators we do not think she's the asshole
oh that brings up something
how old were they again 25
25 yeah okay
their frontal lobe is like pretty much yeah
I'm 25 never ever girl
that's yeah
that just feels really people out there
we're also just like more emotionally immature
yeah that's very true yeah
I feel bad do my best to have my shit together
so you know yeah
(41:29):
I feel like there's
probably some underlying things going on in that
oh yeah
yeah that
that says a lot about that man
I'm sorry yeah
no I agree
I agree oh
it absolutely absolutely slept on the couch now okay
okay I have to say
I have to say
this is something that grant has taught me
I got married very young
I was 22 he's six years older and
(41:50):
it was my fault I lost our cat once they were outside
and we do only supervised outside time
lost the cat and I started blaming grant for it
I was like
you weren't here helping me watch the cats and blah
blah we found the cat
the cat was fine but you know
it was like I was worried about
I was so like oh my God
(42:11):
oh my God oh my God
or this other time I like he was parked
his car was parked in the garage
I had to get a battery down like for the lawn mower
um from right above where his car was parked
and he pulled up a little far in the garage
I accidentally dropped the battery
it fell on his hood and left a Mark
made a scratch
(42:31):
and then immediately in my brain
I went to
his fault that he parked so close to the shelf right
but I'm like no
like absolutely not so
you know I understand where he comes from
no yeah
but also that is not how the world works
and if you keep living like that
you're gonna be miserable
yeah yeah
(42:51):
forever so there's the difference
learn
I Learned it
I Learned it and I don't think I'm perfect by any means
but I had to learn it
and I'm very grateful that I had a partner who
not me yeah
yeah and
I think that it's okay to have a knee jerk reaction
of being upset yeah
it's when you know like and like yourself
it's when you like suddenly have like
he went home and had time to process a little bit
(43:13):
oh yeah you know what I mean
before he was upset
and then he also still needed more processing time
and slept on the couch
I don't know what happened during that time though
he might have called his his buddies
oh no
right and they were gassing him up
I can't believe that she did that
and like hyped him up in that way
you know yeah
you never know that's up yeah
absolutely being able to say I made a mistake
and hope and sitting with your partner and
(43:34):
and being able to say I'm really sorry
I made a mistake and
and knowing that because they're your partner
they can be like I forgive you yeah
you know
like that you should be free to be able to say like
I I
I might have messed this one up on you and I'm sorry
you know and yeah
know that they're gonna be there for you
but it doesn't sound like he is willing to hear
(43:56):
or he's immediately just going to the blame game
and not even like processing yeah
you know maybe like actually my anger might be a little
yeah much
do you guys think that she should have gone home
with him oh
um
I personally think yes he asked her to oh
then yes absolutely
and if you can see visibly like
that your partner is upset
(44:19):
I would have gone home with him when he asked
yeah that's a little tricky
I think you know
I think it depends there's
you know because we don't know the context of like
the friends and the other situation yeah
that is true you know
like I I would
you know because there are times when yeah
if someone's upset I'm gonna leave with them
but if the mood is like really weird
I might want to like this like yeah
(44:40):
chill the situation out and then leave
you know what I mean
it kind of depends on like the situation
that's fair that's fair
I I also wanna bring up that a lot of her side
which I'm she's I still think she's not the asshole
but a lot of her side after the event was like
he should just get like it doesn't matter
like it doesn't you know
(45:00):
like you mess up so what like those
we work with a lot of people who
are haunted by those comments yeah
I think we all have been at some point
haunted by a comment yeah
at something negative and it's really not that easy
when you use something inside you connected to you
again like you talk all the time about like
it's not like you're playing guitar
(45:21):
it's not like you're playing piano
it's not like you're doing something external
it feels like there's something wrong with you
something you should be able to do
that you just can't do and it
it feels like this ultra huge embarrassment
not to an outsider clearly right yeah
but to you it feels like a failure
yeah right
and you identify as like
I'm actually kind of good singer
(45:42):
I can do this thing
and then you totally feel like you make an
make a fool of yourself yeah
so I I want to just bring up that point of like
she is it that sounds like afterwards she's like
I just don't understand like why he
why he cares and maybe like
don't recommend taking voice lessons
right then and there no
yeah no no
so maybe this isn't everybody sucks instead of just
(46:02):
yeah you know
because yeah
it does sound like
she's not really validating his feelings yeah
but I feel like he's not communicating them
so how she that's how true
we know how he feels
because we're singers and we're performers
so we've gone through that
but how how would she know if she's never experienced
yeah is there an update
no no no comments or anything
update we had a baby here
(46:23):
oh my God we had a prodigy baby
yeah
that'd be crazy he was hormonal because he was pregnant
that'd be crazy
is he on his period and yeah right
oh my God um
let's do one more cool alright
um am I the asshole
for telling my friend's girlfriend to stop singing
and spoiling our night
(46:43):
wow okay
a group of us went to a local pub
which sometimes has karaoke
we aren't into the karaoke
so sit so we sit well away from it when it's on
it was on yesterday when we went unfortunately
oh my God OK OK
go to a different place yes
they're like a million bugs
(47:04):
so they take a different bar yeah
my friend's girlfriend got into it
and sang along to many of the songs
she couldn't see the words from where we were sat
so she made them up
she was a terrible singer and she was very loud
all good otherwise
we all put up with her for a little bit
but then started dropping hints that we wanted to talk
and couldn't hear with her singing
(47:24):
she said she just said that it was fun
it wasn't
eventually
I got really annoyed and told to fucking stop
because she was spoiling everyone's night out
she got upset and her boyfriend
my mate had to back her up
told me I was a dick and they left
everyone else said I should have
I shouldn't have said it because it wasn't that bad
(47:44):
and I upset her and made it awkward
but I know they were glad for it to stop
so am I the asshole edit
this is a big pup
we intentionally sit well away from the karaoke area
because none of us are enjoying it
it's not a karaoke bar well
clearly it's not none of us are enjoying it
yeah she was
(48:05):
and if you didn't want to have karaoke
pick a different establishment asshole
asshole
yeah I was feeling me with like visceral rage right now
like yeah
oh like go to a freaking different bar
like if you know what
which nights are karaoke and you don't wanna be there
don't be there
if you don't wanna play trivia on a Tuesday night
(48:27):
go to a bar that doesn't have trivia
every Tuesday night don't
go to the restaurant that has trivia on Tuesday nights
and advertises it yeah
it's that simple hate that man
there's also like
someone who's just trying to have fun with you
I think we all can I think we all can
think of a time where there's someone who's not vibing
with the whole group yeah
whether or not that's in a
(48:47):
in a way where like they are just on a different plane
or they are disagreeing they're
they're clashing right
like but this is your friend
I what happened to respecting each other
what happened to just like liking people
yeah you know
period and like period
and also
this is exactly the kind of comment that then leads to
(49:08):
I'm never singing again yes
or not singing for the next 10 years
and then we get to work with these people
many years down the road and unpack all that shit yeah
all that trauma yeah
it's uh yeah
it's it's pretty enraging
like it is it's
it's really disappointing to hear
I also think if your
entire group feels a certain way about something right
(49:29):
if you don't like karaoke
I think you guys can say like hey
we don't like the like okay
so it's a big bar and there's karaoke over here
and I mean who
how loud is the is the karaoke like
and she's screaming
some other lyrics that don't make sense
like I doubt that's what's happening
but that's what they're kind of making it sound like
(49:50):
I've never been in a a karaoke bar where you can't hear
a bar with karaoke where you cannot hear
the music is going through all the speakers
and also like if you are upset about it
remove yourself yes
from the situation
rather than asking somebody else to shut up
remove themselves from the situation or change yeah
like
grab the person you're in conversation with and go
(50:11):
sit up at the bar yeah
go outside yeah
I I will say like if we're
if we're playing like you know
if we're kind of going to both sides of this
I'm wondering if maybe it was like
one of those things where the girl was singing along
or the friend was singing along
and they weren't reading the situation
that's what it that's you
know what I mean I'm poorly getting at yeah
(50:34):
yeah yeah
you know it's kind of like okay
if they were wanting to sing
people are dropping hints
I feel like if
because when people are singing in a room
and I'm trying to listen to someone tell me something
it's very obvious I can't of course I can't do that OK
but then tell her partner that
and have him communicate that to the girl yeah
(50:54):
yeah that's singing like
or I would honestly
probably start talking to the girl who's singing
to try to get her away ask her questions
oh yeah
you know what I mean
like so many indirect involved in the conversation
I bet you this was just a group of dudes and oh
that sounds like it yeah
and they just didn't include her in the conversation
like so she was trying to
I'm gonna sing yeah
(51:14):
like just entertain herself yes
I also think it's okay like remove yourself or say hey
we're trying to talk over here
we're intentionally away from that
I'm all for you singing the karaoke
but would you be cool singing it over by the karaoke
yeah why don't you go get a drink and stand over there
and like sing a little bit
for a little while yeah
yeah exactly
like and then the and then that makes it very clear
(51:35):
like I would
per
this entire group would prefer if you don't do that
right here like I
I'm gonna challenge that a little
like I hear that but I would feel very offended
I also would feel very offended
I feel like they're like oh
you don't want me here OK
OK go yeah
like honestly
like I feel like the way to approach that though
is just be like
go sign up to sing like yeah
(51:56):
are you enjoying it like
go like yeah
we'll cheer for you whatever
or like yeah
but clearly they come back when you're done
they don't like they're not here that I would just like
don't go that's it yeah
she could never win no
no no
that's so true it's a lose lose
yeah
because otherwise the am I the asshole would be like
am I the asshole
for telling my friend's girlfriend to shut up
(52:17):
when she kept talking too much in our conversation haha
yeah
sorry you hate women
I can't haha
I am not yeah
we can't change that or the opposite of like
am I the asshole for telling my
my friend's girlfriend um
you know for like
like that she's not saying anything
and that that's rude and whatever
like you can't it never ends
it's just a lose lose situation
like you said absolutely
(52:37):
it's a lose lose and people just need to learn how to
in social situations yeah
that's a whole like
the social literacy is just so bad now unfortunately
post covid world yeah
it's post covid for sure
I think it definitely adds a lot to it
people forget how to communicate in person
it's crazy but it's just like
(52:58):
you know we can all think of like
10 different ways that we could navigate
that situation yeah
it's crazy to me that someone needs to go to
on the internet and ask you know
like how to
did I navigate this right
like it's like
yeah it's a little rough
yeah humans are weird man
humans are so weird humans are so weird
(53:19):
also they can be wonderful too sometimes
yes of course
absolutely my therapist said everything we need to know
we Learned in kindergarten
just gotta be nice to each other
oh talk to each other
like one thing that's so real
one place I challenge myself
and in a post covid world is a challenge
in the elevator of my building
I always say hi
and I always say have a great day when we leave
because it's like no one talks to each other
(53:41):
yeah no one talks to each other
you don't know your neighbors that yeah
and that is weird
like to just stand next to someone in silence like on
it is so weird in your online community
doesn't matter if you're texting your friends
to be so far yeah
into something else it's this moment where I'm like hey
I'm a person hey
you're a person you need to know that I'm a person
(54:02):
and I need to know that you're a person
and we need to exist in this world together
cause that's the only way we're gonna move forward
in any situation
that's the only way that as we can be community yeah
yeah yeah
mental health oh
mental health take care of yourself
and you'll take care of each other too yeah
yes yes
do we wanna do just one song singing together
(54:23):
yeah my dream boom OK
what's up let's do some singing
I have to be so locked in right now
hahaha focus
this dry microphone is really gonna show us
I know it's not great
not about that though it doesn't have a long intro
(54:43):
it doesn't have a long intro hahaha
but that's part of the performance wow
wow wow
oh my God yeah
when you're singing karaoke
there's a long outro
you're performing until that song is done
oh yeah that's right
(55:07):
nation never knew the lyrics well
I realized quickly when I knew I should
the world is made up of this brotherhood of man wow
for whatever that means this is the best part and so I
(55:34):
and a little peculiar
haha
me and I said hey yeah
(56:00):
I say hey
you can't be worried haha
(56:36):
oh my God
oh I'm in karaoke
oh we
we can try that next oh my God
we so should and try
oh my God let's try
(57:03):
it's like we really are yeah we're at a bar right now
oh my God do I pray
oh my God do I pray every single day for revolution
we all know that one yeah
(57:52):
hey yeah yeah
I said hey hey
well what's going on
well hello my day
hey
we're so behind what's going on
(58:16):
oh my God and I said hey
hey
hey hey
hey hey
I said hey
what's going on
what's going on what's going on
I said hey
(58:37):
oh wow
what's going on
hahaha what's going on hahaha wow
wow wow
I don't know does anybody know how to use no
no no
no
I can't do it
(59:00):
oh my God 25 years into my life and still
we just hey
we killed that I've never practiced what I preach
(59:21):
harder than this moment yeah
hahaha so true
so true that was so fun
that was so fun and that's what karaoke is
and that's what karaoke is
and YouTube three thirty second non skips hahaha
I know those the bane of my existence
well some
we didn't talk about ads on YouTube videos for music
(59:44):
boys teachers
that's okay sorry
we don't need to talk about
that's why I pay for it
so that you don't have to listen to ads
and yeah oh my God
yeah and on the election
I was like
I can't share my screen for about a minute and a half
yeah literally in Pennsylvania yeah
oh my God dangerous
oh yeah
well anyway
thank you ladies
yeah
that's fun
(01:00:04):
also we totally
didn't really know that song no
no we knew the parts that everybody knows
and the rest is like oh
like oh
there are I didn't know there are oohs
and there are oohs for karaoke too
I don't know what those oohs are
but okay close enough
it happens it happens at karaoke though
it happens yeah
it's part of the charm yeah
yeah true
yeah I love it
it's kind of it kind of forces you to let go
(01:00:24):
yeah yeah
like oh yeah
it's actually not that deep
it's not that deep baby
it's not that deep they didn't know there was no
well thank you ladies
this was fun yeah
go sing some karaoke yeah
go have some fun
even if it scares the bajesus out of you
yeah it's okay
go and try and have some fun
and like Emily keeps saying
(01:00:45):
it's not that deep nobody is there to like talent scout
literally never been that serious
yeah like nobody's there to talent scout or
you know
find people to sign to a record label or whatever
like no
no no no
everybody's there to just have a good time
so go and have yourself a good time
and also thank you for tuning in
and if you have any questions
(01:01:05):
let us know if you want to work with us
you know where to go otherwise
we'll see you in the next session bye
what are some things that we can do to make sure
karaoke night is a success for song choices
finding your strengths and living there
but then also like knowing
does the place that where you're going to karaoke
can they do that right
and if they can't have some back UPS yeah
yes yeah
like yes
have a it's
it's good to have a couple in your pocket that
(00:20):
you know or just say
I got it every time or just say yellow
I'll go for it
you can practice for karaoke by practice
I don't mean you know
structured practice but if you are really
really nervous and you know what song you wanna sing
sing through it one time at home yeah
just sing along to it one time at home
it gives you that reassurance of like oh
I already sang it today I can I can hit those notes
(00:42):
yeah whatever yeah
if that if
if you're really working through those nerves
I think that's totally fine
I think and when I go to karaoke
I think like oh
what am I gonna sing what am I gonna do
and like that's how I pick my first song
and then from there you know
you like get the vibe of the room and do whatever
but sometimes yeah
the or the karaoke guy will be like
hey can you sing this song
you know like that's happened to me before
(01:04):
they really wanted to hear Break Away by Kelly Clarkson
Hey Vox Star and welcome to from singer to artist
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach and the host of this show
at VoxTape Studios
(01:25):
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the three fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry
whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources Alrighty
are you ready let's get started
(01:46):
singing a karaoke can be so fun and to prove it
I have the entire box safe team here with me today
welcome Coach Bree and Coach Kate
and Coach Emily and Coach Juliana hello hello
plus a very special guest oh
plus a very special guest pickle
the Captain Pickle
(02:07):
yeah yeah
yeah so we have a couple things for you today
we have some karaoke singing tips
we've got some karaoke OK
Reddit stories that are I'm sorry
what I mean
it's been 6 months since I've read the story
so I don't really remember what happened
but I'm sure they're gonna be crazy
otherwise I wouldn't have picked them
and also we're gonna do a karaoke sash ourselves
(02:29):
oh yeah yay
love it Alrighty let's maybe start with um
like what's a
what's the most important thing when we sing
karaoke fun have fun
it's not that serious it's not that deep
oh my gosh
you're supposed to sound kind of bad when you sing
my favorite pet peeve is watching like
people be divas at karaoke that like no
yeah really think they're eating and they're like not
(02:52):
but they're also like
taking the performance way too seriously
and you can tell and you're like
I'm a little embarrassed for you right now
yeah it's not that deep
you know when I lived in Nashville
I went to a karaoke bar or whatever
or they had karaoke whatever
and I went with a couple friends
and I feel like in Nashville
at least where I was there
this was in Franklin I guess
(03:13):
so outside of Nashville OK
um and it was like
so like serious and I was like oh
I gotta go you know
where is this
the best karaoke in Nashville is at Lipstick Lounge OK
yeah that's elaborate
you just have to be there
you just have to be there
um it's in East Nashville
(03:34):
it's like a lesbian bar
and it's a five dollar cash cover to get in
and it's just always a party
I love um
and it's always a party
cause people are always picking crowd pleaser songs
yes and that's what you should do on the show
and half the time these divas are
their vocals are not slaying now
but also it's Nashville so a good amount of time
they really are eating
they're eating it up and it's just so fun yeah
(03:56):
like regardless of the vocal quality
that's coming from the person on stage
because it's just to sing along in the whole room
and like yeah
the most important thing is like
you're putting on a show you're enjoying yourself
you're like yeah
and I think karaoke is like
a really great way for somebody who's terrified
to sing in front of people yeah
oh yeah
to just go up there and sing something and then do
(04:16):
pick a song like you said
something that was like people can sing along
you know
and so just pretend like you're having a good time
gaslight yourself yeah
into thinking you're having a good time
and you're absolutely freaking out
pick a song that everybody's can sing along to
and then people are gonna start singing along
and then you're like oh my God
this is actually fun
I prefer that even like as an like a bar goer
(04:37):
yeah and as a singer that likes to also sing in karaoke
with her friends
I love when people join in and it's like yeah
sing with me like I don't wanna be like
this is not my show you're not coming to see me perform
yeah it's like a unity thing
yeah I love it
well I mean
when I go to karaoke I always
I have this moment at concerts and at karaoke
(04:58):
where I just like
there's always a second where I'm like
my phone's connected by music yeah
oh my God oh my God
yeah it's like
it's not about how you sound
it's okay to sound great at karaoke
it's okay to sound bad at karaoke
it's not about how you sound
it's not about your singing
it's about coming together
like you said as a community
and just like expressing and having so much fun
(05:20):
and it doesn't mean
you have to express the deepest of your hearts
you know yeah
like the you know
deep to your core
but like sing espresso and we'll sing together
another thing like I
I always find two people to sing bang bang with me
hundred percent
yeah okay
like nice because
(05:40):
yeah that would have been a fun one
then we all go crazy on the
yeah
yeah but like it's about community having fun
so if you are super super nervous
bring a friend with you and share the mic or the
they will probably have two mics
yeah absolutely yeah
sing later in the evening
maybe don't if karaoke starts at 9
(06:01):
that's when people are starting to drink
yeah right
at the bar so maybe do it at like 11
you know when the stakes feel lower for you
yeah yeah yeah
but don't get used to drinking
like you yourself drinking alcohol in order to perform
oh no yeah
oh yeah
that's a sobriety a lot of singers go south
real quick with that and develop an addiction
(06:23):
oh yeah
you don't have to be the one
so drinking yes
let everyone else drink not you
that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a drink
yeah you can do whatever you want
but also we're not saying drink yes
to get the courage to no yes
yes yes yeah
just want to make sure that no
please clarify that not that that's what you said
but
just wanted to make sure that we're all on the same
page yeah
I feel like karaoke can be a really great way of like
(06:44):
experiencing that feeling of uh
that like big massive artists get
like all the time when they're on tour
everybody's singing the words at you
you know what I mean
so that's why I always tell people like
pick a song that people know yeah
and is like you know
if it's a
a big crowd of people trying to have a good time
like maybe don't sing my my heart will go on
actually maybe do sing My Heart Will Go on
(07:06):
that was
but that one I heard that could pull the care of no
yeah and no yeah
that was the wrong song
but I was like you know
something very very serious
maybe more unknown 10 minutes
all too well yeah
yeah listen
I would drunkenly sing to I would too
you know it's like so
you know there are situations you gotta read the room
yes right
you know what I mean um
(07:27):
but like it is like
one of those things where you get to experience
the thing that an artist like
who is you know
massive might get to experience as well
which is kind of like a cool
yes feeling to get
you know it's electric
yeah it is
it totally is and you get why they get
they love it so much too you know
you get why they love the electric feeling of it
so that's what's so fun about karaoke
(07:47):
oh yeah
I also wanna offer um
I I think there are two circumstances in life uh
where oh yeah
singing like that I sing intentionally bad
hmm
and I think it's more fun that way
the Happy Birthday song dear God
oh I love singing that bad
(08:08):
I I love singing it terribly
I chill with I actually
I hate singing it like true to its tune
um and 2 karaoke like yeah
it's more fun when you're just a little bit off wrong
yeah hahaha
well if
there's something cool about going
with the intention of like
like doing that especially as a performer
(08:30):
it's kind of like
it's like your little resistance of being like
this is not work yeah yeah
like I don't have to be perfect
I don't have to be turned on
this is just it's just fun
we're just hanging out I give that as homework a lot
I will like tell my students if they're really uptight
to go sing karaoke
and have a nice time with your friends
because sometimes
people get so in their head about singing
(08:50):
and we've talked about that a lot on this podcast
like we get in our heads about singing and like
karaoke is supposed to not be
is supposed to be a get out of your head
yeah kind of activity
you know yeah
I do wanna say though
I feel like we do get a lot of people that come in
and who are like I wanna get better at karaoke yeah
it's like very like it's very serious for them
so like what do we say
(09:11):
like you know what I mean
like there's something about
kind of going off what you said about like
it feels like you're the artist at the concert
I think there is something
I mean this is like
and this is how High School Musical started
you know like
like there's something about being the karaoke star
where everyone comes up to you after
and it's like whoa
you got a killer voice and there's always someone
some hometown local who just like loves doing karaoke
(09:34):
and they're there every Tuesday
and they're there every Tuesday and they sound awesome
and maybe they don't sound super trained
but that's not the point right
it sounds super awesome
and then you go visit one Tuesday and you envy that
I mean I think we all
we always want to be grass is always greener
we always want to be what we're not um
and it's okay to strive towards that and be like
oh I have a new aspiration yeah
(09:57):
um but yeah
I think it's a very interesting thing of
I think it's well
this gets into something
I think it's okay to like want to want validation
absolutely I think yeah
100% internal for sure
but I think that's where that comes from
being like wow
you have this special talent that's so cool
I think I mean
(10:17):
with singing and like everything
it comes down to confidence
like building them up a little so that they feel
uh huh
free enough to get that mic
get on stage and start singing
whether it's bad fun
beautiful or whatever
but just to be able to like
actually physically get the will to do it
cause a lot of people are like I
I could never yeah
(10:37):
no yeah
for sure no
no for sure
going back to your question Kate
uh like
I wanna get better at karaoke
like that's my goal yeah
yeah which is a valid goal 100% yeah
um I would say just knowing like
what makes a good karaoke singer right
like and
and maybe not the intentionally wrong singing part
(11:00):
yeah right
but like or like
not necessarily intentionally wrong
but just like not adding not like you're not locked in
yeah yeah
and so I would say you know
making sure that everybody's having a good time yeah
like the the performance aspect of it
not necessarily like the vocal performance
that's also important don't get me wrong
but like
the overall performance and song choice goes into that
(11:24):
definitely knowing your voice
what can your voice handle
where do you feel comfortable
like even if nerves start kicking in
what's a song that you can pull off
even when that happens to
and also what's a song that other people like and know
it doesn't always need to be an uptempo song
like you mentioned my heart will go on
is that yeah
every night
(11:47):
but you can totally sing that seriously
no yeah
but everybody will sing along and everybody
and have a good time and
and then maybe still come up to you and be like
girl you ate that yeah
right
and you would go through every table and like perform
and like no
yeah you are my Jack
yeah it's campy
I mean that's
(12:08):
I think
why my heart will go on is so successful is be a diva
can be a little campy positive connotation
be a diva with a feather but be like Miss Piggy
yeah period hahaha
stop it that's iconic
she's my Muse
she's my Muse yeah
you gotta be a little um
(12:28):
what can I say the word cunty
yeah sure
you gotta be a little cunty
you do yeah
yeah like that's like it's
it's can't be it's cunty like
yeah sir
you know a compliment
yeah hahaha
um and then like vocally
if you wanna like hey
I wanna get really good at karaoke
(12:49):
and I want to get that validation from people
uh huh so vocally
what are some things that we can do to make sure
karaoke night is a success
for song choice
check out this episode on Song Choice where you can um
yeah learn to choose your best song
but no like finding your strengths and living there
(13:10):
and also
most karaoke places will let you change the key
oh yes
that is that is what you need ahead of time
and know that if I wanna sing
my heart will go on I'm a mezzo soprano babe
I'm not singing it in Celine's key
we're taking her down yeah
we're taking her down but then also like knowing
(13:31):
does the place that where you're going to karaoke
can they do that right can they
and if they can't have some backups
yeah yes yeah
like yes
have a it's
it's good to have a couple in your pocket that you know
or just say Yolo every time
or just say Yolo and go for it
yeah yeah
pull pull the artist move where you're like
are you saying yeah
(13:52):
yeah everybody now
yes yes
and you're just like mouthing the word absolutely yeah
absolutely hahaha absolutely
I also think you can and I have to explain it
you can practice for karaoke
by practice I don't mean
you know structured practice
but if you are really
really nervous and you know what song you wanna sing
(14:15):
sing through it one time at home yeah
just sing along to it one time at home
it gives you that reassurance of like oh
I already sang it today I can
I can hit those notes yeah
whatever yeah
if that if
if you're really working through those nerves
I think that's totally fine
I think and when I go to karaoke
I think like oh
what am I gonna sing what am I gonna do
and like that's how I pick my first song
and then from there you know
you like get the vibe of the room and do whatever
(14:38):
but sometimes yeah
the or the karaoke guy will be like hey
can you sing this song you know
like that's happened to me before
they really wanted to hear Break Away by Kelly
oh a great one
absolute banger yeah
oh yeah song
talking about that
what's your guys'favorite karaoke memory
memory not yet yet
when you did karaoke yourself
(14:58):
oh the very first time I did karaoke
I was on a Carnival cruise ship
and Carrie Underwood had just won American Idol
and she had sing like this song like uh
she had sing this Martina McBride song called uh
Independence Day it's Independence Day
and I didn't know it was a Martina McBride song
I thought it was a Carrie Underwood song um
(15:18):
cause I had the CD and um
I there was a little karaoke
lounge on the Carnival Cruise
and I had never sung in front of anyone
and I got up and I sang that song
and everybody was like wow
yeah and I like got back to like our
you know cabin on the cruise and I was like dad
I sang in front of people
and he was like asleep and he was like whoa
(15:40):
but like I just remember like
I had a very positive first karaoke experience yeah
it was kind of like that was like the
the electricity of like performing and like
and the validation oh yes yeah
very similar for me I was not on a cruise ship
I was in France with my cousin and his family
and my grandparents so my parents weren't there
but I was with family and we were camping
(16:03):
and they had karaoke night one night
and everybody was singing
and I was singing Black Eyed Peas
of course wow
what song gotta get the boom boom no not that one
uh I heard that
it's mostly singing
and then there's one rap part that I forgot about
where is the love I don't remember
(16:23):
oh my gosh I'm gonna have to figure this out later
there's one rap part and I was like
oh my God I don't know how to do this rap
and so I was just standing there
I didn't speak English oh
so I couldn't read the words
I don't know what's happening happening
she should have just started spinning spice yeah
(16:43):
but yo I I killed the singing part yeah
and everybody was clapping was like
whoa that was so so great
so like just like
and then I decided to sing a second song later too
but I don't remember which one that was but yeah
some Black Eyed Pea song
and I forgot about the rap part
and I was just standing there with the microphone
and I'm like we gotta I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do that's it's amazing
(17:05):
one of the most famous one
oh my God I I'm sure we can just list
are you pulling it up yeah
I'm pulling up like Black Eyed Peas songs
you're gonna have to like play it
meet me halfway I gotta meet me halfway
oh oh oh 20th anniversary
pump it
don't funk with my heart my style my humps
(17:27):
um my humps
I
I don't know what song you're saying shake your monkey
she has like a duh
let's get it started
yeah oh
yeah yeah
that one isn't on the list that I'm looking at
(17:49):
running running and running running and running
running and running
running and there's contact no disrespect
so when I something to something you break your neck
that part I skip that part
but I I did the singing part
and we should have done a karaoke yesterday
hey oh oh
Laura goes oh oh
(18:12):
it was that or wicked yeah
next time do you guys have a favorite memory
yeah OK
so I
so I've always had like weird feelings about karaoke
because when I was 8 years old
I decided I was a singer and I was
and then I would do like I'm not singing for free
I was like what the f
um so
(18:32):
hahaha
she brings it out of me
it's so funny
so anyway I was always
my loving and supportive parents
anytime there was a microphone
we're like you should go sing
something goes oh my God
you should go sing oh my God
mine too yes
and it was and like listen
(18:53):
I am obviously so extroverted
and I think that's part of it
so I'll take it big
big dub for me but um
then I kind of started singing more and more
doing a lot more theater
and eventually started realizing oh
I feel really weird being really good at karaoke
I felt very uncomfortable
I don't even I know the last time I did it
(19:15):
but before that
I have no idea when I actually sing karaoke
I think it might have been like 2014 hmm
I I sing karaoke
and I sing a Disney song with my boyfriend at the time
yeah um
and was it a duet we've all been there
did you sing tangled no
no it wasn't tangled
(19:36):
I did that with my ex no
it was a no
I sing reflection from Mulan
oh with your ex
no cause it was a solo with your ex
that was a solo I was 14
it was right before I went off to high school
was that summer um
and that I think that was maybe where I clocked like
okay like us
this little group of theater people
we're all singing and no one else is singing
(19:57):
and it started making me really uncomfortable
so then I just got turned off
not to cut karaoke for other people
but karaoke for myself because I thought
am I am I the asshole hello
am I the asshole for getting up at karaoke and singing
well because I also don't like to dull my sparkle
that's so real I
I really I
and it was a really weird thing
(20:18):
and then a couple months ago
and I maybe have done karaoke since
I've done karaoke with my singer friends
in their houses so
you know we pull up and sing but not going out to a bar
not the karaoke we're talking about um
I don't even remember the last time I did that
it's been years yeah
like like at a bar
yeah yeah
it was I sing karaoke with like other singer friends
(20:39):
and then we go all
all out and I always sing the Wizard and I
and yeah and it's
it's a little easier when there's like multiple of you
like
I go out with acapella people and we would go sing like
and you know it's like
so it's not just like you're just like
and I'm singing right
it's like everyone like who gets up and sings a song
yes yeah
and I made a friend in Philly
(20:59):
just moved well not just now
but I moved to Philly about a year ago
made a friend and she was like hey
my birthday is tomorrow night
and a couple of us are going out to karaoke
at this bar right by us
would you like to come and I was like
oh yeah absolutely
and I know she's a singer actor as well
and but
I didn't know if anyone else in the group was gonna be
so I was like yes 100% and then I was like shit
(21:22):
I'm so nervous I'm so nervous like what do I do
I have to pick the right
I have to I we know I have song freeze big time
like I have to pick the right song
that's not gonna feel too show offy
but also isn't gonna just be like weird
but also as a crowd pleaser
but a lot of the crowd pleasers
start getting a little high
and I can sing the high stuff really well
(21:43):
and then like what do I do
so I ended up going with a Carol King song oh um
which one
um earth move
feel the earth move
I feel the earth and we got there early yeah
and we say we got there early and started
we sang just until more people
until like the bar filled up and there was a wait yeah
um
but I knew she was a singer so it was her birthday too
I was like well
I'm not gonna belt my face off on her birthday yeah
(22:04):
you don't wanna take away first yeah
exactly
then she gets up and sings I wanna dance with somebody
yeah knocks it out of the freaking park and I was like
alright you said OK
I can sing now yeah
this is my Carol King and then we keep circling
and then a group of college
theater kids walked in
and got the table right next to us
oh god I hope it wasn't my students no
(22:25):
I don't think it was
because I don't think they were empties oh
they weren't empties OK
or they might have been like a couple of them
some of them were in were in tech but yeah
um cause someone else was named Emily and she was like
oh my God yeah
but we need to talk about this after yeah
we can actually flush this up yeah
but um yeah
and so then they started sing singing and I was like
(22:45):
oh okay
so everybody's sing singing here now I'm invited
I'm safe party yeah
I'm safe I feel like I'm not coming in
like dulling their sparkles
yeah like look at me
yeah because that's not my vibe at all
so then I sang since you've been gone
hell yeah and I went
I went for it and then everybody was very excited
and I was very excited
(23:06):
and everyone was singing along too yeah
um and so that's my favorite karaoke story 3
oh that's a good one
I feel like I got to embrace my sparkle
yes
without like
watering down other people or diminishing myself
yeah yeah
we love that that's a good story
that's a good yeah
yeah
and I wanna know where you went later
(23:27):
yeah cut this
it was the Nut Hut it was a nut hut
oh my God it's called Nut Hut Saloon
oh my God that's a funny name
the people in our neighborhood wrote a petition
so they could never change the name of the restaurant
that is hilarious that is so funny
yeah yeah
people be like that
do we wanna get into some Reddit stories about
(23:50):
yeah let's
oh wait
oh yes
and Juliana do you have one
I don't have one no
um I have to
they'll both be really short okay
um one
I was my dad was visiting me with one of his friends
they were like going to a work conference or something
and it happened to be in Nashville
which is where I live
and so we were going out one night and found this like
(24:12):
super divey bar there was like nobody there
but they were running karaoke
and so like
like
I think even my dad got up and sing and he was just
like having a ball hahaha
um and
and so I was singing
and I kept going back up'cause there was nobody there
and I was like alright
I'm pulling all the ones that like I'm
are like too diva to sing with
like a room full of people of like
(24:33):
unbreak my heart by Tony Braxton
and like I think I sing a couple of JoJo songs
and then later
like two of the other guys that were in the bar came
came up to me and they're like
were you the one that was singing the JoJo song
I was like yeah
and he's like
she's like literally one of my best friends
I was like shut the f up hahaha
you s the f up right now hahaha
(24:55):
and like and you know
Nashville where you can never really tell if people are
like serious or if they're just kind of like
she's my best friend but like really
we just went to second grade together
and I haven't seen her since then
no but they like
actually are besties and they have like
a collaboration like out together
and he's been on tour all over Europe this
like over the last year and what not
(25:17):
cause he has some songs with Kaigo um
and like he's insane so I was like
it was so fun for me hearing him sing too um
and like did you get to talk to JoJo
no she wasn't there
I wish
but I did go to her show recently and it was incredible
and I would like to clarify that
(25:39):
nobody in this room is talking about
uh JoJo Siwa
we're talking about JoJo Joanne
Joanna Joanna um
I don't know her last name
but she went by JoJo yeah
her like songs when she was a teenager were like
it's just a little too late and like get off right now
she is an example of a prodigy amen
(25:59):
yeah oh my gosh
that's right anyway
so that's like one of my favorite karaoke memories
cause one was like so random and I was like no
I don't wanna go to karaoke
that's so like lame and awkward and like it just I
it in the same way that it makes you feel weird
it makes me feel weird too sometimes
um anyways
but then last year on my 25th birthday hahaha
there was a karaoke night being hosted
(26:21):
one of our favorite little cafes in Nashville's
called tempo it's a coffee shop that is also like
do cocktails and also do evening events um
and they were hosting a karaoke night
that happened to literally
be on the night of my birthday
so I have friends that work there
there's also like the drummer in my band um
great when you know people that work there too
yeah oh
(26:42):
and the drinks were coming on the night right
I was like I would have asked you to bartend
if I had hosted a party anyways
so this is nice cause you get paid
um and it was so fun because I was like
I'm going full diva like I had the sash
I had the crown
I had like sparkle velvet sequin black pants on
and I think this bodysuit with it
(27:03):
and sparkle was sparkling
oh it was
it was sparkling and it was so fun
cause it was
a lot of my friends from music school that we all like
yeah did singing studies together
so and it was like a safe place that we like
frequent a lot and hang out at
and so um
I my first song of the night was
first of all they did like
karaoke sign UPS through
like a form submission on your phone
(27:24):
and so you could like
put in your name and then put in the song and whatever
and I put my name as Birthday Bree
so they called me up to the stage
um Birthday Bree
and I was like
oh my God
um and I please please
please by Sabrina Carpenter just come out
and I was obsessed with it naturally and saying it
(27:46):
and it was so fun and it like
was nowhere near
like the best vocal performance I've ever
given in my life
but I was strutting all over that stage
and like the the most fun part was like
coming back to the table afterwards
and people were like that was just so fun
like I'm so glad you did that
and like it was it was fun seeing you enjoy yourself
and and also
to your point of like going out with musical friends
like yeah
(28:06):
it was so fun
fun too to hear all of my my singer friends like yeah
sing celebrate each other
you guys celebrate each other's wins
or funny moments or anything yeah
it's not about critique no yeah
no I'm not I wasn't like
so how was that yeah yeah yeah
I'm not asking genuinely I don't wanna know
and I think it was I'm mixing right yeah
(28:26):
it lasted so well for me because it genuinely was like
the first time that I've been at karaoke
and just like
got to enjoy it and have fun and not feel like
weird about like singing good
but like not singing perfect
but like all the stuff you know
and it was just like it was awesome
I feel like something's oh
I'm sorry finish your finish your thing
(28:47):
and my second song was a thousand Miles
by Vanessa Carlson oh
hell yeah it's an absolute banger
and I absolutely sing along to the piano line oh
that's so good
I was like what you were saying about like
you know
like you don't need to like worry about it or judge it
I feel like a lot of times in like
music school programs there is a lot of uh
pressure to like perform and then receive feedback
(29:08):
like every single time you sing something yeah
you're in a studio class it's like okay
you sing and the kids give feedback
the teacher gives feedback
you know
like it's constant feedback on how you can do better
how you can do better yeah
and a like that's why a lot of times
I'll give people the actionable
go to karaoke and don't ask for any gosh darn feedback
(29:29):
yeah no feedback
just freedom just fun
you know just freedom yeah
let us steal the joy
I feel like what I'm hearing from like
both of our stories and I feel like all of us as well
um I think karaoke is similar to musical theater
in the sense of you have a very strong opinion on it
and then something something happens
(29:50):
and flips your opinion to the other side
like you nobody's neutral haha yeah
nobody's neutral
and we'll get you to the other side of musical theater
that's the last thing I do
I don't know you're gonna haha
I don't know about it I'm scared haha
help me we'll get you love in musical theater haha
but yeah
it's a beautiful world when I'm old and wrinkly hahaha
(30:12):
I am getting wrinkly it's okay
oh me too girl
it was fun pictures too
they had like
sparkly tinsel as the backdrop for the stage
like they went all out for like
decorating to make it like a little disco
it's all about environment and like you said
like reading the room yeah
like the physical space around you too
of like oh
this is this is Diva Town right
or like I'm at a dive bar
(30:33):
maybe it's not the time for Diva Town right
honestly there's
I think those are really fun
there's one bar in LA that's called Brass Monkey
it's a dungeon
it smells like pee and beer
yeah like a stale beer
it's dark no
it's full of people always
and people there's not a stage
(30:53):
you just like go up to like where the DJ is
and then there's a little space and you sing
and it doesn't matter how
you know good or bad
everyone hypes you up and everyone claps
and everyone's just like very drunk
so I feel like
that's when you can truly be the most
crazy version of yourself
yes and it's so fun
(31:14):
but I do love a stage I love myself a stage
but that's always fun too
cause like people will go off and I'm like
you you did that
you did that that was something yeah
oh my God
you just you just saying
you just you open your mouth
good job
you bring up such a good point
that I wasn't even thinking
(31:35):
about
cause the karaoke bar I went to didn't have a stage
either if you're super nervous about karaoke
find a place that doesn't have a stage yeah
yeah
you're not elevated the performance part out of it yeah
and then you are either gonna stand next to your table
by your comfort zone
or you'll like walk around a little bit yeah
or you have to stand right next to the karaoke machine
like right
like you have a designated thing to do
place to do
(31:55):
where it is a lot harder for it to be all eyes on you
and you to see people watching you yeah
for sure yeah
for sure I love it do you wanna do some Reddit stories
yes alright
let's have a look cause they be crazy alright
am I the asshole for allowing my boyfriend to sing
karaoke
(32:16):
interesting yeah
I 25 female love karaoke nights with my friends
we have a bar that does it every Saturday
and we are almost always there
my boyfriend doesn't join
and usually goes and does something else
he has a good voice
but he's very self conscious about it
apparently in high school
he was singing during a youth group one day
and a girl leaned over to him and said
(32:37):
if you aren't going to try to sing
then don't sing at all
he says since then
he doesn't like letting most people hear him sing
as he feels he doesn't have a good voice
you guys
people suck like
be mindful of the words that you're using
when you're words have impact
oh yeah
when you're giving somebody feedback on their singing
(32:58):
especially if they're a water sign
no
haha um
I tried convincing him to come with us for months now
and that his singing voice is good and that uh
and that what that girl said was cruel
but he has to try to move on
I promise he didn't have to sing and he couldn't
and he could instead just watch and enjoy our company
(33:20):
Saturday he agreed to come
we were all taking turns and singing and having fun
friends would ask him what he was going to sing
and he kept saying that karaoke isn't his thing
as the night went on and the drinks were flowing
I guess people kept asking him to try
and he was starting to consider it
he gave me the look like he wanted my opinion on it
and I said I won't make you sing
(33:41):
but it may be good for you to try
the whole group agreed
so he went and selected his song
I don't know if it was the nerves song or the alcohol
but he admittedly wasn't very good
he was off key even for karaoke
and he wasn't great with the timing
he's usually better however
when it ended I still gave him a big cheer
(34:02):
and my friends cheered too OK
the rest of the place was pretty silent
minus a few claps here and there
he sits down and is friendly with everyone for a minute
and then he tells me he wants to go home
I asked if we could stay just a bit longer
he said that I could
and went and ordered an Uber for himself
he left telling everybody that he was feeling tired
when I got home he went ballistic on me
(34:24):
saying that I pressured him to sing
and that it was extremely embarrassing for him
uh seeing my friends pity clap him
and the rest of the place just silent and awkward
I don't believe I pressured him
but he said that not shutting down my friends
requesting him to sing was endorsing it
which I understand
but feel my friends weren't that insistent
(34:45):
and that he was good we cheered him on afterwards
and we gave him a bunch of compliments
I can't control how he is feeling about others
and while they maybe shouldn't have kept asking
he is fully capable of refusing their requests
he slept on the couch that night
and the past few days
hasn't wanted to hang out or really talk
(35:08):
I I feel he's overreacting
and making a bigger deal than it needs to be
my friends agree that he shouldn't be acting like this
they feel if he is this self conscious about it
then he should take singing lessons instead of uh
taking his insecurities out on me
who was only trying to help and share a hobby of mine
maybe I should have said something
or just shouldn't have invited him to karaoke
(35:29):
am I the asshole oh
I fear you're being gaslit by a man honey yeah
I fear you're being gaslit by a man who is uh
very socially insecure and emotionally insecure
and hmm I'm like
where's the guy with the red flags
yeah hahaha
you know what I mean what the heck OK
you wanna know the craziest part
(35:51):
the verdict on here was asshole what OK
I I disagree
don't don't with asshole or with asshole okay
oh okay
yeah same
okay it was like you're not my friend anymore
no it's like wait
wait I clarify
I can see where he's coming from
and obviously I'm not in his brain like
(36:13):
and in his lived experience
but I know like peer pressures
even the slightest little like
whisper of a touch
feels like 40 mile an hour wind gust
when there's alcohol involved
oh yeah and that that can be a factor so um
like
maybe it should like
(36:34):
I can hear where he's upset of like
maybe I was I was too drunk
and I wish that you should have known that
and seen that in me
that I wasn't gonna be able to like
do well with this and whatever
and I think she was just seeming very like neutral
like I'm not gonna tell you what to do either way
like I'm gonna support you no matter what
and so that just sounds like a
(36:56):
a miscommunication between like the partners
but like no
I don't I don't think she didn't post like asshole
like she didn't force them to do it
she didn't hold a gun to his head and said sing a song
yeah yeah
like he he has free will
he needs to grow his own balls and say like I no
I'm not going to I'm not feeling like it yeah
(37:16):
and then not being mad at her in my like
I can understand feeling upset about like
how you performed 100% but like
why are you getting like it
it sounds like projection to me or like regret
like I wish I hadn't done that
that's so valid but don't yell at your partner about it
you can't make that somebody else's fault
you know
it is so much easier to blame others for your problems
oh yeah oh yeah
you don't have to take responsibility
(37:37):
I like how she said like
he should take some singing lessons to like
get confidence he should take singing lessons
and he should take therapy yes
oh yeah period
well I think there's something that we've talked about
just outside of the pod as like friends
as women
of when you are really insecure about something
and then somebody says something
or does something that confirms your insecurity
(37:58):
to make it feel like truth
yeah right
and I'm not gonna go into detail about it
but that's what happened to him
and he does not have the tools to yes
understand to let me not say understand yeah
to cope yeah
because he immediately was like
this is like
he put so much mental pressure on it of like
this is my chance to prove that girl
(38:20):
standing next to me wrong
whether or not that was conscious right
this was this was his take 2 at like
now the people around me are gonna think
I'm an excellent singer yeah
and then he didn't get it didn't go the way he wanted
and he didn't get the reaction that he wanted
and it hurt him deeply really deeply
probably more than that
the very first comment did years ago
(38:40):
because that was confirmed to be true
well maybe this whole time I should have just shut up
yeah right
and that's really painful to experience
but your trauma is not my problem
yeah right
that with Grace and nuance obviously
but it is absurd to say you should have stopped me
(39:01):
because if she if he turned and asked
should I go should I sing and she said no
you shouldn't
we'd be reading a Reddit post from him saying
I'm is my like
am I the asshole for getting mad at my girlfriend
when she told me not to sing
literally I was just thinking that there's no way there
it's a lose lose situation yes
yeah hundred percent
if he's if he is deciding to
to give into the peer pressure
(39:23):
whether or not to give into the to the
what he's considering peer pressure
like and turning to her and asking
he probably wants a yes absolutely
well he there's actually a comment here that says um
and it's actually this person said
you're the asshole sorry girl
but he's right you should have told them to stop
he has told you over and over uh
he's insecure about this
(39:44):
you should have told your friends beforehand
if not pressure him
and this is where it's getting to what you're saying
he repeatedly said no he asked your opinion
and so I'm like hold on
he asked your opinion and she said hey
I'm not gonna pressure you to do it
but if you wanna do it go and do it
and that's like that was her answer
she would look so controlling if she was like no
(40:06):
you're not singing exactly
you're not singing you look like a real insecure
that's a crazy thing to say absolutely yeah
absolutely yeah
you're gonna look like a controlling well
and I think right
coming going back to the original post
like it said like she said
I'm not gonna make you sing
but it might be good for you if you did yeah
like offering maybe it could be a good thing
yeah and in this case
(40:26):
it is not a good thing but it could have been
but it could have been right
like there wasn't any false statement there
yeah and it also just shows that
just because one thing went south once
like it happens and it's okay
and you can come back from that and try again
like yep
there's probably a million
(40:47):
good experiences that you've had
and then one thing went south and you're like alright
that's it I'm never doing it again yep
like
why do we give the quote unquote negative experiences
uh so much power
so much power robbing them from the joy
it feels like a hundred positive yeah experiences
oh 100% yeah yeah yeah okay
well so interesting
(41:08):
as educators we do not think she's the asshole
oh that brings up something
how old were they again 25
25 yeah okay
their frontal lobe is like pretty much yeah
I'm 25 never ever girl
that's yeah
that just feels really people out there
we're also just like more emotionally immature
yeah that's very true yeah
I feel bad do my best to have my shit together
so you know yeah
(41:29):
I feel like there's
probably some underlying things going on in that
oh yeah
yeah that
that says a lot about that man
I'm sorry yeah
no I agree
I agree oh
it absolutely absolutely slept on the couch now okay
okay I have to say
I have to say
this is something that grant has taught me
I got married very young
I was 22 he's six years older and
(41:50):
it was my fault I lost our cat once they were outside
and we do only supervised outside time
lost the cat and I started blaming grant for it
I was like
you weren't here helping me watch the cats and blah
blah we found the cat
the cat was fine but you know
it was like I was worried about
I was so like oh my God
(42:11):
oh my God oh my God
or this other time I like he was parked
his car was parked in the garage
I had to get a battery down like for the lawn mower
um from right above where his car was parked
and he pulled up a little far in the garage
I accidentally dropped the battery
it fell on his hood and left a Mark
made a scratch
(42:31):
and then immediately in my brain
I went to
his fault that he parked so close to the shelf right
but I'm like no
like absolutely not so
you know I understand where he comes from
no yeah
but also that is not how the world works
and if you keep living like that
you're gonna be miserable
yeah yeah
(42:51):
forever so there's the difference
learn
I Learned it
I Learned it and I don't think I'm perfect by any means
but I had to learn it
and I'm very grateful that I had a partner who
not me yeah
yeah and
I think that it's okay to have a knee jerk reaction
of being upset yeah
it's when you know like and like yourself
it's when you like suddenly have like
he went home and had time to process a little bit
(43:13):
oh yeah you know what I mean
before he was upset
and then he also still needed more processing time
and slept on the couch
I don't know what happened during that time though
he might have called his his buddies
oh no
right and they were gassing him up
I can't believe that she did that
and like hyped him up in that way
you know yeah
you never know that's up yeah
absolutely being able to say I made a mistake
and hope and sitting with your partner and
(43:34):
and being able to say I'm really sorry
I made a mistake and
and knowing that because they're your partner
they can be like I forgive you yeah
you know
like that you should be free to be able to say like
I I
I might have messed this one up on you and I'm sorry
you know and yeah
know that they're gonna be there for you
but it doesn't sound like he is willing to hear
(43:56):
or he's immediately just going to the blame game
and not even like processing yeah
you know maybe like actually my anger might be a little
yeah much
do you guys think that she should have gone home
with him oh
um
I personally think yes he asked her to oh
then yes absolutely
and if you can see visibly like
that your partner is upset
(44:19):
I would have gone home with him when he asked
yeah that's a little tricky
I think you know
I think it depends there's
you know because we don't know the context of like
the friends and the other situation yeah
that is true you know
like I I would
you know because there are times when yeah
if someone's upset I'm gonna leave with them
but if the mood is like really weird
I might want to like this like yeah
(44:40):
chill the situation out and then leave
you know what I mean
it kind of depends on like the situation
that's fair that's fair
I I also wanna bring up that a lot of her side
which I'm she's I still think she's not the asshole
but a lot of her side after the event was like
he should just get like it doesn't matter
like it doesn't you know
(45:00):
like you mess up so what like those
we work with a lot of people who
are haunted by those comments yeah
I think we all have been at some point
haunted by a comment yeah
at something negative and it's really not that easy
when you use something inside you connected to you
again like you talk all the time about like
it's not like you're playing guitar
(45:21):
it's not like you're playing piano
it's not like you're doing something external
it feels like there's something wrong with you
something you should be able to do
that you just can't do and it
it feels like this ultra huge embarrassment
not to an outsider clearly right yeah
but to you it feels like a failure
yeah right
and you identify as like
I'm actually kind of good singer
(45:42):
I can do this thing
and then you totally feel like you make an
make a fool of yourself yeah
so I I want to just bring up that point of like
she is it that sounds like afterwards she's like
I just don't understand like why he
why he cares and maybe like
don't recommend taking voice lessons
right then and there no
yeah no no
so maybe this isn't everybody sucks instead of just
(46:02):
yeah you know
because yeah
it does sound like
she's not really validating his feelings yeah
but I feel like he's not communicating them
so how she that's how true
we know how he feels
because we're singers and we're performers
so we've gone through that
but how how would she know if she's never experienced
yeah is there an update
no no no comments or anything
update we had a baby here
(46:23):
oh my God we had a prodigy baby
yeah
that'd be crazy he was hormonal because he was pregnant
that'd be crazy
is he on his period and yeah right
oh my God um
let's do one more cool alright
um am I the asshole
for telling my friend's girlfriend to stop singing
and spoiling our night
(46:43):
wow okay
a group of us went to a local pub
which sometimes has karaoke
we aren't into the karaoke
so sit so we sit well away from it when it's on
it was on yesterday when we went unfortunately
oh my God OK OK
go to a different place yes
they're like a million bugs
(47:04):
so they take a different bar yeah
my friend's girlfriend got into it
and sang along to many of the songs
she couldn't see the words from where we were sat
so she made them up
she was a terrible singer and she was very loud
all good otherwise
we all put up with her for a little bit
but then started dropping hints that we wanted to talk
and couldn't hear with her singing
(47:24):
she said she just said that it was fun
it wasn't
eventually
I got really annoyed and told to fucking stop
because she was spoiling everyone's night out
she got upset and her boyfriend
my mate had to back her up
told me I was a dick and they left
everyone else said I should have
I shouldn't have said it because it wasn't that bad
(47:44):
and I upset her and made it awkward
but I know they were glad for it to stop
so am I the asshole edit
this is a big pup
we intentionally sit well away from the karaoke area
because none of us are enjoying it
it's not a karaoke bar well
clearly it's not none of us are enjoying it
yeah she was
(48:05):
and if you didn't want to have karaoke
pick a different establishment asshole
asshole
yeah I was feeling me with like visceral rage right now
like yeah
oh like go to a freaking different bar
like if you know what
which nights are karaoke and you don't wanna be there
don't be there
if you don't wanna play trivia on a Tuesday night
(48:27):
go to a bar that doesn't have trivia
every Tuesday night don't
go to the restaurant that has trivia on Tuesday nights
and advertises it yeah
it's that simple hate that man
there's also like
someone who's just trying to have fun with you
I think we all can I think we all can
think of a time where there's someone who's not vibing
with the whole group yeah
whether or not that's in a
(48:47):
in a way where like they are just on a different plane
or they are disagreeing they're
they're clashing right
like but this is your friend
I what happened to respecting each other
what happened to just like liking people
yeah you know
period and like period
and also
this is exactly the kind of comment that then leads to
(49:08):
I'm never singing again yes
or not singing for the next 10 years
and then we get to work with these people
many years down the road and unpack all that shit yeah
all that trauma yeah
it's uh yeah
it's it's pretty enraging
like it is it's
it's really disappointing to hear
I also think if your
entire group feels a certain way about something right
(49:29):
if you don't like karaoke
I think you guys can say like hey
we don't like the like okay
so it's a big bar and there's karaoke over here
and I mean who
how loud is the is the karaoke like
and she's screaming
some other lyrics that don't make sense
like I doubt that's what's happening
but that's what they're kind of making it sound like
(49:50):
I've never been in a a karaoke bar where you can't hear
a bar with karaoke where you cannot hear
the music is going through all the speakers
and also like if you are upset about it
remove yourself yes
from the situation
rather than asking somebody else to shut up
remove themselves from the situation or change yeah
like
grab the person you're in conversation with and go
(50:11):
sit up at the bar yeah
go outside yeah
I I will say like if we're
if we're playing like you know
if we're kind of going to both sides of this
I'm wondering if maybe it was like
one of those things where the girl was singing along
or the friend was singing along
and they weren't reading the situation
that's what it that's you
know what I mean I'm poorly getting at yeah
(50:34):
yeah yeah
you know it's kind of like okay
if they were wanting to sing
people are dropping hints
I feel like if
because when people are singing in a room
and I'm trying to listen to someone tell me something
it's very obvious I can't of course I can't do that OK
but then tell her partner that
and have him communicate that to the girl yeah
(50:54):
yeah that's singing like
or I would honestly
probably start talking to the girl who's singing
to try to get her away ask her questions
oh yeah
you know what I mean
like so many indirect involved in the conversation
I bet you this was just a group of dudes and oh
that sounds like it yeah
and they just didn't include her in the conversation
like so she was trying to
I'm gonna sing yeah
(51:14):
like just entertain herself yes
I also think it's okay like remove yourself or say hey
we're trying to talk over here
we're intentionally away from that
I'm all for you singing the karaoke
but would you be cool singing it over by the karaoke
yeah why don't you go get a drink and stand over there
and like sing a little bit
for a little while yeah
yeah exactly
like and then the and then that makes it very clear
(51:35):
like I would
per
this entire group would prefer if you don't do that
right here like I
I'm gonna challenge that a little
like I hear that but I would feel very offended
I also would feel very offended
I feel like they're like oh
you don't want me here OK
OK go yeah
like honestly
like I feel like the way to approach that though
is just be like
go sign up to sing like yeah
(51:56):
are you enjoying it like
go like yeah
we'll cheer for you whatever
or like yeah
but clearly they come back when you're done
they don't like they're not here that I would just like
don't go that's it yeah
she could never win no
no no
that's so true it's a lose lose
yeah
because otherwise the am I the asshole would be like
am I the asshole
for telling my friend's girlfriend to shut up
(52:17):
when she kept talking too much in our conversation haha
yeah
sorry you hate women
I can't haha
I am not yeah
we can't change that or the opposite of like
am I the asshole for telling my
my friend's girlfriend um
you know for like
like that she's not saying anything
and that that's rude and whatever
like you can't it never ends
it's just a lose lose situation
like you said absolutely
(52:37):
it's a lose lose and people just need to learn how to
in social situations yeah
that's a whole like
the social literacy is just so bad now unfortunately
post covid world yeah
it's post covid for sure
I think it definitely adds a lot to it
people forget how to communicate in person
it's crazy but it's just like
(52:58):
you know we can all think of like
10 different ways that we could navigate
that situation yeah
it's crazy to me that someone needs to go to
on the internet and ask you know
like how to
did I navigate this right
like it's like
yeah it's a little rough
yeah humans are weird man
humans are so weird humans are so weird
(53:19):
also they can be wonderful too sometimes
yes of course
absolutely my therapist said everything we need to know
we Learned in kindergarten
just gotta be nice to each other
oh talk to each other
like one thing that's so real
one place I challenge myself
and in a post covid world is a challenge
in the elevator of my building
I always say hi
and I always say have a great day when we leave
because it's like no one talks to each other
(53:41):
yeah no one talks to each other
you don't know your neighbors that yeah
and that is weird
like to just stand next to someone in silence like on
it is so weird in your online community
doesn't matter if you're texting your friends
to be so far yeah
into something else it's this moment where I'm like hey
I'm a person hey
you're a person you need to know that I'm a person
(54:02):
and I need to know that you're a person
and we need to exist in this world together
cause that's the only way we're gonna move forward
in any situation
that's the only way that as we can be community yeah
yeah yeah
mental health oh
mental health take care of yourself
and you'll take care of each other too yeah
yes yes
do we wanna do just one song singing together
(54:23):
yeah my dream boom OK
what's up let's do some singing
I have to be so locked in right now
hahaha focus
this dry microphone is really gonna show us
I know it's not great
not about that though it doesn't have a long intro
(54:43):
it doesn't have a long intro hahaha
but that's part of the performance wow
wow wow
oh my God yeah
when you're singing karaoke
there's a long outro
you're performing until that song is done
oh yeah that's right
(55:07):
nation never knew the lyrics well
I realized quickly when I knew I should
the world is made up of this brotherhood of man wow
for whatever that means this is the best part and so I
(55:34):
and a little peculiar
haha
me and I said hey yeah
(56:00):
I say hey
you can't be worried haha
(56:36):
oh my God
oh I'm in karaoke
oh we
we can try that next oh my God
we so should and try
oh my God let's try
(57:03):
it's like we really are yeah we're at a bar right now
oh my God do I pray
oh my God do I pray every single day for revolution
we all know that one yeah
(57:52):
hey yeah yeah
I said hey hey
well what's going on
well hello my day
hey
we're so behind what's going on
(58:16):
oh my God and I said hey
hey
hey hey
hey hey
I said hey
what's going on
what's going on what's going on
I said hey
(58:37):
oh wow
what's going on
hahaha what's going on hahaha wow
wow wow
I don't know does anybody know how to use no
no no
no
I can't do it
(59:00):
oh my God 25 years into my life and still
we just hey
we killed that I've never practiced what I preach
(59:21):
harder than this moment yeah
hahaha so true
so true that was so fun
that was so fun and that's what karaoke is
and that's what karaoke is
and YouTube three thirty second non skips hahaha
I know those the bane of my existence
well some
we didn't talk about ads on YouTube videos for music
(59:44):
boys teachers
that's okay sorry
we don't need to talk about
that's why I pay for it
so that you don't have to listen to ads
and yeah oh my God
yeah and on the election
I was like
I can't share my screen for about a minute and a half
yeah literally in Pennsylvania yeah
oh my God dangerous
oh yeah
well anyway
thank you ladies
yeah
that's fun
(01:00:04):
also we totally
didn't really know that song no
no we knew the parts that everybody knows
and the rest is like oh
like oh
there are I didn't know there are oohs
and there are oohs for karaoke too
I don't know what those oohs are
but okay close enough
it happens it happens at karaoke though
it happens yeah
it's part of the charm yeah
yeah true
yeah I love it
it's kind of it kind of forces you to let go
(01:00:24):
yeah yeah
like oh yeah
it's actually not that deep
it's not that deep baby
it's not that deep they didn't know there was no
well thank you ladies
this was fun yeah
go sing some karaoke yeah
go have some fun
even if it scares the bajesus out of you
yeah it's okay
go and try and have some fun
and like Emily keeps saying
(01:00:45):
it's not that deep nobody is there to like talent scout
literally never been that serious
yeah like nobody's there to talent scout or
you know
find people to sign to a record label or whatever
like no
no no no
everybody's there to just have a good time
so go and have yourself a good time
and also thank you for tuning in
and if you have any questions
(01:01:05):
let us know if you want to work with us
you know where to go otherwise
we'll see you in the next session bye
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