August 13, 2025 • 65 mins
What happens when your love for music doesn’t come from support—but from resistance? Sensata grew up in an environment where creativity wasn’t encouraged, yet her voice never stopped calling. We talked about what it means to choose your art anyway—when no one claps, when no one gets it, and when the dream feels like yours alone. If you’ve ever been afraid to take up space, this story might help you breathe a little deeper.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
you know looking back
(00:00):
I'm like okay
this might have been why you know
trauma with parents
probably not feeling like your voice mattered at home
whenever you tried to communicate
it would always be like shut down
so that I think was the main reason why in school
I was like when it comes to singing
I'm shaking um
(00:21):
well because it's how you express right
so like yeah
the the voice is a very unique instrument
in the sense that we actually have words
that we can use and no other instrument can do that
right yeah
and so if you have always been shut down
when you've tried to communicate something
even with just talking through speaking
right through talking yeah
(00:43):
singing is an elevated version of that
it breaks my heart for you that that
that that happened
now where I am I'm very like glad because I
I found acceptance within everything that happened
just looking at the good things as well
yeah um
the teachers that did show up
um the friends that were cheering me on
or like people that maybe weren't in my circle
(01:05):
but yeah they were also like again
there's always gonna be people that are like
cheering you on yeah
yeah um
and so now I'm like I love this
and now yeah
hey Vox Star
and welcome to from singer to artist
(01:26):
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach
and the host of this show at VoxTape Studios
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the three fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
(01:48):
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources Alrighty
are you ready let's get started
we are back in New York City with two special guests
today we have Coach Emily from our team
and special artist going by the name Sensata welcome
thank you haha
(02:08):
thank you for being here yeah
thank you for having me of course
of course so funny story
we met only like what a month or so ago
yeah not even no
it's yeah the beginning of yeah
the beginning of may it's now end of may
so yeah like barely a month
in beautiful Tulum at a vocal production retreat
(02:28):
hosted by the one and only Simone Torres
thank you so much Simone shout out to Simone
she's fantastic we Learned so much yeah
and you took such good care of me there
even though I'm older
but like we flew into the same airport
yeah and you got there a couple minutes before I did
and I'm the kind of person like
I can't be bothered to figure out how to get the bus
(02:52):
and then like like
I'm just gonna pay the extra money for a taxi
so I can get to my end destination
but you figured it all out
you were like we gotta go here
we gotta go there and you speak Spanish too
and I don't and so you took such good care of me
and then we were on the bus ride together
and then
we had three amazing days in the jungle of Tulum
(03:15):
yeah learning about vocal production
that's how we met
but that is not where your singing story starts hahaha
way before yeah way
way way back
so
tell us a little bit more about how you got into music
where you at now tell us your life story
I started when I was like
(03:36):
honestly since the time I could remember
like I was known for like entertaining my family
um family parties
I was dancing I had
you know like when you're a kid
you have no shame and you're just like
you're being yourself but you're such a great dancer
the last night remember
like we were kind of like dancing
and you had all these crazy moves
and I was like I am so making a fool of myself here
(03:59):
but you're so good
so it makes sense that you've been doing it from little
yeah I've
I've never actually I've never took classes as well
like I was just in general
like as a kid I was
I think very observant
um I loved watching
you know
entertainers on TV and just in general like I felt like
you know it's that energy that you have and I
(04:20):
I would just
Corey choreograph my own stuff
um I was yeah
like I knew I wanted to sing when I was like little
and I was singing and also I um
basically my family like I said
my family knew me as like the entertainer and singing
I would always like with my cousins I would uh
(04:42):
I was like a little boss I would be like
I was very like come on
we have a song let's write a song yeah
let's sing let's make a song
and then I remember once I was like
you know when I'm pretty sure we relate to this
but it's like when song
there's a song that you don't know
but your head is like guessing the next lyric yeah
(05:02):
I swore that I was like psychic or something yeah
I was like what is this
yeah but yeah like
um I was very outgoing um
very confident um
I I was born in New York um
but when I was 6 I moved to New Jersey
(05:23):
um this town it's also near Princeton um
so it's a small town
and there is a lot of moving as well
like in my life that's a little like summary about it
but um
yeah I also was in choir like in in my school um
I think until like 4th grade maybe it
was like the beginning of 4th grade
(05:44):
that's when I started like finally
um
getting on stage um
I think there was only like
one time that I got to really do that like yeah
during the time I was in New Jersey
the choir and I was also gonna get into like orchestra
um but I didn't get the chance
because I then moved to a different place
(06:06):
in New Jersey um
so there was a lot of like
like not a lot of stability yeah
with singing though like I was still doing it on my own
um behind the scenes
um
yeah singing
dancing and then um
when I was 10 years old I came back to New York
(06:27):
like 10 or 11 came back to New York
and I felt that something like changed within me
like the girl that was something has changed within me
hahaha sorry
could not resist hahaha no
no it's literally that yeah
um yeah
so I felt like um
(06:49):
knowing that I was coming back to New York and hearing
like what um
the environment was like um
going into like I mean
still a public school
but knowing that it was way different from like
the town that I felt at least safe in um
I think when I came here
the environment like changed something within me
(07:10):
yeah and um
you know I was now like facing
it was like the bubble you know
was popped yeah
and now it's like oh
um so yeah
with kids I was also doing YouTube at that time
that's right I was doing YouTube at that time um
(07:31):
I had my channel I was starting up uh
honestly for like I had so many like visions
I was like yo
like this is this is um
the beginning of like the era of like
you know like
I predicted that we would be here today
with the influencer stuff yeah
I was like I swear it's like
it's gonna happen yeah
(07:52):
um and now we look and you have influencers being paid
yeah um
and things like that um
but yeah when I
when I came to New York
the kids were kind of like teasing me yeah
um
for having this happy go lucky like personality as well
um and I think that's when I started seeing like
within myself I was like dimming my
(08:13):
my light
so that caused a whole like pausing thing within me
yeah um yeah
I think a lot of creatives can relate to that
I mean I can
I was heavily bullied in middle school
middle school 7th
8th and 9th grade
(08:34):
yeah yeah
and it it does something yeah
to you you know
and you know like it
it kind of dims your light
like you said and you kind of start keeping to yourself
but yeah
still you have this passion inside of you and I'm like
I need to get it out I need to get it out
I need to get it out somebody listen exactly
(08:55):
yeah literally that um
I also like I remember it's kind of like cheerleading
but it's honestly like a dance um
club that I I had my friends were telling me to join um
and I was like okay
like I'll do it you know
and I found myself like I said
I was dancing no shame or whatever
(09:16):
but um I think there were
there was also something that happened
along the lines of like friendship
betrayal that basically like I said
dim myself because I didn't want to outshine anybody
like especially the people that I loved or cared about
like the most I was like
oh I'm not trying to do that
I don't want to you know that's not my intention
(09:36):
like if anything I want you to believe in yourself
I want you to see yourself the way that I do
like we could be doing this together
I was always someone that it didn't matter um
like what click or whatever I got along with everyone
cause I honestly like I see you as
you know yeah
and um so yeah
I was very inclusive
like I'd never like I was very serious about like no
(09:59):
I'm never gonna like treat anybody
um
in a you know in a way that's very like
oh like I shine and you
you gotta like be behind me or whatever
even though I said like as a kid with my cousin
I was like hello
bossy or whatever yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
not like that um
but it's just in general I just
I was very passionate and I wanted people to also um
(10:22):
especially cause I was very observant and aware that
you know as kids um
we should be able to be playful
we should you know
like we
we all grow up in a you know
we don't
we all have different stories and we
you never know what goes on at home
but I was
that person that wanted to create that safe space
(10:42):
for people to really truly be who they were
yeah yeah
I love that I love that
I found myself also like
if there was like any teasing
cause I deleted my YouTube channel when I got here
because of the teasing yeah
because of the teasing because of the name
um and
you know
it was very different'cause people from New Jersey were
(11:04):
like more like
oh my God like
I love the way you sing and this and that
like the kids and then when I came here
it was like you know
it was just like your name on username
like not it was things like that
so I deleted it um
and whenever something would happen
I would like
like you said like
I would keep to myself um
(11:25):
but I also didn't let
like
I was still happy go lucky all my life cause it's like
it's so hard to like
not be like that's who I am
yeah um yeah
so yeah
um there was things like that
and yeah
um
dancing whenever it came to dancing
I had uh
(11:47):
stage fright a little bit of it
like you know
getting nervous before performing
like I think 7th grade and stuff like that
um yeah
I would get nervous and it's just like no
I can't do it or a talent show
I would like no
I can't do it especially when it came to singing
cause singing
that's where I think maybe I was more confident in
dancing like dancing yeah
(12:08):
but with singing that was always like hmm
why do you think that is I think as a kid
you can't really I wasn't able to obviously like
process the things that were happening
in in the environment I was growing in where
you know my household as well
yeah um
but I think like I said
(12:30):
I did have
you know looking back
I'm like okay
this might have been why you know
trauma with parents um
like yeah
probably not feeling like your voice mattered at home
um so whenever you tried to communicate
it would always be like
shut down it would be like um
(12:51):
you know'cause as a kid you're curious you
you're saying like
I wanna be this and I wanna be that and um
you're just so interested in like
especially how I am like
I've always been very curious um
if I feel something I have to say it um
at least that's where I find myself now
like back finally but as a kid
(13:12):
you know like
you get kind of shut down
whenever you wanna communicate something
especially like I said
at least how I grew up um
so that I think was the main reason why in school
I was like when it comes to singing
I'm shaking um
well cause it's how you express right
so like yeah
the the voice is a very unique instrument
(13:35):
in the sense that we actually have words
that we can use and no other instrument can do that
right yeah
and so if you have always been shut down
when you've tried to communicate something
even with just talking through speaking right
through talking yeah
singing is an elevated version of that yeah yeah
(13:55):
well guess what's gonna happen right
like you're gonna get insanely nervous because you're
you're afraid to
to communicate because at this point you've always been
been shut down and
you know I'm
it breaks my heart for you that that
that that happened because
you know I was so fortunate
growing up in a very supportive household and
you know my parents were like
(14:16):
you wanna sing go sing
you wanna play piano go do that right
so it was it was so amazing
and I'm very aware that
that's not the reality of everybody right
you know as a kid
like how are you gonna navigate that
that's crazy but yeah
it's it's in
it's in it's so great for me to see how
you didn't let that shut you down completely
(14:38):
and then go be an accountant somewhere
not that there's anything
wrong with being an accountant right
yeah but like you
you found your way kind of like back into the music
or you never let it like fully leave your life right
so I I don't know how you navigated that
like that I
I guess that wasn't easy for you
(15:01):
part of me also um
even though it felt like you're kind of like
you're in this echo chamber of like
people kind of like not really taking you seriously
cause especially if you can't communicate
like I've always felt like that person that's like
I walk into a room and if I try to speak
like I'm just also like I'm very awkward
(15:23):
like I'm awkward like that's my personality
but it's also like
not something that I'm ashamed about
because I know that like
I also knew like I don't know
like I don't know
characters I saw on TV were quirky and
and like whimsical
so it's like something that I always admired
and I made promises to myself as a kid actually
that's probably as well like I remember whenever
(15:46):
you know spending that time alone
cause I am the oldest um
sibling as well so I grew up
alone um but whenever I felt very like down
I had to talk to myself like I had to parent myself
I was a parentified child
so I would make promises and I'll be like
when we grow up you know
like we need to make sure that we don't let anybody
(16:09):
take away your dreams like this is a promise like um
that you're gonna make these things happen eventually
so yeah I would create this version of my
like an older version in my head of myself
instead of having like an imaginary friend
I mean
technically my future self was my imaginary friend
so I was like you know
(16:30):
as a kid
I think I was sending messages into the future like
yeah you know
this is what like you're you're gonna be brave
we're gonna do this together'cause I really felt like
I was alone um
but yeah I made promises to myself
and I think also
when my little sisters came into the picture um
I felt like I again the protector so um
(16:56):
I gave them that safe space
I was more like emotionally there for them um
and very like artistic
and I remember them like looking up at me like that
I was like their role model and still till this day um
so I kept the the artistic
you know
there was expression and there was like just that like
(17:18):
and and they're also like singers and dancers nice
they Learned it from you yeah
like they're just you know
they're very um
you can tell and I think that also gave me hope
like you also pay attention to the people that
even if it's like a few they're still
you'll always have someone that's admiring
you from a distance or
(17:39):
you know and is seeing your growth
and is actually cheering you on
even if you feel like um
the people that you want to pay attention to you aren't
yes yes
oh yeah
it's so it's so hard
especially as kids like you want it
you want that validation right yeah
you wanna you wanna get the pat on the shoulder
(18:00):
like good job right
and when you're not getting it
and you have to provide that yeah
for yourself like yeah yeah
it's so hard yeah
and also like pretending like
for example'cause you know
it's like again
when it came down to talent shows or whatever
it's like you see other people
like you see their
their parents maybe or their siblings are showing up
(18:21):
but then you're you're like
oh I know for sure
my parents aren't going to make the effort to truly
really be there
so I think I would also like
sometimes like I would be like
I wouldn't I'd keep it to myself
cause I knew what the outcome would be
I mean a couple times they showed up
especially graduation and things like that but um
(18:43):
when um
when just basically
it's like again
not letting that um
how do you say it my mind went blank
not gonna lie yeah
just like not letting that like stop you yeah
not letting that stop you um
(19:04):
get to you but it does get to you though
it does absolutely definitely
I think first like
cause now where I am is very different now
I think I I had teachers ugh
my teachers there
I always wanted them to like take me home please
I know it's like a sad story guys
(19:26):
sad story to the but no
it's like to me I
I'm also very like I'm now where I am
I'm very like glad um
because I
I found acceptance within everything that happened um
I'm also like just looking at the good things as well
yeah um
the teachers that did show up um
(19:47):
the friends that were cheering me on
they're like people that maybe weren't in my circle
but yeah they were also like again
there's always gonna be people that are like
cheering you on yeah
and so now I'm like I love this
and now yeah
well that shows true strength on your side yeah
that you were able to recognize hey
I'm not getting the support here
(20:09):
but that you
are not focusing on what you're not getting
but that you can also see what you are getting
yeah right
it's the same thing in singing right
like in singing it's so hard
to focus on the things that you can't do yet yeah
and you just like
I'm so frustrated
I can't do this thing that you kind of like
(20:29):
don't even see the stuff that you're
actually already doing really well yes
you know it's like
what is happening you actually are already really good
I don't know what your problem is
you're just focusing on the one thing you can't do
right so I
I love that you were able to see the support too
that you that you had and the cheering yes
(20:50):
yes yes
and also like
even though I was nervous to perform
I love the feeling after like
whether it was singing whether
you know in general
just being an entertainer
like the feeling of like OK yes
I'm nervous yes
I wanna like back out like
I don't wanna you know
but then after you do it I
I was just like
this feeling is the feeling that I'm always gonna like
(21:13):
chase you know
it's like when you finally overcome what you're like
afraid of yeah
and I think in general I think I took that as like
you know this is gonna be my life
always confronting myself um
whether that's internally
um'cause I was very like I think introspection
like too introspected yeah
(21:33):
no but it's like um
I was just very it
like I said in my own world and in the way that um
just constantly asking myself like
are we OK like
are we you know
I was again the parent um
but yeah the
I think when I got to college though
um
(21:54):
well actually
high school also was something where I was like
I need to be aware of my like circle
my friend group because after middle school
it was like it was so like
at least that's where I was
I experienced trauma um
and then high school was just very um
I said I was like I need to like focus on school
(22:15):
cause yeah I need to like focus on this
I also had chances to like
audition for schools that were like art based
you know like singing and stuff like that
but when it came down to it
I would chicken out yeah
so it's like
then I ended up in the school that was like teaching
teaching in the profession
so then in my head like it became like
(22:36):
now I'm like the thing that I said I wasn't gonna do
now I'm doing it because you know
when you're in like everyone is telling you like
oh they're expecting you to say I'm gonna be a doctor
I'm going to be um
yeah like a doctor
a nurse a cop
um all these things business
you know um
and so I just started slowly kind of being like
(22:59):
okay I think I can do teacher
you know yeah
I like cause I love kids
I saw that's where like
I kind of lost a little bit of like
but it was still always constantly
I know what I'm gonna be I still gonna be a singer
I'm still gonna be a dancer
but actions weren't being taken towards that
(23:20):
and then I got myself like
with the groups that would form around me
even if I wasn't looking for like
you know like
I'm like I'm gonna be like more focus on myself
I don't want drama because it's like
it already took time away from like my passions um
I was still that person with friend groups that was
like pouring into people so much
(23:40):
that I wasn't pouring into myself
I can relate oh
me too
yeah so yeah
it was just teachers that were also telling me like
you need to you need to like focus on you
you need to you know
like you also can't be like all these responsibilities
you're a kid you're supposed
you know it's not fair to you
and you know when you go to college
(24:01):
go far away like get away from there
you know it's like you don't have to be
you know um
what they want you to be like
being the oldest sibling and taking care of my sibling
like my younger siblings um
things like that so yeah
I was being told that um
but you know it's still like a oop
(24:21):
I can't I can't kind of feeling yeah um
you almost feel guilty then too yeah
you feel guilty when you leave your young
younger siblings behind exactly no
I don't want to do that either yeah yeah
so yeah
and then college was the real deal
where you have to actually choose where are you going
you know and um
(24:42):
I still um
I didn't all I also didn't want a major in like
the arts because I didn't want like
you know grades to yeah
kind of discourage me even more like
and be like oh like
you know that would have
at least for me would have
it's just I wouldn't be here like
like yeah
(25:03):
um but what happened
I eventually I graduated I took classes
like the last class that I took was audio production
and that's when it clicked for me
I was like oh my gosh
this whole time you could make your own music
you know you don't have to
cause I never had the resources
so I also thought
(25:25):
now I can like make something with what I
you know like the school
how do you say it um
just in general like during that time
I was like I can actually create something at home
I don't have to also
spend so much money at least for
for like well yeah
(25:45):
constantly it's gotten so much more accessible right
yeah which is so cool yeah
do you feel like
this is where you kind of transitioned from
I'm going to be a singer dancer performer to I am I am
yeah um
yeah that's I
college was where I was like getting towards that
(26:06):
and then after I graduated was like
I graduated and I was like
honestly
like me and my best friend met up on the side like we
we were like okay
let's go away before they throw like the confettis and
yeah get the ceremonies over
um we stepped to the side um
just to have best friend you know
like our yeah best friend talk like we did this
cause also I was like
(26:27):
I don't wanna graduate without her
like I wouldn't have made it without her yeah
so I stayed a little longer in college
but um yeah
during that time we're having a talk
I'm just like breaking down and I'm like
I'm just crying because it's like all this time
like I did the I did the thing I
I became the first gen
um to graduate and I did that I was like
(26:48):
that's the last thing that I will do it for my parents
like
it gave me like some kind of like peace where I'm like
you guys
this is where now I'm going to put myself first
and I need to pursue what I've always wanted to do wow
so yeah that's where I was like I am
(27:08):
and yeah in general with friendships
I think when I stopped ask
when I stopped looking for that love
um in friendships all of that
cause I was always someone that walked away
cause I knew there was better
and like love should be something that's like
you're considered from the beginning
yeah and you're listened to and you're not
you know and I think because of where I grew up my
(27:32):
in my environment with my mother
um or my father
I just I didn't have that
and I knew yeah
acceptance like this is how they are yeah
but now um
like I don't ever wanna be in
in an environment where
I feel the same way that I felt as a kid
(27:53):
so now it's like um
I just stopped I was like
I promised myself
that's how do you say it yeah
just basically I'm no longer searching for love
I think when I said I
I don't seek validation from them or love from them
I think that's where it all clicked yeah
um and I saw that within friendships and relationships
now it's like I'm putting myself first and this is
(28:17):
you know it feels great
um
yeah you better get it girl yes
you better get it like nothing can stop me now
no but
but like you're 20 young something right
yeah
and it takes people decades
yeah and most people never stop chasing it
yes right
yeah and so it's
(28:39):
it's amazing I mean
obviously I'm really sorry right
but you know
it's I'm just
I'm just glad to see that you're coming
out stronger on the other end
and that I mean
now you've made a huge step
you quit your job to do music and like
how exciting is that like that takes
(28:59):
that is like the ultimate putting yourself first move
yes it ever takes balls to do that
like wow yeah
and yes that's the ultimate putting yourself first
you're so right you're so right
so now you're what are you doing now
like now well
I'm also getting into well
obviously music production
(29:20):
so like I'm learning on my on my own
um also like putting myself out there right now
so right now I'm like I'm going
I feel like yeah
like I'm going outside um networking
um just getting cause I think for a long time
like I said also I was stuck at home
(29:42):
like in general
I also had a time where I was like very low depressed
scared to go out
I had so much fear that was accumulating like within me
like to even step out of my house
um but now where I am
it's like very like all all in
um so getting out there in the physical world and
(30:04):
and actually connecting with people
like the people that I've always wanted
you know an artist and like the more that I'm out there
um
you know the less well
actually the ice melts away
basically is what I'm trying to say so
um connecting with community
(30:25):
because that was always a big thing for me as a kid too
I felt like again it was
I think that's why I was pouring into friendships
and I felt very like misunderstood
cause as as a kid
I was very like aware of the things that were going on
like around the world
and I just wanted people to like care about it yeah
so now when I go out I finally like
(30:46):
you know I just go out and then it's like
oh my gosh you understand like
you know you know
you're aware I don't even have to explain it to you
um you just feel very understood
and it just motivates you to take the risks also and
and to um yeah
believe in yourself
so right now it's all that I'm also I want to you know
(31:08):
entrepreneurship like I I'm looking forward to that um
I know that sometimes I'm still like
oh like it's kind of scary
but I know that now more than ever yeah
more than ever yeah yeah we were talking about it
but yeah more than ever I'm just like
I need to take the leap um
it like I have nothing left to lose
(31:30):
that's just how I feel like I'm gonna go all in with
yeah everything my passions and yeah
everything yeah
it's basically that so I love that yes
it is scary it is very scary out there
but guess what
it's scary for everybody I think that's good to know
like you're not the only one that feels scared doing it
(31:52):
but it's the the people that make it
are the ones that even try in the first place
like yeah
yeah you can't make it if you don't even try
you know absolutely yeah
it was so great to hear
not only that you followed music the whole time
but it's almost like
you and music took turns taking the lead
if that makes sense like it didn't leave you
(32:14):
even when you had so much going on
and were working through relationships
and so many different things in your life
and the music was always there
like that urge to do the talent show
even if you talked yourself out of it was like
you know that little nudge
because it was still right there with you
and now you're I don't know
holding hands yeah
(32:34):
let her know you're like finally is your note boyfriend
yeah literally
literally like no relationships music yeah yeah
yeah but yeah
well actually Emily
you were talking about this once
you said that you
you to create your own energy sometimes on stage
you know when you're performing
and people are not really paying attention
like if you're performing at a restaurant or a bar
(32:55):
or whatever um
what the relationship that you focus on is
the relationship to the material
yes yeah
and so oh yeah
I that's kind of like how you create your own energy
and I feel like here it's like
your relationship to music is what's keeping you going
that's where the love has been
that's I mean it sounds like
that's the love that's been poured into you
(33:16):
yeah you know
the whole time and now you're finally in a place where
you know you can share the wealth
exactly yeah
I I came across this like post
I think it was on Pinterest or something but uh
it was like basically I
all of this was leading me to be able to open my heart
to myself yeah basically
(33:38):
mm hmm um
yeah that's great
and yeah come that's definitely where I am
um in general
like yeah it's beautiful
I I love also like I said
the community that I'm building
and I just feel like finally like
it's like
this is what I've been waiting for all these years
you know um
(33:58):
yeah and people just automatically like I
I chose I was like
I'm gonna challenge myself to do the very thing
that scares me
I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna actually dance outside
cause I never really like
I was always dancing in my room
or I was always singing in my room
but I never like even my best friend
it took a while for her to hear me sing
um and yeah and I went out and I was like yeah
(34:22):
I need to be in touch with my body like I need to
um
do this and then now I'm like
you know it's connected me to so much opportunities
um so many people that are just in general
like very like um
you know
they make you feel seen and you make them feel seen
and a lot of times too
I find myself like uniting people on the dance floor
(34:43):
and this is like something that is like
oh my gosh like when you're showing who you are
yeah and even in Tulum
like when we were just dancing on that last night
like you made an effort to like
teach me and teach other people
like how to do that crazy thing that you did
and I was like yo
I'm too white for this shit
(35:06):
she was killing it though
oh she was killing it
we were my last episode
yeah she's
oh last episode
we were talking about shaking ass yeah
yeah OK
I love it
yeah I Learned from the best
there you go that was all you
but
so here's just one thing that I want to just reiterate
that like you said
like you were waiting for right
(35:27):
like
I get that but you created that
you weren't just waiting and it dropped into your lap
like no
no no
you took I created it within myself
exactly exactly
you created it so give yourself credit for that
which I I believe you are
and I I appreciate that about you a lot
thank you that you give yourself credit for
where credit is very much deserved
(35:47):
yes to be given
so I love that applause yes for you big W yeah
yay you yay you you're so strong
and um I know you
you said that you're
you're currently carrying like the last month or so
you're carrying a lot of
a lot of physical tension in your body
and I I wonder if there's like
(36:08):
you know something from
from your past
or just like some sort of fear that's kind of like
in the back of your mind
that's like trying to pull you back into safety
cause like what I'm not saying that
you know how you grew up and all that
that that's a safe environment
usually it's not but it's what your body knows
(36:28):
and the known to the human brain
always feels more safe than the unknown
mm hmm oh yeah
and so I'm
because now that you're like stepping away from it
and you're like no
I'm gonna do the thing that scares me
and I'm gonna do what I wanna do and I'm gonna
you know pursue my dreams
that's unknown and that's scary
and I'm wondering if that physical
just body tension that you're feeling is
(36:49):
is your mind trying to pull you back to
what it considers safety
maybe I don't know yeah
I mean yeah
that might be like way off
but that's just kind of like a thought that came to me
maybe that is what it is maybe not
I don't know I think um
I think a lot of it I mean
(37:10):
I'm pretty sure it is something that's like stored like
yeah you know stress or like um
it's weird because it's like
I think for the most part
I feel like my mind now feels like
at peace with things where it's like
I'm not really like afraid or like
of the unknown anymore like that
um
but I just now it's like my body is just feeling very
(37:33):
like um overwhelmed
um and it could be still because um
everything that I encountered or also the times
like I said where I was very like down
now it's like catching up to me
you know I think mainly it's also that I can okay
I can so relate to that cause like
the whole bullying
(37:54):
thing that happened with me in middle school right
like yeah
of course it bothered me and I asked my mom every day
do I really have to go to school today right
every single day and so of course it bothered me then
but I never really processed it and then just recent
like this was this past Christmas
(38:15):
I was at home
and we were having some sort of discussion
and it that topic came up
and I just out of nowhere started bawling
and I'm like yeah
what is happening cause I never actually processed it
and spend time with it and it
it catches up with you eventually
(38:35):
absolutely right
and it wasn't even about bullying
it was about me feeling like I'm not being heard
or that my opinion doesn't matter
as much as somebody else's opinion
or whatever right
like that kind of stuff like
some sort of conflict resolution is what it was about
and it caught up with me and my mom was like
there you go
yeah this is what happens right
(38:56):
my mom is very much like voodoo voodoo
no what's
what's the what's the term
voodoo is like bad voodoo
yeah yeah
just very much you know
like
I love that the stars in the universe and that's me and
you know Chinese medicine and
you know like all of that
so yeah yeah yeah
but maybe you know
you've processed a lot
but there's still more to process usually
(39:18):
sometimes probably maybe I'm
I'm not sure because like I said
I feel like all my childhood was dedicated to that yeah
um and I think also um
like the pandemic was like where it hit
where it's like everything was like
now I'm processing everything like right
cause the thing is sorry
(39:39):
I'm here a little stuttering
but in 2000 like 19
that's when I was like starting to like
you know like I took a vacation for the first time
I took the first step of like
oh now I'm going out of the country by myself
um but then the pandemic happened and then I
you know I was in that room all by myself and all
everything was just being processed of like
(40:00):
everything that ever happened to me um
and also I think so many years
like I continue to still be like
there's something that I still got to like look at
I still have to look at it
like there has to be some something
you know I
I just think that I stared at my wounds for so long
basically and I picked
(40:20):
and I picked at it when like honestly
I needed to give myself the chance to also go out there
and like yes
you know
also heal in that way yes
um yeah
I think I think
sometimes when you're around people who are
lacking self awareness
especially to a point that it hurts you yeah
you become so set on becoming self aware I'm
(40:44):
I'm gonna hold myself accountable
yeah and
and that's where I'm hearing
like when hearing you say like oh
you're picking out those wounds
you looked at them for so long trying to figure out
am I am I holding myself responsible for everything
that I can and should be
am I aware enough and that at some point
you start over
yeah being
holding yourself overly accountable
(41:05):
for things that have nothing to do with you
exactly and
and like you were saying like
you were spending so much time internally
convincing yourself that you're not the problem
but maybe you are but no
you're not that makes no sense
but but there has to be a reason
you know like that
there's always a reason for why the things happen
and it just
layers and layers and layers that you weren't like
(41:26):
touching grass and you know
like you weren't going out
and seeing people on the sidewalk exactly yeah
you know yeah
yeah that's
that is yeah
yeah I love that
I love that it takes
it takes both right
mm hmm yeah
a little bit of external a little bit of internal
yeah outside work yeah
I need to do more internal
you need to do more external
(41:46):
what are your problems Emily
tell us all about it girl
I do a lot of I
I'm very
I do a lot of inside work to the point where I'm like
okay I need to go see people
and I need to just exist like a person
yeah and hold conversations about nothing
you know like
and go out to dinner and say hi to like yeah
(42:06):
a challenge for me right now
which is so silly that it's a challenge
but I am always saying hi to people in elevators
oh I always say hi
yeah and then when I get off or they get off
I say have a great day or have a good one
and it's just like uh
I I
my therapist and I were talking
about how like
what the world needs so badly right now
and what I need from the world
(42:27):
it's just like regular human connection yes
you know where I'm not seeing
I'm not liking a photo of someone I know
doing something like
which is great I don't
you know yeah
it's cool that we're there
also insane that we're there
you know yes
yes yes
but I'm so like and just being like
by the way I'm a person and you're a person
and we can talk to each other
yeah and it doesn't have to be that deep
(42:47):
yeah it's like
I had a moment with someone in an elevator yesterday
at our hotel my
our hotel my hotel
the hotel I'm staying at and
you know it was raining last night
I didn't have an umbrella
I look like a hot mess I was drenched
you know with my suitcase and my backpack
and yeah after a really long day
got up at 4:00am this was like nine PM
(43:08):
and I still have more work to do on my computer
after the fact and it was like this man in the elevator
and he got in there first
he held the elevator open for me and
and then I was like oh
I'm trying to like you have to like do the key thing
you know so that you can select your floor
you have to scan your key to select your floor
cause they don't want random people using the elevator
whatever and so he did it for me and I was like
(43:30):
I was no
I tried to do it myself first and it didn't work
and I pressed four the fourth floor yeah
I'm like my room is on the 24th floor
I'm not and then
and then he did it for me
cause it didn't work and he pressed four and I'm like
I'm so sorry I don't know why I pressed
I'm on the 24th floor
I was on the fourth floor in the other building here
we're on the fourth floor yeah
(43:50):
because I was just so tired
so we
we did like a little extra stop on the fourth floor
and I'm like I'm so sorry
he's like I get it
that happened to me before too
no problem
so we had this like sweet little moment in the elevator
and I'm like I'm so sorry we had an extra pit stop
and it's like
so isn't it so great to just be people like yes
and like yes
and like not be like texting about it
(44:12):
I mean not that that I could
you know I'm so into it
but like it's so great to just be like
oh yeah we can have meaningless interactions
and then become so meaningful yes
yeah 100%
that's my outside work my inside work
I'm I need to lay off hahaha
I need more of that I'm so good at distracting myself
(44:33):
mmm and I just bury myself in work
mmm hmm yeah
it was like maybe
maybe you should like not do that
and actually figure out how do you really feel
yeah but what if we journal yeah
oh my God haha
I've never journaled never
never in my life and I have written songs and
you know like a songwriters
it's like yeah
that's just like what you do
you journal right
(44:54):
yeah and it's advice that I give to others
yeah do it
and I should maybe like start taking my own advice haha
yeah it's okay
it's okay one day I will learn
I have gotten a lot better at communicating though
and that's something grant taught me
my husband yeah
he taught me how to communicate and not just shut down
cause whenever there was conflict
(45:14):
I would shut down yeah
and he taught me how to like
actually let it out and communicate and not just yeah
please others by shutting down
yeah right
so we all have room for growth yeah
you know we try our best
that's how it's like uh
for me and my best friend
I'm her grant I guess OK
yes I love that
(45:35):
so I love that this is probably why we vibe so well
like literally just getting into that bus we were just
yes the entire time yeah
no like awkward silence or anything
we're just going going going going going
going going
going and yeah
we didn't know each other at all at all
it was you just knew you were going to the same place
yeah yeah yeah
it was so hot but we were still yapping
(45:57):
yes oh my God
it's yeah they need better AC yeah
but no we had a good time
so that's probably that's probably why
cause you're my grant there you go
and I'm your whatever your best friend's name is Eileen
Eileen there you go come on Eileen
I love it oh wait
(46:18):
this is so singery of us always breaking into into song
whenever somebody is say like
it's like I know a song about this
let me sing the song for you
get deep and then go to come on on the end
yes oh my God
I love it hahaha
um do you still wanna do any singing or you like
I'd rather actually just like not I mean
(46:38):
I wouldn't mind yeah
cause I also want vocal tips okay
like that we're okay too that's why we're here
we're here to help yes
um did you want to stand for it
or you like just like saving up properly and oh okay
I I can get up oh okay
we get a little concert no
not a concert but I feel very much like I'm
(46:59):
I'm like sitting here looking at you
oh yes a little scene change
I'm excited
so you're gonna be singing a little something for us
so that you you were like
I wanna get some voice tips
so yeah you've got two of us here
we'll put our brains
together to get you the best possible tips
um you wanna do rolling in the deep
(48:09):
I got I got nervous
I got nervous yeah yeah
I start overthinking and then I'm like
oh yeah it's the mind and the body and yeah
yeah yes yes
um you started kind of getting into your head on that
pre chorus
the scars of your love because of your breathing
yeah I saw you starting to thinking it yup
yeah cause you started touching your
(48:29):
your stomach area and that's to me
to me is like weep weep
we're starting to think we're starting to think right
alarm bells go up um
and then you know you
you kind of like started losing your breath
and you started breathing in weird places
and then it was like
right and you held it together until the chorus
and then you were like and now we're out
(48:50):
yeah exactly
can we do that pre chorus here one more time the
but where do you breathe
so I'm so glad you said that cause I wanted to
I was gonna say I need to jump in
yes alright
um
can I hold your mic for a second
you're not gonna need to talk for like one second
um
can you stick both your arms out
(49:10):
just like why
just starfish
and I want you to just you can just close your eyes
we're just talking about this
close your eyes
and I want you to just inhale through your nose
exhale through your mouth just
nice now I want you to keep doing that
but think that this next inhale
is gonna be expanding your chest forward
expanding your back backwards
(49:31):
and your sides are going out
yeah just try it a couple times
like this
haha yeah yeah
do it one more time
I'm gonna hold the mic in front of you
and I just want you to go the scars of your love
(50:13):
yes yeah
why did you stop I know
I know ah cause I felt my
a little okay
okay okay
but whoo hello voice yeah
there she is how was that experience for you
it's nice yeah
I was just like
probably need a little more water hahaha
oh yeah go grab some water yeah
yeah yeah
can't you couldn't even tell um
(50:35):
so the reason I had you stick your arms out is
cause as you were holding this mic
you were here uh huh
and that was really you
and you were aiming for a low breath
which like we
you just mentioned like where do you breathe
so I was like alright
let's get this physical out
let's make this not an option anymore
and see what happens oh
I love that that's what you thought
(50:55):
I said with where do you breathe
you you OK
so I put it in the body you put it in the body
I meant in the phrase we're like
so talking about the same thing and not yes
yes the scars are
(51:16):
the sky's up that's where you can breathe yeah
you have to do
to go to the entire thing without breathing
that's a long phrase yeah
I think well yeah
usually
this is a song that I actually feel comfortable with
it's just that you know I'm like
oops text right now but yeah yeah yeah
but opening that up yeah yeah
(51:36):
well and while you're doing this
you're keeping your
inhalation and exhalation muscles expanded
so
your lungs can stay expanded for a little bit longer
because we have this this reflex where the
the alveoli in our lungs
they expand when you inhale and then they're like
gotta shrink back down they're very elastic or they
(51:58):
they help with elasticity in the lungs
so if we kind of if we train that
that's kind of where
the breath support part of it comes in
cause you're talking about breath control
but I think it actually might be a practice
and breath support for you of
how do I train my lungs to stay expanded
so it I'm not forced by my body to exhale
(52:19):
as soon as I'm as soon as I take in the air
can you try cause you're holding the mic
one thing that I sometimes do is like
I'm literally doing this when I'm singing
like I'm pushing my elbows out to like
I know it looks freaking weird
but like for the sake of this exercise right
like we're kind of doing what you were doing with Emily
(52:40):
right like leaving the arms out
but we just only go from the elbow
like to the elbow yeah
love it yes
kind of like yeah
so just kind of give yourself that space
pretend like you're an opera singer
cause like sometimes when they stand like this OK
right that is probably part of it yeah
in a in a yeah
if if that feels comfortable
if that feels like it's building a lot of tension
(53:01):
then definitely don't want to do that the sky
(53:34):
but you played it to the beat yes
yes yes good okay
yeah how is that comparatively better
um also because I think less of being in my head
I keep telling myself no
no no
I don't think just go um
(53:57):
but yeah it feels the mic is a little bit heavy
but these mics are heavy yeah
but it's yeah
like you guys said yeah
expanding my uh huh
I feel good yeah
taking up space oh my God exactly yeah
that's what I yeah
uh huh uh huh
keep telling myself
you have a very clear like in the ah
(54:20):
your belt is very clear up there yeah
how does it feel right now
it just feels like weight
there's weight but it's not
but it's because of also like I said
how I've been feeling recently I um
like a couple months back
like it felt like good
it's just recently I feel like I've also
I haven't been exercising it as much
(54:42):
like my head voice or in general
like I've been like
just sticking to the lower voice and like lower
let me yeah
rock like kind of like yeah thing
but I haven't been practicing as much as before
where now it's like I have to retrain myself yup um
to you know
feel good up there OK
but yeah yeah
it doesn't feel totally bad
(55:04):
it's what I can do right now yeah
so yeah yeah
that totally makes sense I mean
exercise physiology principles
it's a two week use it or lose it kind of right
like I wish it were longer
but like if you haven't
if you haven't worked on your head voice
or your high range in two weeks
it doesn't immediately fully go away
but it just starts to become a little bit harder
(55:24):
those it's kind of like
when you just stop going to the gym for a while
and then you get back into it and you're like
I thought 5 pounds was supposed to be light
yes yes
you know it's just gonna take a second
but you're gonna get back to where you were
a little faster if you've already gotten there before
OK yeah
so just mess around with like yeah
up in the higher part of your range or any sounds just
yeah that will help baby you
(55:45):
so got those notes like it's yeah mental
it's just so mental for you um
and one thing that I like to do
like if it feels heavy
because what I'm hearing you say
it's like it feels just a little heavier than usually
yeah just right now yeah
yeah yeah
just right now yeah
yeah than it usually does right
so um
like almost like sighing into it a little bit like oh
(56:07):
uh huh oh
no that was nothing yeah
but you know just again
it goes back to flow yeah
like the breath flow yeah
no I was just saying that
I was holding myself back from the huh
yeah yeah
I heard that little you heard that
the shake the oh
who cares who gives a shit
it's like a
(56:29):
huh huh
yes okay huh
okay great
now can we try like a Ho ho
great now instead of going ho
am I exaggerating where you're like
you have that huh
and then uh
squeeze
hello
flow hello
(56:50):
yeah that was nice
yeah now it's
hello hello
like
start there yeah
start
go
ha ha
ah is it
you're on the note now you wanna get it back into that
(57:11):
uh firmer tone that more of a ha
don't think about it so much
it's just OK yeah
hell
hell there it is
I have to mimic you that's probably what it is
I'm the same way I'm a good yeah
that's an OK place to be yeah
I'm the same way I go I
I do much better when I can just mimic somebody else
yeah cause then now you're like
(57:32):
I'm gonna make the sound and not like
I need to put the air on top of the thing and yeah
let it out and then yeah OK
yeah sighing into the hell right
hell hell
yeah that was way better than what I just did
that was great hahaha
your jaw just dropped for the first time as well wait
well maybe not first time
but like it just went ha like it just yeah
(57:55):
totally wasn't uh
so good yeah
I that's also another thing too
I yeah
questions about the jaw cause I do tend to like
I don't yeah
get used to opening them well
it it really depends on what it is you're doing yeah
that's true right
like cause more open does not always equal better
yeah okay
uh huh
(58:15):
but if jaw tension something you like
if you're stuck here uh huh
sometimes I like to think about the sound is like
pretend the sound's being pulled out of your mouth
like imagine like like
you know those magicians
when they pull the scarves out of their sleeves
oh yeah um
I'm gonna say that again
cause I just beat the shit out of this mic too
yeah you know those magicians
(58:36):
when they pull the scarves out of their sleeves
yeah like that's being pulled out of your mouth is the
yeah on the lyrics
oh I like that yeah
that's a cool visual let's do that
I like that yeah
I'm a visual learner yes yes
um there's a
(59:37):
it feels like right here there's like a
a block like the sound's not coming out
like it's kind of stuck okay
I think it's your jaw because of I'm
because I'm seeing it as your jaw
I think it's your jaw because it is your jaw because
because it looks like it cause you're
instead of going all you're going
uh I can see a little thrust um
uh I think I was overdoing it
(59:57):
it's not a full thrust it was like a
like opening grip locking in yes OK
yeah yeah
um can you just for a second
we're not gonna pull the jaw down
put your finger here
and let it just be like a paperweight
and just like huh
and now just let's just sigh for a second ha
ha ha
(01:00:20):
ha
ha ha
ha ha ha
now uh
instead of huh
give it a huh huh
you're right there you just let off it
(01:00:40):
huh huh
what was that like
better uh
did you feel these muscles just kind of stop
stop doing what they were doing
yeah okay
like yeah
huh yeah
that was for exercise sake haha
yeah and to kind of get that movement around
I thought you doing that yeah
(01:01:00):
I I just like
like I just holding it open
cause I have a ton of jaw tension too
I like ah
I think of it yeah
if I think of my
my hand being like a weight and cause I don't want
we don't want to overextend and just let it be there
yeah uh huh
I feel it in my muscles my jaw muscles here yeah
me too I actually didn't realize how bad my jaw hurt
until I just did that yeah
(01:01:22):
like oh
OK girl
we're all here yeah
and that just shows you like
it's not like a fix it once
and you're good forever kind of thing yeah
like yeah
tension is something that just keeps coming back yeah
but you learn what works for you
yes and so you can start letting go yeah
um we
we do have to get out of here yeah
so can we can we just go again from the beginning
(01:01:44):
just like one little run through
yeah move
I need to I was just gonna say
feel free to move
make however you want and just have fun
like doesn't have to be totally bent
but like as you're moving just
yeah and just have fun
like remember to have fun
that's the most important thing
(01:03:13):
the B
yeah I love how you would like throw the
and you played it yeah
yes right
sounding so good that was great
I love how you like throw the
and you played it like
I love how you're like speaking that word
throwing it away yeah
so good so well done
(01:03:33):
thank you thank you yes
yes you
you have a great voice yeah
trust yourself get out of your head move
have fun use your breath
drop your jaw don't think too much
but drop your jaw
absolutely you're doing such a great job
I'm so excited for you to
you know share your music with the world
(01:03:54):
letting it out there share your voice
be heard make your opinions heard yeah
stand up for yourself all of the above
thank you for sharing your story
yeah and we're so proud of you
thank you guys oh my God
so proud proud mamas
yeah you're awesome
and so honored to oh my gosh
you guys really of course
(01:04:17):
in this journey you know
to share also here yeah yeah
share yeah
just also hear from you guys
and yeah yeah
we're here to help yeah
anytime anytime
thank you for coming on and um
we have to do this again sometime and see okay
where are we at now with the song or something else
something you wrote maybe one of these days
oh oh
oh yeah
(01:04:38):
um can you please let everybody know where
can we follow you
so we can stay up to date on your journey
with your music okay
um you
guys can follow me on Instagram Life with legendary
so L I F E w legendary yes awesome yeah
I will be sure to link to it as well
so people can find you easily
thank you thank you so much
(01:04:59):
and please keep singing share your voice yes
I promise yes
I love it yes whoo
let's do it baby and um
and then we we're gonna have to do this again okay
yeah I love it Alrighty
thank you take care everybody
thank you for tuning in
and we'll catch you in the next episode
keep singing okay
Alrighty bye bye
you know looking back
(00:00):
I'm like okay
this might have been why you know
trauma with parents
probably not feeling like your voice mattered at home
whenever you tried to communicate
it would always be like shut down
so that I think was the main reason why in school
I was like when it comes to singing
I'm shaking um
(00:21):
well because it's how you express right
so like yeah
the the voice is a very unique instrument
in the sense that we actually have words
that we can use and no other instrument can do that
right yeah
and so if you have always been shut down
when you've tried to communicate something
even with just talking through speaking
right through talking yeah
(00:43):
singing is an elevated version of that
it breaks my heart for you that that
that that happened
now where I am I'm very like glad because I
I found acceptance within everything that happened
just looking at the good things as well
yeah um
the teachers that did show up
um the friends that were cheering me on
or like people that maybe weren't in my circle
(01:05):
but yeah they were also like again
there's always gonna be people that are like
cheering you on yeah
yeah um
and so now I'm like I love this
and now yeah
hey Vox Star
and welcome to from singer to artist
(01:26):
I'm Lara Chapman award winning singer and songwriter
turned viral vocal coach
and the host of this show at VoxTape Studios
we help singers from all over the world
level up their voices
by teaching them the three fundamental skills
all singers need technique
awareness and artistry whether you're looking to go pro
or just develop your voice for fun
my team and I are here to help
(01:48):
check the link in the description
to book your first session
or grab some of our other resources Alrighty
are you ready let's get started
we are back in New York City with two special guests
today we have Coach Emily from our team
and special artist going by the name Sensata welcome
thank you haha
(02:08):
thank you for being here yeah
thank you for having me of course
of course so funny story
we met only like what a month or so ago
yeah not even no
it's yeah the beginning of yeah
the beginning of may it's now end of may
so yeah like barely a month
in beautiful Tulum at a vocal production retreat
(02:28):
hosted by the one and only Simone Torres
thank you so much Simone shout out to Simone
she's fantastic we Learned so much yeah
and you took such good care of me there
even though I'm older
but like we flew into the same airport
yeah and you got there a couple minutes before I did
and I'm the kind of person like
I can't be bothered to figure out how to get the bus
(02:52):
and then like like
I'm just gonna pay the extra money for a taxi
so I can get to my end destination
but you figured it all out
you were like we gotta go here
we gotta go there and you speak Spanish too
and I don't and so you took such good care of me
and then we were on the bus ride together
and then
we had three amazing days in the jungle of Tulum
(03:15):
yeah learning about vocal production
that's how we met
but that is not where your singing story starts hahaha
way before yeah way
way way back
so
tell us a little bit more about how you got into music
where you at now tell us your life story
I started when I was like
(03:36):
honestly since the time I could remember
like I was known for like entertaining my family
um family parties
I was dancing I had
you know like when you're a kid
you have no shame and you're just like
you're being yourself but you're such a great dancer
the last night remember
like we were kind of like dancing
and you had all these crazy moves
and I was like I am so making a fool of myself here
(03:59):
but you're so good
so it makes sense that you've been doing it from little
yeah I've
I've never actually I've never took classes as well
like I was just in general
like as a kid I was
I think very observant
um I loved watching
you know
entertainers on TV and just in general like I felt like
you know it's that energy that you have and I
(04:20):
I would just
Corey choreograph my own stuff
um I was yeah
like I knew I wanted to sing when I was like little
and I was singing and also I um
basically my family like I said
my family knew me as like the entertainer and singing
I would always like with my cousins I would uh
(04:42):
I was like a little boss I would be like
I was very like come on
we have a song let's write a song yeah
let's sing let's make a song
and then I remember once I was like
you know when I'm pretty sure we relate to this
but it's like when song
there's a song that you don't know
but your head is like guessing the next lyric yeah
(05:02):
I swore that I was like psychic or something yeah
I was like what is this
yeah but yeah like
um I was very outgoing um
very confident um
I I was born in New York um
but when I was 6 I moved to New Jersey
(05:23):
um this town it's also near Princeton um
so it's a small town
and there is a lot of moving as well
like in my life that's a little like summary about it
but um
yeah I also was in choir like in in my school um
I think until like 4th grade maybe it
was like the beginning of 4th grade
(05:44):
that's when I started like finally
um
getting on stage um
I think there was only like
one time that I got to really do that like yeah
during the time I was in New Jersey
the choir and I was also gonna get into like orchestra
um but I didn't get the chance
because I then moved to a different place
(06:06):
in New Jersey um
so there was a lot of like
like not a lot of stability yeah
with singing though like I was still doing it on my own
um behind the scenes
um
yeah singing
dancing and then um
when I was 10 years old I came back to New York
(06:27):
like 10 or 11 came back to New York
and I felt that something like changed within me
like the girl that was something has changed within me
hahaha sorry
could not resist hahaha no
no it's literally that yeah
um yeah
so I felt like um
(06:49):
knowing that I was coming back to New York and hearing
like what um
the environment was like um
going into like I mean
still a public school
but knowing that it was way different from like
the town that I felt at least safe in um
I think when I came here
the environment like changed something within me
(07:10):
yeah and um
you know I was now like facing
it was like the bubble you know
was popped yeah
and now it's like oh
um so yeah
with kids I was also doing YouTube at that time
that's right I was doing YouTube at that time um
(07:31):
I had my channel I was starting up uh
honestly for like I had so many like visions
I was like yo
like this is this is um
the beginning of like the era of like
you know like
I predicted that we would be here today
with the influencer stuff yeah
I was like I swear it's like
it's gonna happen yeah
(07:52):
um and now we look and you have influencers being paid
yeah um
and things like that um
but yeah when I
when I came to New York
the kids were kind of like teasing me yeah
um
for having this happy go lucky like personality as well
um and I think that's when I started seeing like
within myself I was like dimming my
(08:13):
my light
so that caused a whole like pausing thing within me
yeah um yeah
I think a lot of creatives can relate to that
I mean I can
I was heavily bullied in middle school
middle school 7th
8th and 9th grade
(08:34):
yeah yeah
and it it does something yeah
to you you know
and you know like it
it kind of dims your light
like you said and you kind of start keeping to yourself
but yeah
still you have this passion inside of you and I'm like
I need to get it out I need to get it out
I need to get it out somebody listen exactly
(08:55):
yeah literally that um
I also like I remember it's kind of like cheerleading
but it's honestly like a dance um
club that I I had my friends were telling me to join um
and I was like okay
like I'll do it you know
and I found myself like I said
I was dancing no shame or whatever
(09:16):
but um I think there were
there was also something that happened
along the lines of like friendship
betrayal that basically like I said
dim myself because I didn't want to outshine anybody
like especially the people that I loved or cared about
like the most I was like
oh I'm not trying to do that
I don't want to you know that's not my intention
(09:36):
like if anything I want you to believe in yourself
I want you to see yourself the way that I do
like we could be doing this together
I was always someone that it didn't matter um
like what click or whatever I got along with everyone
cause I honestly like I see you as
you know yeah
and um so yeah
I was very inclusive
like I'd never like I was very serious about like no
(09:59):
I'm never gonna like treat anybody
um
in a you know in a way that's very like
oh like I shine and you
you gotta like be behind me or whatever
even though I said like as a kid with my cousin
I was like hello
bossy or whatever yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
not like that um
but it's just in general I just
I was very passionate and I wanted people to also um
(10:22):
especially cause I was very observant and aware that
you know as kids um
we should be able to be playful
we should you know
like we
we all grow up in a you know
we don't
we all have different stories and we
you never know what goes on at home
but I was
that person that wanted to create that safe space
(10:42):
for people to really truly be who they were
yeah yeah
I love that I love that
I found myself also like
if there was like any teasing
cause I deleted my YouTube channel when I got here
because of the teasing yeah
because of the teasing because of the name
um and
you know
it was very different'cause people from New Jersey were
(11:04):
like more like
oh my God like
I love the way you sing and this and that
like the kids and then when I came here
it was like you know
it was just like your name on username
like not it was things like that
so I deleted it um
and whenever something would happen
I would like
like you said like
I would keep to myself um
(11:25):
but I also didn't let
like
I was still happy go lucky all my life cause it's like
it's so hard to like
not be like that's who I am
yeah um yeah
so yeah
um there was things like that
and yeah
um
dancing whenever it came to dancing
I had uh
(11:47):
stage fright a little bit of it
like you know
getting nervous before performing
like I think 7th grade and stuff like that
um yeah
I would get nervous and it's just like no
I can't do it or a talent show
I would like no
I can't do it especially when it came to singing
cause singing
that's where I think maybe I was more confident in
dancing like dancing yeah
(12:08):
but with singing that was always like hmm
why do you think that is I think as a kid
you can't really I wasn't able to obviously like
process the things that were happening
in in the environment I was growing in where
you know my household as well
yeah um
but I think like I said
(12:30):
I did have
you know looking back
I'm like okay
this might have been why you know
trauma with parents um
like yeah
probably not feeling like your voice mattered at home
um so whenever you tried to communicate
it would always be like
shut down it would be like um
(12:51):
you know'cause as a kid you're curious you
you're saying like
I wanna be this and I wanna be that and um
you're just so interested in like
especially how I am like
I've always been very curious um
if I feel something I have to say it um
at least that's where I find myself now
like back finally but as a kid
(13:12):
you know like
you get kind of shut down
whenever you wanna communicate something
especially like I said
at least how I grew up um
so that I think was the main reason why in school
I was like when it comes to singing
I'm shaking um
well cause it's how you express right
so like yeah
the the voice is a very unique instrument
(13:35):
in the sense that we actually have words
that we can use and no other instrument can do that
right yeah
and so if you have always been shut down
when you've tried to communicate something
even with just talking through speaking right
through talking yeah
singing is an elevated version of that yeah yeah
(13:55):
well guess what's gonna happen right
like you're gonna get insanely nervous because you're
you're afraid to
to communicate because at this point you've always been
been shut down and
you know I'm
it breaks my heart for you that that
that that happened because
you know I was so fortunate
growing up in a very supportive household and
you know my parents were like
(14:16):
you wanna sing go sing
you wanna play piano go do that right
so it was it was so amazing
and I'm very aware that
that's not the reality of everybody right
you know as a kid
like how are you gonna navigate that
that's crazy but yeah
it's it's in
it's in it's so great for me to see how
you didn't let that shut you down completely
(14:38):
and then go be an accountant somewhere
not that there's anything
wrong with being an accountant right
yeah but like you
you found your way kind of like back into the music
or you never let it like fully leave your life right
so I I don't know how you navigated that
like that I
I guess that wasn't easy for you
(15:01):
part of me also um
even though it felt like you're kind of like
you're in this echo chamber of like
people kind of like not really taking you seriously
cause especially if you can't communicate
like I've always felt like that person that's like
I walk into a room and if I try to speak
like I'm just also like I'm very awkward
(15:23):
like I'm awkward like that's my personality
but it's also like
not something that I'm ashamed about
because I know that like
I also knew like I don't know
like I don't know
characters I saw on TV were quirky and
and like whimsical
so it's like something that I always admired
and I made promises to myself as a kid actually
that's probably as well like I remember whenever
(15:46):
you know spending that time alone
cause I am the oldest um
sibling as well so I grew up
alone um but whenever I felt very like down
I had to talk to myself like I had to parent myself
I was a parentified child
so I would make promises and I'll be like
when we grow up you know
like we need to make sure that we don't let anybody
(16:09):
take away your dreams like this is a promise like um
that you're gonna make these things happen eventually
so yeah I would create this version of my
like an older version in my head of myself
instead of having like an imaginary friend
I mean
technically my future self was my imaginary friend
so I was like you know
(16:30):
as a kid
I think I was sending messages into the future like
yeah you know
this is what like you're you're gonna be brave
we're gonna do this together'cause I really felt like
I was alone um
but yeah I made promises to myself
and I think also
when my little sisters came into the picture um
I felt like I again the protector so um
(16:56):
I gave them that safe space
I was more like emotionally there for them um
and very like artistic
and I remember them like looking up at me like that
I was like their role model and still till this day um
so I kept the the artistic
you know
there was expression and there was like just that like
(17:18):
and and they're also like singers and dancers nice
they Learned it from you yeah
like they're just you know
they're very um
you can tell and I think that also gave me hope
like you also pay attention to the people that
even if it's like a few they're still
you'll always have someone that's admiring
you from a distance or
(17:39):
you know and is seeing your growth
and is actually cheering you on
even if you feel like um
the people that you want to pay attention to you aren't
yes yes
oh yeah
it's so it's so hard
especially as kids like you want it
you want that validation right yeah
you wanna you wanna get the pat on the shoulder
(18:00):
like good job right
and when you're not getting it
and you have to provide that yeah
for yourself like yeah yeah
it's so hard yeah
and also like pretending like
for example'cause you know
it's like again
when it came down to talent shows or whatever
it's like you see other people
like you see their
their parents maybe or their siblings are showing up
(18:21):
but then you're you're like
oh I know for sure
my parents aren't going to make the effort to truly
really be there
so I think I would also like
sometimes like I would be like
I wouldn't I'd keep it to myself
cause I knew what the outcome would be
I mean a couple times they showed up
especially graduation and things like that but um
(18:43):
when um
when just basically
it's like again
not letting that um
how do you say it my mind went blank
not gonna lie yeah
just like not letting that like stop you yeah
not letting that stop you um
(19:04):
get to you but it does get to you though
it does absolutely definitely
I think first like
cause now where I am is very different now
I think I I had teachers ugh
my teachers there
I always wanted them to like take me home please
I know it's like a sad story guys
(19:26):
sad story to the but no
it's like to me I
I'm also very like I'm now where I am
I'm very like glad um
because I
I found acceptance within everything that happened um
I'm also like just looking at the good things as well
yeah um
the teachers that did show up um
(19:47):
the friends that were cheering me on
they're like people that maybe weren't in my circle
but yeah they were also like again
there's always gonna be people that are like
cheering you on yeah
and so now I'm like I love this
and now yeah
well that shows true strength on your side yeah
that you were able to recognize hey
I'm not getting the support here
(20:09):
but that you
are not focusing on what you're not getting
but that you can also see what you are getting
yeah right
it's the same thing in singing right
like in singing it's so hard
to focus on the things that you can't do yet yeah
and you just like
I'm so frustrated
I can't do this thing that you kind of like
(20:29):
don't even see the stuff that you're
actually already doing really well yes
you know it's like
what is happening you actually are already really good
I don't know what your problem is
you're just focusing on the one thing you can't do
right so I
I love that you were able to see the support too
that you that you had and the cheering yes
(20:50):
yes yes
and also like
even though I was nervous to perform
I love the feeling after like
whether it was singing whether
you know in general
just being an entertainer
like the feeling of like OK yes
I'm nervous yes
I wanna like back out like
I don't wanna you know
but then after you do it I
I was just like
this feeling is the feeling that I'm always gonna like
(21:13):
chase you know
it's like when you finally overcome what you're like
afraid of yeah
and I think in general I think I took that as like
you know this is gonna be my life
always confronting myself um
whether that's internally
um'cause I was very like I think introspection
like too introspected yeah
(21:33):
no but it's like um
I was just very it
like I said in my own world and in the way that um
just constantly asking myself like
are we OK like
are we you know
I was again the parent um
but yeah the
I think when I got to college though
um
(21:54):
well actually
high school also was something where I was like
I need to be aware of my like circle
my friend group because after middle school
it was like it was so like
at least that's where I was
I experienced trauma um
and then high school was just very um
I said I was like I need to like focus on school
(22:15):
cause yeah I need to like focus on this
I also had chances to like
audition for schools that were like art based
you know like singing and stuff like that
but when it came down to it
I would chicken out yeah
so it's like
then I ended up in the school that was like teaching
teaching in the profession
so then in my head like it became like
(22:36):
now I'm like the thing that I said I wasn't gonna do
now I'm doing it because you know
when you're in like everyone is telling you like
oh they're expecting you to say I'm gonna be a doctor
I'm going to be um
yeah like a doctor
a nurse a cop
um all these things business
you know um
and so I just started slowly kind of being like
(22:59):
okay I think I can do teacher
you know yeah
I like cause I love kids
I saw that's where like
I kind of lost a little bit of like
but it was still always constantly
I know what I'm gonna be I still gonna be a singer
I'm still gonna be a dancer
but actions weren't being taken towards that
(23:20):
and then I got myself like
with the groups that would form around me
even if I wasn't looking for like
you know like
I'm like I'm gonna be like more focus on myself
I don't want drama because it's like
it already took time away from like my passions um
I was still that person with friend groups that was
like pouring into people so much
(23:40):
that I wasn't pouring into myself
I can relate oh
me too
yeah so yeah
it was just teachers that were also telling me like
you need to you need to like focus on you
you need to you know
like you also can't be like all these responsibilities
you're a kid you're supposed
you know it's not fair to you
and you know when you go to college
(24:01):
go far away like get away from there
you know it's like you don't have to be
you know um
what they want you to be like
being the oldest sibling and taking care of my sibling
like my younger siblings um
things like that so yeah
I was being told that um
but you know it's still like a oop
(24:21):
I can't I can't kind of feeling yeah um
you almost feel guilty then too yeah
you feel guilty when you leave your young
younger siblings behind exactly no
I don't want to do that either yeah yeah
so yeah
and then college was the real deal
where you have to actually choose where are you going
you know and um
(24:42):
I still um
I didn't all I also didn't want a major in like
the arts because I didn't want like
you know grades to yeah
kind of discourage me even more like
and be like oh like
you know that would have
at least for me would have
it's just I wouldn't be here like
like yeah
(25:03):
um but what happened
I eventually I graduated I took classes
like the last class that I took was audio production
and that's when it clicked for me
I was like oh my gosh
this whole time you could make your own music
you know you don't have to
cause I never had the resources
so I also thought
(25:25):
now I can like make something with what I
you know like the school
how do you say it um
just in general like during that time
I was like I can actually create something at home
I don't have to also
spend so much money at least for
for like well yeah
(25:45):
constantly it's gotten so much more accessible right
yeah which is so cool yeah
do you feel like
this is where you kind of transitioned from
I'm going to be a singer dancer performer to I am I am
yeah um
yeah that's I
college was where I was like getting towards that
(26:06):
and then after I graduated was like
I graduated and I was like
honestly
like me and my best friend met up on the side like we
we were like okay
let's go away before they throw like the confettis and
yeah get the ceremonies over
um we stepped to the side um
just to have best friend you know
like our yeah best friend talk like we did this
cause also I was like
(26:27):
I don't wanna graduate without her
like I wouldn't have made it without her yeah
so I stayed a little longer in college
but um yeah
during that time we're having a talk
I'm just like breaking down and I'm like
I'm just crying because it's like all this time
like I did the I did the thing I
I became the first gen
um to graduate and I did that I was like
(26:48):
that's the last thing that I will do it for my parents
like
it gave me like some kind of like peace where I'm like
you guys
this is where now I'm going to put myself first
and I need to pursue what I've always wanted to do wow
so yeah that's where I was like I am
(27:08):
and yeah in general with friendships
I think when I stopped ask
when I stopped looking for that love
um in friendships all of that
cause I was always someone that walked away
cause I knew there was better
and like love should be something that's like
you're considered from the beginning
yeah and you're listened to and you're not
you know and I think because of where I grew up my
(27:32):
in my environment with my mother
um or my father
I just I didn't have that
and I knew yeah
acceptance like this is how they are yeah
but now um
like I don't ever wanna be in
in an environment where
I feel the same way that I felt as a kid
(27:53):
so now it's like um
I just stopped I was like
I promised myself
that's how do you say it yeah
just basically I'm no longer searching for love
I think when I said I
I don't seek validation from them or love from them
I think that's where it all clicked yeah
um and I saw that within friendships and relationships
now it's like I'm putting myself first and this is
(28:17):
you know it feels great
um
yeah you better get it girl yes
you better get it like nothing can stop me now
no but
but like you're 20 young something right
yeah
and it takes people decades
yeah and most people never stop chasing it
yes right
yeah and so it's
(28:39):
it's amazing I mean
obviously I'm really sorry right
but you know
it's I'm just
I'm just glad to see that you're coming
out stronger on the other end
and that I mean
now you've made a huge step
you quit your job to do music and like
how exciting is that like that takes
(28:59):
that is like the ultimate putting yourself first move
yes it ever takes balls to do that
like wow yeah
and yes that's the ultimate putting yourself first
you're so right you're so right
so now you're what are you doing now
like now well
I'm also getting into well
obviously music production
(29:20):
so like I'm learning on my on my own
um also like putting myself out there right now
so right now I'm like I'm going
I feel like yeah
like I'm going outside um networking
um just getting cause I think for a long time
like I said also I was stuck at home
(29:42):
like in general
I also had a time where I was like very low depressed
scared to go out
I had so much fear that was accumulating like within me
like to even step out of my house
um but now where I am
it's like very like all all in
um so getting out there in the physical world and
(30:04):
and actually connecting with people
like the people that I've always wanted
you know an artist and like the more that I'm out there
um
you know the less well
actually the ice melts away
basically is what I'm trying to say so
um connecting with community
(30:25):
because that was always a big thing for me as a kid too
I felt like again it was
I think that's why I was pouring into friendships
and I felt very like misunderstood
cause as as a kid
I was very like aware of the things that were going on
like around the world
and I just wanted people to like care about it yeah
so now when I go out I finally like
(30:46):
you know I just go out and then it's like
oh my gosh you understand like
you know you know
you're aware I don't even have to explain it to you
um you just feel very understood
and it just motivates you to take the risks also and
and to um yeah
believe in yourself
so right now it's all that I'm also I want to you know
(31:08):
entrepreneurship like I I'm looking forward to that um
I know that sometimes I'm still like
oh like it's kind of scary
but I know that now more than ever yeah
more than ever yeah yeah we were talking about it
but yeah more than ever I'm just like
I need to take the leap um
it like I have nothing left to lose
(31:30):
that's just how I feel like I'm gonna go all in with
yeah everything my passions and yeah
everything yeah
it's basically that so I love that yes
it is scary it is very scary out there
but guess what
it's scary for everybody I think that's good to know
like you're not the only one that feels scared doing it
(31:52):
but it's the the people that make it
are the ones that even try in the first place
like yeah
yeah you can't make it if you don't even try
you know absolutely yeah
it was so great to hear
not only that you followed music the whole time
but it's almost like
you and music took turns taking the lead
if that makes sense like it didn't leave you
(32:14):
even when you had so much going on
and were working through relationships
and so many different things in your life
and the music was always there
like that urge to do the talent show
even if you talked yourself out of it was like
you know that little nudge
because it was still right there with you
and now you're I don't know
holding hands yeah
(32:34):
let her know you're like finally is your note boyfriend
yeah literally
literally like no relationships music yeah yeah
yeah but yeah
well actually Emily
you were talking about this once
you said that you
you to create your own energy sometimes on stage
you know when you're performing
and people are not really paying attention
like if you're performing at a restaurant or a bar
(32:55):
or whatever um
what the relationship that you focus on is
the relationship to the material
yes yeah
and so oh yeah
I that's kind of like how you create your own energy
and I feel like here it's like
your relationship to music is what's keeping you going
that's where the love has been
that's I mean it sounds like
that's the love that's been poured into you
(33:16):
yeah you know
the whole time and now you're finally in a place where
you know you can share the wealth
exactly yeah
I I came across this like post
I think it was on Pinterest or something but uh
it was like basically I
all of this was leading me to be able to open my heart
to myself yeah basically
(33:38):
mm hmm um
yeah that's great
and yeah come that's definitely where I am
um in general
like yeah it's beautiful
I I love also like I said
the community that I'm building
and I just feel like finally like
it's like
this is what I've been waiting for all these years
you know um
(33:58):
yeah and people just automatically like I
I chose I was like
I'm gonna challenge myself to do the very thing
that scares me
I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna actually dance outside
cause I never really like
I was always dancing in my room
or I was always singing in my room
but I never like even my best friend
it took a while for her to hear me sing
um and yeah and I went out and I was like yeah
(34:22):
I need to be in touch with my body like I need to
um
do this and then now I'm like
you know it's connected me to so much opportunities
um so many people that are just in general
like very like um
you know
they make you feel seen and you make them feel seen
and a lot of times too
I find myself like uniting people on the dance floor
(34:43):
and this is like something that is like
oh my gosh like when you're showing who you are
yeah and even in Tulum
like when we were just dancing on that last night
like you made an effort to like
teach me and teach other people
like how to do that crazy thing that you did
and I was like yo
I'm too white for this shit
(35:06):
she was killing it though
oh she was killing it
we were my last episode
yeah she's
oh last episode
we were talking about shaking ass yeah
yeah OK
I love it
yeah I Learned from the best
there you go that was all you
but
so here's just one thing that I want to just reiterate
that like you said
like you were waiting for right
(35:27):
like
I get that but you created that
you weren't just waiting and it dropped into your lap
like no
no no
you took I created it within myself
exactly exactly
you created it so give yourself credit for that
which I I believe you are
and I I appreciate that about you a lot
thank you that you give yourself credit for
where credit is very much deserved
(35:47):
yes to be given
so I love that applause yes for you big W yeah
yay you yay you you're so strong
and um I know you
you said that you're
you're currently carrying like the last month or so
you're carrying a lot of
a lot of physical tension in your body
and I I wonder if there's like
(36:08):
you know something from
from your past
or just like some sort of fear that's kind of like
in the back of your mind
that's like trying to pull you back into safety
cause like what I'm not saying that
you know how you grew up and all that
that that's a safe environment
usually it's not but it's what your body knows
(36:28):
and the known to the human brain
always feels more safe than the unknown
mm hmm oh yeah
and so I'm
because now that you're like stepping away from it
and you're like no
I'm gonna do the thing that scares me
and I'm gonna do what I wanna do and I'm gonna
you know pursue my dreams
that's unknown and that's scary
and I'm wondering if that physical
just body tension that you're feeling is
(36:49):
is your mind trying to pull you back to
what it considers safety
maybe I don't know yeah
I mean yeah
that might be like way off
but that's just kind of like a thought that came to me
maybe that is what it is maybe not
I don't know I think um
I think a lot of it I mean
(37:10):
I'm pretty sure it is something that's like stored like
yeah you know stress or like um
it's weird because it's like
I think for the most part
I feel like my mind now feels like
at peace with things where it's like
I'm not really like afraid or like
of the unknown anymore like that
um
but I just now it's like my body is just feeling very
(37:33):
like um overwhelmed
um and it could be still because um
everything that I encountered or also the times
like I said where I was very like down
now it's like catching up to me
you know I think mainly it's also that I can okay
I can so relate to that cause like
the whole bullying
(37:54):
thing that happened with me in middle school right
like yeah
of course it bothered me and I asked my mom every day
do I really have to go to school today right
every single day and so of course it bothered me then
but I never really processed it and then just recent
like this was this past Christmas
(38:15):
I was at home
and we were having some sort of discussion
and it that topic came up
and I just out of nowhere started bawling
and I'm like yeah
what is happening cause I never actually processed it
and spend time with it and it
it catches up with you eventually
(38:35):
absolutely right
and it wasn't even about bullying
it was about me feeling like I'm not being heard
or that my opinion doesn't matter
as much as somebody else's opinion
or whatever right
like that kind of stuff like
some sort of conflict resolution is what it was about
and it caught up with me and my mom was like
there you go
yeah this is what happens right
(38:56):
my mom is very much like voodoo voodoo
no what's
what's the what's the term
voodoo is like bad voodoo
yeah yeah
just very much you know
like
I love that the stars in the universe and that's me and
you know Chinese medicine and
you know like all of that
so yeah yeah yeah
but maybe you know
you've processed a lot
but there's still more to process usually
(39:18):
sometimes probably maybe I'm
I'm not sure because like I said
I feel like all my childhood was dedicated to that yeah
um and I think also um
like the pandemic was like where it hit
where it's like everything was like
now I'm processing everything like right
cause the thing is sorry
(39:39):
I'm here a little stuttering
but in 2000 like 19
that's when I was like starting to like
you know like I took a vacation for the first time
I took the first step of like
oh now I'm going out of the country by myself
um but then the pandemic happened and then I
you know I was in that room all by myself and all
everything was just being processed of like
(40:00):
everything that ever happened to me um
and also I think so many years
like I continue to still be like
there's something that I still got to like look at
I still have to look at it
like there has to be some something
you know I
I just think that I stared at my wounds for so long
basically and I picked
(40:20):
and I picked at it when like honestly
I needed to give myself the chance to also go out there
and like yes
you know
also heal in that way yes
um yeah
I think I think
sometimes when you're around people who are
lacking self awareness
especially to a point that it hurts you yeah
you become so set on becoming self aware I'm
(40:44):
I'm gonna hold myself accountable
yeah and
and that's where I'm hearing
like when hearing you say like oh
you're picking out those wounds
you looked at them for so long trying to figure out
am I am I holding myself responsible for everything
that I can and should be
am I aware enough and that at some point
you start over
yeah being
holding yourself overly accountable
(41:05):
for things that have nothing to do with you
exactly and
and like you were saying like
you were spending so much time internally
convincing yourself that you're not the problem
but maybe you are but no
you're not that makes no sense
but but there has to be a reason
you know like that
there's always a reason for why the things happen
and it just
layers and layers and layers that you weren't like
(41:26):
touching grass and you know
like you weren't going out
and seeing people on the sidewalk exactly yeah
you know yeah
yeah that's
that is yeah
yeah I love that
I love that it takes
it takes both right
mm hmm yeah
a little bit of external a little bit of internal
yeah outside work yeah
I need to do more internal
you need to do more external
(41:46):
what are your problems Emily
tell us all about it girl
I do a lot of I
I'm very
I do a lot of inside work to the point where I'm like
okay I need to go see people
and I need to just exist like a person
yeah and hold conversations about nothing
you know like
and go out to dinner and say hi to like yeah
(42:06):
a challenge for me right now
which is so silly that it's a challenge
but I am always saying hi to people in elevators
oh I always say hi
yeah and then when I get off or they get off
I say have a great day or have a good one
and it's just like uh
I I
my therapist and I were talking
about how like
what the world needs so badly right now
and what I need from the world
(42:27):
it's just like regular human connection yes
you know where I'm not seeing
I'm not liking a photo of someone I know
doing something like
which is great I don't
you know yeah
it's cool that we're there
also insane that we're there
you know yes
yes yes
but I'm so like and just being like
by the way I'm a person and you're a person
and we can talk to each other
yeah and it doesn't have to be that deep
(42:47):
yeah it's like
I had a moment with someone in an elevator yesterday
at our hotel my
our hotel my hotel
the hotel I'm staying at and
you know it was raining last night
I didn't have an umbrella
I look like a hot mess I was drenched
you know with my suitcase and my backpack
and yeah after a really long day
got up at 4:00am this was like nine PM
(43:08):
and I still have more work to do on my computer
after the fact and it was like this man in the elevator
and he got in there first
he held the elevator open for me and
and then I was like oh
I'm trying to like you have to like do the key thing
you know so that you can select your floor
you have to scan your key to select your floor
cause they don't want random people using the elevator
whatever and so he did it for me and I was like
(43:30):
I was no
I tried to do it myself first and it didn't work
and I pressed four the fourth floor yeah
I'm like my room is on the 24th floor
I'm not and then
and then he did it for me
cause it didn't work and he pressed four and I'm like
I'm so sorry I don't know why I pressed
I'm on the 24th floor
I was on the fourth floor in the other building here
we're on the fourth floor yeah
(43:50):
because I was just so tired
so we
we did like a little extra stop on the fourth floor
and I'm like I'm so sorry
he's like I get it
that happened to me before too
no problem
so we had this like sweet little moment in the elevator
and I'm like I'm so sorry we had an extra pit stop
and it's like
so isn't it so great to just be people like yes
and like yes
and like not be like texting about it
(44:12):
I mean not that that I could
you know I'm so into it
but like it's so great to just be like
oh yeah we can have meaningless interactions
and then become so meaningful yes
yeah 100%
that's my outside work my inside work
I'm I need to lay off hahaha
I need more of that I'm so good at distracting myself
(44:33):
mmm and I just bury myself in work
mmm hmm yeah
it was like maybe
maybe you should like not do that
and actually figure out how do you really feel
yeah but what if we journal yeah
oh my God haha
I've never journaled never
never in my life and I have written songs and
you know like a songwriters
it's like yeah
that's just like what you do
you journal right
(44:54):
yeah and it's advice that I give to others
yeah do it
and I should maybe like start taking my own advice haha
yeah it's okay
it's okay one day I will learn
I have gotten a lot better at communicating though
and that's something grant taught me
my husband yeah
he taught me how to communicate and not just shut down
cause whenever there was conflict
(45:14):
I would shut down yeah
and he taught me how to like
actually let it out and communicate and not just yeah
please others by shutting down
yeah right
so we all have room for growth yeah
you know we try our best
that's how it's like uh
for me and my best friend
I'm her grant I guess OK
yes I love that
(45:35):
so I love that this is probably why we vibe so well
like literally just getting into that bus we were just
yes the entire time yeah
no like awkward silence or anything
we're just going going going going going
going going
going and yeah
we didn't know each other at all at all
it was you just knew you were going to the same place
yeah yeah yeah
it was so hot but we were still yapping
(45:57):
yes oh my God
it's yeah they need better AC yeah
but no we had a good time
so that's probably that's probably why
cause you're my grant there you go
and I'm your whatever your best friend's name is Eileen
Eileen there you go come on Eileen
I love it oh wait
(46:18):
this is so singery of us always breaking into into song
whenever somebody is say like
it's like I know a song about this
let me sing the song for you
get deep and then go to come on on the end
yes oh my God
I love it hahaha
um do you still wanna do any singing or you like
I'd rather actually just like not I mean
(46:38):
I wouldn't mind yeah
cause I also want vocal tips okay
like that we're okay too that's why we're here
we're here to help yes
um did you want to stand for it
or you like just like saving up properly and oh okay
I I can get up oh okay
we get a little concert no
not a concert but I feel very much like I'm
(46:59):
I'm like sitting here looking at you
oh yes a little scene change
I'm excited
so you're gonna be singing a little something for us
so that you you were like
I wanna get some voice tips
so yeah you've got two of us here
we'll put our brains
together to get you the best possible tips
um you wanna do rolling in the deep
(48:09):
I got I got nervous
I got nervous yeah yeah
I start overthinking and then I'm like
oh yeah it's the mind and the body and yeah
yeah yes yes
um you started kind of getting into your head on that
pre chorus
the scars of your love because of your breathing
yeah I saw you starting to thinking it yup
yeah cause you started touching your
(48:29):
your stomach area and that's to me
to me is like weep weep
we're starting to think we're starting to think right
alarm bells go up um
and then you know you
you kind of like started losing your breath
and you started breathing in weird places
and then it was like
right and you held it together until the chorus
and then you were like and now we're out
(48:50):
yeah exactly
can we do that pre chorus here one more time the
but where do you breathe
so I'm so glad you said that cause I wanted to
I was gonna say I need to jump in
yes alright
um
can I hold your mic for a second
you're not gonna need to talk for like one second
um
can you stick both your arms out
(49:10):
just like why
just starfish
and I want you to just you can just close your eyes
we're just talking about this
close your eyes
and I want you to just inhale through your nose
exhale through your mouth just
nice now I want you to keep doing that
but think that this next inhale
is gonna be expanding your chest forward
expanding your back backwards
(49:31):
and your sides are going out
yeah just try it a couple times
like this
haha yeah yeah
do it one more time
I'm gonna hold the mic in front of you
and I just want you to go the scars of your love
(50:13):
yes yeah
why did you stop I know
I know ah cause I felt my
a little okay
okay okay
but whoo hello voice yeah
there she is how was that experience for you
it's nice yeah
I was just like
probably need a little more water hahaha
oh yeah go grab some water yeah
yeah yeah
can't you couldn't even tell um
(50:35):
so the reason I had you stick your arms out is
cause as you were holding this mic
you were here uh huh
and that was really you
and you were aiming for a low breath
which like we
you just mentioned like where do you breathe
so I was like alright
let's get this physical out
let's make this not an option anymore
and see what happens oh
I love that that's what you thought
(50:55):
I said with where do you breathe
you you OK
so I put it in the body you put it in the body
I meant in the phrase we're like
so talking about the same thing and not yes
yes the scars are
(51:16):
the sky's up that's where you can breathe yeah
you have to do
to go to the entire thing without breathing
that's a long phrase yeah
I think well yeah
usually
this is a song that I actually feel comfortable with
it's just that you know I'm like
oops text right now but yeah yeah yeah
but opening that up yeah yeah
(51:36):
well and while you're doing this
you're keeping your
inhalation and exhalation muscles expanded
so
your lungs can stay expanded for a little bit longer
because we have this this reflex where the
the alveoli in our lungs
they expand when you inhale and then they're like
gotta shrink back down they're very elastic or they
(51:58):
they help with elasticity in the lungs
so if we kind of if we train that
that's kind of where
the breath support part of it comes in
cause you're talking about breath control
but I think it actually might be a practice
and breath support for you of
how do I train my lungs to stay expanded
so it I'm not forced by my body to exhale
(52:19):
as soon as I'm as soon as I take in the air
can you try cause you're holding the mic
one thing that I sometimes do is like
I'm literally doing this when I'm singing
like I'm pushing my elbows out to like
I know it looks freaking weird
but like for the sake of this exercise right
like we're kind of doing what you were doing with Emily
(52:40):
right like leaving the arms out
but we just only go from the elbow
like to the elbow yeah
love it yes
kind of like yeah
so just kind of give yourself that space
pretend like you're an opera singer
cause like sometimes when they stand like this OK
right that is probably part of it yeah
in a in a yeah
if if that feels comfortable
if that feels like it's building a lot of tension
(53:01):
then definitely don't want to do that the sky
(53:34):
but you played it to the beat yes
yes yes good okay
yeah how is that comparatively better
um also because I think less of being in my head
I keep telling myself no
no no
I don't think just go um
(53:57):
but yeah it feels the mic is a little bit heavy
but these mics are heavy yeah
but it's yeah
like you guys said yeah
expanding my uh huh
I feel good yeah
taking up space oh my God exactly yeah
that's what I yeah
uh huh uh huh
keep telling myself
you have a very clear like in the ah
(54:20):
your belt is very clear up there yeah
how does it feel right now
it just feels like weight
there's weight but it's not
but it's because of also like I said
how I've been feeling recently I um
like a couple months back
like it felt like good
it's just recently I feel like I've also
I haven't been exercising it as much
(54:42):
like my head voice or in general
like I've been like
just sticking to the lower voice and like lower
let me yeah
rock like kind of like yeah thing
but I haven't been practicing as much as before
where now it's like I have to retrain myself yup um
to you know
feel good up there OK
but yeah yeah
it doesn't feel totally bad
(55:04):
it's what I can do right now yeah
so yeah yeah
that totally makes sense I mean
exercise physiology principles
it's a two week use it or lose it kind of right
like I wish it were longer
but like if you haven't
if you haven't worked on your head voice
or your high range in two weeks
it doesn't immediately fully go away
but it just starts to become a little bit harder
(55:24):
those it's kind of like
when you just stop going to the gym for a while
and then you get back into it and you're like
I thought 5 pounds was supposed to be light
yes yes
you know it's just gonna take a second
but you're gonna get back to where you were
a little faster if you've already gotten there before
OK yeah
so just mess around with like yeah
up in the higher part of your range or any sounds just
yeah that will help baby you
(55:45):
so got those notes like it's yeah mental
it's just so mental for you um
and one thing that I like to do
like if it feels heavy
because what I'm hearing you say
it's like it feels just a little heavier than usually
yeah just right now yeah
yeah yeah
just right now yeah
yeah than it usually does right
so um
like almost like sighing into it a little bit like oh
(56:07):
uh huh oh
no that was nothing yeah
but you know just again
it goes back to flow yeah
like the breath flow yeah
no I was just saying that
I was holding myself back from the huh
yeah yeah
I heard that little you heard that
the shake the oh
who cares who gives a shit
it's like a
(56:29):
huh huh
yes okay huh
okay great
now can we try like a Ho ho
great now instead of going ho
am I exaggerating where you're like
you have that huh
and then uh
squeeze
hello
flow hello
(56:50):
yeah that was nice
yeah now it's
hello hello
like
start there yeah
start
go
ha ha
ah is it
you're on the note now you wanna get it back into that
(57:11):
uh firmer tone that more of a ha
don't think about it so much
it's just OK yeah
hell
hell there it is
I have to mimic you that's probably what it is
I'm the same way I'm a good yeah
that's an OK place to be yeah
I'm the same way I go I
I do much better when I can just mimic somebody else
yeah cause then now you're like
(57:32):
I'm gonna make the sound and not like
I need to put the air on top of the thing and yeah
let it out and then yeah OK
yeah sighing into the hell right
hell hell
yeah that was way better than what I just did
that was great hahaha
your jaw just dropped for the first time as well wait
well maybe not first time
but like it just went ha like it just yeah
(57:55):
totally wasn't uh
so good yeah
I that's also another thing too
I yeah
questions about the jaw cause I do tend to like
I don't yeah
get used to opening them well
it it really depends on what it is you're doing yeah
that's true right
like cause more open does not always equal better
yeah okay
uh huh
(58:15):
but if jaw tension something you like
if you're stuck here uh huh
sometimes I like to think about the sound is like
pretend the sound's being pulled out of your mouth
like imagine like like
you know those magicians
when they pull the scarves out of their sleeves
oh yeah um
I'm gonna say that again
cause I just beat the shit out of this mic too
yeah you know those magicians
(58:36):
when they pull the scarves out of their sleeves
yeah like that's being pulled out of your mouth is the
yeah on the lyrics
oh I like that yeah
that's a cool visual let's do that
I like that yeah
I'm a visual learner yes yes
um there's a
(59:37):
it feels like right here there's like a
a block like the sound's not coming out
like it's kind of stuck okay
I think it's your jaw because of I'm
because I'm seeing it as your jaw
I think it's your jaw because it is your jaw because
because it looks like it cause you're
instead of going all you're going
uh I can see a little thrust um
uh I think I was overdoing it
(59:57):
it's not a full thrust it was like a
like opening grip locking in yes OK
yeah yeah
um can you just for a second
we're not gonna pull the jaw down
put your finger here
and let it just be like a paperweight
and just like huh
and now just let's just sigh for a second ha
ha ha
(01:00:20):
ha
ha ha
ha ha ha
now uh
instead of huh
give it a huh huh
you're right there you just let off it
(01:00:40):
huh huh
what was that like
better uh
did you feel these muscles just kind of stop
stop doing what they were doing
yeah okay
like yeah
huh yeah
that was for exercise sake haha
yeah and to kind of get that movement around
I thought you doing that yeah
(01:01:00):
I I just like
like I just holding it open
cause I have a ton of jaw tension too
I like ah
I think of it yeah
if I think of my
my hand being like a weight and cause I don't want
we don't want to overextend and just let it be there
yeah uh huh
I feel it in my muscles my jaw muscles here yeah
me too I actually didn't realize how bad my jaw hurt
until I just did that yeah
(01:01:22):
like oh
OK girl
we're all here yeah
and that just shows you like
it's not like a fix it once
and you're good forever kind of thing yeah
like yeah
tension is something that just keeps coming back yeah
but you learn what works for you
yes and so you can start letting go yeah
um we
we do have to get out of here yeah
so can we can we just go again from the beginning
(01:01:44):
just like one little run through
yeah move
I need to I was just gonna say
feel free to move
make however you want and just have fun
like doesn't have to be totally bent
but like as you're moving just
yeah and just have fun
like remember to have fun
that's the most important thing
(01:03:13):
the B
yeah I love how you would like throw the
and you played it yeah
yes right
sounding so good that was great
I love how you like throw the
and you played it like
I love how you're like speaking that word
throwing it away yeah
so good so well done
(01:03:33):
thank you thank you yes
yes you
you have a great voice yeah
trust yourself get out of your head move
have fun use your breath
drop your jaw don't think too much
but drop your jaw
absolutely you're doing such a great job
I'm so excited for you to
you know share your music with the world
(01:03:54):
letting it out there share your voice
be heard make your opinions heard yeah
stand up for yourself all of the above
thank you for sharing your story
yeah and we're so proud of you
thank you guys oh my God
so proud proud mamas
yeah you're awesome
and so honored to oh my gosh
you guys really of course
(01:04:17):
in this journey you know
to share also here yeah yeah
share yeah
just also hear from you guys
and yeah yeah
we're here to help yeah
anytime anytime
thank you for coming on and um
we have to do this again sometime and see okay
where are we at now with the song or something else
something you wrote maybe one of these days
oh oh
oh yeah
(01:04:38):
um can you please let everybody know where
can we follow you
so we can stay up to date on your journey
with your music okay
um you
guys can follow me on Instagram Life with legendary
so L I F E w legendary yes awesome yeah
I will be sure to link to it as well
so people can find you easily
thank you thank you so much
(01:04:59):
and please keep singing share your voice yes
I promise yes
I love it yes whoo
let's do it baby and um
and then we we're gonna have to do this again okay
yeah I love it Alrighty
thank you take care everybody
thank you for tuning in
and we'll catch you in the next episode
keep singing okay
Alrighty bye bye
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