063 | From Fear of Failure to Faith: A Perfectionist's Path to Discovering God's Tender Love

What if the very thing you thought made you a good Christian was actually keeping you from experiencing God's love? In this powerful episode, author and podcast host Leneé Pezzano reveals how decades of rule-following, striving, and fear of failure masked a painful truth: she knew God as the Lion but had never experienced Him as the Lamb. From childhood bullying that sparked shame-based thinking to religious experiences that reinforced performance over relationship to a breakthrough that came through writing a book she never planned on, the story Leneé shares will resonate with anyone who has ever felt exhausted trying to earn God's approval. Discover why perfectionism is actually rooted in counterfeit beliefs, and how surrendering control can finally bring the peace, joy, and intimacy with God you've desperately sought.

Key Takeaways 1. Perfectionism Is Often Rooted in Childhood Trauma and Shame

Leneé traces her perfectionism back to age eight, when bullying, a chaotic home environment, and lack of emotional safety created a need to control her world. Understanding the origins of perfectionist thinking—whether from family dynamics, peer rejection, or generational patterns—is the first step toward healing. This episode validates listeners who've wondered why they struggle with self-criticism and reveals that God wants to address the root causes, not just the symptoms.

2. Following Rules Isn't the Same as Knowing God's Heart

One of the episode's most profound revelations is an admission from Leneé that she could obey with the best of them but had never truly felt safe approaching God as His daughter. Religious upbringing and church culture can inadvertently reinforce performance-based faith. The key distinction is that obedience driven by fear of punishment versus obedience flowing from love and intimacy produces radically different spiritual fruit.

3. God Often Reveals Strongholds Through Obedience, Not Before

Leneé shares how God called her to write a book before revealing what it would be about, forcing her to trust Him without knowing the destination. This pattern (obey first, understand later) challenges perfectionists who want all the answers before taking action. The episode encourages listeners that stepping out in faith, even when afraid, opens doors to healing and revelation they could never access through analysis alone.

4. Grace Is Power, Not Just Forgiveness

The episode redefines grace beyond "unlimited forgiveness" to its fuller biblical meaning: God's ability working where we have no ability. Grace equips and enables believers to do what they couldn't do on their own—starting with salvation but extending to every area of need. This understanding transforms how perfectionists approach their struggles: instead of striving harder, they learn to receive divine help.

5. Healing Is a Process—Celebrate the Small Wins

A mentor of Leneé told her, "Be kind to yourself. This is a process." These words brought breakthrough permission to stop expecting instant perfection in her recovery from perfectionism. The episode emphasizes that God delights in small beginnings and that progress, not perfection, is the goal. Listeners learn practical tools (journaling, worship, Scripture, community, inner healing) for entering God's presence and renewing their minds over time.

Key Themes

Perfectionism and Faith • Performance-Based Christianity • God's Grace vs. Legalism • Shame and Self-Worth • Childhood Trauma and Spiritual Formation • Fear of Failure • Knowing God as Father • The Book of Galatians • Religious Spirits and Counterfeits • Obedience from Love vs. Fear • Renewing the Mind • Inner Healing and Neuroscience • Approaching God's Throne • Identity as God's Child • Writing as Ministry • Surrendering Control • Celebrating Small Victories

Who Will Benefit From This Episode

✓ Christians who feel exhausted from trying to earn God's approval through constant rule-following and performance

✓ Anyone who struggles with fear of failure, procrastination, or only pursuing goals they're certain they can achieve

✓ Believers raised in strict religious environments who know God as judge but struggle to experience Him as loving Father

✓ People dealing with shame