May 8, 2024 • 28 mins
In this thought-provoking episode, we will delve into the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, drawing parallels to our human instinct to hide our failures, hoping to escape guilt and shame, just as Adam and Eve tried to hide from God in the Garden of Eden. We will touch on our innate fallibility and how embracing our mistakes can set us on the path of reform and progress.
We shall explore judgment in its various layers, drawing attention to its toll on our psyche while stressing on the healing power of empathy. By showcasing the liberating effect of mutual understanding and shared human fragility, we encourage listeners to uplift each other amidst our collective human fallibility.
The episode concludes on a commanding note, pressing the importance of acknowledging our errors, transforming them into stepping stones for personal growth, and extending grace and compassion to others as we would wish upon ourselves.
An essential part of the journey entails dealing with judgment from others as well as self-inflicted judgement. We will venture into the trials of self-image and self-worth, starting from childhood and moving towards adult life. The narrative skillfully balances tales of past anguish with messages of faith and hope; it demonstrates the rejuvenating power of self-love and self-acceptance.
In conclusion, I offer valuable advice on altering our interactions with others, especially about being quick to empathize and slow to judge. I emphasize viewing others for their hearts rather than appearances, just as God does with us, reminding listeners that they are much more than just their deepest and darkest secrets.
This episode serves as a call for empathy, urging listeners to break free from the chains of judgement and step towards a life of self-love, grace, and eventually divine comfort.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Close your eyes for a moment. I want you to picture in your mind your deepest, darkest secret.
Go back to that day and remember all the feelings you felt.
Shame, guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, embarrassment.
What if everyone knew this secret or secrets? secrets.
(00:25):
Your parents, siblings, friends, significant other, and even strangers.
Everyone discovered your secret. Is your first instinct to run and hide? Do you feel afraid?
This is exactly how Adam and Eve felt when they realized God would find out their secret.
(00:46):
In Genesis chapter 2, verse 25, it says, Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.
Man, wouldn't it be great to walk around with no shame?
Unfortunately, Adam and Eve would be tempted and things would change.
(01:06):
After the infamous sin, God goes looking for them in the garden.
Now, we all know that God God knew exactly where they were, just like he knows where you are.
He already knows your secret.
Yet, there is this instinct we have, or maybe we should call it a temptation,
(01:26):
to try and hide from the Lord.
Later in Genesis chapter 3, Adam says, I heard you in the garden,
and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.
At first glance, we might think of the body here, but I imagine there is a deeper meaning.
Adam not only felt naked on the outside, but on the inside.
(01:49):
I believe he felt exposed because he had done something wrong,
he realized it was wrong, and he didn't want God to know.
When we make mistakes, sometimes we feel like we have failed.
Guilt lots of times we wish we
could go back and undo the bad things we've done guilt weighs heavily on our
(02:13):
hearts and we just want to hide let's hide it away so no one knows let's forget
about it and act as if it never happened well how's that going for you if i were to guess i'd say,
it's not going very well.
We can't erase the past.
No matter how much we wish we could, or if we think it isn't really who we are,
(02:38):
we cannot undo the things we do.
We cannot unsay the things we say, and we can't hide from our mistakes.
God already knows what we've done. You know what you did, and although you may
feel ashamed, that could be a good thing.
My dad always told me that the difference between a good person and not-so-good
(03:03):
person is that a good person feels guilt.
If you feel guilty, you recognize that it was wrong, and you want to make different choices.
So, we already have one step in the right direction.
This is good. We know it's wrong, and we feel bad about it. What do we do now?
(03:24):
In order to talk about our next steps, we first have to address judgment.
I do want to warn you that the first half of this episode will reference when
we ourselves are the judges. The second half will be all about what it's like
to be the victim of judgment.
Please bear with me through the first half. As I know, it isn't always easy
(03:45):
to stick around through some constructive criticism.
But I feel it is necessary because, well, we aren't perfect.
One of the main reasons we often refuse to share our secrets or troubles with
others is because we fear what they will think of us.
Will they look at our worst day and see us as only that?
(04:09):
Will we be judged only by our mistakes?
We all have worst days.
I can think of a few moments myself that are truly no reflection of the person I am.
A few moments I stepped out of character and acted in a way that I regret.
If everyone knew about those days, would they look at me the same?
(04:31):
I consider myself to be a rule follower, but even the strictest rule followers
meet temptation, and there will be days that we fall short.
The best people still make mistakes, and everyone has deep, dark secrets.
The Bible says, Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.
(04:56):
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in
spirit keeps a thing covered.
Proverbs 11, verses 12 and 13.
If we are all sinners, if we all have worse days, why is it that we fear judgment so much?
(05:17):
Why do we judge others based on the things they wish they could change,
yet expect them to see us as stainless? What makes you better than your neighbor?
According to that Bible verse, we should not belittle others.
Instead, we should try to understand them.
Meet one another with empathy.
(05:39):
As Christians, we should be able to lean on one another, trust one another,
and build one another up.
Unless you're protecting someone from harm, it isn't your place to share someone
else's secrets, especially in the way of gossip.
When a friend confides in you, understand that it took bravery for them to share these things.
(06:03):
They know that you may spread their secrets, but despite that,
they took a risk because they needed you.
They needed help. They needed support and understanding. standing.
May we look at others and their mistakes, realizing that we too aren't perfect.
Greet your neighbor with compassion. This doesn't mean we shouldn't acknowledge
(06:25):
the wrongdoing or reap consequences for our actions, but we shouldn't cast judgment.
And when I say judgment, I'm including judgment passively projected as well.
Proverbs 26 verses 18 and 19 explain it like this.
People who shrug off deliberate deceptions saying, I didn't mean it,
(06:50):
I was only joking, are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires.
Smoldering is a powerful word. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
it's defined as to burn sluggishly, without flame, and often with much smoke.
(07:11):
A smoldering fire can smolder for hours, days, or even weeks.
A smoldering fire can grow, spread, and eventually consume.
It can do so quickly and without warning.
The same way the embers of a fire continue to burn, so can the things we say.
(07:34):
Just because you think something wasn't a big deal doesn't mean it isn't burning
the person you said them about.
We cannot say and do things to people and pretend like they didn't happen.
Your words can pierce hearts and fester. When you judge others,
it can lead them into very dark places.
(07:55):
Places that can consume their thoughts and affect not only their own lives, but also others.
Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, revenge, and physical harm are
just a few products that can result from judgment.
Jesus says it best, let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.
(08:20):
John 8, 7. If you are throwing stones, you might need a little self-reflection.
Don't worry, we all do, because we are all sinners.
We all need to acknowledge our own flaws and put in the work to become better.
I know, it may seem like I'm throwing punches right now, but I'm actually trying
(08:43):
to get the point across that in a way, we're all the same. we are all sinners
and we all need a little empathy from time to time.
While we're on the subject of self-reflecting, have you pondered on how judging
someone else can also affect you?
Just as the victim of your poison may smolder, so may you have a burning fire in your heart.
(09:07):
Is the guilt eating at you? Do those words or actions haunt you from time to time?
This is why we must do the next step. Take responsibility.
We must take responsibility for our actions, accept the consequences,
and acknowledge those we've hurt.
And if the person you hurt happens to be yourself, this includes you.
(09:32):
The Bible helps us out with step two in Proverbs 28, 13, where it says.
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and
forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Why can't we prosper while holding on to these secrets? The secrets creep up into our hearts.
(09:56):
Into our minds and allow the devil cracks to enter.
In fact, the Bible tells us that the devil is seeking someone to devour.
He's out there waiting for those moments we may falter and he is ready to attack.
Has anyone ever told you that often when someone's mean, it's because of their own negative feelings?
(10:19):
The devil's one of those bullies out there trying to drag us down to where he
is. He wants us to feel heavy.
Satan whispers lies into our ears, causing us to feel so low,
and he hopes we won't get back up.
The longer you hold in this secret, the more it will affect you.
(10:41):
We must confess and forsake to receive mercy.
Now, I do want to make one thing clear. I'm not telling you that you must shout
your secrets out to the entire world.
What I'm saying is that if something's weighing heavily on you,
share your feelings with a trusted person in your life.
(11:01):
Talking to others, admitting what we've done and how it made us feel is a great
way to take that accountability.
Of course, some secrets may hold more consequences than others.
Some secrets can ruin marriages.
Some can send you to prison. Some could cause you to lose your job.
(11:22):
I know this can be scary, but remember what I said earlier.
We can't erase the past.
Why does the secret haunt you? Because we can't easily move on from something
that doesn't feel complete.
Judgment or no judgment, we cannot run away from our problems.
(11:42):
Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him, declares the Lord?
Do I not fill heaven and earth, declares the Lord?
Jeremiah 23, 24. No matter where you go or what you do, you can't hide from God.
Take responsibility so you can move forward and the healing can begin.
(12:08):
Now, we've talked about the first two steps.
Accept what we did was wrong and then take responsibility for it. What do we do now?
Referencing the story from John 8 again, we see that even though the woman was
forgiven, given, Jesus still holds her accountable.
And in verse 11, he instructs her, go now and leave your life of sin.
(12:33):
Step three, we have to change our ways.
How could you really be sorry if you continue with the same actions?
The only way to get rid of the guilt for good is to know that you have have changed.
The more steps you take in the right direction, the less isolated you feel.
(12:55):
As you become more accepting of others, you also become more accepting of yourself.
Imagine how good it would feel to start speaking positive affirmations to others
instead of casting judgment.
In 1 Thessalonians 5, verses 11-19, we read.
(13:15):
Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among
you, who care for you in the Lord, and who admonish you.
Hold them in the highest regard and love because of their work.
(13:36):
Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters,
warn those who are idle and disrupted,
encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone,
make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what
(13:59):
is good for each other and for everyone else.
We are in these graceful messes of life together. We need one another.
Let's give support, love, guidance, prayer, and compassion.
Every one of us needs friends, and we need to know that it's okay to make mistakes.
(14:23):
Help those who need help. Encourage those who need their spirits lifted.
Acknowledge the good things you see in people and give thanks for the work they do.
I wish I could tell you that everyone could see it this way and that judgment would never occur.
But we all know this isn't true.
(14:45):
The devil will continue to work against us.
And even if we can become less judgmental of other people, we can't always stop
other people's judgments of us.
Being the victim of judgment has been a huge struggle for me ever since I was in middle school.
I will say the older I've gotten, it seems I can control my emotions a little better.
(15:09):
But I still wouldn't call it easy.
When I look back over the years, I realize that in the moment,
I thought it was the judgment from outsiders that caused me such despair.
But now, I see their little judgments cause me to judge myself more than they ever did.
The deep, dark sadness that I felt was exponentialized by my obsession over
(15:36):
the judgment others had.
One of the attributes I worried about most was my physical appearance.
One person calls you fat or overweight, and now that's all you can see.
Sound familiar to anyone?
I hated my body so much that I would wear a jacket all the time.
(15:56):
Just as Adam and Eve tried to hide from God, I tried to hide my body from the world.
It didn't matter if it was 100 degrees outside. I would have a jacket on.
It was so bad that I would even get heat rashes on my arms.
But I was so self-conscious that I'd rather have those than take off my jacket.
(16:18):
For three years, I hardly ever wore just a shirt.
The grown-up me feels so sorry for that younger version of myself.
I hate that I felt that deep, dark depression at 11, 12, and 13 years old.
Recently, I looked back at some photos from that time, and even at the awards
(16:40):
ceremonies, I covered my pretty dresses with an ugly, old jacket.
My best friend Jessica's mom, Miss Lisa, told me in a loving way that I looked
sillier with jacket on than without it, but I couldn't take it off.
She was right, by the way. I did look way sillier with it on,
(17:00):
and I wish I would have listened to her advice.
I may have been a little overweight, but I wasn't ugly or huge like I thought I was back then.
In high school, I gained a little more confidence. I still didn't like the way
I looked, but I had a lot of opportunities to build my confidence in other ways, which helped.
(17:21):
I was always good at school, and there were so many opportunities for me to
shine intellectually that it really helped me begin my journey to liking myself.
The jacket was only used for its true purpose, and I was able to at least tolerate my body.
College was a pretty good time for me as far as my physical appearance was concerned.
(17:43):
I was the healthiest I'd ever been.
But once I got married and started having babies, I found the struggle again.
There have been days when I've had to look at myself in the mirror and say, It's okay.
I have had to fight depression about my physical appearance many times.
(18:03):
The devil knows it's one of my weaknesses, and boy, does he try to make me obsess over it.
He tells me the lies of, you're ugly, you hate yourself, everyone thinks you're
fat, and sometimes I just feel such dark feelings, there aren't even words to explain them.
Do any of you connect with seeing a photo of yourself and turning away because
(18:28):
you can't stand what you see?
I cannot tell you how many times I've avoided taking photos because I don't
want to be reminded of how I look.
How do we get out of these miserable seasons and find the joy again?
For me, it starts with putting God first and reminding myself who I am in God's eyes.
(18:53):
But the Lord said to Samuel, Do not look on his appearance or on the height
of his stature, because I have rejected him.
For the Lord sees not as man sees.
Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
1 Samuel 16.7 My greatest value comes from my heart.
(19:20):
No matter what my outward appearance is, I always need to remember the beautiful person inside.
I start by focusing on that. I tell myself, you are a good person.
You have overcome so much and you are so strong.
(19:40):
Little by little, I start building up my confidence, and eventually,
I had the motivation, determination, will, and confidence to get healthier and gain that self-love.
When I stop judging myself on where I fall short and start seeing the many ways
I rock, I find my way back out of the hole and into the light.
(20:05):
If the judgment of others has you feeling similarly, I challenge you to start
pointing out the good things about yourself, or at least the good things you've done today.
Start with something simple, such as you got up when the alarm went off and you didn't hit snooze.
(20:25):
Maybe you let someone merge in front of you on the interstate,
or you arrived early to work.
Set some small, simple goals for yourself and start feeling accomplished.
Believe it or not, we have to teach ourselves to think positively.
Speaking negatively can become your normal. It becomes habitual,
(20:47):
but habits can be broken and we can learn new ones, healthier ones.
Consciously acknowledge your accomplishments each day, and you might find that
the positives outweigh the negatives.
And even if they don't, it doesn't mean you cannot work to fix that.
(21:08):
Find what makes you happy, truly happy.
According to 1 Peter 5, verse 10, And the God of all grace, who called you to
his eternal glory in Christ,
after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you
(21:31):
strong, firm, and steadfast.
Put God first. Read your Bible so that you may discover the truth instead of
those lies the devil wants you to believe.
Remind yourself that you are not just your worst day.
(21:52):
You are more than your deepest, darkest secret.
Don't be your worst judge and find confidence in yourself so when others judge
you, you know who you are.
A life-changing sermon for me was when a pastor said, no one knows all of you except for you and God.
(22:15):
The people who judge you only see but a glimpse, but God, he knows your heart.
He knows who you really are.
When those people are out they're judging you, understand that whether they
admit it or not, they have flaws as well.
Find peace in knowing that we all have struggles, worst days, and secrets.
(22:41):
If you can get yourself to seem more like God sees, your entire life will change.
Not only the way you view yourself, but also the way you view others,
even those who treat you poorly, will change and morph into a life you didn't even know was possible.
(23:04):
Your chest will become lighter, the misery will begin to melt away,
and a fresh new you will come through the old, worn-down skin you shed.
What I have loved about my 30s is I take things a lot less personally.
If I don't get along with someone for whatever reason, I understand that they
(23:28):
are meant to be someone else's friend and not mine.
Instead of comparing myself to someone, I can look at us individually and accept
that we're just different, and that's okay.
God created us all to be different, and we may not connect with everyone.
One, but it's important that we connect to someone.
(23:49):
Don't let guilt or shame keep you from the joy God wants for your life.
Find the person you can trust. Be a trustworthy person and look to the heart just as the Lord does.
I once had a cousin tell me that they just don't believe there are a lot of
(24:10):
good people in the world.
I want you all to know that there are good people out there.
There are people who will love you, forgive you, and support you.
Look just a little harder or look in some different places, but I guarantee you good people exist.
(24:33):
Maybe not perfect people, but definitely people who love the way God intends for us to.
Do you have a deep, dark secret?
I forgive you. No, I don't know what you did.
I don't know how bad it is, but I truly believe somewhere inside of you is more than just that secret.
(24:56):
The secret or the bad thing you did doesn't erase all the good things.
Remember those good things you've done? they are a part of you too.
Are you scared to tell your secret? It will be okay.
And when I say that, I don't mean there won't be consequences.
(25:16):
But good things will come from moving forward.
It may take time. There may be some challenges along the way.
You might have to do some self-work.
But one day, you will find the place you're meant to be. And you will be okay. K.
God will never stop loving you, and even if you have to go through some hard
(25:41):
things, he won't leave your side. You won't be alone.
Having a secret eat away at you day after day is not a way to live.
Exposing your secret may be terrifying, but how does keeping the secret feel?
The thing about sharing your secret is that once it's out there,
(26:03):
you set in motion the steps to move past it.
But if you keep holding on to it, you could be stuck with these negative feelings forever.
Don't let the fear of judgment hold you back from a better life.
And if you are a judge, how many stones are you going to cast?
If Jesus was standing in front of you today, would you still throw the stone?
(26:28):
If you have judged someone, apologize.
There is no shame in being a good person, a better person.
Instead of letting pride keep you from doing the right thing,
be proud of yourself for taking some steps in the right direction.
The direction of freedom.
Freedom from hatred, self-loathing, guilt, shame, depression, and so much more.
(26:56):
For those who are your own worst enemy, there is more to you than just the flaws.
Someone cares about you. I care about you. God cares about you.
You may not be who you want to be right in this moment, but step by step,
(27:17):
you can get to a happier and healthier place.
Don't let the devil tell you what you can't do and let God tell you what you can.
Get rid of that bully in your head. If you can't do it alone,
it's okay to ask for help.
Whether that be your parents, your doctors, your friends, or someone else who
(27:39):
just happens to be the right person in the right place at the right time.
You are worthy, not worthless. You are beautiful, not ugly.
You are loved, not unlovable.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
(28:00):
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians chapter 1 verses 3 and 4.
(28:22):
May God comfort you all as he has me, and may you share his comfort with the world.
I hope you've enjoyed episode 3 of graceful messes and hopeful guesses.
My next episode will be on the value of a sister. Can't wait to see you there.
Close your eyes for a moment. I want you to picture in your mind your deepest, darkest secret.
Go back to that day and remember all the feelings you felt.
Shame, guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, embarrassment.
What if everyone knew this secret or secrets? secrets.
(00:25):
Your parents, siblings, friends, significant other, and even strangers.
Everyone discovered your secret. Is your first instinct to run and hide? Do you feel afraid?
This is exactly how Adam and Eve felt when they realized God would find out their secret.
(00:46):
In Genesis chapter 2, verse 25, it says, Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.
Man, wouldn't it be great to walk around with no shame?
Unfortunately, Adam and Eve would be tempted and things would change.
(01:06):
After the infamous sin, God goes looking for them in the garden.
Now, we all know that God God knew exactly where they were, just like he knows where you are.
He already knows your secret.
Yet, there is this instinct we have, or maybe we should call it a temptation,
(01:26):
to try and hide from the Lord.
Later in Genesis chapter 3, Adam says, I heard you in the garden,
and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.
At first glance, we might think of the body here, but I imagine there is a deeper meaning.
Adam not only felt naked on the outside, but on the inside.
(01:49):
I believe he felt exposed because he had done something wrong,
he realized it was wrong, and he didn't want God to know.
When we make mistakes, sometimes we feel like we have failed.
Guilt lots of times we wish we
could go back and undo the bad things we've done guilt weighs heavily on our
(02:13):
hearts and we just want to hide let's hide it away so no one knows let's forget
about it and act as if it never happened well how's that going for you if i were to guess i'd say,
it's not going very well.
We can't erase the past.
No matter how much we wish we could, or if we think it isn't really who we are,
(02:38):
we cannot undo the things we do.
We cannot unsay the things we say, and we can't hide from our mistakes.
God already knows what we've done. You know what you did, and although you may
feel ashamed, that could be a good thing.
My dad always told me that the difference between a good person and not-so-good
(03:03):
person is that a good person feels guilt.
If you feel guilty, you recognize that it was wrong, and you want to make different choices.
So, we already have one step in the right direction.
This is good. We know it's wrong, and we feel bad about it. What do we do now?
(03:24):
In order to talk about our next steps, we first have to address judgment.
I do want to warn you that the first half of this episode will reference when
we ourselves are the judges. The second half will be all about what it's like
to be the victim of judgment.
Please bear with me through the first half. As I know, it isn't always easy
(03:45):
to stick around through some constructive criticism.
But I feel it is necessary because, well, we aren't perfect.
One of the main reasons we often refuse to share our secrets or troubles with
others is because we fear what they will think of us.
Will they look at our worst day and see us as only that?
(04:09):
Will we be judged only by our mistakes?
We all have worst days.
I can think of a few moments myself that are truly no reflection of the person I am.
A few moments I stepped out of character and acted in a way that I regret.
If everyone knew about those days, would they look at me the same?
(04:31):
I consider myself to be a rule follower, but even the strictest rule followers
meet temptation, and there will be days that we fall short.
The best people still make mistakes, and everyone has deep, dark secrets.
The Bible says, Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.
(04:56):
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in
spirit keeps a thing covered.
Proverbs 11, verses 12 and 13.
If we are all sinners, if we all have worse days, why is it that we fear judgment so much?
(05:17):
Why do we judge others based on the things they wish they could change,
yet expect them to see us as stainless? What makes you better than your neighbor?
According to that Bible verse, we should not belittle others.
Instead, we should try to understand them.
Meet one another with empathy.
(05:39):
As Christians, we should be able to lean on one another, trust one another,
and build one another up.
Unless you're protecting someone from harm, it isn't your place to share someone
else's secrets, especially in the way of gossip.
When a friend confides in you, understand that it took bravery for them to share these things.
(06:03):
They know that you may spread their secrets, but despite that,
they took a risk because they needed you.
They needed help. They needed support and understanding. standing.
May we look at others and their mistakes, realizing that we too aren't perfect.
Greet your neighbor with compassion. This doesn't mean we shouldn't acknowledge
(06:25):
the wrongdoing or reap consequences for our actions, but we shouldn't cast judgment.
And when I say judgment, I'm including judgment passively projected as well.
Proverbs 26 verses 18 and 19 explain it like this.
People who shrug off deliberate deceptions saying, I didn't mean it,
(06:50):
I was only joking, are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires.
Smoldering is a powerful word. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary,
it's defined as to burn sluggishly, without flame, and often with much smoke.
(07:11):
A smoldering fire can smolder for hours, days, or even weeks.
A smoldering fire can grow, spread, and eventually consume.
It can do so quickly and without warning.
The same way the embers of a fire continue to burn, so can the things we say.
(07:34):
Just because you think something wasn't a big deal doesn't mean it isn't burning
the person you said them about.
We cannot say and do things to people and pretend like they didn't happen.
Your words can pierce hearts and fester. When you judge others,
it can lead them into very dark places.
(07:55):
Places that can consume their thoughts and affect not only their own lives, but also others.
Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, revenge, and physical harm are
just a few products that can result from judgment.
Jesus says it best, let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.
(08:20):
John 8, 7. If you are throwing stones, you might need a little self-reflection.
Don't worry, we all do, because we are all sinners.
We all need to acknowledge our own flaws and put in the work to become better.
I know, it may seem like I'm throwing punches right now, but I'm actually trying
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to get the point across that in a way, we're all the same. we are all sinners
and we all need a little empathy from time to time.
While we're on the subject of self-reflecting, have you pondered on how judging
someone else can also affect you?
Just as the victim of your poison may smolder, so may you have a burning fire in your heart.
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Is the guilt eating at you? Do those words or actions haunt you from time to time?
This is why we must do the next step. Take responsibility.
We must take responsibility for our actions, accept the consequences,
and acknowledge those we've hurt.
And if the person you hurt happens to be yourself, this includes you.
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The Bible helps us out with step two in Proverbs 28, 13, where it says.
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and
forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Why can't we prosper while holding on to these secrets? The secrets creep up into our hearts.
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Into our minds and allow the devil cracks to enter.
In fact, the Bible tells us that the devil is seeking someone to devour.
He's out there waiting for those moments we may falter and he is ready to attack.
Has anyone ever told you that often when someone's mean, it's because of their own negative feelings?
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The devil's one of those bullies out there trying to drag us down to where he
is. He wants us to feel heavy.
Satan whispers lies into our ears, causing us to feel so low,
and he hopes we won't get back up.
The longer you hold in this secret, the more it will affect you.
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We must confess and forsake to receive mercy.
Now, I do want to make one thing clear. I'm not telling you that you must shout
your secrets out to the entire world.
What I'm saying is that if something's weighing heavily on you,
share your feelings with a trusted person in your life.
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Talking to others, admitting what we've done and how it made us feel is a great
way to take that accountability.
Of course, some secrets may hold more consequences than others.
Some secrets can ruin marriages.
Some can send you to prison. Some could cause you to lose your job.
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I know this can be scary, but remember what I said earlier.
We can't erase the past.
Why does the secret haunt you? Because we can't easily move on from something
that doesn't feel complete.
Judgment or no judgment, we cannot run away from our problems.
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Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him, declares the Lord?
Do I not fill heaven and earth, declares the Lord?
Jeremiah 23, 24. No matter where you go or what you do, you can't hide from God.
Take responsibility so you can move forward and the healing can begin.
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Now, we've talked about the first two steps.
Accept what we did was wrong and then take responsibility for it. What do we do now?
Referencing the story from John 8 again, we see that even though the woman was
forgiven, given, Jesus still holds her accountable.
And in verse 11, he instructs her, go now and leave your life of sin.
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Step three, we have to change our ways.
How could you really be sorry if you continue with the same actions?
The only way to get rid of the guilt for good is to know that you have have changed.
The more steps you take in the right direction, the less isolated you feel.
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As you become more accepting of others, you also become more accepting of yourself.
Imagine how good it would feel to start speaking positive affirmations to others
instead of casting judgment.
In 1 Thessalonians 5, verses 11-19, we read.
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Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among
you, who care for you in the Lord, and who admonish you.
Hold them in the highest regard and love because of their work.
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Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters,
warn those who are idle and disrupted,
encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone,
make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what
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is good for each other and for everyone else.
We are in these graceful messes of life together. We need one another.
Let's give support, love, guidance, prayer, and compassion.
Every one of us needs friends, and we need to know that it's okay to make mistakes.
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Help those who need help. Encourage those who need their spirits lifted.
Acknowledge the good things you see in people and give thanks for the work they do.
I wish I could tell you that everyone could see it this way and that judgment would never occur.
But we all know this isn't true.
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The devil will continue to work against us.
And even if we can become less judgmental of other people, we can't always stop
other people's judgments of us.
Being the victim of judgment has been a huge struggle for me ever since I was in middle school.
I will say the older I've gotten, it seems I can control my emotions a little better.
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But I still wouldn't call it easy.
When I look back over the years, I realize that in the moment,
I thought it was the judgment from outsiders that caused me such despair.
But now, I see their little judgments cause me to judge myself more than they ever did.
The deep, dark sadness that I felt was exponentialized by my obsession over
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the judgment others had.
One of the attributes I worried about most was my physical appearance.
One person calls you fat or overweight, and now that's all you can see.
Sound familiar to anyone?
I hated my body so much that I would wear a jacket all the time.
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Just as Adam and Eve tried to hide from God, I tried to hide my body from the world.
It didn't matter if it was 100 degrees outside. I would have a jacket on.
It was so bad that I would even get heat rashes on my arms.
But I was so self-conscious that I'd rather have those than take off my jacket.
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For three years, I hardly ever wore just a shirt.
The grown-up me feels so sorry for that younger version of myself.
I hate that I felt that deep, dark depression at 11, 12, and 13 years old.
Recently, I looked back at some photos from that time, and even at the awards
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ceremonies, I covered my pretty dresses with an ugly, old jacket.
My best friend Jessica's mom, Miss Lisa, told me in a loving way that I looked
sillier with jacket on than without it, but I couldn't take it off.
She was right, by the way. I did look way sillier with it on,
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and I wish I would have listened to her advice.
I may have been a little overweight, but I wasn't ugly or huge like I thought I was back then.
In high school, I gained a little more confidence. I still didn't like the way
I looked, but I had a lot of opportunities to build my confidence in other ways, which helped.
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I was always good at school, and there were so many opportunities for me to
shine intellectually that it really helped me begin my journey to liking myself.
The jacket was only used for its true purpose, and I was able to at least tolerate my body.
College was a pretty good time for me as far as my physical appearance was concerned.
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I was the healthiest I'd ever been.
But once I got married and started having babies, I found the struggle again.
There have been days when I've had to look at myself in the mirror and say, It's okay.
I have had to fight depression about my physical appearance many times.
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The devil knows it's one of my weaknesses, and boy, does he try to make me obsess over it.
He tells me the lies of, you're ugly, you hate yourself, everyone thinks you're
fat, and sometimes I just feel such dark feelings, there aren't even words to explain them.
Do any of you connect with seeing a photo of yourself and turning away because
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you can't stand what you see?
I cannot tell you how many times I've avoided taking photos because I don't
want to be reminded of how I look.
How do we get out of these miserable seasons and find the joy again?
For me, it starts with putting God first and reminding myself who I am in God's eyes.
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But the Lord said to Samuel, Do not look on his appearance or on the height
of his stature, because I have rejected him.
For the Lord sees not as man sees.
Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
1 Samuel 16.7 My greatest value comes from my heart.
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No matter what my outward appearance is, I always need to remember the beautiful person inside.
I start by focusing on that. I tell myself, you are a good person.
You have overcome so much and you are so strong.
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Little by little, I start building up my confidence, and eventually,
I had the motivation, determination, will, and confidence to get healthier and gain that self-love.
When I stop judging myself on where I fall short and start seeing the many ways
I rock, I find my way back out of the hole and into the light.
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If the judgment of others has you feeling similarly, I challenge you to start
pointing out the good things about yourself, or at least the good things you've done today.
Start with something simple, such as you got up when the alarm went off and you didn't hit snooze.
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Maybe you let someone merge in front of you on the interstate,
or you arrived early to work.
Set some small, simple goals for yourself and start feeling accomplished.
Believe it or not, we have to teach ourselves to think positively.
Speaking negatively can become your normal. It becomes habitual,
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but habits can be broken and we can learn new ones, healthier ones.
Consciously acknowledge your accomplishments each day, and you might find that
the positives outweigh the negatives.
And even if they don't, it doesn't mean you cannot work to fix that.
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Find what makes you happy, truly happy.
According to 1 Peter 5, verse 10, And the God of all grace, who called you to
his eternal glory in Christ,
after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you
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strong, firm, and steadfast.
Put God first. Read your Bible so that you may discover the truth instead of
those lies the devil wants you to believe.
Remind yourself that you are not just your worst day.
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You are more than your deepest, darkest secret.
Don't be your worst judge and find confidence in yourself so when others judge
you, you know who you are.
A life-changing sermon for me was when a pastor said, no one knows all of you except for you and God.
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The people who judge you only see but a glimpse, but God, he knows your heart.
He knows who you really are.
When those people are out they're judging you, understand that whether they
admit it or not, they have flaws as well.
Find peace in knowing that we all have struggles, worst days, and secrets.
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If you can get yourself to seem more like God sees, your entire life will change.
Not only the way you view yourself, but also the way you view others,
even those who treat you poorly, will change and morph into a life you didn't even know was possible.
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Your chest will become lighter, the misery will begin to melt away,
and a fresh new you will come through the old, worn-down skin you shed.
What I have loved about my 30s is I take things a lot less personally.
If I don't get along with someone for whatever reason, I understand that they
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are meant to be someone else's friend and not mine.
Instead of comparing myself to someone, I can look at us individually and accept
that we're just different, and that's okay.
God created us all to be different, and we may not connect with everyone.
One, but it's important that we connect to someone.
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Don't let guilt or shame keep you from the joy God wants for your life.
Find the person you can trust. Be a trustworthy person and look to the heart just as the Lord does.
I once had a cousin tell me that they just don't believe there are a lot of
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good people in the world.
I want you all to know that there are good people out there.
There are people who will love you, forgive you, and support you.
Look just a little harder or look in some different places, but I guarantee you good people exist.
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Maybe not perfect people, but definitely people who love the way God intends for us to.
Do you have a deep, dark secret?
I forgive you. No, I don't know what you did.
I don't know how bad it is, but I truly believe somewhere inside of you is more than just that secret.
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The secret or the bad thing you did doesn't erase all the good things.
Remember those good things you've done? they are a part of you too.
Are you scared to tell your secret? It will be okay.
And when I say that, I don't mean there won't be consequences.
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But good things will come from moving forward.
It may take time. There may be some challenges along the way.
You might have to do some self-work.
But one day, you will find the place you're meant to be. And you will be okay. K.
God will never stop loving you, and even if you have to go through some hard
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things, he won't leave your side. You won't be alone.
Having a secret eat away at you day after day is not a way to live.
Exposing your secret may be terrifying, but how does keeping the secret feel?
The thing about sharing your secret is that once it's out there,
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you set in motion the steps to move past it.
But if you keep holding on to it, you could be stuck with these negative feelings forever.
Don't let the fear of judgment hold you back from a better life.
And if you are a judge, how many stones are you going to cast?
If Jesus was standing in front of you today, would you still throw the stone?
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If you have judged someone, apologize.
There is no shame in being a good person, a better person.
Instead of letting pride keep you from doing the right thing,
be proud of yourself for taking some steps in the right direction.
The direction of freedom.
Freedom from hatred, self-loathing, guilt, shame, depression, and so much more.
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For those who are your own worst enemy, there is more to you than just the flaws.
Someone cares about you. I care about you. God cares about you.
You may not be who you want to be right in this moment, but step by step,
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you can get to a happier and healthier place.
Don't let the devil tell you what you can't do and let God tell you what you can.
Get rid of that bully in your head. If you can't do it alone,
it's okay to ask for help.
Whether that be your parents, your doctors, your friends, or someone else who
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just happens to be the right person in the right place at the right time.
You are worthy, not worthless. You are beautiful, not ugly.
You are loved, not unlovable.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
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the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians chapter 1 verses 3 and 4.
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May God comfort you all as he has me, and may you share his comfort with the world.
I hope you've enjoyed episode 3 of graceful messes and hopeful guesses.
My next episode will be on the value of a sister. Can't wait to see you there.
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