June 12, 2025 • 39 mins
In today’s episode, I’m chatting with the brilliant Eve Stanway, a divorce and breakup coach, a psychotherapist, and the author of Conversations at the Shoreline.
We go deep around the fears that keep us quiet, especially those rooted in childhood or big life changes like divorce. We talk about how those experiences can mess with your confidence and make visibility feel way harder than it needs to be.
We also chat about the pressure of public speaking, the emotional issues behind showing up online, and why finding, and actually using your voice is so important if you want a brand that really connects with people.
Oh, and if you’ve ever thought “I’m not ready to be visible” this one’s for you!
NOTES:
Visit Eve’s website
Follow Eve on YouTube
Book your free 30 minute Visibility & Brand Audit With Amanda
Visit Amanda’s website and join Amanda on Instagram
Join the Grow Your Brand With Amanda Facebook Community
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Grow Your Brandwith Amanda podcast, helping
you become a powerhouse brandwith bullseye messaging,
targeted visibility and scrollstopping content. I'm Amanda
Jane and I want to helpbusinesses like yours showcase
more of you so you're nothiding behind your logo, And
your audience gets to see thereal, authentic personality
(00:21):
behind your brand. Myphilosophy is the only way to
be comfortable in thespotlight is to truly believe
you belong there. And thattakes a little bit of work for
most business owners becausewe're not all naturals in
front of the camera ormicrophone. On this podcast,
I'm going to share lots ofactionable tips and advice to
enable you to grow your brandin a way that's comfortable
(00:42):
for you. I'll also befeaturing special guests who
will share their amazingjourneys with us. It's time to
grow your brand with Amanda.So let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome tothis podcast, Grow Your Brand
with Amanda. And today I havewith me the lovely Eve
(01:02):
Stanway. Hi, Eve. HelloAmanda, thank you for having
me here today. Thank you somuch for joining me and I'm
really looking forward to thisone because I know it's going
to be absolutely incrediblebut before we get stuck in I
want to know a little bit moreabout you and what makes you
tick as a person and whatinteresting things we can
glean from your choices. So mythree questions, do you have a
(01:27):
favourite motivational song?Well I do and actually the one
I listen to there's a lot ofsongs I listen to but the one
that I listen to if I reallywant to pick me up and you
know that song that you justknow always is going to make
you feel better and for methat's Mr Blue Sky I just I
love it and I just feel fromthe opening bars it it just
(01:53):
it just starts the sun isshining in the sky there's not
a cloud in sight and for meeven when I say it out loud
it's like Yeah. I'm heretoday. It always gets me
going. Yeah, put it on anddance around whenever it is
you're doing, and do you havea motivational quote? Well,
it's funny. I havelots and lots of quotes and
(02:19):
I've put a lot of quotesactually into my book because
there's so many lines thatkind impact you as you come
across them. But actually, oneof the, I don't know as many,
the poem is, But there's onein Desiderata, which is a poem
so many people have on theirwalls. I've seen it very often
in Ireland, actually, onpeople's walls and in this
(02:40):
country. And there's the wholepoem is good, but there is one
line. I'm just going to readit rather than kind of trust
my memory to remember it whenI'm on air. And it says, speak
your truth quietly and clearlyand listen to others. Even to
the dull and the ignorant, forthey too have their story. And
(03:01):
for me, this is a reallyimportant quote because it
reminds you to speak, but italso reminds you to listen.
And the reason why I thinkit's so important is because
when we're in a hurry or arush or we're stuck in our own
head, we can think somebodyelse's perspective is dull or
ignorant. That's not how Ichoose to proceed in the
(03:23):
world. What I want tounderstand is how other people
are thinking and just becauseI disagree with them, I still
want to know what their storyis and where they're coming
from. So that's a quote thatmeans a lot to me but keeps me
grounded in so many of myvalues. Exactly. And it is,
you're right, it's everywhere.And I wonder how many people
(03:44):
actually sit down and processthe words. And I love that
you've chosen that particularline. And it's almost as if we
get obsessed that everyone hasto agree with us. And I find
myself often, you know, I'vegot two grown up daughters and
I said to them, you know, youdon't always have to get
people, you don't always haveto convince people that you're
(04:05):
right. You just have to listento what they have to say and
accept that. And agree todisagree, but to listen and
understand what they have tosay. And I do. I love that.
Just stop and listen to whatpeople are saying. I really
love that. Thank you forprompting me because I'm going
to look it off and I'm goingto read it again because my
(04:25):
mom loves that particular oneas well. And this question
because I'm nosy and you're anauthor and do you know I
always love to know whatauthors like to read so do you
have a do you have a favoritebook and obviously yours
amazing but do you haveanother favorite book? Well I
mean and that was one of thethings when I was writing I
was worried what if my bookisn't my favorite book like
(04:46):
how do you deal with that?I'll tell you a little story
about me so when I got myfirst kind of proper job away
from home when I was 18 I tookIt was I was living in
Cambridge and my job was downin Dorset and I took five
suitcases full of books andone bag full of clothes all
(05:07):
the way across London on thetrain I didn't have a car if
there was one book and I hadto take it with me so I used
to listen to Desert IslandDiscs it would be Arnold
Bennett's how to live on 24hours a day and it's a really
short book and it just In hisbeautiful writing style it
reminds us that all of us have24 hours, we all just have 24
(05:33):
hours every day and every daywe have a new 24 hours and
what we choose to do in that24 hours can change the future
and we must never think thatwe need to go back to change
the future or we need to goforwards to change the future.
Because the time we can changethe future is in this 24 hours
(05:54):
that we have today and so forme when I first read that many
many years ago I was like,that's a good one, read it
every year, read it every yearbecause it's important to
remember that we have 24 hoursevery day. I haven't read it.
I am going to read it and Ilove that. And I did something
similar to you. When I was astudent, I traveled. I always
(06:15):
had loads of books and Ialways used to go to car boot
sales and markets and buy aton of books. And the most
amazing thing for me was thediscovery of the Kindle when
it first came out. Oh, yes,surprises on this tiny little
thingy. It's so true. I amthe three-way buyer. I buy it
(06:37):
in the paperback version and Ibuy the Kindle and I buy the
Audible and for me, it's likeI don't have a book unless I
have all three and when Iproduce my book actually, even
though it's not out yet, I'vealready recorded the Audible.
It will be out at some pointbecause I couldn't be without
my audio version so yeah I'mexactly the same and the fact
(07:00):
I can take a thousand books inone little Kindle. I will
never not be amazed by that. Ithink to grow up when we grew
up and to see the changes, theyouth of today, they're never
going to appreciate it, but Ilove the fact that I don't
take it for granted and Iremember we had to lug these
(07:23):
books. I dragged my luggagethrough Paris. I had a lot of
things in my luggage. canappreciate your story but I
have the audio because I liketo I know that subliminally I
take a lot of things out ofpersonal development books but
the physical book I mark itout, I've got my little
coloured tabs but I just thinkit's just amazing to have
(07:44):
those choices but could go onand on about that but I do
love the audio. So, on to you.So, I want to hear all about
your story. So, tell us whatyou do and what inspired your
choice of career and how didyour personal story shape your
brand? Well, gosh, if you lookat my logo behind me or to the
(08:07):
side of me that you can see,that tells a lot of the story.
So, I was raised at sea. Myparents sailed around the
world when I was very young.And my first home was a
floating home. It was a homethat moved and traveled. And I
didn't, although I was born inthe UK, I was born in London,
I didn't come back to the UKtill I was about four years
(08:27):
old. And apparently I pointedto the UK when we landed in
our little 30 foot boat andsaid to my brother, that's the
island they call England.Yeah, so I was very much
raised at sea and it doesinform my personal story and
it informs the book but itactually informs I would say
my outlook on life. Because Iwas very much, I've lived my
(08:51):
life very much between thisglamorous past, because I
traveled around the world whenI was a kid, my parents were
sailors, but actually, thatwasn't such a good upbringing
for a child in some ways, youknow, I missed out a lot, I
missed out on regularity andschooling. And I think the
reason why that is pertinentto my personal story is, it
(09:12):
shaped A, I spent time with alot of adults and so I became
a really good observer ofpeople because I didn't always
feel safe or okay with thepeople. Everybody was new, you
never quite knew what theenvironment was so I became a
people watcher and I alsofelt, you know, I was the
oldest child so I needed to beable to interpret people's
behaviour and understandwhether they had a good or bad
(09:34):
intention. I went to 11schools before I was 11 and so
I was in the deep end and Ihad to be able to evaluate
people. Long story, you know,which you'll be able to read
about. I'm not going to gobecause it'll take ages. But
basically, I did manage to getan education, even though I
(09:54):
was withdrawn from school. Icamped outside St B's School
in Cumbria to do my O-levels.I literally camped in a tent
outside the school havingwritten to them and said,
please, can I do my O-levels?And they accepted me and I
camped for three weeks. Itinforms me I was interested in
the mind, I was interested inlanguage, I was interested in
people and so I did a degreein philosophy and a masters in
(10:17):
philosophy when I finally gotto uni and I became a
psychotherapist and ahypnotherapist and it fills,
it follows that role and thenI studied psychology. And then
what I realized as I was goingthrough this is, A, how much
children are affected bydivorce and breakup. So many
people I've worked with in theclinic, their problems kind of
(10:38):
stemmed from self-esteem andself-worth issues from their
childhood, from when theirparents' marriage broken down.
You know, we are now raisingchildren who are raised across
two homes and I became reallyacutely aware of that. And so
I thought, well, if we couldget the conversations better,
there'd be less conflict andthat would be better for the
kids. And then tragically forme my own marriage broke down
(11:04):
and after 27 years in arelationship it broke down and
my kids were young and thatreally I went oh gosh there's
a big thing here and so I justshifted and it's like a course
corrections and coursecorrections and I ended up
specializing in difficultconversations around
separation and divorce to tryand To still hold your ground,
(11:25):
but without escalating. Andhow do you deal with somebody
else who does escalate? Andthat is kind of, that's me as
I got here now, and I careabout it so much. So I thought
I'd work in it. Do what youlove, do what you care about.
That's something that no onereally teaches you as an
(11:45):
adult, how to have difficultconversations. And you think
about all the skills that youneed to navigate life
generally, you know, thepractical things that you
taught. And, you know, how doyou have those conversations
with your children? How do youhave that conversation about
what's going to happen? Andyou're in a survival mode. You
(12:09):
know, the father and themother, they've got different
ways of how they want to dothings and it's just really
interesting because I find itquite thought-provoking and I
wonder, I don't want to thinkthe children are secondary
because the parents are tryingto navigate how they want it
to go, but the damage and harmpotentially for the children
(12:29):
is enormous as obviously youknow. Yeah, it's disruption.
It's the disruption to thechildren and what tends to
happen is that it comes out inthe children in quietness or
you know mental healthproblems or health problems or
anger and it's very easy tocriticize children when
(12:51):
they're behaving that waywithout maybe understanding
just how disruptive childrenhave such busy lives you know
if you think about your ownchildren they have busy lives
haven't they they're full ofstuff to do they haven't
really got time for theirparents dramas. You know a
moving house and we've got todo here and oh god you know
and everything's changing andthat's not what they want to
happen. And we need tounderstand that we're raising
(13:16):
children to have a voice andthat means they kind of tell
us when they're annoyed. Yes,yeah. And their little brains
are developing up untilthey're in their 20s, aren't
they? So with your careerthen, was there a turning
point when you realised youhad to be more visible to grow
your business? Yeah, therereally was. And I was thinking
(13:37):
about this before I came ontoday and it's kind of one of
the reasons why I was so keento come on. I had to be quite
invisible as a child. I wasvisible because my parents
were doing dramatic things,but I actually had to be very
invisible. On the boat, I hadto be out of the way because
it's very dangerous taking akid on. I mean, don't take
(13:59):
kids on small boats around theworld. It's a very dangerous
thing to do. So as a kid, Ihad to be invisible. In new
schools, I had to beinvisible. So through my
childhood I had to beinvisible and then I picked a
career where you workone-to-one in a room or after
COVID in Zoom where it's justyou and the clients who stayed
invisible and I did all rightbut what I realized is that if
(14:23):
I wanted to write a book, if Iwanted to spread the message a
little bit wider, if I wantedto create legacy and if I
wanted to help more than justone person at a time, I would
have to break the habit of alifetime. And it was really
hard through writing the bookthrough starting to get out
(14:45):
and to do podcasts I had tochange what I've been taught
which is stay hidden and outthe way and don't be a bother
and don't draw attention toyourself and certainly don't
let anybody know that you'restruggling or you're suffering
to here I am learning how totell my story. It really took
(15:06):
time, I mean I can say it toyou now but I really wrote
half a million words to findmy book because I had to break
through my internal silence,so doing that work and
becoming visible, A, it'stransformative for my business
because what it means is I cannow reach out and say, I'm
here with you man, I mighthave had a different
(15:28):
upbringing but I'veexperienced these things that
you're experiencing in privacyand I'm here to help, I'm here
to know what it feels like andStand side by side with you
and go, let me show you what Ican do that might help you. So
that's where thetransformation of visibility
comes. The transformation invisibility is as a business
person, where you are lettingpeople know that you're a
(15:51):
lighthouse that might just getthem off the rocks and it's,
you have to be daring to dothat because there's a big
part of you that goes, well, Iwon't be able to do it and I
won't be able to do it and Iwon't be able to do it. And
certainly I was taught, don'tdo it. That's not your
position. Stay out of the way.Be quiet. Don't let anybody
see. Other people should be.Yeah. So the changing point
with me was knowing I couldn'tachieve my dreams without
(16:15):
literally breaking the silencethat was walled up inside of
me. How interesting that thatone word, visibility, has been
a constant in your life andchanged the meaning from when
you were A child and then whenyou're having clients and then
going to resume to be in abusiness to the light. And I'm
(16:39):
fascinated that you're usingthe metaphors. I can't get
away from them. I live betweenthe land and the sea. I just
do. I do. That's how I feel. Ineed a hop on the beach. I
love it. But just that oneword though, that one word and
(17:02):
it has changed meaning for youas you've gone through the
years of your life and then tohave this business and then
all of a sudden. You've got tochange what it means to you.
And I love that you realizethe significance that that one
thing that you're told not todo suddenly become the very
thing that you had to do tosurvive. So with that in mind
(17:25):
then, what would you say tosomeone who is terrified at
the thought and and there arethere are many people and
they're terrified for lots andlots of reasons what would you
say to someone who who says II'm terrified the thought of
promoting myself I'm terrifiedof the thought of disability
what advice would you givethem? So this is this is the
(17:46):
advice I do give people. Oneof the reasons why I think
we're scared of visibility,you know, I've gone back and
I've looked back andunderstood that one of the
reasons why I was scared ofvisibility was because as a
child, and I write about thisin my book, as a child, I was
taught to be silent, to berespectful, to be dutiful,
(18:06):
obedient and a good girl andbeing visible, whether you're
a man or a woman, means Goingagainst training that you
received before you knewanything about the world. The
first lesson is be good, bequiet, go make a fuss. You
(18:28):
know, if you take rememberingwhen your kids were like
three, yeah, a three-year-oldis more than happy to say how
unhappy they are aboutwhatever's going on. You know,
you give a three-year-old somefood they don't like or they
don't fancy and they willhappily fling it across the
room in your face, they don'tcare. And a lot of raising
children, especially in ahectic, is kind of suppressing
(18:50):
that. So when we are fightingagainst our light, you know,
but I don't want to, I'mscared of being visible, we've
got to ask ourselves, am Ifighting against something
that's happening now? Or am Ifighting against stuff that
I've been taught for so long,it's become what's called
(19:11):
received wisdom and receivedwisdom is different from
learned wisdom. Learned wisdomis what today, as you and I
are here, we can have and wecan learn something new today
and that can affect us goingforward, but received wisdom
is the teachings that we gotthat kind of came as part of
a, it's like when you buy acertain laptop and it comes
with a whole load of programsand you think, I don't want
(19:33):
those programs, I don't wantthose things and I do look at
it like, I'm not going to nameany brands, but I look at it
like getting a laptop orgetting a phone that's got a
whole load of programs thatyou don't want. So when you
look at your fear ofvisibility, not as there being
something wrong with you orsomething you can't do, but
that you've just got a programdownload that you need to
switch off, yeah, because it'sfor them, it isn't really
(19:57):
anything to do with now,because I would ask one thing,
if you look at somebody who'sbeing visible, how do you feel
about them, and typically youfeel like, how aren't they
brave, isn't that cool, andthat's how people will view
you. It might be a few peoplewho don't like it, but they
probably don't like anything,you know, but you know what I
(20:21):
mean. So that's what I reallysay to people. First, it's old
learning. It may not be to dowith now. I'm proud to be
visible now, Amanda. I'm proudof what I do and my goal is to
get more visible, to behonest. I love that and I know
that everybody has thepotential within them to use
(20:41):
their voice because theopposite of that is losing
your voice and is that not theworst thing that can possibly
happen? Not be allowed tospeak, not be allowed to show
your opinions and not be ableto stand in your space and say
what matters. And I've workedwith a lot of people that have
gone from no way am I going onthat podcast or doing that
video ever to proudly standingand saying, Speaking their
(21:05):
truth that sounds veryprofound but there's so much
but when they do it, whenthey've done it, the sense of
achievement and oh wow I can'tbelieve I did that and that's
what leads to step two andstep three and it's a journey
you don't go from you knowcaroing in a corner to
suddenly standing on doing aTED talk. It is a journey. And
(21:28):
that's what I like aboutpeople like you that tell
their story and that wordvisibility and how it changed
for you in your journey.Anyone, anyone can do it. And
it's being inspired by peoplelike yourself and think, well,
actually, what is the oppositeof that? If my voice was
removed, I don't want that.They want to do it. Yeah. I
(21:51):
mean, we were taught when wewere in visibility. It's
something we get caught. It isnot something we're born with.
I study a lot of psychologythat people can be introverts
and extroverts, people can bepessimists or optimists, we're
all different, but beinginvisible, feeling like you
(22:14):
have to hide, feeling likethat you don't count or what
you say doesn't matter iscaught. Okay, we're all more,
some people are more sensitiveand some people are less
sensitive. Okay, so for somepeople, they're less
sensitive. Yeah. But thereality is, it's something
that we're taught. And ifwe're taught something, we can
(22:35):
learn something else. Okay,we're not made nervous of
speaking. We're not, I mean,we are made, we're not born
that we learn it, it's learnedbehavior. And the more we
practice the other behavior,the more we'll learn that
behavior, okay? And it's alearning. And what you're
doing in your work is you'reteaching people that it's
(22:58):
something they can learn howto do. And then when they do
learn how to do it, it's likelearning when I learned how to
belly dance. It's like, oh myGod, look at me. Yeah, yeah.
And that's the key word. Youcan learn, you can learn and
you can also unlearn. And, youknow, you brought me back to
the babies and the toddlers.They scream when they want
(23:19):
things that, you know, I needthis. I want this. And, you
know, that's gradually sort ofsort of taught out of us. So
back to your visibility, thenwhat's been a surprising
benefit to being visible, tobeing being visible? I think,
and I've had a real kind ofupshoot in my visibility
(23:40):
recently, I think one of themost surprising benefits is
how much people I knowalready, you know, because
I've been working for a longtime now, how much they
appreciate me steppingforwards and owning this
space. I thinkit sounds a bit kind of, you
(24:06):
know, self aggrandizement tosay it but what's been
surprising is knowing thatI've got the capacity to be a
role model for it and I'veknown this because I know
stuff but I didn't know it.You know there's two types of
knowing, what you know andthen what you know. If
somebody is willing to stepforwards, like I am willing to
(24:27):
step forwards and do the workso that I'm talking from, you
know, I think as Danny Wallacesays, talking from the scar,
not the wound, then the mostsurprising thing is that other
people contacting me andgoing, actually, you know, I
feel a bit like that too, orgosh, I read that. I mean,
I've had calls from peoplesince the bit in the Telegraph
recently, and they've said,you know, your situation
(24:49):
sounds a bit like thesituation I'm in. They're not,
they're not clients. They'renot coming to me for work.
They're just coming to mebecause they're identifying
and they know they're notalone. And that, I mean, I
don't even know. It just movesme so deeply. Yeah. So you,
you had a piece in theTelegraph recently and that
(25:12):
was, that was about your storyand people who completely
resonate with, with yourstory. Cause that, that was
about being a complete shock.And that's so interesting
because people often feelalone when they're in that
shocking situation, but tocome across something like
(25:33):
that, where someone's gonethrough exactly what they're
going through and they relateto it, it resonates and
they're just like, oh no, I'mnot alone. And I think that,
you know, in that moment ofdespair or whatever, to feel
that I'm not alone. Someoneelse is going through that.
That gives that hope, thatpathway, a roadmap of, well,
(25:54):
this is what I need to do now.Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to,
I'm now going to be a bitbusinessy about this. Okay.
I'm going to step from thiskind of empath, empathy role
into business. Being visiblegrows my business. Yeah. And
that allows me to Pay my way,have a pension, support my
(26:19):
daughter and my son. And Ifeel it's important to say
that because there's all theseheart-led pieces about
visibility, but the other sideis it's a really good way of
growing your business becauseit means I'm reaching more
people. It means that I'mincreasing my authority. I'm
learning actually by beingmore visible because people
(26:41):
are asking me on podcasts anddoing stuff like that and so
from a business point of view,transformative and I want
to say it because I'm reallyproud of being a
businesswoman. I'm proud ofbeing an entrepreneur. I'm
really proud of it. I've hadmany businesses. I started my
first business when I was nineselling bread to people on
(27:02):
boatyards. But I'm proud ofbeing a business person and
visibility allows me to growmy business. And I would say
that to anybody who's worryingabout visibility. That's how
you grow your business, that'sthe primary way of growing
your business. And also wemeet these experts in these
(27:23):
fields. And I don't know anydivorce experts and you know
it's it is a lot of people gothrough divorce you know that
I don't know the statisticsyou probably do but people
need to know where to gobecause you know I would
automatically think I need togo to a lawyer but it's not
necessarily the first step itmay not they consult someone
(27:47):
like you first. Well the thingis about a lawyer is a lawyer
lawyers are really good atlaw. But the process of
divorce is emotional, familyturmoil, psychological,
administrative, procedural,Psychological. Family
dynamics. Dating againafterwards. Wondering about
(28:12):
what your future is. Am Igoing to have enough money?
How the hell do I buy a newhouse? What do I do when the
washing machine breaks downwhen the other person used to
deal with it? I never used todo the admin, they say. How am
I going to do that? There's somany layers. So going to a
divorce lawyer, which you mustget a good lawyer, It's not
going to help you with all theother stuff, which is
(28:33):
basically getting your lifeback on track. Getting fit,
getting healthy. Dealing withyour kids, somebody said to me
just yesterday on one of mykind of course webinars that I
do, I don't know what to dowhen the kids are with the
other parents. Because they'veprobably never been on their
own before at that time. No,also they've never had the
(28:55):
experience of their childbeing with the other parent,
feeling really anxious aboutthem being with the other
parent, desperately wanting tosay, what did you do? What did
you eat? Where did you go?What did you meet his new
girlfriend or a new boyfriend?And that kind of questioning
makes a kid shut down and feelreally bad. Yeah. A lawyer is
not going to tell you how youhave those conversations with
(29:16):
your kid when they come backso that you can reconnect and
you can create a safe spacefor a child that might have
had a really difficult timewith the other parent and
needs a safe landing zone sothat you can catch them. So
interesting really. So do youhave any rituals or anything
(29:38):
that you do before if you needto, if you're doing an
appearance on a podcast or ifyou've been anywhere else that
you need to kind of psychyourself up to get ready for?
Well I do and these arehonestly I mean, when I chose
to be visible, I decided I hadto do it. So some of the
background stuff I did, I didgo to a really good personal
(30:00):
stylist and work out how towear clothes.
Yes, and I ring her up and Iwill say, Catherine, I'm
thinking about like, whatshall I wear? And she'll say,
what about that pink dress orwhat about that blue shirt?
It's part of my ritual, butknowing what I'm going to
(30:22):
wear. From Sandra Garlick, Ilearned Perfume, a little
spray of perfume. I went andbought myself and even though
we're talking on Zoom, I spraymyself with perfume. You know,
putting my feet flat on theground and usually taking my
shoes off. So that my feet areflat on the ground so that I'm
(30:44):
comfortable. These are thethings that I do and they may
seem kind of little butknowing what you're going to
wear really I mean that is mytop tip that I give to anybody
who wants to be physicalliterally get your wardrobe
sorted out so you feel reallycomfy and relaxed and okay in
your clothes and you know whatcolors suit you yeah but
perfume really think it wasCoco Chanel. think it was her
(31:10):
who said, a woman, a woman whodoesn't wear perfume has no
future and it always made methink of it, yeah anyway there
you go that's my ritual reallyfeet on the ground really
think about what I'm going towear a squirt of perfume and
then smile because I love whatI do and just remember that
(31:30):
like I'm here because I loveit. I love that little ritual.
And as you know, I am perfumeobsessed. Totally agree with
that statement. And yourclothing and your rituals. For
me, it's like psychologicalpreparation, getting ready,
right? I'm stepping into thisrole. Not quite armour but
(31:52):
costume. It's like a powermove for me and it's something
that shifts in your brain, youknow, I'm ready for this, this
is what I'm doing now and if Iwas doing something that would
make me nervous, that wouldcalm me down because
psychologically I'm ready. Soif you were, what visibility
channel has moved the needlemost for your business? Have
you done anything really,really scary? I mean, I'm
(32:16):
going to say doing the mediainterview and I've had a few
pieces in Grazia and Metro andthey've been kind of about my
expertise. The piece in theTelegraph and the piece on the
Vanessa show, which was a lotmore personal because it was
(32:36):
about me. I can honestly tellyou I was very, very, very
scared and anxious. Was thatlive? That was live TV, wasn't
it? It was, yes. And I gotcalled in the morning about
that. Can you go on at 12? Soit was kind of... It was live
and I've never done anythinglike that before, but there
was no choice in my journey ofvisibility other than to show
(32:58):
up and put somethingon, spray my perfume on and
go, but I would say thatthat's moved the dial most.
I've really spent so much timetrying to do this, lots of
(33:19):
writing, but that was the mostscary thing but I actually
think that's the thing that'smoved the dial most because
it's not just about what Iknow, it's about who I am and
what I believe and what myvalues are and what my story
is because the work that I doThat's fulfilling, you know,
(33:40):
that's the meat and bones ofme and I can be no different
than I appear to be. Otherthan that, I try not to swear
too much when I'm on telly. Idid, I don't swear. Because I
was raised at sea and peopleat sea do swear a lot so I've
got to lie. Oh, I can imagine.People also swear a lot in
Ireland, that's a thing. Theydo. You know, reflecting on
(34:02):
that Vanessa piece, because itlied to me, right, so they
called the morning. Do youknow what I love about that,
and you might hate me forsaying this, I love that you
were immediately put under thepressure. That you had to do
it, you had no time to think,you didn't sit on it, and you
didn't have time for it. So ifthey'd said to you on Monday,
oh, Eve, can you do this pieceon Friday? You'd gone four
(34:25):
days thinking about that. Youmay not have performed as well
as you did. But now thatyou've done Yeah no I agree
with you and it was it wasalso a real eye-opener doing
that because all of the otherthings like even doing this
you know we can have a chatbeforehand about what the
questions were but actuallywhat was it really interested
about for me for doing that isshe wasn't interviewing me to
(34:49):
find out about me she wasbringing me on to comment and
that's really different andthat's For me, that's really,
really important. That's whatvisibility does. She basically
brought me on to ask myopinion. She wasn't asking me
who I am or what my work is orwhat motivates me. She was
asking me, what are yourthoughts on this subject? For
(35:14):
me, that feels like a realmade-it moment for me, you
know, that I've made, I'veshifted, I've gone like, oh,
I'm playing the game of lifeand I've just gone up a level
because I was asked for mythoughts and that's really all
she wanted, it was threeminutes, what do you think
about that, what happened toyou, bye, let's go and talk to
(35:36):
some other people. You know,it's really like, it's an
interesting thing. But for me,that was a real like, people
would just want to know whatthink about that. Yeah,
because I've got something tosay and I do have some
thoughts. And you're theexpert on the topic that they
were talking about. And therewere celebrities on the sofa.
(35:59):
But I loved that and that wasthat, you know, to have that
acknowledgement of yourexpertise. So what do you
think, Eve? What was yourexperience? Yeah, it was very
well done and it was just sointeresting that there you
were, giving your thoughts onit. But yeah, I do like the
fact that you didn't have longto prepare and to do it. I
(36:24):
think that's what you have todo sometimes. I think it's
best not to know. You know,it's very easy to scatter when
you're under pressure in yourthoughts, you know. We get
overwhelmed and we getadrenaline and then we just
scatter. But yeah, so I'm gladI didn't know that. There's a
lesson there though isn'tthere, you know, just do it,
(36:46):
just grab the opportunities,just do it. And with that
piece, you know, the wordsthat they used, the vocabulary
that they all used, Vanessaherself, so many strong words
there. You know, I wasshattered, I was floored, you
know, very, very strong wordsand it was a very interesting
piece. So where can we findout more about you online? And
(37:08):
I'll put these links in theshow notes as well as what
we've discussed as well andpeople can see for themselves
that performance wasn't aperformance. It was very
interesting. Yeah, I'll putthis in the show So I think
probably, I mean, I have mywebsite, evestanway.co.uk, but
a good place to find me is onYouTube, because that's where
(37:30):
you kind of get me as I am,certainly as I am in a working
place, my clients who see mego, oh, that was just what you
were like when we were workingwith you. I mean obviously I'm
a bit more structured when I'mdoing a coaching session so I
would say YouTube my book is areally good way there's a lot
of tips and within my bookI've got resources on the
(37:52):
website as well that peoplecan access and I've also If
you go to my website and havea look, and actually if you go
to YouTube and have a look, Imean I'm on all the other
social medias as well, you'llfind details about my course
as well, which is specificallyto help parents with those
difficult conversations withtheir children, which I just
wanted to put out there in away so that people don't have
(38:15):
to, it's not classroomlessons, they can get it and
listen to it at their ownleisure because it's, you
know, these are longconversations. So yeah,
YouTube, my website, And allthe usual channels, you can
find me just put Eve Stanwayin Google and I come up.
That's very pleasing a numberof times. That's great. I will
put all the links in the shownotes for this podcast. And
(38:39):
Eve Stanway, thank you so muchfor joining me. I have loved
it. It's such a fascinatingjourney that you've taken us
on and a very unique storythat you presented by
yourself. And the beginningsthat you had and everything
that's transpired in your lifehas been absolutely
fascinating. Thank you so muchfor joining me. It's been a
pleasure. Yeah. Well, thankyou so much, Amanda. I really
(39:01):
appreciate it. It's beenlovely to talk to you today.
Thank you. Thank you so muchfor spending time with me
today. If you have enjoyedthis episode, please leave a
review and share it with abusiness bestie who might also
find it useful. You have beenlistening to the Grow Your
Brand with Amanda podcast. Ifyou want to know more about
how I can help you grow yourbrand, then visit my website
(39:22):
amandajane.co.uk or come andsay hi on Instagram at
CoachAmandaJane. Bye for now.
Welcome to the Grow Your Brandwith Amanda podcast, helping
you become a powerhouse brandwith bullseye messaging,
targeted visibility and scrollstopping content. I'm Amanda
Jane and I want to helpbusinesses like yours showcase
more of you so you're nothiding behind your logo, And
your audience gets to see thereal, authentic personality
(00:21):
behind your brand. Myphilosophy is the only way to
be comfortable in thespotlight is to truly believe
you belong there. And thattakes a little bit of work for
most business owners becausewe're not all naturals in
front of the camera ormicrophone. On this podcast,
I'm going to share lots ofactionable tips and advice to
enable you to grow your brandin a way that's comfortable
(00:42):
for you. I'll also befeaturing special guests who
will share their amazingjourneys with us. It's time to
grow your brand with Amanda.So let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome tothis podcast, Grow Your Brand
with Amanda. And today I havewith me the lovely Eve
(01:02):
Stanway. Hi, Eve. HelloAmanda, thank you for having
me here today. Thank you somuch for joining me and I'm
really looking forward to thisone because I know it's going
to be absolutely incrediblebut before we get stuck in I
want to know a little bit moreabout you and what makes you
tick as a person and whatinteresting things we can
glean from your choices. So mythree questions, do you have a
(01:27):
favourite motivational song?Well I do and actually the one
I listen to there's a lot ofsongs I listen to but the one
that I listen to if I reallywant to pick me up and you
know that song that you justknow always is going to make
you feel better and for methat's Mr Blue Sky I just I
love it and I just feel fromthe opening bars it it just
(01:53):
it just starts the sun isshining in the sky there's not
a cloud in sight and for meeven when I say it out loud
it's like Yeah. I'm heretoday. It always gets me
going. Yeah, put it on anddance around whenever it is
you're doing, and do you havea motivational quote? Well,
it's funny. I havelots and lots of quotes and
(02:19):
I've put a lot of quotesactually into my book because
there's so many lines thatkind impact you as you come
across them. But actually, oneof the, I don't know as many,
the poem is, But there's onein Desiderata, which is a poem
so many people have on theirwalls. I've seen it very often
in Ireland, actually, onpeople's walls and in this
(02:40):
country. And there's the wholepoem is good, but there is one
line. I'm just going to readit rather than kind of trust
my memory to remember it whenI'm on air. And it says, speak
your truth quietly and clearlyand listen to others. Even to
the dull and the ignorant, forthey too have their story. And
(03:01):
for me, this is a reallyimportant quote because it
reminds you to speak, but italso reminds you to listen.
And the reason why I thinkit's so important is because
when we're in a hurry or arush or we're stuck in our own
head, we can think somebodyelse's perspective is dull or
ignorant. That's not how Ichoose to proceed in the
(03:23):
world. What I want tounderstand is how other people
are thinking and just becauseI disagree with them, I still
want to know what their storyis and where they're coming
from. So that's a quote thatmeans a lot to me but keeps me
grounded in so many of myvalues. Exactly. And it is,
you're right, it's everywhere.And I wonder how many people
(03:44):
actually sit down and processthe words. And I love that
you've chosen that particularline. And it's almost as if we
get obsessed that everyone hasto agree with us. And I find
myself often, you know, I'vegot two grown up daughters and
I said to them, you know, youdon't always have to get
people, you don't always haveto convince people that you're
(04:05):
right. You just have to listento what they have to say and
accept that. And agree todisagree, but to listen and
understand what they have tosay. And I do. I love that.
Just stop and listen to whatpeople are saying. I really
love that. Thank you forprompting me because I'm going
to look it off and I'm goingto read it again because my
(04:25):
mom loves that particular oneas well. And this question
because I'm nosy and you're anauthor and do you know I
always love to know whatauthors like to read so do you
have a do you have a favoritebook and obviously yours
amazing but do you haveanother favorite book? Well I
mean and that was one of thethings when I was writing I
was worried what if my bookisn't my favorite book like
(04:46):
how do you deal with that?I'll tell you a little story
about me so when I got myfirst kind of proper job away
from home when I was 18 I tookIt was I was living in
Cambridge and my job was downin Dorset and I took five
suitcases full of books andone bag full of clothes all
(05:07):
the way across London on thetrain I didn't have a car if
there was one book and I hadto take it with me so I used
to listen to Desert IslandDiscs it would be Arnold
Bennett's how to live on 24hours a day and it's a really
short book and it just In hisbeautiful writing style it
reminds us that all of us have24 hours, we all just have 24
(05:33):
hours every day and every daywe have a new 24 hours and
what we choose to do in that24 hours can change the future
and we must never think thatwe need to go back to change
the future or we need to goforwards to change the future.
Because the time we can changethe future is in this 24 hours
(05:54):
that we have today and so forme when I first read that many
many years ago I was like,that's a good one, read it
every year, read it every yearbecause it's important to
remember that we have 24 hoursevery day. I haven't read it.
I am going to read it and Ilove that. And I did something
similar to you. When I was astudent, I traveled. I always
(06:15):
had loads of books and Ialways used to go to car boot
sales and markets and buy aton of books. And the most
amazing thing for me was thediscovery of the Kindle when
it first came out. Oh, yes,surprises on this tiny little
thingy. It's so true. I amthe three-way buyer. I buy it
(06:37):
in the paperback version and Ibuy the Kindle and I buy the
Audible and for me, it's likeI don't have a book unless I
have all three and when Iproduce my book actually, even
though it's not out yet, I'vealready recorded the Audible.
It will be out at some pointbecause I couldn't be without
my audio version so yeah I'mexactly the same and the fact
(07:00):
I can take a thousand books inone little Kindle. I will
never not be amazed by that. Ithink to grow up when we grew
up and to see the changes, theyouth of today, they're never
going to appreciate it, but Ilove the fact that I don't
take it for granted and Iremember we had to lug these
(07:23):
books. I dragged my luggagethrough Paris. I had a lot of
things in my luggage. canappreciate your story but I
have the audio because I liketo I know that subliminally I
take a lot of things out ofpersonal development books but
the physical book I mark itout, I've got my little
coloured tabs but I just thinkit's just amazing to have
(07:44):
those choices but could go onand on about that but I do
love the audio. So, on to you.So, I want to hear all about
your story. So, tell us whatyou do and what inspired your
choice of career and how didyour personal story shape your
brand? Well, gosh, if you lookat my logo behind me or to the
(08:07):
side of me that you can see,that tells a lot of the story.
So, I was raised at sea. Myparents sailed around the
world when I was very young.And my first home was a
floating home. It was a homethat moved and traveled. And I
didn't, although I was born inthe UK, I was born in London,
I didn't come back to the UKtill I was about four years
(08:27):
old. And apparently I pointedto the UK when we landed in
our little 30 foot boat andsaid to my brother, that's the
island they call England.Yeah, so I was very much
raised at sea and it doesinform my personal story and
it informs the book but itactually informs I would say
my outlook on life. Because Iwas very much, I've lived my
(08:51):
life very much between thisglamorous past, because I
traveled around the world whenI was a kid, my parents were
sailors, but actually, thatwasn't such a good upbringing
for a child in some ways, youknow, I missed out a lot, I
missed out on regularity andschooling. And I think the
reason why that is pertinentto my personal story is, it
(09:12):
shaped A, I spent time with alot of adults and so I became
a really good observer ofpeople because I didn't always
feel safe or okay with thepeople. Everybody was new, you
never quite knew what theenvironment was so I became a
people watcher and I alsofelt, you know, I was the
oldest child so I needed to beable to interpret people's
behaviour and understandwhether they had a good or bad
(09:34):
intention. I went to 11schools before I was 11 and so
I was in the deep end and Ihad to be able to evaluate
people. Long story, you know,which you'll be able to read
about. I'm not going to gobecause it'll take ages. But
basically, I did manage to getan education, even though I
(09:54):
was withdrawn from school. Icamped outside St B's School
in Cumbria to do my O-levels.I literally camped in a tent
outside the school havingwritten to them and said,
please, can I do my O-levels?And they accepted me and I
camped for three weeks. Itinforms me I was interested in
the mind, I was interested inlanguage, I was interested in
people and so I did a degreein philosophy and a masters in
(10:17):
philosophy when I finally gotto uni and I became a
psychotherapist and ahypnotherapist and it fills,
it follows that role and thenI studied psychology. And then
what I realized as I was goingthrough this is, A, how much
children are affected bydivorce and breakup. So many
people I've worked with in theclinic, their problems kind of
(10:38):
stemmed from self-esteem andself-worth issues from their
childhood, from when theirparents' marriage broken down.
You know, we are now raisingchildren who are raised across
two homes and I became reallyacutely aware of that. And so
I thought, well, if we couldget the conversations better,
there'd be less conflict andthat would be better for the
kids. And then tragically forme my own marriage broke down
(11:04):
and after 27 years in arelationship it broke down and
my kids were young and thatreally I went oh gosh there's
a big thing here and so I justshifted and it's like a course
corrections and coursecorrections and I ended up
specializing in difficultconversations around
separation and divorce to tryand To still hold your ground,
(11:25):
but without escalating. Andhow do you deal with somebody
else who does escalate? Andthat is kind of, that's me as
I got here now, and I careabout it so much. So I thought
I'd work in it. Do what youlove, do what you care about.
That's something that no onereally teaches you as an
(11:45):
adult, how to have difficultconversations. And you think
about all the skills that youneed to navigate life
generally, you know, thepractical things that you
taught. And, you know, how doyou have those conversations
with your children? How do youhave that conversation about
what's going to happen? Andyou're in a survival mode. You
(12:09):
know, the father and themother, they've got different
ways of how they want to dothings and it's just really
interesting because I find itquite thought-provoking and I
wonder, I don't want to thinkthe children are secondary
because the parents are tryingto navigate how they want it
to go, but the damage and harmpotentially for the children
(12:29):
is enormous as obviously youknow. Yeah, it's disruption.
It's the disruption to thechildren and what tends to
happen is that it comes out inthe children in quietness or
you know mental healthproblems or health problems or
anger and it's very easy tocriticize children when
(12:51):
they're behaving that waywithout maybe understanding
just how disruptive childrenhave such busy lives you know
if you think about your ownchildren they have busy lives
haven't they they're full ofstuff to do they haven't
really got time for theirparents dramas. You know a
moving house and we've got todo here and oh god you know
and everything's changing andthat's not what they want to
happen. And we need tounderstand that we're raising
(13:16):
children to have a voice andthat means they kind of tell
us when they're annoyed. Yes,yeah. And their little brains
are developing up untilthey're in their 20s, aren't
they? So with your careerthen, was there a turning
point when you realised youhad to be more visible to grow
your business? Yeah, therereally was. And I was thinking
(13:37):
about this before I came ontoday and it's kind of one of
the reasons why I was so keento come on. I had to be quite
invisible as a child. I wasvisible because my parents
were doing dramatic things,but I actually had to be very
invisible. On the boat, I hadto be out of the way because
it's very dangerous taking akid on. I mean, don't take
(13:59):
kids on small boats around theworld. It's a very dangerous
thing to do. So as a kid, Ihad to be invisible. In new
schools, I had to beinvisible. So through my
childhood I had to beinvisible and then I picked a
career where you workone-to-one in a room or after
COVID in Zoom where it's justyou and the clients who stayed
invisible and I did all rightbut what I realized is that if
(14:23):
I wanted to write a book, if Iwanted to spread the message a
little bit wider, if I wantedto create legacy and if I
wanted to help more than justone person at a time, I would
have to break the habit of alifetime. And it was really
hard through writing the bookthrough starting to get out
(14:45):
and to do podcasts I had tochange what I've been taught
which is stay hidden and outthe way and don't be a bother
and don't draw attention toyourself and certainly don't
let anybody know that you'restruggling or you're suffering
to here I am learning how totell my story. It really took
(15:06):
time, I mean I can say it toyou now but I really wrote
half a million words to findmy book because I had to break
through my internal silence,so doing that work and
becoming visible, A, it'stransformative for my business
because what it means is I cannow reach out and say, I'm
here with you man, I mighthave had a different
(15:28):
upbringing but I'veexperienced these things that
you're experiencing in privacyand I'm here to help, I'm here
to know what it feels like andStand side by side with you
and go, let me show you what Ican do that might help you. So
that's where thetransformation of visibility
comes. The transformation invisibility is as a business
person, where you are lettingpeople know that you're a
(15:51):
lighthouse that might just getthem off the rocks and it's,
you have to be daring to dothat because there's a big
part of you that goes, well, Iwon't be able to do it and I
won't be able to do it and Iwon't be able to do it. And
certainly I was taught, don'tdo it. That's not your
position. Stay out of the way.Be quiet. Don't let anybody
see. Other people should be.Yeah. So the changing point
with me was knowing I couldn'tachieve my dreams without
(16:15):
literally breaking the silencethat was walled up inside of
me. How interesting that thatone word, visibility, has been
a constant in your life andchanged the meaning from when
you were A child and then whenyou're having clients and then
going to resume to be in abusiness to the light. And I'm
(16:39):
fascinated that you're usingthe metaphors. I can't get
away from them. I live betweenthe land and the sea. I just
do. I do. That's how I feel. Ineed a hop on the beach. I
love it. But just that oneword though, that one word and
(17:02):
it has changed meaning for youas you've gone through the
years of your life and then tohave this business and then
all of a sudden. You've got tochange what it means to you.
And I love that you realizethe significance that that one
thing that you're told not todo suddenly become the very
thing that you had to do tosurvive. So with that in mind
(17:25):
then, what would you say tosomeone who is terrified at
the thought and and there arethere are many people and
they're terrified for lots andlots of reasons what would you
say to someone who who says II'm terrified the thought of
promoting myself I'm terrifiedof the thought of disability
what advice would you givethem? So this is this is the
(17:46):
advice I do give people. Oneof the reasons why I think
we're scared of visibility,you know, I've gone back and
I've looked back andunderstood that one of the
reasons why I was scared ofvisibility was because as a
child, and I write about thisin my book, as a child, I was
taught to be silent, to berespectful, to be dutiful,
(18:06):
obedient and a good girl andbeing visible, whether you're
a man or a woman, means Goingagainst training that you
received before you knewanything about the world. The
first lesson is be good, bequiet, go make a fuss. You
(18:28):
know, if you take rememberingwhen your kids were like
three, yeah, a three-year-oldis more than happy to say how
unhappy they are aboutwhatever's going on. You know,
you give a three-year-old somefood they don't like or they
don't fancy and they willhappily fling it across the
room in your face, they don'tcare. And a lot of raising
children, especially in ahectic, is kind of suppressing
(18:50):
that. So when we are fightingagainst our light, you know,
but I don't want to, I'mscared of being visible, we've
got to ask ourselves, am Ifighting against something
that's happening now? Or am Ifighting against stuff that
I've been taught for so long,it's become what's called
(19:11):
received wisdom and receivedwisdom is different from
learned wisdom. Learned wisdomis what today, as you and I
are here, we can have and wecan learn something new today
and that can affect us goingforward, but received wisdom
is the teachings that we gotthat kind of came as part of
a, it's like when you buy acertain laptop and it comes
with a whole load of programsand you think, I don't want
(19:33):
those programs, I don't wantthose things and I do look at
it like, I'm not going to nameany brands, but I look at it
like getting a laptop orgetting a phone that's got a
whole load of programs thatyou don't want. So when you
look at your fear ofvisibility, not as there being
something wrong with you orsomething you can't do, but
that you've just got a programdownload that you need to
switch off, yeah, because it'sfor them, it isn't really
(19:57):
anything to do with now,because I would ask one thing,
if you look at somebody who'sbeing visible, how do you feel
about them, and typically youfeel like, how aren't they
brave, isn't that cool, andthat's how people will view
you. It might be a few peoplewho don't like it, but they
probably don't like anything,you know, but you know what I
(20:21):
mean. So that's what I reallysay to people. First, it's old
learning. It may not be to dowith now. I'm proud to be
visible now, Amanda. I'm proudof what I do and my goal is to
get more visible, to behonest. I love that and I know
that everybody has thepotential within them to use
(20:41):
their voice because theopposite of that is losing
your voice and is that not theworst thing that can possibly
happen? Not be allowed tospeak, not be allowed to show
your opinions and not be ableto stand in your space and say
what matters. And I've workedwith a lot of people that have
gone from no way am I going onthat podcast or doing that
video ever to proudly standingand saying, Speaking their
(21:05):
truth that sounds veryprofound but there's so much
but when they do it, whenthey've done it, the sense of
achievement and oh wow I can'tbelieve I did that and that's
what leads to step two andstep three and it's a journey
you don't go from you knowcaroing in a corner to
suddenly standing on doing aTED talk. It is a journey. And
(21:28):
that's what I like aboutpeople like you that tell
their story and that wordvisibility and how it changed
for you in your journey.Anyone, anyone can do it. And
it's being inspired by peoplelike yourself and think, well,
actually, what is the oppositeof that? If my voice was
removed, I don't want that.They want to do it. Yeah. I
(21:51):
mean, we were taught when wewere in visibility. It's
something we get caught. It isnot something we're born with.
I study a lot of psychologythat people can be introverts
and extroverts, people can bepessimists or optimists, we're
all different, but beinginvisible, feeling like you
(22:14):
have to hide, feeling likethat you don't count or what
you say doesn't matter iscaught. Okay, we're all more,
some people are more sensitiveand some people are less
sensitive. Okay, so for somepeople, they're less
sensitive. Yeah. But thereality is, it's something
that we're taught. And ifwe're taught something, we can
(22:35):
learn something else. Okay,we're not made nervous of
speaking. We're not, I mean,we are made, we're not born
that we learn it, it's learnedbehavior. And the more we
practice the other behavior,the more we'll learn that
behavior, okay? And it's alearning. And what you're
doing in your work is you'reteaching people that it's
(22:58):
something they can learn howto do. And then when they do
learn how to do it, it's likelearning when I learned how to
belly dance. It's like, oh myGod, look at me. Yeah, yeah.
And that's the key word. Youcan learn, you can learn and
you can also unlearn. And, youknow, you brought me back to
the babies and the toddlers.They scream when they want
(23:19):
things that, you know, I needthis. I want this. And, you
know, that's gradually sort ofsort of taught out of us. So
back to your visibility, thenwhat's been a surprising
benefit to being visible, tobeing being visible? I think,
and I've had a real kind ofupshoot in my visibility
(23:40):
recently, I think one of themost surprising benefits is
how much people I knowalready, you know, because
I've been working for a longtime now, how much they
appreciate me steppingforwards and owning this
space. I thinkit sounds a bit kind of, you
(24:06):
know, self aggrandizement tosay it but what's been
surprising is knowing thatI've got the capacity to be a
role model for it and I'veknown this because I know
stuff but I didn't know it.You know there's two types of
knowing, what you know andthen what you know. If
somebody is willing to stepforwards, like I am willing to
(24:27):
step forwards and do the workso that I'm talking from, you
know, I think as Danny Wallacesays, talking from the scar,
not the wound, then the mostsurprising thing is that other
people contacting me andgoing, actually, you know, I
feel a bit like that too, orgosh, I read that. I mean,
I've had calls from peoplesince the bit in the Telegraph
recently, and they've said,you know, your situation
(24:49):
sounds a bit like thesituation I'm in. They're not,
they're not clients. They'renot coming to me for work.
They're just coming to mebecause they're identifying
and they know they're notalone. And that, I mean, I
don't even know. It just movesme so deeply. Yeah. So you,
you had a piece in theTelegraph recently and that
(25:12):
was, that was about your storyand people who completely
resonate with, with yourstory. Cause that, that was
about being a complete shock.And that's so interesting
because people often feelalone when they're in that
shocking situation, but tocome across something like
(25:33):
that, where someone's gonethrough exactly what they're
going through and they relateto it, it resonates and
they're just like, oh no, I'mnot alone. And I think that,
you know, in that moment ofdespair or whatever, to feel
that I'm not alone. Someoneelse is going through that.
That gives that hope, thatpathway, a roadmap of, well,
(25:54):
this is what I need to do now.Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to,
I'm now going to be a bitbusinessy about this. Okay.
I'm going to step from thiskind of empath, empathy role
into business. Being visiblegrows my business. Yeah. And
that allows me to Pay my way,have a pension, support my
(26:19):
daughter and my son. And Ifeel it's important to say
that because there's all theseheart-led pieces about
visibility, but the other sideis it's a really good way of
growing your business becauseit means I'm reaching more
people. It means that I'mincreasing my authority. I'm
learning actually by beingmore visible because people
(26:41):
are asking me on podcasts anddoing stuff like that and so
from a business point of view,transformative and I want
to say it because I'm reallyproud of being a
businesswoman. I'm proud ofbeing an entrepreneur. I'm
really proud of it. I've hadmany businesses. I started my
first business when I was nineselling bread to people on
(27:02):
boatyards. But I'm proud ofbeing a business person and
visibility allows me to growmy business. And I would say
that to anybody who's worryingabout visibility. That's how
you grow your business, that'sthe primary way of growing
your business. And also wemeet these experts in these
(27:23):
fields. And I don't know anydivorce experts and you know
it's it is a lot of people gothrough divorce you know that
I don't know the statisticsyou probably do but people
need to know where to gobecause you know I would
automatically think I need togo to a lawyer but it's not
necessarily the first step itmay not they consult someone
(27:47):
like you first. Well the thingis about a lawyer is a lawyer
lawyers are really good atlaw. But the process of
divorce is emotional, familyturmoil, psychological,
administrative, procedural,Psychological. Family
dynamics. Dating againafterwards. Wondering about
(28:12):
what your future is. Am Igoing to have enough money?
How the hell do I buy a newhouse? What do I do when the
washing machine breaks downwhen the other person used to
deal with it? I never used todo the admin, they say. How am
I going to do that? There's somany layers. So going to a
divorce lawyer, which you mustget a good lawyer, It's not
going to help you with all theother stuff, which is
(28:33):
basically getting your lifeback on track. Getting fit,
getting healthy. Dealing withyour kids, somebody said to me
just yesterday on one of mykind of course webinars that I
do, I don't know what to dowhen the kids are with the
other parents. Because they'veprobably never been on their
own before at that time. No,also they've never had the
(28:55):
experience of their childbeing with the other parent,
feeling really anxious aboutthem being with the other
parent, desperately wanting tosay, what did you do? What did
you eat? Where did you go?What did you meet his new
girlfriend or a new boyfriend?And that kind of questioning
makes a kid shut down and feelreally bad. Yeah. A lawyer is
not going to tell you how youhave those conversations with
(29:16):
your kid when they come backso that you can reconnect and
you can create a safe spacefor a child that might have
had a really difficult timewith the other parent and
needs a safe landing zone sothat you can catch them. So
interesting really. So do youhave any rituals or anything
(29:38):
that you do before if you needto, if you're doing an
appearance on a podcast or ifyou've been anywhere else that
you need to kind of psychyourself up to get ready for?
Well I do and these arehonestly I mean, when I chose
to be visible, I decided I hadto do it. So some of the
background stuff I did, I didgo to a really good personal
(30:00):
stylist and work out how towear clothes.
Yes, and I ring her up and Iwill say, Catherine, I'm
thinking about like, whatshall I wear? And she'll say,
what about that pink dress orwhat about that blue shirt?
It's part of my ritual, butknowing what I'm going to
(30:22):
wear. From Sandra Garlick, Ilearned Perfume, a little
spray of perfume. I went andbought myself and even though
we're talking on Zoom, I spraymyself with perfume. You know,
putting my feet flat on theground and usually taking my
shoes off. So that my feet areflat on the ground so that I'm
(30:44):
comfortable. These are thethings that I do and they may
seem kind of little butknowing what you're going to
wear really I mean that is mytop tip that I give to anybody
who wants to be physicalliterally get your wardrobe
sorted out so you feel reallycomfy and relaxed and okay in
your clothes and you know whatcolors suit you yeah but
perfume really think it wasCoco Chanel. think it was her
(31:10):
who said, a woman, a woman whodoesn't wear perfume has no
future and it always made methink of it, yeah anyway there
you go that's my ritual reallyfeet on the ground really
think about what I'm going towear a squirt of perfume and
then smile because I love whatI do and just remember that
(31:30):
like I'm here because I loveit. I love that little ritual.
And as you know, I am perfumeobsessed. Totally agree with
that statement. And yourclothing and your rituals. For
me, it's like psychologicalpreparation, getting ready,
right? I'm stepping into thisrole. Not quite armour but
(31:52):
costume. It's like a powermove for me and it's something
that shifts in your brain, youknow, I'm ready for this, this
is what I'm doing now and if Iwas doing something that would
make me nervous, that wouldcalm me down because
psychologically I'm ready. Soif you were, what visibility
channel has moved the needlemost for your business? Have
you done anything really,really scary? I mean, I'm
(32:16):
going to say doing the mediainterview and I've had a few
pieces in Grazia and Metro andthey've been kind of about my
expertise. The piece in theTelegraph and the piece on the
Vanessa show, which was a lotmore personal because it was
(32:36):
about me. I can honestly tellyou I was very, very, very
scared and anxious. Was thatlive? That was live TV, wasn't
it? It was, yes. And I gotcalled in the morning about
that. Can you go on at 12? Soit was kind of... It was live
and I've never done anythinglike that before, but there
was no choice in my journey ofvisibility other than to show
(32:58):
up and put somethingon, spray my perfume on and
go, but I would say thatthat's moved the dial most.
I've really spent so much timetrying to do this, lots of
(33:19):
writing, but that was the mostscary thing but I actually
think that's the thing that'smoved the dial most because
it's not just about what Iknow, it's about who I am and
what I believe and what myvalues are and what my story
is because the work that I doThat's fulfilling, you know,
(33:40):
that's the meat and bones ofme and I can be no different
than I appear to be. Otherthan that, I try not to swear
too much when I'm on telly. Idid, I don't swear. Because I
was raised at sea and peopleat sea do swear a lot so I've
got to lie. Oh, I can imagine.People also swear a lot in
Ireland, that's a thing. Theydo. You know, reflecting on
(34:02):
that Vanessa piece, because itlied to me, right, so they
called the morning. Do youknow what I love about that,
and you might hate me forsaying this, I love that you
were immediately put under thepressure. That you had to do
it, you had no time to think,you didn't sit on it, and you
didn't have time for it. So ifthey'd said to you on Monday,
oh, Eve, can you do this pieceon Friday? You'd gone four
(34:25):
days thinking about that. Youmay not have performed as well
as you did. But now thatyou've done Yeah no I agree
with you and it was it wasalso a real eye-opener doing
that because all of the otherthings like even doing this
you know we can have a chatbeforehand about what the
questions were but actuallywhat was it really interested
about for me for doing that isshe wasn't interviewing me to
(34:49):
find out about me she wasbringing me on to comment and
that's really different andthat's For me, that's really,
really important. That's whatvisibility does. She basically
brought me on to ask myopinion. She wasn't asking me
who I am or what my work is orwhat motivates me. She was
asking me, what are yourthoughts on this subject? For
(35:14):
me, that feels like a realmade-it moment for me, you
know, that I've made, I'veshifted, I've gone like, oh,
I'm playing the game of lifeand I've just gone up a level
because I was asked for mythoughts and that's really all
she wanted, it was threeminutes, what do you think
about that, what happened toyou, bye, let's go and talk to
(35:36):
some other people. You know,it's really like, it's an
interesting thing. But for me,that was a real like, people
would just want to know whatthink about that. Yeah,
because I've got something tosay and I do have some
thoughts. And you're theexpert on the topic that they
were talking about. And therewere celebrities on the sofa.
(35:59):
But I loved that and that wasthat, you know, to have that
acknowledgement of yourexpertise. So what do you
think, Eve? What was yourexperience? Yeah, it was very
well done and it was just sointeresting that there you
were, giving your thoughts onit. But yeah, I do like the
fact that you didn't have longto prepare and to do it. I
(36:24):
think that's what you have todo sometimes. I think it's
best not to know. You know,it's very easy to scatter when
you're under pressure in yourthoughts, you know. We get
overwhelmed and we getadrenaline and then we just
scatter. But yeah, so I'm gladI didn't know that. There's a
lesson there though isn'tthere, you know, just do it,
(36:46):
just grab the opportunities,just do it. And with that
piece, you know, the wordsthat they used, the vocabulary
that they all used, Vanessaherself, so many strong words
there. You know, I wasshattered, I was floored, you
know, very, very strong wordsand it was a very interesting
piece. So where can we findout more about you online? And
(37:08):
I'll put these links in theshow notes as well as what
we've discussed as well andpeople can see for themselves
that performance wasn't aperformance. It was very
interesting. Yeah, I'll putthis in the show So I think
probably, I mean, I have mywebsite, evestanway.co.uk, but
a good place to find me is onYouTube, because that's where
(37:30):
you kind of get me as I am,certainly as I am in a working
place, my clients who see mego, oh, that was just what you
were like when we were workingwith you. I mean obviously I'm
a bit more structured when I'mdoing a coaching session so I
would say YouTube my book is areally good way there's a lot
of tips and within my bookI've got resources on the
(37:52):
website as well that peoplecan access and I've also If
you go to my website and havea look, and actually if you go
to YouTube and have a look, Imean I'm on all the other
social medias as well, you'llfind details about my course
as well, which is specificallyto help parents with those
difficult conversations withtheir children, which I just
wanted to put out there in away so that people don't have
(38:15):
to, it's not classroomlessons, they can get it and
listen to it at their ownleisure because it's, you
know, these are longconversations. So yeah,
YouTube, my website, And allthe usual channels, you can
find me just put Eve Stanwayin Google and I come up.
That's very pleasing a numberof times. That's great. I will
put all the links in the shownotes for this podcast. And
(38:39):
Eve Stanway, thank you so muchfor joining me. I have loved
it. It's such a fascinatingjourney that you've taken us
on and a very unique storythat you presented by
yourself. And the beginningsthat you had and everything
that's transpired in your lifehas been absolutely
fascinating. Thank you so muchfor joining me. It's been a
pleasure. Yeah. Well, thankyou so much, Amanda. I really
(39:01):
appreciate it. It's beenlovely to talk to you today.
Thank you. Thank you so muchfor spending time with me
today. If you have enjoyedthis episode, please leave a
review and share it with abusiness bestie who might also
find it useful. You have beenlistening to the Grow Your
Brand with Amanda podcast. Ifyou want to know more about
how I can help you grow yourbrand, then visit my website
(39:22):
amandajane.co.uk or come andsay hi on Instagram at
CoachAmandaJane. Bye for now.
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