July 6, 2025 • 28 mins
Before I rebranded my podcast, I sat down with the brilliant Chantal, coach, mama, and all-round wise woman who opened up about her journey into understanding the nervous system (and trust me, she makes it all make sense). We talked about why emotional regulation isn’t just for grown-ups, how overwhelm can creep in when you’re juggling parenting and life, and why being trauma-informed matters more than ever.
But it’s not all science and self-care. We also dove into personal branding in the age of AI, how to show up as your real self online, and what Chantal’s planning next for her biz (spoiler: it involves a shiny new website and a VIP offer you’ll want to keep your eye on).
Whether you're a parent, business owner, or just someone trying to keep it together without losing yourself, join us for this fascinating chat!
NOTES:
Follow Chantal on Instagram
Book your free 15 minute Visibility & Brand Audit With Amanda
Visit Amanda’s website and join Amanda on Instagram
Join the Grow Your Brand With Amanda Facebook Community
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Grow Your Brandwith Amanda podcast, helping
you become a powerhouse brandwith bullseye messaging,
targeted visibility and scrollstopping content. I'm Amanda
Jane and I want to helpbusinesses like yours showcase
more of you so you're nothiding behind your logo, And
your audience gets to see thereal, authentic personality
(00:21):
behind your brand. Myphilosophy is the only way to
be comfortable in thespotlight is to truly believe
you belong there. And thattakes a little bit of work for
most business owners becausewe're not all naturals in
front of the camera ormicrophone. On this podcast,
I'm going to share lots ofactionable tips and advice to
enable you to grow your brandin a way that's comfortable
(00:42):
for you. I'll also befeaturing special guests who
will share their amazingjourneys with us. It's time to
grow your brand with Amanda,so let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome tothe bravery behind the brand
podcast. I'm your host AmandaJane and today I have with me
(01:04):
Chantal Sears. Hello Chantal.Hello. Thank you for joining
me and we've been trying toget together for months due to
our mad hectic schedule. SoI'm really glad that Chantal
can join me today. So Chantalis a trauma informed
practitioner. And we're goingto get to that a little bit
later. Nervous System Mentorand I'm really curious to
(01:25):
understand that and what it isexactly you do. But before we
get to all that juicy stuff,do you have a favourite
motivational song? Yes, I do.I don't know if you would
class it as a motivationalsong or not, but the one that
comes to mind for me is UnderPressure by Queen. I just love
(01:47):
that one. It gets me sort ofin the mood and gets me going
again. Yeah, it kind of makesyou think that you're not
alone. I love FreddieMercury so much. I've always
been a huge fan and honestlyif there's ever anything on
the TV sort of remembering himor if the song comes on, to
this day I still tear upbecause I just loved him so
(02:11):
much. It's just one of life'samazing characters but yeah I
love that one that's going onthe playlist and do you have a
motivational quote? Noteveryone does but do you
happen to have one? Well yeahso it is if you first if at
first you don't succeed trytry try again. Yeah, yeah
that's a good one. You've justgot to keep going haven't you.
(02:35):
You've got four boys did yousay? Yeah four boys. So you
must have seen Finding Nemo isit where the fish goes just
keep swimming. Yeah definitelyyeah and the other quote that
I do say well this may be abit negative but I always
think this too shall pass. Soif say I'm having a bit of It
(02:58):
was a tricky moment with theboys or anything, I just
think, this too shall pass,it's okay, it'll be fine.
Yeah, that's so good to hangon to and I remember putting
on Facebook when Covid firsthit and we all got sent home
and I remember putting up,there was something floating
around at the time and itsaid, this too shall pass like
a kidney stone but it shallpass. And it did! It was
(03:21):
tough, it was tough and we'restill sort of feeling the
legacy but yeah, everythinghas a beginning and a middle
and an end, doesn't it? I canhear your dog, it's okay.
What's it called? Marlowe. OhMarlowe, that's so cool,
that's so cool. And do youread? Yes, yeah so I'm an avid
(03:42):
reader so normally I haveabout two or three books on
the go so yeah and I've justset myself a challenge
actually for this year to read60 books and I'm on schedule
so yeah so that's good. 60books, wow that's amazing, how
do you find the time? Well Iyeah I just sort of try and
prioritize it because it's Iknow that it's beneficial to
(04:04):
me and it's part of likedowntime for me so I just put
that in and admittedly I don'treally watch any telly I don't
really get the remote if I'mhonest so I just sort of read
quite a lot but yeah Iabsolutely love it so I read
both fiction and nonfiction.But yeah, I'm always with a
(04:24):
book. And do you read physicalbooks or Kindle or audiobooks?
Oh, always physical. Oh, no,actually, I've just, so last
year I just started reading,well, listening on an audio
when I'm cooking. Otherwise,yeah, my preference is
physical book. I just thinkabout the smell and just
holding the book. Yeah, I likethem all. I've got a Kindle
(04:47):
audiobooks and I like physicalbooks, usually if it's
something It's not justeducational or non-fiction I
still like holding a book andI like putting in a little tab
or something to remind me butyeah I've always been a keen
reader but yeah it's justamazing and it's nice that
you've always got anotherworld to disappear into but
(05:08):
that's really good and youlive somewhere absolutely
glorious. And you probablylive in one of my dream
destinations. You're right bythe sea in Coral. You're so
lucky. And what's that like? Idon't even need to ask. Are
you really close to the beach?Can you go everywhere? Yeah,
so walking distance probably12 minutes, like, you know,
(05:32):
drive it's probably Yeah it'sjust lush so I would you know
we see the sea every daypretty much. That's an
incredible place to bring upyour boys. Yeah it's really
lovely. I was killed for thatbut when I lived in Ireland
and we weren't too far fromthe sea it was like a 45
(05:53):
minute drive it was always myfavorite place to go and you
know to the sea and the MoornMountains and they were all in
one place and I always justfeel like I get called I miss
it so much but where we arenow it's it's not quite as
it's not quite you know asdistance wise a bit longer but
I do miss it but you are soincredibly lucky that is
amazing thank you on to youand your incredible business
(06:17):
and I'm just so interested inall the psychology and things
behind it so tell me about itand who or what inspired you
to start it? So I had my boysquite close together and I
just finished being a primaryschool teacher and then I read
a book when my youngestwas quite small and it was all
(06:42):
about the nervous system butfrom having children and it
was absolutely fascinating andit really got me into sort of
the neuroscience behind it.During that time and a bit
before I noticed myself youknow I wasn't maybe as present
(07:02):
as I'd like to be and justdifferent things like that and
I you know I knew I had tokeep going out at the time so
I was constantly walking andthose sorts of things making
sure I was outside with theboys and that massively helps
me but then obviously fromreading this book it sort of
made sense. It helped mebecause I was regulating my
(07:23):
nervous system so I wasn'tthen feeling anxious or
stressed or overwhelmed I wasable to regulate and keep
myself grounded and then thathelped me to be more present
for my children and moreconnected and then
fast-forward a couple of yearsand then I trained to be a
trauma-informed practitioner Idid maybe think I was going to
(07:48):
go back to schools toimplement this but I decided
not to and again that wasfascinating as well and that
was even more about nervoussystem regulation and it sort
of has just... It's gone onfrom there really and yeah I
love it, I find it reallyreally fascinating and what I
(08:10):
love about it is that some ofthe tools that you can use are
just really really simple andthat's what I think I like
about it is that there issimplicity to it but how it
will obviously make a profounddifference when we use those
tools and those skills in ourdaily life. It's so
(08:31):
interesting isn't it if youjust pick up a book and all of
a sudden you're like wow thisis the thing and anything to
sort of do with the brain andneuroscience and anything like
that is just so so interestingfor me and so how long ago was
that? Oh gosh so I think myson, he was only about one so
(08:53):
it was nine years ago and thenwhen I did my trauma informed
training that was maybe sixyears ago I think so it's been
quite a while and now actuallyI've got to say I'm also
training to be apsychotherapist so it was all
linked. Yeah, it's just like astepping stone, isn't it? From
(09:16):
one thing to the next thingwhich just leads naturally to
where you want to go. So withall of that, I suppose you're
learning something new butalso knitting together the
things that you already knew.So what would you say was the
biggest challenge then on thatjourney? um I think at the
start it was just obviouslyyou you know the skills and
(09:39):
you understand why you shouldbe doing certain things but
it's just I guess my ownpersonal self just making sure
that you carry on implementingthem and you know say one day
you you Don't put in as manytools as maybe you should so
you are feeling a little bitoverwhelmed or anxious or
however you're feeling butjust to remember to just keep
(10:02):
on going, keep trying and thenit will eventually get easier
and also I think for me atfirst it was the time you know
like oh my gosh how can I fitcertain things in I'm already
busy raising my boys and thosesorts of things but actually
when I did So when I pushedmyself and put in that time,
(10:22):
it actually made it easier andI had more time if that made
sense. So I simplified andlost certain things I was
doing. in order to make placefor the things that I knew
would be of a benefit and thatand that greatly helped to
that then I had more time ifthat makes sense so I kind of
(10:44):
took care of the overwhelmmaybe and just give you the
things that that wereimportant in that in that
moment rather than all thecluttered stuff you knew yes
that you needed to kind offocus on no it's just so
fascinating so if you weregoing back to the beginning
then and and when you sayTrauma-informed, I don't know
(11:08):
what that means, so what wouldthat mean to someone who'd
never sort of come across thatterm before? Oh, so I'm just
doing my plug but I am here,my battery just about to go,
there you go, I've justdone it.
(11:33):
is having trauma in their lifeor is having trauma in their
life and it's being able to bethere for that person in order
to help them to regulate theirnervous system so if say
you've had some trauma you'regoing through a traumatic
situation and you can be inthat It's a fight or flight or
(11:59):
freeze scenario and it'svery hard for you to regulate
your emotions because you'realways at that stress level so
when you're trauma informedyou're coming alongside that
person or that child teachingthem tools in order to help
them to So they can no longerbe at that stress level so
(12:23):
that they can then regulatetheir emotions and it's also
teaching them how to knowtheir different emotions as
well because some people theyare always just in that stress
situation so it may be thatyou know they're always
looking to run as such youknow that flight and so you're
(12:47):
having to sort teach themabout you know how are you
feeling right now okay let'slook at what we can do to
bring you down to calm calmyour nervous system so that
you are No longer in thatstress state, because when
we're in a state like that,when our nervous system is
dysregulated, we're not ableto function the way that we
(13:11):
should as such, you know,we're always sort of looking
over our shoulder where, youknow, we may not be able to
sleep properly, we may findthat we're getting ill quite
often, for example, we may...I feel that you know even the
smallest tasks we have to dowe're struggling to do them.
We may have brain fog forexample. All of those things
(13:36):
can be signs that we are inthat high stress alert and for
some people and children sadlythey are so used to being in
that sort of state that theydon't recognize it, they don't
realize in a way that they areIn that state, for example. So
when you are trauma informed,you can come alongside a
(13:59):
person or a child and teachthem and show them tools that
can help them to regulatetheir nervous system and to
help them to feel calm againand connected and yeah, could
go on about this forever. Oh,it's so interesting. And I was
just thinking how receptivethen are children to that?
Because obviously you approachit differently. How receptive
(14:24):
are children and how would yougo about it? What would that
look like? So it depends onchild by child and how old the
child is. So it would depend,but you would start obviously
very slowly depending on howthe child is, what sort of
(14:48):
state they're in, in theirstress levels, in their
deregulation, but you wouldstart just by coming alongside
them at first and being ableto slowly gain their trust
that you are a person thatThey can sort of confide in
that they're that you are aperson that is there to to
(15:09):
help them and then once yousort of gain their trust and
they understand that you areand it's called an emotionally
available adult so someonethat they can just sit with
and come alongside then thatcan obviously help them
immensely and then that's whenthe work starts so then you
(15:30):
can you know if they are Youknow if for example I'll go
back to my teaching day so ifa child comes into school and
they're really they come inquite angry and stressed and
frustrated then you can youknow as they're emotionally
available adult you can go upto that child maybe take them
outside play a few games withthem you know just. Do things
(15:55):
that you know that will workwith that particular child in
order to then bring down theirstress level so that they can
feel calm again and then theycan start to feel regulated
and then it's the same for fora grown up so for example I
would now I would have aconversation with an adult
talk about how they're feelingand look into maybe why
(16:19):
they're feeling certain ways.Look into their schedule
already and then together comeup with a bespoke plan, giving
them tools that will fitaround their life already
because obviously we'realready busy juggling lots of
things already, but thenthrough that, then we can come
(16:42):
up with a plan that will workfor them and in that plan will
be tools that they can usedaily. However often they
need, which will again helpthem to calm their nervous
system down and to regulatethem. So it could be, for
example, things such as havinga morning routine. So, you
(17:03):
know, instead of just gettingup, maybe, you know, rushing
to do, you know, the to dolist straight away, getting
the kids to school or whateverit may be, it may be that you
get up slightly earlier. thatyou sit down with a cup coffee
and you have a nice breakfastfor example just to you know
(17:23):
ground yourself you know maybeyou you may write in a journal
for example and then it andthen like little tools like
that throughout the day thatdon't have to take very long
but they can make a massivedifference and the other thing
what you can do is I can'tremember the stat now which is
frustrating but Generally,people and children, they only
(17:49):
have, I think it's a range offour emotions, that's it, that
they can name. Obviously,there are a lot more emotions
than that, but it's justchecking in with yourself, you
know, and thinking, how am Ifeeling today? What's going on
for me? What emotion is that?And getting curious around it.
Why am I feeling like that? Isthere a certain reason behind
(18:12):
it? And then from that, Thenyou can go further okay I'm
feeling like this today it maybe that I'm feeling a bit
anxious because I've got aparticular meeting later on
okay what can I do in order tomake myself feel less anxious
right before the meeting I'mgoing to take a half hour
(18:34):
lunch break for example andI'm going to sit down with a
proper lunch. You know, nicedrink just to get myself nice
and calm before I do thatmeeting, for example. So it's
just putting in those toolsand working with that person
to put in those tools, whichcan then help them to regulate
(18:54):
their nervous system. I'msmiling because I'm just, I'm
just identifying witheverything that you said. And,
you know, I've not heard thatterm before and I've written
it down, emotionally availableadult. And I just think. Wow!
What a difference that makesin a child's life. I'm
(19:14):
thinking back to when my girlswere little and I used to
create spaces where we wouldjust pile on. The bed on a
Saturday morning, you know,and we just didn't go
anywhere. We just sit and chatand I'm mentally thinking was
I was I an emotionallyavailable adult, you know, and
I've got a brilliantrelationship with my girls
and, you know, we talk a lotand I'm thinking, yeah, I must
(19:35):
have done something right, butsome people just don't don't
know and they're busy andthey've got other things in
their lives and they're doingtheir best. They can't fit it
in. But then when you saidabout sitting down and having
your breakfast and What theysay when you're on a plane,
you need to put your own maskon before you put your child's
on and there's just so manythings that we're all trying
to juggle as busy parentsbecause I believe truly
(19:58):
everyone's trying to do theirvery best but everything's
such a rush and there's somany things to worry about
today for example in this verymoment there's so many things
to worry about and if you juststop to take a breath and
think what does that worldlook like through the eyes of
your child And if you did stopfor a moment, it's pretty
(20:18):
scary, especially if parentsand carers are Even more
running around busy and doingstuff and just and then when
you said stop to ask yourselfhow are you feeling I'm an
empath and I read somewherethat sometimes I don't know my
own feelings because I'mfeeling everybody else's and
that really stopped me deadbecause sometimes I didn't
(20:43):
know myself but that's a wholeother thing to study and now I
have to actually think tomyself Is this how I'm feeling
or am I feeling this waybecause of XYZ and there's so
many things that you need toyou know you can you know
people like you draw ourattention to these things and
it's just so interesting andyou just can't do it all on a
(21:03):
podcast but I'm just sofascinated by everything you
said but even if that that youknow what you said just shines
a light and creates thatawareness. On anybody
listening, I just think it's afantastic thing to sort of
shine a light on because justhaving that fraction of
awareness means that we can doa little bit more research or
stop and check in withourselves and, you know, how
(21:26):
am I feeling, what do I need,what am I not doing for myself
so that I can help, you know,children, other people in the
family or whatever. but yeahit is it's just such a
fascinating subject so if youcould if you could give
yourself one piece of advicewhen starting this journey
what would it be because I'mthinking you must have taken
(21:46):
on such a lot of issues youknow I don't want to put words
in your mouth but what pieceof advice would you give in
yourself to be kind to myselfto just not want I wanted
things to happen yesterdayjust to sort of go with the
process but to do it in a waythat I am kind to myself you
(22:11):
know I guess so for example wecan quite easily you know
break ourselves like oh wedidn't you know why did you do
it this way or you should havedone it so that this website
or whatever it is is be madequicker for example. You know,
I think we need to just, youknow, give ourselves a break.
I know I do sometimes, youknow, sometimes and, you know,
(22:35):
just realize that things willhappen when they're meant to
happen. But during thejourney, just to be kind to
ourselves and that will take alot of the pressure And
obviously, like what we weretalking earlier about our
emotions, that will make amassive impact. You know, when
we're kind to ourselves and wegive ourselves that grace and
we think about, right, what doI need right now? And I still
(23:04):
think there's a little part ofus that feels that selfish and
I try not to sort of make thatlink, but I know that I have,
you know, you think, oh, Ican't do this because I'm
selfish because, you know, thechildren need this, the family
needs that, but I see it moreand more now on social media
and it's becoming more It'sabsorbed in our language and I
(23:25):
love it, you know, theself-care and the more that
that gets out there that's notselfish, it's important and I
still come back to that maskon the plane, you need to put
your own mask on before you dothat, but yeah, checking in
with yourself, making surethat you're okay because if
you're not looking afteryourself and you break, the
consequences of that are worsethan, you know, you sort of
(23:49):
just carrying on and carryingon. But yeah it is important
to be kind to yourself as wellas everybody else. So moving
on to a little bit more laternow, social media
and your audience. Howcomfortable are you showing up
for your audience and do youdance on social media? No, I'm
(24:09):
not a dancer. No, no way. No,no, I'm not. I think your boys
would forgive you if you ifyou danced on social media.
No, I don't think they were.I've just started sometimes
old like do videos. I do findthem. I can't look at them
back. Like I find them quitecringy, but I will, you know,
(24:30):
talk into a video, forexample. But I am a bit of an
ummer. I'll have quite a fewums in there. Everybody does.
Everybody does, honestly.You've just got to do it. And
I know you mean it, notwatching yourself back, but
you've just got to do it. Andwhat I would say is in the age
of AI, the quirks and thepersonality that is us, that
(24:51):
is precious. Because you can'tdo perfect, you can't do
glossy, and ums and ahs andI'm a very handsy person, you
know, that's just me, but youknow, just do it. Doesn't
matter about the ums, just doit. Yeah, yeah definitely,
thank you. So you'recomfortable showing up, you
just don't like watchingyourself back? No, yeah, I
(25:13):
don't like watching myself,but I'm like, oh no. But you
have the most beautiful accentand that's something I get, it
comes up every now and againwith the podcast about
people's accents and there wasa lady from Newcastle upon
Tyne with the most gloriousGeordie accent and she was
(25:33):
talking about trying to sortof minimise her accent. I was
what? Why? That's the bestthing about you. You're, you
know, because of where youlive and it's just, I could
listen to it all day. Itinvokes holidays and sun and
maybe smuggling and mystery,you know, because of all those
(25:54):
dramas. Honestly, it's just avery comforting accent and it
just sounds really, reallylovely. What's next for you
and your brand? Where do yousee it going? So I'm just in
the process of finishing mywebsite so that's quite
exciting and then I think yeahso next steps will be so I'm
(26:19):
just putting together doing aVIP version of my one to one
that I offer. And then I'mhoping in the not too near
future to do a membership sothat people can have access
and tools available to them toregulate their nervous system
and then you know and I'll doit in a nice easy breezy sort
(26:40):
of way so it's not too youknow a task a heavy task they
can they can just sort of slotit into their lives as such
such so that's the next stepbasically yeah. That's nice.
Is that going to be targetedto parents or is that just for
anyone? Pretty much anyone Ithink at the minute, yeah. So
(27:01):
I might do one that isslightly more targeted to
parents. I haven't worked thatbit out yet at the minute, I
might do two. That's brilliantand I could see a lot of
people leaning into that andbenefiting from it and Like
we're talking about thatawareness you know people will
just be like oh I need that.So yeah I wish you luck with
(27:22):
that. That sounds fantastic.Where can we find out more
about you online? So yeah so Iwill be keeping my domain so
you can find me atwww.grounded.com. I've got
some freebies in there too andalso on social media I'm
(27:44):
Chantal Shears lower-mentor onInstagram. I will put those
links on the show notes of thepodcast and I look forward to
to seeing all the wonderfulthings from you it's just and
you've just explained it insuch a really nice way as well
and I think a lot of peopleare fascinated by all of that
so thank you so much forexplaining that and thank you
(28:06):
so much for coming on mypodcast it's been an absolute
pleasure. Oh thank you forhaving me I've really I've
really enjoyed it it's beenlovely thank you. Brilliant
thank you. Thank you so muchfor spending time with me
today. If you have enjoyedthis episode, please leave a
review and share it with abusiness bestie who might also
find it useful. You have beenlistening to the Grow Your
(28:28):
Brand with Amanda podcast. Ifyou want to know more about
how I can help you grow yourbrand, then visit my website
amandajane.co.uk or come andsay hi on Instagram at
CoachAmandaJane. Bye for now.
Welcome to the Grow Your Brandwith Amanda podcast, helping
you become a powerhouse brandwith bullseye messaging,
targeted visibility and scrollstopping content. I'm Amanda
Jane and I want to helpbusinesses like yours showcase
more of you so you're nothiding behind your logo, And
your audience gets to see thereal, authentic personality
(00:21):
behind your brand. Myphilosophy is the only way to
be comfortable in thespotlight is to truly believe
you belong there. And thattakes a little bit of work for
most business owners becausewe're not all naturals in
front of the camera ormicrophone. On this podcast,
I'm going to share lots ofactionable tips and advice to
enable you to grow your brandin a way that's comfortable
(00:42):
for you. I'll also befeaturing special guests who
will share their amazingjourneys with us. It's time to
grow your brand with Amanda,so let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome tothe bravery behind the brand
podcast. I'm your host AmandaJane and today I have with me
(01:04):
Chantal Sears. Hello Chantal.Hello. Thank you for joining
me and we've been trying toget together for months due to
our mad hectic schedule. SoI'm really glad that Chantal
can join me today. So Chantalis a trauma informed
practitioner. And we're goingto get to that a little bit
later. Nervous System Mentorand I'm really curious to
(01:25):
understand that and what it isexactly you do. But before we
get to all that juicy stuff,do you have a favourite
motivational song? Yes, I do.I don't know if you would
class it as a motivationalsong or not, but the one that
comes to mind for me is UnderPressure by Queen. I just love
(01:47):
that one. It gets me sort ofin the mood and gets me going
again. Yeah, it kind of makesyou think that you're not
alone. I love FreddieMercury so much. I've always
been a huge fan and honestlyif there's ever anything on
the TV sort of remembering himor if the song comes on, to
this day I still tear upbecause I just loved him so
(02:11):
much. It's just one of life'samazing characters but yeah I
love that one that's going onthe playlist and do you have a
motivational quote? Noteveryone does but do you
happen to have one? Well yeahso it is if you first if at
first you don't succeed trytry try again. Yeah, yeah
that's a good one. You've justgot to keep going haven't you.
(02:35):
You've got four boys did yousay? Yeah four boys. So you
must have seen Finding Nemo isit where the fish goes just
keep swimming. Yeah definitelyyeah and the other quote that
I do say well this may be abit negative but I always
think this too shall pass. Soif say I'm having a bit of It
(02:58):
was a tricky moment with theboys or anything, I just
think, this too shall pass,it's okay, it'll be fine.
Yeah, that's so good to hangon to and I remember putting
on Facebook when Covid firsthit and we all got sent home
and I remember putting up,there was something floating
around at the time and itsaid, this too shall pass like
a kidney stone but it shallpass. And it did! It was
(03:21):
tough, it was tough and we'restill sort of feeling the
legacy but yeah, everythinghas a beginning and a middle
and an end, doesn't it? I canhear your dog, it's okay.
What's it called? Marlowe. OhMarlowe, that's so cool,
that's so cool. And do youread? Yes, yeah so I'm an avid
(03:42):
reader so normally I haveabout two or three books on
the go so yeah and I've justset myself a challenge
actually for this year to read60 books and I'm on schedule
so yeah so that's good. 60books, wow that's amazing, how
do you find the time? Well Iyeah I just sort of try and
prioritize it because it's Iknow that it's beneficial to
(04:04):
me and it's part of likedowntime for me so I just put
that in and admittedly I don'treally watch any telly I don't
really get the remote if I'mhonest so I just sort of read
quite a lot but yeah Iabsolutely love it so I read
both fiction and nonfiction.But yeah, I'm always with a
(04:24):
book. And do you read physicalbooks or Kindle or audiobooks?
Oh, always physical. Oh, no,actually, I've just, so last
year I just started reading,well, listening on an audio
when I'm cooking. Otherwise,yeah, my preference is
physical book. I just thinkabout the smell and just
holding the book. Yeah, I likethem all. I've got a Kindle
(04:47):
audiobooks and I like physicalbooks, usually if it's
something It's not justeducational or non-fiction I
still like holding a book andI like putting in a little tab
or something to remind me butyeah I've always been a keen
reader but yeah it's justamazing and it's nice that
you've always got anotherworld to disappear into but
(05:08):
that's really good and youlive somewhere absolutely
glorious. And you probablylive in one of my dream
destinations. You're right bythe sea in Coral. You're so
lucky. And what's that like? Idon't even need to ask. Are
you really close to the beach?Can you go everywhere? Yeah,
so walking distance probably12 minutes, like, you know,
(05:32):
drive it's probably Yeah it'sjust lush so I would you know
we see the sea every daypretty much. That's an
incredible place to bring upyour boys. Yeah it's really
lovely. I was killed for thatbut when I lived in Ireland
and we weren't too far fromthe sea it was like a 45
(05:53):
minute drive it was always myfavorite place to go and you
know to the sea and the MoornMountains and they were all in
one place and I always justfeel like I get called I miss
it so much but where we arenow it's it's not quite as
it's not quite you know asdistance wise a bit longer but
I do miss it but you are soincredibly lucky that is
amazing thank you on to youand your incredible business
(06:17):
and I'm just so interested inall the psychology and things
behind it so tell me about itand who or what inspired you
to start it? So I had my boysquite close together and I
just finished being a primaryschool teacher and then I read
a book when my youngestwas quite small and it was all
(06:42):
about the nervous system butfrom having children and it
was absolutely fascinating andit really got me into sort of
the neuroscience behind it.During that time and a bit
before I noticed myself youknow I wasn't maybe as present
(07:02):
as I'd like to be and justdifferent things like that and
I you know I knew I had tokeep going out at the time so
I was constantly walking andthose sorts of things making
sure I was outside with theboys and that massively helps
me but then obviously fromreading this book it sort of
made sense. It helped mebecause I was regulating my
(07:23):
nervous system so I wasn'tthen feeling anxious or
stressed or overwhelmed I wasable to regulate and keep
myself grounded and then thathelped me to be more present
for my children and moreconnected and then
fast-forward a couple of yearsand then I trained to be a
trauma-informed practitioner Idid maybe think I was going to
(07:48):
go back to schools toimplement this but I decided
not to and again that wasfascinating as well and that
was even more about nervoussystem regulation and it sort
of has just... It's gone onfrom there really and yeah I
love it, I find it reallyreally fascinating and what I
(08:10):
love about it is that some ofthe tools that you can use are
just really really simple andthat's what I think I like
about it is that there issimplicity to it but how it
will obviously make a profounddifference when we use those
tools and those skills in ourdaily life. It's so
(08:31):
interesting isn't it if youjust pick up a book and all of
a sudden you're like wow thisis the thing and anything to
sort of do with the brain andneuroscience and anything like
that is just so so interestingfor me and so how long ago was
that? Oh gosh so I think myson, he was only about one so
(08:53):
it was nine years ago and thenwhen I did my trauma informed
training that was maybe sixyears ago I think so it's been
quite a while and now actuallyI've got to say I'm also
training to be apsychotherapist so it was all
linked. Yeah, it's just like astepping stone, isn't it? From
(09:16):
one thing to the next thingwhich just leads naturally to
where you want to go. So withall of that, I suppose you're
learning something new butalso knitting together the
things that you already knew.So what would you say was the
biggest challenge then on thatjourney? um I think at the
start it was just obviouslyyou you know the skills and
(09:39):
you understand why you shouldbe doing certain things but
it's just I guess my ownpersonal self just making sure
that you carry on implementingthem and you know say one day
you you Don't put in as manytools as maybe you should so
you are feeling a little bitoverwhelmed or anxious or
however you're feeling butjust to remember to just keep
(10:02):
on going, keep trying and thenit will eventually get easier
and also I think for me atfirst it was the time you know
like oh my gosh how can I fitcertain things in I'm already
busy raising my boys and thosesorts of things but actually
when I did So when I pushedmyself and put in that time,
(10:22):
it actually made it easier andI had more time if that made
sense. So I simplified andlost certain things I was
doing. in order to make placefor the things that I knew
would be of a benefit and thatand that greatly helped to
that then I had more time ifthat makes sense so I kind of
(10:44):
took care of the overwhelmmaybe and just give you the
things that that wereimportant in that in that
moment rather than all thecluttered stuff you knew yes
that you needed to kind offocus on no it's just so
fascinating so if you weregoing back to the beginning
then and and when you sayTrauma-informed, I don't know
(11:08):
what that means, so what wouldthat mean to someone who'd
never sort of come across thatterm before? Oh, so I'm just
doing my plug but I am here,my battery just about to go,
there you go, I've justdone it.
(11:33):
is having trauma in their lifeor is having trauma in their
life and it's being able to bethere for that person in order
to help them to regulate theirnervous system so if say
you've had some trauma you'regoing through a traumatic
situation and you can be inthat It's a fight or flight or
(11:59):
freeze scenario and it'svery hard for you to regulate
your emotions because you'realways at that stress level so
when you're trauma informedyou're coming alongside that
person or that child teachingthem tools in order to help
them to So they can no longerbe at that stress level so
(12:23):
that they can then regulatetheir emotions and it's also
teaching them how to knowtheir different emotions as
well because some people theyare always just in that stress
situation so it may be thatyou know they're always
looking to run as such youknow that flight and so you're
(12:47):
having to sort teach themabout you know how are you
feeling right now okay let'slook at what we can do to
bring you down to calm calmyour nervous system so that
you are No longer in thatstress state, because when
we're in a state like that,when our nervous system is
dysregulated, we're not ableto function the way that we
(13:11):
should as such, you know,we're always sort of looking
over our shoulder where, youknow, we may not be able to
sleep properly, we may findthat we're getting ill quite
often, for example, we may...I feel that you know even the
smallest tasks we have to dowe're struggling to do them.
We may have brain fog forexample. All of those things
(13:36):
can be signs that we are inthat high stress alert and for
some people and children sadlythey are so used to being in
that sort of state that theydon't recognize it, they don't
realize in a way that they areIn that state, for example. So
when you are trauma informed,you can come alongside a
(13:59):
person or a child and teachthem and show them tools that
can help them to regulatetheir nervous system and to
help them to feel calm againand connected and yeah, could
go on about this forever. Oh,it's so interesting. And I was
just thinking how receptivethen are children to that?
Because obviously you approachit differently. How receptive
(14:24):
are children and how would yougo about it? What would that
look like? So it depends onchild by child and how old the
child is. So it would depend,but you would start obviously
very slowly depending on howthe child is, what sort of
(14:48):
state they're in, in theirstress levels, in their
deregulation, but you wouldstart just by coming alongside
them at first and being ableto slowly gain their trust
that you are a person thatThey can sort of confide in
that they're that you are aperson that is there to to
(15:09):
help them and then once yousort of gain their trust and
they understand that you areand it's called an emotionally
available adult so someonethat they can just sit with
and come alongside then thatcan obviously help them
immensely and then that's whenthe work starts so then you
(15:30):
can you know if they are Youknow if for example I'll go
back to my teaching day so ifa child comes into school and
they're really they come inquite angry and stressed and
frustrated then you can youknow as they're emotionally
available adult you can go upto that child maybe take them
outside play a few games withthem you know just. Do things
(15:55):
that you know that will workwith that particular child in
order to then bring down theirstress level so that they can
feel calm again and then theycan start to feel regulated
and then it's the same for fora grown up so for example I
would now I would have aconversation with an adult
talk about how they're feelingand look into maybe why
(16:19):
they're feeling certain ways.Look into their schedule
already and then together comeup with a bespoke plan, giving
them tools that will fitaround their life already
because obviously we'realready busy juggling lots of
things already, but thenthrough that, then we can come
(16:42):
up with a plan that will workfor them and in that plan will
be tools that they can usedaily. However often they
need, which will again helpthem to calm their nervous
system down and to regulatethem. So it could be, for
example, things such as havinga morning routine. So, you
(17:03):
know, instead of just gettingup, maybe, you know, rushing
to do, you know, the to dolist straight away, getting
the kids to school or whateverit may be, it may be that you
get up slightly earlier. thatyou sit down with a cup coffee
and you have a nice breakfastfor example just to you know
(17:23):
ground yourself you know maybeyou you may write in a journal
for example and then it andthen like little tools like
that throughout the day thatdon't have to take very long
but they can make a massivedifference and the other thing
what you can do is I can'tremember the stat now which is
frustrating but Generally,people and children, they only
(17:49):
have, I think it's a range offour emotions, that's it, that
they can name. Obviously,there are a lot more emotions
than that, but it's justchecking in with yourself, you
know, and thinking, how am Ifeeling today? What's going on
for me? What emotion is that?And getting curious around it.
Why am I feeling like that? Isthere a certain reason behind
(18:12):
it? And then from that, Thenyou can go further okay I'm
feeling like this today it maybe that I'm feeling a bit
anxious because I've got aparticular meeting later on
okay what can I do in order tomake myself feel less anxious
right before the meeting I'mgoing to take a half hour
(18:34):
lunch break for example andI'm going to sit down with a
proper lunch. You know, nicedrink just to get myself nice
and calm before I do thatmeeting, for example. So it's
just putting in those toolsand working with that person
to put in those tools, whichcan then help them to regulate
(18:54):
their nervous system. I'msmiling because I'm just, I'm
just identifying witheverything that you said. And,
you know, I've not heard thatterm before and I've written
it down, emotionally availableadult. And I just think. Wow!
What a difference that makesin a child's life. I'm
(19:14):
thinking back to when my girlswere little and I used to
create spaces where we wouldjust pile on. The bed on a
Saturday morning, you know,and we just didn't go
anywhere. We just sit and chatand I'm mentally thinking was
I was I an emotionallyavailable adult, you know, and
I've got a brilliantrelationship with my girls
and, you know, we talk a lotand I'm thinking, yeah, I must
(19:35):
have done something right, butsome people just don't don't
know and they're busy andthey've got other things in
their lives and they're doingtheir best. They can't fit it
in. But then when you saidabout sitting down and having
your breakfast and What theysay when you're on a plane,
you need to put your own maskon before you put your child's
on and there's just so manythings that we're all trying
to juggle as busy parentsbecause I believe truly
(19:58):
everyone's trying to do theirvery best but everything's
such a rush and there's somany things to worry about
today for example in this verymoment there's so many things
to worry about and if you juststop to take a breath and
think what does that worldlook like through the eyes of
your child And if you did stopfor a moment, it's pretty
(20:18):
scary, especially if parentsand carers are Even more
running around busy and doingstuff and just and then when
you said stop to ask yourselfhow are you feeling I'm an
empath and I read somewherethat sometimes I don't know my
own feelings because I'mfeeling everybody else's and
that really stopped me deadbecause sometimes I didn't
(20:43):
know myself but that's a wholeother thing to study and now I
have to actually think tomyself Is this how I'm feeling
or am I feeling this waybecause of XYZ and there's so
many things that you need toyou know you can you know
people like you draw ourattention to these things and
it's just so interesting andyou just can't do it all on a
(21:03):
podcast but I'm just sofascinated by everything you
said but even if that that youknow what you said just shines
a light and creates thatawareness. On anybody
listening, I just think it's afantastic thing to sort of
shine a light on because justhaving that fraction of
awareness means that we can doa little bit more research or
stop and check in withourselves and, you know, how
(21:26):
am I feeling, what do I need,what am I not doing for myself
so that I can help, you know,children, other people in the
family or whatever. but yeahit is it's just such a
fascinating subject so if youcould if you could give
yourself one piece of advicewhen starting this journey
what would it be because I'mthinking you must have taken
(21:46):
on such a lot of issues youknow I don't want to put words
in your mouth but what pieceof advice would you give in
yourself to be kind to myselfto just not want I wanted
things to happen yesterdayjust to sort of go with the
process but to do it in a waythat I am kind to myself you
(22:11):
know I guess so for example wecan quite easily you know
break ourselves like oh wedidn't you know why did you do
it this way or you should havedone it so that this website
or whatever it is is be madequicker for example. You know,
I think we need to just, youknow, give ourselves a break.
I know I do sometimes, youknow, sometimes and, you know,
(22:35):
just realize that things willhappen when they're meant to
happen. But during thejourney, just to be kind to
ourselves and that will take alot of the pressure And
obviously, like what we weretalking earlier about our
emotions, that will make amassive impact. You know, when
we're kind to ourselves and wegive ourselves that grace and
we think about, right, what doI need right now? And I still
(23:04):
think there's a little part ofus that feels that selfish and
I try not to sort of make thatlink, but I know that I have,
you know, you think, oh, Ican't do this because I'm
selfish because, you know, thechildren need this, the family
needs that, but I see it moreand more now on social media
and it's becoming more It'sabsorbed in our language and I
(23:25):
love it, you know, theself-care and the more that
that gets out there that's notselfish, it's important and I
still come back to that maskon the plane, you need to put
your own mask on before you dothat, but yeah, checking in
with yourself, making surethat you're okay because if
you're not looking afteryourself and you break, the
consequences of that are worsethan, you know, you sort of
(23:49):
just carrying on and carryingon. But yeah it is important
to be kind to yourself as wellas everybody else. So moving
on to a little bit more laternow, social media
and your audience. Howcomfortable are you showing up
for your audience and do youdance on social media? No, I'm
(24:09):
not a dancer. No, no way. No,no, I'm not. I think your boys
would forgive you if you ifyou danced on social media.
No, I don't think they were.I've just started sometimes
old like do videos. I do findthem. I can't look at them
back. Like I find them quitecringy, but I will, you know,
(24:30):
talk into a video, forexample. But I am a bit of an
ummer. I'll have quite a fewums in there. Everybody does.
Everybody does, honestly.You've just got to do it. And
I know you mean it, notwatching yourself back, but
you've just got to do it. Andwhat I would say is in the age
of AI, the quirks and thepersonality that is us, that
(24:51):
is precious. Because you can'tdo perfect, you can't do
glossy, and ums and ahs andI'm a very handsy person, you
know, that's just me, but youknow, just do it. Doesn't
matter about the ums, just doit. Yeah, yeah definitely,
thank you. So you'recomfortable showing up, you
just don't like watchingyourself back? No, yeah, I
(25:13):
don't like watching myself,but I'm like, oh no. But you
have the most beautiful accentand that's something I get, it
comes up every now and againwith the podcast about
people's accents and there wasa lady from Newcastle upon
Tyne with the most gloriousGeordie accent and she was
(25:33):
talking about trying to sortof minimise her accent. I was
what? Why? That's the bestthing about you. You're, you
know, because of where youlive and it's just, I could
listen to it all day. Itinvokes holidays and sun and
maybe smuggling and mystery,you know, because of all those
(25:54):
dramas. Honestly, it's just avery comforting accent and it
just sounds really, reallylovely. What's next for you
and your brand? Where do yousee it going? So I'm just in
the process of finishing mywebsite so that's quite
exciting and then I think yeahso next steps will be so I'm
(26:19):
just putting together doing aVIP version of my one to one
that I offer. And then I'mhoping in the not too near
future to do a membership sothat people can have access
and tools available to them toregulate their nervous system
and then you know and I'll doit in a nice easy breezy sort
(26:40):
of way so it's not too youknow a task a heavy task they
can they can just sort of slotit into their lives as such
such so that's the next stepbasically yeah. That's nice.
Is that going to be targetedto parents or is that just for
anyone? Pretty much anyone Ithink at the minute, yeah. So
(27:01):
I might do one that isslightly more targeted to
parents. I haven't worked thatbit out yet at the minute, I
might do two. That's brilliantand I could see a lot of
people leaning into that andbenefiting from it and Like
we're talking about thatawareness you know people will
just be like oh I need that.So yeah I wish you luck with
(27:22):
that. That sounds fantastic.Where can we find out more
about you online? So yeah so Iwill be keeping my domain so
you can find me atwww.grounded.com. I've got
some freebies in there too andalso on social media I'm
(27:44):
Chantal Shears lower-mentor onInstagram. I will put those
links on the show notes of thepodcast and I look forward to
to seeing all the wonderfulthings from you it's just and
you've just explained it insuch a really nice way as well
and I think a lot of peopleare fascinated by all of that
so thank you so much forexplaining that and thank you
(28:06):
so much for coming on mypodcast it's been an absolute
pleasure. Oh thank you forhaving me I've really I've
really enjoyed it it's beenlovely thank you. Brilliant
thank you. Thank you so muchfor spending time with me
today. If you have enjoyedthis episode, please leave a
review and share it with abusiness bestie who might also
find it useful. You have beenlistening to the Grow Your
(28:28):
Brand with Amanda podcast. Ifyou want to know more about
how I can help you grow yourbrand, then visit my website
amandajane.co.uk or come andsay hi on Instagram at
CoachAmandaJane. Bye for now.
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