Leading with Your Capital "S"—Self

In this 10th episode and the final part of our four-part Identity series, we explore what it really means to live authentically. This episode is a reflection on the quiet, internal shift that happens when your values and your actions no longer align—and how to start reclaiming that alignment.

Steve walks through the tension between external approval and inner truth, drawing from personal journal entries, Stoic wisdom, and practical tools for realignment. If you’ve ever felt like you were playing a role instead of living your truth, this one’s for you.

Tune in for five intentional practices to bring your real self—your capital-S Self—into your work, relationships, and daily life.

Episode Transcript

(00:04):
Welcome to Happy Heading Nowhere whereDeep Thinking meets Life's detours.
This is a space for people who are donewith surface answers and easy solutions
because that's not how life works.
If you're ready to build a philosophyfor living each day, even if you
aren't sure how this is for you.

(00:25):
We talk about identity, work,relationships, and the art of
showing up fully in life withoutlosing yourself in the process.
Take a deep breath, relax,and let's get into it.
Hey everybody.
Today is episode number 10.
And it also wraps up ourfour-part series on identity.

(00:48):
Over the past few weeks, we've exploredwho we are beyond our titles, the role of
external validation and how transitionsforce us to rethink everything.
We're wrapping it up with something alittle deeper and a little more personal.
Living authentically and aligningwho you are with how you live.

(01:09):
There's a moment, maybe quiet, maybeloud, when you realize you're not
living the life you actually want,but the questions start right there.
Change how, when, and what's next.
For me, that momentdidn't come with drama.
It came in tension.
I found a journal entryrecently, something I wrote

(01:30):
just about three years ago.
I was wrestling with a situationat work, and so as I often
do, I took that to my journal.
The decision we made wasn't the end ofthe world, but it just didn't feel right,
It was one of those moments for me wherethe values and actions didn't quite align.

(01:51):
And over time, these moments stack up.
Even in good organizations with goodpeople, priorities shift systems get
stressed, and sometimes we can losesight of how we are meant to show up.
That journal entry markedthe beginning of a shift.
It wasn't public, but itwas quiet and internal.

(02:12):
I wasn't ready to walk away atthat moment, but I was ready to
start asking better questions.
What does it mean to lead and livein a way that honors the people
around me without abandoning myself?
What does it look like to staypresent and still move forward?
That's when the shift towardsauthenticity began for me.

(02:37):
To me, living authentically means beingaligned with your values, your virtues and
your Self, and that's a capital S—Self.
I've mentioned it before, I'vebeen learning about these parts
that reside inside ourselves,different parts inside of me and you.
You know that time when you say, Hey,this part of me wants to do this and

(03:00):
that, part of me wants to do that.
We all have parts.
Some parts push to perform.
Some parts just want to hide.
Some parts want to prove somethingand earn something, but the
true Self inside of you, it'scalm, it's clear, it's grounded.

(03:20):
It doesn't need to convinceanyone of anything.
It just leads, and that's theversion of me I wanna bring into
every situation, into every room.
Not the version that's seekingapproval or calculating the right
thing to say, just the me that acts.
The action itself is enough.
Now, let's be real.

(03:41):
This isn't easy.
The first barrier to livingauthentically is usually us.
We have to get out of our own way.
We have to slow down.
We have to notice whichpart of us is showing up.
It takes intention and it takes practice.
It takes stepping back sometimes andlooking at things with a 360 degree view.

Another big barrier for me (04:09):
Approval.
I've spent a lot of timeadmiring leaders I worked with.
I respected their wisdom,their presence, their success.
I wanted to be accepted.
I wanted to belong.
I always wanted a seatat the proverbial table.
But that desire forapproval, it becomes a trap.

(04:30):
There's a quote in Meditationsthat really hit me hard.
It reads.
I have often wondered how it is thatevery man loves himself more than
all the rest of men, but yet setsless value on his own opinion of
himself than on the opinion of others.

(04:52):
Listen to that last part one more time.
You set less value on your own opinion ofyourself than on the opinion of others.
That sums it up, doesn't it?
That one hit me right betweenthe eyes when I read it, and it
should hit you between the eyes.
What do you care aboutwhat other people think?

(05:14):
Look at the way they live their lives.
Look at the decisions they'vemade, and then look at yourself.
Decide for yourself how youwant to live your life, not
based on the approval of others.
The third barrier, thisone's a little more personal.
It's how I process things.

(05:34):
I think deeply.
I reflect.
I don't always respond in the moment.
Sometimes authenticity meansspeaking up when it counts,
and I've missed those moments.
I've edited myself in the name ofkeeping peace or not wanting to be
disagreeable, and that's not always best.

(05:54):
Here's the part that matters.
How do you move towards alignment?
Let me share a few things thathave helped me line up the things
I value, the virtues I want tofollow, and the way I live my life.
One, have daily check-ins.
I start each day with a grounding routine.

(06:16):
I get up in the morning, I stretch,I journal, I meditate, I walk,
something reflective every day.
Of those journaling has been themost important thing I've done.
It shows me where I'm drifting.
It shows me where I'm growing,and it's wonderful to look back at

(06:37):
those check-ins and see where youwere and where you've come from.
Two, I set intentions.
Don't just hope for authenticity.
You have to plan for it.
Ask yourself what needs to change?
At work?
In my relationships with mymindset, start to track it.

(06:59):
Start to make it real.
Three, name your values.
You can't live in alignment if youdon't know what you're aligning to,
so you need to pick four core virtuesor values that you want to embody.
You need to define themand write them down.
The stoics have four virtues.

(07:19):
Buddhism offers the fourlimitless qualities.
I think you can look at almost anysystem of philosophy, religion, you
can find values and virtues thatalign with what you want in your life.
Four, and this is reallyimportant, feed your mind.

(07:42):
Books, podcast, conversations.
Surround yourself with voices in yourlife that challenge and stretch you.
Don't always seek the opinions ofpeople that support you, that agree with
you, that think you're the greatest.
Sometimes you have to talk to peoplethat are gonna challenge you in the
other direction to get to what's real.

(08:04):
And five, use time as youraccountability partner.
For me, at one point I seta countdown in my life.
I downloaded an app, it was a countdownapp, and I picked a date in the future.
And I said, by this date, I want tobe living differently and this is how.

(08:25):
And then I watch the days tick by.
And time doesn't lie.
It moves really fast and every dayis either pulling you closer to your
authentic self or further from it.

Here's the truth (08:39):
you know you.
When your head hits the pillowand no one else is around.
You know, if you're living alignedwith your values or just playing a
role you've grown comfortable with.
Close the eyes and ask,
What would it look liketo bring my real self?

(09:01):
Who I really am into my relationships,my work, and my decisions.
Not a full overhaul, maybeit's just one slight shift.
Pick one value, one habit, onerelationship, and take a small honest
step toward who you already know you are.

(09:24):
Because authenticity isn'tabout becoming something new.
It's about aligning towho you've been all along.
Thanks for being here with metoday for listening in on this
four-part series on identity.
Now, if you've missed any ofthe previous episodes, I invite
you to go back and listen.

(09:44):
We've covered everything from job loss toidentity shifts, to internal alignment,
all with the hope of helping you liveand lead more clearly and purposefully.
You can find more athappyheadingnowhere.com.
You can connect with me on LinkedInor Instagram, and hey, if this episode
sparked something in you, would you shareit with someone who might need it too?

(10:06):
Next month we're exploring the power ofcuriosity, that quiet force that helps
us stay open, ask better questions, andlive with more wonder than certainty.
Curiosity isn't abouthaving all the answers.
It's about being braveenough to keep looking.

(10:27):
Until next time, thanksagain and we'll talk soon.
Take care.