14 | Why Following All the Rules Still Leaves You Feeling Like a Failure — and Longing for Inner Peace

Have you ever done everything right... and still felt like something was fundamentally wrong with you?

Maybe you've been the good girl your whole life - the rule-follower who memorized scripture, volunteered at church, showed up early and stayed late. You've tried so hard to get it all right. But somehow, it still wasn't enough. You still felt behind, disorganized, like you were failing at faith itself - even though you couldn't pinpoint exactly what you were doing wrong.

If you've ever felt exhausted from trying to follow all the rules while the goalposts kept moving, or if you've wondered why being a "good Christian" still leaves you feeling like a spiritual failure - this episode is for you.

 

Episode Description

If you're exhausted from religious performance and still feeling like you can't get it right, you're not alone - and you're not failing. Today we're exploring one of the most depleting hidden barriers of religious trauma: the belief "I'm a Failure."

Through Debra's powerful story - from having every business dream shut down to discovering she could be brilliant AND imperfect at the same time - we'll uncover how religious environments create impossible standards that keep Christian women on an endless treadmill of trying harder.

You'll discover the revolutionary difference between religious rules that exhaust you and divine principles that set you free, and learn why God's character isn't a measuring stick for your worthiness but a compass that guides you toward growth.

This isn't about lowering standards - it's about discovering that principles are about direction, not perfection, and that you're not failing when you're learning.

 

In this episode, you'll discover:

→ Why the exhausting cycle of rule-following never brings the peace you're seeking - and how to recognize when you're measuring yourself by broken systems

→ The difference between religious rules (external, performance-driven) and divine principles (internal, character-aligned) - and why this changes everything

→ How God's principles like gentleness, individuality, free will, and love become your compass instead of condemnation

→ The liberating truth that principles are about trajectory, not perfection - you don't have to stay in the center of the lane to be heading in the right direction

→ One simple practice using divine principles to make decisions with clarity and peace instead of fear and guilt

 

Healing Truth

You're not a spiritual failure. You've been trying to navigate by rules that were designed to measure and control instead of by principles that guide and transform. God's principles aren't new rules to follow perfectly - they're a compass pointing you toward His character. The woman who makes decisions from internal wisdom instead of external pressure, who lives from character alignment instead of performance anxiety - she's not someone you have to become. She's who you've always been, waiting to be remembered beneath all the striving.

 

Ready to go deeper?

Discover your personal healing path: Take our free Religious Trauma Assessment at ReligiousTraumaQuiz.com and uncover which of the 12 hidden barriers might be shaping your relationship with God, yourself, and others. You'll receive a personalized report plus my complete Essentials Starter Kit - including my book He Is Enough, Truth Over Tradition mini-course, live reading circles, and access to our supportive community - all completely FREE as my thank you for taking this brave step.

Transform your story completely: Join the Coming Home Journey at TheComingHomeJourney.com - a six-month guided experience to unravel religious trauma, instill God's truth, and create your new story alongside women who truly understand. Learn 10 divine principles in depth and discover how to navigate life by God's character instead of human rules. Get all the details at TheComingHomeJourney.com.

 

About Debra

I'm Debra Shafer, spiritual healing coach for Christian women and founder of the Healing Religious Trauma Circle. For over seven years, I've walked alongside women who love God deeply but feel exhausted by religious performance and pressure. I know this path personally - I've had every dream dismissed as spiritual failure - and I've seen what happens when women finally navigate by principles instead of rules: they discover they were never failing, just using the wrong map.

 

Listener Love

If this episode helped you see that you're not failing at faith, would you share it with someone who needs this freedom? And a quick review on Apple Podcasts helps more women find their way from performance pressure to principle-based peace.

This isn't surface-level faith advic