Highlight Reel: EMDR & EFT

Highlights from our conversation with Melissa Mark about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) with Melissa Mark, Professional Counselor.

Episode Transcript

(00:11):
had a severe eating disorder growing up.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family household to where my earliest memory is eight yearsold engaging in these eating disorder behaviors.
My brain didn't even know what was going on.
I couldn't logically make sense of what I was doing because I was a kid.
So I can logically, as an adult, say, wow, that was...

(00:32):
The negative core belief that I kind of had at eight years old was that I'm not goodenough, I'm disgusting, just really terrible things.
that you tell yourself at that age.
And I can't, couldn't move out of my brain as an adult because my parents were telling methat I was telling myself that, and that really was who I thought I was at the time.
So logically as an adult, I can say, well, you know, I can move past that.

(00:54):
That's fine.
But it's still stuck there.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
EMDR really helped me reprocess that and move it through in a way that my logical adultself can be like, you know what?
You are okay.
You can heal from that and move forward.
That wasn't the truth.
you
EMDR is really, would you say it's really specifically for trauma or anxiety or things?

(01:22):
Does it like serve like certain types of conditions?
Yeah, most of the time people do think of it as a trauma modality and I think of it inthat way too.
I'm not too sure if anybody uses it for anything else because usually it is associatedwith such a distressing event or a distressing memory and we have all levels of trauma.
Even someone being humiliated in a public situation can be seen as a traumatic event ifthat person can't move past it.

(01:47):
So yes, and I do think it's, you
Traditional talk therapy has its place, but it can only get you so far.
And I can attest to that because, you know, I hate to say this as a therapist, but ifyou're just talking about something in your present that, you know, you have like a fight
with a coworker or, you know, you're fighting with your spouse, well, talking it out witha therapist.

(02:08):
can only get you so far.
You could do the same thing with a friend or a trusted family member and not have to paythat person, you know?
But these modalities, these trauma modalities such as EMDR get to the deeper parts of usthat we're holding onto.
It depends on the level of trauma and you know, everybody is different.

(02:30):
There are eight phases of the actual EMDR therapy.
And so it involves, you know, history taking and, you know, explaining the process,assessing for, like I said, if they're emotionally and physically stable, identifying a
target, know, identifying that, you know, and identifying the positive self belief thatyou want to replace with that.
And then you go through the whole process.
that can take, you know, one therapy session and then you end, you have to end it in asafe way.

(02:54):
So there's a way for a therapist to close the session, make sure that the client isemotionally stable and, you know, ready to go home, you know.
And a lot of times I found when I was doing this with clients, it could take up to threeto six sessions on one specific memory, depending on the quality of that.

(03:15):
And it is because if we didn't have attuned caregivers that gave us that safety, gave usthat self-love, gave us that everything, because as kids you do absorb what your parents,
probably your caregivers, whatever.
you're like, for instance, my reality was completely denied.
It took me a long time to even trust myself.
I had no self-trust because every time I said, well, what about this, this, and this, andbrought it up?

(03:39):
No, that didn't happen.
Never happened.
And that's crazy making as a kid because
Then you're like, well, but it did, but maybe I'm crazy.
So the reparenting process for me was a lot of learning to trust myself again and, youknow, going slow and listening to my inner voice.
And if I had a gut feeling about somebody or something, really going with that andtrusting it instead of suppressing it, because that's how I adapted.

(04:03):
Right.
And that's how I survived for so long.
It's just repressing everything that made me me.
the part of you that didn't have to overcompensate for things or like pretend thateverything was okay.
Like it's a very vulnerable part of you.
And so for a long time when I was doing therapy with clients, I could see it in them.

(04:25):
I could see their rooted inner child.
I could see, you know, that child come out and it was so hard for me to connect to mine.
for some reason I had a block and then little by little I started to kind of say, okay, sowhen, you know, I'm kind of like, you know, crying, you know, because, you know, I didn't
get, you know, what I wanted in this.
Or like, if I didn't do a good job on this client and then I go into my office and cry,that's not an adult reaction to that.

(04:49):
That's a very like wounded inner child.
Like I'm not good enough reaction, if that makes sense.
And so the purpose of inner child work is to have your adult self, re-parent that part ofyou that didn't get what they needed in childhood.
If you can have the same conversation with a trusted friend or a trusted family member andget the same results, what is the point of therapy?

(05:15):
Right?
So if you know that you have deeper stuff that you, let's say, you know, you are like somad at your spouse for something, like it just bothers you, but you don't know why.
Like, you know, he like this shouldn't bother me logically, but there's something thatit's triggering in me and I can't figure it out.
Because he's a loud chewer.
That's not me.
I mean, could be a segue to the trauma, sure.

(05:37):
Right?
But or like, you know, there's just something that you can't get past, you know, there'slike something that keeps coming up, you know, for me, I kept having panic attacks.
And I didn't understand, you know, like, I'm like, logically, I'm safe, I'm fine.
Like, why does this stuff keep coming up?
And I knew there was something in me that I had to like get reprocessed and be released.
And that's what led me on the path.
And I think a lot of people that

(05:59):
Just feel that something is missing.
And a lot of people do know what that is.
And a lot of people don't want to go there.
Obviously, if you have severe childhood trauma or things in your past that are verytraumatic, it's a very difficult thing to do.
And a lot of people don't want to do it for years and years, if ever.

(06:20):
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(06:42):
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(07:03):
Till the next time, keep looking for the good in the world.
because sometimes it's where you least expect it.

(07:49):
This has been a Shut Up
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