Grieving and Caregiving How Not To Lose Yourself During the Holidays!

MC shares in this episode her experience as a caregiver and the tenth anniversary of her husband's sudden death.

How to Manage Death and Illness During the Holidays

1. Acknowledge the Emotional Reality

• Allow your feelings — sadness, anger, numbness, guilt, relief, confusion. All are valid.

• Give yourself permission to not be "festive." I

• Remind yourself: Grief does not follow the calendar.

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2. Set Realistic Expectations

• You do not have to attend every event or keep every tradition.

• Choose a "minimum viable holiday."

• Communicate with friends/family:

"I may need to leave early," or "I'm keeping things low-key this year."

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3. Create Space for the Person Who's Gone (or for the Illness Journey)

If someone has passed:

• Light a candle.

• Share one story about them at dinner.

• Hang an ornament or photo in their honor.

If someone is seriously ill:

• Include them in a way that feels right — a video call, playing their favorite music, or reading a message they wrote.

• Make room for both gratitude and fear

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4. Protect Your Energy - Explore the following:

• a quiet walk, warm drink, journaling, favorite movie

• small gatherings with close friends

• Reconsider - big holiday parties or hosting significant events

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5. Lean on Support — Lightly, or Fully

• Let at least one Person know what you're going through.

• Join a grief support group (local hospitals, churches/synagogues, hospices often run holiday-specific sessions).

• Accept help with meals, errands, or childcare. People want to help but often don't know how.

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6. Create Emotional "Exits" for Events

Before going to any event, decide:

• How long will you stay

• What you'll do if you feel overwhelmed

• Your exit phrase ("I'm going to step outside for a moment")

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7. Take Care of Your Body While Your Heart Hurts

Grief is physical. Helping your nervous system is key.

• Drink water regularly (crying is dehydrating).

• Keep blood sugar stable with small, balanced meals.

• Move gently: stretching, walking, deep breathing.

• Rest more often than usual.

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8. Reduce the Noise & Create Calm Moments

• Sit with a cup of tea for 5 minutes

• Listen to soft music

• Spend time with nature or a pet

• Limit social media — especially holiday-highlight posts

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9. Honor Traditions — or Redesign Them

• Keep traditions exactly as they were

• Modify them

• Create completely new ones

• Skip traditions this year and return to them later

There is no wrong choice.

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10. If You Are a Caregiver

• Lower your expectations dramatically.

• Ask for rotational help from friends/family.

• Set a "caregiving boundary": one time of day that's just yours (even 10 minutes).

• Don't skip your medical appointments or medications.

Caregivers often forget themselves — especially in December.

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11. If the Grief or Stress Feels Too Big

Seek extra support if you experience:

• Persistent hopelessness

• Inability to function day to day

• Thoughts of harming yourself

• Overwhelming panic or isolation

Grief & Bereavement Support Networks

Grief Care Network — Offers resources for families, communities, and professionals to navigate grief and loss. Provides education, tools, and community support to help individuals and communities understand and respond to grief.

Grief Care Network

The Bark - offers counselors for grief - www.bark.com

The Dougy Center — offering peer-support grief groups for young people.

https://www.dougy.org/

Judi's House — Offers a "Comprehensive Grief Care"

https://judishouse.org/

Bo's Place — Provides free grief support programs.

www.bosplace.org

CaringInfo — A program that helps people find bereavement-care resources and hospice information.

https://www.caringinfo.org/

Virtual & Online Communities — There are multiple online-based grief resources. For example: Grieving.com, "Grief Healing Discus