July 21, 2024 • 65 mins
In this episode, we embark on a journey to Scotland, uncovering the haunting story of a man whose life was marred by tragedy, confusion, and a dark compulsion.
From his troubled childhood and the loss of his beloved grandfather to his struggles with his sexuality, Nilsen's life was a storm of emotional turmoil. As Chris and Brad recount the pivotal moments that led Nilsen down his grim path, developing a narrative that is as heart-wrenching as it is horrifying.
Discover the eerie details of Nilsen's first murder, his bizarre rituals, and the chilling psychological profile that emerges. We explore the mind of a killer who sought companionship in the most macabre ways.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:26):
On here and you don't say turn up and be like something wrong he's
not even into this right now he's not he's not paying attention he's just doing
his taxes over there oh wow ew that's gross yeah gross murder oh cool hate it
hate it had it coming yeah no yeah you sound good yeah yeah this this motherfucker
(00:47):
uh-huh good good good good,
exactly i love it that could have been the whole show right here.
If you ever if you ever do get busy just record yourself doing that yeah i was
gonna say just yeah talk about splicing dude you just go to old episodes and
just i got like 18 episodes coming out i'm like guys brad's been dead for weeks
(01:11):
like y'all just don't even know i just keep adding this shit like oh my god dick,
nobody listens to him anyways fucking just have your laugh on there and just be good to go.
See there it is i'll just do that it is there it
is there it is you just have it like in really inappropriate
times though that's right right i
(01:32):
say something like you know child pornography like brad shut
up dude it's fucking that's not a laughing part
brad jesus but that's a perfect way to
you know if i were dead like well we had to cancel
him because all his laughter at
inappropriate child sexual moments so
that's just an easy way to kind of ease me out
(01:54):
without having to actually say anything you know there you
go be like i did it for you guys okay i got rid of
the bad guy classes show
up a little bit that's right that's right all right
so this is the show guys this is here no evil i'm
chris and i got brad with me and we
(02:15):
are going to go to fucking scotland
right now our last
mental mouthwash we what was
the the banter merchants correct yeah i was gonna say that
yeah a little crossover merchants right so
i figured we were in scotland so let's just fucking stay there let's say so
the festival's over everyone's hung over pantsless and i love that we've already
(02:42):
left we're we're back to our normal podcasting jobs here in america but over Over in Scotland,
what do we got going on, buddy?
Over in Scotland, yeah. Pantsless would be this guy's preferred method because-
Yeah we got this guy's a fucking this is this is dennis nelson
do you recognize that name i do not okay so
(03:03):
he is a lot of people call him the you'll love this the emo killer right the
emo killer the emo killer like he's emo like not he kills emo people but he's
like you know he's very like oh like depressed and you know like it's even my
life sucked my dad didn't talk to me you know
so he's like i don't know he's just weird is he very like
(03:25):
even disinterested in his murders is it just
like stabbing very nonchalantly full
of ennui just this is
boring why am i even killing you i can't believe i had to cut the grass today
now i'm gonna cut you so he was like so all right so let me give you a little
(03:50):
rundown he's got a documentary like an autobiography out there and he,
you know basically records himself from jail spoiler alert
he did go to jail and they call
yeah his whole thing is just very dramatic and very now but he does so when
he's talking on the on his autobiography he does have a kind of like classy
(04:14):
sound to him he almost reminds me of you You ever see Hannibal? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, kind of like those tapes where he would mail the tapes to Clarice.
It kind of sounds like it gives you that vibe.
He's very sophisticated sounding and very well-spoken.
But again, the whole premise is like, woe is me, woe is me, my childhood, blah, blah, blah.
(04:35):
Okay. So just for like my mental, you know, visual of this gentleman,
he's not actually emo, right?
He just acts emo. Like he doesn't have like a black hair across his face and like fingernail paint.
Because that's all I'm picturing right now is, you know, like the lead singer
of My Chemical Romance is going around killing people in the Goblet of Deaths. Why?
(05:00):
So I'll tell you like this, if he was born in this time, probably, but he was born in 1945.
Oh my God. Okay. Right. So, so like, I don't, but you know, if he would been
born in 2005, absolutely.
He would have the black hair all the way down the, you know,
the chain necklace, the whatever, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what they wear anymore, but.
(05:24):
Chain necklace. I don't know. He had a bike chain on him somewhere.
Yeah. I don't know. Like, you know, I, yeah, we all.
Did i'm sure you had the chain necklace back in the day well like the ball like
the little balls yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll wear it right now dude that's absolutely
yes yeah there you go fucking balls balls on your neck yes yes i play with them through the episode,
(05:47):
it took us literally what two minutes to get into uh balls and balls.
This is an old one 1945 longer than normal longer
than normal i will say actually yeah you're right well it's because
it's early gotta get them things warmed up but yeah dude so he you know most
of these guys have a really fucked up childhood and we're like oh there you
(06:10):
go like that's that's what the fuck happened you beat the shit out of your kid
every day and he killed people not this guy so he was now one of the problems
was he was the middle child so that's usually an issue.
I mean, if we have to try to point something out, but good childhood.
He grew up in Fraserburg, Scotland.
I'm sure I said that wrong. I'm not from there, so that's why.
(06:33):
And one of his fondest memories, and this is something that gets brought up
a lot, was he was not very close to his family, but he was really close to his grandfather.
And he would always talk about these memories of they would go on these adventures
and hikes and fishing trips and all this stuff and his grandfather was like
his best friend right okay now,
(06:54):
one of the we're always talking about these you know you
say this like the pivotal moment like what happened yeah to kind of turn this
kid well in 1951 so dennis was like six years old his grandfather went on a
trip a fishing trip alone you know without him because it was too dangerous
you know and he would often say that when his grandfather would leave he would have a
(07:16):
quote hole in his heart until he got back. Like he was really sad. Right. Okay.
Well, on this particular trip in 1951, his grandfather suffered a heart attack and passed away.
And when they brought the body back to have the funeral, his mom basically gave him a choice.
It was like, do you want to see your grandfather's body or not? He's six years old.
(07:41):
You're at that age. I don't really know how you would treat that.
But she gave him a choice. He said, no, he wants to see. Okay.
But everybody really told him that granddad's sleeping. He's sleeping.
Oh. oh and he says that that fucked with him like he was like he didn't really have a grasp of
death yeah that in his six-year-old mind he was like okay well when's he gonna
(08:04):
wake up or like when's he gonna come back oh so wait is like everyone gonna
be sleeping now is he gonna put everyone to sleep oh there you go this is where
we're going with that yeah i gotta edit that.
God so uh yeah so like i okay so you know you've got kids i mean when something
(08:25):
like this happens what you know what's the way to go about this like you say
i mean you just tell them right like,
you know you kind of explain life and death and yeah you
don't say granddad's sleeping right i feel like that's
the wrong way to handle that no i think this i think
my grandmother did die right around when my daughter
was about that age i think my son was maybe
(08:47):
a little bit younger well obviously it was because he is younger but he was
younger at the time he's way older now yeah yeah yeah he's he's overachieving
in the age department right now they predict he will be older than me in three
years but i don't know if he stays on this trajectory.
(09:08):
But uh yeah i think he's only like maybe four ish
or something like that i don't know i literally i'm not doing the math
right now uh but no we would just we just
said like she's no longer with us that's okay
yeah okay okay i mean yeah
i mean dead you know i i guess i think they have
a pretty healthy grasp on i think that i think they'll just say like
(09:29):
oh yeah she's dead like yeah yes yeah you
don't have to go into too much detail but you don't tell them some bullshit
you know you don't say they're taking a nap
or some shit no no but again you know
and again so this was like a turning point for him but also that doesn't mean
you have to end up murdering people just because you have this weird grasp but
it did kind of start him down this road of confusion right now his parents so
(09:52):
he had his mother elizabeth white and his father olav magnus badass,
okay thank you that is a fucking name dude that is a fucking name olav i'm changing my dog's name olav olav,
Fucking Olav the dog. He came. It worked. He stares at you in Swedish.
(10:20):
Ja. Ja. I'm Olav. So Olav actually was from Norway. And he.
Yeah, no, you're close. And he came over there a part of this.
Because this was during World War II.
So a lot of these guys were going to Scotland as part of this Norway freedom movement.
To get them out of to help them like fight the nazis and shit
(10:41):
and so dennis
remembers you know about his childhood that his
father was like real distant didn't really talk to him a lot didn't wasn't around
a lot because you know he was fighting nazis or whatever sure um and of course
dennis as far as excuses goes right i'm sorry yeah yeah i'm just fighting nazis
(11:04):
you motherfucker like Like, I'm sorry that you... My bad.
Poor Dennis. Oh, grandpa died. Boo hoo. Do you know how many grandpas I killed?
Yeah, exactly. Do you know how many Nazis are sleeping because of me?
Comes home with like a necklace with some ears on it.
He's like, those kids didn't even get to see their grandfather.
(11:26):
At least you know yours is sleeping for a little bit.
They'll never be grandfathers because of me. That's right.
I took their kids, yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Yeah. So, you know, apparently the,
the mom, Elizabeth White, she was upset too.
Everybody was pissed off at his dad because he was out fighting a war and not
spending time with them. And, you know, I don't know. Fucking. Wow.
(11:47):
Playing good. I know. Right. So. Playing Candyland. Yeah. Right.
Exactly. Hey kids, like come sit on my lap and no, it's none of that shit.
Now, they got divorced in 1948, and she remarried to a guy named Andrew Scott,
which, if we're just comparing the fucking names, way lamer.
Yeah, she should have stuck with Olaf. Yeah, at least for the name.
(12:11):
I mean, she was probably banging him still.
I'd be banging him still. I'll say, Andrew Scott ain't hitting it right.
There's no way.
There's no way, dude. Kids, don't play with stepdaddy Andrew.
Mama's going to go out to get coffee. Olav.
(12:35):
His fucking name was Magnus. I mean, that thing was probably,
he had a third leg, you know?
I'm just assuming. That's where the condoms came from.
Exactly. Magnus Magnus. He was the first, yeah.
Yeah, he was the first. first magnus magnum
the nazi killer oh my god dude you
(12:57):
just this is a movie i think we just broke a script right here yeah
we should this is great it'd be like like shaft but you know the norwegian one
just a bad motherfucker so this is one of the quotes from so so growing up he
you know dennis started to struggle with his sexuality he was confused you know he.
(13:20):
Homosexuality at that time over there especially was
really just looked down upon like taboo or whatever you want to call it it was
actually illegal to be as opposed to over here where we fucking celebrated it
in 1951 right yeah yeah exactly yeah i think worldwide it was pretty pretty
just shunned right which it's just so weird to think about but they're like it's it's,
(13:43):
it's illegal though so like you know they're like you're not you know by law you cannot do,
another guy like you'll go to jail and that just it seems so weird to me but,
But he said this thing, he has got a quote from his autobiography.
He says, I had, and this will show you the little dramatic shit I'm talking about.
He said, I had a feeling of being somewhat different, perhaps being poor,
(14:06):
thin, and shabbily dressed was that first definable assault on my awakening self-esteem.
Possibly not having a father to boast about might well have been another.
So, I mean, didn't he have a stepdad though? right
so like this one saying like he's such a radical fuck and
(14:28):
even the way he said that like he could have just said hey i grew up and
i was kind of skinny and poor and that probably didn't help but
he like goes into this like fucking you know poetic i
don't know he's just he's annoying i mean is there anything like when they got
divorced did they move away from no olaf like was he still like down the street
(14:49):
like saw him on weekends and shit no he was still around yeah he was still around
and actually the stepfather, Andrew Scott.
So when she remarried, they had four more children, which I mean, why?
But everybody said that, you know, Dennis in his eyes hated Andrew and thought
that Andrew hated him and favored his older brother who was like Olaf Jr.
(15:13):
Which I mean, of course. Damn. I would too. Yeah. I'm about to say like.
He got all the, all the good genetics.
I know. Right. Exactly.
And dad's ear necklace i think probably probably wore that around too he's just
rocking that shit dad gave me two ears and you none.
(15:36):
Dennis is like fuck you man i'll get
my own ears yeah exactly i'll
show you guys i'm gonna get all the years and i'm
gonna masturbate on them i just a little heads up god okay
so that's why i'm not so
this guy had like family he had
(15:57):
two dads right yeah for all
intents and purposes he had two dads but he's complaining that he
didn't have a father that's right and and
so everybody like everybody else in the family said that you
know they were like no dude like he doesn't hate
you you're just very shut off and not letting
him in and this part of this too they said he
(16:18):
got worse after his grandfather died he just really got introverted
and it was like fuck the world right another little
thing that happened another pivotal kind of you know
whatever you want to call it instance in his childhood is after his grandfather
died he went down like towards this like river where him and his grandfather
used to walk and he started swimming and at one point i think the water was
(16:42):
just real rough and he was struggling and started to drown.
But instead of fighting it he just kind of gave
up and he says that in
his head as a kid he thought that his grandfather would somehow
come back and save him you know
like or or you know if he just let go his
(17:03):
grandfather would help him or i don't know how he even made sense of that
but his grandfather didn't but what he does say is
that an older boy saw him and pulled
him out of of the water and you know fucking helped
him and and gave him like chest compressions all that like you know brought
him back and then he masturbated on him is what is what dennis claims i don't
(17:25):
know if i believe that or not i i mean you're talking about like a seven-year-old
boy saying this you know i don't know if his memory's fucked up but this is
what he says right so that is the.
Oddest thing to well give
it to win like i mean i don't know right and
i'm like like why would you i don't know and
(17:45):
he said the boy was older like 16 i still don't understand that yeah that's
weird like i'd love to even try to like joke on that but that's just so it's
just weird out of this world that well because even if you're okay gay not gay
well it doesn't fucking matter like if you're super attracted to the person
that you're pulling out of the water like that's the
time you're gonna you know yeah well i just saved your life are
(18:07):
you good exactly can you
breathe okay i mean can you
not like that matter i'm just gonna i guess when the mood hits
but yeah that's what so obviously we're we're understanding that he didn't like
come home and say that right this is something that he is talking about like
decades way later future yes yeah yeah so i feel like that's a little embellishment
(18:31):
right i don't i don't know Dennis too well just yet.
But it does sound like, I mean, that one, what, sentence or two from his autobiography
that you read, I mean, that's some eloquent stuff right there.
That's what I'm saying. He's very, very eloquent.
So I feel like even that story, like I'm just imagining it like this,
you know, like there's like fog rolling on this river as this young man goes out to take a swim.
(18:57):
And just like, it's very cinematic in my mind right now.
It probably is, yeah. this is a movie just just
letting go and waiting for granted then being saved and it's like wow this is
like he's already like writing a great story right now that i feel like could
could have been a great movie a great like you have a dad a nazi hunter you've
got you know a grandfather that left you got heartache and then all of a sudden
(19:19):
it's like and then he blew a load on my face.
Did he dump the magnus on me you
know like isn't that it's just he did he
did it's so strange like the movie takes a left turn
and it's just all porn from here on i was gonna say it was like this is the
(19:39):
most like i i don't know cinematic beginning to a porno i've ever heard of before
we've got the lighting we've got mute mute there's like violins playing in the
background and then all of a sudden,
and they're like oh god fucking limp biscuit,
(20:00):
jesus everybody the whole audience is like no just get up out of the theater
and walk out no no no kids just crying everyone's crying but it does take a
turn it does take a turn it's weird Yeah, I was imagining.
I mean, literally, that's what happened as I'm listening to this.
(20:21):
It just it sounded like I mean, it's Scotland like for us Americans.
That's like kind of like magical, you know, there's like unicorns and shit over there.
Do you know that's actually their family?
Their national animal is a
unicorn it is i thought that don't fact check
me but i thought that yeah yeah and so don't google
that the but i just had this this
(20:43):
image was like wow like the fit like 50s scotland
kids swimming there's like there's gonna be like an angel like
now i just see like a unicorn just jerking
off just standing next to it well yeah that's
right jerk my horn i don't know
man weird i'm all fucked up now yeah he
really ruins it he ruins like a picture perfect moment but that's
(21:06):
what he does that a lot here he does that a lot it's going to be kind of his
his mo and and one of the so i want to i want to hit this real quick because
he he did struggle like i said with the sexuality and again he kind of knew
he was gay but was i guess fighting it because
of the, you know, environment that he was in.
(21:27):
And he took it to an extreme where, like I said, he was a middle child.
He had an older brother, younger sister, but he actually went to their rooms
at different times and while they were sleeping, tried to like touch them to
see if like touched his sister and seeing like, well, nothing happened.
I'm not, you know, aroused. And then, okay, like touch my brother.
(21:48):
And it was like, so he was finding ways to like try to figure out what the fuck
was going on with himself, right?
Right okay now his older brother had an idea that he was gay like he kind of
knew and instead of like being on his side about it would just fucking tease
him you know kind of pick on him call him you know he was very feminine acting
and he would just call him out on that shit which.
(22:10):
Super dramatic again you know you say that now knowing that he is gay and he's
hiding it but at the same time do kids pick on each other they always call each
other shit so like i don't know how extreme this was it could have been older
brother being like you're a little sissy you know And he's like, he hurt me.
How do you know I was gay? Fuck off, dude. So at 16, he enlisted in the Army Academy. Okay.
(22:33):
And he felt like this would be a way for him to, one, get away from his house
and to kind of become more masculine.
You know, he wanted to, you know, man up.
Yeah. Struggling with possibly being attracted to men. And he just went into big man camp.
Yeah, exactly. With kilts and bagpipes and just big old masculine testosterone, dude. Yeah.
(22:57):
That's how he wanted to handle that. Exactly.
Really testing his durability at this point.
And that actually came up because he would, so he was obviously trying to hide
it while he was in the army.
And he, by doing that, he would like avoid the showers, try not to be kind of
in those group settings with a bunch of naked dudes.
(23:20):
The only guy walking around with a massive Magnum, right?
Sorry guys. It's just a, it's just a warm water. I was going to say,
it's just the way the water hits the falls.
But, but again, like, But if you're walking around like not showering,
everybody's going to fucking talk shit too. So, you know, you're kind of damned
if you do, damned if you don't.
I feel like this was a mistake on his behalf. He makes a bunch of those.
(23:45):
Now, so he became a cook when he finally joined the actual army.
He did like a nine-year enlistment in the Army Catering Corps.
Jesus Christ. christ this is yeah i'm gonna go man up right now and i'm gonna
cater the shit out of this function you guys want some biscuits.
(24:08):
My creme brulee will truly prove my manhood that's right he just fucking comes
out there just flexes and slams on the table dennis make creme brulee he's scottish bro Oh,
why don't you keep going back to that? I don't know.
Dad is Magnus, the Olaf the Great, but... That's true. Yeah.
(24:30):
I can't do a Scottish one. That's why.
Just imagine you're Shrek, and then... Oh, yeah. And then just back out, you know?
Donkey. Full Shrek, and then there you go. Perfect.
That's the only thing I can say. That's the only word, though. It's just...
Every time i try to do it now i'll be like dennis came out with creme brulee
(24:52):
and said donkey why the fuck you say donkey,
side note dude ever since i called the dog olav like he's been in the corner
and he's just sitting there he won't move so i don't know if the olav thing
didn't work or yeah i got ptsd now i apologize yeah definitely or uh also scrooge
(25:12):
mcduck he's also scottish Was he? Yes.
Oh, yeah, he was. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you can pull off a Scrooge
McDuck. Oh, there you go.
Yeah, I think they roll their R's. They got a little bit. There's a little bit of that in there.
I was on my Spanish kick for a little bit. I could never roll the R's,
(25:34):
so I just gave up. It was stupid as fuck. I could not do it.
Now, when he was in the Army, he became a very, very heavy drinker.
It's not a surprise i mean you know wine spritzers.
Coolies of
course we i'm joking nobody has
(25:57):
a problem with homosexuality it's uh
you know you can make fun of uh because i'm
yeah yeah i mean so yeah i'm
not trying to be insensitive by you know saying what
kind of drinking that's all i'm saying well maybe
i'm woke yeah woke as fuck i don't care
(26:17):
if you're gay but what'd you drink i'm gonna judge you on like if you're drinking
a fucking cranberry coulis i'm like what the fuck straight gay doesn't matter
i don't care put that shit down yeah drink a real beer male female exactly just
put those down those are now those are for 18 year old kids.
Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah. 18.
(26:40):
So he would get drunk and now he would hang out with all these guys at these
parties. And he says he would get so wasted.
And pass out and that he was doing it in hopes that somebody would take advantage
of him, why he was passed out.
I'm like, wait a minute. So you're just rolling around this army party getting fucking housed.
(27:02):
And then you're like, Oh, I just fell asleep with my legs open. Yeah.
Oopsie.
Christ. Why is Dennis spread Eagle again? hen it's my third beer i might as well unzip donkey,
(27:24):
hey that one kind of worked out i had to go back to donkey because i started
getting norwegian again.
So so so this never worked he always woke up disappointed and how does he know
it doesn't work i don't know i think he's fully clothed i guess just i mean
if you pass out is a good i mean,
(27:46):
he like he like checks his mouth he's like nope no no semen damn it you guys
are lame as fuck like walks out once again i have been too subtle rips his pants,
so he gets so while he's on base he ends up running this german guy and you
(28:10):
know they hang out for a little bit and they you know end up back at his place
and they get you know they both get drunk get fucked up and the german guy ends
up passing out now what he remembers at this time is,
he was into that so he had always been the one trying to get trying to pass
out hoping somebody I, you know,
took advantage of him, but when he seen this, he kind of got aroused.
(28:30):
He liked seeing another man passed out and that kind of hit him like,
you know, well, this is turning me on to something I'm into and nothing happened
with that guy, but it just stuck with him. Right. Okay.
Now, he did a couple different stations, a couple different deployments,
and he had an interesting thing happen.
(28:50):
At one point, he was stationed in what's now Yemen, and he was kidnapped,
basically, by a taxi driver that basically assaulted him and threw him in the trunk.
Trunk and when he stopped the guy popped the trunk and he attacked the guy with
(29:11):
like a tire iron and then like took him up you know put him in the trunk and
escaped so he had like a little fucking.
Issue with that right yeah yeah i can see that being being an issue i find it
so he's deployed like he's he's like in uniform yeah everything yeah yeah so
i mean was this like i guess off
base then huh yeah yeah yeah yeah he was off
(29:33):
base because you know you you go to he was at these different stations but
of course he was cooking you know but he was out probably
you know trying to fucking flag down a taxi and you know
this motherfucker rolled up on him and beat his ass and then
he beat his ass like you know he
popped the trunk and dude just hit him like a tire iron nice
but during this time so
(29:54):
like he did have his own kind of
apartment in his own area to to live in and he started really exploring his
his sexual fantasies so one thing he would do is he had this mirror and i always
feel like i say that word weird but it's fine uh mirror mirror mirror that just
sounds weird you're saying it like shrek mirror.
(30:19):
It's a donkey mirror i was gonna say i was too slow on it but i was gonna say
when he popped out of that trunk. That's what he said.
Smash him with a tire iron. Dude, if somebody said that right before assaulting
me, I'd just be like, that's fine, man. You win.
I'm not even going to fight back. That's amazing. I would be laughing.
(30:42):
So this is going to give you some fucking, I can't think of the movie,
but so he had this mirror and he would look in the mirror, but he would look
to where he could only see his body. He wouldn't see his own face.
Okay. So he could pretend to be someone else and then he would go at himself.
He would masturbate, whatever.
(31:03):
So it was like he was just looking at this other man and he was getting himself aroused.
And then he started doing weird shit like he would put on makeup so that he
would look dead or like, yeah, like he had been dead for a little bit and that
would kind of turn him on.
So he was really starting to explore this shit, right? He was really getting
(31:26):
into this. Now, there's this picture that he had up in his room.
It's called the Raft of Medusa, the Raft of the Medusa. Do you know what that is?
Oh, no. It's a pretty legendary picture. so
it's it's yeah
it's very dramatic and just for
the people that that don't know it's it's basically this
(31:48):
like ship wreckage and it's got all these men on it that you're trying to escape
and trying to you know not drown and in one portion of it if tell me when you
look at it yeah okay gotcha gotcha so down in the left corner there is like
an old man holding one of the
kind of survivors, but who's obviously dying or deceased.
(32:10):
You see what I'm talking about? Yes. And so Dennis would look at this picture
on his wall and jerk off to it.
And especially that one picture of the old man holding the fucking, the survivor. Yes.
Now he did again, he tried to, I guess he was conflicted with the sexuality.
(32:31):
So he did at one point hire like a prostitute, like a female prostitute.
And afterwards he was, he said he hated it. He said he was, it was depressing and it was overrated.
I get that a lot. Yeah. Same one star.
(32:52):
Do not recommend. Do not recommend. I'm like, well, good. Get out.
I could have waited to leave that review till after you
left the apartment but i appreciate it why are you saying the review out loud
while you type it chris did i spell your last name right is that chris with
a k or i just want to make sure i get this right is that i you know i wonder
(33:14):
if that's a thing like a like a sex rating app you know like uh if not we should we should go and
get down on that make some money um you know five-star dick down you know like,
is underwhelmed with,
how do you spell underwhelmed i don't know and i'm hey i got my app out too
(33:40):
i'm like how do you spell donkey.
I said no teeth.
So so after so after
he completed his service he did go back home for a couple months and
(34:02):
as soon as he got home you know he was
his mom started pressuring him about like hey it's it's
you know time to get married time to you know have some
babies you know that that whole typical shit right there which obviously
bothered him because that was not gonna happen yeah and at one point him and
his his older brother and his older brother's wife they're watching this documentary
(34:24):
and it's a gay rights documentary and his brother and his wife start talking about like,
you know how they hate gay people and how all this and at
that point you know he kind of stuck up
for him he was like well you know they still deserve to have rights or
whatever you know god forbid and they got
(34:45):
this huge fight and i think at this point it kind
of he kind of lost was his family like he because i
think what happened was after they got in a fight his brother went ahead
and outed him and said yeah by the way guys he's gay
which you know that's fucked but yeah and they're
like no shit yeah like
duh like he literally caught him jerking off to himself he comes out wearing
(35:12):
mom shoes like how dare you insinuate oh shit i forgot to change mom i'm keeping
these fuck you i'm leaving like he's either he's either gay or just like.
Completely narcissistic like i'm so
hot yeah it was like uh silence of the lambs with that's what i was thinking
(35:33):
of yeah yeah yeah i'd so do me i'd fuck me yeah or i was thinking of jay and
silent bob when he oh god he's like making fun of it he like tucks it and he's like Like he's like,
Ooh, yeah, I'd fuck me real hard.
Oh my God. So after, so after he got an army, he went home for a little bit
(35:55):
and he, he joined the police force.
It didn't really last long. He said there was a lot of homophobia there with the cops.
And so he only stayed for about a year, but he did while he was a cop have access to the morgue.
And he would be in that motherfucker all
the time just hanging out just hanging out in the morgue and everyone's like
(36:18):
oh he's just super interested in the morgue like nothing weird about that i
guess all those sleeping guys in there huh yeah exactly real quick i'm gonna
you got about 10 more minutes yeah yeah yeah man i'm good hold on okay let me see you.
Okay well fuck me i gotta take all this out i'm just checking on time 42 all right so,
(36:42):
my editing skills man i'm getting good i can fucking i could fight the dog right now so,
so he ends up working at this basically as a like a job center helping you know
helping the the city you know kind of like locate people with a good job shit
like that like kind of recruiter,
and he met this guy named in 1973 you
(37:04):
met a guy named david painter which was kind of a friend
of his uh they met at work and they
were hanging out one night and david actually
got you know they both got fucking shithoused and david passed
out well when he woke up he saw
dennis taking his like he was naked and dennis
was taking pictures of him so david freaks
(37:26):
the fuck out and basically jumps out the window like grabs his like pants and
jumps out the window like he just was totally fucking sketched out by it right
uh-huh the problem is dennis was on like the third floor so he jumped out and obviously got fucked up.
(37:47):
He just jumps out the fucking window though
like bugs bunny type shit
man yeah gotta go
what bye i hope
he like hovered above the ground for like you know three
seconds before looking down and be like whoopsies the
eyes pop out he like looks
(38:11):
up at the tv and he's like i shouldn't have done that that's
so ridiculous
yeah i'm picturing that i'm definitely picturing like
you know a ranch house or something of
you know on the first floor nature yeah that
was a great man you delivered that perfectly i should
(38:32):
also mention there are 10 stories so
david painter dead he would rather
die you'd rather commit suicide
than be photographed by a naked man no shit
like how that's that's that's a pretty big level of homophobia like if i wake
up and you're standing there naked taking a picture of me like all right bro
(38:57):
this is weird we're gonna have a talk yeah we're gonna have a talk can you just
put your your clothes on first and then we're We're just going to have a quick chat.
I want to get through this. I do want to get there. I want to work through whatever's
going on here, but I just need you to put on pants.
Do me a favor, right? I was going to say do me a solid, but don't do that.
(39:18):
You're already doing a solid. Do a favor.
You wake up all groggy-eyed. You're like, Magnus?
Magnus?
Chris goes out put just puts on a shirt he's just winnie the pooing at this point
that's it that's just a white shirt just a shirt comes
back come back in i'm like hi buddy you feel better no no no no
(39:40):
snap snap snap snap i'm like
i just i just get back i'm like the wind's blowing your hair grad it's blowing
it's blowing yeah i don't know i don't think i would jump out the fucking window
but like i would be over reaction yeah yeah you're gonna be upset well and also
so because i think he was naked too so i'd be like look i want that fucking camera first of all.
(40:04):
Like you already took some pictures bro like give me
the camera let me let me see yeah you know i'm gonna throw that out the window
you know you you said you're talking
about these like pivotal moments and everything i gotta
you know you're talking like i'm sure he's saying something
about you know in his autobiography or whatever about grandpa grandpa
sleeping and that really fucked them i mean at six years old okay sure
(40:26):
whatever dude this whole story has just been
like like kind of tragic exactly it's just tragic it's it's you know like you're
not you're you're being rejected for you who you are your best friend jumped
out a window because he saw your dick like that's like fuck me am i that ugly
am i that you know this guy would rather die than be in the
(40:48):
room with me that's gotta
fuck you up big time dude it does it does
i mean listen listen i i do feel for
him for at the beginning i feel for you know it sucks
like being kind of alienated because of you know something that's just it's
you shouldn't be right like but you know it does take a turn where he's he likes
(41:11):
them passed out right which that's kind of it's like look man man.
You got to fix that. You got to get ahead of that.
Once you know that's a problem, just get ahead of it.
But again, he probably didn't. That's the other thing. I say that,
but there was probably not much help.
Back there like who the fuck were you gonna go to and be like i'm definitely
(41:31):
a homosexual and i also like when they're looking like they're dead you would
probably just go straight to jail i don't know how it works but yeah so he was
like no i'm just gonna take pictures of you while you're asleep okay sidebar
let's yeah i know i know we got a story to get through here but what do you
think would be i want your funniest
(41:52):
or or i don't know oh i
want i want what do you think would be the the
best i think funniest but like the best reaction to watching you know if you're
dennis watching david just jump out that window right what so so what what does
he do next like okay so like you're scripting it you're the director of the
(42:13):
scene you know like how what What's Dennis'
reaction after his buddy just jumped out a fucking five-story window to get away?
Like, what does he do now? He's got the camera. He's still holding the camera.
He's still holding it in frame, right? Like, there's now an empty couch where
his best friend was in a wide-open window that's still got, like,
(42:34):
the fucking, like, clothes hanging from it because he jumped out so quickly.
What does he do now? So I think Dennis goes to his mirror, looks into the mirror
with the camera, with the window on his left side, right by his shoulder,
puts up a little peace sign and takes a selfie.
(42:56):
Best ending to a date, 73.
Hashtag first date things. Thanks.
I'm going to get so many likes on this post. That's awesome. That's a good one.
Oh my God. All right. So we're about to, we're kind of coming to the end of
(43:20):
this one here because we're going to get into his first victim soon.
But right before that, he does have his first relationship. Okay.
So he meets this guy named David Kalashan and basically he meets him because
he was coming out of a pub getting fucked up and some guys were giving David shit and he
basically stepped in and stuck up for them and they ended up hanging out
(43:43):
and got along real well and soon
they moved in together oh yeah now they
got they moved into this flat where they had like a little garden
and they also get a well i say they dennis got a dog and the dog's name was
bleep which is pretty cool fucking name like your name's bleep yeah it was a
(44:03):
cool name it was a little mongrel it was a little like you know just a tiny
little dog and he ended up loving this dog this This dog is like his entire
fucking life, right? Okay.
Now, the relationship didn't really last too long. It lasted about a year,
and David ended up moving out and... Jumping out?
He ended up jumping out the fucking window. It's like, God, guys, there's a front door.
(44:26):
It's not even locked. I mean, this is fucking...
Like he's like hey it's over he's like fine just jumps out the window what the fuck,
oh man god have you ever had to jump out a window before like just side side note,
no i've i've jumped into windows but not out okay yeah okay yeah i snuck out of a window i've never,
(44:52):
jumped out a window no no i've there's only two reasons that i would do that one my house is on
fire and i couldn't get out and two there was a man
photographing me naked and uh neither
one of those have happened to me so far so good for you man let's keep that
going let's keep that streak going all right chris is like well i'm one for
(45:13):
two but uh i'll let you guess which one i didn't jump i just stepped out and
then walked a very far way home,
god if there would have been ubers back then it would have been perfect but.
So so stephen holmes all right so this is 1978 we're
(45:35):
gonna get into his first victim his first by the way of many this motherfucker
goes on a like i mean he's got multiples right this is not a one and done now
he's at a bar and this stephen holmes comes in now granted this is his youngest
his victim steven holmes is only 14 dennis says that he thought he was 17 oh that makes it better,
(45:57):
right oh i thought he was 15 like okay now he was dennis was at a bar and he
was drinking and steven came in to try to get a drink but he didn't have an
id and the bartender basically was like get the fuck out of here like you're
obviously not fucking old enough which over there you only had to be 18.
So Dennis says, Hey man, like I'll get you fucked up. You can come to my house, you know?
(46:22):
And so they, they go over there, they hang out, they're getting wasted.
And again, they, they both kind of pass out.
Now Dennis woke up first and he says he looked over and while he was looking
at Steven, you know, he, Steven was sleeping and he just in his mind,
he's like, I don't want him to wake up and leave.
(46:43):
You know, I just, I don't want him to wake up and leave me. and he decided right
then he's like he's gonna stay with me through the new year basically whether
he likes it or not so he grabs he's obviously still drunk he must still be like
you know maybe nobody yeah nobody makes nobody has that thought when they're completely sober,
well i don't know man this guy was jerking off to a fucking horrible picture
(47:06):
of a bunch of drowning people like i don't think he needs to be drunk to have
like weird thoughts So it's kind of a sexy picture.
If you, if everyone goes and takes a look at it, it's a pretty sexy picture.
It got you going, got your motor running. Do you like water or what is it?
I'm trying to figure out. Don't get. So,
(47:29):
so, so he decides, okay, this guy's going to stay with me whether he likes it or not.
So he grabs a necktie, gets on top of them and strangles them.
Um now after that he grabs a bucket
of water and then drowns him in it so
he like puts his head in the water and drowns him like it's like
he's like i don't know if he's actually deceased let me make sure we need to
(47:52):
be dead yeah yeah so then he takes him and puts him under the floorboard of
his of his loft or his flat whatever fuck you want to call it now a week later he pulls him back out
of the floorboard he takes off
all his clothes dennis takes you
(48:13):
know takes off all of the deceased clothes takes him to
the tub washes him and then tucks
him into bed and just like lays with him wow then he keeps him for about eight
months get out that is months okay and would repeatedly lay with him, masturbate on him.
(48:39):
Take you know just look in the mirror with him and like paint his
face like this is when this is where it
takes off like he is just he just
said fuck it i'm all in this is who i am this is what i'm going to
be doing that eight months see i i just can't imagine just the the decomposition
that's going on at this point has got well you're exactly right you're exactly
(49:01):
right and at one point it gets he said it gets so bad that that's when he decided
to okay i got to do something with it. So he burns the body.
He just takes the body apart. I'm not going to get too detailed about that.
And then, yeah, you're welcome, everybody. You can imagine, right?
And then he burned the body.
And people do recall, his neighbors recall there being fires,
(49:24):
random times at night for days in a row.
Thinking like hot shits. Thinking like ass, right?
We're going to go to one more guy that But he tried, but this guy kind of got
away. This was Andrew Ho.
This guy was a, he was like a Japanese businessman that was there just visiting.
(49:47):
And they met at a pub and Andrew and him went back to Dennis's apartment.
Now, Andrew was also, I mean, he was homosexual.
He wanted to have a relationship with him for the night and was pushing him to do like bondage.
Andrew was like, we should do bondage. Now, Dennis did say, I don't think that's a good idea.
(50:10):
And I tried to tell him like, no, no, no, no. And the guy was like,
no, come on, like kind of pushed him into it. Well,
They started to, and I guess he had a bondage strap around his neck,
and all of a sudden, Dennis wrenched back on it.
Not sexy wrench, but I'm trying to kill you wrench.
And Andrew fought him. He got away. He ran out. The window.
(50:38):
His neighbors are like, why do men keep jumping out of your fucking window?
Like the guy the next door neighbor's wife is just at the window every night
like all right got her fucking you know chardonnay and she's just after the second one fucking,
dennis has gone ahead and boarded up every window that's that's what has happened
(51:00):
he has learned his lesson he's a smart guy we've learned this much about him
right everyone that walks in like you You got a problem with light?
Andrew starts running and he runs and jumps right here. He's like,
what the fuck? What is a window?
No, you don't.
Oh, my God. All they want is shame on me. That's right.
(51:24):
Now, Andrew tried to go to the fucking police and, you know,
nothing really happened.
Because I think that once he kind of said what he was there for,
they were like, oh, yeah, sounds like a gay lover's quarrel.
I get the fuck out of here. Like, I don't think they took him seriously at all.
And so, you know, nothing really happened. Nothing got pursued, which.
(51:48):
It's unfortunate because I'm just scrolling it. There's like 10 other victims.
We're not going to go through all of them, but it's like, if he would have stopped,
like if the cops would have maybe took it seriously right there,
they probably could have prevented a lot of these, you know what I'm saying?
But you know, God forbid you're gay. So then crimes are just allowed.
I don't really understand, but we're going to stop there for part one.
(52:11):
And in part two, we'll, we'll pick up and
we'll just kind of get into the rest
of his victims and how he gets
himself caught by being a complete fucking idiot which goes
against he's done some pretty smart things up to this point like he has shown
he's intelligent but you know as we see with a lot of these guys i don't know
(52:32):
if it's you know complacency or whatever but they just start fucking up they're
just like oh whatever and they get yeah yeah i mean maybe you want to right
you've You've said that there are some people that just, they want to be caught.
Yeah. Right. I think so. It's too much. I mean, and that's got it.
I mean, at the end of the day, you're still a human, hopefully,
you know, something in there that's just like, God, I can't, I can't keep doing this.
(52:56):
Like, you know, it's a compulsion, you know, that you're going to keep doing
it, but it's still got to take a toll on you.
And I'm going to say this, and this is, and like I said, we'll probably do the
mental mouthwash on the, on the next episode to end the, in the actual.
Dennis Nilsen series but in my
opinion nothing about this is right but
(53:16):
it doesn't seem that he liked the killing part
like he didn't enjoy murdering these people he just wanted them to stay does
that make sense yeah and like you know we see some of these guys where they're
like I just want to kill like Israel keys he's like I don't give a fuck who
it is I just want to kill them yeah whereas this guy was like I just don't want
to be like he wanted a you know person with
(53:39):
no pulse laying in his bed and hanging out with him.
He was like, like if that could have been like delivered, he probably would've
got that, you know? But yeah. Yeah.
I was going to say if like the Japanese body pillows were like the Prince.
There you go. If they had been made back then, we would have saved a lot of
lives. There you go. Right. Or, or what was it?
You remember the, when we were kids, we had the, like the wrestling pillows,
(54:02):
like the rest. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do.
You know? Yeah. I didn't know where you're going to go with that.
Remember when we were kids michael that's a broad topic i don't know what i
did as a kid remember when you had to jump out of our window,
just bringing back memories you're like oh my god when were you in boston.
(54:30):
Sneaky sneaky oh Jesus yeah man yeah so we'll get through the rest of the next one,
But until then, won't you let them know where they can find us?
Because there's a lot of little avenues they can go to. Yeah,
yeah. First, look out your window. Just take a look down. Chris is right there waving. Hi.
(54:53):
He's the donkey. Remember? Remember?
Screaming donkey. You got a big camera.
Yeah, go ahead. And you want to go to Instagram, of course.
So if you're just if you somehow just came across this
podcast i i have no idea just going through i mean
you found it somehow so you don't really have to go to ipodcasts or
(55:16):
wherever you normally listen to your podcasts you're already there but if
you want to you know dive in a little bit more get to know us get
to know what it is that we've been talking about see some of the visuals go
ahead and go to instagram and check us out at here no
evil most importantly i would say is go to the a link tree there we're going
to find all of our links the whole here like sub world right our only fans yes
(55:39):
yep yep chris and the t-shirt and the camera with the camera it says donkey on it.
There is the patreon which of course you're going to
want to join because it's just there's just more and more episodes are
collecting with every month that goes by there's something new on
there so you're going to want to catch some some really good episodes too
i'd say we we save some of the best for
(56:02):
the for you having to shell out some coins so you
know if this is your first time 5.99 and you got at least a good four three
four episodes that are only available on the patreon and also early release
so like part two of this one everybody else will have to wait about what eight
days where you'll get it right when it's done yeah so if Yeah.
(56:25):
If you're an instant gratification kind of person, then you need that now. That's right. Do it.
I'm pausing to wait for you to go and do it. $5.99.
Get that credit card out. And of course, whatever you gotta do.
You do what you gotta do to get these episodes.
(56:46):
And of course, go to hearnoevilshow at gmail.com and that's where you're gonna
go ahead and tell us all that you're excuse me i'm i'm puking in my mouth right now my ginger,
yeah yeah that was a little weird it wasn't puking it was just uh i couldn't
hold it back i couldn't hold it back anymore i'm like trying not to belch into
(57:07):
the microphone puking again you.
Here we will show there's our intro.
At gmail.com go ahead it's it's always you
know whatever comments you want to make make it official go to
the email but you know we'll read them on the air and you
(57:28):
know give us some give us some pointers give us some
what you want to hear tell us what you don't want to hear of
course you know we don't really care because we're we
don't read them we don't mind we don't mind a little criticism that's
fine it's it's always we're always trying to get better always
trying to you know tweak she's trying
to tweak bro trying to tweak and i think that's i think that would that would
(57:56):
probably be it right uh yeah but you know it's it's worth going on just to hit
the like hit a follow comment find the stories on instagram you know chris puts up some
cool stuff you can vote on what we're going to do in the next episode it's just
a little fun little interaction in between episode drops and we might give you
a little uh sample of the new.
(58:16):
Mental mouthwash music at the end of this episode it'll be our new intro for the mental mouthwash,
little shortcuts so y'all get
a little sample here and then and then see us next week i
like this era that's a it's a cool you know i feel like it's not something that
we've really i mean i know we've we've touched on murderers from you know the
(58:40):
what what 70s i guess is when this is happening yeah yeah so i know that's happened
but like i don't know it's kind of neat the overseas,
you know wartime at first it's this is a this has
been a cool cool story yeah i mean it gets gets interesting it it definitely
gets interesting i really like i think he's actually probably older he'd be
(59:03):
older than like jack kerouac and stuff but it reminds me of uh william s burroughs,
because he yeah i think he was
gay or or dabbled in it i think that he was accused of killing his wife,
Yeah, but for some reason, I'm just getting like Burroughs vibes with like getting
drunk and having, you know, gay thoughts.
(59:23):
And again, I don't know if he was actually gay, but a lot of those dudes like
from that era were, you know, at least by or something like that.
And they had to hide that shit. Yeah, they could.
So, you know, artistic has the.
The linguistic skills, the writing skills. I don't know. He seems like a I don't
(59:43):
like him, but, you know, of all.
The mass murderers i feel like i have the
most sympathy for i guess in that of course of course because because of the
way you know his reason behind it and all that and treated like dog shit your
whole life yeah yeah but again i mean and so that's a very interesting one because
(01:00:06):
i do too i I feel the same way,
but I wonder why I feel that way with him as opposed to like Israel keys who,
I mean, his childhood was pretty fucked, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you know, with, with the very super poor freaking religious fanatic family
that beat the shit out of them.
(01:00:26):
So like, but, but yeah, I didn't feel bad for him.
I was like, fuck him. So I don't know. I think you have a soft side for maybe
things that you possibly can't understand.
Like i guess you know i feel like this guy
just wants love when it comes down to it like if he had just gotten the
the the love from that that he was looking for that right you know like more
(01:00:48):
than platonic you know i mean maybe maybe but i think he also tried that like
he tried the relationship thing and he was like yeah you're just not doing it
for me because you're not dead.
Oh is that what he said no he didn't say that but
i'm thinking like i think in my in my mind i'm like i think
he was aroused by a dead
body and so he just couldn't like unless
(01:01:11):
like i said unless one was going to be delivered to him he had to he had
to make it happen you know and that just sucks because
you know you again you really can't
control what the fuck you're into but you can control what
you do about it right like i'd say i hate
that for you man like if you're into dead bodies like that really fucking sucks but
for everyone better yeah you better you better go
(01:01:31):
to to a fucking museum or something like i don't know well the morgue
was perfect you know yeah if he could have just lived there worked
out a little arrangement yeah he could have been a fucking medical examiner
he'd have been jesus he'd have been creaming his pants the whole time
like yeah it looks like he's been
sexually assaulted and he's like nah nah nah nah post-mortem don't worry about
(01:01:53):
that he's like not yet fucking gross dude he's like pulling overtime hours 14
hours a day non-stop I love my job,
dehydrated and shit just,
coming out slamming Gatorades it's a towel around his neck.
(01:02:15):
They're like all right guys back up dennis is on the scene he's just like yeah
just fucking rock hard he's just he's weird but god is he good he's so good
somehow he always finds out that they're all sexually assaulted.
We've had more sexual assault since he's worked here than we ever have in the
(01:02:37):
history of our our fucking department it's like 98 they're up 110.
In this county alone in this county alone the rest of scotland it's like a normal
it's on the decline here yeah,
(01:02:59):
there's like a massive serial sexual assault going on you don't know all dudes
too we don't understand like no women are getting touched yeah and rash of of window squashing.
Suicide by fucking window leap the eis got like an uptick in window jumps from.
(01:03:23):
Here's the thing they jump out the window guess where
they end up right back in his arms at the morgue oh my
god i thought you were gonna get away from me didn't you
but here we are that's a fucking movie that's
a fucking that's a movie right there you know he's like oh go ahead jump
i'll see you soon yeah that's that's
that's it that's the scene right there he lowers the camera he's like
(01:03:45):
see you in an hour yeah yeah
as as they're rolling into the the emergency room like they're about to fade
away and they see him and like a fucking you know white coat with the surgical
mask on he's like hi they pass out oh god what movie are you gonna go see,
(01:04:08):
inside out too okay cool yeah kids movie that's so fun yeah yeah yeah in 3d
that'll be good yeah yeah we're gonna have fun yeah i fucking like those movies
dude i don't give a fuck i do too it was my idea so nice yeah i was like a little
sunday something that's like one of the perks of having kids,
you can go see movies like that.
You don't have to have a fucking reason. I'm taking kids.
(01:04:31):
If I go sit by myself, that's weird.
Put some pants on, Chris. Shut the fuck up.
I've got the popcorn bucket, chill. Do any of these characters die? I was just wondering.
(01:04:56):
Music.
Music.
(00:26):
On here and you don't say turn up and be like something wrong he's
not even into this right now he's not he's not paying attention he's just doing
his taxes over there oh wow ew that's gross yeah gross murder oh cool hate it
hate it had it coming yeah no yeah you sound good yeah yeah this this motherfucker
(00:47):
uh-huh good good good good,
exactly i love it that could have been the whole show right here.
If you ever if you ever do get busy just record yourself doing that yeah i was
gonna say just yeah talk about splicing dude you just go to old episodes and
just i got like 18 episodes coming out i'm like guys brad's been dead for weeks
(01:11):
like y'all just don't even know i just keep adding this shit like oh my god dick,
nobody listens to him anyways fucking just have your laugh on there and just be good to go.
See there it is i'll just do that it is there it
is there it is you just have it like in really inappropriate
times though that's right right i
(01:32):
say something like you know child pornography like brad shut
up dude it's fucking that's not a laughing part
brad jesus but that's a perfect way to
you know if i were dead like well we had to cancel
him because all his laughter at
inappropriate child sexual moments so
that's just an easy way to kind of ease me out
(01:54):
without having to actually say anything you know there you
go be like i did it for you guys okay i got rid of
the bad guy classes show
up a little bit that's right that's right all right
so this is the show guys this is here no evil i'm
chris and i got brad with me and we
(02:15):
are going to go to fucking scotland
right now our last
mental mouthwash we what was
the the banter merchants correct yeah i was gonna say that
yeah a little crossover merchants right so
i figured we were in scotland so let's just fucking stay there let's say so
the festival's over everyone's hung over pantsless and i love that we've already
(02:42):
left we're we're back to our normal podcasting jobs here in america but over Over in Scotland,
what do we got going on, buddy?
Over in Scotland, yeah. Pantsless would be this guy's preferred method because-
Yeah we got this guy's a fucking this is this is dennis nelson
do you recognize that name i do not okay so
(03:03):
he is a lot of people call him the you'll love this the emo killer right the
emo killer the emo killer like he's emo like not he kills emo people but he's
like you know he's very like oh like depressed and you know like it's even my
life sucked my dad didn't talk to me you know
so he's like i don't know he's just weird is he very like
(03:25):
even disinterested in his murders is it just
like stabbing very nonchalantly full
of ennui just this is
boring why am i even killing you i can't believe i had to cut the grass today
now i'm gonna cut you so he was like so all right so let me give you a little
(03:50):
rundown he's got a documentary like an autobiography out there and he,
you know basically records himself from jail spoiler alert
he did go to jail and they call
yeah his whole thing is just very dramatic and very now but he does so when
he's talking on the on his autobiography he does have a kind of like classy
(04:14):
sound to him he almost reminds me of you You ever see Hannibal? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, kind of like those tapes where he would mail the tapes to Clarice.
It kind of sounds like it gives you that vibe.
He's very sophisticated sounding and very well-spoken.
But again, the whole premise is like, woe is me, woe is me, my childhood, blah, blah, blah.
(04:35):
Okay. So just for like my mental, you know, visual of this gentleman,
he's not actually emo, right?
He just acts emo. Like he doesn't have like a black hair across his face and like fingernail paint.
Because that's all I'm picturing right now is, you know, like the lead singer
of My Chemical Romance is going around killing people in the Goblet of Deaths. Why?
(05:00):
So I'll tell you like this, if he was born in this time, probably, but he was born in 1945.
Oh my God. Okay. Right. So, so like, I don't, but you know, if he would been
born in 2005, absolutely.
He would have the black hair all the way down the, you know,
the chain necklace, the whatever, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what they wear anymore, but.
(05:24):
Chain necklace. I don't know. He had a bike chain on him somewhere.
Yeah. I don't know. Like, you know, I, yeah, we all.
Did i'm sure you had the chain necklace back in the day well like the ball like
the little balls yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll wear it right now dude that's absolutely
yes yeah there you go fucking balls balls on your neck yes yes i play with them through the episode,
(05:47):
it took us literally what two minutes to get into uh balls and balls.
This is an old one 1945 longer than normal longer
than normal i will say actually yeah you're right well it's because
it's early gotta get them things warmed up but yeah dude so he you know most
of these guys have a really fucked up childhood and we're like oh there you
(06:10):
go like that's that's what the fuck happened you beat the shit out of your kid
every day and he killed people not this guy so he was now one of the problems
was he was the middle child so that's usually an issue.
I mean, if we have to try to point something out, but good childhood.
He grew up in Fraserburg, Scotland.
I'm sure I said that wrong. I'm not from there, so that's why.
(06:33):
And one of his fondest memories, and this is something that gets brought up
a lot, was he was not very close to his family, but he was really close to his grandfather.
And he would always talk about these memories of they would go on these adventures
and hikes and fishing trips and all this stuff and his grandfather was like
his best friend right okay now,
(06:54):
one of the we're always talking about these you know you
say this like the pivotal moment like what happened yeah to kind of turn this
kid well in 1951 so dennis was like six years old his grandfather went on a
trip a fishing trip alone you know without him because it was too dangerous
you know and he would often say that when his grandfather would leave he would have a
(07:16):
quote hole in his heart until he got back. Like he was really sad. Right. Okay.
Well, on this particular trip in 1951, his grandfather suffered a heart attack and passed away.
And when they brought the body back to have the funeral, his mom basically gave him a choice.
It was like, do you want to see your grandfather's body or not? He's six years old.
(07:41):
You're at that age. I don't really know how you would treat that.
But she gave him a choice. He said, no, he wants to see. Okay.
But everybody really told him that granddad's sleeping. He's sleeping.
Oh. oh and he says that that fucked with him like he was like he didn't really have a grasp of
death yeah that in his six-year-old mind he was like okay well when's he gonna
(08:04):
wake up or like when's he gonna come back oh so wait is like everyone gonna
be sleeping now is he gonna put everyone to sleep oh there you go this is where
we're going with that yeah i gotta edit that.
God so uh yeah so like i okay so you know you've got kids i mean when something
(08:25):
like this happens what you know what's the way to go about this like you say
i mean you just tell them right like,
you know you kind of explain life and death and yeah you
don't say granddad's sleeping right i feel like that's
the wrong way to handle that no i think this i think
my grandmother did die right around when my daughter
was about that age i think my son was maybe
(08:47):
a little bit younger well obviously it was because he is younger but he was
younger at the time he's way older now yeah yeah yeah he's he's overachieving
in the age department right now they predict he will be older than me in three
years but i don't know if he stays on this trajectory.
(09:08):
But uh yeah i think he's only like maybe four ish
or something like that i don't know i literally i'm not doing the math
right now uh but no we would just we just
said like she's no longer with us that's okay
yeah okay okay i mean yeah
i mean dead you know i i guess i think they have
a pretty healthy grasp on i think that i think they'll just say like
(09:29):
oh yeah she's dead like yeah yes yeah you
don't have to go into too much detail but you don't tell them some bullshit
you know you don't say they're taking a nap
or some shit no no but again you know
and again so this was like a turning point for him but also that doesn't mean
you have to end up murdering people just because you have this weird grasp but
it did kind of start him down this road of confusion right now his parents so
(09:52):
he had his mother elizabeth white and his father olav magnus badass,
okay thank you that is a fucking name dude that is a fucking name olav i'm changing my dog's name olav olav,
Fucking Olav the dog. He came. It worked. He stares at you in Swedish.
(10:20):
Ja. Ja. I'm Olav. So Olav actually was from Norway. And he.
Yeah, no, you're close. And he came over there a part of this.
Because this was during World War II.
So a lot of these guys were going to Scotland as part of this Norway freedom movement.
To get them out of to help them like fight the nazis and shit
(10:41):
and so dennis
remembers you know about his childhood that his
father was like real distant didn't really talk to him a lot didn't wasn't around
a lot because you know he was fighting nazis or whatever sure um and of course
dennis as far as excuses goes right i'm sorry yeah yeah i'm just fighting nazis
(11:04):
you motherfucker like Like, I'm sorry that you... My bad.
Poor Dennis. Oh, grandpa died. Boo hoo. Do you know how many grandpas I killed?
Yeah, exactly. Do you know how many Nazis are sleeping because of me?
Comes home with like a necklace with some ears on it.
He's like, those kids didn't even get to see their grandfather.
(11:26):
At least you know yours is sleeping for a little bit.
They'll never be grandfathers because of me. That's right.
I took their kids, yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Yeah. So, you know, apparently the,
the mom, Elizabeth White, she was upset too.
Everybody was pissed off at his dad because he was out fighting a war and not
spending time with them. And, you know, I don't know. Fucking. Wow.
(11:47):
Playing good. I know. Right. So. Playing Candyland. Yeah. Right.
Exactly. Hey kids, like come sit on my lap and no, it's none of that shit.
Now, they got divorced in 1948, and she remarried to a guy named Andrew Scott,
which, if we're just comparing the fucking names, way lamer.
Yeah, she should have stuck with Olaf. Yeah, at least for the name.
(12:11):
I mean, she was probably banging him still.
I'd be banging him still. I'll say, Andrew Scott ain't hitting it right.
There's no way.
There's no way, dude. Kids, don't play with stepdaddy Andrew.
Mama's going to go out to get coffee. Olav.
(12:35):
His fucking name was Magnus. I mean, that thing was probably,
he had a third leg, you know?
I'm just assuming. That's where the condoms came from.
Exactly. Magnus Magnus. He was the first, yeah.
Yeah, he was the first. first magnus magnum
the nazi killer oh my god dude you
(12:57):
just this is a movie i think we just broke a script right here yeah
we should this is great it'd be like like shaft but you know the norwegian one
just a bad motherfucker so this is one of the quotes from so so growing up he
you know dennis started to struggle with his sexuality he was confused you know he.
(13:20):
Homosexuality at that time over there especially was
really just looked down upon like taboo or whatever you want to call it it was
actually illegal to be as opposed to over here where we fucking celebrated it
in 1951 right yeah yeah exactly yeah i think worldwide it was pretty pretty
just shunned right which it's just so weird to think about but they're like it's it's,
(13:43):
it's illegal though so like you know they're like you're not you know by law you cannot do,
another guy like you'll go to jail and that just it seems so weird to me but,
But he said this thing, he has got a quote from his autobiography.
He says, I had, and this will show you the little dramatic shit I'm talking about.
He said, I had a feeling of being somewhat different, perhaps being poor,
(14:06):
thin, and shabbily dressed was that first definable assault on my awakening self-esteem.
Possibly not having a father to boast about might well have been another.
So, I mean, didn't he have a stepdad though? right
so like this one saying like he's such a radical fuck and
(14:28):
even the way he said that like he could have just said hey i grew up and
i was kind of skinny and poor and that probably didn't help but
he like goes into this like fucking you know poetic i
don't know he's just he's annoying i mean is there anything like when they got
divorced did they move away from no olaf like was he still like down the street
(14:49):
like saw him on weekends and shit no he was still around yeah he was still around
and actually the stepfather, Andrew Scott.
So when she remarried, they had four more children, which I mean, why?
But everybody said that, you know, Dennis in his eyes hated Andrew and thought
that Andrew hated him and favored his older brother who was like Olaf Jr.
(15:13):
Which I mean, of course. Damn. I would too. Yeah. I'm about to say like.
He got all the, all the good genetics.
I know. Right. Exactly.
And dad's ear necklace i think probably probably wore that around too he's just
rocking that shit dad gave me two ears and you none.
(15:36):
Dennis is like fuck you man i'll get
my own ears yeah exactly i'll
show you guys i'm gonna get all the years and i'm
gonna masturbate on them i just a little heads up god okay
so that's why i'm not so
this guy had like family he had
(15:57):
two dads right yeah for all
intents and purposes he had two dads but he's complaining that he
didn't have a father that's right and and
so everybody like everybody else in the family said that you
know they were like no dude like he doesn't hate
you you're just very shut off and not letting
him in and this part of this too they said he
(16:18):
got worse after his grandfather died he just really got introverted
and it was like fuck the world right another little
thing that happened another pivotal kind of you know
whatever you want to call it instance in his childhood is after his grandfather
died he went down like towards this like river where him and his grandfather
used to walk and he started swimming and at one point i think the water was
(16:42):
just real rough and he was struggling and started to drown.
But instead of fighting it he just kind of gave
up and he says that in
his head as a kid he thought that his grandfather would somehow
come back and save him you know
like or or you know if he just let go his
(17:03):
grandfather would help him or i don't know how he even made sense of that
but his grandfather didn't but what he does say is
that an older boy saw him and pulled
him out of of the water and you know fucking helped
him and and gave him like chest compressions all that like you know brought
him back and then he masturbated on him is what is what dennis claims i don't
(17:25):
know if i believe that or not i i mean you're talking about like a seven-year-old
boy saying this you know i don't know if his memory's fucked up but this is
what he says right so that is the.
Oddest thing to well give
it to win like i mean i don't know right and
i'm like like why would you i don't know and
(17:45):
he said the boy was older like 16 i still don't understand that yeah that's
weird like i'd love to even try to like joke on that but that's just so it's
just weird out of this world that well because even if you're okay gay not gay
well it doesn't fucking matter like if you're super attracted to the person
that you're pulling out of the water like that's the
time you're gonna you know yeah well i just saved your life are
(18:07):
you good exactly can you
breathe okay i mean can you
not like that matter i'm just gonna i guess when the mood hits
but yeah that's what so obviously we're we're understanding that he didn't like
come home and say that right this is something that he is talking about like
decades way later future yes yeah yeah so i feel like that's a little embellishment
(18:31):
right i don't i don't know Dennis too well just yet.
But it does sound like, I mean, that one, what, sentence or two from his autobiography
that you read, I mean, that's some eloquent stuff right there.
That's what I'm saying. He's very, very eloquent.
So I feel like even that story, like I'm just imagining it like this,
you know, like there's like fog rolling on this river as this young man goes out to take a swim.
(18:57):
And just like, it's very cinematic in my mind right now.
It probably is, yeah. this is a movie just just
letting go and waiting for granted then being saved and it's like wow this is
like he's already like writing a great story right now that i feel like could
could have been a great movie a great like you have a dad a nazi hunter you've
got you know a grandfather that left you got heartache and then all of a sudden
(19:19):
it's like and then he blew a load on my face.
Did he dump the magnus on me you
know like isn't that it's just he did he
did it's so strange like the movie takes a left turn
and it's just all porn from here on i was gonna say it was like this is the
(19:39):
most like i i don't know cinematic beginning to a porno i've ever heard of before
we've got the lighting we've got mute mute there's like violins playing in the
background and then all of a sudden,
and they're like oh god fucking limp biscuit,
(20:00):
jesus everybody the whole audience is like no just get up out of the theater
and walk out no no no kids just crying everyone's crying but it does take a
turn it does take a turn it's weird Yeah, I was imagining.
I mean, literally, that's what happened as I'm listening to this.
(20:21):
It just it sounded like I mean, it's Scotland like for us Americans.
That's like kind of like magical, you know, there's like unicorns and shit over there.
Do you know that's actually their family?
Their national animal is a
unicorn it is i thought that don't fact check
me but i thought that yeah yeah and so don't google
that the but i just had this this
(20:43):
image was like wow like the fit like 50s scotland
kids swimming there's like there's gonna be like an angel like
now i just see like a unicorn just jerking
off just standing next to it well yeah that's
right jerk my horn i don't know
man weird i'm all fucked up now yeah he
really ruins it he ruins like a picture perfect moment but that's
(21:06):
what he does that a lot here he does that a lot it's going to be kind of his
his mo and and one of the so i want to i want to hit this real quick because
he he did struggle like i said with the sexuality and again he kind of knew
he was gay but was i guess fighting it because
of the, you know, environment that he was in.
(21:27):
And he took it to an extreme where, like I said, he was a middle child.
He had an older brother, younger sister, but he actually went to their rooms
at different times and while they were sleeping, tried to like touch them to
see if like touched his sister and seeing like, well, nothing happened.
I'm not, you know, aroused. And then, okay, like touch my brother.
(21:48):
And it was like, so he was finding ways to like try to figure out what the fuck
was going on with himself, right?
Right okay now his older brother had an idea that he was gay like he kind of
knew and instead of like being on his side about it would just fucking tease
him you know kind of pick on him call him you know he was very feminine acting
and he would just call him out on that shit which.
(22:10):
Super dramatic again you know you say that now knowing that he is gay and he's
hiding it but at the same time do kids pick on each other they always call each
other shit so like i don't know how extreme this was it could have been older
brother being like you're a little sissy you know And he's like, he hurt me.
How do you know I was gay? Fuck off, dude. So at 16, he enlisted in the Army Academy. Okay.
(22:33):
And he felt like this would be a way for him to, one, get away from his house
and to kind of become more masculine.
You know, he wanted to, you know, man up.
Yeah. Struggling with possibly being attracted to men. And he just went into big man camp.
Yeah, exactly. With kilts and bagpipes and just big old masculine testosterone, dude. Yeah.
(22:57):
That's how he wanted to handle that. Exactly.
Really testing his durability at this point.
And that actually came up because he would, so he was obviously trying to hide
it while he was in the army.
And he, by doing that, he would like avoid the showers, try not to be kind of
in those group settings with a bunch of naked dudes.
(23:20):
The only guy walking around with a massive Magnum, right?
Sorry guys. It's just a, it's just a warm water. I was going to say,
it's just the way the water hits the falls.
But, but again, like, But if you're walking around like not showering,
everybody's going to fucking talk shit too. So, you know, you're kind of damned
if you do, damned if you don't.
I feel like this was a mistake on his behalf. He makes a bunch of those.
(23:45):
Now, so he became a cook when he finally joined the actual army.
He did like a nine-year enlistment in the Army Catering Corps.
Jesus Christ. christ this is yeah i'm gonna go man up right now and i'm gonna
cater the shit out of this function you guys want some biscuits.
(24:08):
My creme brulee will truly prove my manhood that's right he just fucking comes
out there just flexes and slams on the table dennis make creme brulee he's scottish bro Oh,
why don't you keep going back to that? I don't know.
Dad is Magnus, the Olaf the Great, but... That's true. Yeah.
(24:30):
I can't do a Scottish one. That's why.
Just imagine you're Shrek, and then... Oh, yeah. And then just back out, you know?
Donkey. Full Shrek, and then there you go. Perfect.
That's the only thing I can say. That's the only word, though. It's just...
Every time i try to do it now i'll be like dennis came out with creme brulee
(24:52):
and said donkey why the fuck you say donkey,
side note dude ever since i called the dog olav like he's been in the corner
and he's just sitting there he won't move so i don't know if the olav thing
didn't work or yeah i got ptsd now i apologize yeah definitely or uh also scrooge
(25:12):
mcduck he's also scottish Was he? Yes.
Oh, yeah, he was. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you can pull off a Scrooge
McDuck. Oh, there you go.
Yeah, I think they roll their R's. They got a little bit. There's a little bit of that in there.
I was on my Spanish kick for a little bit. I could never roll the R's,
(25:34):
so I just gave up. It was stupid as fuck. I could not do it.
Now, when he was in the Army, he became a very, very heavy drinker.
It's not a surprise i mean you know wine spritzers.
Coolies of
course we i'm joking nobody has
(25:57):
a problem with homosexuality it's uh
you know you can make fun of uh because i'm
yeah yeah i mean so yeah i'm
not trying to be insensitive by you know saying what
kind of drinking that's all i'm saying well maybe
i'm woke yeah woke as fuck i don't care
(26:17):
if you're gay but what'd you drink i'm gonna judge you on like if you're drinking
a fucking cranberry coulis i'm like what the fuck straight gay doesn't matter
i don't care put that shit down yeah drink a real beer male female exactly just
put those down those are now those are for 18 year old kids.
Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah. 18.
(26:40):
So he would get drunk and now he would hang out with all these guys at these
parties. And he says he would get so wasted.
And pass out and that he was doing it in hopes that somebody would take advantage
of him, why he was passed out.
I'm like, wait a minute. So you're just rolling around this army party getting fucking housed.
(27:02):
And then you're like, Oh, I just fell asleep with my legs open. Yeah.
Oopsie.
Christ. Why is Dennis spread Eagle again? hen it's my third beer i might as well unzip donkey,
(27:24):
hey that one kind of worked out i had to go back to donkey because i started
getting norwegian again.
So so so this never worked he always woke up disappointed and how does he know
it doesn't work i don't know i think he's fully clothed i guess just i mean
if you pass out is a good i mean,
(27:46):
he like he like checks his mouth he's like nope no no semen damn it you guys
are lame as fuck like walks out once again i have been too subtle rips his pants,
so he gets so while he's on base he ends up running this german guy and you
(28:10):
know they hang out for a little bit and they you know end up back at his place
and they get you know they both get drunk get fucked up and the german guy ends
up passing out now what he remembers at this time is,
he was into that so he had always been the one trying to get trying to pass
out hoping somebody I, you know,
took advantage of him, but when he seen this, he kind of got aroused.
(28:30):
He liked seeing another man passed out and that kind of hit him like,
you know, well, this is turning me on to something I'm into and nothing happened
with that guy, but it just stuck with him. Right. Okay.
Now, he did a couple different stations, a couple different deployments,
and he had an interesting thing happen.
(28:50):
At one point, he was stationed in what's now Yemen, and he was kidnapped,
basically, by a taxi driver that basically assaulted him and threw him in the trunk.
Trunk and when he stopped the guy popped the trunk and he attacked the guy with
(29:11):
like a tire iron and then like took him up you know put him in the trunk and
escaped so he had like a little fucking.
Issue with that right yeah yeah i can see that being being an issue i find it
so he's deployed like he's he's like in uniform yeah everything yeah yeah so
i mean was this like i guess off
base then huh yeah yeah yeah yeah he was off
(29:33):
base because you know you you go to he was at these different stations but
of course he was cooking you know but he was out probably
you know trying to fucking flag down a taxi and you know
this motherfucker rolled up on him and beat his ass and then
he beat his ass like you know he
popped the trunk and dude just hit him like a tire iron nice
but during this time so
(29:54):
like he did have his own kind of
apartment in his own area to to live in and he started really exploring his
his sexual fantasies so one thing he would do is he had this mirror and i always
feel like i say that word weird but it's fine uh mirror mirror mirror that just
sounds weird you're saying it like shrek mirror.
(30:19):
It's a donkey mirror i was gonna say i was too slow on it but i was gonna say
when he popped out of that trunk. That's what he said.
Smash him with a tire iron. Dude, if somebody said that right before assaulting
me, I'd just be like, that's fine, man. You win.
I'm not even going to fight back. That's amazing. I would be laughing.
(30:42):
So this is going to give you some fucking, I can't think of the movie,
but so he had this mirror and he would look in the mirror, but he would look
to where he could only see his body. He wouldn't see his own face.
Okay. So he could pretend to be someone else and then he would go at himself.
He would masturbate, whatever.
(31:03):
So it was like he was just looking at this other man and he was getting himself aroused.
And then he started doing weird shit like he would put on makeup so that he
would look dead or like, yeah, like he had been dead for a little bit and that
would kind of turn him on.
So he was really starting to explore this shit, right? He was really getting
(31:26):
into this. Now, there's this picture that he had up in his room.
It's called the Raft of Medusa, the Raft of the Medusa. Do you know what that is?
Oh, no. It's a pretty legendary picture. so
it's it's yeah
it's very dramatic and just for
the people that that don't know it's it's basically this
(31:48):
like ship wreckage and it's got all these men on it that you're trying to escape
and trying to you know not drown and in one portion of it if tell me when you
look at it yeah okay gotcha gotcha so down in the left corner there is like
an old man holding one of the
kind of survivors, but who's obviously dying or deceased.
(32:10):
You see what I'm talking about? Yes. And so Dennis would look at this picture
on his wall and jerk off to it.
And especially that one picture of the old man holding the fucking, the survivor. Yes.
Now he did again, he tried to, I guess he was conflicted with the sexuality.
(32:31):
So he did at one point hire like a prostitute, like a female prostitute.
And afterwards he was, he said he hated it. He said he was, it was depressing and it was overrated.
I get that a lot. Yeah. Same one star.
(32:52):
Do not recommend. Do not recommend. I'm like, well, good. Get out.
I could have waited to leave that review till after you
left the apartment but i appreciate it why are you saying the review out loud
while you type it chris did i spell your last name right is that chris with
a k or i just want to make sure i get this right is that i you know i wonder
(33:14):
if that's a thing like a like a sex rating app you know like uh if not we should we should go and
get down on that make some money um you know five-star dick down you know like,
is underwhelmed with,
how do you spell underwhelmed i don't know and i'm hey i got my app out too
(33:40):
i'm like how do you spell donkey.
I said no teeth.
So so after so after
he completed his service he did go back home for a couple months and
(34:02):
as soon as he got home you know he was
his mom started pressuring him about like hey it's it's
you know time to get married time to you know have some
babies you know that that whole typical shit right there which obviously
bothered him because that was not gonna happen yeah and at one point him and
his his older brother and his older brother's wife they're watching this documentary
(34:24):
and it's a gay rights documentary and his brother and his wife start talking about like,
you know how they hate gay people and how all this and at
that point you know he kind of stuck up
for him he was like well you know they still deserve to have rights or
whatever you know god forbid and they got
(34:45):
this huge fight and i think at this point it kind
of he kind of lost was his family like he because i
think what happened was after they got in a fight his brother went ahead
and outed him and said yeah by the way guys he's gay
which you know that's fucked but yeah and they're
like no shit yeah like
duh like he literally caught him jerking off to himself he comes out wearing
(35:12):
mom shoes like how dare you insinuate oh shit i forgot to change mom i'm keeping
these fuck you i'm leaving like he's either he's either gay or just like.
Completely narcissistic like i'm so
hot yeah it was like uh silence of the lambs with that's what i was thinking
(35:33):
of yeah yeah yeah i'd so do me i'd fuck me yeah or i was thinking of jay and
silent bob when he oh god he's like making fun of it he like tucks it and he's like Like he's like,
Ooh, yeah, I'd fuck me real hard.
Oh my God. So after, so after he got an army, he went home for a little bit
(35:55):
and he, he joined the police force.
It didn't really last long. He said there was a lot of homophobia there with the cops.
And so he only stayed for about a year, but he did while he was a cop have access to the morgue.
And he would be in that motherfucker all
the time just hanging out just hanging out in the morgue and everyone's like
(36:18):
oh he's just super interested in the morgue like nothing weird about that i
guess all those sleeping guys in there huh yeah exactly real quick i'm gonna
you got about 10 more minutes yeah yeah yeah man i'm good hold on okay let me see you.
Okay well fuck me i gotta take all this out i'm just checking on time 42 all right so,
(36:42):
my editing skills man i'm getting good i can fucking i could fight the dog right now so,
so he ends up working at this basically as a like a job center helping you know
helping the the city you know kind of like locate people with a good job shit
like that like kind of recruiter,
and he met this guy named in 1973 you
(37:04):
met a guy named david painter which was kind of a friend
of his uh they met at work and they
were hanging out one night and david actually
got you know they both got fucking shithoused and david passed
out well when he woke up he saw
dennis taking his like he was naked and dennis
was taking pictures of him so david freaks
(37:26):
the fuck out and basically jumps out the window like grabs his like pants and
jumps out the window like he just was totally fucking sketched out by it right
uh-huh the problem is dennis was on like the third floor so he jumped out and obviously got fucked up.
(37:47):
He just jumps out the fucking window though
like bugs bunny type shit
man yeah gotta go
what bye i hope
he like hovered above the ground for like you know three
seconds before looking down and be like whoopsies the
eyes pop out he like looks
(38:11):
up at the tv and he's like i shouldn't have done that that's
so ridiculous
yeah i'm picturing that i'm definitely picturing like
you know a ranch house or something of
you know on the first floor nature yeah that
was a great man you delivered that perfectly i should
(38:32):
also mention there are 10 stories so
david painter dead he would rather
die you'd rather commit suicide
than be photographed by a naked man no shit
like how that's that's that's a pretty big level of homophobia like if i wake
up and you're standing there naked taking a picture of me like all right bro
(38:57):
this is weird we're gonna have a talk yeah we're gonna have a talk can you just
put your your clothes on first and then we're We're just going to have a quick chat.
I want to get through this. I do want to get there. I want to work through whatever's
going on here, but I just need you to put on pants.
Do me a favor, right? I was going to say do me a solid, but don't do that.
(39:18):
You're already doing a solid. Do a favor.
You wake up all groggy-eyed. You're like, Magnus?
Magnus?
Chris goes out put just puts on a shirt he's just winnie the pooing at this point
that's it that's just a white shirt just a shirt comes
back come back in i'm like hi buddy you feel better no no no no
(39:40):
snap snap snap snap i'm like
i just i just get back i'm like the wind's blowing your hair grad it's blowing
it's blowing yeah i don't know i don't think i would jump out the fucking window
but like i would be over reaction yeah yeah you're gonna be upset well and also
so because i think he was naked too so i'd be like look i want that fucking camera first of all.
(40:04):
Like you already took some pictures bro like give me
the camera let me let me see yeah you know i'm gonna throw that out the window
you know you you said you're talking
about these like pivotal moments and everything i gotta
you know you're talking like i'm sure he's saying something
about you know in his autobiography or whatever about grandpa grandpa
sleeping and that really fucked them i mean at six years old okay sure
(40:26):
whatever dude this whole story has just been
like like kind of tragic exactly it's just tragic it's it's you know like you're
not you're you're being rejected for you who you are your best friend jumped
out a window because he saw your dick like that's like fuck me am i that ugly
am i that you know this guy would rather die than be in the
(40:48):
room with me that's gotta
fuck you up big time dude it does it does
i mean listen listen i i do feel for
him for at the beginning i feel for you know it sucks
like being kind of alienated because of you know something that's just it's
you shouldn't be right like but you know it does take a turn where he's he likes
(41:11):
them passed out right which that's kind of it's like look man man.
You got to fix that. You got to get ahead of that.
Once you know that's a problem, just get ahead of it.
But again, he probably didn't. That's the other thing. I say that,
but there was probably not much help.
Back there like who the fuck were you gonna go to and be like i'm definitely
(41:31):
a homosexual and i also like when they're looking like they're dead you would
probably just go straight to jail i don't know how it works but yeah so he was
like no i'm just gonna take pictures of you while you're asleep okay sidebar
let's yeah i know i know we got a story to get through here but what do you
think would be i want your funniest
(41:52):
or or i don't know oh i
want i want what do you think would be the the
best i think funniest but like the best reaction to watching you know if you're
dennis watching david just jump out that window right what so so what what does
he do next like okay so like you're scripting it you're the director of the
(42:13):
scene you know like how what What's Dennis'
reaction after his buddy just jumped out a fucking five-story window to get away?
Like, what does he do now? He's got the camera. He's still holding the camera.
He's still holding it in frame, right? Like, there's now an empty couch where
his best friend was in a wide-open window that's still got, like,
(42:34):
the fucking, like, clothes hanging from it because he jumped out so quickly.
What does he do now? So I think Dennis goes to his mirror, looks into the mirror
with the camera, with the window on his left side, right by his shoulder,
puts up a little peace sign and takes a selfie.
(42:56):
Best ending to a date, 73.
Hashtag first date things. Thanks.
I'm going to get so many likes on this post. That's awesome. That's a good one.
Oh my God. All right. So we're about to, we're kind of coming to the end of
(43:20):
this one here because we're going to get into his first victim soon.
But right before that, he does have his first relationship. Okay.
So he meets this guy named David Kalashan and basically he meets him because
he was coming out of a pub getting fucked up and some guys were giving David shit and he
basically stepped in and stuck up for them and they ended up hanging out
(43:43):
and got along real well and soon
they moved in together oh yeah now they
got they moved into this flat where they had like a little garden
and they also get a well i say they dennis got a dog and the dog's name was
bleep which is pretty cool fucking name like your name's bleep yeah it was a
(44:03):
cool name it was a little mongrel it was a little like you know just a tiny
little dog and he ended up loving this dog this This dog is like his entire
fucking life, right? Okay.
Now, the relationship didn't really last too long. It lasted about a year,
and David ended up moving out and... Jumping out?
He ended up jumping out the fucking window. It's like, God, guys, there's a front door.
(44:26):
It's not even locked. I mean, this is fucking...
Like he's like hey it's over he's like fine just jumps out the window what the fuck,
oh man god have you ever had to jump out a window before like just side side note,
no i've i've jumped into windows but not out okay yeah okay yeah i snuck out of a window i've never,
(44:52):
jumped out a window no no i've there's only two reasons that i would do that one my house is on
fire and i couldn't get out and two there was a man
photographing me naked and uh neither
one of those have happened to me so far so good for you man let's keep that
going let's keep that streak going all right chris is like well i'm one for
(45:13):
two but uh i'll let you guess which one i didn't jump i just stepped out and
then walked a very far way home,
god if there would have been ubers back then it would have been perfect but.
So so stephen holmes all right so this is 1978 we're
(45:35):
gonna get into his first victim his first by the way of many this motherfucker
goes on a like i mean he's got multiples right this is not a one and done now
he's at a bar and this stephen holmes comes in now granted this is his youngest
his victim steven holmes is only 14 dennis says that he thought he was 17 oh that makes it better,
(45:57):
right oh i thought he was 15 like okay now he was dennis was at a bar and he
was drinking and steven came in to try to get a drink but he didn't have an
id and the bartender basically was like get the fuck out of here like you're
obviously not fucking old enough which over there you only had to be 18.
So Dennis says, Hey man, like I'll get you fucked up. You can come to my house, you know?
(46:22):
And so they, they go over there, they hang out, they're getting wasted.
And again, they, they both kind of pass out.
Now Dennis woke up first and he says he looked over and while he was looking
at Steven, you know, he, Steven was sleeping and he just in his mind,
he's like, I don't want him to wake up and leave.
(46:43):
You know, I just, I don't want him to wake up and leave me. and he decided right
then he's like he's gonna stay with me through the new year basically whether
he likes it or not so he grabs he's obviously still drunk he must still be like
you know maybe nobody yeah nobody makes nobody has that thought when they're completely sober,
well i don't know man this guy was jerking off to a fucking horrible picture
(47:06):
of a bunch of drowning people like i don't think he needs to be drunk to have
like weird thoughts So it's kind of a sexy picture.
If you, if everyone goes and takes a look at it, it's a pretty sexy picture.
It got you going, got your motor running. Do you like water or what is it?
I'm trying to figure out. Don't get. So,
(47:29):
so, so he decides, okay, this guy's going to stay with me whether he likes it or not.
So he grabs a necktie, gets on top of them and strangles them.
Um now after that he grabs a bucket
of water and then drowns him in it so
he like puts his head in the water and drowns him like it's like
he's like i don't know if he's actually deceased let me make sure we need to
(47:52):
be dead yeah yeah so then he takes him and puts him under the floorboard of
his of his loft or his flat whatever fuck you want to call it now a week later he pulls him back out
of the floorboard he takes off
all his clothes dennis takes you
(48:13):
know takes off all of the deceased clothes takes him to
the tub washes him and then tucks
him into bed and just like lays with him wow then he keeps him for about eight
months get out that is months okay and would repeatedly lay with him, masturbate on him.
(48:39):
Take you know just look in the mirror with him and like paint his
face like this is when this is where it
takes off like he is just he just
said fuck it i'm all in this is who i am this is what i'm going to
be doing that eight months see i i just can't imagine just the the decomposition
that's going on at this point has got well you're exactly right you're exactly
(49:01):
right and at one point it gets he said it gets so bad that that's when he decided
to okay i got to do something with it. So he burns the body.
He just takes the body apart. I'm not going to get too detailed about that.
And then, yeah, you're welcome, everybody. You can imagine, right?
And then he burned the body.
And people do recall, his neighbors recall there being fires,
(49:24):
random times at night for days in a row.
Thinking like hot shits. Thinking like ass, right?
We're going to go to one more guy that But he tried, but this guy kind of got
away. This was Andrew Ho.
This guy was a, he was like a Japanese businessman that was there just visiting.
(49:47):
And they met at a pub and Andrew and him went back to Dennis's apartment.
Now, Andrew was also, I mean, he was homosexual.
He wanted to have a relationship with him for the night and was pushing him to do like bondage.
Andrew was like, we should do bondage. Now, Dennis did say, I don't think that's a good idea.
(50:10):
And I tried to tell him like, no, no, no, no. And the guy was like,
no, come on, like kind of pushed him into it. Well,
They started to, and I guess he had a bondage strap around his neck,
and all of a sudden, Dennis wrenched back on it.
Not sexy wrench, but I'm trying to kill you wrench.
And Andrew fought him. He got away. He ran out. The window.
(50:38):
His neighbors are like, why do men keep jumping out of your fucking window?
Like the guy the next door neighbor's wife is just at the window every night
like all right got her fucking you know chardonnay and she's just after the second one fucking,
dennis has gone ahead and boarded up every window that's that's what has happened
(51:00):
he has learned his lesson he's a smart guy we've learned this much about him
right everyone that walks in like you You got a problem with light?
Andrew starts running and he runs and jumps right here. He's like,
what the fuck? What is a window?
No, you don't.
Oh, my God. All they want is shame on me. That's right.
(51:24):
Now, Andrew tried to go to the fucking police and, you know,
nothing really happened.
Because I think that once he kind of said what he was there for,
they were like, oh, yeah, sounds like a gay lover's quarrel.
I get the fuck out of here. Like, I don't think they took him seriously at all.
And so, you know, nothing really happened. Nothing got pursued, which.
(51:48):
It's unfortunate because I'm just scrolling it. There's like 10 other victims.
We're not going to go through all of them, but it's like, if he would have stopped,
like if the cops would have maybe took it seriously right there,
they probably could have prevented a lot of these, you know what I'm saying?
But you know, God forbid you're gay. So then crimes are just allowed.
I don't really understand, but we're going to stop there for part one.
(52:11):
And in part two, we'll, we'll pick up and
we'll just kind of get into the rest
of his victims and how he gets
himself caught by being a complete fucking idiot which goes
against he's done some pretty smart things up to this point like he has shown
he's intelligent but you know as we see with a lot of these guys i don't know
(52:32):
if it's you know complacency or whatever but they just start fucking up they're
just like oh whatever and they get yeah yeah i mean maybe you want to right
you've You've said that there are some people that just, they want to be caught.
Yeah. Right. I think so. It's too much. I mean, and that's got it.
I mean, at the end of the day, you're still a human, hopefully,
you know, something in there that's just like, God, I can't, I can't keep doing this.
(52:56):
Like, you know, it's a compulsion, you know, that you're going to keep doing
it, but it's still got to take a toll on you.
And I'm going to say this, and this is, and like I said, we'll probably do the
mental mouthwash on the, on the next episode to end the, in the actual.
Dennis Nilsen series but in my
opinion nothing about this is right but
(53:16):
it doesn't seem that he liked the killing part
like he didn't enjoy murdering these people he just wanted them to stay does
that make sense yeah and like you know we see some of these guys where they're
like I just want to kill like Israel keys he's like I don't give a fuck who
it is I just want to kill them yeah whereas this guy was like I just don't want
to be like he wanted a you know person with
(53:39):
no pulse laying in his bed and hanging out with him.
He was like, like if that could have been like delivered, he probably would've
got that, you know? But yeah. Yeah.
I was going to say if like the Japanese body pillows were like the Prince.
There you go. If they had been made back then, we would have saved a lot of
lives. There you go. Right. Or, or what was it?
You remember the, when we were kids, we had the, like the wrestling pillows,
(54:02):
like the rest. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do.
You know? Yeah. I didn't know where you're going to go with that.
Remember when we were kids michael that's a broad topic i don't know what i
did as a kid remember when you had to jump out of our window,
just bringing back memories you're like oh my god when were you in boston.
(54:30):
Sneaky sneaky oh Jesus yeah man yeah so we'll get through the rest of the next one,
But until then, won't you let them know where they can find us?
Because there's a lot of little avenues they can go to. Yeah,
yeah. First, look out your window. Just take a look down. Chris is right there waving. Hi.
(54:53):
He's the donkey. Remember? Remember?
Screaming donkey. You got a big camera.
Yeah, go ahead. And you want to go to Instagram, of course.
So if you're just if you somehow just came across this
podcast i i have no idea just going through i mean
you found it somehow so you don't really have to go to ipodcasts or
(55:16):
wherever you normally listen to your podcasts you're already there but if
you want to you know dive in a little bit more get to know us get
to know what it is that we've been talking about see some of the visuals go
ahead and go to instagram and check us out at here no
evil most importantly i would say is go to the a link tree there we're going
to find all of our links the whole here like sub world right our only fans yes
(55:39):
yep yep chris and the t-shirt and the camera with the camera it says donkey on it.
There is the patreon which of course you're going to
want to join because it's just there's just more and more episodes are
collecting with every month that goes by there's something new on
there so you're going to want to catch some some really good episodes too
i'd say we we save some of the best for
(56:02):
the for you having to shell out some coins so you
know if this is your first time 5.99 and you got at least a good four three
four episodes that are only available on the patreon and also early release
so like part two of this one everybody else will have to wait about what eight
days where you'll get it right when it's done yeah so if Yeah.
(56:25):
If you're an instant gratification kind of person, then you need that now. That's right. Do it.
I'm pausing to wait for you to go and do it. $5.99.
Get that credit card out. And of course, whatever you gotta do.
You do what you gotta do to get these episodes.
(56:46):
And of course, go to hearnoevilshow at gmail.com and that's where you're gonna
go ahead and tell us all that you're excuse me i'm i'm puking in my mouth right now my ginger,
yeah yeah that was a little weird it wasn't puking it was just uh i couldn't
hold it back i couldn't hold it back anymore i'm like trying not to belch into
(57:07):
the microphone puking again you.
Here we will show there's our intro.
At gmail.com go ahead it's it's always you
know whatever comments you want to make make it official go to
the email but you know we'll read them on the air and you
(57:28):
know give us some give us some pointers give us some
what you want to hear tell us what you don't want to hear of
course you know we don't really care because we're we
don't read them we don't mind we don't mind a little criticism that's
fine it's it's always we're always trying to get better always
trying to you know tweak she's trying
to tweak bro trying to tweak and i think that's i think that would that would
(57:56):
probably be it right uh yeah but you know it's it's worth going on just to hit
the like hit a follow comment find the stories on instagram you know chris puts up some
cool stuff you can vote on what we're going to do in the next episode it's just
a little fun little interaction in between episode drops and we might give you
a little uh sample of the new.
(58:16):
Mental mouthwash music at the end of this episode it'll be our new intro for the mental mouthwash,
little shortcuts so y'all get
a little sample here and then and then see us next week i
like this era that's a it's a cool you know i feel like it's not something that
we've really i mean i know we've we've touched on murderers from you know the
(58:40):
what what 70s i guess is when this is happening yeah yeah so i know that's happened
but like i don't know it's kind of neat the overseas,
you know wartime at first it's this is a this has
been a cool cool story yeah i mean it gets gets interesting it it definitely
gets interesting i really like i think he's actually probably older he'd be
(59:03):
older than like jack kerouac and stuff but it reminds me of uh william s burroughs,
because he yeah i think he was
gay or or dabbled in it i think that he was accused of killing his wife,
Yeah, but for some reason, I'm just getting like Burroughs vibes with like getting
drunk and having, you know, gay thoughts.
(59:23):
And again, I don't know if he was actually gay, but a lot of those dudes like
from that era were, you know, at least by or something like that.
And they had to hide that shit. Yeah, they could.
So, you know, artistic has the.
The linguistic skills, the writing skills. I don't know. He seems like a I don't
(59:43):
like him, but, you know, of all.
The mass murderers i feel like i have the
most sympathy for i guess in that of course of course because because of the
way you know his reason behind it and all that and treated like dog shit your
whole life yeah yeah but again i mean and so that's a very interesting one because
(01:00:06):
i do too i I feel the same way,
but I wonder why I feel that way with him as opposed to like Israel keys who,
I mean, his childhood was pretty fucked, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you know, with, with the very super poor freaking religious fanatic family
that beat the shit out of them.
(01:00:26):
So like, but, but yeah, I didn't feel bad for him.
I was like, fuck him. So I don't know. I think you have a soft side for maybe
things that you possibly can't understand.
Like i guess you know i feel like this guy
just wants love when it comes down to it like if he had just gotten the
the the love from that that he was looking for that right you know like more
(01:00:48):
than platonic you know i mean maybe maybe but i think he also tried that like
he tried the relationship thing and he was like yeah you're just not doing it
for me because you're not dead.
Oh is that what he said no he didn't say that but
i'm thinking like i think in my in my mind i'm like i think
he was aroused by a dead
body and so he just couldn't like unless
(01:01:11):
like i said unless one was going to be delivered to him he had to he had
to make it happen you know and that just sucks because
you know you again you really can't
control what the fuck you're into but you can control what
you do about it right like i'd say i hate
that for you man like if you're into dead bodies like that really fucking sucks but
for everyone better yeah you better you better go
(01:01:31):
to to a fucking museum or something like i don't know well the morgue
was perfect you know yeah if he could have just lived there worked
out a little arrangement yeah he could have been a fucking medical examiner
he'd have been jesus he'd have been creaming his pants the whole time
like yeah it looks like he's been
sexually assaulted and he's like nah nah nah nah post-mortem don't worry about
(01:01:53):
that he's like not yet fucking gross dude he's like pulling overtime hours 14
hours a day non-stop I love my job,
dehydrated and shit just,
coming out slamming Gatorades it's a towel around his neck.
(01:02:15):
They're like all right guys back up dennis is on the scene he's just like yeah
just fucking rock hard he's just he's weird but god is he good he's so good
somehow he always finds out that they're all sexually assaulted.
We've had more sexual assault since he's worked here than we ever have in the
(01:02:37):
history of our our fucking department it's like 98 they're up 110.
In this county alone in this county alone the rest of scotland it's like a normal
it's on the decline here yeah,
(01:02:59):
there's like a massive serial sexual assault going on you don't know all dudes
too we don't understand like no women are getting touched yeah and rash of of window squashing.
Suicide by fucking window leap the eis got like an uptick in window jumps from.
(01:03:23):
Here's the thing they jump out the window guess where
they end up right back in his arms at the morgue oh my
god i thought you were gonna get away from me didn't you
but here we are that's a fucking movie that's
a fucking that's a movie right there you know he's like oh go ahead jump
i'll see you soon yeah that's that's
that's it that's the scene right there he lowers the camera he's like
(01:03:45):
see you in an hour yeah yeah
as as they're rolling into the the emergency room like they're about to fade
away and they see him and like a fucking you know white coat with the surgical
mask on he's like hi they pass out oh god what movie are you gonna go see,
(01:04:08):
inside out too okay cool yeah kids movie that's so fun yeah yeah yeah in 3d
that'll be good yeah yeah we're gonna have fun yeah i fucking like those movies
dude i don't give a fuck i do too it was my idea so nice yeah i was like a little
sunday something that's like one of the perks of having kids,
you can go see movies like that.
You don't have to have a fucking reason. I'm taking kids.
(01:04:31):
If I go sit by myself, that's weird.
Put some pants on, Chris. Shut the fuck up.
I've got the popcorn bucket, chill. Do any of these characters die? I was just wondering.
(01:04:56):
Music.
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