July 16, 2024 • 13 mins
Check in as we get your mind off murder for a moment. We discuss a possible job change as professional banter merchants in Scotland...for breakfast?
Brad drops some tunes for a new possible intro.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:25):
We need like a nice clear delineation between all that
nasty beating and stabbing to the
the happy fun times but anyways maybe we
can work that i think that's a good idea yeah that's a really good idea yeah i
just so he does have some beats all right yeah i know what
i was a fucking dj here no evil show at gmail.com
or go ahead and just uh post your post your best your best
(00:47):
shot shoot your shot on instagram or twitter shot i
mean i'm sorry tiktok so here's what's going on
right right now there's going to be a festival
okay and it is
in edinburgh do you know where edinburgh is i
do not man you always ask me this question so i figured i'd go and i'd try to
try to put you on the spot put you in the hot seat bro i like that it's in scotland
(01:10):
all right oh yeah yeah so edinburgh has this big festival it's a big blowout
right and it's like super expensive Offensive just to like get a hotel there.
It's like a big, it's a big deal. I think it's actually maybe in.
Okay. So it is in Edinburgh, but Glasgow, I'm assuming.
Oh yeah. I didn't look it up, but yeah, maybe it's like close by or something.
(01:31):
There's a, the, the AC hotel by Marriott in Glasgow. Okay. They would like.
A banter merchant to entertain
their guests all right so a band
that's what they're calling it a banter merchant to entertain
their guests because these guests that you know a they're
paying a lot of money and b there's a big festival going around and they want
(01:55):
to like hype up their guests to go out there and then party in the streets so
they're hiring essentially like a comedian and they're They're taking 60-second video clips. Oh.
Yeah, to get hired. This is your – if you want to book the job,
you got to go ahead and do your little interview as an interview process,
(02:20):
right? Hi, I'm Chris. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'd be perfect because I'm Superman that hoe. Pick me.
So my first question is – I mean my first – my statement is I think – I think
we'd be pretty good for that. I think we should go in.
I think we should tandem this shit. Right. Okay. And you know,
(02:40):
listen to the show, but here's also our, our, our, our submission is okay.
We're going to do this together.
Right. And then, okay. You know, we figure out how the compensation is going
to work, but you get to stay in the hotel for free. So all I need to do is just get there.
All right. Okay. That's the biggest part. Once you get there, job's done. Exactly.
So step one right there. So, so you're in, so we just need to come up with something.
(03:03):
Right. So that's, that's cool. but now here's the part and i'm like man chris
is an opinionated guy and i could i feel like you might just kind of like things
a certain way right okay you have you have your idea of like what a nice hotel
stay might be right 100 yeah okay so here's my question right hookers and blow,
oh i'm sorry so maybe you won't be too opinionated on this right but so the
(03:25):
hotel said that it is seeking this.
Banter merchant.
They're seeking a breakfast roaster to leave its guests quote, in stitches and,
while this event is going on right a breakfast roaster yeah so like they're eating you.
(03:46):
Know corned beef and hash and where you're just you're just
dropping joke bombs and like they're throwing up from laughter yes what do you
think about that okay so it's one thing if you're like the guy that's been commissioned
to do this right you you go out there and you just did you you got some you
got some knee slappers right you got some bangers cooked up right that's That's
one thing from your perspective, right?
(04:07):
That worked out, right? But what about you as a hotel guest?
What are you thinking, bro?
You're a hotel guest. You've been partying all fucking night because it's a
giant fucking Scottish event.
God knows they're drinking like 64 ounce beers and fucking smashing scotch.
And like, you know, you got a kilt up around your fucking neck.
(04:27):
You got your balls hanging out. You come down for breakfast.
It's like, you know, 930. you're still
trying to get that continental breakfast trying to slip in there before they
take it away and then you got
like some asshole up there going what
about those airlines yes yes yes yes
what are your thoughts on this dude god no dude i don't want to hear that shit
(04:50):
i barely want to hear the fucking other people eating so when i when i fucking
i'll tell you what i'll just give you a quick example but the biggest thing
i can i could compare this to when When I go out on like these –.
Vacations or whatever you want to call it right is i'll go to these like rock festivals
right and they're like three or four days long yeah i go
to group people we get super fucking hammered right
(05:12):
like we start drinking at fucking noon and we're listening to like 30 bands
that day right yes and so the next day you gotta wake up in time to get breakfast
you have to right like that's a necessity and it's like from 6 to 10 30 it's
like okay cool if that yeah right so at nine o'clock i'm fucking
waddling my fucking ass down there like a zombie i'm
(05:34):
grabbing two plates i'm putting a fucking i'm
going to the waffle maker first if there's two i'm using both
you're throwing a bunch of fucking eggs i'm scooping a bunch of bacon i'm throwing
the waffles on top right the waffle go on top of that pour the syrup over everything
naturally stack the other fucking plate put some milk cartons in my fucking
(05:54):
pocket carry one and i'm like going to the elevator
headphones on nothing's playing i just
don't want you to talk to me yeah and then i get up to
the room scarf it down you know
jump in bed touch the booty you know
because it's a booty and then go back to sleep
yeah yeah there's always somebody so go back to sleep and then wake up and and
(06:16):
and you know then go party at noon so no if i went down there and i walk out
and i hear this motherfucker on like a loudspeaker and he's telling these corny
ass jokes at fucking 7 a.m I'm walking back upstairs and door dashing. Thank you.
Okay, that's my point. And I'm just thinking like, you know, so that's you as a guest.
Now, you as a hotel owner, what the fuck are you thinking, right?
(06:40):
Like, we need a real laugh riot up there.
Have you seen people in the morning? That's my question. Like, you are a hotel.
Like, have you never, are you do, is it only the people that do the,
like, the afternoon checkouts That are running the place They've never seen
like They've never seen the breakfast crowd I guess not I guess not,
(07:03):
I don't know. I just, maybe, maybe he's one of these like hotel,
like, you know, maybe he's like, is the owner or to see, but he's like these,
like one of these super just driven, successful people.
So he's up at like 5. A.M. He goes for a run, you know, and then by like six
30, he's like, what's going on with the day? Like I would love to hear some jokes and some news.
I'm turning on like, you know, the, the, my favorite radio show and going to
(07:25):
do pushups. Like he's probably a whole different breed. It's true.
That's true. Yeah. Good call.
Now here's the candidates should also share. now
i'm gonna really put you on the spot here i don't know if you if you got
anything off the cuff that's fine i didn't come up with anything i i had time
to do this but i decided not to and i'm probably not even gonna try do you got
that so candidates should also share their favorite breakfast related joke do
(07:45):
you got anything breakfast related breakfast related joke yeah so you can tell
that one over and over for a fucking week to hung over fucking guarantee you
hostile scottish fucking hotel goers
you know festival goers i think okay this is
definitely what they want they want the corniest shit possible and this guy's
definitely getting the shit beat out of them go ahead give me something what's
(08:10):
gonna get you fucked all right keep it in mind yeah this guy's getting paid
for it so he's not drunk he hasn't been drinking he woke up at five to do his
vocal exercises and he's you know he's he's probably got whatever
you know beads or whatever it is that they wear to be like
you know part of the crew you know like we would look
it up we'd find out what the edinburgh festival is and we'd go and we'd
(08:30):
be prepared you know you and me we're going to practice our banter beforehand
we're going to go downstairs and we're going to wow them you know with this
fucking like the worst breakfast dad joke ever made yeah and then and then and
then we're we're going to be blocking you know we're just we're blocking we're
we're you know we're we're dodging we're dodging oranges all
the way back to the elevator, right? What do you got?
(08:52):
What do you got? So I'm going to jump in. I'm going to say, you know,
and I'm going to do the whole corny, like, hey, guys, da, da,
da, da, da. You know, give a little intro. And I'm going to say, you know,
I'm Chris. I like my women like I like my eggs. Over easy. Oh!
And they're gonna be like, you're calling our women whores? And they're gonna throw shit at me.
Scottish women do not go over easy.
(09:15):
They're saints. They throw like a fucking mug at me. What you got?
You got something for me? Uh...
No. Well, I had one, but I'm like, I don't want to say that.
No man you gotta you gotta bring it bring the heat i like my coffee like i like
my women uh black and black yeah.
(09:42):
You said you said over easy and i said i said black so you know what so hold
on i will i will i want to say this my drills i'll never forget this my drill
sergeant was god you guys got to say maybe it's a boston joke he was from boston
he hated me because i said that peyton manning was
a better quarterback than tom brady so i like got
fucked up every day every day and
(10:05):
he was like oh there's mr fucking peyton fucking manny nah
you're eating some fucking eggs there you're fucking peyton manny motherfucker
like all over my ass right but one of the funniest things he said he comes up
and he's like yep i like my fucking coffee like i like my wife you know hot
black and keeps me up all night and i was like okay i was like i was like well
(10:26):
and i'm sitting thinking Like, you're like, damn, dude,
like, your wife has been in here with you. Like, don't say that to me.
Like, you know how many guys, like, how many of these sick motherfuckers are
going to beat it to that fault now later? Like, you done fucked up.
I'm going to do it just out of spite, motherfucker. You've been on my ass.
Spite. Spite.
I'm not even gonna say it no um no i'm not we're
(10:49):
good we got that was a good that was that was a good uh that was a
good joke i like that one no it's it's it that's just
that's just a standby like you said maybe it is a new england thing oh you
know what we could have said is i like i like to treat
my coffee the way i do scottish women right put
my mouth on it and then put some cream in it oh okay
okay we are banned in
(11:11):
stopland yeah well isn't the
point you're supposed to like piss everybody off like first of all i want to
be called can we call ourselves banter merchants from now on yeah i think that's
well yes yes true crime banter merchants god that has like a real like professional
ring to it and i appreciate that tcbm true crime bowel movements oh no.
(11:39):
Oh god no that's that's good man yeah the banter merchants not the bms this
is great i just i feel like i can change up my business card now i'm pretty
excited about that yeah i like that well banter merchant i'm a merchant of banter,
(12:00):
death just cross out the death and write in
banter exactly what did you do beforehand shut
the fuck up banter this is it don't worry
you don't want to know yeah you don't want to know bitch
i work for the can't police it's called
bringing it back call back
yeah but it was
(12:22):
another call back too we did the the jackie v we did the jackie v and the callbacks
everywhere this whole show is one big one big fucking callback yeah bradley
bear the uh kevin spacey edition limit limited limited sold yeah we try not
to sell it we keep it locked away.
Music.
Music.
(00:25):
We need like a nice clear delineation between all that
nasty beating and stabbing to the
the happy fun times but anyways maybe we
can work that i think that's a good idea yeah that's a really good idea yeah i
just so he does have some beats all right yeah i know what
i was a fucking dj here no evil show at gmail.com
or go ahead and just uh post your post your best your best
(00:47):
shot shoot your shot on instagram or twitter shot i
mean i'm sorry tiktok so here's what's going on
right right now there's going to be a festival
okay and it is
in edinburgh do you know where edinburgh is i
do not man you always ask me this question so i figured i'd go and i'd try to
try to put you on the spot put you in the hot seat bro i like that it's in scotland
(01:10):
all right oh yeah yeah so edinburgh has this big festival it's a big blowout
right and it's like super expensive Offensive just to like get a hotel there.
It's like a big, it's a big deal. I think it's actually maybe in.
Okay. So it is in Edinburgh, but Glasgow, I'm assuming.
Oh yeah. I didn't look it up, but yeah, maybe it's like close by or something.
(01:31):
There's a, the, the AC hotel by Marriott in Glasgow. Okay. They would like.
A banter merchant to entertain
their guests all right so a band
that's what they're calling it a banter merchant to entertain
their guests because these guests that you know a they're
paying a lot of money and b there's a big festival going around and they want
(01:55):
to like hype up their guests to go out there and then party in the streets so
they're hiring essentially like a comedian and they're They're taking 60-second video clips. Oh.
Yeah, to get hired. This is your – if you want to book the job,
you got to go ahead and do your little interview as an interview process,
(02:20):
right? Hi, I'm Chris. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'd be perfect because I'm Superman that hoe. Pick me.
So my first question is – I mean my first – my statement is I think – I think
we'd be pretty good for that. I think we should go in.
I think we should tandem this shit. Right. Okay. And you know,
(02:40):
listen to the show, but here's also our, our, our, our submission is okay.
We're going to do this together.
Right. And then, okay. You know, we figure out how the compensation is going
to work, but you get to stay in the hotel for free. So all I need to do is just get there.
All right. Okay. That's the biggest part. Once you get there, job's done. Exactly.
So step one right there. So, so you're in, so we just need to come up with something.
(03:03):
Right. So that's, that's cool. but now here's the part and i'm like man chris
is an opinionated guy and i could i feel like you might just kind of like things
a certain way right okay you have you have your idea of like what a nice hotel
stay might be right 100 yeah okay so here's my question right hookers and blow,
oh i'm sorry so maybe you won't be too opinionated on this right but so the
(03:25):
hotel said that it is seeking this.
Banter merchant.
They're seeking a breakfast roaster to leave its guests quote, in stitches and,
while this event is going on right a breakfast roaster yeah so like they're eating you.
(03:46):
Know corned beef and hash and where you're just you're just
dropping joke bombs and like they're throwing up from laughter yes what do you
think about that okay so it's one thing if you're like the guy that's been commissioned
to do this right you you go out there and you just did you you got some you
got some knee slappers right you got some bangers cooked up right that's That's
one thing from your perspective, right?
(04:07):
That worked out, right? But what about you as a hotel guest?
What are you thinking, bro?
You're a hotel guest. You've been partying all fucking night because it's a
giant fucking Scottish event.
God knows they're drinking like 64 ounce beers and fucking smashing scotch.
And like, you know, you got a kilt up around your fucking neck.
(04:27):
You got your balls hanging out. You come down for breakfast.
It's like, you know, 930. you're still
trying to get that continental breakfast trying to slip in there before they
take it away and then you got
like some asshole up there going what
about those airlines yes yes yes yes
what are your thoughts on this dude god no dude i don't want to hear that shit
(04:50):
i barely want to hear the fucking other people eating so when i when i fucking
i'll tell you what i'll just give you a quick example but the biggest thing
i can i could compare this to when When I go out on like these –.
Vacations or whatever you want to call it right is i'll go to these like rock festivals
right and they're like three or four days long yeah i go
to group people we get super fucking hammered right
(05:12):
like we start drinking at fucking noon and we're listening to like 30 bands
that day right yes and so the next day you gotta wake up in time to get breakfast
you have to right like that's a necessity and it's like from 6 to 10 30 it's
like okay cool if that yeah right so at nine o'clock i'm fucking
waddling my fucking ass down there like a zombie i'm
(05:34):
grabbing two plates i'm putting a fucking i'm
going to the waffle maker first if there's two i'm using both
you're throwing a bunch of fucking eggs i'm scooping a bunch of bacon i'm throwing
the waffles on top right the waffle go on top of that pour the syrup over everything
naturally stack the other fucking plate put some milk cartons in my fucking
(05:54):
pocket carry one and i'm like going to the elevator
headphones on nothing's playing i just
don't want you to talk to me yeah and then i get up to
the room scarf it down you know
jump in bed touch the booty you know
because it's a booty and then go back to sleep
yeah yeah there's always somebody so go back to sleep and then wake up and and
(06:16):
and you know then go party at noon so no if i went down there and i walk out
and i hear this motherfucker on like a loudspeaker and he's telling these corny
ass jokes at fucking 7 a.m I'm walking back upstairs and door dashing. Thank you.
Okay, that's my point. And I'm just thinking like, you know, so that's you as a guest.
Now, you as a hotel owner, what the fuck are you thinking, right?
(06:40):
Like, we need a real laugh riot up there.
Have you seen people in the morning? That's my question. Like, you are a hotel.
Like, have you never, are you do, is it only the people that do the,
like, the afternoon checkouts That are running the place They've never seen
like They've never seen the breakfast crowd I guess not I guess not,
(07:03):
I don't know. I just, maybe, maybe he's one of these like hotel,
like, you know, maybe he's like, is the owner or to see, but he's like these,
like one of these super just driven, successful people.
So he's up at like 5. A.M. He goes for a run, you know, and then by like six
30, he's like, what's going on with the day? Like I would love to hear some jokes and some news.
I'm turning on like, you know, the, the, my favorite radio show and going to
(07:25):
do pushups. Like he's probably a whole different breed. It's true.
That's true. Yeah. Good call.
Now here's the candidates should also share. now
i'm gonna really put you on the spot here i don't know if you if you got
anything off the cuff that's fine i didn't come up with anything i i had time
to do this but i decided not to and i'm probably not even gonna try do you got
that so candidates should also share their favorite breakfast related joke do
(07:45):
you got anything breakfast related breakfast related joke yeah so you can tell
that one over and over for a fucking week to hung over fucking guarantee you
hostile scottish fucking hotel goers
you know festival goers i think okay this is
definitely what they want they want the corniest shit possible and this guy's
definitely getting the shit beat out of them go ahead give me something what's
(08:10):
gonna get you fucked all right keep it in mind yeah this guy's getting paid
for it so he's not drunk he hasn't been drinking he woke up at five to do his
vocal exercises and he's you know he's he's probably got whatever
you know beads or whatever it is that they wear to be like
you know part of the crew you know like we would look
it up we'd find out what the edinburgh festival is and we'd go and we'd
(08:30):
be prepared you know you and me we're going to practice our banter beforehand
we're going to go downstairs and we're going to wow them you know with this
fucking like the worst breakfast dad joke ever made yeah and then and then and
then we're we're going to be blocking you know we're just we're blocking we're
we're you know we're we're dodging we're dodging oranges all
the way back to the elevator, right? What do you got?
(08:52):
What do you got? So I'm going to jump in. I'm going to say, you know,
and I'm going to do the whole corny, like, hey, guys, da, da,
da, da, da. You know, give a little intro. And I'm going to say, you know,
I'm Chris. I like my women like I like my eggs. Over easy. Oh!
And they're gonna be like, you're calling our women whores? And they're gonna throw shit at me.
Scottish women do not go over easy.
(09:15):
They're saints. They throw like a fucking mug at me. What you got?
You got something for me? Uh...
No. Well, I had one, but I'm like, I don't want to say that.
No man you gotta you gotta bring it bring the heat i like my coffee like i like
my women uh black and black yeah.
(09:42):
You said you said over easy and i said i said black so you know what so hold
on i will i will i want to say this my drills i'll never forget this my drill
sergeant was god you guys got to say maybe it's a boston joke he was from boston
he hated me because i said that peyton manning was
a better quarterback than tom brady so i like got
fucked up every day every day and
(10:05):
he was like oh there's mr fucking peyton fucking manny nah
you're eating some fucking eggs there you're fucking peyton manny motherfucker
like all over my ass right but one of the funniest things he said he comes up
and he's like yep i like my fucking coffee like i like my wife you know hot
black and keeps me up all night and i was like okay i was like i was like well
(10:26):
and i'm sitting thinking Like, you're like, damn, dude,
like, your wife has been in here with you. Like, don't say that to me.
Like, you know how many guys, like, how many of these sick motherfuckers are
going to beat it to that fault now later? Like, you done fucked up.
I'm going to do it just out of spite, motherfucker. You've been on my ass.
Spite. Spite.
I'm not even gonna say it no um no i'm not we're
(10:49):
good we got that was a good that was that was a good uh that was a
good joke i like that one no it's it's it that's just
that's just a standby like you said maybe it is a new england thing oh you
know what we could have said is i like i like to treat
my coffee the way i do scottish women right put
my mouth on it and then put some cream in it oh okay
okay we are banned in
(11:11):
stopland yeah well isn't the
point you're supposed to like piss everybody off like first of all i want to
be called can we call ourselves banter merchants from now on yeah i think that's
well yes yes true crime banter merchants god that has like a real like professional
ring to it and i appreciate that tcbm true crime bowel movements oh no.
(11:39):
Oh god no that's that's good man yeah the banter merchants not the bms this
is great i just i feel like i can change up my business card now i'm pretty
excited about that yeah i like that well banter merchant i'm a merchant of banter,
(12:00):
death just cross out the death and write in
banter exactly what did you do beforehand shut
the fuck up banter this is it don't worry
you don't want to know yeah you don't want to know bitch
i work for the can't police it's called
bringing it back call back
yeah but it was
(12:22):
another call back too we did the the jackie v we did the jackie v and the callbacks
everywhere this whole show is one big one big fucking callback yeah bradley
bear the uh kevin spacey edition limit limited limited sold yeah we try not
to sell it we keep it locked away.
Music.
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