August 3, 2024 • 20 mins
Ever wish you could erase the memory of a favorite tv show? How about fighting off a bear to protect your family? We cover all sides here.
Chris will beat a coyotes ass. That we know for sure.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.
(00:26):
So I had a question. This is a question that I, I, I struggle with.
It's actually, sorry, got deep real fast. That's fine.
I'm going to open up my heart to you and all of our, all of our listeners are
going to know exactly what's going on.
No. So there's a lot of times what you, you know, do you have those,
(00:49):
those television shows that are kind of like, like, like security blanket shows,
you know, that you're just like,
I, I can put this on and I can fall asleep to maybe, or that they're just like
so ingrained into your DNA at this point that, you know, you just need it.
You can't live without it. Right.
Yeah. Okay. So it occurred to me, there's some shows though that they,
(01:13):
you know, like their story arc is so, it just has such a trajectory on it that
like, I love it so much, but I'm like, man,
I wish I didn't know what was happening.
Like i wish i can go back in time and watch this for the first time ever and
just be blown away again yeah that's yeah there's some good ones like that for
(01:33):
sure so my question is what show.
Would you like to just like just strat just i want
that men in black zapper thing to
just blow my brain cells out my asshole so
that i can watch this show like brand
new for the first time okay okay so that's
(01:54):
a hard one i'm gonna say first of all the the image
of the brain cells out the asshole like i
just had like a cartoon image in my head of just just
little tiny brains speckling out your ass and i
was like that's hilarious like i don't know where i
get that gizmo but i'm gonna start just brain bashing everybody
like just walking around
(02:14):
zapping people like brains are just flying out of anuses i
just shit my pants no bro that's your brain your iq just
dropped i don't know math
but i'm gonna say it's gonna be a toss-up man
i'm gonna say either i'm gonna say either rescue me right with with dennis leary
(02:35):
dennis leary yeah okay that's a top fucking three shows ever or i'm gonna say
game of thrones okay and in this scenario.
Though i never for some reason
make it to the last season right like like i watch
all of them and then you know something happens and i turn into a monk and i
(02:59):
never watch tv again and i never catch the last season because it sucks so fucking
bad so that forever in my head i'm like oh it probably ended great you know
it's like that expectation is is you know sometimes it's a let Shut down.
You know what I'm saying? So I, that's a lot. That's what I'm doing.
I avoid watching the last episodes of some shows that I really enjoy.
Not, not so much because I'm worried that they're going to suck.
(03:22):
But because it's like, if I don't watch it, it's still going on.
Yeah that's true you know it's still it's still happening and my wife hates it
that's called anxiety thank you
dr chris yeah yeah but
there are some because my wife gets so pissed off she's like
(03:43):
i want to know how this ends i'm like i don't need to know because in
my mind they're forever everyone in the show is
still living everyone's like you know in
the middle of their their career their best lives and like
they still live in the same location maybe you
know like if i know that like somebody's moving dying quitting their
job fucking and something i don't know like it's like if
(04:03):
i don't watch that episode it never happens yeah just
a little just a little preview guys like you know brad didn't
really wholeheartedly agree to do this murder podcast right
from the rig this is not his thing at all so that's
why we kind of got to do these middle mouthwash i think it's more for for him
not for you guys so my anxiety
is controlled by alcohol just like most other people okay
(04:26):
so watching these
seconds tick by till i can crack a beer you know
i i've i've talked about it before but stranger things man
that's my show oh that's a good one it's so like there's so much reveal going
on like every episode it's it's like not it's not a comedy it's not a situational
(04:47):
comedy where like it doesn't fucking matter if you watch that episode or not.
You know like you need to watch every single episode because it's slow moving enough.
At times and then yeah I don't know it's just like a constant trickle of information
you always want to know what the fuck is going on next and.
Yeah and i think that one for me is i'd love
(05:07):
to i'd love to be able to watch that like a
like a newborn baby also right
peaky blinders is a pretty dope show man that's a
fucking good show you know what i i wanted to put also in there
too because i i just thought about this band of brothers is probably
the greatest show i've ever seen in my fucking life dude the fact
that at the end of or at the beginning in the end of the episodes they
(05:28):
actually interview the fucking the guys that are
being played in the show that shit right there
had me like i you know you're watching the
show you're like oh my god and at the end it's like that motherfucker
shows up and is talking you're like dude that guy has got
bigger balls than i will ever have in my entire life you know
like it that's that's a fucking superhero right
(05:50):
there you know yes that shit i'm not gonna lie banner brothers get
me all fucking emotional like oh my god
yeah you know what you know what's funny about that i've watched
that series probably straight through
numerous numerous times you know how many times you know
how many times i've watched the last episode once just yeah
yeah oh if i've already seen if i've already
(06:12):
seen the last episode of a certain show after that
i'm never i'm never watching it oh good okay so we're
similar in that okay oh dude i have fucking severe listen.
I wasn't knocking you i was saying i know because i know no real recognized
real motherfucker like hey i like
there's a show i watch all the time and i don't go past like the i think
it's got 12 seasons who cares i don't go past four oh
(06:35):
same same the marvelous miss mazel if you haven't seen that it's on prime it
is fantastic everybody listening right now you need to watch this show it is
it's set in like the starts in like 1959 goes through like maybe the early 60s
follows a woman that becomes a comedian, a stand-up comedian.
Like her husband cheats on her and she like takes it out on stage.
(06:58):
She's fucking hysterical. But you know so there's like some societal type stuff
being a woman talking shit on stage and yeah, it's great. The guy that plays um...
Monk on uh yeah he's good yes he's he is in the show he's he helps anchor it yes.
(07:18):
That's that's another one where like the last season i'm like i don't i don't
even watch it i don't watch it because they knew it was the last season and
so like every episode's a little bit different and it flashes forward to like
1985 to see like where she is in in her career right now i'm like no no no i
want it from the beginning give it to me hard right from the beginning man.
Pull a chris so i will say this
(07:40):
now i there is a show so adult cartoons i don't
give a fuck archer archer is one of my favorite shows in the world i
watch it over and over and over again now i have now you ever get so into a
show like that you you know you get attached to these shows right yes well i
think it's season like i don't know six or seven or whatever the have you ever
seen the show first of all yeah mallory dies man mallory dies and and she writes the letter.
(08:05):
And and you know he reads he's reading a letter and it's
basically her you know you know that she died but it's
her explaining like on the show hey i'm just you know i'm out of here
like this is the best way to leave and i dude
there was a time i think like the show just kept running and
i was like doing something whatever and i walked back in the living room
and that part came on and i was like no no no no because i
(08:25):
fucking knew i was like i will fucking start getting
all weird and i can't cry right now
the dog's looking at me like
what the fuck i'm like hulking out like emotions like
you know people think a whole lot of my emotions in public like i do this shit
in private too okay it's a condition i'm literally psychotic so yeah man i i
(08:50):
totally get that like you gotta
fucking turn the show off so my mental mouthwash question is is a little
different and I'm going to go with the shorter one.
I had two ready, but I'm going to go with the shorter one in,
because a friend of mine brought this up the other day and I,
it, it kind of made me like kind of question it. Your sexuality.
(09:13):
Nice. Come back.
No, I'm open to everything. So in a situation, you know, where you had to life or death.
Let's say it's you and your lovely, lovely wife are...
Out there, like at the beach or something like that, or in the woods,
hanging out, picnicking. I don't fucking know. Yeah, we're hanging out in the woods. Let's go.
(09:35):
That's weird. And camping. That's what the fuck it's called.
Jesus. That's what it's called.
I'm like hanging out in the woods like an asshole. When you hang out and you
sleep in the woods and poop in the woods, what shit? I don't know.
I've heard the word poop so many times today. It's insane.
You're camping or in the ocean. biggest animal
(09:56):
that you could so you know biggest animal you
could fight and and and protect you
know your your your woman or your
family or whatever so animal comes out what's the biggest scariest
one you think you could actually fucking fight now we're talking
about anywhere from a goddamn squirrel to a
fucking grizzly bear now if you say grizzly bear i'm gonna just stop
(10:18):
in the the show it's done yeah yeah yeah recording over not
only not only do you have anxiety but you're also delusional um let's think
help oh god dude that's a really good question obviously like bear no dude fuck
me it was side note you've seen the revenant so jerked off.
(10:47):
You've already named the bear brian smith
and yeah so we were watching a
show god i can't i wish i could remember but my wife and i are watching a show
and something happened oh it was it was we were re-watching stranger things
and there was a part of the show where the two kids season one the kids are
the teens are out in the woods and there's a dead deer and the the
(11:11):
Demogorgon snatches it all of a sudden out of nowhere.
Like they were just about to, they're about to kill the deer because it was
suffering, got hit by a car.
And all of a sudden the Demogorgon like snatches it out from like, you don't even see it.
It just slides out of camera real quick and they're startled. Right.
And my wife looks at me lovingly and she's like your bitch ass would have run
(11:31):
as soon as that happened i'm like literally those are the words your bitch ass
would have turned and run i'm like oh my god thank you thank you i appreciate
that she's like no you get startled over everything your bitch ass would run
like okay i'm like yeah i would have ran yeah yeah well exactly,
what am i gonna do and the kids start asking him like about like crystal's dad
(11:53):
like what Would Grandpa have run?
She's like, he would have pushed me into it and then run. Yes. Yes.
Okay, so it's just funny that because apparently, because I startle easily,
apparently I won't defend my family.
I don't have to run faster than that demon. I just got to run faster than you.
(12:13):
Faster than you, motherfucker. Oh, my.
Go ahead, run. Block.
So, all right. I'm just going to kind of work my way up the forest creature. So, listen.
In the ocean, you're fucking dead, dude. Like a shark or something.
I'm not fighting a fish in the ocean.
(12:34):
No, no, no. Okay. And I'll tell you real quick how this came about is I was
at the beach and I was out there very late and I might have been drinking.
I might not have been. I was drinking. And I saw a coyote.
And, you know, and the question got brought up like, oh, well,
if that coyote tried to attack us, would you defend me?
And i was like hell yeah i beat that fucking coyote's ass now yes and then they
(12:56):
said well what if it was like oh like you do the same thing for a wolf and i was like absolutely not
much bigger wolf would fuck me up and i was like i feel like
people don't really understand how big they are like they're like a dog times
five yeah so if we saw a wolf like i might try to just sneak out without telling
you that it's there um just get to the truck and go so yeah so that that was
(13:16):
where this kind of came up it's all sudden like headlights turn on and there's
like a car are generally like, Chris?
Chris? Just blocked a number. Peeling out.
I was going for a gun, baby. It's back to the house.
(13:37):
Yeah, so like I said, I was working my way up through the forest animals.
You know, the petite ones, I think, you know, through raccoon.
You know, I don't think that's a, I think it'd handle a raccoon.
I don't want no rabies, but like, whatever.
Fox let me ask you fox who can handle i'm
gonna throw some at you bobcat i'm gonna
(14:00):
go because i'm i was saying i was thinking while
you were saying that i was like yeah working away i'm thinking okay and i was
wait yeah bobcat what about a bobcat that's that's i feel like that's when you're
getting into the yeah yeah i don't want to but yeah i'm gonna give it a shot
i'm gonna you know like it's it's below mountain lion now mountain lion you're
starting to like like yeah That's like a Puma or some shit like that.
(14:22):
They get some heavy hands.
And I don't want that smoke. So, yeah, I think I'm going to exit.
Okay. If that thing rolls up on me.
The Bobcat? No, no, no. Like a mountain lion. Bobcat, I'm going to go with. What about Wild Boar?
Oh, fuck. Those are dangerous, man. They're very dangerous. Those things will run right through you.
(14:46):
Yeah. I think I'm thinking I'm seeking some higher ground.
The tree, something like that. We're going to try to get up a tree. Yes.
Yeah, they don't have the height, but they can run right through you.
And they can take a bullet, too, man. And they still keep going.
So, yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to try to fight it, that's for sure. No.
(15:08):
Hell no. If a bullet's not taking it down, then my fucking Reebok ain't doing shit either.
Let's drop kick in the fucking name just eat your ass like i did this for us
honey she's up the tree she's like good keep fighting you're doing great love you up to my knee.
(15:35):
It'll get it'll get full eventually yeah okay so bobcat might be i mean i i
don't know man like Like above that, like it's, it gets, that's where it gets kind of hairy.
I mean, I'm not, I'm not fighting no bear, like a deer.
Well, no, I mean, you wouldn't really even fight a deer, but most of them are too skittish. Yeah.
(15:55):
Yeah. No. But if they did decide to fuck you up, they probably would.
Especially with antlers. Yeah. That'd be tough.
Kangaroos gonna fuck you up for sure big time yeah yeah
there's really not even like a even like
an like a chimpanzee will fuck you up oh hell no
i fuck with them no there's a
lot people are really stupid so i'm gonna say like i there
(16:17):
was like some survey that went out that i saw that
was like you know what percentage of men think that they
would actually have a chance at fighting a bear and
and i'm like anything above zero is wrong but it was like two percent and i'm
like you motherfuckers vote so like i i just like you think you could fucking
(16:38):
fight a bear like you i would beat your ass probably like that bear is gonna
fucking destroy you like
have you ever been like clawed by a cat you
know like it like scratches you and you're like oh god that hurt okay that's
a fucking cat dude yeah like the bear you're not gonna it's not gonna hurt because
you're gonna be dead like at least that's better i guess like that didn't hurt
(17:00):
why because my fucking head is gone because i am standing in the pearly gates that's why.
Just wake up i was
trying to figure yeah exactly i think uh if me
and you ever just need to go get it done man like some coyotes
and bobcats are going down like we're fucking them up everything else
i'm out on i'm putting it dude porcupine is
(17:22):
gonna i'm running dude those things those things
will fuck you up too it depends on the the shoes man if
i got some big ass steel toe boots and jean i'm kicking them off
i'm punting that bitch but they can like throw their their shits
too that's fine i've been trying to like arch and
get a little motherfucker like
to complain of shit you you
(17:42):
catch the needle like matrix style
and wing it back out at him i went right back at
him mother fucker like that's
fine you can shoot your little needle i'm still putting your ass like i'm still
gonna run through like a pistol you can take some jabs in yeah yeah a pistol
i mean you could you could take it out like some of these animals like you can
(18:03):
shoot a gun at them and they're still not gonna fucking stop oh yeah like like
like a bear like if you have a pistol it's not gonna do too much.
Depending on where oh yeah i'm still shooting them though i mean yeah that's
all now if you give me a gun man i'm that whole fucking totem
pole of animals is getting chopped up like i'm fucking shooting all of them
like that that's the thing there's no you know i'm not gonna like yeah i'll
(18:26):
fight a coyote but if i have a gun like and the bear rolls up like i'm fighting
your ass too motherfucker like now now it's a fair fight like you know shoot your ass a couple times,
and then like as he's there i just run up and kick him in the stomach if you
only have like a 22 it just might not do the damage that's that's
what i'm saying yeah hopefully it scares them yeah well
(18:47):
well i've got a lot to think about right now and i don't
know if i'm gonna go into the woods anytime soon don't i
just don't go to the woods and don't go to alaska yeah zero
out of ten don't don't recommend
alaska is mostly woods anyways so that's
why it's kind of hey is that what it is is it
just like the the feral nature of the
(19:08):
the virgin lands just take over these people
and they just it's it is it's the the the woods
and the death metal so i mean well norway has a lot of like like scandinavia
has a lot of woods and death metal they might be black i don't know but that's
where a lot of death metal bands come from a lot of metal bands come from there
they're peaceful as fuck really yeah except for that Anders Brevik guy.
(19:32):
Yeah, Anders the dick fuck. That guy sucked.
I hated that guy. That song is still on my Spotify. It just randomly pops up and I'm like, oh God.
I can't even listen to it now.
Just jamming it. That's the worst thing Anders did was ruin your playlist. Sorry, Chris.
(19:53):
Fucking hell. What an asshole. God damn it, Anders.
That you took it too far okay why couldn't you listen to some fucking death
metal i'm not gonna listen to that shit anyway that fucking god he would,
(20:15):
you know because apparently i because i startle easily apparently i won't defend my family um.
Music.
Music.
(00:26):
So I had a question. This is a question that I, I, I struggle with.
It's actually, sorry, got deep real fast. That's fine.
I'm going to open up my heart to you and all of our, all of our listeners are
going to know exactly what's going on.
No. So there's a lot of times what you, you know, do you have those,
(00:49):
those television shows that are kind of like, like, like security blanket shows,
you know, that you're just like,
I, I can put this on and I can fall asleep to maybe, or that they're just like
so ingrained into your DNA at this point that, you know, you just need it.
You can't live without it. Right.
Yeah. Okay. So it occurred to me, there's some shows though that they,
(01:13):
you know, like their story arc is so, it just has such a trajectory on it that
like, I love it so much, but I'm like, man,
I wish I didn't know what was happening.
Like i wish i can go back in time and watch this for the first time ever and
just be blown away again yeah that's yeah there's some good ones like that for
(01:33):
sure so my question is what show.
Would you like to just like just strat just i want
that men in black zapper thing to
just blow my brain cells out my asshole so
that i can watch this show like brand
new for the first time okay okay so that's
(01:54):
a hard one i'm gonna say first of all the the image
of the brain cells out the asshole like i
just had like a cartoon image in my head of just just
little tiny brains speckling out your ass and i
was like that's hilarious like i don't know where i
get that gizmo but i'm gonna start just brain bashing everybody
like just walking around
(02:14):
zapping people like brains are just flying out of anuses i
just shit my pants no bro that's your brain your iq just
dropped i don't know math
but i'm gonna say it's gonna be a toss-up man
i'm gonna say either i'm gonna say either rescue me right with with dennis leary
(02:35):
dennis leary yeah okay that's a top fucking three shows ever or i'm gonna say
game of thrones okay and in this scenario.
Though i never for some reason
make it to the last season right like like i watch
all of them and then you know something happens and i turn into a monk and i
(02:59):
never watch tv again and i never catch the last season because it sucks so fucking
bad so that forever in my head i'm like oh it probably ended great you know
it's like that expectation is is you know sometimes it's a let Shut down.
You know what I'm saying? So I, that's a lot. That's what I'm doing.
I avoid watching the last episodes of some shows that I really enjoy.
Not, not so much because I'm worried that they're going to suck.
(03:22):
But because it's like, if I don't watch it, it's still going on.
Yeah that's true you know it's still it's still happening and my wife hates it
that's called anxiety thank you
dr chris yeah yeah but
there are some because my wife gets so pissed off she's like
(03:43):
i want to know how this ends i'm like i don't need to know because in
my mind they're forever everyone in the show is
still living everyone's like you know in
the middle of their their career their best lives and like
they still live in the same location maybe you
know like if i know that like somebody's moving dying quitting their
job fucking and something i don't know like it's like if
(04:03):
i don't watch that episode it never happens yeah just
a little just a little preview guys like you know brad didn't
really wholeheartedly agree to do this murder podcast right
from the rig this is not his thing at all so that's
why we kind of got to do these middle mouthwash i think it's more for for him
not for you guys so my anxiety
is controlled by alcohol just like most other people okay
(04:26):
so watching these
seconds tick by till i can crack a beer you know
i i've i've talked about it before but stranger things man
that's my show oh that's a good one it's so like there's so much reveal going
on like every episode it's it's like not it's not a comedy it's not a situational
(04:47):
comedy where like it doesn't fucking matter if you watch that episode or not.
You know like you need to watch every single episode because it's slow moving enough.
At times and then yeah I don't know it's just like a constant trickle of information
you always want to know what the fuck is going on next and.
Yeah and i think that one for me is i'd love
(05:07):
to i'd love to be able to watch that like a
like a newborn baby also right
peaky blinders is a pretty dope show man that's a
fucking good show you know what i i wanted to put also in there
too because i i just thought about this band of brothers is probably
the greatest show i've ever seen in my fucking life dude the fact
that at the end of or at the beginning in the end of the episodes they
(05:28):
actually interview the fucking the guys that are
being played in the show that shit right there
had me like i you know you're watching the
show you're like oh my god and at the end it's like that motherfucker
shows up and is talking you're like dude that guy has got
bigger balls than i will ever have in my entire life you know
like it that's that's a fucking superhero right
(05:50):
there you know yes that shit i'm not gonna lie banner brothers get
me all fucking emotional like oh my god
yeah you know what you know what's funny about that i've watched
that series probably straight through
numerous numerous times you know how many times you know
how many times i've watched the last episode once just yeah
yeah oh if i've already seen if i've already
(06:12):
seen the last episode of a certain show after that
i'm never i'm never watching it oh good okay so we're
similar in that okay oh dude i have fucking severe listen.
I wasn't knocking you i was saying i know because i know no real recognized
real motherfucker like hey i like
there's a show i watch all the time and i don't go past like the i think
it's got 12 seasons who cares i don't go past four oh
(06:35):
same same the marvelous miss mazel if you haven't seen that it's on prime it
is fantastic everybody listening right now you need to watch this show it is
it's set in like the starts in like 1959 goes through like maybe the early 60s
follows a woman that becomes a comedian, a stand-up comedian.
Like her husband cheats on her and she like takes it out on stage.
(06:58):
She's fucking hysterical. But you know so there's like some societal type stuff
being a woman talking shit on stage and yeah, it's great. The guy that plays um...
Monk on uh yeah he's good yes he's he is in the show he's he helps anchor it yes.
(07:18):
That's that's another one where like the last season i'm like i don't i don't
even watch it i don't watch it because they knew it was the last season and
so like every episode's a little bit different and it flashes forward to like
1985 to see like where she is in in her career right now i'm like no no no i
want it from the beginning give it to me hard right from the beginning man.
Pull a chris so i will say this
(07:40):
now i there is a show so adult cartoons i don't
give a fuck archer archer is one of my favorite shows in the world i
watch it over and over and over again now i have now you ever get so into a
show like that you you know you get attached to these shows right yes well i
think it's season like i don't know six or seven or whatever the have you ever
seen the show first of all yeah mallory dies man mallory dies and and she writes the letter.
(08:05):
And and you know he reads he's reading a letter and it's
basically her you know you know that she died but it's
her explaining like on the show hey i'm just you know i'm out of here
like this is the best way to leave and i dude
there was a time i think like the show just kept running and
i was like doing something whatever and i walked back in the living room
and that part came on and i was like no no no no because i
(08:25):
fucking knew i was like i will fucking start getting
all weird and i can't cry right now
the dog's looking at me like
what the fuck i'm like hulking out like emotions like
you know people think a whole lot of my emotions in public like i do this shit
in private too okay it's a condition i'm literally psychotic so yeah man i i
(08:50):
totally get that like you gotta
fucking turn the show off so my mental mouthwash question is is a little
different and I'm going to go with the shorter one.
I had two ready, but I'm going to go with the shorter one in,
because a friend of mine brought this up the other day and I,
it, it kind of made me like kind of question it. Your sexuality.
(09:13):
Nice. Come back.
No, I'm open to everything. So in a situation, you know, where you had to life or death.
Let's say it's you and your lovely, lovely wife are...
Out there, like at the beach or something like that, or in the woods,
hanging out, picnicking. I don't fucking know. Yeah, we're hanging out in the woods. Let's go.
(09:35):
That's weird. And camping. That's what the fuck it's called.
Jesus. That's what it's called.
I'm like hanging out in the woods like an asshole. When you hang out and you
sleep in the woods and poop in the woods, what shit? I don't know.
I've heard the word poop so many times today. It's insane.
You're camping or in the ocean. biggest animal
(09:56):
that you could so you know biggest animal you
could fight and and and protect you
know your your your woman or your
family or whatever so animal comes out what's the biggest scariest
one you think you could actually fucking fight now we're talking
about anywhere from a goddamn squirrel to a
fucking grizzly bear now if you say grizzly bear i'm gonna just stop
(10:18):
in the the show it's done yeah yeah yeah recording over not
only not only do you have anxiety but you're also delusional um let's think
help oh god dude that's a really good question obviously like bear no dude fuck
me it was side note you've seen the revenant so jerked off.
(10:47):
You've already named the bear brian smith
and yeah so we were watching a
show god i can't i wish i could remember but my wife and i are watching a show
and something happened oh it was it was we were re-watching stranger things
and there was a part of the show where the two kids season one the kids are
the teens are out in the woods and there's a dead deer and the the
(11:11):
Demogorgon snatches it all of a sudden out of nowhere.
Like they were just about to, they're about to kill the deer because it was
suffering, got hit by a car.
And all of a sudden the Demogorgon like snatches it out from like, you don't even see it.
It just slides out of camera real quick and they're startled. Right.
And my wife looks at me lovingly and she's like your bitch ass would have run
(11:31):
as soon as that happened i'm like literally those are the words your bitch ass
would have turned and run i'm like oh my god thank you thank you i appreciate
that she's like no you get startled over everything your bitch ass would run
like okay i'm like yeah i would have ran yeah yeah well exactly,
what am i gonna do and the kids start asking him like about like crystal's dad
(11:53):
like what Would Grandpa have run?
She's like, he would have pushed me into it and then run. Yes. Yes.
Okay, so it's just funny that because apparently, because I startle easily,
apparently I won't defend my family.
I don't have to run faster than that demon. I just got to run faster than you.
(12:13):
Faster than you, motherfucker. Oh, my.
Go ahead, run. Block.
So, all right. I'm just going to kind of work my way up the forest creature. So, listen.
In the ocean, you're fucking dead, dude. Like a shark or something.
I'm not fighting a fish in the ocean.
(12:34):
No, no, no. Okay. And I'll tell you real quick how this came about is I was
at the beach and I was out there very late and I might have been drinking.
I might not have been. I was drinking. And I saw a coyote.
And, you know, and the question got brought up like, oh, well,
if that coyote tried to attack us, would you defend me?
And i was like hell yeah i beat that fucking coyote's ass now yes and then they
(12:56):
said well what if it was like oh like you do the same thing for a wolf and i was like absolutely not
much bigger wolf would fuck me up and i was like i feel like
people don't really understand how big they are like they're like a dog times
five yeah so if we saw a wolf like i might try to just sneak out without telling
you that it's there um just get to the truck and go so yeah so that that was
(13:16):
where this kind of came up it's all sudden like headlights turn on and there's
like a car are generally like, Chris?
Chris? Just blocked a number. Peeling out.
I was going for a gun, baby. It's back to the house.
(13:37):
Yeah, so like I said, I was working my way up through the forest animals.
You know, the petite ones, I think, you know, through raccoon.
You know, I don't think that's a, I think it'd handle a raccoon.
I don't want no rabies, but like, whatever.
Fox let me ask you fox who can handle i'm
gonna throw some at you bobcat i'm gonna
(14:00):
go because i'm i was saying i was thinking while
you were saying that i was like yeah working away i'm thinking okay and i was
wait yeah bobcat what about a bobcat that's that's i feel like that's when you're
getting into the yeah yeah i don't want to but yeah i'm gonna give it a shot
i'm gonna you know like it's it's below mountain lion now mountain lion you're
starting to like like yeah That's like a Puma or some shit like that.
(14:22):
They get some heavy hands.
And I don't want that smoke. So, yeah, I think I'm going to exit.
Okay. If that thing rolls up on me.
The Bobcat? No, no, no. Like a mountain lion. Bobcat, I'm going to go with. What about Wild Boar?
Oh, fuck. Those are dangerous, man. They're very dangerous. Those things will run right through you.
(14:46):
Yeah. I think I'm thinking I'm seeking some higher ground.
The tree, something like that. We're going to try to get up a tree. Yes.
Yeah, they don't have the height, but they can run right through you.
And they can take a bullet, too, man. And they still keep going.
So, yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to try to fight it, that's for sure. No.
(15:08):
Hell no. If a bullet's not taking it down, then my fucking Reebok ain't doing shit either.
Let's drop kick in the fucking name just eat your ass like i did this for us
honey she's up the tree she's like good keep fighting you're doing great love you up to my knee.
(15:35):
It'll get it'll get full eventually yeah okay so bobcat might be i mean i i
don't know man like Like above that, like it's, it gets, that's where it gets kind of hairy.
I mean, I'm not, I'm not fighting no bear, like a deer.
Well, no, I mean, you wouldn't really even fight a deer, but most of them are too skittish. Yeah.
(15:55):
Yeah. No. But if they did decide to fuck you up, they probably would.
Especially with antlers. Yeah. That'd be tough.
Kangaroos gonna fuck you up for sure big time yeah yeah
there's really not even like a even like
an like a chimpanzee will fuck you up oh hell no
i fuck with them no there's a
lot people are really stupid so i'm gonna say like i there
(16:17):
was like some survey that went out that i saw that
was like you know what percentage of men think that they
would actually have a chance at fighting a bear and
and i'm like anything above zero is wrong but it was like two percent and i'm
like you motherfuckers vote so like i i just like you think you could fucking
(16:38):
fight a bear like you i would beat your ass probably like that bear is gonna
fucking destroy you like
have you ever been like clawed by a cat you
know like it like scratches you and you're like oh god that hurt okay that's
a fucking cat dude yeah like the bear you're not gonna it's not gonna hurt because
you're gonna be dead like at least that's better i guess like that didn't hurt
(17:00):
why because my fucking head is gone because i am standing in the pearly gates that's why.
Just wake up i was
trying to figure yeah exactly i think uh if me
and you ever just need to go get it done man like some coyotes
and bobcats are going down like we're fucking them up everything else
i'm out on i'm putting it dude porcupine is
(17:22):
gonna i'm running dude those things those things
will fuck you up too it depends on the the shoes man if
i got some big ass steel toe boots and jean i'm kicking them off
i'm punting that bitch but they can like throw their their shits
too that's fine i've been trying to like arch and
get a little motherfucker like
to complain of shit you you
(17:42):
catch the needle like matrix style
and wing it back out at him i went right back at
him mother fucker like that's
fine you can shoot your little needle i'm still putting your ass like i'm still
gonna run through like a pistol you can take some jabs in yeah yeah a pistol
i mean you could you could take it out like some of these animals like you can
(18:03):
shoot a gun at them and they're still not gonna fucking stop oh yeah like like
like a bear like if you have a pistol it's not gonna do too much.
Depending on where oh yeah i'm still shooting them though i mean yeah that's
all now if you give me a gun man i'm that whole fucking totem
pole of animals is getting chopped up like i'm fucking shooting all of them
like that that's the thing there's no you know i'm not gonna like yeah i'll
(18:26):
fight a coyote but if i have a gun like and the bear rolls up like i'm fighting
your ass too motherfucker like now now it's a fair fight like you know shoot your ass a couple times,
and then like as he's there i just run up and kick him in the stomach if you
only have like a 22 it just might not do the damage that's that's
what i'm saying yeah hopefully it scares them yeah well
(18:47):
well i've got a lot to think about right now and i don't
know if i'm gonna go into the woods anytime soon don't i
just don't go to the woods and don't go to alaska yeah zero
out of ten don't don't recommend
alaska is mostly woods anyways so that's
why it's kind of hey is that what it is is it
just like the the feral nature of the
(19:08):
the virgin lands just take over these people
and they just it's it is it's the the the woods
and the death metal so i mean well norway has a lot of like like scandinavia
has a lot of woods and death metal they might be black i don't know but that's
where a lot of death metal bands come from a lot of metal bands come from there
they're peaceful as fuck really yeah except for that Anders Brevik guy.
(19:32):
Yeah, Anders the dick fuck. That guy sucked.
I hated that guy. That song is still on my Spotify. It just randomly pops up and I'm like, oh God.
I can't even listen to it now.
Just jamming it. That's the worst thing Anders did was ruin your playlist. Sorry, Chris.
(19:53):
Fucking hell. What an asshole. God damn it, Anders.
That you took it too far okay why couldn't you listen to some fucking death
metal i'm not gonna listen to that shit anyway that fucking god he would,
(20:15):
you know because apparently i because i startle easily apparently i won't defend my family um.
Music.
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