October 14, 2024 • 12 mins
Do you want to be right or do you want to get things done? It's a serious question that can change your approach to communication and productivity. If you're struggling to win people over to your ideas or to achieve your goals, it might be time for some hard truths. This episode dives into the importance of effective communication and how it can transform your work and personal life.
We'll explore real-life examples, including the story of Shane, a smart individual who struggled to gain support for his ideas. Learn how focusing on goals rather than problems can shift the dynamics of your interactions, making it easier for others to align with your vision and collaborate effectively.
Discover practical strategies to lead conversations with clear goals, invite feedback, and be open to new solutions. These techniques not only foster better relationships but also help you achieve your objectives with less frustration.
Whether you're navigating workplace challenges or seeking personal growth, this episode provides actionable insights to help you communicate more effectively and get things done. Tune in and start transforming your communication today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Do you want to be right or do you want to get things done? And that's a serious question.
Which one is it? Because it can't always be both things at the same time.
If you're someone that is struggling to win people over to your ideas or someone
that is struggling to get done whatever it is you need to get done,
well then it might be time for some hard truths.
Maybe you're just doing it wrong or maybe the problem is you.
(00:23):
It's not the people around you.
But we're going to change that today. We're going to look at what I've done,
how I learned to make communication work for me to achieve what I needed to
achieve, and how you can do the same thing and make it work for you as well.
So let's get into it. It could really be any situation, but for now,
let's just imagine that you're at work and you're frustrated because you're
(00:45):
working on a project and things just aren't going well.
They're not moving as fast as you want them to move.
You never know what people on the team are working on, and it's really driving you crazy.
When that happens, you probably start thinking things like we absolutely need
a better way to share updates or I hate this
project management system we need to upgrade it and then
you rush to get everybody together in a meeting and everybody looks at you like
(01:06):
you're crazy why is that the thing you want to talk about that's not even important
and they're probably right is that actually your goal here do you really care
about changing the tools or people's behavior or is that just something you're
fixated on because it's the thing that's annoying you it's the thing that you can control for.
Isn't the real goal just making sure that you finish your projects on time and
that you do them in the best possible way? Of course that's the goal.
(01:29):
But it's so easy to lose sight of when you lead conversations and you're thinking
with the problems rather than the goals.
And that brings us back to the hard truth. When you communicate poorly,
you're setting yourself up for failure.
And you're setting the people around you up for failure as well.
(01:49):
You end up focusing on the wrong things.
Yeah, you might be busy. Yeah, you might even be burning yourself out,
working so hard, but rarely are you gonna achieve the things that you want to achieve.
Instead, you're probably creating friction, a conflict with the people that are around you.
I've seen it so many times, but I've never seen it more than with a guy that
I hired and worked with for years.
(02:09):
We'll call him Shane, that's not his real name.
Shane is a really, really smart dude. And no matter how smart he is,
and no matter how hard he worked, he always struggled to win support for the
things that he wanted to get done.
He doesn't know how to convey the vision that he has in a way that other people
found easy to understand and in a way that made people want to work with him.
(02:32):
He was really quick to jump to the problems that he saw, particularly problems
he saw in other people's teams.
And he would go right to the solutions that he wanted everybody to implement.
And even though sometimes we would implement those solutions eventually,
people started seeing him as a problem because he would say things like,
you need to change this. This is what we need to do. This isn't working.
And everybody saw that as really negative and bossy.
(02:54):
And even though he was right most of the time, as I said, it created so much
frustration for him and for the teams.
We missed so many opportunities because nobody was aligned to a bigger vision.
I honestly can't tell you how many hours I've spent with Shane listening to
how frustrated he was because someone else was getting credit for implementing
something that he had been advocating for for years.
That sucks for him. He did know what we needed to do, but he just didn't communicate
(03:18):
it properly and somebody else did.
But it's not just shame. This doesn't just happen at work.
This is a problem that happens throughout your life in countless ways.
It happens when you're asking your partner for help with how to deal with your
parents. It happens when you're asking your friends for advice on your career.
This issue is pervasive. It affects
every single relationship you have and every conversation you have.
(03:40):
You can change that. So how do you do that? How do you avoid being like Shane?
Well, here's what I do. Here's the roadmap that I use to ensure that all of
my communications are as effective as they can possibly be.
For starters, before calling out the problems you see or the problems you see
other people having, or before you dive into what you believe the solution should
(04:03):
be, just state what the goal is, what it is that you're trying to achieve.
Make sure everybody agrees with that before you do anything else.
Instead of saying, we need a better project management system.
Say, our goal here is to ensure that we always complete our projects as fast
as we possibly can on time, right?
That shift, just changing how you say it changes everything.
(04:25):
Everybody now knows what you're aiming for. When you lead with the goals,
it's easy for people to agree to them. Goals are agnostic.
Goals make it easy for everybody to align their efforts towards a common objective.
Music.
And after stating the goal, ask questions, ask things like, does that make sense to everybody?
(04:47):
Or is there anything we can change right now to ensure that we actually meet our objective?
And that's crucial because it ensures that everybody actually genuinely understands
what you're trying to do, that everybody's on the same page.
It opens the door for people to collaborate. It makes people feel valued.
Instead of feeling attacked or like they just have to go along with you no matter what.
(05:13):
Then all you need to do is encourage ideas and be open and willing to listen
to different ways of achieving your goals.
You can say things like, here's one approach that I thought of,
but I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you think we could best achieve our goals?
What you want to do is you want to give people the space to think about those
goals and to identify what they think is the best way to achieve them.
(05:33):
You want them to tell you the problems they're seeing and the solutions that
they have in mind, because sometimes they have even more context than you.
When you're open to that, when you're open to new ideas and new solutions,
you're fostering creativity and innovation.
You're allowing people to come up with brilliant ideas and to feel like their
contributions are welcome.
More people are going to be on board with making the changes that are going to impact them.
(05:57):
Changes to their team, their tools, the way that they approach things.
If you're just telling them that they have to change, they don't want to do it.
But if they come up with it, if they recognize that this change would actually
help us achieve our goal, if it's their idea, then they're absolutely more willing to do it.
And as I said before, this isn't just something that you can apply in your work life.
This approach is equally, maybe even more valuable in your personal life.
(06:22):
Think about the goals that you have, the type of things that you ask your friends
and your mentors for help with.
Let's say that you want to make more money. Maybe you want to double your salary
over the next couple of years.
Instead of calling up one of your friends and saying, hey, can you help me with my resume?
It's really stopping me from getting interviews, which is focused on the problem
that you're currently experiencing.
(06:42):
Instead, say something like, hey, I really want to double my income over the next couple of years.
I want to know what do you think the steps are that I should take to help me actually do that?
You see, the problem that most people have is they spend so much time thinking
about the problem before they actually ask anybody for help.
And when they do, they're actually asking for help that's predicated on a bunch
(07:04):
of assumptions that they've already made up in their minds.
So in the example that we just went through, maybe that person knew that they
wanted to make more money.
They knew the goal when they started thinking about how they were going to go
about it, but they've been trying things.
They've been trying to get a better job and they haven't landed any interviews.
And they started assuming that the biggest problem that they were facing was
that their resume was out of date.
Because they got to that conclusion in their mind before they actually asked
(07:27):
anybody for help and suggestions.
Then when they finally do ask someone they jump right
to the thing that they think they need help with but imagine
what happens maybe that person helps with their resume and maybe they get more
interviews maybe they don't maybe they get the interviews but they don't make
any more money well then was that resume really the thing that was stopping
(07:47):
them was that really the biggest change that they could make to help them be
on a path where they would earn more money no but if If they had framed it right,
maybe their friends could have helped them with something that was more valuable.
Maybe they could have given them tips on networking.
Maybe they could have helped them understand the skills they needed to grow,
the certifications they could take, or other things they could be doing that
would put them on a faster path to increasing their income.
(08:09):
Because the person centered the conversation around the problem that they were
fixated on instead of the goal, their friends didn't even know.
The objective was they didn't know what the goal was so they didn't
offer any way to help them because they just didn't understand it
it obviously does take a lot of effort to make change leading with problems
is more natural it feels more natural to most of us is what we do most of the
(08:31):
time but to make the change what i want you to do is think about all of the
negative side effects that happen when you lead with the problem instead of
leading with the goals you have.
You often miss out on some of the best ideas and the best support that's available to you.
The people around you might have more experience, they might have different
(08:52):
ideas that could help you achieve your goals faster or more effectively than you could ever imagine.
But if they don't know what you're ultimately trying to achieve,
then how are they supposed to actually help you and support you?
You have to tell them your goals for them to be able to help.
And secondly, if the problem you state is one that involves them,
(09:14):
if they're the thing that needs to change, then they are way more likely to get defensive.
They'll feel criticized and they're way less likely to support you.
They might even sabotage your efforts to save themselves, to make themselves look better.
So again, stating the goal means that they understand what you're trying to
accomplish and they might recognize what they need to change.
(09:37):
And thirdly, focusing on the idea that you have in mind rather than asking people
what they think the problem would be or what solutions they think would best
help you achieve your goal limits the potential outcome.
The conversation narrows just to what it is that you are initially asking for.
Even the people that really want to help you, that are there to support you,
(09:58):
they're going to be unintentionally scoped down just to the problem rather than
using all of their power, their brain power, their ideas, their creativity to
help you achieve your goal.
So whether you are someone that is like Shane or whether you are Shane and by
the way Shane if you're watching this you know I'm in your corner I'm just using
you as an example we have talked about this before and I.
(10:18):
You're learning and you're continuing to work on it, or whether you're someone
that is trying to get ahead in your career or someone that is trying to deal
with your parents or any of the other things where communication would improve
it, then recognizing what you're currently doing.
Recognizing what you can change, and that actually trying these things can make
a huge difference is a massive step forward.
(10:39):
Not only will you be less frustrated, less deflated,
have better relationships or whatever but you'll actually get
more done and remember what's the personal goal that
you have in all these interactions what was your answer to the question at the
beginning of this video is it that you want to be right or
do you want to make things better and get more things done i
think it's the latter getting people to go along with you and
(11:01):
figuring out how to communicate better always starts by stating
a clear goal it's not a tip that's just
a fact try it in your next meeting try it on your next project
with your family state the goal invite people to
give you feedback and be open to their solutions not
just whatever you had in mind and you will be amazed at
how quickly things start to align for you and how much more successful you can
(11:23):
be and trust me it'll make things so much less frustrating for you because people
will start doing the things you want you'll start achieving the things you want
and not only that it'll make it less frustrating for people like me people who
want to see you succeed but just keep watching
you struggle and watching you struggle to get the support you need and to get
(11:43):
the traction that you deserve because you're great. Your ideas are good.
You know I'm talking to you again, Shane. Anyway, I just had to get that off
my chest because I really do want all of you to succeed.
And if you're someone that wants to succeed, someone that wants to chase your dreams,
someone that wants to set big goals, say them out loud and
get people to support you and keep you accountable then check out this video
(12:06):
because recently I made a video about my current dream and the three things
that I do every time I have a dream to help make it a reality and I think it
can help you with your own dreams and with your own goals. I'll see you there.
Do you want to be right or do you want to get things done? And that's a serious question.
Which one is it? Because it can't always be both things at the same time.
If you're someone that is struggling to win people over to your ideas or someone
that is struggling to get done whatever it is you need to get done,
well then it might be time for some hard truths.
Maybe you're just doing it wrong or maybe the problem is you.
(00:23):
It's not the people around you.
But we're going to change that today. We're going to look at what I've done,
how I learned to make communication work for me to achieve what I needed to
achieve, and how you can do the same thing and make it work for you as well.
So let's get into it. It could really be any situation, but for now,
let's just imagine that you're at work and you're frustrated because you're
(00:45):
working on a project and things just aren't going well.
They're not moving as fast as you want them to move.
You never know what people on the team are working on, and it's really driving you crazy.
When that happens, you probably start thinking things like we absolutely need
a better way to share updates or I hate this
project management system we need to upgrade it and then
you rush to get everybody together in a meeting and everybody looks at you like
(01:06):
you're crazy why is that the thing you want to talk about that's not even important
and they're probably right is that actually your goal here do you really care
about changing the tools or people's behavior or is that just something you're
fixated on because it's the thing that's annoying you it's the thing that you can control for.
Isn't the real goal just making sure that you finish your projects on time and
that you do them in the best possible way? Of course that's the goal.
(01:29):
But it's so easy to lose sight of when you lead conversations and you're thinking
with the problems rather than the goals.
And that brings us back to the hard truth. When you communicate poorly,
you're setting yourself up for failure.
And you're setting the people around you up for failure as well.
(01:49):
You end up focusing on the wrong things.
Yeah, you might be busy. Yeah, you might even be burning yourself out,
working so hard, but rarely are you gonna achieve the things that you want to achieve.
Instead, you're probably creating friction, a conflict with the people that are around you.
I've seen it so many times, but I've never seen it more than with a guy that
I hired and worked with for years.
(02:09):
We'll call him Shane, that's not his real name.
Shane is a really, really smart dude. And no matter how smart he is,
and no matter how hard he worked, he always struggled to win support for the
things that he wanted to get done.
He doesn't know how to convey the vision that he has in a way that other people
found easy to understand and in a way that made people want to work with him.
(02:32):
He was really quick to jump to the problems that he saw, particularly problems
he saw in other people's teams.
And he would go right to the solutions that he wanted everybody to implement.
And even though sometimes we would implement those solutions eventually,
people started seeing him as a problem because he would say things like,
you need to change this. This is what we need to do. This isn't working.
And everybody saw that as really negative and bossy.
(02:54):
And even though he was right most of the time, as I said, it created so much
frustration for him and for the teams.
We missed so many opportunities because nobody was aligned to a bigger vision.
I honestly can't tell you how many hours I've spent with Shane listening to
how frustrated he was because someone else was getting credit for implementing
something that he had been advocating for for years.
That sucks for him. He did know what we needed to do, but he just didn't communicate
(03:18):
it properly and somebody else did.
But it's not just shame. This doesn't just happen at work.
This is a problem that happens throughout your life in countless ways.
It happens when you're asking your partner for help with how to deal with your
parents. It happens when you're asking your friends for advice on your career.
This issue is pervasive. It affects
every single relationship you have and every conversation you have.
(03:40):
You can change that. So how do you do that? How do you avoid being like Shane?
Well, here's what I do. Here's the roadmap that I use to ensure that all of
my communications are as effective as they can possibly be.
For starters, before calling out the problems you see or the problems you see
other people having, or before you dive into what you believe the solution should
(04:03):
be, just state what the goal is, what it is that you're trying to achieve.
Make sure everybody agrees with that before you do anything else.
Instead of saying, we need a better project management system.
Say, our goal here is to ensure that we always complete our projects as fast
as we possibly can on time, right?
That shift, just changing how you say it changes everything.
(04:25):
Everybody now knows what you're aiming for. When you lead with the goals,
it's easy for people to agree to them. Goals are agnostic.
Goals make it easy for everybody to align their efforts towards a common objective.
Music.
And after stating the goal, ask questions, ask things like, does that make sense to everybody?
(04:47):
Or is there anything we can change right now to ensure that we actually meet our objective?
And that's crucial because it ensures that everybody actually genuinely understands
what you're trying to do, that everybody's on the same page.
It opens the door for people to collaborate. It makes people feel valued.
Instead of feeling attacked or like they just have to go along with you no matter what.
(05:13):
Then all you need to do is encourage ideas and be open and willing to listen
to different ways of achieving your goals.
You can say things like, here's one approach that I thought of,
but I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you think we could best achieve our goals?
What you want to do is you want to give people the space to think about those
goals and to identify what they think is the best way to achieve them.
(05:33):
You want them to tell you the problems they're seeing and the solutions that
they have in mind, because sometimes they have even more context than you.
When you're open to that, when you're open to new ideas and new solutions,
you're fostering creativity and innovation.
You're allowing people to come up with brilliant ideas and to feel like their
contributions are welcome.
More people are going to be on board with making the changes that are going to impact them.
(05:57):
Changes to their team, their tools, the way that they approach things.
If you're just telling them that they have to change, they don't want to do it.
But if they come up with it, if they recognize that this change would actually
help us achieve our goal, if it's their idea, then they're absolutely more willing to do it.
And as I said before, this isn't just something that you can apply in your work life.
This approach is equally, maybe even more valuable in your personal life.
(06:22):
Think about the goals that you have, the type of things that you ask your friends
and your mentors for help with.
Let's say that you want to make more money. Maybe you want to double your salary
over the next couple of years.
Instead of calling up one of your friends and saying, hey, can you help me with my resume?
It's really stopping me from getting interviews, which is focused on the problem
that you're currently experiencing.
(06:42):
Instead, say something like, hey, I really want to double my income over the next couple of years.
I want to know what do you think the steps are that I should take to help me actually do that?
You see, the problem that most people have is they spend so much time thinking
about the problem before they actually ask anybody for help.
And when they do, they're actually asking for help that's predicated on a bunch
(07:04):
of assumptions that they've already made up in their minds.
So in the example that we just went through, maybe that person knew that they
wanted to make more money.
They knew the goal when they started thinking about how they were going to go
about it, but they've been trying things.
They've been trying to get a better job and they haven't landed any interviews.
And they started assuming that the biggest problem that they were facing was
that their resume was out of date.
Because they got to that conclusion in their mind before they actually asked
(07:27):
anybody for help and suggestions.
Then when they finally do ask someone they jump right
to the thing that they think they need help with but imagine
what happens maybe that person helps with their resume and maybe they get more
interviews maybe they don't maybe they get the interviews but they don't make
any more money well then was that resume really the thing that was stopping
(07:47):
them was that really the biggest change that they could make to help them be
on a path where they would earn more money no but if If they had framed it right,
maybe their friends could have helped them with something that was more valuable.
Maybe they could have given them tips on networking.
Maybe they could have helped them understand the skills they needed to grow,
the certifications they could take, or other things they could be doing that
would put them on a faster path to increasing their income.
(08:09):
Because the person centered the conversation around the problem that they were
fixated on instead of the goal, their friends didn't even know.
The objective was they didn't know what the goal was so they didn't
offer any way to help them because they just didn't understand it
it obviously does take a lot of effort to make change leading with problems
is more natural it feels more natural to most of us is what we do most of the
(08:31):
time but to make the change what i want you to do is think about all of the
negative side effects that happen when you lead with the problem instead of
leading with the goals you have.
You often miss out on some of the best ideas and the best support that's available to you.
The people around you might have more experience, they might have different
(08:52):
ideas that could help you achieve your goals faster or more effectively than you could ever imagine.
But if they don't know what you're ultimately trying to achieve,
then how are they supposed to actually help you and support you?
You have to tell them your goals for them to be able to help.
And secondly, if the problem you state is one that involves them,
(09:14):
if they're the thing that needs to change, then they are way more likely to get defensive.
They'll feel criticized and they're way less likely to support you.
They might even sabotage your efforts to save themselves, to make themselves look better.
So again, stating the goal means that they understand what you're trying to
accomplish and they might recognize what they need to change.
(09:37):
And thirdly, focusing on the idea that you have in mind rather than asking people
what they think the problem would be or what solutions they think would best
help you achieve your goal limits the potential outcome.
The conversation narrows just to what it is that you are initially asking for.
Even the people that really want to help you, that are there to support you,
(09:58):
they're going to be unintentionally scoped down just to the problem rather than
using all of their power, their brain power, their ideas, their creativity to
help you achieve your goal.
So whether you are someone that is like Shane or whether you are Shane and by
the way Shane if you're watching this you know I'm in your corner I'm just using
you as an example we have talked about this before and I.
(10:18):
You're learning and you're continuing to work on it, or whether you're someone
that is trying to get ahead in your career or someone that is trying to deal
with your parents or any of the other things where communication would improve
it, then recognizing what you're currently doing.
Recognizing what you can change, and that actually trying these things can make
a huge difference is a massive step forward.
(10:39):
Not only will you be less frustrated, less deflated,
have better relationships or whatever but you'll actually get
more done and remember what's the personal goal that
you have in all these interactions what was your answer to the question at the
beginning of this video is it that you want to be right or
do you want to make things better and get more things done i
think it's the latter getting people to go along with you and
(11:01):
figuring out how to communicate better always starts by stating
a clear goal it's not a tip that's just
a fact try it in your next meeting try it on your next project
with your family state the goal invite people to
give you feedback and be open to their solutions not
just whatever you had in mind and you will be amazed at
how quickly things start to align for you and how much more successful you can
(11:23):
be and trust me it'll make things so much less frustrating for you because people
will start doing the things you want you'll start achieving the things you want
and not only that it'll make it less frustrating for people like me people who
want to see you succeed but just keep watching
you struggle and watching you struggle to get the support you need and to get
(11:43):
the traction that you deserve because you're great. Your ideas are good.
You know I'm talking to you again, Shane. Anyway, I just had to get that off
my chest because I really do want all of you to succeed.
And if you're someone that wants to succeed, someone that wants to chase your dreams,
someone that wants to set big goals, say them out loud and
get people to support you and keep you accountable then check out this video
(12:06):
because recently I made a video about my current dream and the three things
that I do every time I have a dream to help make it a reality and I think it
can help you with your own dreams and with your own goals. I'll see you there.
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