And Then Something Like Caregiving Happens

In this powerful conversation, Lucinda Koza talks with her longtime friend Melissa Gillis — caregiver, mom of twins, and therapist — about navigating life after a decade of caring for her mom with Huntington’s Disease. They share honest reflections on anticipatory grief, meeting loved ones where they are, finding your “tribe,” and letting go of toxic positivity.

With equal parts humor, raw truth, and hope, they explore how to:

• Accept your loved one’s changing abilities without forcing the past
• Hold both love and frustration in caregiving
• Rebuild your identity after your role shifts
• Prepare your kids to handle life’s messiness

Whether you’re deep in the caregiving trenches or on the other side, this episode will remind you: it’s possible to feel balanced, fulfilled, and whole again.

🎧 Listen now for real stories, laughter, and life-changing perspective.

Contact Melissa Gillis for caregiver coaching services: [e-mail] 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello and hi.
Hi.
Oh my gosh.
I'm so excited to have my very good friend of many years, although we've never actually spent time together in person, which is funny and weird.
I'm so happy to have you.
Welcome to how I Ally.

(00:22):
If you would please introduce yourself and give a little bio slash backstory.
Sure.
I'm so happy to be here.
We were just saying I wish that we were doing this all these years, like having our weekly time together.

(00:43):
We met in a hilarity for charity support group years ago.
It's very eerily, similar stories.
And my name is Melissa.
I am based in Los Angeles.
I am originally from the east coast, but I've been out here for about 17 years.
So a long time.
I know.
So long.

(01:04):
I started out in casting at working in tv and during that time my mom got diagnosed.
With a neurodegenerative disease called Huntington's Disease.
And at the time I was like, what the heck is that? I don't know.
But it very quickly went from me being able to work in an office, full-time job to hiding in like cubicles and stairways answering calls for her medical needs.

(01:30):
My parents were divorced, so I became their power of attorney at 25, 26.
Yeah.
And, just had a very nice, wonderful, calm childhood, which I'm really happy for.
But it flipped everything, right? You think you're gonna be able to do whatever you wanna do and, be free and be flexible and something like caregiving happens sometimes very quickly and you just have to jump into that role.

(01:56):
It took a long time to get to the point where I feel very comfortable with it and a really long journey.
It's been about a decade now.
My mom started getting progressively worse and unable to live by herself, and so I slowly took over finances and everything legal took her to me.
The medical appointments had to deal with long-term care insurance.

(02:18):
I didn't even know what insurance was.
All of these things.
And then I had my twins.
And so I remember at that time putting my twins into their, their double stroller and wheeling them into memory care units, touring them and just being just overwhelmed.
Like, how the heck I went from being by myself to, oh, I'm a mom of twins and a mom to my own mom, really at the same time.

(02:44):
Navigated a lot.
Went through a career transformation, switched into to coaching and matchmaking as well.
Got a little bit of that going on and and then went back to school and got my master's in clinical psych.
Finished that program working through the MFT program here in the state of California.
And so that's been really wonderful.

(03:07):
Now feel at a very good place.
My kids are 10, almost 11.
Have a little bit more flexibility.
I know, it's wild.
We met when they were nuggets and my mom is now at the very end of her journey.
I hope we have a little bit more time.
.82312925She is on hospice care now, so it's the end of Huntington's. 48 00:03:26,296.97278912 --> 00:03:29,486.97278912 And yeah, we're really at a point where I feel like I've found some balance. 49 00:03:29,486.97278912 --> 00:03:34,586.97278912 I've really understood what it takes to be a caregiver and how to find that balance. 50 00:03:34,586.97278912 --> 00:03:48,191.97278912 And now I try to work with clients on that of just figuring out who are you after caregiving, who are you during the process, how can you still, be yourself and go through these, like really dark, sorry. 51 00:03:48,861.97278912 --> 00:03:49,431.97278912 It's okay. 52 00:03:50,906.97278912 --> 00:03:52,226.97278912 This is life. 53 00:03:52,556.97278912 --> 00:04:00,91.97278912 But how you can be really yourself and go through these really dark dark moments and make them better and come out lighter on the other side. 54 00:04:02,886.97278912 --> 00:04:03,336.97278912 It's a lot. 55 00:04:04,336.97278912 --> 00:04:04,626.97278912 Girl. 56 00:04:06,871.97278912 --> 00:04:19,381.97278912 So first of all, congratulations on completing your program and becoming a coach. 57 00:04:19,431.97278912 --> 00:04:20,601.97278912 That's incredible. 58 00:04:21,966.97278912 --> 00:04:29,91.97278912 Really, do you feel a sense of accomplishment? In many ways you're coming out. 59 00:04:31,711.97278912 --> 00:04:51,956.97278912 There's a sense of grief that comes along with this because like you said, your mom is at the end stages of her disease, but that is part of coming out of. 60 00:04:54,191.97278912 --> 00:05:08,606.97278912 Caregiving to this sort of other stage of life after caregiving, what does that feel like for you? Yeah it's an interesting place. 61 00:05:08,606.97278912 --> 00:05:11,516.97278912 You've grieved for so long, you've dealt with prolonged grief. 62 00:05:11,516.97278912 --> 00:05:14,36.97278912 You've de dealt with like anticipatory grief. 63 00:05:14,136.97278912 --> 00:05:16,536.97278912 Through all these stages, especially when becoming a parent. 64 00:05:16,536.97278912 --> 00:05:30,746.97278912 You like, I think having kids yourself really brings you in those moments where you're like, oh, I wish my parent was here or I wish I had this, or so you grieve all of the stages of your own life with their life. 65 00:05:30,746.97278912 --> 00:05:34,466.97278912 And as they're like slowly declining not able to. 66 00:05:34,841.97278912 --> 00:05:39,531.97278912 To speak anymore or walk anymore feed themselves anymore. 67 00:05:39,531.97278912 --> 00:05:45,121.97278912 All of these things are just like little tiny, heartbreaks of like loss of independence. 68 00:05:45,121.97278912 --> 00:05:55,1.97278912 But at the same time, you can shift it into for me which has been helpful and for others is we start as babies, right? And so sometimes we end as babies. 69 00:05:55,91.97278912 --> 00:05:58,931.97278912 And so it's like grieving those parts of. 70 00:05:59,726.97278912 --> 00:06:03,206.97278912 Of who your mom was or who your parent was, or who anybody was. 71 00:06:03,676.97278912 --> 00:06:07,516.97278912 And like allowing them to like return to whatever state they're gonna end at. 72 00:06:07,826.97278912 --> 00:06:12,56.97278912 Which I think is just so helpful. 73 00:06:12,666.97278912 --> 00:06:20,561.97278912 So it's I don't, I'm sure it'll come with waves when she, my mom does pass and I've had a lot of friends who have had their parents pass. 74 00:06:20,561.97278912 --> 00:06:21,736.97278912 But it's almost a sense of like. 75 00:06:22,511.97278912 --> 00:06:30,461.97278912 When I think about a sense of relief and knowing that I did the right thing and I did all I could, and she's had a really wonderful time of what you can make of it. 76 00:06:30,591.97278912 --> 00:06:35,51.97278912 It might not be what we thought it would be, but it's what it ended up being. 77 00:06:36,371.97278912 --> 00:06:36,881.97278912 Yeah. 78 00:06:38,586.97278912 --> 00:06:42,96.97278912 I totally know exactly what you mean. 79 00:06:42,546.97278912 --> 00:06:43,836.97278912 Like grieving. 80 00:06:45,846.97278912 --> 00:06:53,16.97278912 Who your parent was, especially when you have, when you become a parent. 81 00:06:53,166.97278912 --> 00:06:53,226.97278912 Yeah. 82 00:06:53,586.97278912 --> 00:07:10,461.97278912 And like when I'm thinking of what kind of childhood do I want to create for my twins I think about like how goofy my dad was. 83 00:07:11,211.97278912 --> 00:07:24,261.97278912 And like how he used to embarrass me all the time, which is like so silly, but like that person is completely gone. 84 00:07:24,651.97278912 --> 00:07:25,521.97278912 Completely gone. 85 00:07:27,51.97278912 --> 00:07:44,881.97278912 And like my kids will never, they'll never know that person and I don't know how I don't know how I'm going to be able to explain that person to them. 86 00:07:44,931.97278912 --> 00:07:50,781.97278912 I don't even know, if it's, if the juice is worth the squeeze, I don't even know. 87 00:07:51,456.97278912 --> 00:08:13,551.97278912 And this is why you and I became so so close so quickly because you're like one of the few people in the world that completely understands in almost every way. 88 00:08:14,551.97278912 --> 00:08:16,681.97278912 And it's just it's wild. 89 00:08:19,201.97278912 --> 00:08:31,291.97278912 Like going through all of those stages of acceptance and like having kids when you feel like an orphan in kind of a way. 90 00:08:33,211.97278912 --> 00:08:42,431.97278912 Yeah, and it's this, like you mentioned it too, of not, not being able to relate to a lot of people sometimes I've found, you have to accept that and acknowledge that. 91 00:08:42,431.97278912 --> 00:08:51,411.97278912 And and, some people you can find are like the sick parents club, the dead parents club, and it's like the club that nobody wants to be in. 92 00:08:52,161.97278912 --> 00:08:52,791.97278912 i.e. 93 00:08:52,791.97278912 --> 00:08:56,151.97278912 like Hilarity for Charity and those support groups. 94 00:08:56,521.97278912 --> 00:09:05,191.97278912 But really finding your people because sometimes if you try to compare yourself or compare your situation, that gets you in some deep trouble. 95 00:09:06,191.97278912 --> 00:09:06,251.97278912 Yeah. 96 00:09:08,771.97278912 --> 00:09:13,241.97278912 What do you mean? Like it makes you angry? Yeah. 97 00:09:13,241.97278912 --> 00:09:15,131.97278912 Or sad and all of those feelings are like. 98 00:09:15,416.97278912 --> 00:09:26,486.97278912 Fine and work, but it's like comparing apples to oranges, right? Of somebody who has two capable, parents, that's wonderful and great, but that's like not your reality. 99 00:09:26,536.97278912 --> 00:09:30,106.97278912 I think just finding your tribe is so important in whatever situation you're in. 100 00:09:30,116.97278912 --> 00:09:39,276.97278912 Like even if it's not, even if it's twins, right? Like I remember being in twin in baby groups and the twin moms just got it. 101 00:09:39,376.97278912 --> 00:09:40,366.97278912 They were just different. 102 00:09:40,366.97278912 --> 00:09:50,806.97278912 They were like, yeah, I like, we don't have time to think about every little like fall and jump and, and when you're in with those, with people who just have one baby at a time, like that's all, that's their everything. 103 00:09:50,856.97278912 --> 00:10:10,956.97278911 And so whatever it is, if it's twins or if it's your parents or whatever kind of challenge, I think it's so important to just find your tribe and get your people and know that sometimes some friendships and relationships will like fade away and come back and come in waves and, yeah, I very much believe in human connection and that how important that is. 104 00:10:12,96.97278911 --> 00:10:12,576.97278911 Do it alone. 105 00:10:14,46.97278911 --> 00:10:14,526.97278911 Yeah. 106 00:10:15,606.97278911 --> 00:10:16,146.97278911 Yeah. 107 00:10:17,146.97278911 --> 00:10:19,426.97278911 Oh yeah. 108 00:10:22,156.97278911 --> 00:10:27,436.97278911 How is your brother doing? He's good. 109 00:10:27,856.97278911 --> 00:10:30,296.97278911 Yeah, so my brother he lives in Chicago still. 110 00:10:30,296.97278911 --> 00:10:31,916.97278911 He's the head writer of The Onion. 111 00:10:32,396.97278911 --> 00:10:34,196.97278911 So he's a very funny guy. 112 00:10:34,706.97278911 --> 00:10:35,711.97278911 Wow, okay. 113 00:10:37,796.97278911 --> 00:10:40,286.97278911 But it's been an interesting ride with hi with him too. 114 00:10:40,286.97278911 --> 00:10:44,146.97278911 And really these last couple years he's stepped up a lot in a lot of ways. 115 00:10:44,246.97278911 --> 00:10:48,636.97278911 Whereas I've been the point person for my mom for the last 10 years. 116 00:10:48,636.97278911 --> 00:10:53,586.97278911 And, and he's been able to focus on work and all these things. 117 00:10:53,616.97278911 --> 00:11:01,66.97278911 And we've shifted, he really took charge of the next steps of her care, the next few years of figuring out hospice care. 118 00:11:01,116.97278911 --> 00:11:04,26.97278911 And so it feels very much like a team mentality now. 119 00:11:04,126.97278911 --> 00:11:08,266.97278911 So it is definitely very helpful and we moved her this spring. 120 00:11:08,366.97278911 --> 00:11:10,16.97278911 To back to Maine where I grew up. 121 00:11:10,46.97278911 --> 00:11:19,986.97278911 And so I just spent the summer there with her, saw her every day, tried to take her out for like beach walks, not walks, but, yeah, pushing. 122 00:11:20,296.97278911 --> 00:11:27,16.97278911 Just making sure we're alternating times he's gonna be able to work from there a little bit and I'm going back and staying with family there. 123 00:11:27,16.97278911 --> 00:11:30,246.97278911 And so it's just more support it feels it feels more home. 124 00:11:30,246.97278911 --> 00:11:36,571.97278911 And I remember when you were looking for your dad too, you were like, it's not near me, but it feels like home to him. 125 00:11:37,776.97278911 --> 00:11:37,896.97278911 Yeah. 126 00:11:37,896.97278911 --> 00:11:40,566.97278911 And I remember you saying that and I think that's the same as my mom. 127 00:11:40,566.97278911 --> 00:11:48,526.97278911 Like you look out the place of where she is now in hospice and and it's woods and it's calm and it's like nature and it's what I grew up with. 128 00:11:48,526.97278911 --> 00:11:51,46.97278911 And in LA it's a different vibe. 129 00:11:51,46.97278911 --> 00:11:54,726.97278911 It's it's like an alleyway with a dirty street and love it. 130 00:11:54,726.97278911 --> 00:12:01,156.97278911 Great tacos, great like sushi great beaches, but it's not known for his calm, I would say. 131 00:12:01,786.97278911 --> 00:12:03,76.97278911 Yeah, totally. 132 00:12:03,886.97278911 --> 00:12:04,426.97278911 Yeah. 133 00:12:05,56.97278911 --> 00:12:12,101.97278911 Like I feel like when my dad was with us he was actually depressed, I think. 134 00:12:12,821.97278911 --> 00:12:16,721.97278911 Because he missed home, his home. 135 00:12:18,541.97278911 --> 00:12:18,871.97278911 Yeah. 136 00:12:19,411.97278911 --> 00:12:23,341.97278911 I think that brings him comfort even though he's alone. 137 00:12:24,341.97278911 --> 00:12:24,761.97278911 Yeah. 138 00:12:24,811.97278911 --> 00:12:25,441.97278911 It's interesting. 139 00:12:25,441.97278911 --> 00:12:29,691.97278911 I feel like I also have to remind myself of they are people too. 140 00:12:30,216.97278911 --> 00:12:31,506.97278911 They have their own stuff. 141 00:12:31,506.97278911 --> 00:12:33,126.97278911 Like they don't wanna see us every day. 142 00:12:33,126.97278911 --> 00:12:35,191.97278911 Sometimes that's right. 143 00:12:35,946.97278911 --> 00:12:37,476.97278911 A point where they're like, alright, bye. 144 00:12:37,506.97278911 --> 00:12:38,846.97278911 I need a little rest. 145 00:12:38,846.97278911 --> 00:12:43,296.97278911 Or like we were, I, I don't remember gonna to college like, I don't know, call like once a week. 146 00:12:43,296.97278911 --> 00:12:44,226.97278911 That was it. 147 00:12:44,916.97278911 --> 00:12:46,296.97278911 I wasn't there every day. 148 00:12:46,876.97278911 --> 00:12:47,686.97278911 Yeah. 149 00:12:47,956.97278911 --> 00:12:48,851.97278911 So there are people too. 150 00:12:49,841.97278911 --> 00:12:54,171.97278911 There's a balance of yes they need us and they need assistance. 151 00:12:54,171.97278911 --> 00:13:00,261.97278911 But I remember when my mom first got sick, she said, I don't want you to always care for me. 152 00:13:00,311.97278911 --> 00:13:02,171.97278911 I don't want that to be everything. 153 00:13:02,321.97278911 --> 00:13:08,61.97278911 And unfortunately, like that you do what you need to do and in those situations and you step up. 154 00:13:08,61.97278911 --> 00:13:15,291.97278911 But I always have that in the back of my mind, like when I feel bad about putting her into care, I feel bad about like other people helping. 155 00:13:15,291.97278911 --> 00:13:16,841.97278911 It's we're not meant to do this alone. 156 00:13:17,861.97278911 --> 00:13:19,331.97278911 That's, yeah. 157 00:13:19,751.97278911 --> 00:13:22,511.97278911 That's a gift that she said that to you. 158 00:13:23,231.97278911 --> 00:13:26,441.97278911 I definitely, I know that my dad feels that same way. 159 00:13:26,441.97278911 --> 00:13:33,551.97278911 Like I know that if he could have, I, if he had his perfect scenario, he would be alone. 160 00:13:34,241.97278911 --> 00:13:41,201.97278911 Like he would be independent, like he'd be able to do everything by himself and. 161 00:13:42,686.97278911 --> 00:13:46,316.97278911 I know he wants to see his grandkids. 162 00:13:46,346.97278911 --> 00:13:48,926.97278911 He's only met them once. 163 00:13:49,196.97278911 --> 00:14:06,776.97278911 Yeah, they're only two, and they certainly, I wouldn't understand exactly what was going on with him and he wouldn't be able to, oh God, I don't. 164 00:14:07,736.97278911 --> 00:14:10,496.97278911 This just hit me in an emotional place. 165 00:14:12,476.97278911 --> 00:14:19,566.97278911 He wouldn't be able to hold them, 'cause he, there's Parkinson's. 166 00:14:20,226.97278911 --> 00:14:20,436.97278911 Yeah. 167 00:14:20,826.97278911 --> 00:14:22,56.97278911 Among other things. 168 00:14:22,896.97278911 --> 00:14:30,671.97278911 But that's really progressed and he is, he's. 169 00:14:30,781.97278911 --> 00:14:35,881.97278911 Really not strong at all anymore. 170 00:14:37,201.97278911 --> 00:14:40,761.97278911 And he certainly couldn't like, handle them physically. 171 00:14:41,841.97278911 --> 00:14:42,141.97278911 Yeah. 172 00:14:43,71.97278911 --> 00:14:50,171.97278911 And so I think he obviously he knows that and like he hasn't said that, but. 173 00:14:51,171.97278911 --> 00:15:02,301.97278911 I think that makes him feel a little like embarrassed, blah. 174 00:15:03,111.97278911 --> 00:15:12,151.97278911 I think that contributes to, like he, of course he wants to spend time with them, but at the same time, he doesn't want. 175 00:15:13,306.97278911 --> 00:15:17,386.97278911 To, I don't know. 176 00:15:17,386.97278911 --> 00:15:26,766.97278911 He doesn't want to have some sorrowful, pitiful showing that makes him feel bad. 177 00:15:26,766.97278911 --> 00:15:27,876.97278911 It makes me feel bad. 178 00:15:27,876.97278911 --> 00:15:34,726.97278911 And of course he hasn't said any of this, so I could be like creating all of this in my mind, but I've. 179 00:15:35,726.97278911 --> 00:15:37,76.97278911 He is just that kind of guy. 180 00:15:37,76.97278911 --> 00:15:47,181.97278911 He has pride and he, he prefers to stand alone. 181 00:15:47,261.97278911 --> 00:15:55,486.97278911 And that doesn't I just, at this point, I just try to be understanding of what he wants. 182 00:15:56,26.97278911 --> 00:15:58,546.97278911 And honor that as much as I can. 183 00:15:59,566.97278911 --> 00:16:00,946.97278911 Because God knows he's. 184 00:16:01,946.97278911 --> 00:16:05,426.97278911 Not living the way he thought he would be living. 185 00:16:05,906.97278911 --> 00:16:07,106.97278911 And that sucks. 186 00:16:09,356.97278911 --> 00:16:09,836.97278911 Yeah. 187 00:16:10,766.97278911 --> 00:16:20,446.97278911 So it feels like, it's almost like he, he, it's interesting because my mom, the way her disease progresses, there's a little. 188 00:16:21,446.97278911 --> 00:16:22,596.97278911 Of what you lack. 189 00:16:22,696.97278911 --> 00:16:29,716.97278911 And with him, it sounds like he's pretty aware of what is happening and how he's lacking, which is even almost hard. 190 00:16:29,836.97278911 --> 00:16:30,856.97278911 Harder in a way. 191 00:16:32,386.97278911 --> 00:16:32,956.97278911 Yeah. 192 00:16:32,956.97278911 --> 00:16:34,316.97278911 Isn't that it's weird. 193 00:16:34,316.97278911 --> 00:16:35,786.97278911 It's strange. 194 00:16:35,841.97278911 --> 00:16:37,941.97278911 Because he has dementia. 195 00:16:38,361.97278911 --> 00:16:51,621.9727891 He is, he has Parkinson's, which I mean, he has hallucinations, which he tells me about, and they're freaky. 196 00:16:52,236.9727891 --> 00:17:00,846.9727891 But yeah, he's, he does still have an awareness of. 197 00:17:01,846.9727891 --> 00:17:05,606.9727891 Which, yeah, it does make it sad. 198 00:17:05,756.9727891 --> 00:17:11,66.9727891 So more sad, harder in many ways. 199 00:17:13,346.9727891 --> 00:17:13,856.9727891 Yeah. 200 00:17:13,886.9727891 --> 00:17:21,656.9727891 It also sounds like he has to come to a point too, of understanding, right? Of like understanding and accepting his limitations and. 201 00:17:22,946.9727891 --> 00:17:39,856.9727891 Actually like a very resilient, and it's interesting, I wonder if having them have more exposure and having him have more exposure and getting to a point of acceptance of it's okay if we can only shake a tambourine or watch a funny show together. 202 00:17:39,856.9727891 --> 00:17:40,726.9727891 That might be it. 203 00:17:40,726.9727891 --> 00:17:44,626.9727891 Like we might not be able to go to the park or do these other like normal. 204 00:17:45,406.9727891 --> 00:17:54,566.9727891 Quote unquote normal person things, but we can still do things that are like meaningful and, meet both sides where they are. 205 00:17:54,566.9727891 --> 00:18:00,356.9727891 Like, meet a 2-year-old where they are and meet your aging father where he is. 206 00:18:02,596.9727891 --> 00:18:04,426.9727891 You are absolutely right. 207 00:18:05,426.9727891 --> 00:18:06,176.9727891 You are so right. 208 00:18:07,176.9727891 --> 00:18:08,336.9727891 You, yeah. 209 00:18:08,426.9727891 --> 00:18:09,116.9727891 Yes. 210 00:18:09,236.9727891 --> 00:18:11,66.9727891 And it's taken a while to get there. 211 00:18:11,300.4557823 --> 00:18:12,500.4557823 You just blew me away. 212 00:18:14,390.4557823 --> 00:18:23,0.4557823 Like I haven't really been able to articulate that, I think. 213 00:18:24,500.4557823 --> 00:18:24,800.4557823 Yeah. 214 00:18:24,800.4557823 --> 00:18:32,930.4557823 And just you like mirroring that back to me. 215 00:18:32,990.4557823 --> 00:18:34,675.4557823 Just just really. 216 00:18:37,540.4557823 --> 00:18:40,150.4557823 Profound and really helpful. 217 00:18:41,150.4557823 --> 00:18:41,390.4557823 Yeah. 218 00:18:41,390.4557823 --> 00:18:46,820.4557823 It's try, it's trial and error though, right? It's like going to be whatever feels good for you and for them and for him. 219 00:18:47,300.4557823 --> 00:18:50,450.4557823 And like juggling that and juggling how it all feels. 220 00:18:50,450.4557823 --> 00:18:54,590.4557823 And again, like meeting everybody where they are. 221 00:18:55,670.4557823 --> 00:18:56,750.4557823 Absolutely. 222 00:18:57,500.4557823 --> 00:18:58,190.4557823 And like me. 223 00:18:59,495.4557823 --> 00:19:03,95.4557823 Being okay with that. 224 00:19:03,175.4557823 --> 00:19:15,595.4557823 Like me not like scrambling to try to get my dad to say something he would've said 10 years ago. 225 00:19:18,205.4557823 --> 00:19:32,195.4557823 Working like over time to try to create something that, I just, I can't, that's I can't, I'm not, God, I'm not like you can't control it, which was so hard. 226 00:19:33,585.4557823 --> 00:19:33,875.4557823 Yeah. 227 00:19:34,875.4557823 --> 00:19:35,535.4557823 And it's heartbreaking. 228 00:19:36,625.4557823 --> 00:19:36,627.4557823 But it's. 229 00:19:37,434.4557823 --> 00:19:41,904.4557823 That's what it's all about, right? Is acceptance. 230 00:19:42,84.4557823 --> 00:19:45,174.4557823 Acceptance and letting go of control, right? Yeah. 231 00:19:45,894.4557823 --> 00:19:47,724.4557823 You can just how it wants to look. 232 00:19:47,754.4557823 --> 00:19:56,729.4557823 Does it wanna look sad or does it wanna look like we go see Grandpa or what do you call him? Person. 233 00:19:56,734.4557823 --> 00:19:56,984.4557823 Person. 234 00:19:58,394.4557823 --> 00:20:01,634.4557823 He is southern we call him Pap or Pappy. 235 00:20:02,279.4557823 --> 00:20:25,59.4557823 So we go see Pappy and we like put on music and we bring Play-Doh and we just have a put on his favorite music, right? And that's just what they know is like he can't contribute in a lot of ways, but he could contribute in like the way the songs he loves or, music does so much, right? Just like adding a good song, like especially my mom and your dad's not. 236 00:20:25,554.4557823 --> 00:20:37,344.4557823 Not old either, like I, my mom's not even 70 yet, so it's like putting on like Beatles and putting on Yeah, like she, she was cool. 237 00:20:37,584.4557823 --> 00:20:38,875.4557823 Oh yeah, she's cool. 238 00:20:38,880.4557823 --> 00:20:47,784.4557823 So it's like putting on these like fun songs and and just being like, okay, we're just gonna like sing and dance. 239 00:20:47,814.4557823 --> 00:20:49,554.4557823 Like for me, like that's my happy place. 240 00:20:49,554.4557823 --> 00:20:52,854.4557823 I was like a musical theater kid, so Oh, totally. 241 00:20:53,364.4557823 --> 00:20:54,834.4557823 Can just sing and dance through this. 242 00:20:54,834.4557823 --> 00:20:57,474.4557823 Like it's way better than if we're just sitting in silence. 243 00:20:57,869.4557823 --> 00:20:58,89.4557823 Yes. 244 00:20:59,284.4557823 --> 00:21:06,774.4557823 And like my kids, especially my son, he like naturally is there. 245 00:21:06,804.4557823 --> 00:21:22,464.4557823 If I put on the talking heads, he's like he's takes it really seriously and he is like dancing, like all weird like with David Byrne and my dad is to like, was totally into that shit when he was wow. 246 00:21:22,464.4557823 --> 00:21:23,154.4557823 Younger. 247 00:21:23,304.4557823 --> 00:21:25,914.4557823 It's like this crazy connection. 248 00:21:28,449.4557823 --> 00:21:29,499.4557823 It's awesome. 249 00:21:30,69.4557823 --> 00:21:30,579.4557823 Yeah. 250 00:21:30,699.4557823 --> 00:21:32,79.4557823 And it takes a while to get there. 251 00:21:32,79.4557823 --> 00:21:34,209.4557823 Of it's taken, my, my kids are almost 11. 252 00:21:34,269.4557823 --> 00:21:35,169.4557823 They're gonna be in fifth grade. 253 00:21:35,169.4557823 --> 00:21:41,859.4557823 It's taken a long time and they've had to like, see her progress and and like work through that. 254 00:21:41,859.4557823 --> 00:21:49,239.4557823 And I think it makes them, we're well, well-rounded humans, right? Absolutely. 255 00:21:52,239.4557823 --> 00:21:53,499.4557823 Absolutely. 256 00:21:54,499.4557823 --> 00:21:57,559.4557823 For some kids, everything is super easy for them. 257 00:21:57,659.4557823 --> 00:21:59,879.4557823 Everything is laid out. 258 00:21:59,879.4557823 --> 00:22:06,989.4557823 Everything happens quite easily for them. 259 00:22:08,969.4557823 --> 00:22:15,119.4557823 It's like I want them to have things easily 'cause that's like. 260 00:22:16,874.4557823 --> 00:22:17,164.4557823 Easy. 261 00:22:18,444.4557823 --> 00:22:23,724.4557823 But it's also for them to be good human beings. 262 00:22:23,724.4557823 --> 00:22:31,598.4557823 Like I'm glad that they see me and it's just how different it is. 263 00:22:34,388.4557823 --> 00:22:37,448.4557823 So that they're not spoiled little, white people. 264 00:22:37,508.4557823 --> 00:22:37,898.4557823 I don't know. 265 00:22:40,148.4557823 --> 00:22:41,588.4557823 Yeah, absolutely. 266 00:22:44,228.4557823 --> 00:22:44,438.4557823 Yeah. 267 00:22:44,438.4557823 --> 00:22:54,758.4557823 You're a deeply feeling person, so my like, I think, yeah, a lot of us are especially like caregivers, right? Like we, that's natural. 268 00:22:55,658.4557823 --> 00:22:58,478.4557823 And so yeah, that fills us. 269 00:22:59,18.4557823 --> 00:23:03,248.4557823 But it's like understanding why it fills us and understanding like our limitations. 270 00:23:04,248.4557823 --> 00:23:04,638.4557823 Yeah. 271 00:23:05,638.4557823 --> 00:23:05,878.4557823 Yeah. 272 00:23:05,878.4557823 --> 00:23:06,958.4557823 Your kids are gonna grow up. 273 00:23:08,423.4557823 --> 00:23:21,98.4557823 I like, they're gonna grow up in, they're always gonna think this, but then at some point when they're old enough, they're gonna. 274 00:23:22,523.4557823 --> 00:23:33,453.4557823 Realize oh my God, mom, it's like fucking incredible. 275 00:23:33,513.4557823 --> 00:23:39,833.4557823 Like all that she's done and all that she did and all that she went through and. 276 00:23:40,833.4557823 --> 00:23:41,253.4557823 Thank you. 277 00:23:41,863.4557823 --> 00:23:51,328.4557823 You too, obviously it's and I hope that I hope that our children see us as humans, right? Like I don't think I saw my parents as humans until they, I was an adult. 278 00:23:51,358.4557823 --> 00:23:58,28.4557823 Like I thought they were just like these all powerful, all knowing creatures and then. 279 00:23:59,778.4557823 --> 00:24:03,48.4557823 Just that realization like we're all human, we're all just trying our best. 280 00:24:03,48.4557823 --> 00:24:05,178.4557823 And and sometimes it doesn't end up well. 281 00:24:05,178.4557823 --> 00:24:06,648.4557823 And that's what you're modeling for them. 282 00:24:06,648.4557823 --> 00:24:15,738.4557823 Like these healthy boundaries and these healthy like emotions and understanding of your feelings and all of these things and the like. 283 00:24:15,738.4557823 --> 00:24:18,408.4557823 Life is messy and I think that's so important too. 284 00:24:19,488.4557823 --> 00:24:20,58.4557823 Yeah. 285 00:24:21,348.4557823 --> 00:24:23,688.4557823 Because they are gonna need to. 286 00:24:25,608.4557823 --> 00:24:33,888.4557823 Most likely they're gonna need tools to deal with life if it gets messy. 287 00:24:34,138.4557823 --> 00:24:42,388.4557823 Like the worst thing that we could do for them is not prepare them to deal with shit. 288 00:24:44,453.4557823 --> 00:24:44,733.4557823 Absolutely. 289 00:24:44,833.4557823 --> 00:24:46,673.4557823 And I think that was our generation too. 290 00:24:46,673.4557823 --> 00:24:48,203.4557823 At least my childhood, it was. 291 00:24:48,203.4557823 --> 00:24:50,933.4557823 Like, pretend things didn't exist. 292 00:24:50,963.4557823 --> 00:24:52,43.4557823 Let's not talk about it. 293 00:24:52,43.4557823 --> 00:24:52,973.4557823 I'm a bedroom kid. 294 00:24:52,973.4557823 --> 00:24:53,723.4557823 You have feelings. 295 00:24:53,723.4557823 --> 00:24:54,893.4557823 Go in your bedroom. 296 00:24:55,503.4557823 --> 00:24:58,143.4557823 And so those were, that was how I was raised. 297 00:24:58,143.4557823 --> 00:25:08,153.4557823 I think a lot of people were raised at the time with zero feelings, zero talk yes, zero talk and just navigating through life. 298 00:25:08,753.4557823 --> 00:25:13,223.4557823 And just like we don't talk about the bad things, those get put away in some other place. 299 00:25:15,128.4557823 --> 00:25:15,488.4557823 Yeah. 300 00:25:15,668.4557823 --> 00:25:18,728.4557823 A hard thing to unlearn for a long time. 301 00:25:19,658.4557823 --> 00:25:20,468.4557823 Yeah. 302 00:25:20,558.4557823 --> 00:25:27,488.4557823 Like I've, I feel like I've done so much work like over the years. 303 00:25:28,418.4557823 --> 00:25:28,778.4557823 Yeah. 304 00:25:29,28.4557823 --> 00:25:33,498.4557823 It's just been filled with work on myself, which I'm glad for. 305 00:25:34,498.4557823 --> 00:25:40,138.4557823 But it, it's only been recent really, that I've realized that not everyone has done that. 306 00:25:41,338.4557823 --> 00:25:41,758.4557823 Oh, yeah. 307 00:25:43,348.4557823 --> 00:25:43,948.4557823 Which is good. 308 00:25:43,948.4557823 --> 00:25:51,278.4557823 And as a therapist like good and bad, like you can only help yourself, right? You can't fix anybody else. 309 00:25:51,278.4557823 --> 00:25:53,768.4557823 You can't have control over anybody else. 310 00:25:54,788.4557823 --> 00:25:55,898.4557823 And it's a hard one. 311 00:25:56,198.4557823 --> 00:25:56,408.4557823 Yeah. 312 00:25:56,408.4557823 --> 00:25:57,908.4557823 And some people's that's great for them. 313 00:25:57,908.4557823 --> 00:25:59,588.4557823 Like they just follow the line. 314 00:25:59,588.4557823 --> 00:26:01,448.4557823 They just keep on chugging. 315 00:26:01,498.4557823 --> 00:26:20,768.4557823 And, but for others of us, there's so much introspection and thought and pivots and like that's so important just as a human, but as a caregiver, as a parent, all of these different roles just yeah, just continuing to evolve I think is so important. 316 00:26:21,638.4557823 --> 00:26:24,128.4557823 Yes, it is so important. 317 00:26:24,848.4557823 --> 00:26:41,688.4557823 And being open to what do I need to work on? What do I need to be, what do I need to learn about myself or what can I, yeah. 318 00:26:41,788.4557823 --> 00:26:43,648.4557823 It's just, it's so important. 319 00:26:44,648.4557823 --> 00:26:50,788.4557823 But then the goal of therapy or anything is like my goal is I don't, you don't need me at some point, right? For my clients. 320 00:26:51,208.4557823 --> 00:26:52,198.4557823 That's the goal. 321 00:26:52,708.4557823 --> 00:27:00,78.4557823 You can go off and do your own and you know you have the skills and you know what you need to do, and you know what your idealized life look looks like. 322 00:27:00,753.4557823 --> 00:27:08,453.4557823 And yeah, you can come back and stuff up and we can work through those, but like the goal of therapy is not to be in therapy for the rest of your life. 323 00:27:09,58.4557823 --> 00:27:09,348.4557823 Yeah. 324 00:27:09,553.4557823 --> 00:27:15,43.4557823 I guess it's like leveling up, like I beat that level. 325 00:27:15,103.4557823 --> 00:27:15,703.4557823 Okay. 326 00:27:16,723.4557823 --> 00:27:22,113.4557823 Like when we were first in the HFC support group okay, I made it through. 327 00:27:22,113.4557823 --> 00:27:32,703.4557823 I beat that level, which was like, my dad lived with us, and then I realized oh, I wanna have kids, that was like super hard. 328 00:27:33,408.4557823 --> 00:27:34,428.4557823 Transition. 329 00:27:34,578.4557823 --> 00:27:42,778.4557823 But like I did it, like I made it through that bear of a transition. 330 00:27:44,818.4557823 --> 00:27:50,113.4557823 But of course I'm gonna have like I more levels to beat. 331 00:27:52,183.4557823 --> 00:27:52,473.4557823 Yeah. 332 00:27:53,108.4557823 --> 00:28:08,738.4557823 But that's what's so powerful about the brain, right? Is the more you reinforce certain things, like the more you say, oh, I can do this thing, or I can learn this thing, or I can conquer this thing, the more your brain will give you, that reassurance, that's where anxiety comes from, of I can't do it. 333 00:28:08,738.4557823 --> 00:28:10,798.4557823 Or I feel like this feeling of I can't do it. 334 00:28:10,798.4557823 --> 00:28:11,788.4557823 It's impossible. 335 00:28:12,388.4557823 --> 00:28:16,558.4557823 But just reiterating that nobody's good at language the first day. 336 00:28:16,558.4557823 --> 00:28:18,718.4557823 Nobody's good at riding a bike the first day. 337 00:28:18,718.4557823 --> 00:28:24,328.4557823 Like you are not gonna be good at everything the first day, but you will get through it and you'll do better. 338 00:28:24,328.4557823 --> 00:28:29,188.4557823 And the more you do it, it's the easier it is on your nervous system and your brain and everything. 339 00:28:31,318.4557823 --> 00:28:37,398.4557823 Oh my God, this is like I need this. 340 00:28:38,58.4557823 --> 00:28:39,978.4557823 You're wonderful. 341 00:28:40,318.4557823 --> 00:28:49,378.4557823 I always knew that, obviously, but like you have been to school, like you're amazing. 342 00:28:50,788.4557823 --> 00:28:50,818.4557823 Aw. 343 00:28:50,878.4557823 --> 00:28:55,558.4557823 And you are, can you believe like what we've done? Like you're like badass. 344 00:28:55,558.4557823 --> 00:29:05,388.4557823 You got your kids, you got your business is all different roles, like all of these things and you were just like, oh my God. 345 00:29:05,478.4557823 --> 00:29:09,558.4557823 Just overwhelmed with everything. 346 00:29:10,218.4557823 --> 00:29:11,148.4557823 Yeah. 347 00:29:11,808.4557823 --> 00:29:40,98.4557823 Understandably I think, but we like, i'm so glad that like I did that support group and like you were like such a good, like I really haven't, you like find these like people like throughout life that are just like, I don't know, they're just like your people. 348 00:29:40,983.4557823 --> 00:29:43,533.4557823 And it doesn't happen like every day. 349 00:29:43,713.4557823 --> 00:29:46,53.4557823 You're like one of those people. 350 00:29:47,493.4557823 --> 00:29:48,63.4557823 Same way. 351 00:29:48,63.4557823 --> 00:29:51,273.4557823 It's like we just hop back in and we're just like, yeah, get it. 352 00:29:51,273.4557823 --> 00:29:52,713.4557823 Get you, get it. 353 00:29:52,768.4557823 --> 00:29:54,173.4557823 Get the journey. 354 00:29:54,173.4557823 --> 00:29:54,263.4557823 Yes. 355 00:29:55,263.4557823 --> 00:29:56,43.4557823 Yes. 356 00:29:56,163.4557823 --> 00:29:57,723.4557823 Also, just like a sense of humor. 357 00:29:58,808.4557823 --> 00:30:01,628.4557823 Yes, but is so dark. 358 00:30:01,928.4557823 --> 00:30:03,908.4557823 You have to, yes. 359 00:30:04,833.4557823 --> 00:30:05,763.4557823 That is so true. 360 00:30:07,593.4557823 --> 00:30:08,493.4557823 Oh my God. 361 00:30:08,883.4557823 --> 00:30:11,613.4557823 It's so key. 362 00:30:13,863.4557823 --> 00:30:21,723.4557823 Like at the right moments, like it saves you. 363 00:30:21,773.4557823 --> 00:30:22,968.4557823 I know I think about it. 364 00:30:22,968.4557823 --> 00:30:31,423.4557823 I'm like, if I was, if I couldn't laugh, if I was just like a very scientific straight person, like I would've had a really hard, I had a hard time, but Yeah. 365 00:30:33,698.4557823 --> 00:30:38,858.4557823 Why am I laughing at that? It's, you can't laugh at it at some of it. 366 00:30:38,858.4557823 --> 00:30:41,978.4557823 Like what? It must be really difficult. 367 00:30:42,883.4557823 --> 00:30:43,173.4557823 Yeah. 368 00:30:45,68.4557823 --> 00:30:45,428.4557823 Yeah. 369 00:30:46,943.4557823 --> 00:30:52,843.4557823 Yeah, we are like really tough. 370 00:30:53,533.4557823 --> 00:30:59,833.4557823 And we're also really funny and like fragile. 371 00:30:59,863.4557823 --> 00:31:01,993.4557823 I think that's what came out of it too. 372 00:31:01,993.4557823 --> 00:31:02,638.4557823 I think when my. 373 00:31:03,328.4557823 --> 00:31:10,258.4557823 At least for me, when my mom was first diagnosed, and it was like a decade ago, it was all like, girl boss, you can do anything. 374 00:31:10,258.4557823 --> 00:31:13,548.4557823 Like you're strong like that, like toxic positivity. 375 00:31:15,18.4557823 --> 00:31:18,68.4557823 Oh, anybody Like that was the, no. 376 00:31:18,843.4557823 --> 00:31:20,853.4557823 Yeah, it's not, I don't like that. 377 00:31:20,973.4557823 --> 00:31:25,13.4557823 And no helpful and it's just you can have both feelings. 378 00:31:25,13.4557823 --> 00:31:26,3.4557823 Both can be true. 379 00:31:26,153.4557823 --> 00:31:32,63.4557823 Both you can be funny and you can have a good time, and you can be having a hard time and that's okay. 380 00:31:33,23.4557823 --> 00:31:34,163.4557823 Yes. 381 00:31:34,823.4557823 --> 00:31:48,623.4557823 That was like one of my biggest things about caregiving was like you can hate it and you can love your parent. 382 00:31:48,703.4557823 --> 00:31:55,63.4557823 Yeah, like both things are true at the same time. 383 00:31:56,773.4557823 --> 00:32:12,163.4557823 Like you can hate it and also be completely driven to do it absolutely soly and have peace knowing that you. 384 00:32:14,398.4557823 --> 00:32:18,978.4557823 Did everything you could and that you did right by your parent. 385 00:32:19,428.4557823 --> 00:32:20,808.4557823 Even though it sucked. 386 00:32:22,278.4557823 --> 00:32:22,458.4557823 Yeah. 387 00:32:22,458.4557823 --> 00:32:23,478.4557823 It was hard. 388 00:32:25,888.4557823 --> 00:32:28,208.4557823 It's just I also having kids too, Yeah. 389 00:32:28,208.4557823 --> 00:32:31,348.4557823 I did not I don't like packing lunches. 390 00:32:31,798.4557823 --> 00:32:32,38.4557823 I hate it. 391 00:32:32,578.4557823 --> 00:32:33,178.4557823 Oh my God. 392 00:32:33,178.4557823 --> 00:32:33,868.4557823 I hate it. 393 00:32:34,408.4557823 --> 00:32:35,968.4557823 It is, I know people love it. 394 00:32:35,968.4557823 --> 00:32:36,838.4557823 I don't like it. 395 00:32:36,898.4557823 --> 00:32:37,498.4557823 And. 396 00:32:38,473.4557823 --> 00:32:40,33.4557823 I never loved changing diapers. 397 00:32:40,33.4557823 --> 00:32:41,233.4557823 That was disgusting. 398 00:32:42,873.4557823 --> 00:32:43,563.4557823 Disgusting. 399 00:32:43,843.4557823 --> 00:32:46,363.4557823 There's so many things that I woo. 400 00:32:46,573.4557823 --> 00:32:47,743.4557823 But I love my kids. 401 00:32:47,743.4557823 --> 00:32:48,973.4557823 I love being a mom. 402 00:32:48,973.4557823 --> 00:32:50,143.4557823 I love my kids. 403 00:32:50,143.4557823 --> 00:33:01,183.4557823 I love like seeing them grow and so it's like existing and learning to live in that in between where some things are true and some things are false and or both things can be true. 404 00:33:02,383.4557823 --> 00:33:02,643.4557823 It's yeah. 405 00:33:03,878.4557823 --> 00:33:10,268.4557823 We can't do this, like the toxic positivity or the all, all in mentality just is not helpful. 406 00:33:11,168.4557823 --> 00:33:13,988.4557823 No, not at all. 407 00:33:15,908.4557823 --> 00:33:25,628.4557823 I feel like especially as women, it's like something that is really put on us and expected of us. 408 00:33:26,628.4557823 --> 00:33:40,968.4557823 It is like I can love being a woman and also think that there are a lot of things about being a woman that are fucking bullshit. 409 00:33:42,228.4557823 --> 00:33:42,858.4557823 Oh yeah. 410 00:33:44,538.4557823 --> 00:33:45,828.4557823 Oh yeah. 411 00:33:46,828.4557823 --> 00:33:47,488.4557823 Yeah. 412 00:33:48,488.4557823 --> 00:33:48,668.4557823 Yeah. 413 00:33:48,668.4557823 --> 00:33:50,348.4557823 It's like learning to live in that in between. 414 00:33:50,348.4557823 --> 00:33:52,688.4557823 It's like you don't have to label yourself all the time. 415 00:33:52,688.4557823 --> 00:33:54,608.4557823 You don't have to be like certain thing. 416 00:33:54,608.4557823 --> 00:34:03,298.4557823 You don't have to be either a girl boss or an amazing homemaker or like all of these roles are just really where we get into trouble of just. 417 00:34:04,18.4557823 --> 00:34:09,178.4557823 Being able to understand like different identity shifts and that we're still our core at the end of the day. 418 00:34:09,788.4557823 --> 00:34:12,488.4557823 But understanding like our core values and that's what's important. 419 00:34:12,488.4557823 --> 00:34:15,398.4557823 And we don't have to be a hundred percent of one thing. 420 00:34:15,398.4557823 --> 00:34:17,708.4557823 We can be a little piece of this little piece of that. 421 00:34:17,768.4557823 --> 00:34:27,218.4557823 We can create our own identity and and be like the version of ourselves that we wanna be, which is so fun about, I think, I mean I'm only in my thirties, but 30 forties. 422 00:34:27,818.4557823 --> 00:34:28,808.4557823 Fifties beyond. 423 00:34:28,808.4557823 --> 00:34:33,248.4557823 I think every people say that it just keeps getting better and I don't doubt it. 424 00:34:33,528.4557823 --> 00:34:37,398.4557823 Like I think my twenties is such a fumble, such a yes. 425 00:34:37,398.4557823 --> 00:34:39,488.4557823 So what the heck am I doing? Yeah. 426 00:34:39,488.4557823 --> 00:34:48,568.4557823 And just like being able to merge these identities and grow and not answer to anybody is just think so awesome and fulfilling. 427 00:34:48,568.4557823 --> 00:34:51,928.4557823 I'm just like so excited for the next chapter. 428 00:34:52,288.4557823 --> 00:34:53,158.4557823 This is, yeah. 429 00:34:55,738.4557823 --> 00:34:56,578.4557823 Yes. 430 00:34:57,448.4557823 --> 00:35:15,28.4557823 I love that and I love that for you, and I'm so excited and happy for you and me and us, and. 431 00:35:16,28.4557823 --> 00:35:16,838.4557823 Us all. 432 00:35:18,473.4557823 --> 00:35:18,753.4557823 I know. 433 00:35:19,278.4557823 --> 00:35:22,553.4557823 No, it's it's so great and I, it's I wish we just did this all the time. 434 00:35:22,553.4557823 --> 00:35:26,303.4557823 I like, yeah, like we've never met in person. 435 00:35:26,928.4557823 --> 00:35:27,168.4557823 I know. 436 00:35:28,733.4557823 --> 00:35:30,503.4557823 I was on the east coast a lot of the summer. 437 00:35:30,533.4557823 --> 00:35:32,718.4557823 We never know at some point. 438 00:35:33,78.4557823 --> 00:35:37,38.4557823 Do you ever come back to California or No, I do. 439 00:35:38,658.4557823 --> 00:35:48,403.4557823 Not since my kids have been born because it's just been so like, ah, yeah, no, that makes sense. 440 00:35:48,793.4557823 --> 00:35:48,943.4557823 Yeah. 441 00:35:49,603.4557823 --> 00:35:52,173.4557823 I would love to do I would love to do just like a retreat. 442 00:35:53,163.4557823 --> 00:35:53,703.4557823 Oh my gosh. 443 00:35:54,543.4557823 --> 00:35:55,383.4557823 So fun. 444 00:35:55,383.4557823 --> 00:36:01,83.4557823 Just like a caregiver retreat and we just hang out in a big house and have an amazing weekend. 445 00:36:01,983.4557823 --> 00:36:04,803.4557823 That would be perfect. 446 00:36:04,923.4557823 --> 00:36:07,53.4557823 That's what we need. 447 00:36:07,563.4557823 --> 00:36:08,103.4557823 Yeah. 448 00:36:10,953.4557823 --> 00:36:11,193.4557823 Okay. 449 00:36:11,193.4557823 --> 00:36:11,818.4557823 We'll plan it. 450 00:36:12,368.4557823 --> 00:36:14,18.4557823 Okay, fabulous. 451 00:36:14,223.4557823 --> 00:36:17,163.4557823 We'll just bring all of the best, all of the besties. 452 00:36:17,163.4557823 --> 00:36:17,673.4557823 We'll come. 453 00:36:18,483.4557823 --> 00:36:19,773.4557823 Yes. 454 00:36:20,103.4557823 --> 00:36:22,413.4557823 Oh, I'm so in for that. 455 00:36:23,638.4557823 --> 00:36:24,18.4557823 Me too. 456 00:36:25,18.4557823 --> 00:36:25,308.4557823 Okay. 457 00:36:27,738.4557823 --> 00:36:33,348.4557823 Thank you so much for doing this, and we'll do another one sometime. 458 00:36:34,248.4557823 --> 00:36:35,838.4557823 Yeah, this was so great. 459 00:36:35,838.4557823 --> 00:36:36,888.4557823 This was so fun. 460 00:36:37,198.4557823 --> 00:36:38,488.4557823 Let me know when you put it up. 461 00:36:38,488.4557823 --> 00:36:49,208.4557823 I'm Mix, excited to watch and listen and yeah, and I love, for anybody who's in a situation that we were in where we were just fumbling, we just didn't know what we were doing. 462 00:36:49,818.4557823 --> 00:36:49,819.4557823 Yeah. 463 00:36:50,958.4557823 --> 00:36:54,963.4557823 They can reach out and put on my information, but Oh, yeah. 464 00:36:55,843.4557823 --> 00:36:56,123.4557823 Absolutely. 465 00:36:56,473.4557823 --> 00:36:56,763.4557823 Yeah. 466 00:36:57,678.4557823 --> 00:37:09,798.4557823 I would love to, to help others go through the rocky parts of caregiving and just feel more balanced and happy and fulfilled. 467 00:37:11,238.4557823 --> 00:37:14,28.4557823 That's so wonderful. 468 00:37:14,898.4557823 --> 00:37:18,768.4557823 Like just knowing that can happen, that's possible. 469 00:37:19,818.4557823 --> 00:37:20,328.4557823 Yeah. 470 00:37:20,388.4557823 --> 00:37:23,348.4557823 And there's hope, right? That's the power of narrative. 471 00:37:23,348.4557823 --> 00:37:30,188.4557823 Like this is the situation you're in, but you can retell your story whatever way you wanna and you can shift yes, whatever way you want to. 472 00:37:30,518.4557823 --> 00:37:35,138.4557823 And what is right now does not have to exist for the rest of your life. 473 00:37:35,768.4557823 --> 00:37:38,528.4557823 Oh yes. 474 00:37:39,528.4557823 --> 00:37:40,218.4557823 Amen. 475 00:37:40,638.4557823 --> 00:37:41,928.4557823 Amen, sister. 476 00:37:43,998.4557823 --> 00:37:45,173.4557823 And look at this one too. 477 00:37:46,233.4557823 --> 00:37:47,863.4557823 Ah, love it. 478 00:37:48,683.4557823 --> 00:37:52,743.4557823 All of my sessions, it's like.