Can Your Disability Become Your Superpower?

With guest Steven Lowell on How I Ally with Lucinda Koza

 

What happens when you stop hiding the hardest part of yourself—and start leading with it instead?

 

In this deeply human, candid conversation, Lucinda Koza sits down with career coach and reverse recruiter Steven Lowell, who shares how a late diagnosis of epilepsy reshaped his life. From collapsing on the job in Times Square to navigating the shame and silence that often surrounds invisible disabilities, Steven doesn’t just open up—he reframes the narrative.

 

This episode explores how living with epilepsy taught him to speak up, accept help, and ultimately turn what once felt like a weakness into his greatest strength.

 

💡 In this episode:

• Why invisible disabilities often go unspoken—even in families

• How stress can impact neurological health in profound ways

• What it’s like to have a seizure in public (and be misjudged for it)

• The vital role of Steven’s wife in his journey to diagnosis and stability

• How naming the hard thing can bring connection, not rejection

• The power of blunt honesty in healing shame

 

🧠 Notable quotes:

 

“If you wait 25 years to solve a problem, you spend 25 years miserable. But the day after you solve it? You’re free.” “Shame is the most insidious thing. It makes you choose isolation. Speaking is the only way through.”

 

🙋‍♂️ About Steven Lowell:

 

Steven is a New York City–based reverse recruiter and career coach who’s worked across six industries and four countries. His coaching style is no-nonsense, deeply empathic, and grounded in lived experience—especially when it comes to helping others navigate their own nontraditional paths.

 

📌 Resources & Mentions:

• Learn more about Steven’s reverse recruiting work 

• Epilepsy Foundation: epilepsy.com

👉 Subscribe to How I Ally for honest, hopeful conversations about disability, identity, and resilience.

⭐️ If this episode moved you, please leave a rating or review—it really helps!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
All right.
Hello and welcome to How I Ally.
I'm here with my first male guest.
I'm of course very excited.
Would you please introduce yourself and give a bit of a backstory? Okay.

(00:25):
My name is Steven Lowell.
I'm from New York City.
And I work in a company where I am a reverse recruiter and a career coach.
And I've I guess I've worked in about six countries, and four countries in about six industries and traveled to the United States.
But the thing that's I think it's been challenging for me over the years is that I've also dealt with epilepsy since the age of 18, which.

(00:52):
Probably threw a wrench in the works for someone who would want to have a typical career path, but I just seemed to turn it into something much more exciting and enjoyable for myself.
So I'm very happy that I get to talk to you today about that.
I'm happy to have you and happy that you are so open.

(01:19):
I'm sure there.
Are, have you met people that are, that have disclosed something like this to you and have also disclosed that they are not willing to talk about it? I have I've had people approach me and say that they have it that what I deal with epilepsy, but.

(01:45):
They say it after I mention it first, and one of the reasons that they told me that they don't tell other people is because it's not the type of disability that you can see, but when you do see it happen it's quite upsetting and it's scary.
It's scary.
Like I've seen it happen to others on the street myself, and I think to myself like, do I look like that? And I can imagine what people go through.

(02:12):
But I know why they keep it quiet.
They just don't want it to cause people to think certain things, make them, create doubt in someone's mind that they're incapable of something because they have this.
And so they tend to keep it quiet.
And I actually, it runs in my family too, and a lot of my family, as big as they are, did not even know that I had it.

(02:37):
Yeah, but we knew two of my aunts and uncles did, so Wow.
They, I found this out like last year that one of my cousins, 65-year-old cousin never knew that I had it, and his mom was the one who probably was the one who passed it down through their family too.

(02:57):
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So did he not know, because he never.
Care to inquire, or, sorry, it's a bit of a personal question.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I don't mind.
Why didn't he did is it something that, so what comes first, the chicken or the egg? Is it not talked about because it's invisible or? I think it is, I think it stems from behaviors and cultures where there is a belief that if you announce a weakness about yourself, that you are announcing you cannot do something.

(03:42):
Right.
And the funny thing about what happened with my cousin was that we were at a Christmas party and we started to have this discussion 'cause we're like the.
The aunts and uncles, some of them have passed away and, so we started to have this, these discussions as cousins so who did you get from who you know? And someone would say I got your dad's high cholesterol.
Oh, I got your mom's epilepsy.

(04:03):
And, we started to be, we're very blunts like, we joke around like that.
And but we were sitting at a table and my cousin turned to me, he said, I never knew.
I never knew.
And he said my mom had it, but she didn't call it that.
She said.
Oh, I had one of my little spells, I had one of my little spells, and even if you look back to as far back as the Salem Witch trials, people who had seizures looked like they were possessed.

(04:33):
And if you grew and if you grew up in a religious household, you would think something religious was wrong with it because.
You don't see a disability and then something incredibly strange happens to a person or strange looking and scary, and that just it leads to some strange behaviors.

(04:54):
It's it causes people to wonder, is it science? Is it religion? Is, it's what's really going on.
And that's why I think, the field of neurology is so important too, but absolutely the, yeah.
The, that, that's oh, it's so rich.
Because I mean there have been so many things that I've heard about the, those poor women from the Salem witch trials and all, what could have been all of these things that could have been actually occurring.

(05:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, but they were burned.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's, it is, this disability is one of the under underfunded, under research disabilities that they don't know what causes it.

(05:54):
One in 25 people in the United States will have a seizure, but might not have epilepsy.
So there's so many things surrounding it.
We haven't really figured out our own human brain yet.
And sometimes it's just easily to rationalize it as saying stay away from flashing lights or take your medication or make sure you don't play video games.

(06:21):
I used to hear that as a kid.
So those little things like that, but they don't know.
And a hundred years ago.
That's what they were doing.
They had, pardon the, it's gross to say it, but you'd have people who would do things, they try to sell you snake urine or some sort of weird concoction to say oh, it'll cure that, and it never did.

(06:45):
Rights.
It's.
I wish if it was that easy, as gross as that is, if it was that easy, you'd do it in a second.
I would, my God, save me for 30 years of this stuff.
But it, yeah.
That's, that's so tragic.

(07:05):
Tragic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's deeply tragic.
Oh.
What But so you found out the potential inciting incident, if you will, from your childhood.

(07:26):
it's crazy to think of like the timestamps in life when things were happening and to look at it and have answers.
'cause we don't always get answers.
And I was I was six years old when I fell off a bicycle and had hit my head.
I still have a bit of a scar here.
I dunno if you could see it.

(07:47):
I can't.
It had caused we at that time, at that age, they didn't have MRIs or CAT scans and so they, they figured we hope something doesn't happen, and then for the next 12 years there was always these little things that would happen that would cause me to miss school.
And we didn't know what it was, we couldn't really put a finger on it.

(08:08):
But then at 18.
I had mentioned this like a friend of mine was murdered and it just hit me very hard.
And I, I remember in a car falling over on my friend's lap while he was driving and having a seizure.
I don't remember the seizure by the way.
I actually remember waking up in the hospital and people standing over me and saying, Steven, do you know what happened to you? Do you know what happened to you? And that's scary because it's just, you're like, okay, where am I now? And.

(08:36):
And I think it was from there, realizing that now school was gonna be different, my career was gonna be different.
And I really credit like this is gonna, I really credit the person saving me or getting my life in order.
As funny enough as my wife because she, she had, she has a great job and it had benefits and it was the first time in my life that I was able to say okay, let's stop life what we're doing and find out what's going on.

(09:10):
And that's when I did video EEGs and I did the regular EEGs and she was there to support me for that.
And they found out what it was.
And I think at this age, I was now.
Like late thirties, I think.
And it was, they said I have scar tissue on my right temporal lobe combined with epilepsy.

(09:35):
And that, wow.
That was it was liberating to hear it finally, but it was also, it was funny to look back at it and say like, all those times, in life.
Where I woke up and I twitch and my brother made fun of me, or my friends teased me at school for kind of doing these like little faces in class, and they didn't know.

(10:00):
They're like, what's wrong with him? Whatever.
And they teased a little bit.
You just, they didn't know.
No one knew.
No one knew.
And I finally could look back at it and say, oh, okay.
That's all that was.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, to get detailed with this is that the seizures now I have them so tracked to when they happen that I feel so bad for my wife sometimes because they usually happen between like four to six o'clock in the morning, usually during a cycle of sleep.

(10:39):
And I'm sleeping.
And she could feel something and she'll roll over and wake me up and say, Hey something's about to happen, and she has to put up with me.
She doesn't let me say that.
I could say that to you, but she doesn't let me say that to her.
She'll talk, I won't let you say that either, she says, she's don't say that.
You know why I said, you put up with me.

(10:59):
I'm like been very lucky to work with some people who heard the story and said, okay, that's what you are.
So alright.
There's gonna be some days where you have to take off and I'll have to trust that it's because of what you said, and I show them the.

(11:23):
I think it, it doesn't become real for them until they see it.
And when they finally see it, they realize oh, it's a big deal.
Okay.
We, I think people generally like that, yeah.
Nothing's real until we see it ourselves.
And I've had a, I've had a couple jobs where I've talking to a CEO.

(11:48):
And right in front of him, he sees something happen and he's are you okay? Are you okay? And then he starts to panic.
Then he calls my wife, and then it's this whole big thing.
And then I don't like people panicking over me and then, and it makes me stressed out, and that's not good.
Yeah.
So it's whatever.
I'm talking a lot about it, but I'm sorry.
No.
It's, please no, this I'm shutting up.

(12:11):
I want you to talk.
Yeah, it's the, whenever somebody sees it for the first time it's, it scares them and they don't know how serious it is or not.
And if I tell them I'm fine, don't worry about it.
It was just a little, I call it like a twitch.

(12:33):
They have to take my word for it, but.
At the same time to do their due diligence because they know I work a little harder than I should.
Sometimes they'll call my wife anyway.
So my wife has been very much a part of my career and I've been very much a part of hers because of there are times where she's had to leave work for me.

(12:56):
And times where I think people that I work with have had to talk to her about what's happening.
Yeah.
So it's, she's yeah.
It's very good to have a partner in life to, to help you survive it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As time goes on.
Yeah.
It's very true.
Yeah.

(13:16):
It's like a, almost like a, an AA sponsor or something.
Yeah.
It's like someone that is giving you accountability and also.
Showing up for you in a way that makes others feel safe.
Yeah.
Someone who can speak for you when you can't speak.

(13:38):
Someone who can talk to doctors when you can't talk.
That's a big deal.
It really is because one of the worst seizures I ever had was in Times Square while I was at work, and I was just burning the candle at both ends.
It's, and I was actually about to interview a celebrity.
I was, it was I was actually like a production assistant and I was gonna talk to Joe Theisman, who's a famous quarterback.

(14:06):
And right when they handed me the microphone, I went, boom, fell over, and the next thing I remember, I woke up and I'm on 42nd and Broadway on a stretcher, and the police officer says to me, how much heroin did you do? And that made me jump right up because I said, wait.

(14:27):
I said, are you crazy? I said, I don't do heroin.
Are you nuts? And they didn't have any idea, but I then had to, I didn't know.
I didn't know.
And I said, and I instantly said, call my wife.
Call my wife.
Here's the number.
Call my wife.
Call my wife.
And that was, that, that's when they talked to her, they realized like, oh, okay.
Okay.

(14:48):
Yeah, it was.
But you gotta imagine I guess police officers of Times Square could seen, yeah, they seen a lot, but they, I try to be sympathetic, but I was like I, what are you crazy? I really just the assumption I've never done, I don't drink, I don't smoke.
I can't do drugs anyway if I try.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(15:08):
It got me right up.
I said that was like your fight or flight response.
If you don't speak up now, something very bad is gonna happen to you.
You might get treated wrong.
Wow.
They might start putting the wrong IV in you.
Somebody might make an assumption about you and you get, the wrong medication, which has happened to me once I was given a thousand milligrams of the wrong medication once.

(15:29):
That's all those things.
Awesome.
It's crazy because we have so many resources today, but in the moments in that moment, we are always on our own and unless we have somebody right there next with us.
Yeah.
It's so true.
It's like the only thing that I can think of and then, and like in day-to-day life, you think gosh, I'm not that.

(15:58):
Desperate that I would need a card that says, I have epilepsy that I need to hand to someone in the event of, and because there are people that have, yeah.
And you think I'll never need that.
But then in the moment you are like.

(16:21):
You e it's, you feel everything fails you and you're like it's the you just made me think of something because my mom, you know when you're 21, right? We, when you were talk, we all think we're invincible and they used to have these things called medic alert bracelet.

(16:41):
I don't know if they still have them, but it's like a ring or something like that.
Things have changed since then, but I refuse to wear one because I said I don't wanna advertise that I have a disability.
That was the way that I thought at 21 years old.
But.
Now at my age, I, yeah, I would be wearing one in a second.

(17:02):
I would, because of all the problems I've caused myself by being that stubborn and, yeah.
Headstrong.
But it was, I didn't, I never wanted to have a card.
I didn't want to have, yeah.
Monitoring because that's an indication that there's a weakness.
And I don't want to feel like I'm weak.
I want to feel like I'm strong, but, that's the real test.

(17:22):
Sometimes you're stronger because you actually agree to do those things.
That's the real, that's the real think Again, I've always had maybe you would've been stronger for wearing the bracelet because you would've been overcoming one of your own little, anxieties, that, that kind of idea, right? Maybe people wouldn't have freaked out as much when they saw you fall, if they knew that was there.

(17:48):
So accountability is a tough lesson.
But a lot of the problems I think that have happened to me, I think I may have caused sometimes I think all of it maybe, but that's how I see it sometimes.
'cause I didn't want to wear a bike helmet too when I was little.
So that's when I got hurt.
I think of it that way, like all the Yeah.

(18:09):
But that's interesting.
Yeah.
But you were little, you were a child.
Oh, yeah.
And I was horrible.
I was, I wanted to be a stunt man when I was a child, even if you did find yourself culpable.

(18:29):
In a real way, which there's no way, there's no way you could be, you were a child.
And also there's no way that you could have known like you said there, you didn't even know anything about the brain.
And there's no way you could have known anything.

(18:50):
.9090909About epilepsy and all of this, but even if you did, you would have, there would have to be, you would have to find peace with that or make peace with that. 227 00:19:06,830.9090909 --> 00:19:07,120.9090909 Yeah. 228 00:19:08,600.9090909 --> 00:19:13,985.9090909 Or else it's just you can't go on, you can't keep, it's just, it's too difficult. 229 00:19:14,405.9090909 --> 00:19:14,465.9090909 Yeah. 230 00:19:14,930.9090909 --> 00:19:26,130.9090909 Yeah, and I think it surprised me to find out that it was in my family for so long and no one talked about it. 231 00:19:26,460.9090909 --> 00:19:38,170.9090909 And I think, yeah, I think families will have that culture at times that, that whole see no evil speak, no evil, hear no evil kind of attitude towards bad news. 232 00:19:39,70.9090909 --> 00:19:41,470.9090909 That it will go away if you don't talk about it. 233 00:19:42,640.9090909 --> 00:19:54,190.9090909 And clearly when it started to get, when it was passed down to me and a different, another cousin from under another aunt it became very real. 234 00:19:54,190.9090909 --> 00:20:02,290.9090909 And we started to wonder like, why didn't you tell us about this? And that's, I don't know what to say about that because that's. 235 00:20:02,755.9090909 --> 00:20:13,755.9090909 That was just the culture of families and parenting at times where they don't want to talk about certain things and they figure it'll go away if you just leave it alone. 236 00:20:14,925.9090909 --> 00:20:15,165.9090909 Yeah. 237 00:20:15,255.9090909 --> 00:20:17,985.9090909 That's still alive. 238 00:20:18,210.9090909 --> 00:20:18,500.9090909 Yeah. 239 00:20:20,775.9090909 --> 00:20:48,315.9090909 But do you feel like it's better for you? Do you feel like it's better to not address that or do you feel like you would get some kind of satisfaction from addressing it within your own family? I have a very, I have a very different outlook, I think because we. 240 00:20:49,95.9090909 --> 00:21:10,955.9090909 Have we live in a time right now where we try to remove uncomfortable feelings and and shame and confrontation from things like we, we try to pretend like it doesn't exist using technology and we'll use logical means of transactions. 241 00:21:11,525.9090909 --> 00:21:15,165.9090909 And so we could avoid, uncomfortable moments between people. 242 00:21:15,180.9090909 --> 00:21:31,680.9090909 Yes, but the problem is though, is that I know that if you have a problem and you wait 25 years to solve it, you're spending 25 years miserable. 243 00:21:32,370.9090909 --> 00:21:34,890.9090909 But the day after you solve the problem, you're happy. 244 00:21:35,430.9090909 --> 00:21:39,990.9090909 So my attitude towards things is often to be very blunt. 245 00:21:40,380.9090909 --> 00:21:53,450.9090909 So if somebody, if, like with the work I do I do interview preparation for jobs and sometimes people will tell me things about a disability and I'll just tell them tell me what it is, they'll tell me I'm worried about being too old. 246 00:21:53,450.9090909 --> 00:21:56,840.9090909 And I'll say how old are you? And it, it surprises them. 247 00:21:57,230.9090909 --> 00:22:03,680.9090909 But I'm saying like, look, let's get it out now so we can deal with it now. 248 00:22:03,740.9090909 --> 00:22:03,800.9090909 Yeah. 249 00:22:04,400.9090909 --> 00:22:12,590.9090909 And then move forward so we don't spend so much time tap dancing around the real issue. 250 00:22:13,190.9090909 --> 00:22:19,70.9090909 So much time with people being miserable and upset in their own little world. 251 00:22:20,120.9090909 --> 00:22:20,240.9090909 Yeah. 252 00:22:20,290.9090909 --> 00:22:29,660.9090909 So we could just be, be ourselves and move forward and also have that little joy of something called accountability and solving a problem. 253 00:22:30,990.9090909 --> 00:22:35,220.9090909 To say that I solved this problem and look, I'm stronger because of it, and then I move forward. 254 00:22:35,590.9090909 --> 00:22:49,415.9090909 I could preach about that for days because I worry sometimes in the, in, in, like in today's workforce, people are trying to always tap dance around things instead of dealing with it. 255 00:22:50,45.9090909 --> 00:22:54,605.9090909 And but you understand if you deal with it, you don't have to tap down. 256 00:22:55,415.9090909 --> 00:23:00,775.9090909 So you you can get the problem out of the way solved, and yes, it'll be uncomfortable. 257 00:23:03,265.9090909 --> 00:23:12,265.9090909 Okay? But the two minutes that you're spending to solve the problem is not 25 years punishing yourself. 258 00:23:12,685.9090909 --> 00:23:12,955.9090909 Yeah. 259 00:23:13,235.9090909 --> 00:23:19,890.9090909 I don't know how, I don't know how long I probably could say I was punishing myself. 260 00:23:20,610.9090909 --> 00:23:35,480.9090909 From the age of 21 to when I was maybe 30, just, and there, there were just things that were happening at that point like trying to have, like I mentioned, like trying to have an acting career and trying to prove I could hold down four jobs at once. 261 00:23:36,320.9090909 --> 00:23:38,570.9090909 Trying to prove that sleep was for weak people. 262 00:23:39,90.9090909 --> 00:23:41,520.9090909 All these little silly things that were just killing me all the time. 263 00:23:41,850.9090909 --> 00:23:42,230.9090909 And yeah. 264 00:23:42,320.9090909 --> 00:23:42,380.9090909 Yeah. 265 00:23:43,70.9090909 --> 00:23:43,970.9090909 Yeah. 266 00:23:43,970.9090909 --> 00:23:52,160.9090909 I just, I don't even I really it's funny how life is, but it's I always felt like there was a wake up call, I think when I became an uncle. 267 00:23:52,170.9090909 --> 00:24:03,435.9090909 And a few signs that happened along the lines that, along the way that that told me like, you gotta straighten up or you're, you're not gonna be able to live like this for much longer. 268 00:24:04,995.9090909 --> 00:24:16,825.9090909 And, and I don't know if I told you about this, but like 2003 I did, I feel like I almost died because I was 30 years old and I had lost my job. 269 00:24:16,825.9090909 --> 00:24:18,685.9090909 I was about a month away from being evicted. 270 00:24:19,735.9090909 --> 00:24:29,230.9090909 And I it had gotten so bad that I was literally like taking food from like barbecues and stuff like that, like July 4th barbecues and I was living off that for a while. 271 00:24:29,890.9090909 --> 00:24:31,960.9090909 In my apartment, like wondering what I was gonna do. 272 00:24:33,370.9090909 --> 00:24:52,720.9090909 And the stress got to me so bad that I had a series of seizures in a row, like three or four seizures, and I woke up with police standing over me in my own apartment and I was covered in blood from biting my tongue and some other that, I know it's a lot, but it's no. 273 00:24:52,750.9090909 --> 00:24:53,235.9090909 Yeah it's. 274 00:24:53,575.9090909 --> 00:24:57,40.9090909 It was like, because the thing is like when you convulse yeah. 275 00:24:57,90.9090909 --> 00:24:59,780.9090909 You're banging your head against the floor and all those things. 276 00:25:00,260.9090909 --> 00:25:02,750.9090909 And it's then you bite your tongue. 277 00:25:02,750.9090909 --> 00:25:02,960.9090909 Yeah. 278 00:25:02,960.9090909 --> 00:25:03,890.9090909 You bite often. 279 00:25:04,100.9090909 --> 00:25:04,520.9090909 Yeah. 280 00:25:04,610.9090909 --> 00:25:07,160.9090909 And it's, you just like right down on it. 281 00:25:07,160.9090909 --> 00:25:14,740.9090909 And I, apparently while I was out, I had called 9 1 1, I didn't know that. 282 00:25:14,740.9090909 --> 00:25:17,290.9090909 I somehow like just had. 283 00:25:17,680.9090909 --> 00:25:27,910.9090909 My phone next to me, I somehow had the presence of mind while in a state of unconsciousness to, to call 9 1 1. 284 00:25:28,150.9090909 --> 00:25:29,440.9090909 And I wasn't answering. 285 00:25:30,220.9090909 --> 00:25:39,790.9090909 So the phone stayed open with them and they traced the call and they got into the apartment that way and broke the door in. 286 00:25:40,610.9090909 --> 00:25:42,800.9090909 Which would be another thing I had to pay my landlord for. 287 00:25:43,160.9090909 --> 00:25:48,245.9090909 But I just think of these little silly, strange things that I cared about at the time that don't really matter. 288 00:25:48,605.9090909 --> 00:25:58,865.9090909 But but that was really the moment where I said waking up from that and realizing I think that day is I contacted my brother and I said, I give up. 289 00:25:58,865.9090909 --> 00:26:00,755.9090909 I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 290 00:26:00,895.9090909 --> 00:26:05,85.9090909 And he was the one that took me to get a suit in the city. 291 00:26:05,535.9090909 --> 00:26:08,775.9090909 And said, I'm gonna tell you what to do and you're gonna listen. 292 00:26:09,165.9090909 --> 00:26:10,575.9090909 I don't wanna hear anything from you. 293 00:26:11,145.9090909 --> 00:26:13,35.9090909 I don't wanna hear you tell me you can do it better. 294 00:26:13,35.9090909 --> 00:26:14,265.9090909 I don't wanna hear anything like that. 295 00:26:14,835.9090909 --> 00:26:16,5.9090909 You're just gonna do what I say. 296 00:26:16,5.9090909 --> 00:26:31,85.9090909 And he took me to a place to get a suit, show me where to go to a temp office for a IG, which is like an insurance company at the time, and said, you're gonna go talk to this HR person and you're just gonna go after this type of work from now on. 297 00:26:31,85.9090909 --> 00:26:32,495.9090909 So no more acting. 298 00:26:33,485.9090909 --> 00:26:33,755.9090909 Yeah. 299 00:26:33,755.9090909 --> 00:26:38,285.9090909 And if you want to act, you can do that once you get your life straightened out, but not now. 300 00:26:39,335.9090909 --> 00:26:51,125.9090909 And I needed him for that, but it was, I think it was like after I got into a IG that's, I had met my current wife shortly after that and yeah, that's when like things like started to work that stabilize. 301 00:26:52,565.9090909 --> 00:26:52,805.9090909 Yeah. 302 00:26:52,895.9090909 --> 00:26:54,790.9090909 It comes to that whole thing, like if you're in a. 303 00:26:55,70.9090909 --> 00:26:59,720.9090909 If you're in a ditch, the best way to start your way out is to stop digging. 304 00:27:00,475.9090909 --> 00:27:02,10.9090909 And that's what I started. 305 00:27:02,370.9090909 --> 00:27:04,20.9090909 I stopped digging on that day. 306 00:27:04,20.9090909 --> 00:27:05,820.9090909 I stopped, I realized I just, yeah. 307 00:27:05,820.9090909 --> 00:27:06,585.9090909 It was time to stop. 308 00:27:07,495.9090909 --> 00:27:07,785.9090909 Yeah. 309 00:27:08,165.9090909 --> 00:27:21,420.9090909 And it's like you're, it's like your higher self or your body like. 310 00:27:22,95.9090909 --> 00:27:23,355.9090909 It saved you. 311 00:27:23,600.9090909 --> 00:27:34,165.9090909 It really, it makes me wonder about what we're capable of because we were, I in not even knowing where I was. 312 00:27:34,165.9090909 --> 00:27:38,425.9090909 I still had, and this was a while ago, so it was an OIA phone. 313 00:27:38,425.9090909 --> 00:27:39,595.9090909 It wasn't like a cell phone. 314 00:27:40,265.9090909 --> 00:27:44,855.9090909 So the fact that I had that ability to just hit 9 1 1 on it. 315 00:27:45,980.9090909 --> 00:27:47,480.9090909 And then just leave it next to me. 316 00:27:47,510.9090909 --> 00:27:54,610.9090909 And as people were trying to talk to me, I couldn't say anything and just stayed there, but yeah, that was a disaster. 317 00:27:54,760.9090909 --> 00:27:58,330.9090909 That was, it sounds like that was rock bottom. 318 00:27:58,460.9090909 --> 00:27:59,680.9090909 That was your bottom. 319 00:28:00,440.9090909 --> 00:28:01,220.9090909 It really was. 320 00:28:01,260.9090909 --> 00:28:06,420.9090909 It, this is a real deep thing to say, but. 321 00:28:08,430.9090909 --> 00:28:16,380.9090909 It made me realize that if I were to die, that I wouldn't even remember it. 322 00:28:16,820.9090909 --> 00:28:30,920.9090909 And it was that realization that I have to take advantage of every single day that I'm alive and not throw it away, because if something ever happened to me tomorrow. 323 00:28:31,715.9090909 --> 00:28:34,55.9090909 I wouldn't be alive to regret my choices. 324 00:28:34,55.9090909 --> 00:28:36,965.9090909 I wouldn't be alive to think about did it hurt or not. 325 00:28:37,835.9090909 --> 00:28:39,745.9090909 It would just cease, and I wouldn't know what to do. 326 00:28:40,455.9090909 --> 00:28:44,605.9090909 There would be nothing there, so it would just be the end of it. 327 00:28:44,965.9090909 --> 00:28:49,155.9090909 And I realized, okay, it was an acceptance. 328 00:28:49,155.9090909 --> 00:28:51,925.9090909 Okay, now you know how far that can go and what happens. 329 00:28:51,925.9090909 --> 00:28:54,465.9090909 And now, right now it's, yeah. 330 00:28:54,465.9090909 --> 00:28:55,515.9090909 It's time to straighten out. 331 00:28:56,325.9090909 --> 00:28:56,475.9090909 Yeah. 332 00:28:56,475.9090909 --> 00:29:02,855.9090909 It's like you, you ex you explored that option as far as it could go. 333 00:29:03,215.9090909 --> 00:29:03,335.9090909 Yeah. 334 00:29:03,335.9090909 --> 00:29:05,195.9090909 That you knew what that looked like. 335 00:29:06,185.9090909 --> 00:29:08,465.9090909 You knew what option A looked like. 336 00:29:09,875.9090909 --> 00:29:09,935.9090909 Yeah. 337 00:29:09,935.9090909 --> 00:29:12,815.9090909 And then it hit the tipping point and that was it. 338 00:29:14,45.9090909 --> 00:29:14,525.9090909 Yeah. 339 00:29:14,975.9090909 --> 00:29:16,140.9090909 It I just, it's. 340 00:29:18,635.9090909 --> 00:29:41,694.9090909 I feel like people that, I wish people talked about it more and when someone, said something to them about why they shouldn't say such things or it being insensitive, that those people would still forge forward anyway and explain why they feel they have to talk about it. 341 00:29:43,104.9090909 --> 00:29:43,394.9090909 Yeah. 342 00:29:43,694.9090909 --> 00:29:50,619.9090909 Yeah, it's it's how you, it's how you find out who's dealing with the same thing you are. 343 00:29:52,419.9090909 --> 00:29:53,49.9090909 Yeah. 344 00:29:53,139.9090909 --> 00:30:01,389.9090909 It's how you I believe it's the only way to get rid of shame. 345 00:30:02,484.9090909 --> 00:30:02,664.9090909 Yeah. 346 00:30:03,864.9090909 --> 00:30:04,14.9090909 Yep. 347 00:30:04,44.9090909 --> 00:30:18,674.9090909 And shame is the, I think shame is the most insidious thing you can feel because it can take you down that, the path of option A. 348 00:30:19,514.9090909 --> 00:30:19,604.9090909 Yeah. 349 00:30:21,74.9090909 --> 00:30:26,774.9090909 Because it's, it does that I, I think. 350 00:30:28,214.9090909 --> 00:30:33,44.9090909 Sometimes people who talk like me can be called insensitive. 351 00:30:34,94.9090909 --> 00:30:35,894.9090909 But that's actually the very opposite. 352 00:30:36,814.9090909 --> 00:30:48,814.9090909 I'm extremely sensitive, probably hypersensitive to this, and it's, but it's my desire to say, let's get it out and just, yeah, solve this problem and move forward. 353 00:30:49,774.9090909 --> 00:30:55,789.9090909 So people would call you insensitive because? Talking about it isn't insensitive. 354 00:30:55,969.9090909 --> 00:30:56,359.9090909 Yes. 355 00:30:57,409.9090909 --> 00:31:08,728.5454545 That I it's the idea that I should have considered how it made them feel first, Which is impossible because I don't read minds, but really what those people are saying is you sh. 356 00:31:09,883.5454545 --> 00:31:27,493.5454545 Before you do something healthy, you should think about whether I have come to the point of doing something healthy or not yet, right before you do it. 357 00:31:30,478.5454545 --> 00:31:31,408.5454545 You should have thought. 358 00:31:31,408.5454545 --> 00:31:40,828.5454545 You should have thought about how I would feel, even though we've never met and even though that I would never know anything about you unless we finally talked to each other. 359 00:31:41,488.5454545 --> 00:31:43,798.5454545 But you should have thought about me the whole time anyway. 360 00:31:46,348.5454545 --> 00:31:47,188.5454545 No, doesn't work that way. 361 00:31:47,458.5454545 --> 00:31:48,558.5454545 That's our yeah. 362 00:31:48,643.5454545 --> 00:31:48,933.5454545 Yeah. 363 00:31:49,788.5454545 --> 00:31:51,648.5454545 It'd be nice if people read mines. 364 00:31:52,278.5454545 --> 00:31:54,388.5454545 I, but I think you're, I think. 365 00:31:55,543.5454545 --> 00:32:01,773.5454545 If you're naturally empathic anyway, you just you can see when somebody needs help, and then you have to bring it up. 366 00:32:03,693.5454545 --> 00:32:04,23.5454545 Yeah. 367 00:32:04,203.5454545 --> 00:32:07,473.5454545 What do they want to do? What do you want to do about it? Yeah. 368 00:32:08,103.5454545 --> 00:32:16,598.5454545 But it's, I do feel at least blessed in the sense that I don't have what I deal with as bad as I've seen others have it. 369 00:32:17,303.5454545 --> 00:32:27,813.5454545 Because I've sat in neurology offices where I saw people who dealt with it had having maybe six or seven seizures a week. 370 00:32:28,593.5454545 --> 00:32:31,773.5454545 And I have maybe one or two a year. 371 00:32:32,703.5454545 --> 00:32:33,153.5454545 Wow. 372 00:32:33,453.5454545 --> 00:32:38,888.5454545 But but that's also by take, by getting it under control as well. 373 00:32:40,613.5454545 --> 00:32:40,793.5454545 Yeah. 374 00:32:40,843.5454545 --> 00:32:45,633.5454545 So that's but some people, even some people just never figure out how to get it controlled. 375 00:32:46,413.5454545 --> 00:32:49,53.5454545 There's all different types of medication. 376 00:32:49,333.5454545 --> 00:32:50,773.5454545 I'll use props for this, by the way. 377 00:32:51,803.5454545 --> 00:32:56,255.5454545 This is this is like one of my medications here, and it's called Dilantin. 378 00:32:56,345.5454545 --> 00:32:59,85.5454545 And this is another one called Trileptal. 379 00:33:00,900.5454545 --> 00:33:02,370.5454545 And this one. 380 00:33:02,850.5454545 --> 00:33:07,710.5454545 The funny thing is that those were the very first two medications they put me on that controlled the seizures. 381 00:33:08,490.5454545 --> 00:33:15,570.5454545 But neurologists felt like when new me, new medications would come out that they wanted to try other ones. 382 00:33:16,350.5454545 --> 00:33:20,700.5454545 And so they would take me off that and then things would get horrible again. 383 00:33:21,150.5454545 --> 00:33:26,400.5454545 So they would put me on something called Lamictal, Keppra Topamax, all these different ones. 384 00:33:27,145.5454545 --> 00:33:30,85.5454545 When cannabis came around, they were trying cannabis with this. 385 00:33:30,565.5454545 --> 00:33:37,255.5454545 But the thing was that every medication has side effects and not all of them are effective. 386 00:33:37,975.5454545 --> 00:33:45,415.5454545 So combinations of medications work for me that won't work for somebody else. 387 00:33:45,745.5454545 --> 00:33:49,615.5454545 The two medications I take, one is an anti-convulsant. 388 00:33:50,800.5454545 --> 00:33:58,680.5454545 And the other is a mood stabilizer because stress is an in a trigger for seizures and stuff like that, yeah. 389 00:33:59,80.5454545 --> 00:34:08,120.5454545 So yeah, if there was ever an argument for the impacts of stress on the brain and what it can do, like I would definitely be like evidence of that. 390 00:34:08,960.5454545 --> 00:34:09,500.5454545 Totally. 391 00:34:09,500.5454545 --> 00:34:09,560.5454545 Yeah. 392 00:34:11,255.5454545 --> 00:34:12,65.5454545 It's so interesting. 393 00:34:12,65.5454545 --> 00:34:16,655.5454545 It's April is Parkinson's awareness month. 394 00:34:17,165.5454545 --> 00:34:28,265.5454545 And I have a my dad has Parkinson's, but I also know someone who I really think it was, and she thinks. 395 00:34:29,0.5454545 --> 00:34:34,625.5454545 And her doctor thinks that it was triggered by a very stressful event in her life. 396 00:34:34,705.5454545 --> 00:34:39,235.5454545 That her par, her Parkinson's was triggered by stress. 397 00:34:39,835.5454545 --> 00:34:39,895.5454545 Wow. 398 00:34:40,765.5454545 --> 00:34:46,135.5454545 And it's just so interesting to think that it stresses that powerful. 399 00:34:46,885.5454545 --> 00:34:47,95.5454545 Yeah. 400 00:34:47,100.5454545 --> 00:34:49,920.5454545 And that's Parkinson's runs in my family too. 401 00:34:49,920.5454545 --> 00:34:52,710.5454545 I lost my my grandfather and my aunt. 402 00:34:53,45.5454545 --> 00:34:55,445.5454545 To Parkinson's, really. 403 00:34:55,505.5454545 --> 00:35:15,765.5454545 And so when it's in the family, it's a waiting game of is this gonna happen to me too? And, but that's why, it's important to stay close with family because we have to be, we have to really okay, so how did you deal with it when this happened? So it was that's. 404 00:35:16,650.5454545 --> 00:35:18,0.5454545 I heard you say the word Parkinson's. 405 00:35:18,0.5454545 --> 00:35:18,690.5454545 I was like, Ugh. 406 00:35:19,770.5454545 --> 00:35:21,90.5454545 Yeah, it's another one I'm worried about. 407 00:35:21,955.5454545 --> 00:35:22,245.5454545 Yeah. 408 00:35:24,180.5454545 --> 00:35:25,580.5454545 My my dad passed away. 409 00:35:25,640.5454545 --> 00:35:31,640.5454545 He had dementia, but they thought for a while that he had Parkinson's, but it wasn't it really? Yeah. 410 00:35:32,660.5454545 --> 00:35:35,600.5454545 What kind of dementia? Just dementia. 411 00:35:35,990.5454545 --> 00:35:36,890.5454545 It was, yeah. 412 00:35:37,110.5454545 --> 00:35:39,590.5454545 It was it was like Alzheimer's and. 413 00:35:41,45.5454545 --> 00:35:53,625.5454545 I don't know if it was caused by like an aneurysm or something, but but his dementia, he lived for about 30, 13 years and had memory loss and it, it affects people in different ways his way. 414 00:35:53,625.5454545 --> 00:35:53,715.5454545 Yes. 415 00:35:54,975.5454545 --> 00:36:00,225.5454545 He was always a big laughing guy, and he just always, he laughed. 416 00:36:00,525.5454545 --> 00:36:01,965.5454545 He laughed all the way through dementia. 417 00:36:02,565.5454545 --> 00:36:03,495.5454545 Everything was funny. 418 00:36:04,395.5454545 --> 00:36:12,735.5454545 We'd give him a guitar and he would look at it and he'd start laughing and he used to play guitar, and then he would actually start to play it and he would laugh at himself for knowing how to play it. 419 00:36:13,845.5454545 --> 00:36:22,680.5454545 And he's in the senior living home and, he's flirting with nurses and dad, don't do that. 420 00:36:22,680.5454545 --> 00:36:23,160.5454545 You're married. 421 00:36:23,210.5454545 --> 00:36:24,560.5454545 And then he just starts laughing. 422 00:36:27,65.5454545 --> 00:36:35,765.5454545 This is kinda crazy, but it's, it is a story on top, on a cruise ship with him when we were outdoors during a rainstorm on a cruise ship. 423 00:36:36,245.5454545 --> 00:36:39,755.5454545 And he's holding his glass of wine and he's just laughing at the whole thing. 424 00:36:39,755.5454545 --> 00:36:40,955.5454545 And I'm like, scared to death. 425 00:36:41,165.5454545 --> 00:36:47,165.5454545 He's gonna get blown over the, I'm like, my dad's gonna fly overboard. 426 00:36:47,165.5454545 --> 00:36:49,85.5454545 And I'm like trying to walk him back to his room. 427 00:36:49,895.5454545 --> 00:36:51,575.5454545 And he's just laughing all the time. 428 00:36:52,575.5454545 --> 00:36:59,325.5454545 And and it should, and it made complete sense when he passed away on April Fool Day, This is how we roll in my family. 429 00:36:59,325.5454545 --> 00:37:01,865.5454545 Like we just, we try to look at the whole thing. 430 00:37:02,335.5454545 --> 00:37:03,35.5454545 Oh my god. 431 00:37:03,545.5454545 --> 00:37:03,835.5454545 Yeah. 432 00:37:04,835.5454545 --> 00:37:05,115.5454545 I know. 433 00:37:07,295.5454545 --> 00:37:07,995.5454545 Oh my God. 434 00:37:10,900.5454545 --> 00:37:17,675.5454545 And this is why it's so good to talk about it because it, yeah, because it's cathartic. 435 00:37:18,95.5454545 --> 00:37:18,335.5454545 Yeah. 436 00:37:19,295.5454545 --> 00:37:19,685.5454545 It is. 437 00:37:19,685.5454545 --> 00:37:21,335.5454545 It, there's things we can't control. 438 00:37:21,935.5454545 --> 00:37:29,455.5454545 And you have to find those ways to, to still plow through life and have your moments to laugh at it. 439 00:37:29,455.5454545 --> 00:37:33,205.5454545 Because if you can't laugh at it, it starts to really. 440 00:37:34,435.5454545 --> 00:37:36,855.5454545 Hold you back, and I don't know. 441 00:37:37,515.5454545 --> 00:37:38,25.5454545 Yeah. 442 00:37:39,25.5454545 --> 00:37:41,970.5454545 Oh, that is so funny. 443 00:37:42,970.5454545 --> 00:37:45,70.5454545 Oh my gosh. 444 00:37:46,90.5454545 --> 00:37:50,250.5454545 My, my dad is actually, is like that. 445 00:37:50,490.5454545 --> 00:37:50,790.5454545 He is. 446 00:37:51,825.5454545 --> 00:37:58,335.5454545 Kept his sense of humor throughout this whole thing. 447 00:37:59,355.5454545 --> 00:38:06,455.5454545 And it's actually what makes, hanging out with him. 448 00:38:07,385.5454545 --> 00:38:21,800.5454545 He al he lives in a, facility that's such an icky word, but, but hanging out with him is still, it's fun because he still has a, his sense of humor and he laughs at himself. 449 00:38:21,805.5454545 --> 00:38:21,995.5454545 Yeah. 450 00:38:22,855.5454545 --> 00:38:28,645.5454545 And it's, oh my gosh. 451 00:38:28,735.5454545 --> 00:38:29,365.5454545 Oh my God. 452 00:38:30,880.5454545 --> 00:38:31,620.5454545 Oh my God. 453 00:38:33,240.5454545 --> 00:38:34,750.5454545 Oh, whoa. 454 00:38:37,215.5454545 --> 00:38:37,435.5454545 Woo. 455 00:38:38,330.5454545 --> 00:38:42,320.5454545 I am I just had to, I actually, I have to jump off in two minutes. 456 00:38:42,320.5454545 --> 00:38:43,190.5454545 I apologize. 457 00:38:43,225.5454545 --> 00:38:45,245.5454545 I No I love talking to you. 458 00:38:45,295.5454545 --> 00:38:46,315.5454545 I just wanted to mention that. 459 00:38:47,545.5454545 --> 00:38:48,25.5454545 Yeah. 460 00:38:48,25.5454545 --> 00:38:48,475.5454545 Yeah. 461 00:38:49,525.5454545 --> 00:38:50,755.5454545 Thank you so much. 462 00:38:51,475.5454545 --> 00:38:53,155.5454545 Thank you so much. 463 00:38:53,245.5454545 --> 00:38:54,595.5454545 Oh my gosh. 464 00:38:56,755.5454545 --> 00:38:57,715.5454545 This is just. 465 00:38:58,585.5454545 --> 00:39:16,95.5454545 It's so you just, oh, it's such a good example of not, not only how good it is for you to talk about it, but how it can actually connect people. 466 00:39:16,95.5454545 --> 00:39:16,155.5454545 Yeah. 467 00:39:18,465.5454545 --> 00:39:19,785.5454545 Because you never know. 468 00:39:19,845.5454545 --> 00:39:21,285.5454545 There's, you never knew. 469 00:39:21,465.5454545 --> 00:39:27,555.5454545 There's no way you could know the, about my dad and your dad and, it connects people. 470 00:39:28,35.5454545 --> 00:39:28,275.5454545 Yeah. 471 00:39:29,295.5454545 --> 00:39:29,565.5454545 Yeah. 472 00:39:29,715.5454545 --> 00:39:37,255.5454545 It's it's it's the conversations that solve problems, instead of, back and forth. 473 00:39:37,900.5454545 --> 00:39:43,225.5454545 Bickering on social platforms where you're only being fed the things that you complain about, oh gosh. 474 00:39:43,285.5454545 --> 00:39:44,945.5454545 And that's yeah it's important. 475 00:39:45,45.5454545 --> 00:39:51,675.5454545 It's really important to you for people to know that we're all in this together and that there's a shared reality that we should seek. 476 00:39:52,630.5454545 --> 00:39:53,700.5454545 But yes. 477 00:39:53,760.5454545 --> 00:39:54,360.5454545 Yeah. 478 00:39:54,915.5454545 --> 00:39:55,245.5454545 Yeah. 479 00:39:55,245.5454545 --> 00:39:57,315.5454545 And it's, I know it's hard. 480 00:39:57,575.5454545 --> 00:40:09,655.5454545 It can seem like the devil, you wanna stick with the devil, which is isolation, but you gotta push through that. 481 00:40:09,745.5454545 --> 00:40:09,835.5454545 I, yeah. 482 00:40:10,835.5454545 --> 00:40:11,125.5454545 Yeah. 483 00:40:11,530.5454545 --> 00:40:12,190.5454545 Thank you. 484 00:40:13,150.5454545 --> 00:40:13,630.5454545 Thank you. 485 00:40:13,990.5454545 --> 00:40:16,805.5454545 No I really appreciate this chance to talk to you about it too. 486 00:40:16,805.5454545 --> 00:40:36,735.5454545 It's, there were just a lot of years I didn't, and being unemployed in 2016 for a year I had a couple instances where I had a seizure in a job interview and that was that was around the time where I just felt like I probably should talk about this stuff more. 487 00:40:37,515.5454545 --> 00:40:41,210.5454545 Ah at the risk of not getting hired. 488 00:40:42,250.5454545 --> 00:40:48,950.5454545 I should bring it up to people, but I appreciate you giving me the chance to talk about it though. 489 00:40:51,170.5454545 --> 00:40:52,310.5454545 Of course. 490 00:40:52,310.5454545 --> 00:40:53,630.5454545 And I know what you mean. 491 00:40:53,720.5454545 --> 00:41:02,975.5454545 It, if you few I feel like this has happened to me like a well. 492 00:41:03,545.5454545 --> 00:41:12,685.5454545 Like three different times in my life so far where something pretty di pretty difficult has been going on. 493 00:41:12,685.5454545 --> 00:41:21,835.5454545 And then I've taken control and owned the narrative in a way. 494 00:41:22,255.5454545 --> 00:41:23,85.5454545 And it's. 495 00:41:24,915.5454545 --> 00:41:28,35.5454545 Served me rather than hindered me. 496 00:41:28,545.5454545 --> 00:41:28,605.5454545 Yeah. 497 00:41:30,525.5454545 --> 00:41:32,425.5454545 And it sounds like that's what you mean. 498 00:41:32,905.5454545 --> 00:41:33,115.5454545 Yeah. 499 00:41:35,515.5454545 --> 00:41:35,665.5454545 Yeah. 500 00:41:35,665.5454545 --> 00:41:35,995.5454545 I do. 501 00:41:36,235.5454545 --> 00:41:36,505.5454545 I do. 502 00:41:36,835.5454545 --> 00:41:40,685.5454545 It's but yeah, so I, I do apologize. 503 00:41:40,685.5454545 --> 00:41:42,440.5454545 I do have, I have to do, sorry. 504 00:41:42,600.5454545 --> 00:41:43,805.5454545 I have to, oh my God. 505 00:41:43,805.5454545 --> 00:41:45,755.5454545 We went so over time. 506 00:41:45,755.5454545 --> 00:41:45,975.5454545 Yeah it's okay. 507 00:41:46,755.5454545 --> 00:41:47,455.5454545 Oh my gosh. 508 00:41:48,5.5454545 --> 00:41:48,295.5454545 Okay. 509 00:41:48,365.5454545 --> 00:41:48,815.5454545 It's okay. 510 00:41:49,135.5454545 --> 00:41:51,330.5454545 I yeah, they know even, oh, no. 511 00:41:51,330.5454545 --> 00:42:00,485.5454545 Even with the, even when I like do the coaching and the training I do, they always it says it'll be like 90 minutes and then it'll end up being like two or three hours, and then they're like, okay, it's okay. 512 00:42:00,575.5454545 --> 00:42:00,755.5454545 Nobody. 513 00:42:03,65.5454545 --> 00:42:03,545.5454545 All right. 514 00:42:04,25.5454545 --> 00:42:07,405.5454545 So I'm gonna put in the show notes all about about your. 515 00:42:08,875.5454545 --> 00:42:09,385.5454545 Gig. 516 00:42:09,385.5454545 --> 00:42:12,145.5454545 I don't know why I keep going back to saying your gig. 517 00:42:12,265.5454545 --> 00:42:12,355.5454545 Yeah. 518 00:42:12,715.5454545 --> 00:42:16,135.5454545 That being a reverse recruiter and yeah. 519 00:42:16,465.5454545 --> 00:42:16,915.5454545 All right. 520 00:42:17,365.5454545 --> 00:42:19,45.5454545 And I'm gonna end right now. 521 00:42:20,210.5454545 --> 00:42:20,550.5454545 All right. 522 00:42:21,290.5454545 --> 00:42:21,590.5454545 All right. 523 00:42:21,715.5454545 --> 00:42:23,995.5454545 You stay in touch though, okay? Okay. 524 00:42:23,995.5454545 --> 00:42:25,585.5454545 Yeah, definitely. 525 00:42:26,335.5454545 --> 00:42:26,755.5454545 Thank you. 526 00:42:27,865.5454545 --> 00:42:28,705.5454545 Alright, bye.