July 11, 2024 • 58 mins
"At some point we will all confront a dark moment in life. In that dark moment, reach deep inside yourself and be your very best." -Admiral McRaven
In this episode, we chat with Kellie Barhight, the dynamic mom of two sets of twins who took TikTok by storm and shed 122 pounds along the way. Now a motivational speaker, Kellie is on a mission to empower women to break barriers and shatter glass ceilings. Join us for an inspiring conversation filled with laughter, transformation, and powerful insights on leadership and self-improvement. Don’t miss Kellie's journey from chaos to influence!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.
(00:24):
Welcome to the Hustle & Harmony podcast, Finding Balance in the Chaos.
I'm your host, Sharon McEntee, owner of Embodiment Spa and founder of FI Skincare.
I'm so excited for today's episode because I know it will not only be very entertaining,
but also super inspiring.
Today's guest is living proof that you can conquer anything life throws your way.
(00:49):
She's a mom to not one, but two sets of twins. Talk about mastering the chaos.
She initially joined TikTok to share her wild and wonderful life,
but soon became an inspiring influencer by sharing her incredible weight loss journey.
Now she's on a mission to empower women everywhere to lead, succeed,
(01:10):
and become their best selves.
Join me in welcoming the unstoppable, the inspirational, and the incredibly fun Kelly Barheit. Hi!
Welcome, Kelly. I'm so happy to have you on. This is great.
Perfect. So Kelly, I mean, I know your background a little bit,
(01:32):
but let's tell the audience, you know, a little bit about your background,
how you came to be a TikTok sensation and how you got to where you are now.
It started out, honestly, the journey has been surreal. I I lost my mom totally unexpectedly.
You know, I have four children, two sets of twins that are two years apart.
(01:55):
And if that wasn't enough, like I have a demanding career.
And my mom was my backbone in
my life. She raised my children while she afforded me the right to work.
So she was a huge staple here in our household.
And all of a sudden, she was just taken, taken away. And I was in the,
I can honestly say the pits of despair.
(02:18):
Grief is such a, you know, it doesn't go straight. There's a lot of hills and
mountains and it never goes away.
And, you know, TikTok had become this thing and I started out sharing it as a journal,
kind of like a live journal to get me through just the day because there were
days where I felt that I couldn't even get out of bed to deal with life.
(02:42):
And here I had four children who are grieving as well.
And it was like, all right, what can I do to kind of journal this,
this life that I, my new norm.
And so it kind of started as that. And then it just transcended and,
you know, the chaos of being a mom with two sets of twins, because let's be
honest, you know, we look at all the Instagrams and everything and everybody looks so perfect.
(03:07):
I wanted to portray, not even portray.
I wanted to put out there that chaos is normal.
Chaos is life. Not everybody is perfect, but how do we get through those challenges
of every single day with A, a sense of humor,
B, knowing that we can push ourselves forward in even the most desperate times
(03:29):
and C, you're going to be okay. Like in the end, you're going to be okay.
There's always that light at the end of the tunnel. And, you know,
and this whole journey has shown me that I can do hard things.
I tell everybody in the morning, make your bed. And a lot of people have come
at me and saying, why make your bed?
(03:50):
That when my mom died in my brain, if I could accomplish making my bed,
that was something I accomplished. One thing.
I might've not accomplished anything else in the world that day,
but to make my bed, it became kind of like a repertoire in my morning ritual
(04:11):
of, okay, get up, make your bed.
That is going to be one thing that you've done today. If you can do nothing
else, just get that done.
And so I've had a lot of people call me, email me and say that making my bed,
you're absolutely right.
I'm just like, it gets you on the good path of starting out your day in a positive, positive way.
(04:33):
So that's where I'm at. That's how it all started by mistake.
It started by mistake. Let's be honest.
As most good things do, right? That just kind of, it just takes its on its own direction.
But as far as the bed making thing, I know you and I have spoken about this
too. And I myself am a firm believer in that. My husband as well.
We, I think it sets you up. If your bed is neat and made, it sets you up mentally
(05:00):
for how your day is going to go.
And then even when you come back to your bedroom at the end of the day and see
a nice, neat, made bed, it completely just changes your mindset.
So aside from just that whole getting that accomplishment, I think even just
subconsciously looking at it.
It just makes everything look more organized and less chaotic.
(05:21):
That's how I look. Yeah. And I am in a life of chaos, right?
Like, I mean, I, as any mom is, whether you have one child or you have seven
children, you know, you are, it's chaos.
There are, there's just so much moving parts in raising kids.
And if I can just have that one sense of, okay, I'm starting my day off good
(05:42):
today, because mindset is a huge, huge thing.
And you know I never believed it up until my
mom died like I I knew like hard work and ethics and
you know motivation is going to get you to where you need to
be but truly changing your mindset into
a positive outlook if you put out in the universe negative all the time like
(06:02):
I can't do this or I'm not qualified or I suck because I fell off the wagon
you know maybe on your weight loss journey or whatever journey that is you're
going to get negative back but the fact is we have
to be able to pick ourselves up and move forward.
And I think a lot of people want to live in that mediocre because it's easy and it's comfortable.
(06:23):
And if you start off with the mindset of a great day, you're going to have a
great day. Are there going to be challenges?
Yes, 100%. There's going to be challenges, but you're going to take on those
challenges with a better outlook as opposed to the whole world's against me.
The whole world's against me. I could have given up. I look at that now.
(06:43):
I lost my dad as young.
I come from a divorced household, typical 80s generation ex-kid.
My parents were divorced. My dad was an alcoholic.
We had no money. My mom worked. She was out of the house. I helped raise my siblings.
And everything was, odds were stacked against me, right? In the realm of reality, I should be...
(07:08):
Not successful if I gave into those negative things.
But I didn't want to. I wanted to be better. I wanted to do better for myself.
And so, yeah, can you have a pity party when you feel bad?
That's okay. You just take that moment and you don't let it become the day or the week or the month.
(07:30):
And I've learned that. And I wish I knew it younger.
And that is my goal right now in my life is to show women and younger women
that, listen, stop self-doubting yourself.
You are capable. Yes, there is going to be bad things that happen,
but how do you learn and self-reflect and move on from that?
(07:54):
Don't let it destroy your entire life.
And I think we don't do that as women, right? We are totally afraid of challenges.
We are totally afraid of being uncomfortable. comfortable.
And I think that if we learned it at a younger age, women would be so powerful,
(08:14):
more powerful than we are.
And that's what I want to push out there, like that positivity, that being powerful.
Because myself, I'm raising three girls and I know the challenges of life and
I know the challenges that come ahead for them.
And I want them to face them, you know, fearless, running in and being like,
yeah, I got this, right? Getting rid of that self-doubt.
(08:38):
Yeah. Yep. 100%. And I feel like it does get a little easier the older you get because even myself,
I notice now I let so much more roll off now in my 40s.
I can take a step back and look at the big picture, but I don't know that that's
(08:58):
as easy for people in their 20s and 30s because they get kind of lost in their bubble, right?
And they, they can only focus on what is right in front of them because they're
in survival mode, right?
And even though you or I are in survival mode, just taking care of our kids
and running our businesses and working and all that, there's,
(09:19):
we have a different perspective, I feel, you know?
And so we look at change as growth. growth, younger people, I think,
sometimes look at change as something negative.
And so, you know, yeah.
They don't want to be, they don't want to be judged, right? They don't want
to, like the mean girl mentality.
And that, you know, like I talk about this all the time as, you know,
(09:42):
as someone who is a professional and at an executive level that.
We talk about equality as women and we want equity, but we can never truly as
women have that because we cut each other down.
We take each other out at the knees all the time. And whatever happened to just
saying, good for you, or I really love that for you.
(10:03):
You might not have to agree with how someone got into their position or what
they're doing. But even seeing a woman on the street being like,
Queen, you look beautiful today.
We don't do that because we just look at other people and judge.
And that's like a human nature that I don't know how we get rid of that.
But as women, as human beings, as women, we will never get to that equity.
(10:27):
We will never get to that equality because we cannot be equal to each other.
And that's the biggest hurdle I feel like we have to get over before we even
start discussing, you know, pay and all that stuff.
Where are my girls at, you know, focusing on the WNBA?
People complain about how they don't get paid. Well, if you look at the big
(10:48):
picture, they're not going to make the same as an NBA player because the fact
is they don't bring in the money.
NBA is done by monetary bringing in money.
And why aren't we supporting our women and buying their jerseys in that WNBA or going to their games?
Because we're taught at a young age, like, oh, there's this baseball team.
(11:09):
There's this basketball team of your hometown you're going to root for them.
There ain't no women on it, you know? And so the things are like,
let's look at the process before we start everyone getting on this bandwagon.
I mean, like, she's not paid enough.
Well, why isn't she? Because women don't support other women.
(11:30):
And that's really the biggest issue I see out there today.
I agree. And I think, too, it all starts with your own self-confidence and your
own self-esteem, right? If you're a confident woman, you can look at other women
and their accomplishments and be very happy for them.
You can be envious, but envious is positive.
(11:52):
Jealousy is negative, right? Yes, absolutely.
There's definitely women business owners that I look at and I say,
wow, I love what they're doing and I'm envious of whatever.
Their social media posts or something like that. But that just makes me work
harder and want to be a better person.
But when jealousy comes in, then it becomes negative and destructive.
(12:17):
So, yes, it starts with us. It starts with us.
It really does start with us. And, you know, I want to raise my three girls
to tune out that negative influence.
Like, pick your friends wisely.
I can tell you, you know, I've lost 122 pounds. You know, in the last five years,
I've been maintaining that weight loss.
(12:39):
And in my.
Core group of friends who, who I had as a mom, right?
Your mom friends, every single one of them fell off when I lost the weight.
And I look back now and I'm like, well, they weren't really good people.
They weren't really good souls, you know? And now, so I keep my friend base
very, very close, very, very small because I, I looked like, I really looked at that.
(13:03):
I was like, was it something I did wrong?
And no, there was a major jealousy factor. Cause you know, So obviously,
like, words get back to you and reasoning gets back to you.
And, you know, and here's the thing is you as an adult have to self-reflect.
Like, you cannot portray your issues on me.
Like, because I am getting my goals and I am being successful and I'm doing what's good for me.
(13:27):
Again, you should uplift someone and say, hey, man, good job.
Amazing. amazing but yet I look back
now and I you know again self-reflection and
I was like man they weren't good people to begin with but you
know like I don't talk about other people I
don't talk about people's weight I don't think it's appropriate and because
(13:50):
I feel that we should be better because you do not know what is going on in
someone's life like we have to be kinder because you don't know the stress or
the trauma or you know what they got going on medically wise.
But yet, we judge just by looking at somebody.
It takes seven seconds to judge. That's what humans do.
(14:11):
And looking upon someone, seven seconds, you have judged another human.
And either it's a good judgment or however it's in your brain.
And that's really hard to change, right? That's a really hard thing to change
once you actually put your impression on someone else. And you have to stop doing that.
True. And I think with respect to that friend group,
(14:33):
you were the mirror that was reflecting back to them something they didn't want
to see and so they had to try to tear you down for your progress your success
because otherwise they'd have to take a long hard look at themselves and you know.
Kind of look and see what what was wrong with them right
(14:54):
so no i i get that so now
the other thing too i wanted to touch on was i'm sure you've heard the term
that your sphere of influence excuse me your sphere of influence so like the
five people that you surround yourself with the most are going to have the biggest
impact on your life and so if you are now and have been on this health journey,
(15:17):
and maybe those close friends weren't ready to be on that with you,
then you surround yourself with other people who align with your values,
your beliefs, and help you to continue to grow and progress.
So I think you're where you're supposed to be.
Yeah. And sometimes, I'll be honest, sometimes when you're looking at your goals
(15:38):
and you are readjusting your mentality and going from what you want,
that sometimes is a lonely place.
I'm I'm not going to lie about that. Like there are days where I'm like,
wow, I really enjoyed my Friday night with all the friends and all the kids.
And now it's, you know, sometimes me and, you know, going for a run,
(15:58):
but I'm, I'm okay with that.
I'm at peace with that because I've realized that I don't need to bring negativity
or things that don't make me happy into my life anymore.
I dismiss that, you know, that's the same with work.
That's the same with love. That's the same with, you know, relationships with
friends, even with family.
I think that women stay in toxicity because they don't know what else to do.
(16:24):
And that goes in, if you feel uncomfortable, if something, if your mental,
physical, and emotional needs are not being met by anyone, like friends,
family, lovers, you need to walk away.
Same in a job, you need to walk away. It's not going to do you well.
And I think we stayed at so long and it affects us that then that becomes major
(16:48):
issues for us. It traumatizes us.
And then we're going to have to deal with those issues that we've brought on
ourselves for staying in something so long that we should have walked away from.
And, you know, this morning, just alone talking to someone through my TikTok
saying, hey, they've been in a job.
They've been in a job that they, it physically makes them sick. Right.
(17:10):
Well, why? That's my question. Why? If something makes you physically sick that
you're going to every single day, and you know, the short answer is money.
In our reality, you can make money doing anything.
You can go waitress, you can go work at Dunkin' Donuts, you can work at a gas station.
There are plenty of opportunities out there to immediately just drop that stuff
(17:33):
that's making you sick and just do something for a side hustle until you get to where you need to be.
But you You should not be going into your job being physically sick.
Like that to me is like, what is that doing internally to your body?
What is that doing mentally to you?
And as women, I think sometimes we think we deserve that because maybe we work so hard.
(17:53):
Maybe we're in corporate America and we work so hard to get up the chain,
right? And now we're at the top.
And that top is not what we thought it was going to be.
It is literally draining us and it's emotional and physically ruining us. It's okay to walk away.
You didn't quit. You did what was best for you. And let everyone else have their opinions. That's fine.
(18:17):
You live your life and you live your truth. And sometimes I think we don't do that.
And men do it all the time. If they don't like something, they're like, I'm out.
You know, if they don't like their marriage, they're out. If they don't like
their job, they're out. But we feel like, you know, and it's society.
We put in this box, this is how we're supposed to act.
(18:38):
And you should be thankful that you got this job or you should be thankful that
you are in this marriage or you should be thankful that no one in your home
is sick and ill and even though you and your husband can't stand each other. Yeah.
No, no. Why do we accept that as women?
We need to empower ourselves and say, I'm not standing for this. Is it going to be hard?
(19:01):
Yes. I'm not saying that there's rainbows and butterflies and it's going to
be easy. Are you going to struggle?
Most likely, yes. But in the end, for your sanity and your well-being, it's okay to walk away.
So yeah life's too short to
live a mediocre existence it's you
know and not like you said it's not always going to
(19:22):
be sunshine and roses but the majority
of it should be right like you shouldn't be happy most
of the time yeah not absolutely miserable if you're miserable then it's up to
you to make the change so yeah and that was with like my weight loss like I
was out of place like I've I've always been outgoing I always play sports I've
always been I don't want want to say, like, even, even when I was heavy,
(19:46):
I worked out, you know, I have an endocrine disorder that caused me to gain weight.
I went through infertility to have my kids and all of that stuff compounded.
I worked out seven days a week and I was super frustrated because my insulin
resistance was just off the charts.
And so I said, you know what, the hell with this? Like I need to get some,
(20:06):
and I saw doctor after doctor after doctor until I had a doctor.
And that's the other thing as women, like we accept.
Sometimes what medical professions say, even though internally we know what
our body is doing. So again, dismiss.
Someone is not listening to you and not reasoning with you about your internal
body that you know better than anyone else, get a new doctor. And that's what I did.
(20:29):
I had had enough. I was like, this is not okay. Like, I am struggling here.
It brought me to tears. And I was like, I'm the heaviest I've ever been.
I work out seven days a week. I'm eating 600 to 800 calories a day.
Like, what else can I possibly do?
And I met a doctor, an endocrine doctor that literally saved my life.
(20:51):
And, you know, I had the sleeve done.
And over three years ago now, prior to that, I had been in a medical,
with this doctor, I had gone to like a medical hospital, you know, program.
And, you know, I had all this blood work and everything done.
And I didn't want to take the jump into having the sleeve done because it was
(21:11):
my stubbornness. which was stupid of me.
I wish I did it sooner, but I have maintained my weight loss.
I work out. My endocrine disorder is in remission and I am doing what I need to do.
But I got into my own head of people's judgments about me.
(21:34):
And I was like, why am I letting other people dictate what I do for my best self.
And, you know, it was like the best decision that I ever did.
And I don't regret it. I speak openly about it because there is this negative
connotation of weight loss surgery. And people do gain weight back.
They do because bad habits, right? Mental, mental, you have,
(21:56):
that's a lot to deal with it.
But I am a cheerleader for anyone getting healthy, healthy no matter how you do it.
You know, it's your journey. No one else has the right to dictate your journey
or say anything about your journey.
And I wanted to do it for my kids. I was at that place where I was just like.
Man, this is not, I was so unhappy and this was not the life I was meant to live.
(22:20):
I wanted to be in and I had to do what was best for me.
And man, I wish I did it. I wish I did it years before, you know,
the struggle, a weight loss.
If you're not in it, you don't know, and you don't have the right to tell me
how to take care of my body.
So I cheerlead all men and women who do what they have to do to keep themselves
(22:41):
healthy. There's no judgment from me.
And I think as a society, we judge.
But again, what gives you the right to tell me how to feel or tell me how to take care of myself?
Because I was working out. I ran 5Ks when I was 265 pounds.
I lifted weights when I was 265 pounds.
I worked out every single day. I have photos upon photos to say I did what I was supposed to do.
(23:07):
I wasn't here smashing cupcakes to my face.
I just had an endocrine thing that screwed up my body and there was nothing I could do about it.
So, and now it's like a mental game of like, I'm a thinner person,
but I feel like I'm still in a heavier body.
So that's a whole other topic we could discuss, which is, you know,
(23:28):
could be a day long, day long discussion. ocean.
The body dysmorphia is real.
And I think it affects more people than would like to admit.
But so were you afraid of people thinking you were quote unquote cheating?
Oh, they say that all the time. Oh, people say it to you.
People say that all the time. I was thinking this was all something you just
(23:50):
were afraid of in your head, but people actually judged you and.
People will say you took the easy way out. And I was like.
No, no, that's not the easy way out to continue.
Like, you know, I track my macros. Like I'm, I live a very strict lifestyle
of my food intake and what, what I'm doing.
(24:11):
And, and I did that when I was 265 pounds too.
Like I was in a weight loss program eating grilled chicken and broccoli for
the majority of my meals and drinking a weight loss shake in the morning and
my weight did not budge, like not at all.
So, you know, I also did a lot of research with my doctor and polycystic ovarian syndrome is a bitch.
(24:32):
So I don't do sugar anymore. I don't do gluten anymore.
And I try to cut dairy, but I like cottage cheese and yogurt too much.
So I struggle on that one. But, but for the most part, you know,
and I, and I worked out then and I work out now.
So it gave me back my life, which was one.
And I've always been thick, like my whole life, even when I was a kid,
(24:53):
like I've always been thick and muscular and, but always very active.
I just, my body fought against me. And yes, in my brain, I was like,
if I do this, people are going to judge me, right?
People are going to say you cheated or you did the easy way out.
And if you go online, like all these Insta people and they all talk about it. They shame you.
(25:18):
And I want to be realistic to women. Your body...
Is different. Hormones play a part in your body.
If you have a medical issue, like these 22-year-old Insta models who have,
you know, 12 packs because they get to work out of the gym for four hours,
well, come back to me when you birth some kids.
Come back to me when life gets busy and you can't spend four hours in the gym.
(25:41):
Like, come back to me when reality sets in and come back to me if you have a
medical disorder that, you know, and like, it's not easy.
100% is not the easy way out, I can tell you I've had several friends who have
had the weight loss surgery and all of them gained the weight back.
So it's not the end-all be-all. You have to work at it every single day,
(26:03):
just like you have to work at any diet every single day of your life.
I don't fault anyone if they want to use medical weight loss drugs.
Do you, boo. You got to take care of you.
You know what's best for you. Your doctor knows what's best for you.
The public does not.
And, you know, as women and as, you know, someone who is empowering someone,
(26:24):
we need to shut that conversation down.
You know, if you're in a room and someone's talking smack about someone else,
you say, hey, they're not here, so we're not going to do that.
People get, like, offended at me. But if I'm in a room and someone's talking
shit about some other woman, I'm like, I'm sorry, are they present in this room right now?
Would you say that to their face? No, so you just need to, you need to just
(26:45):
reel it in because, you know, and like, and I'll be in conversations like,
hey, I don't know who Joanne is. I'm just going to make up a name.
Joanne really put on some weight, huh?
And I look at people, I'm like, do you know what's going on in Joanne's life?
Is she going through menopause? Like, like, what?
Who cares? Or so-and-so has lost a lot of weight, you know?
(27:09):
It's just like, why is it anyone's business? Do you love the person?
I'm not different because I lost, you know, 122 pounds.
I'm the same person I was when I was 265 pounds.
But I look different and people treat me different. It's so weird.
It's like the weirdest thing ever.
I, you know, and I, I feel like that, like you said before, that health is the ultimate goal.
(27:35):
I mean, we want the society as a whole to be healthy.
You know, the obesity epidemic is getting out of control and it's driving up
healthcare costs and it's making our kids sick and it's lowering life expectancy.
So if the ultimate goal is just for people to be healthier and live a healthier
lifestyle, I agree with you.
(27:55):
What's, what does doesn't matter as long as they're not doing something that's harming them. Right.
You know, but yeah, no, I, I agree. So let's touch a little bit because I feel like your journey,
your weight loss journey is really what sent your whole Tik TOK following into
the stratosphere, right?
(28:16):
And people, because people love this, people want to be inspired and look up
to somebody And so talk to me about that.
Can you pinpoint an exact moment that you feel like things changed for you as
far as your presence on social media?
So I can tell you that I started getting like people send you messages, right?
(28:42):
Saying, hey, I'm in the same boat. Like I've been struggling for so long.
Like you bring positivity to my day. You have such a great outlook.
You know, like I look forward to you every single morning because it puts me
on a, you know, a good path.
And so obviously I shared recipes. A couple of my recipes went viral because as a past fat kid,
(29:05):
I do not believe that you have to be on a diet the rest of your life and to
make it miserable. I like food.
I want to eat good food. I'm not here to eat a freaking protein bar and drink
a protein shake because that's bullshit.
I'm Italian. I grew up in an Italian household.
(29:28):
So I wanted to make make meals that were healthy and tasted amazing.
Like that, that was my goal. So in, in prior to my surgery, I was,
I was doing that because I was like, all right, like, listen,
I'm going to be eating grilled chicken and vegetables.
Like I want to make it like, so I'm, I'm going to eat it. So I started just
(29:49):
playing with a bunch of, of recipes and taking out, you know,
the biggest thing is that we as people,
we don't look at the actual ingredients of the stuff we're buying.
So that was a huge learning curve for me because prior to this,
I started really tracking what I was eating and everything has sugar in it.
(30:11):
Everything has sugar in it. And like from salsa to pasta sauce, right?
So I started figuring out certain things in stores that no longer had sugar in it.
Like there's certain pasta sauces if I'm not going to make my own and there's
certain sauces if I'm not going to make my own.
Like, and then I did, I started cooking a lot of fresh product, which is expensive.
(30:37):
And I think that's the biggest hurdle for people to become healthy because shit food is cheap.
Easy food is cheap, but look at the ingredients, right?
Like, you know, I've gone, we've gone gluten-free in this house.
So I pay a little bit more for when my kids want pasta. I buy gluten-free pasta for them.
(31:01):
We had meatballs on Sunday, total Italian meatballs day, but they had gluten-free
pasta. My kids don't know the difference.
They just eat it and they're like, wow, this is great, right?
So I just started making all these recipes that were friendly and they are good
for you and they were sustainable and they tasted good.
(31:21):
They tasted like something you would want to eat, not the shit like that.
You bought, you know, you buy
at the store. And so that was really like a huge learning curve for me.
And once I got it down, I was like, man, I got to share this with people like
moms who are busy, you know, like who have five seconds in the day.
(31:43):
Like, what can I do at a Trader Joe's? That's going to take me five seconds to throw together.
That's really good for me because I'm on the run. And instead of eating a protein
bar, which, you know, I do love a protein bar once in a while,
but I'm saying like that doesn't sustain, it's not sustainable.
And to be honest, I don't know about anybody else, but if I eat a protein bar,
I'm hungry five seconds later.
It's just not, it's not, you know, it's not great. Like, no,
(32:08):
it's a snack to hold me over to my next meal.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, so. Yeah. And I just think that I wanted to share that.
And I just started getting with the positivity, the following of people who
are like, you know, thank you so much for this.
And, and it just kind of worked out to, to where it is now and,
(32:33):
you know, getting speaking engagements and, and starting to just do my thing, you know?
So let's segue into that since you mentioned it, let's talk about your speaking
engagements and what, where your, you know, this has basically taken you at this point.
Yeah. So obviously I started out as the Masshole Mama.
(32:55):
That was my original. And I talk about like growing as humans, right?
We should always be chasing our best self. We should always be wanting more
and don't ever stop, right?
Because the day you stop is the day it's going to end.
And so I ended up changing my name to Miss B Positive.
And it's kind of the background of B Positive is my blood type is B Positive.
(33:20):
My last name starts with a B. So I went with Miss B Positive.
It kind of just flowed really, really well.
And, you know, my goal is to talk to companies and women and,
you know, whoever wants to hear of like, how do we...
How do we take a trauma, my mom's death? And I've had a couple of traumatic
(33:40):
incidents, you know, like, how do we take a trauma?
How do we turn that into a positive light?
And how do we move forward? Because I think, like I said before,
people enjoy living in mediocrity because it's easy for them.
So how do we get to the next level? How do we empower ourselves to be better
(34:01):
in order to reach our goals? And I think what happens is people look towards the future, right?
They have a vision, but the vision is so far away because they have unattainable goals, right?
They've just put it all out there and I'm going to be a millionaire and I'm
going to do this and this is how I'm going to do it.
And nothing ever happens because they're so unreachable.
(34:25):
So how do we make little attainable goals in order to get to that vision that
we have? And that could take a month, a year, five years, depending on what
it is, but continually moving forward.
So this whole thing started where people had asked me, they're like,
you're so motivational.
You're so well-spoken. Would you do motivational speaking and one-on-one coaching?
(34:49):
And I was like, I thought about it for a while. I sat on it for about a year.
And then I got asked to do a couple of speaking engagements.
And so I put myself out there. And I was like, okay.
I went to a all-male military college, basically.
And when I went to the school, there was 17 to 1 ratio men to women.
And I got asked to be a keynote speaker for a women kicking glass event, which I did in Boston.
(35:16):
And it went really, really well. And it kind of just snowballed from there.
I've gotten a couple other speaking engagements that I'm doing.
A couple of businesses have reached out.
And I don't want to say it's just women. It's just people. How do you get out
of your way? How do you be motivational for somebody? And if I can bring that,
that sense of like living in that sense of like empowerment to anyone.
(35:39):
Okay. So be it. Like I've been told, and I don't understand this about myself because I don't see it.
Cause I just think I'm a mom to two sets of twins, but they're like,
you walk into a room and you exude confidence. Right.
And I don't know that about myself, but I, but I've been told that.
And I said, no, I'm just being Kelly. Like I'm just outgoing and personality
(36:01):
and a hundred miles an hour.
You know, and I just want to bring happiness and just like that positive energy
to other people so they can see within themselves that it's there.
They just need to go for it. And so how do I push them to go for it?
And if I can do that for anyone, whether it's weight loss, whether it's getting
a new job, whether it's just maybe you're stuck, you know, so be it.
(36:25):
I'll be happy to do that. So one of the things that drew me in to your account
on TikTok was your genuine personality that comes across.
You come across as you and you're just honest and you're, you know,
you're just this outgoing, naturally motivating person.
(36:48):
And it's very refreshing compared to some of the things that you see on social media, right?
Like you had touched on that, you know, everybody's life looks perfect on social media.
I come across your page and it's wonderful.
And you have this great family and you have this, you know, these great recipes
and these wonderful, just nuggets of wisdom, but it's so genuine.
(37:11):
And I think that that's what speaks to people too.
And why people are drawn to you, I would assume, you know, do you have any speakers,
authors, coaches, or anything Anybody like that that you think had the biggest
influence on you and where your life has gone?
(37:33):
So, you know, obviously, as in the executive level of my career and going to
a military college, right?
So a lot of them were men, like the Simon Senex, right? Like,
I actually love him. I enjoy him.
He's so kitschy and so unique.
He makes me laugh. Like he makes me, I'm like, I love that.
(37:57):
I love, you know, there's a book about the Admiral, you know, make your bed and just.
His, what he did of just saying hello to people, like just saying,
hey, how are you? How are you doing?
The guy was in charge of the damn Navy. He was in charge of the whole,
and he would take the time out of his day to say, hey, how's the family doing? How's the kids?
(38:18):
What more human is that? People want to feel needed.
People want to feel like they are part of a team. People want to feel that they're actually cared about.
Doesn't matter how much money they make. It doesn't matter how much,
like if they have to work all these hours, if they feel like they are cared
about, that they're being taken care of and that they have a value,
(38:41):
they will work for you and they will do what they need to do.
And I always looked at him and I was like, man, to be in charge of a naval fleet
and just be so personable, like he's the busiest human being. We think we're busy.
Like the man is in charge and he is, hey man, how are your kids doing today?
(39:03):
And I always took that. I was like, cause I remember my, the most influential
human in my life was my grandfather, my mother's father.
He was a fireman. They had eight children in the, after he was a fireman,
he was a school bus driver and he was just the most humble human being.
And he used to say all the time that there before the grace of God go I.
(39:28):
You don't have the right to judge.
And like I said, I came from a very.
I don't want to say low, like we were just not, we were not wealthy.
We didn't have a lot of stuff.
Like we, you know, my mom struggled and, but she raised us to not judge. She raised us to be open.
She raised us to have, you know, like these values that I, I definitely portray.
(39:52):
Like my mom back in the seventies and eighties, like she had gay friends when
that was not the thing to do. too. Right.
Like I, in, in, in, in my brain, like I never thought about it until now.
Like I never thought about it until now is that my mom was at the forefront
of, of just being a good human being. Right.
(40:14):
When she didn't care about being judged, if she had those types of friends and
our house was open, we used to call it, I used to call it like the wayward souls.
Like if no one had somewhere to go for, for, for Sunday dinner,
no one has, I'm going to go for like Easter. No, know I had someone to go for a holiday.
Our house was open. Like you might be getting pasta and macaroni and cheese,
but the love was there. And it didn't matter as long as you were a good human.
(40:37):
It didn't matter what background you came from.
That door was always open. And she learned that from my papa.
And I always looked at that.
It was like, we might've not had a lot, but what we had in love and human companionship
and just being good souls is something that I'll take for the the rest of my life.
Like my grandfather immigrated here from Italy, one of 10, and he fought in
(41:02):
World War II because he believed in his country and he believed in this world
and the rights of humanity.
And to me, he was my biggest influence and always will be of just doing the
right thing all the time and being a good human. So-
And that's the best we can hope for, I think, as parents, right,
(41:25):
is to raise kind humans who can take care of themselves, you know,
and be, you know, Don't live in my basement.
Don't live in my basement until they're 30.
Exactly. Right. But yeah, but, you know, leave the world maybe in a little bit
better place than, than they found it. Right.
That's kind of what, what I
(41:45):
hope for. But so tell me, are there any things that you or little nuggets?
You know, I love saying that like little nuggets of wisdom. But are there any
little nuggets you'd want the audience to take away?
Or when you have a speaking engagement, what are you hoping that they take away from that?
I need people to believe in themselves first.
(42:08):
And that takes sometimes, you know, we are our own worst critics, right?
And it makes us stagnant in life in itself.
We stop ourselves from being our best selves.
So the belief that you can do and that you have the capabilities of doing and
moving forward, you just have to put it all upon yourself that you can do it.
(42:31):
Now, sometimes that's selfish, right?
Sometimes when we're taking care of us, which often we do not,
we take care of everybody else before we put us first.
No, you need to stop doing that. So my biggest nugget is believe in yourself.
And in order to do so, you have to take care of yourself mentally,
(42:52):
physically, and emotionally, however that may look for you before you can take care of anyone else.
It's kind of like the plane mentality and you're a mom, right?
Put the mask on you first because you ain't going to be able to help your kids if you ain't breathing.
So yeah, that is my biggest thing is that the other, the second one is self-reflection.
(43:13):
People do not want to self-reflect because it's really, really hard when we
have to look at ourselves and be like, maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I am the one that is in my own way, or maybe I'm the one that's not really likable.
And why are those reasons, right? We don't like doing that. Again,
it's the uncomfortableness of it all.
(43:35):
Now, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
That's one of my favorite lines. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable with
yourself in order to better yourself.
So those are, those are my nuggets. And I think that as humans,
self-reflection only makes us grow to a better human being.
(43:55):
I am not perfect. I mean, I have, you know, I, I don't do things great sometimes
and I have to sit and be like, all right, how can I do it better? What was the issue?
And let's not make that mistake again, right? Mistakes are learning tools.
Don't look at it as a failure, right? Look at it as, okay, that's a lesson learned.
(44:16):
We ain't going to do that again, right? Like putting your hand on a hot stove.
How about you learn, right, from your mistakes?
Sometimes failures are the best learning tool for life.
You can't look at all of them as bad.
Agreed. So I've said too before that the worst decision is no decision, right?
(44:38):
So you're better off making the wrong decision and then learning from it,
learning what not to do, than to just sit in limbo, not making any decisions whatsoever, right?
Yeah. And like you said, with the self-reflection, if you don't know where your
starting point is, how do you know how to get where you want to go?
You need to be able to see, honestly, where am I at right now before you can get to your goals?
(45:06):
And I think as women too, like, you know, the kicking glass,
right? My biggest thing is.
The glass is not there. Talk a little bit about when you say kicking glass,
you're referring to the glass ceiling, right? Yes.
I want to talk about the shattering of the glass ceiling that we've been living
under as women for the last 50 years.
(45:26):
Can we just stop already?
The opportunities are there.
The glass is gone. How do we get to moving forward, right?
Where do we want to bring our women in the next 50 years?
And my thing is, is I don't want any more firsts.
(45:47):
That's where I'm at as a woman. I'm done with the first female this,
the first female that, the first female that.
In the next, the opportunities are there.
You need to walk through the door. The glass is like sand by now. It's like dust.
We need to. And, you know, I've actually had this discussion.
They're like, well, there is, you know, I talked to them.
They're like, there is another ceiling. healing. I said, no,
(46:08):
that is you setting limitations on yourself.
There is no more glass. It's gone.
That's old terminology. Why are we kicking that can down the road anymore as women?
What is our next, I guess, success as women, as our future, bringing our children up?
(46:30):
Where do we want to see them? And my goal, and probably not in my lifetime,
but I would like to to see no more firsts. I would like to see it be regular.
Like there's female astronauts or there's female police chiefs,
there's female fire chiefs, you know, there's female generals in charge of the army.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's a female astrophysicist that's world
(46:55):
renowned. I just want to see like they've done.
Why do we have to have the firsts anymore? Make make it regular,
right? Make this normal.
Tell our girls, like, yes, if you want to do that.
Now, you know, and the other thing is, too, is that we have to recognize as
humans there are certain things we can do.
Like women, we can do certain things we're more powerful at,
(47:17):
and men are more powerful at certain things. And that's just scientifically.
Like, I'm not going to get into that whole realm, but I say to my kids,
you work hard, you can do what you put your mind to.
You know, if you want to, you know, be the next goalie for the women's national,
you know, women's hockey league. Okay, cool. Let's do that. Right.
So, or you want to be an astrophysicist or you want to drive a train,
(47:41):
you know, or you want to be a general in the army running a,
you know, something over in wherever and in charge.
Okay, like we could do that, but you're going to have to work hard and you're
going to have to dedicate and there's going to be grit and there's going to
be a lot of tears, but the opportunity is in front of you. You just need to take it.
(48:01):
It comes down to our self-limiting beliefs again, right?
So that glass ceiling is just another self-limiting belief that we tell ourselves.
Yeah, yeah. Now, without getting political or controversial.
Well, you can. I don't care if you do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try not, I stay out of that realm because though I have
(48:22):
mercy, there's a lot going on in that whole thing, right?
A hundred percent. But I do think that some of the things that have transpired
in the past couple of years, I feel that as women, we feel like we're being
set back. Oh, I don't disagree.
(48:42):
Right? Right. And so I think that that is something, too, that people have to,
first of all, stand up for ourselves.
And like you said, just keep pushing forward and empowering ourselves and empowering
each other so that we don't go back 20.
I'll say this without being political, I guess.
(49:04):
You're allowed in this life as United States, as Americans, to have your beliefs,
whatever you believe in.
We have, you've been afforded that right by my grandfather getting off a boat
from Italy and fighting for this country, for those veterans who came before
and have fought for our freedoms.
You have the right of your own belief in your own choices, as long as it doesn't
(49:28):
infringe upon someone else's right.
No one should be infringing upon anyone else's rights. It's that people need
to stay in their lands and I'll just leave it as, and that fits for humanity, right?
You know, we have, they, they, they call it the melting pot for a reason,
you know, and people have come from all over, all over the countries.
(49:51):
And I've dealt, you know, with people from all over the world.
And if you infringe on other people's beliefs and rights, why you don't have the right to Right.
As long as it's morally and ethically OK and nobody's getting hurt and nobody
is, you know, like, you know, dying because of your beliefs.
Like, obviously, like we could get into like a deep delve, like dark world of
(50:15):
like culture and whatever.
I'm just saying in the whole context.
Just generalization is that you can believe your belief, but my belief ain't your belief.
So therefore I get to keep my belief because that's the freedoms of America,
right? Like that's the point of it.
And, you know, I do believe that, man, we have taken, women have been taken
(50:40):
a beating recently and, you know, something, something is, something's got to
give, right? Something's got to give.
Something's got to give. And it's because it does feel like Like we are making
so much progress in so many areas, but then, you know, it's two steps forward,
three steps back in some races.
And so I do feel that there are powerful women out there,
(51:04):
more powerful than they give themselves credit for, that have not only the ability,
but almost the responsibility to take some action.
Oh, I wholeheartedly agree. I wholeheartedly agree on that.
And there are men who champion women who are very, very influential and very,
(51:27):
very powerful that should also be backing, you know, the women. So, yeah, absolutely.
And I think that that ties into everything that you're doing.
Your mission, I feel, not that I want to put words in your mouth,
but what it appears to me is that this mission that you're on now is to empower
(51:48):
women to be their best selves,
to let them know that they can have it all, mothers, jobs, health, everything.
They can do what they want to do and be successful at it. They just need to get out of their own way.
100%. Get out your way. That's right. Absolutely.
(52:11):
So what do you want to leave the audience with today?
I think that there is always a light.
It sometimes is very dim. It sometimes is like a pinpoint.
And you might be in the struggle bus, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
(52:31):
And even in your deepest, darkest hole, because I've been there, there is that light.
And it kind of like beads into your head or your eyeball, and you just,
no matter what, you just got to move towards the light, whether it's at a crawl,
if you're dragging yourself,
eventually you're going to get to that light and you're going to come out into
(52:54):
the sunshine, into the brightness, and things will get better.
There are sometimes, you're sometimes slugging along, right?
There are sometimes you're just slugging along, but you are going to get there.
And so don't give up.
Never give up on yourself, okay? Always believe in you.
And just the bet on you. That's my biggest thing. Always bet on you.
(53:17):
I love that. I love that. And look for the good in everything.
Absolutely. Yes. So now I know where to find you. And I love finding you on
TikTok. And I love listening to your lives.
And I love that you interact with everybody on your lives.
But I also love your morning posts. It's like your daily morning motivation.
(53:37):
So where can people find you? So I am on TikTok at MissBePositive.
Also on Instagram, MissBePositive. My email is the same, MissBePositive1 at
Gmail, if anyone wants to book anything.
And yeah, I'm there. I'm actually looking at it, just starting a YouTube channel
(53:58):
where that's in the works.
And I will have a couple of things coming to fruition and moving on.
One-on-one coaching is coming.
And there's a lot. I have a lot of stuff going on. I'm really excited for the
future and the road and the journey that I'm on.
So, but if you're looking for me, Miss Be Positive is where I'm at on the TikTok.
(54:19):
And for people who are inspired to take the first step towards their health
journey, you do have an ebook that is accessible on, is it just on Instagram
or they can get it through TikTok?
No, they can get it on TikTok and Instagram.
It's under my profile located in the Stan store. door.
It is a beginner meal prep with real meals, not your, you know,
(54:44):
protein shakes that are good and they're healthy.
They're easy, they're quick prep because it is overwhelming when you start the
journey into eating better and eating healthy.
And, and so I just did, there's about 65 recipes, a breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
They can interchange them because you don't have to eat breakfast just to eat breakfast.
You can eat a lasagna in the morning if you want, like whatever,
(55:06):
you know? And, and so it's pretty simple.
Snacks are in there and just ideas for those who are just stumped. How do I do this?
Perfect. Perfect. And you do have a book coming out sometime in the fall.
Yes, I have a, it's going to be a hardcover book.
And I'll be honest, a lot of my recipes are, how I started this out,
(55:28):
my real recipes were old school Italian recipes.
So a lot of people were like, we know you're on a weight loss journey,
but can you make a real Italian?
And I said, okay, I'll do it. So these are all Italian, old school,
like off the boat from my grandparents, how I learned how to cook Italian recipes,
(55:49):
breads, cookies, all wrapped it up into one. That's going to be a hardcover.
It's going to be accessible on Amazon. And yeah, that's coming out September,
about maybe October. So.
Perfect. So everyone, please follow Kelly at Miss Be Positive on TikTok, on Instagram.
You don't want to miss when she's launching something new, especially if she
(56:12):
is coming out with one-to-one coaching.
How amazing will that be? That'll just be so great.
And you're going to want to listen to her in the morning. I promise you,
she's going to get you out of bed and she's going to start your day in the best way possible.
So thank you so much, Kelly, for being on today.
I am so honored that you took the time out to be here. Thanks for having me.
(56:35):
You're welcome. And I'm sure the audience just is now just completely motivated
to take that first step. So thank you. Thank you.
Everyone else, be sure to follow Hustle and Harmony wherever you listen to your
podcast and be sure to follow me on my social media platforms at Embody Med
Spa, at Phi Skin Care, and at Cher underscore Mom Boss. See you next time.
(56:59):
Music.
(57:40):
Music.
Music.
(00:24):
Welcome to the Hustle & Harmony podcast, Finding Balance in the Chaos.
I'm your host, Sharon McEntee, owner of Embodiment Spa and founder of FI Skincare.
I'm so excited for today's episode because I know it will not only be very entertaining,
but also super inspiring.
Today's guest is living proof that you can conquer anything life throws your way.
(00:49):
She's a mom to not one, but two sets of twins. Talk about mastering the chaos.
She initially joined TikTok to share her wild and wonderful life,
but soon became an inspiring influencer by sharing her incredible weight loss journey.
Now she's on a mission to empower women everywhere to lead, succeed,
(01:10):
and become their best selves.
Join me in welcoming the unstoppable, the inspirational, and the incredibly fun Kelly Barheit. Hi!
Welcome, Kelly. I'm so happy to have you on. This is great.
Perfect. So Kelly, I mean, I know your background a little bit,
(01:32):
but let's tell the audience, you know, a little bit about your background,
how you came to be a TikTok sensation and how you got to where you are now.
It started out, honestly, the journey has been surreal. I I lost my mom totally unexpectedly.
You know, I have four children, two sets of twins that are two years apart.
(01:55):
And if that wasn't enough, like I have a demanding career.
And my mom was my backbone in
my life. She raised my children while she afforded me the right to work.
So she was a huge staple here in our household.
And all of a sudden, she was just taken, taken away. And I was in the,
I can honestly say the pits of despair.
(02:18):
Grief is such a, you know, it doesn't go straight. There's a lot of hills and
mountains and it never goes away.
And, you know, TikTok had become this thing and I started out sharing it as a journal,
kind of like a live journal to get me through just the day because there were
days where I felt that I couldn't even get out of bed to deal with life.
(02:42):
And here I had four children who are grieving as well.
And it was like, all right, what can I do to kind of journal this,
this life that I, my new norm.
And so it kind of started as that. And then it just transcended and,
you know, the chaos of being a mom with two sets of twins, because let's be
honest, you know, we look at all the Instagrams and everything and everybody looks so perfect.
(03:07):
I wanted to portray, not even portray.
I wanted to put out there that chaos is normal.
Chaos is life. Not everybody is perfect, but how do we get through those challenges
of every single day with A, a sense of humor,
B, knowing that we can push ourselves forward in even the most desperate times
(03:29):
and C, you're going to be okay. Like in the end, you're going to be okay.
There's always that light at the end of the tunnel. And, you know,
and this whole journey has shown me that I can do hard things.
I tell everybody in the morning, make your bed. And a lot of people have come
at me and saying, why make your bed?
(03:50):
That when my mom died in my brain, if I could accomplish making my bed,
that was something I accomplished. One thing.
I might've not accomplished anything else in the world that day,
but to make my bed, it became kind of like a repertoire in my morning ritual
(04:11):
of, okay, get up, make your bed.
That is going to be one thing that you've done today. If you can do nothing
else, just get that done.
And so I've had a lot of people call me, email me and say that making my bed,
you're absolutely right.
I'm just like, it gets you on the good path of starting out your day in a positive, positive way.
(04:33):
So that's where I'm at. That's how it all started by mistake.
It started by mistake. Let's be honest.
As most good things do, right? That just kind of, it just takes its on its own direction.
But as far as the bed making thing, I know you and I have spoken about this
too. And I myself am a firm believer in that. My husband as well.
We, I think it sets you up. If your bed is neat and made, it sets you up mentally
(05:00):
for how your day is going to go.
And then even when you come back to your bedroom at the end of the day and see
a nice, neat, made bed, it completely just changes your mindset.
So aside from just that whole getting that accomplishment, I think even just
subconsciously looking at it.
It just makes everything look more organized and less chaotic.
(05:21):
That's how I look. Yeah. And I am in a life of chaos, right?
Like, I mean, I, as any mom is, whether you have one child or you have seven
children, you know, you are, it's chaos.
There are, there's just so much moving parts in raising kids.
And if I can just have that one sense of, okay, I'm starting my day off good
(05:42):
today, because mindset is a huge, huge thing.
And you know I never believed it up until my
mom died like I I knew like hard work and ethics and
you know motivation is going to get you to where you need to
be but truly changing your mindset into
a positive outlook if you put out in the universe negative all the time like
(06:02):
I can't do this or I'm not qualified or I suck because I fell off the wagon
you know maybe on your weight loss journey or whatever journey that is you're
going to get negative back but the fact is we have
to be able to pick ourselves up and move forward.
And I think a lot of people want to live in that mediocre because it's easy and it's comfortable.
(06:23):
And if you start off with the mindset of a great day, you're going to have a
great day. Are there going to be challenges?
Yes, 100%. There's going to be challenges, but you're going to take on those
challenges with a better outlook as opposed to the whole world's against me.
The whole world's against me. I could have given up. I look at that now.
(06:43):
I lost my dad as young.
I come from a divorced household, typical 80s generation ex-kid.
My parents were divorced. My dad was an alcoholic.
We had no money. My mom worked. She was out of the house. I helped raise my siblings.
And everything was, odds were stacked against me, right? In the realm of reality, I should be...
(07:08):
Not successful if I gave into those negative things.
But I didn't want to. I wanted to be better. I wanted to do better for myself.
And so, yeah, can you have a pity party when you feel bad?
That's okay. You just take that moment and you don't let it become the day or the week or the month.
(07:30):
And I've learned that. And I wish I knew it younger.
And that is my goal right now in my life is to show women and younger women
that, listen, stop self-doubting yourself.
You are capable. Yes, there is going to be bad things that happen,
but how do you learn and self-reflect and move on from that?
(07:54):
Don't let it destroy your entire life.
And I think we don't do that as women, right? We are totally afraid of challenges.
We are totally afraid of being uncomfortable. comfortable.
And I think that if we learned it at a younger age, women would be so powerful,
(08:14):
more powerful than we are.
And that's what I want to push out there, like that positivity, that being powerful.
Because myself, I'm raising three girls and I know the challenges of life and
I know the challenges that come ahead for them.
And I want them to face them, you know, fearless, running in and being like,
yeah, I got this, right? Getting rid of that self-doubt.
(08:38):
Yeah. Yep. 100%. And I feel like it does get a little easier the older you get because even myself,
I notice now I let so much more roll off now in my 40s.
I can take a step back and look at the big picture, but I don't know that that's
(08:58):
as easy for people in their 20s and 30s because they get kind of lost in their bubble, right?
And they, they can only focus on what is right in front of them because they're
in survival mode, right?
And even though you or I are in survival mode, just taking care of our kids
and running our businesses and working and all that, there's,
(09:19):
we have a different perspective, I feel, you know?
And so we look at change as growth. growth, younger people, I think,
sometimes look at change as something negative.
And so, you know, yeah.
They don't want to be, they don't want to be judged, right? They don't want
to, like the mean girl mentality.
And that, you know, like I talk about this all the time as, you know,
(09:42):
as someone who is a professional and at an executive level that.
We talk about equality as women and we want equity, but we can never truly as
women have that because we cut each other down.
We take each other out at the knees all the time. And whatever happened to just
saying, good for you, or I really love that for you.
(10:03):
You might not have to agree with how someone got into their position or what
they're doing. But even seeing a woman on the street being like,
Queen, you look beautiful today.
We don't do that because we just look at other people and judge.
And that's like a human nature that I don't know how we get rid of that.
But as women, as human beings, as women, we will never get to that equity.
(10:27):
We will never get to that equality because we cannot be equal to each other.
And that's the biggest hurdle I feel like we have to get over before we even
start discussing, you know, pay and all that stuff.
Where are my girls at, you know, focusing on the WNBA?
People complain about how they don't get paid. Well, if you look at the big
(10:48):
picture, they're not going to make the same as an NBA player because the fact
is they don't bring in the money.
NBA is done by monetary bringing in money.
And why aren't we supporting our women and buying their jerseys in that WNBA or going to their games?
Because we're taught at a young age, like, oh, there's this baseball team.
(11:09):
There's this basketball team of your hometown you're going to root for them.
There ain't no women on it, you know? And so the things are like,
let's look at the process before we start everyone getting on this bandwagon.
I mean, like, she's not paid enough.
Well, why isn't she? Because women don't support other women.
(11:30):
And that's really the biggest issue I see out there today.
I agree. And I think, too, it all starts with your own self-confidence and your
own self-esteem, right? If you're a confident woman, you can look at other women
and their accomplishments and be very happy for them.
You can be envious, but envious is positive.
(11:52):
Jealousy is negative, right? Yes, absolutely.
There's definitely women business owners that I look at and I say,
wow, I love what they're doing and I'm envious of whatever.
Their social media posts or something like that. But that just makes me work
harder and want to be a better person.
But when jealousy comes in, then it becomes negative and destructive.
(12:17):
So, yes, it starts with us. It starts with us.
It really does start with us. And, you know, I want to raise my three girls
to tune out that negative influence.
Like, pick your friends wisely.
I can tell you, you know, I've lost 122 pounds. You know, in the last five years,
I've been maintaining that weight loss.
(12:39):
And in my.
Core group of friends who, who I had as a mom, right?
Your mom friends, every single one of them fell off when I lost the weight.
And I look back now and I'm like, well, they weren't really good people.
They weren't really good souls, you know? And now, so I keep my friend base
very, very close, very, very small because I, I looked like, I really looked at that.
(13:03):
I was like, was it something I did wrong?
And no, there was a major jealousy factor. Cause you know, So obviously,
like, words get back to you and reasoning gets back to you.
And, you know, and here's the thing is you as an adult have to self-reflect.
Like, you cannot portray your issues on me.
Like, because I am getting my goals and I am being successful and I'm doing what's good for me.
(13:27):
Again, you should uplift someone and say, hey, man, good job.
Amazing. amazing but yet I look back
now and I you know again self-reflection and
I was like man they weren't good people to begin with but you
know like I don't talk about other people I
don't talk about people's weight I don't think it's appropriate and because
(13:50):
I feel that we should be better because you do not know what is going on in
someone's life like we have to be kinder because you don't know the stress or
the trauma or you know what they got going on medically wise.
But yet, we judge just by looking at somebody.
It takes seven seconds to judge. That's what humans do.
(14:11):
And looking upon someone, seven seconds, you have judged another human.
And either it's a good judgment or however it's in your brain.
And that's really hard to change, right? That's a really hard thing to change
once you actually put your impression on someone else. And you have to stop doing that.
True. And I think with respect to that friend group,
(14:33):
you were the mirror that was reflecting back to them something they didn't want
to see and so they had to try to tear you down for your progress your success
because otherwise they'd have to take a long hard look at themselves and you know.
Kind of look and see what what was wrong with them right
(14:54):
so no i i get that so now
the other thing too i wanted to touch on was i'm sure you've heard the term
that your sphere of influence excuse me your sphere of influence so like the
five people that you surround yourself with the most are going to have the biggest
impact on your life and so if you are now and have been on this health journey,
(15:17):
and maybe those close friends weren't ready to be on that with you,
then you surround yourself with other people who align with your values,
your beliefs, and help you to continue to grow and progress.
So I think you're where you're supposed to be.
Yeah. And sometimes, I'll be honest, sometimes when you're looking at your goals
(15:38):
and you are readjusting your mentality and going from what you want,
that sometimes is a lonely place.
I'm I'm not going to lie about that. Like there are days where I'm like,
wow, I really enjoyed my Friday night with all the friends and all the kids.
And now it's, you know, sometimes me and, you know, going for a run,
(15:58):
but I'm, I'm okay with that.
I'm at peace with that because I've realized that I don't need to bring negativity
or things that don't make me happy into my life anymore.
I dismiss that, you know, that's the same with work.
That's the same with love. That's the same with, you know, relationships with
friends, even with family.
I think that women stay in toxicity because they don't know what else to do.
(16:24):
And that goes in, if you feel uncomfortable, if something, if your mental,
physical, and emotional needs are not being met by anyone, like friends,
family, lovers, you need to walk away.
Same in a job, you need to walk away. It's not going to do you well.
And I think we stayed at so long and it affects us that then that becomes major
(16:48):
issues for us. It traumatizes us.
And then we're going to have to deal with those issues that we've brought on
ourselves for staying in something so long that we should have walked away from.
And, you know, this morning, just alone talking to someone through my TikTok
saying, hey, they've been in a job.
They've been in a job that they, it physically makes them sick. Right.
(17:10):
Well, why? That's my question. Why? If something makes you physically sick that
you're going to every single day, and you know, the short answer is money.
In our reality, you can make money doing anything.
You can go waitress, you can go work at Dunkin' Donuts, you can work at a gas station.
There are plenty of opportunities out there to immediately just drop that stuff
(17:33):
that's making you sick and just do something for a side hustle until you get to where you need to be.
But you You should not be going into your job being physically sick.
Like that to me is like, what is that doing internally to your body?
What is that doing mentally to you?
And as women, I think sometimes we think we deserve that because maybe we work so hard.
(17:53):
Maybe we're in corporate America and we work so hard to get up the chain,
right? And now we're at the top.
And that top is not what we thought it was going to be.
It is literally draining us and it's emotional and physically ruining us. It's okay to walk away.
You didn't quit. You did what was best for you. And let everyone else have their opinions. That's fine.
(18:17):
You live your life and you live your truth. And sometimes I think we don't do that.
And men do it all the time. If they don't like something, they're like, I'm out.
You know, if they don't like their marriage, they're out. If they don't like
their job, they're out. But we feel like, you know, and it's society.
We put in this box, this is how we're supposed to act.
(18:38):
And you should be thankful that you got this job or you should be thankful that
you are in this marriage or you should be thankful that no one in your home
is sick and ill and even though you and your husband can't stand each other. Yeah.
No, no. Why do we accept that as women?
We need to empower ourselves and say, I'm not standing for this. Is it going to be hard?
(19:01):
Yes. I'm not saying that there's rainbows and butterflies and it's going to
be easy. Are you going to struggle?
Most likely, yes. But in the end, for your sanity and your well-being, it's okay to walk away.
So yeah life's too short to
live a mediocre existence it's you
know and not like you said it's not always going to
(19:22):
be sunshine and roses but the majority
of it should be right like you shouldn't be happy most
of the time yeah not absolutely miserable if you're miserable then it's up to
you to make the change so yeah and that was with like my weight loss like I
was out of place like I've I've always been outgoing I always play sports I've
always been I don't want want to say, like, even, even when I was heavy,
(19:46):
I worked out, you know, I have an endocrine disorder that caused me to gain weight.
I went through infertility to have my kids and all of that stuff compounded.
I worked out seven days a week and I was super frustrated because my insulin
resistance was just off the charts.
And so I said, you know what, the hell with this? Like I need to get some,
(20:06):
and I saw doctor after doctor after doctor until I had a doctor.
And that's the other thing as women, like we accept.
Sometimes what medical professions say, even though internally we know what
our body is doing. So again, dismiss.
Someone is not listening to you and not reasoning with you about your internal
body that you know better than anyone else, get a new doctor. And that's what I did.
(20:29):
I had had enough. I was like, this is not okay. Like, I am struggling here.
It brought me to tears. And I was like, I'm the heaviest I've ever been.
I work out seven days a week. I'm eating 600 to 800 calories a day.
Like, what else can I possibly do?
And I met a doctor, an endocrine doctor that literally saved my life.
(20:51):
And, you know, I had the sleeve done.
And over three years ago now, prior to that, I had been in a medical,
with this doctor, I had gone to like a medical hospital, you know, program.
And, you know, I had all this blood work and everything done.
And I didn't want to take the jump into having the sleeve done because it was
(21:11):
my stubbornness. which was stupid of me.
I wish I did it sooner, but I have maintained my weight loss.
I work out. My endocrine disorder is in remission and I am doing what I need to do.
But I got into my own head of people's judgments about me.
(21:34):
And I was like, why am I letting other people dictate what I do for my best self.
And, you know, it was like the best decision that I ever did.
And I don't regret it. I speak openly about it because there is this negative
connotation of weight loss surgery. And people do gain weight back.
They do because bad habits, right? Mental, mental, you have,
(21:56):
that's a lot to deal with it.
But I am a cheerleader for anyone getting healthy, healthy no matter how you do it.
You know, it's your journey. No one else has the right to dictate your journey
or say anything about your journey.
And I wanted to do it for my kids. I was at that place where I was just like.
Man, this is not, I was so unhappy and this was not the life I was meant to live.
(22:20):
I wanted to be in and I had to do what was best for me.
And man, I wish I did it. I wish I did it years before, you know,
the struggle, a weight loss.
If you're not in it, you don't know, and you don't have the right to tell me
how to take care of my body.
So I cheerlead all men and women who do what they have to do to keep themselves
(22:41):
healthy. There's no judgment from me.
And I think as a society, we judge.
But again, what gives you the right to tell me how to feel or tell me how to take care of myself?
Because I was working out. I ran 5Ks when I was 265 pounds.
I lifted weights when I was 265 pounds.
I worked out every single day. I have photos upon photos to say I did what I was supposed to do.
(23:07):
I wasn't here smashing cupcakes to my face.
I just had an endocrine thing that screwed up my body and there was nothing I could do about it.
So, and now it's like a mental game of like, I'm a thinner person,
but I feel like I'm still in a heavier body.
So that's a whole other topic we could discuss, which is, you know,
(23:28):
could be a day long, day long discussion. ocean.
The body dysmorphia is real.
And I think it affects more people than would like to admit.
But so were you afraid of people thinking you were quote unquote cheating?
Oh, they say that all the time. Oh, people say it to you.
People say that all the time. I was thinking this was all something you just
(23:50):
were afraid of in your head, but people actually judged you and.
People will say you took the easy way out. And I was like.
No, no, that's not the easy way out to continue.
Like, you know, I track my macros. Like I'm, I live a very strict lifestyle
of my food intake and what, what I'm doing.
(24:11):
And, and I did that when I was 265 pounds too.
Like I was in a weight loss program eating grilled chicken and broccoli for
the majority of my meals and drinking a weight loss shake in the morning and
my weight did not budge, like not at all.
So, you know, I also did a lot of research with my doctor and polycystic ovarian syndrome is a bitch.
(24:32):
So I don't do sugar anymore. I don't do gluten anymore.
And I try to cut dairy, but I like cottage cheese and yogurt too much.
So I struggle on that one. But, but for the most part, you know,
and I, and I worked out then and I work out now.
So it gave me back my life, which was one.
And I've always been thick, like my whole life, even when I was a kid,
(24:53):
like I've always been thick and muscular and, but always very active.
I just, my body fought against me. And yes, in my brain, I was like,
if I do this, people are going to judge me, right?
People are going to say you cheated or you did the easy way out.
And if you go online, like all these Insta people and they all talk about it. They shame you.
(25:18):
And I want to be realistic to women. Your body...
Is different. Hormones play a part in your body.
If you have a medical issue, like these 22-year-old Insta models who have,
you know, 12 packs because they get to work out of the gym for four hours,
well, come back to me when you birth some kids.
Come back to me when life gets busy and you can't spend four hours in the gym.
(25:41):
Like, come back to me when reality sets in and come back to me if you have a
medical disorder that, you know, and like, it's not easy.
100% is not the easy way out, I can tell you I've had several friends who have
had the weight loss surgery and all of them gained the weight back.
So it's not the end-all be-all. You have to work at it every single day,
(26:03):
just like you have to work at any diet every single day of your life.
I don't fault anyone if they want to use medical weight loss drugs.
Do you, boo. You got to take care of you.
You know what's best for you. Your doctor knows what's best for you.
The public does not.
And, you know, as women and as, you know, someone who is empowering someone,
(26:24):
we need to shut that conversation down.
You know, if you're in a room and someone's talking smack about someone else,
you say, hey, they're not here, so we're not going to do that.
People get, like, offended at me. But if I'm in a room and someone's talking
shit about some other woman, I'm like, I'm sorry, are they present in this room right now?
Would you say that to their face? No, so you just need to, you need to just
(26:45):
reel it in because, you know, and like, and I'll be in conversations like,
hey, I don't know who Joanne is. I'm just going to make up a name.
Joanne really put on some weight, huh?
And I look at people, I'm like, do you know what's going on in Joanne's life?
Is she going through menopause? Like, like, what?
Who cares? Or so-and-so has lost a lot of weight, you know?
(27:09):
It's just like, why is it anyone's business? Do you love the person?
I'm not different because I lost, you know, 122 pounds.
I'm the same person I was when I was 265 pounds.
But I look different and people treat me different. It's so weird.
It's like the weirdest thing ever.
I, you know, and I, I feel like that, like you said before, that health is the ultimate goal.
(27:35):
I mean, we want the society as a whole to be healthy.
You know, the obesity epidemic is getting out of control and it's driving up
healthcare costs and it's making our kids sick and it's lowering life expectancy.
So if the ultimate goal is just for people to be healthier and live a healthier
lifestyle, I agree with you.
(27:55):
What's, what does doesn't matter as long as they're not doing something that's harming them. Right.
You know, but yeah, no, I, I agree. So let's touch a little bit because I feel like your journey,
your weight loss journey is really what sent your whole Tik TOK following into
the stratosphere, right?
(28:16):
And people, because people love this, people want to be inspired and look up
to somebody And so talk to me about that.
Can you pinpoint an exact moment that you feel like things changed for you as
far as your presence on social media?
So I can tell you that I started getting like people send you messages, right?
(28:42):
Saying, hey, I'm in the same boat. Like I've been struggling for so long.
Like you bring positivity to my day. You have such a great outlook.
You know, like I look forward to you every single morning because it puts me
on a, you know, a good path.
And so obviously I shared recipes. A couple of my recipes went viral because as a past fat kid,
(29:05):
I do not believe that you have to be on a diet the rest of your life and to
make it miserable. I like food.
I want to eat good food. I'm not here to eat a freaking protein bar and drink
a protein shake because that's bullshit.
I'm Italian. I grew up in an Italian household.
(29:28):
So I wanted to make make meals that were healthy and tasted amazing.
Like that, that was my goal. So in, in prior to my surgery, I was,
I was doing that because I was like, all right, like, listen,
I'm going to be eating grilled chicken and vegetables.
Like I want to make it like, so I'm, I'm going to eat it. So I started just
(29:49):
playing with a bunch of, of recipes and taking out, you know,
the biggest thing is that we as people,
we don't look at the actual ingredients of the stuff we're buying.
So that was a huge learning curve for me because prior to this,
I started really tracking what I was eating and everything has sugar in it.
(30:11):
Everything has sugar in it. And like from salsa to pasta sauce, right?
So I started figuring out certain things in stores that no longer had sugar in it.
Like there's certain pasta sauces if I'm not going to make my own and there's
certain sauces if I'm not going to make my own.
Like, and then I did, I started cooking a lot of fresh product, which is expensive.
(30:37):
And I think that's the biggest hurdle for people to become healthy because shit food is cheap.
Easy food is cheap, but look at the ingredients, right?
Like, you know, I've gone, we've gone gluten-free in this house.
So I pay a little bit more for when my kids want pasta. I buy gluten-free pasta for them.
(31:01):
We had meatballs on Sunday, total Italian meatballs day, but they had gluten-free
pasta. My kids don't know the difference.
They just eat it and they're like, wow, this is great, right?
So I just started making all these recipes that were friendly and they are good
for you and they were sustainable and they tasted good.
(31:21):
They tasted like something you would want to eat, not the shit like that.
You bought, you know, you buy
at the store. And so that was really like a huge learning curve for me.
And once I got it down, I was like, man, I got to share this with people like
moms who are busy, you know, like who have five seconds in the day.
(31:43):
Like, what can I do at a Trader Joe's? That's going to take me five seconds to throw together.
That's really good for me because I'm on the run. And instead of eating a protein
bar, which, you know, I do love a protein bar once in a while,
but I'm saying like that doesn't sustain, it's not sustainable.
And to be honest, I don't know about anybody else, but if I eat a protein bar,
I'm hungry five seconds later.
It's just not, it's not, you know, it's not great. Like, no,
(32:08):
it's a snack to hold me over to my next meal.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, so. Yeah. And I just think that I wanted to share that.
And I just started getting with the positivity, the following of people who
are like, you know, thank you so much for this.
And, and it just kind of worked out to, to where it is now and,
(32:33):
you know, getting speaking engagements and, and starting to just do my thing, you know?
So let's segue into that since you mentioned it, let's talk about your speaking
engagements and what, where your, you know, this has basically taken you at this point.
Yeah. So obviously I started out as the Masshole Mama.
(32:55):
That was my original. And I talk about like growing as humans, right?
We should always be chasing our best self. We should always be wanting more
and don't ever stop, right?
Because the day you stop is the day it's going to end.
And so I ended up changing my name to Miss B Positive.
And it's kind of the background of B Positive is my blood type is B Positive.
(33:20):
My last name starts with a B. So I went with Miss B Positive.
It kind of just flowed really, really well.
And, you know, my goal is to talk to companies and women and,
you know, whoever wants to hear of like, how do we...
How do we take a trauma, my mom's death? And I've had a couple of traumatic
(33:40):
incidents, you know, like, how do we take a trauma?
How do we turn that into a positive light?
And how do we move forward? Because I think, like I said before,
people enjoy living in mediocrity because it's easy for them.
So how do we get to the next level? How do we empower ourselves to be better
(34:01):
in order to reach our goals? And I think what happens is people look towards the future, right?
They have a vision, but the vision is so far away because they have unattainable goals, right?
They've just put it all out there and I'm going to be a millionaire and I'm
going to do this and this is how I'm going to do it.
And nothing ever happens because they're so unreachable.
(34:25):
So how do we make little attainable goals in order to get to that vision that
we have? And that could take a month, a year, five years, depending on what
it is, but continually moving forward.
So this whole thing started where people had asked me, they're like,
you're so motivational.
You're so well-spoken. Would you do motivational speaking and one-on-one coaching?
(34:49):
And I was like, I thought about it for a while. I sat on it for about a year.
And then I got asked to do a couple of speaking engagements.
And so I put myself out there. And I was like, okay.
I went to a all-male military college, basically.
And when I went to the school, there was 17 to 1 ratio men to women.
And I got asked to be a keynote speaker for a women kicking glass event, which I did in Boston.
(35:16):
And it went really, really well. And it kind of just snowballed from there.
I've gotten a couple other speaking engagements that I'm doing.
A couple of businesses have reached out.
And I don't want to say it's just women. It's just people. How do you get out
of your way? How do you be motivational for somebody? And if I can bring that,
that sense of like living in that sense of like empowerment to anyone.
(35:39):
Okay. So be it. Like I've been told, and I don't understand this about myself because I don't see it.
Cause I just think I'm a mom to two sets of twins, but they're like,
you walk into a room and you exude confidence. Right.
And I don't know that about myself, but I, but I've been told that.
And I said, no, I'm just being Kelly. Like I'm just outgoing and personality
(36:01):
and a hundred miles an hour.
You know, and I just want to bring happiness and just like that positive energy
to other people so they can see within themselves that it's there.
They just need to go for it. And so how do I push them to go for it?
And if I can do that for anyone, whether it's weight loss, whether it's getting
a new job, whether it's just maybe you're stuck, you know, so be it.
(36:25):
I'll be happy to do that. So one of the things that drew me in to your account
on TikTok was your genuine personality that comes across.
You come across as you and you're just honest and you're, you know,
you're just this outgoing, naturally motivating person.
(36:48):
And it's very refreshing compared to some of the things that you see on social media, right?
Like you had touched on that, you know, everybody's life looks perfect on social media.
I come across your page and it's wonderful.
And you have this great family and you have this, you know, these great recipes
and these wonderful, just nuggets of wisdom, but it's so genuine.
(37:11):
And I think that that's what speaks to people too.
And why people are drawn to you, I would assume, you know, do you have any speakers,
authors, coaches, or anything Anybody like that that you think had the biggest
influence on you and where your life has gone?
(37:33):
So, you know, obviously, as in the executive level of my career and going to
a military college, right?
So a lot of them were men, like the Simon Senex, right? Like,
I actually love him. I enjoy him.
He's so kitschy and so unique.
He makes me laugh. Like he makes me, I'm like, I love that.
(37:57):
I love, you know, there's a book about the Admiral, you know, make your bed and just.
His, what he did of just saying hello to people, like just saying,
hey, how are you? How are you doing?
The guy was in charge of the damn Navy. He was in charge of the whole,
and he would take the time out of his day to say, hey, how's the family doing? How's the kids?
(38:18):
What more human is that? People want to feel needed.
People want to feel like they are part of a team. People want to feel that they're actually cared about.
Doesn't matter how much money they make. It doesn't matter how much,
like if they have to work all these hours, if they feel like they are cared
about, that they're being taken care of and that they have a value,
(38:41):
they will work for you and they will do what they need to do.
And I always looked at him and I was like, man, to be in charge of a naval fleet
and just be so personable, like he's the busiest human being. We think we're busy.
Like the man is in charge and he is, hey man, how are your kids doing today?
(39:03):
And I always took that. I was like, cause I remember my, the most influential
human in my life was my grandfather, my mother's father.
He was a fireman. They had eight children in the, after he was a fireman,
he was a school bus driver and he was just the most humble human being.
And he used to say all the time that there before the grace of God go I.
(39:28):
You don't have the right to judge.
And like I said, I came from a very.
I don't want to say low, like we were just not, we were not wealthy.
We didn't have a lot of stuff.
Like we, you know, my mom struggled and, but she raised us to not judge. She raised us to be open.
She raised us to have, you know, like these values that I, I definitely portray.
(39:52):
Like my mom back in the seventies and eighties, like she had gay friends when
that was not the thing to do. too. Right.
Like I, in, in, in, in my brain, like I never thought about it until now.
Like I never thought about it until now is that my mom was at the forefront
of, of just being a good human being. Right.
(40:14):
When she didn't care about being judged, if she had those types of friends and
our house was open, we used to call it, I used to call it like the wayward souls.
Like if no one had somewhere to go for, for, for Sunday dinner,
no one has, I'm going to go for like Easter. No, know I had someone to go for a holiday.
Our house was open. Like you might be getting pasta and macaroni and cheese,
but the love was there. And it didn't matter as long as you were a good human.
(40:37):
It didn't matter what background you came from.
That door was always open. And she learned that from my papa.
And I always looked at that.
It was like, we might've not had a lot, but what we had in love and human companionship
and just being good souls is something that I'll take for the the rest of my life.
Like my grandfather immigrated here from Italy, one of 10, and he fought in
(41:02):
World War II because he believed in his country and he believed in this world
and the rights of humanity.
And to me, he was my biggest influence and always will be of just doing the
right thing all the time and being a good human. So-
And that's the best we can hope for, I think, as parents, right,
(41:25):
is to raise kind humans who can take care of themselves, you know,
and be, you know, Don't live in my basement.
Don't live in my basement until they're 30.
Exactly. Right. But yeah, but, you know, leave the world maybe in a little bit
better place than, than they found it. Right.
That's kind of what, what I
(41:45):
hope for. But so tell me, are there any things that you or little nuggets?
You know, I love saying that like little nuggets of wisdom. But are there any
little nuggets you'd want the audience to take away?
Or when you have a speaking engagement, what are you hoping that they take away from that?
I need people to believe in themselves first.
(42:08):
And that takes sometimes, you know, we are our own worst critics, right?
And it makes us stagnant in life in itself.
We stop ourselves from being our best selves.
So the belief that you can do and that you have the capabilities of doing and
moving forward, you just have to put it all upon yourself that you can do it.
(42:31):
Now, sometimes that's selfish, right?
Sometimes when we're taking care of us, which often we do not,
we take care of everybody else before we put us first.
No, you need to stop doing that. So my biggest nugget is believe in yourself.
And in order to do so, you have to take care of yourself mentally,
(42:52):
physically, and emotionally, however that may look for you before you can take care of anyone else.
It's kind of like the plane mentality and you're a mom, right?
Put the mask on you first because you ain't going to be able to help your kids if you ain't breathing.
So yeah, that is my biggest thing is that the other, the second one is self-reflection.
(43:13):
People do not want to self-reflect because it's really, really hard when we
have to look at ourselves and be like, maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I am the one that is in my own way, or maybe I'm the one that's not really likable.
And why are those reasons, right? We don't like doing that. Again,
it's the uncomfortableness of it all.
(43:35):
Now, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
That's one of my favorite lines. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable with
yourself in order to better yourself.
So those are, those are my nuggets. And I think that as humans,
self-reflection only makes us grow to a better human being.
(43:55):
I am not perfect. I mean, I have, you know, I, I don't do things great sometimes
and I have to sit and be like, all right, how can I do it better? What was the issue?
And let's not make that mistake again, right? Mistakes are learning tools.
Don't look at it as a failure, right? Look at it as, okay, that's a lesson learned.
(44:16):
We ain't going to do that again, right? Like putting your hand on a hot stove.
How about you learn, right, from your mistakes?
Sometimes failures are the best learning tool for life.
You can't look at all of them as bad.
Agreed. So I've said too before that the worst decision is no decision, right?
(44:38):
So you're better off making the wrong decision and then learning from it,
learning what not to do, than to just sit in limbo, not making any decisions whatsoever, right?
Yeah. And like you said, with the self-reflection, if you don't know where your
starting point is, how do you know how to get where you want to go?
You need to be able to see, honestly, where am I at right now before you can get to your goals?
(45:06):
And I think as women too, like, you know, the kicking glass,
right? My biggest thing is.
The glass is not there. Talk a little bit about when you say kicking glass,
you're referring to the glass ceiling, right? Yes.
I want to talk about the shattering of the glass ceiling that we've been living
under as women for the last 50 years.
(45:26):
Can we just stop already?
The opportunities are there.
The glass is gone. How do we get to moving forward, right?
Where do we want to bring our women in the next 50 years?
And my thing is, is I don't want any more firsts.
(45:47):
That's where I'm at as a woman. I'm done with the first female this,
the first female that, the first female that.
In the next, the opportunities are there.
You need to walk through the door. The glass is like sand by now. It's like dust.
We need to. And, you know, I've actually had this discussion.
They're like, well, there is, you know, I talked to them.
They're like, there is another ceiling. healing. I said, no,
(46:08):
that is you setting limitations on yourself.
There is no more glass. It's gone.
That's old terminology. Why are we kicking that can down the road anymore as women?
What is our next, I guess, success as women, as our future, bringing our children up?
(46:30):
Where do we want to see them? And my goal, and probably not in my lifetime,
but I would like to to see no more firsts. I would like to see it be regular.
Like there's female astronauts or there's female police chiefs,
there's female fire chiefs, you know, there's female generals in charge of the army.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's a female astrophysicist that's world
(46:55):
renowned. I just want to see like they've done.
Why do we have to have the firsts anymore? Make make it regular,
right? Make this normal.
Tell our girls, like, yes, if you want to do that.
Now, you know, and the other thing is, too, is that we have to recognize as
humans there are certain things we can do.
Like women, we can do certain things we're more powerful at,
(47:17):
and men are more powerful at certain things. And that's just scientifically.
Like, I'm not going to get into that whole realm, but I say to my kids,
you work hard, you can do what you put your mind to.
You know, if you want to, you know, be the next goalie for the women's national,
you know, women's hockey league. Okay, cool. Let's do that. Right.
So, or you want to be an astrophysicist or you want to drive a train,
(47:41):
you know, or you want to be a general in the army running a,
you know, something over in wherever and in charge.
Okay, like we could do that, but you're going to have to work hard and you're
going to have to dedicate and there's going to be grit and there's going to
be a lot of tears, but the opportunity is in front of you. You just need to take it.
(48:01):
It comes down to our self-limiting beliefs again, right?
So that glass ceiling is just another self-limiting belief that we tell ourselves.
Yeah, yeah. Now, without getting political or controversial.
Well, you can. I don't care if you do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try not, I stay out of that realm because though I have
(48:22):
mercy, there's a lot going on in that whole thing, right?
A hundred percent. But I do think that some of the things that have transpired
in the past couple of years, I feel that as women, we feel like we're being
set back. Oh, I don't disagree.
(48:42):
Right? Right. And so I think that that is something, too, that people have to,
first of all, stand up for ourselves.
And like you said, just keep pushing forward and empowering ourselves and empowering
each other so that we don't go back 20.
I'll say this without being political, I guess.
(49:04):
You're allowed in this life as United States, as Americans, to have your beliefs,
whatever you believe in.
We have, you've been afforded that right by my grandfather getting off a boat
from Italy and fighting for this country, for those veterans who came before
and have fought for our freedoms.
You have the right of your own belief in your own choices, as long as it doesn't
(49:28):
infringe upon someone else's right.
No one should be infringing upon anyone else's rights. It's that people need
to stay in their lands and I'll just leave it as, and that fits for humanity, right?
You know, we have, they, they, they call it the melting pot for a reason,
you know, and people have come from all over, all over the countries.
(49:51):
And I've dealt, you know, with people from all over the world.
And if you infringe on other people's beliefs and rights, why you don't have the right to Right.
As long as it's morally and ethically OK and nobody's getting hurt and nobody
is, you know, like, you know, dying because of your beliefs.
Like, obviously, like we could get into like a deep delve, like dark world of
(50:15):
like culture and whatever.
I'm just saying in the whole context.
Just generalization is that you can believe your belief, but my belief ain't your belief.
So therefore I get to keep my belief because that's the freedoms of America,
right? Like that's the point of it.
And, you know, I do believe that, man, we have taken, women have been taken
(50:40):
a beating recently and, you know, something, something is, something's got to
give, right? Something's got to give.
Something's got to give. And it's because it does feel like Like we are making
so much progress in so many areas, but then, you know, it's two steps forward,
three steps back in some races.
And so I do feel that there are powerful women out there,
(51:04):
more powerful than they give themselves credit for, that have not only the ability,
but almost the responsibility to take some action.
Oh, I wholeheartedly agree. I wholeheartedly agree on that.
And there are men who champion women who are very, very influential and very,
(51:27):
very powerful that should also be backing, you know, the women. So, yeah, absolutely.
And I think that that ties into everything that you're doing.
Your mission, I feel, not that I want to put words in your mouth,
but what it appears to me is that this mission that you're on now is to empower
(51:48):
women to be their best selves,
to let them know that they can have it all, mothers, jobs, health, everything.
They can do what they want to do and be successful at it. They just need to get out of their own way.
100%. Get out your way. That's right. Absolutely.
(52:11):
So what do you want to leave the audience with today?
I think that there is always a light.
It sometimes is very dim. It sometimes is like a pinpoint.
And you might be in the struggle bus, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
(52:31):
And even in your deepest, darkest hole, because I've been there, there is that light.
And it kind of like beads into your head or your eyeball, and you just,
no matter what, you just got to move towards the light, whether it's at a crawl,
if you're dragging yourself,
eventually you're going to get to that light and you're going to come out into
(52:54):
the sunshine, into the brightness, and things will get better.
There are sometimes, you're sometimes slugging along, right?
There are sometimes you're just slugging along, but you are going to get there.
And so don't give up.
Never give up on yourself, okay? Always believe in you.
And just the bet on you. That's my biggest thing. Always bet on you.
(53:17):
I love that. I love that. And look for the good in everything.
Absolutely. Yes. So now I know where to find you. And I love finding you on
TikTok. And I love listening to your lives.
And I love that you interact with everybody on your lives.
But I also love your morning posts. It's like your daily morning motivation.
(53:37):
So where can people find you? So I am on TikTok at MissBePositive.
Also on Instagram, MissBePositive. My email is the same, MissBePositive1 at
Gmail, if anyone wants to book anything.
And yeah, I'm there. I'm actually looking at it, just starting a YouTube channel
(53:58):
where that's in the works.
And I will have a couple of things coming to fruition and moving on.
One-on-one coaching is coming.
And there's a lot. I have a lot of stuff going on. I'm really excited for the
future and the road and the journey that I'm on.
So, but if you're looking for me, Miss Be Positive is where I'm at on the TikTok.
(54:19):
And for people who are inspired to take the first step towards their health
journey, you do have an ebook that is accessible on, is it just on Instagram
or they can get it through TikTok?
No, they can get it on TikTok and Instagram.
It's under my profile located in the Stan store. door.
It is a beginner meal prep with real meals, not your, you know,
(54:44):
protein shakes that are good and they're healthy.
They're easy, they're quick prep because it is overwhelming when you start the
journey into eating better and eating healthy.
And, and so I just did, there's about 65 recipes, a breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
They can interchange them because you don't have to eat breakfast just to eat breakfast.
You can eat a lasagna in the morning if you want, like whatever,
(55:06):
you know? And, and so it's pretty simple.
Snacks are in there and just ideas for those who are just stumped. How do I do this?
Perfect. Perfect. And you do have a book coming out sometime in the fall.
Yes, I have a, it's going to be a hardcover book.
And I'll be honest, a lot of my recipes are, how I started this out,
(55:28):
my real recipes were old school Italian recipes.
So a lot of people were like, we know you're on a weight loss journey,
but can you make a real Italian?
And I said, okay, I'll do it. So these are all Italian, old school,
like off the boat from my grandparents, how I learned how to cook Italian recipes,
(55:49):
breads, cookies, all wrapped it up into one. That's going to be a hardcover.
It's going to be accessible on Amazon. And yeah, that's coming out September,
about maybe October. So.
Perfect. So everyone, please follow Kelly at Miss Be Positive on TikTok, on Instagram.
You don't want to miss when she's launching something new, especially if she
(56:12):
is coming out with one-to-one coaching.
How amazing will that be? That'll just be so great.
And you're going to want to listen to her in the morning. I promise you,
she's going to get you out of bed and she's going to start your day in the best way possible.
So thank you so much, Kelly, for being on today.
I am so honored that you took the time out to be here. Thanks for having me.
(56:35):
You're welcome. And I'm sure the audience just is now just completely motivated
to take that first step. So thank you. Thank you.
Everyone else, be sure to follow Hustle and Harmony wherever you listen to your
podcast and be sure to follow me on my social media platforms at Embody Med
Spa, at Phi Skin Care, and at Cher underscore Mom Boss. See you next time.
(56:59):
Music.
(57:40):
Music.
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