We Outside (But With Purpose)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Preach.
TikTok keeps showing mestupid snakes on the train,
I Dream of Jeannie,like wiggle my nose or whatever.
Boop boop and
So I got to get theI got to get the voice.
I got to get the velvet, get the silky.
You go to that gun show you,you finish it, and.
Hey, y'all.

(00:21):
Welcome to this episode of Hustling with Harges.
I'm Courtney,theater maker, soloist, knitter,
nonprofit strategist,and certified TV nerd.
I'm here with my co-creatorand real life sibling.
What's good everybody.
I'm Tyrone, motion designer,3D artist, animator,
self-proclaimed King of the nerds and cardcarrying film snob.
And yes, I am the younger sibling,which means I bring the innovation

(00:44):
and the petit.
This podcast is ouris our creative living room, a space
for deep convos, pop culture messand entrepreneurial chaos and sibling joy.
Whether you're a maker,
a dreamer, a burnt out artistor just nosy, this show is for you.
Let's build something dopeSo pull up, subscribe to your cousin
and let's get into hustlewhere heart is without Courtney.

(01:07):
What's going on?
What's going on?
To our YouTube subscribers out there,I also want to shout out our,
unofficial guest host matcha, the dog,
who is both demanding to be,
held but is acting very indifferent.
So you may hear, tiny four leggedguest host, as they go through it.

(01:30):
I'm doing well.
It is November. What pit.
Stop it.
Is that it?
I bet right now the hoodie says.
Who told you to say that?
What do you mean, November?
Pretty mean this November, I don'tI don't like it.
I I'd like it. Unsubscribe.

(01:52):
And so, yeah, I just, I
don't know if I thoughtthis is where November would be for me.
It's in variety for a variety of reasons,in a variety of ways.
And so, yeah, I feel good and forever
in transition, but it's definitelybeen like 11 months of transition.
So I'm like,is that just do we live here now?

(02:12):
This is this earth all along?
What happened?
What is it? Yes, I remember the dates.
Right. Yeah.
I'm sitting here like, oh no, itfeels like I'm like, oh no, this is great.
I can adjust to this new space.
And it turns out thatit's like the old space.
Wait, what?
So, yeah, I'm good.
I am in transition.
I am in deep contemplation.

(02:36):
How are you, bro? Bro?
Forever in Transitionis the name of my autobiography.
So that is where I am.
But I am in a really awesome spaceright now.
Awesome. Yeah.
A space that I very muchwant to talk about but will not that

(02:57):
but a lot of, I keep some of itclose to the vest.
Gotta keep some of it closed.
But things are good. Things are turning,things are turning.
A lot of irons in the firethat are kind of
forging into weapons, is very interesting.
Yes. Finish the metaphor.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
So that's really it's really cool.

(03:19):
It's a very interesting thingto be validated as a creative by people
who you respect, are in the industry
and have really no, affiliation to you.
Yeah.
It's like you get to feel likethe work speaks for itself.
Yeah.
Like, we we we make great thingsand somebody's got to see that work.
That's awesome.

(03:40):
Yes, that's where I am right now.
Also, I have a dog on my lap,which Who does not understand
the laying down of the lap dog part?
Yeah, sheshe stands in constant vigilance.
Just on your lap.
She's just shakingbut insists on being on your lap.
Guest star mash. How are you feeling, big dog?
Actually, how are you feeling?

(04:00):
Mediumsized dog, nervous ass, deadly nervous.
Okay.
Is. That's.
Although it is very interesting
that it takes 11 episodesto have a guest star with Marsha.
Right.
And it's a but it is fittingthat much is our first guest star, right?
She's been, you know, in the back.She's our secret producer.
Sometimes she will be back there,

(04:21):
but today she very much insisted onI want to be in close contact.
She want her close up.
Mister mil, and that's okay.
That's two moviereferences in in the first three minutes.
I'm on fire.
Fire at home.
That break was that break was needed.
Bam bam bam bam bam bam.
And thank you,all of us who supported us in our break.

(04:42):
You know we did. Yes.
Not release an episode two weeks ago.
We needed a moment to regroup, regather,do some things.
But I hope you all took that time
to go back to our previous episodes.
You know, we are today in episode 11.
We're doing this for a little bit.

(05:03):
Very excited about it.
So yeah, I hope you,you know, we're able to go back, revisit
some of your favorite moments,see what type of ridiculousness we said.
Earlier this year, and let us know, and
I hope you have some thoughts about howyou think we should close out season one.
at us go.
We are in our penultimate episode.

(05:23):
I love the word penultimate.
Penultimate is fun. That's a good one.
Yeah. And so today, in this,
in this space, we are actually in talkingabout, community.
Yeah.
Reallytalking about how community has helped
us, how,we've had some really great experiences

(05:43):
in the last few weekswhere the community has shown up for us
how we they cultivatethe support community.
We just see that
community is the name of the game today.
Yeah.
And even, you know, shout outto our four legged community member.
Yes. Okay.
So, yeah, we were really talking about,like, what it means to be connected to
people both, virtually and in personand how our communities have supported us.

(06:08):
Yeah, I'm very excited.
Community is is somethingthat I've always kind of been into
and I say into like it's a trend,but like something that I've been into,
but it feels more intentionalthese last few years,
which is very fun and very cool.
Before we get into the meat,before we get into the main moment,

(06:29):
we are going to jump into our siblingshout out, yeah, sibling shout out!
You. So,I'm going to jump in, I'll go first.
And so my sibling shout out this week,it's actually four siblings.

(06:52):
And it is Sean, Matt, Brian,
and James got booboo just names.
You know, just comingoff, a great success for, Superman.
Superman. Man, that was so good.
It was so good. Right.
But, yes, the good old Gunn brothers,but also Sean Gunn of,

(07:14):
you know, Guardians of the Galaxy,Gilmore Girls.
Yes. Road.
Yes. Gilmore girls,
but I love I love interviews with Sean,
and James Gunn, because they also, like,they both have their own.
They have their own separate careers,but they always shout out each other.
Yeah.
And I love that Like,

(07:35):
I know there are other siblingsthere, a whole slew of those Gunn boys.
But it is really niceto see how they both celebrated
each other's successes and have like,really kind of worked together.
You know,I'm always for support of siblings.
I do love, sibling shout outs,who share.
Hahaha. Nice. You get that? You see it.

(07:58):
It's I'm excited to I, I'm excitedto watch
two people who seem to enjoy each otherand enjoy their success,
like get to celebrateand like show up for each other so.
Yeah. Siblings. So my shout outsidethe Gunn siblings for sure.
I love that that they put each otherin each other's projects as well.
Like, yes, like James Gunnbeing a director is like always

(08:21):
putting Sean in stuff, but like there aresome things where I see James Gunn in,
like Sean Gunn led projects and I'm like,look at you
guys being cute, right?
And loving each otherand pushing each other and stuff.
Yeah, amazing.
Does your brother bring him in?
As another supporta group of supportive, siblings?

(08:43):
I have the Murphy brothers, Eddieand the late, great Charlie Murphy.
Tell them my timer.
And let me tell you, particularlyif for one reason why I love Eddie
and Charlie Murphy, let's take you backto the to the early 80s,
with the Wayback Machine.
Eddie Murphy is Wayne's World

(09:04):
still? Yes.
Eddie Murphy is doing delirious,and at the time he does not know.
But he is the youngest comicto sell out this arena,
and he's the youngest comic to have a tourbecause he's like
20, 20, 21, maybe.
But there's a momentwhere a woman yells from the crowd, Do Mr.

(09:27):
and, Eddie and Charlie Murphyto see shut up, bitch.
And you can hear him in the crowd
and Eddie drops
like and just almost walks offstage.
He's laughing. So hard, and it makes me.
There are just moments in this worldthat are happening

(09:50):
right nowthat make me miss Charlie Murphy so much.
silly and like, I just love.
I've always loved the camaraderie
and and communitythat Eddie and Charlie have built.
And I know they have other brothers,they have other siblings, I believe.
So, yes.
And so to the Murphy family, I, you know,I shout out to y'all,

(10:12):
but but Eddie and Charlieare just my favorite comedy duo ever.
Yes, I there's so many thingsI love about them, but I also love that
Eddie has said that the funniest personhe ever knew is Charlie Murphy.
Yeah, and watching Eddie
so lovingly impersonateCharlie is amazing.

(10:34):
You go to theGong Show, you finish it and.
There's some of the best EddieMurphy doing.
Charlie Murphy is reallysome of the best comedy to be found.
But I also appreciate that knowingI have some very real challenges
with Dave Chappelle, and who he's become.

(10:55):
The Chappelle's Show, giving
the audience an opportunityto connect with Charlie Murphy
as an individual,you know, not just Eddie Murphy's brother.
No onebut us getting to see Charlie Murphy
in his own humor, in his Mo, in a waythat's funny,
like getting to experience,getting to also understand, even though

(11:17):
it was just a segment of this personwho one of the funniest minutes
alive says is the funniest personhe ever knew is hilarious.
And so I feel luckythat we got to experience, yeah,
Charlie Murphy, it is he he is definitelysomebody who I am upset is gone.
It's just somebody who I didn't know.
But it is I they're their duo is fun.

(11:39):
And I think it's also one of my kindof favorite things to do is go back
into old Eddie Murphy properties, kind ofbefore the public knew Charlie Murphy.
And it's like, see where he's at.
Yeah, yeah. See. Right.
To see thatthe number of times that Eddie made
it made space for Charlieto show up like, yeah, see it him in,

(12:00):
Harlem nights.
Yeah. Or even in boom.I believe he's in Boomerang.
He's like a momentary.
You could, like,see the scene where, like, he just.
Charlie got therejust in the end, it's like.
Absolutely.
I wonder if I wonder what yearCharlie got his SAG card, or was he just.
Was he just, like, gangster enough?
It was like, oh, you know, say a cardand just like showed up.
Was it for he was he got it.

(12:22):
But it's just like the factthat he was there.
You know, the fact that,I mean, we got Charlie Murphy's true
Hollywood stories because, like,where Eddie went, Charlie went.
It's like,that is just that level of connection.
Is this beautiful to witness in real life?
Just because I've got, like, Charlie
Murphy with TikToktalking about these two Hollywood stories,
just him just sitting in front of a cameraand just be like, today,

(12:43):
I'm gonna talk to you about how I, againbeat the shit out of Jake or not
out of restrictions.
Right.
And then we went on vacation togetherlike, yeah, it's wild to me.
Fantastic. So. Yeah.So shout out to the gun brothers.
Shout out to the Murphy brother.Shout out to the Murphy brothers.
It is nowtime for our dynamic duo of Dynamic duos.
Countdown. We are on day

(13:06):
1111, y'all.
We are asking either,
Willow or Jaden Smith and, Debbie
Allen and PhyliciaRashad to come on this podcast
to talk to us about what it meansto be creative siblings building a career.
We will take either bothmultiple episodes with any one of you.

(13:28):
We will take.
Yeah,we get you dedicate a whole season to.
Right?We will do it right. We will take it all.
But it's been great too.
For 11 days or for 11 episodes.
See if anybody we knowcan connect us to anybody
they knowso that we can all get to know each other.
So we talk about what it means, again,to be creative siblings

(13:51):
and to build community.To build community.
I see it I see what you do in Tara.
Yes, I got it. Yes.
And so yes, I'll be tryingif either of the Smiths representatives
or the Allen representatives or the Rashadrepresentatives want to talk to us,
reach out, email hustlewith Hargis at gmail.com.

(14:12):
Hit us on the socials and let us know
when we can talk to y'alland young daughters.
and then everybody can talk to Marshaand everybody can talk to Matt.
Because that's all that really matters.
It's all that matters.
With that, we're going to transitioninto our main moment.
Now is the time for the main moment.
The part of the showwhere we dig a little deeper.

(14:34):
Whether it's creativity, culture,chaos or care.
This is where we pull the threadand see what unravels.
Very NPR of you.
It is right.
I'm trying to get my your PBS.
I get my NPR voiceand this time to see what's happening.
You know,get these voiceover gigs. Let's go.
Let's talk about itthis time to make it work.
So I got to get theI got to get the voice.

(14:55):
I got to get the velvet. Get the silky.
This is CNN.
Speaking of velvet, do you please tell me,
you know, it's Keith David's,Instagram handle.
Oh, Instagramhandles. Yes. Silver thread. Yes.
So good.
Absolutely. The wordbecause it is perfect.
The perfect handle smooth and rich.

(15:19):
That's it. That's signing.
That's all you needI just it's it's just right there.
Consistent.
Yeah. Hey.
That voice, you can hear it like any.
It's just like two syllables.I wish they had.
I wonder if they have, like a nameThat tune
for, like, voice actors, or it's like,I can name that voice in two notes, right?
Oh, what a great idea.

(15:41):
you.
Trademark patent pending.
Pending.
Is that, let's say, from The Simpsons.
It's like just looks everybodybenefiting that inventing vitamin,
talking to the family.
Yeah. And tastic.
Oh, ridiculous.
So for our main moment today, likeI said, we're talking about community.

(16:02):
We're just talking aboutwhat does it mean to be in community?
How have we been, intentional aboutbuilding community have participated.
And I know we didprevious episodes around networking.
But this feels less kind of strategic
and more about, like,how we just participate in community.
Yeah, I will say,like my working definition of community.

(16:23):
And I might have said this on the podcastbefore, but, you know, But my working
definition of community is the people whoyou show up for, who will show up for you
and sometimes those communitiesare based on
demographics, race,geography, sexual orientation.
Right.
But also there's a community of peoplejust like, who will show up for you

(16:45):
and who will you show up for?
And that is both in the good and the bad.
And and I think it is really worth naming.
few weeks ago,one of my favorite, podcast shout outs,
Franchesca Ramsey, released a videotalking about friendship, and I.
I didn't get to fully watchall of that video, but I did get to see

(17:06):
a lot of the backlash folks offered
when she was talking about the waysin which she shows up for her friends.
And there's just this like responseof, like, oh, I don't understand
why we have to do all that and whyblah, blah blah.
And it's just like,and I have a theory, like my girlfriend,
I've actually talked about thisa lot where I don't think
people know how to be friends in waysthat is surprising, and I know

(17:28):
I will claimI am not the most show up friend.
I'm I am.
I feel like my strengthsand friendships are.
I have deep loyalty.
I offer deep emotional support.
I'm good at being like,let's talk to the hard thing.
What's the thing that like thatyou need some support,
you need a soundboard,you need somebody to talk through it.
I'm also good at showing up in showing upin conversation, but showing up in ways

(17:51):
like I know people ask for it like, hey,I need these groceries, I need this space.
All right, let's do that.
I'm not good at, always being the one who kind of
can predict what somebody needs and just,like, show up without being asked.
Right.
Which I understandis what some folks need from a friendship.
And I get that this is not like that'snot the brand of friendship I offer.

(18:11):
But it was just wild to methat other people who were like, these are
when friend.
I know something friend has saidpreviously, it's just like having,
you know, making her calendar time
for the friends, being like,these are the times where we can schedule.
This is really making it like,intentional, where some folks felt like
it feels like administrativeto like take care of your friendships.
And it's like. No.

(18:32):
How else do you do it? Like, I don't know.
Yeah, that's a really great take.
I have to watch this video.
But also like I am I agree with you.
I don't think I am.
Well, I think I am a good friend.
I don't think I'm a great friend.
Like, there are ways I show upthat are that are helpful,

(18:54):
but there are ways that I don't show upthat can be very detrimental
to friendships.
I feel like I've lost friendshipsby not showing up, in ways that are.
An emotional lift for methat are not an emotional lift
for other people, that have caused riftsin some in some friendships.
So I hear you on the like the there's waysI can show up and there's ways I can't.

(19:15):
But there are also it's very it'salso really interesting the ways of like,
yeah, nurturing.
How do you nurture a
how do you intentionally nurturea friendship without scheduling stuff?
Like sometimes you have to schedule stuff.I get it.
I very much understand.
Yeah.
Some people are just like,I don't know, they don't have boundaries.
They just don't have, like.

(19:35):
I know they just want people to kind of
be there for them, but without communicating how they should be there for them.
But yeah, it is interesting.
And I've also found out that, like,
I don't want to say I'man occasional friend because I don't think
that I think that undersellsreally good to my friends, and I really
I do show up consistently,but I'm also the type of person
who is like, all right, it'sbeen six months since I've seen you.

(19:56):
No, no hard feeling.Let's get together. Right?
Like together, I know I, I could be,I can be a bad friend to somebody
who's like, well,
I haven't spoken to you in three months,so that means you don't like me anymore.
I was like,no, that just means life happened.
Yeah.
You know, I don't.
It's not that I didn't care or didn't see.
It's like I didn't talk to anybody.
I talked to my own mother oncea week, and.

(20:17):
That's right.
Yes. And I want to be clear.And I love her.
I love her just down.
That is my homie. Yeah, that is my mom.
And she gets once a week.
Hey. And it's
sometimes that conversation is like,I don't really have anything.
We'll talk next week, you know?
And it's like, so my level of deep care
is not reflectedin frequency of communication.

(20:41):
same Z's right.
And I mean that's obviously got to comefrom the household we grew up in.
I mean I feel like that'sjust our our space.
Yeah.
You know,but mom, like a mom would like to talk.
We could talk every dayif it was up to her and I.
It's not that I don't want to talk to her.
I had I had this great conversation,
with our father last weekwhile I was away.

(21:02):
And it wasit was perfect because it was just
it was just so tellingbecause he calls me and I'm like, hey.
And he's excited. He's like,your mom told me to call you.
And I was like, okay, And she's like,I don't know.
She said you sounded.
She's a sound, like he's upset.
So she told me to call you,so I'm calling you.
I love that man. Is like all my heart say.

(21:24):
He's like,I'm calling you. And I said, cool.
I don't need anything.
He's like, great, all right, doing it.
And I was like, so what? We want to talk
is I said, I just, I was told to call you.
Are you good?
I was like, I am good, And we hang up.
And I was like, that is that is it?
And I, I know that my father loves me

(21:45):
and anytime I call if I need it,he is there.
I love him.
But the idea of we could have deep lovebut still not understand.
Why are we on the phone?
Okay, but why are you calling me?
Why are you calling?
Why are we on the phone?
Are we talking?
Is. Is it. It's.
I'm offering that in this.

(22:07):
Okay. Goodbye.
Okay, so I'm offering thatand talking about community
because I do I have experience that
where some people are like,well, you didn't call me.
So you feel, oh no, I didn't call youbecause I don't call people.
This is not what I do.

(22:27):
I call you because I don't call.
But that doesn't meanI don't love you deeply
or care about your want to, like,show up for right?
Because to me, a phonecall is a way to show up.
But that's.
Is there an equivalent, right? Yeah. Yeah.
So yeah, that is just,you know, my thought on on community.
But I sometimes people it's like,

(22:49):
I don't think people are intentionalabout who they show up for.
And a lot of times people have theseexpectations about who shows up for them.
And sometimes they don't knowthey are prepared.
And and that can lead to a lot of hurtfeelings in real ways.
Yes, I have been on theI heard somebody is feeling
and because of how I didn't show upor because of how.

(23:13):
Or sometimesbecause of how I did show up, like was the
the way I showed up was not the way theyneeded or, you know, to our,
like, defense on the like
we live in the same houseand there will be moments
where I won't talk to youfor like two days and because of
not because of any love, love, loss.

(23:34):
I don't talk nobody.
I don't talk to anybody.
like. No, but.
No, I get it. I don't want where it's.
Sometimes my Okay.
She's laying down now.
She's hiding under the coversbecause she's a diva.
Oh, that now, I guess, but I love her.
So first question,why we just settled into it, but,

(23:57):
how is your sense of community changedsince the pandemic?
That's really that's a really goodquestion because it's changed a lot.
Like, I get it, my sense of community,
like as a person who loves peopleand like who loves to be around people.
The pandemic happened.
And then I was like,oh, I don't want to leave the house.

(24:19):
Like,I seen that a lot of people have said that
the the pandemic has turned theminto homebodies, rightfully so.
It was a terrifying time.
So like, but I,
you know, I,I was a person who I would love to go out.
I love to like, meet people and build

(24:39):
and I still I'm, I'm getting back into it.
But I very much want to havea large community, a community
that I can like that can both tap into meand I can tap into it.
And like, we can help grow our communityinto something like really special.
And the pandemic for quitesome time was just like,

(25:00):
I just want to stay in the house and like,
but you have to you have to go outand meet people to build community.
And so, you know, I,I am very thankful for September,
the cafe down next door for allowing
like for it to being becoming like a hub,
like a creative hub for community building

(25:21):
and like I'll always be grateful for them,for the people that are in my life now.
Yeah, that's that's beautiful to hear. I.
I think the pandemichas made me or post-pandemic,
it just made me more intentionalabout community.
But I'm I'm definitely that personwho was like, I want to be indoors.
Outdoors is scary.
I don't But I and I thinkI said this on this podcast before,

(25:44):
but I'll say it again,is that I actually love being elsewhere.
I don't like going It's the transitions.
Travel time drives me nuts.
I need the second.
Whoever'sworking on like teleportation or whatever,
whoever's out there,you know, Bezos is supposed to, like,
send me your girlfriend in the spacefor 11 minutes.
Can we, like,really worked on the situation?

(26:07):
That would be great, because I, I
you get me in the middle of a party,I'm in it.
I will be there.
I will shut it down.
I'll be stacking chairsand turning on lights.
I will party till the end.
But the second it's like,okay, well, this party or this community
event requireslike two hours of a commute in the rain

(26:28):
or the snow or TikTok keeps showing mestupid snakes on the train.
I don't want to go outside.
I don't want to go outsidebecause it's hostile out there.
It's scary.
Be it at the event, fine,get me at the function.
If there is a way to like,you know, I dream of Jeannie,

(26:49):
like, welcome my nose or whatever.Boop boop. And end up over there.
I would, be everywhere.
I would you be like,How is Courtney at two parties tonight?
I would be there nights.
I'm grateful.
I am grateful to live in a neighborhoodthat does have a fairly active,
like, creative community.

(27:10):
And, you know, this is a joy of kind
of Brooklyn and New York City as a wholeis that there is always something to do.
And I can, if I can get my mind rightand understand my travel time,
I'll get there.
There is also one of the reasons why I.
I think I really love working from home,and I'm glad and grateful
to work from home.
And I realized whyhow the pandemic changed me
as I was so used to being like,well, I'll just go from where I'm at.

(27:32):
If I'm out at work, then I am the timeI'll stay for the half hour or whatever,
stay at work, then go to the next place
and then go to the nextplace and then come home.
Because I am definitely.
Is it what?
Newton's first law of thermodynamics.
Like an objectsouthwest of object in motion.
Taste it. Motion like I am.
I am that I live my life that way and sothe transition to get me out of a house.

(27:56):
That's a lot of it, requires a lot.
A lot of effort.It's a lot of a lot of energy.
Now, once I'm out there,I can keep moving.
Once I once I've gotten over the hurdleto get out.
But it has made me also more intentionalabout my, like, online communities like,
social media is a hellscape,and I still love cheering on people.
Yeah, that is a thing.
That is a thing that I thinka lot of people don't like.

(28:19):
Yes, they use like online communityfor like TikTok and stuff like that.
But like as a gamer, the online community
is like people that I also actually know.
Right.
And I think a lot of people put that
in a very amorphous space
where it's like,you know, we're online friends,

(28:42):
but I'm like, but I also actually knowthese people, right?
Know very muchso where it's like it actually,
that pivots into one of our questions,which is kind of interesting.
So being on this podcast
developed now, if people haveparasocial relationships Right.
And whowe probably have parasocial relationships
with where you're just likepeople can see it.

(29:02):
And I know, you know, I have fans.
I feel like
I know there's kind of drop outhas the famously parasocial audience
where it's like,we are real friends, but we aren't.
I know, I know, we aren't real friends.
I think fairly Milligan and I ever met,we would be real friends.
But I know that's me and everybody else.
But but really, I've.
It's interesting to be on this side of

(29:23):
thinking about community,of a parasocial relationship where
there arewe have small a group of small and mighty
dedicated fans, many people who know usin real life, but also people who
don't know us in real lifeor maybe know one and not the other of us.
You know, I've been exposed tosome of Tyrone's friends
through this podcastwhere they, like now, know me.
And I know, Tyronehas been exposed to some of my friends now

(29:47):
who now know him, who've never met him.
They know me,but and I have friends who I know
who I haven't gotten to speak to in personor in real time in years,
who talk to me again or reconnect
because they get to hearthese thoughts, on the podcast.
And so there is this interestinglike parasocial
and actually socialor real social relationship.

(30:09):
That is kind of fascinating
to be a participant in, but it's alsopart of the community, I love anybody
who takes time out of their dayto listen to us be silly.
For an hourand a half at a time is like my homie.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, right? Yeah.
And so it's wild to have, like,
kind of deep affection for people whoI'm kind of talking about in the abstract,

(30:33):
who I don't actually know.
How do you feel about that? Ty?
What are your thoughtson a parasocial relationship versus IRL?
I feel very interestingabout parasocial relationships.
Coming from like, gaming,
like a lot of gamingis parasocial relationships where
or at least let me, I'm assuming I'mmaking sure that I'm using this correctly.

(30:54):
But like a lot of,like especially people in college,
we we would game on the weekends
and then we kind of wouldn'tsee each other during the week.
And then we were game on the weekendsand not see each other during the week.
But we would live in these like,
I want to say like a bubble, but it's not.
It's not in the sense of like, nothing was coming in or out.

(31:16):
Moreso of like,this is the framing that we lived in.
And, you know, we allow change in.
Some of us didn't allow change,
but we, we allow change in a waythat was beneficial to the group.
The I want to say, I think that's notnecessarily a parasocial relationship.
Okay. Yeah.
And googling parasocial relationshipsare in fact one sided.

(31:39):
Right. Gotcha.
And so in I think we're talking aboutI think this is why this is interesting
is we're talkingabout a slightly different version
of a parasocial a traditionalthe definition of a parasocial
relationship is a one sided relationship,in essence, where a person develops
a really strong connectionor understanding or a familiarity
with somebody who kind of has no ideathat they're in a relationship with them.

(32:02):
Gotcha.
Right.
Got you.
Right.
So, like,you know, my deep affection for like,
Debbie Allen and Phylicia Rashad, guys,they have no idea who I am right now.
Yeah,they will once they come on the podcast.
But but the idea is like,I have like a history, right.
Like, I know the three times I've metFelicia Rashad, I remember.

(32:26):
That's right.
And it's right.
And so I understand the context. Right.You know what I'm saying?
Where it's like, are we arein this relationship, but it is not so.
So because, you know,it is me having relationship at you.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, not with you at you at you.
I'm having relationship interests. Right.
Seeing what you're talking aboutand kind of what we're talking about.

(32:47):
What I'm talking about earlier
is the relationshipthat kind of exists in both places.
Gotcha.
Where we have theseall mind kind of virtual relationships,
but there's genuine connection.
We do know each other.
We have had an exchange,even if that exchange
or series of exchanges, even if thoseexchanges have all been online.
Right.But there is a general relationship.
There is a general like genuine like,yeah, I have the things you

(33:11):
you have said things to me.
We have talked to each other. Right.
I, you in real life.
And then there are just like real liferelationships, right? Yes.
And so it's interesting to say that like,I know very few people, I,
I don't know if any true strangerslisten to our podcast as an example.

(33:32):
I don't know who is out there with likebuilding a parasocial relationship with.
But that's part of the point.
It's like, yeah, no,but it is interesting in that for people
who don't know, who only know one of us,maybe as an example,
like nowbeing like invested in the other one,
even though they have no real relationshipwith the other one.

(33:52):
Right.
So like like I said, I have my friends
who are very interested in your animationwho you never met.
Yeah, like who. Right.
Who are interestedand but like, we have a real relationship.
And I like or peoplewho know me and are interested in like
my knitting and sewing, they're like, yes,oh yes, yes yes yes yes.

(34:13):
Right.
But I have it ever.
I don't know them. Right. Yes.
And so some people have it into this
like,you know, drop out this kind of famously,
filled with an audience of peoplewho, like, are deeply in love
with everybody on the drop out,and people have no idea who they are.
Nobody knows.
That's, you know, so I, I joke about my,like, Brandon Lee Mulligan or,

(34:35):
we actually, you know, I talk aboutwanting to marry Lou Wilson, right?
That's a fully parasocial relationship,right?
And a it is a joke.
I'm in no way I'm not talking Lou Wilson.
But it is worth knowingthat, like, I'm sorry. Lou.
So sorry. Lou.
Vanessa.
I think we would hit it off,that's separate.
But in the sense of,like, understanding that, like,

(34:57):
I have opinions about Lou and like,when he cut his hair and, like, all.
And I was, like, worried about him
with the Jimmy Kimmel situationwhere I was like, no, I need him to he.
That's not genuinely worried, I was upset.
What, is he genuinely worried?What is he going to do?
I know we have the drop out checks,but how is he going to make it right?

(35:18):
That is that is a pair of social relationsjobs.
Got you.
I have had some parasocial relationships
from previous jobs,which has been interesting.
But I, I, I am more of the person
who has the parasocial relationshipbecause of my consumption of media

(35:41):
where I'm just like,oh, I love this person so much.
I hope they are working more andI hope they get all the roles they need.
And this person don't know me from Adamlike, you know,
okay, so but we didI did have a moment when I was,
when I was doing, Activisionwhen I was, when I was beta testing,

(36:04):
somebody was talking about
the gameand I, my name came up in the conversation
and I had never met this person,but it's because
when I ordered some food, I putthey there were there was surprisingly
two Tyrone's in this, cafe I thinkwas like a Panera or something like that.

(36:25):
And so she was like,can you put your last name just like your,
your last initial down so we canso we don't give you somebody else food.
Don't you understand?
That makes sense to meI, I do I it's Tara h.
I gave my food and the lady is like,you wouldn't be Harge from
Call of Duty, would you?

(36:45):
I was like, yes. Crazy woman.
No it is.
She was like.
She was like,it's going to sound like I'm crazy.
He's like,but I literally just beat it, and I just.
And your name?
I'd never seen a last name. Like that.
So it now stuck in my head and I was like,okay, Get.

(37:06):
I'm never guesswho's never coming to you again. But
Nancy, I'd have been there.
I would have been like,yeah, you know, you could
you can give me some of that broccolicheddar and a bread bowl.
Oh, that broccoli cheddar bread ball.
Oh, you feel good. Delicious.
But yes, that is like a shallow veneer.
But, no, I, I yes,

(37:28):
my parasocial relationshipsare definitely more on the side of me.
Deeply involved in
some in some type of celebrity or artistthat I am currently obsessed with.
And obsessed in the way that is healthy.
Not obsessedin the way that I am in your bushes.
Not restraining order.
Yes. Yeah, not restraining order in.
Yeah, I get it.
It's just it's just interestingto, like, participate in them and I. Yeah.

(37:50):
Connected to this pandemic questionwhere it's
just likewe spent so much more time indoors.
But seeing media. Yeah. What that's done.
And so I am also tryingto be really intentional about
like what are the relationshipsthat I have there real
that I don't want tojust become like virtual where it's like,
do we can we see each other in realYeah, yeah, we see, each other in real.

(38:12):
How do I nurture and show upfor this person in a real way?
Yeah, through these people.And that's been helpful.
But it has made me just intentional.Just like, how am I engaging?
I also, you know, just shout out polyamoryin that being in multiple relationships,
I've had to be really clear abouthow do I show up,
what is the capacity I have,what does it mean
for me to be in relationshipwith this person or these people?

(38:34):
Are there ways that I can't show up?
And, you know,if this person wants something from me
that I just can't offer, how can I bereally clear, upfront Look at us.
Kinda look at
Not us.
Synchronized. Question.
You got it to you.
What is the difference betweennetworking and belonging?
Oh, that's a good question. For me.

(38:55):
I think there are ways in whichI think I'm a terrible networker
because I don't network.
I just like to know people. Right.
And I'm not right.
And I'm not saying that, like,as a trick or, you know, sometimes I think
it feels like, I'm saying something like,man, if you can fake, you know,
what is it?
If you can fake sincerity,you've got it made.
Like, I'm not now doing that.

(39:17):
I like people and I am not good
at strategic connections in the sense of,
oh, I see how this person can get me tothat, can get me to that.
I am just like we are at the same place.
We might be talking about the same thing.
Let's talk about it.
This is like, what do youwhat do you would do? I'm into that.

(39:37):
Let's talk about You know,like I was at this event last week and,
part of my role therewas, like, help facilitating,
the shuttles, getting people toand from our various venues.
But I also spent, like,I spent time talking to the,
like, participantsand my fellow community members,
but I also spent like some timetalking to the bus driver.
Shout out to my dog, Gary.

(39:58):
Gary was a great dude.
But partially because I'm just like, hey,
you are responsiblefor getting us safely to places.
I want you to be invested in my safety.
And you also seem dope.
So I will spend some time.
I spent some timelike building connection,
because you're cool person.

(40:19):
But I also like, in some ways, I guess
it's strategic, but it's also just likeI want us to be here together.
I want you to, like, you're here
kind of having to hang out for hoursto drive us places.
I want to respect and honorthat you were here, that you.
This is your time.That like your whole person.
So, like, let's chat.
Right.

(40:39):
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
Like,I while I feel like I am a good networker,
I am a person who just enjoysmeeting new people
because new people mean new stories.
And like, that's I just like,I just love collecting stories
and like learning about people and,and all the things that come with it.
And like, if anything,the last few months have told me

(41:02):
this just didn't talk to people.
Exactly.
Just talk like thatis because I have a solid network, right?
But if somebody is like,how do you network?
It's like, well, I talk to everybody.
Yeah, I talk to everybody.
And they're like, well, what do you
how do you strategic, how do you get toI don't know a lot of these people
when I talk to them.We didn't have no money.
We were just in a cafesomewhere, you know, to be like, right.

(41:24):
Just like these people are interns.
If I just talk, I just talked to people,
and I happenedto remember where they were.
And so then when I had to come back there
or I needed something in there,I reached back out.
That's it, that's it.
That's how I network becauseI'm genuinely interested in people.
I love hearing people talk about somethingthey're excited about.
Oh my God, it's the greatest thing ever.

(41:45):
It's it's I just shut up. I'm just like
Right.
And what is the is what is that.
And they're like you knowhave you ever done this.
Oh absolutely not.
No I don't that doesn't sound likeanything I would want to do at all.
But that's not you're excited about itright.
And I want to so I want to hear more.
So what excites you like when you do it.
What is the what is the niche?
What is the part. Where's the drama.

(42:05):
What's that can be a little bit of that.
I, I love it.
I was, I follow this,this magazine, TikTok group, the Nerdist,
which is likea, a well known online publication.
And they had,
they had people who are, you know, talkingabout what they nerd about.

(42:26):
And one of them was James Reamer,which I was very excited to see.
I love James Rimmer just in stuff.
I just love him
walking around and somebody was like,what are you nerding about lately?
And he goes, oh, sumo wrestling.
And I was like, fascinating, fascinating.
And he goes, I watch all the tournaments.I know all the wrestlers.
There's six tournamentsI've gone to five of them.

(42:47):
Like I watch them every year.
I can tell you all the wrestlers,I can take all the weight classes.
I can tell you who previous champions,new champions, up and comers.
He goes, I love it.
And I'm like, I now want to sit downand be like, I want to talk about movies.
I just want to talk about.
I want to talk aboutsome of wrestling with you.
I don't want to talk about anything.
Oh, yeah, we can talk about my stuff,but I want to talk about some of wrestling

(43:07):
with you. Right.
My special interest is that other people,special interest like, hey,
where do you want to talk?
Do you want to talk for hoursabout it? Correct.
Great. Let's do it.
Especially if we can do it oversome good food.
You got me locked in.
You got me there for a am I like, so what?
So, like, talk to me about it again.
Tell me to look up.
What are the nuances?

(43:27):
Well, if you could do it,what are the things you would change it?
Where do people.I always love the pain points.
Where do people get upsetabout this thing?
I want to know aboutwhat are the rivalries?
What is the petty version of this thing?
I love it, yeah, I love guy.
I love hearing about people,special interests.
So last question.
So can you name a moment when you actuallyfelt community in your body?

(43:50):
Absolutely.
it's in the lastit's in the last few months.
It's, when my friend Julius movedto Australia, we had a going away party
for him, and it was a really beautifuland, like, heartwarming thing.
And it was on the.
I feel like I've only been recentlyin, like, intertwine in his community.
But being there felt really good,just felt really natural.

(44:15):
Like everybody there was like,
which is very cool, but also very like,interested in each other.
And that was a greatthat's a very great thing.
I felt it,it deep in my bones. Deep in my sandal.
Shadow. Chakras.
Similarly, in the last few weeks.
So I mentionedI went to this event last week and it was,
just an amazing community gatheringof, folks I've been in community

(44:37):
with for around ten years now.
And there's just a moment.
There are two, like,
the first was just this collective momentwhere we're standing at an ocean.
At the ocean.
An indigenous elder is singing toand we're offering a prayer to the ocean.
And I'm yeah, I belong to the world.
I belong to the ocean. Like,this is just it.
Like feeling that just like deep openness.

(44:57):
And then I had, like, a personal momentwhere I really.
I offeredjust some vulnerability to the community.
And everyone circled me and held me in,like, there is a literal laying of hands.
And it was I it was ait was just deep belonging.
I I do have this, I am presentto help support, but I am in it.
And that was I'm doingeverything I can really to hold on to

(45:19):
and recall that feeling, to rememberand like stay in it, to not, Yeah.
Remember,
like I showed up in deep vulnerabilityand community showed showed back.
Yeah.
And I was like, yes, I do belongI'm doing this and I've cultivated genuine
connections ask for something from,and I can continue amazing.
So good, so good, Well,yeah, we're going to transition

(45:41):
a little bit into our, one of our recurring segments.
This is learning edges.
And so
learning edges, we
talk about the thingsthat we are learning,
the things that we are tryingstriving for.
getting through.
And so with that,I will Tyrone share where
his learning edgesmy earning it, my learning edges are lead.

(46:04):
No, that's that's a terrible joke.
We're going to cut that.
We're not going to do that.
So I am in a very my my learning edges is
is kind of on the job right now
where like I am learning how to.
Not so much pitch like I pitching is inthe is in the document that we're that

(46:26):
we look at over but like it's morehave having a conversation
that tells the story of what we wantor the story that we want to tell,
to people who are both, activelylistening
and, reviewing our work

(46:48):
in a space that seems more professionalthan we've done it previously.
And the way that I'm doing that is like,I'm, I'm practicing pitching with friends.
I'm practicing, you know, I'mworking on decks and I'm sending decks to,
like, people who I feelclose enough to that, like, give,
you know, we have that that conversationabout discernment a long time ago,

(47:09):
and talking about, like,you know, taking the advice and like,
sometimes, again, the thing that you needis people to look at it.
And it's been really helpful.
It's been the feedbackI'm getting is really great.
But we areyou know, I've just been researching
what pitching doesand how to pitch properly and like,

(47:31):
what successful decks look likeand like taking things from what I see
from successful deckslike, Adventure Times deck is really fun
because it's like kind of drawnlike a child and it it's,
it's communicated professionally, but likethe font choice and the, the character
profiles, they're all drawn like childrenbecause it's the style of the show

(47:52):
and it's, it shows youthat it also doesn't have to be.
And they range,you know, decks range from like
my decks are usually anywherebetween like ten and 12 pages.
But the Adventure Timedeck is 47 pages, like,
so like you and they, you know,they build a world.
They, you know, they
they went on to become, you know, CartoonNetworks, easily Cartoon networks

(48:12):
most successful and profitable showthey've kind of ever produced.
But what it's, it's shown me that
what I'm realizing is thatthere aren't kind of any rules to this,
like the, the, the process
of being able to tell your story to,
you know, effectively depends on the story

(48:33):
and depends on the persontelling the story.
But you also can kind of,you know, wing, it seems.
Like,
what am I trying to say?
It is very pitching.
What I'm realizing is not easy,but very simple.
It is a simple task,and getting out of your own way

(48:57):
is the first step in like understandingthat people don't like your story
does not mean that it's a bad story.
It just means that it is not.
It might not be for them at the time,and I, I mean, in the last few months,
it's just been I've been learning so muchkind of so quickly
that it's it's hard to quantifyif that makes sense.
both during the legal aspects of thingsand the creative aspects of things,

(49:22):
you know, being both administratorand creative director, figuring that out,
figuring out what a creative directorrole really is instead of something.
You're just like reading a job
description on LinkedIn about, like,what is the day to day?
What is your everyday thing look like?
Some days they're nothing's happeningand then other days
everything is happening and you'rejust trying to put that together.

(49:47):
And that's been very interesting.
Super fulfilling, very difficult.
But also something that I feel verythat feels very natural to me.
I've been
prone to take the hard wayon a lot of things
because I feel like if you don't,you know, it becomes too easy for you.
It didn't count.

(50:08):
I don't know why.
I don't know where that came from. World.
Okay.
I don't know why I think that way,but that's that's just that's
how I've thought.
And I've through therapy and my sister,
I have slowly started to chip awayat that part.
A part of me.
what even is that?
You know, I don't know.
That's a totally different conversation.

(50:30):
even is that?
But what I'm also realizing is that I am.
Very proud of myself in this way, because,
I'm of two minds,
the mind of Courtney,where, you know, the all the hard work,
all the the the late

(50:50):
nights, the ideas and worldsthat are both the destroyed
and created in my mindconstantly is starting to pay.
Is starting to really pay off.
But I'm also going to mind, herpartner surge, where
magic is in fact real.
And sometimes good shit just happen.

(51:11):
a very it's a really interesting dualityto live in.
Which is,which has been a really great time in like
and I know this is about like learning,but a lot of this learning
has been on the job and I say on the job,but like kind of on the fly
thinking like, there are someYouTube videos that I've been watching.
There has been some,

(51:32):
some like webinars
I've been in and just like conversationsI've had with people in the industry,
but a lot of it is just me figuring if itif it doesn't work,
pivoting in a waythat feels comfortable to me because,
you know, people talkabout getting out of your comfort zone.
I, as a personwho is both in his comfort zone

(51:53):
and actively pushing the boundary of hiscomfort zone, staying in your comfort zone
in a way that allows you to grow,I think, is this is the secret weapon.
I think that's the source.
Like if you are like, let's like
let's just take,you know, let's take LeBron, for example.
as his comfort zone is sportsand athleticism.

(52:17):
It's not just basketball.
It's it's athleticism. It's leadership.
It's it'syou know his entrepreneurial aspects his
his his comfort zone is is probablycan probably be summed up in ambition.
And he carved his comfort zone
to fit what he wanted to go after.
If that makes sense.

(52:38):
Yeah, I think it's to me,I think a perfect metaphor or something
is like lifting weights,in the sense of like to lightweight
if you,if somebody who doesn't really fit.
But I understand that.
Like if you lift too light,you're not going to get any change.
Yeah, right. You justthis is something you do.
It's not going to impact your muscles atAnd if you lift too heavy,
you're going to injure yourself.
You're also not goingto get any change, right?

(52:59):
Or you won't even lift or you won't,
or you won't even let your body pickit up, can't even pick it up.
Right.
And so improvement is constant.
It's the constant adjustment of a thingthat is, like you said,
just outside of your comfortIt's got to be just beyond your body's
capacity enough to stretch it so that it'sso that you doesn't have an impact,

(53:20):
but not so farbeyond the as to be fully unattainable.
Yeah. And not so within your comfort zone.
It's like, well, I'm not stretchingor learning or doing anything at all.
And I think life in all of our learningareas are like constantly
playing at those work, at the work.
And so like,what are the aspects of the things
that you're, you're learningor what are the best aspects,

(53:41):
the thing you're doing
where some of the stuff is easyand some of the stuff is hard.
And so like, you know, LeBron,I think, as he said, is a good example.
But I'm sure there are times where it'slike when he was young, for sure.
And all of a suddenthe focus was basketball.
Yeah.
And he got so good at that.
Where okay, he's still maintaining
he's still doing the things right.

(54:02):
But then okay okay okay. Basketball.
And then like okaynow we're going to add business
because the basketball has gotten
the weight here has gotten lighterstill improving but it's lighter.
But now this is the space I need to be.
I'm sure at some point it was parenting.
At some point it was marriage.
You know, like, yeah, to get betterat things, to maintain the things.
There's a moment where like,all right, some things do have to be easy

(54:23):
for a second. Yeah.
For a little while
because that can't you can't constantlylearning at every edge all the time.
All the time. Yeah.
It's like a war on two fronts.Like you're. Yeah.
You're right. It's so right. You can't.
But but you're like, okay, this isthe edge I'm learning on right now.
And these are the things that I can holdwhile that happens.
Yeah.
That's and I feel like that'swhere I'm currently at right now.

(54:44):
I am at this space where like, things areboth things are easy.
Things are simple.
I don't think think like things are simpleright now.
And we are at a spacewhere like we're starting to push forward
through this comfort zoneand like figuring it out.
It's very exciting. But also terrifying.
Well, yeah, because the work you've doneis paying off in ways.

(55:05):
And now you're in you're in some ways,you've unlocked a new video game level.
You know, it's like,yeah, I know I have these skills.
I got this thingand now that's a water boss.
Wait a second, what do you do?
I've been on fire this whole time. Right?
All right. I've been right.I've been on the fire.
Thank God I'm ready.And now I'm in the water.
Oh, no. All right.
I understand some of the skills, but nowI have to build a new set of So that's.

(55:26):
Yes. That'swhere my learning edges is at right now.
My learning edge is actually similarin the sense of like it is.
So I'm really learning. I'mleaning more into shared leadership.
And I've workedin shared leadership before,
but I've spent the last like five yearsreally understanding what it means
to lead as a solo leaderwith a team and with support.

(55:47):
But, knowing that kind of ultimatelylike the final responsibility
and or energy was on me.
And now as part of a leadership team,I'm really understanding,
okay, where are the placeswhere I step in front,
where the page where I step,
and what is the ebband flow of that shared leadership?
And I in some ways, didn't
realize the amount of thingsthat I built for myself to be

(56:08):
that were just fully dependent on me,that I kind of my practices, that role.
Like, all right, well,I see this all the way through.
I gather information,I kind of go into cocoon, I work on it,
and then I bring it back outand it's like, actually,
now you witnessed the collaborationat the beginning.
How do you make space in all the stages?
How do you understand thatyou're still a leader?
Like there's still a deep responsibilityhere, but also that

(56:30):
responsibility is shared among, a team.
And really like really steppinginto that practice.
What is the information?
How am I accountable to that?
How do I.
Give everybody, on the teamthe opportunity to provide
input at critical juncturesas opposed to just being like,
here's a dumb thing,or here's the thing I did mostly.

(56:51):
And now you respond to it like,
and that's just an an interestingand kind of surprising learning edge.
Okay.
I think, I think I work wellin collaborate in collaborative spaces.
But I haven't been as practice.
I won't say good because I think I'm so
I think I'm so good at itand so learning it.
But I haven't been as practicein kind of shared.

(57:12):
Positional power or shared responsibility.
Okay.
And many of the things have been like,I know this is my project and
and have workedwell with people who want to help.
Right.
Versus we all are equally investedand all have equal says our project.
This is our projects. Yeah.
And so these are where our skills kind ofhave to continue to stay in constant
like rotation Do you feel like that isdo you feel like yourself

(57:37):
progressing towards like thethe outcome that you that you want.
Yeah, I feel like at the very leastI'm getting the skill set.
Okay.
And I'm gratefulto be in this opportunity and in this way
because I think.
Had I done this in a different waywithout having a long time
to get really comfortablein my leadership,
I think I would have been far moredifferent in, in my working with people.

(58:01):
Gotcha.
Where I would have been like,okay, well, you just take the lead
or you just figure it outand, and and I was different.
Like like deferring.
Gotcha. Like deferring. Yes. Yeah. Okay.
Where I now like having I get
kind of five years of leading on my ownand really understanding. Right.
These are the things I knowI can bring to this leadership.
Like if nobody else was here,this is how I know this And,

(58:24):
this is also no, Ithese are the things that I know
probably wouldn't happenbecause they aren't as my strong suit.
And so now being ableto bring that to a group and say, hey,
this is why I know
I can offer some expertiseand I really want to
and this is the space whereI would love to do some more learning.
And this is how I think we do
some things together, is it'sjust nice to be able to go to.
It does feel like a level up whereit's like,
okay, I really understood my own practice

(58:45):
and now I can also really seehow that practice works in partnership
and what are the thingsthat I can bring to that?
One of the things that I don'tand what are the things that can I really
how can we all level up together?
And how can I make sureto show up with that effectively.
And so it's just been really niceto one always I always love to learn.
I like to engage.
But to to be in practice in a communitythat I'm really excited about being in

(59:09):
and get to like, learn with people I careabout, for causes I care That's awesome.
man. Look at uslearning and growing and stuff.
Learning and growingpartnership and community.
That's fun. Is serious.
Only son is in there trying to.
You look likeyou are behind bars. Like in the clink
is when stripes is solid.

(59:29):
Amazing.
Now it's time. It's means tackle time.
I've heard of meat and potatoes.
Okay. Heart and soul
are so soul, you know?
Main moment is the meat hard to play?
Heart is so we are in for we're hard.
And so as always we have our two parts.
So work hard.
We really want to talkabout the labor of community.

(59:50):
How do we work it?
How do we build maintain,sustain connection
real Taryn, I'll let you pick a question.
I, I guess in a in a sense of community,when do you lead?
When do you follow?
And, like,when do you make space for others?
The short answer is, I don't know.
This is definitely one of those thingswhere, like,

(01:00:10):
you know, like cooking foodand and somebody is like,
you sap on the ancestors tell you like, absolutely.
100%. Right. Like, I.
Really, I recognize that I'm just a personwho takes up a lot of space,
and I don't think it's too much space,but it is.
It's an abundant space, right?I'm a big personality.
I take up And so sometimes it really is.
It is both instinct and strategy.

(01:00:32):
In the sense
of it's instinct in thatI think I'm a good listener.
And so I try it.
I can hear what the room is saying,but I also recognize it is it is.
Intuition is where the ancestors are.
Like there's just a moment where it's likethere's a thing that people are missing.
And in some ways it's a
I've described this is like when I directin it's audiences.
Like for me it feels like is like a,like a thing moving through the air.

(01:00:56):
Right?
Like, I don't know, italmost looks like a, an animated like
wind tunnelwhere I just feel the rhythm of the room
and it plays out for me in that sometimesI'll see a thing.
I don't know what the thing is,
but I just have a sense of there'sa thing in the middle
and hearing people and it's like,okay, the wind tunnels circling a thing.
I said, oh, there's a thing, and I'm gonnathere's a thing in the middle.

(01:01:17):
Somebody,somebody has to hit the thing, right?
And when I see that, it's still circlingand it hasn't hit the thing,
it's like oftentimes,
okay, I'm going to say this thingand then sometimes it changes the room.
You're like, oh, I seethat was the thing that needed to be said.
Sometimes I also see that there's a thing
where circling, that'sthe thing that needs to not be said.
So it's like, nope, we're going to we'regoing to keep yeah, this that's that way.

(01:01:38):
But it is.
I do experience it as, waves of like,these are the things I need to say.
And then sometimes I'm like, okay,I know what the topic is supposed to be.
These are
I have a resource, I have somethingthat I want to offer here.
And so sometimes it can be strategic inthat, like I think this could be helpful.
Or if I, if I hear like this type of need,it's like, oh okay, I think

(01:01:58):
I have this thing to And so,
I wish I could say it
was more prescriptive, like,I wish I could say I knew more about it.
And the other time I will say though,it's like, when do I lead?
It's like, if I've been asked to leadand I feel really comfortable,
like, okay, I'm steppingand I'm going to hold and facilitate
But if I'm showing up as a participant,then I really like follow
the vibe of the room.

(01:02:21):
So stupid.
Yes.
But I but there is a there is a vibeand I feel like part of my artistic
practice and facilitationpractice and, and professional practice
has been trustingthat I'm reading the vibe correctly.
And I've been I've been moreI've been right so many more times,
and I've been wrong.

(01:02:41):
That's really that makes a lot of sense
because I'm very much the same way,especially if I when you said
that you've been invited to lead,I absolutely show up.
But I've but when somebody is like whenbut when I'm there as a participant,
I very much want to like absorb the,

(01:03:02):
the energy of the roomand not in the sense of like absorb
to like, like a parasitic relationship,but like very much
so the Dragon Ball, lend me your energyspirit bomb way where, like,
everybody is bringing everybody energyinto one or multiple
people to, like,get a betterment, get a better, like,

(01:03:26):
experience, whatever that experience is.
And, like, letting others shine is like,I feel like,
that superpower of mine, like, I,I very much enjoy
talking about other people'saccolades and, like, talents and skills
and then letting them kind of lean into,you know, it's like, I think I it like a,

(01:03:49):
like a relay race where, like, I'm runningbecause I'm telling the person
and then I hand the baton and that batonis like smoothly transitioned.
And now that person gets to run
and tell their storythe way that they want to tell it.
That's what I and likebeing about communities
to me is just showing off my friends.
I love it.
So up boundary, about that.

(01:04:10):
I love talking about Boston love boundary.
How do you balance being availableto other
if that becoming everyone'semotional infrastructure?
phenomenal question.
I'm probably more
the issue of not being available
because I does enjoy my alone time.
Like I enjoy just being marooned by myselfas much as I love community.

(01:04:33):
I feel like you also have to bein community with yourself.
Some people hide in theircommunity each that's a word.
So you can do some work. How?
How do you like being with you?
Yeah, some people hide in their community.
And that was, you know, as a personwho definitely used to hide
in his community, I've gotten better,and now I, I really enjoy being by myself.

(01:04:54):
And, like, I enjoy being by myself moreso than is probably healthy.
So I should probably,definitely be more in my community.
But like, the boundaries for meare usually like,
me wanting to be by myself
sometimes shows lack of intentionor desire

(01:05:15):
to be around my community,which is definitely not the case.
I just very much enjoy being by myself
and not an introvert in the sense,but more so in like, just like I.
It takes me longer to recharge. Then.
Then most people know I fully relatebecause I deep extrovert,
I love being around people,but I also really like me, I like me,

(01:05:39):
I like my things, I like my bed.
And so it's definitely a lot of like,are y'all got it?
I'll be back.
I'll be back.
But also I do, as part of the reasonwhy I think I'm not always the one
to physically show up is I can very muchbe the one that emotions like, I.
I get a lot of calls or texts or whatever.

(01:05:59):
It's being like, this shit is hard.
Let's talk And I can be in that space.
And so it is definitely easierto get me in a hard conversation
than it is to get me to like, travelto a different borough.
Like, that's just.
You know?
Yeah.
And like, that's funny, but very true.

(01:06:21):
But it is.
And it's like, that's it. I'mnot I'm not to help you move, friend.
But I am like,
let's break down like you're but you're,you're, you're you're break out.
Let's break out, down.
Your break up a while.You're feeling sick at work, friend.
You know, like I let's talk about that.
Let's talk about like I amnow dead or holding you back.
Like, let's talk about that.
Well, I'm not to help you move, friend.

(01:06:42):
I will buy you a pizza and beer,and I hope you I'm back.
I'm. That's.
I could be happy I'm not sure for sure.
I'll have you back.
But you talk about grabbing one thing,picking things up, putting things down.
No thank you.
You're not.Pick things up and put them down.
I do not do that.
And so, yeah, sometimesit can be hard to balance though,
because sometimes people are just like,

(01:07:03):
here is the really, really hard thingI'm going from going through right now.
And I'm like, I'm at work.
I need a minute.
Like,you know, like I want to be there for you.
But I also do have some my own things.
But it is it is hardbecause sometimes people show up for me.
The way they show up for meis by bringing me
their hard things,and I'm happy to be that.
And I also have to be like, hey,
I can't hold thing orwe can't engage in it in this way today.

(01:07:27):
Yeah, something,
but I do, I do like
to, to show up and be able to say,hey, I can, I can carry a lot of that.
The hard stuff with you.
I like to I feel like I amthat person that can carry the hard
stuff and like,can be emotionally there for people.
But sometimes I feel like, I don't know,
stunted emotionallyin a way that feels unhealthy

(01:07:48):
at times where like, it's not,I don't know, just somedays, like, yeah,
I'm sure it's because of the autism,but there are moments where I'm just like.
My brain just doesn't.
It doesn't go there.
It just like itlike skips a track and I'm like,
I don't know what that does me like,and I don't know how to explain that.
And I feel like I feel like thatsometimes that's like, messed up or or,

(01:08:11):
cause a riff in community,
whether that be platonic friendships or,you know, romantic relationships,
I feel like that's just somethingthat's just.
And stuntedmy have not been the right word.
But like, I don't know, it just feels
sometimes it sometimes it feels harderto be a good friend.
To be the friend that I want to be.
Rather than the friend I am.

(01:08:33):
So, I will offer, though, like,sometimes, like,
one of the challengesI've had in friendships, though, is
where folks want me to do their emotionalregulating for them, where it's like,
I need you to feel this thing for meso that I can figure it out.
And that's in some waysa really hard boundary for me.
I will feel what I and I can talk to youabout what but I'm not going to feel

(01:08:55):
what you feel. Feel. Gotcha.
And that is, you know,talk about a kind of a line for me.
It gets really I get really, frustrated.
Might be the right word.
I don't I, I hate when people outsourcetheir emotional regulation to me,
where they'relike, let's say they're feeling upset.
And so then they get try to get me upset

(01:09:15):
to calm.So then we can calm down together.
And I was like, no, no, no,let's just work on calming down right.
How I feel isn't I can help you withouthaving to feel what you're feeling even.
Even if I'm offering deep both sympathyand empathy,
I don't actually have to or peopleI do get.
I can get frustrated when folks for whomtheir plan for emotional

(01:09:37):
regulation is just tell Courtney rightwhere it's yeah, I'm upset.
And it's like,what have you done to try to regulate?
Have you. Yeah, yeah.
Are you, are you really havewhat are some tools that you've done.
How can we work on this togetheras opposed to just like
talk to you about it,talk to me about it or like be.
Yeah.
I don't know. You're just like,come to me with all the stuff

(01:09:57):
and it's like, do you have it?
And then like, want me to just solve it,like to go through and process
and do all the,yeah, resource hearing for you.
And so I just I want to invite youif that is also your experience
sometimes where somebody is just like,I have this big thing, I can't feel it.
And then they're upset at youbecause you haven't solved it.
You haven't come up with a solutionfor them to feel better.
Like that is not a lack of empathy.

(01:10:19):
That doesn't mean that you didn't feel it.
It does mean that they like, have triedto outsource their regulation to you.
Interesting.You can determine how you feel about that.
Let's do with that informationwhatever you want.
Something to think about as a group.
Do you want to doany more of these work hard questions
or we can jump into I mean,we got pretty heavy on the work hours.
Yeah, lots of, let's make it playful.

(01:10:41):
Let's jump into the play hard.
Oh, I love this question.
Where did community livewhen you were younger?
That is a good question.
My first answer,frankly, is, are basement hundred.
That was 100% to be my answer.
Yeah.
Like, shout out to our parents,but they redid our basement.
And then so many of my friendslived in our basement,

(01:11:04):
just like that'swhere we spent summers and free time.
It's like, you can
you can find in a lot of the parentsreally love that because they knew
if the friend group was somewhere, if theyweren't home, there's a strong chance
they're in Courtney's basement.
And like, having that, like, space
to go was so, it was just powerful.
It was just nice to be there.
And it also, frankly,I said the downside might be also why

(01:11:27):
I don't like to leave my house nowand like, but now, because you don't.
The party used to be in myit was in my basement
and it was in my basement.
I'd never have to go get it.
It was always right there.
The other placeactually would definitely be rehearsals.
I see that as a list.
Like, I love a rehearsalfor a play after school or a dance class.
Like getting there sitting like so much in

(01:11:48):
my community was just like,we are in here about to do this.
artistic thing being teenagerseat and snacks
and just eating absolute garbage.
And our bodies never failed. You know?
And and now I think about ita cookie and my knee hurts.
It's just right.
It's like, sugar, start talking about it.
You start using words like inflammation.

(01:12:10):
But yeah.
No, but I just think somany of the things are sitting on some,
like, uncomfortable, fabric coveredbench outside of a rehearsal room or,
or a dance class like chillin.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
That are I get it's not interesting.
It's just this is our lifeis that both of those answers are mine.

(01:12:31):
Like rehearsals are 100%.
We're, you know, we're sitting, it'sChristmas, we're sitting in tuxes
waiting on the outside of this forthis one concert just to kind of be done.
Yeah.
We've been singing the same songsand we're just like, we're laughing again.
We're just have,you know, people. We're just.
We're just drinking like MountainDew and, like, Doritos,

(01:12:53):
and we just.
Our bodies are just like, we'll processthis. It'll be fine.
It's fine.
This is liquid.
It's. Yeah, it's barely been.
You're going on, like, four hours sleep
because you've just been rehearsingand going to school.
But another thing for me, goestaekwondo.
Taekwondo was a big part of my life.
So, like, a lot of my friendscame from their, like, community.

(01:13:16):
In the community, there was like, amazing.
I miss those people so much.
It's like,I miss a lot of those people so much.
The, you know, seeing those people,it was kind of like school, but school,
it was different because like,know that because I went to taekwondo
with went to the same school as me.
So like I got to see these people andagain, you know, I'm collecting stories.

(01:13:37):
That's really all I'm doing. I'm just likemeeting people and collecting stories.
Even at the age of seven.
And so it was really interesting to like,
we would have these lock insor we would have these, like
overnight parties where, you know,we would come in, we would do
class,we would go home, change, come back.
And we were like, okay, it'spizza and music and video games now.

(01:14:00):
And, you know, shout out to the limbs.
I love them so much.
Absolutely. I love them all so much.
But they would also sneakin some training
while, specifically for the competitionclass, it's sleepovers.
Or they're like, okay, cool.
Also, we're going to do some rigging,do some jumping practice.

(01:14:21):
Okay.
Cool drills, bring some drillsbecause because one, we want to tack
because you're all the children.So are we going to hire y'all out?
Absolutely.
Because because the one see wechildren are safe children.
And that's a real thing.
Have to come for the Sugarand Domino's pizzas.
Good times,
I have an imperfect answer for this,but I'm like, what were some moments in

(01:14:43):
BDF film TV games that capture
both the beauty of your community andor communities you want to participate in?
Oh, the entire genre of anime.
It's the entire genre of specificallyshonen
anime is built on thethe purpose is built on community.

(01:15:04):
Like you think of likewhether the people in the community are
everybody is diversified.
But the community feeds off one another.
You know, we take, likeand that community has bled
into the real life, into the real world,you know, looking at what's happening
and Palestine, you know, it's always,you know, free Gaza over here.

(01:15:26):
Always a, but
they have been using the image of Luffy
to show liberationand freedom on flags in real world.
And I'm like,this is this is the anime community
as trash as it can be,
it can be super struggles.

(01:15:47):
It has to be.
It can be very toxic.
It can be very gatekeeping.
There are moments in itwhere it's something
I'm really, truly proud to be a part of,and moments like that are one.
But also, yeah, Power Rangers for sure.
Community gets them. Kids are wild.
They should not 30 year oldfucking teenagers.
Yeah. Yikes. I,

(01:16:10):
I keepthinking about, like, one of the Muppets.
I want to go on tour, with Doc Mayhemand the Electric Teeth so badly. Yes.
That would be it.
But also,I think I said this a few weeks ago, but.
All right, the clubs in Law and Orderand Law Order SVU,
they everything goes badly.
So I know the only reason they're ever in
the clubsis because something happened terribly.

(01:16:31):
That's not I don't want that part.
But the they always make the clubslook so cool.
Oh, that looks so muchcooler than they are in real life.
There's so there's the music is poppin,everybody is dressed,
there's places to sitand talk about in clubs, on television.
Looksso much better than clubs in real life.
It's so it's made me think that I want I want to go to a club.

(01:16:55):
So yeah.
So I was watching Law and Order SVUand they had like a club scene
where they go and I was like,that club looks jump back to bed.
It's assumed that some stuffis about to go down, but I want,
I want to be in the club on the nightwhere the stuff doesn't go down.
Right, right. This is what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Give me those nights I want to be inthe night without without the or whatever.

(01:17:20):
Also, almost all weddings in the middle
where at the end of a black movie or,you know, talking about comedy.
Now, I've been to real weddingsthat feel like that,
but they're just like they're everybody'sperfectly dressed, right?
The music also banging, bangingjust just in the middle of
at the end of the day that everybody.

(01:17:42):
Right.
Everybody is singing.
Everybody's like dancing with the babies.
Right, right.
That's that'sthose are days like yeah, that's what.
Yeah.
But notbut but not at the beginning of movies.
No no no.
Usually the weddingsat the beginning of movies are bad.
They're usually some type of tragedy,some type of tragedy.

(01:18:04):
Because I think of somethingthat's it out. Right.
Some nonsense.
So, no, but usually thethere's one in the middle or the one
at the end over the post-credit scene,that one's post-credits scene, those are.
Those are good. Yeah.
Well done.
The Spider-Verse people.
Also, everybody in Spider-Verse,
the communityI really like, the the roof party.
And the second one. Yeah,that was awesome.

(01:18:26):
For Jefferson's promotion, for sure.
Yeah. like, that's cool.
Look at this cool part for Milesand the messed up cake.
But yeah, that party you looked out,I probably don't.
All right, all right, that's it.
That's 11 in the books, right?
It feels like a good one. So happy.
So we got to talk. About what?
What it means to workhard and play hard with community.

(01:18:48):
I'm excited for next episode,
our next episode, our first season finale.
First season finale. Wow.
I've never had that finale.
Hey, we got a season.
And so,
you know,that last episode of our season one,
we're going to talk about closuresand endings.
So like, yeah, what does it meanto wrap up a project or close a chapter

(01:19:09):
and talk about what it means,what we've learned, in this first season,
what we may be looking at for season two,who knows?
We got to talk to the network yet, right?
We got to talk to our people.
We got to get on the hornand see what the deals are.
But this has been just lovely.
This has been so fun.
Yeah. we'll see what's coming up next.But we got one.

(01:19:30):
One more for season one now.
I love that y'all came on that ridewith us.
Absolutely. Let us know.
Let us know what you thought.Let us know what's working.
Let us know what's not working.
You know we can fireTyrone. It'll be fine. Nah.
Hey, be your own people.
Hey, we just talk about community.

(01:19:52):
Yeah.
It was one.
This is one where we get.Where we get all the money.
We change, we get different competing,turn into succession.
Now that is too much money.
This is so we we are in this together.
But. Yeah. Let us know what you like.
Let us know what you want to hear more of.Let us know what.
If you want a season two, let us knowwhat, you want in that season two.

(01:20:18):
And Tyrone,where can they let us know these things?
They can let us know these thingsat hustling where harder is on
Instagram TikTok YubTub.
You can email usat HustlingWithHarges@gmail.com.
Okay, I'm constantly checking this thing.
I'm on all the socials message, damn.

(01:20:41):
Instagram, all of it.
All of it.
All. All of it.
we're so happy to be back.
Glad to you.
Thank you for, taking that bit of break with us. Happy?
We're we're back.
And one more episode to go.
All right,so this has been happening with Hargis.
Thank you for your time.

(01:21:01):
We'll talk to y'all later. Bye.

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