BDSM, Choking & Aftercare: A Kink Masterclass (ft. Amanda Dames)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with Amanda Dames, the kink consultant and sex & relationship coach, for a deep dive into the world of kink — from power dynamics and negotiation to choking, bondage, chastity, and aftercare. Amanda, a former dominatrix and current coach for couples and individuals, breaks down how to safely explore desire, communicate boundaries, and find confidence in both dominance and submission.

We discuss:

• What a kink consultant actually does and how Amanda works with couples and individuals

• How to talk about kink and start negotiating scenes with a partner

• The concept of core desires: what drives your kinks on a deeper level

• Power exchange and why it’s one of the most common and misunderstood kinks

• How to safely practice choking and the difference between sides and trachea pressure

• How to create and close a scene, use safe words, and practice aftercare

• The difference between a kink and a fetish (and why fantasizing isn’t cheating)

• What to do when one partner is kinky and the other isn’t

• The importance of curiosity, consent, and mutual care in exploring desires

• Why choking porn shouldn’t be banned, it should be taught safely

• How to avoid nerve damage in bondage and the importance of safety scissors

• How to transition between dominance and submission when you’re a switch

• Why chastity for men is on the rise and what makes it exciting

• The realities of power play, punishment, and control

• What good aftercare looks like: from cuddling to next-day check-ins

• Why communication before, during, and after sex prevents harm and deepens connection

• The role of negotiation, consent, and enthusiasm in every scene

• Why more women should take control in bed and why more men should learn to be submissive

• How lingerie, pegging, and roleplay are more common (and fun) than people think

• Amanda’s fetish for being punished and how fantasy enhances orgasm