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July 30, 2025 8 mins

Today’s news shakes the world—literally and figuratively. In this high-stakes global roundup, we cover:

  • A magnitude 8.8 earthquake off Kamchatka sparks tsunami warnings across the Pacific

  • Japan evacuates nearly 900,000 people after smaller waves strike northern shores

  • Global markets brace for back-to-back central bank decisions with tariff deadlines looming

  • Trump’s “Liberation Day” tariff threat stirs fresh tension in U.S.–China trade

  • NASA–ISRO launch the NISAR satellite, a $1.5 b Earth-monitoring mission

  • UK hints at Palestinian state recognition amid growing Gaza pressure

  • UN warns Gaza famine is unfolding, contradicting earlier denials

  • A9 crash in Scotland shuts down traffic and nerves

  • Friendship Day marked worldwide, though the news cycle isn’t exactly in a hugging mood

  • NFL camps take a breather, reminding us not all games are geopolitical

Join us for a satirical stroll through serious stories—where earthquakes, embargoes, and existential dread all share airtime.

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