From Air Force to Pageantry: Kim's Story

Building Authentic Connections: Amanda McCombs and Kim Chatto on Community and Resilience  

In this engaging conversation, Amanda McCombs and guest Kim Chatto, Miss Willard Bay, explore themes of authenticity, community, and resilience. Kim shares her rich background, including her military service and transition to civilian life as a defense contractor. They discuss the importance of building and maintaining genuine connections, both in personal and professional spaces, and lifting each other up in a supportive community. Kim talks about her platform, Highly Favored, which emphasizes the importance of sharing stories of resilience to strengthen communities. They also touch on experiences in the pageant world, highlighting the positive energy and supportive environment it fosters. This episode is a deep dive into how real connections and community support can make a significant impact in one's life.  

 

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction

01:03 Kim's Background and Military Career

03:54 Challenges and Pressures of Life

06:18 Importance of Community and Self-Care

08:34 Dating Experiences and Reflections

14:53 Parenting and Personal Growth

21:45 Podcast and Pageant Experiences

30:52 Reflecting on Missed Friendships

31:04 The Birth of Highly Favored Podcast

32:07 Intentional Connections and Podcasting

34:33 Empathy and Vulnerability in Pageantry

36:10 Overcoming Insecurities and Self-Doubt

43:00 The Power of Authenticity

46:40 Building Community and Support Systems

49:38 Navigating Life After Military Service

59:07 Celebrating Success and Female Empowerment

01:02:59 Finding Your Supportive Circle

01:08:21 Conclusion and Social Media Plugs

Episode Transcript

(00:04):
welcome to the inner workingsof the not so genius mind.
I'm Amanda McCombs, andlet's leave about research.
Oh, look at you, professional Mrs.Daybreak, I'm not so genius and
I have a friend with me today.
Actually, I didn't talk abouthow I wanted to introduce you.

(00:25):
Do you want to introduce yourself?
Sure.
I'm happy to.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Kim Chatto.
I am Miss Willard Bay.
I met Amanda through the amazingpageant series here in Utah.
And so she's going for like the Mrs.Contestant, I'm going for the Miss.
Yeah.
And yeah, I'm super excited to be here.
Do you want me to diveinto my background or?
Oh, I know.

(00:46):
Well, yeah, because you're new to Utah.
I would love to hear morebecause my platform is all
about take care of yourself.
So I want to know moreabout your platform.
Yeah.
And then we'll just go from there.
It's really, it's justa conversation, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
So I moved to, I've lived in Utah for.

(01:07):
A year now.
I moved here Christmas Eve of 2023.
I served in the Air Force activeduty for over 11 years and then
separated and came to Utah.
I have no ties here.
Not from here.
Don't have family here or anything.
I came here for the Sentinel nuclearweapon project at a Hill Air Force Base.

(01:27):
I know, right?
So yeah, actually when I was active duty,the first almost four years of my career,
I was a nuclear combat crew commander.
So I worked with intercontinentalballistic missiles.
Um, like when you see the Hollywoodmovies where like the big red
button, it's not a big red button.
It's turning keys.
But that was me.
And yeah, what, likeMission Impossible style.

(01:54):
You're bad ass.
I don't know about that.
But it was definitely areally important mission.
And so that so that's whatstarted my Air Force career.
And then I actually crosstrained into public affairs.
And Usually you are indifferent mission sets.
I worked for Air Mobility Command.

(02:15):
So, um, if you're not familiarwith the Air Force, those
are the big, big gray planes.
They take equipment, people,things all around the world.
We also do refueling.
So that's what started off.
I loved it.
But ultimately I transitionedfrom that into, I kind of became
a little niche, niched a bit.
And I was in special operations.
So I was a special operations publicaffairs officer for most of like

(02:37):
my, the rest of my Air Force career.
Um, So that is, uh, for Air Force,that's like Air Force Special Tactics,
um, Special Operations Aircraft, uh,super fun, and then, uh, but my favorite
assignment was I spent two years inSouth Korea and I worked in, uh, a
joint military assignment with SpecialOperations, so joint being you work
with all the different service branches,and, uh, so I worked with Navy SEALs,

(03:00):
Green Berets, Air Force Special Tactics,MARSOC, um, Air Force, or not Air Force,
um, Army PSYOPs, like everybody, it was,it was fun, it was really, really fun.
So, okay, I'm trying to figure thisout, because you moved here a year ago.
Oh, okay, now it all makes sense.

(03:21):
Because I was like, why did you come here?
And then you just, you already said it.
Yes.
Yes, I'm now a defense contractor.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
You just kind of brokemy brain a little bit.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, there's a You know, you didlike really cool stuff, but I didn't

(03:43):
realize it was like really cool stuff.
My jaw was just like, uh, thewhole time you were talking.
That's incredible.
Wow.
Okay.
So do you feel likethere's a lot of pressure?
To like from, from on myselfright now or from where?
It depends.

(04:03):
I think, um, I, so I am originally,there's, there's more backstory here.
I'm originally from the Philippines.
And so my mom and I, somy mom immigrated here.
I technically believe I waslike a naturalized citizen.
My dad was an American citizen.
Um, but I grew up with just a lot oflike Asian, um, Like Asian influences.

(04:25):
So like some of those stereotypesare rooted in some truth there.
So like tiger mom aspects,high expectations.
Um, and if you've ever been a child ofan immigrant, um, there's a, there's,
there's a different level of pressurethere to succeed and exceed all standards.
And, and I think I kind of did that.

(04:45):
Um, I mean, Yeah.
I mean, I was definitely like growing up.
I was like a straight A student andan advanced placement honors classes.
I was the first, uh, I come from a bigmilitary family, predominantly Navy, but I
was the first, uh, women's service member.
And I was the first officer.
So just doing a lot of stuff with that.
Um, and I think any pressure that I feelnow is more on myself because I am a mom.

(05:11):
I'm a single mom.
Um, I'm in my thirties.
I'm a defense contractor.
So I would say any pressurethat I feel now is just solely
a kid, like I, my own problem.
Hey, at least admit it.
Um, so, and then my platform istake care of yourself, which like

(05:32):
sounds really, really simple.
So I have to ask what issomething you've done recently?
Cause you, that's a lot of stress.
From a lot of different sources in yourlife, like I've been, I was a single mom,
um, my husband and I didn't get marrieduntil my daughter was like eight, I think.
Wow.

(05:52):
Okay.
And so like, I totally get datingas a single mom is awful and you
want to give the best to your kidsand make the most of the time that
you have when you're with them.
Right.
Yes.
You want to also be able todo really cool and incredible
things and have your own life.
Mm hmm.
So we take a pause.

(06:14):
What have you done totake care of yourself?
What have you done for you?
I think the ways that I've chosen totake care of myself, it's multifaceted.
Um, and on one aspect,community is huge with me.
That's actually how I found out aboutthe pageant is that, um, I'm in a
small group in Bible study with,uh, Kaylin Lippert and Abby McGee.

(06:34):
Um, that's Mrs. Wasatch Front and, uh,Mrs. Rocky Mountain in the pageant.
And community has just beenso incredibly important.
It's something you pick up on whenyou're in the military too, because
you're moving so much, you have to,you find out your ways and things
that helps you transition into thisnew location and a new assignment.
Uh, and so my community is super big.

(06:55):
I'm.
I would say I'm pretty extroverted.
And so having those opportunitiesto fill my cup with people who can
pour into me, so, so important.
So there's that aspect of it.
Uh, whenever I have time withmy kids, I have taken so much
pressure off myself in terms ofwhat that is supposed to look like.
Yeah.
I used to think like, I have to do all thethings like there was one point I had, I

(07:20):
flew back from South Korea to, uh, they'rein New Mexico, but like Texas area and I
was like, okay, we're going to hit up, um,Amarillo, Lubbock, we're going to do this.
They have all these Christmas festivalsand things and we're going to do
everything, you know, and which was fun.
It was kind of like a, we'regoing to do all the things.
No is not the word kind of thing.

(07:41):
And, and, and there's atime and a place for that.
But then after thatexperience, experience.
I think one of the things that justreally sat with me is that my kids
just wanted to spend time with me.
They just wanted quality time.
Uh, I mean, if we went to like a builda bear or did something like, sure,
that's fun, but that's extraneous.
And it took so muchpressure off of myself.
And I would say that, um, that was bigfor me as just being like, they just want

(08:03):
your presence and they want to creatememories that are genuine, intentional.
They want their, their parent to.
To be there for them.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, so, so community beingintentional with my time with my kids.
And then, um, this, uh, this is, thisis really specific to my circumstances,

(08:25):
but being a single parent andbeing a single woman, my thirties,
I've actually decided this year.
And I share this so I canbe held accountable to it.
I'm not on any dating apps this year.
Uh, I might go on a date if somebodyasks me out, but I, um, I will say
when I moved to Utah last year, Ihad, you know, hope and sparkles in

(08:46):
my eyes that something amazing wasgoing to happen here and amazing
things did happen, but not with dating.
And, and I think that I just recognizedby the end of the year that all of
these different interactions and nuanceddiscussions and dynamics and a lot
of unhealthy behaviors from people.

(09:06):
Just encouraged me that I'mlike, Hey, I don't need to put
that kind of pressure on myself.
I don't need to.
I went on so many first dates,Amanda, and it was, there was
nothing, there was no fruit from that.
Um, and yeah, yeah, onlinedating is scary too.
Um, yeah, and I think too that wecould go on a whole tangent about this.

(09:27):
I think men have so much feedback andcritiques for women based on that.
And for me, it's just like, hey,you're, you're under a different
lens than women are like, I am unsureif this stranger that I'm meeting.
Could harm me, or what baggage he brings,or if he's a violent person, like those
are like the scary aspects of it, andthe less intense, but also equally

(09:51):
detrimental things, I'm just like,hey, like, have you worked on yourself?
Are you manipulative?
Are you emotionally available?
Are you like, there's allthese different things too.
And then just the communicationstyles and all that.
I know.
Part of my platform is focusing on theimportance of community and connection,
because I think we're all starvingfor connection, but people are going

(10:11):
about it all the wrong ways and lettingthis idea of loneliness feel a lot of
unhealthy behaviors, unfortunately.
Yes, I agree 100 percent andwhen people show up kind of
on social media, it's fake.
They're creating attention.
It's like a popularity contest.
I really hope we can change thatbecause that's not what it should be.

(10:35):
Like, I think that social media,cause that was my, when I was public
affairs for the air force and kindof what I do now for, um, strategic
communication aspects, like whatyou're seeing is a highlight reel.
Everybody wants to show their bestself because you know, if it's on
the internet, it's on there forever.
And so you want to showlike your best self.
And then if you.

(10:55):
Use social media at all forlike your income or your career
prospects, then, then you're like,well, how can I strategically use
this narrative to my advantage?
What kind of story or persona doI have online versus in person?
All these different things.
And so, I mean, there's, there's uniqueaspects of that that are just exhausting.
Yeah, I'd rather we be real and beauthentic and like, I applaud you

(11:22):
for not being on any dating apps.
Because I met my husband ona dating app, but like, we've
been married, it'll be 10 years.
Yay!
The year that we've been married.
Yay!
That's amazing.
But like, before that,it was really scary.
I went on a lot of, I wenton a lot of wonderful dates.
I've been ghosted.

(11:43):
I have had guys like, string mealong, and then like, disappear.
Like it's, I've had shockers.
Oh, oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's just very, it can bevery discouraging and I'm
not against dating apps.
I think for me, I could recognizethat by the end of 2024 when you have

(12:08):
these little nuance things happeningto you, whether it's being ghosted,
I got stood up for the first time.
That is my, my confidenceself was humbled.
Um, I actually, we, he and I actuallyhad a, we're able to have a conversation
in terms of like what happened there.
Um, but I still technicallycount it because I had tickets

(12:28):
to a Utah hockey club game.
And, um, and I was like, Oh, okay.
I'm like, I could have literallybrought anybody else with me.
My guy.
That's not cool.
And yeah, so that wasnot, not the best, but.
But I think by the end of the year,one of the things that I just realized
is that all these specific things thathappen from getting, you know, same

(12:49):
thing that you've described, if you'regetting, you know, strung along, getting
ghosted, getting stood up, having reallyunhealthy conversations, feeling less
than, it felt like a thousand tinycuts, and by the end of the year, you're
like bleeding out, because you don'tthink of the moment like, oh, this
isn't that big of a deal, it's, that'sokay, you'll get over it, do this.
And so then I was just like, Iabsolutely believe that you can find

(13:11):
your person through a dating app.
I just know for me, that was, that isnot what I'm going to do this year.
I just, I'm like, I just didnot find it fruitful for me.
And, um.
We create an authentic connection.
Yeah.
That isn't happening.
Yeah.
Right.
So if you're a single dude out therewho wants to go on a date with me,
you're going to have to slide intomy DMs and make yourself known.
Because I'm not out there.

(13:32):
You're going figure it out.
Well, man.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
I'm proud of me too.
proud of you.
Well, and I like, oh, I hadso much stress in my life.
I quit my job
'cause I didn't have time to go todoctor's appointments or anything.
Yeah.
And I was getting so like, Iwill get so sick sometimes.

(13:54):
Not anymore.
I was missing enough work that likeI had to have my pay doc, right?
Mm-hmm . But now like I canbe more present with my kids.
And I can be there when they need me.
I love that.
And they get excited whenI pick them up from school.
And it's not like, oh, mom's atthe school program because I'm

(14:16):
like running the show, right?
I can just be there.
Mm hmm.
Just be mom.
And I've never been able to do thatbecause I've been working and working
and working and working and working.
Like I've never.
Not worked.
Yes.
I bet that's incredibly fulfilling tohave that kind of immediate feedback
of like, Hey, I took this stressor offme and now I can just enjoy the moment.

(14:40):
I have so much more intentionalityto be in this moment, in this
space and understanding andappreciating what this is.
Well, and it, like, it has itsgood and bad things for sure.
Like, I am having to face some demons thatI wasn't ready to face and like, figure

(15:01):
out what being a mom even looks like.
Yeah.
My memories with my mom, she was just likedepressed and in bed all the time, and
she didn't want to really invest in me.
Once I was like old enough togo play at my friend's house, I
was always at my friend's house.

(15:23):
And it wasn't that she didn't loveme, it was that like, she didn't
have tools and resources and whatevershe needed, and my dad was traveling
and working, and she was depressed.
Yeah.
One of the things that I've recentlyreflected on is this idea that to, to, to
be in a position now where we can extendgrace and understanding to our parents

(15:46):
because they were first time parents too.
This was their first journeygoing through it as well and
they're learning along the way.
Um, because I, I think I have so muchmore appreciation for, especially
my mom because You know, she lefteverything she knew in the Philippines.
All of her family's there.
She went to a completelyforeign country with like a U.
S. sailor.

(16:07):
She was in her early 20sbringing a kid along.
Yeah.
And me, and I have thefunniest stories of that too.
I was a, I was a very feisty little kid.
And she just, she's just anincredible person, but I had so many
critiques of that growing up andbeing like, why are you like this?
Why are you doing it this way?

(16:27):
Um, and I, and some bitterness andprobably some harbored some anger from it
being like, why are you so critical of me?
I'm here to razzle dazzle andlike, just accept that, like, this
is, this is what I'm doing here.
And then I think it's frustrating to, um.
Because you could feel likeyou were the perfect kid.
You were doing all the things correctly.

(16:47):
Um, you know, I wasn't, I don't, I don'tthink I got a boyfriend until after my
like, Senior year was like that summer.
I was like, see, look at me.
I'm, I'm waiting.
I'm doing all the correct things.
I'm not bringing shame to the familyboxes, but I still felt that there was
like a lot of, um, that was really hard.
And I think until I became a mom andshe and I've had really amazing recent

(17:11):
conversations, it's not perfect, butwe've had, we've opened up to each other
a lot and kind of navigated like, Hey,when you approach life like this way or
critique me this way, this is how I feellike I don't feel like it's helpful.
Or productive or like, have you,um, have you considered this?
Like she came out to visit in August.

(17:32):
Cause I had like a minor surgery and sheis so, so amazing at like, this is going
to sound weird, like, at like gettingstuff organized and cleaned around
the house where I'm pretty confident.
that I have ADHD.
I know that's like, comesoff as a self diagnosis.
However, in my defense, when Iwas active duty, I had our special

(17:53):
operations command, like, evaluate me.
And they're like, Oh, hold on one second.
Oh, pause.
Okay.
Okay.
So I have like 10 minutesleft because it's zoom.
So we can like edit this part, but okay.

(18:15):
Okay.
Okay.
Noted.
You're fine.
No worries.
Sorry.
No, no, you're okay.
Um, but yeah, so I was at a specialoperations command and getting, like,
evaluated for ADHD because I asked to,because I was like, I'm pretty sure
I've got some stuff, like, I'm a littleneuro spicy, and they're like, oh,
like, you actually, like, hyper focusmore than anyone, so we don't think

(18:36):
you do, and I was like, hold on, isn'tthat, like, That's what it is, though.
That is, and so I was like, what?
And so, But then the air force, uh,my, the air force was like, Hey, we
don't necessarily want to test youfor this because if it does come back,
we don't want you to like limit youropportunities in the active duty.
So, so I probably haveADHD and I just don't know.

(19:00):
I am like really confident I do.
I was recently diagnosed.
And so I, uh, but she came in and the,the point of that though was she came
in and she had all these critiquesand I think I like started to cry
and I was like, mom, I'm exhausted.
Like I just moved to Utah.
I bought a house.
I'm doing single mom things.
I'm a defense contractor.

(19:20):
I live over here andthe base is over here.
And, and, uh, like.
Cost of living is expensive.
And I just like laid it all out.
She's like, I know she'slike, I'm really proud of you.
And I know you're handling a lot.
It was, it was amazing.
But I think like parents are so quick tocritique without understanding that like
your kids are oftentimes having like theweight of the world on their shoulders

(19:41):
and they're doing their very best.
And where we are today is notwhat 30, like the economy.
life expectations,everything is different.
So, so it's just, it's alot harder to navigate.
And, um, but yeah, that was, thatwas an interesting conversation
to do that with my mom.
Oh my gosh.

(20:01):
Well, and here's a segue, if you will.
The last conversation I had withmy mom was take care of yourself.
And it was like my first week backat teaching full time after I had
gotten shingles through my face.
And I like finally didn't need awitch's hat and sunglasses to see

(20:23):
inside anymore with the lights off.
Like I could, I could finallydrive myself to work again.
Right?
Yeah.
Um, and I'm in the bathtub and it'smy mom's birthday and I talk to
her about how the week is gone andshe's telling me to take care of
myself because this all happenedbecause I had way too much stress.

(20:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, and a week later she passed away.
Oh my gosh.
I'm so sorry.
Well, I don't know if thankyou is the right thing to say.
Um, and then I signed up for the pageantand that was when I did it last season.
Uh huh.
But then the end of the school yearthis last year is when I lost my dad

(21:08):
and he his dad actually, um, he wasin the Air Force when he was born,
and he was in the Panama Canal 1942.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's all kinds of, I'll have tosend you, maybe if we get this up
on Instagram, I can post some of thepictures, but I just have, I have

(21:30):
some really beautiful pictures from,um, when my grandma and grandpa were
like first married and that's amazing.
It's so cool.
But I have, so I have like thatlittle bit of military history.
My dad didn't do any of that, but.
Here I am doing the pageant again.
I'm trying to figure out whatthe heck it even means to
take care of yourself, right?

(21:52):
And the pageant has,like, changed my life.
And I know you're new to it.
You just signed up.
You talked about Caelan.
Um, Caelan Lippert.
I love you.
She's going to get on this podcast.
She was just on mine.
So her episode has to release.
Yeah.
She is so gosh, I love her.

(22:14):
She was my friend.
She was like my littleshepherd through a pageant.
And then she was like,I got all those videos.
And I was like, pageant mom, Caitlin.
She's just amazing.
She's such a light.
And what I think is so cool abouther, which is not to negate.
Any of the love and wisdom.

(22:35):
She's so, she's so young.
She's in her early twenties and she'sjust so, um, she's just so open to
learning and other people's perspectives.
And she passionate.
Exactly.
She is such a light and she loves peopleso hard in the best ways possible.
And, and Kaelin, you better be listening.
We're just pouring,we're gassing you a girl.

(22:55):
Um, but she's also like for,for your listener, she's got the
cutest little Southern accent.
I'm obsessed with it.
I'm a girl.
Yeah.
She's just, she's justthe sweetest person.
And, uh, whenever I run intoher husband, Cody, cause I'm
a veteran, he's active duty.
I'm always like, you better knowwhat you got because she's amazing.
I was like, she's, she's just likeone of the best people I've ever met.

(23:17):
He's incredible.
Okay.
We're running out of time.
Okay.
I've been drinking out of my.
Detective Paul Hoovesmug,but you need to show us yours
because we were chatting earlier.
All right, let me, let me prefacethe story right, right quick.
Okay, so I was stationed in Koreafor two years and we would do
these Korean exercises with like,like military operation exercises.

(23:40):
Really common, you dothem in the States too.
And this was just this like amazingeffort between coalition partners.
So we're, we're working with all thesedifferent countries and everything.
And we would do this twice a year.
And this was my firsttime brand new to Korea.
Um, we do this exercise, it's,it's a couple weeks long, you're,
you're in the thick of it.
So you're hot, sweaty, whether you're instaff meetings or not, it's just like,

(24:01):
it's hot, you know, you're just like,Oh man, I, and you don't look your best.
You start shifting to like, likewhatever you need to do to get there.
Right.
And so, all of a sudden, after like aweek of doing all this work, I'm in my
glasses, I'm in like, you know, baby hairsgoing astray bun, but you know, a military
bun, and they're like, let's go take apicture all together, and I'm thinking

(24:23):
like, anything for the partnership, right?
We're trying to be goodpartners, and, and I don't know.
What's about to happen with this photo,but we take this picture right y'all
with the quickness All of a suddenthey're like just wait here a minute.
We have something for you and I waslike, okay Y'all they made this.
Can you see?
Can you hold on?
Oh Oh my gosh that highlightsmy face so beautifully.

(24:45):
That's me right there So my boyfriendat the time was like, that's not you.
That's Pat.
And so, Pat has become my alter workego of, I'm trying to rotate it.
I promise I'm smart.
There we go.
Oh my gosh, that's you!

(25:06):
See, and I would have never known lookingat you that you were ever in the military.
Oh, I know.
It's funny.
Like my, my regular Kim personais vastly different than that.
I promise it got better though.
So like, again, I've got several of these.
See, like I got better.
I was more prepared this time.
But I was like, you've got to be joking.
That's emblazoned on a mug for me tokeep forever is me like sweaty, baby

(25:30):
hairs, glasses, working, working hard.
I was working hard, but I'm like, Oh gosh.
And so, yeah, that's Pat.
This is what I drink fond memoriesand drink my hot cocoa and coffee.
I love it so much.
Okay.
I'm going to hold this up.
I only have a couple minutes left.
I'm not going to show you the frontbecause we're going to do your podcast.

(25:51):
But my face, my face is on this shirtand I have a, I have some extras.
So stay tuned and you're going tohave to get over to Kim's podcast.
Kim, what is your podcast called?
Okay.
My podcast is called Highly Favored.
It is part of my platform and ministry toowith the pageant, but it is an opportunity
for us to share stories of resiliency andthen in turn build communities together

(26:15):
because, um, I think we're all starvingfor connection and it's a really great
way to remind ourselves of the humanityof others and to feel less alone.
Perfect.
How can we find you?
Um, you can find me on Instagram.
I think it's at Kim underscore Chado.
I could be leading you down a wild goosechase, but, uh, I'm pretty sure that's it.
And then, yes, my podcastis highly favored.

(26:36):
I am, like, officially on allmajor podcasting platforms
now, so you can find me.
Um, we got really funny stories.
I think I'm funny.
They're really cool stories, too.
I know, I know you are.
Come over and see Pat!
No, don't do it.
oh, if you're watching onYouTube, that was awful.
We're wearing different clothes becausewe had a kind of abrupt ending to our

(26:58):
episode and I was like, that wasn't fair.
I wanted to talk to Kim more.
So here we are.
Welcome back.
I think we're maybe going tojust put this in one episode.
Okay.
So we'll just go like boop boop.
Okay.
You did not, we definitely did nothave enough time to chat, and I finally

(27:19):
bought my subscription, whatever, so wecan chat however long we want, kind of.
Fancy.
Yeah, that sounds like a great time.
I know.
I don't even remember what we weretalking about, because then we
jumped over and we did your podcast.
Mm hmm.
We sure did.
Look, I have the resurrection of Pat.

(27:40):
Oh my gosh!
Pat the Magnet.
That's me.
I'm like, I'll zoom in.
You're beautiful.
This is Kim in boss mode.
This is me working hard inSouth Korea for the information
environment to let our adversariesagainst the U. S. know what's up.

(28:00):
Yeah.
You get it.
Here, look.
And then this is what I was showing off.
You get it.
On yours, but if you want to hear aboutthat, you're just going to go have
to listen to yeah, favorite podcast.
Come visit my podcast.
We'd love to have you.

(28:21):
Yeah.
You've been doing some great interviews.
It's been kind of fun.
I'm trying to remember how longago it was that we recorded
like the first half of our wait.
No, nevermind.
It doesn't say anyway.
Yeah.
It was a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah.
So every I've had two weeks where likethe entire week is every single day

(28:42):
is a different contestant in eitherthe Miss Utah for America strong or
Mrs. Utah America, Mrs. Utah American.
Um, and so it's been fun.
It has been an absolute blast tokind of just get to know so many
of the contestants and I have morecoming up and I think you do too.
So it's just been like, it's been areally great aspect of like the pageant

(29:03):
experience because I know for me, uh,well this is my first time going through
it, but I know for me every time we meetup it's so nice to be like, it feels
like you're cultivating these friendshipsonline and then when we get together
like, oh my god, here you are, youknow, and we get to spend time together.
Like, we just saw eachother, what, Tuesday?
No, Monday.
Right?
Monday?

(29:23):
Yeah.
Or is that Tuesday?
Yes.
For the WOW event.
Oh yeah!
I was talking.
And, and I was just like, it's so goodto see people in person, but it's also,
it's Like, uh, like this weird alternatereality because we see each other online
and in group me and in, you know, bandand all these different places and I'm
like, oh yeah, in person, here we go.

(29:46):
It's kind of cool because like, wedon't, the way that we show, I feel
like anyway, that we show up in allthose apps is like not any different
than we would show up in person.
Oh, for sure.
It's so like, you can, Ican hear everyone's voice as
their messages come through.
Through and you can see like theirlittle like isms and like their
quirks and the things that they,uh, kind of like either they're like

(30:10):
speech kind of dynamics or, um, Idon't I, I totally get what you mean.
It's just there's stuff where I'm like,yeah, we absolutely show up in a virtual
space just like we would in person.
And it's, it's so much fun toget to know people that way.
Well, and you're so lucky too, like, Ididn't have this podcast last season,
it didn't come out until after, andyou're doing your first round of the

(30:33):
pageant, and you're able to get toknow all these ladies, and talk to
them, and get to know them so muchbetter, cause like last year I totally
felt like deer in the headlights,and I was intimidated by everybody,
and, but like, it was like I wasn't.
I wasn't really getting to know people.

(30:54):
Like I was just kind of, I was there toexperience and see what was going on.
And I didn't really make awhole lot of friendships until
after the season was done.
Interesting.
Yeah, no, I could absolutely see thatbecause my, the start of my podcast,
Was specifically for, and if you haven'tseen Highly Favored, come check us out.

(31:14):
Um, but the start of Highly Favored, thewhole concept was it's my platform, which
is of the same name for the pageant.
And it's these stories of resiliencyand, you know, gritty people and
how we can learn from one anotherand help strengthen our communities.
And so I was starting withpeople completely unaffiliated
with like pageant life.
They're like, there were no queens, therewere no title holders, nothing like that.

(31:36):
Um, But I had a similar experienceas I was going through where I'm
like, we would have, um, I think itwas our Murray, Utah workshop, and
I left there thinking like, I onlyhave so many more weeks realistically
for me to get to know these women.
And if I miss out on potentialfriendships, which was a huge,

(31:56):
like, motivating factor for meto do the pageant is because I
moved to Utah about a year ago.
And.
In order to like meet people andbuild myself into this community.
I'm like, you got to go make some friends.
And if I only had so many weeksleft, I'm like, I really need
to be intentional about how I'mmeeting women where they're at.
And, you know, we were, you and I werejust talking before we started recording

(32:17):
about, you know, where people are locatedand we're being intentional to meet with
people, but we are all across the state.
And so that that's not necessarilyconducive to lifestyles
and people's schedules.
So the podcast was a really nice.
Way to meet people where they'reat and to get to know people.
And it's so fun too, because certainwomen who were so quick to be like,

(32:38):
Hey, I want to be on your podcast.
Um, I was just like, Oh yeah, sure.
And then.
I got to know them so much better and allthese things about what motivates them.
And it's just like this little safespace for us to get to know each
other and be vulnerable and share ourbackgrounds and what, you know, drives us.
And it's, it's just areally cool opportunity.

(32:58):
And I mean, I know I setit up for myself, but had.
I not left that Marie Utah workshopthat we had thinking like, Oh, I need
to be more intentional about this.
I don't think I would, I would havemissed out on opportunities to get
to know people by this point in time.
And I've had so many interviewswhere, um, and they're so inspiring.
Like the, the women that we'recompeting with are incredible.

(33:19):
And so it's just.
Like, it saddens me to think that I couldhave missed out on an opportunity, and I'm
just grateful that I had the wherewithalto be like, hey, jump on this and get
to know your friends and the peopleyou're competing with so that after this
pageant, because there's only going to beone miss, and then, um, one misses Utah
American, one misses Utah American, andso what, three queens, and then everyone

(33:43):
else are incredible women who are titleholders, but after this experience, if we
haven't built that in and been intentionalabout, you know, four, Forging those
friendships, then, you know, we're goingto walk away from this experience with,
with having missed an opportunity thatcould have, it's networking, it's building
friendships, it's building community.
And if, if that's what I walk away withis better, you know, better and more

(34:05):
friendships, like that is a huge blessing.
So I'm all about it.
Um, it really helped me see thatthey're all people just like me.
Right?
Like we all have stuff that wego through and like, whatever
chaos is happening in our lives,but we're all, we're all people.
They're just regular people withfamilies and their kids are crazy.

(34:28):
And like, you know, whatever else.
I totally agree.
I think, uh, Stacey, I don't know if webrought this up in our other episode,
but Stacey Proctor, she brought up how,uh, it was during like our favorite
things Christmas gift exchange, andshe brought up how like, we were
going to be in these room of women.

(34:49):
And it's, it's so easy to compareyourself from, like, the visuals of
what you're seeing and how they're,you know, upholding themselves and how
they carry themselves and everything.
And she was just like, don't do that, youknow, which is sometimes easier said than
done, but she's, but I think she reallybrought, um, a humanness to the experience

(35:11):
where she's like, she addressed, like,the elephant in the room, which is
ironic because it could have been a whiteelephant gift exchange, but, um, yeah.
But the elephant in the room is that likewe were comparing like she knew that it's
it's so hard to not be in these spaceswith incredible women and not think like,
oh, she has this or on the negative side,like, I have this more than she does.

(35:35):
And, and, and to kind of like humble us.
And, and a very healthy approachand to, to be like, Hey, how, how
can we connect with these women?
How can we meet thesewomen where they're at?
How can we just acknowledge that peoplehave their own insecurities and, and
like the more that you get to knowwomen who are competing in a very
visually public competition and to hearwhat they're insecure about it, it, it

(35:58):
does, it brings that humanness becausesometimes somebody will voice something
and I'm like, are you kidding me?
Like I become like.
Sash sister extraordinaire, whereI'm like, I will not let you
negatively talk about yourself.
You are beautiful.
You are strong you are like confidentall these things but in reality, like we
all have our insecurities and I think oneof the cool things about The experience

(36:20):
so far is that we can acknowledge thatand I have like people have acknowledged
in my life But they will not let me sitin that space they refuse to let me sit
there and just dwell in like In thesethings and not realize because I mean,
oh, this is about to be like a TED talkI think that like the amount of wasted
time and energy that women put forth inSitting in spaces of our insecurities

(36:45):
and what we think we are not able todo When I was separating from the Air
Force I had a moment like that and andmy faith is incredibly important to me.
And so like in my prayer life My,my relationship with God, one of the
things that I kind of received inthat was just like, are you good?
Like, I know that, that like, this onething isn't meeting your expectations,

(37:06):
but like, but look at what you are doing.
And the thing is, like, the stack ofwhat I had been doing, the stack of what
I'd accomplished was so much higher.
And like, like, people were like, baffledas to what I was able to get done.
But when I tell you my mindset Mymindset was like here and I'm like,
but this is the thing I can't do.
This is the thing that I failed at, orthis is the thing I can't accomplish.

(37:28):
And.
When people would hear that,they're like, are you insane?
Like, look at the, this iswhat you've done though.
Why are you focusing on that?
And it's just like, I think that women,in my opinion, just focus on the negative
so easily when we are missing out on howincredible and how accomplished they are.
And I just saw probably somethingon social media, like a little quote

(37:50):
or phrase that talked about, um.
You feel like you're not accomplishinganything and when in reality you
keep moving and raising the barup so you're not seeing all the
growth and progress you've made andthat's just how I feel women are.
I feel like women are incredible.
Like our society downplays it becausethey're a force to be reckoned with.
For real.
If they gave us our full power.

(38:11):
Exactly.
It'd be over.
Watch out.
For real, though, I think,um, last year, there was like.
There were so many amazingpeople and I was just baffled.
I mean, this year too, um, andI knew I wasn't going to win.
I just knew it.
And I felt like, it just feltlike that crown was going to

(38:36):
be way too heavy on my head.
And I was up on that stage.
They had little stand, stepthings, bleachers that we stood on.
Um, and I was cheeringfor every single lady.
Me and Keelan, we were standingnext to each other, and every single
lady that, um, had any kind ofaward or recognition or anything,

(39:01):
she and I were both like, Woo!
Yeah!
Because it really, like, instead ofcomparing, we were celebrating how
cool all of these amazing women are.
And they've been through a lot.
And it takes a lot of work to get up onthat stage in front of all these people.
People and be so like, so public, butalso so vulnerable and so real and so

(39:26):
raw and still carry yourself so well.
You know what I mean?
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, I think about that all the time.
Like the, the concept of voluntarilychoosing to compete in a pageant
is to put everything on display.
Like at some points, like oneof the areas of swimsuit, like.

(39:49):
Yes, you are completely out there andeven it's, it's even a modest swimsuit
per se, but like everything's out thereand you're the thing that people can
are like most reluctant to do, whichis like inward reflection and to face
critiques on yourself is literally whatwe're going out to be like, grade me
judges, you know, on all these things.

(40:11):
Please.
Yeah.
Literally judge me.
That's their whole role as a judge.
And, you know, we go from all thesedifferent things from our thought
processes and interview and how we conductourselves and how we're able to engage in
conversations to onstage question whereon the spot, can you create a cohesive
and impactful statement within, youknow, 90 seconds or less or whatever,

(40:34):
like the, the parameters are and.
That makes people feel something.
Yes, exactly.
It's just like, and make it make sense,you know, and it doesn't, you're, and
that's, that's, that is such a, thatis just a thing to wrap yourself around
because I, we live in a society wherewith social media, which I work In

(40:55):
that sphere, so quick to judge are soquick to be like, Oh, look at this.
I'm not entertained enoughby whatever this is.
And, and I saw this one pageantcontestant, I don't know what country she
was from, but, or if she was like a U Sor a title holder or something like that.
But she had responded to aquestion and it's on stage.

(41:16):
She responded to a question.
And I think she had reworded the questionin her answer and, like, gave nothing.
Like, there was nothing, no meat andpotatoes to the response or whatever.
And, you know, people want to, peoplefrom the nosebleeds, you know, from,
like, the bleacher seats want to providefeedback and criticism as they're watching
this online and, and in whatever format.

(41:37):
And I'm like, that's cool.
Like, you know, because we're openingourselves up to that kind of criticism
and that kind of ridicule, butI'm like, but you're not up there.
She is.
She took a step and, and maybe thatwasn't her finest hour, but she tried.
And that's a lot more than overwhelminglythe rest of society is doing.
I'm like, she was brave andshe put herself out there.

(41:59):
And maybe in that moment, likethat was, again, that wasn't
how she wanted to show up, but.
Like it, it reminds me of like whenpeople run a 5K or a marathon or half or
something and you know, they're sayinglike, oh, I'm not hitting these, these,
these progress markers, or I'm not doingthis or this, and I'm always saying, you
are doing far more than anybody critiquingyou from the couch, like you are pushing

(42:20):
yourself and challenging yourself.
And, and I think that is farmore admirable than the critiques
from the, you know, the, thenosebleeds, like you're in the arena.
You are pouring in blood, sweatand tears into this effort, um,
and you're going to grow from it.
All that they've done is scrolledthrough social media and provided
unnecessary commentary andthey're going back to do whatever.

(42:40):
Right.
I was doing a, um, apublic speaking event.
And somebody was like, they wereasking me what I do in situations
where people are being critical of me,like where they would be hurting my
feelings with social media online, likejudging the way I dress or whatever.
I'm like, well, none of it's, I'mnot doing any of this for them.

(43:04):
Yeah.
Right.
Like everybody has different opinionsand taste and style and stuff.
And I'm not going to be foreverybody, but I'm for me.
And that's who I'mactually doing this for.
I think it is so important to show upas your most authentic self in spaces
because you can look back and thenbe like, I exactly what you said.

(43:25):
I was me.
I was, I was boldly and confident myself.
I was no one else.
The responses I provided weresomething that Thing that I stand
by and this is this is what Irepresent and this is who I am.
These are my virtues, my moralcharacter, all these things.
I'm like, I didn't pretendto be someone else.
And, um, and, and I love thatidea of like, you're like, I'm

(43:45):
not going to be for everyone.
I think that is such a, like, emotionallyhealthy and intelligent response to that.
Because we are, um, at our, ourwow event earlier this week.
Um, we have to acknowledge that.
When people judge or when wejudge, that's like a defense
mechanism that we have built in.
But at the same time,like, who is that serving?

(44:07):
That's like one of my favoriterecent phrases is like, this
comment or this negative thoughtprocess, like who profits from it?
And, and it's just the idea of like,Okay, well, I'm pouring back into
somebody's negative judgments orreactions of me or anybody else.
Like, do I want to do that?
No.
Um, and I know that, same, same as you.

(44:27):
I'm like, I know that I'm not goingto be for everyone, but I used to
sit so much again in those spacesand be like, oh, but, but if I did
this differently, then I would justbe more palatable for everybody else.
And I was looking back at Picturesof myself growing up, especially
like there was one of those likesocial media, like add your pictures
to like the, this like chain feedof stuff on, on Instagram stories.

(44:51):
And it's like, this is what I waslike when I was 17 or something.
And I was grabbing these picturesfrom high school and it was so extra.
And then I went to college and thenI commissioned in the air force.
And then I kind of like dulledmy sparkle a little bit so that I
could kind of, you know, continuewith being an air force officer.
And now that I'm not in the Air Forceanymore, I was looking back at those

(45:15):
17 year old Kim pictures and, and I wasjust remembering that I'm like, there
was nothing wrong with being that extra.
There's nothing wrong with showingauthentically as yourself and
probably explains a lot why I'min a pageant in my thirties.
So we're kind of resurrecting thatwe're having a little Lazarus moment.
And it's fine.
And, um, and 17 year old Kim wasso fun and so smart and vibrant.

(45:40):
And not that I'm any less of thosethings, but she could have absolutely
showed up in those spaces and she's fine.
Like if someone, if I saw her today, justlike in, in a wow meeting and the pageant
or whatever, I'd be like, she's fun.
She's awesome.
She loves people.
She shows up for them.
Yeah.
And, and I think those are the thingswhere I'm like, For anybody judging and

(46:01):
in spaces or judging women in pageantor anything like, like, why are you, why
do you feel compelled to react that way?
When that person, when Amanda, likethe way that she loves people, the
way she shows up for people, the wayshe goes into a space and brings not
just her genuine self, but make surethat everybody feels seen and heard.
Like, I should, you should beapplauding that and less so judging it.

(46:24):
Because, like, you aren'tdoing those things.
Like, are you contributing tothe greater good of society?
I am.
Like, but, but I know I am.
Yeah, like, I know that I'mpotentially meeting in spaces, right?
Yeah.
And showing up to make sure thatpeople feel seen and heard and,
and listened to and, and, uh.
Yeah, I think society, along withmy platform of Highly Favored,
I think we need that more.

(46:45):
We need people to be less judgmental,and to meet people where they're at, and
to understand like the perspectives thatpeople are bringing into these situations.
So did we really talk muchabout your platform, actually?
I don't know.
I don't think we did.
I don't think we did at all.
Oh, snap.

(47:05):
Oh yeah, no, I'm happyto talk about it though.
Um, yeah, a lot of it came from, uh,so we're competing in a platform based
pageant, uh, system, which is awesome.
And so we pick causes thatare deeply meaningful to us.
And I developed this idea of, ofbeing highly favored, um, because
I came from, I'm a military brat.

(47:26):
I served in the military onceupon a time when I was married,
I was also a military spouse.
So.
Just this life and community was soinherently important to me, and I
was thinking about the things thatcame from that experience that really
resonated with me, and overwhelmingly,it was this concept of community,
no matter where we were at, peopleunderstood what we were going through.

(47:48):
They were, um.
They were so willing to belike my kids emergency contact.
We have this ongoing joke oflike, Hi, nice to meet you.
Can you be my emergency contact?
But people get it.
They get that like where you'reat and where you're moving to, you
are starting completely over again.
And it forced you to be in a veryopen minded mental space, to be

(48:10):
like, I want to make friends.
Here's myself.
I'm going to be vulnerable.
And you learn from every oneof these situations, but I
just built the most Meaningfulrelationships out of the military.
And when I separated from the air force,moved to Utah, I was craving those
kinds of connections and whether itwas in an online space or in person, I

(48:32):
just really missed that because I kept.
Seeing people beingjudgmental, people being harsh.
You have online trolls,all of these things.
And I just kept thinking like, okay,like what, what are we missing here?
And one of my favorite things aboutwhat I learned from those military
communities is that people are showingup as their most authentic selves after

(48:54):
they have faced extreme adversity,whether that's deployments, family
separations, um, military basedinjuries, trauma, all of these things.
And, and, and that goes from like theday to day minuscule stuff to huge,
like, war, combat type of things, andthey were sharing their stories, and
they were connecting with people, andit was inherently part of this, and I

(49:16):
was just like, I think that's what weneed, I think we need to feel less alone,
because that's another thing too, whenyou separate from the military, it's
a huge initiative to make sure thatveterans are seen and heard, you know?
because it is such a huge transitionfrom that kind of space that it, it is
very challenging on one's mental health.
And I can attest to that too.
I separated from the Air Forcelast year, and that was one of
the hardest years of my life.

(49:38):
And so, well, and youwere active duty, right?
I was, yeah, I was activeduty for over 11 years.
And, and I also to like not make mattersworse, but I worked specifically with
the special operations community,which is so incredibly tight knit
and they look out for each other.
And so to go from like the safetyof that to like, Hey, you're on your

(49:59):
own and you're not from Utah and youdon't know anyone, but good luck,
you know, um, was, I was just like,holy cow, this is all different.
Um, but I recognize thegoodness and people.
Well, being vulnerable and showing up and,and, and these are gritty people from,
like, yes, in your mind when you think ofa gritty person, arguably, you're like,
yeah, military war hero, but I'm alsotalking about, like, the single moms.

(50:23):
The person who's just like, I'm justgetting through my day to day and
as people share their stories, theyhelp other people who have otherwise
been quiet or not making thoseconnections realize, I'm not alone.
Like, there are other peoplehere who are experiencing very
similar things or something likewhat I'm going through right now.
And if I can make thoseconnections, I can feel less alone.

(50:43):
I can help build mycommunities and strengthen it.
And, and that is largely what, Helifavorite is about is strengthening and
building our communities by recognizingthat we're not alone that we can share
all these stories amongst each otherand we can help one another in through
our vulnerability through sharing ourstories for showing up for one another.
It's just a reallycommunity based initiative.

(51:06):
And I think we need communitytoday more than ever, honestly.
I really do.
Well, and I can't imagine going fromlike, having things so scheduled and
regimented for so long, and then allof a sudden being like, now what?
Yes.
Absolutely.
I, I didn't drift from thattoo much because I went from.

(51:30):
being active duty air force to adefense contractor at an air force base.
Yeah.
But it's different enough.
It's different enough where I've gota year under my belt of experiencing
this and I've learned a lot andit's, it's a lot of figuring out like
what works for me, what doesn't, um,figuring out what kind of resources.

(51:50):
I need connecting withother veteran communities.
That has been like hugely important.
Um, and then also like for me, whichI've done at every duty station,
like finding my place of worship thatconnects with like my faith, uh, my faith
basis, building, you know, small groupsand bible studies, uh, volunteering.
There's like things that I havedone luckily throughout my entire

(52:11):
military experience that still applyhere, even if I'm no longer active.
duty.
Um, and yeah, they're like,it's really, really important.
So I've kind of just employed alot of those types of things, but
yes, it was, and it's still hard.
Like I, um, I think it's, there'sthings where you're just like, I
really miss this or I miss that.
And, um, and I think that'll justtake time to kind of get over.

(52:36):
I don't have like a perfect.
Answer solution to that.
But I've incredibly proud to have served.
I sometimes miss it a lot.
Other times I'm totally okaywith not being in anymore.
And, and that is just the complexityof that kind of relationship with
my military service is that is thatthere's good and bad and in between.
And, and I am now kind of navigatinga new identity with a new chapter.

(52:59):
And, We'll see how, like, this year goes.
Like, everything is just, like, onefoot in front of the other, taking,
like, the next right step, or tryingto take the next right step, and
then figuring it out from there.
Yeah.
You're incredible.
I think you're incredible.
It's hard.
It's hard to be a people and you'rejust you're doing so many amazing
things and you just you really takethe initiative to do what you can to

(53:23):
improve every space that you go into.
So you're so I love you.
Thank you.
I love you.
I am trying my very best.
You have such good energy.
Like, I think that was the first thingKaylin was telling me about you, was
like, you're just gonna love her energy.
You two are gonna get along so great.

(53:44):
And I was like, okay, okay.
And then I saw you and I was like, yes,we actually will get along just fine.
It's so funny too, cause I feellike when it's, cause making
friends and establishing thoserelationships as an adult is so
different than when you're a kid.
Cause when you're a kid,everybody He's just kind of
like on an equal playing field.

(54:04):
We're just kids.
We're just playing.
But when you're adults, you're like,this is my entire life experience.
Please accept it as is.
And then, then you're gauginglike, Oh, what can I share?
What can I not?
And so it's tough when you've got agirlfriend who's like, Hey, you're
going to love this gal. She's great.
And you're like, am I, are you sure?
You know, things like that.
And, and I've been the same way too.

(54:25):
Every single space, especially,oh my goodness, especially moving
within the special operations.
It felt so bad because, um, I thinkpeople normally they're like, Oh, she's
bright and bubbly and very extrovertedand smiley and all these things.
And I had come out of a space in oneof my previous assignments where I
was like, Oh, I don't like people.

(54:45):
I don't like people so much.
And which is not true.
I just had a really negative experience.
And I moved to my nextcommand in South Carolina.
And I remember meeting people andI was just like, you know, like my
face probably gave that like mostof the time because I just wanted
to give, I just wanted to do my job.
I didn't want to connect with people.

(55:06):
I just wanted to do that.
And then the people at thatcommand, Sakor, go Sakor.
I love you guys.
They just loved me so well.
They were just like, We're goingto meet this sassy little 5
2 0 gal right where she's at.
And they just showed up and they reallybuilt trust and connections and I'm
still so close with so many of thosepeople from that command and they're

(55:28):
just incredible people and I love them.
And, um, and that was inherently a partof the special operations community that
has made this transition out of the AirForce that much harder because they just.
show up.
They were just people whoshowed up consistently.
They show up still to this day.
They ask how like my kidsare doing, how I'm doing.
Um, I just got a message frommy friend Chris last night.

(55:48):
We're just connecting becausehe's going to grad school too.
Like just, just, they'rejust like the best people.
And That relationship dynamic that Ihad with all of those people that I met
there and people showing up when youare not willing to show for others to
like, they could sense like, I was kindof like, I don't know if you've ever
fostered, you fostered animals, butlike, I fostered rescue dogs and you're

(56:09):
just like, they've seen some stuff.
So they're just like, you know,they're very like distant for a bit.
They're trying to figure you out.
And that was kind of like, myapproach is that I've seen some
things I've had people let me down.
So I was very like, yeah, yeah, they'relike, very, I was very apprehensive
to build connections with peopleand also worried that like if I did,
right, if I, if I tried to build aconnection with you, would you reject me?

(56:31):
Would you not take me seriously?
Would you not, you know, be kind?
And.
No, they were.
They were amazing.
They could see that and theyshowed up and it wasn't just them.
We have, um, at that command,we'd have rotational teams.
So we had teams from all over the world,uh, representing U. S. Special Operations
from, you know, Green Berets, NavySEALs, Air Force Special Tactics, MARSOC.

(56:53):
They would come throughand all over the world.
Just the most intentional people.
They knew they were only going to be therefor, I don't know, however many months,
weeks, whatever they were there for.
Just the kindest folks.
Like, truly, it was sucha healing assignment, and
people can be innately good.
There's people who are bad, but therecan be people who are, like, innately
good and kind and are willing to showup for you and don't have malintent.

(57:15):
And that's a, that helped fuel a lot ofwhat Highly Favored is about, is that
we're understanding that people have gonethrough some stuff, they've been hurt,
and people have been unkind to them,but we can show up kind, willing to be
there for people, make meals for oneanother, and just like simply sit in those
spaces with them until you feel better.
And, uh, and I love that.

(57:36):
I think you're amazing.
The more you talk, the moreI'm like, Geez, she's so cool.
And she's nice.
And she just,
It just, well, and itlike, Especially girls.
Girls can be kind of mean.
And especially when you have,like, you have these ideas.

(58:00):
Of what people should look like andhow people should dress and you've seen
other patterns of behavior, maybe wherepeople are like, Ew, that's yucky.
That stuff stays with you for a long time.
That does.
Cause you're just trying to feel included.
Like, I think we talked aboutthis last time too, but Maslow's

(58:20):
Heart Hierarchy of Needs, like wewill choose connection over food.
Like, that is, that is how it is.
And so when you're getting feedback,like, hey, the thing that you like.
It's not socially acceptable for theconnection that you need with me.
It does.
It stays with you because you'relike, okay, lesson learned.
Because I need that connectionmore than I need food.
That you're just like, okay, whatdo I do differently next time?

(58:41):
How can I be responsive to this way?
Um, and it's from thosefriendships with women.
It's friendships with other people.
It's dating.
Like all of those things are just like.
It's hard.
It is hard on like the human heartto navigate some of that stuff.
Every interaction you have can have like,it can heal you and give you pieces back

(59:03):
or it can take some of those pieces away.
I know.
I know.
And I think, um, my favorite thingabout being in this pageant is just
seeing how really everybody is like.
Like Charlotte, I shouldtry to get her on here.
Charlotte, she's in thetop 40 under 40 for Utah.
She is.
She's in the 40 under 40for her for business acumen.

(59:26):
Yeah.
Go, let's go have some lunch with her andcelebrate with her instead of being like.
Oh man, she did a cool thing, right?
That's just the energy around it is we'regoing to celebrate everybody's successes
and cheer them on instead of like, Oh,you're doing a cool thing and I'm not.
I think that I agree with you.

(59:47):
I think that like the pageant environmentthat I've been seeing and experiencing
is very like we will applaud foreach other until it's our turn.
And, and it's not like a polite littlecordial, like, let me just do a golf clap.
It's like we're cheering loudly.
And, and I also think that, frommy experience, I don't necessarily
know if it's like the pageantexperience, but from my experience,

(01:00:08):
being, being a female servicemember, like, those are tough wins.
Like, women are, like, fighting, throwingelbows to get into those spaces and fight
for their seat at the table, and it doesus no good to, Use comparison and jealousy
to like negate someone's accomplishments.
But I'm like, we're like, we're goingbackwards with some of the things.

(01:00:29):
So like, we need to keepmaking forward momentum.
And if one of us gets there,we're all getting there a little
bit closer than we were before.
Um, and I know when Charlotte madethat announcement and I was like
deep diving into it, I was so excitedbecause I can't remember what happened
the night before, but I was feelingreally discouraged by something.
And.
Like for, for those listening, um, Ialready have a master's degree, but I'm

(01:00:51):
actually going back to school for my MBA.
I'm a defense contractor.
I'm the corporate world afterdoing all this military stuff.
And I think I was just like,well, what are my next steps?
What do I want to do?
And then in seeing that.
Surely it got the 40 under 40.
I'm like new goal.
And I mean, In my circle, like, thereare women who are doing the things,
and they're challenging each other,and they're building up these things,

(01:01:12):
I like, I hope you guys watch this onYouTube, because there's like lots of
active gesturing going on, um, but they'redoing these things that are incredible,
and if anything, she's helping to pavethe way so that more of us can come
through, and more of us can accomplishthese things, and it, it definitely
made me realize, like, okay, cool, youknow, I knew I had the prize versus
Wall E and whatever I was upset about.

(01:01:33):
I don't even remember anymore.
And that's another thing too.
I was like, clearly it wasn'tbig enough to like, remember.
Oh, I don't know why I spentthat much energy on it.
Right.
And so, yeah.
So, but she's incredible.
And how cool that she's my friend.
And that like, I get to be in hercircle and get to cheer her on.
Because if anything, like when I'mAt some point, hopefully that maybe

(01:01:55):
Utah Business is looking at me.
I don't know what I'd be doing then, butUtah Business, you're going to be looking
at me for at some point before I hit 40.
Um, that, like, she can mentor me, shecan give me advice, she can, like, she
pours into us just like we pour intoher, and, like, these are these beautiful
aspects of the relationships thatwe're building through this experience.
Yeah, it's not like a,what can I get from you?

(01:02:18):
Yes.
Type thing.
It's like, we're, okay, okay,I'm gonna compare it to this.
Do you remember, was it Amy Poehler?
When they were like, announcing best.
Comedy actress and she go went up andshe stood on stage and then they all

(01:02:40):
go up and they're all Lincoln armslike yes, and all the every nominee in
the category went up and they almostcreated like a mock pageant on stage.
It's one of my favorite moments.
Yeah.
Yes.
Well, that's just definitelylike the energy that I have felt.
From this overall has been that for sure.
It's been, ugh, it's my favorite.
And I just, we just need more peoplethat are cheering for us behind

(01:03:03):
our backs instead of talking crap.
Because the people that are talking crap,just like Allison from the Allison Show
was saying, like really that, it speaksmore about them than it does about us.
You absolutely.
And I also think to that, bless it.
I have had so many life experiencesthat when I feel like someone is

(01:03:24):
navigating into that kind of territoryof like, I'm going to be petty.
I'm going to be comparative.
I'm going to do this.
I can meet them with Love, because I knowthat's probably coming from a place of
insecurity, and, uh, and that's not likea, oh, holier than thou kind of thing,
it's just like, hey, I feel like you'rehurting, and you want someone to validate
that, like, oh, this isn't as spectacularas it is, and I just very gently am like

(01:03:47):
acknowledging where they're at, and howthey're feeling, but at the same time,
I'm like, I'm not going to diminishher light, because that's awesome, like
what she's doing is awesome, and wecan subjectively, or objectively, Uh,
recognize that like that is a good thingand what you're going through is valid
but that is still a good thing and we'renot going to diminish that so that you
feel better like that's not how thisworks and and it's um but I agree like

(01:04:10):
Allison brought up a great thing it doessay more about that person and if we can
meet people where they're at and it's likeagain the theme of like highly favored
is that we can recognize that people arehurting people need connection people
need to be validated and genuine and truerelationships with one another um you But,
but yeah, I just think that more women,the, you brought up this thing about like,

(01:04:32):
you know, how we talk about one, abouteach other behind each other's backs.
That was something that I learned verymuch through my active duty experience.
And it is important on onehand to really discern that
not everyone is in your corner.
And no matter how bright and sparklyand lovely and life giving you are
to everybody, not everyone is in yourcorner and you've got to recognize that.

(01:04:53):
And, and, and also like, do not.
Um, like, brush over whensomeone isn't showing up for you.
That is not your person.
It is so important to recognize,like, okay, for your mental health
and your overall well being,recognize they're not for you.
That goes there.
But for the people who are in yourcorner, um, You, you want to highlight

(01:05:15):
people when they're not in the spacesand I've seen that so much in the
pageant experience here and, and, youknow, a lot of the friendships that I
maintain where, like, we're not goingto speak poorly about someone else.
We're going to raise her up.
This is not the means for it.
And.
How can we do that?
Because every single one of us hasour insecurities, we're comparing,
we're doing this, and it is alreadydifficult enough to be a woman without

(01:05:37):
another woman trying to tear us down.
Like, we're, I was like, if anything,I'm like, we're in the same camp,
and are we just trying to, like, pulleach other down back into the muck?
No, we're trying to rise each other,like, help raise each other up.
Um, and, and that's just been an importantlesson that I've learned, is that when
you leave a table, you should be, sitat tables where people are willing to
talk and, like, Pour life into you.

(01:05:58):
Do not keep sitting at tablesthat are not for you anymore.
And no matter how much that hurtsand how difficult that is to navigate
that, do not sit at those tables.
Like they are not for you.
If anything, like you're gettingin your own way and you're
inhibiting opportunities thatare meant for you someplace else.
Like don't sit there.
Those are not your friends.
Those are not your needto build a new table.
Absolutely.

(01:06:20):
You can absolutely build a new table.
There's probably an existing table ofpeople who are ready to like jazz you up.
And so like, I'm willing to gas her up.
And I mean, I think that's like beenthe badging experience of like, this
is an existing table and Kaylin andAbby introduced me to this table and
they like pulled up, pulled out myseat and let me sit down kind of thing.
And, and I love that.

(01:06:41):
Right.
Um, and so sometimes you just have to findthose spaces, but like, keep looking for.
Those spaces don't sit where you're at.
I forgot, I'm sure it was like on TikTokor something, but somebody was talking
about how like they were planning somekind of event and they were so excited
about, you know, the attention to detailthat they poured into this entire thing
and the people who they were friends withat the time were like mocking something.

(01:07:02):
Those are not your friends.
Those are not your friends.
Like the following year, I don't knowif it was the same event or something
like similar, but she was talking aboutit and her new group of friends were
so excited about like the programsand the attention to detail she put
into this or that or whatever, andI'm like, and that's your circle.
Like, you know.

(01:07:22):
what right feels like.
If they're not pouring to you, ifthey are not cheering so freaking
loudly, those are not your people.
And I've had to learn that the hard way.
So I'm saying this withlove to whoever's listening.
If your circle is not cheering for youloudly, or you are concerned that your,
your circle is talking behind your backor trying to bring you down or gossiping
about you, those are not your people.
May get them away from you.

(01:07:44):
People are so important.
Like we keep talking about community and.
That is in friendships too.
It's not just like communitywithin our local communities.
It's like the people yousurround yourself with.
Yes.
Yes.
I think you're amazing.
I have to go get my kid from school.

(01:08:07):
Thank you for talking with me.
I'm gonna end this.
Anytime.
I'm so glad that I couldlike Do a third one, kinda.
I know, it's gonna be so fun.
It's only one episode.
Okay, I'm gonna let you end it.
I want you to tell us where wecan find you on Instagram and
all that stuff because we'regoing to cut that old one out.

(01:08:28):
Okay.
Alrighty.
Well, everyone, thank you,Amanda, for having me on today.
This is amazing.
I loved it.
Uh, it's always just anabsolute joy to talk to you.
You are such a light.
Um, for those who are listening,if you want to follow my pageant
journey or learn more about myplatform, it is called Highly Favored.
Um, you can find me at Instagram underKim underscore Chatto, that's C H A T T O.

(01:08:49):
And then my podcast on Instagram iscalled Highly Favored underscore Official.
And you can listen to my podcast onall major streaming services because
I have learned how to make surethey're on all streaming services.
Uh, but you can definitely findit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Give it a listen.
We feature all sorts of people.
If you want to learn more about allthe contestants, the title holders

(01:09:10):
who are competing, they're incredible.
Come check out, uh,Amanda's featuring them.
I'm featuring them differentperspectives on those.
So we'd love to have youover on highly favored.
And if you're interesting, like if you'rejust doing life and you want to be on the
podcast, reach out, I'd love to have you.
We're going to have a good time.
I love it.
Thank you so much, Kim.
I think you're incredible.
That was.

(01:09:30):
Us, again, kind of, on the innerworkings of the not so genius mind.
Uh, take care of yourselves.
I hear it's a crazy world out there.