February 25, 2025 • 50 mins
The Healing Journey of Pageantry: Amanda and Chelsi's Transformative Experiences
In this heartfelt episode, Amanda McCombs, also known as Mrs. Daybreak, chats with Chelsi Rasmussen, Mrs. Utah America, about their shared journey in the world of pageantry. They discuss their initial fears and the overwhelming support of their 'Sash sisterhood.' Throughout their conversation, they delve into the profound personal growth and healing both have experienced, offering advice on embracing change, finding one's voice, and the significance of community.
Chelsi shares her advocacy for sexual abuse prevention and the spiritual journey that has shaped her family and marriage after leaving their religious community. The episode is a testament to the deeper, transformative impact of participating in pageants and the power of authenticity and support.
00:00 Welcome to the Not So Genius Mind
00:47 First Meeting and Pageant Beginnings
03:26 The Power of Community and Support
12:01 From Survivor to Thriver
18:25 Personal Growth and Relationship Challenges
22:59 Redefining Spirituality and Family Values
27:50 Winning State and the Pageant High
28:45 The Journey to Nationals
31:42 The Mental Game of Pageants
34:31 Authenticity and Imposter Syndrome
38:47 Aligning with Personal Values
43:17 Manifesting and Journaling
45:53 Making Life Shifts and Seeking Support
49:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Yay.
Hello everyone and welcome to the innerworkings of the Not So Genius Mind.
I'm your host, Amanda McCombs, the Not SoGenius, and I'm your Mrs. Daybreak this
year, and I'm here with Chelsi Rasmussen.
She is Such a dear friend.
We've only known each other maybe likea year and a half now that I think
about it, but it's been life changing.
(00:26):
Um, she's a fellow sass, sash, sister,life coach, and mom of, was it four?
No way.
Four.
Oh my goodness.
Chelsi Rasmussen, our Mrs. Utah America.
How are you?
Oh, Amanda, thank youso much for having me.
I'm, I'm so excited to getto chat with you today.
(00:47):
Yay, I'm excited to have you.
Ah, um, oh, maybe I should've, I'mgonna spring this on you a little bit.
So, I think the first time we met wasat the Queen's party at Bailey's house.
Mm, mm hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
It was that Christmas favoritethings party that that was the, I,
(01:11):
I remember going, I remember beingso nervous going to that event.
And I remember saying a prayer to myselfin the car and be like, okay, heavenly
team, this is, this is all so new to me.
And You know, like, I need toknow for sure, like, if this is,
like, I need another verificationthat I am on the right path.
(01:35):
And I remember arriving and beingso nervous and, you know, starting
to get to know all the Sash sisters.
And I remember leaving there just, like,with this overwhelming feeling of, yes.
Yes, this is exactly where I need to be.
And, um, meeting you was such abeautiful part of that and getting
(01:58):
to know more of your story.
It was, yeah, so powerful.
Oh my goodness.
Well, you and I both hadn'tdone a pageant before.
Right, right.
So we were both wideeyed and like soaking up
all the
information.
Yes.
Like everyone is so pretty andnice and they want to be my friend.
This is weird.
(02:19):
It's mind blowing.
Um, I just remember sitting down nextto you and I was chatting with Clarissa.
Um, and I remember sitting next to you andwe were, chit chatting forever and ever
and ever and we were just like pouringour hearts out to each other and everybody
was like getting up and leaving and youand I are still like psh psh psh psh.
(02:39):
I knew you were gonna win.
From that moment I was like Thatcrown is going to be way too heavy
on my head, but this girl's got it.
Oh, that's really kind of you to say.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I think we, it'shard to see that in ourselves.
(02:59):
Yeah.
Well, and there was no way becausemy mom had just passed that August.
Right.
I had so much that Iwas still going through.
Oh my
goodness, right?
I mean, all of us do.
Yes.
All of us do.
Like, you have had your own things goingon, even when you went on to nationals.
(03:21):
Which, it was so fun tosee you up on that stage.
But like, everyone has stuff going on.
It was wonderful that you came andsupport, supported us like the, the
Sash sisterhood in the, of the Utah,you know, the Utah program is so real.
And there were so many people atNationals who were so jealous of not
(03:44):
only our relationship with our directors,but the amount of support that we
had show up for Utah was amazing.
And so it was beautiful thatyou were a part of that.
Oh, thank you.
We just, I think we all justwanted to be there, and like, we
trauma bonded, kind of, right?
We totally did!
(04:05):
We're all winners, and we'relike, all there supporting
each other, and I lost so hard.
I was like, I know, I know I don't got it.
I'm just going to show up and I'm goingto do it and I'll do better next year.
And it'll be less scary.
Okay.
But you nailed that on you.
What you said, just nailed it on the head.
(04:26):
You showed up anyways.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and choosing, even though it wasso hard and it was so scary, you're
choosing to do it again, which meanslike, You know, like that means so much
about you, Amanda, of just, you're like,yes, of course, I'm doing it again.
And it's like, I made up.
You're, you're just in, you'rean inspiration to so many.
(04:50):
Oh, well, We can say the same about you.
Everyone listening is probablylike, Ew, these girls are gross.
Really, this is like, I think thewhole time we're getting ready, we're
sharing, um, sharing ideas, likenothing's really kept hidden a secret.
We're not trying to undercut each other.
Everyone's trying to support each other.
(05:12):
Um, and that's a community that I thinka lot of us that are in it have always.
Yes.
Um, I, that has been part of myhealing journey of, um, you know, I
kind of left a big community that Ihad growing up and that was a big part
(05:36):
of a part of my world in every facet.
And as I left that community,it was really lonely.
And, you know, as I was trying tofigure out what's next and, you know,
to have this pageant fall into my lap,how beautiful, like, and I wasn't even
(05:58):
realizing that it would heal that part offeeling like a lack of community and how.
Amazing it has been to have thissisterhood, like what, like you said,
that is not only so supportive, butinclusive of, you know, like the
(06:22):
energy is all about what do you need?
How can we support you?
Rather than, you know, Well, Ihad all the preconceived notions
going into the pageant world.
It just was a completelydifferent experience.
And so it's just been sobeautiful and healing.
That
is kind
of exactly
what I was going to say.
(06:43):
This whole world that you don't,when you grow up, not really having
other women that have your back,and then you find that community
later in life, like whatever point.
of your life you're in.
There's ladies of allages in this pageant.
And we're all able to stillshow up for each other.
(07:07):
And I think that's so cool.
There's this, like, we needed, weall clearly needed that community.
Oh, we, everybody, right, needs to findtheir community where they feel that they
belong and that they are seen and heard.
And, I know our society reallyneeds to be better about that.
(07:29):
Um, I think especially afterCOVID, we had this huge awakening
of how much we need each other.
And
yeah, just, it's crazy that findingcommunity through pageantry.
I never, never knew that was, thatwas something that I was going to come
from this, which was so beautiful.
(07:51):
We lost our villages.
And we had to figure outhow to get them again.
Right, right.
Or like, and they needed to change.
And I think a lot of us Think about allthe picture perfect things that we see
on social media and what life shouldbe like and you don't realize how hard
(08:13):
and how difficult all this crap is thatwe have to go through to get up there.
Did you think, so your original titlewas you were Eagle Mountain, right?
Correct.
Yes.
Um, did you think claiming thattitle helped you kind of solidify
(08:34):
who you were more as a person?
I know that, and it wasn't just takingon the title of Mrs. Eagle Mountain.
It was getting my brain on board.
With shifting to like getting ina place where I'd be comfortable
(08:59):
receiving the title as Mrs. Utah.
And you know, what I teach my coachingclients is, you know, okay, you have
this goal, what, and then trying to getthem to, okay, what does it feel like
when you've obtained this goal and, andfeel that energy now and live your life
as if you've already obtained that goal.
(09:22):
So that not only helps elevate.
your energy, but helps get your mind onboard with, okay, like I, I'm not, I'm
going to act as if I'm Mrs. Utah now.
And I also utilize this, you know,after coming home from Mrs. America,
(09:42):
it was another aha moment of like, waita second, even though I didn't receive
that title, there's no reason why.
I can't do the things that I wanted todo as Mrs. America, as Mrs. Utah, right?
I can still take that same energyand implement it now, right?
(10:03):
I didn't need that title to dothe things that I wanted to do.
I can still do that as Mrs.Utah and I, I, that's the same
as local title holders, right?
Like if, you know, elevatingyour energy to stand.
As if you were Mrs. Utah or Mrs. Americaor whatever it is, whatever the goal
(10:24):
is living that now and sitting inthat energy now helps to just helps
amplify and helps you get closer to.
Obtaining those goals andbeing a, being aligned, right?
Like, I, I think the biggest thing thatwe miss when we are setting goals is the
energy and the energy and being congruent.
(10:49):
and aligned with what, with whatyou are trying to accomplish.
And I, I know, you know, beliefs thatwe have oftentimes get in the way of,
of receiving that and standing, you know,standing as if we had already obtained
that goal, but mindset is everything.
(11:12):
And so trick, if you know, if it takestricking our mind to help make that shift.
And I, so when you asked, you know,how If that was hard to receive that
title of Mrs. Eagle Mountain, I think,I think I was so excited and humbled
to be able to represent not only mycommunity, um, but bigger than that, of
(11:38):
being a voice and an advocate for her.
Myself, not only myself, but for somany others who felt like they didn't
have a platform or space to speakup about these hard things that, um,
(11:59):
need to shift and change in Utah.
And, um, for the listeners.
So my platform, um, was goingfrom survivor to thriver.
So it was all around sexual abuseprevention and awareness and sexual
assault prevention and awareness.
And as scary as that was, Um, you know,I, I think as women and maybe, maybe as
(12:22):
humans, it's so much easier to stand upfor other people than it is ourselves.
And so when I'm talking to victims orsurvivors of abuse and, and they're
saying, well, I, I just don't, I don'tknow how I can, you know, speak up about
this or report this or stand up to this.
(12:44):
And I have, I have to askthem, like, if, if you knew.
By standing up and reporting wouldprevent it from happening to someone else.
Would you?
Would you?
And, and they're like, Oh, well, yeah.
It's like, okay, so why is it, why isstanding up for yourself any different?
(13:06):
But sometimes we have to start there.
We have to start withstanding up for others.
And, you know, through my journey, youknow, started with standing up for others.
And then it morphed intobecoming the person.
That I always needed, right?
(13:28):
The person that I needed to protect.
and stand up for myself, and,and my little child self, and my
teenage self, and my young adultself, and my, right, like all the
different parts of ourselves that
we're, you know, taking advantageof in one way or another.
(13:50):
So we talk about Like we talk a lotabout when you're going from just
surviving to being able to thrive, right?
You want to not be in like lizardbrain At our school trauma brain.
Yes.
Yes call it wizard versus lizard brain Aswell, I can like make some magic, right?
(14:11):
You can think a little deeper and morecomplex and Anyway, yes, there was
somewhere that I was going to go withthat, but I think a big part of that
is being able to like find your voiceand know that you can speak up for
other people that don't have a voice.
(14:31):
Yes, even without having all of thispageant stuff, but it like there's
something about this whole process that,um, kind of helped me shift my brain to
be a better advocate, if that makes sense.
It totally makes sense.
(14:52):
And I, it's hard because I've, I mean,I was just talking with someone at the
gym this morning about, about this.
Um, They had a child who, um, was, uh,a victim, and just the layers that, you
know, that continues, continue to, youknow, they continue to get re triggered,
(15:16):
and it's hard because I don't know, Idon't know if we ever completely heal.
I think, I think, youknow, Oh, I've healed this.
I've, I've done this.
I've, I think that's kind of been,Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Sensationalized, especially on, you know,and it's talked about a lot and trauma is
(15:38):
thrown around a bunch and I, you know, I'mlike, some things I'm like, Oh, Oh, do we
really understand what that word means?
Um, but the is to be able to healenough, heal enough layers so that
you are not triggered from day to day.
And that once and if you get triggered,you have the skills, you know how
(16:02):
to, how to pull yourself out of thatand get an op, operate from a wizard
brain rather than a lizard brain.
I love, I love that analogy.
Um, But you know, there are, I, I'mstill doing my work and even though
like I've labeled myself as, yes, I feellike I'm thriving, there are still times
(16:23):
and days that are still very hard, butit's important that we give ourselves
permission to not only like hold spacefor those times when we get triggered
and dealing and things still are hard.
and we are able to helpourselves out of it.
(16:43):
I think, I think learning the skillsand getting to a place where you
are able to function in, right?
Function from day to day.
I think that's how I see going fromsurvivor to thriver is being able to
help yourself and not rely heavily onResources and everyone around you to
(17:11):
pull you out and, and keep you afloat.
Right.
Um, yeah, it's, it's a journey for sure.
It
really is.
I think of it kind of like when you'redoing fire drills with kids and there
isn't actually an emergency, but like themore you put those things into practice,
(17:33):
the easier it is going to be to do it.
Absolutely.
Yes.
And, and it's been a learning curve.
And teaching my husband, like knowing whatto do, what I need when I am triggered,
when I am in this space, um, of dealingwith heavy things, um, you know, giving,
giving our loved ones the tools and thelanguage to help when needed is, is right.
(18:01):
It takes a village and I know I, I couldnot have done it without my village.
Geez, for real.
Um, And your husband is so incredible.
He is so sweet.
I loved watching him at your Barbie party.
(18:22):
He was totally dressed up.
It was so
cute.
He was your Ken.
Yes, and you know, something I haven'treally shared and talked about is the
growth journey that I, I didn't evenknow this would, who knew that a pageant
would not obviously be a growth journeyfor me, but wow, the growth journey that
(18:49):
has happened in my relationship as Youknow, there were so, so many different
things that we have had to overcomeand heal as a couple and still are.
We're still, you know, we are notperfect, but it, it's been amazing
to see how a pageant journey would,would help, would con, confront us
(19:10):
with different things that we neededto heal in our relationship and be able
to, you know, be able to, you know,Allow space and grace for each other of
showing up authentically because asI mentioned earlier, we both left
our community of origin that we grewup in and it was very traumatizing
(19:35):
for us leaving that, that community.
And then reorganizing and redeveloping.
Okay, who are we as not onlyindividuals, but as a family outside this
community, outside this organization?
And it was like, it's so hard.
(19:56):
Anybody who's, um, when I saycommunity, I mean religion.
So anybody who has done thatsort of reform in their life of
like foundationally re examiningeverything is, is really, really hard.
And it was so beautiful that thispageant came into my life when it did
(20:19):
because It provided so many opportunitiesto, for my relationship to, you know,
just re, I don't know, it providedopportunities for conversations around
things that we didn't really talkabout or learn about each other before.
(20:40):
And, you know, I, I, I would be lying ifI say it didn't push us to our limits.
Um, We, you know, but it's, it'sso beautiful to look back at the
journey, you know, I think I'm goingto write a book about it eventually,
honestly, because there is so, youknow, social media just shows a
(21:01):
snippet of, and the highlights, right?
And I will say this last year asMrs. Utah, it was, it's been the
best year of my life and it'salso, also been the hardest.
There's been a lot of things behindthe scenes that, like, hardly
(21:24):
anybody knows about, that I'm like,okay, eventually I'm, I'm going
to have to tell this whole story.
Because I don't want people to thinkthat it was all rainbows and, you know,
um, and it took a lot of work and alot of work on, on both of our part,
(21:47):
um, in my relationship and marriage of,
right, reexamining and holding space.
For each
other to, to grow and develop,um, and reclaim our own,
like, who we are as a person.
And allow that individuality foreach other without the need to
(22:14):
change, I guess.
And I don't know if I'mmaking any sense, but
Like, you kind of have to figureout Like your shelf broke.
I went through all this, my husband, myhusband and I left, like I left when I was
a teen and he was older and, um, like wasmarried in the temple and all that stuff.
(22:36):
And even though we, it had beenyears since either one of us had been
raised in it or even gone to churchreally, just cause we were raised in
it and it was part of our culture.
Long and it was full andit was like every Sunday.
That's what you were learning.
(22:56):
You really have to stepback and figure out.
if you want any of that.
Yeah.
Well, and, and just, um, I thinkthe biggest thing is restoring
trust in yourself and, and you know,what was big for me is separating.
It was a big aha for me to separatereligion from spirituality and recognizing
(23:19):
like, Oh, I, I am a very spiritual person,and I don't necessarily, for me, and I,
and I get this isn't way for everyone,and this is what's so beautiful is we
get, we, everybody gets their own path.
This is what I believe.
Everyone has their own path, um, but it'simportant for everyone to feel connected
(23:40):
to something higher than us, whetherthat's a higher power, whether that's
God, whether that's, um, You know, what,what, uh, the universe, whatever that is.
It is so crucial that we feel connected.
And once I was able to separate andrealize, Oh, I can still be a very
spiritual person and it doesn't needto be tied to this organization.
(24:04):
That was so freeing for me and formy family, um, to really trust and
lean into what felt right for us andwhere our values are Um, Lay, you
know, we, I think that was anotherbig fear of like, Oh, leaving this,
this organized religion, like, how dowe, we had so many people like, well,
(24:27):
how are you going to teach your kids?
Like what's right and wrong and whatvalues are and what, and, and, you
know, there was a moment in my brainthat was like, Oh, like that it
felt scary and confronted with that.
I'm like, Oh, how am I going to do this?
But then quickly realizing,you know, I graduated.
In social work and, you know, took,you know, within that, like all these
(24:50):
marriage and family classes and childdevelopment and, and it was like, Oh,
wait, no, no, I am very equipped to beable to teach my kids values and what's
right and wrong and what we feel is.
right for our family, um, was a hugefreedom and restoring trust back in
(25:16):
myself of like, yes, I am equipped.
I, we can do this.
Um, and how beautiful that it is.
It like, if anything, it gave me backmore power because I feel like before,
and I'm not saying this is like foreveryone, but for me, I felt like I
relied a lot on the religion to teach mykids and realizing, Oh, wait, I'm taking
(25:43):
back this power and, and I really get toteach my kids what we value as a family.
And, um, Yeah, just, yeah,again, restoring that trust
is huge and was everything.
And on this journey, this pageant journey,you know, I was thinking, Oh, this
(26:03):
pageant journey is going to help me heal.
Feeling like I have a voice, butwhat I didn't realize, you know,
and I was thinking like feelinglike I had a voice to advocate
for, um, abuse prevention, but.
Looking back now, it'slike, Oh, no, no, no, no.
This wasn't just for abuse prevention.
This was healing myself, um,and being able to speak up in
(26:24):
relationships of like speaking up formy boundaries, um, advocating for my
relationship with my children, um,setting boundaries in my marriage.
Um,
I mean, it, it trickled down toall aspects of my life, realizing.
Oh, I felt like I didn't have a voicein so many different places in my life.
(26:48):
And stepping into that role justreally helped, helped me help
to restore that strength andrealizing, Oh no, I am worthy.
I am worth standing up for.
And it's been fun to seeit trickle down to my kids.
(27:09):
My, my oldest daughter, um, I havethree daughters and then my youngest
is a son and this trickle down effectof seeing how it's impacted them.
Being able to see mom do hard things.
And, the things that they've pushedthemselves to do because they know,
(27:31):
Hey, mom, mom's done hard things.
I can do hard things.
It's been so cool.
It's like, that's, that's been the gift.
It makes you a really cool example.
Like you're practicingwhat you're preaching.
You're not just like sitting onthe sidelines and being like,
okay, you go do the thing.
(27:53):
You're
doing the thing.
Doing the thing.
You went in.
So state title, you won.
It was sandwiched right inbetween you and Charlotte.
The first runner up in you.
And then you went on, and I canimagine being on this, like, I was
(28:17):
on a high from being on the pageant.
I didn't even win.
I was just, I loved being a part of it.
Oh, the energy around that?
Well, yes, the energy around stateand all the women participating
is just so, it's hard to describe.
It is hard to describeunless you're in it.
But what about the hangover?
(28:37):
How bad was that?
Oh, yes.
It, it was, it was, Right?
Because we are pushingourselves in every facet, right?
I tell everybody, um, Hey, if you wantto go, if you're craving a self growth
journey, a pageant is a great way forthat because you're not only pushing
(28:58):
yourself physically, you're not onlypushing yourself socially and mentally and
spiritually, like you're pushing yourselfin every facet and It was crazy to win
state and then having to pick up andturn around and go right on to nationals.
(29:19):
Yeah.
And that was a lot.
Um, but also what a crazy opportunity.
It's funny because I, I didn'teven know when I joined the Mrs.
Utah organization, I had no idea.
That, like, the winnergoes on to Nationals.
(29:40):
And I don't know how I missed that memo.
I, I, like, I don't know if I wastuning out to the, like, during, like,
a workshop where that was talked about,or, cause it was, like, only, yeah, it,
it just, it didn't click in my brain.
It did not click in my brain.
Mrs. Utah goes on tocompete at Mrs. America.
(30:02):
And so that was a whirlwindto like get on board with it.
Like, okay, we're doing this.
Let's, let's go.
And,
um, it was, it was a amazing experienceto be able to rub shoulders with such
powerful women across America, where.
You know, a lot of themare doctors and teachers.
(30:25):
There was just so, it was so diverse.
But all of these women were, hada cause and something that they
felt so passionate to stand up for.
And, I mean, life change,life changing week, right?
To be able to, not only, I mean,so fun to have the opportunity
(30:45):
to get red carpet ready, hair andmakeup done every day, fun wardrobe,
you know, all the fun part of it.
All week.
Yes, but, um, yeah, it was, itwas definitely a bucket list
opportunity for sure.
For sure.
I kind of went just to kind of belike, I didn't realize for some reason
(31:08):
when I signed up, my head was justonly thinking about Mrs. Utah and
I didn't even really think about.
nationals at all.
Right?
I
don't, I know.
Yeah, I was right there with you.
Didn't, didn't realize, didn't realize.
I'm gonna go and make sure I reallywant to do this again because right
afterwards I told Amanda Brady, I waslike, I'm going to quit my job and
(31:30):
I'm going to do pageants full time.
Perfect.
Slow down, slow down.
Wait a minute.
Let's think about this.
Uh,
but yeah, it was really fun to watchand I could tell it's like, it's hard.
It's hard work.
Um, And you are pushingyourself to the max.
(31:50):
Oh, yeah.
Um, It, yes, it physically demanding,but mentally I don't, I don't think
people understand the mental game, um,of doing pageants, of really having
to get good at staying in, in your,like, connect, not only connected
(32:11):
to yourself, but to other people.
I like to say inward and upward, like youstaying connected to yourself and heaven.
And cause once you start lookingside to side, you get in your
home, you know, in that comparisongame, you get in your own head and.
It's like, it's over.
It's over.
Um, and it, it is, it pushes ya.
(32:33):
And you have to get really,really good of staying in your
own lane and, and not comparing.
And I think, as a society,we struggle with that.
And so,
yeah, as I'm sitting here talking,it's, it's really hitting home for
me how, I've had to get good at thatthis last year and strengthen that
(32:57):
muscle of letting go of the comparisongame and giving myself permission
to just show up as me and, and notsome idea of how I think I should
(33:17):
be showing up, you know, and I'm,I'm, I'm still learning that.
In fact, this, this, this lastweekend, um, we did a photo
shoot Saturday morning and.
I, I, um, without going into too muchdetail, uh, something happened and
(33:38):
Saturday night I came home and hada panic attack and it was all around
because I changed something or Igave up a little bit of my power to
acquiesce to what some someone else wasexpecting and I didn't feel congruent.
With like, I didn't feel congruent,um, or authentic with how I showed up
(34:06):
and it was like, okay, I get to learnthis lesson again of really getting
clear and tapping into what feels rightfor me and not acquiescing to what
someone else feels is right for me.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's a, youknow, it's ongoing practice.
I don't, I don't know.
I don't know if we ever get to master,you know, I would love to be able
(34:29):
to master that, but it's, it's a,it's an ongoing practice for sure.
Do you think
that's like the difference between
imposter syndrome?
Like, will that, if you're showingup authentically, do you think
that will help negate the impostersyndrome that a lot of us feel?
Cause.
(34:51):
I just kind of faked it till I made it.
And I still am like, I have no ideawhat I'm doing, but I'm just gonna, I'm
going to show up and I'm going to domy best and I'm figuring out who I am.
Yeah.
I, you know, I, I agree infaking it till you make it.
Cause I've, I've been there.
Um, Just feel like imposter syndrome.
(35:13):
Like, but also I think what's importantis to give ourselves space and permission.
And time.
I think, I think this is key.
We don't, we don't give ourselves enoughtime, quiet time to really connect
with ourselves and really get clear
(35:34):
on what we value.
A lot of times we give up ourpower to what other people value.
And,
um, like for instance, so I,I'm going to, I'm going to just,
you know, just call it as it is.
Cause that's how I do.
So the photo shoot, I, um, I, you know,the dresses that I were wearing, they
(35:58):
were, they were plunging neckline and, Youknow, sometimes in the pageant world and
I've heard, I've heard, you know, throughlike, just like, Oh, like I would never
win because I don't have, I don't have thechest that, you know, they're looking for.
And so we, we laugh in the pageantworld of like, Oh, you know, like
the pads that you can put in,build a boobie workshop, you know?
(36:20):
And, you know, so I put, I put pads inmy dress and I hadn't done that before.
And for this photo shoot and,you know, I got the photo, the
photos back and I'm like, Oh no.
I don't feel good aboutlike, that's not me.
That's not my body.
I don't, I don't feel congruent with that.
Like, and like this judgment and whatcaused the panic attack, what I'm
(36:42):
realizing is the judgment I had on myself,judging myself for like, how dare you?
Like this is what was going on in my mind.
How dare you let other people's opinionsand what they think you should look like?
Impact how you showed up.
(37:03):
Oof.
Oh, it was, yeah.
Like this is, this is hard for me to admitand, and say is because like, I'm right.
Like I'm still learning and healingdifferent layers of myself, of like,
okay, I, I get to also practice.
You know, and, and, you know, as I zoomout, I'm like, oh, well, you know, I was
(37:26):
in the energy, like, I was surroundedby, you know, in the pageant world, you
know, lots of photoshoots going on, lotsof pageant ladies around, all the make,
you know, my hair and makeup team, andI was in that world and in that energy.
And so what I learned aboutmyself is I need to get good.
at taking a step back for a second,connecting with myself, separating
(37:49):
myself, maybe even energeticallyfor a moment, checking with myself,
okay, what feels right for me?
And I think this, this relates toevery aspect in our lives, right?
Whenever we're making, I mean, that wasa small decision, but whenever we're
making decisions of getting good atseparating ourselves, You know, from
other people and really getting clearwhat is my heart saying, what is my
(38:13):
gut saying, and what is my head saying?
Because the, you can getthree different messages.
You know, gut, um, I say in like, that'sour intuition, that's our inner knowing,
um, you know, sometimes, you know, heart,gut, and mind will all be, it will be
giving us three different messages.
answers, but strengthening that muscleto really get good of tapping inward
(38:39):
of how do I feel good about this?
What do I think and feel, um, about this?
And is this congruent with my values?
Um, you know, something that I,I work with my coaching clients
about is, um, there's a worksheetyou can google like Brene Brown.
List of values.
(38:59):
Yeah.
So Brené Brown has a worksheet, um, andhas a whole bunch of list of values.
And I work with clients to get likepit, be able to narrow down and get
clear on their top three values,values, which is really hard from
this worksheet, like three to five.
And once you are able to, especiallysomeone who has deconstructed and
(39:19):
left, um, a religion to get clear onthe values on your personal values.
Is huge because then you can knowwhen you're making a decision, you
know, if you are operating out of thevalues that feel congruent to you, or
if you are giving up your power andoperating from someone else's values.
(39:40):
Yeah.
Oh, if you're not alignedwith your own values, just
like that tiniest little tilt.
Oh yeah.
Shift everything.
And then it, yes, and then itfeels incongruent, you, um,
that's where anxiety comes from.
And then you can't figureout how to get back.
(40:01):
Honestly, that's where anxietyand depression comes from.
A lot of the time is this feelingincongruent with what feels right for
us and giving up our power to all theseother sources, people like organizations
thinking like that's what is expected.
That's what's needed.
That's what's, um, that's what they need.
(40:27):
That has been life changing forme, honestly, is realizing, oh wow.
And, and to do, to make sure you're nottaking advice from people's, people who
had, who has different values than you.
Um, like one of my top values,my, I'll tell you, my top two
(40:48):
values is freedom and connection.
And where I have loved ones who has a topvalue of, Um, financial security and while
that, you know, like that's a great thingand something to be valued, I know that
(41:11):
that it is a high, high value for them.
And so if I am asking advice fromthem and they are, they are telling
me advice that may, and I've had thisexperience before, that may contradict.
My value of freedom.
I it's like, okay, thank youfor that advice, but this
(41:34):
actually aligns with me better.
Um, anyways, that's just a little example,but again, I highly encourage everyone.
If you have not done it and, and it's,you know, it's like, oh yeah, I know
what I value, but to really write down onpaper exactly like the, the, the words.
(41:55):
that you build your life around is huge.
It's life changing.
Like, okay, so when I'm makingthis decision, does this align?
Does this align with myvalue of connection, with
authenticity, with freedom?
And a lot of times it's like,oh, actually it doesn't.
It doesn't.
So that's not for me.
(42:17):
How cool.
How powerful is that?
And it seems so simple.
It is so simple, but we don't, weall, yeah, we haven't been taught
to take the time to really getto know ourselves in that way.
Oh, it's over there.
I'm gonna have to show you, I gotthis planner and it's I don't remember
(42:38):
exactly what it's called, but all in thefront of it, it has you like, find your
life's purpose and your goals and yourmission statement and all these things.
Oh, I love it.
And a little, what is it called?
Like a dream board?
Yes.
Vision board.
Yes.
Dream board.
To like, cause I, I have all these.
(43:00):
Things happening.
I don't have a normal job anymore, andI can't do normal calendaring things
on my phone while I'm talking on itwhile I'm trying to talk to somebody.
Like, my brain doesn't work like that.
So I went old school and got penciland paper and just having to sit and
think about that and sit for a minute.
There is something powerfulthat comes from pen to paper.
(43:25):
Not only in like, so when you're sayingcreating your dream board, um, manifesting
to be able to actually write it out.
Cause you're right.
A lot of times we rely on our phones andtechnology, um, to, Organize our lives.
It's powerful.
That's why I, I mean, journaling whenyou're trying to manifest, um, being able
(43:48):
to journal and write down affirmationsand journal out your dreams as if they
have already happened is so powerful,and I cannot emphasize that enough.
So I love that you got thejour your, your paper journal.
I, I, um, I just got a new one too.
It's
just so, it's so pretty.
And I was like.
(44:09):
But it's all about manifesting, like, whatis the type of year that I want to have?
And then each week, it gives you a littlebreakdown of like, what are different ways
that you can work towards meeting them?
But it's been so overwhelming becauseyou have a lot going on, a lot going on.
But what really helped isthe what's your why workshop.
(44:32):
Oh, good.
Like, how do you sit down andanswer who, what, where, when?
Why and how, I guess, is the other one.
Yes, I, you're not alone in that.
I, I know as It's, it's hard for somany of us because we, we just get
caught up in the grind of life andwe're just going and doing the things.
(44:56):
And a lot of times we don't sitback and actually ask, okay,
what, what's my why behind this?
What, what is actually motivating me?
And, um, what does this look like for me?
Like if, you know, what ismy ideal best case scenario?
A lot of times we don't evengive ourselves permission to.
(45:20):
Think about that and we just like,Oh yeah, this is what I've been told.
This is what I need to do.
This is what's been expected.
This is what's been suggested, suggested.
Um,
yeah.
And getting, getting clear onyour why is everything so huge,
(45:40):
man.
Well, I think this was probably agood point to start winding down.
Do you want to ask, isthere any recommendations?
That you have for anybody that'slike looking to make a life
shift like we're talking about.
(46:01):
Like where do you begin?
Like you already know youneed to make a change.
What's your first?
First thing is holding spacefor yourself and giving yourself
permission to do things differently.
I think it is so scary to takethat first step of create, making
(46:26):
a change and creating change andgiving yourself permission to change.
Um, And utilizing support, right?
It takes a village.
We can't do things alone.
So whether that's hiring acounselor, hiring a coach, um,
we can't do things alone.
(46:48):
We are meant to have a community.
We are meant, we are,we are village people.
We are tribe people fromthe beginning of time.
And there are so many resourcesavailable that you just got to utilize.
And I think, I think the biggest hangup that, that people get, you know, that
(47:14):
people get stuck is you have to knowand feel that you are worthy and worth
it to stand up for and create change.
Like you are worthy of creatingthe life that you want and dream.
You are worth making these changes.
(47:40):
Becoming that advocate, advocatefor yourself and whatever that is,
because we get stuck in our ownnegative beliefs and patterns and
things we've been told or have beentaught that, that are frankly, Is wrong.
They do not serve us andprevent us from, from creating
(48:06):
the life that we want, right?
So that, that, that would be myfirst, if you are really struggling
and you don't know, like, youknow, cause I, I was there.
Oh my goodness.
Not even, I mean, I was there.
I was there probably twoyears before, two years ago.
It was right before the pageant and yearsleading up to, you know, joining as Mrs.
(48:30):
Eagle Mountain of like feeling so lostand feeling like I didn't have a purpose
and feeling like, you know, I felt likethere was something I need, I, I should be
doing, but I wasn't clear on what it was.
And, You know, I was dealing with traumaand depression and, um, going through
(48:56):
PTSD and was really, really struggling.
And what helped shift everything
was healing the belief that I am worth it.
That's so powerful.
Man, I love you.
And I love you!
(49:17):
Elsie, tell us where to find you.
Right now on Instagram, just chat withChelsi with an I. Um, you know, as this
pageant era of my life comes to a close,it will be, you know, I have a couple
of ideas where I'm wanting to takethings, but I'm, I'm passionate about.
(49:40):
living authentically andshowing up authentically and
having hard real conversations.
So come over and join me over there andcontinue having the real conversations,
um, and calling things out as they are.
I'd like to do that too.
Um, yes, ma'am.
(50:00):
So yeah, they can find me there.
Thank you so much.
Man, K, um, I'm trying toremember how I end these things.
Usually it's something along thelines of take care of yourself.
It's a crazy world out there.
Yeah.
Thanks, Amanda, for having me.
I love you so much.
You're the best.
Yay.
Hello everyone and welcome to the innerworkings of the Not So Genius Mind.
I'm your host, Amanda McCombs, the Not SoGenius, and I'm your Mrs. Daybreak this
year, and I'm here with Chelsi Rasmussen.
She is Such a dear friend.
We've only known each other maybe likea year and a half now that I think
about it, but it's been life changing.
(00:26):
Um, she's a fellow sass, sash, sister,life coach, and mom of, was it four?
No way.
Four.
Oh my goodness.
Chelsi Rasmussen, our Mrs. Utah America.
How are you?
Oh, Amanda, thank youso much for having me.
I'm, I'm so excited to getto chat with you today.
(00:47):
Yay, I'm excited to have you.
Ah, um, oh, maybe I should've, I'mgonna spring this on you a little bit.
So, I think the first time we met wasat the Queen's party at Bailey's house.
Mm, mm hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
It was that Christmas favoritethings party that that was the, I,
(01:11):
I remember going, I remember beingso nervous going to that event.
And I remember saying a prayer to myselfin the car and be like, okay, heavenly
team, this is, this is all so new to me.
And You know, like, I need toknow for sure, like, if this is,
like, I need another verificationthat I am on the right path.
(01:35):
And I remember arriving and beingso nervous and, you know, starting
to get to know all the Sash sisters.
And I remember leaving there just, like,with this overwhelming feeling of, yes.
Yes, this is exactly where I need to be.
And, um, meeting you was such abeautiful part of that and getting
(01:58):
to know more of your story.
It was, yeah, so powerful.
Oh my goodness.
Well, you and I both hadn'tdone a pageant before.
Right, right.
So we were both wideeyed and like soaking up
all the
information.
Yes.
Like everyone is so pretty andnice and they want to be my friend.
This is weird.
(02:19):
It's mind blowing.
Um, I just remember sitting down nextto you and I was chatting with Clarissa.
Um, and I remember sitting next to you andwe were, chit chatting forever and ever
and ever and we were just like pouringour hearts out to each other and everybody
was like getting up and leaving and youand I are still like psh psh psh psh.
(02:39):
I knew you were gonna win.
From that moment I was like Thatcrown is going to be way too heavy
on my head, but this girl's got it.
Oh, that's really kind of you to say.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I think we, it'shard to see that in ourselves.
(02:59):
Yeah.
Well, and there was no way becausemy mom had just passed that August.
Right.
I had so much that Iwas still going through.
Oh my
goodness, right?
I mean, all of us do.
Yes.
All of us do.
Like, you have had your own things goingon, even when you went on to nationals.
(03:21):
Which, it was so fun tosee you up on that stage.
But like, everyone has stuff going on.
It was wonderful that you came andsupport, supported us like the, the
Sash sisterhood in the, of the Utah,you know, the Utah program is so real.
And there were so many people atNationals who were so jealous of not
(03:44):
only our relationship with our directors,but the amount of support that we
had show up for Utah was amazing.
And so it was beautiful thatyou were a part of that.
Oh, thank you.
We just, I think we all justwanted to be there, and like, we
trauma bonded, kind of, right?
We totally did!
(04:05):
We're all winners, and we'relike, all there supporting
each other, and I lost so hard.
I was like, I know, I know I don't got it.
I'm just going to show up and I'm goingto do it and I'll do better next year.
And it'll be less scary.
Okay.
But you nailed that on you.
What you said, just nailed it on the head.
(04:26):
You showed up anyways.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and choosing, even though it wasso hard and it was so scary, you're
choosing to do it again, which meanslike, You know, like that means so much
about you, Amanda, of just, you're like,yes, of course, I'm doing it again.
And it's like, I made up.
You're, you're just in, you'rean inspiration to so many.
(04:50):
Oh, well, We can say the same about you.
Everyone listening is probablylike, Ew, these girls are gross.
Really, this is like, I think thewhole time we're getting ready, we're
sharing, um, sharing ideas, likenothing's really kept hidden a secret.
We're not trying to undercut each other.
Everyone's trying to support each other.
(05:12):
Um, and that's a community that I thinka lot of us that are in it have always.
Yes.
Um, I, that has been part of myhealing journey of, um, you know, I
kind of left a big community that Ihad growing up and that was a big part
(05:36):
of a part of my world in every facet.
And as I left that community,it was really lonely.
And, you know, as I was trying tofigure out what's next and, you know,
to have this pageant fall into my lap,how beautiful, like, and I wasn't even
(05:58):
realizing that it would heal that part offeeling like a lack of community and how.
Amazing it has been to have thissisterhood, like what, like you said,
that is not only so supportive, butinclusive of, you know, like the
(06:22):
energy is all about what do you need?
How can we support you?
Rather than, you know, Well, Ihad all the preconceived notions
going into the pageant world.
It just was a completelydifferent experience.
And so it's just been sobeautiful and healing.
That
is kind
of exactly
what I was going to say.
(06:43):
This whole world that you don't,when you grow up, not really having
other women that have your back,and then you find that community
later in life, like whatever point.
of your life you're in.
There's ladies of allages in this pageant.
And we're all able to stillshow up for each other.
(07:07):
And I think that's so cool.
There's this, like, we needed, weall clearly needed that community.
Oh, we, everybody, right, needs to findtheir community where they feel that they
belong and that they are seen and heard.
And, I know our society reallyneeds to be better about that.
(07:29):
Um, I think especially afterCOVID, we had this huge awakening
of how much we need each other.
And
yeah, just, it's crazy that findingcommunity through pageantry.
I never, never knew that was, thatwas something that I was going to come
from this, which was so beautiful.
(07:51):
We lost our villages.
And we had to figure outhow to get them again.
Right, right.
Or like, and they needed to change.
And I think a lot of us Think about allthe picture perfect things that we see
on social media and what life shouldbe like and you don't realize how hard
(08:13):
and how difficult all this crap is thatwe have to go through to get up there.
Did you think, so your original titlewas you were Eagle Mountain, right?
Correct.
Yes.
Um, did you think claiming thattitle helped you kind of solidify
(08:34):
who you were more as a person?
I know that, and it wasn't just takingon the title of Mrs. Eagle Mountain.
It was getting my brain on board.
With shifting to like getting ina place where I'd be comfortable
(08:59):
receiving the title as Mrs. Utah.
And you know, what I teach my coachingclients is, you know, okay, you have
this goal, what, and then trying to getthem to, okay, what does it feel like
when you've obtained this goal and, andfeel that energy now and live your life
as if you've already obtained that goal.
(09:22):
So that not only helps elevate.
your energy, but helps get your mind onboard with, okay, like I, I'm not, I'm
going to act as if I'm Mrs. Utah now.
And I also utilize this, you know,after coming home from Mrs. America,
(09:42):
it was another aha moment of like, waita second, even though I didn't receive
that title, there's no reason why.
I can't do the things that I wanted todo as Mrs. America, as Mrs. Utah, right?
I can still take that same energyand implement it now, right?
(10:03):
I didn't need that title to dothe things that I wanted to do.
I can still do that as Mrs.Utah and I, I, that's the same
as local title holders, right?
Like if, you know, elevatingyour energy to stand.
As if you were Mrs. Utah or Mrs. Americaor whatever it is, whatever the goal
(10:24):
is living that now and sitting inthat energy now helps to just helps
amplify and helps you get closer to.
Obtaining those goals andbeing a, being aligned, right?
Like, I, I think the biggest thing thatwe miss when we are setting goals is the
energy and the energy and being congruent.
(10:49):
and aligned with what, with whatyou are trying to accomplish.
And I, I know, you know, beliefs thatwe have oftentimes get in the way of,
of receiving that and standing, you know,standing as if we had already obtained
that goal, but mindset is everything.
(11:12):
And so trick, if you know, if it takestricking our mind to help make that shift.
And I, so when you asked, you know,how If that was hard to receive that
title of Mrs. Eagle Mountain, I think,I think I was so excited and humbled
to be able to represent not only mycommunity, um, but bigger than that, of
(11:38):
being a voice and an advocate for her.
Myself, not only myself, but for somany others who felt like they didn't
have a platform or space to speakup about these hard things that, um,
(11:59):
need to shift and change in Utah.
And, um, for the listeners.
So my platform, um, was goingfrom survivor to thriver.
So it was all around sexual abuseprevention and awareness and sexual
assault prevention and awareness.
And as scary as that was, Um, you know,I, I think as women and maybe, maybe as
(12:22):
humans, it's so much easier to stand upfor other people than it is ourselves.
And so when I'm talking to victims orsurvivors of abuse and, and they're
saying, well, I, I just don't, I don'tknow how I can, you know, speak up about
this or report this or stand up to this.
(12:44):
And I have, I have to askthem, like, if, if you knew.
By standing up and reporting wouldprevent it from happening to someone else.
Would you?
Would you?
And, and they're like, Oh, well, yeah.
It's like, okay, so why is it, why isstanding up for yourself any different?
(13:06):
But sometimes we have to start there.
We have to start withstanding up for others.
And, you know, through my journey, youknow, started with standing up for others.
And then it morphed intobecoming the person.
That I always needed, right?
(13:28):
The person that I needed to protect.
and stand up for myself, and,and my little child self, and my
teenage self, and my young adultself, and my, right, like all the
different parts of ourselves that
we're, you know, taking advantageof in one way or another.
(13:50):
So we talk about Like we talk a lotabout when you're going from just
surviving to being able to thrive, right?
You want to not be in like lizardbrain At our school trauma brain.
Yes.
Yes call it wizard versus lizard brain Aswell, I can like make some magic, right?
(14:11):
You can think a little deeper and morecomplex and Anyway, yes, there was
somewhere that I was going to go withthat, but I think a big part of that
is being able to like find your voiceand know that you can speak up for
other people that don't have a voice.
(14:31):
Yes, even without having all of thispageant stuff, but it like there's
something about this whole process that,um, kind of helped me shift my brain to
be a better advocate, if that makes sense.
It totally makes sense.
(14:52):
And I, it's hard because I've, I mean,I was just talking with someone at the
gym this morning about, about this.
Um, They had a child who, um, was, uh,a victim, and just the layers that, you
know, that continues, continue to, youknow, they continue to get re triggered,
(15:16):
and it's hard because I don't know, Idon't know if we ever completely heal.
I think, I think, youknow, Oh, I've healed this.
I've, I've done this.
I've, I think that's kind of been,Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Sensationalized, especially on, you know,and it's talked about a lot and trauma is
(15:38):
thrown around a bunch and I, you know, I'mlike, some things I'm like, Oh, Oh, do we
really understand what that word means?
Um, but the is to be able to healenough, heal enough layers so that
you are not triggered from day to day.
And that once and if you get triggered,you have the skills, you know how
(16:02):
to, how to pull yourself out of thatand get an op, operate from a wizard
brain rather than a lizard brain.
I love, I love that analogy.
Um, But you know, there are, I, I'mstill doing my work and even though
like I've labeled myself as, yes, I feellike I'm thriving, there are still times
(16:23):
and days that are still very hard, butit's important that we give ourselves
permission to not only like hold spacefor those times when we get triggered
and dealing and things still are hard.
and we are able to helpourselves out of it.
(16:43):
I think, I think learning the skillsand getting to a place where you
are able to function in, right?
Function from day to day.
I think that's how I see going fromsurvivor to thriver is being able to
help yourself and not rely heavily onResources and everyone around you to
(17:11):
pull you out and, and keep you afloat.
Right.
Um, yeah, it's, it's a journey for sure.
It
really is.
I think of it kind of like when you'redoing fire drills with kids and there
isn't actually an emergency, but like themore you put those things into practice,
(17:33):
the easier it is going to be to do it.
Absolutely.
Yes.
And, and it's been a learning curve.
And teaching my husband, like knowing whatto do, what I need when I am triggered,
when I am in this space, um, of dealingwith heavy things, um, you know, giving,
giving our loved ones the tools and thelanguage to help when needed is, is right.
(18:01):
It takes a village and I know I, I couldnot have done it without my village.
Geez, for real.
Um, And your husband is so incredible.
He is so sweet.
I loved watching him at your Barbie party.
(18:22):
He was totally dressed up.
It was so
cute.
He was your Ken.
Yes, and you know, something I haven'treally shared and talked about is the
growth journey that I, I didn't evenknow this would, who knew that a pageant
would not obviously be a growth journeyfor me, but wow, the growth journey that
(18:49):
has happened in my relationship as Youknow, there were so, so many different
things that we have had to overcomeand heal as a couple and still are.
We're still, you know, we are notperfect, but it, it's been amazing
to see how a pageant journey would,would help, would con, confront us
(19:10):
with different things that we neededto heal in our relationship and be able
to, you know, be able to, you know,Allow space and grace for each other of
showing up authentically because asI mentioned earlier, we both left
our community of origin that we grewup in and it was very traumatizing
(19:35):
for us leaving that, that community.
And then reorganizing and redeveloping.
Okay, who are we as not onlyindividuals, but as a family outside this
community, outside this organization?
And it was like, it's so hard.
(19:56):
Anybody who's, um, when I saycommunity, I mean religion.
So anybody who has done thatsort of reform in their life of
like foundationally re examiningeverything is, is really, really hard.
And it was so beautiful that thispageant came into my life when it did
(20:19):
because It provided so many opportunitiesto, for my relationship to, you know,
just re, I don't know, it providedopportunities for conversations around
things that we didn't really talkabout or learn about each other before.
(20:40):
And, you know, I, I, I would be lying ifI say it didn't push us to our limits.
Um, We, you know, but it's, it'sso beautiful to look back at the
journey, you know, I think I'm goingto write a book about it eventually,
honestly, because there is so, youknow, social media just shows a
(21:01):
snippet of, and the highlights, right?
And I will say this last year asMrs. Utah, it was, it's been the
best year of my life and it'salso, also been the hardest.
There's been a lot of things behindthe scenes that, like, hardly
(21:24):
anybody knows about, that I'm like,okay, eventually I'm, I'm going
to have to tell this whole story.
Because I don't want people to thinkthat it was all rainbows and, you know,
um, and it took a lot of work and alot of work on, on both of our part,
(21:47):
um, in my relationship and marriage of,
right, reexamining and holding space.
For each
other to, to grow and develop,um, and reclaim our own,
like, who we are as a person.
And allow that individuality foreach other without the need to
(22:14):
change, I guess.
And I don't know if I'mmaking any sense, but
Like, you kind of have to figureout Like your shelf broke.
I went through all this, my husband, myhusband and I left, like I left when I was
a teen and he was older and, um, like wasmarried in the temple and all that stuff.
(22:36):
And even though we, it had beenyears since either one of us had been
raised in it or even gone to churchreally, just cause we were raised in
it and it was part of our culture.
Long and it was full andit was like every Sunday.
That's what you were learning.
(22:56):
You really have to stepback and figure out.
if you want any of that.
Yeah.
Well, and, and just, um, I thinkthe biggest thing is restoring
trust in yourself and, and you know,what was big for me is separating.
It was a big aha for me to separatereligion from spirituality and recognizing
(23:19):
like, Oh, I, I am a very spiritual person,and I don't necessarily, for me, and I,
and I get this isn't way for everyone,and this is what's so beautiful is we
get, we, everybody gets their own path.
This is what I believe.
Everyone has their own path, um, but it'simportant for everyone to feel connected
(23:40):
to something higher than us, whetherthat's a higher power, whether that's
God, whether that's, um, You know, what,what, uh, the universe, whatever that is.
It is so crucial that we feel connected.
And once I was able to separate andrealize, Oh, I can still be a very
spiritual person and it doesn't needto be tied to this organization.
(24:04):
That was so freeing for me and formy family, um, to really trust and
lean into what felt right for us andwhere our values are Um, Lay, you
know, we, I think that was anotherbig fear of like, Oh, leaving this,
this organized religion, like, how dowe, we had so many people like, well,
(24:27):
how are you going to teach your kids?
Like what's right and wrong and whatvalues are and what, and, and, you
know, there was a moment in my brainthat was like, Oh, like that it
felt scary and confronted with that.
I'm like, Oh, how am I going to do this?
But then quickly realizing,you know, I graduated.
In social work and, you know, took,you know, within that, like all these
(24:50):
marriage and family classes and childdevelopment and, and it was like, Oh,
wait, no, no, I am very equipped to beable to teach my kids values and what's
right and wrong and what we feel is.
right for our family, um, was a hugefreedom and restoring trust back in
(25:16):
myself of like, yes, I am equipped.
I, we can do this.
Um, and how beautiful that it is.
It like, if anything, it gave me backmore power because I feel like before,
and I'm not saying this is like foreveryone, but for me, I felt like I
relied a lot on the religion to teach mykids and realizing, Oh, wait, I'm taking
(25:43):
back this power and, and I really get toteach my kids what we value as a family.
And, um, Yeah, just, yeah,again, restoring that trust
is huge and was everything.
And on this journey, this pageant journey,you know, I was thinking, Oh, this
(26:03):
pageant journey is going to help me heal.
Feeling like I have a voice, butwhat I didn't realize, you know,
and I was thinking like feelinglike I had a voice to advocate
for, um, abuse prevention, but.
Looking back now, it'slike, Oh, no, no, no, no.
This wasn't just for abuse prevention.
This was healing myself, um,and being able to speak up in
(26:24):
relationships of like speaking up formy boundaries, um, advocating for my
relationship with my children, um,setting boundaries in my marriage.
Um,
I mean, it, it trickled down toall aspects of my life, realizing.
Oh, I felt like I didn't have a voicein so many different places in my life.
(26:48):
And stepping into that role justreally helped, helped me help
to restore that strength andrealizing, Oh no, I am worthy.
I am worth standing up for.
And it's been fun to seeit trickle down to my kids.
(27:09):
My, my oldest daughter, um, I havethree daughters and then my youngest
is a son and this trickle down effectof seeing how it's impacted them.
Being able to see mom do hard things.
And, the things that they've pushedthemselves to do because they know,
(27:31):
Hey, mom, mom's done hard things.
I can do hard things.
It's been so cool.
It's like, that's, that's been the gift.
It makes you a really cool example.
Like you're practicingwhat you're preaching.
You're not just like sitting onthe sidelines and being like,
okay, you go do the thing.
(27:53):
You're
doing the thing.
Doing the thing.
You went in.
So state title, you won.
It was sandwiched right inbetween you and Charlotte.
The first runner up in you.
And then you went on, and I canimagine being on this, like, I was
(28:17):
on a high from being on the pageant.
I didn't even win.
I was just, I loved being a part of it.
Oh, the energy around that?
Well, yes, the energy around stateand all the women participating
is just so, it's hard to describe.
It is hard to describeunless you're in it.
But what about the hangover?
(28:37):
How bad was that?
Oh, yes.
It, it was, it was, Right?
Because we are pushingourselves in every facet, right?
I tell everybody, um, Hey, if you wantto go, if you're craving a self growth
journey, a pageant is a great way forthat because you're not only pushing
(28:58):
yourself physically, you're not onlypushing yourself socially and mentally and
spiritually, like you're pushing yourselfin every facet and It was crazy to win
state and then having to pick up andturn around and go right on to nationals.
(29:19):
Yeah.
And that was a lot.
Um, but also what a crazy opportunity.
It's funny because I, I didn'teven know when I joined the Mrs.
Utah organization, I had no idea.
That, like, the winnergoes on to Nationals.
(29:40):
And I don't know how I missed that memo.
I, I, like, I don't know if I wastuning out to the, like, during, like,
a workshop where that was talked about,or, cause it was, like, only, yeah, it,
it just, it didn't click in my brain.
It did not click in my brain.
Mrs. Utah goes on tocompete at Mrs. America.
(30:02):
And so that was a whirlwindto like get on board with it.
Like, okay, we're doing this.
Let's, let's go.
And,
um, it was, it was a amazing experienceto be able to rub shoulders with such
powerful women across America, where.
You know, a lot of themare doctors and teachers.
(30:25):
There was just so, it was so diverse.
But all of these women were, hada cause and something that they
felt so passionate to stand up for.
And, I mean, life change,life changing week, right?
To be able to, not only, I mean,so fun to have the opportunity
(30:45):
to get red carpet ready, hair andmakeup done every day, fun wardrobe,
you know, all the fun part of it.
All week.
Yes, but, um, yeah, it was, itwas definitely a bucket list
opportunity for sure.
For sure.
I kind of went just to kind of belike, I didn't realize for some reason
(31:08):
when I signed up, my head was justonly thinking about Mrs. Utah and
I didn't even really think about.
nationals at all.
Right?
I
don't, I know.
Yeah, I was right there with you.
Didn't, didn't realize, didn't realize.
I'm gonna go and make sure I reallywant to do this again because right
afterwards I told Amanda Brady, I waslike, I'm going to quit my job and
(31:30):
I'm going to do pageants full time.
Perfect.
Slow down, slow down.
Wait a minute.
Let's think about this.
Uh,
but yeah, it was really fun to watchand I could tell it's like, it's hard.
It's hard work.
Um, And you are pushingyourself to the max.
(31:50):
Oh, yeah.
Um, It, yes, it physically demanding,but mentally I don't, I don't think
people understand the mental game, um,of doing pageants, of really having
to get good at staying in, in your,like, connect, not only connected
(32:11):
to yourself, but to other people.
I like to say inward and upward, like youstaying connected to yourself and heaven.
And cause once you start lookingside to side, you get in your
home, you know, in that comparisongame, you get in your own head and.
It's like, it's over.
It's over.
Um, and it, it is, it pushes ya.
(32:33):
And you have to get really,really good of staying in your
own lane and, and not comparing.
And I think, as a society,we struggle with that.
And so,
yeah, as I'm sitting here talking,it's, it's really hitting home for
me how, I've had to get good at thatthis last year and strengthen that
(32:57):
muscle of letting go of the comparisongame and giving myself permission
to just show up as me and, and notsome idea of how I think I should
(33:17):
be showing up, you know, and I'm,I'm, I'm still learning that.
In fact, this, this, this lastweekend, um, we did a photo
shoot Saturday morning and.
I, I, um, without going into too muchdetail, uh, something happened and
(33:38):
Saturday night I came home and hada panic attack and it was all around
because I changed something or Igave up a little bit of my power to
acquiesce to what some someone else wasexpecting and I didn't feel congruent.
With like, I didn't feel congruent,um, or authentic with how I showed up
(34:06):
and it was like, okay, I get to learnthis lesson again of really getting
clear and tapping into what feels rightfor me and not acquiescing to what
someone else feels is right for me.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's a, youknow, it's ongoing practice.
I don't, I don't know.
I don't know if we ever get to master,you know, I would love to be able
(34:29):
to master that, but it's, it's a,it's an ongoing practice for sure.
Do you think
that's like the difference between
imposter syndrome?
Like, will that, if you're showingup authentically, do you think
that will help negate the impostersyndrome that a lot of us feel?
Cause.
(34:51):
I just kind of faked it till I made it.
And I still am like, I have no ideawhat I'm doing, but I'm just gonna, I'm
going to show up and I'm going to domy best and I'm figuring out who I am.
Yeah.
I, you know, I, I agree infaking it till you make it.
Cause I've, I've been there.
Um, Just feel like imposter syndrome.
(35:13):
Like, but also I think what's importantis to give ourselves space and permission.
And time.
I think, I think this is key.
We don't, we don't give ourselves enoughtime, quiet time to really connect
with ourselves and really get clear
(35:34):
on what we value.
A lot of times we give up ourpower to what other people value.
And,
um, like for instance, so I,I'm going to, I'm going to just,
you know, just call it as it is.
Cause that's how I do.
So the photo shoot, I, um, I, you know,the dresses that I were wearing, they
(35:58):
were, they were plunging neckline and, Youknow, sometimes in the pageant world and
I've heard, I've heard, you know, throughlike, just like, Oh, like I would never
win because I don't have, I don't have thechest that, you know, they're looking for.
And so we, we laugh in the pageantworld of like, Oh, you know, like
the pads that you can put in,build a boobie workshop, you know?
(36:20):
And, you know, so I put, I put pads inmy dress and I hadn't done that before.
And for this photo shoot and,you know, I got the photo, the
photos back and I'm like, Oh no.
I don't feel good aboutlike, that's not me.
That's not my body.
I don't, I don't feel congruent with that.
Like, and like this judgment and whatcaused the panic attack, what I'm
(36:42):
realizing is the judgment I had on myself,judging myself for like, how dare you?
Like this is what was going on in my mind.
How dare you let other people's opinionsand what they think you should look like?
Impact how you showed up.
(37:03):
Oof.
Oh, it was, yeah.
Like this is, this is hard for me to admitand, and say is because like, I'm right.
Like I'm still learning and healingdifferent layers of myself, of like,
okay, I, I get to also practice.
You know, and, and, you know, as I zoomout, I'm like, oh, well, you know, I was
(37:26):
in the energy, like, I was surroundedby, you know, in the pageant world, you
know, lots of photoshoots going on, lotsof pageant ladies around, all the make,
you know, my hair and makeup team, andI was in that world and in that energy.
And so what I learned aboutmyself is I need to get good.
at taking a step back for a second,connecting with myself, separating
(37:49):
myself, maybe even energeticallyfor a moment, checking with myself,
okay, what feels right for me?
And I think this, this relates toevery aspect in our lives, right?
Whenever we're making, I mean, that wasa small decision, but whenever we're
making decisions of getting good atseparating ourselves, You know, from
other people and really getting clearwhat is my heart saying, what is my
(38:13):
gut saying, and what is my head saying?
Because the, you can getthree different messages.
You know, gut, um, I say in like, that'sour intuition, that's our inner knowing,
um, you know, sometimes, you know, heart,gut, and mind will all be, it will be
giving us three different messages.
answers, but strengthening that muscleto really get good of tapping inward
(38:39):
of how do I feel good about this?
What do I think and feel, um, about this?
And is this congruent with my values?
Um, you know, something that I,I work with my coaching clients
about is, um, there's a worksheetyou can google like Brene Brown.
List of values.
(38:59):
Yeah.
So Brené Brown has a worksheet, um, andhas a whole bunch of list of values.
And I work with clients to get likepit, be able to narrow down and get
clear on their top three values,values, which is really hard from
this worksheet, like three to five.
And once you are able to, especiallysomeone who has deconstructed and
(39:19):
left, um, a religion to get clear onthe values on your personal values.
Is huge because then you can knowwhen you're making a decision, you
know, if you are operating out of thevalues that feel congruent to you, or
if you are giving up your power andoperating from someone else's values.
(39:40):
Yeah.
Oh, if you're not alignedwith your own values, just
like that tiniest little tilt.
Oh yeah.
Shift everything.
And then it, yes, and then itfeels incongruent, you, um,
that's where anxiety comes from.
And then you can't figureout how to get back.
(40:01):
Honestly, that's where anxietyand depression comes from.
A lot of the time is this feelingincongruent with what feels right for
us and giving up our power to all theseother sources, people like organizations
thinking like that's what is expected.
That's what's needed.
That's what's, um, that's what they need.
(40:27):
That has been life changing forme, honestly, is realizing, oh wow.
And, and to do, to make sure you're nottaking advice from people's, people who
had, who has different values than you.
Um, like one of my top values,my, I'll tell you, my top two
(40:48):
values is freedom and connection.
And where I have loved ones who has a topvalue of, Um, financial security and while
that, you know, like that's a great thingand something to be valued, I know that
(41:11):
that it is a high, high value for them.
And so if I am asking advice fromthem and they are, they are telling
me advice that may, and I've had thisexperience before, that may contradict.
My value of freedom.
I it's like, okay, thank youfor that advice, but this
(41:34):
actually aligns with me better.
Um, anyways, that's just a little example,but again, I highly encourage everyone.
If you have not done it and, and it's,you know, it's like, oh yeah, I know
what I value, but to really write down onpaper exactly like the, the, the words.
(41:55):
that you build your life around is huge.
It's life changing.
Like, okay, so when I'm makingthis decision, does this align?
Does this align with myvalue of connection, with
authenticity, with freedom?
And a lot of times it's like,oh, actually it doesn't.
It doesn't.
So that's not for me.
(42:17):
How cool.
How powerful is that?
And it seems so simple.
It is so simple, but we don't, weall, yeah, we haven't been taught
to take the time to really getto know ourselves in that way.
Oh, it's over there.
I'm gonna have to show you, I gotthis planner and it's I don't remember
(42:38):
exactly what it's called, but all in thefront of it, it has you like, find your
life's purpose and your goals and yourmission statement and all these things.
Oh, I love it.
And a little, what is it called?
Like a dream board?
Yes.
Vision board.
Yes.
Dream board.
To like, cause I, I have all these.
(43:00):
Things happening.
I don't have a normal job anymore, andI can't do normal calendaring things
on my phone while I'm talking on itwhile I'm trying to talk to somebody.
Like, my brain doesn't work like that.
So I went old school and got penciland paper and just having to sit and
think about that and sit for a minute.
There is something powerfulthat comes from pen to paper.
(43:25):
Not only in like, so when you're sayingcreating your dream board, um, manifesting
to be able to actually write it out.
Cause you're right.
A lot of times we rely on our phones andtechnology, um, to, Organize our lives.
It's powerful.
That's why I, I mean, journaling whenyou're trying to manifest, um, being able
(43:48):
to journal and write down affirmationsand journal out your dreams as if they
have already happened is so powerful,and I cannot emphasize that enough.
So I love that you got thejour your, your paper journal.
I, I, um, I just got a new one too.
It's
just so, it's so pretty.
And I was like.
(44:09):
But it's all about manifesting, like, whatis the type of year that I want to have?
And then each week, it gives you a littlebreakdown of like, what are different ways
that you can work towards meeting them?
But it's been so overwhelming becauseyou have a lot going on, a lot going on.
But what really helped isthe what's your why workshop.
(44:32):
Oh, good.
Like, how do you sit down andanswer who, what, where, when?
Why and how, I guess, is the other one.
Yes, I, you're not alone in that.
I, I know as It's, it's hard for somany of us because we, we just get
caught up in the grind of life andwe're just going and doing the things.
(44:56):
And a lot of times we don't sitback and actually ask, okay,
what, what's my why behind this?
What, what is actually motivating me?
And, um, what does this look like for me?
Like if, you know, what ismy ideal best case scenario?
A lot of times we don't evengive ourselves permission to.
(45:20):
Think about that and we just like,Oh yeah, this is what I've been told.
This is what I need to do.
This is what's been expected.
This is what's been suggested, suggested.
Um,
yeah.
And getting, getting clear onyour why is everything so huge,
(45:40):
man.
Well, I think this was probably agood point to start winding down.
Do you want to ask, isthere any recommendations?
That you have for anybody that'slike looking to make a life
shift like we're talking about.
(46:01):
Like where do you begin?
Like you already know youneed to make a change.
What's your first?
First thing is holding spacefor yourself and giving yourself
permission to do things differently.
I think it is so scary to takethat first step of create, making
(46:26):
a change and creating change andgiving yourself permission to change.
Um, And utilizing support, right?
It takes a village.
We can't do things alone.
So whether that's hiring acounselor, hiring a coach, um,
we can't do things alone.
(46:48):
We are meant to have a community.
We are meant, we are,we are village people.
We are tribe people fromthe beginning of time.
And there are so many resourcesavailable that you just got to utilize.
And I think, I think the biggest hangup that, that people get, you know, that
(47:14):
people get stuck is you have to knowand feel that you are worthy and worth
it to stand up for and create change.
Like you are worthy of creatingthe life that you want and dream.
You are worth making these changes.
(47:40):
Becoming that advocate, advocatefor yourself and whatever that is,
because we get stuck in our ownnegative beliefs and patterns and
things we've been told or have beentaught that, that are frankly, Is wrong.
They do not serve us andprevent us from, from creating
(48:06):
the life that we want, right?
So that, that, that would be myfirst, if you are really struggling
and you don't know, like, youknow, cause I, I was there.
Oh my goodness.
Not even, I mean, I was there.
I was there probably twoyears before, two years ago.
It was right before the pageant and yearsleading up to, you know, joining as Mrs.
(48:30):
Eagle Mountain of like feeling so lostand feeling like I didn't have a purpose
and feeling like, you know, I felt likethere was something I need, I, I should be
doing, but I wasn't clear on what it was.
And, You know, I was dealing with traumaand depression and, um, going through
(48:56):
PTSD and was really, really struggling.
And what helped shift everything
was healing the belief that I am worth it.
That's so powerful.
Man, I love you.
And I love you!
(49:17):
Elsie, tell us where to find you.
Right now on Instagram, just chat withChelsi with an I. Um, you know, as this
pageant era of my life comes to a close,it will be, you know, I have a couple
of ideas where I'm wanting to takethings, but I'm, I'm passionate about.
(49:40):
living authentically andshowing up authentically and
having hard real conversations.
So come over and join me over there andcontinue having the real conversations,
um, and calling things out as they are.
I'd like to do that too.
Um, yes, ma'am.
(50:00):
So yeah, they can find me there.
Thank you so much.
Man, K, um, I'm trying toremember how I end these things.
Usually it's something along thelines of take care of yourself.
It's a crazy world out there.
Yeah.
Thanks, Amanda, for having me.
I love you so much.
You're the best.
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