July 1, 2024 • 59 mins
In this episode of "Inside the Wave," I had the pleasure of interviewing Mark England, a communication and mindset coach from Enlifted Coaching. Mark shared his journey from being a former fighter with a victim mentality to becoming a coach who helps others transform their mindset through language and breath control.
Mark discussed the importance of mindset and how it is the story we tell ourselves every day. He emphasized the impact of words and breath on our mindset, highlighting the significance of slowing down our rate of speech and using positive language to overcome plateaus and recognize progress.
The conversation delved into the concept of the victim mentality and how soft talk, such as using words like "maybe" or "could," can hinder confidence and success. Mark introduced the idea of "four-stepping the progress" to track personal growth and increase confidence.
The episode also touched on the practical application of mindset coaching in various aspects of life, including jiu-jitsu training, public speaking, and personal relationships. Mark emphasized the power of controlling our words to feel more in control of our lives and make positive changes.
Listeners were encouraged to pay attention to their language, slow down their speech, and eliminate soft talk to gain clarity and control over their mindset. Mark's insights provided a valuable perspective on the transformative power of language and breath in shaping our thoughts and actions.
Learn more about Mark and Enlifted at: https://enlifted.me/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Awesome. Well, welcome to the next episode of
inside the wave with your host Perry Wirth. And today I'm joined
by one of my coaches and one of my mentors, uh, not a jiu-jitsu
coach, but a, uh, communication and mindset coach,
Perry Wirth, thank you for having me on and thanks everybody for
(00:22):
Yeah, so I was actually just looking this up. I met you
back in 2017, February of 2017, I
met you, but you didn't meet me. I actually,
I heard you talking on a podcast. It
was Barbell Business or Barbell Shrugged back when I
was doing CrossFit. And I was at
(00:45):
a point in time where I realized that in order
to grow my business, I needed to grow myself.
And you were talking about some very interesting things on this podcast.
You were talking about conflict language and architect
language, and I liked what I heard. So I ended
(01:06):
up purchasing a course back then called the
Procabulary. But now, years
and years later, you are now the founder, owner,
coach of Enlifted Coaching. Tell us
Enlifted was an accident in
(01:28):
one sense. It was turning lemons
into lemonade. And
I know this is going to terrify some of your audiences. a
four stripe white belt. I love it. That stopped. Stopped
training. I stopped. I got my last. I took the I
(01:48):
was a wrestler in high school. And got into
jiu-jitsu in ninety six and
did a little bit with the gi, but then took it off and I was like, I'm
just I'm I'm no gi MMA guy. But a handful
of fights and all that stuff. And then the whole thing stopped on
(02:08):
a dime. with a knee injury over
in Thailand and the whole dream
of becoming a professional fighter stopped immediately.
So my Jiu Jitsu training got stopped and
I've probably rolled 20 times since then. OK, my jiu-jitsu, it
(02:30):
does it should be in a museum. So once
upon a time, Mark England and Mike Bledsoe. And
that once upon a time was in March 2018. He was he he
he has a blue belt. He doesn't. This is,
you know, OK. And we're we're in we're
in Arizona
(02:53):
and we're driving through Phoenix. And I forget who says what, but
somebody, it was him or me goes, Hey, let's, let's go, let's
go check out 10th planet. Oh yeah. So
me, Mr. Relic of the jiu-jitsu world goes
into a 10th planet school and we take a, we
take a couple of classes and stay around and
(03:14):
enroll. Um, and
I, I'm rolling with one of their guys and they, you know, they're famous for smoking
a bunch of weed and coming up with new weird stuff. And
I got put in something. I still don't know what the hell it was. I thought I
could get out. And so I'm fighting this
thing. And all of a sudden, my arm gets ripped out of
(03:34):
socket at the elbow. And you
know that noise? It's like the Jurassic Park noise. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Like there's only one thing that makes that kind of noise in a jiu-jitsu school. And
it's that's called tearing. Yeah. Important shit
getting half the half the gym looks over because it
And you know, it's good when everyone hears it.
(03:58):
You know, it's good when everyone hears it, man.
Guy, let's go. I look at my arm. I look at him.
I look at my arm and I go immediately to my,
my calendar of all things. Cause I'd done enough work on
my story at that point in time and was able to keep
my breathing low and slow to where I didn't
(04:19):
turn this thing into the worst thing that ever happened to me. Also
known as making a mountain out of a molehill, which is what I did with
that initial injury in Thailand. I
turned that into the most damning thing
that ever happened to me. I used it as the
final piece of damning evidence. So I moved over to Thailand. I
(04:40):
ended up living over there for 10 years, everybody. Six months,
I was going to go for a year, polish up my Thai boxing skills,
come back and go pro. This was in 2002. good
old-fashioned knee injury, the thing stops, and I used
that, I made that mean it was the final piece
of damning evidence in a case that I was secretly
(05:03):
making against myself, that I was not good enough, I was doomed to
fail, and there was something wrong with me. So I have that experience of
taking an injury and turning it into the worst thing ever, and
blaming everybody, including the universe and my genetics and my lineage,
like, come on, man. And so this happens,
and I immediately go to my calendar. And
(05:26):
I think, okay, yeah, that kettlebell certification on
it, that's not going to happen, because I've done something. I
can run Paleo effects, because we had a booth at this upcoming conference
about three weeks later. I was like, yeah, I can go do that. I
can do it with one arm, and Pascale's going to be there, and she'll help me set it up, and that's
okay. And then I look to Mike Blood, so I'm like, hey, dude, we've got to get
(05:47):
in the car, because I'm on the insurance, this thing
is, yeah, so let's go. And I walk out the
door talking about some girl I think's cute. And it was, and
I mean, I ended up having a Tommy John. Oh man. Um, yeah. I don't know
if y'all know what that is, but it's, they go with like, and so anyway, um,
I call my business partner. I'm like, Hey man, um, just
(06:07):
got my arm ripped out of socket. And he goes, yeah. Okay, cool. Come
on. I'm going to get it checked out. And I did. And they're like, it's,
this is legit. You done done it, bro. And
he's like, yeah, cool, come over to Thailand, because we didn't have insurance at the time. He's
like, come over to Thailand, and you can get it fixed, and we'll turn it into a work trip. Wow.
And I go, great. And so I'm still, I'm
(06:30):
long-winding what is in Libya. How did
it start? Because it was an accident. And
so I go over there, get my arm fixed. We
had so much fun. It was the best my body
had ever healed from any kind of injury or anything. Because
I was relaxed. I was relaxed, and my breath was loose, and
(06:52):
I was smiling and having fun. I mean, I literally walked into the hospital by
myself, woke up eight hours later, walked
out by myself, and went
and had some beers with Adam. It was easy.
Anyway, and so we're over there, and we're like, okay,
so we set a number of gross sales for us to reshoot the
(07:13):
core language upgrade, and we hit that number. And I'm like, dude,
Mike Bledsoe and I, we've been doing these workshops in
CrossFit gyms, and I go in there and I do the language
stuff, and then he puts them through a workout, and people
haven't really, they're having profound experiences, as
in the chatter's down in their head, they're able to stay focused, their
(07:36):
workouts are smoother, they're way more present, and
I go, you know, let's, instead of shooting core language
upgrade, vocabulary, let's make a course
for the fitness industry. And he goes, okay. And so we messaged
Mike Bledsoe, hey, you want to be a part of this? Yes, I do. So we
do it. And we launch it in
(07:59):
2019 at Paleo Effects in
May. And unbeknownst to us, that was the beginning of
the certifications, the coaching certifications, which
we are now five years old. We've been running those things for five years.
We've graduated 400 students, 10 at a
time, nine weeks, small batch. I deliver all
(08:20):
of the trainings, all of our level ones, twos, and threes, specialty courses,
because I can go into detail about that later if you want, why
we run it that way. We don't scale anything. And
yeah, and that's how we got connected personally
(08:43):
So, so in lifted, in lifted trains,
essentially coaches how to coach, but you focus on
language and, and mindset coaching. I think mindset coaching,
it's one of those terms that just gets thrown around. How
do you like to define what mindset is
(09:04):
Yeah, for sure. Um, so I invite everybody
to go to Google and. put
in the definition of mindset. Ask the Google machine what
the definition of mindset is. And most
people would think that something that is talked about so
much, especially in fitness and personal development, sports
(09:29):
performance, all those things, there would be a standardized definition. There is
not. There are 17 definitions on the first page of Google alone.
And most of those things are super long, very
philosophical, Um, overly complicated and,
um, yeah, good luck implementing it when, when, you
(09:50):
know, life throws you a curve ball, because those things come. Here
at Enlifted, in my personal and professional opinion, we
have the very best definition of mindset in the game by an order
of magnitude. The Enlifted definition of mindset is the
story that we tell ourself. That's what
your mindset is, everybody. It's the story you tell yourself to yourself.
(10:12):
about yourself on the daily, what
you can do, what you can't do, what is possible, what
isn't possible, what you do deserve and what you don't deserve. And
that story that you're telling yourself on the daily is
built of two main things. The two main building blocks of our mindset are
words and breath, breathing. And
(10:39):
Wow. So let's use, let's use your story
as a, as an example of mindset. You've had
two major injuries doing martial arts.
I'm sure a lot of my audience can relate to injuries through fitness,
through training, through martial arts. I've had some major ones myself,
and one of them was a career ender
(11:02):
for you. It seems, but the other one seemed
to just be a, a You
just got over it so quickly, right? It's like it never happened. How
I told myself, so adhering to that definition, I
(11:23):
told myself, because, because we are going to tell ourself
a story about things. Oh, every time we are meaning making machines, we're
Okay, nice. We're going to make shit mean shit. We're going to make stuff mean stuff.
We're going to make things mean things. And so there's the event, there's
what happens, and then there's the meaning that we assign to
(11:44):
what happens. What does this mean? What does it mean about me?
Which is the greatest of all time coaching question. What
does this mean about you? Okay? And
the first one, and oddly enough, you know,
I can say if I want to keep the story short
(12:04):
and sweet, that was a career ending
knee injury. More accurately, it was a
career ending story. Teddy
Atlas says a fighter lives and dies in their
own mind. And I and this
(12:26):
thing was a slow burn. I didn't know it at the time because I didn't know
shit about mindset. I didn't know anything about the
story that I was telling myself other than I was
So, pre-workouts, they've
got nothing on the victim mentality. So
(12:50):
the victim mentality, that's the real pre-workout for the fitness industry. I
fueled my fight career, my fight training, with
an underdog, not good enough story, victim
mentality, Part
of me was scared. Some fights broke out when I
was in elementary school. I remember like it was yesterday, Nathaniel Green and
(13:13):
Danny Potter in the fourth grade, and a fight broke out. They
got in a fight, and I turned around and ran. And I
didn't like that. Man. And like something else
happened, and I backed down in elementary school, too.
And I had this story in the back of my mind that I was a scaredy cat. I was a scaredy pants.
And I was going to go show everybody that I wasn't scared, because I'm going to be this big tough
(13:35):
guy. And so, and here's the
thing, everybody. If you are telling yourself
a story of, you know, you're not good
enough, and I'm going to prove them all wrong, and you're living in comparison hell,
and you
got a bunch of people to blame, and you're going to prove them all
(13:58):
wrong, and then on and on and on like that, those stories
trap your, not only do they light your head on fire on the inside, They
trap your breath in your chest. It's called sympathetic nervous system
response, or amygdala hijack. And
when people's breath is trapped in their chest, which most people's breath
(14:21):
I mean, you're talking to the jiu-jitsu crowd here, right? We're
always talking about, hey, breathe, breathe. That's the
first thing I tell any white belt when they come into the gym. Hey,
you know no techniques. You don't know what that other person is doing to you. The
first thing you can do in any situation is
those belly breaths. So that's the same thing. You're
(14:43):
talking about that same thing for injuries and for communication and that's where
Yes. Yes. Thousand percent. If someone can win the
breathing game, I use
this word very, very
rarely. They can, you can master anything you want to. given
(15:06):
your interest in it, and reps. So you put those two
things together, the pull and repetition. And
this goes to education, too. So yes, I've been doing
this one thing, coaching and teaching about words and stories for
17 years now. And before that, I was a teacher. I have a degree in education. And
(15:27):
when kids, we've all seen this, When
stuff happens at home, kids,
And here's why. They're coming to school with that stress in
their system, and their breath is trapped in their chest, and they're off
(15:50):
in, they're distracted, and
when someone's breath is trapped in their chest, I mean, this is the mechanics of, well,
us, life, our listening skills go way down. our
listening skills go way down. And and so listening is a major part
of learning. And so if someone gets their breath low
and slow, they'll get better at jiu-jitsu faster, because
(16:13):
their body won't have that extra tension in it. And they'll be able to
listen to black belts like you coach them.
It's hard to it's hard to use that brain if you don't have any oxygen going to
Yeah, that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a Correct.
Correct. And so as far as the to circle back
to, you know, me telling myself two different stories, it's
(16:38):
it's very easy to take things personal when
our breath is trapped in our chest or chronically. It's very easy to find
someone to blame when our breath is trapped. It's very easy to jump to
conclusions. It's very easy to get fixated on
something when our breath is trapped in our chest. And I was I was I
was a chronic victim I had a
(17:00):
raging victim mentality all throughout my fight career, and then
I, you know, break myself. I
did that to me. And so
my interpretation of it, I'm, and I'm repeating
myself, I made that injury mean
that I was what I feared most, a born
(17:22):
loser. And then
the other one was just something that happened. It was no big deal. It was
no big deal, and the
body will do amazing things. It
can recover from all kinds of stuff. Borderline miracles
when it is in a down-regulated state. Because guess what?
(17:44):
If you're breathing well, then you can sleep. And if you can't sleep,
Yeah. I mean, wow. So, I
mean, we get a lot of, a lot of bumps and bruises along
the road in martial arts. You kind of, you sign up for it knowing that
it's a combat sport. Things can happen at
(18:05):
some point in time, something likely will happen doing
it. And especially being at that level of
competitor that you were, did you, did you ever think you
were unbreakable or do you still know that, hey, injuries
Oddly enough, I never got hurt wrestling, but
(18:28):
I was chronically banged up in
the fight game. My
father was a collegiate football player.
They won some rings and things like that. I
remember growing up, he used to tell me all the time, he's like, if you can't play hurt,
you can't play. And, and he was right. And,
(18:52):
um, yeah, I remember my first fight. I went
in, this was in 99. Uh,
I was training. I got, I had the fight scheduled. It
was one 10 minute round, dude. MMA one, one. I
look back, I look back on that. I'm like, dude, that's evil.
(19:14):
Yeah, and it went the distance plus overtime. I thought
I was going to die. Yeah. And so I'm training
and I get a jack. I've heard something and I'm like, I
pull out and then I'm just sitting there on the couch like a wild beast.
And two weeks out, I'm not training two weeks out. I'm like, I
have to get in that ring. I don't care what happens. I have to get in there. So
(19:36):
I call my my my trainer and I'm like, rebook it. Find
me somebody. I don't care who I just have to get in there. And I really
don't even care if I win. Just got it. I just got to get it. I just I
have to and so I went into that fight under
trained with an injury and
Yeah, the dude was this short stocky tie fighter It
(19:59):
was his first fight too, but he had like eight or nine tie fights and
it was one ten minute round We went the distance and
when they called overtime Dude, I was, it
Dude, I was seeing, I saw two of them. Like I was
trying to look straight at him when I answered the bell and there was one over
(20:22):
here and one over there and they had to drag me out of the ring. I
mean, we finished, it went the distance. They dragged me
out in the parking lot and I just barfed all over myself for half an hour. I
Man, that is wild. So
one thing I, I love a lot about the unlifted
(20:42):
method and versus other programs that I've seen
programs that I've been to is how practical the
approaches, how well you make it
usable and less conceptual more.
We can do something about it. You know, just like how you're talking about breathing. If you
just even start with breathing, you're at a large
(21:05):
advantage over the standard population. Now,
do you have any practical tips for overcoming plateaus? So
one thing that we see a lot, a lot in martial arts is, you
know, people feel just like they're not making progress. And
I believe, I'm a strong believer that It's
(21:26):
because they end up comparing themselves to other people
versus looking at their own victories and successes that
they've been making. But what do you see in,
you know, those elite level athletes, those very high level
successful players on how they overcome plateaus
(21:48):
That's a, that's a, that's a very good question. And,
um, I don't know. I don't know how they
do that. What I can assume, because
they're at the top, is that they found
a way. I bought the
first UFC in November in
(22:15):
1993, I just watched 300, I'm
current in that sport. You can't ask me a damn thing about anything
else, I don't know, I don't care, and I will never care. I
will never care who wins the World Series, I promise you that. And
I will watch MMA till my dying breath,
because that's how much I love the sport and how much it gave to me, and
(22:36):
just how fucking cool it is. And
so when you listen to, when I
listen to champions talk about their
mindset, they really don't go into much detail about it. So I
don't know, I don't know, they say things like, oh
yeah, I've been working on my mindset, I've been working with a sports psychologist, and
(22:57):
very rarely do they go into the specifics of
what they're doing. Maybe they might say hypnotherapy or something like that, but
I don't know enough of the mechanics of what they're doing to
be able to say something about it.
And what I can say for people that plateau is
that the number one remedy for
(23:20):
that, and this is someone that you can, Perry, someone you
can talk to about this. It's called four-stepping the process, or
excuse me, four-stepping the progress. So the day,
and it's a very simple exercise. It's A to B.
So the day you walked in the jiu-jitsu school, that's A, and
then today is B, or the last time you rolled. and
(23:43):
give it a title, like a title to a movie, and write out that
story conversationally, everybody. I don't make the rules. Bullet
points and half sentences don't cut it. It needs to be written out conversationally as
if you were telling the story, full sentences, and
erring on the side of more detail than less. People do not write that down. And
then from there, you four-step it. So you write it out, read it,
(24:06):
read it slow. What happens, everybody? Step three, read it slow. What
happens, everybody? you slow down your rate of speech, the
breath begins to loosen up, and then step four
is where you read that same story slow and take a nice, in
between each sentence. And what that's going to do, it's
(24:27):
gonna majorly, that's an understatement, influence
in a positive way your reticular activating system.
So think of your reticular activating system as the lens
that you see yourself and the world It's like a pair of binoculars
and binoculars has a paddles on top. And if you know
about the words as in what, how to, how to
(24:50):
use words in certain ways, what words to use more of and why, what
words to use less of and why, and then how to pick up a pen and write out stories,
then you can bring things into focus. You can bring things out of focus.
And in that particular exercise, it will show you the progress that
you made. And people have black belts, dude,
third degree black belts in diminishing themselves, diminishing,
(25:13):
diminishing and minimizing their successes, the wins, the
times they got it right, all that stuff. I mean, this is this is taking a
Right. For sure. Like, I feel like a lot of people end up
thinking that You don't recognize
(25:35):
wins because it's not being modest. And as you become higher
rank in jiu-jitsu, you want to be modest about your accomplishments. So
Take out the almost. Yeah, they do. They do. And they're there. Um,
so here's the thing, everybody, when it comes to, okay, how
(25:58):
am I going to say this? Everybody's
got an ego. Okay. And you should have an ego. You
know why you should? Because you do. And there
is a certain quality of
attention and recognition that only we can
(26:18):
give ourself. We're
ground zero, okay, for the first person
that needs to tell us that we're good enough, okay? Because
if we're not telling ourselves we're good enough, how are we going to accept
that from anybody else? And
even if they, so, so, so let me get this straight. I
(26:42):
want, I want respect from, from all of y'all people in
here, but I don't respect myself. I want something from you that I can't
give to myself. Okay. Or can't or won't. What
is that? That's weird. That's what that is. That's weird. And
then it's, it's actually the complete opposite. If
we look at it from the words, too. So be selfless. Less
(27:03):
than self. Why would I want to be less than me? Why would
I want to diminish me? When did we start thinking that's
a good thing? Oh, that person is self-centered. No, I want
to be self-centered. I want to be centered in myself. I
want to be the main player, the main character in my
own story. I want to be the hero in my own story. and I want my breath
to be unlocked, and breathing low and slow, that I am
(27:27):
centered. Being a centered person is a good thing. And
then when you take care of you in the way, on a
mindset level, that only you can, then we
start, it starts unraveling all these weird codependencies. You
know, we don't wanna take a compliment, but we're, you know,
craving them. Or it's like, We're
(27:51):
craving attention, but at the same time we have a fear of being seen. So
it's like this weird limbo that, no, no,
no. Don't go for modesty, everybody. I don't believe it. I don't believe
in it. Go for self-centeredness. Become centered in your own story. Unlock
your breath. Pay attention to the words that you use. Take a fucking
compliment when somebody gives you one. It's like, imagine somebody comes
(28:13):
up to you with a gift. and they give
it to you, and you look at it, and you just throw it in the trash, right
in front of their face. It's the same thing.
You're making a lot of progress in class. You're really
consistent. I'm pretending I'm you talking to one of your students. And
they go, oh, well, it's no, it's nothing. What?
(28:36):
Thank you, sensei. And own it. And here's a black belt move when it
comes to taking a compliment. Say thank you, and then don't
Seriously, take a breath in between it, absorb it better. And
this probably I shouldn't say probably this
leads to another one of your favorite topics I've heard
(28:57):
you talk about, but imposter syndrome, right?
You just earned that new belt, you got that new rank. And
like, I don't deserve it. I
don't want it. Take it take it away. Man. So
not only are you not you're You're not recognizing
the progress, but when you do get recognized for the progress, you throw
(29:22):
Yep. And, and majorly, um, retard
your development and I'm, oh God, I'm using retard
by definition, folks. The definition of retard is to impede the
development of you slow it down. When you
think that you don't deserve to be a blue belt, even though you're a blue belt, that's
basically like you're essentially saying, hey, my sensei doesn't know what he's
(29:44):
talking about. 100 percent. Why did you get little old me? This guy, this guy,
he's got a black belt. He knows what he's talking about. But he gave me a
blue belt because he has no idea that I'm not as good as he thinks I am. No,
you are as good as your sensei thinks you are. And it's
the it's the reverse. Again, Teddy Atlas, he said a
champion becomes 30 percent better overnight when
(30:04):
they win the belt. because it influences their identity. It
influences their identity. And yeah,
and so when someone keeps minimizing their
progress in their mind, even though they got this
belt, that belt, whatever thing, you're
(30:28):
I feel like this is very similar to Your
person in the UFC that wins the title, and then they are
just on a roll on fire. You
know, they were good to get the title, but the day after
they get the title, they are unstoppable. Yeah. Yeah.
Because they had that identity shift and they're truly
(30:52):
owning that. They are the champion now. One
of my favorite things from, I think it was in Lifted Level 2 with
you, was the corner man speech. Right?
And how we have the little devil on one shoulder telling us
a story, and then we have the corner man on your other shoulder
(31:13):
telling you a different story. And they're battling at each other.
And one is very positive. and
giving affirmations and using architect language, positive
language in its corner man speech to you. And
the other side is the other one, like
(31:36):
the opposite of it, all the conflict. And
that was one of the coolest things, right? A lot of us, some
of us athletes, We motivate
ourselves with, I
(32:02):
Yeah. We wouldn't, we wouldn't, we
wouldn't say, we wouldn't, we wouldn't say what we say
to ourselves secretly in our mind to a stray dog. Would
you want your kids talking to themselves like that? No
one has ever, and I've asked that question a lot because guess what? Mindset,
that's what we talk about, which is the story that we tell ourself, externally and
(32:25):
internally. No one has ever said, I would
want my kids saying the same thing to themselves that
I do to me behind closed doors in the recesses of
my own mind. No one's ever said that. No
one's ever said that. Yeah,
and we
(32:48):
help people. We help people with that. Okay,
so when people say, I need to work on my mindset, how?
Step one. It depends on the person and here's some very
reliable things to do. Slow
(33:11):
down your rate of speech by 5%. Cause
you can do that right now and you're going to feel the difference. And
what that's going to do is it's going to give you way more.
It's not just 5% more mental real estate. It's
going to give you way more space to observe
(33:33):
how you're using your words. That's
Soft talk. Perry, will you read these words out
Oh my gosh, they're a bit blurry for me. Probably,
(33:59):
perhaps, feels like, guess,
maybe, could, might, possibly, sort
of, kind of, potentially, hopefully,
try, one day, should, almost like.
(34:26):
Send me your address. I got you. When
we wrap, I'll mail you one. Or I'll bring it up
there. That right
there, everybody, so only start paying
attention to those words. I'm going to do it again. I'm going to read them again. These
words right here. So there, there is something called conflict
(34:48):
language, and there are four pillars, negations,
projections, dramatics, and soft talk. We're only going
to talk about soft talk and think of it as the, like the, the, the
legs of a table. Okay. And those
four language patterns are responsible for
(35:11):
over 90% of the
habitual thought processes that the
victim mentality has to have in order
to be scripted, in order to be created and maintained. And
I'll go over the soft talk here again in a second. This
is a very good place to recite, again, the
(35:34):
definition of the victim mentality. So most people have never heard the definition of
the victim mentality. I invite you
all to pick up a pen and write it down, because if you do, you'll
have 20% more retention statistically.
And then you also put yourself in a very unique club of people that
have actually written down the definition of the victim mentality. So
(35:56):
here it is. I'm going to do it twice. I'm going to do it slow, and then I'm going
to do it fast with some polish. The
victim mentality. is an acquired personality
trait where a person tends
to regard himself or
(36:18):
herself as the victim of
the negative actions of others even
in the absence of clear evidence. The
victim mentality depends on a habitual
thought process and attributions. Here it
(36:39):
is again a little faster with some context. The victim mentality is
an acquired personality trait where a person tends, it's
a tendency folks, sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down, a person tends to
regard himself or herself as
the victim of the negative actions of others even in
the absence of clear evidence. The second
(37:00):
sentence, right between the eyes, right where it belongs, the victim mentality depends
on a habitual thought process and attributions. That
second sentence, the victim mentality depends, circle that word everybody,
on a habitual, underline that word everybody, thought process and
attributions. So the victim, it depends, so it has to have
a habitual, which accurately implies duration and
(37:23):
addiction. Everybody knows somebody who's addicted to their victim mentality. What's
it like hanging around them? And a thought process, what's
a thought process? Glad y'all asked. It's how you put your words together.
It's how you use your words. We use words every day, internally
and externally. And then attributions. Attribution
(37:43):
is a characteristic. And the main characteristic that Heard and
Lifted, we pay attention to other than the words is the breath. And
so to answer that question in more detail now that we've got some very important
talking points on the table, how does someone work on their mindset?
You need to get down to the word level. You
need to get down to what words are you using, and then,
(38:06):
so there's the words, and then how are you using
them? A lot of that comes down to your rate of speech. Okay?
The faster the story goes, everybody, the harder it is to change. Why?
Because the faster the story goes, the higher and tighter the breath gets
trapped in someone's chest. And when someone's breath is trapped in
(38:27):
their chest, they get fixated on things. Again, it's amygdala hijack. Their
listening ability goes down. They lose access to their creative
faculties, peripheral training, peripheral vision,
and their training. That's why, I mean,
I've done this in a couple of jiu-jitsu comps a
million, trillion years ago. When I first started out, I'd just, I'd
(38:50):
flock up. I'd freeze up. I wouldn't know what to do because
my breath, I would, because of the story, I was telling myself
in my head, mindset, trap my breath in my chest Excess
rigidity in the body. And then I had no access to my train. Forget everything. I
You've, you've seen that it used to. So I was the
(39:12):
worst, the worst high school wrestler ever
when it came to competition in the practice room, I was great practice
room. I could hang with our state qualifiers. I was, I
was great, man. I will go out and compete in wrestling deer
in the headlights. I'm lucky I won
(39:32):
a couple matches all through high school. I'm
very fortunate I stayed with it because it ended up taking me to do jiu-jitsu,
but I didn't learn how to compete until jiu-jitsu when
I was fully relaxed before a match. I
wasn't trying to get all psyched up. My coach was throwing
(39:52):
farts, cracking jokes right before my first match
in jiu-jitsu. I went out and I did amazing and I was like, Where has
Hey, man,
if someone just had to tell me to breathe, dude, that's
it's if you win the breathing game, everybody, you win the whole
(40:14):
game. So. Ninety
nine, it's even more. Than that, but
a vast, vast majority of my time Professionally speaking
is dedicated to the certs very rarely. Do
I take on a personal or a private client and
(40:36):
It's it's and if I do it's only for one thing
Presentation skills helping them build a workshop build build workshops and
then deliver it and The
first thing we talk about once the thing is built and it's time to
start practicing, rehearsing, is slowing
(40:56):
down their rate of speech to unlock their breath. And
so they are relaxed and
breathing well when they're giving their speech.
And this goes, everybody, it goes across the
board. It's across the board. Go out on a date
(41:19):
and hold your breath. and see how the conversation flows,
okay? Give, you know, if
you're into sales, give a sales pitch and hold your breath. See
how that goes. You could have the best thing out there, and
it's a perfect fit for your prospective client. But if your breath is
trapped in your chest, I don't care how long you've been doing it, you're going to sound like an amateur. And
(41:42):
they're going to pick up on it. How about jiu-jitsu? Have
you ever seen somebody train, train, train, train, train, but just never
It is, it's one of the most challenging things
for me to teach someone, not
teach, but to get someone to do it from
(42:02):
being a coach. You know, I could teach people jiu-jitsu techniques and
steps and scenarios all day, but
they can only unlock the breath for themselves. I can't breathe for
them. At least I'm not willing to do mouth to mouth to them in the middle
of a match. But the amount
of parallels that you're talking about with, that I can draw to
(42:23):
jiu-jitsu here, you know, slow it down. Sometimes
we end up going so fast occasionally that
we don't even realize what's going on anymore. I use
the analogy that you can't be going, you can't pretend
you're driving on a freeway, going twice the speed
(42:45):
limit, because you're going to miss all your exits. You're going to miss all the
opportunities for success because you're so
focused on just that going fast, going fast, going fast. You
just need to take that breath. So
Oh yeah. Yeah. These, these, these guys do
(43:09):
it again. Okay. Everybody. So if you have your pen and
your paper from, uh, uh, writing down the definition of victim mentality,
I'm going to rattle these off again. And I invite you
to write them down, capital letters, five
times larger than you normally write. What
that's going to do is your reticular activating
(43:30):
system is going to go, hey, why are we writing these words down five times? And it's
going to go, it doesn't matter. Just pay attention to them. So you're going to be doing
something. It's going to get your attention. You're actually going to get your attention
about these words. And then you're going to start hearing them.
And everything starts with awareness. I
guarantee you all these words are in your language and
(43:53):
they're causing problems way more than most people
would think by an order of magnitude. And
they are driving indecision and anxiety
and the inability to take yourself seriously and
sincerely. And if someone has enough soft
(44:15):
talk, in their language for a prolonged period
of time, you're going to turn yourself into a joke in your own
mind. And that's really scary. And
so if you start plucking these words out, so soft talk
is the gateway drug to the rest of your language. Why? Because
they're the easiest words to pay attention to. There's usually
(44:36):
very little, in comparison, emotional
attachment to them in people's language. You can just pluck them
out and there's not much It's not like going from, you know, my
dad should respect me more to I
should respect me more. People are going to have a more of emotional attachment to that
than, you know, maybe I should be more consistent coming
(44:59):
to practice. Just pluck out the maybe and own it. Okay. And
yeah. And so when you start taking these words out and it'll take you
six months, take about six months, everybody to cut
your soft talk usage in half. And if you do that,
you will double your confidence. Imagine yourself
(45:20):
You'll double others. People confidence in you too.
Correct. Thousand percent. So we
had this up on the wall in our gym
for several weeks after we did a lifted style workshop
at our gym. And it was very cool to see the people
coming in, looking at the poster that had no clue what
(45:42):
they were about. And they're like, what is this? This is intriguing. And
some people even came in and said, why, why is all this negativity up on the wall? I
And, um, did
(46:03):
people, what happened for, okay.
I'm formulating my question. Well, what happened for the
people? that incorporated
this practice into their mindset, the
Confidence. Instant increase in
(46:25):
confidence because of that instant increase in
Yeah. It's honestly,
everybody, it's spooky. It's spooky what this
one seemingly simple, and it is, thing
(46:45):
We all want, we all want more clarity. Yeah. And
Yeah. And, and,
you know, when people say my life is out of control, what
they're actually saying is that my story is out of control. And
(47:09):
if you want to feel more in control of your life, then
be more in control of your story. And
if you want to be more in control of your story, you're
going to need to pay more attention to it. Okay. And
well, what's it built of? What is it made of?
What, what are the building? What are the Lego blocks of this story
(47:31):
that I'm telling myself every day? It's
your words. And most people in the mindset space,
they have not gotten down to the word level of the conversation
yet. Okay? And here at Enlifted, we are changing that.
Exactly. We're spearheading that. And
(47:54):
so if you're not getting down to the word level when someone
is working on their mindset, They're going
to be up here in these big picture, um,
motivation. I got to get motivated. Um, and
that's what most mindset coach thinks. Most, most people that coach mindset,
uh, in some form or fashion, that's what they think it is. They think it's, it's motivation,
(48:18):
having all the right answers for your client. Okay. That's not it.
Trust me, having all the right answers, motivating them and
setting some goals. And it's, there's
way more to the, There's way more to transformational
wordsmithing than that. Show me a
coach that thinks that they have all the right answers for their client's life, and I'll show you
(48:39):
an amateur. It's a smarty-pants coach.
That's what we call it in lifted smarty-pants coaching. I know what you need to
do with your life. I've got all the right answers for you,
and I'm going to inspire you, and I'm going to help hold you accountable. That's
got burnout written all over it. Yeah,
so here's the thing, everybody. You didn't need a PhD to
(49:01):
learn to use words, and you don't need a PhD to
learn to use them better. Nobody's going to help you. No one's going to change
your words for you, okay? And so if you want
to feel more in control of your life, practice
controlling your words more, okay? Rate of speech, big
deal. How are you breathing when sounds are coming out of your face? And
(49:23):
then what words are you? What words? Because that's that is what's happening. We're
making sounds at each other. And the quality of your sounds dictates the
quality of your life. Look it up. It's called. Not
not. I'll remember it in a second. Some
some Nikola Tesla shit, whatever. Here
(49:44):
we go. Write these write these words down five
times larger than you normally write. Cymatics, that's what it's called.
Look up cymatics. Probably, perhaps,
feels like, guess, maybe,
could, might, possibly, sort
(50:05):
of, kind of, potentially. Hopefully, I'll
make it to practice tonight. Try, one
day, should, almost like. It's
almost like I'm self-sabotaging myself. And what you
do is you start taking those words out and you will get way clearer
on what you are doing and what you're not doing. And then you
(50:27):
can make changes. Okay? It's really hard to make changes when
you say things like, you know, I guess I probably
should spend more time with my wife. Or
something along those lines. You know, I think
I'm drinking too much coffee. Take out the think and you'll know if
you are or not based on the feedback you get from
(50:48):
delivering a solid sentence to yourself. I should spend more time
with my wife. Take out the should, put in could. I could spend more time with my wife.
Take out the could, put in can. I can spend more time with my wife. Stick
a because on the end of it. I can spend more time with my wife because we
love each other. Okay, now put a time stamp in
there. I can spend more time with my wife next weekend because we love each other. Where
(51:08):
are we going? Well, she likes going to the lake house. I got an Airbnb. I'll
go ahead and book that now. You send her a text. We're going to the lake house next week.
Just go ahead and write the weekend off. That's what we're doing. And she goes, thank
God. And you just did that in 60 seconds because you
knew how to catch words in their infancy, which is the words
(51:29):
that you have in your head. Okay. If those words aren't
written down, you don't even have a draft to hand in. So another thing that you can do
to work on your mindset is to pick up a pen and get
the words on paper. For instance, if
someone has a, um, decision to
make. That usually comes down to questions and options. They
(51:50):
have questions that have yet to be answered and what are their options. If
someone has three questions in their head, they swirl. It'll
feel like 300 questions. Same
thing with options. If someone has four
options that they could do, it'll feel like 44. And
you get the questions written down. It's actually called Kindlin's Law. This
(52:12):
is Kindlin's Law. When a question is written down well,
it's half answered. So you can pick up
a pen and write. I dare you all to do this. I dare you all
to pick up a pen and write down the five biggest questions you have about
your life. And wait. And
I'm not just saying wait for 10 minutes. I'm saying you'll
(52:35):
That's gonna be my journal tonight. I like it. That's good. That's
good. Well, Mark, so I
like to end these with some, uh, some rapid fire questions and
we'll do rapid fire at the marketing pace. How's
that sound? Awesome. Uh, number
(52:59):
Hmm. Uh, your favorite learning source.
(53:31):
One piece of advice to people that have been in the game for a while
Awesome. Those are those are the five Have
you have you been asked those before never oh, I'm
sure you got favorite book at least Those
(53:57):
are concise What
book do I I've never have never had someone asked what's my favorite book
What's your number one book recommendation? Those are two different things. Those
Um, it would be the dial of hell. So my favorite book, um,
(54:29):
one of Stuart Wilde's, it would be Miracles. It would be Miracles by
Stuart Wilde, one of his Taos Quintet
And we have to check out both of those. All right, so
let me try to recap some takeaways here. Let's do it. Power
of breath. Huge. The power of acknowledging
(54:52):
your words you're using as building blocks to
your mindset. The power of writing things
down. What else? We had the soft talk
What is, what is mindset? That is a, that's a
game changer. Having a, having a simple, practical,
(55:16):
practical, the root word of practical is practice. Practical,
simple, clear, working definition of
mindset, which frames the whole thing. Perfectly.
Immediately. It's the story you tell yourself. And
if you're working with other people on mindset, you're working
with the story that they're telling themselves. And
(55:39):
that story is made up of words. That's very important. The definition
of the victim mentality, also very important. If someone wants
to have a well-rounded
conversation about mindset, that definition
needs to be in there because it gives the
thing a a name. They're like, oh, there's a name for
(56:01):
this thing and other people doing it, too. I'm not the
only one that lights my head on fire right
before I get out of bed and then, you know, live my life like that. And
that's also why most people get into the conversation of mindset,
because they've got a thing to fix. They've got a problem to fix. They want to get better. They
want to level up somehow. And so that's
(56:23):
and when you start scratching the surface, You get into victim-centric stories,
and if you understand the words, you're going to get down to what words are
forcing someone to create the villains and
the stress and the bitterness. Man,
if I hadn't come across this work,
(56:48):
if someone is bitter for a prolonged period of time, it shows up
on their face. There's no way to not have that show up on your face. George
Orwell said it, everybody gets the face that they deserve. Okay.
And, um, it's
also a different kind of face when, you know, somebody's
(57:10):
present and breathing well, and they've been smiling a lot and,
you know, everybody's better looking when we smile. So,
you know, And I go on rants and tangents for a
living. Do you know how many problems that people can solve in their own life
from just breathing better and smiling more? You
can solve half of your problems, half of your life problems, and that's
(57:32):
an understatement, by breathing better and
smiling more. The people around you are going to
feel better. Because people's breath,
it's called entrainment, especially if you're parents and kids. We
inherit our parents' breathing patterns. People
(57:53):
around you are going to feel better, and they're going to smile more. Do it for them. If
you don't think you deserve to have a good life, that's
a mindset issue, do it for the people around you. But guess what?
Better plan is to do it for both. Do it for yourself and do it for them. And
you can only actually, you know what, I just lied, because you can only truly do
it for them. If you do it for yourself first,
(58:18):
Everybody. Very cool. Well, where can people
find you, Mark? How can they get involved with Mark England and lifted?
I know you've got your, uh, I think podcast
Number three, three. Kimberly is a beast with it. She's
so good. Um, Yeah, so we have a podcast, Get
(58:38):
Enlifted, it's all about coaching with words
and breath. And I'm one of the
co-hosts, or I'm the co-host, she's the host, Kimberly Kesting,
the great Kimberly Kesting. We have a website for our
certifications, www.enlifted.me, E-N-L-I-F-T-E-D.me,
(58:58):
and then Instagram, at Enlifted
Coaches. And yeah, whoever follows us, I send, IG
hellos twice a month to say, Hey, thanks for the follow. How'd
you get here? So if you follow, so you'll hear it, you'll get a voicemail from me and
And I'm just going to throw this out there. If you're not looking at becoming an unlifted
coach, but you would like an unlifted coach, there are
(59:21):
several of them in Southeastern Wisconsin in the, uh,
utopia martial arts area that I can hook you up with, including
myself. And it is a very cool
All right, Mark, I appreciate you a ton. If you guys are listening this podcast, give
us five stars. If you think we deserved it, which
(59:43):
I know you do. And catch us on the next episode. Thanks
Awesome. Well, welcome to the next episode of
inside the wave with your host Perry Wirth. And today I'm joined
by one of my coaches and one of my mentors, uh, not a jiu-jitsu
coach, but a, uh, communication and mindset coach,
Perry Wirth, thank you for having me on and thanks everybody for
(00:22):
Yeah, so I was actually just looking this up. I met you
back in 2017, February of 2017, I
met you, but you didn't meet me. I actually,
I heard you talking on a podcast. It
was Barbell Business or Barbell Shrugged back when I
was doing CrossFit. And I was at
(00:45):
a point in time where I realized that in order
to grow my business, I needed to grow myself.
And you were talking about some very interesting things on this podcast.
You were talking about conflict language and architect
language, and I liked what I heard. So I ended
(01:06):
up purchasing a course back then called the
Procabulary. But now, years
and years later, you are now the founder, owner,
coach of Enlifted Coaching. Tell us
Enlifted was an accident in
(01:28):
one sense. It was turning lemons
into lemonade. And
I know this is going to terrify some of your audiences. a
four stripe white belt. I love it. That stopped. Stopped
training. I stopped. I got my last. I took the I
(01:48):
was a wrestler in high school. And got into
jiu-jitsu in ninety six and
did a little bit with the gi, but then took it off and I was like, I'm
just I'm I'm no gi MMA guy. But a handful
of fights and all that stuff. And then the whole thing stopped on
(02:08):
a dime. with a knee injury over
in Thailand and the whole dream
of becoming a professional fighter stopped immediately.
So my Jiu Jitsu training got stopped and
I've probably rolled 20 times since then. OK, my jiu-jitsu, it
(02:30):
does it should be in a museum. So once
upon a time, Mark England and Mike Bledsoe. And
that once upon a time was in March 2018. He was he he
he has a blue belt. He doesn't. This is,
you know, OK. And we're we're in we're
in Arizona
(02:53):
and we're driving through Phoenix. And I forget who says what, but
somebody, it was him or me goes, Hey, let's, let's go, let's
go check out 10th planet. Oh yeah. So
me, Mr. Relic of the jiu-jitsu world goes
into a 10th planet school and we take a, we
take a couple of classes and stay around and
(03:14):
enroll. Um, and
I, I'm rolling with one of their guys and they, you know, they're famous for smoking
a bunch of weed and coming up with new weird stuff. And
I got put in something. I still don't know what the hell it was. I thought I
could get out. And so I'm fighting this
thing. And all of a sudden, my arm gets ripped out of
(03:34):
socket at the elbow. And you
know that noise? It's like the Jurassic Park noise. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Like there's only one thing that makes that kind of noise in a jiu-jitsu school. And
it's that's called tearing. Yeah. Important shit
getting half the half the gym looks over because it
And you know, it's good when everyone hears it.
(03:58):
You know, it's good when everyone hears it, man.
Guy, let's go. I look at my arm. I look at him.
I look at my arm and I go immediately to my,
my calendar of all things. Cause I'd done enough work on
my story at that point in time and was able to keep
my breathing low and slow to where I didn't
(04:19):
turn this thing into the worst thing that ever happened to me. Also
known as making a mountain out of a molehill, which is what I did with
that initial injury in Thailand. I
turned that into the most damning thing
that ever happened to me. I used it as the
final piece of damning evidence. So I moved over to Thailand. I
(04:40):
ended up living over there for 10 years, everybody. Six months,
I was going to go for a year, polish up my Thai boxing skills,
come back and go pro. This was in 2002. good
old-fashioned knee injury, the thing stops, and I used
that, I made that mean it was the final piece
of damning evidence in a case that I was secretly
(05:03):
making against myself, that I was not good enough, I was doomed to
fail, and there was something wrong with me. So I have that experience of
taking an injury and turning it into the worst thing ever, and
blaming everybody, including the universe and my genetics and my lineage,
like, come on, man. And so this happens,
and I immediately go to my calendar. And
(05:26):
I think, okay, yeah, that kettlebell certification on
it, that's not going to happen, because I've done something. I
can run Paleo effects, because we had a booth at this upcoming conference
about three weeks later. I was like, yeah, I can go do that. I
can do it with one arm, and Pascale's going to be there, and she'll help me set it up, and that's
okay. And then I look to Mike Blood, so I'm like, hey, dude, we've got to get
(05:47):
in the car, because I'm on the insurance, this thing
is, yeah, so let's go. And I walk out the
door talking about some girl I think's cute. And it was, and
I mean, I ended up having a Tommy John. Oh man. Um, yeah. I don't know
if y'all know what that is, but it's, they go with like, and so anyway, um,
I call my business partner. I'm like, Hey man, um, just
(06:07):
got my arm ripped out of socket. And he goes, yeah. Okay, cool. Come
on. I'm going to get it checked out. And I did. And they're like, it's,
this is legit. You done done it, bro. And
he's like, yeah, cool, come over to Thailand, because we didn't have insurance at the time. He's
like, come over to Thailand, and you can get it fixed, and we'll turn it into a work trip. Wow.
And I go, great. And so I'm still, I'm
(06:30):
long-winding what is in Libya. How did
it start? Because it was an accident. And
so I go over there, get my arm fixed. We
had so much fun. It was the best my body
had ever healed from any kind of injury or anything. Because
I was relaxed. I was relaxed, and my breath was loose, and
(06:52):
I was smiling and having fun. I mean, I literally walked into the hospital by
myself, woke up eight hours later, walked
out by myself, and went
and had some beers with Adam. It was easy.
Anyway, and so we're over there, and we're like, okay,
so we set a number of gross sales for us to reshoot the
(07:13):
core language upgrade, and we hit that number. And I'm like, dude,
Mike Bledsoe and I, we've been doing these workshops in
CrossFit gyms, and I go in there and I do the language
stuff, and then he puts them through a workout, and people
haven't really, they're having profound experiences, as
in the chatter's down in their head, they're able to stay focused, their
(07:36):
workouts are smoother, they're way more present, and
I go, you know, let's, instead of shooting core language
upgrade, vocabulary, let's make a course
for the fitness industry. And he goes, okay. And so we messaged
Mike Bledsoe, hey, you want to be a part of this? Yes, I do. So we
do it. And we launch it in
(07:59):
2019 at Paleo Effects in
May. And unbeknownst to us, that was the beginning of
the certifications, the coaching certifications, which
we are now five years old. We've been running those things for five years.
We've graduated 400 students, 10 at a
time, nine weeks, small batch. I deliver all
(08:20):
of the trainings, all of our level ones, twos, and threes, specialty courses,
because I can go into detail about that later if you want, why
we run it that way. We don't scale anything. And
yeah, and that's how we got connected personally
(08:43):
So, so in lifted, in lifted trains,
essentially coaches how to coach, but you focus on
language and, and mindset coaching. I think mindset coaching,
it's one of those terms that just gets thrown around. How
do you like to define what mindset is
(09:04):
Yeah, for sure. Um, so I invite everybody
to go to Google and. put
in the definition of mindset. Ask the Google machine what
the definition of mindset is. And most
people would think that something that is talked about so
much, especially in fitness and personal development, sports
(09:29):
performance, all those things, there would be a standardized definition. There is
not. There are 17 definitions on the first page of Google alone.
And most of those things are super long, very
philosophical, Um, overly complicated and,
um, yeah, good luck implementing it when, when, you
(09:50):
know, life throws you a curve ball, because those things come. Here
at Enlifted, in my personal and professional opinion, we
have the very best definition of mindset in the game by an order
of magnitude. The Enlifted definition of mindset is the
story that we tell ourself. That's what
your mindset is, everybody. It's the story you tell yourself to yourself.
(10:12):
about yourself on the daily, what
you can do, what you can't do, what is possible, what
isn't possible, what you do deserve and what you don't deserve. And
that story that you're telling yourself on the daily is
built of two main things. The two main building blocks of our mindset are
words and breath, breathing. And
(10:39):
Wow. So let's use, let's use your story
as a, as an example of mindset. You've had
two major injuries doing martial arts.
I'm sure a lot of my audience can relate to injuries through fitness,
through training, through martial arts. I've had some major ones myself,
and one of them was a career ender
(11:02):
for you. It seems, but the other one seemed
to just be a, a You
just got over it so quickly, right? It's like it never happened. How
I told myself, so adhering to that definition, I
(11:23):
told myself, because, because we are going to tell ourself
a story about things. Oh, every time we are meaning making machines, we're
Okay, nice. We're going to make shit mean shit. We're going to make stuff mean stuff.
We're going to make things mean things. And so there's the event, there's
what happens, and then there's the meaning that we assign to
(11:44):
what happens. What does this mean? What does it mean about me?
Which is the greatest of all time coaching question. What
does this mean about you? Okay? And
the first one, and oddly enough, you know,
I can say if I want to keep the story short
(12:04):
and sweet, that was a career ending
knee injury. More accurately, it was a
career ending story. Teddy
Atlas says a fighter lives and dies in their
own mind. And I and this
(12:26):
thing was a slow burn. I didn't know it at the time because I didn't know
shit about mindset. I didn't know anything about the
story that I was telling myself other than I was
So, pre-workouts, they've
got nothing on the victim mentality. So
(12:50):
the victim mentality, that's the real pre-workout for the fitness industry. I
fueled my fight career, my fight training, with
an underdog, not good enough story, victim
mentality, Part
of me was scared. Some fights broke out when I
was in elementary school. I remember like it was yesterday, Nathaniel Green and
(13:13):
Danny Potter in the fourth grade, and a fight broke out. They
got in a fight, and I turned around and ran. And I
didn't like that. Man. And like something else
happened, and I backed down in elementary school, too.
And I had this story in the back of my mind that I was a scaredy cat. I was a scaredy pants.
And I was going to go show everybody that I wasn't scared, because I'm going to be this big tough
(13:35):
guy. And so, and here's the
thing, everybody. If you are telling yourself
a story of, you know, you're not good
enough, and I'm going to prove them all wrong, and you're living in comparison hell,
and you
got a bunch of people to blame, and you're going to prove them all
(13:58):
wrong, and then on and on and on like that, those stories
trap your, not only do they light your head on fire on the inside, They
trap your breath in your chest. It's called sympathetic nervous system
response, or amygdala hijack. And
when people's breath is trapped in their chest, which most people's breath
(14:21):
I mean, you're talking to the jiu-jitsu crowd here, right? We're
always talking about, hey, breathe, breathe. That's the
first thing I tell any white belt when they come into the gym. Hey,
you know no techniques. You don't know what that other person is doing to you. The
first thing you can do in any situation is
those belly breaths. So that's the same thing. You're
(14:43):
talking about that same thing for injuries and for communication and that's where
Yes. Yes. Thousand percent. If someone can win the
breathing game, I use
this word very, very
rarely. They can, you can master anything you want to. given
(15:06):
your interest in it, and reps. So you put those two
things together, the pull and repetition. And
this goes to education, too. So yes, I've been doing
this one thing, coaching and teaching about words and stories for
17 years now. And before that, I was a teacher. I have a degree in education. And
(15:27):
when kids, we've all seen this, When
stuff happens at home, kids,
And here's why. They're coming to school with that stress in
their system, and their breath is trapped in their chest, and they're off
(15:50):
in, they're distracted, and
when someone's breath is trapped in their chest, I mean, this is the mechanics of, well,
us, life, our listening skills go way down. our
listening skills go way down. And and so listening is a major part
of learning. And so if someone gets their breath low
and slow, they'll get better at jiu-jitsu faster, because
(16:13):
their body won't have that extra tension in it. And they'll be able to
listen to black belts like you coach them.
It's hard to it's hard to use that brain if you don't have any oxygen going to
Yeah, that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a Correct.
Correct. And so as far as the to circle back
to, you know, me telling myself two different stories, it's
(16:38):
it's very easy to take things personal when
our breath is trapped in our chest or chronically. It's very easy to find
someone to blame when our breath is trapped. It's very easy to jump to
conclusions. It's very easy to get fixated on
something when our breath is trapped in our chest. And I was I was I
was a chronic victim I had a
(17:00):
raging victim mentality all throughout my fight career, and then
I, you know, break myself. I
did that to me. And so
my interpretation of it, I'm, and I'm repeating
myself, I made that injury mean
that I was what I feared most, a born
(17:22):
loser. And then
the other one was just something that happened. It was no big deal. It was
no big deal, and the
body will do amazing things. It
can recover from all kinds of stuff. Borderline miracles
when it is in a down-regulated state. Because guess what?
(17:44):
If you're breathing well, then you can sleep. And if you can't sleep,
Yeah. I mean, wow. So, I
mean, we get a lot of, a lot of bumps and bruises along
the road in martial arts. You kind of, you sign up for it knowing that
it's a combat sport. Things can happen at
(18:05):
some point in time, something likely will happen doing
it. And especially being at that level of
competitor that you were, did you, did you ever think you
were unbreakable or do you still know that, hey, injuries
Oddly enough, I never got hurt wrestling, but
(18:28):
I was chronically banged up in
the fight game. My
father was a collegiate football player.
They won some rings and things like that. I
remember growing up, he used to tell me all the time, he's like, if you can't play hurt,
you can't play. And, and he was right. And,
(18:52):
um, yeah, I remember my first fight. I went
in, this was in 99. Uh,
I was training. I got, I had the fight scheduled. It
was one 10 minute round, dude. MMA one, one. I
look back, I look back on that. I'm like, dude, that's evil.
(19:14):
Yeah, and it went the distance plus overtime. I thought
I was going to die. Yeah. And so I'm training
and I get a jack. I've heard something and I'm like, I
pull out and then I'm just sitting there on the couch like a wild beast.
And two weeks out, I'm not training two weeks out. I'm like, I
have to get in that ring. I don't care what happens. I have to get in there. So
(19:36):
I call my my my trainer and I'm like, rebook it. Find
me somebody. I don't care who I just have to get in there. And I really
don't even care if I win. Just got it. I just got to get it. I just I
have to and so I went into that fight under
trained with an injury and
Yeah, the dude was this short stocky tie fighter It
(19:59):
was his first fight too, but he had like eight or nine tie fights and
it was one ten minute round We went the distance and
when they called overtime Dude, I was, it
Dude, I was seeing, I saw two of them. Like I was
trying to look straight at him when I answered the bell and there was one over
(20:22):
here and one over there and they had to drag me out of the ring. I
mean, we finished, it went the distance. They dragged me
out in the parking lot and I just barfed all over myself for half an hour. I
Man, that is wild. So
one thing I, I love a lot about the unlifted
(20:42):
method and versus other programs that I've seen
programs that I've been to is how practical the
approaches, how well you make it
usable and less conceptual more.
We can do something about it. You know, just like how you're talking about breathing. If you
just even start with breathing, you're at a large
(21:05):
advantage over the standard population. Now,
do you have any practical tips for overcoming plateaus? So
one thing that we see a lot, a lot in martial arts is, you
know, people feel just like they're not making progress. And
I believe, I'm a strong believer that It's
(21:26):
because they end up comparing themselves to other people
versus looking at their own victories and successes that
they've been making. But what do you see in,
you know, those elite level athletes, those very high level
successful players on how they overcome plateaus
(21:48):
That's a, that's a, that's a very good question. And,
um, I don't know. I don't know how they
do that. What I can assume, because
they're at the top, is that they found
a way. I bought the
first UFC in November in
(22:15):
1993, I just watched 300, I'm
current in that sport. You can't ask me a damn thing about anything
else, I don't know, I don't care, and I will never care. I
will never care who wins the World Series, I promise you that. And
I will watch MMA till my dying breath,
because that's how much I love the sport and how much it gave to me, and
(22:36):
just how fucking cool it is. And
so when you listen to, when I
listen to champions talk about their
mindset, they really don't go into much detail about it. So I
don't know, I don't know, they say things like, oh
yeah, I've been working on my mindset, I've been working with a sports psychologist, and
(22:57):
very rarely do they go into the specifics of
what they're doing. Maybe they might say hypnotherapy or something like that, but
I don't know enough of the mechanics of what they're doing to
be able to say something about it.
And what I can say for people that plateau is
that the number one remedy for
(23:20):
that, and this is someone that you can, Perry, someone you
can talk to about this. It's called four-stepping the process, or
excuse me, four-stepping the progress. So the day,
and it's a very simple exercise. It's A to B.
So the day you walked in the jiu-jitsu school, that's A, and
then today is B, or the last time you rolled. and
(23:43):
give it a title, like a title to a movie, and write out that
story conversationally, everybody. I don't make the rules. Bullet
points and half sentences don't cut it. It needs to be written out conversationally as
if you were telling the story, full sentences, and
erring on the side of more detail than less. People do not write that down. And
then from there, you four-step it. So you write it out, read it,
(24:06):
read it slow. What happens, everybody? Step three, read it slow. What
happens, everybody? you slow down your rate of speech, the
breath begins to loosen up, and then step four
is where you read that same story slow and take a nice, in
between each sentence. And what that's going to do, it's
(24:27):
gonna majorly, that's an understatement, influence
in a positive way your reticular activating system.
So think of your reticular activating system as the lens
that you see yourself and the world It's like a pair of binoculars
and binoculars has a paddles on top. And if you know
about the words as in what, how to, how to
(24:50):
use words in certain ways, what words to use more of and why, what
words to use less of and why, and then how to pick up a pen and write out stories,
then you can bring things into focus. You can bring things out of focus.
And in that particular exercise, it will show you the progress that
you made. And people have black belts, dude,
third degree black belts in diminishing themselves, diminishing,
(25:13):
diminishing and minimizing their successes, the wins, the
times they got it right, all that stuff. I mean, this is this is taking a
Right. For sure. Like, I feel like a lot of people end up
thinking that You don't recognize
(25:35):
wins because it's not being modest. And as you become higher
rank in jiu-jitsu, you want to be modest about your accomplishments. So
Take out the almost. Yeah, they do. They do. And they're there. Um,
so here's the thing, everybody, when it comes to, okay, how
(25:58):
am I going to say this? Everybody's
got an ego. Okay. And you should have an ego. You
know why you should? Because you do. And there
is a certain quality of
attention and recognition that only we can
(26:18):
give ourself. We're
ground zero, okay, for the first person
that needs to tell us that we're good enough, okay? Because
if we're not telling ourselves we're good enough, how are we going to accept
that from anybody else? And
even if they, so, so, so let me get this straight. I
(26:42):
want, I want respect from, from all of y'all people in
here, but I don't respect myself. I want something from you that I can't
give to myself. Okay. Or can't or won't. What
is that? That's weird. That's what that is. That's weird. And
then it's, it's actually the complete opposite. If
we look at it from the words, too. So be selfless. Less
(27:03):
than self. Why would I want to be less than me? Why would
I want to diminish me? When did we start thinking that's
a good thing? Oh, that person is self-centered. No, I want
to be self-centered. I want to be centered in myself. I
want to be the main player, the main character in my
own story. I want to be the hero in my own story. and I want my breath
to be unlocked, and breathing low and slow, that I am
(27:27):
centered. Being a centered person is a good thing. And
then when you take care of you in the way, on a
mindset level, that only you can, then we
start, it starts unraveling all these weird codependencies. You
know, we don't wanna take a compliment, but we're, you know,
craving them. Or it's like, We're
(27:51):
craving attention, but at the same time we have a fear of being seen. So
it's like this weird limbo that, no, no,
no. Don't go for modesty, everybody. I don't believe it. I don't believe
in it. Go for self-centeredness. Become centered in your own story. Unlock
your breath. Pay attention to the words that you use. Take a fucking
compliment when somebody gives you one. It's like, imagine somebody comes
(28:13):
up to you with a gift. and they give
it to you, and you look at it, and you just throw it in the trash, right
in front of their face. It's the same thing.
You're making a lot of progress in class. You're really
consistent. I'm pretending I'm you talking to one of your students. And
they go, oh, well, it's no, it's nothing. What?
(28:36):
Thank you, sensei. And own it. And here's a black belt move when it
comes to taking a compliment. Say thank you, and then don't
Seriously, take a breath in between it, absorb it better. And
this probably I shouldn't say probably this
leads to another one of your favorite topics I've heard
(28:57):
you talk about, but imposter syndrome, right?
You just earned that new belt, you got that new rank. And
like, I don't deserve it. I
don't want it. Take it take it away. Man. So
not only are you not you're You're not recognizing
the progress, but when you do get recognized for the progress, you throw
(29:22):
Yep. And, and majorly, um, retard
your development and I'm, oh God, I'm using retard
by definition, folks. The definition of retard is to impede the
development of you slow it down. When you
think that you don't deserve to be a blue belt, even though you're a blue belt, that's
basically like you're essentially saying, hey, my sensei doesn't know what he's
(29:44):
talking about. 100 percent. Why did you get little old me? This guy, this guy,
he's got a black belt. He knows what he's talking about. But he gave me a
blue belt because he has no idea that I'm not as good as he thinks I am. No,
you are as good as your sensei thinks you are. And it's
the it's the reverse. Again, Teddy Atlas, he said a
champion becomes 30 percent better overnight when
(30:04):
they win the belt. because it influences their identity. It
influences their identity. And yeah,
and so when someone keeps minimizing their
progress in their mind, even though they got this
belt, that belt, whatever thing, you're
(30:28):
I feel like this is very similar to Your
person in the UFC that wins the title, and then they are
just on a roll on fire. You
know, they were good to get the title, but the day after
they get the title, they are unstoppable. Yeah. Yeah.
Because they had that identity shift and they're truly
(30:52):
owning that. They are the champion now. One
of my favorite things from, I think it was in Lifted Level 2 with
you, was the corner man speech. Right?
And how we have the little devil on one shoulder telling us
a story, and then we have the corner man on your other shoulder
(31:13):
telling you a different story. And they're battling at each other.
And one is very positive. and
giving affirmations and using architect language, positive
language in its corner man speech to you. And
the other side is the other one, like
(31:36):
the opposite of it, all the conflict. And
that was one of the coolest things, right? A lot of us, some
of us athletes, We motivate
ourselves with, I
(32:02):
Yeah. We wouldn't, we wouldn't, we
wouldn't say, we wouldn't, we wouldn't say what we say
to ourselves secretly in our mind to a stray dog. Would
you want your kids talking to themselves like that? No
one has ever, and I've asked that question a lot because guess what? Mindset,
that's what we talk about, which is the story that we tell ourself, externally and
(32:25):
internally. No one has ever said, I would
want my kids saying the same thing to themselves that
I do to me behind closed doors in the recesses of
my own mind. No one's ever said that. No
one's ever said that. Yeah,
and we
(32:48):
help people. We help people with that. Okay,
so when people say, I need to work on my mindset, how?
Step one. It depends on the person and here's some very
reliable things to do. Slow
(33:11):
down your rate of speech by 5%. Cause
you can do that right now and you're going to feel the difference. And
what that's going to do is it's going to give you way more.
It's not just 5% more mental real estate. It's
going to give you way more space to observe
(33:33):
how you're using your words. That's
Soft talk. Perry, will you read these words out
Oh my gosh, they're a bit blurry for me. Probably,
(33:59):
perhaps, feels like, guess,
maybe, could, might, possibly, sort
of, kind of, potentially, hopefully,
try, one day, should, almost like.
(34:26):
Send me your address. I got you. When
we wrap, I'll mail you one. Or I'll bring it up
there. That right
there, everybody, so only start paying
attention to those words. I'm going to do it again. I'm going to read them again. These
words right here. So there, there is something called conflict
(34:48):
language, and there are four pillars, negations,
projections, dramatics, and soft talk. We're only going
to talk about soft talk and think of it as the, like the, the, the
legs of a table. Okay. And those
four language patterns are responsible for
(35:11):
over 90% of the
habitual thought processes that the
victim mentality has to have in order
to be scripted, in order to be created and maintained. And
I'll go over the soft talk here again in a second. This
is a very good place to recite, again, the
(35:34):
definition of the victim mentality. So most people have never heard the definition of
the victim mentality. I invite you
all to pick up a pen and write it down, because if you do, you'll
have 20% more retention statistically.
And then you also put yourself in a very unique club of people that
have actually written down the definition of the victim mentality. So
(35:56):
here it is. I'm going to do it twice. I'm going to do it slow, and then I'm going
to do it fast with some polish. The
victim mentality. is an acquired personality
trait where a person tends
to regard himself or
(36:18):
herself as the victim of
the negative actions of others even
in the absence of clear evidence. The
victim mentality depends on a habitual
thought process and attributions. Here it
(36:39):
is again a little faster with some context. The victim mentality is
an acquired personality trait where a person tends, it's
a tendency folks, sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down, a person tends to
regard himself or herself as
the victim of the negative actions of others even in
the absence of clear evidence. The second
(37:00):
sentence, right between the eyes, right where it belongs, the victim mentality depends
on a habitual thought process and attributions. That
second sentence, the victim mentality depends, circle that word everybody,
on a habitual, underline that word everybody, thought process and
attributions. So the victim, it depends, so it has to have
a habitual, which accurately implies duration and
(37:23):
addiction. Everybody knows somebody who's addicted to their victim mentality. What's
it like hanging around them? And a thought process, what's
a thought process? Glad y'all asked. It's how you put your words together.
It's how you use your words. We use words every day, internally
and externally. And then attributions. Attribution
(37:43):
is a characteristic. And the main characteristic that Heard and
Lifted, we pay attention to other than the words is the breath. And
so to answer that question in more detail now that we've got some very important
talking points on the table, how does someone work on their mindset?
You need to get down to the word level. You
need to get down to what words are you using, and then,
(38:06):
so there's the words, and then how are you using
them? A lot of that comes down to your rate of speech. Okay?
The faster the story goes, everybody, the harder it is to change. Why?
Because the faster the story goes, the higher and tighter the breath gets
trapped in someone's chest. And when someone's breath is trapped in
(38:27):
their chest, they get fixated on things. Again, it's amygdala hijack. Their
listening ability goes down. They lose access to their creative
faculties, peripheral training, peripheral vision,
and their training. That's why, I mean,
I've done this in a couple of jiu-jitsu comps a
million, trillion years ago. When I first started out, I'd just, I'd
(38:50):
flock up. I'd freeze up. I wouldn't know what to do because
my breath, I would, because of the story, I was telling myself
in my head, mindset, trap my breath in my chest Excess
rigidity in the body. And then I had no access to my train. Forget everything. I
You've, you've seen that it used to. So I was the
(39:12):
worst, the worst high school wrestler ever
when it came to competition in the practice room, I was great practice
room. I could hang with our state qualifiers. I was, I
was great, man. I will go out and compete in wrestling deer
in the headlights. I'm lucky I won
(39:32):
a couple matches all through high school. I'm
very fortunate I stayed with it because it ended up taking me to do jiu-jitsu,
but I didn't learn how to compete until jiu-jitsu when
I was fully relaxed before a match. I
wasn't trying to get all psyched up. My coach was throwing
(39:52):
farts, cracking jokes right before my first match
in jiu-jitsu. I went out and I did amazing and I was like, Where has
Hey, man,
if someone just had to tell me to breathe, dude, that's
it's if you win the breathing game, everybody, you win the whole
(40:14):
game. So. Ninety
nine, it's even more. Than that, but
a vast, vast majority of my time Professionally speaking
is dedicated to the certs very rarely. Do
I take on a personal or a private client and
(40:36):
It's it's and if I do it's only for one thing
Presentation skills helping them build a workshop build build workshops and
then deliver it and The
first thing we talk about once the thing is built and it's time to
start practicing, rehearsing, is slowing
(40:56):
down their rate of speech to unlock their breath. And
so they are relaxed and
breathing well when they're giving their speech.
And this goes, everybody, it goes across the
board. It's across the board. Go out on a date
(41:19):
and hold your breath. and see how the conversation flows,
okay? Give, you know, if
you're into sales, give a sales pitch and hold your breath. See
how that goes. You could have the best thing out there, and
it's a perfect fit for your prospective client. But if your breath is
trapped in your chest, I don't care how long you've been doing it, you're going to sound like an amateur. And
(41:42):
they're going to pick up on it. How about jiu-jitsu? Have
you ever seen somebody train, train, train, train, train, but just never
It is, it's one of the most challenging things
for me to teach someone, not
teach, but to get someone to do it from
(42:02):
being a coach. You know, I could teach people jiu-jitsu techniques and
steps and scenarios all day, but
they can only unlock the breath for themselves. I can't breathe for
them. At least I'm not willing to do mouth to mouth to them in the middle
of a match. But the amount
of parallels that you're talking about with, that I can draw to
(42:23):
jiu-jitsu here, you know, slow it down. Sometimes
we end up going so fast occasionally that
we don't even realize what's going on anymore. I use
the analogy that you can't be going, you can't pretend
you're driving on a freeway, going twice the speed
(42:45):
limit, because you're going to miss all your exits. You're going to miss all the
opportunities for success because you're so
focused on just that going fast, going fast, going fast. You
just need to take that breath. So
Oh yeah. Yeah. These, these, these guys do
(43:09):
it again. Okay. Everybody. So if you have your pen and
your paper from, uh, uh, writing down the definition of victim mentality,
I'm going to rattle these off again. And I invite you
to write them down, capital letters, five
times larger than you normally write. What
that's going to do is your reticular activating
(43:30):
system is going to go, hey, why are we writing these words down five times? And it's
going to go, it doesn't matter. Just pay attention to them. So you're going to be doing
something. It's going to get your attention. You're actually going to get your attention
about these words. And then you're going to start hearing them.
And everything starts with awareness. I
guarantee you all these words are in your language and
(43:53):
they're causing problems way more than most people
would think by an order of magnitude. And
they are driving indecision and anxiety
and the inability to take yourself seriously and
sincerely. And if someone has enough soft
(44:15):
talk, in their language for a prolonged period
of time, you're going to turn yourself into a joke in your own
mind. And that's really scary. And
so if you start plucking these words out, so soft talk
is the gateway drug to the rest of your language. Why? Because
they're the easiest words to pay attention to. There's usually
(44:36):
very little, in comparison, emotional
attachment to them in people's language. You can just pluck them
out and there's not much It's not like going from, you know, my
dad should respect me more to I
should respect me more. People are going to have a more of emotional attachment to that
than, you know, maybe I should be more consistent coming
(44:59):
to practice. Just pluck out the maybe and own it. Okay. And
yeah. And so when you start taking these words out and it'll take you
six months, take about six months, everybody to cut
your soft talk usage in half. And if you do that,
you will double your confidence. Imagine yourself
(45:20):
You'll double others. People confidence in you too.
Correct. Thousand percent. So we
had this up on the wall in our gym
for several weeks after we did a lifted style workshop
at our gym. And it was very cool to see the people
coming in, looking at the poster that had no clue what
(45:42):
they were about. And they're like, what is this? This is intriguing. And
some people even came in and said, why, why is all this negativity up on the wall? I
And, um, did
(46:03):
people, what happened for, okay.
I'm formulating my question. Well, what happened for the
people? that incorporated
this practice into their mindset, the
Confidence. Instant increase in
(46:25):
confidence because of that instant increase in
Yeah. It's honestly,
everybody, it's spooky. It's spooky what this
one seemingly simple, and it is, thing
(46:45):
We all want, we all want more clarity. Yeah. And
Yeah. And, and,
you know, when people say my life is out of control, what
they're actually saying is that my story is out of control. And
(47:09):
if you want to feel more in control of your life, then
be more in control of your story. And
if you want to be more in control of your story, you're
going to need to pay more attention to it. Okay. And
well, what's it built of? What is it made of?
What, what are the building? What are the Lego blocks of this story
(47:31):
that I'm telling myself every day? It's
your words. And most people in the mindset space,
they have not gotten down to the word level of the conversation
yet. Okay? And here at Enlifted, we are changing that.
Exactly. We're spearheading that. And
(47:54):
so if you're not getting down to the word level when someone
is working on their mindset, They're going
to be up here in these big picture, um,
motivation. I got to get motivated. Um, and
that's what most mindset coach thinks. Most, most people that coach mindset,
uh, in some form or fashion, that's what they think it is. They think it's, it's motivation,
(48:18):
having all the right answers for your client. Okay. That's not it.
Trust me, having all the right answers, motivating them and
setting some goals. And it's, there's
way more to the, There's way more to transformational
wordsmithing than that. Show me a
coach that thinks that they have all the right answers for their client's life, and I'll show you
(48:39):
an amateur. It's a smarty-pants coach.
That's what we call it in lifted smarty-pants coaching. I know what you need to
do with your life. I've got all the right answers for you,
and I'm going to inspire you, and I'm going to help hold you accountable. That's
got burnout written all over it. Yeah,
so here's the thing, everybody. You didn't need a PhD to
(49:01):
learn to use words, and you don't need a PhD to
learn to use them better. Nobody's going to help you. No one's going to change
your words for you, okay? And so if you want
to feel more in control of your life, practice
controlling your words more, okay? Rate of speech, big
deal. How are you breathing when sounds are coming out of your face? And
(49:23):
then what words are you? What words? Because that's that is what's happening. We're
making sounds at each other. And the quality of your sounds dictates the
quality of your life. Look it up. It's called. Not
not. I'll remember it in a second. Some
some Nikola Tesla shit, whatever. Here
(49:44):
we go. Write these write these words down five
times larger than you normally write. Cymatics, that's what it's called.
Look up cymatics. Probably, perhaps,
feels like, guess, maybe,
could, might, possibly, sort
(50:05):
of, kind of, potentially. Hopefully, I'll
make it to practice tonight. Try, one
day, should, almost like. It's
almost like I'm self-sabotaging myself. And what you
do is you start taking those words out and you will get way clearer
on what you are doing and what you're not doing. And then you
(50:27):
can make changes. Okay? It's really hard to make changes when
you say things like, you know, I guess I probably
should spend more time with my wife. Or
something along those lines. You know, I think
I'm drinking too much coffee. Take out the think and you'll know if
you are or not based on the feedback you get from
(50:48):
delivering a solid sentence to yourself. I should spend more time
with my wife. Take out the should, put in could. I could spend more time with my wife.
Take out the could, put in can. I can spend more time with my wife. Stick
a because on the end of it. I can spend more time with my wife because we
love each other. Okay, now put a time stamp in
there. I can spend more time with my wife next weekend because we love each other. Where
(51:08):
are we going? Well, she likes going to the lake house. I got an Airbnb. I'll
go ahead and book that now. You send her a text. We're going to the lake house next week.
Just go ahead and write the weekend off. That's what we're doing. And she goes, thank
God. And you just did that in 60 seconds because you
knew how to catch words in their infancy, which is the words
(51:29):
that you have in your head. Okay. If those words aren't
written down, you don't even have a draft to hand in. So another thing that you can do
to work on your mindset is to pick up a pen and get
the words on paper. For instance, if
someone has a, um, decision to
make. That usually comes down to questions and options. They
(51:50):
have questions that have yet to be answered and what are their options. If
someone has three questions in their head, they swirl. It'll
feel like 300 questions. Same
thing with options. If someone has four
options that they could do, it'll feel like 44. And
you get the questions written down. It's actually called Kindlin's Law. This
(52:12):
is Kindlin's Law. When a question is written down well,
it's half answered. So you can pick up
a pen and write. I dare you all to do this. I dare you all
to pick up a pen and write down the five biggest questions you have about
your life. And wait. And
I'm not just saying wait for 10 minutes. I'm saying you'll
(52:35):
That's gonna be my journal tonight. I like it. That's good. That's
good. Well, Mark, so I
like to end these with some, uh, some rapid fire questions and
we'll do rapid fire at the marketing pace. How's
that sound? Awesome. Uh, number
(52:59):
Hmm. Uh, your favorite learning source.
(53:31):
One piece of advice to people that have been in the game for a while
Awesome. Those are those are the five Have
you have you been asked those before never oh, I'm
sure you got favorite book at least Those
(53:57):
are concise What
book do I I've never have never had someone asked what's my favorite book
What's your number one book recommendation? Those are two different things. Those
Um, it would be the dial of hell. So my favorite book, um,
(54:29):
one of Stuart Wilde's, it would be Miracles. It would be Miracles by
Stuart Wilde, one of his Taos Quintet
And we have to check out both of those. All right, so
let me try to recap some takeaways here. Let's do it. Power
of breath. Huge. The power of acknowledging
(54:52):
your words you're using as building blocks to
your mindset. The power of writing things
down. What else? We had the soft talk
What is, what is mindset? That is a, that's a
game changer. Having a, having a simple, practical,
(55:16):
practical, the root word of practical is practice. Practical,
simple, clear, working definition of
mindset, which frames the whole thing. Perfectly.
Immediately. It's the story you tell yourself. And
if you're working with other people on mindset, you're working
with the story that they're telling themselves. And
(55:39):
that story is made up of words. That's very important. The definition
of the victim mentality, also very important. If someone wants
to have a well-rounded
conversation about mindset, that definition
needs to be in there because it gives the
thing a a name. They're like, oh, there's a name for
(56:01):
this thing and other people doing it, too. I'm not the
only one that lights my head on fire right
before I get out of bed and then, you know, live my life like that. And
that's also why most people get into the conversation of mindset,
because they've got a thing to fix. They've got a problem to fix. They want to get better. They
want to level up somehow. And so that's
(56:23):
and when you start scratching the surface, You get into victim-centric stories,
and if you understand the words, you're going to get down to what words are
forcing someone to create the villains and
the stress and the bitterness. Man,
if I hadn't come across this work,
(56:48):
if someone is bitter for a prolonged period of time, it shows up
on their face. There's no way to not have that show up on your face. George
Orwell said it, everybody gets the face that they deserve. Okay.
And, um, it's
also a different kind of face when, you know, somebody's
(57:10):
present and breathing well, and they've been smiling a lot and,
you know, everybody's better looking when we smile. So,
you know, And I go on rants and tangents for a
living. Do you know how many problems that people can solve in their own life
from just breathing better and smiling more? You
can solve half of your problems, half of your life problems, and that's
(57:32):
an understatement, by breathing better and
smiling more. The people around you are going to
feel better. Because people's breath,
it's called entrainment, especially if you're parents and kids. We
inherit our parents' breathing patterns. People
(57:53):
around you are going to feel better, and they're going to smile more. Do it for them. If
you don't think you deserve to have a good life, that's
a mindset issue, do it for the people around you. But guess what?
Better plan is to do it for both. Do it for yourself and do it for them. And
you can only actually, you know what, I just lied, because you can only truly do
it for them. If you do it for yourself first,
(58:18):
Everybody. Very cool. Well, where can people
find you, Mark? How can they get involved with Mark England and lifted?
I know you've got your, uh, I think podcast
Number three, three. Kimberly is a beast with it. She's
so good. Um, Yeah, so we have a podcast, Get
(58:38):
Enlifted, it's all about coaching with words
and breath. And I'm one of the
co-hosts, or I'm the co-host, she's the host, Kimberly Kesting,
the great Kimberly Kesting. We have a website for our
certifications, www.enlifted.me, E-N-L-I-F-T-E-D.me,
(58:58):
and then Instagram, at Enlifted
Coaches. And yeah, whoever follows us, I send, IG
hellos twice a month to say, Hey, thanks for the follow. How'd
you get here? So if you follow, so you'll hear it, you'll get a voicemail from me and
And I'm just going to throw this out there. If you're not looking at becoming an unlifted
coach, but you would like an unlifted coach, there are
(59:21):
several of them in Southeastern Wisconsin in the, uh,
utopia martial arts area that I can hook you up with, including
myself. And it is a very cool
All right, Mark, I appreciate you a ton. If you guys are listening this podcast, give
us five stars. If you think we deserved it, which
(59:43):
I know you do. And catch us on the next episode. Thanks
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