July 15, 2024 • 29 mins
Welcome to Intimacy After, in this episode, we dive into the challenging topic of balancing sexual integrity with natural desires as a single woman of faith. Those who are married, may learn about the struggles of singles, how to relate and may share this information as well.
Join host Queen as she addresses difficult questions from listeners about faith, purity, and natural sexual desires. Whether you are a Christ follower or someone who considers themselves spiritual, you may find valuable insights in this frank and transparent discussion. Queen shares her personal experiences and provides encouragement, emphasizing that you are not alone in your struggles. Tune in for an honest conversation about sexuality, faith, and finding joy and purpose in God's presence. Remember, you are worth the wait!
Kind Regards,
Queen @ https://queenquanta.com
EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00:10 Welcome to Intimacy After
00:00:53 Breaking the Taboo: Purity and Passion
00:06:07 Understanding Natural Desires
00:16:43 Finding Fulfillment in God
00:18:40 Navigating Desire and Morality
00:22:04 Building a Community of Accountability
00:23:38 The Significance of Your Body
00:24:42 Embracing Grace and Forgiveness
00:26:50 Embracing God’s Love and Patience
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Hello and welcome.
.999This is Intimacy After, a podcast for mature women facing intimacy issues from various causes.
Please know you are not alone.
It is time to stop suffering in silence.
On this podcast, we give hope that through practice of simple steps and proven tips, you can improve intimacy and resurrect your love life.
(00:38):
Break free, learn to laugh again, to play again, to be happy, to love and know that you are loved.
I am your host, Queen.
Come on inside. 9 00:00:53,666.12244898 --> 00:01:03,746.12244898 Welcome inside to intimacy after where the barriers are pushed and difficult questions asked pertaining to intimacy and sex. 10 00:01:03,806.12244898 --> 00:01:14,756.12244898 And today we are going to push a little on the barriers and try to shine light on some of your very difficult questions If you are married. 11 00:01:15,46.12244898 --> 00:01:19,176.12244898 This information is useful for your single family or friends. 12 00:01:19,466.12244898 --> 00:01:21,326.12244898 So go ahead and share. 13 00:01:21,896.12244898 --> 00:01:27,106.12244898 Thank you sister friends for your voice message questions you have sent from my website. 14 00:01:27,406.12244898 --> 00:01:38,206.12144898 Thanks to Samantha in Southern California, Rachel in Wyoming, Wanda in North Carolina, Tommy in Chicago, Illinois, Sharon in St. 15 00:01:38,206.12144898 --> 00:01:46,221.12244898 Louis, Missouri, baby girl in Birmingham, Alabama, Stella in Georgia, and for all the others. 16 00:01:46,461.12244898 --> 00:01:50,1.12244898 I, so thank you very much for your questions. 17 00:01:50,481.12244898 --> 00:01:54,591.12244898 Well, the questions are all summed up in the title. 18 00:01:54,951.12244898 --> 00:01:56,451.12244898 Purity and passion. 19 00:01:56,751.12244898 --> 00:02:03,981.12244898 Balancing sexual integrity with natural desires as a single woman of faith. 20 00:02:04,311.12244898 --> 00:02:05,721.12244898 Whoa, what's up. 21 00:02:05,811.12244898 --> 00:02:07,11.12244898 Booth Tawfiq. 22 00:02:07,371.12244898 --> 00:02:07,881.12244898 Yes. 23 00:02:07,881.12244898 --> 00:02:13,701.12244898 Ma'am brace yourself for a Frank and transparent discussion today. 24 00:02:14,181.12244898 --> 00:02:26,91.12244898 Over 80% of the questions pertain to faith, whether you're a Christ follower or other religion, it was all about faith. 25 00:02:26,241.12244898 --> 00:02:44,391.12244898 And how do you stay pure in this world? However, even if you're not off any particular faith, but have spirituality and consider yourself to be spiritual, you may find some great insight as well. 26 00:02:44,391.12244898 --> 00:02:46,221.12244898 So listen in. 27 00:02:47,31.12244898 --> 00:02:47,421.12244898 Okay. 28 00:02:47,721.12244898 --> 00:02:51,351.12244898 So before I even get started, I have to give my disclaimer right. 29 00:02:51,621.12244898 --> 00:02:53,661.12244898 Like I am not. 30 00:02:54,21.12244898 --> 00:02:57,291.12244898 A, um, I'm not an elder in the church. 31 00:02:57,291.12244898 --> 00:02:58,821.12244898 I'm not a deacon. 32 00:02:59,271.12244898 --> 00:03:02,151.12244898 I have no ordained position. 33 00:03:02,181.12244898 --> 00:03:04,341.12244898 I've never been to seminary. 34 00:03:04,671.12244898 --> 00:03:08,121.12244898 I am purely speaking from my own. 35 00:03:08,781.12244898 --> 00:03:13,371.12244898 Uh, testimony, if you will, my own experiences. 36 00:03:13,401.12244898 --> 00:03:18,921.12244898 And I have seen the struggles that other single ladies are going through and. 37 00:03:19,281.12244898 --> 00:03:25,311.12244898 I can relate because it wasn't that long ago that I was going through this as well. 38 00:03:25,551.12244898 --> 00:03:41,571.12244898 And based on your questions, that's just proof that there are so many of you out there who are struggling with how to align what the world is putting out there and what your faith is telling you to do. 39 00:03:41,811.12244898 --> 00:04:00,531.12244898 And just to have a Frank topic about sex and well, what do you do? And if you do desire to be married, then how do you stay pure? And if heaven forbid you are unable to do so then what should you do? Is it over and done with. 40 00:04:01,431.12244898 --> 00:04:07,971.12244898 So I am speaking from my little knowledge that I have in my walk and my relationship with Christ. 41 00:04:08,241.12244898 --> 00:04:10,221.12244898 This is not the answer. 42 00:04:10,371.12244898 --> 00:04:25,641.12244898 This is not providing you with, this is what you should do, this is not giving you a template of how it should be or what your life should look like as a single Christian or a single spiritual person seeking to do. 43 00:04:25,641.12244898 --> 00:04:26,331.12244898 What's right. 44 00:04:26,511.12244898 --> 00:04:27,921.12244898 Not at all. 45 00:04:28,221.12244898 --> 00:04:32,541.12244898 I am sharing with you and letting you know, I hear you. 46 00:04:32,811.12244898 --> 00:04:35,31.12244898 You are not alone. 47 00:04:36,217.78911565 --> 00:04:47,197.78811565 For the single never married ladies, some of you may still be virgins, many of you may have tested the waters a couple few tens or hundreds of times. 48 00:04:47,862.78911565 --> 00:05:00,972.78911565 However, based on your spiritual inclinations, or just in general, you desire to stop sharing your body without some form of accountability and attempt to settle down. 49 00:05:01,762.78911565 --> 00:05:03,262.78911565 something is not working. 50 00:05:03,512.78911565 --> 00:05:04,662.78911565 You're still single. 51 00:05:05,62.78911565 --> 00:05:20,262.78711565 So what should you do when you are told, and you also believe, sex outside of marriage is wrong? You are part of a singles ministry and they have you memorize scriptures about it too. 52 00:05:20,262.88711565 --> 00:05:26,312.78811565 1 Corinthians 6, specifically 18 to 20, is like the group's memory verse. 53 00:05:26,872.78811565 --> 00:05:35,872.78811565 You weren't really trying to memorize it, but it's quoted so many times that you can say it without issues, darn it. 54 00:05:36,152.78811565 --> 00:05:43,412.78811565 You have been to singles conferences, meetings, hangouts, and they mentioned intimacy. 55 00:05:43,642.78811565 --> 00:05:56,262.78811565 You were excited, right? Finally, but it was mostly about intimacy with God and maybe a hint about staying away from. 56 00:05:56,357.88811565 --> 00:06:25,47.78811565 Before you fall out of your chair and start to demonize the idea of single Christians having thoughts or strong desire for sex, consider this one point, well, answer these couple few questions. 57 00:06:25,887.78811565 --> 00:07:10,527.78811565 Who created your body? Who invented sex? If you've had the pleasure of an orgasm, who orchestrated the possibility of that pleasure point? Can you do anything in the dark that God cannot see, that he doesn't know about? Do you think it possible that he is orchestrating my addressing this taboo topic at this moment in time? It is very important to discuss sexual integrity and natural desires for the single Christians and all singles who desire to not go the normal way of the world. 58 00:07:11,397.78811565 --> 00:07:33,997.78711565 In the military, back in my heydays, one of our motto was, So why are there no training, so to speak, for a young Christian woman so that you know how to prevent internal combustion from this heat you've been having behind your ears. 59 00:07:34,637.78711565 --> 00:07:44,217.68611565 Yes, it's natural to get and be hot behind the ears, aka horny. 60 00:07:44,607.68611565 --> 00:07:53,47.68611565 So what to do when your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and sexual encounters outside of marriage is wrong. 61 00:07:53,847.68611565 --> 00:07:55,477.68611565 No condemnation here. 62 00:07:56,247.68611565 --> 00:07:58,7.68611565 Riddle me this, riddle me that. 63 00:07:58,407.68611565 --> 00:08:01,377.68611565 I've been a Christ follower longer than I have been married. 64 00:08:01,547.68711565 --> 00:08:06,57.68711565 And when I marry I was not a virgin. 65 00:08:06,977.68711565 --> 00:08:09,467.68711565 What occurred? Shocker. 66 00:08:09,847.68711565 --> 00:08:10,937.68711565 I know. 67 00:08:11,667.68711565 --> 00:08:12,557.68711565 Let's get real. 68 00:08:12,977.68611565 --> 00:08:14,717.68711565 Let's look at both sides. 69 00:08:15,777.68611565 --> 00:08:34,982.68711565 Why do you get horny and desire to have sex? What does it mean when they say it's natural? Well, anatomically and biologically speaking, your sexual desire is significantly influenced by hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle. 70 00:08:35,612.68611565 --> 00:08:41,852.68611565 Your hormones, estrogen and testosterone levels peak around ovulation. 71 00:08:42,122.68611565 --> 00:08:47,552.68611565 Simply put, that's when the eggs come out from the ovaries and your able to become. 72 00:08:48,537.68611565 --> 00:08:56,147.68611565 At that point, you will experience an increase in libido, an increase in your sexual desire. 73 00:08:56,347.68511565 --> 00:08:58,487.68611565 You will be sexually aroused. 74 00:08:58,977.68611565 --> 00:09:06,267.68611565 So, what if you are perimenopausal or postmenopausal? All the eggs in the case are gone. 75 00:09:06,337.68611565 --> 00:09:22,297.68611565 What then? Can you still get the desire to Absolutely, there are no age limitations and in some cases, my seasoned sister friends are the ones who go crawling backwards up the wall because they're so hot. 76 00:09:22,997.68611565 --> 00:09:29,557.68511565 For some of you, those flushes or hot flashes want you to rip your clothes off for a reason. 77 00:09:30,262.68611565 --> 00:09:33,212.68611565 You're hot on many different levels. 78 00:09:34,232.68611565 --> 00:09:36,822.68611565 The desires are going to come. 79 00:09:37,302.68611565 --> 00:09:39,512.68611565 There's nothing wrong with that. 80 00:09:40,142.68611565 --> 00:09:49,62.68611565 What are you going to do about it? For others, the desire is like a dry well, but the water can flow again. 81 00:09:49,302.68611565 --> 00:09:50,362.68611565 Sure thing. 82 00:09:50,862.68511565 --> 00:09:52,522.68611565 Talk to your doctor about it. 83 00:09:53,32.68511565 --> 00:09:54,542.68511565 Keep listening to the podcast. 84 00:09:54,562.68611565 --> 00:09:59,602.68511565 We'll have guest physician to discuss some of these topics in the fall as well. 85 00:10:00,582.68511565 --> 00:10:04,602.68511565 You can also blame it on your brain chemistry. 86 00:10:05,282.68611565 --> 00:10:14,42.68611565 Neuro brain transmitter called dopamine and serotonin are crucial in regulating mood and sexual desires. 87 00:10:14,42.68611565 --> 00:10:24,612.68611565 The release of these chemicals during arousal creates feelings of pleasure and reward, reinforcing the desire for sexual activity. 88 00:10:24,892.68611565 --> 00:10:31,502.68511565 The feeling of, I can't get enough, is the brain gravely trained. 89 00:10:31,922.68611565 --> 00:10:35,122.68611565 If something feels good, then you want more of it. 90 00:10:36,227.68611565 --> 00:10:37,147.68611565 Like chocolate. 91 00:10:37,817.68511565 --> 00:10:53,297.68611565 So if your brain chemistry is a part of your sexuality and desires, then psychologic factors also plays a role, right? Emotional and mental wellbeing can affect sexual desires. 92 00:10:54,767.68611565 --> 00:11:04,967.68511565 Stress, anxiety, depression, those can all reduce your libido, but a positive mood and self confidence can enhance it. 93 00:11:05,577.68511565 --> 00:11:12,127.68611565 And when we're talking about libido here, we're talking about your sexual desire, your sexual arousals. 94 00:11:12,707.68611565 --> 00:11:28,32.68611565 Now, If your physical health is not the best and you're not eating well, not getting enough sleep, as discussed in previous podcasts, this can have a negative impact on your sexual health. 95 00:11:28,502.68611565 --> 00:11:38,552.68611565 So good physical health ensures proper function of the body system as a whole, including those involved in sexual arousal and response. 96 00:11:38,602.68611565 --> 00:11:47,362.68611565 For some of you, especially my seasoned assisted friends who are post menopausal, you're thinking you don't have any sexual desires. 97 00:11:47,392.68611565 --> 00:11:51,2.68611565 So you really don't need anyone in your life right now. 98 00:11:51,272.68611565 --> 00:11:53,392.68611565 And you have all these other issues. 99 00:11:53,972.68511565 --> 00:12:06,692.68611565 Could it be it's because of your overall health that's affecting your libido? affecting your sexual arousal, affecting your desire. 100 00:12:08,132.68611565 --> 00:12:20,142.68511565 If sex, sexuality, orgasm, and all that is so natural, why the seeming restriction from the Christian viewpoint? Here we go. 101 00:12:21,492.68511565 --> 00:12:24,82.68511565 Well, it's not restriction per se. 102 00:12:24,432.68511565 --> 00:12:28,152.68511565 It's the reason and purpose for it. 103 00:12:28,772.68511565 --> 00:12:34,762.68611565 According to the Bible, sexual desire is a natural part of human creation. 104 00:12:35,72.68611565 --> 00:12:42,332.68611565 In Genesis, God created man and woman in his image and blessed them to be fruitful and multiply. 105 00:12:42,837.68611565 --> 00:12:47,597.68611565 How do you think they multiply? Exactly. 106 00:12:48,527.68611565 --> 00:13:00,227.68611565 Sexual desire is seen as a God given gift designed to foster intimacy, procreation, and the deepening of the marital bond. 107 00:13:01,297.68511565 --> 00:13:03,787.68611565 Well, you're trying to get to the marital bond. 108 00:13:04,67.68611565 --> 00:13:05,187.68611565 I know. 109 00:13:05,657.68611565 --> 00:13:24,252.68611565 So in the meantime, what do you do? Marital bond and commitment is where the issues arise, right? Christians are urged to avoid sexual immorality and to control their bodies in a way that is holy and honorable. 110 00:13:24,542.68511565 --> 00:13:34,742.68611565 This doesn't mean suppressing natural desires, but rather channeling them in ways that align with biblical teachings. 111 00:13:37,622.68611565 --> 00:13:47,852.68511565 Which includes practicing self control, helps believers navigate their natural desires in a manner that honors God. 112 00:13:48,452.68511565 --> 00:13:57,352.68511565 How? Setting boundaries, seeking accountability, and relying on God's strength to resist temptation. 113 00:13:57,682.68511565 --> 00:14:04,582.68511565 To be practical resistant, sexual temptation is like resisting certain types of food. 114 00:14:05,272.68511565 --> 00:14:11,392.68511565 Can you eat just one potato chip or one square of a chocolate bar. 115 00:14:12,52.68511565 --> 00:14:18,322.68511565 If you can then my hats off to you, but it is downright difficult. 116 00:14:18,862.68511565 --> 00:14:20,812.68511565 And God understands that. 117 00:14:21,442.68511565 --> 00:14:32,392.68511565 We have an obesity problem now don't we obesity in most non-medical cases occurs because of over eating that is called gluttony in the Bible. 118 00:14:32,392.68511565 --> 00:14:35,362.68511565 And glutton me too is wrong. 119 00:14:35,662.68511565 --> 00:14:37,732.68511565 Combined with sedentary lifestyle. 120 00:14:37,882.68511565 --> 00:14:44,152.68511565 The leading cause of death is fast, fast becoming your knife and fork. 121 00:14:44,992.68511565 --> 00:14:49,552.68511565 Where am I going with this? That's all to say. 122 00:14:49,912.68511565 --> 00:14:53,122.68511565 There are a lot of things that are wrong. 123 00:14:53,302.68511565 --> 00:14:54,772.68511565 And first things first. 124 00:14:55,312.68511565 --> 00:15:02,272.68511565 There is therefore now no condemnation, but let me tell you a little story here. 125 00:15:03,42.01844898 --> 00:15:05,592.01944898 I remember when I rededicated my life in 2006. 126 00:15:06,882.01944898 --> 00:15:19,807.01944898 Admittedly, I kind of Dragged myself to do what was right and argued with God that my life now will be so boring and on and on. 127 00:15:20,737.01944898 --> 00:15:28,387.02044898 All the single ladies in church were eyeing the few, single, greatly outnumbered eligible bachelors. 128 00:15:29,117.02044898 --> 00:15:33,177.02044898 My left eye caught the attention of a tall and handsome guy. 129 00:15:34,177.01944898 --> 00:15:40,687.01944898 He would go to the altar ever so often, which I thought back then was so strong and spiritual. 130 00:15:41,197.01944898 --> 00:15:52,597.01944898 Well, we met and we got to talking, went out on a few dates, and the eventual kiss was not short of amazing. 131 00:15:53,7.01844898 --> 00:16:05,482.01944898 You remember those kind of kisses, right? Well, everything was going well, and on the brink of the title, Girlfriend and boyfriend, the conversation of sex came up. 132 00:16:07,332.01944898 --> 00:16:12,592.01844898 The gist was, he's not sure he even believes in marriage. 133 00:16:12,932.01944898 --> 00:16:18,842.01944898 He would never marry anyone without testing out the water first. 134 00:16:19,122.01844898 --> 00:16:22,992.01844898 Besides, sex outside of marriage is okay. 135 00:16:23,562.01844898 --> 00:16:24,652.01844898 God is a man. 136 00:16:24,792.01844898 --> 00:16:26,82.01844898 He understands. 137 00:16:26,302.01844898 --> 00:16:32,367.01944898 What? What? What the, what? The audacity. 138 00:16:32,627.01944898 --> 00:16:35,697.01944898 Of course that went nowhere fast. 139 00:16:35,937.01944898 --> 00:16:39,17.01944898 If nothing else, because I felt like he blasphemed. 140 00:16:39,257.01944898 --> 00:16:40,337.019449 God is a man. 141 00:16:40,347.019449 --> 00:16:41,357.019449 He understands. 142 00:16:41,447.018449 --> 00:16:47,777.018449 Say what? For the longest, that was a running joke amongst my friends. 143 00:16:48,177.018449 --> 00:16:53,167.019449 Now, I understand why he felt the need to go to the altar so often. 144 00:16:53,817.019449 --> 00:16:54,197.019449 Okay. 145 00:16:54,207.019449 --> 00:16:55,937.019449 So I was being very judgy. 146 00:16:56,267.019449 --> 00:16:56,797.019449 I know. 147 00:16:57,732.019449 --> 00:17:06,22.019449 So how do I find fulfillment? The Bible also teaches that ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment come from a relationship with God. 148 00:17:06,452.018449 --> 00:17:11,252.019449 In Psalm 16, it says, You make known to me the path of life. 149 00:17:11,272.019449 --> 00:17:17,392.018449 You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 150 00:17:18,122.018449 --> 00:17:35,312.018449 For single Christian women, This means finding joy and purpose in God's presence and trusting his timing for all aspects of life, including sexuality and that man that's going to make your toe curl. 151 00:17:35,332.019449 --> 00:17:39,862.019449 Girl, let me tell you, that sounds really good. 152 00:17:39,872.019449 --> 00:17:43,62.019449 But boy, oh boy, I fell short. 153 00:17:44,27.019449 --> 00:17:49,857.019449 It was like holding on to God in purity was riding a wild horse. 154 00:17:50,447.019449 --> 00:17:52,317.019449 My hormones were out of control. 155 00:17:52,507.018449 --> 00:17:55,147.018449 Cold showers became like a steam room. 156 00:17:55,507.018449 --> 00:17:58,247.018449 Self satisfaction was never a thing in my book. 157 00:17:58,467.019449 --> 00:18:03,467.019449 You know, masturbation may work for some, but this was too far gone. 158 00:18:03,467.019449 --> 00:18:06,877.019449 And at times I felt like a vampire searching for blood. 159 00:18:07,387.019449 --> 00:18:12,687.019449 I would like to tell you I've felled off a bandwagon once or twice. 160 00:18:13,792.019449 --> 00:18:22,172.019449 But the secret sauce was each time I got back on and self control became better each time. 161 00:18:22,892.019449 --> 00:18:52,197.019449 I mean, this could take some time, years of, you know, maybe a year to their celibacy and you fell off the horse and then it's like crazy, but there are other things that We could discuss and I will do so in future webinars and a little bit more private setting because what I got from some of you ladies there, my sister friends was about masturbation and staying pure. 162 00:18:52,607.018449 --> 00:19:17,472.019449 What about oral sex? What is allowed while you wait? How do you recognize and respect your desires without letting them lead you to sexual act? Is thinking about sex and the act also wrong? Woosha! According to Mr. 163 00:19:17,472.019449 --> 00:19:23,272.019449 Mann, I do believe that God understands, but not in the way he indicated. 164 00:19:23,612.019449 --> 00:19:30,852.019449 God understands our struggles and there is free will and a choice in everything we do. 165 00:19:31,272.018449 --> 00:19:35,402.018449 If we choose to serve God through Jesus, that is the first and most important step. 166 00:19:35,772.018449 --> 00:19:42,602.018449 He can help us with everything else, including sex and your desires as a single woman. 167 00:19:43,952.019449 --> 00:19:47,242.019449 Some of you may not understand what a temple is. 168 00:19:47,562.019449 --> 00:19:51,152.018949 So when someone is telling you, Oh, your body is a temple. 169 00:19:51,152.018949 --> 00:19:57,966.919449 You're like, what? Right? What does that mean to treat your body as a temple? Okay. 170 00:19:58,327.019449 --> 00:20:03,997.019449 In my travels, I have seen temples and they are old relics of the past. 171 00:20:04,447.019449 --> 00:20:08,247.019449 Think of your body as a beautiful, pristine home. 172 00:20:08,567.018449 --> 00:20:15,37.019449 Would you allow a wet, muddy, pawed animal in your home? No ma'am, that is your body. 173 00:20:15,377.019449 --> 00:20:35,542.018449 How would you treat your body, your pristine home? Admittedly, some folks may not even know or think along these lines, but that's why you and I are having this conversation, making all these real topics relevant for today. 174 00:20:36,572.020449 --> 00:20:43,722.019449 The spiritual you live in this beautiful home and the Holy Spirit lives in this beautiful home with you. 175 00:20:43,812.020449 --> 00:20:45,72.020449 He's like a butler. 176 00:20:45,552.020449 --> 00:20:51,342.020449 He's there to serve you through insights from the plans God has for you. 177 00:20:51,642.020449 --> 00:20:53,742.019449 It's like the butler in Batman. 178 00:20:53,752.020449 --> 00:21:00,952.020449 He gives prompts, guides, look out for you, helping in keeping the home uncluttered, etc. 179 00:21:01,352.020449 --> 00:21:04,712.020449 He talks to you about how to make wise decisions. 180 00:21:04,722.020449 --> 00:21:06,112.020449 He has insights. 181 00:21:06,562.020449 --> 00:21:12,902.020449 Some of you may prefer to say the Holy Ghost, but ghost has a negative connotation for me. 182 00:21:12,912.020449 --> 00:21:16,732.019449 Back in Jamaica, we talk about ghosts, we call it duppy. 183 00:21:16,932.020449 --> 00:21:21,192.020449 It's a scary encounter, not Casper the friendly ghost. 184 00:21:22,132.020449 --> 00:21:26,602.020449 Spirit reminds me of my military days, you know, liquid courage. 185 00:21:26,957.020449 --> 00:21:37,947.020449 I'll be at my poor choice of affordable alcohol back then as a teenager, you know, nitrene, cold 45, old E, mad dog, 2020 green flavor. 186 00:21:38,747.020449 --> 00:21:39,457.020449 Don't judge. 187 00:21:39,627.020449 --> 00:21:40,767.020449 We were teenagers. 188 00:21:40,827.020449 --> 00:21:48,437.021449 What else were we supposed to do back in those military days? Right? We were enlisted teenagers and having fun. 189 00:21:49,267.021449 --> 00:21:53,707.021449 Luckily we were fit enough to sweat out most of those toxic stuff. 190 00:21:54,222.020449 --> 00:22:01,852.020449 Needless to say, I don't drink anymore, but liquid courage spirit is more relatable to me. 191 00:22:02,752.020449 --> 00:22:06,682.020449 So to have a Holy Spirit guiding me is quite dope. 192 00:22:07,177.020449 --> 00:22:10,317.020449 I know, right? Who says dope anymore? Well, I do. 193 00:22:11,247.020449 --> 00:22:12,867.020449 Be honest with yourself. 194 00:22:13,177.020449 --> 00:22:18,697.019449 In some things, you will need help and extra, extra prayers. 195 00:22:19,347.019449 --> 00:22:29,27.019449 Being in a community of like minded single adults with accountability in living out sexual integrity is helpful. 196 00:22:29,507.019449 --> 00:22:31,277.019449 I'm not talking about becoming a nun. 197 00:22:31,857.019449 --> 00:22:47,12.020449 Though it is worth addressing that not everyone is Paul Additionally, the divorce rate is rather ridiculous with some marriage lasting for less than a year, some only a few months. 198 00:22:47,212.019449 --> 00:22:53,32.019449 Well, be honest about the reason why you desire marriage. 199 00:22:53,532.020449 --> 00:22:56,82.020449 Oh, let's address the pop culture. 200 00:22:57,257.020449 --> 00:23:00,537.020449 Living together as a requirement paradigm. 201 00:23:01,57.020449 --> 00:23:17,612.020449 Do you think anyone go to the Rolls Royce dealership in demand or try to convince them that they should be allowed to have the car, drive for a few months, try it out for a year, keep it in their garage before signing and purchasing with the deal paperwork completed? I. 202 00:23:17,652.020449 --> 00:23:17,992.020449 e. 203 00:23:18,132.020449 --> 00:23:18,702.020449 marriage. 204 00:23:19,142.020449 --> 00:23:29,962.020449 Not to mention, not everyone can go to those kind of dealership, because quite frankly, they cannot afford the car and expect to live and eat as well. 205 00:23:30,292.020449 --> 00:23:33,902.019449 You, my dear sister friend, you are exquisite. 206 00:23:34,312.020449 --> 00:23:36,512.020449 One of a kind design. 207 00:23:37,12.020449 --> 00:23:39,532.020449 Your worth was predetermined. 208 00:23:39,752.020449 --> 00:23:41,432.020449 You are precious. 209 00:23:42,112.020449 --> 00:23:43,262.020449 Yes, I hear you. 210 00:23:43,562.020449 --> 00:23:49,512.020449 You're precious and horny and don't try to turn things around on me either. 211 00:23:49,832.019449 --> 00:23:54,282.019449 Test driving a car is not the same as test driving you. 212 00:23:54,792.020449 --> 00:23:56,302.020449 Patience, Padawan. 213 00:23:57,202.019449 --> 00:24:13,727.019449 Do you know that every time you share your body, a piece of you is lost? It seemed to be a cultural thing now that they're saying, Oh, well, there's no emotion attached to the sexual activity. 214 00:24:13,727.020449 --> 00:24:18,667.019449 It's just an activity like cleaning the house or washing the dishes. 215 00:24:20,197.020449 --> 00:24:25,67.020449 No, nothing could be further away from the truth. 216 00:24:25,617.020449 --> 00:24:27,587.020449 Every time you lay with someone. 217 00:24:28,247.020449 --> 00:24:31,217.020449 You lose a part of you to that person. 218 00:24:31,667.020449 --> 00:24:41,97.019449 And I know this for a fact, because in my day, there was someone who unfortunately got killed, um, while deployed. 219 00:24:41,847.020449 --> 00:24:46,827.020449 And when I heard the news, it was like a part of me was gone. 220 00:24:47,787.020449 --> 00:24:49,437.020449 We weren't even dating. 221 00:24:49,747.020449 --> 00:24:51,837.020449 It's been over two years. 222 00:24:51,887.020449 --> 00:24:53,997.020449 And yet I felt it. 223 00:24:55,557.020449 --> 00:25:00,407.020449 All this to say, I do not have the answers, but God does. 224 00:25:01,77.020449 --> 00:25:05,457.020449 There is a role for grace and forgiveness in your journey. 225 00:25:06,277.020449 --> 00:25:12,417.020449 All parts of your life, including intimacy, is all striving for balance. 226 00:25:13,287.020449 --> 00:25:19,867.019449 God is not going to strike you down because you fall off the horse and engaged in intercourse. 227 00:25:20,492.020449 --> 00:25:25,502.020449 Nor am I endorsing that you should do it to test out that statement. 228 00:25:26,52.020449 --> 00:25:31,907.019449 There are lots of things that I have done that you have done wrong but He is patient with us. 229 00:25:32,647.019449 --> 00:25:39,177.019449 I know God won't strike you down because He did not strike me down when I fell short. 230 00:25:39,817.019449 --> 00:25:53,967.019449 Grace was extended and in time, my desire to please and serve Jesus far outweighed my hormonal desires and all of that hot flashes and my steamy cold showers. 231 00:25:55,337.019449 --> 00:26:02,802.019449 My line eventually was I have only one slice of this sweet pie left. 232 00:26:03,382.019449 --> 00:26:05,82.019449 I cannot give it away. 233 00:26:06,22.019449 --> 00:26:09,232.019449 If you want this slice of pie, it comes with a ring. 234 00:26:09,272.018449 --> 00:26:13,622.018449 Otherwise, I'm hey okay with just me and Jesus. 235 00:26:14,372.019449 --> 00:26:18,912.019449 If you want this Maserati, you have to sign the papers and commit. 236 00:26:19,967.019449 --> 00:26:26,937.019449 Maserati is one of those really expensive car, right? Like a Rolls Royce Austin Martin. 237 00:26:27,247.019449 --> 00:26:28,77.019449 Yeah. 238 00:26:28,257.019449 --> 00:26:40,187.019449 So if you want to ride in this car and maybe be able to make the payments, whatever that may look like for you, have them sign the paper. 239 00:26:41,367.019449 --> 00:26:48,307.019449 I was so settled in my position that when I met my hubby, I told him straight up, I only have room for friendship right now. 240 00:26:48,337.018449 --> 00:26:53,937.019449 I am not looking for a relationship and try to push him in that direction. 241 00:26:54,487.019449 --> 00:26:57,417.019449 He told me I have enough friends. 242 00:26:58,147.018449 --> 00:27:00,667.019449 The rest as they say is history. 243 00:27:01,357.019449 --> 00:27:11,447.018449 It wasn't easy, but through God's grace, we waited patiently, and wouldn't you know, God gave me a whole new freshly baked pie. 244 00:27:13,617.019449 --> 00:27:18,627.019449 So where are you in your journey? God loves you no matter what. 245 00:27:19,297.019449 --> 00:27:24,267.019449 If he was patient with me, he will definitely be patient with you too. 246 00:27:25,37.019449 --> 00:27:29,157.018449 Seek God first in all decisions regarding sexuality. 247 00:27:29,777.019449 --> 00:27:33,897.018449 He is the maker of all the good ISO stuff. 248 00:27:33,947.018449 --> 00:27:37,477.019449 You know, intimacy, sex, orgasm. 249 00:27:38,127.019449 --> 00:27:43,97.019449 Don't be afraid to talk to your maker about these ISO stuff. 250 00:27:45,207.019449 --> 00:27:51,357.019449 My dear sister, friend, I just touched on the tip off the iceberg. 251 00:27:51,597.019449 --> 00:28:00,117.019449 Some of these sensitive topic, there is so much more to review, but I can't go too deep right here, though. 252 00:28:00,877.019449 --> 00:28:12,697.019449 If you are interested in having a webinar for singles on this topic and going through the shades 25, 50 75, how ever many shades there are. 253 00:28:13,147.019449 --> 00:28:17,767.019449 drop me a message on my website that can be arranged to. 254 00:28:18,899.019449 --> 00:28:22,539.019449 Being single and trying to remain pure in this world. 255 00:28:22,829.019449 --> 00:28:27,519.018449 It's like walking along the beach, expected not to get wet. 256 00:28:28,329.018449 --> 00:28:34,549.019449 It is difficult, I have not been married that long that I have forgotten. 257 00:28:34,649.019449 --> 00:28:35,159.019449 But. 258 00:28:35,649.019449 --> 00:28:43,509.019449 God's grace is awesome and extends beyond and to wherever you may be. 259 00:28:44,169.019449 --> 00:28:44,829.019449 So. 260 00:28:45,819.019449 --> 00:28:51,9.019449 If it needs to be continued cold showers for awhile, then so be it. 261 00:28:52,169.019449 --> 00:28:56,9.019449 You are pure, awesome ness and yes. 262 00:28:56,429.019449 --> 00:28:57,839.019449 You are worth. 263 00:28:58,79.019449 --> 00:28:58,949.019449 The weight. 264 00:28:59,789.019449 --> 00:29:00,749.019449 Believe that. 265 00:29:03,487.019449 --> 00:29:11,797.019449 Well, sister, friend, I know you have choices, so I thank you for tuning into Intimacy After podcast. 266 00:29:12,217.019449 --> 00:29:20,767.019449 You may subscribe for bimonthly alerts or stay in the know by visiting my website@queenquanta.com. 267 00:29:21,7.019449 --> 00:29:25,152.019449 That's Queen Q-U-A-N-T a.com. 268 00:29:25,922.019449 --> 00:29:34,297.019449 Until next time, remember, a life without Intimacy is like your favorite meal without salt. 269 00:29:35,182.019449 --> 00:29:37,802.019449 Ladies, let's spice it up. 270 00:29:38,302.019449 --> 00:29:41,592.019449 Life is beautiful, and God is awesome. 271 00:29:42,162.019449 --> 00:29:45,106.857449 This is Queen, signing out.
Hello and welcome.
.999This is Intimacy After, a podcast for mature women facing intimacy issues from various causes.
Please know you are not alone.
It is time to stop suffering in silence.
On this podcast, we give hope that through practice of simple steps and proven tips, you can improve intimacy and resurrect your love life.
(00:38):
Break free, learn to laugh again, to play again, to be happy, to love and know that you are loved.
I am your host, Queen.
Come on inside. 9 00:00:53,666.12244898 --> 00:01:03,746.12244898 Welcome inside to intimacy after where the barriers are pushed and difficult questions asked pertaining to intimacy and sex. 10 00:01:03,806.12244898 --> 00:01:14,756.12244898 And today we are going to push a little on the barriers and try to shine light on some of your very difficult questions If you are married. 11 00:01:15,46.12244898 --> 00:01:19,176.12244898 This information is useful for your single family or friends. 12 00:01:19,466.12244898 --> 00:01:21,326.12244898 So go ahead and share. 13 00:01:21,896.12244898 --> 00:01:27,106.12244898 Thank you sister friends for your voice message questions you have sent from my website. 14 00:01:27,406.12244898 --> 00:01:38,206.12144898 Thanks to Samantha in Southern California, Rachel in Wyoming, Wanda in North Carolina, Tommy in Chicago, Illinois, Sharon in St. 15 00:01:38,206.12144898 --> 00:01:46,221.12244898 Louis, Missouri, baby girl in Birmingham, Alabama, Stella in Georgia, and for all the others. 16 00:01:46,461.12244898 --> 00:01:50,1.12244898 I, so thank you very much for your questions. 17 00:01:50,481.12244898 --> 00:01:54,591.12244898 Well, the questions are all summed up in the title. 18 00:01:54,951.12244898 --> 00:01:56,451.12244898 Purity and passion. 19 00:01:56,751.12244898 --> 00:02:03,981.12244898 Balancing sexual integrity with natural desires as a single woman of faith. 20 00:02:04,311.12244898 --> 00:02:05,721.12244898 Whoa, what's up. 21 00:02:05,811.12244898 --> 00:02:07,11.12244898 Booth Tawfiq. 22 00:02:07,371.12244898 --> 00:02:07,881.12244898 Yes. 23 00:02:07,881.12244898 --> 00:02:13,701.12244898 Ma'am brace yourself for a Frank and transparent discussion today. 24 00:02:14,181.12244898 --> 00:02:26,91.12244898 Over 80% of the questions pertain to faith, whether you're a Christ follower or other religion, it was all about faith. 25 00:02:26,241.12244898 --> 00:02:44,391.12244898 And how do you stay pure in this world? However, even if you're not off any particular faith, but have spirituality and consider yourself to be spiritual, you may find some great insight as well. 26 00:02:44,391.12244898 --> 00:02:46,221.12244898 So listen in. 27 00:02:47,31.12244898 --> 00:02:47,421.12244898 Okay. 28 00:02:47,721.12244898 --> 00:02:51,351.12244898 So before I even get started, I have to give my disclaimer right. 29 00:02:51,621.12244898 --> 00:02:53,661.12244898 Like I am not. 30 00:02:54,21.12244898 --> 00:02:57,291.12244898 A, um, I'm not an elder in the church. 31 00:02:57,291.12244898 --> 00:02:58,821.12244898 I'm not a deacon. 32 00:02:59,271.12244898 --> 00:03:02,151.12244898 I have no ordained position. 33 00:03:02,181.12244898 --> 00:03:04,341.12244898 I've never been to seminary. 34 00:03:04,671.12244898 --> 00:03:08,121.12244898 I am purely speaking from my own. 35 00:03:08,781.12244898 --> 00:03:13,371.12244898 Uh, testimony, if you will, my own experiences. 36 00:03:13,401.12244898 --> 00:03:18,921.12244898 And I have seen the struggles that other single ladies are going through and. 37 00:03:19,281.12244898 --> 00:03:25,311.12244898 I can relate because it wasn't that long ago that I was going through this as well. 38 00:03:25,551.12244898 --> 00:03:41,571.12244898 And based on your questions, that's just proof that there are so many of you out there who are struggling with how to align what the world is putting out there and what your faith is telling you to do. 39 00:03:41,811.12244898 --> 00:04:00,531.12244898 And just to have a Frank topic about sex and well, what do you do? And if you do desire to be married, then how do you stay pure? And if heaven forbid you are unable to do so then what should you do? Is it over and done with. 40 00:04:01,431.12244898 --> 00:04:07,971.12244898 So I am speaking from my little knowledge that I have in my walk and my relationship with Christ. 41 00:04:08,241.12244898 --> 00:04:10,221.12244898 This is not the answer. 42 00:04:10,371.12244898 --> 00:04:25,641.12244898 This is not providing you with, this is what you should do, this is not giving you a template of how it should be or what your life should look like as a single Christian or a single spiritual person seeking to do. 43 00:04:25,641.12244898 --> 00:04:26,331.12244898 What's right. 44 00:04:26,511.12244898 --> 00:04:27,921.12244898 Not at all. 45 00:04:28,221.12244898 --> 00:04:32,541.12244898 I am sharing with you and letting you know, I hear you. 46 00:04:32,811.12244898 --> 00:04:35,31.12244898 You are not alone. 47 00:04:36,217.78911565 --> 00:04:47,197.78811565 For the single never married ladies, some of you may still be virgins, many of you may have tested the waters a couple few tens or hundreds of times. 48 00:04:47,862.78911565 --> 00:05:00,972.78911565 However, based on your spiritual inclinations, or just in general, you desire to stop sharing your body without some form of accountability and attempt to settle down. 49 00:05:01,762.78911565 --> 00:05:03,262.78911565 something is not working. 50 00:05:03,512.78911565 --> 00:05:04,662.78911565 You're still single. 51 00:05:05,62.78911565 --> 00:05:20,262.78711565 So what should you do when you are told, and you also believe, sex outside of marriage is wrong? You are part of a singles ministry and they have you memorize scriptures about it too. 52 00:05:20,262.88711565 --> 00:05:26,312.78811565 1 Corinthians 6, specifically 18 to 20, is like the group's memory verse. 53 00:05:26,872.78811565 --> 00:05:35,872.78811565 You weren't really trying to memorize it, but it's quoted so many times that you can say it without issues, darn it. 54 00:05:36,152.78811565 --> 00:05:43,412.78811565 You have been to singles conferences, meetings, hangouts, and they mentioned intimacy. 55 00:05:43,642.78811565 --> 00:05:56,262.78811565 You were excited, right? Finally, but it was mostly about intimacy with God and maybe a hint about staying away from. 56 00:05:56,357.88811565 --> 00:06:25,47.78811565 Before you fall out of your chair and start to demonize the idea of single Christians having thoughts or strong desire for sex, consider this one point, well, answer these couple few questions. 57 00:06:25,887.78811565 --> 00:07:10,527.78811565 Who created your body? Who invented sex? If you've had the pleasure of an orgasm, who orchestrated the possibility of that pleasure point? Can you do anything in the dark that God cannot see, that he doesn't know about? Do you think it possible that he is orchestrating my addressing this taboo topic at this moment in time? It is very important to discuss sexual integrity and natural desires for the single Christians and all singles who desire to not go the normal way of the world. 58 00:07:11,397.78811565 --> 00:07:33,997.78711565 In the military, back in my heydays, one of our motto was, So why are there no training, so to speak, for a young Christian woman so that you know how to prevent internal combustion from this heat you've been having behind your ears. 59 00:07:34,637.78711565 --> 00:07:44,217.68611565 Yes, it's natural to get and be hot behind the ears, aka horny. 60 00:07:44,607.68611565 --> 00:07:53,47.68611565 So what to do when your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and sexual encounters outside of marriage is wrong. 61 00:07:53,847.68611565 --> 00:07:55,477.68611565 No condemnation here. 62 00:07:56,247.68611565 --> 00:07:58,7.68611565 Riddle me this, riddle me that. 63 00:07:58,407.68611565 --> 00:08:01,377.68611565 I've been a Christ follower longer than I have been married. 64 00:08:01,547.68711565 --> 00:08:06,57.68711565 And when I marry I was not a virgin. 65 00:08:06,977.68711565 --> 00:08:09,467.68711565 What occurred? Shocker. 66 00:08:09,847.68711565 --> 00:08:10,937.68711565 I know. 67 00:08:11,667.68711565 --> 00:08:12,557.68711565 Let's get real. 68 00:08:12,977.68611565 --> 00:08:14,717.68711565 Let's look at both sides. 69 00:08:15,777.68611565 --> 00:08:34,982.68711565 Why do you get horny and desire to have sex? What does it mean when they say it's natural? Well, anatomically and biologically speaking, your sexual desire is significantly influenced by hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle. 70 00:08:35,612.68611565 --> 00:08:41,852.68611565 Your hormones, estrogen and testosterone levels peak around ovulation. 71 00:08:42,122.68611565 --> 00:08:47,552.68611565 Simply put, that's when the eggs come out from the ovaries and your able to become. 72 00:08:48,537.68611565 --> 00:08:56,147.68611565 At that point, you will experience an increase in libido, an increase in your sexual desire. 73 00:08:56,347.68511565 --> 00:08:58,487.68611565 You will be sexually aroused. 74 00:08:58,977.68611565 --> 00:09:06,267.68611565 So, what if you are perimenopausal or postmenopausal? All the eggs in the case are gone. 75 00:09:06,337.68611565 --> 00:09:22,297.68611565 What then? Can you still get the desire to Absolutely, there are no age limitations and in some cases, my seasoned sister friends are the ones who go crawling backwards up the wall because they're so hot. 76 00:09:22,997.68611565 --> 00:09:29,557.68511565 For some of you, those flushes or hot flashes want you to rip your clothes off for a reason. 77 00:09:30,262.68611565 --> 00:09:33,212.68611565 You're hot on many different levels. 78 00:09:34,232.68611565 --> 00:09:36,822.68611565 The desires are going to come. 79 00:09:37,302.68611565 --> 00:09:39,512.68611565 There's nothing wrong with that. 80 00:09:40,142.68611565 --> 00:09:49,62.68611565 What are you going to do about it? For others, the desire is like a dry well, but the water can flow again. 81 00:09:49,302.68611565 --> 00:09:50,362.68611565 Sure thing. 82 00:09:50,862.68511565 --> 00:09:52,522.68611565 Talk to your doctor about it. 83 00:09:53,32.68511565 --> 00:09:54,542.68511565 Keep listening to the podcast. 84 00:09:54,562.68611565 --> 00:09:59,602.68511565 We'll have guest physician to discuss some of these topics in the fall as well. 85 00:10:00,582.68511565 --> 00:10:04,602.68511565 You can also blame it on your brain chemistry. 86 00:10:05,282.68611565 --> 00:10:14,42.68611565 Neuro brain transmitter called dopamine and serotonin are crucial in regulating mood and sexual desires. 87 00:10:14,42.68611565 --> 00:10:24,612.68611565 The release of these chemicals during arousal creates feelings of pleasure and reward, reinforcing the desire for sexual activity. 88 00:10:24,892.68611565 --> 00:10:31,502.68511565 The feeling of, I can't get enough, is the brain gravely trained. 89 00:10:31,922.68611565 --> 00:10:35,122.68611565 If something feels good, then you want more of it. 90 00:10:36,227.68611565 --> 00:10:37,147.68611565 Like chocolate. 91 00:10:37,817.68511565 --> 00:10:53,297.68611565 So if your brain chemistry is a part of your sexuality and desires, then psychologic factors also plays a role, right? Emotional and mental wellbeing can affect sexual desires. 92 00:10:54,767.68611565 --> 00:11:04,967.68511565 Stress, anxiety, depression, those can all reduce your libido, but a positive mood and self confidence can enhance it. 93 00:11:05,577.68511565 --> 00:11:12,127.68611565 And when we're talking about libido here, we're talking about your sexual desire, your sexual arousals. 94 00:11:12,707.68611565 --> 00:11:28,32.68611565 Now, If your physical health is not the best and you're not eating well, not getting enough sleep, as discussed in previous podcasts, this can have a negative impact on your sexual health. 95 00:11:28,502.68611565 --> 00:11:38,552.68611565 So good physical health ensures proper function of the body system as a whole, including those involved in sexual arousal and response. 96 00:11:38,602.68611565 --> 00:11:47,362.68611565 For some of you, especially my seasoned assisted friends who are post menopausal, you're thinking you don't have any sexual desires. 97 00:11:47,392.68611565 --> 00:11:51,2.68611565 So you really don't need anyone in your life right now. 98 00:11:51,272.68611565 --> 00:11:53,392.68611565 And you have all these other issues. 99 00:11:53,972.68511565 --> 00:12:06,692.68611565 Could it be it's because of your overall health that's affecting your libido? affecting your sexual arousal, affecting your desire. 100 00:12:08,132.68611565 --> 00:12:20,142.68511565 If sex, sexuality, orgasm, and all that is so natural, why the seeming restriction from the Christian viewpoint? Here we go. 101 00:12:21,492.68511565 --> 00:12:24,82.68511565 Well, it's not restriction per se. 102 00:12:24,432.68511565 --> 00:12:28,152.68511565 It's the reason and purpose for it. 103 00:12:28,772.68511565 --> 00:12:34,762.68611565 According to the Bible, sexual desire is a natural part of human creation. 104 00:12:35,72.68611565 --> 00:12:42,332.68611565 In Genesis, God created man and woman in his image and blessed them to be fruitful and multiply. 105 00:12:42,837.68611565 --> 00:12:47,597.68611565 How do you think they multiply? Exactly. 106 00:12:48,527.68611565 --> 00:13:00,227.68611565 Sexual desire is seen as a God given gift designed to foster intimacy, procreation, and the deepening of the marital bond. 107 00:13:01,297.68511565 --> 00:13:03,787.68611565 Well, you're trying to get to the marital bond. 108 00:13:04,67.68611565 --> 00:13:05,187.68611565 I know. 109 00:13:05,657.68611565 --> 00:13:24,252.68611565 So in the meantime, what do you do? Marital bond and commitment is where the issues arise, right? Christians are urged to avoid sexual immorality and to control their bodies in a way that is holy and honorable. 110 00:13:24,542.68511565 --> 00:13:34,742.68611565 This doesn't mean suppressing natural desires, but rather channeling them in ways that align with biblical teachings. 111 00:13:37,622.68611565 --> 00:13:47,852.68511565 Which includes practicing self control, helps believers navigate their natural desires in a manner that honors God. 112 00:13:48,452.68511565 --> 00:13:57,352.68511565 How? Setting boundaries, seeking accountability, and relying on God's strength to resist temptation. 113 00:13:57,682.68511565 --> 00:14:04,582.68511565 To be practical resistant, sexual temptation is like resisting certain types of food. 114 00:14:05,272.68511565 --> 00:14:11,392.68511565 Can you eat just one potato chip or one square of a chocolate bar. 115 00:14:12,52.68511565 --> 00:14:18,322.68511565 If you can then my hats off to you, but it is downright difficult. 116 00:14:18,862.68511565 --> 00:14:20,812.68511565 And God understands that. 117 00:14:21,442.68511565 --> 00:14:32,392.68511565 We have an obesity problem now don't we obesity in most non-medical cases occurs because of over eating that is called gluttony in the Bible. 118 00:14:32,392.68511565 --> 00:14:35,362.68511565 And glutton me too is wrong. 119 00:14:35,662.68511565 --> 00:14:37,732.68511565 Combined with sedentary lifestyle. 120 00:14:37,882.68511565 --> 00:14:44,152.68511565 The leading cause of death is fast, fast becoming your knife and fork. 121 00:14:44,992.68511565 --> 00:14:49,552.68511565 Where am I going with this? That's all to say. 122 00:14:49,912.68511565 --> 00:14:53,122.68511565 There are a lot of things that are wrong. 123 00:14:53,302.68511565 --> 00:14:54,772.68511565 And first things first. 124 00:14:55,312.68511565 --> 00:15:02,272.68511565 There is therefore now no condemnation, but let me tell you a little story here. 125 00:15:03,42.01844898 --> 00:15:05,592.01944898 I remember when I rededicated my life in 2006. 126 00:15:06,882.01944898 --> 00:15:19,807.01944898 Admittedly, I kind of Dragged myself to do what was right and argued with God that my life now will be so boring and on and on. 127 00:15:20,737.01944898 --> 00:15:28,387.02044898 All the single ladies in church were eyeing the few, single, greatly outnumbered eligible bachelors. 128 00:15:29,117.02044898 --> 00:15:33,177.02044898 My left eye caught the attention of a tall and handsome guy. 129 00:15:34,177.01944898 --> 00:15:40,687.01944898 He would go to the altar ever so often, which I thought back then was so strong and spiritual. 130 00:15:41,197.01944898 --> 00:15:52,597.01944898 Well, we met and we got to talking, went out on a few dates, and the eventual kiss was not short of amazing. 131 00:15:53,7.01844898 --> 00:16:05,482.01944898 You remember those kind of kisses, right? Well, everything was going well, and on the brink of the title, Girlfriend and boyfriend, the conversation of sex came up. 132 00:16:07,332.01944898 --> 00:16:12,592.01844898 The gist was, he's not sure he even believes in marriage. 133 00:16:12,932.01944898 --> 00:16:18,842.01944898 He would never marry anyone without testing out the water first. 134 00:16:19,122.01844898 --> 00:16:22,992.01844898 Besides, sex outside of marriage is okay. 135 00:16:23,562.01844898 --> 00:16:24,652.01844898 God is a man. 136 00:16:24,792.01844898 --> 00:16:26,82.01844898 He understands. 137 00:16:26,302.01844898 --> 00:16:32,367.01944898 What? What? What the, what? The audacity. 138 00:16:32,627.01944898 --> 00:16:35,697.01944898 Of course that went nowhere fast. 139 00:16:35,937.01944898 --> 00:16:39,17.01944898 If nothing else, because I felt like he blasphemed. 140 00:16:39,257.01944898 --> 00:16:40,337.019449 God is a man. 141 00:16:40,347.019449 --> 00:16:41,357.019449 He understands. 142 00:16:41,447.018449 --> 00:16:47,777.018449 Say what? For the longest, that was a running joke amongst my friends. 143 00:16:48,177.018449 --> 00:16:53,167.019449 Now, I understand why he felt the need to go to the altar so often. 144 00:16:53,817.019449 --> 00:16:54,197.019449 Okay. 145 00:16:54,207.019449 --> 00:16:55,937.019449 So I was being very judgy. 146 00:16:56,267.019449 --> 00:16:56,797.019449 I know. 147 00:16:57,732.019449 --> 00:17:06,22.019449 So how do I find fulfillment? The Bible also teaches that ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment come from a relationship with God. 148 00:17:06,452.018449 --> 00:17:11,252.019449 In Psalm 16, it says, You make known to me the path of life. 149 00:17:11,272.019449 --> 00:17:17,392.018449 You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 150 00:17:18,122.018449 --> 00:17:35,312.018449 For single Christian women, This means finding joy and purpose in God's presence and trusting his timing for all aspects of life, including sexuality and that man that's going to make your toe curl. 151 00:17:35,332.019449 --> 00:17:39,862.019449 Girl, let me tell you, that sounds really good. 152 00:17:39,872.019449 --> 00:17:43,62.019449 But boy, oh boy, I fell short. 153 00:17:44,27.019449 --> 00:17:49,857.019449 It was like holding on to God in purity was riding a wild horse. 154 00:17:50,447.019449 --> 00:17:52,317.019449 My hormones were out of control. 155 00:17:52,507.018449 --> 00:17:55,147.018449 Cold showers became like a steam room. 156 00:17:55,507.018449 --> 00:17:58,247.018449 Self satisfaction was never a thing in my book. 157 00:17:58,467.019449 --> 00:18:03,467.019449 You know, masturbation may work for some, but this was too far gone. 158 00:18:03,467.019449 --> 00:18:06,877.019449 And at times I felt like a vampire searching for blood. 159 00:18:07,387.019449 --> 00:18:12,687.019449 I would like to tell you I've felled off a bandwagon once or twice. 160 00:18:13,792.019449 --> 00:18:22,172.019449 But the secret sauce was each time I got back on and self control became better each time. 161 00:18:22,892.019449 --> 00:18:52,197.019449 I mean, this could take some time, years of, you know, maybe a year to their celibacy and you fell off the horse and then it's like crazy, but there are other things that We could discuss and I will do so in future webinars and a little bit more private setting because what I got from some of you ladies there, my sister friends was about masturbation and staying pure. 162 00:18:52,607.018449 --> 00:19:17,472.019449 What about oral sex? What is allowed while you wait? How do you recognize and respect your desires without letting them lead you to sexual act? Is thinking about sex and the act also wrong? Woosha! According to Mr. 163 00:19:17,472.019449 --> 00:19:23,272.019449 Mann, I do believe that God understands, but not in the way he indicated. 164 00:19:23,612.019449 --> 00:19:30,852.019449 God understands our struggles and there is free will and a choice in everything we do. 165 00:19:31,272.018449 --> 00:19:35,402.018449 If we choose to serve God through Jesus, that is the first and most important step. 166 00:19:35,772.018449 --> 00:19:42,602.018449 He can help us with everything else, including sex and your desires as a single woman. 167 00:19:43,952.019449 --> 00:19:47,242.019449 Some of you may not understand what a temple is. 168 00:19:47,562.019449 --> 00:19:51,152.018949 So when someone is telling you, Oh, your body is a temple. 169 00:19:51,152.018949 --> 00:19:57,966.919449 You're like, what? Right? What does that mean to treat your body as a temple? Okay. 170 00:19:58,327.019449 --> 00:20:03,997.019449 In my travels, I have seen temples and they are old relics of the past. 171 00:20:04,447.019449 --> 00:20:08,247.019449 Think of your body as a beautiful, pristine home. 172 00:20:08,567.018449 --> 00:20:15,37.019449 Would you allow a wet, muddy, pawed animal in your home? No ma'am, that is your body. 173 00:20:15,377.019449 --> 00:20:35,542.018449 How would you treat your body, your pristine home? Admittedly, some folks may not even know or think along these lines, but that's why you and I are having this conversation, making all these real topics relevant for today. 174 00:20:36,572.020449 --> 00:20:43,722.019449 The spiritual you live in this beautiful home and the Holy Spirit lives in this beautiful home with you. 175 00:20:43,812.020449 --> 00:20:45,72.020449 He's like a butler. 176 00:20:45,552.020449 --> 00:20:51,342.020449 He's there to serve you through insights from the plans God has for you. 177 00:20:51,642.020449 --> 00:20:53,742.019449 It's like the butler in Batman. 178 00:20:53,752.020449 --> 00:21:00,952.020449 He gives prompts, guides, look out for you, helping in keeping the home uncluttered, etc. 179 00:21:01,352.020449 --> 00:21:04,712.020449 He talks to you about how to make wise decisions. 180 00:21:04,722.020449 --> 00:21:06,112.020449 He has insights. 181 00:21:06,562.020449 --> 00:21:12,902.020449 Some of you may prefer to say the Holy Ghost, but ghost has a negative connotation for me. 182 00:21:12,912.020449 --> 00:21:16,732.019449 Back in Jamaica, we talk about ghosts, we call it duppy. 183 00:21:16,932.020449 --> 00:21:21,192.020449 It's a scary encounter, not Casper the friendly ghost. 184 00:21:22,132.020449 --> 00:21:26,602.020449 Spirit reminds me of my military days, you know, liquid courage. 185 00:21:26,957.020449 --> 00:21:37,947.020449 I'll be at my poor choice of affordable alcohol back then as a teenager, you know, nitrene, cold 45, old E, mad dog, 2020 green flavor. 186 00:21:38,747.020449 --> 00:21:39,457.020449 Don't judge. 187 00:21:39,627.020449 --> 00:21:40,767.020449 We were teenagers. 188 00:21:40,827.020449 --> 00:21:48,437.021449 What else were we supposed to do back in those military days? Right? We were enlisted teenagers and having fun. 189 00:21:49,267.021449 --> 00:21:53,707.021449 Luckily we were fit enough to sweat out most of those toxic stuff. 190 00:21:54,222.020449 --> 00:22:01,852.020449 Needless to say, I don't drink anymore, but liquid courage spirit is more relatable to me. 191 00:22:02,752.020449 --> 00:22:06,682.020449 So to have a Holy Spirit guiding me is quite dope. 192 00:22:07,177.020449 --> 00:22:10,317.020449 I know, right? Who says dope anymore? Well, I do. 193 00:22:11,247.020449 --> 00:22:12,867.020449 Be honest with yourself. 194 00:22:13,177.020449 --> 00:22:18,697.019449 In some things, you will need help and extra, extra prayers. 195 00:22:19,347.019449 --> 00:22:29,27.019449 Being in a community of like minded single adults with accountability in living out sexual integrity is helpful. 196 00:22:29,507.019449 --> 00:22:31,277.019449 I'm not talking about becoming a nun. 197 00:22:31,857.019449 --> 00:22:47,12.020449 Though it is worth addressing that not everyone is Paul Additionally, the divorce rate is rather ridiculous with some marriage lasting for less than a year, some only a few months. 198 00:22:47,212.019449 --> 00:22:53,32.019449 Well, be honest about the reason why you desire marriage. 199 00:22:53,532.020449 --> 00:22:56,82.020449 Oh, let's address the pop culture. 200 00:22:57,257.020449 --> 00:23:00,537.020449 Living together as a requirement paradigm. 201 00:23:01,57.020449 --> 00:23:17,612.020449 Do you think anyone go to the Rolls Royce dealership in demand or try to convince them that they should be allowed to have the car, drive for a few months, try it out for a year, keep it in their garage before signing and purchasing with the deal paperwork completed? I. 202 00:23:17,652.020449 --> 00:23:17,992.020449 e. 203 00:23:18,132.020449 --> 00:23:18,702.020449 marriage. 204 00:23:19,142.020449 --> 00:23:29,962.020449 Not to mention, not everyone can go to those kind of dealership, because quite frankly, they cannot afford the car and expect to live and eat as well. 205 00:23:30,292.020449 --> 00:23:33,902.019449 You, my dear sister friend, you are exquisite. 206 00:23:34,312.020449 --> 00:23:36,512.020449 One of a kind design. 207 00:23:37,12.020449 --> 00:23:39,532.020449 Your worth was predetermined. 208 00:23:39,752.020449 --> 00:23:41,432.020449 You are precious. 209 00:23:42,112.020449 --> 00:23:43,262.020449 Yes, I hear you. 210 00:23:43,562.020449 --> 00:23:49,512.020449 You're precious and horny and don't try to turn things around on me either. 211 00:23:49,832.019449 --> 00:23:54,282.019449 Test driving a car is not the same as test driving you. 212 00:23:54,792.020449 --> 00:23:56,302.020449 Patience, Padawan. 213 00:23:57,202.019449 --> 00:24:13,727.019449 Do you know that every time you share your body, a piece of you is lost? It seemed to be a cultural thing now that they're saying, Oh, well, there's no emotion attached to the sexual activity. 214 00:24:13,727.020449 --> 00:24:18,667.019449 It's just an activity like cleaning the house or washing the dishes. 215 00:24:20,197.020449 --> 00:24:25,67.020449 No, nothing could be further away from the truth. 216 00:24:25,617.020449 --> 00:24:27,587.020449 Every time you lay with someone. 217 00:24:28,247.020449 --> 00:24:31,217.020449 You lose a part of you to that person. 218 00:24:31,667.020449 --> 00:24:41,97.019449 And I know this for a fact, because in my day, there was someone who unfortunately got killed, um, while deployed. 219 00:24:41,847.020449 --> 00:24:46,827.020449 And when I heard the news, it was like a part of me was gone. 220 00:24:47,787.020449 --> 00:24:49,437.020449 We weren't even dating. 221 00:24:49,747.020449 --> 00:24:51,837.020449 It's been over two years. 222 00:24:51,887.020449 --> 00:24:53,997.020449 And yet I felt it. 223 00:24:55,557.020449 --> 00:25:00,407.020449 All this to say, I do not have the answers, but God does. 224 00:25:01,77.020449 --> 00:25:05,457.020449 There is a role for grace and forgiveness in your journey. 225 00:25:06,277.020449 --> 00:25:12,417.020449 All parts of your life, including intimacy, is all striving for balance. 226 00:25:13,287.020449 --> 00:25:19,867.019449 God is not going to strike you down because you fall off the horse and engaged in intercourse. 227 00:25:20,492.020449 --> 00:25:25,502.020449 Nor am I endorsing that you should do it to test out that statement. 228 00:25:26,52.020449 --> 00:25:31,907.019449 There are lots of things that I have done that you have done wrong but He is patient with us. 229 00:25:32,647.019449 --> 00:25:39,177.019449 I know God won't strike you down because He did not strike me down when I fell short. 230 00:25:39,817.019449 --> 00:25:53,967.019449 Grace was extended and in time, my desire to please and serve Jesus far outweighed my hormonal desires and all of that hot flashes and my steamy cold showers. 231 00:25:55,337.019449 --> 00:26:02,802.019449 My line eventually was I have only one slice of this sweet pie left. 232 00:26:03,382.019449 --> 00:26:05,82.019449 I cannot give it away. 233 00:26:06,22.019449 --> 00:26:09,232.019449 If you want this slice of pie, it comes with a ring. 234 00:26:09,272.018449 --> 00:26:13,622.018449 Otherwise, I'm hey okay with just me and Jesus. 235 00:26:14,372.019449 --> 00:26:18,912.019449 If you want this Maserati, you have to sign the papers and commit. 236 00:26:19,967.019449 --> 00:26:26,937.019449 Maserati is one of those really expensive car, right? Like a Rolls Royce Austin Martin. 237 00:26:27,247.019449 --> 00:26:28,77.019449 Yeah. 238 00:26:28,257.019449 --> 00:26:40,187.019449 So if you want to ride in this car and maybe be able to make the payments, whatever that may look like for you, have them sign the paper. 239 00:26:41,367.019449 --> 00:26:48,307.019449 I was so settled in my position that when I met my hubby, I told him straight up, I only have room for friendship right now. 240 00:26:48,337.018449 --> 00:26:53,937.019449 I am not looking for a relationship and try to push him in that direction. 241 00:26:54,487.019449 --> 00:26:57,417.019449 He told me I have enough friends. 242 00:26:58,147.018449 --> 00:27:00,667.019449 The rest as they say is history. 243 00:27:01,357.019449 --> 00:27:11,447.018449 It wasn't easy, but through God's grace, we waited patiently, and wouldn't you know, God gave me a whole new freshly baked pie. 244 00:27:13,617.019449 --> 00:27:18,627.019449 So where are you in your journey? God loves you no matter what. 245 00:27:19,297.019449 --> 00:27:24,267.019449 If he was patient with me, he will definitely be patient with you too. 246 00:27:25,37.019449 --> 00:27:29,157.018449 Seek God first in all decisions regarding sexuality. 247 00:27:29,777.019449 --> 00:27:33,897.018449 He is the maker of all the good ISO stuff. 248 00:27:33,947.018449 --> 00:27:37,477.019449 You know, intimacy, sex, orgasm. 249 00:27:38,127.019449 --> 00:27:43,97.019449 Don't be afraid to talk to your maker about these ISO stuff. 250 00:27:45,207.019449 --> 00:27:51,357.019449 My dear sister, friend, I just touched on the tip off the iceberg. 251 00:27:51,597.019449 --> 00:28:00,117.019449 Some of these sensitive topic, there is so much more to review, but I can't go too deep right here, though. 252 00:28:00,877.019449 --> 00:28:12,697.019449 If you are interested in having a webinar for singles on this topic and going through the shades 25, 50 75, how ever many shades there are. 253 00:28:13,147.019449 --> 00:28:17,767.019449 drop me a message on my website that can be arranged to. 254 00:28:18,899.019449 --> 00:28:22,539.019449 Being single and trying to remain pure in this world. 255 00:28:22,829.019449 --> 00:28:27,519.018449 It's like walking along the beach, expected not to get wet. 256 00:28:28,329.018449 --> 00:28:34,549.019449 It is difficult, I have not been married that long that I have forgotten. 257 00:28:34,649.019449 --> 00:28:35,159.019449 But. 258 00:28:35,649.019449 --> 00:28:43,509.019449 God's grace is awesome and extends beyond and to wherever you may be. 259 00:28:44,169.019449 --> 00:28:44,829.019449 So. 260 00:28:45,819.019449 --> 00:28:51,9.019449 If it needs to be continued cold showers for awhile, then so be it. 261 00:28:52,169.019449 --> 00:28:56,9.019449 You are pure, awesome ness and yes. 262 00:28:56,429.019449 --> 00:28:57,839.019449 You are worth. 263 00:28:58,79.019449 --> 00:28:58,949.019449 The weight. 264 00:28:59,789.019449 --> 00:29:00,749.019449 Believe that. 265 00:29:03,487.019449 --> 00:29:11,797.019449 Well, sister, friend, I know you have choices, so I thank you for tuning into Intimacy After podcast. 266 00:29:12,217.019449 --> 00:29:20,767.019449 You may subscribe for bimonthly alerts or stay in the know by visiting my website@queenquanta.com. 267 00:29:21,7.019449 --> 00:29:25,152.019449 That's Queen Q-U-A-N-T a.com. 268 00:29:25,922.019449 --> 00:29:34,297.019449 Until next time, remember, a life without Intimacy is like your favorite meal without salt. 269 00:29:35,182.019449 --> 00:29:37,802.019449 Ladies, let's spice it up. 270 00:29:38,302.019449 --> 00:29:41,592.019449 Life is beautiful, and God is awesome. 271 00:29:42,162.019449 --> 00:29:45,106.857449 This is Queen, signing out.
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