June 18, 2025 • 11 mins
Hey, Friend!
I think we all understand the importance of having a positive attitude. However, in 2005, the term “toxic positivity” was coined to describe someone who has an unrealistic optimism that discounts the presence or importance of emotions.
In today’s episode, I contrast having a positive attitude with toxic positivity and it all boils down to how we acknowledge, validate, and own our emotions and the emotions of others.
I pray this blesses you!
Becky
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative latch on to the affirmative,
(00:08):
don't mess with Mr. In-between.
You gotta spread some joy up to the maximum, bring those blues onto the minimum, have that
faith or pandemonium's liable to walk upon the scene.
Now I could go on and sing the rest of the song for you, but I'll spare you that.
This is a song that I grew up hearing my entire life.
(00:30):
It came out in the 1940s, long before I was born, but it was my dad's favorite, non-worship
song, and he sang it all the time.
In particular, when his children were demonstrating a bad attitude, which often happened in the
car.
So we didn't have an SUV or suburban or anything really big, we had a car, which meant
(00:53):
the three of us were crammed into the backseat together.
There were no seat belts back then, and it didn't matter where we were going, you could
hear one of us going, "She touched me.
Daddy make him quit looking at me."
And that kind of thing.
And so my dad was not a scolder.
He would sit silently as we bickered in the backseat and all of a sudden he would break
(01:17):
into this song, or he would slam his hand on the steering wheel, which in some homes
would be scary, right?
It would mean I'm about to get yelled at.
He would slam his hand on the steering wheel and say, "Boy, am I enthusiastic this morning?"
He loved to make us laugh.
He would say, "I'll give you a million dollars if you don't laugh."
(01:39):
And then he would proceed to do something guaranteed to make us giggle.
As a result, I grew up with a strong belief in the power of positive thinking.
In today's episode, I'm going to contrast positive thinking with toxic positivity, a phrase
(01:59):
that has become very popular lately.
And there's a reason why.
Want to know more?
Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey friend, are you a people-pleasing conflict-avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations?
(02:26):
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years
experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
(02:47):
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
Let's get started.
I have literally lost count of the number of times I've heard that song over the years.
(03:10):
But it was often because of my attitude.
I remember as a child and especially as a teenage girl, my dad is saying Beck, you need to work
on your attitude.
And you know, that's not uncommon, right?
It's not uncommon for us to get into a mode of grumbling and complaining and literally
(03:32):
just having a bad attitude.
But what he taught me was that's within my control.
I can change my attitude.
And the way we do that is changing the way we think.
After many, many years later when I became a certified coach, this is something that we
taught.
We were taught the importance of mindset because very often our thoughts proceed our feelings,
(03:58):
which of course, proceed our actions.
And another way of looking at that is my mindset, how I view things, informs how I think
about them, which informs how I feel, which informs my actions, which informs the quality of
my relationships.
And it all can be traced back to how I choose to think.
(04:21):
However, I would say in the past several years, a phrase has popped up that puts a little
bit of a different spin on positivity and it's called toxic positivity.
So in today's episode, I'm going to compare and contrast positive thinking with toxic
positivity.
They're both related to maintaining an optimistic mindset, but they really differ significantly
(04:48):
on how they approach and handle challenges, emotions, and difficult situations.
So I'm first going to talk about positive thinking.
As you probably know, positive thinking is about, you know, the ability to maintain a
hopeful, a positive outlook, even when things are bad, even in the face of adversity.
(05:11):
And so if I'm going to try to maintain a positive attitude, I'm going to be focusing on solutions
rather than just complaining about something, I am going to be thinking about solutions to problems.
Instead of just, you know, wallowing in my difficult situation, I'm going to be struggling
to find the silver lining in difficult situations.
(05:35):
Positive thinking has a lot to do with a commitment to personal growth and development.
And it's a healthy approach.
It can encourage you to not only acknowledge what's negative to acknowledge, hey, I'm having
these negative emotions.
Hey, I'm dealing with these really significant challenges, but at the same time, I'm looking
(05:59):
for ways to overcome them or at the very least to learn from them.
And I think there's positive thinking allows space for a balance of positive and negative
emotions.
It's that ability to maintain hope while still being realistic with your situation and
(06:22):
learning how to process your feelings in a healthy way.
In contrast, toxic positivity is, feels more excessive.
It's forced, a forced focus on being positive to the point where it dismisses or completely
invalidates genuine negative emotions.
(06:46):
So it's very, it feels unhealthy.
It's a rigid expectation that everything must always be positive regardless of the situation.
And I think that's the difference in positive thinking, you own, acknowledge, name and
hold your emotions, whether they're positive or negative, you acknowledge, you know, I'm
(07:10):
feeling sad today.
You're not trying to stuff it.
You're not trying to discount it.
You're not ignoring it.
You're dealing with it, but you're in the process of dealing with it, you're able to balance
that with focusing on how can I hold this emotion and still be positive.
But with toxic positivity, it minimizes or ignores your feelings of, let's say, sadness
(07:37):
or frustration or fear and often pushing someone to just, just look on the bright side
without addressing the underlying issues.
And that's the key difference.
You can be a positive thinker and choose to look on the bright side, but you're not discounting
or ignoring the feelings.
You're balancing them.
(08:01):
And so toxic positivity can lead to emotional suppression, making people feel like they're
wrong for feeling negative emotions.
And so what happens is we often see burnout or resentment or this feeling of inadequacy
because we have not allowed space for processing complex emotions.
(08:25):
So here's the key difference.
Positive thinking allows for both positive and negative emotions.
Toxic positivity ignores or suppresses negative feelings.
Positive thinking is based on realism and striving to make the best out of a difficult
(08:47):
situation, but toxic positivity denies the existence of difficulty and it forces this false
sense of happiness.
And this can have a tremendous impact on our well-being.
Positive thinking tends to promote a healthier emotional regulation, that ability to acknowledge
(09:10):
your negative emotions and to figure out how you need to regulate them so that you can
function within your day.
As you're dealing with these emotions, whereas toxic positivity can actually be harmful to
your mental well-being because it creates unrealistic expectations.
Maybe you have felt this before or you've experienced this for someone else where you're going
(09:36):
through something really tough, but somebody comes up and asks you how you are and you go,
"Fine, I'm fine.
Everything's fine."
And everything is not fine.
And maybe that doesn't necessarily mean that you are practicing toxic positivity, but it
most definitely means that you're either not comfortable talking about what's really going
(09:57):
on with that particular person or you're not dealing with what's really going on and you're
just putting on this facade of, "I'm fine, everything's fine, it'll all be fine."
toxic positivity struggles to even acknowledge the negative emotions and so we stuff them.
(10:18):
They don't go away if we don't deal with them.
We just stuff them and then we have no control over when, if or to what degree they finally
do come out, but negative emotions or emotions will be dealt with.
It's just a matter of how, when and to what degree.
Today is just a brief overview of positive thinking versus toxic positivity.
(10:45):
In next week's episode, I'm going to talk about really where, what toxic positivity stems
from.
Is it a, is it a result of not being able to handle emotions?
Or is there another reason?
Hey, check in with me next week and find out.
(11:06):
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe and please leave a review.
Hey I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, send me a DM or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:28):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot
camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop or becoming part of a Kairos
Cohort, year long group coaching.
Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(upbeat music)
(soft upbeat music)
(11:51):
(soft upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative latch on to the affirmative,
(00:08):
don't mess with Mr. In-between.
You gotta spread some joy up to the maximum, bring those blues onto the minimum, have that
faith or pandemonium's liable to walk upon the scene.
Now I could go on and sing the rest of the song for you, but I'll spare you that.
This is a song that I grew up hearing my entire life.
(00:30):
It came out in the 1940s, long before I was born, but it was my dad's favorite, non-worship
song, and he sang it all the time.
In particular, when his children were demonstrating a bad attitude, which often happened in the
car.
So we didn't have an SUV or suburban or anything really big, we had a car, which meant
(00:53):
the three of us were crammed into the backseat together.
There were no seat belts back then, and it didn't matter where we were going, you could
hear one of us going, "She touched me.
Daddy make him quit looking at me."
And that kind of thing.
And so my dad was not a scolder.
He would sit silently as we bickered in the backseat and all of a sudden he would break
(01:17):
into this song, or he would slam his hand on the steering wheel, which in some homes
would be scary, right?
It would mean I'm about to get yelled at.
He would slam his hand on the steering wheel and say, "Boy, am I enthusiastic this morning?"
He loved to make us laugh.
He would say, "I'll give you a million dollars if you don't laugh."
(01:39):
And then he would proceed to do something guaranteed to make us giggle.
As a result, I grew up with a strong belief in the power of positive thinking.
In today's episode, I'm going to contrast positive thinking with toxic positivity, a phrase
(01:59):
that has become very popular lately.
And there's a reason why.
Want to know more?
Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey friend, are you a people-pleasing conflict-avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations?
(02:26):
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years
experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
(02:47):
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
Let's get started.
I have literally lost count of the number of times I've heard that song over the years.
(03:10):
But it was often because of my attitude.
I remember as a child and especially as a teenage girl, my dad is saying Beck, you need to work
on your attitude.
And you know, that's not uncommon, right?
It's not uncommon for us to get into a mode of grumbling and complaining and literally
(03:32):
just having a bad attitude.
But what he taught me was that's within my control.
I can change my attitude.
And the way we do that is changing the way we think.
After many, many years later when I became a certified coach, this is something that we
taught.
We were taught the importance of mindset because very often our thoughts proceed our feelings,
(03:58):
which of course, proceed our actions.
And another way of looking at that is my mindset, how I view things, informs how I think
about them, which informs how I feel, which informs my actions, which informs the quality of
my relationships.
And it all can be traced back to how I choose to think.
(04:21):
However, I would say in the past several years, a phrase has popped up that puts a little
bit of a different spin on positivity and it's called toxic positivity.
So in today's episode, I'm going to compare and contrast positive thinking with toxic
positivity.
They're both related to maintaining an optimistic mindset, but they really differ significantly
(04:48):
on how they approach and handle challenges, emotions, and difficult situations.
So I'm first going to talk about positive thinking.
As you probably know, positive thinking is about, you know, the ability to maintain a
hopeful, a positive outlook, even when things are bad, even in the face of adversity.
(05:11):
And so if I'm going to try to maintain a positive attitude, I'm going to be focusing on solutions
rather than just complaining about something, I am going to be thinking about solutions to problems.
Instead of just, you know, wallowing in my difficult situation, I'm going to be struggling
to find the silver lining in difficult situations.
(05:35):
Positive thinking has a lot to do with a commitment to personal growth and development.
And it's a healthy approach.
It can encourage you to not only acknowledge what's negative to acknowledge, hey, I'm having
these negative emotions.
Hey, I'm dealing with these really significant challenges, but at the same time, I'm looking
(05:59):
for ways to overcome them or at the very least to learn from them.
And I think there's positive thinking allows space for a balance of positive and negative
emotions.
It's that ability to maintain hope while still being realistic with your situation and
(06:22):
learning how to process your feelings in a healthy way.
In contrast, toxic positivity is, feels more excessive.
It's forced, a forced focus on being positive to the point where it dismisses or completely
invalidates genuine negative emotions.
(06:46):
So it's very, it feels unhealthy.
It's a rigid expectation that everything must always be positive regardless of the situation.
And I think that's the difference in positive thinking, you own, acknowledge, name and
hold your emotions, whether they're positive or negative, you acknowledge, you know, I'm
(07:10):
feeling sad today.
You're not trying to stuff it.
You're not trying to discount it.
You're not ignoring it.
You're dealing with it, but you're in the process of dealing with it, you're able to balance
that with focusing on how can I hold this emotion and still be positive.
But with toxic positivity, it minimizes or ignores your feelings of, let's say, sadness
(07:37):
or frustration or fear and often pushing someone to just, just look on the bright side
without addressing the underlying issues.
And that's the key difference.
You can be a positive thinker and choose to look on the bright side, but you're not discounting
or ignoring the feelings.
You're balancing them.
(08:01):
And so toxic positivity can lead to emotional suppression, making people feel like they're
wrong for feeling negative emotions.
And so what happens is we often see burnout or resentment or this feeling of inadequacy
because we have not allowed space for processing complex emotions.
(08:25):
So here's the key difference.
Positive thinking allows for both positive and negative emotions.
Toxic positivity ignores or suppresses negative feelings.
Positive thinking is based on realism and striving to make the best out of a difficult
(08:47):
situation, but toxic positivity denies the existence of difficulty and it forces this false
sense of happiness.
And this can have a tremendous impact on our well-being.
Positive thinking tends to promote a healthier emotional regulation, that ability to acknowledge
(09:10):
your negative emotions and to figure out how you need to regulate them so that you can
function within your day.
As you're dealing with these emotions, whereas toxic positivity can actually be harmful to
your mental well-being because it creates unrealistic expectations.
Maybe you have felt this before or you've experienced this for someone else where you're going
(09:36):
through something really tough, but somebody comes up and asks you how you are and you go,
"Fine, I'm fine.
Everything's fine."
And everything is not fine.
And maybe that doesn't necessarily mean that you are practicing toxic positivity, but it
most definitely means that you're either not comfortable talking about what's really going
(09:57):
on with that particular person or you're not dealing with what's really going on and you're
just putting on this facade of, "I'm fine, everything's fine, it'll all be fine."
toxic positivity struggles to even acknowledge the negative emotions and so we stuff them.
(10:18):
They don't go away if we don't deal with them.
We just stuff them and then we have no control over when, if or to what degree they finally
do come out, but negative emotions or emotions will be dealt with.
It's just a matter of how, when and to what degree.
Today is just a brief overview of positive thinking versus toxic positivity.
(10:45):
In next week's episode, I'm going to talk about really where, what toxic positivity stems
from.
Is it a, is it a result of not being able to handle emotions?
Or is there another reason?
Hey, check in with me next week and find out.
(11:06):
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe and please leave a review.
Hey I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, send me a DM or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:28):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot
camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop or becoming part of a Kairos
Cohort, year long group coaching.
Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(upbeat music)
(soft upbeat music)
(11:51):
(soft upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
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