June 25, 2025 • 12 mins
Hey, Friend,
In last week’s episode, I compared positive thinking to toxic positivity. With one, there is an attempt to look on the bright side while acknowledging some big feelings that need attention. With the other, the quest for positive thinking feels forced while feelings are discounted or ignored.
In today’s episode, we uncover some of the possible causes of toxic positivity. If you have ever been accused of toxic positivity or if you have experienced this approach in others, this episode is for you.
I pray this blesses you!
Becky
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Maybe you are someone who views yourself as a positive thinker.
(00:05):
You always look on the bright side.
Your cup is always half full.
But maybe someone has accused you instead of toxic positivity.
In last week's episode 71, I compare the two positive thinking with toxic positivity.
There's some huge differences.
And they all have to do with how we handle emotion, how we address and own and acknowledge
(00:32):
and even embrace the feelings that we have.
In today's episode, we're going to take a look at some of the things that actually
cause us to exhibit toxic positivity.
Let's get started.
Hey friend, are you a people pleasing conflict avoiding leader?
(00:53):
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
(01:13):
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years
experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
(01:35):
Let's get started.
So as I mentioned last week, positive thinking and toxic positivity are both related to maintaining
an optimistic mindset, but they differ significantly in how they approach and handle emotions and
(02:00):
difficult situations.
So with positive thinking, it is that conscious decision to maintain a hopeful and optimistic
outlook even in the face of adversity.
But with toxic positivity, it is, it's excessive.
It's a forced focus on being positive to the point where it dismisses and even invalidates
(02:26):
genuine negative emotions.
It's unhealthy and it's a rigid expectation that you must always be positive regardless
of the situation.
But I wanted to know more as I began to study toxic positivity and I wanted to know what
causes it.
And honestly, it can stem from a whole lot of factors.
(02:50):
It's not always about someone who can't handle emotions, but that can be a part of it.
So in today's episode, we're going to explore some of the causes, some of the possible causes
for a person to exhibit toxic positivity.
First of all, toxic positivity can stem from just personal belief and misunderstanding.
(03:14):
Some people genuinely believe that being positive all the time is an obligation.
It might be a moral obligation.
It might be a spiritual obligation because they tend to think that having negative thoughts
or emotions are bad or that focusing on the negative might attract more negativity,
(03:35):
and the law of attraction concept.
And so this belief could drive a person to enforce toxic positivity both in themselves.
They might also have that expectation in others as they try to control their environment
by always being positive.
But toxic positivity doesn't always stem from an inability to handle emotions or this
(04:02):
personal belief that you must always be positive.
It can also be cultural pressure.
It could be the way you were raised.
It could be a lack of emotional tools or just this desire to avoid discomfort.
When we acknowledge our feelings, when we deal with them, when we talk about them, that
can be uncomfortable for some people.
(04:23):
And they would much rather force this toxic positivity than deal with real emotions.
And sometimes toxic positivity oversimplifies the complexity of our emotions.
And it can lead to a feeling where negative emotions are dismissed rather than being processed
(04:45):
in a healthy, constructive way.
Sometimes what comes across as toxic positivity is actually just a way to protect oneself
from the pain of some emotions.
Even if it means dismissing or ignoring real struggles, some people have difficulty processing
(05:09):
negative emotions.
Maybe it's because of their past experiences or their personality trait or their cultural
conditioning.
And it becomes kind of a defense mechanism.
They do this to avoid feeling uncomfortable or vulnerable because it just feels better
to focus on the positive.
(05:31):
There are cultures and even the cultures of certain homes that emphasize success and resilience
and happiness, well, like mine, my home emphasized that.
However, in some homes as they strive to emphasize that unknowingly, there's this implicit
pressure to always be happy or to always be positive.
(05:54):
And people might find that expressing how they really feel, their sadness, their frustration
or their negative emotions is a sign of weakness or failure.
In the case of the stories I told about my home growing up, my dad was just tired of hearing
us whining and complaining and griping and groaning and moaning.
And so he would break into this song about being positive.
(06:16):
But I never came across, I never got the feeling that I couldn't express my emotions because
I knew I could.
It was more of how long are you going to complain, child?
And so he would let us complain for a while about something that couldn't be changed like,
I don't want to go to school.
Why do I have to go to school?
(06:37):
And I had to go to school.
And so he would resort to his little tricks to make us laugh, to change our attitude.
But fortunately, for me in my upbringing, I never felt like it was an effort to promote
toxic positivity.
I didn't feel this pressure to constantly maintain a cheerful demeanor even when it's not authentic
(07:02):
or healthy.
Sometimes toxic positivity comes from a lack of emotional awareness.
Some people just are not equipped with the tools to understand or express their emotions.
So they might be tempted to rely on this oversimplified idea, well, I'm just going to think positive
(07:24):
thoughts because they don't know how to process or to sit with their complex feelings.
They may not have been taught that it's okay to be sad.
It's okay to not want to go to school, but you got to go to school.
It's okay to feel a range of emotions.
And so they avoid confronting those deeper underlying causes of why they feel the way they
(07:52):
do.
Sometimes people have a desire to fix problems quickly.
They want to help others feel better and is well intentioned.
But this can lead to a toxic positivity when it manifests as this attempt to fix the problem.
Cheer up.
Things will get better.
Somebody is going through a really hard time that it's not going to get better right away.
(08:15):
And what they really need is empathy or just being allowed to sit with their feelings.
And so this belief that if we can offer this quick positive outlook or reassurance
that we're actually helping what we might not realize is that we are in essence invalidating
(08:39):
that person's emotions.
Some people have a very strong fear of negative emotions.
They think that if they acknowledge the negative emotion, it's going to lead to deeper emotional
or mental health issues.
For example, they may think that if they talk about their sadness while it's going to spiral
(09:02):
them into depression or if they talk about their frustration that they're just going to
get extremely angry and they won't be able to control their outburst and this fear can
prompt them to push positive thinking as a way to avoid exploring this feeling they're
having or acknowledging this emotion because, they believe the emotions have a propensity
(09:26):
to be dangerous or overwhelming.
In modern society now, there is a strong push towards self-help.
I have been a follower of self-help for many, many years.
I have probably a good majority of my books could be labeled self-help books.
(09:51):
And so what that can do is create a strong emphasis toward constantly pushing forward even
at the expense of emotional well-being.
And if we're not careful, people can be encouraged to be grateful or to be positive even during
extreme hardship.
And what that can do is lead to the belief that showing any negative emotion is counterproductive.
(10:17):
And this can lead to toxic positivity because it ignores the fact that struggle, vulnerability
and rest are also important for emotional health.
So as you can see, even though toxic positivity is this desire to be positive and to even
(10:38):
to the point of ignoring or minimizing or discounting any emotions in the moment that
are not positive, there's a lot of things that cause a person to lean toward toxic positivity.
And so in next week's episode, I'm going to talk about just, I'm just going to give some suggestions
(10:58):
as to how we can process our negative feelings in a healthy way in a way that leans us toward
positive thinking.
But until we're ready to do that, accept the emotions we're dealing with in the moment
and certainly avoiding toxic positivity.
(11:20):
I pray this blesses you.
Hey, let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe and please leave a review.
Hey I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, send me a DM or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:47):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot
camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four-week workshop or becoming part of a Kairos
Cohort, year long group coaching, send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(upbeat music)
(12:07):
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
Maybe you are someone who views yourself as a positive thinker.
(00:05):
You always look on the bright side.
Your cup is always half full.
But maybe someone has accused you instead of toxic positivity.
In last week's episode 71, I compare the two positive thinking with toxic positivity.
There's some huge differences.
And they all have to do with how we handle emotion, how we address and own and acknowledge
(00:32):
and even embrace the feelings that we have.
In today's episode, we're going to take a look at some of the things that actually
cause us to exhibit toxic positivity.
Let's get started.
Hey friend, are you a people pleasing conflict avoiding leader?
(00:53):
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
(01:13):
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years
experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
(01:35):
Let's get started.
So as I mentioned last week, positive thinking and toxic positivity are both related to maintaining
an optimistic mindset, but they differ significantly in how they approach and handle emotions and
(02:00):
difficult situations.
So with positive thinking, it is that conscious decision to maintain a hopeful and optimistic
outlook even in the face of adversity.
But with toxic positivity, it is, it's excessive.
It's a forced focus on being positive to the point where it dismisses and even invalidates
(02:26):
genuine negative emotions.
It's unhealthy and it's a rigid expectation that you must always be positive regardless
of the situation.
But I wanted to know more as I began to study toxic positivity and I wanted to know what
causes it.
And honestly, it can stem from a whole lot of factors.
(02:50):
It's not always about someone who can't handle emotions, but that can be a part of it.
So in today's episode, we're going to explore some of the causes, some of the possible causes
for a person to exhibit toxic positivity.
First of all, toxic positivity can stem from just personal belief and misunderstanding.
(03:14):
Some people genuinely believe that being positive all the time is an obligation.
It might be a moral obligation.
It might be a spiritual obligation because they tend to think that having negative thoughts
or emotions are bad or that focusing on the negative might attract more negativity,
(03:35):
and the law of attraction concept.
And so this belief could drive a person to enforce toxic positivity both in themselves.
They might also have that expectation in others as they try to control their environment
by always being positive.
But toxic positivity doesn't always stem from an inability to handle emotions or this
(04:02):
personal belief that you must always be positive.
It can also be cultural pressure.
It could be the way you were raised.
It could be a lack of emotional tools or just this desire to avoid discomfort.
When we acknowledge our feelings, when we deal with them, when we talk about them, that
can be uncomfortable for some people.
(04:23):
And they would much rather force this toxic positivity than deal with real emotions.
And sometimes toxic positivity oversimplifies the complexity of our emotions.
And it can lead to a feeling where negative emotions are dismissed rather than being processed
(04:45):
in a healthy, constructive way.
Sometimes what comes across as toxic positivity is actually just a way to protect oneself
from the pain of some emotions.
Even if it means dismissing or ignoring real struggles, some people have difficulty processing
(05:09):
negative emotions.
Maybe it's because of their past experiences or their personality trait or their cultural
conditioning.
And it becomes kind of a defense mechanism.
They do this to avoid feeling uncomfortable or vulnerable because it just feels better
to focus on the positive.
(05:31):
There are cultures and even the cultures of certain homes that emphasize success and resilience
and happiness, well, like mine, my home emphasized that.
However, in some homes as they strive to emphasize that unknowingly, there's this implicit
pressure to always be happy or to always be positive.
(05:54):
And people might find that expressing how they really feel, their sadness, their frustration
or their negative emotions is a sign of weakness or failure.
In the case of the stories I told about my home growing up, my dad was just tired of hearing
us whining and complaining and griping and groaning and moaning.
And so he would break into this song about being positive.
(06:16):
But I never came across, I never got the feeling that I couldn't express my emotions because
I knew I could.
It was more of how long are you going to complain, child?
And so he would let us complain for a while about something that couldn't be changed like,
I don't want to go to school.
Why do I have to go to school?
(06:37):
And I had to go to school.
And so he would resort to his little tricks to make us laugh, to change our attitude.
But fortunately, for me in my upbringing, I never felt like it was an effort to promote
toxic positivity.
I didn't feel this pressure to constantly maintain a cheerful demeanor even when it's not authentic
(07:02):
or healthy.
Sometimes toxic positivity comes from a lack of emotional awareness.
Some people just are not equipped with the tools to understand or express their emotions.
So they might be tempted to rely on this oversimplified idea, well, I'm just going to think positive
(07:24):
thoughts because they don't know how to process or to sit with their complex feelings.
They may not have been taught that it's okay to be sad.
It's okay to not want to go to school, but you got to go to school.
It's okay to feel a range of emotions.
And so they avoid confronting those deeper underlying causes of why they feel the way they
(07:52):
do.
Sometimes people have a desire to fix problems quickly.
They want to help others feel better and is well intentioned.
But this can lead to a toxic positivity when it manifests as this attempt to fix the problem.
Cheer up.
Things will get better.
Somebody is going through a really hard time that it's not going to get better right away.
(08:15):
And what they really need is empathy or just being allowed to sit with their feelings.
And so this belief that if we can offer this quick positive outlook or reassurance
that we're actually helping what we might not realize is that we are in essence invalidating
(08:39):
that person's emotions.
Some people have a very strong fear of negative emotions.
They think that if they acknowledge the negative emotion, it's going to lead to deeper emotional
or mental health issues.
For example, they may think that if they talk about their sadness while it's going to spiral
(09:02):
them into depression or if they talk about their frustration that they're just going to
get extremely angry and they won't be able to control their outburst and this fear can
prompt them to push positive thinking as a way to avoid exploring this feeling they're
having or acknowledging this emotion because, they believe the emotions have a propensity
(09:26):
to be dangerous or overwhelming.
In modern society now, there is a strong push towards self-help.
I have been a follower of self-help for many, many years.
I have probably a good majority of my books could be labeled self-help books.
(09:51):
And so what that can do is create a strong emphasis toward constantly pushing forward even
at the expense of emotional well-being.
And if we're not careful, people can be encouraged to be grateful or to be positive even during
extreme hardship.
And what that can do is lead to the belief that showing any negative emotion is counterproductive.
(10:17):
And this can lead to toxic positivity because it ignores the fact that struggle, vulnerability
and rest are also important for emotional health.
So as you can see, even though toxic positivity is this desire to be positive and to even
(10:38):
to the point of ignoring or minimizing or discounting any emotions in the moment that
are not positive, there's a lot of things that cause a person to lean toward toxic positivity.
And so in next week's episode, I'm going to talk about just, I'm just going to give some suggestions
(10:58):
as to how we can process our negative feelings in a healthy way in a way that leans us toward
positive thinking.
But until we're ready to do that, accept the emotions we're dealing with in the moment
and certainly avoiding toxic positivity.
(11:20):
I pray this blesses you.
Hey, let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe and please leave a review.
Hey I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, send me a DM or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:47):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot
camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four-week workshop or becoming part of a Kairos
Cohort, year long group coaching, send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(upbeat music)
(12:07):
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
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