July 2, 2025 • 20 mins
Hey, Friend!
Is there a bigger red flag that someone is not ok than when you ask, “How are you?” and they reply, “Fine.”
Think about it. When you are doing great it comes out in your words and your tone. Your face lights up and often you feel compelled to explain why you are doing so well.
But when you are not doing well and you do not want to talk about it, the most common response as we attempt to mask our feelings is, “I’m fine.”
There are acronyms for F.I.N.E. such as:
Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional
Frustrated. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.
It can also stand for: Feelings in Need of Expression.
In today’s episode, we talk about big feelings and why it is important to acknowledge their presence, name them, own them, and sit with them as long as we need to.
I think you will be able to relate and I pray this blesses you.
Becky
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Is there any bigger giveaway that someone's not okay
(00:05):
than when they say, "I'm fine."
I mean, think about it.
When you're doing really well, you say something like,
so they say, "Well, how are you doing today?"
I'm great, or I'm good, or I'm well,
there's a whole debate on if you're good or if you're well,
but there's something about when someone says,
(00:25):
"I'm fine," or, "How are things today?"
"Fine."
That's when you know everything's not fine.
In fact, over the years, people have come up
with acronyms for the word fine.
One is freaked out insecure neurotic and emotional.
So maybe when you say, "I'm fine,"
(00:47):
I can immediately assume that you're either freaked out
insecure neurotic or emotional.
Another acronym for fine is Feelings in Need of Expression,
which makes me wonder if when someone says,
"I'm fine," if I should have a comeback question
to let them or comment, to let them know that I know
(01:09):
that in fact, they're not fine.
In today's episode, which I have entitled,
My Feelings are My Feelings,
we're gonna talk about how to process
our negative feelings in a healthy way.
In the last two episodes, in episode 71,
I contrasted positive thinking with toxic positivity.
(01:33):
In last week's episode, I suggested some possible causes
for toxic positivity.
But today, I wanna talk about these negative feelings
that we have that are real, that must be dealt with
in one way or another at one time or another.
But they're gonna be dealt with whether we decide
(01:53):
we're gonna deal with them now or we stuff them
and they come out and we least expect it.
And so we're gonna talk about some ways
that we can process negative feelings in a healthy way
so that we can move on and actually be fine.
One and a more, let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey, friend, are you a people pleasing conflict
(02:17):
avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear
affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence
or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time
without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
(02:39):
I Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister
and Life and Leadership Coach
with over 50 years experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need
to lead well.
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
(03:01):
Let's get started.
(upbeat music)
So as I've mentioned in the previous two episodes,
the difference between positive thinking
and toxic positivity has to do
with the care and treatment of our emotions,
with positive thinking,
we're really trying to maintain a positive outlook.
(03:24):
We want our cup to be half full.
We want to look on the bright side,
but we deal with process,
acknowledge, own and name our negative emotions.
With toxic positivity,
it's this almost compulsive need to be positive
and to discount, minimize, ignore our basic human emotions.
(03:45):
And the thing about emotions is they will not be ignored.
They will be dealt with.
The question is, are you gonna deal with them now?
Or are you gonna stuff them?
And they come out when you least expect it
in a way you least expect it,
usually at the most in-oportunetime.
And so let's think about how we can process
(04:08):
our negative emotions in a healthy way
so that we can maintain a positive attitude.
Because I think that being able to process
our negative emotions in a healthy way
is absolutely crucial for emotional wellbeing.
And as I mentioned before, it includes acknowledging
(04:28):
and owning and naming and understanding
and managing our emotions,
not ignoring and suppressing them.
So I'm gonna suggest a few strategies for doing so.
I think the most important thing is to first acknowledge it.
I sometimes will wake up and I can tell I'm acting different
(04:48):
and I realize I'm slamming things around
and I've got these fiery thoughts and I'm like,
well, it looks like I'm gonna be angry today.
Or I'm driving to work and I'm kinda tear-eyed
and the sky is cloudy and there's this music on
that's just bringing me down and I'm like,
wow, I am really sad and I try to explore
(05:09):
where these feelings are coming from
if I don't already know.
So the first step is recognizing you're having this emotion
accepting it, not judging it, naming it
because it's natural, it's valid, it's real.
Regardless if what you're feeling is anger or sadness
or you're anxious or frustrated, it's okay.
(05:32):
And I think labeling it, putting a name on it,
will help you process it more clearly.
And then giving yourself permission to feel
and to experience the emotion.
What, this doesn't come naturally for me by the way.
I'm a thinker by nature and as such,
I have deep, deep feelings but I don't trust my feelings.
(05:53):
I trust my thoughts more.
And so throughout my lifetime when I had really big emotions,
I would really try to get past them quickly
so that I could get back to the positive thinking
that I enjoy.
But what I realized is if I would take the time
to acknowledge the presence and I like to personify ideas
(06:14):
such as feelings, I like to say things like,
well, I guess fear has joined me in the car today.
Why is fear here?
What is it we're afraid of?
Or, you know, hey, sadness, glad you could join me.
What's going on?
Why are you here?
It is kind of my own little humorous way
of acknowledging the emotion and setting it apart from me
(06:36):
rather than allowing it to consume me.
And what I discovered is when I acknowledge
and name the emotion and don't try to get rid of it,
but sit with it for a while, it releases the hold it has on me.
It doesn't go away.
It doesn't even necessarily listen,
(06:56):
but sometimes I can compartmentalize it
or I can not think about it for a while.
Or I can move on with what I have to do.
Doesn't always work that way.
Sometimes I just have to sit in it.
I just have to acknowledge I'm really sad today.
I'm gonna be sad today and get myself permission
to be sad today.
(07:17):
And so giving myself permission to experience the emotion
and not rushing to snap out of it or to shove it away.
Sometimes the best thing I can do
is allow myself to fully feel it.
Maybe I need to have a good cry.
Women are pretty good at that by the way.
We will actually acknowledge I just need to go have a good cry.
Or maybe I just need to be alone for a while.
(07:39):
Maybe I need silence or just to sit with the discomfort.
Maybe I need to acknowledge it to someone I'm close to,
someone for whom it feels safe to acknowledge it.
They're not gonna make fun of me.
They're not gonna put on their toxic positivity hat
and try to help me get over it.
They're gonna allow me to feel it
and they know how to sit with me in my pain
(08:02):
with no need to solve the problem.
No need to do anything to make the pain go away.
Sometimes though, our feelings can get overwhelming.
And so it may help to engage in activities
that help release that emotion in a healthy way.
For me one of those ways is exercise.
(08:22):
And if the emotion is such that I'm thinking,
I'm probably not safe around barbells.
I don't need to be lifting weights today.
I'm gonna take a walk.
I'm gonna get out in nature
or I'm just gonna go sit on my back porch
and rock and breathe deeply.
Maybe it would help me to journal
or really just to have that good cry
(08:44):
or have a conversation with someone I trust.
And I do, I am so blessed to have people in my life
that I can call on a moment's notice and say,
"Hey, do you have time for me to process some things with you
and I'll set it up.
I don't need you really to fix anything.
I'm not asking necessarily for advice, but I trust you.
(09:05):
And I just wanna share with you what I'm dealing with right now.
And because I'm a woman of faith, very often
I invite them to pray with me, to pray over me,
to pray for me, which also helps them feel
like they're doing something to be helpful.
Sometimes when we can, it's important,
it's helpful to identify the source.
(09:26):
Why am I sad today?
You know, one day recently I was driving to work
and I was having a great day
till I got, while I was getting ready for work
and then I got in the car and the longer I drove the sadder I got,
I'm like, what is the deal?
Traffic was bad, but ordinarily that would make me mad.
But I was getting sadder and sadder
(09:47):
and I realized the sky is overcast.
And I had music playing that was kind of melancholic music.
I thought, okay, I have created and the sky has created
this melancholic atmosphere and I'm reacting to it.
So I opened the windows so I could feel the breeze.
(10:09):
I changed the music to something I could jam to
and it really helped me lift that mood,
that I had no other, I couldn't come up with any other reason
why I was sad.
I literally had nothing in that moment to be sad about.
I was responding to my environment.
So when you can, understanding what it is that triggered
that negative emotion, is it something external,
(10:32):
like in my case it was the weather?
Or is it a situation?
Is it something you haven't dealt with yet?
Is it another person?
Or is it an internal struggle?
Something going on inside you, maybe it's self-doubt,
maybe it's fear, maybe it's something
that you're dreading that's coming up.
So when you can identify the source, look for patterns.
(10:54):
Sometimes you'll see reoccurring themes.
For example, going back to my example of the overcast skies,
I'd experienced that before.
So when I asked myself the question,
where is this sadness coming from?
I immediately, one of the things I did was look at my environment.
I listened to the music I had playing and I'm like,
okay, I can't come up with any other reason.
(11:16):
So it's probably this, this reoccurring theme.
Because sometimes we can identify deeper issues
that might need attention or healing.
Maybe you've got something unresolved
with a family member.
Maybe your family, as in the case of me sometimes,
I just get sad because all of my family lives hours away.
(11:38):
And I'm like, yeah, it's been too long.
I need, I need some time with family.
I'm getting sad.
I'm getting depressed.
I really miss my family.
I think it's also important that we express our emotions,
that we get comfortable talking about our emotions.
And that includes, as I mentioned earlier,
sharing feelings with a trusted friend,
(12:00):
with a family member, with a therapist, sometimes,
just talking through your emotions can bring clarity
and provide emotional relief.
I was coaching a woman recently,
and she was going through something negative.
And I literally sat and listened to her as she talked about it.
(12:20):
I didn't offer any advice.
I didn't offer any coaching.
I had no pearls of wisdom.
I sat in silence listening and nodding occasionally.
And all of a sudden she said, you know,
just talking about this,
just processing this out loud.
I'm already thinking of things I can do
(12:41):
to resolve whatever the situation was.
It is powerful.
I sometimes, if there's nobody around
and nobody I can call,
I will talk out loud to myself as I verbally process my emotions.
'Cause sometimes it can bring that clarity that we're seeking.
It's sometimes helpful to have creative outlets,
(13:02):
you know, like writing or painting or journaling or dancing
or some form of creative expression
that can be great ways to process emotions.
And some people can express themselves through art or words.
And this can help make sense of what you're feeling.
(13:23):
I think it's important to practice self-care,
self-compassion, be kind to yourself.
Negative emotions can sometimes trigger self-criticism.
And that's why, one of the reasons why we sometimes
are tempted to avoid them.
Instead, practice self-compassion.
Talk to yourself the gentle way you would talk
(13:46):
to a close friend who's going through a tough time
with compassion, with understanding, with patience,
and with care.
And avoid self-judgment.
Let go of that idea that we shouldn't be feeling this.
All emotions are part of the human experience.
And feeling negative emotions does not make you weak
(14:09):
or inadequate.
And I would encourage you to challenge those negative thoughts.
Question them.
Sometimes negative emotions are linked
to negative thinking patterns.
Like, I'm so stupid, I can't ever get it right.
What's my problem, which sends you down a spiral?
And so ask yourself if these negative thoughts
(14:32):
that you're having are based on fact or assumption,
if you're just being mean to yourself,
or maybe you're feeling anxious, and you ask yourself,
what evidence do I have that this fear, this thing I'm anxious
about will come true?
Sometimes it's helpful to reframe the perspective.
(14:53):
And while it is important to honor our feelings,
if we can reframe them by focusing
on what we can control, or what we can learn from the experience,
it can be helpful.
I do this a lot.
Sometimes when something really negative has happened,
maybe someone has said something that I've perceived as being mean
(15:14):
or they've hurt my feelings in some way,
I ask myself why my feelings are hurt,
or what have I learned through this process?
Have I learned something about myself?
Have I learned something about this other person,
or maybe even the situation?
Let's say you're frustrated with a work situation,
(15:35):
instead of focusing on the frustration,
use that energy to consider what steps you can take
to improve the situation, or what lessons you can learn.
I think it's vital that we engage in self-care.
Negative emotions can take a toll on our bodies,
so just be sure, especially when you're feeling
(15:58):
a lot of negative emotions, be sure that you're continuing
to take care of yourself physically,
and this includes getting enough rest, eating well,
exercising, or maybe some things that are relaxation for you,
like yoga or deep breathing.
Mental and emotional self-care are important,
doing activities that nurture the mind and the emotions.
(16:21):
It could be listening to the right kind of music,
it could be meditating, it could be reading,
or spending time with loved ones.
And as I've mentioned in other episodes,
practicing mindfulness,
being fully present, meditating, focusing on your breathing,
this can help you stay grounded and calm,
(16:42):
as you process the emotions that you're feeling,
be present with your emotions,
rather than resisting them or escaping them,
and this in itself can lead to greater emotional clarity.
And get in the practice of observing without judgment.
So mindfulness encourages you to observe your emotions
as I said a moment ago, "Oh, I'm feeling sad today
(17:04):
without berating yourself for feeling sad."
What do you have to be sad about?
Why are you sad?
Or labeling your sadness or your emotion is good or bad,
taking a non-judgmental approach helps reduce the intensity
of the negative emotion,
and it gives you space to understand them more clearly.
And hey, if you need to seek support, talk to someone,
(17:27):
talk to a therapist, join a support group,
have an outlet where you can express your emotions
in a safe place where you feel validated and understood,
and focus on what you can control.
If a negative emotion is related to something
in your life that you have control over,
(17:48):
then consider taking some steps to address the issue.
For example, let's say you're stressed out
about a work project, break it down into manageable tasks
and create a plan.
Maybe you need to set boundaries.
If a person or a situation is contributing
to your negative emotions, setting healthy boundaries
(18:09):
can help protect your emotion a well-being.
And this could involve saying no to certain requests
or even distancing yourself from toxic people,
toxic influence, and allow yourself time to heal.
Be patient.
Some emotions take longer to process than others,
especially if they're tied to deeper issues
(18:32):
or past experiences.
For example, let's say you're grieving the loss of a loved one,
even the loss of your beloved pet.
It is not helpful for someone to come to you and go,
haven't you grieve long enough?
Isn't it time to move on?
Be patient with yourself.
Only you know how long you need,
(18:55):
or that you need longer time to grieve something.
It's okay to give yourself the time and the space to heal.
And accept your emotions.
Accept that emotions, ebb and flow,
they don't last forever, they're fluid.
And while you can be feeling intense negative emotions now,
(19:16):
they will pass with time.
Trust the process.
Trust that it will get better
because by processing our negative emotions in a healthy way,
we can better understand our emotional needs,
we can learn from our experiences, and ultimately,
we can build emotional resilience.
(19:38):
It's all about creating a safe space
for all emotions rather than suppressing or ignoring them.
Hey, I hope this has been helpful to you.
Let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you,
blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe,
(20:00):
and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
Send me a DM, or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
If you are a Christian woman who leads,
and you are interested in one of my Leadership Bootcamps
for Women in Ministry, this is a four-week workshop.
(20:21):
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, year-long group coaching.
Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
Is there any bigger giveaway that someone's not okay
(00:05):
than when they say, "I'm fine."
I mean, think about it.
When you're doing really well, you say something like,
so they say, "Well, how are you doing today?"
I'm great, or I'm good, or I'm well,
there's a whole debate on if you're good or if you're well,
but there's something about when someone says,
(00:25):
"I'm fine," or, "How are things today?"
"Fine."
That's when you know everything's not fine.
In fact, over the years, people have come up
with acronyms for the word fine.
One is freaked out insecure neurotic and emotional.
So maybe when you say, "I'm fine,"
(00:47):
I can immediately assume that you're either freaked out
insecure neurotic or emotional.
Another acronym for fine is Feelings in Need of Expression,
which makes me wonder if when someone says,
"I'm fine," if I should have a comeback question
to let them or comment, to let them know that I know
(01:09):
that in fact, they're not fine.
In today's episode, which I have entitled,
My Feelings are My Feelings,
we're gonna talk about how to process
our negative feelings in a healthy way.
In the last two episodes, in episode 71,
I contrasted positive thinking with toxic positivity.
(01:33):
In last week's episode, I suggested some possible causes
for toxic positivity.
But today, I wanna talk about these negative feelings
that we have that are real, that must be dealt with
in one way or another at one time or another.
But they're gonna be dealt with whether we decide
(01:53):
we're gonna deal with them now or we stuff them
and they come out and we least expect it.
And so we're gonna talk about some ways
that we can process negative feelings in a healthy way
so that we can move on and actually be fine.
One and a more, let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey, friend, are you a people pleasing conflict
(02:17):
avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear
affecting your leadership decisions?
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence
or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time
without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
(02:39):
I Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister
and Life and Leadership Coach
with over 50 years experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need
to lead well.
You have the toolbox.
You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
(03:01):
Let's get started.
(upbeat music)
So as I've mentioned in the previous two episodes,
the difference between positive thinking
and toxic positivity has to do
with the care and treatment of our emotions,
with positive thinking,
we're really trying to maintain a positive outlook.
(03:24):
We want our cup to be half full.
We want to look on the bright side,
but we deal with process,
acknowledge, own and name our negative emotions.
With toxic positivity,
it's this almost compulsive need to be positive
and to discount, minimize, ignore our basic human emotions.
(03:45):
And the thing about emotions is they will not be ignored.
They will be dealt with.
The question is, are you gonna deal with them now?
Or are you gonna stuff them?
And they come out when you least expect it
in a way you least expect it,
usually at the most in-oportunetime.
And so let's think about how we can process
(04:08):
our negative emotions in a healthy way
so that we can maintain a positive attitude.
Because I think that being able to process
our negative emotions in a healthy way
is absolutely crucial for emotional wellbeing.
And as I mentioned before, it includes acknowledging
(04:28):
and owning and naming and understanding
and managing our emotions,
not ignoring and suppressing them.
So I'm gonna suggest a few strategies for doing so.
I think the most important thing is to first acknowledge it.
I sometimes will wake up and I can tell I'm acting different
(04:48):
and I realize I'm slamming things around
and I've got these fiery thoughts and I'm like,
well, it looks like I'm gonna be angry today.
Or I'm driving to work and I'm kinda tear-eyed
and the sky is cloudy and there's this music on
that's just bringing me down and I'm like,
wow, I am really sad and I try to explore
(05:09):
where these feelings are coming from
if I don't already know.
So the first step is recognizing you're having this emotion
accepting it, not judging it, naming it
because it's natural, it's valid, it's real.
Regardless if what you're feeling is anger or sadness
or you're anxious or frustrated, it's okay.
(05:32):
And I think labeling it, putting a name on it,
will help you process it more clearly.
And then giving yourself permission to feel
and to experience the emotion.
What, this doesn't come naturally for me by the way.
I'm a thinker by nature and as such,
I have deep, deep feelings but I don't trust my feelings.
(05:53):
I trust my thoughts more.
And so throughout my lifetime when I had really big emotions,
I would really try to get past them quickly
so that I could get back to the positive thinking
that I enjoy.
But what I realized is if I would take the time
to acknowledge the presence and I like to personify ideas
(06:14):
such as feelings, I like to say things like,
well, I guess fear has joined me in the car today.
Why is fear here?
What is it we're afraid of?
Or, you know, hey, sadness, glad you could join me.
What's going on?
Why are you here?
It is kind of my own little humorous way
of acknowledging the emotion and setting it apart from me
(06:36):
rather than allowing it to consume me.
And what I discovered is when I acknowledge
and name the emotion and don't try to get rid of it,
but sit with it for a while, it releases the hold it has on me.
It doesn't go away.
It doesn't even necessarily listen,
(06:56):
but sometimes I can compartmentalize it
or I can not think about it for a while.
Or I can move on with what I have to do.
Doesn't always work that way.
Sometimes I just have to sit in it.
I just have to acknowledge I'm really sad today.
I'm gonna be sad today and get myself permission
to be sad today.
(07:17):
And so giving myself permission to experience the emotion
and not rushing to snap out of it or to shove it away.
Sometimes the best thing I can do
is allow myself to fully feel it.
Maybe I need to have a good cry.
Women are pretty good at that by the way.
We will actually acknowledge I just need to go have a good cry.
Or maybe I just need to be alone for a while.
(07:39):
Maybe I need silence or just to sit with the discomfort.
Maybe I need to acknowledge it to someone I'm close to,
someone for whom it feels safe to acknowledge it.
They're not gonna make fun of me.
They're not gonna put on their toxic positivity hat
and try to help me get over it.
They're gonna allow me to feel it
and they know how to sit with me in my pain
(08:02):
with no need to solve the problem.
No need to do anything to make the pain go away.
Sometimes though, our feelings can get overwhelming.
And so it may help to engage in activities
that help release that emotion in a healthy way.
For me one of those ways is exercise.
(08:22):
And if the emotion is such that I'm thinking,
I'm probably not safe around barbells.
I don't need to be lifting weights today.
I'm gonna take a walk.
I'm gonna get out in nature
or I'm just gonna go sit on my back porch
and rock and breathe deeply.
Maybe it would help me to journal
or really just to have that good cry
(08:44):
or have a conversation with someone I trust.
And I do, I am so blessed to have people in my life
that I can call on a moment's notice and say,
"Hey, do you have time for me to process some things with you
and I'll set it up.
I don't need you really to fix anything.
I'm not asking necessarily for advice, but I trust you.
(09:05):
And I just wanna share with you what I'm dealing with right now.
And because I'm a woman of faith, very often
I invite them to pray with me, to pray over me,
to pray for me, which also helps them feel
like they're doing something to be helpful.
Sometimes when we can, it's important,
it's helpful to identify the source.
(09:26):
Why am I sad today?
You know, one day recently I was driving to work
and I was having a great day
till I got, while I was getting ready for work
and then I got in the car and the longer I drove the sadder I got,
I'm like, what is the deal?
Traffic was bad, but ordinarily that would make me mad.
But I was getting sadder and sadder
(09:47):
and I realized the sky is overcast.
And I had music playing that was kind of melancholic music.
I thought, okay, I have created and the sky has created
this melancholic atmosphere and I'm reacting to it.
So I opened the windows so I could feel the breeze.
(10:09):
I changed the music to something I could jam to
and it really helped me lift that mood,
that I had no other, I couldn't come up with any other reason
why I was sad.
I literally had nothing in that moment to be sad about.
I was responding to my environment.
So when you can, understanding what it is that triggered
that negative emotion, is it something external,
(10:32):
like in my case it was the weather?
Or is it a situation?
Is it something you haven't dealt with yet?
Is it another person?
Or is it an internal struggle?
Something going on inside you, maybe it's self-doubt,
maybe it's fear, maybe it's something
that you're dreading that's coming up.
So when you can identify the source, look for patterns.
(10:54):
Sometimes you'll see reoccurring themes.
For example, going back to my example of the overcast skies,
I'd experienced that before.
So when I asked myself the question,
where is this sadness coming from?
I immediately, one of the things I did was look at my environment.
I listened to the music I had playing and I'm like,
okay, I can't come up with any other reason.
(11:16):
So it's probably this, this reoccurring theme.
Because sometimes we can identify deeper issues
that might need attention or healing.
Maybe you've got something unresolved
with a family member.
Maybe your family, as in the case of me sometimes,
I just get sad because all of my family lives hours away.
(11:38):
And I'm like, yeah, it's been too long.
I need, I need some time with family.
I'm getting sad.
I'm getting depressed.
I really miss my family.
I think it's also important that we express our emotions,
that we get comfortable talking about our emotions.
And that includes, as I mentioned earlier,
sharing feelings with a trusted friend,
(12:00):
with a family member, with a therapist, sometimes,
just talking through your emotions can bring clarity
and provide emotional relief.
I was coaching a woman recently,
and she was going through something negative.
And I literally sat and listened to her as she talked about it.
(12:20):
I didn't offer any advice.
I didn't offer any coaching.
I had no pearls of wisdom.
I sat in silence listening and nodding occasionally.
And all of a sudden she said, you know,
just talking about this,
just processing this out loud.
I'm already thinking of things I can do
(12:41):
to resolve whatever the situation was.
It is powerful.
I sometimes, if there's nobody around
and nobody I can call,
I will talk out loud to myself as I verbally process my emotions.
'Cause sometimes it can bring that clarity that we're seeking.
It's sometimes helpful to have creative outlets,
(13:02):
you know, like writing or painting or journaling or dancing
or some form of creative expression
that can be great ways to process emotions.
And some people can express themselves through art or words.
And this can help make sense of what you're feeling.
(13:23):
I think it's important to practice self-care,
self-compassion, be kind to yourself.
Negative emotions can sometimes trigger self-criticism.
And that's why, one of the reasons why we sometimes
are tempted to avoid them.
Instead, practice self-compassion.
Talk to yourself the gentle way you would talk
(13:46):
to a close friend who's going through a tough time
with compassion, with understanding, with patience,
and with care.
And avoid self-judgment.
Let go of that idea that we shouldn't be feeling this.
All emotions are part of the human experience.
And feeling negative emotions does not make you weak
(14:09):
or inadequate.
And I would encourage you to challenge those negative thoughts.
Question them.
Sometimes negative emotions are linked
to negative thinking patterns.
Like, I'm so stupid, I can't ever get it right.
What's my problem, which sends you down a spiral?
And so ask yourself if these negative thoughts
(14:32):
that you're having are based on fact or assumption,
if you're just being mean to yourself,
or maybe you're feeling anxious, and you ask yourself,
what evidence do I have that this fear, this thing I'm anxious
about will come true?
Sometimes it's helpful to reframe the perspective.
(14:53):
And while it is important to honor our feelings,
if we can reframe them by focusing
on what we can control, or what we can learn from the experience,
it can be helpful.
I do this a lot.
Sometimes when something really negative has happened,
maybe someone has said something that I've perceived as being mean
(15:14):
or they've hurt my feelings in some way,
I ask myself why my feelings are hurt,
or what have I learned through this process?
Have I learned something about myself?
Have I learned something about this other person,
or maybe even the situation?
Let's say you're frustrated with a work situation,
(15:35):
instead of focusing on the frustration,
use that energy to consider what steps you can take
to improve the situation, or what lessons you can learn.
I think it's vital that we engage in self-care.
Negative emotions can take a toll on our bodies,
so just be sure, especially when you're feeling
(15:58):
a lot of negative emotions, be sure that you're continuing
to take care of yourself physically,
and this includes getting enough rest, eating well,
exercising, or maybe some things that are relaxation for you,
like yoga or deep breathing.
Mental and emotional self-care are important,
doing activities that nurture the mind and the emotions.
(16:21):
It could be listening to the right kind of music,
it could be meditating, it could be reading,
or spending time with loved ones.
And as I've mentioned in other episodes,
practicing mindfulness,
being fully present, meditating, focusing on your breathing,
this can help you stay grounded and calm,
(16:42):
as you process the emotions that you're feeling,
be present with your emotions,
rather than resisting them or escaping them,
and this in itself can lead to greater emotional clarity.
And get in the practice of observing without judgment.
So mindfulness encourages you to observe your emotions
as I said a moment ago, "Oh, I'm feeling sad today
(17:04):
without berating yourself for feeling sad."
What do you have to be sad about?
Why are you sad?
Or labeling your sadness or your emotion is good or bad,
taking a non-judgmental approach helps reduce the intensity
of the negative emotion,
and it gives you space to understand them more clearly.
And hey, if you need to seek support, talk to someone,
(17:27):
talk to a therapist, join a support group,
have an outlet where you can express your emotions
in a safe place where you feel validated and understood,
and focus on what you can control.
If a negative emotion is related to something
in your life that you have control over,
(17:48):
then consider taking some steps to address the issue.
For example, let's say you're stressed out
about a work project, break it down into manageable tasks
and create a plan.
Maybe you need to set boundaries.
If a person or a situation is contributing
to your negative emotions, setting healthy boundaries
(18:09):
can help protect your emotion a well-being.
And this could involve saying no to certain requests
or even distancing yourself from toxic people,
toxic influence, and allow yourself time to heal.
Be patient.
Some emotions take longer to process than others,
especially if they're tied to deeper issues
(18:32):
or past experiences.
For example, let's say you're grieving the loss of a loved one,
even the loss of your beloved pet.
It is not helpful for someone to come to you and go,
haven't you grieve long enough?
Isn't it time to move on?
Be patient with yourself.
Only you know how long you need,
(18:55):
or that you need longer time to grieve something.
It's okay to give yourself the time and the space to heal.
And accept your emotions.
Accept that emotions, ebb and flow,
they don't last forever, they're fluid.
And while you can be feeling intense negative emotions now,
(19:16):
they will pass with time.
Trust the process.
Trust that it will get better
because by processing our negative emotions in a healthy way,
we can better understand our emotional needs,
we can learn from our experiences, and ultimately,
we can build emotional resilience.
(19:38):
It's all about creating a safe space
for all emotions rather than suppressing or ignoring them.
Hey, I hope this has been helpful to you.
Let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you,
blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe,
(20:00):
and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
Send me a DM, or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com.
If you are a Christian woman who leads,
and you are interested in one of my Leadership Bootcamps
for Women in Ministry, this is a four-week workshop.
(20:21):
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, year-long group coaching.
Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
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