July 23, 2025 • 15 mins
Hey, Friend!
If you have never thought about your fairness as a leader, or if you are convinced that you are fair, then this episode is for you. In it, I suggest a self-assessment that you should do periodically to determine if you are fair or not.
Fairness is more than equitable treatment. As you will hear in the suggested self-assessment questions, you will need to dig deep into various ways you interact with others.
And if you really want to know if you are fair, you will ask some trusted friends, co-workers, or a mentor what they think as well. Then you will get to work celebrating what you do well and working on what needs attention.
I pray this blesses you,
Becky
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
How fair are you as a leader? If you are a woman in ministry in a leadership position
(00:09):
where relational, integrity, and equitable decision-making are crucial, this is an important
question you need to be asking yourself. So today I'm going to give you some things to
think about with some key points, some reflective questions and a structure that encourages self-awareness
(00:29):
and getting feedback from others. Want to know more? Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey friend, are you a people-pleasing conflict avoiding leader? Is your secret relationship
with fear affecting your leadership decisions? Do you want to learn how to build credibility
(00:51):
and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations? Do you long to manage your time without
sacrificing your family or self-care? Welcome to leadership becomes her. I'm Becky Burroughs,
your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well. You have the toolbox.
(01:18):
You just need to learn how to use the tools. So get comfy or start a mindless task. You know how to pause or rewind
if you need to. Let's get started.
So if you are a woman in ministry, in nonprofit leadership, in small business ownership, then
(01:43):
I'm just going to assume that you care deeply about integrity, about justice and relational
equity. So today we're going to explore what fairness looks like in leadership so that you can
perhaps start assessing your own fairness and maybe we can come up with some practical steps,
(02:04):
including soliciting feedback so that you can grow in this area. Now I want to begin by saying
that fairness is not just about avoiding favoritism. It's about building trust.
It's about leading with integrity and honoring people's dignity.
If you are a parent, then you've got a lot of experience with the topic of fairness.
(02:30):
If your children are old enough to talk, then chances are at least once they've said some version of no fair.
That's not fair. No, that's not fair. He, you know, and it's always about something one child gets to do
that the other doesn't get to do. Or you, you made me wait until I was 12 to do this.
(02:53):
And now he's 10 and you're letting him do it. And so you're constantly having to defend your decisions,
or a lot of times it's just because you forgot. You know, there's a, there's a scorekeeper in every family, right?
The child that remembers when everybody reached that milestone where they got to do that thing.
And you don't necessarily remember. I have three daughters and a son. And, and when daughter number one reached a certain age,
(03:20):
I let her wear, you know, a very natural color of lipstick. And then there was another age where I let her add mascara.
And we just kind of went on this pattern. And then I didn't think about it anymore.
And when daughter number two came along and asked to wear, you know, a nude color of lipstick,
I said, okay. And daughter number one was like, uh, you didn't let me do that until. And so fairness is something we have to really work hard at.
(03:48):
But it's not just about that kind of thing. It goes much deeper in leadership as to what fairness looks like.
It not only includes equitable treatment and consistency in decision making.
It includes listening to all voices and giving credit where credit is due.
(04:11):
So it's a good practice to, as a habit, ask yourself from time to time. Am I being fair about this?
You know, Micah 6:8 says act justly, love, mercy, walk, humbly.
So that need to be fair is based in scripture. And fairness can impact team morale. It can affect turnover.
(04:37):
And the spiritual and organizational health of a team. So I want to begin by encouraging some honest, self reflection.
Ask yourself, is this me? Are you frequently changing your mind, frequently changing your expectations,
frequently changing your standards? Are you inconsistent? You say one thing, one day to one person, and a few days later you say the opposite to another person,
(05:08):
as if you've forgotten that people talk. Well, she said this to me. Well, that's not what she said to me.
And there are people that are people, pleasers. And one of the many problems about being a people pleaser is the tendency to say in the moment,
what that particular person wants or needs to hear. And then a few days pass and you're with a different person who has different wants and needs.
(05:33):
So you say a different thing to them. And that's not really fair because it creates a confusion, because they do talk.
And they find out what you said to the other. And it creates a confusion as to what your expectations actually are.
Also ask yourself, do I listen more to certain people or certain voices than I do to others?
(05:56):
We have a tendency to listen to those voices that we trust, which is understandable, but we also have a tendency to listen to those voices that we know are going to be in agreement.
And it is extremely healthy to put yourself in front of people who not only might agree with you, but those who might push back, who might ask hard questions and kind of force you to defend what you think you want to do.
(06:21):
And even to people who are a little bit contrarians. Ideally, you should have a mix of people in the room to get a really honest read on what it is you want to do and how it's affecting others and what they're thinking about it.
And ask yourself, do I take the credit without acknowledging others?
So I was keeping one of my grandchildren. He's seven years old. And so he's got a seven year old brain. And he wanted to do something special for his sister.
(06:50):
And the first thing he said to me was, "Nana, can you teach me how to quilt? I love to quilt, but I also know how hard it is to quilt."
And I thought, "Okay, I'm only going to have him for a couple of days. No, I can't. What can we do?"
So I said, "Why don't we make something for your sister?" So I had this fabric and we were going to make a sleeping bag for his sister to put her stuffed animals in.
(07:15):
It was, I could have done it by myself in five minutes, just the, I had the material, it was cut, was ready to go.
But I got close to the end and I said, "Come here, I want you to sew on my sewing machine. I'm going to show you how to do this so that we can tell her we made this together."
He sat down and he did about two inches worth of this sleeping bag.
(07:40):
And lo and behold, the next day he was FaceTiming his family and he says to his sister, "Look at the sleeping bag I made for you."
And I immediately thought, I mean, I'm human, I may be a grandma, but I'm human. I thought, "That's not fair. I made nine tenths of that sleeping bag. I want her to know her nana did this."
(08:01):
And out of the kindness of my heart, I let him do the last two inches, you know.
And so it doesn't matter, you know, who you are, or how old you are, we all want fairness.
And so taking credit without acknowledging others is not fair. Give credit where credit is due.
And ask yourself, do I avoid hard questions with some people while at the same time being blunt and direct with others?
(08:28):
Now we tend to do this when we decide ahead of time how the other person is going to function in the hard conversation.
Some people avoid them like the plague. Others avoid them with certain people that they know.
And I can think of someone in my life who I have never witnessed this person giving up, backing down, or in any way losing a hard conversation.
(08:50):
This individual will beat their point to death until finally everybody else gives up.
And there's a tendency among myself and others to avoid hard conversations with this person because they are that way.
And yet is that fair? Probably not.
Ask yourself, do I consistently interrupt or talk over quieter team members?
(09:16):
I had someone say to me one time, I was talking. And he interrupted and he goes, and I said, well, let me finish.
And he goes, no, no, no, I need to say what I'm going to say because if I don't say it, I'm going to forget and you'll remember.
And I was so stunned. I said there in silence as he clearly interrupted me and said whatever he was going to say.
(09:38):
And after about the fourth or fifth time of him doing that in the many years I've known him, I thought, wow, that's actually a clever excuse to be an interruptor.
He's decided that to say, oh, well, I'll forget and you'll remember.
So I'm going to go ahead and be rude and interrupt. He doesn't say be rude, but he is rude and for interrupting, he just, he does that.
And that's not cool, man. That's not a good reason for interrupting.
(10:04):
And talking over people because they're talking quieter than you. That's not fair. Fairness is allowing everyone to say what they need to say.
So as you are asking yourself these questions, say, do I treat all of my team consistently? Do I fully listen before making judgments?
(10:26):
Do I offer praise and correction equitably? In other words, am I generous with my correction and stingy with my praise? That's unfair.
Your ratio of praise should far exceed your ratio of correction.
Do I give opportunities fairly? Have I ever been told that I was unfair and if so, what did I do with that?
(10:56):
And when you've asked yourself these questions, reflect on the answers that you got.
And then if you're really brave, if you're a really strong leader, get feedback from others.
And in this case, you want to invite people who will speak truth in love. So go ahead and pick two to three trusted voices.
(11:18):
These could be team members, peers, mentors, people you, who have advised you well, people, a coach, somebody you trust, and ask them open-ended questions.
So I'm really trying to grow in my ability to be fair. So I want to ask you what you have observed in me.
(11:42):
Do you feel like I'm fair in how I lead? Or have you ever observed me being unfair in some way or with some person?
And if so, can you tell me what it was that I did that you, at the moment, felt unfair to you?
And then ask, have you ever felt overlooked or favored by me?
(12:08):
What's one thing that I can do to lead with more fairness?
And then commit to making the changes, walking in greater fairness and make it practical.
Come up with consistent policies. I'll always listen without interrupting. I'll always, whatever, whatever the weakness that has been identified, find a way to create a policy for yourself and stick to it.
(12:37):
Rotate responsibilities and, and spot, and who you're going to spotlight so that you're fair.
Slow down decision making so that you can consider the impact that that decision making has and that you can get input from others.
So create a feedback culture and then encourage prayer and accountability.
(12:58):
Maybe a fairness check-in every quarter with your coach or your mentor or your team.
You know, Proverbs 31-9 says, "Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and the needy. We are called to be fair as leaders."
So I encourage you, take some kind of fairness self-assessment and seek feedback.
(13:22):
Journal your feelings if that, your findings, if that's helpful, and prayerfully reflect on what God is revealing to you.
And if you really want to hold yourself accountable, share your discoveries on social media or with your community, use a hashtag like Fair Leader Challenge.
(13:43):
You know, make it known that you desire to be a fair leader.
And what I'm talking about doing requires courage to ask these hard questions and to hear what they're going to say, but it also takes humility.
And I believe that confidence and humility are the one-two power punch of a good leader.
(14:06):
Fairness doesn't mean perfection. Fairness means we're willing to check ourselves, correct ourselves, and grow.
You know, and as you complete your self-reflection, as you ask your trusted people in your life, reflect on these questions.
What did you learn that surprised you about yourself?
(14:27):
Where are you the strongest? And in what area do you feel convicted that you need to grow in?
I am such a strong believer in self-reflection.
If we are courageous enough and strong enough and willing to take the time to ask ourselves the hard questions, because deep down we know, we know if we're being fair or not.
(14:52):
It's just having the courage then to do something about it.
Hey, I hope this has been helpful to you. Let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe, and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Send me a DM.
(15:19):
Or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com. If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop.
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, your long group coaching. Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(15:41):
[Music]
How fair are you as a leader? If you are a woman in ministry in a leadership position
(00:09):
where relational, integrity, and equitable decision-making are crucial, this is an important
question you need to be asking yourself. So today I'm going to give you some things to
think about with some key points, some reflective questions and a structure that encourages self-awareness
(00:29):
and getting feedback from others. Want to know more? Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey friend, are you a people-pleasing conflict avoiding leader? Is your secret relationship
with fear affecting your leadership decisions? Do you want to learn how to build credibility
(00:51):
and confidence or to navigate difficult conversations? Do you long to manage your time without
sacrificing your family or self-care? Welcome to leadership becomes her. I'm Becky Burroughs,
your host and a minister and life and leadership coach with over 50 years experience in leadership.
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well. You have the toolbox.
(01:18):
You just need to learn how to use the tools. So get comfy or start a mindless task. You know how to pause or rewind
if you need to. Let's get started.
So if you are a woman in ministry, in nonprofit leadership, in small business ownership, then
(01:43):
I'm just going to assume that you care deeply about integrity, about justice and relational
equity. So today we're going to explore what fairness looks like in leadership so that you can
perhaps start assessing your own fairness and maybe we can come up with some practical steps,
(02:04):
including soliciting feedback so that you can grow in this area. Now I want to begin by saying
that fairness is not just about avoiding favoritism. It's about building trust.
It's about leading with integrity and honoring people's dignity.
If you are a parent, then you've got a lot of experience with the topic of fairness.
(02:30):
If your children are old enough to talk, then chances are at least once they've said some version of no fair.
That's not fair. No, that's not fair. He, you know, and it's always about something one child gets to do
that the other doesn't get to do. Or you, you made me wait until I was 12 to do this.
(02:53):
And now he's 10 and you're letting him do it. And so you're constantly having to defend your decisions,
or a lot of times it's just because you forgot. You know, there's a, there's a scorekeeper in every family, right?
The child that remembers when everybody reached that milestone where they got to do that thing.
And you don't necessarily remember. I have three daughters and a son. And, and when daughter number one reached a certain age,
(03:20):
I let her wear, you know, a very natural color of lipstick. And then there was another age where I let her add mascara.
And we just kind of went on this pattern. And then I didn't think about it anymore.
And when daughter number two came along and asked to wear, you know, a nude color of lipstick,
I said, okay. And daughter number one was like, uh, you didn't let me do that until. And so fairness is something we have to really work hard at.
(03:48):
But it's not just about that kind of thing. It goes much deeper in leadership as to what fairness looks like.
It not only includes equitable treatment and consistency in decision making.
It includes listening to all voices and giving credit where credit is due.
(04:11):
So it's a good practice to, as a habit, ask yourself from time to time. Am I being fair about this?
You know, Micah 6:8 says act justly, love, mercy, walk, humbly.
So that need to be fair is based in scripture. And fairness can impact team morale. It can affect turnover.
(04:37):
And the spiritual and organizational health of a team. So I want to begin by encouraging some honest, self reflection.
Ask yourself, is this me? Are you frequently changing your mind, frequently changing your expectations,
frequently changing your standards? Are you inconsistent? You say one thing, one day to one person, and a few days later you say the opposite to another person,
(05:08):
as if you've forgotten that people talk. Well, she said this to me. Well, that's not what she said to me.
And there are people that are people, pleasers. And one of the many problems about being a people pleaser is the tendency to say in the moment,
what that particular person wants or needs to hear. And then a few days pass and you're with a different person who has different wants and needs.
(05:33):
So you say a different thing to them. And that's not really fair because it creates a confusion, because they do talk.
And they find out what you said to the other. And it creates a confusion as to what your expectations actually are.
Also ask yourself, do I listen more to certain people or certain voices than I do to others?
(05:56):
We have a tendency to listen to those voices that we trust, which is understandable, but we also have a tendency to listen to those voices that we know are going to be in agreement.
And it is extremely healthy to put yourself in front of people who not only might agree with you, but those who might push back, who might ask hard questions and kind of force you to defend what you think you want to do.
(06:21):
And even to people who are a little bit contrarians. Ideally, you should have a mix of people in the room to get a really honest read on what it is you want to do and how it's affecting others and what they're thinking about it.
And ask yourself, do I take the credit without acknowledging others?
So I was keeping one of my grandchildren. He's seven years old. And so he's got a seven year old brain. And he wanted to do something special for his sister.
(06:50):
And the first thing he said to me was, "Nana, can you teach me how to quilt? I love to quilt, but I also know how hard it is to quilt."
And I thought, "Okay, I'm only going to have him for a couple of days. No, I can't. What can we do?"
So I said, "Why don't we make something for your sister?" So I had this fabric and we were going to make a sleeping bag for his sister to put her stuffed animals in.
(07:15):
It was, I could have done it by myself in five minutes, just the, I had the material, it was cut, was ready to go.
But I got close to the end and I said, "Come here, I want you to sew on my sewing machine. I'm going to show you how to do this so that we can tell her we made this together."
He sat down and he did about two inches worth of this sleeping bag.
(07:40):
And lo and behold, the next day he was FaceTiming his family and he says to his sister, "Look at the sleeping bag I made for you."
And I immediately thought, I mean, I'm human, I may be a grandma, but I'm human. I thought, "That's not fair. I made nine tenths of that sleeping bag. I want her to know her nana did this."
(08:01):
And out of the kindness of my heart, I let him do the last two inches, you know.
And so it doesn't matter, you know, who you are, or how old you are, we all want fairness.
And so taking credit without acknowledging others is not fair. Give credit where credit is due.
And ask yourself, do I avoid hard questions with some people while at the same time being blunt and direct with others?
(08:28):
Now we tend to do this when we decide ahead of time how the other person is going to function in the hard conversation.
Some people avoid them like the plague. Others avoid them with certain people that they know.
And I can think of someone in my life who I have never witnessed this person giving up, backing down, or in any way losing a hard conversation.
(08:50):
This individual will beat their point to death until finally everybody else gives up.
And there's a tendency among myself and others to avoid hard conversations with this person because they are that way.
And yet is that fair? Probably not.
Ask yourself, do I consistently interrupt or talk over quieter team members?
(09:16):
I had someone say to me one time, I was talking. And he interrupted and he goes, and I said, well, let me finish.
And he goes, no, no, no, I need to say what I'm going to say because if I don't say it, I'm going to forget and you'll remember.
And I was so stunned. I said there in silence as he clearly interrupted me and said whatever he was going to say.
(09:38):
And after about the fourth or fifth time of him doing that in the many years I've known him, I thought, wow, that's actually a clever excuse to be an interruptor.
He's decided that to say, oh, well, I'll forget and you'll remember.
So I'm going to go ahead and be rude and interrupt. He doesn't say be rude, but he is rude and for interrupting, he just, he does that.
And that's not cool, man. That's not a good reason for interrupting.
(10:04):
And talking over people because they're talking quieter than you. That's not fair. Fairness is allowing everyone to say what they need to say.
So as you are asking yourself these questions, say, do I treat all of my team consistently? Do I fully listen before making judgments?
(10:26):
Do I offer praise and correction equitably? In other words, am I generous with my correction and stingy with my praise? That's unfair.
Your ratio of praise should far exceed your ratio of correction.
Do I give opportunities fairly? Have I ever been told that I was unfair and if so, what did I do with that?
(10:56):
And when you've asked yourself these questions, reflect on the answers that you got.
And then if you're really brave, if you're a really strong leader, get feedback from others.
And in this case, you want to invite people who will speak truth in love. So go ahead and pick two to three trusted voices.
(11:18):
These could be team members, peers, mentors, people you, who have advised you well, people, a coach, somebody you trust, and ask them open-ended questions.
So I'm really trying to grow in my ability to be fair. So I want to ask you what you have observed in me.
(11:42):
Do you feel like I'm fair in how I lead? Or have you ever observed me being unfair in some way or with some person?
And if so, can you tell me what it was that I did that you, at the moment, felt unfair to you?
And then ask, have you ever felt overlooked or favored by me?
(12:08):
What's one thing that I can do to lead with more fairness?
And then commit to making the changes, walking in greater fairness and make it practical.
Come up with consistent policies. I'll always listen without interrupting. I'll always, whatever, whatever the weakness that has been identified, find a way to create a policy for yourself and stick to it.
(12:37):
Rotate responsibilities and, and spot, and who you're going to spotlight so that you're fair.
Slow down decision making so that you can consider the impact that that decision making has and that you can get input from others.
So create a feedback culture and then encourage prayer and accountability.
(12:58):
Maybe a fairness check-in every quarter with your coach or your mentor or your team.
You know, Proverbs 31-9 says, "Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and the needy. We are called to be fair as leaders."
So I encourage you, take some kind of fairness self-assessment and seek feedback.
(13:22):
Journal your feelings if that, your findings, if that's helpful, and prayerfully reflect on what God is revealing to you.
And if you really want to hold yourself accountable, share your discoveries on social media or with your community, use a hashtag like Fair Leader Challenge.
(13:43):
You know, make it known that you desire to be a fair leader.
And what I'm talking about doing requires courage to ask these hard questions and to hear what they're going to say, but it also takes humility.
And I believe that confidence and humility are the one-two power punch of a good leader.
(14:06):
Fairness doesn't mean perfection. Fairness means we're willing to check ourselves, correct ourselves, and grow.
You know, and as you complete your self-reflection, as you ask your trusted people in your life, reflect on these questions.
What did you learn that surprised you about yourself?
(14:27):
Where are you the strongest? And in what area do you feel convicted that you need to grow in?
I am such a strong believer in self-reflection.
If we are courageous enough and strong enough and willing to take the time to ask ourselves the hard questions, because deep down we know, we know if we're being fair or not.
(14:52):
It's just having the courage then to do something about it.
Hey, I hope this has been helpful to you. Let's do this again next week.
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe, and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Send me a DM.
(15:19):
Or email me at hello@beckyburroughs.com. If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Boot camps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop.
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, your long group coaching. Send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
(15:41):
[Music]
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