November 19, 2025 • 11 mins
Hey, Friend!
In this week’s episode, I talk about the barriers women face in ministry and why it is hard to ask for help.
But by the end of this episode, I hope you can see that your needs are valid because you are valuable, and asking is part of healthy, Spirit-led leadership.
I pray this blesses you,
Becky
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is part three of our series,
(00:03):
"Feeling valued in ministry, a journey toward wholeness."
In episode one, we named the ache of not feeling valued,
of serving with all your heart yet wondering if anyone sees
the weight that you carry.
In last week's episode, we explored what it would look like
(00:24):
to reclaim your worth in ministry as part two of this series.
And today, we are going to talk about having the courage
to ask for what you need.
This moves us one step closer to wholeness,
and it's something that many of us struggle to do,
having the courage to ask for what you need,
(00:46):
because feeling valued starts with being honest,
with yourself and with others about what helps you thrive.
Want to know more? Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey, friend, are you a people-pleasing, conflict-avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
(01:11):
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence
or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister in life and leadership coach
with over 50 years experience in leadership.
(01:34):
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
You have the toolbox. You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
Let's get started.
[Music]
(01:56):
So let's start here asking for what you need in ministry can feel uncomfortable.
Even scary. Maybe you've told yourself, "Well, I don't want to be a burden."
They're busy. I'll figure it out. You know, they're doing the best they can.
I can figure it out. If I were stronger or more spiritual,
maybe I wouldn't even need help.
(02:17):
But here's the truth. Needing is not weakness.
It's human. Even Jesus asked for what he needed.
In the Garden of Gethsemane he said, "My soul is overwhelmed.
Stay here and keep watch with me."
He didn't pretend he was fine. He invited others in.
(02:38):
So if Jesus can ask for support, surely we can too.
And there is a hidden cost of not asking.
When we don't ask for what we need, three things usually happen.
Number one, we get resentful.
You see, we assume that others see us.
(02:59):
We assume that others should be able to tell what we need.
But they don't. And we quietly burn out.
Why don't they see it because everybody's thinking about what they need?
We don't all think about the times that you have failed to notice what someone else needs.
We cannot assume.
(03:20):
The story we tell ourselves is what they really cared they would notice.
If they really cared about me, they would do something.
But the reality is it is up to me to ask for what I need.
And this could be as simple as you need certain items in your ministry
(03:41):
to get your job done.
How is anybody else going to really know what you need if you don't make them aware of it?
It could be as simple as you've been hired to do a job.
And there is no written role description for your job.
But you want to make sure you are doing what is expected of you.
Ask for what you need.
Or it could be, and this is the one that's really hard for me.
(04:04):
It could be you're going through a hard time.
Maybe you've just had a baby.
Maybe there's been a death in your family.
Maybe you are getting over an illness or surgery.
And you could really use some help, but you cannot bring yourself to ask for it.
And then you get your feelings hurt when nobody helps.
(04:27):
So because we're human, sometimes there's a real temptation to get our feelings hurt
or to get resentful when people just don't automatically know what we need.
Number two, another hidden cost of not asking for what we need is we can get overlooked.
People assume that because we're not saying anything, we're fine.
(04:49):
And we've actually trained them to think that, right?
And so let's say in ministry, you really need something to do your job,
but you don't say anything about it.
And your coworker in their ministry does make it known.
And then you find out they got this extra thing, you didn't get any extra thing.
Why did they get you what you needed?
Because you didn't tell them you needed it.
(05:12):
Number three, the hidden cost of not asking for what we need is we become depleted, empty.
And we began trying to pour from an empty cup instead of from an overflow.
You see, asking isn't selfish.
Asking is stewardship. It's your responsibility.
It's saying, you know, I want to serve well and to do that, I need support in this way.
(05:40):
Courage to ask might look like having a conversation with the lead minister
or for your direct report saying, you know, I would love to keep doing what I'm doing in this ministry.
But I need someone to share the load.
Or I need a high capacity volunteer or I need administrative support.
(06:04):
Or it could be a conversation with your spouse or with your family.
Hey, can we talk about what it might look like to protect one night a week for our family?
Or one afternoon on the weekend where I can just rest.
It could be a conversation with yourself. Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves.
(06:29):
And asking yourself, what am I actually needing right now?
Do I need rest? Do I need support? Do I need recognition?
Do I need to realign my chores?
Asking isn't demanding.
It's naming what is true in your eyes and it's making space for sustainability.
(06:51):
Because a lot of times, even though we might not know what to do, we might not know what needs to be changed,
what we do know is this. What I'm doing right now, this is not sustainable.
But the truth is many women in ministry face barriers.
Barriers like the fear of being labeled as difficult or emotional.
(07:16):
We've learned that nice, compliant women don't ask for more.
They just make do with what they have.
Another barrier is the guilt that we feel over prioritizing our personal needs.
We think ministry should always cost us something.
And yet I talk to many women in ministry that tell me I'll talk about prioritizing self-care and they're like prioritizing.
(07:43):
I don't even exercise self-care in any way, much less prioritize it.
Because they've decided something's got to give.
And so I'll give up taking care of myself.
And they convince themselves that I'm going to choose to give up self-care because I can handle it.
And I'll be okay, everything will be fine if I'm not taking care of myself.
(08:06):
Another barrier that women face is doubting that our needs matter.
We tend to minimize our own exhaustion.
We minimize our own emotional needs and we convince ourselves that well others have it worse than me.
But your needs are valid because you are valuable.
(08:27):
And asking is part of healthy, spirit, lead leadership.
So how do you ask? How do you ask with grace?
And how do you ask with clarity?
Here's a framework that you might want to try.
Number one, be specific as to what you need.
Vague requests rarely.
(08:50):
Rarely get met.
Instead of, you know, I could use some help.
Say, could someone take over scheduling volunteers for the next two months?
Be specific.
Number two, be kind, but direct.
You can be both gracious and clear.
I have often heard it said that one of the kindest things you can do is be clear.
(09:15):
You could say something like, you know, I'm grateful for the opportunity,
but I also need time to rest and to prepare for what's next.
Number three, something else you can do, a framework you can try to ask with grace and clarity is be open-handed.
You can make a clear ask and still trust God with the outcome.
(09:36):
Ask, but don't anchor your peace to their answer.
Be open to what they might say.
So I want you to reflect on this.
What is one need?
You've been afraid to voice.
Maybe it's a physical need, an emotional need, or a spiritual need.
Write it down.
And then ask yourself, who needs to know this?
(09:58):
And what would courage look like this week?
Ask God, Lord, give me the courage to ask for what I need, not from pride, but from purpose.
Teach me to receive support with humility and grace so that I can serve from a place of health, not exhaustion.
(10:19):
You know, my friend, courage does not mean that you never feel fear.
Courage actually requires the presence of fear.
You feel the fear and you move forward anyway in courage, because you believe that what God is doing in you is just as important at what He's doing through you.
(10:40):
In next week's episode, we're going to talk about communicating your value without apology and how to use your voice with confidence and grace.
Until then, keep leading with honesty, ask with courage, and remember, you are worth being cared for too.
Hey, let's do this again next week.
(11:01):
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe, and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, send me a DM, or email me at Hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:23):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Bootcamps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop.
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, your long group coaching, send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
[Music]
This is part three of our series,
(00:03):
"Feeling valued in ministry, a journey toward wholeness."
In episode one, we named the ache of not feeling valued,
of serving with all your heart yet wondering if anyone sees
the weight that you carry.
In last week's episode, we explored what it would look like
(00:24):
to reclaim your worth in ministry as part two of this series.
And today, we are going to talk about having the courage
to ask for what you need.
This moves us one step closer to wholeness,
and it's something that many of us struggle to do,
having the courage to ask for what you need,
(00:46):
because feeling valued starts with being honest,
with yourself and with others about what helps you thrive.
Want to know more? Let's dive in to today's episode.
Hey, friend, are you a people-pleasing, conflict-avoiding leader?
Is your secret relationship with fear affecting your leadership decisions?
(01:11):
Do you want to learn how to build credibility and confidence
or to navigate difficult conversations?
Do you long to manage your time without sacrificing your family or self-care?
Welcome to leadership becomes her.
I'm Becky Burroughs, your host and a minister in life and leadership coach
with over 50 years experience in leadership.
(01:34):
I firmly believe God has given you everything you need to lead well.
You have the toolbox. You just need to learn how to use the tools.
So get comfy or start a mindless task.
You know how to pause or rewind if you need to.
Let's get started.
[Music]
(01:56):
So let's start here asking for what you need in ministry can feel uncomfortable.
Even scary. Maybe you've told yourself, "Well, I don't want to be a burden."
They're busy. I'll figure it out. You know, they're doing the best they can.
I can figure it out. If I were stronger or more spiritual,
maybe I wouldn't even need help.
(02:17):
But here's the truth. Needing is not weakness.
It's human. Even Jesus asked for what he needed.
In the Garden of Gethsemane he said, "My soul is overwhelmed.
Stay here and keep watch with me."
He didn't pretend he was fine. He invited others in.
(02:38):
So if Jesus can ask for support, surely we can too.
And there is a hidden cost of not asking.
When we don't ask for what we need, three things usually happen.
Number one, we get resentful.
You see, we assume that others see us.
(02:59):
We assume that others should be able to tell what we need.
But they don't. And we quietly burn out.
Why don't they see it because everybody's thinking about what they need?
We don't all think about the times that you have failed to notice what someone else needs.
We cannot assume.
(03:20):
The story we tell ourselves is what they really cared they would notice.
If they really cared about me, they would do something.
But the reality is it is up to me to ask for what I need.
And this could be as simple as you need certain items in your ministry
(03:41):
to get your job done.
How is anybody else going to really know what you need if you don't make them aware of it?
It could be as simple as you've been hired to do a job.
And there is no written role description for your job.
But you want to make sure you are doing what is expected of you.
Ask for what you need.
Or it could be, and this is the one that's really hard for me.
(04:04):
It could be you're going through a hard time.
Maybe you've just had a baby.
Maybe there's been a death in your family.
Maybe you are getting over an illness or surgery.
And you could really use some help, but you cannot bring yourself to ask for it.
And then you get your feelings hurt when nobody helps.
(04:27):
So because we're human, sometimes there's a real temptation to get our feelings hurt
or to get resentful when people just don't automatically know what we need.
Number two, another hidden cost of not asking for what we need is we can get overlooked.
People assume that because we're not saying anything, we're fine.
(04:49):
And we've actually trained them to think that, right?
And so let's say in ministry, you really need something to do your job,
but you don't say anything about it.
And your coworker in their ministry does make it known.
And then you find out they got this extra thing, you didn't get any extra thing.
Why did they get you what you needed?
Because you didn't tell them you needed it.
(05:12):
Number three, the hidden cost of not asking for what we need is we become depleted, empty.
And we began trying to pour from an empty cup instead of from an overflow.
You see, asking isn't selfish.
Asking is stewardship. It's your responsibility.
It's saying, you know, I want to serve well and to do that, I need support in this way.
(05:40):
Courage to ask might look like having a conversation with the lead minister
or for your direct report saying, you know, I would love to keep doing what I'm doing in this ministry.
But I need someone to share the load.
Or I need a high capacity volunteer or I need administrative support.
(06:04):
Or it could be a conversation with your spouse or with your family.
Hey, can we talk about what it might look like to protect one night a week for our family?
Or one afternoon on the weekend where I can just rest.
It could be a conversation with yourself. Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves.
(06:29):
And asking yourself, what am I actually needing right now?
Do I need rest? Do I need support? Do I need recognition?
Do I need to realign my chores?
Asking isn't demanding.
It's naming what is true in your eyes and it's making space for sustainability.
(06:51):
Because a lot of times, even though we might not know what to do, we might not know what needs to be changed,
what we do know is this. What I'm doing right now, this is not sustainable.
But the truth is many women in ministry face barriers.
Barriers like the fear of being labeled as difficult or emotional.
(07:16):
We've learned that nice, compliant women don't ask for more.
They just make do with what they have.
Another barrier is the guilt that we feel over prioritizing our personal needs.
We think ministry should always cost us something.
And yet I talk to many women in ministry that tell me I'll talk about prioritizing self-care and they're like prioritizing.
(07:43):
I don't even exercise self-care in any way, much less prioritize it.
Because they've decided something's got to give.
And so I'll give up taking care of myself.
And they convince themselves that I'm going to choose to give up self-care because I can handle it.
And I'll be okay, everything will be fine if I'm not taking care of myself.
(08:06):
Another barrier that women face is doubting that our needs matter.
We tend to minimize our own exhaustion.
We minimize our own emotional needs and we convince ourselves that well others have it worse than me.
But your needs are valid because you are valuable.
(08:27):
And asking is part of healthy, spirit, lead leadership.
So how do you ask? How do you ask with grace?
And how do you ask with clarity?
Here's a framework that you might want to try.
Number one, be specific as to what you need.
Vague requests rarely.
(08:50):
Rarely get met.
Instead of, you know, I could use some help.
Say, could someone take over scheduling volunteers for the next two months?
Be specific.
Number two, be kind, but direct.
You can be both gracious and clear.
I have often heard it said that one of the kindest things you can do is be clear.
(09:15):
You could say something like, you know, I'm grateful for the opportunity,
but I also need time to rest and to prepare for what's next.
Number three, something else you can do, a framework you can try to ask with grace and clarity is be open-handed.
You can make a clear ask and still trust God with the outcome.
(09:36):
Ask, but don't anchor your peace to their answer.
Be open to what they might say.
So I want you to reflect on this.
What is one need?
You've been afraid to voice.
Maybe it's a physical need, an emotional need, or a spiritual need.
Write it down.
And then ask yourself, who needs to know this?
(09:58):
And what would courage look like this week?
Ask God, Lord, give me the courage to ask for what I need, not from pride, but from purpose.
Teach me to receive support with humility and grace so that I can serve from a place of health, not exhaustion.
(10:19):
You know, my friend, courage does not mean that you never feel fear.
Courage actually requires the presence of fear.
You feel the fear and you move forward anyway in courage, because you believe that what God is doing in you is just as important at what He's doing through you.
(10:40):
In next week's episode, we're going to talk about communicating your value without apology and how to use your voice with confidence and grace.
Until then, keep leading with honesty, ask with courage, and remember, you are worth being cared for too.
Hey, let's do this again next week.
(11:01):
It is my prayer that this podcast inspired you, blessed you, or made you think.
If so, please share it with a friend, subscribe, and please leave a review.
Hey, I want to connect with you. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, send me a DM, or email me at Hello@beckyburroughs.com.
(11:23):
If you are a Christian woman who leads and you are interested in one of my Leadership Bootcamps for Women in Ministry, this is a four week workshop.
Or becoming part of a Kairos Cohort, your long group coaching, send me a DM or an email for more information.
We'll talk soon.
[Music]
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