December 8, 2025 • 18 mins
Does it feel like your child’s meltdowns come out of nowhere — and nothing you’ve tried is really working?
In this episode of the Learn to Speak Kid podcast, Bonnie and Thomas Liotta from Creating Champions For Life explain why your child’s behavior isn’t random, disrespectful, or “just ODD.” It’s a language.
You’ll discover how to:
- Hear what your child is really saying during a meltdown
- Replace labels like “terrible twos” and “defiant” with practical life skills training
- Reframe hitting, lying, and “attitude” as communication you can guide
- Stop trying to regulate your child’s emotions for them and start teaching them how
- Move from exhausted, reactive parenting to calm, proactive leadership at home
If you’ve ever thought, “I’ve tried everything and I still feel like a broken record,” this conversation will show you what’s been missing — not in your child, but in the tools you were given.
Press play to learn how to:
- Name the cry instead of labeling the child
- See your child as a genius in training, not a problem to fix
- Turn chaos and overwhelm into cooperation and connection
Learn more or start your journey at: learntospeakkid.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Over $247 billion is spent on mental health and medicating children in North America.
(00:06):
This isn't a coincidence,
it's a consequence.
Today we're gonna talk about how to break the cycle and become the parent who prepares,
not punishes.
Get—over here!
Because I said so!
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or dad,
(00:27):
do you ever feel like a broken wrecker?
Wrecker.
Wrecker.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Leota,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:50):
Welcome to the Learn to Speak Kid podcast.
We are Bonnie and Thomas Leota.
Yes,
and we help parents and educators transform the most defiant and
disruptive child behavior.
Without mind-altering medication,
years of therapy,
or harsh punishment.
So we're going to talk about the cycle of parenting hell.
(01:10):
So just picture this.
You have a baby.
You're in love with this baby.
You do everything for this baby.
And at about six months old,
they start to crawl.
Between six months and 12 months,
what are we taught?
Our babies must learn.
What word,
Tom?
No.
Great.
No,
don't go over there.
No,
don't touch that.
(01:30):
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
Don't throw your food.
Could you imagine a game?
That was called,
instead of Simon Says,
it was called The Game of No.
Everything that you thought was shiny exploring when you were— I'm ready to learn.
And they said, 'No,
no,
no,
no.' At what point would you go?
(01:54):
Oh.
I'm gonna mimic back.
Get over here.
NO!
And then all of a sudden...
physical altercations come into play.
Right after,
Hey!
Don't you backtalk me!
Call me crazy.
But that sounds like putting the battery backwards in the remote.
(02:15):
And then complaining and saying, 'Stupid controller.' Because what
kind of craftsman— blames his tool.
And you got it.
A poor craftsman.
Yeah,
and here's the pattern we're seeing.
So when did this start?
The aggressive behavior,
the defiance?
Um,
gosh,
my child was great until they were about three,
(02:37):
four and a half.
And then all of a sudden they just became.
This little monster,
this little...
violent,
aggressive little thing that I just can't control.
They just won't listen to me.
And so we started in therapy.
And my child's now labeled with DMDD,
ODD,
ADHD,
(02:58):
anxiety,
depression.
Ah,
is there medication?
Well,
yeah,
I didn't really want to do it,
but there was nothing else that would work.
Like,
what's the message that the kids are actually hearing?
Yeah,
before I share the message,
it almost sounds like a...
Really weird Pokemon game.
Like,
I got to collect them all.
Like,
these are stickers for some kind of...
(03:19):
game that you can't really win.
And I understand that a rancher would brand or label his cattle for ownership.
So I'm not sure if that has something to do with you owning the kid,
not letting them have independence,
but here's the real secret message that's coming across.
You can't do it.
You're not capable.
(03:40):
You're defective.
Without me,
you can't do anything.
And this seems kind of like it contradicts the whole reason why I
showed up as a winning lotto ticket,
the one out of a million.
That when I showed up here in physical form,
somebody could see me mimic.
And they would show me.
When and where?
(04:00):
And also the proper procedures to do something all by myself.
Yeah,
and I want to say this,
like,
Do the child behavior disorders exist?
Yes,
they do.
Does ADHD exist?
Well,
it does now.
Yes,
it does.
Are unable to focus.
They act impulsively because somehow we got on this hamster wheel of parenting hell,
(04:26):
which we talked about in the last episode.
We are constantly correcting behavior in the moment.
We grab their arm.
It's okay to have feelings,
but I won't let you hit.
And we think that our three-year-old is learning from what we say.
And all they're hearing is like,
but they're watching you.
(04:48):
And now they're learning,
grab your arm.
I won't let you hit.
Oh my gosh.
This is just so,
so powerful.
We do.
We do everything.
We raise them in this fantasy land and we complain about it all day long.
My kids won't do anything.
They won't put their dishes away or clean up their mess.
(05:08):
I just have to do everything.
No,
you don't.
And we're actually here,
moms and dads.
Sorry,
I'm speaking passionately.
I would love for you to have an absolute transformation during this episode.
You don't have to be,
do,
and have everything for your kids.
(05:29):
They're not saying...
I want a bike,
go buy me a bike right now until you.
Help them create the neural pathway of if they want something,
you're the only way to make it happen.
And so what's it mean when you have a young adult still living in your basement,
unwilling to help,
unwilling to pitch for groceries and not even talking to you?
(05:51):
What if it was this simple,
Bonnie?
You.
The parent.
Not— didn't do it on purpose.
But what if you did too much for them?
Not— with them.
Mm-hmm.
You did four.
But we forgot to play the game called Follow the Leader.
Mm-hmm.
And transfer the life skill over.
(06:12):
So they can go from 'You do?' to meet you.
Well,
that's so interesting because at the age of two,
they are constantly going,
I do.
I do myself.
I do myself.
And there's probably,
I don't know,
thousands of videos on social media of an annoyed mother as the
toddler is learning to put their own shoes on or the toddler is
(06:34):
learning to put their own seatbelt on in the car seat and the mom's rolling her eyes.
Like,
okay,
let's just stop right here.
Parenting is a job.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet.
We are raising and preparing and teaching and working with and
(06:54):
empowering the next generation.
We're not here to be their everything and just to love them.
If we just needed to love our kids,
we wouldn't have a 200.
$147 billion wake-up call going on with child mental health.
Parents,
they must do things on their own.
(07:16):
Because when you come along and put their shoes on for them,
help them up on the chair,
clean up their toys after them,
the secret message you're sharing is,
I don't believe you can do it.
So I have to do everything.
That's right.
This is the big dopamine.
The.
(07:36):
They steal that great power from the inside out when you do something for the first time.
When you buy them everything.
you rob them of their desire.
And their zest for life.
That's right.
You steal the dopamine.
The happiness.
The zest for life.
You see,
the neuroscience tells us this.
(07:57):
Achievement and earning create lasting happiness.
Because this instant gratification.
Robs them of the pursuit.
The Journey,
The Pride.
How many of us know that if you had some employees for the very first day,
you pay them a whole one-year salary up front at interview?
(08:19):
and then wonder why they don't show up.
Monday morning for work.
You know,
I have to share that there's a study done in the book called Atomic Habits,
and he just really emphasizes the fact that we are governed by our habits.
by the neural pathways that we develop through our lifetime.
And he talks about dopamine.
(08:40):
There's also another book called Dopamine Nation.
reason why $247 billion is being spent to medicate our kids is
because they are lacking happiness.
They are lacking a zest for life.
And like what you just said,
Tom,
oh my gosh,
like I know that I did this to my kids,
(09:01):
but what he talks about in Atomic Habits is they blocked the
dopamine receptors in rats and found that the rats had no internal
motivation or desire.
For sex,
for eating,
and they actually died.
They didn't even want to drink water.
Okay.
(09:21):
So what you're talking about right there.
Achievement,
earning,
working towards a goal,
having something in life to look forward to,
having the feeling of,
look what I did— all by myself.
This is where dopamine is created from the inside out,
and without it,
then we've got this whole generation of kids walking around the
(09:45):
world with no purpose,
no life skills,
no direction,
and no love for their parents because their parents,
gosh— like how can I say this?
We have loved our kids literally to death in a hate vibration,
which is called punishment.
And created an environment that they couldn't kick their way out of
(10:08):
a wet paper bag to save their life.
And they know it.
And I love this last part before we get to segment three.
You see,
When I first met Jacob,
he was already right there between 12 and 13.
And he never really had a chance to go anywhere else other than be
chauffeured before I met.
Bonnie.
Mm-hmm.
False or true?
(10:29):
True.
All right.
So what we did is he had to go down.
into the city.
for schooling.
for a test because we were doing homeschool at the time.
And so we walked them through the process of...
how to lay out the bus schedule,
went through steps A,
B,
and C,
did it once,
did it twice.
(10:49):
About the third time.
He's like,
I got this.
and was able to go there and back.
All on his own.
And do you remember?
You cannot make this stuff up.
He said what to you?
Bonnie.
You know what,
Mom?
I just realized how I actually am smart.
(11:10):
And I knew.
In that moment,
if Jacob left my house and went into the world and I never saw him again,
I knew he was going to make it in life because of that little simple shift in his mind.
Any labels that Jacob had—prior to me meeting him— literally fell off,
(11:30):
shattered,
evaporated,
or just disappeared.
When you saw the most genuine smile on his face,
absolutely.
So what's the way out?
What is the magic formula?
To empowerment,
because we've all been conditioned to tell our kids no,
to correct in the moment,
(11:50):
to do some sort of punishment,
to teach them a lesson.
And we've all been.
Conditioned to believe that when we do something negative,
the kids should just jump to the pump.
And when they don't,
they're being blamed,
labeled,
medicated.
Into therapy,
families are being destroyed.
So what is the,
I want to say,
magic formula?
But a mom the other day said, 'I kind of want to punch you in the
(12:12):
face.' There's a magic formula.
Nobody told me.
So moms,
dads,
you call it whatever you want to.
We'll call it a proactive action plan.
There you go.
We'll take eight.
Take all four basic parenting styles today.
Authoritative,
authoritarian,
permissive,
and neglectful.
(12:32):
And do the opposite of anything that you've been taught.
Step one.
You validate.
what they're actually doing.
because they're playing Mucky See,
Mucky Do.
Look at you breaking a plate or learning about gravity.
You validate whatever the action is with zero as much as you can muscle.
(12:54):
Stir prejudice because education comes in many forms.
And their children missing life skills.
Not these little defiant beings trying to piss you off and test all their boundaries.
We must reframe how we look at our children.
Okay,
step number two.
Remove any temptations strategically and set them up to succeed.
(13:17):
Yeah,
so if you have a $45 lip gloss that's brand new from Sephora,
put it away.
Don't leave it on the coffee table and then take it away from your...
toddler,
they don't know the difference.
Leave the empty one out.
That's right.
Set them up for success.
Because you know that they went for it and grabbed it.
You're like, 'Okay,
let me see.
Where's my empty?
(13:37):
I'm going to leave this one strategically out.
And then they grab it.
Now we're ready to...
Validate.
And remove any of those temptations,
which brings us to the step three.
Show them how to make their desires a reality.
Be the guide.
Err.
to that.
This is where you put it on,
(13:58):
hand it to them,
and let them have a turn.
Let them mimic.
That's why monkey see,
monkey do always wins.
You know,
I want to share this because when the 11-year-old says, 'I want my
belly button pierced,' we're not saying show them how to go get
their belly button pierced.
We're saying...
Show them what it takes to get a belly button pierced and validate
(14:21):
that they actually have that desire.
I remember when my kids both wanted one,
I was like, 'Oh,
okay,
cool.
Who has one?
Where'd you learn that?
How much are they?
When can you do it without a parent's signature?
How do you fix it if it gets infected?
I gave them the master plan and taught them the life skills.' and
ended up telling them,
when you're 16,
we can talk about this again.
(14:42):
So we went from the age 11 to 16,
never brought it up again.
I wasn't there.
Enemy.
I guided them and taught them the life skills.
And five years later,
they both went and got their belly buttons pierced and they're beautiful.
Yeah.
And you may not be at the stage yet to tell them the truth of the good,
the bad,
and the ugly options,
(15:02):
because they're going to learn it either from you or from somebody else.
You are the best bet.
Right.
For.
Let them struggle.
with what they can do.
See,
what this does is it builds the capacity of you do for,
they watch.
You do with.
(15:22):
I do some,
they do some.
To where you do nothing but watch,
and they do it all.
This is the shortcut of all shortcuts.
It's called...
Repetition.
This is the second law of learning because to recognize is the first.
That brings us to number five.
Make them earn.
(15:43):
What matters?
Protect.
There.
Dopamine.
From the inside out.
Because anytime someone gave you five bucks outside in.
Oh,
yay.
But then it's gone.
And it can never be duplicated.
On their end.
Yes.
I remember when Jacob was 14 and I had like worked my whole life to
(16:03):
give my kids this beautiful house,
beautiful life,
beautiful things.
And he looks at me and he goes, 'Stop trying to buy our love.' Truth.
And it was the truth,
and the truth hurts.
And it does set you free.
But it does set you free.
And when I shut off the welfare system and I was like,
you know what?
I love you guys so much.
I realized that giving you this easy life was like a mistake.
(16:27):
I realize that I'm setting you up for failure in life.
And as soon as I realized that every single time,
I want to go see a movie.
Great.
That's called a goal.
Let's make a plan.
And we lived our life like that ever since I met Tom.
And I'm telling you what,
life transformational.
So here's the long game (16:44):
connection over compliance,
preparation over punishment.
Yeah,
and,
you know,
the choice is yours.
Like,
whatever direction you want to go,
I would think that you're at a crossroads right now.
Keep doing the same things you've always done.
And head down that negative path,
or really start to get this,
(17:05):
and go to learn to speak,
kid .
com,
invest in the digital book collection.
It's $27 and every bit of information that you would ever need to transform your life,
to break this cycle,
because the truth is,
whatever direction you choose— mom or dad— your kids are watching
you right now and they're learning how the world works.
(17:26):
So it is time to wake up.
The therapists,
the clinicians,
the pediatricians,
the psychiatrists,
well,
they have a job to do.
And their job is to pick the fruit,
not get it.
To the root.
So it's seriously time we wake up for the sake of our children.
These little genius spirits deserve better than what they're getting.
(17:50):
Getting right now.
And I want to ask you,
if you've gotten something from today or the last couple of episodes,
please do share it with a parent who needs to.
to hear it.
Go to learntospeakkid.
com.
Schedule a time to speak with us and make a decision to be the
change that you're praying for your kids,
(18:12):
for your family,
for yourself.
And...
Until we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers,
everyone.
Bye for now.
Bye for now.
Have you tried everything to get your kids to listen,
but nothing works?
Are you ready for more cooperation and fun as a mom?
I'm Bonnie Liotta,
(18:33):
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life.
And I'm here to let you know there is hope.
We'll show you how to inspire your children to become cooperative
and happy from the inside out,
even if they...
You've been diagnosed with a behavior disorder like ADHD or ODD.
Join the many parents already living in parenting paradise at learn to speak kid .
com and be the joy filled,
(18:55):
happy parent you deserve to be.
Over $247 billion is spent on mental health and medicating children in North America.
(00:06):
This isn't a coincidence,
it's a consequence.
Today we're gonna talk about how to break the cycle and become the parent who prepares,
not punishes.
Get—over here!
Because I said so!
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or dad,
(00:27):
do you ever feel like a broken wrecker?
Wrecker.
Wrecker.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Leota,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:50):
Welcome to the Learn to Speak Kid podcast.
We are Bonnie and Thomas Leota.
Yes,
and we help parents and educators transform the most defiant and
disruptive child behavior.
Without mind-altering medication,
years of therapy,
or harsh punishment.
So we're going to talk about the cycle of parenting hell.
(01:10):
So just picture this.
You have a baby.
You're in love with this baby.
You do everything for this baby.
And at about six months old,
they start to crawl.
Between six months and 12 months,
what are we taught?
Our babies must learn.
What word,
Tom?
No.
Great.
No,
don't go over there.
No,
don't touch that.
(01:30):
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
Don't throw your food.
Could you imagine a game?
That was called,
instead of Simon Says,
it was called The Game of No.
Everything that you thought was shiny exploring when you were— I'm ready to learn.
And they said, 'No,
no,
no,
no.' At what point would you go?
(01:54):
Oh.
I'm gonna mimic back.
Get over here.
NO!
And then all of a sudden...
physical altercations come into play.
Right after,
Hey!
Don't you backtalk me!
Call me crazy.
But that sounds like putting the battery backwards in the remote.
(02:15):
And then complaining and saying, 'Stupid controller.' Because what
kind of craftsman— blames his tool.
And you got it.
A poor craftsman.
Yeah,
and here's the pattern we're seeing.
So when did this start?
The aggressive behavior,
the defiance?
Um,
gosh,
my child was great until they were about three,
(02:37):
four and a half.
And then all of a sudden they just became.
This little monster,
this little...
violent,
aggressive little thing that I just can't control.
They just won't listen to me.
And so we started in therapy.
And my child's now labeled with DMDD,
ODD,
ADHD,
(02:58):
anxiety,
depression.
Ah,
is there medication?
Well,
yeah,
I didn't really want to do it,
but there was nothing else that would work.
Like,
what's the message that the kids are actually hearing?
Yeah,
before I share the message,
it almost sounds like a...
Really weird Pokemon game.
Like,
I got to collect them all.
Like,
these are stickers for some kind of...
(03:19):
game that you can't really win.
And I understand that a rancher would brand or label his cattle for ownership.
So I'm not sure if that has something to do with you owning the kid,
not letting them have independence,
but here's the real secret message that's coming across.
You can't do it.
You're not capable.
(03:40):
You're defective.
Without me,
you can't do anything.
And this seems kind of like it contradicts the whole reason why I
showed up as a winning lotto ticket,
the one out of a million.
That when I showed up here in physical form,
somebody could see me mimic.
And they would show me.
When and where?
(04:00):
And also the proper procedures to do something all by myself.
Yeah,
and I want to say this,
like,
Do the child behavior disorders exist?
Yes,
they do.
Does ADHD exist?
Well,
it does now.
Yes,
it does.
Are unable to focus.
They act impulsively because somehow we got on this hamster wheel of parenting hell,
(04:26):
which we talked about in the last episode.
We are constantly correcting behavior in the moment.
We grab their arm.
It's okay to have feelings,
but I won't let you hit.
And we think that our three-year-old is learning from what we say.
And all they're hearing is like,
but they're watching you.
(04:48):
And now they're learning,
grab your arm.
I won't let you hit.
Oh my gosh.
This is just so,
so powerful.
We do.
We do everything.
We raise them in this fantasy land and we complain about it all day long.
My kids won't do anything.
They won't put their dishes away or clean up their mess.
(05:08):
I just have to do everything.
No,
you don't.
And we're actually here,
moms and dads.
Sorry,
I'm speaking passionately.
I would love for you to have an absolute transformation during this episode.
You don't have to be,
do,
and have everything for your kids.
(05:29):
They're not saying...
I want a bike,
go buy me a bike right now until you.
Help them create the neural pathway of if they want something,
you're the only way to make it happen.
And so what's it mean when you have a young adult still living in your basement,
unwilling to help,
unwilling to pitch for groceries and not even talking to you?
(05:51):
What if it was this simple,
Bonnie?
You.
The parent.
Not— didn't do it on purpose.
But what if you did too much for them?
Not— with them.
Mm-hmm.
You did four.
But we forgot to play the game called Follow the Leader.
Mm-hmm.
And transfer the life skill over.
(06:12):
So they can go from 'You do?' to meet you.
Well,
that's so interesting because at the age of two,
they are constantly going,
I do.
I do myself.
I do myself.
And there's probably,
I don't know,
thousands of videos on social media of an annoyed mother as the
toddler is learning to put their own shoes on or the toddler is
(06:34):
learning to put their own seatbelt on in the car seat and the mom's rolling her eyes.
Like,
okay,
let's just stop right here.
Parenting is a job.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet.
We are raising and preparing and teaching and working with and
(06:54):
empowering the next generation.
We're not here to be their everything and just to love them.
If we just needed to love our kids,
we wouldn't have a 200.
$147 billion wake-up call going on with child mental health.
Parents,
they must do things on their own.
(07:16):
Because when you come along and put their shoes on for them,
help them up on the chair,
clean up their toys after them,
the secret message you're sharing is,
I don't believe you can do it.
So I have to do everything.
That's right.
This is the big dopamine.
The.
(07:36):
They steal that great power from the inside out when you do something for the first time.
When you buy them everything.
you rob them of their desire.
And their zest for life.
That's right.
You steal the dopamine.
The happiness.
The zest for life.
You see,
the neuroscience tells us this.
(07:57):
Achievement and earning create lasting happiness.
Because this instant gratification.
Robs them of the pursuit.
The Journey,
The Pride.
How many of us know that if you had some employees for the very first day,
you pay them a whole one-year salary up front at interview?
(08:19):
and then wonder why they don't show up.
Monday morning for work.
You know,
I have to share that there's a study done in the book called Atomic Habits,
and he just really emphasizes the fact that we are governed by our habits.
by the neural pathways that we develop through our lifetime.
And he talks about dopamine.
(08:40):
There's also another book called Dopamine Nation.
reason why $247 billion is being spent to medicate our kids is
because they are lacking happiness.
They are lacking a zest for life.
And like what you just said,
Tom,
oh my gosh,
like I know that I did this to my kids,
(09:01):
but what he talks about in Atomic Habits is they blocked the
dopamine receptors in rats and found that the rats had no internal
motivation or desire.
For sex,
for eating,
and they actually died.
They didn't even want to drink water.
Okay.
(09:21):
So what you're talking about right there.
Achievement,
earning,
working towards a goal,
having something in life to look forward to,
having the feeling of,
look what I did— all by myself.
This is where dopamine is created from the inside out,
and without it,
then we've got this whole generation of kids walking around the
(09:45):
world with no purpose,
no life skills,
no direction,
and no love for their parents because their parents,
gosh— like how can I say this?
We have loved our kids literally to death in a hate vibration,
which is called punishment.
And created an environment that they couldn't kick their way out of
(10:08):
a wet paper bag to save their life.
And they know it.
And I love this last part before we get to segment three.
You see,
When I first met Jacob,
he was already right there between 12 and 13.
And he never really had a chance to go anywhere else other than be
chauffeured before I met.
Bonnie.
Mm-hmm.
False or true?
(10:29):
True.
All right.
So what we did is he had to go down.
into the city.
for schooling.
for a test because we were doing homeschool at the time.
And so we walked them through the process of...
how to lay out the bus schedule,
went through steps A,
B,
and C,
did it once,
did it twice.
(10:49):
About the third time.
He's like,
I got this.
and was able to go there and back.
All on his own.
And do you remember?
You cannot make this stuff up.
He said what to you?
Bonnie.
You know what,
Mom?
I just realized how I actually am smart.
(11:10):
And I knew.
In that moment,
if Jacob left my house and went into the world and I never saw him again,
I knew he was going to make it in life because of that little simple shift in his mind.
Any labels that Jacob had—prior to me meeting him— literally fell off,
(11:30):
shattered,
evaporated,
or just disappeared.
When you saw the most genuine smile on his face,
absolutely.
So what's the way out?
What is the magic formula?
To empowerment,
because we've all been conditioned to tell our kids no,
to correct in the moment,
(11:50):
to do some sort of punishment,
to teach them a lesson.
And we've all been.
Conditioned to believe that when we do something negative,
the kids should just jump to the pump.
And when they don't,
they're being blamed,
labeled,
medicated.
Into therapy,
families are being destroyed.
So what is the,
I want to say,
magic formula?
But a mom the other day said, 'I kind of want to punch you in the
(12:12):
face.' There's a magic formula.
Nobody told me.
So moms,
dads,
you call it whatever you want to.
We'll call it a proactive action plan.
There you go.
We'll take eight.
Take all four basic parenting styles today.
Authoritative,
authoritarian,
permissive,
and neglectful.
(12:32):
And do the opposite of anything that you've been taught.
Step one.
You validate.
what they're actually doing.
because they're playing Mucky See,
Mucky Do.
Look at you breaking a plate or learning about gravity.
You validate whatever the action is with zero as much as you can muscle.
(12:54):
Stir prejudice because education comes in many forms.
And their children missing life skills.
Not these little defiant beings trying to piss you off and test all their boundaries.
We must reframe how we look at our children.
Okay,
step number two.
Remove any temptations strategically and set them up to succeed.
(13:17):
Yeah,
so if you have a $45 lip gloss that's brand new from Sephora,
put it away.
Don't leave it on the coffee table and then take it away from your...
toddler,
they don't know the difference.
Leave the empty one out.
That's right.
Set them up for success.
Because you know that they went for it and grabbed it.
You're like, 'Okay,
let me see.
Where's my empty?
(13:37):
I'm going to leave this one strategically out.
And then they grab it.
Now we're ready to...
Validate.
And remove any of those temptations,
which brings us to the step three.
Show them how to make their desires a reality.
Be the guide.
Err.
to that.
This is where you put it on,
(13:58):
hand it to them,
and let them have a turn.
Let them mimic.
That's why monkey see,
monkey do always wins.
You know,
I want to share this because when the 11-year-old says, 'I want my
belly button pierced,' we're not saying show them how to go get
their belly button pierced.
We're saying...
Show them what it takes to get a belly button pierced and validate
(14:21):
that they actually have that desire.
I remember when my kids both wanted one,
I was like, 'Oh,
okay,
cool.
Who has one?
Where'd you learn that?
How much are they?
When can you do it without a parent's signature?
How do you fix it if it gets infected?
I gave them the master plan and taught them the life skills.' and
ended up telling them,
when you're 16,
we can talk about this again.
(14:42):
So we went from the age 11 to 16,
never brought it up again.
I wasn't there.
Enemy.
I guided them and taught them the life skills.
And five years later,
they both went and got their belly buttons pierced and they're beautiful.
Yeah.
And you may not be at the stage yet to tell them the truth of the good,
the bad,
and the ugly options,
(15:02):
because they're going to learn it either from you or from somebody else.
You are the best bet.
Right.
For.
Let them struggle.
with what they can do.
See,
what this does is it builds the capacity of you do for,
they watch.
You do with.
(15:22):
I do some,
they do some.
To where you do nothing but watch,
and they do it all.
This is the shortcut of all shortcuts.
It's called...
Repetition.
This is the second law of learning because to recognize is the first.
That brings us to number five.
Make them earn.
(15:43):
What matters?
Protect.
There.
Dopamine.
From the inside out.
Because anytime someone gave you five bucks outside in.
Oh,
yay.
But then it's gone.
And it can never be duplicated.
On their end.
Yes.
I remember when Jacob was 14 and I had like worked my whole life to
(16:03):
give my kids this beautiful house,
beautiful life,
beautiful things.
And he looks at me and he goes, 'Stop trying to buy our love.' Truth.
And it was the truth,
and the truth hurts.
And it does set you free.
But it does set you free.
And when I shut off the welfare system and I was like,
you know what?
I love you guys so much.
I realized that giving you this easy life was like a mistake.
(16:27):
I realize that I'm setting you up for failure in life.
And as soon as I realized that every single time,
I want to go see a movie.
Great.
That's called a goal.
Let's make a plan.
And we lived our life like that ever since I met Tom.
And I'm telling you what,
life transformational.
So here's the long game (16:44):
connection over compliance,
preparation over punishment.
Yeah,
and,
you know,
the choice is yours.
Like,
whatever direction you want to go,
I would think that you're at a crossroads right now.
Keep doing the same things you've always done.
And head down that negative path,
or really start to get this,
(17:05):
and go to learn to speak,
kid .
com,
invest in the digital book collection.
It's $27 and every bit of information that you would ever need to transform your life,
to break this cycle,
because the truth is,
whatever direction you choose— mom or dad— your kids are watching
you right now and they're learning how the world works.
(17:26):
So it is time to wake up.
The therapists,
the clinicians,
the pediatricians,
the psychiatrists,
well,
they have a job to do.
And their job is to pick the fruit,
not get it.
To the root.
So it's seriously time we wake up for the sake of our children.
These little genius spirits deserve better than what they're getting.
(17:50):
Getting right now.
And I want to ask you,
if you've gotten something from today or the last couple of episodes,
please do share it with a parent who needs to.
to hear it.
Go to learntospeakkid.
com.
Schedule a time to speak with us and make a decision to be the
change that you're praying for your kids,
(18:12):
for your family,
for yourself.
And...
Until we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers,
everyone.
Bye for now.
Bye for now.
Have you tried everything to get your kids to listen,
but nothing works?
Are you ready for more cooperation and fun as a mom?
I'm Bonnie Liotta,
(18:33):
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life.
And I'm here to let you know there is hope.
We'll show you how to inspire your children to become cooperative
and happy from the inside out,
even if they...
You've been diagnosed with a behavior disorder like ADHD or ODD.
Join the many parents already living in parenting paradise at learn to speak kid .
com and be the joy filled,
(18:55):
happy parent you deserve to be.
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