October 6, 2025 • 23 mins
Discover the surprising secret to raising confident, independent, and truly successful children. Bonnie and Thomas Liotta reveal why struggle is essential for your child's development and how well-intentioned parents might be accidentally crippling their kids' future success. Learn the universal formula that transforms children from dependent to champion status, why video games aren't the enemy, and how to stop being a "broken record" parent. This eye-opening conversation challenges conventional parenting wisdom and provides practical solutions you can implement today.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Today we're going to be talking about how to raise a successful child.
Get over here because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or Dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
(00:26):
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at atime.
(00:47):
Okay,
so I love these conversations with you,
Tom,
and today we're going to be talking about how to raise a successful child,
and I also want to add without over-parenting because there's a huge
topic on TED Talks where she titles it How to Raise Successful Kids
Without Over-Parenting.
The only problem is there's not a lot of solutions in that TED Talk,
(01:08):
and I want to bring parents solutions today on what it takes to
raise a successful kid.
Well,
first and foremost,
if there's no struggle,
there's no strength.
If you talk to most adults about this,
we can all admit that our greatest triumphs,
most confidence,
the feeling of joy and happiness come from having some sort of
(01:34):
almost like hitting rock bottom and then being able to swim,
so to speak,
from the bottom to the top,
breaking through and it's like,
oh my gosh,
I did that!
Look what I did.
So I think that's what you're talking about here today because,
as a mom who had a,
(01:55):
of course.
of raising successful kids and let's talk about what a successful child is.
Does that mean that our kids grow up to be a doctor,
a lawyer,
or the CEO of a company or something like that?
Does it mean they have a lot of money?
Does it mean they have a lot of time?
What does it actually mean to raise a successful kid?
(02:16):
And I'm going to say as a mom,
I wanted my kids to be happy.
I wanted them to have a lot of I wanted them to experience things I
never got to experience as a I wanted them to have an easy life,
right?
So it's almost like I wanted them to have a successful childhood,
whatever that meant.
And I kind of forgot about the whole struggle thing like nobody ever
(02:40):
talked about struggle.
I personally like formulas,
and we're going to talk about what to have a successful life.
What if it could be just as simple as something inside,
either want,
need,
or desire?
There's like a desire to figure out the steps of to do it.
(03:02):
You actually take that action.
That's that struggle,
and it's through that repetition to finally take a step and fall,
take a step and fall,
take a step,
and then pretty soon you went from walking to running.
It's that inside energy that just comes out; like there's not a drug
man has found yet or made on earth that feels as good as,
(03:22):
look what I just did all by myself.
Yeah,
and nine.
times out of ten,
there may not have been anybody around,
but it didn't care because it came from the inside out.
That would be raising a successful child.
They could actually have that experience and could create it on tap
(03:47):
for the rest of their life.
Yeah,
and it just usually takes one experience to feel that,
like I can do anything without you,
like without the parent.
Well,
technically,
if we get down to it,
man has been the only animal in our animal kingdom to kind of go off
course and not follow God's way or the nature's way of preparing
(04:12):
them to launch out of the nest.
Okay,
let's talk about that for a minute because you said you liked formulas.
Yes.
And so do I,
and I always remember hearing,
you know,
back in my personal development days when I was learning how to
build business that if you did too much as a business leader for your team,
they would never rise up and do things on their own.
And one of the metaphors was like a butterfly in a cocoon.
(04:37):
You know,
the caterpillar knows about eating,
sleeping,
and pooping.
Basically,
that's what a caterpillar does.
It walks around,
it eats,
eats,
eats,
right?
Releases,
it sleeps,
it wakes back up,
and it repeats.
And then when it goes into the cocoon,
it's metamorphosizing,
it's changing,
and then when it's time for the butterfly to kind of come.
(04:59):
out of the cocoon there was an image where if a man came along and
saw that the butterfly was struggling to come out of the cocoon and
took a pair of scissors and cut the cocoon open,
the butterfly would flop out of the cocoon,
fall to the ground,
and it would be crippled for the rest of its life,
kind of crawling around on the ground,
(05:20):
never have the ability to fly.
And another example in nature is with the bird that needs to hatch out of the egg.
And this is something I think everybody knows,
but obviously not,
because we ran into an old friend and we went to his acreage and he
(05:42):
had these little eggs,
and they were in an incubator and going back.
and forth,
and it reminded me of when we had our little incubator.
Like,
I just thought everybody knew that if you did this,
the chickens would die.
So he's going,
oh yeah,
the first time I had eggs in the incubator and they started to,
I helped them hatch and they all died.
(06:05):
And I'm like,
oh my gosh,
like everybody doesn't know this,
obviously,
because here's a grown adult,
right?
Like,
growing chickens,
like not knowing that if if he I want to be on his side just a
little bit to vouch and go,
hang on a second,
I'm doing the best I can with what I know.
(06:27):
I have a good heart,
and let me show you what I'm doing.
So we come at it from a maybe a moral or ethic or even.
a safety issue and I get them all,
but it still doesn't change the fact that the formula is always the same.
But embracing our uniqueness is the name of the game.
See,
(06:47):
there's a certain formula that,
if you follow it,
you're there; if you don't,
you won't.
So what you're saying here is,
as a parent,
if you follow the certain formula,
you'll raise a successful kid,
and if you don't follow the formula,
you won't.
So just like the egg,
you help the chicken hatch out of the egg.
What intention is that?
(07:08):
That is like kind; you want to help them,
you want to love them.
I heard a statement once,
and it says that the the highway to hell is paved with good.
Intentions and I do believe that parents of today,
like we're all being conditioned to raise unsuccessful kids,
we're all being conditioned to raise kids who are out of control,
(07:32):
who are unhappy,
who have feelings of anxiety and depression because we've been
taught to lavish our kids with attention.
We've been taught that it's normal for two-year-olds to have
meltdowns and temper tantrums to the point that we've we've named them terrible twos,
horrific threes,
effing fours,
(07:53):
right?
Rebellious fives!
I mean it,
parents,
if you're raising a two-year-old or a three-year-old,
it doesn't end at five or six or eight.
Then we got pre-teens.
then we got teenage rebellion.
right now,
we've got young adults that are leaving the house completely unprepared for life.
there's a TikTok where the young lady is like I'm suing my parents
for giving birth to me because I never asked to be here it's like,
(08:20):
no,
okay,
all right,
so let's bring this in.
what she really means is I'm suing my parents for never preparing me
for what the world is like.
I'm suing my parents for never giving me the life skills of knowing
that I'm gonna have to have a job and I'm gonna have to pay bills
and I'm gonna have to work all day instead of watch TV all day or whatever it is,
(08:42):
right?" well,
you know,
in this big scheme of things we come from the spiritual worldwith
the whole understanding in our animal kingdom that when I pick you,
I'm going to just do stuff.
I'm going to start mimicking you,
and then you're going to see my genius of how I'm mimicking you,
(09:06):
and you're going to guide it or you're going to punish it.
And it's that part of like,
mom,
dad,
this is that girl talking to her parents; I wanted to sue you.
She may not be saying that articulately,
politically correct,
but she's spot on on part of something bigger than us is that those two parents,
(09:26):
when they chose to engage in sacred energy exchange,
better known as sex,
the unwritten small print.
that they didn't read,
said when the genius comes,
it is your moral obligation to prepare them with all missing life
skills to launch out of the nest and find me an animal other than
man that can be trained not to,
(09:48):
that doesn't follow this law and I'll listen.
But when you can see that,
oh,
game changer!
Yeah,
because it's not we can have another chance to reframe and look at
it from a different perspective.
100,
because when I met you,
like I had a dream since like four years before I ever started
(10:12):
having kids since 1994.
I was like I read a book called Think and Grow Rich,
and I went over to my dad's house and I'm like,
I don't know how,
dad,
but I'm going to find a way to empower all the kids in the world
before the age of 12.
Because if I knew what was in the book,
it was like not one of the people who created the world we live in today.
(10:33):
And I'm talking about Einstein and the Edisons and the Henry Fords.
Like,
I could go on and on,
but not one of these people had a formal education.
They all had internal drive to do something,
and the formula was to have a burning desire for something outside of yourself,
to create a goal.
I want that— to create a plan to persevere through the obstacles on
(10:55):
the plan to achieve the goal,
and you could create success.
And I was like,
okay,
I don't know how to do this.
but I know that if every child could know in their heart this magic formula,
every child could grow up already personally developed.
And that gave birth to my addiction to personal development and
business and leadership.
(11:16):
But 18 years later,
I met you and I was nowhere near to raising successful kids.
I was nowhere.
I was successful,
but they weren't personally developed at all.
However,
you were using the universal formula (11:29):
be fantastically phenomenal,
financial,
relational,
mental,
physical,
or it was financial.
You were using the goal,
plan,
take action,
perseverance formula,
(11:49):
and you kicked butt and took names.
Nor yes,
however.
However,
Tom,
I was I was also kicking butt and taking names,
reading all the current parenting books that were teaching me to set
boundaries and have rules and have chore charts.
And to,
(12:09):
you know,
like you said,
you could either guide or punish,
but there's one thing missing.
There's an element missing.
It's called smother,
right?
So we can guide our children,
we can punish our children,
or we could smother their desires to take away the first step to any
achievement called desire,
the greatest gift we could ever give to our children.
Now that I know,
because you're right,
I was using the formulas in my business life.
(12:31):
We had a seven-bedroom house.
My kids had every toy under the sun.
We didn't want for anything.
Um,
I had a beautiful vehicle pool in the backyard; you name it,
we had it.
But the kids were all being diagnosed with ADHD,
oppositional defiant disorder,
anxiety,
and depression.
And I was living my own secret nightmare,
crying in my bathroom in a fetal position at the end of every day
(12:54):
because my kids were ruining my house and ruining my life.
And I literally thought that maybe being a grandma was going to be easier.
But now we have clients who are grandmas all over the world who are saying, 'No,
it's not easier as a grandma unless we get this What we're talking about here today.
is so important because not only will it help children grow up
(13:16):
successful and independent,
but it also helps the parents live a more peaceful and joyful life as parents.
And isn't that what we what we all want?
Okay,
so let's bring it in.
I don't want to run off on any tracks.
Let's bring it in.
We're talking about how to raise successful kids,
and a successful kid being a confident kid,
a kind kid,
a grateful kid,
a kid with desire,
(13:37):
with goals,
with purpose; a kid who works with mom and dad as a team,
who is cooperative and champion status no matter what they choose to do for their life.
To me,
that makes a successful kid.
And so when you came into our life and you started teaching me to
just take these success formulas and apply it to your parenting like
(13:59):
my whole world changed.
But do you remember the time that we were in um we were in Snohomish
and we had a hot tub in the back and it needed to be cleaned?
And so in order for the kids to have time in the hot tub,
they were responsible to help us clean it and fill it.
And so we had spent all this time cleaning it.
(14:19):
And then Zach was I don't know maybe 50 70 feet away.
And he it was his job to turn on the hose.
So Zach was struggling with the hose.
And I was like Oh I don't want him to hurt his self-esteem.
Like I don't want him to to get upset.
It was like I don't want him to struggle.
So I stood up and I was going to go rescue my son.
(14:42):
Right?
I do remember this,
and thank God I was able to catch you quick enough.
Funny,
Bon Bon.
Yeah.
Sit down.
Ask him a question first.
Yeah,
and you asked him,
and he said,
he said, 'Oh,
(15:03):
I got it now And that's how simple it was.
So he was able to turn the hose on by himself,
and moms,
dads,
like that was a defining moment.
That was a change.
That was a defining moment.
Not just for like Zach for going,
okay,
I'm not stupid.
Okay,
I can figure things out on myself because one of the sentences he
(15:24):
said when you started teaching them like champion ways and life
skills was you can't expect.
the same from me as everybody else because my brain's broken,
which told me that he really believed his brain was.
He really believed that everybody else was born in the image of God,
but Zach was born in the image of oppositional defiant disorder,
which to me never made sense.
(15:46):
And when you brought these principles in,
allow him to struggle,
that made all the difference in the world because now that's an example of struggle.
It's not like he's,
you know,
walking tightrope on a hundred foot building kind of struggle.
It's not like we go, 'Oh,
okay,
well get on a skateboard and ride straight down the hill' kind of struggle.
This is everyday.
(16:07):
life struggle.
So,
we had our nephews come over to visit,
um,
somewhere along the way after the hose thing.
And and the youngest one was about 18 months old,
and he was struggling to get up onto the couch.
And so,
he was starting to whine and cry and struggle.
And it would have been so easy for me to go and just,
(16:28):
you know,
lift him up,
help him up a little bit.
But I knew better.
I was like,
this is the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon,
right?
Like,
this is the opportunity to go,
okay little guy,
I know you can do it.
Keep going.
And he just,
he was able to get himself up onto the chair.
And that's a defining moment.
That's a moment where we can let our toddlers.
Struggle a little bit.
(16:48):
And now you know we've got a 21-year-old daughter back at home with
a little baby called Harley Faith.
And I invited them back during this transition because I knew that my
daughter needed some life skills on how to have a baby for the very first time.
And the baby's learning some life skills.
And as much as you want to go every time the baby's crying for an
(17:12):
extended period of time,
I want to go rescue her.
I want to go rescue her. 'Cause I remember what it was like being
that age with a newborn,
not knowing what to do,
but you got to let them struggle a little bit till they get to the
point where they're like, 'Mom,
come help me Now when they say, " Mom,
come help me Now you're in a power position to actually go I'm going to come help you,
as long as you're open to learning the life skill And that critical
(17:35):
window right there is the difference between overcompensating and being a big kid,
trusted advisor,
smothering their own desires,
smothering their own confidence,
smothering their sense of independence.
You know,
cause I don't want to make her feel like I'm a terrible mom.
(17:57):
Like I can't do this.
I want to empower her,
make her know that she she is there to learn life skills.
Baby's there to learn life skills.
We're there to teach them,
not to do everything for.
them And there was something about video games before we wrap up
we're almost done talking today about this but what is it about video games?
Because as adults we're like,
(18:18):
we're also being conditioned that if the children are playing too
too many video games or they're on the screen too much,
well that's causing their mental illness.
And I'm I'm here to go,
No it's how it's us smothering them and helping the the butterfly
out of the cocoon with scissors that's crippling them.
What's the truth about video games?
(18:39):
What is it that kids get out of that?
Okay,
the kids get a chance at a video games to do real life simulations
of turning A nozzle to the right is off for the first time.
Crazy as it sounds,
they don't know left,
which is on a light switch down off on the I don't know what I'm
(19:05):
doing with the baby as mom gets it.
It just went from,
yeah,
it's a there's these little windows of going monkey see,
monkey do.
Yeah,
she was now open because she had a desire to go from to this one
(19:25):
what you did they get a chance to see.
Now,
video games create exactly the same universal formula.
Yeah,
there's a desire inside to interact with the story,
whether it's to save the girl,
to defeat the villain,
or to find the thing on an adventure.
See,
there's a goal.
(19:45):
Yeah,
goals typically can fall into what.
we need like food,
clothing,
shelter.
That's basic,
but then there's things we want.
But then there's a part inside.
It's a desire,
something that you want to.
There's a certain plan that's in place.
It's an ABC method,
and you must take action.
And it's that action that lets you to find the good,
(20:06):
the bad,
and the ugly by just doing something.
So when kids get a chance to do video games,
they're in a world of them developing can versus can’t.
Because by me shooting this,
I can score points,
I can do enough reps to level up,
(20:28):
I can be able to get something in the game that I wanted.
Yeah.
And through that repetition,
which is the second law of learning,
it creates.
a Yes.
And without that struggle,
no strength.
But when I can struggle,
who created that strength?
Oh,
(20:49):
I did.
And that power!
Oh,
it's so misunderstood.
It is completely.
We're going to do another episode all about technology,
how we look at our children playing video games and we understand that,
and really take a look in the mirror— like really take a look at
(21:12):
yourself and your family.
And if out of good intentions we've paved a way to help by taking a
blanket and smothering their desires,
by coming along and kind of overcompensating and doing everything
for them because we don't want them to struggle.
But it is struggle that gives them.
strength it is the struggle,
(21:32):
and the resilience,
and the ability to persist through obstacles to create success all by themselves,
which is why they love video games.
And is the magic formula to raise successful kids.
And to just wrap this up,
yes,
that struggle,
you're there for a small little window of their life.
The power is this question here (21:54):
if I cease to exist,
doesn't mean you die,
that just means you're out of the picture.
How well would they be able to do all by themselves,
right?
And see if they can get up one,
two,
three,
ten,
hundred,
thousand,
or ten thousand attempts.
It's that struggle that creates them to the next level of strength.
(22:18):
yeah that allows them to reach their definition of success.
okay well that was awesome thank you having this conversation with
me how to raise successful kids and uh i think it was pretty
eye-opening and life-changing.
yeah yeah and i believe that every parent can give themselves
permission that if there's one thing that's off their radar if they
(22:38):
knew this yeah they'd be able to create a whole different outcome.
there would be more in alignment and that's really how simple it really is.
absolutely.
so until we do meet again how about we celebrate?
here's to your to your parenting success.
cheers bye for now it's true.
(22:59):
you can learn to speak,
kid.
let us help you,
starting today.
visit learntospeakkid.
com right now for life-changing parent resources that'll help you enjoy more peace,
harmony,
and joy in your home.
we have your back.
Today we're going to be talking about how to raise a successful child.
Get over here because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or Dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
(00:26):
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at atime.
(00:47):
Okay,
so I love these conversations with you,
Tom,
and today we're going to be talking about how to raise a successful child,
and I also want to add without over-parenting because there's a huge
topic on TED Talks where she titles it How to Raise Successful Kids
Without Over-Parenting.
The only problem is there's not a lot of solutions in that TED Talk,
(01:08):
and I want to bring parents solutions today on what it takes to
raise a successful kid.
Well,
first and foremost,
if there's no struggle,
there's no strength.
If you talk to most adults about this,
we can all admit that our greatest triumphs,
most confidence,
the feeling of joy and happiness come from having some sort of
(01:34):
almost like hitting rock bottom and then being able to swim,
so to speak,
from the bottom to the top,
breaking through and it's like,
oh my gosh,
I did that!
Look what I did.
So I think that's what you're talking about here today because,
as a mom who had a,
(01:55):
of course.
of raising successful kids and let's talk about what a successful child is.
Does that mean that our kids grow up to be a doctor,
a lawyer,
or the CEO of a company or something like that?
Does it mean they have a lot of money?
Does it mean they have a lot of time?
What does it actually mean to raise a successful kid?
(02:16):
And I'm going to say as a mom,
I wanted my kids to be happy.
I wanted them to have a lot of I wanted them to experience things I
never got to experience as a I wanted them to have an easy life,
right?
So it's almost like I wanted them to have a successful childhood,
whatever that meant.
And I kind of forgot about the whole struggle thing like nobody ever
(02:40):
talked about struggle.
I personally like formulas,
and we're going to talk about what to have a successful life.
What if it could be just as simple as something inside,
either want,
need,
or desire?
There's like a desire to figure out the steps of to do it.
(03:02):
You actually take that action.
That's that struggle,
and it's through that repetition to finally take a step and fall,
take a step and fall,
take a step,
and then pretty soon you went from walking to running.
It's that inside energy that just comes out; like there's not a drug
man has found yet or made on earth that feels as good as,
(03:22):
look what I just did all by myself.
Yeah,
and nine.
times out of ten,
there may not have been anybody around,
but it didn't care because it came from the inside out.
That would be raising a successful child.
They could actually have that experience and could create it on tap
(03:47):
for the rest of their life.
Yeah,
and it just usually takes one experience to feel that,
like I can do anything without you,
like without the parent.
Well,
technically,
if we get down to it,
man has been the only animal in our animal kingdom to kind of go off
course and not follow God's way or the nature's way of preparing
(04:12):
them to launch out of the nest.
Okay,
let's talk about that for a minute because you said you liked formulas.
Yes.
And so do I,
and I always remember hearing,
you know,
back in my personal development days when I was learning how to
build business that if you did too much as a business leader for your team,
they would never rise up and do things on their own.
And one of the metaphors was like a butterfly in a cocoon.
(04:37):
You know,
the caterpillar knows about eating,
sleeping,
and pooping.
Basically,
that's what a caterpillar does.
It walks around,
it eats,
eats,
eats,
right?
Releases,
it sleeps,
it wakes back up,
and it repeats.
And then when it goes into the cocoon,
it's metamorphosizing,
it's changing,
and then when it's time for the butterfly to kind of come.
(04:59):
out of the cocoon there was an image where if a man came along and
saw that the butterfly was struggling to come out of the cocoon and
took a pair of scissors and cut the cocoon open,
the butterfly would flop out of the cocoon,
fall to the ground,
and it would be crippled for the rest of its life,
kind of crawling around on the ground,
(05:20):
never have the ability to fly.
And another example in nature is with the bird that needs to hatch out of the egg.
And this is something I think everybody knows,
but obviously not,
because we ran into an old friend and we went to his acreage and he
(05:42):
had these little eggs,
and they were in an incubator and going back.
and forth,
and it reminded me of when we had our little incubator.
Like,
I just thought everybody knew that if you did this,
the chickens would die.
So he's going,
oh yeah,
the first time I had eggs in the incubator and they started to,
I helped them hatch and they all died.
(06:05):
And I'm like,
oh my gosh,
like everybody doesn't know this,
obviously,
because here's a grown adult,
right?
Like,
growing chickens,
like not knowing that if if he I want to be on his side just a
little bit to vouch and go,
hang on a second,
I'm doing the best I can with what I know.
(06:27):
I have a good heart,
and let me show you what I'm doing.
So we come at it from a maybe a moral or ethic or even.
a safety issue and I get them all,
but it still doesn't change the fact that the formula is always the same.
But embracing our uniqueness is the name of the game.
See,
(06:47):
there's a certain formula that,
if you follow it,
you're there; if you don't,
you won't.
So what you're saying here is,
as a parent,
if you follow the certain formula,
you'll raise a successful kid,
and if you don't follow the formula,
you won't.
So just like the egg,
you help the chicken hatch out of the egg.
What intention is that?
(07:08):
That is like kind; you want to help them,
you want to love them.
I heard a statement once,
and it says that the the highway to hell is paved with good.
Intentions and I do believe that parents of today,
like we're all being conditioned to raise unsuccessful kids,
we're all being conditioned to raise kids who are out of control,
(07:32):
who are unhappy,
who have feelings of anxiety and depression because we've been
taught to lavish our kids with attention.
We've been taught that it's normal for two-year-olds to have
meltdowns and temper tantrums to the point that we've we've named them terrible twos,
horrific threes,
effing fours,
(07:53):
right?
Rebellious fives!
I mean it,
parents,
if you're raising a two-year-old or a three-year-old,
it doesn't end at five or six or eight.
Then we got pre-teens.
then we got teenage rebellion.
right now,
we've got young adults that are leaving the house completely unprepared for life.
there's a TikTok where the young lady is like I'm suing my parents
for giving birth to me because I never asked to be here it's like,
(08:20):
no,
okay,
all right,
so let's bring this in.
what she really means is I'm suing my parents for never preparing me
for what the world is like.
I'm suing my parents for never giving me the life skills of knowing
that I'm gonna have to have a job and I'm gonna have to pay bills
and I'm gonna have to work all day instead of watch TV all day or whatever it is,
(08:42):
right?" well,
you know,
in this big scheme of things we come from the spiritual worldwith
the whole understanding in our animal kingdom that when I pick you,
I'm going to just do stuff.
I'm going to start mimicking you,
and then you're going to see my genius of how I'm mimicking you,
(09:06):
and you're going to guide it or you're going to punish it.
And it's that part of like,
mom,
dad,
this is that girl talking to her parents; I wanted to sue you.
She may not be saying that articulately,
politically correct,
but she's spot on on part of something bigger than us is that those two parents,
(09:26):
when they chose to engage in sacred energy exchange,
better known as sex,
the unwritten small print.
that they didn't read,
said when the genius comes,
it is your moral obligation to prepare them with all missing life
skills to launch out of the nest and find me an animal other than
man that can be trained not to,
(09:48):
that doesn't follow this law and I'll listen.
But when you can see that,
oh,
game changer!
Yeah,
because it's not we can have another chance to reframe and look at
it from a different perspective.
100,
because when I met you,
like I had a dream since like four years before I ever started
(10:12):
having kids since 1994.
I was like I read a book called Think and Grow Rich,
and I went over to my dad's house and I'm like,
I don't know how,
dad,
but I'm going to find a way to empower all the kids in the world
before the age of 12.
Because if I knew what was in the book,
it was like not one of the people who created the world we live in today.
(10:33):
And I'm talking about Einstein and the Edisons and the Henry Fords.
Like,
I could go on and on,
but not one of these people had a formal education.
They all had internal drive to do something,
and the formula was to have a burning desire for something outside of yourself,
to create a goal.
I want that— to create a plan to persevere through the obstacles on
(10:55):
the plan to achieve the goal,
and you could create success.
And I was like,
okay,
I don't know how to do this.
but I know that if every child could know in their heart this magic formula,
every child could grow up already personally developed.
And that gave birth to my addiction to personal development and
business and leadership.
(11:16):
But 18 years later,
I met you and I was nowhere near to raising successful kids.
I was nowhere.
I was successful,
but they weren't personally developed at all.
However,
you were using the universal formula (11:29):
be fantastically phenomenal,
financial,
relational,
mental,
physical,
or it was financial.
You were using the goal,
plan,
take action,
perseverance formula,
(11:49):
and you kicked butt and took names.
Nor yes,
however.
However,
Tom,
I was I was also kicking butt and taking names,
reading all the current parenting books that were teaching me to set
boundaries and have rules and have chore charts.
And to,
(12:09):
you know,
like you said,
you could either guide or punish,
but there's one thing missing.
There's an element missing.
It's called smother,
right?
So we can guide our children,
we can punish our children,
or we could smother their desires to take away the first step to any
achievement called desire,
the greatest gift we could ever give to our children.
Now that I know,
because you're right,
I was using the formulas in my business life.
(12:31):
We had a seven-bedroom house.
My kids had every toy under the sun.
We didn't want for anything.
Um,
I had a beautiful vehicle pool in the backyard; you name it,
we had it.
But the kids were all being diagnosed with ADHD,
oppositional defiant disorder,
anxiety,
and depression.
And I was living my own secret nightmare,
crying in my bathroom in a fetal position at the end of every day
(12:54):
because my kids were ruining my house and ruining my life.
And I literally thought that maybe being a grandma was going to be easier.
But now we have clients who are grandmas all over the world who are saying, 'No,
it's not easier as a grandma unless we get this What we're talking about here today.
is so important because not only will it help children grow up
(13:16):
successful and independent,
but it also helps the parents live a more peaceful and joyful life as parents.
And isn't that what we what we all want?
Okay,
so let's bring it in.
I don't want to run off on any tracks.
Let's bring it in.
We're talking about how to raise successful kids,
and a successful kid being a confident kid,
a kind kid,
a grateful kid,
a kid with desire,
(13:37):
with goals,
with purpose; a kid who works with mom and dad as a team,
who is cooperative and champion status no matter what they choose to do for their life.
To me,
that makes a successful kid.
And so when you came into our life and you started teaching me to
just take these success formulas and apply it to your parenting like
(13:59):
my whole world changed.
But do you remember the time that we were in um we were in Snohomish
and we had a hot tub in the back and it needed to be cleaned?
And so in order for the kids to have time in the hot tub,
they were responsible to help us clean it and fill it.
And so we had spent all this time cleaning it.
(14:19):
And then Zach was I don't know maybe 50 70 feet away.
And he it was his job to turn on the hose.
So Zach was struggling with the hose.
And I was like Oh I don't want him to hurt his self-esteem.
Like I don't want him to to get upset.
It was like I don't want him to struggle.
So I stood up and I was going to go rescue my son.
(14:42):
Right?
I do remember this,
and thank God I was able to catch you quick enough.
Funny,
Bon Bon.
Yeah.
Sit down.
Ask him a question first.
Yeah,
and you asked him,
and he said,
he said, 'Oh,
(15:03):
I got it now And that's how simple it was.
So he was able to turn the hose on by himself,
and moms,
dads,
like that was a defining moment.
That was a change.
That was a defining moment.
Not just for like Zach for going,
okay,
I'm not stupid.
Okay,
I can figure things out on myself because one of the sentences he
(15:24):
said when you started teaching them like champion ways and life
skills was you can't expect.
the same from me as everybody else because my brain's broken,
which told me that he really believed his brain was.
He really believed that everybody else was born in the image of God,
but Zach was born in the image of oppositional defiant disorder,
which to me never made sense.
(15:46):
And when you brought these principles in,
allow him to struggle,
that made all the difference in the world because now that's an example of struggle.
It's not like he's,
you know,
walking tightrope on a hundred foot building kind of struggle.
It's not like we go, 'Oh,
okay,
well get on a skateboard and ride straight down the hill' kind of struggle.
This is everyday.
(16:07):
life struggle.
So,
we had our nephews come over to visit,
um,
somewhere along the way after the hose thing.
And and the youngest one was about 18 months old,
and he was struggling to get up onto the couch.
And so,
he was starting to whine and cry and struggle.
And it would have been so easy for me to go and just,
(16:28):
you know,
lift him up,
help him up a little bit.
But I knew better.
I was like,
this is the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon,
right?
Like,
this is the opportunity to go,
okay little guy,
I know you can do it.
Keep going.
And he just,
he was able to get himself up onto the chair.
And that's a defining moment.
That's a moment where we can let our toddlers.
Struggle a little bit.
(16:48):
And now you know we've got a 21-year-old daughter back at home with
a little baby called Harley Faith.
And I invited them back during this transition because I knew that my
daughter needed some life skills on how to have a baby for the very first time.
And the baby's learning some life skills.
And as much as you want to go every time the baby's crying for an
(17:12):
extended period of time,
I want to go rescue her.
I want to go rescue her. 'Cause I remember what it was like being
that age with a newborn,
not knowing what to do,
but you got to let them struggle a little bit till they get to the
point where they're like, 'Mom,
come help me Now when they say, " Mom,
come help me Now you're in a power position to actually go I'm going to come help you,
as long as you're open to learning the life skill And that critical
(17:35):
window right there is the difference between overcompensating and being a big kid,
trusted advisor,
smothering their own desires,
smothering their own confidence,
smothering their sense of independence.
You know,
cause I don't want to make her feel like I'm a terrible mom.
(17:57):
Like I can't do this.
I want to empower her,
make her know that she she is there to learn life skills.
Baby's there to learn life skills.
We're there to teach them,
not to do everything for.
them And there was something about video games before we wrap up
we're almost done talking today about this but what is it about video games?
Because as adults we're like,
(18:18):
we're also being conditioned that if the children are playing too
too many video games or they're on the screen too much,
well that's causing their mental illness.
And I'm I'm here to go,
No it's how it's us smothering them and helping the the butterfly
out of the cocoon with scissors that's crippling them.
What's the truth about video games?
(18:39):
What is it that kids get out of that?
Okay,
the kids get a chance at a video games to do real life simulations
of turning A nozzle to the right is off for the first time.
Crazy as it sounds,
they don't know left,
which is on a light switch down off on the I don't know what I'm
(19:05):
doing with the baby as mom gets it.
It just went from,
yeah,
it's a there's these little windows of going monkey see,
monkey do.
Yeah,
she was now open because she had a desire to go from to this one
(19:25):
what you did they get a chance to see.
Now,
video games create exactly the same universal formula.
Yeah,
there's a desire inside to interact with the story,
whether it's to save the girl,
to defeat the villain,
or to find the thing on an adventure.
See,
there's a goal.
(19:45):
Yeah,
goals typically can fall into what.
we need like food,
clothing,
shelter.
That's basic,
but then there's things we want.
But then there's a part inside.
It's a desire,
something that you want to.
There's a certain plan that's in place.
It's an ABC method,
and you must take action.
And it's that action that lets you to find the good,
(20:06):
the bad,
and the ugly by just doing something.
So when kids get a chance to do video games,
they're in a world of them developing can versus can’t.
Because by me shooting this,
I can score points,
I can do enough reps to level up,
(20:28):
I can be able to get something in the game that I wanted.
Yeah.
And through that repetition,
which is the second law of learning,
it creates.
a Yes.
And without that struggle,
no strength.
But when I can struggle,
who created that strength?
Oh,
(20:49):
I did.
And that power!
Oh,
it's so misunderstood.
It is completely.
We're going to do another episode all about technology,
how we look at our children playing video games and we understand that,
and really take a look in the mirror— like really take a look at
(21:12):
yourself and your family.
And if out of good intentions we've paved a way to help by taking a
blanket and smothering their desires,
by coming along and kind of overcompensating and doing everything
for them because we don't want them to struggle.
But it is struggle that gives them.
strength it is the struggle,
(21:32):
and the resilience,
and the ability to persist through obstacles to create success all by themselves,
which is why they love video games.
And is the magic formula to raise successful kids.
And to just wrap this up,
yes,
that struggle,
you're there for a small little window of their life.
The power is this question here (21:54):
if I cease to exist,
doesn't mean you die,
that just means you're out of the picture.
How well would they be able to do all by themselves,
right?
And see if they can get up one,
two,
three,
ten,
hundred,
thousand,
or ten thousand attempts.
It's that struggle that creates them to the next level of strength.
(22:18):
yeah that allows them to reach their definition of success.
okay well that was awesome thank you having this conversation with
me how to raise successful kids and uh i think it was pretty
eye-opening and life-changing.
yeah yeah and i believe that every parent can give themselves
permission that if there's one thing that's off their radar if they
(22:38):
knew this yeah they'd be able to create a whole different outcome.
there would be more in alignment and that's really how simple it really is.
absolutely.
so until we do meet again how about we celebrate?
here's to your to your parenting success.
cheers bye for now it's true.
(22:59):
you can learn to speak,
kid.
let us help you,
starting today.
visit learntospeakkid.
com right now for life-changing parent resources that'll help you enjoy more peace,
harmony,
and joy in your home.
we have your back.
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