Is Grade 7 Too Young for Social Media

Social media isn’t going away—so how do we prepare our kids for it? In this episode, we explore why giving kids devices without earning them is backwards, and how life skills training—not control—is the key to raising confident, prepared kids in the digital age. Need help with a defiant child? Get started here. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Well,
imagine you're in grade 7 and you do something silly or humiliating,
and it gets captured on video or picture,
and it gets put on Snapchat,
and every couple of months it gets out there and it reminds you again and again.
And basically,
the post was from Meryl Streep and it was saying or suggesting that
social media isn't for kids.

(00:21):
And like,
I want to talk about that today.

(00:52):
Positively transforming families one out of control child at a time.
Good morning,
Bonnie.
Well,
yes it is.
You know what's really interesting is I've been seeing this social

(01:15):
media post go around about imagine or remember when you were in
grade 7 and somebody made.
fun of you or you did something silly and you know you felt kind of terrible.
But after a couple of weeks,
the kids went on and everybody forgot about it.
True.
And the post goes on to say,
well,
imagine you're in grade 7 and you do something silly or humiliating

(01:36):
and it gets captured on video or picture and it gets put on Snapchat,
and every couple of months it gets,
you know,
gets out there and it reminds you again and again.
And basically,
the post was from Meryl Streep and it was saying or suggesting that
social media isn't for.
And like I want to talk about that today because like I get it,

(02:00):
but we're in the year 2023 and I'm like thinking we.
could try to hide social media from kids.
We can deny our kids a social media account.
But do you really think they're not going to go down the street to
their friend's house and hop on social media without any training or
life skills from you because you try to bubble wrap everything?

(02:23):
That's true.
If you don't become their hero,
their go-to person,
then you're basically just asking them or telling them, 'don't come
to me for your education,
go somewhere else And going down the street to their neighbor's
house is a natural venue because I mean we're like water.

(02:44):
It's always going to go to the least point of resistance.
So if it ain't you it's really who not a matter of if it's just it's
going to happen whether you like it or not.
Well,
it makes me wonder,
like,
at what point does an adult go,
oh,
I'm an adult now?
I completely forget what it was like to be a child,
completely forget what my parents like.
When I was a teenager,

(03:05):
I liked to listen to rap music in my room,
and I used to tease my hair and use all sorts of hairspray.
And my dad would be yelling at me from down the hall about how much he hated the music.
And then,
when he was a teenager,
his parents did the same thing when he would listen to rock and roll or,
at some point,
Elvis Presley.
If you listen to Elvis Presley,

(03:25):
the kids are headed towards the devil and this kind of thing.
It's like every generation there's going to be something else.
The parents try to bubble wrap or try to hide it or protect it,
or they just see it from such a negative perspective that they put onto the child.
And then we label the child 'teenager rebellion' because they choose
to listen to rock and roll,

(03:46):
or they go behind the parents' back,
now in 2023,
and they set up a social media account.
Yeah,
so true.
And on the flip side,
it's always so funny is where someone,
when you're the kid,
you kind of look at your parents as old and boring and just they
were never a teenager themselves.
You just went from out of the womb to 40 plus.

(04:10):
You're right.
And they're like,
so you don't think I used to sneak out of the house?
There,
little smart guy,
thinking you'd go and get away with it.
You see,
that was probably the neatest thing I liked about my dad,
is that not only did he always get in,
but you couldn't pull anything over on him.
And he never told me that I had to.
So he was always a go-to kind of a for whatever I wanted to do,

(04:32):
which made it a unique experience for me because me and my dad were
almost like best friends.
I wish I had your dad as a trusted advisor.
I'm sorry.
I love you,
Dad.
I love you,
Dad out there in— I just wish that he could have seen me a little.
bit more for who I was.

(04:53):
And I think he went to his deathbed not really knowing me,
thinking that he did but not really knowing me.
So,
you know,
we work with and we really coach our parents to raise up champion kids.
And here we're talking about being bullied on social media.
But were you ever bullied on the playground when you were a kid?

(05:14):
Yeah.
And just before talking about being I got a really good story on that.
It never,
at the time,
made any sense why none of my friends had a dad relationship like I had.
Yeah.
Where they were like,
man,
my dad's gonna bust my ass.

(05:34):
Or boy,
if dad finds out,
I'm gonna really get it.
Yeah.
Where I was like,
I wasn't able.
to relate because I could go to him.
And yeah,
there was,
if you do this,
this is what's gonna happen.
You can do that,
that's what happens.
That makes sense.
But I could always go to him with anything.
One thing that I remember when we were kids,
when we all got our BMX bikes,

(05:56):
is we used to find these little caps that would go in the air nozzle
on cars and they were chrome colored.
They were called chromies.
And we would learn to take them,
and I could go to him and say,
look at all these chromies that I found,
right?
And he wouldn't say,
you know that's bad or He just goes,
well you know what happens.
You can get caught.
No,
well let me show you.
Rather than scolding.

(06:17):
me for doing something unique.
But there was a very unique relationship that I had with my dad that
most of my friends didn't have.
And I think there's something to that as we talk a little bit more today.
And we're talking about protecting kids from social media.
Like the whole statement of social media isn't for kids.

(06:37):
Well,
that's true.
And if you ask me if I was ridiculed or kind of like made fun of at,
yeah,
well,
kind of goes right there with social media.
It's almost like word of mouth.
Things spread.
People love to tell things that have a wow factor to it.
And I remember in elementary school it was right around third,

(06:59):
fourth,
fifth grade.
Right around there,
I remember having a pair of that seemed to be a little smaller than the other ones.
Was there a flood coming?
Well,
yeah,
the two they were the high water ones.
Yeah,
there was like I remember having a pair of those.
You just didn't want to let them go,
but you kept growing.
But this one here was a little more tighter around,

(07:20):
you might say,
the legs and the butt area,
right?
That was just bad.
Oh my goodness!
But I remember when we were on recess and we were always playing games like,
oh,
what do they call them?
You can't even say these things now,
but it was called smear the queer.
We'd give them the football,
then you got the ball and you would tackle.
And we didn't even know what queer was.

(07:40):
It was just called a game,
right?
Oh my gosh!
But as we were playing this game on the playground,
I got tackled,
or I fell down,
or whatever it is.
I hear this,
and it's a,
you just like that ain't right.
Something's wrong right here.

(08:00):
And what would it have been?
Oh,
those pair of pants,
right?
Just right down the old butt crack,
just ripped like a whole foot long.
And I'm just like,
God's way of going,
you're done with these.
Well,
that kind of kept it obvious at that point.
But at the time,
as we're getting into being like made fun of,
all of— all it took was one,

(08:23):
and the next thing you knew,
it was like flies.
on poop.
Every single kid came around,
saw it,
and you're just crying.
And you felt like you're on a deserted island of like,
what do I do?
There was no training for this.
But there was one kid that kind of came over and took off his jacket
and wrapped it around you to kind of cover up your tighty whities

(08:45):
that everybody could see at the time.
And next thing I knew,
I'm in the office.
I had to call mom.
Mom brought another pair of pants to school because obviously didn't
have anything for there.
And when you got back to the,
you could just see it in everybody's eyes.

(09:06):
Not only did everybody in your class know it,
but everybody in the school knew it.
Social media is going to be there regardless of the platform.
It's called word of mouth.
Just because technology connected more words and more mouths,
is it for kids?
I think I'm just going to be on the other side and say that's just

(09:28):
kind of ignorance talking.
Now you better prepare them for it because the platform's irrelevant.
That's what I want to get to.
It's like,
well,
what is the solution?
There's nothing we can do as to hide social media from our kids.
Now Facebook doesn't exist.
You don't go on there trying to control their behavior,
which really does encourage the kids to just lie,

(09:51):
cheat,
and steal to their parents.
So we're setting the kids up for failure and setting ourselves up for,
I don't know,
like burying our head in the,
like pretending it's not a reality.

But here's the thing (10:01):
I remember being a We're all going to have
bullies in our And I think it's kind of,
I think it's really important to let our experience these
circumstances to some degree because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I think that is going to always be a principle of life that children,

(10:23):
as well as young adults and adults,
like right through from zero to death,
is we need to struggle to grow,
to grow ourselves mentally,
emotionally,
physically,
how to handle ridicule,
how to handle being.
bullied Like remember back in the day there was a saying,
sticks and stones may break my bones,

(10:45):
but names will never hurt me.
I remember,
your glue.
Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.
Exactly,
and I think every person listening to this right now is like,
oh,
you know,
I remember peeing my And I think I was personally in grade one when I asked the teacher,
can I go to the Can I go to the bathroom?
And she told me to wait,

(11:06):
wait,
wait.
And then eventually,
I just couldn't wait.
I'm six or seven years old sitting in classroom,
and I thought,
oh,
I'll just let a little bit out and pretend I spilled the apple juice.
But once you start letting a little.
out it all comes out.
It definitely doesn't smell like apple juice.
So everybody in the school knows you got the wrong plumbing because
only boys can do a little and then pinch it.
The girls don't think you got that skill yet.

(11:26):
Definitely didn't have the skill in grade one.
So I mean that happened.
And yeah,
it doesn't stay in your classroom.
It does get spread out and people talk about it even years later.

So here's the thing (11:38):
you can't protect your children from what is.
We're in 2023; social media exists.
It's neither bad nor good; it just is what it is.
And so don't you think we're better off actually going,
okay,
you want a social media account?
Tell me what you want to use it for.

(11:59):
And then,
no,
let's pre-frame this for the audience.
Because the audience may not even know what learning to speak kid is.
No,
they probably don't.
It's like take your native language,
English,
Spanish,
German,
French,
whatever it is.
And then there's another language that they're talking; it's making
sense when you observe them,

(12:22):
but they don't know how to speak it.

It's not a question (12:24):
does this language exist?
It does.
So it's completely different.
And one of the things that Bonnie's talking about here is these are called goals.
These are all sacred things that everybody must bring about because
it's part of the equation.
And we use like the wind acronym,
like,

(12:45):
which way's the wind blowing?
W,
hmm,
wants N,
D,
desire.
And most people will go,
well,
where's the I?
There's no I there.
And it's like,
well,
when you choose to,
you're the I,
which makes wind.
So,
goals are the things that are most important to who?

(13:08):
To the individual that has a goal.
Ding,
ding,
ding,
ding,
ding,
ding,
ding,
right?
So to think that our kids are not gonna need some basic fundamentals like food,
clothes,
and shelter,
we call those rights.
I mean,
there's soup kitchens,
hand-me-down clothes,

(13:28):
I mean,
we got this stuff,
right?
Like those are basic needs.
But what we're talking about here is do.
you think that your kid's not gonna see something and go ooh I want that,
like a Snapchat account.
They're gonna see or a TikTok account.
Right?
I mean,
every single kid you went to a friend's house and they had this toy and you're like,
oh mom,

(13:49):
I want that.
So my goodness,
they want a social media account.
Well,
who wouldn't want one when everybody else has one?
So we gotta understand that we better engage this process of our kids wanting things,
because if they don't get them from you,

(14:12):
who are they gonna get them from?
They're gonna get them from people that don't actually care about
their best interests.
And not only that,
they're gonna have a secret account that you know nothing about.
And this is where little boys and little girls get kind of lured
into situations that the parent's worst nightmare actually happens,

(14:34):
because we send the kids out into the world thinking that,
oh,
I told them they can't have a social media account,
so they don't have one.
But really,
they do.
And now they're talking to some grownup person who really doesn't
have their best interest at heart.
So,
at the end of the day,
they're going to do it whether you want them to or not is what we're saying.
And is there any part of you as a parent listening to this that says,

(14:58):
I remember what it was like to be a I remember.
what it was like to want to be heard.
I remember what it was like to have goals,
to listen to certain music or watch certain shows or stay out past curfew,
et cetera.
How awesome would it be if you had a trusted advisor in your corner
that actually spent some proactive time with you,

(15:19):
that instilled some life skills of what to look for,
what to watch out for,
what to engage with,
not engage with,
and then also taught what constitutes being a bully and how to
protect yourself from being a victim?
That's right,
because I really think that victims and bullies come from the same root,

(15:41):
which is lack of confidence.
And what we do at Creating Champions for Life is we teach parents to
speak kid so that they can raise kids up already personally
developed kids who are confident,
kids who are self-reliant,
kids who would know how to say sticks and stones may break my but

(16:03):
names will never hurt me.
Think what you want,
whatever.
Oh yeah,
laugh it off.
You know what I mean?
Like we can give our kids these basic fundamentals of life,
these tools to raise strong,
resilient,
goal-oriented,
solution-oriented kids who will not be forever tarnished by a social

(16:25):
media post of I peed my pants in grade one or what have you.
Yeah,
you gotta be prepared for the.
Let's just put it this way.
This is what something that's called the inevitable.
Yeah,
right.
Now,
whether you're familiar with it or not,

(16:46):
understand it or not,
it's like gravity.
It's inevitable.
It's there.
You're either going to pretend to postpone it,
yeah,
bubble wrap this,
bubble wrap that,
you know,
helicopter this,
whatever you want to talk about,
or instead of postponing the inevitable,
like,
let's just don't talk about the birds and the bees,
okay?

(17:07):
Yeah.
Or we need to prepare for the inevitable.
So,
bullies,
it's like getting rid of the electron in the atom.
It's like,
right,
want to have,
I'm just going to call it what it is.

(17:29):
It's funny to think that people can actually do that.
Yeah,
that's.
Like taking one of the elements out of fire,
like,
say,
the air,
and wonder why the fire goes out.
Yeah,
you've got to have them there,
so you can't get rid of them.
So,
bullies,
I remember there was always a big campaign in the martial arts thing.
We have a no-bully policy.
They would preach this and preach that and go to the schools.

(17:52):
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm sorry,
I think that's the dumbest idea in the world,
because when it does happen,
you're postponing the inevitable.
When it does happen,
your kid's going to become a snack in the animal kingdom.
Yeah,
for sure.
And who created that?

(18:12):
So true.
It is the ones that are refusing for their kids to have social media.
or thinking they could bubble wrap them and protect them.
Those are the kids that are snacks in the world of 2023.
We're in the technology age.
You can't go back and go,
we're in the 1800s.
We just live on fire land and drive a horse and buggy,
right?
Have you heard of these elderly people that get swindled out of all

(18:37):
of their life savings?
Huh?
Yep.
Which one would you prefer?
Right,
cause this is called inevitable.
Yeah,
postpone it or prepare for it.
Yep.
Send your kid off to school and the bully Jackson for the 95.

(18:58):
This was like lunch for me.
It was like 95 cents.
It was like under a buck.
It was so neat.
Me and Mike Blansett would be like,
yeah,
it's cool.
We got a nickel.
So,
in like 20 days,
that's basically four weeks.
Every month we get a free meal; we get a free lunch.
I mean,
it was just crazy stuff that you can remember.

(19:19):
So,
somebody took my lunch money.
It's a What did we learn?
Well,
you probably bragged about the money you had in your pocket,
right?
There's something that you did we learned.
So,
would you rather lose your dollar at age five or your life savings when you're at 65,

(19:39):
75?
So,
you look at that spectrum; you're gonna have someone that's going to
punch you in the face.
I love how Mike Tyson always said everybody's got a plan till you
get punched in the face.
Right?
Now,
what?
Yeah,
exactly.
Because as you were well,
I would just know that's intellectual talk.
Yeah,
let's put you in a baptism under fire.

(20:00):
And to prepare them for that,
we have in our first module knowing our role as a parent.
One of our first key questions we ask is,
well,
you know they're gonna leave.

So let me ask you a question (20:11):
if I cease to exist,
it doesn't mean I die,
but I'm just not in my kid's life.
Yeah,
if I cease to exist,
how well would my little genius offspring be able to do all by themselves?
Yeah.
And if you can go,
well,
as long as he only plays with Bobby,

(20:31):
Timmy,
and Susie,
everything's okay.
But if I keep away,
I have a Facebook,
right?
If I can keep...
Oh,
I just dated myself.
Like all the.
Young people are like,
we're not even on Facebook.
Right?
Whatever social media platform exists.
But as long as I can keep them away from Chad and Julie and that Zach guy,
yeah,
whatever it is.
Yeah,
then everything's gonna be okay.

(20:53):
Yeah.
And then mom's sitting at home,
worrying,
worrying,
you know,
and it was like,
well,
you gotta,
you gotta let our kids live life.
You gotta prepare them for the world that we're actually living in.
True.
And us,
as parents,
like really,
we need to face reality.
And reality is the kids are gonna do things whether you teach them about it or not.

(21:17):
Well,
what's a clue to look for?
Parents would probably be going,
okay,
fine,
I'm gonna buy into this idea.
Right.
So just one quick thought is,
yeah,
before we wrap up,
we're getting ready to wrap up.
Did you ever catch them doing something you didn't like?
Remember all the videos they showed?
The little kid they walked into the bathroom and the kid's got the
marker all over his body and the toilet paper thing was all spun out,

(21:40):
and they were washing dishes in the toilet.
I mean,
the list goes on and on,
but it's that one moment,
right?
Then I can't postpone the inevitable; I got to prepare exactly.
And this minute moment right here is the sacred game.
And we'll talk about this deeper on another time.
It's called monkey see.

(22:02):
monkey do.
They saw that somewhere,
and they were mimicking it.
Exactly!
Their curiosity was allowing them to engage,
which we cannot postpone.
We want to embrace it and take that as a learning opportunity for a
whole nother episode in.
Yeah,
absolutely!

(22:23):
I think we made our point today.
You can't hide social media from your kids.
We're in the technology age.
We're in the age of social media.
So rather than like have this idea that you can protect them with bubble wrap,
take the time to show them the good,
the bad,
and the ugly of social media.
And you know,
make a plan that they can be good with,

(22:44):
and you can be good with a parent-approved plan.
So Your child can actually have goals and live their life.
And this is how we're going to raise happy,
successful kids.
That's absolutely spot on,
right?
You know what?
Thanks for the chat.
We should have actually recorded this today.
And until we do meet again,
yes,

(23:04):
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers!
It's true,
you can learn to speak kid.
Let us help you starting today.
Visit learn to speak kid com right now for life-changing parent
resources that will help you enjoy more peace,
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