March 21, 2025 • 31 mins
What every great parent needs to know about aggressive child behavior. You might be wondering what's going on and what you can do to address it.
In this episode, we delve into the causes of aggressive child behavior and provide actionable solutions to help parents confidently manage these situations.
From emotional dysregulation to environmental stressors, we examine the various factors that can trigger aggression in children. Plus, we share strategies for teaching emotional regulation, setting boundaries, and fostering positive behavior.
If you're ready to turn chaos into harmony in your home, this episode is for you! If you need help now, see our Linktree for resources and options...tap here.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
What we're talking today.
We're talking today about what
causes aggressive child behavior.
Get over here because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or dad, do you ever feel like a broken record?
(00:21):
Record, record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on
itunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta, positively transforming families
one out of control child at a time.
(00:48):
So we're talking today about
what causes aggressive child.
Child behavior.
And we could also include what causes aggressive
toddler behavior, because ultimately, whether we know it
or not, that's where aggressive behavior begins, is
in those very early years.
And I think this is an important topic to talk
(01:09):
about because really the term terrible twos wasn't even coined
into a phrase until the middle of the 1950s.
And then in 1968, child behavior disorders
were introduced to the child psychology books.
And from there we've gone into the late
70s, the 80s, we started to medicate kids.
(01:31):
And now any kid that went to school in the 1980s
either has ADHD or knows somebody who had ADHD in school.
And it's now so familiarized, these child
behavior disorders, they talk about it in
almost every single movie or television show.
They're referring to, well, my son's ADHD medication,
(01:55):
which is now progressing into oppositional defiant disorder,
conduct disorder, and like, I don't even know
where it goes from there.
But basically oppositional defiant disorder itself is
projected to become a $26.3 billion 2028.
(02:18):
So, like, there's somebody that has a goal
and a plan to how are we going
to deal with this $26.3 billion 2028?
I just let a little bit of the cat out
of the bag that it is obviously a business.
Somebody's making money off of child behavior disorders, but
(02:38):
that might be a different show in itself.
So I want to talk to you.
You've worked with thousands kids.
You coached 140,000 kids through working at
Nintendo and then had thousands of kids
come to your after school program.
And most of them were brought to
your school because of aggressive behavior.
So who better to talk about this than you? Wow.
(03:00):
I can see that point. It makes sense. Yeah.
What do you think causes aggressive child behavior or
what do you know causes aggressive child behavior?
Well, one thing that causes it is a little
genius spirit that resides in all of us.
The human spirit. Yep.
For anybody who's maybe a non believer with it,
(03:22):
we have to agree on what it is.
But the moment that we all go flatline,
this meat suit body weighs 21 grams lighter.
The moment the heart stops and we exit out.
Some call it death.
We refer to it as happy transition day.
But it's that little essence, that genius spirit
(03:44):
that we all have, cannot, will not and
will deny and fight for life.
It can never be controlled.
It can be guided to greatness, or it can be
punished into conformity, but it can never be controlled.
So I have a couple images floating around my head
(04:06):
because, like, how many of us listening to this right
now has ever been, like, so pissed off at a
boss or a spouse or a friend? Like somebody.
I have this image of being in a car
and shutting the doors and like, either playing the
music really loud or just sitting there and screaming
(04:26):
like, banging the head against the steering wheel.
Like, haven't we all at some
point in time shown aggressive behavior?
And if not, maybe I'm an anomaly.
It's just me.
Everybody else lives in happy and joy all
day long and nobody ever has temper tantrums.
But we all know that that's not true.
(04:47):
But when a child does it, like a two year
old does it, or a five year old does it,
or an eight year old freaks out at school, then
it's terribly off the mark to have this aggressive child
behavior and to go completely blank.
Like, what would cause that?
Could it be the adults in
their lives causing the aggressive behavior?
Well, all you have to do is create a deficit,
(05:10):
which is kind of like a minus or a takeaway
or neglect of, hey, did anybody see me Attention.
Yeah, I knew that when I showed up
here in physical form from the spiritual world.
I showed up here, I was going to do
the ancient game called monkey see Monkey do.
And my trusted advisor would see me and
(05:32):
be ready to start to guide me because
I would start to mimic something.
The classic, as I mentioned probably in
our last episode, was terrible twos.
You know, when the child finally
mimics you and goes, no.
And all of a sudden we say,
don't you talk to me like that.
(05:53):
When we missed the attention of.
They just started to mimic.
Yeah, Looking to be guided, not punished,
which is a negative form of control. All right. Yeah.
Oh, gosh, this is such a deep subject.
I don't know how we're going to wrap
this up in less than 30 minutes.
But we're going to make an effort to talk about
(06:15):
this and wrap it up quickly because ultimately, if we
think about it like, the term terrible twos wasn't coined
into a phrase until the middle of the 1950s.
So what happened for two year olds to go off the mark?
And today in 2023.
It's like we all know about the term terrible twos.
We all expect 2 year olds to be
obstinate and defiant and to have meltdowns.
(06:39):
In fact, it's in the textbooks, I believe today,
because every child therapist and psychologist on Instagram will
teach you it's your child's job to have meltdowns,
have temper tantrums and to test your boundaries.
And we're here to call bullshit on that.
It's not a toddler's job to have meltdowns.
(07:00):
Just like if you have a meltdown or a
temper tantrum as an adult, that's not your job.
That means that you're upset about something.
Yes, right there. Yeah. Key.
So remember we talked earlier, just briefly.
Attention deficit. Right.
Nobody sees me. Right.
I just mimicked and I was
promised somebody would see it. Yes.
(07:21):
However, when the kids came.
Instead of terrible, what's the opposite of terrible?
Terrific.
I see a little terrific too.
Look what he can do.
Yeah, I see a little monkey see, monkey do there. Yes.
I can either punish or guide. Oh my gosh.
Could it be this simple? Yes, it is.
(07:41):
It could be this simple.
But until right now, until right now, in the whole
world, nobody's ever taught anybody how to guide behavior.
And I'm going to tell you, if you're
listening to this, psychologists cannot help you.
Social workers cannot help you.
The police department cannot help you because they
do not know about guiding behavior this.
Well, if they did know about it, and I do believe
(08:03):
they did know about it back in, say, the 1920s.
But guiding behavior creates little
independent champions who think by
themselves like they think independently.
They take initiative here, you know,
they become entrepreneurs, world changers.
And I don't know if I could make billions
(08:23):
of dollars medicating children for being unhealthy if I'd
actually want them to know the path to success.
Hence, those little thinkers can't be controlled.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yes, they can't be controlled.
And the whole idea of trying to control your
child's behavior is a complete, complete illusion and setting,
(08:46):
you know, you, parents and also your children up
for massive amounts of heartache and failure.
Because truthfully, that little baby who is like, we
have a five week old right now, Harley Faith.
And we do exercises with her.
So, you know, consciously putting her out on
(09:08):
her little play pad and consciously letting her
hang on to our fingers with her with
her whole hand, little kung fu grip, right?
And then like I, if I pull up on her arms just
a little bit, she'll tell me whether she's into it or not.
Because if she's not into it, she just lets
her head dangle and then you can't do it.
But if you do it, come on, up, up.
(09:28):
And you guide her, she'll actually tense and
up and she'll, her neck will get strong
and you can actually lift her up.
And I'm like, oh, that's, that's a rep.
Now we're working on her upper body strength, we're
working on abs, we're working on her thinking.
And what's really cool is once you get her
sitting up, you could tell she's got strength in
her legs and she's like wanting to stand up. Yes.
(09:51):
Right inside.
It's coming from the inside out.
She's barking like, I can do something
more than just sit here and suckle. Right?
Like I'm something more.
So we're grabbing her, she's
sitting up, she's standing up.
And you can see that, that like she doesn't laugh
yet, like a four month old, but you can see
that she's happy and she's into it and she's engaged.
And this is the starting point because if all mom
(10:15):
knew was to carry her around, hold her, feed her,
put her down, and be quiet when I want you
to be quiet kind of thing, versus giving her this
proactive attention, I can see how babies, okay, five weeks
old, six weeks old, become colic.
Oh, my baby was colic.
I could tell there was always something wrong.
You might like what we're talking about here and you
(10:37):
might not, but either way, it is the truth.
It is called overcompensating.
And it starts right there as newborn.
And we do it all the way through their entire lives.
We as toddlers, help them up in the chair, they
reach for a dish, we get it for them.
We plate their food and serve them.
Then we clean up.
(10:58):
The kids go to bed, we clean up all their toys.
They show up in the morning into this magical
fantasy where they don't have to do anything.
So if we go back to 1920 and you watch Little
House on the Prairie, the little toddler helped set the table.
The little toddler had jobs to do.
Parents were having children because they
wanted more bodies to help.
(11:19):
On the farm, there was always a goal, a plan.
The kids were always involved in 2023.
The parents feel like it's their responsibility to
do, be and have everything for their children.
And we're literally being conditioned to do that.
So something's completely off the mark.
And you were talking earlier about,
(11:40):
like, there's no plan in place.
Like, we just come along and we tell the child what
to wear and when to get dressed and when we have
to leave and how they need to do their homework.
Like, everything's kind of laid
out to where this little.
Like you were saying in the beginning, this little
spirit is just sitting inside this body, this meat
suit going, okay, nobody sees me, right?
(12:02):
There's no purpose for my life.
So what if this attention deficit.
It's a legitimate label.
Kind of like what the ranchers
would do to their cattle.
They'd brand them, label it ownership.
That's really the truth.
But when you can look at.
Oh, if there's a deficit of the
attention on what tax attention devit. On what.
(12:26):
On their goals, seeing their desires.
Seeing the little monkey.
See monkey, dude.
Like, I'm putting things in my mouth now.
You better at that critical window right there.
See a little trigger going, I'm gonna
feed myself just like you do.
And when you do this, now we can introduce the
proper procedures of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
(12:55):
Because controlling what goes in there, you'll never
control them from putting something in their mouth.
Our job is to show them the
proper procedures of what's going to happen.
In creating Champions for Life world, we call it a.
As attention surplus. Yes.
We create a surplus of attention on
(13:18):
them, demonstrating, I don't know anything.
I'm just starting to mimic.
So now you either punish negative or guide positive.
And that's how simple it truly is. It is.
We can just end the show right here.
But I think there's something.
There's something missing.
Okay, so I'm Bonnie, and I
(13:39):
was born to my mother, Darlene.
And my mother had this crystal clear vision
of what she wanted for my life.
She wanted me to be the best.
She wanted me to be the best singer,
the best color, or the best everything.
And when my brother would bring home straight A's
and I would bring home straight C's, well, I
(13:59):
was a massive disappointment to her because why can't
you be more like your brother? Now?
I resented that, like, right up until my
46th year when I realized that I needed
a mother who was actually hard on me.
And, like, Kira was just talking about it.
My daughter was talking about with me the other day,
because she's like, well, you always said that you didn't
(14:20):
like it when your mom did this or that. And I go, yeah.
But when I was 46, I realized that I needed a
mother who never overcompensated for me, who expected the best from
me who was extremely, kind of, like hard on me.
Would I ever go back and change anything now?
And I'm thinking no, because I like me.
Like, I like kind of how I turned out.
And the fact that I had to be independent and the
(14:43):
fact that I had to have something in me that wanted
to prove to the world that I was a somebody.
Because like I said, like, I like the
me that I turned out to be.
But even with all of that, when I became a mother, I.
And this is what I think
really causes aggressive child behavior.
And of course, the intentions were absolutely great.
(15:05):
Like I think I said an episode or two ago, like, the.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. True.
I wanted my kids to have the
childhood I never got to have.
Like, I wanted them to have the brand name sweatshirts.
Like, I wanted to have enough money
that I could send them to.
To school with cool clothes.
(15:26):
And I wanted them to, I don't
know, be able to go on vacation.
So I took them to Mexico when they were little
and I took them to Disneyland when they were little.
And, you know, not only took them
to Disneyland, did the whole princess makeover.
Like $450 per kid.
And there was three girls because the kids had a
friend, so of course I had to do her too.
(15:47):
I wanted to give them this sort
of magical fantasy land of a childhood.
I'm gonna get like, emotional talking about
this because that's not what they wanted.
Like, let's call it what it is right there. You ready?
Yeah.
It's called imprinting. Yeah. You're taking your.
I was imprinting what I wanted for them.
(16:09):
You're taking your thumbprint. Yes.
And imprinting your thumbprint to not
validate their thumbprint, but to change
their thumbprint to match yours. Yeah.
And that right there is
a recipe for aggressive behavior. It really is.
Every single time.
Because if two of these matched, it
would be in the Guinness World Records. Nor. Yes.
(16:31):
Even identical twins don't. Right.
You see, there's that uniqueness that
separates us from who we are.
And it's that attention surplus that allows them
to see is if it is to be.
It's up to me. Right.
I am a genius when I embrace my own uniqueness.
And it's seeing that attention surplus on that
(16:52):
is the game changer from attention deficit.
Because nobody sees me in their
tell me what I'm doing wrong. And I can't. Exactly.
Exactly.
So that's the first half of the.
Of the equation. Correct.
Because the second part is as simple as.
Well, there's a proper procedure
for everything to show up.
And this could be as simple for the
(17:14):
moms to relate as I remember mom introducing
to me the Betty Crocker cookbook.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,
all the edible art is right here. Yeah.
All I gotta do is play the ancient
game of hide and go seek and find
these things which are called ingredients.
(17:34):
Yeah, I found them all, Mom.
Now what?
Well, now this is called the ABCs.
A recipe.
There's a proper procedure that if you follow it to the
T, the picture, the vision, the desire of what you want
to do, be and have came true every single time. Yes.
(17:56):
And this is the other part
of where there's the hyperactive.
Well, they're finding ingredients and they're assembling them
in some way, and we're showing them.
Hey, we don't do that.
This is a order that's been dis. Yes.
Better known as a dis. Order. Order. Yes.
I know I have to say this because if.
If the parents are listening to this and
(18:17):
you're watching other, like, parenting videos on YouTube
or wherever, and you're being taught to threaten
your children with some sort of consequence for
any type of negative behavior.
Okay, that is a recipe that is going to
continue to deteriorate the mental health of our children.
(18:42):
And.
And the parents.
Because I've had parents talk to me about if things
don't change, I'm going to have to be on antidepressants.
I've never believed in medication in my life, but I'm
the one that's going to be on medication soon.
So, like, if, if.
If we got an ixnay on the consequences
a and start focusing on the goals of
(19:04):
our children with a proactive plan.
This is the recipe for success in any endeavor.
Number one, you must have a burning
desire for something outside of yourself.
So when the child says, I want a cookie, you
know, I want to watch tv, I want to play
a video game, I want a new bike.
Or better yet, you catch them doing something
that you don't like, and they never even
(19:25):
asked you catch them in the cookie jar.
Okay, yes, same, same. Sure.
We recognize that they have a desire.
Not only do we recognize, but we recognize and we validate
and we come together with the child with the intention of,
let me show you how you can make that show up. Right.
(19:50):
Let me show you how you can earn a cookie.
Let me show you how you can earn tv.
Let me show you how you can make it show up
in such a way you can look in the mirror.
At night and go, I am a somebody. Yes.
The first time Jacob said, you know what, mom?
I actually am smart.
I actually am smart.
Game changer.
Look out now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
(20:12):
So number one, desire before they can even have a goal.
So what you're saying is when you see
them in the cookie jar, don't give them
consequences or punish them for it.
Recognize they have a desire for the
cookie and that's called a goal.
So number one desire, Number two, goal surplus.
Attention surplus.
Number three is to achieve success, we must
have a plan to achieve the goal.
(20:33):
And that's what you're saying
is missing in today's parenting.
There's all sorts of dictation and there's
all sorts of punishment and consequences.
But what's missing is the.
In the attention surplus is to give
your child a parent approved plan.
Something that they can do to
make their desire show up 100%.
And this is what comes on the second part of that. Yeah.
(20:56):
ADHD is hyperactive disorder, which
is nothing different than.
Hey, you can't do that here.
That won't happen now.
Can't, don't, won't.
You won't be doing that while you live in my house.
The sickness goes on and on and on. Yeah.
However, hyperactive means that they're engaged.
They're going to do it with or without. Yeah.
(21:17):
What do we want?
A bunch of docile kids just sitting there?
Guys, wouldn't the world be freaking nuts if
every single child was born and they were
just like, tell me what to do, mommy. Okay. Yes, ma'am.
I mean, I don't know, like, like, isn't
that completely off the mark to even think
that that is the way it should be? True.
(21:38):
Children, babies, toddlers, children,
teenagers have desires.
They have a mind.
They think, they feel they're little human
beings learning how to navigate their world.
And they're counting on you parents
to not punish them into submission.
Teachers, they're counting on you to
(21:59):
show them how the world works.
Guide them into, guide them into their greatness by
seeing their goals, by validating that what they are
doing and choosing is not incorrect but correct.
And let me show you how to do it in
an even better way to create even more success is
(22:19):
rounding third and almost sliding into home baseball term for
the winning run to finish it all up. Yeah.
Attention surplus.
On seeing them starting to engage may mimic somebody.
Now they're ready to be guided or punished. You pick.
Now we get into the hyperactive disorder.
(22:40):
Can't, don't, won't.
That you've been Playing how's it
working for you so far?
Right now, we take that
Attention Surplus as hyperactive order. Order.
Dis the dis.
Dis the dis.
Watch, watch.
Hey, Doc, what do I do?
My hand hurts.
Stop doing that.
Oh, wow.
(23:01):
It's better already.
You're amazing. Right.
Now here's the part that just locks it right in.
Attention Surplus.
Hyperactive order. Order.
Yeah, we call it proper procedures. Right.
This is the recipe of how it's done.
Hence gravity.
(23:21):
It does not require your opinion for it to work.
Correct.
Thank God for that.
Yes, and it also doesn't require you to
even be consciously aware for it to work.
Thank God for that.
Yeah, because they're going to do it.
And as soon as they start to
do it, they've already showed you.
Hey, did you see how I did it?
(23:42):
Because we had a dad one time who's a
chef, went to culinary school, could cook up anything.
His little genius went through hundreds of dollars
in the pantry because everything was open, torn,
thrown on the floor, you name it.
Damn kid.
He just started mimicking dad and wants
to be just like a superhero.
(24:04):
And we almost missed the critical window. Yeah.
So now they showed you how I'm doing.
It's as simple as Win w.
Win w.
Show me when I can do what I'm
going to do with or without you.
More importantly, show me where. Yeah.
(24:28):
And this is what solidifies hyperactive order.
Oh, my God.
So they've already gave you
the formula and evidences itself.
Attention deficit hyperactive disorder
creates this every time.
But when you do the creating
champions for life way, create the
(24:49):
reframe of Attention Surplus hyperactive order.
And that is the heaven on
earth compared to hell on earth. Yeah.
So this whole aggressive child behavior,
we're creating it aggressive or determined. Okay.
Big difference.
(25:09):
Exactly.
Okay, look, I don't want to
take away from what you're saying.
We created it this
certain direction, not intentionally. Right.
But as soon as we stop controlling them, overcompensating
for them, smothering their desires, imprinting what we want
(25:31):
for them on their lives and allowing them a
little bit of struggle, a little bit of failure,
a little bit of problem perseverance, we're going to
help them build their character.
We're going to help them live life with purpose.
And I'm telling you what this is, this is big deal.
If $26.3 billion being spent on oppositional defiant
disorder medication and therapy isn't enough, maybe thinking
(25:55):
of it in these terms, there are hundreds
of kids bringing guns and weapons to school
every Year, killing some of their family members,
killing some teachers, some students.
Now, we could equip with the teachers, all with
guns, and we could, like, do eye for an
eye, two wrongs, make a right kind of thing.
(26:17):
Or we can get this.
We can really get this.
And we can start to empower our babies and our
toddlers and our small children and our teenagers by learning
how to speak their language, by learning how to guide
their behavior proactively versus punish it, react.
(26:37):
And this is what we do. This is.
We have the whole system in place
to teach parents how to do this.
We have parents all over the world
who are planting seeds of little champions.
In Australia, the United Kingdom, Ireland,
I think Switzerland, Germany, France, the
United States, Canada, India.
(26:59):
All over the world, we have
these little seedlings of champions. Growing up.
We have case studies that can
prove what we're talking about here.
And we can also tell you that not
one therapist, not one psychologist, not one doctor
out there knows about guiding behavior versus punishment.
You can only find it here.
(27:19):
So we're going to wrap up.
Any final thoughts to wrap up today?
There's just one.
What if we could just set everything
aside and just think of this.
We know that when we show up and we cut that
umbilical cord, we showed up as a winning lotto ticket.
(27:40):
Yeah.
One in a million odds to be the one.
And when we were promised.
I think it's bigger than one in a million.
Well, let's just.
Winning a lotto ticket.
One million. Sure.
Or getting the idea.
But in order to come from the spiritual, the
physical, if you could be the one, you would
(28:02):
be promised male, female, hard, soft, Oom, young.
You would be promised two trusted advisors that when
you started to mimic, they would show you the
proper procedures for attention, surplus in hyperactive order so
you could do be and have and launch out.
And this little thumbprint, we don't have to
agree, but there's too much evidence to.
(28:24):
To deny it.
That you've got a gift that only one out of a million
could make it here and shine and share with the world.
Better known as a desire. Yeah.
If that rings any part of true in
your heart of hearts, which I know it
does, do you have the courage to challenge?
Better yet, question.
(28:45):
Anything and everything I know about parenting could
be wrong or not in my favor.
Yes yet.
And if the answer's yes, click here to be our guest.
If the answer's no, it was nice
to know you before you go.
That's brilliant. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay.
Well, we could talk all day about this,
(29:05):
but we have other subjects to talk about.
And if you're listening to this episode, share
a comment what are your thoughts, Observations?
What are your questions?
What would you like to talk about next?
What is your story?
Give us the good, bad and the ugly.
Give us the good, the bad and the ugly.
We've heard it all.
We love it all.
Yeah, but it gives you a chance to be who you
(29:28):
are and who you see through your lens of programming.
Yeah, give us the good, the bad and the ugly.
The fact that you actually took the time.
I see a little genius inside of you too.
That might be fighting in the
only language you know how.
And I see you. Awesome.
All right, well, there you go.
(29:50):
I think we now know
what causes aggressive child behavior.
And they're not born this way.
And this makes me so happy because when I was doing
my business and I would speak in front of thousands of
people at the front of the room, I would always tell
the audience that you were born perfect in every way.
You were created in the image of our creator.
(30:13):
The Creator.
The Good Book tells us so.
Chapter 1, verse 26 to 27 says that God created
man in the image of him, but that we have
been conditioned through society into mediocre beliefs about ourselves.
Whether that be unworthiness, true, which is the same
(30:33):
as not being good enough, not pretty enough, not
smart enough, not fast enough, or whatever.
None of those beliefs are true.
If you're listening to this, you are perfect
in every way and so is your child.
And all you need is the correct knowledge.
So, till we meet again. Cheers.
(30:54):
Cheers to our parenting success. Cheers. It's true.
You can learn to speak, kid.
Let us help you starting today.
Visit learntospeakkid.com right now for life changing
parent resources that'll help you enjoy more
peace, harmony and joy in your home.
We have your back.
What we're talking today.
We're talking today about what
causes aggressive child behavior.
Get over here because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
Mom or dad, do you ever feel like a broken record?
(00:21):
Record, record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on
itunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta, positively transforming families
one out of control child at a time.
(00:48):
So we're talking today about
what causes aggressive child.
Child behavior.
And we could also include what causes aggressive
toddler behavior, because ultimately, whether we know it
or not, that's where aggressive behavior begins, is
in those very early years.
And I think this is an important topic to talk
(01:09):
about because really the term terrible twos wasn't even coined
into a phrase until the middle of the 1950s.
And then in 1968, child behavior disorders
were introduced to the child psychology books.
And from there we've gone into the late
70s, the 80s, we started to medicate kids.
(01:31):
And now any kid that went to school in the 1980s
either has ADHD or knows somebody who had ADHD in school.
And it's now so familiarized, these child
behavior disorders, they talk about it in
almost every single movie or television show.
They're referring to, well, my son's ADHD medication,
(01:55):
which is now progressing into oppositional defiant disorder,
conduct disorder, and like, I don't even know
where it goes from there.
But basically oppositional defiant disorder itself is
projected to become a $26.3 billion 2028.
(02:18):
So, like, there's somebody that has a goal
and a plan to how are we going
to deal with this $26.3 billion 2028?
I just let a little bit of the cat out
of the bag that it is obviously a business.
Somebody's making money off of child behavior disorders, but
(02:38):
that might be a different show in itself.
So I want to talk to you.
You've worked with thousands kids.
You coached 140,000 kids through working at
Nintendo and then had thousands of kids
come to your after school program.
And most of them were brought to
your school because of aggressive behavior.
So who better to talk about this than you? Wow.
(03:00):
I can see that point. It makes sense. Yeah.
What do you think causes aggressive child behavior or
what do you know causes aggressive child behavior?
Well, one thing that causes it is a little
genius spirit that resides in all of us.
The human spirit. Yep.
For anybody who's maybe a non believer with it,
(03:22):
we have to agree on what it is.
But the moment that we all go flatline,
this meat suit body weighs 21 grams lighter.
The moment the heart stops and we exit out.
Some call it death.
We refer to it as happy transition day.
But it's that little essence, that genius spirit
(03:44):
that we all have, cannot, will not and
will deny and fight for life.
It can never be controlled.
It can be guided to greatness, or it can be
punished into conformity, but it can never be controlled.
So I have a couple images floating around my head
(04:06):
because, like, how many of us listening to this right
now has ever been, like, so pissed off at a
boss or a spouse or a friend? Like somebody.
I have this image of being in a car
and shutting the doors and like, either playing the
music really loud or just sitting there and screaming
(04:26):
like, banging the head against the steering wheel.
Like, haven't we all at some
point in time shown aggressive behavior?
And if not, maybe I'm an anomaly.
It's just me.
Everybody else lives in happy and joy all
day long and nobody ever has temper tantrums.
But we all know that that's not true.
(04:47):
But when a child does it, like a two year
old does it, or a five year old does it,
or an eight year old freaks out at school, then
it's terribly off the mark to have this aggressive child
behavior and to go completely blank.
Like, what would cause that?
Could it be the adults in
their lives causing the aggressive behavior?
Well, all you have to do is create a deficit,
(05:10):
which is kind of like a minus or a takeaway
or neglect of, hey, did anybody see me Attention.
Yeah, I knew that when I showed up
here in physical form from the spiritual world.
I showed up here, I was going to do
the ancient game called monkey see Monkey do.
And my trusted advisor would see me and
(05:32):
be ready to start to guide me because
I would start to mimic something.
The classic, as I mentioned probably in
our last episode, was terrible twos.
You know, when the child finally
mimics you and goes, no.
And all of a sudden we say,
don't you talk to me like that.
(05:53):
When we missed the attention of.
They just started to mimic.
Yeah, Looking to be guided, not punished,
which is a negative form of control. All right. Yeah.
Oh, gosh, this is such a deep subject.
I don't know how we're going to wrap
this up in less than 30 minutes.
But we're going to make an effort to talk about
(06:15):
this and wrap it up quickly because ultimately, if we
think about it like, the term terrible twos wasn't coined
into a phrase until the middle of the 1950s.
So what happened for two year olds to go off the mark?
And today in 2023.
It's like we all know about the term terrible twos.
We all expect 2 year olds to be
obstinate and defiant and to have meltdowns.
(06:39):
In fact, it's in the textbooks, I believe today,
because every child therapist and psychologist on Instagram will
teach you it's your child's job to have meltdowns,
have temper tantrums and to test your boundaries.
And we're here to call bullshit on that.
It's not a toddler's job to have meltdowns.
(07:00):
Just like if you have a meltdown or a
temper tantrum as an adult, that's not your job.
That means that you're upset about something.
Yes, right there. Yeah. Key.
So remember we talked earlier, just briefly.
Attention deficit. Right.
Nobody sees me. Right.
I just mimicked and I was
promised somebody would see it. Yes.
(07:21):
However, when the kids came.
Instead of terrible, what's the opposite of terrible?
Terrific.
I see a little terrific too.
Look what he can do.
Yeah, I see a little monkey see, monkey do there. Yes.
I can either punish or guide. Oh my gosh.
Could it be this simple? Yes, it is.
(07:41):
It could be this simple.
But until right now, until right now, in the whole
world, nobody's ever taught anybody how to guide behavior.
And I'm going to tell you, if you're
listening to this, psychologists cannot help you.
Social workers cannot help you.
The police department cannot help you because they
do not know about guiding behavior this.
Well, if they did know about it, and I do believe
(08:03):
they did know about it back in, say, the 1920s.
But guiding behavior creates little
independent champions who think by
themselves like they think independently.
They take initiative here, you know,
they become entrepreneurs, world changers.
And I don't know if I could make billions
(08:23):
of dollars medicating children for being unhealthy if I'd
actually want them to know the path to success.
Hence, those little thinkers can't be controlled.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yes, they can't be controlled.
And the whole idea of trying to control your
child's behavior is a complete, complete illusion and setting,
(08:46):
you know, you, parents and also your children up
for massive amounts of heartache and failure.
Because truthfully, that little baby who is like, we
have a five week old right now, Harley Faith.
And we do exercises with her.
So, you know, consciously putting her out on
(09:08):
her little play pad and consciously letting her
hang on to our fingers with her with
her whole hand, little kung fu grip, right?
And then like I, if I pull up on her arms just
a little bit, she'll tell me whether she's into it or not.
Because if she's not into it, she just lets
her head dangle and then you can't do it.
But if you do it, come on, up, up.
(09:28):
And you guide her, she'll actually tense and
up and she'll, her neck will get strong
and you can actually lift her up.
And I'm like, oh, that's, that's a rep.
Now we're working on her upper body strength, we're
working on abs, we're working on her thinking.
And what's really cool is once you get her
sitting up, you could tell she's got strength in
her legs and she's like wanting to stand up. Yes.
(09:51):
Right inside.
It's coming from the inside out.
She's barking like, I can do something
more than just sit here and suckle. Right?
Like I'm something more.
So we're grabbing her, she's
sitting up, she's standing up.
And you can see that, that like she doesn't laugh
yet, like a four month old, but you can see
that she's happy and she's into it and she's engaged.
And this is the starting point because if all mom
(10:15):
knew was to carry her around, hold her, feed her,
put her down, and be quiet when I want you
to be quiet kind of thing, versus giving her this
proactive attention, I can see how babies, okay, five weeks
old, six weeks old, become colic.
Oh, my baby was colic.
I could tell there was always something wrong.
You might like what we're talking about here and you
(10:37):
might not, but either way, it is the truth.
It is called overcompensating.
And it starts right there as newborn.
And we do it all the way through their entire lives.
We as toddlers, help them up in the chair, they
reach for a dish, we get it for them.
We plate their food and serve them.
Then we clean up.
(10:58):
The kids go to bed, we clean up all their toys.
They show up in the morning into this magical
fantasy where they don't have to do anything.
So if we go back to 1920 and you watch Little
House on the Prairie, the little toddler helped set the table.
The little toddler had jobs to do.
Parents were having children because they
wanted more bodies to help.
(11:19):
On the farm, there was always a goal, a plan.
The kids were always involved in 2023.
The parents feel like it's their responsibility to
do, be and have everything for their children.
And we're literally being conditioned to do that.
So something's completely off the mark.
And you were talking earlier about,
(11:40):
like, there's no plan in place.
Like, we just come along and we tell the child what
to wear and when to get dressed and when we have
to leave and how they need to do their homework.
Like, everything's kind of laid
out to where this little.
Like you were saying in the beginning, this little
spirit is just sitting inside this body, this meat
suit going, okay, nobody sees me, right?
(12:02):
There's no purpose for my life.
So what if this attention deficit.
It's a legitimate label.
Kind of like what the ranchers
would do to their cattle.
They'd brand them, label it ownership.
That's really the truth.
But when you can look at.
Oh, if there's a deficit of the
attention on what tax attention devit. On what.
(12:26):
On their goals, seeing their desires.
Seeing the little monkey.
See monkey, dude.
Like, I'm putting things in my mouth now.
You better at that critical window right there.
See a little trigger going, I'm gonna
feed myself just like you do.
And when you do this, now we can introduce the
proper procedures of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
(12:55):
Because controlling what goes in there, you'll never
control them from putting something in their mouth.
Our job is to show them the
proper procedures of what's going to happen.
In creating Champions for Life world, we call it a.
As attention surplus. Yes.
We create a surplus of attention on
(13:18):
them, demonstrating, I don't know anything.
I'm just starting to mimic.
So now you either punish negative or guide positive.
And that's how simple it truly is. It is.
We can just end the show right here.
But I think there's something.
There's something missing.
Okay, so I'm Bonnie, and I
(13:39):
was born to my mother, Darlene.
And my mother had this crystal clear vision
of what she wanted for my life.
She wanted me to be the best.
She wanted me to be the best singer,
the best color, or the best everything.
And when my brother would bring home straight A's
and I would bring home straight C's, well, I
(13:59):
was a massive disappointment to her because why can't
you be more like your brother? Now?
I resented that, like, right up until my
46th year when I realized that I needed
a mother who was actually hard on me.
And, like, Kira was just talking about it.
My daughter was talking about with me the other day,
because she's like, well, you always said that you didn't
(14:20):
like it when your mom did this or that. And I go, yeah.
But when I was 46, I realized that I needed a
mother who never overcompensated for me, who expected the best from
me who was extremely, kind of, like hard on me.
Would I ever go back and change anything now?
And I'm thinking no, because I like me.
Like, I like kind of how I turned out.
And the fact that I had to be independent and the
(14:43):
fact that I had to have something in me that wanted
to prove to the world that I was a somebody.
Because like I said, like, I like the
me that I turned out to be.
But even with all of that, when I became a mother, I.
And this is what I think
really causes aggressive child behavior.
And of course, the intentions were absolutely great.
(15:05):
Like I think I said an episode or two ago, like, the.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. True.
I wanted my kids to have the
childhood I never got to have.
Like, I wanted them to have the brand name sweatshirts.
Like, I wanted to have enough money
that I could send them to.
To school with cool clothes.
(15:26):
And I wanted them to, I don't
know, be able to go on vacation.
So I took them to Mexico when they were little
and I took them to Disneyland when they were little.
And, you know, not only took them
to Disneyland, did the whole princess makeover.
Like $450 per kid.
And there was three girls because the kids had a
friend, so of course I had to do her too.
(15:47):
I wanted to give them this sort
of magical fantasy land of a childhood.
I'm gonna get like, emotional talking about
this because that's not what they wanted.
Like, let's call it what it is right there. You ready?
Yeah.
It's called imprinting. Yeah. You're taking your.
I was imprinting what I wanted for them.
(16:09):
You're taking your thumbprint. Yes.
And imprinting your thumbprint to not
validate their thumbprint, but to change
their thumbprint to match yours. Yeah.
And that right there is
a recipe for aggressive behavior. It really is.
Every single time.
Because if two of these matched, it
would be in the Guinness World Records. Nor. Yes.
(16:31):
Even identical twins don't. Right.
You see, there's that uniqueness that
separates us from who we are.
And it's that attention surplus that allows them
to see is if it is to be.
It's up to me. Right.
I am a genius when I embrace my own uniqueness.
And it's seeing that attention surplus on that
(16:52):
is the game changer from attention deficit.
Because nobody sees me in their
tell me what I'm doing wrong. And I can't. Exactly.
Exactly.
So that's the first half of the.
Of the equation. Correct.
Because the second part is as simple as.
Well, there's a proper procedure
for everything to show up.
And this could be as simple for the
(17:14):
moms to relate as I remember mom introducing
to me the Betty Crocker cookbook.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,
all the edible art is right here. Yeah.
All I gotta do is play the ancient
game of hide and go seek and find
these things which are called ingredients.
(17:34):
Yeah, I found them all, Mom.
Now what?
Well, now this is called the ABCs.
A recipe.
There's a proper procedure that if you follow it to the
T, the picture, the vision, the desire of what you want
to do, be and have came true every single time. Yes.
(17:56):
And this is the other part
of where there's the hyperactive.
Well, they're finding ingredients and they're assembling them
in some way, and we're showing them.
Hey, we don't do that.
This is a order that's been dis. Yes.
Better known as a dis. Order. Order. Yes.
I know I have to say this because if.
If the parents are listening to this and
(18:17):
you're watching other, like, parenting videos on YouTube
or wherever, and you're being taught to threaten
your children with some sort of consequence for
any type of negative behavior.
Okay, that is a recipe that is going to
continue to deteriorate the mental health of our children.
(18:42):
And.
And the parents.
Because I've had parents talk to me about if things
don't change, I'm going to have to be on antidepressants.
I've never believed in medication in my life, but I'm
the one that's going to be on medication soon.
So, like, if, if.
If we got an ixnay on the consequences
a and start focusing on the goals of
(19:04):
our children with a proactive plan.
This is the recipe for success in any endeavor.
Number one, you must have a burning
desire for something outside of yourself.
So when the child says, I want a cookie, you
know, I want to watch tv, I want to play
a video game, I want a new bike.
Or better yet, you catch them doing something
that you don't like, and they never even
(19:25):
asked you catch them in the cookie jar.
Okay, yes, same, same. Sure.
We recognize that they have a desire.
Not only do we recognize, but we recognize and we validate
and we come together with the child with the intention of,
let me show you how you can make that show up. Right.
(19:50):
Let me show you how you can earn a cookie.
Let me show you how you can earn tv.
Let me show you how you can make it show up
in such a way you can look in the mirror.
At night and go, I am a somebody. Yes.
The first time Jacob said, you know what, mom?
I actually am smart.
I actually am smart.
Game changer.
Look out now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
(20:12):
So number one, desire before they can even have a goal.
So what you're saying is when you see
them in the cookie jar, don't give them
consequences or punish them for it.
Recognize they have a desire for the
cookie and that's called a goal.
So number one desire, Number two, goal surplus.
Attention surplus.
Number three is to achieve success, we must
have a plan to achieve the goal.
(20:33):
And that's what you're saying
is missing in today's parenting.
There's all sorts of dictation and there's
all sorts of punishment and consequences.
But what's missing is the.
In the attention surplus is to give
your child a parent approved plan.
Something that they can do to
make their desire show up 100%.
And this is what comes on the second part of that. Yeah.
(20:56):
ADHD is hyperactive disorder, which
is nothing different than.
Hey, you can't do that here.
That won't happen now.
Can't, don't, won't.
You won't be doing that while you live in my house.
The sickness goes on and on and on. Yeah.
However, hyperactive means that they're engaged.
They're going to do it with or without. Yeah.
(21:17):
What do we want?
A bunch of docile kids just sitting there?
Guys, wouldn't the world be freaking nuts if
every single child was born and they were
just like, tell me what to do, mommy. Okay. Yes, ma'am.
I mean, I don't know, like, like, isn't
that completely off the mark to even think
that that is the way it should be? True.
(21:38):
Children, babies, toddlers, children,
teenagers have desires.
They have a mind.
They think, they feel they're little human
beings learning how to navigate their world.
And they're counting on you parents
to not punish them into submission.
Teachers, they're counting on you to
(21:59):
show them how the world works.
Guide them into, guide them into their greatness by
seeing their goals, by validating that what they are
doing and choosing is not incorrect but correct.
And let me show you how to do it in
an even better way to create even more success is
(22:19):
rounding third and almost sliding into home baseball term for
the winning run to finish it all up. Yeah.
Attention surplus.
On seeing them starting to engage may mimic somebody.
Now they're ready to be guided or punished. You pick.
Now we get into the hyperactive disorder.
(22:40):
Can't, don't, won't.
That you've been Playing how's it
working for you so far?
Right now, we take that
Attention Surplus as hyperactive order. Order.
Dis the dis.
Dis the dis.
Watch, watch.
Hey, Doc, what do I do?
My hand hurts.
Stop doing that.
Oh, wow.
(23:01):
It's better already.
You're amazing. Right.
Now here's the part that just locks it right in.
Attention Surplus.
Hyperactive order. Order.
Yeah, we call it proper procedures. Right.
This is the recipe of how it's done.
Hence gravity.
(23:21):
It does not require your opinion for it to work.
Correct.
Thank God for that.
Yes, and it also doesn't require you to
even be consciously aware for it to work.
Thank God for that.
Yeah, because they're going to do it.
And as soon as they start to
do it, they've already showed you.
Hey, did you see how I did it?
(23:42):
Because we had a dad one time who's a
chef, went to culinary school, could cook up anything.
His little genius went through hundreds of dollars
in the pantry because everything was open, torn,
thrown on the floor, you name it.
Damn kid.
He just started mimicking dad and wants
to be just like a superhero.
(24:04):
And we almost missed the critical window. Yeah.
So now they showed you how I'm doing.
It's as simple as Win w.
Win w.
Show me when I can do what I'm
going to do with or without you.
More importantly, show me where. Yeah.
(24:28):
And this is what solidifies hyperactive order.
Oh, my God.
So they've already gave you
the formula and evidences itself.
Attention deficit hyperactive disorder
creates this every time.
But when you do the creating
champions for life way, create the
(24:49):
reframe of Attention Surplus hyperactive order.
And that is the heaven on
earth compared to hell on earth. Yeah.
So this whole aggressive child behavior,
we're creating it aggressive or determined. Okay.
Big difference.
(25:09):
Exactly.
Okay, look, I don't want to
take away from what you're saying.
We created it this
certain direction, not intentionally. Right.
But as soon as we stop controlling them, overcompensating
for them, smothering their desires, imprinting what we want
(25:31):
for them on their lives and allowing them a
little bit of struggle, a little bit of failure,
a little bit of problem perseverance, we're going to
help them build their character.
We're going to help them live life with purpose.
And I'm telling you what this is, this is big deal.
If $26.3 billion being spent on oppositional defiant
disorder medication and therapy isn't enough, maybe thinking
(25:55):
of it in these terms, there are hundreds
of kids bringing guns and weapons to school
every Year, killing some of their family members,
killing some teachers, some students.
Now, we could equip with the teachers, all with
guns, and we could, like, do eye for an
eye, two wrongs, make a right kind of thing.
(26:17):
Or we can get this.
We can really get this.
And we can start to empower our babies and our
toddlers and our small children and our teenagers by learning
how to speak their language, by learning how to guide
their behavior proactively versus punish it, react.
(26:37):
And this is what we do. This is.
We have the whole system in place
to teach parents how to do this.
We have parents all over the world
who are planting seeds of little champions.
In Australia, the United Kingdom, Ireland,
I think Switzerland, Germany, France, the
United States, Canada, India.
(26:59):
All over the world, we have
these little seedlings of champions. Growing up.
We have case studies that can
prove what we're talking about here.
And we can also tell you that not
one therapist, not one psychologist, not one doctor
out there knows about guiding behavior versus punishment.
You can only find it here.
(27:19):
So we're going to wrap up.
Any final thoughts to wrap up today?
There's just one.
What if we could just set everything
aside and just think of this.
We know that when we show up and we cut that
umbilical cord, we showed up as a winning lotto ticket.
(27:40):
Yeah.
One in a million odds to be the one.
And when we were promised.
I think it's bigger than one in a million.
Well, let's just.
Winning a lotto ticket.
One million. Sure.
Or getting the idea.
But in order to come from the spiritual, the
physical, if you could be the one, you would
(28:02):
be promised male, female, hard, soft, Oom, young.
You would be promised two trusted advisors that when
you started to mimic, they would show you the
proper procedures for attention, surplus in hyperactive order so
you could do be and have and launch out.
And this little thumbprint, we don't have to
agree, but there's too much evidence to.
(28:24):
To deny it.
That you've got a gift that only one out of a million
could make it here and shine and share with the world.
Better known as a desire. Yeah.
If that rings any part of true in
your heart of hearts, which I know it
does, do you have the courage to challenge?
Better yet, question.
(28:45):
Anything and everything I know about parenting could
be wrong or not in my favor.
Yes yet.
And if the answer's yes, click here to be our guest.
If the answer's no, it was nice
to know you before you go.
That's brilliant. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay.
Well, we could talk all day about this,
(29:05):
but we have other subjects to talk about.
And if you're listening to this episode, share
a comment what are your thoughts, Observations?
What are your questions?
What would you like to talk about next?
What is your story?
Give us the good, bad and the ugly.
Give us the good, the bad and the ugly.
We've heard it all.
We love it all.
Yeah, but it gives you a chance to be who you
(29:28):
are and who you see through your lens of programming.
Yeah, give us the good, the bad and the ugly.
The fact that you actually took the time.
I see a little genius inside of you too.
That might be fighting in the
only language you know how.
And I see you. Awesome.
All right, well, there you go.
(29:50):
I think we now know
what causes aggressive child behavior.
And they're not born this way.
And this makes me so happy because when I was doing
my business and I would speak in front of thousands of
people at the front of the room, I would always tell
the audience that you were born perfect in every way.
You were created in the image of our creator.
(30:13):
The Creator.
The Good Book tells us so.
Chapter 1, verse 26 to 27 says that God created
man in the image of him, but that we have
been conditioned through society into mediocre beliefs about ourselves.
Whether that be unworthiness, true, which is the same
(30:33):
as not being good enough, not pretty enough, not
smart enough, not fast enough, or whatever.
None of those beliefs are true.
If you're listening to this, you are perfect
in every way and so is your child.
And all you need is the correct knowledge.
So, till we meet again. Cheers.
(30:54):
Cheers to our parenting success. Cheers. It's true.
You can learn to speak, kid.
Let us help you starting today.
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Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Medal of Honor: Stories of Courage
Rewarded for bravery that goes above and beyond the call of duty, the Medal of Honor is the United States’ top military decoration. The stories we tell are about the heroes who have distinguished themselves by acts of heroism and courage that have saved lives. From Judith Resnik, the second woman in space, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice, these are stories about those who have done the improbable and unexpected, who have sacrificed something in the name of something much bigger than themselves. Every Wednesday on Medal of Honor, uncover what their experiences tell us about the nature of sacrifice, why people put their lives in danger for others, and what happens after you’ve become a hero. Special thanks to series creator Dan McGinn, to the Congressional Medal of Honor Society and Adam Plumpton. Medal of Honor begins on May 28. Subscribe to Pushkin+ to hear ad-free episodes one week early. Find Pushkin+ on the Medal of Honor show page in Apple or at Pushkin.fm. Subscribe on Apple: apple.co/pushkin Subscribe on Pushkin: pushkin.fm/plus
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com