July 30, 2024 • 41 mins
Join Sleepy West in this introspective episode as he delves into the journey of healing and self-discovery. Sleepy candidly shares his personal struggles with internal issues, emphasizing the importance of not reacting impulsively and maintaining a peaceful, mature approach to life's challenges.
Through heartfelt storytelling, Sleepy reflects on his experiences with various activities like exercise, music, and open mics as therapeutic outlets. He also discusses the transformative power of new experiences, such as party boats and escape rooms, in altering his perspective on life.
Sleepy West opens up about his past, exploring how early life instability and the need to adapt for survival shaped his character. He highlights the significance of self-love, the impact of family dynamics, and the drive to feel worthy and important in one's own life.
This episode is a raw and honest exploration of the complexities of personal growth, the challenges of overcoming past traumas, and the continuous effort to strive for a better future. Tune in for an engaging and relatable discussion that encourages healing and self-improvement.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What's up? It's your boy Sleepy West once again, not a sign,
yes, with another self-analyzation episode.
You know where today, guess I'm just talking about some healing,
you know, some internal issues, you know, I guess personally directing towards it.
That I felt I was going through internally and trying not to react in a way
(00:23):
that'll mess everything up,
or in a way that'll harm anybody to not
be impulsive you know to be peaceful and
to you know be mature about your responses and
how you respond to things you know you can't just but you
do feel how you feel and then that is
usually the issue and trying to channel that into activity
(00:44):
or something is what i was battling it's like certain
things just wasn't addressed rest inside of you you felt didn't
have no true closure or didn't go the
way you desired it to and i think that
plays a big role in it for me
because i was like oh and i was feeling it you know coming back to myself and
then remembering more about myself remember like oh shoot i'm aggressive person
(01:08):
i gotta come to a point where i'm at ease i'm ahead of it you know because you're
gonna feel it you know saying that's something you can't fit you're gonna feel
how you feel regardless,
but your actions and your responses is what matters.
Usually you want to respond in a nice positive light, not a negative light at all.
(01:31):
And so I said activities, you know, so for me, exercise, music,
and now this, you know, now a little potting, now a little talking,
and then get the express and send it across the globe for the people.
Anybody that want to listen in here, I'm just doing this as my own form of therapy.
(01:51):
Because I feel like, unfortunately, even doing this since I was a kid.
Just no recordings. It was just real little whispers of just talking about life.
So that's why I came here. To start this up. To talk about that.
And I guess I could dance around these topics too. Doing different things.
(02:14):
Amazing experience. A lot of times, I was here doing the same thing.
I did something different, and it just totally changed my view of life. You know?
Like, one time, I know it's, for other people, it's probably light work.
You know what I mean? I don't know. Like, a little party boat.
I party more, but, you know, at that time, you know, I was a little nervous.
(02:37):
I mean, when I was, like, on a party boat, I'm just like, oh,
this is lit, and the water, and it was dark and I was like, yo,
this is insane. I'm not used to this experience.
The people there was apparently, I ain't saying too much on that,
but people there was dancing, you know, socializing, doing some great things.
(02:59):
But, you know, that was one of the different things. What different things have
I done that was escape room?
The escape room that was bringing power was on a thousand intent.
I never tried to figure out a puzzle like I was trying to figure out a puzzle
in a game thinking this is Resident Evil Uncharted like what and then this opens
up oh what am I looking at here different,
(03:25):
activities you love my favorite I ain't doing it while I need to some bumper cars.
Definitely some stress out you ever just be in the bumper car you just foot
on the gas you just see somebody now I'm like.
How you like that? He just reversed on you.
Got you right, man. There you go. There you go.
(03:46):
I probably need to start going to open mics again. My thing is create material and better material.
My own worst critic all the time.
So I'll just be going in constantly because I'm like, nah, it's not there yet.
It's not there yet. And it's probably true for that, you know, how I feel.
And some of it is just like maybe I'm accessing it. Some of it is like,
(04:07):
yo, you couldn't have worked.
But, you know, in that realm, it's a consistent thing. So I do need to get back in that footage,
rest and feel you know to sing be around different type of people and artists
and really have fun and enjoy the atmosphere and enhance my performance,
(04:36):
time to get this love away alright yeah 104 it's early in the morning here different
things never went skydive that is iffy.
I might, if I had the heart, I might try. But, you know, it's kind of that.
It's a lot of things I didn't do. It's something different. You know what I'm
saying? Other things, bike riding, bike trail, did that, and that was pretty cool.
(05:00):
That was pretty dope. I was tired as hell, though. They're breathing heavy.
Is it over yet? Come on, we got two more trails to go. Oh, shit. All right.
All right but i do want to go back to the healing because i do feel like that that is important,
so you can keep a level head so you don't mess up anything you got going on
(05:24):
and you know got to dig yourself out of a situation and just you know keep self-love
in mind you enough for you
always going to be enough for you and there's people who love you for you so
don't you know trip things change,
love change people change and situation ain't the same no more you can't really
force it you know I learned that young like there's no force in any of this like if it's,
(05:49):
real like this then it's gonna be like that and you can make effort to change
you know towards it but some things just be what it is at that moment until
it naturally changes and you know they meet a real killer right.
Yeah, because I had a lot bottled up inside, you know.
What my issue was, I would say, had to be something else in order to survive.
(06:13):
We had to change my whole who I was in order to survive, you know.
And it's a normal thing because it's like the same way you, in order to do the
things you want to do, you got to do things you don't want to do.
So, you know, I didn't want to do that. but to obtain
this and to get this far to be right here
(06:34):
and to be able to speak and record you know
i said you know what it's worthwhile i take the
hit that's you know it's a heavy hit it's a heavy hit it's
like damn i gotta switch who i am
i gotta put on a whole mask and be
this next person that you want me
to be and it's not that you know it
(06:55):
plays an effect and it's hard to say that have sometimes because because
the person might not get it or understand it and it's like
it's not even worthwhile either because
it's like you still gotta address that within you regardless of
persons there that i ain't wasting time i want to look within see what the oh
that's the issue you know and you know then it like put me in a mindset to hate
(07:19):
myself like i didn't I never in my life felt so bad about me.
Everything I did and everything I do is just I thought it was bad about me.
It's like, you know, some nice guys.
But, nah, you know, you know what I'm saying? For me now, always, well, now more.
(07:41):
Be real. Be real. You know what I'm saying?
Sometimes you just gotta, it's what you say and how you say it.
You know what I'm saying? So, how you go about it?
What you say? How you think? Because you don't want to jeopardize anything you
got going on in your life. You don't want to offend the wrong people.
You don't want to be, you know what I'm saying, disrespect them.
And I have. That's all I'm saying right now.
(08:03):
Fuck yeah, I didn't say that. Well, yeah.
See how this is going to play out. I just went in.
Can't help it. In the heat of the moment sometimes, like, yo, come on.
I'm glad my days are over. I think
we all have those. Getting some fun around. And you got to go to work.
And, you know, I be feeling like they be knowing, too.
(08:23):
They be like, yep, it's that day. I'm about to mess with him the most right now. See, it's going to.
And then you just got to learn to be like, all right, you know what?
Not going to be bothered.
Just trying to hold my own if i'm quiet i'm quiet and
then now you know something wrong well not
entirely but if i'm down there with you and i
(08:46):
ain't interacting it's like you okay it's like i ain't
gonna front this one off i'll start this because i tried
that and i realized that it just don't work for
me entirely like it's just it needs to be some
channeling somewhere to channel me because i've
done it so well for so many years that after a while i just to get old and it's
just like yo i'm about to just be real with it like this shit is taking a toll
(09:10):
on me like this i mean gotta be this upright happy going person right and i
am under certain circumstances so yeah that's a different story.
That's why I'm so work-driven, you know what I'm saying? That's like the gift
right there. Super gift.
Workaholics. Save me every time. Destroy me in the same time.
(09:33):
Because you put work in front of me, I focus. I'm locked in.
There's no stopping me. There's no taking my attention.
Unless you broke me down. You broke me. Get my attention.
Then it's like after a while, if I start getting cold and dark and shit,
it's like work just becomes amplified times ten. I don't understand it.
(09:54):
You know work be on a whole nother and that's
just who i am that's just me knowing me working for me
i'm just gonna work it's just work bro that's all i knew you know i was like
i feel like robin harris was talking to me in house park yeah in your mind off
the woman you're heading the books and it's like what i did i'm just like damn
(10:14):
this shit ain't all that great but it's all right got some plus sized.
I could Talk Speak English Do math Organize my stuff,
It's cool You know I just be overthinking shit All the time It can't be helped
Cause now it's like A part of me,
(10:35):
That's why my soul Be taking a hit for it And my soul be knowing Like yo You
see how she Hitting towards you bro You wanna see that You better holla Get
that shit Brain take over Shut down,
Nope Nope Can't have you out here getting caught up Nope Why you like this?
How do I undo this? Any stuff like that you gotta undo And this is like Yo where do I start?
(11:00):
How do I didn't even create this This man just took over my whole system Override everything.
Alright I'll just go with it then I'll just go with it Never felt like this in my life Nice.
But I'm so used to it. You know what I'm saying? I'm so used to it.
It's normal to me. That's why I said, sometimes normalcy can be what's normal to you.
(11:25):
That's why somebody might not wrap their head around. I didn't wrap my head around.
Yeah. That's how bad it was.
As a young me, I was shooting shots. I was actually taking chances. I was out there.
Then I just got turned into what I got turned into.
Came out of that moment, like, fused with self and whatever was created.
(11:46):
I was like, what the fuck?
Dragon Ball, is he Fuse Sean Hall? Like, I don't, yo.
It's just one of those things. You fuse with yourself and if you know yourself
enough, now you gotta like regulate yourself, you know what I'm saying? Really do.
Me, I knew, I was like, I'm an aggressive person. Especially if somebody do some like violation.
(12:08):
And then I had to remember the list of it and I was just like,
you know, I don't even want to think about it.
Ain't nothing to be done. Good move. You know, I like it. I can't even say.
That's how I be feeling about it Exactly how I be feeling about it You got me Good move Got through,
I can't even fight back Ain't looking for no revenge I might say a few words
(12:32):
and then go about my day And make some money,
That's all you can do Go out your face, make some money Make some bread That's
the only thing I be feeling that keeps me right Other than that I be like Damn
man, I ain't looking for that.
Because at least that's something at least you can provide to the table and
(12:52):
then just work out to try to be the protector or be the protector not try but
feel like a provider you feel like you know what I'm saying you're worth something,
because everybody got something that make them feel worthy in whatever area
it is in that's why it's all complimenting each other,
like me being a provider having money in my pocket being able to manage it I
(13:16):
feel worthy You know what I'm saying Being able to Knock out whatever The necessities
are The bills And then just say I got some desires I feel worthy Yeah,
Cause I mean At the end of the day That's really what it is You wanna Feel important
You wanna feel worthy You know what I'm saying You wanna feel amazing,
Feel loved And stuff These things A challenge to get there That's why they're
(13:40):
so valuable It's like Oh this ain't one two This shouldn't Go around the whole track Okay,
That's how I be feeling You know what And that's probably why I give up so easy
That makes sense Give up so easy because I know The work is going to take to get there,
And then how easy you can lose it So you do so much work To get there And bling bling,
(14:07):
I'm like oh There's nothing that can be done Y'all.
Might as well turn around now so you
know so my mind take over and be like we don't go through that again here that's
right now i'm just like you fucking me and more of my soul so i wanted to cry
on this one you want to be in a fucked up situation in life or your soul take
(14:28):
a little aching soul take a little crying because that's what it really be you
know your soul be feeling,
and that's just so it was me feeling my way and you know the reality is always going to be difference.
It's how, whatever you feel. That's all I just said, you know. At this point.
So I'll be having the face I'll be having, like that give up feel.
You know, it don't even matter.
(14:49):
Why am I even here doing? What do you want from me?
I don't know. I just wanted to try that. Just wanted to see if I could fit that
in. Probably not the best punch for it, but tastes sweet.
That's what it really is. You want to feel good for him to love and I think
(15:12):
when you do find somebody at all the fucking movie doors when you do find you like Mr.
Adelaide you like being around and if you can sometimes you can't you know my
luck I'll get some other than that,
anytime I do feel like I find it in this room it be like the wrong time every
(15:36):
time No, I mean, right person, wrong time. Like, how?
On the first one, I probably messed it up. Second girl, I was like,
oh, it just seemed like a consistent pattern.
Like, oh, damn, what do I do for me? It's ugly.
This is nasty business that is fun.
(15:58):
Because then when you lose it, then your soul really crying.
Why do you think I'm dark? I ain't dark and cold for no reason.
It is a weird type of dark and cold.
In areas, you'd be like, why are you dark and cold over there?
It's like, yo, I cannot help it. I was racist.
Don't know what to say. Can't even explain. You know what I'm saying?
(16:21):
Because trying to wrap your head around it just to undo it is It's, oh my goodness, work.
It's just one hell of a job.
And that's probably why I get afraid, because I ain't express it.
It's like when you know something, but you ain't get a chance to express that,
to see what's really bothering you, to see if you're violent.
But I know I'm not. You know what I'm saying? I had to lay it down on the wax, like, I'm feeling.
(16:45):
Couldn't express this. Like, Fred, wait till I got outside.
Because imagine me expressing all this right now.
Somebody going Can't relate Said all that For no reason Like I might as well
Just Record this Laying down Who can Can Who can't It's alright Cool,
(17:10):
Cool It's hard It's hard When you in like A rare situation And It's hard for
people To relate But I know why I am The way I am I feel like Can be a young boy,
Never want to be broken Never wants It was not the best feeling And I see that
What drives me The way it drives me That's why I'm like Work driven And a workaholic
(17:30):
You see how that Line up like that.
There's a lack, you know, in the path. And it got me on the game crazy now. And I can't turn it up.
So that's the explanation. I cannot turn. Because I don't want to be in that situation.
Beautiful. But it did make me who I am. It did give me an edge.
(17:52):
It made me stronger. I'm not going to lie.
You know what I'm saying? It was around some real stuff. Some real stuff.
You ever walk down the block and see, like, 30 people?
You got to turn around immediately you're going
that was the environment
it was just like what's about to happen i don't even want to walk down here
(18:14):
scary business at its finest yeah we're not coming up in like see i don't want
to sound like i'm sending no i'm just telling my story so let Let me just claim
my ain't fit in the place.
But yeah, like, nah, lack of finances. But it's not even just that,
because it's much more. It's much more.
(18:35):
It was more so when the family was together, it was a strong one.
You wouldn't think. You wouldn't even know because of how much we held each other down.
When we became just a single parent, that's when it got like,
you know what I'm saying?
You start moving around so much, and it's just like, nah, I cannot keep doing this.
(18:56):
But I had, and that affected how I operated, affected the results of my grades in school.
You know what I'm saying? All these things had big factors as to why,
you know what I'm saying, I could probably feel a way about a lot of things.
Because there ain't no turning that back around now.
Because I'm looking at it now like, damn, if I was, if I am now,
(19:19):
then I probably would have...
Crazy because I kind of was, but it was so easy to,
sidetrack, distract, and then go through the emotions that they're going through outside,
school and expect it to perform high amongst people who probably might not have
to go through much of that, you know what I'm saying? But they don't struggle.
(19:41):
Since I don't take it, I don't.
But you can see it. You know, hence the name Sleepy. So you know what?
I'm going to dive into that. Why did I name myself Sleepy?
All right. So because of all the moving around, the instability,
and the traveling to try to keep on to school, same areas, I was deprived of sleep.
(20:07):
So because of that, I felt like it was like a low-key superpower.
I had to develop my forces.
I just learned to operate super tired.
To the point if I'm super super super tired I could probably walk home but my
eyes would be slightly closed or I'd be slightly half asleep in the wake and then also,
(20:28):
fall asleep in the classroom wake up, teacher like yo answer the question answer
the question, get it right,
alright, what do you see, you don't even bother me once I lay back down,
you know stuff you know what, we get away with it today, we'll test you again tomorrow all.
Messed up, you can't sleep. So, you know, that's how I got the name Sleep.
(20:50):
You know, I kind of slammed dead on myself there.
But it was that. It was like, yo, I shouldn't even be feeling like this.
Even to catch up on the sleep I needed to was even acting.
Because I was like, well, I'm not sleeping so much. It was insane.
But, you know, I had to understand what was happening. It was affecting me in
(21:12):
that way. To function like that.
Highest that i can perform in that mindset
which got me you know i'm saying pretty far but because it got fun you know
what i'm saying and that's is the heavy hand part but i shouldn't hold that
to myself too much but i do sometimes it's like damn i saw an alternative way,
(21:38):
lost it you know lost it right there and then i guess what else is affecting
me i I didn't miss a lot of opportunities by just being or carrying out somebody
else's will or pleasing other people.
I didn't miss that opportunity on myself.
And that sucks. Like, I didn't.
And that's what's hurting me because it's like, I can't even rewind any of these opportunities.
(22:02):
I go look forward, but then I'm kind of still self-sabotaging to a point where,
like, damn, I'm looking forward, but how do I stop this?
Like, attacking myself for being something.
It's so easy for me because it's like that's so wild it's like I didn't think
I was going to make it this far but I'll do it.
(22:23):
Now here's what I say it's wild and here's what I say it's as but I know where
it's stemming from so during my brain,
things would be great instant less things would be less instant constant consistent so that conditioning,
in my own thing in my own brain in my own mind when things are great i naturally
(22:43):
just sabotage off of that repetitiveness because it's unbelievable it's unread
it's unjust it don't make no sense sometimes i'm just saying it.
Yes at all not a bit so now imagine all that just weighing on your conscious,
(23:07):
Imagine, you know what I'm saying In the back of your mind,
Though it passes like, yo This happened You know, you're trying not to feel
no guilt Or shame about it and just move forward Find things that will make
you happy Where you do win at Because I realize sometimes,
That'd be the equalizer Where it's like, alright, you know I might not win here
But where I win at You go in this area,
(23:29):
But won't mind try Where I might not win Maybe here in the future You know,
say I get way better than I was And yeah, just keeping it 100 You know,
staying royal Through my actions You know.
Got to, you know Brother Cabo said that I thought it was a good saying Because
(23:49):
I felt that way I moved like that Besides certain actions Some royal state It's
different I would never You know.
Still boy no i'm glad to get
that off though yeah it was just an internal thing and then
you're looking back at yourself like who
(24:11):
is this person where did he come from
you know and then you gotta deal with the outcome
of you and be like all right this is it i gotta work with this
wherever it landed right forget what
impact it what at this point see who can
impact anything for the future showing a good end let's get
this money get this happiness this
(24:33):
supporting this love it's a
whole new energy and vibe in the air let's get
these blessings let's be grateful for it let's embrace it embrace it got the
wisdom knowledge understanding to maintain it pass it off to future generation
maintain the wealth pass it off generational wealth you know really,
(24:57):
it's not an overnight thing but you want to get yourself towards that and that's
how I feel you know I need to get myself towards that,
had an off day I don't know how I was going to fight tomorrow that's the scariest
thing do something like that tomorrow and I got to answer to this old mock,
that's how I feel right now that's what I was saying the healing because I'm
(25:17):
like I'm just you know have a lot of energy you know for no reason towards people
practicing I don't mean it.
There's a part of me that's Mad or rage about something And I just have to adjust
it And then what's that having And I'm back on the regular routine In hopes
to not get attacked In a passive way Or direct.
(25:41):
I know how that goes Sometimes I'll say the wrong thing And be ready Because
I'm so sad I'll constantly Break down the situation I constantly always And
I probably say the wrong thing Or do the wrong things Or destroy something instantly Which is how I am,
(26:01):
But it's my body doing it It's like what the fuck you doing,
the way around mind doing that body like yo let's play i'm like nope been here
before you don't want to get fucked up in this game you don't know what's going
on who dealing with what anything nope you're gonna go over here with it start
work work work work can't stop there nope.
(26:25):
And that's just my mind work i can't help it once i got my hand on some finances
i was just the whole finance thing, but not entirely. Not because I wanted to.
Then there's the thing about, like, core nature. It was like,
money is a great tool, but then the stuff you can't buy with it.
When I saw that, I was like, yo, that is right.
(26:48):
There's a lot of things you can't buy with money as you want to.
And what was said in the clip was like, you can buy a house and just can't buy
a home. So, like, you're right.
You have a house, but a home feels different. Come home, cheers right,
movie night a house so you just come back to the house it's just empty so I
(27:10):
paid off the mortgage you know just an example just an example,
that's all I was like I was a little but I had to lean into it because it's
just the way of things the way of society and stuff so I was like more embraced
into it like alright cool but then through that embrace greed you know embrace greed you know.
Well i was embracing this had my
(27:33):
freaky side on lockdown hats i
don't even want to go too deep into that but now i had to have to maintain self-control
to not make mistakes because you know that pressure of somebody else messing
up is the intensity is on your ass and so they got me I don't think I'm going
(27:54):
to mess up at all at this game,
I'm walking the straight line, the narrow path I'm looking for Echo to teach
me how to run cause I like to walk in a straight line.
Yeah it's a good song that's how I feel I was like damn definitely walking that
(28:16):
straight line and I cannot get over if I'm too good at it you ever too good
at something you can't stop it it's like oh,
Like trying to tell Kobe Not to make the shot Like How would you do that How
would he You know Miss on purpose.
(28:36):
Like that oh man if i actually
thank y'all you know for this little talk slow chat i
just had to express get some stuff off that you know
i can't normally talk about certain people and the
only reason why that is like the friends i did have to talk
about it like that like
that then i'm skeptical now you need
(28:58):
to come back around you aspire from the shadow do
i gotta gotta of wiring bro like who you
about to tell my mom that's how i be
feeling and that's just a part of my trust issues
too because you didn't see like some hardcore stuff
or been like super portrayed and he's just like oh now i'm putting that past
nobody or anything anymore because that was unexpected you got me because i
(29:24):
ain't expected but now put nothing past anything it's got to be on One point. All the way.
Yeah. Trust issues. But as I said, it's like a gumball issues that internally
I had to just dig out and deal with and, you know what I'm saying?
Spice up the recipe for it and be like, all right, this is, this is why this
(29:47):
effect will make this and that.
It's at the end of the day for a man, you know what I'm saying?
You don't feel like a man. You don't feel great about yourself. You don't feel good.
I think people in general, you know, you feel great about yourself.
You don't feel good. or I don't feel like doing something more of an asset and not a liability.
And I think that that'd be the hurting thing for me because I'm like,
(30:07):
damn, as far as I make it, I feel I ain't get nowhere at all.
That's not one bit like, not where I want to be at all. I'm going to still try
though. I'm going to still strive.
Let's see, I'm on my mind on a whole another tear on earth.
Yeah, this is your grind. At least, and that's what I was saying about me.
(30:28):
I feel like I started And I keep saying this I deserve truly fit I started before
the starter line So my race was forfeited,
Jacketed As I look at where I'm at now I'm like damn I made it to a great point
And it was like I got so much more to grow So much,
(30:51):
And I'm so old Getting older Used to write terms,
That shit is frustrating It don't even matter By the time I get where I'm getting
I just feel like It won't really matter anymore I'm dark and cold My heart is on ice,
(31:14):
I like to walk in a straight line.
Is the best way to end it. I extended my time. It's your boy,
Steve U.S. This is another self-analyzation.
(31:35):
I'm just here having a nice time talking.
This one was more of expressive, but y'all always stay golden.
Y'all always stay beautiful.
Be the best version of you. Make sure you heal and do not respond in any impulsive
and negative way, but you can feel how you feel.
Find activities, writing, drawing, and binge watching shows Netflix, ice cream, ice cream.
(32:01):
Let me get you through.
Some weed, some wine, some sex, anything. Anything to it's positive.
But yeah, that's it for me. I'm out. Peace.
Yeah.
What's up? It's your boy Sleepy West once again, not a sign,
yes, with another self-analyzation episode.
You know where today, guess I'm just talking about some healing,
you know, some internal issues, you know, I guess personally directing towards it.
That I felt I was going through internally and trying not to react in a way
(00:23):
that'll mess everything up,
or in a way that'll harm anybody to not
be impulsive you know to be peaceful and
to you know be mature about your responses and
how you respond to things you know you can't just but you
do feel how you feel and then that is
usually the issue and trying to channel that into activity
(00:44):
or something is what i was battling it's like certain
things just wasn't addressed rest inside of you you felt didn't
have no true closure or didn't go the
way you desired it to and i think that
plays a big role in it for me
because i was like oh and i was feeling it you know coming back to myself and
then remembering more about myself remember like oh shoot i'm aggressive person
(01:08):
i gotta come to a point where i'm at ease i'm ahead of it you know because you're
gonna feel it you know saying that's something you can't fit you're gonna feel
how you feel regardless,
but your actions and your responses is what matters.
Usually you want to respond in a nice positive light, not a negative light at all.
(01:31):
And so I said activities, you know, so for me, exercise, music,
and now this, you know, now a little potting, now a little talking,
and then get the express and send it across the globe for the people.
Anybody that want to listen in here, I'm just doing this as my own form of therapy.
(01:51):
Because I feel like, unfortunately, even doing this since I was a kid.
Just no recordings. It was just real little whispers of just talking about life.
So that's why I came here. To start this up. To talk about that.
And I guess I could dance around these topics too. Doing different things.
(02:14):
Amazing experience. A lot of times, I was here doing the same thing.
I did something different, and it just totally changed my view of life. You know?
Like, one time, I know it's, for other people, it's probably light work.
You know what I mean? I don't know. Like, a little party boat.
I party more, but, you know, at that time, you know, I was a little nervous.
(02:37):
I mean, when I was, like, on a party boat, I'm just like, oh,
this is lit, and the water, and it was dark and I was like, yo,
this is insane. I'm not used to this experience.
The people there was apparently, I ain't saying too much on that,
but people there was dancing, you know, socializing, doing some great things.
(02:59):
But, you know, that was one of the different things. What different things have
I done that was escape room?
The escape room that was bringing power was on a thousand intent.
I never tried to figure out a puzzle like I was trying to figure out a puzzle
in a game thinking this is Resident Evil Uncharted like what and then this opens
up oh what am I looking at here different,
(03:25):
activities you love my favorite I ain't doing it while I need to some bumper cars.
Definitely some stress out you ever just be in the bumper car you just foot
on the gas you just see somebody now I'm like.
How you like that? He just reversed on you.
Got you right, man. There you go. There you go.
(03:46):
I probably need to start going to open mics again. My thing is create material and better material.
My own worst critic all the time.
So I'll just be going in constantly because I'm like, nah, it's not there yet.
It's not there yet. And it's probably true for that, you know, how I feel.
And some of it is just like maybe I'm accessing it. Some of it is like,
(04:07):
yo, you couldn't have worked.
But, you know, in that realm, it's a consistent thing. So I do need to get back in that footage,
rest and feel you know to sing be around different type of people and artists
and really have fun and enjoy the atmosphere and enhance my performance,
(04:36):
time to get this love away alright yeah 104 it's early in the morning here different
things never went skydive that is iffy.
I might, if I had the heart, I might try. But, you know, it's kind of that.
It's a lot of things I didn't do. It's something different. You know what I'm
saying? Other things, bike riding, bike trail, did that, and that was pretty cool.
(05:00):
That was pretty dope. I was tired as hell, though. They're breathing heavy.
Is it over yet? Come on, we got two more trails to go. Oh, shit. All right.
All right but i do want to go back to the healing because i do feel like that that is important,
so you can keep a level head so you don't mess up anything you got going on
(05:24):
and you know got to dig yourself out of a situation and just you know keep self-love
in mind you enough for you
always going to be enough for you and there's people who love you for you so
don't you know trip things change,
love change people change and situation ain't the same no more you can't really
force it you know I learned that young like there's no force in any of this like if it's,
(05:49):
real like this then it's gonna be like that and you can make effort to change
you know towards it but some things just be what it is at that moment until
it naturally changes and you know they meet a real killer right.
Yeah, because I had a lot bottled up inside, you know.
What my issue was, I would say, had to be something else in order to survive.
(06:13):
We had to change my whole who I was in order to survive, you know.
And it's a normal thing because it's like the same way you, in order to do the
things you want to do, you got to do things you don't want to do.
So, you know, I didn't want to do that. but to obtain
this and to get this far to be right here
(06:34):
and to be able to speak and record you know
i said you know what it's worthwhile i take the
hit that's you know it's a heavy hit it's a heavy hit it's
like damn i gotta switch who i am
i gotta put on a whole mask and be
this next person that you want me
to be and it's not that you know it
(06:55):
plays an effect and it's hard to say that have sometimes because because
the person might not get it or understand it and it's like
it's not even worthwhile either because
it's like you still gotta address that within you regardless of
persons there that i ain't wasting time i want to look within see what the oh
that's the issue you know and you know then it like put me in a mindset to hate
(07:19):
myself like i didn't I never in my life felt so bad about me.
Everything I did and everything I do is just I thought it was bad about me.
It's like, you know, some nice guys.
But, nah, you know, you know what I'm saying? For me now, always, well, now more.
(07:41):
Be real. Be real. You know what I'm saying?
Sometimes you just gotta, it's what you say and how you say it.
You know what I'm saying? So, how you go about it?
What you say? How you think? Because you don't want to jeopardize anything you
got going on in your life. You don't want to offend the wrong people.
You don't want to be, you know what I'm saying, disrespect them.
And I have. That's all I'm saying right now.
(08:03):
Fuck yeah, I didn't say that. Well, yeah.
See how this is going to play out. I just went in.
Can't help it. In the heat of the moment sometimes, like, yo, come on.
I'm glad my days are over. I think
we all have those. Getting some fun around. And you got to go to work.
And, you know, I be feeling like they be knowing, too.
(08:23):
They be like, yep, it's that day. I'm about to mess with him the most right now. See, it's going to.
And then you just got to learn to be like, all right, you know what?
Not going to be bothered.
Just trying to hold my own if i'm quiet i'm quiet and
then now you know something wrong well not
entirely but if i'm down there with you and i
(08:46):
ain't interacting it's like you okay it's like i ain't
gonna front this one off i'll start this because i tried
that and i realized that it just don't work for
me entirely like it's just it needs to be some
channeling somewhere to channel me because i've
done it so well for so many years that after a while i just to get old and it's
just like yo i'm about to just be real with it like this shit is taking a toll
(09:10):
on me like this i mean gotta be this upright happy going person right and i
am under certain circumstances so yeah that's a different story.
That's why I'm so work-driven, you know what I'm saying? That's like the gift
right there. Super gift.
Workaholics. Save me every time. Destroy me in the same time.
(09:33):
Because you put work in front of me, I focus. I'm locked in.
There's no stopping me. There's no taking my attention.
Unless you broke me down. You broke me. Get my attention.
Then it's like after a while, if I start getting cold and dark and shit,
it's like work just becomes amplified times ten. I don't understand it.
(09:54):
You know work be on a whole nother and that's
just who i am that's just me knowing me working for me
i'm just gonna work it's just work bro that's all i knew you know i was like
i feel like robin harris was talking to me in house park yeah in your mind off
the woman you're heading the books and it's like what i did i'm just like damn
(10:14):
this shit ain't all that great but it's all right got some plus sized.
I could Talk Speak English Do math Organize my stuff,
It's cool You know I just be overthinking shit All the time It can't be helped
Cause now it's like A part of me,
(10:35):
That's why my soul Be taking a hit for it And my soul be knowing Like yo You
see how she Hitting towards you bro You wanna see that You better holla Get
that shit Brain take over Shut down,
Nope Nope Can't have you out here getting caught up Nope Why you like this?
How do I undo this? Any stuff like that you gotta undo And this is like Yo where do I start?
(11:00):
How do I didn't even create this This man just took over my whole system Override everything.
Alright I'll just go with it then I'll just go with it Never felt like this in my life Nice.
But I'm so used to it. You know what I'm saying? I'm so used to it.
It's normal to me. That's why I said, sometimes normalcy can be what's normal to you.
(11:25):
That's why somebody might not wrap their head around. I didn't wrap my head around.
Yeah. That's how bad it was.
As a young me, I was shooting shots. I was actually taking chances. I was out there.
Then I just got turned into what I got turned into.
Came out of that moment, like, fused with self and whatever was created.
(11:46):
I was like, what the fuck?
Dragon Ball, is he Fuse Sean Hall? Like, I don't, yo.
It's just one of those things. You fuse with yourself and if you know yourself
enough, now you gotta like regulate yourself, you know what I'm saying? Really do.
Me, I knew, I was like, I'm an aggressive person. Especially if somebody do some like violation.
(12:08):
And then I had to remember the list of it and I was just like,
you know, I don't even want to think about it.
Ain't nothing to be done. Good move. You know, I like it. I can't even say.
That's how I be feeling about it Exactly how I be feeling about it You got me Good move Got through,
I can't even fight back Ain't looking for no revenge I might say a few words
(12:32):
and then go about my day And make some money,
That's all you can do Go out your face, make some money Make some bread That's
the only thing I be feeling that keeps me right Other than that I be like Damn
man, I ain't looking for that.
Because at least that's something at least you can provide to the table and
(12:52):
then just work out to try to be the protector or be the protector not try but
feel like a provider you feel like you know what I'm saying you're worth something,
because everybody got something that make them feel worthy in whatever area
it is in that's why it's all complimenting each other,
like me being a provider having money in my pocket being able to manage it I
(13:16):
feel worthy You know what I'm saying Being able to Knock out whatever The necessities
are The bills And then just say I got some desires I feel worthy Yeah,
Cause I mean At the end of the day That's really what it is You wanna Feel important
You wanna feel worthy You know what I'm saying You wanna feel amazing,
Feel loved And stuff These things A challenge to get there That's why they're
(13:40):
so valuable It's like Oh this ain't one two This shouldn't Go around the whole track Okay,
That's how I be feeling You know what And that's probably why I give up so easy
That makes sense Give up so easy because I know The work is going to take to get there,
And then how easy you can lose it So you do so much work To get there And bling bling,
(14:07):
I'm like oh There's nothing that can be done Y'all.
Might as well turn around now so you
know so my mind take over and be like we don't go through that again here that's
right now i'm just like you fucking me and more of my soul so i wanted to cry
on this one you want to be in a fucked up situation in life or your soul take
(14:28):
a little aching soul take a little crying because that's what it really be you
know your soul be feeling,
and that's just so it was me feeling my way and you know the reality is always going to be difference.
It's how, whatever you feel. That's all I just said, you know. At this point.
So I'll be having the face I'll be having, like that give up feel.
You know, it don't even matter.
(14:49):
Why am I even here doing? What do you want from me?
I don't know. I just wanted to try that. Just wanted to see if I could fit that
in. Probably not the best punch for it, but tastes sweet.
That's what it really is. You want to feel good for him to love and I think
(15:12):
when you do find somebody at all the fucking movie doors when you do find you like Mr.
Adelaide you like being around and if you can sometimes you can't you know my
luck I'll get some other than that,
anytime I do feel like I find it in this room it be like the wrong time every
(15:36):
time No, I mean, right person, wrong time. Like, how?
On the first one, I probably messed it up. Second girl, I was like,
oh, it just seemed like a consistent pattern.
Like, oh, damn, what do I do for me? It's ugly.
This is nasty business that is fun.
(15:58):
Because then when you lose it, then your soul really crying.
Why do you think I'm dark? I ain't dark and cold for no reason.
It is a weird type of dark and cold.
In areas, you'd be like, why are you dark and cold over there?
It's like, yo, I cannot help it. I was racist.
Don't know what to say. Can't even explain. You know what I'm saying?
(16:21):
Because trying to wrap your head around it just to undo it is It's, oh my goodness, work.
It's just one hell of a job.
And that's probably why I get afraid, because I ain't express it.
It's like when you know something, but you ain't get a chance to express that,
to see what's really bothering you, to see if you're violent.
But I know I'm not. You know what I'm saying? I had to lay it down on the wax, like, I'm feeling.
(16:45):
Couldn't express this. Like, Fred, wait till I got outside.
Because imagine me expressing all this right now.
Somebody going Can't relate Said all that For no reason Like I might as well
Just Record this Laying down Who can Can Who can't It's alright Cool,
(17:10):
Cool It's hard It's hard When you in like A rare situation And It's hard for
people To relate But I know why I am The way I am I feel like Can be a young boy,
Never want to be broken Never wants It was not the best feeling And I see that
What drives me The way it drives me That's why I'm like Work driven And a workaholic
(17:30):
You see how that Line up like that.
There's a lack, you know, in the path. And it got me on the game crazy now. And I can't turn it up.
So that's the explanation. I cannot turn. Because I don't want to be in that situation.
Beautiful. But it did make me who I am. It did give me an edge.
(17:52):
It made me stronger. I'm not going to lie.
You know what I'm saying? It was around some real stuff. Some real stuff.
You ever walk down the block and see, like, 30 people?
You got to turn around immediately you're going
that was the environment
it was just like what's about to happen i don't even want to walk down here
(18:14):
scary business at its finest yeah we're not coming up in like see i don't want
to sound like i'm sending no i'm just telling my story so let Let me just claim
my ain't fit in the place.
But yeah, like, nah, lack of finances. But it's not even just that,
because it's much more. It's much more.
(18:35):
It was more so when the family was together, it was a strong one.
You wouldn't think. You wouldn't even know because of how much we held each other down.
When we became just a single parent, that's when it got like,
you know what I'm saying?
You start moving around so much, and it's just like, nah, I cannot keep doing this.
(18:56):
But I had, and that affected how I operated, affected the results of my grades in school.
You know what I'm saying? All these things had big factors as to why,
you know what I'm saying, I could probably feel a way about a lot of things.
Because there ain't no turning that back around now.
Because I'm looking at it now like, damn, if I was, if I am now,
(19:19):
then I probably would have...
Crazy because I kind of was, but it was so easy to,
sidetrack, distract, and then go through the emotions that they're going through outside,
school and expect it to perform high amongst people who probably might not have
to go through much of that, you know what I'm saying? But they don't struggle.
(19:41):
Since I don't take it, I don't.
But you can see it. You know, hence the name Sleepy. So you know what?
I'm going to dive into that. Why did I name myself Sleepy?
All right. So because of all the moving around, the instability,
and the traveling to try to keep on to school, same areas, I was deprived of sleep.
(20:07):
So because of that, I felt like it was like a low-key superpower.
I had to develop my forces.
I just learned to operate super tired.
To the point if I'm super super super tired I could probably walk home but my
eyes would be slightly closed or I'd be slightly half asleep in the wake and then also,
(20:28):
fall asleep in the classroom wake up, teacher like yo answer the question answer
the question, get it right,
alright, what do you see, you don't even bother me once I lay back down,
you know stuff you know what, we get away with it today, we'll test you again tomorrow all.
Messed up, you can't sleep. So, you know, that's how I got the name Sleep.
(20:50):
You know, I kind of slammed dead on myself there.
But it was that. It was like, yo, I shouldn't even be feeling like this.
Even to catch up on the sleep I needed to was even acting.
Because I was like, well, I'm not sleeping so much. It was insane.
But, you know, I had to understand what was happening. It was affecting me in
(21:12):
that way. To function like that.
Highest that i can perform in that mindset
which got me you know i'm saying pretty far but because it got fun you know
what i'm saying and that's is the heavy hand part but i shouldn't hold that
to myself too much but i do sometimes it's like damn i saw an alternative way,
(21:38):
lost it you know lost it right there and then i guess what else is affecting
me i I didn't miss a lot of opportunities by just being or carrying out somebody
else's will or pleasing other people.
I didn't miss that opportunity on myself.
And that sucks. Like, I didn't.
And that's what's hurting me because it's like, I can't even rewind any of these opportunities.
(22:02):
I go look forward, but then I'm kind of still self-sabotaging to a point where,
like, damn, I'm looking forward, but how do I stop this?
Like, attacking myself for being something.
It's so easy for me because it's like that's so wild it's like I didn't think
I was going to make it this far but I'll do it.
(22:23):
Now here's what I say it's wild and here's what I say it's as but I know where
it's stemming from so during my brain,
things would be great instant less things would be less instant constant consistent so that conditioning,
in my own thing in my own brain in my own mind when things are great i naturally
(22:43):
just sabotage off of that repetitiveness because it's unbelievable it's unread
it's unjust it don't make no sense sometimes i'm just saying it.
Yes at all not a bit so now imagine all that just weighing on your conscious,
(23:07):
Imagine, you know what I'm saying In the back of your mind,
Though it passes like, yo This happened You know, you're trying not to feel
no guilt Or shame about it and just move forward Find things that will make
you happy Where you do win at Because I realize sometimes,
That'd be the equalizer Where it's like, alright, you know I might not win here
But where I win at You go in this area,
(23:29):
But won't mind try Where I might not win Maybe here in the future You know,
say I get way better than I was And yeah, just keeping it 100 You know,
staying royal Through my actions You know.
Got to, you know Brother Cabo said that I thought it was a good saying Because
(23:49):
I felt that way I moved like that Besides certain actions Some royal state It's
different I would never You know.
Still boy no i'm glad to get
that off though yeah it was just an internal thing and then
you're looking back at yourself like who
(24:11):
is this person where did he come from
you know and then you gotta deal with the outcome
of you and be like all right this is it i gotta work with this
wherever it landed right forget what
impact it what at this point see who can
impact anything for the future showing a good end let's get
this money get this happiness this
(24:33):
supporting this love it's a
whole new energy and vibe in the air let's get
these blessings let's be grateful for it let's embrace it embrace it got the
wisdom knowledge understanding to maintain it pass it off to future generation
maintain the wealth pass it off generational wealth you know really,
(24:57):
it's not an overnight thing but you want to get yourself towards that and that's
how I feel you know I need to get myself towards that,
had an off day I don't know how I was going to fight tomorrow that's the scariest
thing do something like that tomorrow and I got to answer to this old mock,
that's how I feel right now that's what I was saying the healing because I'm
(25:17):
like I'm just you know have a lot of energy you know for no reason towards people
practicing I don't mean it.
There's a part of me that's Mad or rage about something And I just have to adjust
it And then what's that having And I'm back on the regular routine In hopes
to not get attacked In a passive way Or direct.
(25:41):
I know how that goes Sometimes I'll say the wrong thing And be ready Because
I'm so sad I'll constantly Break down the situation I constantly always And
I probably say the wrong thing Or do the wrong things Or destroy something instantly Which is how I am,
(26:01):
But it's my body doing it It's like what the fuck you doing,
the way around mind doing that body like yo let's play i'm like nope been here
before you don't want to get fucked up in this game you don't know what's going
on who dealing with what anything nope you're gonna go over here with it start
work work work work can't stop there nope.
(26:25):
And that's just my mind work i can't help it once i got my hand on some finances
i was just the whole finance thing, but not entirely. Not because I wanted to.
Then there's the thing about, like, core nature. It was like,
money is a great tool, but then the stuff you can't buy with it.
When I saw that, I was like, yo, that is right.
(26:48):
There's a lot of things you can't buy with money as you want to.
And what was said in the clip was like, you can buy a house and just can't buy
a home. So, like, you're right.
You have a house, but a home feels different. Come home, cheers right,
movie night a house so you just come back to the house it's just empty so I
(27:10):
paid off the mortgage you know just an example just an example,
that's all I was like I was a little but I had to lean into it because it's
just the way of things the way of society and stuff so I was like more embraced
into it like alright cool but then through that embrace greed you know embrace greed you know.
Well i was embracing this had my
(27:33):
freaky side on lockdown hats i
don't even want to go too deep into that but now i had to have to maintain self-control
to not make mistakes because you know that pressure of somebody else messing
up is the intensity is on your ass and so they got me I don't think I'm going
(27:54):
to mess up at all at this game,
I'm walking the straight line, the narrow path I'm looking for Echo to teach
me how to run cause I like to walk in a straight line.
Yeah it's a good song that's how I feel I was like damn definitely walking that
(28:16):
straight line and I cannot get over if I'm too good at it you ever too good
at something you can't stop it it's like oh,
Like trying to tell Kobe Not to make the shot Like How would you do that How
would he You know Miss on purpose.
(28:36):
Like that oh man if i actually
thank y'all you know for this little talk slow chat i
just had to express get some stuff off that you know
i can't normally talk about certain people and the
only reason why that is like the friends i did have to talk
about it like that like
that then i'm skeptical now you need
(28:58):
to come back around you aspire from the shadow do
i gotta gotta of wiring bro like who you
about to tell my mom that's how i be
feeling and that's just a part of my trust issues
too because you didn't see like some hardcore stuff
or been like super portrayed and he's just like oh now i'm putting that past
nobody or anything anymore because that was unexpected you got me because i
(29:24):
ain't expected but now put nothing past anything it's got to be on One point. All the way.
Yeah. Trust issues. But as I said, it's like a gumball issues that internally
I had to just dig out and deal with and, you know what I'm saying?
Spice up the recipe for it and be like, all right, this is, this is why this
(29:47):
effect will make this and that.
It's at the end of the day for a man, you know what I'm saying?
You don't feel like a man. You don't feel great about yourself. You don't feel good.
I think people in general, you know, you feel great about yourself.
You don't feel good. or I don't feel like doing something more of an asset and not a liability.
And I think that that'd be the hurting thing for me because I'm like,
(30:07):
damn, as far as I make it, I feel I ain't get nowhere at all.
That's not one bit like, not where I want to be at all. I'm going to still try
though. I'm going to still strive.
Let's see, I'm on my mind on a whole another tear on earth.
Yeah, this is your grind. At least, and that's what I was saying about me.
(30:28):
I feel like I started And I keep saying this I deserve truly fit I started before
the starter line So my race was forfeited,
Jacketed As I look at where I'm at now I'm like damn I made it to a great point
And it was like I got so much more to grow So much,
(30:51):
And I'm so old Getting older Used to write terms,
That shit is frustrating It don't even matter By the time I get where I'm getting
I just feel like It won't really matter anymore I'm dark and cold My heart is on ice,
(31:14):
I like to walk in a straight line.
Is the best way to end it. I extended my time. It's your boy,
Steve U.S. This is another self-analyzation.
(31:35):
I'm just here having a nice time talking.
This one was more of expressive, but y'all always stay golden.
Y'all always stay beautiful.
Be the best version of you. Make sure you heal and do not respond in any impulsive
and negative way, but you can feel how you feel.
Find activities, writing, drawing, and binge watching shows Netflix, ice cream, ice cream.
(32:01):
Let me get you through.
Some weed, some wine, some sex, anything. Anything to it's positive.
But yeah, that's it for me. I'm out. Peace.
Yeah.
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