Welcome back to the Let Him See That Child podcast, family court series! In this episode, we are joined by Mr. Terrence Pryor, a data privacy cybersecurity attorney and real estate investor. Terrence shares his multifaceted career journey and his experiences navigating law school with our host.
The conversation takes a deep dive into their law school days, reminiscing about their study sessions and the challenges they faced. They explore the dynamics of their friendship and how they supported each other through academic hurdles.
As the discussion progresses, Terrence opens up about his engagement and the journey of finding his partner. The conversation shifts to defining what makes a "high-value man," touching on societal expectations, financial stability, and the importance of mutual respect and support in relationships.
The episode also tackles the complexities of black familial structures, the impact of societal pressures, and the need for better communication and understanding between black men and women. Terrence and the host share personal anecdotes and insights, emphasizing the importance of partnership and mutual growth.
Tune in for an engaging and thought-provoking discussion that challenges traditional definitions of success and value in relationships. Don't miss this episode filled with humor, honesty, and valuable life lessons!
-- JOIN THE GIVEAWAY--
--Sponsorship--
This episode is sponsored by Tax Geeks. Tax Geaks offers an all-inclusive service tailored just for your needs. They specialize in helping individuals and businesses stay on top of their finances without the stress. I’ve personally used them for my business and the stress of bookkeeping and taxes have been completely eliminated! Schedule your free call today at www.taxgeaks.com and let them know that Attorney Boyd sent you!
-- Music selection Included --
Music by Elysium Audio Labs Track: “City of Dreams” | Upbeat Hip Hop Background Music for V... License: http://bit.ly/3p8rfbT www.elysiumaudiolabs.com Spotify: http://spoti.fi/3as7DLr
Music by Elysium Audio Labs Track: “Ocean Park” License: https://bit.ly/3k14iEk www.elysiumaudiolabs.com | Upbeat Hip Hop Background Music for V... Spotify: http://spoti.fi/3as7DLr
Music by Elysium Audio Labs Track: “Vibez” Upbeat Hip Hop Background Music for V... www.elysiumaudiolabs.com License:
Terrence Pryor. I am a data privacy cybersecurity attorney working for General
Motors. I'm also a real estate investor.
I have multiple properties here in Chicago.
(00:37):
A number of things. I'm like a startup entrepreneur.
I got a nonprofit. A lot of things going on, but I didn't know this was necessary.
He's also a Chippendales dancer.
That's not true but if there's some money in it i might talk about it
you know yeah this is my dog we went
to school together how did we meet we went to law school together we did we
did we did go to law school but how did we meet though i can't remember i think
(01:02):
i think it was i know i know exactly how we met it was it was at the class we
was in uh contracts for those who're not in law school y'all probably don't
care about this but i didn't know what the fuck was going on and you You did.
I remember you used to sit at the front of the class. And I was like, yeah, her.
That's who I need to get with. Not you. Not you was plotting.
Yeah, I plotted. Oh, God. Never let you know that, but I did. Oh, wow.
(01:24):
Yeah. I like to be right.
So I'd be like, oh, I need to get an A. I was in the front of the class,
and you was probably. I was in the back. Somewhere distracted.
In the back. I rescued him. I would not be the man who he is today.
It's the truth. Can you tell these people the truth? We can clarify it.
(01:45):
We can clarify the truth a little bit. Okay, tell them the truth.
The truth is she rescued me first year, first semester. Okay,
but can you get to two, three, and four years without first year?
I burped them. There's a possibility. I basically burped them.
I'll let it happen. I'll let it happen. I'll let it happen. No,
I must say, for real, I'm going to give you your flowers on your shelf.
You did help me out tremendously that first year of law school.
(02:08):
And, you know, you did kind of put me on the right path, so I appreciate that.
Would I have been successful without you yes I mean probably yeah
I mean he was pretty successful anyway already he was yeah he was already on
the right I was like why are you here right we trying to make some money what
the hell you doing here you don't need a degree make some more that's what I
was trying to do yeah and that's alright I'm glad you did cause now we got a lot more in common,
(02:30):
so of course they wanna hear a crazy story you know what story I'ma bring up,
yeah please do yeah tell them tell them yo so,
law school I don't know what's up with our law school but for some reason and
when you want to study like... It's not my law school anymore.
You went there too. When we want to study like after hours, it was nowhere to study.
We just had nowhere to go. I remember studying at the church.
(02:52):
We used to just pull up at the church and sit around.
We didn't have nowhere to go. We didn't go to each other's house.
Both of us were in separate relationships.
Very respectful. We didn't go, you know, we were study partners.
So, like, we'll go to the church. What was it, Word of Faith?
Word of Faith, yeah. Word of Faith. We'll go out there and study.
And one particular time, I used to, I graduated from Georgia State,
so I still, like, kind of know the ins and outs.
(03:14):
And we was in the city a lot anyway. And I remember one particular time,
we had a test coming up. and we needed somewhere to go.
We went to Georgia State. Georgia State.
Snuck in. Snuck in. Snuck in. Snuck in the classroom. Now, mind you,
I'm going to tell y'all, she made it seem like she had the plug.
She made it seem like, oh, no, this is my alma mater. We good.
We straight. Don't worry about it. So I'm just like, all right.
(03:37):
I'm like newer to Georgia. I don't know shit about Georgia State.
I'm like, say less. All right, let's go.
I'm like, yeah, we're straight right here. I did not know that.
Nothing. We were not straight.
Nothing. It was clearly trespassing. Right. So we kind of got caught.
Security came in. No, it wasn't even security. It was the cleaners.
It was the cleaners, yeah.
But we had them behind pillars and everything. That shit was wild.
(03:59):
That's how bad we wanted it.
Sneaking and snubbing is like, that's crazy. And I remember them like,
are y'all supposed to be here?
Prior was like, yes. Straight face. Yes, we're supposed to be here.
They was like, get y'all ass out of here. Y'all get y'all goof ass out of here.
Yeah, you know, we got through it, though.
We did. We passed both of those tests. We came a long way. We came a very long
(04:21):
way. We're here now. And I'm proud of you. I appreciate that. Yeah, for sure.
So my audience, you don't even have no kids. This man don't have no kids.
None. No kids. Not yet. Yet. Yeah, not yet.
But my audience, we generally— Me and my fiance are working on it, eventually.
Y'all are actively working on it. No, we're eventually working on it.
We got to plan this out. Y'all going to know, we're getting into this conversation.
(04:42):
We got to plan some things out.
Yeah, you said some great stuff. You said some great stuff.
So, prior to having kids just yet, you plan to have some. I feel like you're
doing things the right way. You're engaged.
Right. Congratulations on your engagement. Appreciate that. Come on,
let me know your wife. Your soon-to-be wife. I have known her.
That's good. Because I was about to answer, like, yeah, my wife.
(05:03):
And that says something in itself. But I've known her since I was 23.
We met at Clark Atlanta University when I was getting my master's.
College sweetheart, y'all.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She kind of came in. You know, I was doing my thing.
She kind of came in and, like, slid in.
Oh. Yeah. How did you know she was the one?
I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't know at first. And I'll be real.
(05:25):
I think, you know, we probably will hop into it a little later.
But talking about high-value men, they're really kind of. He brought it up himself,
y'all. I'm going to throw that in there.
Nobody mentioned that. All right. Sorry.
We're going to bring it up. No, but I think men who are, like,
(05:47):
kind of career oriented. They kind of hyper focus on it and they kind of focus
on what they got going on at the moment.
And so, yeah, to answer your question, I didn't really know she was the one
for real until like, I say maybe three or four years into the relationship.
And I was just like, man, you know, I never thought about like what marriage
would look like. And then I started thinking about it with her. How old were you then?
(06:09):
I was like 27, I think. Young. Yeah, 27.
And it wasn't like I want to get married. You know, it was kind of like,
I wonder what this would look like. You know, it was the thought.
Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Okay.
So I feel like, all that said, I feel like you're doing things the right way.
You haven't had any children.
Speaking of high-value men, we're going to define that, right?
(06:31):
I'll give you my definition of a high-value man, coming from my perspective, as a woman.
And you can give me yours. All right. You know, I think people define things
differently just based on where they came from, how they grew up,
how, you know, all of these things play a role.
So it's kind of important to pay attention to who's talking when they're talking
(06:55):
about something, right?
So me, with the kid, being at least somewhat successful.
Decently successful. I mean, don't.
We can go band for band.
So I think a high-value man.
Is a man who protects and provides, obviously.
(07:17):
A man who takes care of home. A man who makes a decent enough amount of money
that makes you more high value because we don't have a lot of black men that
reach the six-figure and up.
Men with no kids make you high value. Not a lot of men at all.
There's not a lot of men at all that reach that six-figure.
Oh, no, no. It's very, and this has been the discussion because it's only high
(07:39):
value because nobody's doing it, right? Right.
So if it makes you high value to make more money, then why y'all don't just make more money?
It's hard to do. It is hard to do for men for some reason, because I know a
lot, a lot of women who are doing really well for themselves and they be in
relationships, you know.
But it kind of it's almost like it backfires because our equal parts,
(08:03):
our men, our black men aren't reaching those same heights.
And it puts a lot of strain on relationships and it just makes it hard to balance
out those gender roles, you know.
Is your soon-to-be wife, is she a career woman? She is, yes.
She works in digital advertising right now. Okay.
She had a career. She worked for Amazon.
(08:25):
I forgot the company's name now. But, yeah, she's kind of been very career-oriented, career-focused.
She kind of wants to – her dream is to be CMO of a company at one point in time. She loves marketing.
But, I mean, I'll tell you kind of to get to that point.
When you talk about women and their struggle with, I guess, money making and
(08:47):
things like that, I think it's harder for...
For women in that sense because men don't find value in that.
Women with money. Yeah, that's not like, ooh, I want a woman that got some money.
Right, right. Because what you talking about? Why?
Not to be, to clarify. No, you're right. Yeah.
But it's not against it. It's not that we're against it.
(09:09):
It's just that we don't find value in it. Yeah, it's not the determining factor
at all. It doesn't play a role in your decision.
What plays a role in it? All the hotties want to know.
You see this man y'all let's find out what he likes in
women what what plays a role yeah i
think honestly what what plays a role in a
decision is is what woman can give you peace for real like like yeah and and
(09:33):
that's and that's a real thing like people i don't think even men as they're
growing up especially young black men as they're growing up i don't think they
really understand the the constant confrontations that they're coming against
every day right not just being a
young you're young you're a male and
you're african-american so you have constant confrontation and
(09:54):
even non-african-american men themselves young men have constant confrontations
because it's it's this battle to figure out who i am what value do i bring to
the world and how am i going to get that out there right so in in the midst
of all of that if you find someone that kind of helps you.
Helps you get away from that for a while or even remind you of that for a while.
(10:18):
I think that's kind of, to me at least, that's kind of what I value, right?
I think I value somebody that I can come to and have joy with and not have to
worry about certain things. A getaway.
A getaway in a sense, but more so just like.
It's a reminder. It's a foundation. It's like, this is me.
(10:39):
This is what I am. If I ain't got nothing else, I got this. Exactly.
Yeah. If I ain't got nothing else, I got this. I'm good. I'm good.
And I'm going to be okay because, yeah, we're going to make it.
Because of this, I know now what my goal is.
It brings me back to my foundation, right? So, you know, first and foremost, I think that that's God.
You know, you need God and that Savior in there to bring you as a man to that.
(11:01):
That but a woman is or your significant
other is supposed to be able to allow you
to remember who you are like okay well this is what i'm doing this for you know
and before it was your woman it's your family right you know and that's why
i say you know a husband is you know when he finds a wife he finds a good thing
he leaves his family but your family reminds you like this what i'm doing this
(11:22):
for this this why i'm getting up every day so that's your motivation and your
your woman and becomes your motivation.
Yeah. Yeah, in a sense, yeah. Aw. A lot of that. She becomes your,
for lack of a better term, she becomes your rock, right?
And your rock is your motivation, it's your foundation, it's your why,
it's your resting place.
It's where I come back to as my cornerstone. Yeah. Yeah. That's where you recharge. Right.
(11:47):
Amazing. So if I'm at the house and I'm like, why you ain't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
It can't go against everything you was trying to do, huh?
Yeah, I mean, but I'm not, it's real, though.
Like, I think that, you know, when women come and they say, like,
yo, why you ain't doing what I need you to do, too. That's real.
(12:07):
I think it goes both ways. I can't be, me personally, in the relationships that
I've been, I've had okay relationships.
I have not been married just yet. I have been proposed to a couple of times. I did not accept.
I have. I didn't. I didn't know that either.
I'm a divorce attorney and you know you just gotta be smart you know what I'm
(12:29):
saying they have right and you didn't accept I didn't accept who those two y'all
that take a lot though twice,
twice the first the first one I really liked them I just I didn't see a future
with this is before law school I mean let's just be I'm about to go to law school
you still selling dope oh I was just like aww mmhmm mmhmm mmhmm,
(12:52):
I mean I know his feelings was hurt It's real, though.
I haven't talked to him since either. You should, though. But you know what?
You should, though. You should, though. Because I think we too many times, like...
We don't understand the impact that we have on each other. For real.
I wasn't trying to be like, I wasn't even asking about it.
(13:13):
You needed to take it. That's what I'm saying. I just felt like I was going somewhere.
I felt like it just wasn't going. What are we going to do at these Black Tide
events? Yeah, that's true. Are you going to take them permanent goals out or?
You pulling up like that? It would have been cool if you would adjust. Do you have a suit?
Yeah. and then the question because well what kind of men you dealing with when
(13:36):
I was young you know you can play around I didn't have no kids at the time I
think from the time I had my son I became somebody else anyway that does that
to you anyway that does that to you anyway my wardrobe changed,
the times I'm up times I'm asleep changed things I like to do oh baby true it
(13:56):
slowed us it slowed us it definitely changed it definitely changed women changed true.
And that's what happened to my relationship because everything about my life.
Now, see, you got us. And my baby, that was my best. That was my best friend
in the whole world. We did everything together. I remember. Yeah,
you did. That was my best fucking friend.
And so I get pregnant. You know, I can't go to the club. I can't do this and that.
(14:20):
You can. And you still did. It was never, okay, I see you can't go.
Let's go out to eat then, baby.
It was, I'll see you in a minute, baby. I'm going to holler at you.
I'm going to go to God's house.
And it's just like oh shit what the hell and even when the baby
came you know it's like that so I and
I see that though where the woman has to change the whole dynamic of
her life but then I'm talking about everything my mind
(14:41):
changed hormones my body changed I'm feeling a way you know I can't get out
I can't do this I can't do that and here you is you the same you the same person
and you still loving everything and I was just like what about me but that's
important though I think that's I didn't mean to cut you off I think I think that that's a very,
very important topic like a lot of people don't talk about. Like, people...
(15:04):
Okay, let's talk about the black family structure, right?
I think that the black familial structure, it makes it difficult for us to try
to do the same things that we see normal society does.
Because we got different factors against us, right? We got the war on drugs
that put a majority of men, black men in jail. You know what I'm saying?
(15:28):
It's not even a big pool of men.
Yeah, and numbers aside. It's just the examples of what a man is,
right? So fast forward to your situation.
I think that you and your baby father's situation, you were forced to be in
that. You were carrying the child.
You know, you have to, as women, I think y'all are natural nurturers,
(15:49):
right? It's like, okay, this is what I'm a natural nurturer.
I'm carrying this kid in me nine months, right?
Him as a young man, and I don't know, I can't remember what age he was. He was 20, no, 30.
We was 30 on the back, both of us. So, as a young man, he's still trying to
figure out, like, who am I? Like, what am I bringing?
He said, we talk about it. No, we catch on quicker than men.
(16:12):
I think 30 years younger. I think 30 is young.
Mindset-wise, you think 30 is young? I think 30 is young. For a man, yes.
Absolutely. But again, you have to take into account we're not looking at normal society.
Normal society, they grow up with fathers. They see what a father is supposed
to look like, right? And I'm not making an excuse, but African-American men
and African-American women, we've grown up in situations where we haven't seen that as much.
(16:36):
So we are trying to figure this out as we go.
So it takes us a little longer to be like,
And the best of us, it took me and my story with my fiance, we got engaged.
We had called it off and we got back together because I wasn't ready.
And the best of us, we'd be like, I don't know what that looked like.
I know how to care for me, though.
(16:58):
He's still a positive. I think I text him. I was going through my phone.
You know how your phone give you like. My memory?
Yeah. I seen some shit that pissed me off. I said, see, you was always a dog ass nigga.
You bitch. that motherfucker said I'm yeah this one I think this was about a
week ago and he said I'm sorry I'm sorry I made you feel that way I wasn't the
(17:19):
man that I am today and that's maturity he said I wasn't ready yeah,
but who gives a fuck because now I'm still a single mom like I don't fucking
want to hear that you wasn't ready you knew you weren't ready when we was in
the abortion period he didn't though that's what I'm saying,
there's a time period where we can reverse all this shit you see what I'm saying
but that's what I'm saying I don't think, so you said you knew you wasn't ready.
(17:41):
He wasn't. I don't think he knew he wasn't ready.
He was like, I'm about to be a daddy. I don't know what the fuck a daddy entails.
You know what I'm saying? I don't know what that means because I've never seen
it. I don't know what the responsibilities are. He's like, man,
fuck it. We about to have a baby.
I'm going to do what I do. Life ain't about to change. No, my nigga, life about to change.
It changes a lot. Yeah, very quickly.
(18:03):
And a man, man, you know, just kind of rolls with the punches.
My dad, my dad is always, so it's weird because it's weird because I only known
my dad till I was 15 because that's when he died.
So I know from as a, as a child perspective, but even in hindsight,
it's like, that's a, that was a man, you know what I'm saying?
My brother takes after him very heavily. My brother has three girls and he's such a, he's such a man.
(18:30):
You see him in the streets, it's one thing. You see him with them girls, you be like, okay.
This can't be the same. I'm talking road trips, singing songs along.
Okay, let's do it again. You be like, this lame ass.
Don't do my man's like that, man. Be like that. It be like that.
It be like that, you know. Bring it out of the potty. But don't try him, though.
(18:51):
Don't try him, though. And he changed everything, and that's what I'm talking about.
But, again, he's talking about readiness. Why is it that men don't tell you?
I feel like this. This is my biggest fear right now.
I'm 35. I'll be 36 next week. Happy birthday.
Oh, which one you talking about? Okay, so I'll be 36. My biggest fear right
(19:13):
now, I interact with some pretty high-value men, give or take.
I have a decent relationship going on right now. But I'm also 36 with a child
already. That diminishes my value on the sexual market to some extent, right?
When men's go down, men's go up, right? The longer you stay unmarried without
(19:34):
kids, your value increases.
Right. I have a baby, and the older I get, not who I was.
When I was 23, baby. When I was 23 with no baby, okay, that was where the value came in.
And I didn't know a motherfucking thing. They need to be teaching the women early.
This is what needs to be. this is your marriage age this is when you catch your husband,
(19:56):
no cause I was raised by a bunch of boys and
I was thinking oh I gotta get this money why the hell why I
need to go get this money cause no I don't what am I talking about I need to
get this man who got the money but I wanna and I'm gonna let you finish but
I don't think it's just the women like in that age range in that age range men
(20:16):
and women need to have like courses on like this is what should be happening right now
but I mean if everybody So should that be the age range then? If nobody's ready.
Why is that the age range if nobody's ready?
Because marriage is not just about relationships.
Like, I think, of course, it's a contract. Y'all know that it's a contract.
(20:38):
It's a contract. You've been hanging around lawyers, I see.
Everything is a contract. But there's so much about finance.
That's a big deal. That will get you broken up with. Treat children before you even have children.
How do you treat your money? How do you plan on raising your kids?
Let's talk about religion.
Let's talk about, you know, where we spend our holiday. Mental health,
(21:02):
yeah. Where we plan on living.
My boyfriend says I'm a great mom He also says I'm terrible with money He also
don't know what kind of money I'm playing with So when you see me buy a $2,000
pair of shoes You're like, oh, why would you spend that?
You're right, baby, I shouldn't have spent that The whole time, it's like,
But I think One of your previous guests said this Is that it's planning You
(21:27):
gotta talk about these things You gotta plan, you gotta bring it to the table
And you have to plan it And that's, that's the, man, I'll be real with you.
I think the number one thing from my little 34 years of experience in life,
the number one thing in relationships is communication. I don't care what it is. I don't care.
I'm getting better at it. I'm getting much better. And I used to,
(21:49):
I think I used to be real good, but it was coming from the sense of not caring
what anybody else thought. Like, this is what I said. This is what goes.
No, not, not what goes. This is what I said. And that's how I feel.
That's how I feel. Like how you feel about it is how you react.
What I've come to understand as I've gotten older is that what you do affects people.
Yes, it does. It affects people. So you have to learn how to soften or you have
(22:10):
to learn how to pull back or kind of adhere to what someone else is saying.
It's not always how you feel.
Exactly. So communication, I think, in relationships, it's the number one thing
you've got to have. I'm learning that. I'm learning to listen to understand.
Yeah. My job makes me be like, I don't care what this lady just said.
You know what I'm saying? This is what's going on. But when I'm at home, I'm learning.
(22:32):
Yeah i'm learning to i'm learning to take
in what you're trying to tell right as opposed to being like
you finished okay cool this is really going on listen
to react yeah yeah i think yeah if we
listen because i could i could job it real quick she's done
it she's done it to me though she's done it to me though that's true yeah that's
true i don't i don't want to be like that i think i was i feel what is tough
(22:55):
though bro i feel forced into what i'm where i'm my son here's the thing Whether
we work out or not Whether you ready to build an empire or not Whether you want
to be great or average Or just get by or not I have a song.
I want my son to live a certain standard. I don't want my son to go through
things that I went through. I want him to have a head start.
(23:16):
We didn't have, we, I didn't have shit. We didn't have shit.
I dropped out of school because I didn't have clothes to wear.
I got tired of fighting from people joining.
And I can join too, but I'm tired of fucking fighting because we didn't have
shit. You know what I'm saying? Like that. No, that's real.
And I, my, it's certain things that I'm not going, I bought a house.
I bought a $430,000 house by myself.
(23:42):
It's my first house. It was $430,000. Who knows? And I don't even,
I think I was practicing a year.
And I saved every dollar I could. I took care of my mama along the way.
When I broke up with my baby dad, I moved back in with my mom.
That's the type of stuff they don't talk about. I ain't had nowhere else to go.
I was just like, you not finna treat me like this? and even
(24:04):
when it became like me trying to talk it you know it
just wasn't it didn't register until it was too late right so
now here we are I done did all of this and put myself in position and he like
you know what I was wrong I don't want to hear that shit none of you was fucking
wrong I don't want to hear that shit you don't though but okay but let's backtrack
say y'all say you knew say you had somebody,
(24:27):
come to you and say look this is how you supposed to do this shit you supposed
to before you go and talk to or or have a baby or get in a relationship,
get married, talk about this shit. Say you knew all that, right?
So y'all going, y'all going to talk about, hey, when we have a kid,
what you, what it's going to be like? You know, how you going to move, right?
And you realize, my man's not ready. You know, and you realize,
(24:48):
you know what, I'm not ready. It's too late. I remember being pregnant and arguing about college.
You don't need to go to college. What?
Hey everyone, I know you're enjoying the episode, but I want to take a moment
to shout out today's sponsor, Tax Geeks.
Have you been behind on filing your taxes for multiple years?
Or maybe you run a business and are looking for a plan that covers everything
(25:09):
from tax planning to minimize your tax liabilities to bookkeeping,
accounting, and even your annual tax prep.
Well, I've got fantastic news for you. Our friends in all-inclusive service
tailor just for your needs.
They specialize in helping individuals
and businesses stay on top of their finances without the stress.
I've personally used them for my business and the stress of bookkeeping and
(25:30):
taxes have been completely eliminated.
Schedule your free call today at www.taxgeeks.com and let them know that a tiny boy sent you.
A chance to win $500? I want to give back to the listeners.
I'm doing a cash prize giveaway. All you have to do is simply click the link
in the show notes or the description and enter before the deadline.
(25:50):
This giveaway is sponsored by J.G. Boyd Law, Georgia's family lawyer.
If you're in the state of Georgia and need help with divorce,
custody, or co-parenting, I
want to invite you to speak with my team to see if we can help your case.
Visit www.jgboydlaw.com to book your consultation today. Now,
let's get back to the episode.
Well, you all is one of the sons, so he can do the best about that and all that.
(26:12):
We talking about stuff, and I'm talking about schools.
It's like way too early to be arguing about this, but hindsight is not.
You know, we should have been arguing about this, you know.
Because I'm like, well, how many people go to the league?
Like, how many people go to the league? Mm-hmm. Why would you base a school on, like, on that?
(26:33):
On you being able to make this small percentage of people?
We don't even... Baby ain't here conceived or nothing. We don't know if he would even like basketball.
He might like something else. Now, let me ask you this, though.
Now, had y'all... You know, now you're saying he's texting, man,
I'm sorry. You can see it's a little growth and maturity.
Had y'all... And I'm not going to ask if y'all think y'all would still be together, but
(26:53):
had y'all waited and had you then had
these conversations and talked and he's at the level of maturity he's
at now do you think it would have worked out maybe not not even worked out
would it have been a better experience definitely a better experience
i think the disrespect i think the disrespect and the lack of accountability
is what because i haven't seen because why would you do that you know what i'm
(27:14):
saying i think i might have been at my worst when all this i remember i remember
having that baby it was times it was times i didn't even babe i go to two days,
without taking a shower you know i'm saying that baby
will be crying i'll be looking at him he's looking at me you ain't gonna get
him you ain't gonna get him you know what i'm saying i'll be spaced out or whatever
(27:35):
it is and people don't talk about i didn't even when you go to the doctor they
check up on you do you have you know how the hell you gonna ask me if i got
postpartum no the The answer's no. How's everything at home? Great.
Can we leave? You know what I'm saying? People don't tune in in hindsight again.
I'm pretty sure that's what it was. We were both going through that thing.
He retired. He retired from ball. All you know is ball.
(27:56):
All you know is ball. And you done retired.
And it never occurred to me, oh shit, you going through something right now.
Because I'm like, help me with this fucking new baby. Right, right. You know?
And that's a real thing. So like, you know, I don't even know if this is the
topic we're supposed to be talking about, but like,
(28:17):
In our communities, it's not standard. Like, we have mental health that we got
to deal with. We got trauma that we got to deal with.
Like, you... It's the white folks shit. Yeah, like, you having a child and having
postpartum and not knowing, like, you probably couldn't even call anybody and
say, what is going on? Yeah, what's wrong with me?
Him, like, getting done with... I've been there. I played collegiate ball.
(28:39):
I tried out for the pros and didn't make it. When I got done,
I'm like, you know, who am I?
What am I supposed to do? What am I bringing to the world? It never occurred
to me. Also, you never talk to me about it. Communication. So how am I supposed to know?
And I mean, it goes vice versa. It's like, I'm assuming you see I'm struggling.
Are you just going to go out to the club? You see I'm not myself.
Do you see that? Or are you thinking about who the fuck am I and what am I going
(29:02):
to do about this new baby and this woman?
You know what I'm saying? All of that. Yeah, all of that. That's all the things
he's going to say. And how does he come? I still don't like how you're handling
it. Sometimes we make mistakes that we can't come back off.
Let me tell you, I can accidentally hit a car and kill somebody.
I can be like, damn, you know what? I shouldn't have did that. They dead.
Okay. They're not coming back. They still dead. This relationship is dead.
(29:24):
It's not coming back. I agree. And so that's a good point.
All of this like, you know, retro introspective, I mean, and thinking back,
that don't mean that it's going to be a positive ending or it would have been positive.
It's just saying that like, this is growth.
Like, this is what we had to do. Had we had these conversations before,
we probably wouldn't have been in here. We probably would have realized like, you know what?
(29:46):
I love you as a friend, but you ain't. Yeah, but I don't think we didn't take
this as a kid, you know, so all that.
And I think that, and so to get, I think to come back full circle what you said,
like what is my definition of a high value man?
I think that a high value man is someone that brings value to a situation,
any situation that they're in, right?
So people kind of put value as in monetary and money. They do that.
(30:10):
It can be, right? If that's what the situation calls for. Kevin Sands would
say you need to be making $10,000 a month. to be a high-value. That's what he said.
He said, fellas, y'all need to make money. You need to make enough money to
take care of your woman. I think it's real, though, to an extent.
What's the stats on that?
Yeah, it's not a lot. What's the stats on that? So it's not a lot of six-figure black men.
(30:32):
That's what's making it so... It's not a lot of six-figure men.
That's something that needs to be said. It's not. If you go look at the statistics,
it's not a lot of six-figure men.
I'm going to say it's less black men who are six-figure men than any of their counterparts.
I mean, yeah, I can understand that. Yeah, that's... So that's black men in
(30:52):
almost everything. So make more money.
How? When we can't get no education. Same way I did it. No. You can't get no education.
Because we felons. Why are you a felon? Because when someone sees you,
they're not as threatened as when they see me.
When someone sees you as a white man and you're hiring for a position and a
young African-American woman walks in, they might see you and say,
(31:14):
okay, I might have this, I might have that, but I'm not as threatened as a man when he comes in.
So as a young African-American man, and not to take away from African-American
women's plights or problems at all.
I think everyone has the truth. We're the worst. We're at the bottom.
We still be doing our thing, but for some reason, we're at the bottom of the bottom.
(31:36):
I think as far as respect and what y'all get, but the honor that y'all have
is that y'all like, man, it don't matter.
I'm going to go get it. And you know what pisses me off? We all got to save the damn day.
Every time it go wrong, here you come running to a black woman. Save your fucking ass.
No, that's the real, it's real. And I tell people, I tell people this all the
(31:57):
time. The future is black women.
And I'm going to tell you why, because society has made it so that you all are
in the most prominent position to take advantage and really kind of be like
a black horse and kind of surprise a lot of people.
Like, if you think about, you know, Caucasian men, Caucasian women,
Asian, all of the other ones, they aren't seeing, you know, they probably look
(32:19):
at us, the African-American culture, and say, okay, they're not as much of a
competition, right? When you think about it from a competitive aspect.
But you all have gotten the education, you put yourselves in position,
and you all were able to overcome the blockers.
When the opportunity presents itself as it is now, you all are taking full advantage of the opportunity.
I think for African-American men, there has been so many obstacles put in place,
(32:45):
and there's been no examples of how to overcome those obstacles,
that it's become a little harder for them to kind of reach that goal of making
money, like you said, to be honest with you.
I would love nothing more than to see, like, all the Black men thrive.
I think we've gotten to a point where there's, like, a disconnect between us.
(33:09):
There's confusion as to who's supposed to do what.
And there's a lack of just love and respect for each other. I see a lot of comments from people.
It's just so hurtful. You know, like, I would never let women.
Your mama is a Black woman.
You are weird. Yeah. Like, that's not weird to you, you know what I mean?
(33:31):
Oh, the black women be doing this, the black women, you know.
And same thing here. Oh, if he ain't got no money, he don't need to be. Like, I do need a man.
I want and need, yeah, a man.
Am I going to, like, lay down and die if I ain't met the right one? No.
You know, and as I get older, anytime I get older,
(33:53):
anytime I gain a pound, anytime I have any more kids it becomes harder and most
importantly anytime I make more money it becomes the pool becomes smaller right
because would I would I appreciate that $40,000 man you know.
Like I might have back then. Right now, no. Yeah. No. Because what are we going
(34:16):
to do? Y'all can work it out.
That's a real thing, though. Work it out. Y'all can work it out.
I think this is a real thing.
And I think this is something that we all, as Black people in America, need to do.
We need to stop looking at each other as the enemy.
And we need to. I agree. Agreed. It's not like competition or or or like a competition,
(34:41):
because it's not it's not for a black man.
My issue isn't the black woman, like what's manifesting from the black woman.
If you hear a black woman say, oh, I need money or he got to make this, he got to make that.
That's a manifestation of the true root of the problem. Right.
What you hear as a black woman, what you hear from a black man is that,
(35:01):
you know, she needs to be submissive and she need to, you know,
not say nothing. Shut up. That's a root.
That's a that's that's not the root. That's a fruit. That's a manifestation of the problem.
The real problem is, is that society has made it so that African-American men
and women have not had access to the resources to be able to come to the table
(35:23):
and have the conversation at the ages that we talked about.
They haven't had access to the education they haven't had
access to seeing a normal family nuclear family
like i'm growing up my my mom is
surviving right and i see that as a
black woman so now that's what i know that's how i survive
so now i've learned to kind of be able to take as
(35:43):
a man my mom is surviving i don't know what it's like to be now that's what
i expect right and i don't know what it's like to be the provider because my
mom's provided for me this whole time The issue is that the issue ain't the
fact that the young black lady that's on a comment saying I need a man to make six figures.
That's not she ain't the problem. And the problem ain't the man to be like,
(36:04):
man, sure, a black woman got attitude problems that she's not the problem.
The problem is, I mean, he's not the problem. The problem is.
We haven't had the support from a nation, really, that we needed to kind of grow as a culture.
And we have to— Create that after all. We got to diagnose it first.
We got to see it. We got to say, okay, that's the problem.
(36:26):
Then we start creating solutions to the problem. And I think that's the ultimate issue.
Until we do that, we're going to keep saying, you know, black woman or black
man, and we'll never get anywhere. That's a circular argument.
We'll never get anywhere.
They're trying to blame everybody. It's the absent fathers. It's the present
mothers. who are psychos.
Both. I think it's the absent fathers. I think... I just blame society for everything
(36:49):
because that's where we learn everything.
You think because you making more money is a problem for the other man that has 40 fans. Why?
Because I've been there. You think I ain't tried? I've been there and it's very uncomfortable.
No, I want to go out and do shit. Well, I ain't got the money.
Okay, well, I'll pay for it. Well, you don't need to be paying for it.
You know, man, it's going to feel a way.
I know men right now make half as much as men. I still can't do nothing for
(37:12):
him but make him a sandwich.
It's a man. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to take nothing from you.
Now, you got some men that'll be like, shoot, that ain't the man I want either.
Because what you talking about?
Yeah, it's not sexy at all. Don't ask me for no money.
But I think it's, no, asking for money, that might be. I have spoiled myself.
(37:33):
I put myself in this position. I've spoiled myself to the extent where it's
hard for a man to just step in and be like okay I got you because no you don't unless you do,
but that's real though so that's something that
you I think you got to look at that in yourself like what is it what am I why
is it hard for a man to come in and say you know I got that or I can do this
(37:56):
for you you know what I'm saying you say no I don't you know money but is money
everything when you talk about a real when you talk about it's your happiness
you don't think it's money you're saying No, it's not.
Because they need to learn your love language. Exactly. Because at some point, you know...
Money can go away. Some things can go away. Yeah, money comes and goes. It will.
(38:16):
But what happens to that person when I'm at my lowest? What can they offer me?
I would like a man that I could learn from for a change.
I would love to sit in the passenger seat. All day at work, I have to make decisions
for myself, for my staff, for my clients, for my cases.
(38:40):
You know, I would love to come home and be like, ha, ha, ha, la-di-da.
I haven't had that. But you're saying you can't do that. You won't even give
a man a chance to do that if you make 40 bands. Who? I've dated.
I've dated men that make less money than me. It's just, there's no,
you want me to act like I like you?
There's no attraction there. It's a different conversation. I have employees, right?
(39:01):
So I'm sitting here talking about my day. Yeah, and then she do, whoop, whoop.
And then here he go. He like, oh, well, did you think about giving them some
time off? What? Shut the fuck up. What you talking about?
You an employee. You know what I'm saying? I'm sitting here trying to relate,
and you don't understand. But let me hit you. How you going to leave?
Let me hit you with something. Let me hit you with something.
Do you attract those type of people? I attract. I know what I attract,
(39:24):
and I got to get out of that. I attract street niggas.
I know exactly what I attract, and it's not the mindset that bothers me with men who are,
Who have unconventional jobs. Urban? No.
It's not. It's never the mindset with that. It's the, I can't, I don't have the space.
(39:46):
I have a child and a business that's built on professionalism on top of that,
that I have to care about.
And I can't be, if that's what you want to do, you know what I'm saying?
All that's fine. Believe me, out of that. It's never the mental.
It'd be the mental. These men, let me tell you something. As a 35-year-old man,
and this probably is going to go viral, and I hate I have to say this.
(40:07):
I'm going to be very honest.
This is the moment. As a 35, and I don't date young.
I don't. I just don't do that because women are more advanced.
It's always been that way, money or not.
35 and up, if you are still making $40,000, you don't need to be worried about no woman no way.
In this economy. I don't think that's the case. In this economy,
(40:29):
you are 35 years fucking old making four. How much is that?
Somebody calculate that. What is that? $1,600 a pay period? It be like that
sometimes. Before taxes? It be like that sometimes. Where do you live?
But it be like that. You know what I spent $3,300 on?
That's real. But Joanna, but like. And that becomes the issue though.
(40:51):
Do I downgrade my lifestyle or. But are you downgrading?
Yes. No, you're not. Okay, so let me check. What if a woman makes the same amount?
That's different because the man is, they already feel like they're supposed to provide.
No, check it out. I'm upgrading this woman, right? Am I going to come in and
be like, let me upgrade my, no, that's lame.
But you're thinking about it the wrong way, Joanna.
(41:13):
You're thinking about it in the sense of like, what is this person bringing
me versus what I'm bringing them? And that's not it. It's a pool.
That's not how I feel that way. No, but so check it out. So if you make,
you know, six figures, okay, Okay, buddy make 40 bands.
Buddy coming to you is bringing you 40 more bands. It's more, right?
(41:33):
And what you got to do is say, okay, how do we pull this shit together to make
it work for you? Why do I have to do that?
Now, that's what I'm on to. You don't have to do it. Okay, now here's the second question.
Do you think this $40,000 man is going to have a plan to figure out what we're
going to do with my six figures and his 40?
So let me explain this to you. It's not about his plan.
(41:55):
Listen, I want you to hear me very clearly here. It's not his plan.
That's a misnomer, okay?
It's a partnership. Y'all come up with a plan together. So you say,
hey, look, this is what I'm bringing to the table. This is what you're bringing to the table.
This is what we're going to do. Now, in the partnership, you know this.
You work in the legal field.
In the partnership, you ain't coming to the partner and being like,
(42:16):
hey, like, this is what we're going to do.
Y'all sit at the table together and say, this is what I bring.
This is what you bring. This is how we're going to work this out together.
That's exactly what a marriage or a relationship is. You say,
bro, I'm bringing in 100.
You're bringing in 40. we get 140 together how we
gonna make this work I think I can do this you can do that okay cool we
make that work and that's how that that's the partnership I get a lot of men
(42:37):
who be intimidated from the outset because now you want me to draw back or scale
down some kind of way I can't be myself I gotta tiptoe around your fucking ego
all the time that ain't your guy exactly I ain't found him but I do want you
to know it's not the money,
it's everything else that really not having no money he might got the plan But
(42:59):
you know what you're saying? I don't know.
You're saying something that's real, though. No, she's saying something that's real, though.
Let's not act like money is not a thing. When you have more money,
you have more access to things your mind brought. You do.
All of that stuff. You do. So what I'm saying is, and it does become harder for y'all.
(43:21):
I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but it becomes harder for y'all because you
do make more money. and your mind has grown and you've explored different things,
most people who haven't had money to the level that you have won't be able to relate to that.
Are they impossible to find? No. You know what I'm saying?
It's going to take you a little bit longer, right? Or you might have to make
the sacrifice and to bring that person up.
(43:42):
I don't mind that. But you have to. It's just, I think men, I think we all can
agree, men have, women have built up emotions.
Okay, I'm very emotional. I'm a very soft girl. You know what I'm saying?
At heart. I would love to just just be soft right well if you don't know what
the hell going on okay you think you finna come around and be like hey this is what we gonna do.
(44:06):
We gonna sell your house flip it you
know i'm saying we're gonna buy this lambo truck you drive
the toyota but but that's what
i'm saying like no i don't i don't think i wouldn't
know i wouldn't know i done met some men that got good money i have met i've
met some high value men good money i've dated some we don't usually get along
(44:29):
we end up bumping heads now that's my fault now hold on hold on i want we want
we got to go back to what you what you just said What makes them high value?
Because I got something to say.
Oh, well, I never gave my definition of high value, did I? It bequames high
value when it's less of it, right?
So you have less men out here that are marriage material, right?
They don't know how to lead or they can't or they never been taught how to.
(44:51):
It makes you more high value. If you've had a dad in the house, it's sad to say this.
These are the things that make, because everybody hasn't done it.
It makes you more high value to make more money because a lot of men are not
making a lot of money, right? Being able to communicate makes you high.
Things that you don't see as our thing is what makes you more high value.
But see, the problem with high value is that people speak of it as it's objective.
(45:20):
It's not. It's subjective. Value is a subjective thing. What's valuable to me? Right.
I like to feel safe. You like to feel safe? I like to feel safe.
I don't want to have to make all of the decisions.
I done tiptoed. My mama taught me a long time ago It ain't
what you say It's how you say it You know what I'm saying Sometimes you come to a
man And get everything you want Without He think it's his idea His whole time
(45:41):
I done did that Done did it Can do it Still do it All that's fine I just I want
to be able to be led You know what I'm saying You can't lead me If you don't
know What the fuck you doing That's great So you said And you making 40,000
Tells me you don't know What the fuck you doing Enough.
That's deep That's deep And it do Cause why you ain't got the money Nah that's
deep Here's the thing If you Would you let somebody teach?
(46:04):
If you have never danced a day in your life, how the hell you going to teach me how to dance?
If you ain't on no property, you're not going to teach me how to buy it.
But dance is a thing. If you ain't come up, example-wise, example-wise,
example-wise, if I've never touched a football,
(46:25):
how am I going to come to you and be like, all right, first you're going to
look at me like, what the fuck is that talking about?
Okay, but a skill set as in like playing a sport or dancing is different from making money.
Like you go to work to make money. If you make money, how are you going to teach me how to do it?
Just go ahead and give it to you like that if you ain't never made
no money how you gonna teach me how to do it the problem is the problem is the
(46:49):
value that you're putting on money like you hold on hold on hold on so if you
ain't never made money how you gonna teach me how to make money well I gotta
teach you you know how to make it already teach me now let me figure out now
figure out in me what I have.
Yeah they're not it becomes intimidating and now I'm back in the masculine role
where I never wanted to be to begin with.
(47:12):
Now, now, now, now, now.
It's nothing masculine about this. I never came off masculine. No.
I never came off masculine. There was this one that I was just playing.
No, but it's weird because when I get on a date and stuff, you wouldn't even
think it's me. I'm just like, you know.
(47:33):
Hey, I would love to see this shit because I, shorty, I know.
She's like, no, No, nigga, that ain't it.
That's stupid. I'm like, man, you ain't gonna never get no man, dog.
No, I'm fucking with you. No, but I think, but listen.
It's not a, it's not, okay. It's not a two, it's not a one-way street, though, fam.
Like, it's a two-way street. Yeah, like, what we talking about is what your thought process is.
(47:58):
But you're absolutely right. The man has to be willing to say, like, hey, let me learn.
I recognize you got me beat right here. Here's what I can bring to you.
This is what society got shit fucked up at, is that they think that the woman
is supposed to be submissive. Like, this is all the problem.
The problem stems from this, bro. The problem stems from we really not in our spiritual foundation.
(48:19):
The Bible tells you, bro, like, submit one to another.
It ain't got nothing to do. It ain't got nothing to do. That's real.
It's strange because the same people that are saying high-value men or this,
that, and other, all the things that we discussed say that the value of a woman
comes in when they don't have kids or they are little.
They haven't gained much weight know how to
shut the fuck up that's where the value comes in for a woman and that says all
(48:42):
I need to hear you know what I'm saying because I come with so much more than
that and if you if you not if you coming in the door looking for somebody who
gonna shut the hell up and sit down that skinny as hell baby you came to the
wrong place anyway to start off with so if that's what society is feeding our black men then.
Then I'm in trouble anyway. No, I mean, you're in trouble or you're in a position
(49:03):
to say, no, B, that's not how it's supposed to be.
You know what I'm saying? I mean, these are the same folks. It's funny because
these same folks come to me for the divorce later, right?
Oh, I married this bitch. She's got no fucking money. She's trying to take all
my motherfucking money.
Oh, she's trying to take all your money. Damn, it's wild.
Not you married the broke bitch who sat down at the skinning.
(49:24):
In fact, I remember I reached out to you You're not this person.
I mean, you know, and then you get to see them and now they angry.
Oh, I'll offer her a little bit of the house. No, you're going to offer her
half. Because that's what they're going to give her.
You should have got you somebody that had a house or two already.
Then y'all be busting all that shit down. You know what I'm saying? I end it with this shit.
(49:46):
This is real. If I leave with nothing else, this is it.
Is that people in the African-American community in particular need to understand
that our enemies aren't each other.
Right? The black man's enemy is not the black woman. Black woman is not the
black man. The enemy is the society in which we were raised.
And now we have to start figuring out how to attack the deficits that are in
(50:08):
our community because of that society.
I agree. And we can't do that separate.
We have to do that together. We got to do that together. We need to put whatever difference is.
Whatever these stereotypes is that somebody done put in the way,
put that aside and say, what's going to be better for us? Right.
Because we need each other.
Why do you think you're going to go to another race and get a better outcome?
And I'm going to tell you. I get them all the time.
(50:29):
And I'm going to tell you this. They come over here. Let me tell you something.
They come to me, and we in Buck County,
because you done went out here and married this white girl, and she done put
a TPO out on your way, and she ain't got no damn job,
and you done gave her two kids, and now you got to pay $6,000 a month between
all the money and child support, and you're looking at me and I'm looking at
you. And I'm like, my man, what you want me to do?
(50:50):
Like this is... But to your point though, the only way that's going to happen,
the only way we come together and get this shit solved for real is it's going
to take sacrifice on both ends.
Now what that sacrifice is, that's for y'all to decide as a partnership.
Like, hey, this is what we've been doing. I want people to...
I've never been... It's such a weird...
It's a trend. I don't know what to call it. I'm not like... I love black men.
(51:10):
I love them. I need them. They are smart.
They are funny, charming, all of those things I done met some black men that'll
that'll just blow your head off because they're okay no relax I mean my son
of course I'm looking all right relax,
no but I I in this culture it's
(51:32):
like I don't need a man thing I've never been that and people tend
to assume that when you are successful or you're
doing your thing that that's your like your that's not me because I
definitely need you man I need you want to I'm not I'm also not going on
like play myself that's stupid money no
it's not everything do i want some gonna have it don't have it by myself don't
have it with whoever i'm with i'm not gonna just like get with somebody and
(51:54):
be like okay let's just be mediocre that's just not who i am as a person you
know so it's really about aligning with people who have the same goals that
not necessarily who had the same assets you know and i haven't i haven't 100 met that.
Well, hopefully you will. I appreciate you bringing me on the show,
though. Of course. It was a good combo. I think that was good.
We did a good job. Drop yourself. Yeah. You want to be found? Yes.
(52:18):
IG is T. Pryor Esquire. So T-P-R-Y-O-R underscore Esquire, spelled out.
Yeah. And Terrence Pryor on Facebook and all that other stuff.
Yeah. I didn't. What y'all think about this show? I'm sweating.
Dina got me all bummed off in here. I feel lame. lame
let me let me review i need to review the
(52:38):
film i need to review this film and make sure
i didn't say nothing lame because i felt very vulnerable and open
it almost sound like oh i can't get a man because don't get it twisted you can
get a man i can get a man yeah don't get it twisted have i found a husband yes
no it didn't sound like okay y'all need to vote though terrence versus joanna
(52:59):
i won i don't think it was ever said we didn't even get to because y'all talked We didn't do it.
Oh, sorry. I mean, if not, we're late. I'm sorry.
It is happening. He can do a part one and a part two.
Let me know. Let me know. I'll be here. I'll be here. Okay. That's pretty cool.
Need to get paid next. No, I'm just fucking kidding. See how you do?
See? We just said black folks need to be paid.
(53:20):
No, you said I need to get some money. I need to get some money,
right? No, I need my cash. You said make some money.
You just said. That's shit. You just said pay these niggas out.
Thank you for tuning in to Let Him See That Child podcast. Drop a comment below
on what was your favorite part of the episode.
If you're watching us on YouTube, don't forget to click like and subscribe because
(53:44):
I drop a new episode every week.
If you want to catch the episode a day early, then be sure to subscribe to our
podcast channel anywhere you listen to podcasts.
And if you don't remember anything else, I'll leave you with this. Let him see that child.
Music.