October 4, 2024 • 23 mins
Welcome to "Let Yourself Bloom," where we celebrate the harmonious coexistence of motherhood and ambition. In this episode, host Jen Banks sits down with Jayci, a senior at Brigham Young University and a leadership coach, who shares her transformative journey of finding identity beyond the traditional roles of motherhood. Jayci's story is a testament to embracing one's unique path and nurturing dreams alongside family life. From her early struggles with societal expectations to discovering a calling that blends faith, family, and career, Jayci offers profound insights that challenge assumptions and inspire women to embrace their multidimensional selves. Join us as we explore the beauty of balancing motherhood and ambition, and learn how to thrive in every season of life.
Chapters:
(00:00) Welcome to let yourself Bloom, where motherhood and ambition coexist beautifully
(01:27) Jen will introduce Jayci and then she will share her story
(02:41) In my church, there's a tradition that you can receive a special blessing...
(06:47) Becoming a mother or Becoming a Successful Business Woman?
(13:25) Finding a calling has a lot to do with finding a place
(15:33) The biggest moment of transformation in your story was meeting with your professor?
(21:50) Let yourself bloom with Jen Banks explores balancing motherhood and ambition
Keywords: Motherhood, Ambition, Identity, Career, Balance, Transformation, Personal Growth, Faith, Storytelling, Women's Empowerment, BYU, Leadership, Microorganizational Behavior, Societal Expectations, Self-Acceptance, Multidimensional, Family, Professional Life, Personal Fulfillment, Community Support
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Welcome to Let Yourself Bloom,the podcast where motherhood and
ambition coexist beautifully.
I'm your host, Jen Banks, and in eachepisode, we'll dive deep into the
journey of being more than a mom.
Here, we believe that you can loveyour children deeply and still have
room to nurture your own dreams.
Picture this, a life where you don'thave to choose between career and family.
(00:31):
Where you can be inspired bystories of women who have boldly
stepped into their dual roles.
Together, we'll explore how to balance,grow, and thrive in every season of life.
Our guests will share theirpersonal stories of finding
identity beyond motherhood.
Proving that you can hold both yourfamily and your ambitions in your heart.
We'll talk about the seasons oflife, embracing our unique paths,
(00:54):
and giving ourselves permissionto bloom whenever we're ready.
Whether you're a working mom of two ordreaming of a bigger family, whether
you're a stay at home mom seeking more, ora career driven woman balancing the chaos.
This podcast is for you.
Listen in and let the stories, advice,and community support you in becoming
the fullest version of yourself.
(01:17):
Tune in, be inspired, and remember,you are worthy of the same love
and care you give to others.
Welcome to Let Yourself Bloom.
Let's grow together.
Hello.
I am here today with Jaycee.
Welcome.
Hi.
Good to be with you, Jen.
Good to have you.
I will introduce her and then she'sjust going to share her story that was
(01:40):
just so impactful for me and I know it'sgoing to be impactful for you as well.
So, Jaycee is a senior atBrigham Young University.
She currently works as a leadershipcoach with plans to get a master's
degree in micro organizational behavior.
Jaycee is an avid reader of fantasyand regency romance, loves making
pasta with her husband, and dreamsof adopting a kitten or two.
(02:01):
She has shared today's story in aBYU Story Slam at the She Can, I
Can Utah Valley Women's Conference.
In an and in an award-winning essay.
Welcome, jc.
I am so excited for youto share your story.
Thank you so much.
Am I good to Go ahead.
Mm-Hmm,
. It was a month after my 14th birthday and I decided that I was mature, maybe, you
(02:24):
know, or are mature 14-year-old, but itmight've been overly ambitious to claim
that title for myself when I was stillpouting about doing dishes every day.
Luckily, I only had to be mature enough.
Once you make that choice, thatyou're mature enough, in my church
there's a tradition that youcan receive a special blessing.
(02:45):
Before I continue, I recognize that manylisteners may have different beliefs
about God, or none at all, and I hopethat you know that I respect that.
This is a story about mydecisions, and not about my church.
I'll be talking about God asif he were a character in my
story, because, for me, he was.
For one, I felt that he wasthe one giving me the blessing.
(03:06):
I had heard from friends and leadersabout how their blessings told them
all about their talents and gifts,and sometimes even a mission they had
felt that God had called them to do.
I wanted to know what he saw in me.
I wound up in a comfy living roomsitting on a green leather, uh, green
leather couch squashed in between mymom and my dad, the guy who is gonna
(03:28):
give me the blessing, and his wifesat across from me and he chatted
with me before the blessing started.
He asked, well what do youwant to be when you grow up?
And I gave him a few answers,maybe an actor or a scientist,
and he said, oh that's great.
When you get to college, make sureto choose a major that will help you
to have some good career options.
(03:50):
I was so ecstatic.
There was a special plan, an impacton the world that only I could
make, and I would have a career.
Then that church leader said,Because you'll need to have a backup
plan in case your husband dies.
I looked around at all the adults noddingalong and my dreams shrunk back down.
(04:12):
Ever since I was 11 years old, Ihave always wanted to have a career.
But all the women I knew were stay athome moms, real and down to earth, with
their shirts stained from making dinner.
I saw career women as statues, inspiringbut unattainable images rather than
living and loving human beings.
(04:32):
If I had a career, how couldI live up to the warmth and
faith of the women in my life?
I was expected to be a mom, but Iwasn't expected to have a career,
but I wanted to have a career and Ididn't know if I wanted to be a mom.
The tensions taffy pulled me, butit seemed pretty black and white.
If I wanted to live up toexpectations, the only path I
had was to be a stay at home mom.
(04:55):
So I arrived at college withno idea what to do there.
I knew I should get a good educationthough, so on the first day of
school, I found myself on the marblestairs of the honors building.
I hiked up to the lecture hall, andgasping for breath, I walked in.
The room seemed huge and intimidatingto me with its high balcony
(05:17):
overhead and a wainscot ceiling.
I slid into the second row andI see these two middle aged
women sitting in front of me.
I'm thinking, what are theseladies doing in my class?
Then the clock ticked to 930 and one of them got up and
she was my biology professor.
She pulled up a slide to introduceherself and this slide had all her
(05:39):
credentials on one side and a photoof her kids on the other side.
As I got to know this professor better,I realized that she was a woman of
faith, had a family, and had a career.
In my black and white world, thisprofessor was a splash of color.
Still, I couldn't feel that Iwas allowed to have a career.
(06:01):
After all, I never really stoppedhearing phrases like, You'll have a
hard time raising kids with that major.
Or, how will you manage yourwork life balance with a career?
Or, that major will make you a great mom.
Or, women are meant to be nurturers.
For the next two years, I hoppedfrom major to major to major,
(06:22):
desperately trying to find theplace where I could feel that God
was finally telling me you belong.
I wanted to think that I was meant todo something amazing, but when I didn't
get an answer about a major, it feltlike God was saying, I don't care what
you major in, it doesn't matter anyway.
When are you going to have some kids?
Fine.
(06:42):
I decided if I was going to have a career,I would have to figure it out myself.
It was a beautiful day outsidewhen I arrived at my college's
office of prestigious scholarships,but I didn't really notice.
I had been delaying thisappointment for two years.
I was ushered into a small, intimateroom with a woman I had never met.
(07:03):
She smiled kindly as she explainedall the grand scholarships I
could work toward for grad school.
I kept my legs crossed and apolite smile frozen on my face.
Then she paused to askif I had any questions.
I did have questions.
But in my mind, I heard that leader'svoice saying, You're a backup plan.
(07:25):
And they all got stuck in my throat.
But then I looked up.
I saw this woman's degree on the wall, andI saw her family photo just beneath it.
And I realized if I didn't ask now,I might never have courage again.
Am I allowed to do this?
I asked.
(07:45):
To my horror, my throat seizedup, and my hands started shaking.
So I quickly elaborated.
I know I'm supposed to be a mom.
Can I go to grad school?
Without disappointing God, theadvisor got this look on her face as
if she'd been exactly in my shoes.
She offered me her hands and said,There are as many ways to be a faithful
(08:09):
woman as there are women in our church.
As I stepped out of the advisor's office,the afternoon sunlight streamed over
my face and into my soul, and for theone of the first times, I felt like God
was walking on that sidewalk with me.
It turns out that not everyone isrolling their eyes at my education and
(08:29):
waiting for me to pop out some kids.
My career isn't a backupplan, it is the plan.
These days I see my mom with thesame old shirt stains from, uh, from
dinner and she tells me about thecollege courses she's taking now and
I tell her about my professors andmy grades and my dreams and my plans.
I'm 25 now, it's been along decade since I was 14.
(08:53):
I've grown up.
I've made a few decisions and I thinkI finally know what it means to mature.
Thank you.
Just as brilliant as whenI heard it the first time.
I was at the conference, theShe Can, I Can event, which
they're having again in October.
And I just remember getting chillsand feeling the truth in that story
(09:17):
because you can be a mom and andmost of the guests that I have that's
what we talk about being a mom andand you don't have kids yet, right?
That's correct.
And so you're bringing that mindset intomotherhood if and when you have children.
And that's kind of what Idid when I had my oldest.
I saw these women lose theiridentity or become empty
(09:38):
nesters and not know what to do.
And so I made a decision and a promise tomyself that I wouldn't lose my identity.
And so here you are doing the same thing.
And I love that so much.
And you are actually the reason thatI decided to have this Bloom Stories
segment because there's so many ofus that have a story that have these
moments of transformation or realization.
(09:59):
And the more we can share themwith others, the more freeing it
is, the more empowering it is, andothers will want to do the same.
So let's, yeah, sorry, Ididn't mean to interrupt there.
Let's just debrief yourstory a little bit.
So starting with those words, a backupplan, and I'm sure everyone just cringes
when they hear that because we'veheard that a lot, and That, you know,
(10:23):
culturally, I feel like we're changing,but still, mothers used to be in the home
and now, you know, there's so many womenthat are queer women and the pendulum
has kind of swung the other way, butsome people are still not quite on board.
So, uh, what do you think?
It's hard because their intention isprobably good, but still, how could
(10:45):
we maybe encourage other people tokind of loosen up on those beliefs?
Do you have any advice?
That is a great question andsomething that I've thought about and
wish that I had a great answer to.
Um, but I think one of the thingsthat has most distilled in my mind
is that a lot of these problems comefrom assumptions and people just have.
(11:07):
Assumptions about the way that theylive their life and about the way
that other people live their life.
Um, I Have like I I mentionedlike you mentioned in my bio.
I'm studying psychology um and uh planto go into organizational behavior
and Um, one really interesting studythat I saw recently is that women
(11:30):
have these, these possible selves.
So we conceptualize, like, all thepossibilities of what we can be
and who we can be in the future.
You would think that theseare limitless, right?
Like the future has no bounds.
Um, but there is something actually thatdoes limit women's possible selves, um,
(11:51):
that they can even ideate for the future.
And one of those things is theamount of support they expect
to have, um, from a partner.
And I would expect that thatwould extend to, um, any social
network, their families, anybody.
So when there's all these assumptionsthat women are going to be a certain
(12:12):
way, it really limits how womeneven can conceptualize themselves,
which I think is a tragedy.
Um, so I think any time that wecan challenge those assumptions,
um, if somebody says, oh, like, Idon't know, that major will make
you a great mom or something.
Like I mentioned thatI've had that before.
(12:34):
I'd be like, Oh, um, I think it willbe like really great for my career
or just something that's not likeconfrontational or like rude, but
people don't even realize they'remaking these assumptions sometimes.
I think there's ways to correct that.
Yeah, that's so true.
I talked about in another interviewabout Uh, gender disappointment
(12:57):
because I have three boys and Ialways expected to have a girl.
And so, there's assumptions with that too.
Oh, are you going to try for a girl?
Or, oh, a boy and a girl, how perfect.
You know, they just reinforcethese ideas or assumptions
that a certain way is the way.
But, there's a lot ofdifferent possibilities.
I like how you said that you would thinkthat the possibilities are limitless.
(13:18):
And they are as long as we putour mind to it or don't let
other assumptions get in the way.
So those were great tips.
I love that.
In your story, you mentioned a piece,just the words, you were looking
for a place where you belonged.
And that really hit me hardbecause I feel like all of us are
looking for a place to belong.
Do you feel like you've come toa place where you feel like you
(13:41):
belong now that you've decided youcan be more than just a mother?
That's a really good question too.
These are all great.
Um, hmm.
I think that belonging has a lotto do with finding a calling,
and um, I've been learning abouthow a calling has to be something
(14:05):
that you feel you were born to do.
You feel like circumstances in yourlife led you to that calling, and it's
something that Benefits the world,like it blesses people and you feel
a responsibility and a duty to do it.
And for me, I really feel like Ihave found that in my career path.
I have no idea what I'm going to actuallyend up doing in 10 years, but I know I
(14:28):
have a goal right now and it's somethingthat I'm really passionate about.
And I know that so many women find acalling in motherhood as well and I
think that the beauty is that there'sso many callings that we can have in
life, and someday, maybe I'm going tofeel that calling towards motherhood,
and maybe I'm not, but I know thatGod is so good that he is, like,
(14:54):
he's got so many plans for everybody.
And I really feel like I've foundone of them for me right now.
Oh, that's so good.
My book came out a couple of weeks agoand it's called Let Yourself Bloom.
It's a book about how we're a bouquet offlowers and not just one single flower.
And I love that you said that too.
(15:15):
We're not meant to just do one thing.
There's a lot of different things andcomponents that we have to ourselves that.
Make us multidimensional and the morewe can step outside of just a singular
role, the more we can fill thatfulfillment or fill those callings.
So that's really good.
Love that.
Congrats on your book as well.
Thank you.
And then, would you say that the biggestmoment of transformation in that story
(15:37):
was when you met with that professorand you saw on the wall her pictures?
I, okay, the pictures were an inciting,it was like, this is a safe space.
This is a woman who may havebeen through what you've been
through and you can talk to her.
Um, because I, I think something I'vebeen afraid of and something that happens
(15:59):
is that like when I was talking aboutassumptions, many of those assumptions
came from other women, um, and so I waslike, uh, I don't know if she's going
to understand that, like, there's allthese conflicting beliefs and ideas
about who I am and what I want to be,um, and then I saw, you know, there's
these little signs that's like, oh, like,she's like really excelled in her career.
(16:24):
Like, she's really proficient and shehas a family and obviously that isn't
like the only person who is ever goingto understand something like that.
Um, but it, for me in that moment, Ithink the spirit directed me to see that
and I was like, okay, I can talk to her.
But I think the real moment oftransformation was really that line
that she said when she said, there'sas many ways to be a faithful woman
(16:47):
as there are women in our church.
Whether you're a member of the churchor not, I think it applies that
there's as many ways to be a womanas there are women in the world.
That's fantastic.
I was like, Oh, I can beme and that's good enough.
And that's so basic.
(17:08):
Still, somehow it was a lesson I hadn'tlearned and one that I took the first
step towards learning in that moment.
That is profound.
It's, it's the simple truthsthat are the most profound.
So thank you for sharing that.
I love too how you saidthat she was a safe space.
It can come from either side becausemy friend in college, she was pregnant
(17:30):
and the professor had a meeting one onone with me and her at the same time.
at the same day but different times andshe said that my friend was planning to
leave the career path and be a stay athome mom and the professor was really
just looking down on her and judgingher for making that choice and so again
she wouldn't have been a safe space butwomen are experiencing this from both
(17:53):
sides whether they choose a career orwhether they choose to be a stay at home
mom it's all so personal and it's allvery dynamic and and not black and white.
Absolutely.
I remember the first time I sharedthis story, it was in, I actually
put this together for a class that Itook at BYU and there was a group of
(18:13):
my classmates and I got up and sharedour stories and the story either right
before or right after mine was a girlwho got up and talked about how she felt
pressured into choosing a career andhow she stepped away from her career
to fulfill her dreams of motherhood.
And I was like, this is so amazingthat we have this space where we
(18:34):
can just come together and sharestories that are authentic and
like, that that's not a problem.
And like, she sat down rightnext to me and we leaned over and
fist bumped and that was that.
And I know the world's not always thatsimple and things are pretty complicated,
but when we can have those spaces everynow and then, when we can really just
(18:56):
open up, I think that's super helpful.
That's so good.
Beautiful.
I love that you're into storytelling.
It was a storytelling class, right?
Yeah.
I have loved storytelling as well.
I don't know if you've ever heardof Matthew Dix, but he's a fantastic
storyteller and he does moth grandslams and, and things like that.
(19:17):
I was inspired by him tohave a storytelling night.
So I've had a few storytelling nightssince then and my whole second season of
my last podcast was about storytelling.
Do you have any tips for storytellers orwhat were some of your biggest takeaways
that you learned from that class?
Oh, that's a good
question.
Hopefully my professors don't likelisten to this and hear me butcher it.
(19:38):
Um, but I, one of the biggest helpswas, um, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll share
with you briefly the process they hadus go through and first they had us fill
like 10 pages with just every memorythat we could think of at all, ever,
and 10 pages wasn't enough for that,but it was enough to like get some
(20:00):
little snippets from my life in there.
And from there, they're like, okay, lookthrough and identify what's like a common
need that you found through your life.
For me.
I found the need of acceptance ofwho I was and what I wanted to do and
then they're like, okay, find somespecific scenes that help with that.
(20:24):
And there's a lot of different types ofscenes, but one of the most important
types that you need is a point of insight.
And it doesn't have to be when thisproblem and this or this need was
just totally resolved in your life.
It could just be one step, butit needs to be like a discernible
step that you took forward infinding and fulfilling this need.
So for me, Um, I mean, the peak one forthat was when I met with that advisor.
(20:50):
And then another one was when I saw theprofessor on my first day of school.
And so you can find these little momentsin your life and be like, Oh, kind
of trace your journey a little bit.
And from there, you can put togethera story of Like, beginning, middle,
end, and just how things haveunfolded for you to change and either
(21:12):
find a new perspective on the needor fulfill the need or something.
But an important part is they said,don't just tie up your story at the end
with a little bow and make it all neat.
Um, the, the real truth about ourstories is that if they're real
and gritty and like, Genuine to us.
They're not done.
(21:33):
They're still going and it's okayto say, Hey, I figured this part
out, but I'm still working on itand just keep going from there.
So I really liked that class.
Yeah.
That's a fantastic roadmap to follow.
So thank you for walking us through that.
Sure.
Is there anything else youwanted to share before we leave?
This has been a great conversation.
(21:55):
Um, I just, you said a lot ofyour listeners are mothers.
Okay, I just wanted to thank you allfor all the hard work that you're doing.
I'm not ready to be a mom yet, but Ireally have, like I said in my story,
always looked up to the warmth andthe faith and the strength of the
(22:17):
mothers that I've seen and I've seenthem be so many different ways with
so many different personalities andall of them have been just perfect
for the situation that they're in andI hope that you feel the same way.
That you're good enoughand I think you're awesome.
So
that's so perfect.
What a great way to end.
(22:39):
I really appreciate that.
Thank you so much forbeing on the podcast, JC.
Thank you, Jen.
It's good to be here.
Thank you for joining us on Let YourselfBloom, where we embrace the beauty
of balancing motherhood and ambition.
I hope today's episode has inspiredyou to nurture your dreams while
being the incredible mom that you are.
Remember, it's not justabout finding balance.
(22:59):
It's about thriving inall aspects of your life.
If you enjoyed today's conversation,be sure to subscribe, leave a
review and share this podcastwith other amazing women.
And if you're the kind of person wholoves to watch podcasts, you can find
this podcast on my YouTube channel atlet yourself bloom underscore with Jen
Banks, or on the ride the wave mediapodcast network, YouTube channel.
(23:20):
Remember to stay connected withus on social media at let yourself
bloom underscore with Jen Banksand join our community to keep
blooming together until next time.
Keep dreaming, keep growingand let yourself bloom.
Welcome to Let Yourself Bloom,the podcast where motherhood and
ambition coexist beautifully.
I'm your host, Jen Banks, and in eachepisode, we'll dive deep into the
journey of being more than a mom.
Here, we believe that you can loveyour children deeply and still have
room to nurture your own dreams.
Picture this, a life where you don'thave to choose between career and family.
(00:31):
Where you can be inspired bystories of women who have boldly
stepped into their dual roles.
Together, we'll explore how to balance,grow, and thrive in every season of life.
Our guests will share theirpersonal stories of finding
identity beyond motherhood.
Proving that you can hold both yourfamily and your ambitions in your heart.
We'll talk about the seasons oflife, embracing our unique paths,
(00:54):
and giving ourselves permissionto bloom whenever we're ready.
Whether you're a working mom of two ordreaming of a bigger family, whether
you're a stay at home mom seeking more, ora career driven woman balancing the chaos.
This podcast is for you.
Listen in and let the stories, advice,and community support you in becoming
the fullest version of yourself.
(01:17):
Tune in, be inspired, and remember,you are worthy of the same love
and care you give to others.
Welcome to Let Yourself Bloom.
Let's grow together.
Hello.
I am here today with Jaycee.
Welcome.
Hi.
Good to be with you, Jen.
Good to have you.
I will introduce her and then she'sjust going to share her story that was
(01:40):
just so impactful for me and I know it'sgoing to be impactful for you as well.
So, Jaycee is a senior atBrigham Young University.
She currently works as a leadershipcoach with plans to get a master's
degree in micro organizational behavior.
Jaycee is an avid reader of fantasyand regency romance, loves making
pasta with her husband, and dreamsof adopting a kitten or two.
(02:01):
She has shared today's story in aBYU Story Slam at the She Can, I
Can Utah Valley Women's Conference.
In an and in an award-winning essay.
Welcome, jc.
I am so excited for youto share your story.
Thank you so much.
Am I good to Go ahead.
Mm-Hmm,
. It was a month after my 14th birthday and I decided that I was mature, maybe, you
(02:24):
know, or are mature 14-year-old, but itmight've been overly ambitious to claim
that title for myself when I was stillpouting about doing dishes every day.
Luckily, I only had to be mature enough.
Once you make that choice, thatyou're mature enough, in my church
there's a tradition that youcan receive a special blessing.
(02:45):
Before I continue, I recognize that manylisteners may have different beliefs
about God, or none at all, and I hopethat you know that I respect that.
This is a story about mydecisions, and not about my church.
I'll be talking about God asif he were a character in my
story, because, for me, he was.
For one, I felt that he wasthe one giving me the blessing.
(03:06):
I had heard from friends and leadersabout how their blessings told them
all about their talents and gifts,and sometimes even a mission they had
felt that God had called them to do.
I wanted to know what he saw in me.
I wound up in a comfy living roomsitting on a green leather, uh, green
leather couch squashed in between mymom and my dad, the guy who is gonna
(03:28):
give me the blessing, and his wifesat across from me and he chatted
with me before the blessing started.
He asked, well what do youwant to be when you grow up?
And I gave him a few answers,maybe an actor or a scientist,
and he said, oh that's great.
When you get to college, make sureto choose a major that will help you
to have some good career options.
(03:50):
I was so ecstatic.
There was a special plan, an impacton the world that only I could
make, and I would have a career.
Then that church leader said,Because you'll need to have a backup
plan in case your husband dies.
I looked around at all the adults noddingalong and my dreams shrunk back down.
(04:12):
Ever since I was 11 years old, Ihave always wanted to have a career.
But all the women I knew were stay athome moms, real and down to earth, with
their shirts stained from making dinner.
I saw career women as statues, inspiringbut unattainable images rather than
living and loving human beings.
(04:32):
If I had a career, how couldI live up to the warmth and
faith of the women in my life?
I was expected to be a mom, but Iwasn't expected to have a career,
but I wanted to have a career and Ididn't know if I wanted to be a mom.
The tensions taffy pulled me, butit seemed pretty black and white.
If I wanted to live up toexpectations, the only path I
had was to be a stay at home mom.
(04:55):
So I arrived at college withno idea what to do there.
I knew I should get a good educationthough, so on the first day of
school, I found myself on the marblestairs of the honors building.
I hiked up to the lecture hall, andgasping for breath, I walked in.
The room seemed huge and intimidatingto me with its high balcony
(05:17):
overhead and a wainscot ceiling.
I slid into the second row andI see these two middle aged
women sitting in front of me.
I'm thinking, what are theseladies doing in my class?
Then the clock ticked to 930 and one of them got up and
she was my biology professor.
She pulled up a slide to introduceherself and this slide had all her
(05:39):
credentials on one side and a photoof her kids on the other side.
As I got to know this professor better,I realized that she was a woman of
faith, had a family, and had a career.
In my black and white world, thisprofessor was a splash of color.
Still, I couldn't feel that Iwas allowed to have a career.
(06:01):
After all, I never really stoppedhearing phrases like, You'll have a
hard time raising kids with that major.
Or, how will you manage yourwork life balance with a career?
Or, that major will make you a great mom.
Or, women are meant to be nurturers.
For the next two years, I hoppedfrom major to major to major,
(06:22):
desperately trying to find theplace where I could feel that God
was finally telling me you belong.
I wanted to think that I was meant todo something amazing, but when I didn't
get an answer about a major, it feltlike God was saying, I don't care what
you major in, it doesn't matter anyway.
When are you going to have some kids?
Fine.
(06:42):
I decided if I was going to have a career,I would have to figure it out myself.
It was a beautiful day outsidewhen I arrived at my college's
office of prestigious scholarships,but I didn't really notice.
I had been delaying thisappointment for two years.
I was ushered into a small, intimateroom with a woman I had never met.
(07:03):
She smiled kindly as she explainedall the grand scholarships I
could work toward for grad school.
I kept my legs crossed and apolite smile frozen on my face.
Then she paused to askif I had any questions.
I did have questions.
But in my mind, I heard that leader'svoice saying, You're a backup plan.
(07:25):
And they all got stuck in my throat.
But then I looked up.
I saw this woman's degree on the wall, andI saw her family photo just beneath it.
And I realized if I didn't ask now,I might never have courage again.
Am I allowed to do this?
I asked.
(07:45):
To my horror, my throat seizedup, and my hands started shaking.
So I quickly elaborated.
I know I'm supposed to be a mom.
Can I go to grad school?
Without disappointing God, theadvisor got this look on her face as
if she'd been exactly in my shoes.
She offered me her hands and said,There are as many ways to be a faithful
(08:09):
woman as there are women in our church.
As I stepped out of the advisor's office,the afternoon sunlight streamed over
my face and into my soul, and for theone of the first times, I felt like God
was walking on that sidewalk with me.
It turns out that not everyone isrolling their eyes at my education and
(08:29):
waiting for me to pop out some kids.
My career isn't a backupplan, it is the plan.
These days I see my mom with thesame old shirt stains from, uh, from
dinner and she tells me about thecollege courses she's taking now and
I tell her about my professors andmy grades and my dreams and my plans.
I'm 25 now, it's been along decade since I was 14.
(08:53):
I've grown up.
I've made a few decisions and I thinkI finally know what it means to mature.
Thank you.
Just as brilliant as whenI heard it the first time.
I was at the conference, theShe Can, I Can event, which
they're having again in October.
And I just remember getting chillsand feeling the truth in that story
(09:17):
because you can be a mom and andmost of the guests that I have that's
what we talk about being a mom andand you don't have kids yet, right?
That's correct.
And so you're bringing that mindset intomotherhood if and when you have children.
And that's kind of what Idid when I had my oldest.
I saw these women lose theiridentity or become empty
(09:38):
nesters and not know what to do.
And so I made a decision and a promise tomyself that I wouldn't lose my identity.
And so here you are doing the same thing.
And I love that so much.
And you are actually the reason thatI decided to have this Bloom Stories
segment because there's so many ofus that have a story that have these
moments of transformation or realization.
(09:59):
And the more we can share themwith others, the more freeing it
is, the more empowering it is, andothers will want to do the same.
So let's, yeah, sorry, Ididn't mean to interrupt there.
Let's just debrief yourstory a little bit.
So starting with those words, a backupplan, and I'm sure everyone just cringes
when they hear that because we'veheard that a lot, and That, you know,
(10:23):
culturally, I feel like we're changing,but still, mothers used to be in the home
and now, you know, there's so many womenthat are queer women and the pendulum
has kind of swung the other way, butsome people are still not quite on board.
So, uh, what do you think?
It's hard because their intention isprobably good, but still, how could
(10:45):
we maybe encourage other people tokind of loosen up on those beliefs?
Do you have any advice?
That is a great question andsomething that I've thought about and
wish that I had a great answer to.
Um, but I think one of the thingsthat has most distilled in my mind
is that a lot of these problems comefrom assumptions and people just have.
(11:07):
Assumptions about the way that theylive their life and about the way
that other people live their life.
Um, I Have like I I mentionedlike you mentioned in my bio.
I'm studying psychology um and uh planto go into organizational behavior
and Um, one really interesting studythat I saw recently is that women
(11:30):
have these, these possible selves.
So we conceptualize, like, all thepossibilities of what we can be
and who we can be in the future.
You would think that theseare limitless, right?
Like the future has no bounds.
Um, but there is something actually thatdoes limit women's possible selves, um,
(11:51):
that they can even ideate for the future.
And one of those things is theamount of support they expect
to have, um, from a partner.
And I would expect that thatwould extend to, um, any social
network, their families, anybody.
So when there's all these assumptionsthat women are going to be a certain
(12:12):
way, it really limits how womeneven can conceptualize themselves,
which I think is a tragedy.
Um, so I think any time that wecan challenge those assumptions,
um, if somebody says, oh, like, Idon't know, that major will make
you a great mom or something.
Like I mentioned thatI've had that before.
(12:34):
I'd be like, Oh, um, I think it willbe like really great for my career
or just something that's not likeconfrontational or like rude, but
people don't even realize they'remaking these assumptions sometimes.
I think there's ways to correct that.
Yeah, that's so true.
I talked about in another interviewabout Uh, gender disappointment
(12:57):
because I have three boys and Ialways expected to have a girl.
And so, there's assumptions with that too.
Oh, are you going to try for a girl?
Or, oh, a boy and a girl, how perfect.
You know, they just reinforcethese ideas or assumptions
that a certain way is the way.
But, there's a lot ofdifferent possibilities.
I like how you said that you would thinkthat the possibilities are limitless.
(13:18):
And they are as long as we putour mind to it or don't let
other assumptions get in the way.
So those were great tips.
I love that.
In your story, you mentioned a piece,just the words, you were looking
for a place where you belonged.
And that really hit me hardbecause I feel like all of us are
looking for a place to belong.
Do you feel like you've come toa place where you feel like you
(13:41):
belong now that you've decided youcan be more than just a mother?
That's a really good question too.
These are all great.
Um, hmm.
I think that belonging has a lotto do with finding a calling,
and um, I've been learning abouthow a calling has to be something
(14:05):
that you feel you were born to do.
You feel like circumstances in yourlife led you to that calling, and it's
something that Benefits the world,like it blesses people and you feel
a responsibility and a duty to do it.
And for me, I really feel like Ihave found that in my career path.
I have no idea what I'm going to actuallyend up doing in 10 years, but I know I
(14:28):
have a goal right now and it's somethingthat I'm really passionate about.
And I know that so many women find acalling in motherhood as well and I
think that the beauty is that there'sso many callings that we can have in
life, and someday, maybe I'm going tofeel that calling towards motherhood,
and maybe I'm not, but I know thatGod is so good that he is, like,
(14:54):
he's got so many plans for everybody.
And I really feel like I've foundone of them for me right now.
Oh, that's so good.
My book came out a couple of weeks agoand it's called Let Yourself Bloom.
It's a book about how we're a bouquet offlowers and not just one single flower.
And I love that you said that too.
(15:15):
We're not meant to just do one thing.
There's a lot of different things andcomponents that we have to ourselves that.
Make us multidimensional and the morewe can step outside of just a singular
role, the more we can fill thatfulfillment or fill those callings.
So that's really good.
Love that.
Congrats on your book as well.
Thank you.
And then, would you say that the biggestmoment of transformation in that story
(15:37):
was when you met with that professorand you saw on the wall her pictures?
I, okay, the pictures were an inciting,it was like, this is a safe space.
This is a woman who may havebeen through what you've been
through and you can talk to her.
Um, because I, I think something I'vebeen afraid of and something that happens
(15:59):
is that like when I was talking aboutassumptions, many of those assumptions
came from other women, um, and so I waslike, uh, I don't know if she's going
to understand that, like, there's allthese conflicting beliefs and ideas
about who I am and what I want to be,um, and then I saw, you know, there's
these little signs that's like, oh, like,she's like really excelled in her career.
(16:24):
Like, she's really proficient and shehas a family and obviously that isn't
like the only person who is ever goingto understand something like that.
Um, but it, for me in that moment, Ithink the spirit directed me to see that
and I was like, okay, I can talk to her.
But I think the real moment oftransformation was really that line
that she said when she said, there'sas many ways to be a faithful woman
(16:47):
as there are women in our church.
Whether you're a member of the churchor not, I think it applies that
there's as many ways to be a womanas there are women in the world.
That's fantastic.
I was like, Oh, I can beme and that's good enough.
And that's so basic.
(17:08):
Still, somehow it was a lesson I hadn'tlearned and one that I took the first
step towards learning in that moment.
That is profound.
It's, it's the simple truthsthat are the most profound.
So thank you for sharing that.
I love too how you saidthat she was a safe space.
It can come from either side becausemy friend in college, she was pregnant
(17:30):
and the professor had a meeting one onone with me and her at the same time.
at the same day but different times andshe said that my friend was planning to
leave the career path and be a stay athome mom and the professor was really
just looking down on her and judgingher for making that choice and so again
she wouldn't have been a safe space butwomen are experiencing this from both
(17:53):
sides whether they choose a career orwhether they choose to be a stay at home
mom it's all so personal and it's allvery dynamic and and not black and white.
Absolutely.
I remember the first time I sharedthis story, it was in, I actually
put this together for a class that Itook at BYU and there was a group of
(18:13):
my classmates and I got up and sharedour stories and the story either right
before or right after mine was a girlwho got up and talked about how she felt
pressured into choosing a career andhow she stepped away from her career
to fulfill her dreams of motherhood.
And I was like, this is so amazingthat we have this space where we
(18:34):
can just come together and sharestories that are authentic and
like, that that's not a problem.
And like, she sat down rightnext to me and we leaned over and
fist bumped and that was that.
And I know the world's not always thatsimple and things are pretty complicated,
but when we can have those spaces everynow and then, when we can really just
(18:56):
open up, I think that's super helpful.
That's so good.
Beautiful.
I love that you're into storytelling.
It was a storytelling class, right?
Yeah.
I have loved storytelling as well.
I don't know if you've ever heardof Matthew Dix, but he's a fantastic
storyteller and he does moth grandslams and, and things like that.
(19:17):
I was inspired by him tohave a storytelling night.
So I've had a few storytelling nightssince then and my whole second season of
my last podcast was about storytelling.
Do you have any tips for storytellers orwhat were some of your biggest takeaways
that you learned from that class?
Oh, that's a good
question.
Hopefully my professors don't likelisten to this and hear me butcher it.
(19:38):
Um, but I, one of the biggest helpswas, um, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll share
with you briefly the process they hadus go through and first they had us fill
like 10 pages with just every memorythat we could think of at all, ever,
and 10 pages wasn't enough for that,but it was enough to like get some
(20:00):
little snippets from my life in there.
And from there, they're like, okay, lookthrough and identify what's like a common
need that you found through your life.
For me.
I found the need of acceptance ofwho I was and what I wanted to do and
then they're like, okay, find somespecific scenes that help with that.
(20:24):
And there's a lot of different types ofscenes, but one of the most important
types that you need is a point of insight.
And it doesn't have to be when thisproblem and this or this need was
just totally resolved in your life.
It could just be one step, butit needs to be like a discernible
step that you took forward infinding and fulfilling this need.
So for me, Um, I mean, the peak one forthat was when I met with that advisor.
(20:50):
And then another one was when I saw theprofessor on my first day of school.
And so you can find these little momentsin your life and be like, Oh, kind
of trace your journey a little bit.
And from there, you can put togethera story of Like, beginning, middle,
end, and just how things haveunfolded for you to change and either
(21:12):
find a new perspective on the needor fulfill the need or something.
But an important part is they said,don't just tie up your story at the end
with a little bow and make it all neat.
Um, the, the real truth about ourstories is that if they're real
and gritty and like, Genuine to us.
They're not done.
(21:33):
They're still going and it's okayto say, Hey, I figured this part
out, but I'm still working on itand just keep going from there.
So I really liked that class.
Yeah.
That's a fantastic roadmap to follow.
So thank you for walking us through that.
Sure.
Is there anything else youwanted to share before we leave?
This has been a great conversation.
(21:55):
Um, I just, you said a lot ofyour listeners are mothers.
Okay, I just wanted to thank you allfor all the hard work that you're doing.
I'm not ready to be a mom yet, but Ireally have, like I said in my story,
always looked up to the warmth andthe faith and the strength of the
(22:17):
mothers that I've seen and I've seenthem be so many different ways with
so many different personalities andall of them have been just perfect
for the situation that they're in andI hope that you feel the same way.
That you're good enoughand I think you're awesome.
So
that's so perfect.
What a great way to end.
(22:39):
I really appreciate that.
Thank you so much forbeing on the podcast, JC.
Thank you, Jen.
It's good to be here.
Thank you for joining us on Let YourselfBloom, where we embrace the beauty
of balancing motherhood and ambition.
I hope today's episode has inspiredyou to nurture your dreams while
being the incredible mom that you are.
Remember, it's not justabout finding balance.
(22:59):
It's about thriving inall aspects of your life.
If you enjoyed today's conversation,be sure to subscribe, leave a
review and share this podcastwith other amazing women.
And if you're the kind of person wholoves to watch podcasts, you can find
this podcast on my YouTube channel atlet yourself bloom underscore with Jen
Banks, or on the ride the wave mediapodcast network, YouTube channel.
(23:20):
Remember to stay connected withus on social media at let yourself
bloom underscore with Jen Banksand join our community to keep
blooming together until next time.
Keep dreaming, keep growingand let yourself bloom.
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