August 30, 2024 • 28 mins
In this enlightening episode, Jen Banks welcomes Michelle Lena from The Limitless Podcast to discuss the profound impact of choice on personal and professional development. Michelle shares her journey of self-discovery, the importance of continual learning, and how she integrates personal growth into her coaching practice. Together, they explore the power of choosing happiness, the significance of gratitude, and the beauty of blooming in every season of life.
Michelle's insights on living authentically and mindfully offer valuable lessons for anyone striving to balance motherhood, ambition, and self-care. Tune in to be inspired by Michelle's wisdom and learn how to make intentional choices that lead to a fulfilling and thriving life.
(00:00) Welcome to let yourself Bloom, the podcast where motherhood and ambition coexist beautifully
(01:27) M. Lena: Happy anniversary to me and my fiancee
(04:14) Michelle Alexander: I was on your podcast, and now I get the pleasure
(04:44) How do you take personal development professionally and personally
(08:04) In your podcast, you asked me, who am I?
(10:17) Who are you? In one word? Yes. And we don't ask that question very often
(11:28) Right now, I'm having a small back issue
(15:30) Being on vacation helps you with mindfulness because you are changing your surroundings
(17:29) Routine is absolutely critical, but when they're to our detriment
(19:01) How have you learned the importance of choice in your life
(25:22) Your friend encouraged you to think about what you're grateful for
(27:03) Jen Banks: Seeing things as a gift really shapes the way we view life
#Podcast #PersonalGrowth #SelfCare #Motherhood #Ambition #Gratitude #Choice #Mindfulness #LifeBalance #RideTheWaveMedia
Keywords: Personal Growth, Self-Care, Motherhood, Ambition, Gratitude, Choice, Mindfulness, Life Balance, Michelle Lena, Jen Banks, Let Yourself Bloom, Ride The Wave Media, Podcast Episode
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:27):
I am here today with MichelleLena of the Limitless podcast.
How are you today, Michelle?
Hello.
Hello.
I'm fabulous.
Thank you for having me.
We are part of the same podcastnetwork, but we've been friends for
close to a year now, so very exciting.
There
it's our anniversary.
Happy anniversary to us.
(01:48):
you go.
Yes.
Well, I love to start out eachepisode by asking someone a
question from my Table Topics deck.
I will just pull one out.
I will read it for you.
It says, Who is someone that you knowthat can be happy in any situation?
(02:10):
Well,
that I know that can behappy in any situation?
I'd like to say myself,but that's not true.
Let's just be honest.
That's not me at all.
Actually, my fiancé.
I've never met anyone like him.
He chooses to be happy.
(02:31):
It's a mindset and he's taught me everysingle day since we've been together.
He wakes up and I'm like,Howard, he's like, I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
And I said, why do you say that so much?
And he says, because I'm remindingmyself it's a choice to be happy.
And I choose happy every single daybecause then I'm going to see the
(02:51):
happiest faces and the happiest hearts.
And And it's landed mein the happiest place.
I found you.
So, um, he is the first personthat, does he still have bad days?
Yes, but very, very, very few because it'sa mindset and it's something that I am
definitely I choose a word every day, butI don't choose happy every day and that
(03:11):
is his word hands down every single day.
He's just going to be happy.
I love that.
Thank you for sharing that.
I know that we're notalways supposed to be happy.
We're here to experience all the emotions,but if we can keep happiness kind of as
our medium and we like get back to happyafter we've gone those different ways,
I think that's a great goal to have.
(03:32):
So thank you for those reminders.
I think it's important that we, for me.
I can't be happy every day.
That's just not my mindset.
He said, well, I've gone through a lot andso I'm just choosing to be this way so I
don't have to go through so much again.
I know we're going to go through it,but I, at the end of the day, like to
point out five points of happiness.
(03:53):
If I had five points of joy,Five points that made me smile.
Five points that made me laugh.
Then I think that's a good day.
I think that's a reasonable milestonefor any of us to have is five points
of happiness every single day.
That's great.
That's a beautiful goal to strive for.
(04:14):
it's just so good to have you, Michelle.
I was on your podcast and now I getthe pleasure of interviewing you.
Bring it on.
And you are my firsttraditional interview style.
So we will just do some, you know,talking as if we were, you know,
As if we didn't know each other, Iguess, but we do know each other.
(04:35):
So that just adds a whole layer offamiliarity and conversation that just
really makes it feel organic and fun.
So let's just dive in.
all right.
What do you want to know?
I'm an open book.
Ah, yes.
Well, what I want to know is how haveyou taken professional or personal
(04:56):
development and made it a part of you?
Because from mystandpoint, I just see you.
Taking all of these classes tobetter yourself and to your,
uh, you are a speaker on stagesand you're a coach for trauma.
So walk us through kind of that journey.
how do I take personal developmentprofessionally and personally?
(05:20):
I think First of all, they'retwo totally different things.
Um, they, they will marry together becauseeverything marries together in our life.
But professionally for me being a mastercoach, I take that very seriously.
Just like if you were an educator ora doctor or a nurse, you should have
continual education in your career.
(05:42):
You should stay on top of the newmodalities and be able to facilitate.
Anything that needs to be donein your sphere of expertise.
So I'm always mindful that Ineed to be constantly learning.
And when I'm not, that's when Iabsolutely see a dip in my practice.
And so if I'm constantly enjoyinglearning and developing and taking
(06:07):
it simple, it can be as listeningto a podcast, reading a new book or
reviewing some of my favorite books.
I just got done reading the first book.
It's one of my favorite books.
It's super simple, but it justputs you in the right mindset.
Now, personal development, I think,has been a lifelong, intimate
(06:27):
journey to really unearth Michelle.
And I think it really started when I was45, where I finally said, Oh my goodness.
I'm having this experience.
And I think when you live to acertain point, you just just get
more experience and more experience.
We talked about that.
Even, you know, you're younger than me,but we, you go through so much and with
(06:52):
that experience, life gives you a gift.
And I call that knowledgeand wisdom and perspective.
And all of a sudden I can turnaround and look at my life and I'm
like, Oh my gosh, I get to choose.
And at 45, I started to really choosemyself and really put myself first for
the first time, because as a mother, I wasthinking I need to put my babies first.
(07:16):
I need to put my marriage first.
I needed to even put my religion first.
I was putting everything before me.
And then at 45 was my wake up and go,wait, you have this beautiful gift.
This person, this child,this person, this child.
This human is your responsibilityand you need to honor this gift
and take care of this gift.
(07:36):
And I started to really unpack some thingsthat I didn't want to carry with me and
really expand things that made me happy.
So long answer, but that's,that's kind of my thoughts on self
development and personal development.
That's so good.
And I love that you did reallyarticulate that they are two
(07:56):
separate things and you really spentsome good time defining each one.
So thank you for doing that.
And I'm going to turn it on you.
And in your podcast,you asked me, Who am I?
So what is the question, orwhat is the answer that you get
when people ask, who are you?
I love this question and I do askit to almost every single person.
(08:17):
And it was, the reason why Iask it is because This question
was given to me as a gift.
for my first college professor andit was a communication class and he
said describe who you are in one word.
You can only choose one word todefine yourself and your journey
(08:37):
that you're going to go on.
You're young but if you could justpick one word to really figure out
who you are and it really stuckwith me and I really wrestled
with who am I at such a young age.
I was just starting collegefiguring out what I want to do next.
And I came up with the word real.
I wanted to live real and to,for me, that means to be the most
(09:02):
authentic, honest, trustworthy.
And I wanted to just really showlife that when it was messy, I
was going to be messy with it.
When it was joyful, I wasgoing to be joyful with it.
But I was just going to live as real aspossible because there's no hiding that.
And that's what I namedmy coaching practice.
(09:23):
It's called Real Coaching.
And when I sit in those spots whereI'm just authentic and just tender
and passionate about living inthat space is I show up the best.
Now have I always done it?
No, but I bet 90 percent of thetime that is the word that's
bouncing around the back of my head.
(09:44):
Just be real.
Just be you because there's only outof 8 billion people, there's only one
Jen and there's only one Michelle.
So I might as well just livethis version the best I can.
That is beautiful.
Pure wisdom.
I will definitely go and create orchoose my word that defines me at this
(10:05):
stage because I've done that in mybook where I say, okay, choose your
purpose word, but that's differentthan even just defining who you are.
So I love that challenge and I'mgoing to take it and I encourage
the listeners to take it as well.
Who are you in one word?
Yes, it, it really does breakdown some barriers and makes you
sit in just a different seat.
And we don't ask that question very often.
(10:27):
Just really, who are you?
That, that simple, powerful message.
Yeah.
I love that your listenerschallenging them to do that.
And yourself, you have to letme know when you pick your word.
I know a lot of peoplepick a word for the year.
Like I had sore or intentionalor determined, but just a word
that honors this gift, this body.
(10:49):
What would it be?
What would that gift be to yourself?
What would that look like?
So, yeah.
And I love adding all of these thingsin because I've defined my core values.
And then I started to definemy core values for my business.
And now I can define a word for myself.
So beautiful.
That was a great, a great thing.
That was an alignment.
So thank you.
(11:09):
This is like a little bouquetbecause you always say, you
know, you're adding a bouquet.
So now you have three flowers andyou should have three pillars.
I always say, so you just come upwith your third pillar and now you're
going to have this strength in this.
Oof.
Yes.
I
I love it.
Beautiful.
Well, when is a time in your lifethat you felt like you bloomed?
(11:32):
You were a different version andthen you felt like you transitioned
into a different version of yourself.
think in honesty that I'm constantlyblooming that there, I really understand
that there is a season and that there'sYou know, summer, winter, spring,
(11:52):
fall, all of these different seasons.
And sometimes I'm blooming in the winterand sometimes I'm blooming in the summer.
I don't think there'sone particular moment.
I think that I'm just mindful thatwhatever season I'm sitting in,
If it's something that I'm goingthrough that is challenging, like
let's just take something trivial.
(12:13):
Right now I'm having a small back issueand that can be, I can label it a certain
way or I can label it another way.
But I always say when my back goesout, and I've been dealing with
this since I was 22 years old, sothis has been a lifetime issue.
And so I can say, oh my gosh, I'mbroken, my back can't, and it limits me
(12:36):
from, and all of these negative labels.
But what I choose.
What I used to do every time my back isflaring up, and it puts me horizontal
in bed for a day or up to a week.
I always say life is giving me a giftthat it's telling me to slow down.
It's telling me to pause.
It's telling me to reflect.
(12:56):
It's telling me to go inward.
It's telling me to tap into myknowing into my spirit and trust
that my body can heal itself.
And so I have learned to embrace thisobstacle as a gift instead of fighting
it because if I fight every time myback goes out, And I whine about it.
It just makes it last longer.
(13:17):
So I understand that if I just breathethrough this, it's like the dirt is
being tilled up and then I'm just goingto take a breath and continue to bloom.
And I think we need to realize thatwe're constantly just growing and
blooming and gathering our bouquetand smelling it and enjoying it.
(13:37):
And then we have to grow again to makeanother, you know, beautiful arrangement.
Hmm.
I love that.
You are so right.
We're, we're fluid.
We're changing and, and we're alwaysblooming as long as we allow the process.
My publisher talked about the flowerand you'd never put a rubber band
on a flower to not let it bloom.
(13:58):
You just kind of allow and you choose.
And, and so I love that youwent right along with that.
I feel like it's easy to doplant analogies and so it works
well in, in the conversation.
Hmm.
I think we need to mirror naturebecause nature is the biggest lesson.
I think God, the universe wrappedus in nature for a reason.
(14:22):
And if we just stop and pause, there'salways an answer right in front of us.
And it is so obvious, but wedon't sit in those moments to
even, Look at a hummingbird.
So we have two hummingbird feedersin our house and we have a rule.
If a hummingbird is at the feederand you're at the kitchen window
and you see it, you have to stop.
(14:43):
It doesn't matter what you're doing.
You have to stop and we respectthe hummingbird because they
last 10 seconds to 30 seconds.
But it just reminds me that weneed to stop and to be present
and to feel our own breath.
And just to, I usually say threethings that I'm grateful for and then I
always say every hummingbird is my mombecause my mom's crossed, crossed over.
(15:04):
And I'm like, boy, my mom visits me somuch now compared to when she was alive.
So I just think that we just needto embrace those moments and look
for the And 90 percent of thetime I find my answers in nature.
So I love that you chose the flower.
I think it's a powerful analogy.
So good.
And I love that life lesson thereto just be in the moment when that
(15:26):
hummingbird is there to just stopwhat you're doing and be there.
Yeah.
I gave a Toastmasters speech onThursday and we talked about how you
started in Toastmasters and the speechthat I gave was living like you're on
vacation even when you're not and my,
good one.
Ooh,
be present and being on vacationreally helps you with that because
(15:48):
you are changing your surroundingsand it kind of resets you to wake
up and you're out of the norm.
And then two, connect deeplybecause you deliberately set aside
time to spend with loved ones andfamily and friends on vacation.
So doing that in your own life.
And then three was to embrace theunknown and just switch up your routine.
Uh, I did share your tip to brushyour teeth with your left hand or
(16:10):
your non dominant hand, or justto go outside for five minutes and
breathe or to unplug for an hour.
Just all of those things that kind ofreset you or get you out of your routine.
I, I love that you shared the tip aboutthe left hand because it mixes your brain.
It makes your brain go, what are we doing?
And just, it makes you really presentbecause if you're doing something with
(16:33):
your non dominant hand, you have to bemindful and think and stay in the moment.
And I think most people just getso lost and we're jumping ahead.
Often so far that we can't even appreciatewhere we are standing, what we are
looking at, who we are speaking to,because we're already jumping ahead.
So, yeah, vacation is great for that,because you have to be really present.
(16:55):
It's an unknown environment, and whereare you navigating, and just what
food, the noise, the sound, the music.
But you can create that in your own life.
I have that in my practice.
I tell people drive to work in adifferent way, wear different colors,
get dressed in a different pattern.
If you always put your shirt onfirst, put your pants on first, just
(17:16):
switch up your day at least once aweek and you'll change the way your
brain is firing and will help you withclarity and focus and decision making.
Hmm.
I love that.
Thank you for expounding on thatand reminding us of those things
because we, we are kind of wired tohave routines and routines are good,
but when they're to our detriment iswhen we're just so in the rut of the
(17:41):
routine that we forget to look around.
We forget to be present and people arealways asking, how do you be present?
And those are some great tips to justreally bring you back to the moment.
Well, I think routineis absolutely critical.
We need to have healthy patterns andwith healthy patterns and healthy habits,
we can create pivot points for change.
(18:02):
But our whole life is about healthypatterns and healthy routines.
And, and our whole life'salso about the unhealthy ones.
And we need to see which ones areserving us and which ones are not.
And the way that we can stop thepatterns is by switching it up.
So you have a moment to sit inthat space and to make a decision.
Oh my gosh, I just stopped and Irealized that I keep doing this.
(18:26):
I shouldn't be doing this.
I need to stop this pattern and slideback into something more healthy.
So we, we are creatures of habit.
I mean, how often have youdriven someplace you're like,
how did I even get here?
Because you're driving on autopilot.
So when I feel that, I realize,oh my gosh, I need to take
a moment to ground myself.
(18:47):
And I love that you said one ofthe things, just go outside, go
outside and stand on mother earthand let that energy flow in you
and take a moment and just breathe.
So
Well, I am one who loves themesand I've definitely seen a theme
pop up as we've been talking choice
(19:07):
yes,
fiance, choosing to be happy withyou and your back and choosing
to go through it a different way.
And again, just getting off ofILO, getting off of autopilot and
choosing to be deliberate about ouractions and our choices and our life.
I love choice.
So I feel like we shouldtalk about that for a moment.
(19:28):
How have you learned?
The importance of choice, I guess.
Uh, I love this question.
The importance of choice is everythingbecause that's owning your own power.
and driving your own vehicle or beingyour own architect of your life, designing
(19:48):
your life because you are choosing it.
Choices.
We make thousands and thousandsof mindless choices every single
day because we live on autopilot.
I realized when I was unearthingwho I was that the importance
of choosing everything.
(20:08):
And we don't even think about.
The simple thing about even likegetting dressed, um, the way I
used to get dressed and the way Iget dressed today, what colors I'm
choosing, what textures I'm choosing.
Little things matter because colormatters and the way you feel and
the quiet confidence that comeout when you choose everything.
(20:30):
And so having that ownership overmy life and know that I'm directing
my life One choice at a time.
And you don't need to be overwhelmed,but realizing, Hey, if I'm sitting
in a space and I'm going to listento my mind, my heart, my spirit, my
gut, my knowing, and then I'm goingto make the best choice for this human
(20:53):
to move forward on the path that I'mchoosing this human to move forward on.
Because this human is a gift and I needto really, as mothers, I thought of this.
If I asked you, how muchdo you love your child?
And what would you do for yourchild, your three little boys?
What would be the answer?
Everything.
Everything.
But we don't do that for ourselves.
(21:15):
We don't think of us as our ownchild, that you've been gifted this
vessel, this body, this human, and itis the most precious child you have.
And I realized that I needed tochoose and make better choices.
And that was part of mebecoming more, uh, better.
Michelle, to say the least.
(21:38):
Yes.
In chapter three of my book, I talkabout soul care, which is really just
the gold standard of self care and reallyjust asking yourself two questions.
How do you feel?
What do you want?
And that can guide our choices.
As we live intentionally, we,we always are checking in.
How am I feeling?
What's going on around me?
(21:58):
And then What do I want because of this?
How do I make that happen?
You know, like you said, beingthe driver of your life instead
of just being on autopilot.
I love that.
How do I feel?
And what was the second point?
What do I want?
What do I want that makes methink, um, I have my clients go.
(22:18):
If you're buying something,eating something, wearing
something, do you love it?
Does it bring you joy?
When you, and if it doesn't, if it'snot letting you feel love and joy, then
maybe you should reflect and make adifferent thought, a different direction,
(22:39):
a different movement, a different choice.
Because sometimes we justmindfully do something, but to
know that we can choose the love.
I think that's powerfulbecause it is just that.
Even in the hardest moments, itreminds me, um, my son was one years
old and he got diagnosed with, um,a really rare bone eating cancer.
(23:02):
And it was literally one ofthe worst days of my life.
Um, he just turned one.
His birthday is December 20th andChristmas was just a couple of
days away and the doctor calledand said, I don't know if you're
going to have another Christmas.
And I'm just was devastated.
And I remember I had to go downstairsand that we had a small gathering
(23:26):
because this has been going on fora couple of days, what's going on
with them, what we're going to do,what are going to be the results.
And so we knew we were expectingthis phone call and quite a few
neighbors had come over and I had togo downstairs to say it wasn't good.
And I remember laying on mybed and just pleading with
God, what am I supposed to do?
(23:48):
And he said, I heard this,like, keep living, keep living.
And so I went down there and toldthem what had happened, that it
might not be the best outcome.
This might be his last Christmas.
But just like you said, I wanted To makean experience that it wasn't his last.
(24:11):
It was just, we're going tocelebrate today and, and celebrate
what we have because we never knowwhen it's going to be taken away.
And my neighbor came upstairsafter everyone left and
she said, here's a journal.
Write down five things thatyou're grateful for today.
And I said, I don't thinkI can list anything really.
(24:32):
She goes, yeah, I want you to writedown five things every single day while
you go through this journey with yourson, where you're celebrating his life.
I want you to write down.
And I sat there and I rememberstaring at the paper going, and
I ended up writing 100 things.
And it was one of the most beautifuldays of my life when I sat in that
(24:53):
space of seeing what I was gratefulfor, instead of seeing all the hard.
The hard was easy to see, but theother stuff, I, it was all around me,
but I was only focusing on the hard,on this one word, cancer, instead
of all of this beautiful, beautiful.
(25:13):
Tapestry of love andfriendship and kindness.
And that is where I decided to focus.
And so it was, that hasbeen a beautiful gift.
I love that you were able to zoomout right there while you were in
the moment because oftentimes wedon't or can't do that until we look
back on a situation, but your friendinvited you to do that in the moment.
(25:34):
So that's huge to just really.
Think about what you're gratefulfor and how much power that
had in changing everything.
It changed everything.
And it's a practice.
My son is going to turn 30 in December.
And so this is somethingthat I've been very mindful.
I think it's one of the greatestgifts another human has given me is
(25:54):
just to go know at the end of everyday, What are your five points where
you're, you're, I always say there'sfive points of happiness, but the
one that I like even more where's thefive points that I'm grateful for?
Yes.
And I'm going to bring inthat choice word again.
I choose to be grateful because youcould choose not to be grateful,
but by doing those exercises,you were choosing gratitude.
(26:18):
Yes, exactly.
You nailed it.
Everything comes down to that becauseI could choose the hard or I could
choose the gratitude and it's definitelya mindset and it was a practice and
every day when the hard showed upbecause it did, it was challenging.
But I really leaned into, I know I'mgoing to choose gratitude and I love
that simple tool that she gave me.
(26:39):
I think of all the gifts that I'vebeen given, you know, material things,
but really her gift of that journaland just teaching my mind where to
go 30 years ago has been my savinggrace and one of my greatest gifts.
gifts that someone has given me.
I love it.
I love it.
I love her for it.
Um, she's amazing and she'sstill a dear friend today.
(27:01):
So
Hmm.
Well, what a great note to end on.
I just love that.
That's been another theme isthat you see things as a gift.
You talked about knowledge as a gift.
You talked about experience asa gift and just different things
that people share with you.
And I think that that Reallyshapes the way we view life.
If we choose to see things as giftsand we choose to just cultivate
(27:24):
the mindset that will really justbring us present and into reality.
So thank you for helping us bloom.
Michelle, is there anything elsethat you want to share today?
I love that we ended on a gift becauseI believe your friendship is a gift.
Life is a gift.
And if we celebrate this person andthe gift that it is, then you will
(27:45):
see every single day a little bitdifferent and choose the best path.
Thank you for having me on.
Thank you.
I am here today with MichelleLena of the Limitless podcast.
How are you today, Michelle?
Hello.
Hello.
I'm fabulous.
Thank you for having me.
We are part of the same podcastnetwork, but we've been friends for
close to a year now, so very exciting.
There
it's our anniversary.
Happy anniversary to us.
(01:48):
you go.
Yes.
Well, I love to start out eachepisode by asking someone a
question from my Table Topics deck.
I will just pull one out.
I will read it for you.
It says, Who is someone that you knowthat can be happy in any situation?
(02:10):
Well,
that I know that can behappy in any situation?
I'd like to say myself,but that's not true.
Let's just be honest.
That's not me at all.
Actually, my fiancé.
I've never met anyone like him.
He chooses to be happy.
(02:31):
It's a mindset and he's taught me everysingle day since we've been together.
He wakes up and I'm like,Howard, he's like, I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
And I said, why do you say that so much?
And he says, because I'm remindingmyself it's a choice to be happy.
And I choose happy every single daybecause then I'm going to see the
(02:51):
happiest faces and the happiest hearts.
And And it's landed mein the happiest place.
I found you.
So, um, he is the first personthat, does he still have bad days?
Yes, but very, very, very few because it'sa mindset and it's something that I am
definitely I choose a word every day, butI don't choose happy every day and that
(03:11):
is his word hands down every single day.
He's just going to be happy.
I love that.
Thank you for sharing that.
I know that we're notalways supposed to be happy.
We're here to experience all the emotions,but if we can keep happiness kind of as
our medium and we like get back to happyafter we've gone those different ways,
I think that's a great goal to have.
(03:32):
So thank you for those reminders.
I think it's important that we, for me.
I can't be happy every day.
That's just not my mindset.
He said, well, I've gone through a lot andso I'm just choosing to be this way so I
don't have to go through so much again.
I know we're going to go through it,but I, at the end of the day, like to
point out five points of happiness.
(03:53):
If I had five points of joy,Five points that made me smile.
Five points that made me laugh.
Then I think that's a good day.
I think that's a reasonable milestonefor any of us to have is five points
of happiness every single day.
That's great.
That's a beautiful goal to strive for.
(04:14):
it's just so good to have you, Michelle.
I was on your podcast and now I getthe pleasure of interviewing you.
Bring it on.
And you are my firsttraditional interview style.
So we will just do some, you know,talking as if we were, you know,
As if we didn't know each other, Iguess, but we do know each other.
(04:35):
So that just adds a whole layer offamiliarity and conversation that just
really makes it feel organic and fun.
So let's just dive in.
all right.
What do you want to know?
I'm an open book.
Ah, yes.
Well, what I want to know is how haveyou taken professional or personal
(04:56):
development and made it a part of you?
Because from mystandpoint, I just see you.
Taking all of these classes tobetter yourself and to your,
uh, you are a speaker on stagesand you're a coach for trauma.
So walk us through kind of that journey.
how do I take personal developmentprofessionally and personally?
(05:20):
I think First of all, they'retwo totally different things.
Um, they, they will marry together becauseeverything marries together in our life.
But professionally for me being a mastercoach, I take that very seriously.
Just like if you were an educator ora doctor or a nurse, you should have
continual education in your career.
(05:42):
You should stay on top of the newmodalities and be able to facilitate.
Anything that needs to be donein your sphere of expertise.
So I'm always mindful that Ineed to be constantly learning.
And when I'm not, that's when Iabsolutely see a dip in my practice.
And so if I'm constantly enjoyinglearning and developing and taking
(06:07):
it simple, it can be as listeningto a podcast, reading a new book or
reviewing some of my favorite books.
I just got done reading the first book.
It's one of my favorite books.
It's super simple, but it justputs you in the right mindset.
Now, personal development, I think,has been a lifelong, intimate
(06:27):
journey to really unearth Michelle.
And I think it really started when I was45, where I finally said, Oh my goodness.
I'm having this experience.
And I think when you live to acertain point, you just just get
more experience and more experience.
We talked about that.
Even, you know, you're younger than me,but we, you go through so much and with
(06:52):
that experience, life gives you a gift.
And I call that knowledgeand wisdom and perspective.
And all of a sudden I can turnaround and look at my life and I'm
like, Oh my gosh, I get to choose.
And at 45, I started to really choosemyself and really put myself first for
the first time, because as a mother, I wasthinking I need to put my babies first.
(07:16):
I need to put my marriage first.
I needed to even put my religion first.
I was putting everything before me.
And then at 45 was my wake up and go,wait, you have this beautiful gift.
This person, this child,this person, this child.
This human is your responsibilityand you need to honor this gift
and take care of this gift.
(07:36):
And I started to really unpack some thingsthat I didn't want to carry with me and
really expand things that made me happy.
So long answer, but that's,that's kind of my thoughts on self
development and personal development.
That's so good.
And I love that you did reallyarticulate that they are two
(07:56):
separate things and you really spentsome good time defining each one.
So thank you for doing that.
And I'm going to turn it on you.
And in your podcast,you asked me, Who am I?
So what is the question, orwhat is the answer that you get
when people ask, who are you?
I love this question and I do askit to almost every single person.
(08:17):
And it was, the reason why Iask it is because This question
was given to me as a gift.
for my first college professor andit was a communication class and he
said describe who you are in one word.
You can only choose one word todefine yourself and your journey
(08:37):
that you're going to go on.
You're young but if you could justpick one word to really figure out
who you are and it really stuckwith me and I really wrestled
with who am I at such a young age.
I was just starting collegefiguring out what I want to do next.
And I came up with the word real.
I wanted to live real and to,for me, that means to be the most
(09:02):
authentic, honest, trustworthy.
And I wanted to just really showlife that when it was messy, I
was going to be messy with it.
When it was joyful, I wasgoing to be joyful with it.
But I was just going to live as real aspossible because there's no hiding that.
And that's what I namedmy coaching practice.
(09:23):
It's called Real Coaching.
And when I sit in those spots whereI'm just authentic and just tender
and passionate about living inthat space is I show up the best.
Now have I always done it?
No, but I bet 90 percent of thetime that is the word that's
bouncing around the back of my head.
(09:44):
Just be real.
Just be you because there's only outof 8 billion people, there's only one
Jen and there's only one Michelle.
So I might as well just livethis version the best I can.
That is beautiful.
Pure wisdom.
I will definitely go and create orchoose my word that defines me at this
(10:05):
stage because I've done that in mybook where I say, okay, choose your
purpose word, but that's differentthan even just defining who you are.
So I love that challenge and I'mgoing to take it and I encourage
the listeners to take it as well.
Who are you in one word?
Yes, it, it really does breakdown some barriers and makes you
sit in just a different seat.
And we don't ask that question very often.
(10:27):
Just really, who are you?
That, that simple, powerful message.
Yeah.
I love that your listenerschallenging them to do that.
And yourself, you have to letme know when you pick your word.
I know a lot of peoplepick a word for the year.
Like I had sore or intentionalor determined, but just a word
that honors this gift, this body.
(10:49):
What would it be?
What would that gift be to yourself?
What would that look like?
So, yeah.
And I love adding all of these thingsin because I've defined my core values.
And then I started to definemy core values for my business.
And now I can define a word for myself.
So beautiful.
That was a great, a great thing.
That was an alignment.
So thank you.
(11:09):
This is like a little bouquetbecause you always say, you
know, you're adding a bouquet.
So now you have three flowers andyou should have three pillars.
I always say, so you just come upwith your third pillar and now you're
going to have this strength in this.
Oof.
Yes.
I
I love it.
Beautiful.
Well, when is a time in your lifethat you felt like you bloomed?
(11:32):
You were a different version andthen you felt like you transitioned
into a different version of yourself.
think in honesty that I'm constantlyblooming that there, I really understand
that there is a season and that there'sYou know, summer, winter, spring,
(11:52):
fall, all of these different seasons.
And sometimes I'm blooming in the winterand sometimes I'm blooming in the summer.
I don't think there'sone particular moment.
I think that I'm just mindful thatwhatever season I'm sitting in,
If it's something that I'm goingthrough that is challenging, like
let's just take something trivial.
(12:13):
Right now I'm having a small back issueand that can be, I can label it a certain
way or I can label it another way.
But I always say when my back goesout, and I've been dealing with
this since I was 22 years old, sothis has been a lifetime issue.
And so I can say, oh my gosh, I'mbroken, my back can't, and it limits me
(12:36):
from, and all of these negative labels.
But what I choose.
What I used to do every time my back isflaring up, and it puts me horizontal
in bed for a day or up to a week.
I always say life is giving me a giftthat it's telling me to slow down.
It's telling me to pause.
It's telling me to reflect.
(12:56):
It's telling me to go inward.
It's telling me to tap into myknowing into my spirit and trust
that my body can heal itself.
And so I have learned to embrace thisobstacle as a gift instead of fighting
it because if I fight every time myback goes out, And I whine about it.
It just makes it last longer.
(13:17):
So I understand that if I just breathethrough this, it's like the dirt is
being tilled up and then I'm just goingto take a breath and continue to bloom.
And I think we need to realize thatwe're constantly just growing and
blooming and gathering our bouquetand smelling it and enjoying it.
(13:37):
And then we have to grow again to makeanother, you know, beautiful arrangement.
Hmm.
I love that.
You are so right.
We're, we're fluid.
We're changing and, and we're alwaysblooming as long as we allow the process.
My publisher talked about the flowerand you'd never put a rubber band
on a flower to not let it bloom.
(13:58):
You just kind of allow and you choose.
And, and so I love that youwent right along with that.
I feel like it's easy to doplant analogies and so it works
well in, in the conversation.
Hmm.
I think we need to mirror naturebecause nature is the biggest lesson.
I think God, the universe wrappedus in nature for a reason.
(14:22):
And if we just stop and pause, there'salways an answer right in front of us.
And it is so obvious, but wedon't sit in those moments to
even, Look at a hummingbird.
So we have two hummingbird feedersin our house and we have a rule.
If a hummingbird is at the feederand you're at the kitchen window
and you see it, you have to stop.
(14:43):
It doesn't matter what you're doing.
You have to stop and we respectthe hummingbird because they
last 10 seconds to 30 seconds.
But it just reminds me that weneed to stop and to be present
and to feel our own breath.
And just to, I usually say threethings that I'm grateful for and then I
always say every hummingbird is my mombecause my mom's crossed, crossed over.
(15:04):
And I'm like, boy, my mom visits me somuch now compared to when she was alive.
So I just think that we just needto embrace those moments and look
for the And 90 percent of thetime I find my answers in nature.
So I love that you chose the flower.
I think it's a powerful analogy.
So good.
And I love that life lesson thereto just be in the moment when that
(15:26):
hummingbird is there to just stopwhat you're doing and be there.
Yeah.
I gave a Toastmasters speech onThursday and we talked about how you
started in Toastmasters and the speechthat I gave was living like you're on
vacation even when you're not and my,
good one.
Ooh,
be present and being on vacationreally helps you with that because
(15:48):
you are changing your surroundingsand it kind of resets you to wake
up and you're out of the norm.
And then two, connect deeplybecause you deliberately set aside
time to spend with loved ones andfamily and friends on vacation.
So doing that in your own life.
And then three was to embrace theunknown and just switch up your routine.
Uh, I did share your tip to brushyour teeth with your left hand or
(16:10):
your non dominant hand, or justto go outside for five minutes and
breathe or to unplug for an hour.
Just all of those things that kind ofreset you or get you out of your routine.
I, I love that you shared the tip aboutthe left hand because it mixes your brain.
It makes your brain go, what are we doing?
And just, it makes you really presentbecause if you're doing something with
(16:33):
your non dominant hand, you have to bemindful and think and stay in the moment.
And I think most people just getso lost and we're jumping ahead.
Often so far that we can't even appreciatewhere we are standing, what we are
looking at, who we are speaking to,because we're already jumping ahead.
So, yeah, vacation is great for that,because you have to be really present.
(16:55):
It's an unknown environment, and whereare you navigating, and just what
food, the noise, the sound, the music.
But you can create that in your own life.
I have that in my practice.
I tell people drive to work in adifferent way, wear different colors,
get dressed in a different pattern.
If you always put your shirt onfirst, put your pants on first, just
(17:16):
switch up your day at least once aweek and you'll change the way your
brain is firing and will help you withclarity and focus and decision making.
Hmm.
I love that.
Thank you for expounding on thatand reminding us of those things
because we, we are kind of wired tohave routines and routines are good,
but when they're to our detriment iswhen we're just so in the rut of the
(17:41):
routine that we forget to look around.
We forget to be present and people arealways asking, how do you be present?
And those are some great tips to justreally bring you back to the moment.
Well, I think routineis absolutely critical.
We need to have healthy patterns andwith healthy patterns and healthy habits,
we can create pivot points for change.
(18:02):
But our whole life is about healthypatterns and healthy routines.
And, and our whole life'salso about the unhealthy ones.
And we need to see which ones areserving us and which ones are not.
And the way that we can stop thepatterns is by switching it up.
So you have a moment to sit inthat space and to make a decision.
Oh my gosh, I just stopped and Irealized that I keep doing this.
(18:26):
I shouldn't be doing this.
I need to stop this pattern and slideback into something more healthy.
So we, we are creatures of habit.
I mean, how often have youdriven someplace you're like,
how did I even get here?
Because you're driving on autopilot.
So when I feel that, I realize,oh my gosh, I need to take
a moment to ground myself.
(18:47):
And I love that you said one ofthe things, just go outside, go
outside and stand on mother earthand let that energy flow in you
and take a moment and just breathe.
So
Well, I am one who loves themesand I've definitely seen a theme
pop up as we've been talking choice
(19:07):
yes,
fiance, choosing to be happy withyou and your back and choosing
to go through it a different way.
And again, just getting off ofILO, getting off of autopilot and
choosing to be deliberate about ouractions and our choices and our life.
I love choice.
So I feel like we shouldtalk about that for a moment.
(19:28):
How have you learned?
The importance of choice, I guess.
Uh, I love this question.
The importance of choice is everythingbecause that's owning your own power.
and driving your own vehicle or beingyour own architect of your life, designing
(19:48):
your life because you are choosing it.
Choices.
We make thousands and thousandsof mindless choices every single
day because we live on autopilot.
I realized when I was unearthingwho I was that the importance
of choosing everything.
(20:08):
And we don't even think about.
The simple thing about even likegetting dressed, um, the way I
used to get dressed and the way Iget dressed today, what colors I'm
choosing, what textures I'm choosing.
Little things matter because colormatters and the way you feel and
the quiet confidence that comeout when you choose everything.
(20:30):
And so having that ownership overmy life and know that I'm directing
my life One choice at a time.
And you don't need to be overwhelmed,but realizing, Hey, if I'm sitting
in a space and I'm going to listento my mind, my heart, my spirit, my
gut, my knowing, and then I'm goingto make the best choice for this human
(20:53):
to move forward on the path that I'mchoosing this human to move forward on.
Because this human is a gift and I needto really, as mothers, I thought of this.
If I asked you, how muchdo you love your child?
And what would you do for yourchild, your three little boys?
What would be the answer?
Everything.
Everything.
But we don't do that for ourselves.
(21:15):
We don't think of us as our ownchild, that you've been gifted this
vessel, this body, this human, and itis the most precious child you have.
And I realized that I needed tochoose and make better choices.
And that was part of mebecoming more, uh, better.
Michelle, to say the least.
(21:38):
Yes.
In chapter three of my book, I talkabout soul care, which is really just
the gold standard of self care and reallyjust asking yourself two questions.
How do you feel?
What do you want?
And that can guide our choices.
As we live intentionally, we,we always are checking in.
How am I feeling?
What's going on around me?
(21:58):
And then What do I want because of this?
How do I make that happen?
You know, like you said, beingthe driver of your life instead
of just being on autopilot.
I love that.
How do I feel?
And what was the second point?
What do I want?
What do I want that makes methink, um, I have my clients go.
(22:18):
If you're buying something,eating something, wearing
something, do you love it?
Does it bring you joy?
When you, and if it doesn't, if it'snot letting you feel love and joy, then
maybe you should reflect and make adifferent thought, a different direction,
(22:39):
a different movement, a different choice.
Because sometimes we justmindfully do something, but to
know that we can choose the love.
I think that's powerfulbecause it is just that.
Even in the hardest moments, itreminds me, um, my son was one years
old and he got diagnosed with, um,a really rare bone eating cancer.
(23:02):
And it was literally one ofthe worst days of my life.
Um, he just turned one.
His birthday is December 20th andChristmas was just a couple of
days away and the doctor calledand said, I don't know if you're
going to have another Christmas.
And I'm just was devastated.
And I remember I had to go downstairsand that we had a small gathering
(23:26):
because this has been going on fora couple of days, what's going on
with them, what we're going to do,what are going to be the results.
And so we knew we were expectingthis phone call and quite a few
neighbors had come over and I had togo downstairs to say it wasn't good.
And I remember laying on mybed and just pleading with
God, what am I supposed to do?
(23:48):
And he said, I heard this,like, keep living, keep living.
And so I went down there and toldthem what had happened, that it
might not be the best outcome.
This might be his last Christmas.
But just like you said, I wanted To makean experience that it wasn't his last.
(24:11):
It was just, we're going tocelebrate today and, and celebrate
what we have because we never knowwhen it's going to be taken away.
And my neighbor came upstairsafter everyone left and
she said, here's a journal.
Write down five things thatyou're grateful for today.
And I said, I don't thinkI can list anything really.
(24:32):
She goes, yeah, I want you to writedown five things every single day while
you go through this journey with yourson, where you're celebrating his life.
I want you to write down.
And I sat there and I rememberstaring at the paper going, and
I ended up writing 100 things.
And it was one of the most beautifuldays of my life when I sat in that
(24:53):
space of seeing what I was gratefulfor, instead of seeing all the hard.
The hard was easy to see, but theother stuff, I, it was all around me,
but I was only focusing on the hard,on this one word, cancer, instead
of all of this beautiful, beautiful.
(25:13):
Tapestry of love andfriendship and kindness.
And that is where I decided to focus.
And so it was, that hasbeen a beautiful gift.
I love that you were able to zoomout right there while you were in
the moment because oftentimes wedon't or can't do that until we look
back on a situation, but your friendinvited you to do that in the moment.
(25:34):
So that's huge to just really.
Think about what you're gratefulfor and how much power that
had in changing everything.
It changed everything.
And it's a practice.
My son is going to turn 30 in December.
And so this is somethingthat I've been very mindful.
I think it's one of the greatestgifts another human has given me is
(25:54):
just to go know at the end of everyday, What are your five points where
you're, you're, I always say there'sfive points of happiness, but the
one that I like even more where's thefive points that I'm grateful for?
Yes.
And I'm going to bring inthat choice word again.
I choose to be grateful because youcould choose not to be grateful,
but by doing those exercises,you were choosing gratitude.
(26:18):
Yes, exactly.
You nailed it.
Everything comes down to that becauseI could choose the hard or I could
choose the gratitude and it's definitelya mindset and it was a practice and
every day when the hard showed upbecause it did, it was challenging.
But I really leaned into, I know I'mgoing to choose gratitude and I love
that simple tool that she gave me.
(26:39):
I think of all the gifts that I'vebeen given, you know, material things,
but really her gift of that journaland just teaching my mind where to
go 30 years ago has been my savinggrace and one of my greatest gifts.
gifts that someone has given me.
I love it.
I love it.
I love her for it.
Um, she's amazing and she'sstill a dear friend today.
(27:01):
So
Hmm.
Well, what a great note to end on.
I just love that.
That's been another theme isthat you see things as a gift.
You talked about knowledge as a gift.
You talked about experience asa gift and just different things
that people share with you.
And I think that that Reallyshapes the way we view life.
If we choose to see things as giftsand we choose to just cultivate
(27:24):
the mindset that will really justbring us present and into reality.
So thank you for helping us bloom.
Michelle, is there anything elsethat you want to share today?
I love that we ended on a gift becauseI believe your friendship is a gift.
Life is a gift.
And if we celebrate this person andthe gift that it is, then you will
(27:45):
see every single day a little bitdifferent and choose the best path.
Thank you for having me on.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.