November 5, 2024 • 60 mins
UNDERSTANDING MEN: What Women Might Not Know and What Men Need to Realise.
In this podcast episode of Life in DEPTH with Steph & Jamie...
We delve into various aspects of men’s lives that women might not fully understand and that men might have yet to grasp about themselves.
We explore significant statistics showing men’s struggles, such as issues of self-worth, physicality, mental health, and societal expectations.
The conversation covers the fundamental differences between the masculine and feminine energies, and offers advice for healthy relationship dynamics.
Both Stephanie Sanzo & Jamie Bisset share personal stories and experiences, providing valuable perspectives on nurturing and guiding your partner.
This episode sheds light on the intricacies of the male experience and the importance of mutual support and understanding in relationships.
TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - What's to come in this episode...
01:36 - Men Love Stats, Logic & Facts
02:42 - The Aussie Accent
04:03 - Life in Australia
05:34 - Introduction
06:30 - About this Episode
07:29 - Steph Gets Nervous (Masculine & Feminine Dynamics)
08:42 - Men Have a Greater Desire for Sex
11:04 - Men Tend to Work More than Women
11:25 - Men are More Likely to Experience Erectile Dysfunction if their Wives Earn More
11:54 - Men are More Likely to become Transgender
12:33 - Men are More Likely Commit Suicide
12:46 - Boys are More Likely to Commit Crime Growing Up in a Single Parent Household
13:09 - Steph Exposes Her Parenting & The Struggles Mothers Often Face with their Sons
15:07 - Gender Roles & Sexual Dynamics (Masculinity vs Femininity)
18:10 - Why Steph (& Women) Often Struggles to Accept Compliments
19:38 - How Confidence in Women is Perceived by Men
20:16 - The Story of How Jamie Fell In Love with Steph
26:32 - Why Women Often Don't Bother Trying to Understand Men
29:17 - Fairy Tales & the Roles of Men & Women
30:50 - Men Pedestalize Women due to their Inherent Value
31:26 - How the "Adam & Eve" Story Relates to Men & Women's Worth
33:12 - Woman's Biology Forces Them to Face Physical Hardship
34:01 - Men's Biology Allows them to Avoid Physical Hardship
35:08 - Men Need to Voluntarily Pursue Physical Hardship
36:04 - How to Communicate that Your Partner is "Out of Shape"
40:39 - Why Men Find their Purpose & Identity in their Work / Career
43:00 - Why Men Like Video Games
43:38 - Why Women Aren't Typically Attracted to Gamers
45:54 - How Women Can Support Men to Find Their Purpose
47:30 - How Women Can Better Communicate with Men
49:23 - Learning How to Communicate with the Opposite Sex is Essential for a Healthy Relationship
50:28 - The Misconception About Unconditional Love & the Need for Compromise
52:43 - A Summary of the Differences Between Men & Women
53:30 - The Spiritual Battle of Manhood
54:53 - Boys Aren't Taught How to be Men in Western Culture
56:10 - Ladies - Gracefully Challenge Your Man!
58:31 - Men - Be Cautious of the Manosphere
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Coming up on the Steph and Jamie Podcast...
This podcast is going to be about... MEN.Men, what women maybe don't understand
about men and maybe what men don'tactually understand about themselves.
Well, men are almost twice as likelyto suffer from erectile dysfunction
when being married to someone thatearns more than them...
(00:23):
Men are 2 to 3 times more likely to change theirbiology - becoming a trans woman
than what women will convert to being men.
Men are 3 to 4 times morelikely to take their own life.
Women these days don't really make muchtime to invest maybe in men or get to
know them and the way that they tick.
Why is that?
You know, Rapunzel being stuck in thetower, it's always like, I'm here,
(00:48):
I'm worthy, and you've got to go fight offthe dragons for me, and you've got to
do this for me, and come and get me.
And it's all about men.
Having to work for thewoman's affection, right?
So I feel like because of that,sometimes women don't want to
take the time to invest in themale until they invest in her.
Women are born with value.
(01:09):
I think this is the first thing thatwomen don't necessarily understand
about men, which is that men are notactually born with value necessarily.
They To create value.
Men, if they want to, can stay in theirbasement, they can play video games
their entire life, and never subjectthemselves to any physical brutality.
Welcome to Life and Depth,with Steph and Jamie.
(01:32):
Learn What She's Feeling,and What He's Thinking.
Starting now!
Yeah, there are some stats.
But I wanted to talk about, becausethat's how men, that's how men work.
Stats, logic, facts.
Stats, logic, facts.
Let's make a song likethat song, um, Six One.
What is it?
(01:52):
How's it go?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I want a man in finance.
Trust her.
Six One.
No, Blue Eyes.
I don't even know.
Ridiculous song.
What do you, what's your song?
I need to be a man with stats.
Logic.
What else?
I don't know.
Oh, facts.
(02:12):
I want to be a man with facts.
Logic.
Stats.
I like it.
That could be a record label right there.
All right.
Jamie.
Stephanie.
Welcome.
Whoa.
What?
That sounded posh.
Stephanie.
Did it?
Sometimes I speak posh.
Yeah, nah.
(02:33):
No.
I, do you know what Ifound about this podcast?
What?
I will, I know that we're just starting,but I want to get into this straight away.
You know, the nonsense that I just,you have to cut out half the time,
but someone said I have a lot oflike vowels in the way that I talk.
That's just the Aussie accent.
I think no
(02:54):
. Um, what else?
Like, I don't know.
Remember?
Come on.
I remember when we went to, um, the USand they didn't understand when I said,
can I please have a water, water, water?
Because they, they say it.
Water.
Yeah.
If I was to speak American, whoa.
That sounded really American.
(03:14):
American.
You were not out of that American.
There is something theydo with their R's, is it?
Yeah, and then we accentuate the A's.
A's.
How are ya?
What you doing?
Whereas I would say, how are you?
How are ya?
Yeah, it's so weird.
Who's weird, them or us?
My accent bothers me a little bit.
Does it?
(03:34):
It's annoying.
You've said that a few times, actually.
It's really annoying.
When we play these back,I'm just like, stop talking.
Just, no, no.
Like that movie we watched.
Yeah, yeah.
What'd she say?
She said, um, she goes, It's no joke.
Yeah, but she's talkingabout, um, jet lag.
(03:56):
Yeah.
She goes, jet lag.
It's no joke.
. And I'm like, she's not even Australian,but she sounded so Australian.
Uh, the Aussie accent.
Anyway, we are from, if you haven'talready picked this up, Australia.
Australia near Melbourne,Victoria, Geelong.
We just had to, uh, get aroundsome kangaroos to find our park
(04:16):
outside, outside the building.
And there is kangaroos here andkoalas and a lot of wildlife we love.
our wildlife here.
We do.
We are Australians.
I'll tell you a bit about us.
By the way, that was, that was a lie.
There's not kangaroosright outside this door.
No.
Actually, there probably would be.
Not mislead people.
No, but just they're close everywhere.
I feel like international peoplethink that there's just kangaroos
(04:38):
jumping around everywhere.
There is.
Cause when you're driving on theroad, they're dead on the road.
And I, I made you pull over.
When you're in thecountry, not in the city.
We are in the country.
Where's the kangaroos?
Everywhere.
I make Jamie, this is no joke, Imake Jamie pull over on the side of
the road if there is a kangaroo thathas been hit by a car and it's dead.
Why do I do that?
(04:59):
Because you care.
No, because you're supposed to check thepouch to see if there's a joey in there.
Oh yeah, that too.
That's something I've learntin Australia, always check.
wildlife.
If you're driving past and it'sdead on the road, also call
someone to come and get it.
Anyway.
This is great information.
It is great learning aboutour country, Australia.
We are laid back.
(05:20):
We just love the sun.
I don't, but other people lovethe sun, love life, chill.
Just have bad accents.
Bad accents, but we'll be your friends.
They're the type of people youcan walk up to on the street and
we'd be like, how are you going?
Anyway, uh, let's move on.
Let's move on to whatwe're talking about today.
We are talking about number four.
(05:40):
This is episode number four.
So if you are joining us for thevery first time, make sure you go
back and watch one, two, and three.
And subscribe.
And subscribe if you are on YouTube,and it would mean the world to us
if you are on one of the podcastplatforms, Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
to Um, I believe it's follow and rate.
You can rate on podcastplatforms is what I've learned.
(06:01):
Yes.
Don't bother rating unlessit's going to be good.
So a rating and review wouldbe extremely helpful for us.
And if you are on YouTube, thenyes, please subscribe so that you
don't miss any future episodes.
So episode number four.
Also, if you did watch thisepisode and you are going to
write a review, please do so.
Right.
We love Australians on there.
(06:23):
Or you could writesomething more meaningful.
Just Anyway.
So this, this podcast, oh mygosh, I'm losing it already.
This podcast is going to beabout, number four is going to
be about, da da da da da da da.
Men.
Men.
We talked about it in the lastepisode for anyone that watched that.
(06:45):
And if you missed that, we diveddeeper into women, trying to
understand women, more specificallytrying to understand the feminine.
And in the last part of that podcast,we talked about, um, doing the next
episode, which is this one now andfocusing a little bit more on men
and what women maybe don't understandabout men and maybe what men don't
(07:06):
actually understand about themselves.
Whoa.
Cool.
Because men have a very difficulttime understanding themselves.
Why do you think that is?
Well, I know, like men never go to thedoctor when they have an issue, like
men don't really want to dig deep.
I think it scares them a little bit.
There are many reasons which Ithink we'll dive deep into on
(07:27):
this, but did you know what?
With your permission, I'd like toshare some statistics with you.
How do you feel about that, Stephanie?
Nervous.
Can I tell you something about myself?
Go.
I am the biggest peacekeeper.
I have been like this my wholelife where I don't want to ruffle
feathers, I don't want to upsetpeople, I don't want to cause issues.
(07:48):
Yes, but this is not me,um, saying what I feel.
These are just facts.
Men, men love facts.
That's right.
Where's that song?
Facts.
Stats.
Logic.
Stats.
Logic.
That's right.
Because the men and the masculinewill always be driven to logic.
As we spoke about last time, themasculine is very much directional,
(08:08):
whereas the feminine is multidirectional.
Steph, what you're just sayingis that you want to make sure
that everyone feels okay.
That's the beautiful part of thefeminine, which is the nurturer.
And that's lovely.
But there are times where factsare relevant, and I think, with
your permission, I'll share justa couple because I think this sets
the stage for what I, as the man,if we're talking about men, would
(08:32):
like to talk about in this episode.
How do you feel about that?
Well, I give you free space to speakand be yourself without judgment.
Go.
Here's some studies.
for people to go andlook into for themselves.
There was a study where both men andwomen went out and asked strangers whether
or not they'd like to go on a date.
How many do you think agreed to sayyes or no between men and women?
(08:56):
As in how many women saidyes and how many men said no?
Yeah, percentage wise.
Okay, well I think like maybe80 percent of women said yes
and 20 percent of men said no.
That's an interesting answer.
Why?
Why, what makes you think that?
Well, Oh, actually, now that I saidthat out loud and you reacted like
that, maybe let's like flip that.
I guess in my mind as a womanand who I am, I'd be like, sure.
(09:17):
Would you?
I'd be like, yeah, of course.
I hope not.
Well, we're together.
No, I was in the study because I thinkwomen are more friendly, whereas men are a
little bit more scared to speak to women.
So I feel like they're not as outgoing.
That's where I got that answer from.
But.
Now that you reacted like that, I'm goingto assume that men are like, yes, please.
And women are like, judgey andlike, no, you're not my type.
(09:39):
Is that right?
Here's the interestingthing about this study.
Wait, which one's right?
I'm about to tell you.
It's about 50 50.
So 50 percent of men agreed to sayyes to the woman and 50 percent
of women agreed to say yes to theman asking them out on a date.
But here's where thestudy got interesting.
Out of those 50 percent that said yes,they then followed that question up with
another question, Will you come backto my apartment and have sex with me?
(10:04):
Ew.
Now I'd like to ask youa question, Stephanie.
How many women agreed to having sex withthe man just on their first encounter?
I'd like a second date.
No, not a second date.
A first.
I've just met you.
Would you like to go outfor a coffee, Stephanie?
You say yes.
I say, actually, you knowwhat, let's skip that.
Go straight back to my house.
You'd say no.
I'm worth more than that.
(10:25):
I agree.
But how many men do you thinkagreed when the woman asked them,
you know what, screw this coffee.
Stephanie, just come back to bed with me.
When the man said that to the woman.
No, when the woman said that to the man.
And she said that to him.
This was a study.
This was a study done.
He would be like, yes, please.
Of course he would be.
(10:45):
So 60 to 70, so 70 to 75 percent of menagreed on that first encounter to go
back and have intercourse with the woman.
That didn't actually happen, but it wasjust a social experiment that they did.
Yeah.
So here's the first point aboutmen that we need to be aware of.
They are weak to the flesh.
(11:06):
Fact two, study two.
Men on average work four to sevenhours per week more than women.
There's obviously a biological discrepancythere because women have birth and they
have time off, but generally speaking,men are addicted often to working.
They try and find their purpose in that.
Yeah.
Can we agree on that?
Yeah.
Okay.
(11:27):
Here's another interesting fact.
Men are almost twice as likely tosuffer from erectile dysfunction
when being married to someonethat earns more than them.
I can understand why.
Can you?
Yeah.
Well, because of, because of whatI know now, what you've taught me.
There you go.
So men, men are almost twice aslikely to suffer from ED when dating
(11:50):
someone that earns more than them.
Of course.
It makes him feel less thanand not like, yeah, anyway.
Another one for you.
These statistics will vary depending onthe study, but generally speaking, men are
two to three times more likely to changetheir biology, become a trans woman, than
what women will convert to being trans.
Amen.
(12:11):
Would you have guessed that?
Um, no, I wouldn't have guessed that.
Interesting.
What does, why is that relevant?
It's relevant because men are havinga harder time accepting their biology.
Yeah.
Their God given role as a man.
Because they, like, for women, we givebirth, we know what our purpose is, like,
(12:31):
from the, from the, Straight off the bat.
That's correct.
We'll dive into that.
Men are three to four times morelikely to take their own life.
I knew that one.
Yeah.
Which says to me that there is aspiritual battle that men have to face.
Why?
We'll discuss in a moment.
The last fact I want to share, boyswith single parent households are three
(12:52):
to four times more likely to get intocrime when raised by a single mother.
Yeah.
Stephanie, you have been a single mother.
You are a great mother.
Yeah.
But clearly, the facts say thatthere is a big problem when there
isn't a male present as a rolemodel in the house for boys.
Yep.
So there's my evidence.
Can I expose myself really bad right now?
(13:13):
Do it.
My son is 16, he'll be 17 in January.
And up until probably sixmonths ago, I was making his
lunchboxes still for school.
He's in year 10.
That's me nurturing and I wanted to makesure he had the food that he liked and
I'd cook for him and make sure it's fresh.
(13:34):
Because I wanted him to eat.
He's also got celiac disease so Ialways, I was always concerned about him.
And you really pulled me up onthis and said enough's enough.
Like he needs to be self sufficient.
for himself.
Now he gets up by himself.
And I was getting him up for schooltoo every morning, waking up super
early to get him up and ready.
Because I was, I was always justtrying to control everything.
(13:55):
And now he gets himselfup, makes his own lunchbox.
And I want to say to you.
Thank you.
Because you really helped me.
He didn't say thank youwhen I first challenged you.
No, I found it really hard to let go.
He said he's my baby boy.
I can't not do that for him.
He was the cutest baby.
Oh my gosh, he came out with a mohawk.
But anyway, to the point.
(14:17):
Big blue eyes.
He's six foot now, like, he's amazing,but which is, which is beautiful that
you wanted to look after him and youalways want to nurture him hindering him.
And I didn't realize that because I wasjust doing what I know and having that
time as much time as I could have withhim before he leaves the house, which I,
by the way, I think he never will causehe loves it too much at home, but yeah.
(14:38):
So having you.
And, and showing and revealing to mea different perspective and also the
harm that that could have been doinglong term was pretty eye opening
for me and very hard to accept.
This is Whoa.
Ugh.
I'll get upset in a second.
You'll get emotional.
Because he's, yeah, he's my baby.
Anyway.
Big baby.
Ugh.
(14:59):
I'm such an ugly crier.
I'm not going to do that.
I don't agree with that.
I think you're a cute crier.
Anyway, yes.
This is um, Now, if we, if we stripthe titles of man and woman, and
we don't speak biologically, we canalso categorise these things into
the masculine and the feminine.
Okay.
Which we've been talking aboutmany times on this podcast.
(15:21):
If this isn't your first time here,you'll have a bit of a grasp of
what we're talking about, but thesetopics are a little bit nuanced
and often, uh, misunderstood.
So in the previous episode, we talkedabout the fact that the feminine, the
nature of femininity is multidirectional.
It's nurturing, it's caring, it'sfeeling, feeling for the individual,
the person and everyone around them.
(15:42):
So it's very much concerned abouteveryone around them and wants
to make sure that everyone Okay.
Mm hmm.
Which is lovely.
The masculine, on the other hand, isall about doing what they believe to be
right, or what they believe to be true.
They're willing to say, this is true,this is false, regardless of whether or
not it hurts someone else's feelings,because they believe, or the masculine
(16:05):
energy believes, that truth is true.
Outranks all.
So the masculine is directional.
It's acting, it's doing,it wants to conquer.
Now, generally speaking, when we talkabout men and women, men will typically
lean more to their masculine energy.
It doesn't mean that they'renot feminine by nature.
We both have masculine and femininetendencies, but men will typically lean
(16:27):
more towards their masculine energy.
Lead more to their masculine, whereaswomen will typically lead, as Steph
is giving you a perfect example rightnow, lean more towards their feminine.
Yeah.
So, whether we speak about menand women, it's irrelevant, we're
talking about these qualities whichmost of the time we lean towards.
Was that inclusive enough?
(16:49):
Am I still making you nervous?
No, no, I think there's truth in that.
And especially in our circumstanceand what we're going through and
what happens in our household.
And a lot of our households as well.
That's right.
And this is like, I think thesetruths, last time we spoke about,
these are just universal laws.
The law of polarity, there is always goingto be an equal opposite to, to everything.
(17:11):
Um, if we try and play the sameroles, try and act exactly the same
in a relationship, we butt heads.
Last time you spoke aboutit like a magnet, right?
Yeah.
Like the same sides of a magnet repel.
Yeah.
There has to be a time in this dancethat we are trying to play together
where one of us leads, one of usfollows, one of us acts, one of us feels.
(17:31):
And we flip.
I'm not always the leader.
Sometimes you lead.
Sometimes I feel morethan what you might feel.
You might be in a state of your,you know, masculine energy and
trying to do things and, and, and.
Whatever it is.
I might be sitting there feeling alllovey or sad or whatever it might be.
So it can flip.
But what we've found is that Itflips a lot more for me with my
hormones, I'll tell you what.
(17:52):
And we should actually dive intothe hormonal patterning of women.
I would love to do thaton our next episode.
I'm going to dedicate it.
Lock it in, people.
So if you haven't already subscribed.
or followed or whatever you do onwhatever platform you're listening on.
Because it's a whole another ballgame.
Do it now, because yeah, we'vegot a lot to say on that.
That's for sure.
(18:12):
Before we get too far intothis, I want to give you some
recognition and a compliment.
Oh no, I'm not good at that.
Yes, you're going to haveto take it, Stephanie.
Eww, cringe.
Here's what I want to say to you.
Can I just say something?
Yes.
I was always taught, and this is whyI cringe, in case anyone understands
(18:33):
why women cringe when they giveyou, when you give them compliments,
most women cringe, one, becausethey've been taught to be humble.
Two, they've been taught that, um,having, being, I guess, too confident
and narcissistic is unattractive.
And then three, they mightnot have much self worth.
Sorry, I sit somewhere inthe middle of all of that.
(18:53):
So I don't naturally find iteasy to accept a compliment.
Do you know that that falls exactlyback into the feminine and the
masculine, which we just spoke about.
So you don't want to say I'm thequote unquote shit because it might
make someone else feel less than.
So you're holding back yourconfidence to make sure that
everyone else around you feels okay.
Yeah.
(19:13):
The nurturer.
Yeah.
Whereas the male or, you know,the masculine person is going
to say, you know, I'm king shit.
It doesn't matter if thatpisses you off over there.
As long as it makes me feel good, then.
I'm going to own it.
So I don't think that that's a bad thing.
I think that that just makes youthe beautiful feminine that you are.
(19:36):
So it's not a bad thing.
And to be fair, like, it's funny whenyou, when you think relationally,
like women tend to be a little bitmore attracted to guys that are a bit
more confident and sure of themselves.
Uh, and are willing to say, I'm great,whereas I think men don't typically
find that as attractive when girlswalk around and say, I'm, I'm the
(19:56):
shit and you'd be lucky to have me.
That's not exactly a warm and inviting,uh, vibe that a woman could project
to a guy and he find that attractive.
So I think the way that you handleyourself, it's very attractive.
Anyway, the compliment that I wasgoing to give you in the first
(20:21):
episode of this podcast, we spokeabout, um, how we got together.
And I mentioned that I prettywell fell in love with you
the first time that I saw you.
I was drawn to you, but I didn'texactly commit myself to you
until something specific happened.
Do you know what that was?
(20:41):
Okay.
It happened years later, right?
It happened years later, because foranyone that didn't watch that first
episode, we knew each other for about fiveyears before we actually got together.
So we had an established friendship.
Um, the first time I saw you,I thought you're incredibly
attractive and something, uh,spiritually really drew me to you.
Um, but we didn't pursue anythingfor some time afterwards.
(21:02):
It wasn't until we got to know each otheron a deeper level that we actually meshed
and connected, but there was somethingvery specific that happened early on in
our dating or courting journey that youdid that was like a game changer for
me that I thought to myself, this is.
My woman.
This is the one.
Which was?
(21:24):
Do you want to give your versionor do you we talking about
when we had a fight at coffee?
I am, yes.
It's always over coffee, isn't it?
Sorry, I know.
Here we are with the coffee again.
So we went out for a coffee.
I'm very straw today.
I'm dying.
We went out for a coffney.
Oh, coffney.
We went out for a coffee and yougave me some advice You Oh yes, this
(21:48):
was like pretty good damn advice.
But you gave it in a way that wasvery forceful, where it didn't feel
like I had much of a choice and I,uh, gave a bit of a rebuttal and
said, maybe that won't work for me.
And you said something along the linesof, well, make it work for you, Jamie.
I did not say that.
(22:08):
You were, I felt that you were,um, not accepting of my answer.
You wanted me to do it your way.
Yeah.
It's something that I truly believedin and was passionate about.
So in my passion, I was sharingit and saying like, this is the
way and you're like, yeah, well, Idon't really do that and be like,
but you have to, you got to try.
Like I was kind of like alongthose lines, like pushing it again.
(22:30):
I wasn't like, Oh, do it or else.
Like I was just like still talkingpassionately and you weren't taking it.
I was like, and then I felt a littlebit frustrated because I'm like, why
isn't he just being open to this?
And this was the start of our disputes.
Um, which we have, we have many disputes,um, because when second coffee date ever,
uh, yes, I believe it was like a coaching.
(22:51):
Yeah, no, you're right.
We weren't dating yet.
Um, but we were obviously a littlebit interested in each other.
Um, but anyway, you gave that advice,um, from a, probably a loving place,
but also a bit of a forceful place.
Um, and I was very resistantto it because if you haven't
already worked out about men.
They don't exactly likebeing told what to do.
(23:12):
Um, we left, anyway, weleft, this story gets better.
Make it happen.
It turns, it turns positive.
We left and, um, I wentoff and went to the gym.
I was doing a workout.
Uh, a buddy was there.
And I said to him, you know, toldhim a little bit about what happened.
I said, uh, we just went out.
We had a, like a bit ofa weird moment though.
(23:33):
She was, um, getting real intense with me.
She was trying to tell me what to do.
That's a little dramatic.
Well, that's from my perspective anyway.
Um, and I said to him, like, I just,I just don't know if I can do this.
Like, I don't know ifthis is going to work.
You said that behind my back.
Well, you were, yeah, I didn't, Ithought we were, we butted heads.
And as we've already talked about, Iwasn't used to a whole lot of conflict.
(23:56):
Um, so when we had conflicts so earlyon, um, I thought maybe this isn't right.
Um, but then, this iswhere the story gets good.
About, I would say two hours later,you knew I was training at the gym, uh,
this was the gym that we owned, so itwas just, you know, it was easy to pull
up and there wasn't many people there.
Um, you pulled up and you got out ofthe car and I wasn't expecting you to
(24:19):
show up, but you did show up, and yougot out of the car, and as soon as I
saw you, You smiled at me, I smiled atyou and everything that just happened,
that dispute just washed away, uh,because you came to me and not only did
you come to me, you came bearing gifts,you brought me some food, um, and I
(24:44):
came and met you, we hugged, I thinkwe, you know, I don't think we were
dating, so we didn't kiss, but we hugged.
And you said to me somethingalong the lines of, you know, I
didn't like how we left things.
Um, and I think that we've got a goodthing going here, and I'd hate for
you to, um, think that, you know, wedon't, um, because I'm really into
(25:05):
you, um, and I want to work on this.
And we don't have to agree on everything,but I want to work on this and I
just want to stop in and make sureyou're okay and give you this food.
Now, that wasn't even the best part.
That was very, um, lovely, but it wasn'tthe best part because the next day,
uh, you came into the gym where we wereboth working at and you said, you came
(25:27):
in all excited and you said, Jamie,I've just done all of this research.
I've been listening to YouTubesand podcasts about men and I worked
out what I did wrong yesterday.
Um, and I was very much also notjust saying I was in the right.
I was clearly in the wrong aswell, being a stubborn bloke.
Um, I said, you know what?
(25:49):
I did the same.
Um, I've been thinking about it nonstop.
Here's what I think happened to me.
Here's where I could have gone better.
And you came and you said,well, I learned this and here's
where I think I went wrong.
And then we talked and we conversed.
We were both very intoself development back then.
Self development.
Still today.
Still today.
Hence the podcast.
Um, Um, we then had all of theselearnings, um, and then applied them
(26:13):
to our relationship moving forward.
But that was the moment whereI knew that you were really
invested in making this work.
I knew that I was invested, but the momentI found out that you were invested, I was
just like, this is too good to be true.
Let's, let's lock this in.
That's how I felt.
(26:34):
And I can't help but notice that many,uh, women don't necessarily take that
much effort into maybe understanding men.
Men have a, they have to understandwomen to get it, to get what they want.
Yeah.
From women.
So given that first, um, study thatwe talked about, how, um, men are
(26:58):
far more likely to, um, say yes toestablishing a relationship very quickly.
Um, Uh, due to their weakness of theflesh, they very much have to learn
about women to get it, what it isthat they want, but because women are
really born with value and men perceivethem born with value, um, maybe they
(27:19):
don't have to do as much learning.
Whereas you haven't been like that.
You've been very curious into thenature of men, uh, being with me.
And I think that that's a, that's beena great thing and very attractive thing.
It's funny when you weregoing back to women.
Don't really, these days, make muchtime to invest maybe in men or get to
(27:44):
know them and the way that they tick.
Why is that?
Do you agree with that?
I think, well, there'sobviously your group that does
and then groups that doesn't.
I'm not saying that allwomen are like that.
Um, but I was just thinking back toCinderella days and then, you know,
Rapunzel being stuck in the tower.
It's always like, I'm here, I'm beautiful.
(28:06):
whatever they think about themselves.
I'm worthy and you've got to go,you know, fight off the dragons
for me and you're going to dothis for me and come and get me.
And it's all about.
men having to work for thewoman's affection, right?
Would you agree?
A hundred percent.
So I feel like even in today's society,women are, have, are a little bit like
(28:27):
that where they're like, I'm like,and by the way, don't get me wrong.
I think it's great to have self worthand to think highly of yourself and
look after yourself and know, andnot just take crap from anybody.
Agreed.
Like, I think that's an, an, Good andhealthy quality to have because once
you're with someone you want to makesure that you work You just don't
get with someone for the sake of it.
I don't know if I'm spinning circlesright now, but um Sorry, I feel like
(28:51):
because of that sometimes women don'twant to take the time to invest in
the male until they invest in Well,I think they just don't need to.
Like if you've got men approaching you,um, maybe there's just not the need.
I don't think it'snecessarily a lack of care.
Like we spoke about before, thefeminine wants to make sure that
she's nurturing everyone, right?
(29:12):
And making sure that everyone's okay.
So I don't think it's a lack of care.
I just think inherently theydon't necessarily need to
because they've got more options.
And that's a perfect analogythat you just said, like with
Rapunzel, Rapunzel is born.
She's beautiful.
She's desired.
She is great, right?
It's not until the man or theboy turns into the prince or the
(29:35):
knight and he creates himself intosomeone that is worthy of her,
that he can then go and pursue her.
But he couldn't just wake upas a, as a teenage boy and say,
I'm going to go fight a dragon.
He'd get demolished, right?
Yeah.
Is that the story of Rapunzel?
Am I getting that right?
I think, I think.
Is there a dragon?
Or is that why I thinkit's something different?
No, that's what I was thinking.
I'm like, I don't know why I'mlike, I know she's got long hair.
(29:59):
She's in a tower, and I think heclimbs up her hair to get to her.
Is there a dragon oram I thinking of Shrek?
I think I'm thinking of Shrek.
But there's just the concept ofa man fighting a dragon to get
to the woman that's chained upor locked up in the tie up tower.
And even with Cinderella, it's like,she was like the princess and he
had to go find, get the shoe to putit on her foot and chase after her.
(30:23):
Regardless of the story, it is the same.
myth.
It is the same.
Like Netflix, sorry to interrupt, but evenin like Netflix shows, it's like the same
all about that girl and the guy falls inlove with the girl and chases the girl.
And actually now it'sa little bit different.
I think about it.
It's about the womenchasing the man, isn't it?
I don't know.
I don't know.
We're not in the dating society.
(30:45):
That's just like what wewere taught to expect.
And that, and to befair, like that is true.
Like I said, women areborn with value, like men.
very much pedestalize women.
Like I don't, you know,boys like their toys.
They want to go out and buy things,but ultimately like, what's the thing
that they would put before any toy?
(31:06):
It's a woman.
So women are born with value.
I think this is the first thing thatwomen don't necessarily understand
about men, which is that men arenot actually born with value.
Necessarily.
They have to create value.
You sent me a really coolpodcast the other day.
Not a podcast, sorry.
It was a YouTube podcast.
clip and it was short, but you werebasically saying, he was saying that,
(31:27):
you know, women came from something theycame from, like Adam and Eve days came
from the man's rib and the man came fromnothingness, like dust from the ground.
Yes.
For anyone that has any biblicalknowledge, if we can reference that,
which I would love to reference,um, in the Bible, it states
that Adam was created from dust.
(31:49):
He was created from nothing.
Adam was then in the Garden ofEden and was somewhat purposeless.
God came along and said, I needto provide you with a woman.
God took the rib from Adam while he wassleeping and created the woman for Adam.
So the woman, Eve, was createdalready with a purpose, which
(32:15):
was to connect with Adam.
Adam was there wanting tothen try and connect with Eve.
But here's the thing, Evedidn't necessarily need Adam.
Adam very much needed Eve,because Eve was created for Adam.
Yeah.
You tracking?
He, she was created for Adam.
(32:37):
Correct.
Yeah.
But Adam was created from nothing.
Yeah.
And if you take away Eve,Adam is back to nothing.
Yeah.
If you take away Adam, Eve, aslong as there's a few other fellas
around, has probably got options.
Or was impregnated by Adamand had her and her baby.
(33:00):
Correct.
And had purpose raising.
Purpose.
That's right.
And this is a important factor to considerabout men, which maybe they haven't
even thought about for themselves, but
women's journey is somewhatlaid out in their biology.
And like, I don't know if you canreally dispute that, like, they're,
(33:21):
they have already these physicalchallenges that they have to
overcome, whether they like it or not.
Like, you have to go throughmenstruation every month.
You have to deal with thephysical discomfort of that.
You have to, if you choose to, give birth.
And go through the extreme.
(33:41):
That hurts.
It really hurts.
Go through the extremephysical discomfort of that.
And by the way, talking about birthstories, I was like, no pain relief.
I want to feel everything.
I've worked hard to grow this baby.
I want to feel it come out.
I regret that now becauseit was very painful.
Um, but yeah, you're so right.
Like it's constant pain and discomfort.
(34:02):
You are subjected to physical brutality.
Yeah.
And here's what's interesting.
Men are not.
Men, if they want to, canstay in their basement.
They can play video games theirentire life and never subject
themselves to any physical brutality.
You know, what's really interestingthough, God created men with a
(34:24):
physical advantage over women.
We can say that we're supposed tobe stronger, faster once we get
ourself developed and trained.
And yet men have the option todevelop themselves physically or to
abandon their physical advantage.
their God given ability andcreate something from themselves.
(34:45):
And this is, I think the, you know,very interesting thing that should be
recognized about men, that they have tostep into their struggle voluntarily.
Women have their strugglelaid out for them.
They don't get a choice.
Whether you like it or not,you are going to bleed.
If you choose to give birth, you aregoing to have to go through that.
(35:05):
Men don't.
They can avoid it.
They can run.
Yeah.
And here's one of the important thingsthat men might not have considered for
themselves, at least I know for, for me.
If you don't take on any physicalbrutality, any physical challenge, if
you don't develop yourself into yourstrength, your God given ability, you
will always be a victim to the flesh.
(35:29):
You're going to be that guy that isseeking only the affection of women,
whether that be digitally or physically.
I don't believe you should bewatching, or whether that be, you
know, always surrendering to the mercyof a woman that they find desirable.
Yeah.
It isn't until you develop thephysical discipline within yourself
(35:49):
that I think you can conquer thetemptations and desires of the flesh.
So if you're a woman listening andyou're in a relationship and your
man isn't, isn't stretching himself,lifting weights, running, whatever
it is, please encourage him to do so.
How does she do that withoutbeing bossy though, right?
Well, this is the thing.
(36:10):
I think if we know that men pedestalizewomen, if they actually were brave
enough to say, you're getting abit out of shape there, buddy.
You don't think he'd take action?
This is the funny thingas well with the feminine.
She won't want to say that becauseshe doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
But maybe he needs that to stepinto himself to find his manhood.
(36:34):
So, just to go back on that, like aman though could never tell a woman,
Oh, you're getting a little bit punchy.
Like, Oh, you tell me.
I like, I'm, I don't know if I'mjust weird, but I would want you to
tell me if you thought I was weird.
Getting out of shape.
I know that's really touchy, but I wouldwant to know if there was something
(36:56):
like, I really want to impress you.
And I always want to be attractiveto you and I want to, I don't
know, do as much as I can in ourrelationship to make it great.
So eating well, being healthy, causeall of it, all of commitment again,
that you displayed so early on.
Yeah, all of that will,will, uh, obviously come
(37:16):
through in the relationship.
Same with you.
Like if you take better care of yourself,you're strong, you know, I feel like
when one person lets themselves go alittle bit, whether that's like then,
you know, I don't know, they quit theirjob or they're eating really crap.
They're sleeping all day long.
If someone's like, I don't know,not in the best head space, it
(37:36):
drags the other person down.
And I feel like you also loseconnection because you want
your values to align as well.
And I feel like when you are healthyand you are like, eating well and taking
care of your spiritual health as well,I feel like that makes for a great
relationship and you're both doing that.
But how would a guy say to his partnerthat she's let herself go without consent?
(38:00):
Without shit hitting the fan.
Is there a way?
Or is it always going to hit the fan?
And should he speak up orshould he not speak up?
It depends.
Does she know?
And is it something she's strugglingwith and needs support in?
I don't think a man shouldever demean a woman and say,
Oh, you need to get in shape.
Like that's awful.
Like especially if she's givenbirth to your children and she's
(38:22):
gained a little weight afterwards.
Like I feel like thereneeds to be grace as well.
100%.
And I feel like the best way that hecould encourage her to take better care
of her health is to be like, you knowwhat, why don't we do this together?
Try that first, like doing bondingactivities together where it's the,
you know, whether it's at the gym or Toinvite her to Eat better, like if you're
(38:44):
eating pizza Because you're trying tohit your calories and you bring home
pizza, she's going to want to eat it too.
Like you, why don't you lead by example?
Ooh.
Uh oh.
True.
Good point.
So instead of coming at herand saying, Hey, listen.
Yeah.
It's time to pull your shit together.
Yeah.
He should lead.
Lead.
Start getting active and inviteher to be a part of that with him.
(39:05):
Exactly.
Don't cut her off from it.
And I think when she also sees youdoing that, she's going to, inevitably
want to do it herself, right?
And if she doesn't, and she's notinterested in it, maybe have a chat
to see what's going on with her.
How are you feeling?
What's going on with you?
What's Is there any way he can help?
Yeah.
Like what's the actual reasons you'renot motivated to maybe get fit?
(39:27):
Maybe she's feeling awful about herself.
Maybe she doesn't know where to start.
Like She needs help.
Yeah.
Help.
Don't just sit there andsay you need to do this.
Get off your fat bum, blah, blah, blah.
It's like Good point.
That's not going to motivate her.
She's going to go screw youand then go eat more food.
Because food makes you feel better.
So this is going back to thefeminine and the masculine.
So the feminine would like to benurtured and be, and be led, let's say.
(39:51):
Whereas I think the guy you couldprobably get away with saying,
listen, it's time to pull it together.
The masculine enjoys beingchallenged to some degree.
He won't like it.
He'll get shitty about it.
Yeah.
But he enjoys being challenged and hewill respond to that most of the time.
Yeah.
But yes, the way in which you communicatethat with a woman would be very different.
And that's where the man will have tohave some of those feminine tendencies
(40:14):
where he'll have to call upon that,to communicate like that, because
that won't be easy for him to do.
Correct.
Yep.
That's something, if you didn't watchthe previous episode, go and do that.
Because getting in touch withthe feminine, your feelings,
as a guy, is very important.
Very important, the masculine and thefeminine, we both need these things.
(40:35):
So, we covered the weakness of theflesh and what to do about that.
The next thing that I spokeabout was that men typically, on
average, work more than women.
Now, obviously, there's a biologicalcomponent there where, um, women are
going to give birth and need timeoff and whatever else, but I think we
could probably agree that, generallyspeaking, Men are willing to work extreme
(40:59):
hours, put themselves in extreme andpossibly, you know, unfavoring positions
to try and prove themselves, right?
To try and make something of themselves.
Why?
Goes back to what we talked aboutbefore, the man in the back of his
mind probably believes he is nothing.
And he does not have a path laid outfor him, so he must choose his path.
(41:21):
And many times, guys will choose work astheir path and become obsessed with that.
And I think this goes back to thestruggle that I think that maybe women
don't necessarily comprehend with men.
Because as we talked about, thewoman has her path laid out for her,
has her physical struggle laid outfor her, has her, you know, earthly
(41:43):
purpose laid out for her if shechooses to give birth to a child.
You know, she's already got that,she's already got that burden
on her, whereas men don't have aburden, they need to go and find
and voluntarily choose that burden.
And when it comes to working, I thinkthe problem with that is that they
then can become so obsessed with that.
And try and want to prove somuch that they are not nothing,
(42:06):
that they then get lost in it.
So, this is a challenge.
This is a challenge I don't think womenfully understand and comprehend about men.
Because often it's seen like, youknow, he's just always working, or
he's just always, you know, doing this.
But ultimately what he's trying to dois trying to make something of himself
so he feels like he is something.
(42:28):
Sorry.
Men will bury themselvesin work to find purpose.
Because men aren't born with a purpose,so they will go out and try and seek it.
And if they don't go and seekit, They have an opportunity
whether they seek it or not.
They can either bury themselves inthe VR, is that what it's called?
VR?
Virtual reality.
And games and avoid it because it'stoo hard and they're not motivated.
(42:53):
No, I don't think that's true.
I think that that's a way thatthey feel like they can conquer.
Oh, right.
Through video games.
That's right.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
If you never, if you don't understand,another thing that women probably don't
understand about men is that boys areoften attracted to video games because
it gives them a sense of accomplishment.
Yeah.
But the, the awful thing aboutit is that there's actually
(43:14):
no risk associated with it.
Yeah.
So there's no honor.
in winning a video game, there'sno like earthly real world
status that comes with that.
So then they truly get lost in thislike virtual reality of nothingness.
Yeah.
Like a fake, literally a fake reality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And nothing more attractive, right?
Than a guy that just plays video games.
(43:35):
I didn't want to say it, but I'lllet you know something about women.
We don't like, we don'tlike, We aren't attracted.
Unless we're into gaming ourselves,we're not really attracted to men
who play video games all day long.
Whoa.
How dare you.
Like, if they want to go and, like,please, I don't like you playing video
games, but like, if they wanted to just doa little bit here and there, that's fine.
(43:55):
But when they're driven by it and it'sall they do, that's like Why don't you
like me playing video games, Stephanie?
Because I want you all to myself.
Wrong.
You want me to live in reality.
I want you to be building, help buildingthe empire and doing our life together.
However, if you is doing that,plus having a little video game
on the side, that would be okay.
(44:15):
Yeah.
As a little release, let's say.
Yeah, you do actually.
You go You go I don't know if I shouldexpose you right now, but you know Can I?
Yeah, you expose me, go on.
You will go to, you know, there'sthese memes about men going
off to the toilet for hours.
This is the, that's like the man's cave.
Yeah, you will take This is wherehe gets away from the chaos.
(44:38):
I will, sometimes we're workingand I still have the earpiece in,
because we're sharing the earpiece.
And then you'll go to the toilet and I'llbe just back in the office and then I hear
this like video game through my headphoneand you're on the toilet playing and I'm
like he's doing this behind my back thisis you're like a closet video player.
(45:01):
Where you do it likein secret in your time.
So yeah, I don't mind that you dothat because you're still building the
empire, but I'm talking about womenwon't find men attractive who are just
hidden in their basements all day long.
Yeah.
Like eating and playing games.
Like it's purposeless.
It is.
It's purposeless because it's not real.
Unless you make a career out ofit and you play professionally.
(45:22):
How many people fall into that category?
Probably not many.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there you go, there's atip for the gamers out there.
Jamie's a closet player.
Yeah, I have a little 20 minuteplay when I get the chance.
A 20 minute toilet break.
Sometimes.
Half the time I don't even thinkyou're going to the toilet, I just
think you're going in there to play.
That's not true.
(45:43):
Come on.
No, that's not true.
That's too far.
Be real.
No, that would be next level.
That's too far.
Um, so to the point that,yes, um, guys have a hard time
establishing their purpose.
Um, and I think for women out therelistening that, um, either have a son
or have a partner that is strugglingwith their purpose, you know, maybe
(46:04):
they've conquered the flesh, the firststruggle that men have to overcome
and they're, you know, they're fit,they're looking after themselves.
Um, but they are getting lost inwork or they're not sure what to do.
They don't have any career aspirations.
Um, geez, how do you guide him?
What's your advice?
How do you guide him through that?
I think that.
You know, first, first thing would besitting down with him and actually helping
(46:27):
him discover what he feels and what hewants to do, what his desires are, because
again, like guys, it comes so easilyto women, but guys don't necessarily,
you know, many guys aren't in tunewith what they feel and what they want.
They were taught, you know, always, um,Um, and you know, rarely do men ever get
(46:50):
asked, you know, what is it that you want?
Because they're always so busy cateringoften, uh, to the women in their life,
as we just spoke about, because theypedestalize them from a very young age.
Um, so if you're in that situation andyour man doesn't really know what he
wants to do, sit him down and say, youknow, what do you want from your life?
In a very non accusive way.
(47:11):
Sorry.
What do you want?
What can I, what can, you know, what is itthat you want to contribute to the world?
Or if he really doesn't know, maybeencourage him and say, You know what, I've
noticed that you're really good at this.
Have you ever thought aboutbuilding a career in this?
(47:31):
Sometimes one thing I learned is guys liketo come up with the idea themselves, but
women just have to like guide them therewithout actually telling them what it is.
Frustrating for you, huh?
Yeah.
It's like, really?
Can we just not like, can we just say it?
Do we have to do this whole like getaround thing so you're not like offended?
(47:52):
If I tell you to do something,like I have this idea.
Nine times out of 10, you don't doit, but if you come up with something
similar by yourself, then you'll do it.
But I gave you the idea somehow,but then you came up on your own
terms of what it would look like.
That's quite different to mine, butkind of the same, but not like, then
(48:13):
you'll be more inspired to do it.
And you do this a lot.
Like, I feel like I've told you so manythings, like all these ideas and not
once have you ever taken any of them on.
And I'm like, these are great ideas,but then it takes a year and then you're
like, yeah, I think we should do this.
And I'm like.
This is the stubbornness ofthe man in the masculine.
He wants to, he wants to conquer himself.
(48:36):
He doesn't, he wants tolead and conquer himself.
We're wasting so much time.
Yeah, but this is, this probably goesinto some, um, tips for women because
I remember, do you remember that movie,um, I think it's my big fat, fat Greg
wedding, um, where the wife's like,um, talking to the, um, I don't know
if it was the daughter or the son.
And she was saying like, um, you know, hemight be the head of the house, but I'm
(48:57):
the neck and the neck will turn the head.
My mother always said thatabout my father, Italian man.
She's always like the neck turns the head.
But then, but then it goes into a scenewhere she doesn't tell him what to do.
She just like says, what about this?
What about that?
And then she almost coerces himinto coming up with the idea himself
when he takes immediate action.
(49:17):
Now that's a skill.
And that's what we have to do.
Otherwise, you're just going, no, no.
You know what's funny?
It would like, there's twotrains of thought I can hear
people thinking already.
First train of thought would be women,like you said before, that's just stupid.
We shouldn't have to do that.
It is exhausting.
It is exhausting.
Believe me, there's some exhaustingthings about women that men
have to deal with as well.
(49:39):
Believe me.
Pay now.
Um, so there would be one trait of awoman that says, that's ridiculous, I'm
not doing that, he can just grow up.
It's like, well, good luck with that.
You know, welcome to the mind of men.
Um, play it out and seehow, see what happens.
Yeah.
And then maybe the more.
established woman might maybebattle with that concept because
they see it as a manipulation.
(50:00):
Yeah.
Um, I don't think thatthat's manipulation at all.
I think that's helping him guide,helping guide him to truth.
Yeah.
Like one beautiful part aboutwomen is their intuitive nature.
Like you often will come to aplace of truth, um, before I
might, because of your nature.
And sometimes I mightnot be ready to accept.
(50:22):
what's happening, um, but you mighthave to sometimes lead me there.
Yeah.
And the way in which youdo that is important.
So funny, like, ever since we've starteddoing this, so many people, um, get
really triggered and offended, like,why should just be able to be me?
And they should just beable to put up with that.
It's like, try that.
(50:43):
Try that in real life ina long term relationship.
Just be you.
Have no consideration about yourpartner and see how it works out.
Sometimes you just need to compromise.
I remember when I, like seconddate, I said to that to you,
like, you know, relationships areabout compromise and you got mad.
You couldn't comprehend that.
Cause I was in that mindset.
I was like, um, no, well, you know, if,if someone loves you, they should just
(51:04):
love you for all of you unconditionally.
They should love you.
every part of you and you shouldn't haveto bend your will to the other person.
What a fucking joke.
That was that same date you weretalking about earlier, where I
also said that in a different one.
That was the first one.
Yeah.
But yes.
And you couldn't comprehend that.
And I knew that what that was becauseI had had kids at this time and I was
(51:25):
like, I know all about compromise.
And you were like, nope.
To be fair, I have some empathy forpeople out there that are under that
belief that your partner should justlove you unconditionally, failing to
realise that we're not speaking aboutyour mother, we're speaking about
your significant other, who does nothave to love you unconditionally.
There's always probably going to besome conditions to that, just like
(51:46):
you will have conditions of them.
You have to have compromise.
in a relationship and kind of workwith the other person, like dance
that you talk about, flowing together.
And unfortunately it can't be like yourway, my way, because you will butt heads.
Sometimes you do just have tolike get to know the person really
well, ask questions, figure outhow they work so that you can flow.
(52:08):
True.
Very true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is not easy to do, but yeah,the longer that you are together, the
more you figure it out really quickly.
Yeah.
I feel like in the first year of yourrelationship, you're so just enjoying
being the best versions of yourselfand it isn't till after you've been
a while together that you start toget a little bit more irritated and
what made you fall in love with himnow irritates you and vice versa.
(52:30):
And, you know, so it'sjust like a matter of like,
Knowing how to bring out thebest in each other and listen to
each other and learn that dance.
Yeah, I think that that very muchstarts with, um, not starts with,
but I think it's important for womento conceptualize the fact that,
um, men are not the same as women.
(52:51):
We have different challenges, um, andmen's path are not laid out for them.
They, they need to discover their path.
Um, obviously women have to discovertheir path as well, but there are some
things that are laid out for them.
Like we said, they are going tobe exposed to physical hardship.
They are going to be exposed, or notexposed, they, they do have a path set
(53:12):
for them inherently with motherhood.
Um, whereas guys get to choose, getto choose how involved they are, if
it's fatherhood, they get to choosehow involved they are with their
physicality and whether or not they'rewilling to develop themselves, um,
and become, you know, a fitter,stronger version of themselves.
Um, but these are the things, and thisis why I think that it's important to
(53:34):
recognize that being a guy is very mucha It's a spiritual battle in the sense
that, you know, they have to learnwhat is true within themselves and
what is true about the world because,you know, there's no, there's no path
that's, that's laid out for them.
They're literally writing thescripture of their life day by day.
(53:56):
Um.
Yeah.
And it's not, definitelynot an easy thing.
And I think that that's often, um, yeah,it's rarely conceptualized or appreciated,
um, from a woman's standpoint.
And how could it be?
Like, there's no, there'srarely ever talked about.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
That's why men suffer in silence too.
And like you were saying earlierwith those stats, like, Men are
(54:18):
more likely to take their own life.
Men are more likely to This is why.
Yep.
Turn, change their gender.
Yep.
You know?
Men are more likely to doIt is a spiritual battle.
Yeah.
They suffer in silence for sure.
To work out how to be a man.
Yeah.
Because it's even funny like the,one of the most commonly Googled
things is like how to be a man.
Like what, what does that even mean?
Is that the most commonly Googled thing?
I made that up.
(54:38):
I'm sure it will be up there.
I know that, I know that I've watchedplenty of those videos because I've
struggled with this exact thing.
Um, because again, it'snot, it's not laid out.
Like it's not, um, anotherlike interesting thing.
I know we're pushing time, but towrap up on is like, there's no,
there's no, There's no milestonethat a man or a boy goes through to
(55:01):
transition him from boyhood to manhood.
Yeah.
Like there's no event.
Maybe some cultures have In tribes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Some, some cultures, tribeswill have certain rituals
that they will put forward.
Maybe they'll go send the young boys offinto the jungle for a week and then they
come back and then they have a ceremonyand they celebrate them now as men.
Yeah.
Whereas in Western culture,that is not a thing.
Whereas for women, You know, oncethey bleed, it's congratulations.
(55:25):
I'm a woman.
You're a woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whereas for guys, there's no event.
There's no milestone.
And this is, I think, whymany Boys continue to be boys.
So facial hair doesn't count?
I've got a beard!
Many boys will continue tobe boys up until the age of
20, 30, 40, maybe even 50.
Who knows?
(55:46):
Like this is, this is a thing that theyhave to work out and it's definitely,
it's not an easy thing to work out.
And maybe that's something that wecan talk about a little bit more in a
future episode and how to work it out.
how to work that out.
Maybe there's some steps to take, but wehave laid out some steps in this episode.
We just didn't have time today,but we wanted to get this out.
And I think we have, you know,we've brought to the table
(56:09):
some things to think about.
Things to think about, things to consider.
women to consider about men.
They struggle, even thetoughest of men struggle.
And women, you know, sometimesThey might not look like they're
struggling, but they're struggling.
Yeah, they, they do.
And they want love as much asanybody else and acceptance.
And they're just trying hard to findthemselves and it can come across
(56:31):
like they don't care because they'reso hungry to find their purpose.
But, at the end of the day,you know That's their mission.
And our mission is to have familiesand nurture and give birth and I don't
know, not for everyone, but most women,there's that like protection thing.
Don't want to say anythingtoo crazy, but, um, yeah.
(56:54):
So just my advice to youladies at home with your man.
Um, show him a little bit of love andcompassion and what's the word, um, you
always tell me this word, um, Empathy?
No, um, grace.
Oh yeah.
Grace.
A little bit of grace becausehe's still finding his way.
(57:17):
You may be like, you're 40, youshould know what you're doing by now.
Sometimes they just don't, youknow, um, just give them grace and
maybe help him figure that out andhave these conversations because
that's what you're there for.
You're a team, you know?
rise each other up.
Um, but don't, yeah, if he'squiet and he's not talking about
anything, he's thinking a lot.
(57:37):
He's thinking a lot.
People are like, oh, he's a man's man.
He doesn't really care about that stuff.
No, he does.
He does inside.
He just doesn't let you know about it.
That's it.
Yes.
Don't be, don't be afraid tochallenge him, but challenge
him from a loving place.
Not a judgmental place.
The only thing we didn't get toproperly cover of those things that
I read out at the start was the, um,the boys growing up in single parent
(57:58):
households, like without the, withoutthe father around, uh, cause the father
will inherently want to challengethe boy and make sure he does what is
right, not what makes him feel good.
Um, like guys need and want to bechallenged, but the way in which you
do that definitely is uh, is important.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
Yeah.
And I think grace is probably a good word.
Let's challenge with grace.
(58:18):
Yeah.
And help him evolve to becomethe man that ultimately you want
him to be as a woman especially.
Yeah.
Not shame.
Shame is thrown around a lot.
And for any guys listening as well, um,the, the whole, like how to be a guy
space is very confusing and confrontingbecause once you go down that rabbit
(58:39):
hole, you get down a very weird path.
Like guys will be super often, superobnoxious, um, misogynistic, um, there's
not much balance it seems in this space.
Like once you go down that rabbithole, you get to this really extreme
corner of, you know, guys saying youshould treat women like crap and yeah.
And like.
That's not at all what I would considerto be a, the ultimate expression of a
(59:03):
man, like a man is a carer and provider.
This could actually be a part one.
to this episode on men.
I think it needs to be a two part seriesbecause there's so much more to cover.
Um, so let's cap it here at part one.
If you want to hear part two and you'reinterested in part two, please comment
(59:24):
part two below this post on YouTube.
And we will look forward to doing that.
We are going away to Bali next week.
So that's going to, thisweek, sorry, in two days.
What day am I living on?
Um, so when we get back from that, we'lldefinitely shoot a episode, hopefully
with some more wisdom and some more stats.
(59:46):
Yes.
Thank you very much for tuning in.
Like we said at thebeginning, please subscribe.
If you're on YouTube, please follow.
If you're on one of the podcastplatforms, if you found this useful,
please leave a rating and review.
That would be incredibly helpful for us.
We are still aiming forfortnightly episodes on this.
Um, but if we can increase things andif we can gain some traction, who knows?
(01:00:06):
Maybe we might end up doing this weekly.
So we appreciate your support.
We appreciate you tuning in.
And.
And.
We'll catch you on the next episode.
Peace!
I always go, peace!
See you next time.
Coming up on the Steph and Jamie Podcast...
This podcast is going to be about... MEN.Men, what women maybe don't understand
about men and maybe what men don'tactually understand about themselves.
Well, men are almost twice as likelyto suffer from erectile dysfunction
when being married to someone thatearns more than them...
(00:23):
Men are 2 to 3 times more likely to change theirbiology - becoming a trans woman
than what women will convert to being men.
Men are 3 to 4 times morelikely to take their own life.
Women these days don't really make muchtime to invest maybe in men or get to
know them and the way that they tick.
Why is that?
You know, Rapunzel being stuck in thetower, it's always like, I'm here,
(00:48):
I'm worthy, and you've got to go fight offthe dragons for me, and you've got to
do this for me, and come and get me.
And it's all about men.
Having to work for thewoman's affection, right?
So I feel like because of that,sometimes women don't want to
take the time to invest in themale until they invest in her.
Women are born with value.
(01:09):
I think this is the first thing thatwomen don't necessarily understand
about men, which is that men are notactually born with value necessarily.
They To create value.
Men, if they want to, can stay in theirbasement, they can play video games
their entire life, and never subjectthemselves to any physical brutality.
Welcome to Life and Depth,with Steph and Jamie.
(01:32):
Learn What She's Feeling,and What He's Thinking.
Starting now!
Yeah, there are some stats.
But I wanted to talk about, becausethat's how men, that's how men work.
Stats, logic, facts.
Stats, logic, facts.
Let's make a song likethat song, um, Six One.
What is it?
(01:52):
How's it go?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I want a man in finance.
Trust her.
Six One.
No, Blue Eyes.
I don't even know.
Ridiculous song.
What do you, what's your song?
I need to be a man with stats.
Logic.
What else?
I don't know.
Oh, facts.
(02:12):
I want to be a man with facts.
Logic.
Stats.
I like it.
That could be a record label right there.
All right.
Jamie.
Stephanie.
Welcome.
Whoa.
What?
That sounded posh.
Stephanie.
Did it?
Sometimes I speak posh.
Yeah, nah.
(02:33):
No.
I, do you know what Ifound about this podcast?
What?
I will, I know that we're just starting,but I want to get into this straight away.
You know, the nonsense that I just,you have to cut out half the time,
but someone said I have a lot oflike vowels in the way that I talk.
That's just the Aussie accent.
I think no
(02:54):
. Um, what else?
Like, I don't know.
Remember?
Come on.
I remember when we went to, um, the USand they didn't understand when I said,
can I please have a water, water, water?
Because they, they say it.
Water.
Yeah.
If I was to speak American, whoa.
That sounded really American.
(03:14):
American.
You were not out of that American.
There is something theydo with their R's, is it?
Yeah, and then we accentuate the A's.
A's.
How are ya?
What you doing?
Whereas I would say, how are you?
How are ya?
Yeah, it's so weird.
Who's weird, them or us?
My accent bothers me a little bit.
Does it?
(03:34):
It's annoying.
You've said that a few times, actually.
It's really annoying.
When we play these back,I'm just like, stop talking.
Just, no, no.
Like that movie we watched.
Yeah, yeah.
What'd she say?
She said, um, she goes, It's no joke.
Yeah, but she's talkingabout, um, jet lag.
(03:56):
Yeah.
She goes, jet lag.
It's no joke.
. And I'm like, she's not even Australian,but she sounded so Australian.
Uh, the Aussie accent.
Anyway, we are from, if you haven'talready picked this up, Australia.
Australia near Melbourne,Victoria, Geelong.
We just had to, uh, get aroundsome kangaroos to find our park
(04:16):
outside, outside the building.
And there is kangaroos here andkoalas and a lot of wildlife we love.
our wildlife here.
We do.
We are Australians.
I'll tell you a bit about us.
By the way, that was, that was a lie.
There's not kangaroosright outside this door.
No.
Actually, there probably would be.
Not mislead people.
No, but just they're close everywhere.
I feel like international peoplethink that there's just kangaroos
(04:38):
jumping around everywhere.
There is.
Cause when you're driving on theroad, they're dead on the road.
And I, I made you pull over.
When you're in thecountry, not in the city.
We are in the country.
Where's the kangaroos?
Everywhere.
I make Jamie, this is no joke, Imake Jamie pull over on the side of
the road if there is a kangaroo thathas been hit by a car and it's dead.
Why do I do that?
(04:59):
Because you care.
No, because you're supposed to check thepouch to see if there's a joey in there.
Oh yeah, that too.
That's something I've learntin Australia, always check.
wildlife.
If you're driving past and it'sdead on the road, also call
someone to come and get it.
Anyway.
This is great information.
It is great learning aboutour country, Australia.
We are laid back.
(05:20):
We just love the sun.
I don't, but other people lovethe sun, love life, chill.
Just have bad accents.
Bad accents, but we'll be your friends.
They're the type of people youcan walk up to on the street and
we'd be like, how are you going?
Anyway, uh, let's move on.
Let's move on to whatwe're talking about today.
We are talking about number four.
(05:40):
This is episode number four.
So if you are joining us for thevery first time, make sure you go
back and watch one, two, and three.
And subscribe.
And subscribe if you are on YouTube,and it would mean the world to us
if you are on one of the podcastplatforms, Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
to Um, I believe it's follow and rate.
You can rate on podcastplatforms is what I've learned.
(06:01):
Yes.
Don't bother rating unlessit's going to be good.
So a rating and review wouldbe extremely helpful for us.
And if you are on YouTube, thenyes, please subscribe so that you
don't miss any future episodes.
So episode number four.
Also, if you did watch thisepisode and you are going to
write a review, please do so.
Right.
We love Australians on there.
(06:23):
Or you could writesomething more meaningful.
Just Anyway.
So this, this podcast, oh mygosh, I'm losing it already.
This podcast is going to beabout, number four is going to
be about, da da da da da da da.
Men.
Men.
We talked about it in the lastepisode for anyone that watched that.
(06:45):
And if you missed that, we diveddeeper into women, trying to
understand women, more specificallytrying to understand the feminine.
And in the last part of that podcast,we talked about, um, doing the next
episode, which is this one now andfocusing a little bit more on men
and what women maybe don't understandabout men and maybe what men don't
(07:06):
actually understand about themselves.
Whoa.
Cool.
Because men have a very difficulttime understanding themselves.
Why do you think that is?
Well, I know, like men never go to thedoctor when they have an issue, like
men don't really want to dig deep.
I think it scares them a little bit.
There are many reasons which Ithink we'll dive deep into on
(07:27):
this, but did you know what?
With your permission, I'd like toshare some statistics with you.
How do you feel about that, Stephanie?
Nervous.
Can I tell you something about myself?
Go.
I am the biggest peacekeeper.
I have been like this my wholelife where I don't want to ruffle
feathers, I don't want to upsetpeople, I don't want to cause issues.
(07:48):
Yes, but this is not me,um, saying what I feel.
These are just facts.
Men, men love facts.
That's right.
Where's that song?
Facts.
Stats.
Logic.
Stats.
Logic.
That's right.
Because the men and the masculinewill always be driven to logic.
As we spoke about last time, themasculine is very much directional,
(08:08):
whereas the feminine is multidirectional.
Steph, what you're just sayingis that you want to make sure
that everyone feels okay.
That's the beautiful part of thefeminine, which is the nurturer.
And that's lovely.
But there are times where factsare relevant, and I think, with
your permission, I'll share justa couple because I think this sets
the stage for what I, as the man,if we're talking about men, would
(08:32):
like to talk about in this episode.
How do you feel about that?
Well, I give you free space to speakand be yourself without judgment.
Go.
Here's some studies.
for people to go andlook into for themselves.
There was a study where both men andwomen went out and asked strangers whether
or not they'd like to go on a date.
How many do you think agreed to sayyes or no between men and women?
(08:56):
As in how many women saidyes and how many men said no?
Yeah, percentage wise.
Okay, well I think like maybe80 percent of women said yes
and 20 percent of men said no.
That's an interesting answer.
Why?
Why, what makes you think that?
Well, Oh, actually, now that I saidthat out loud and you reacted like
that, maybe let's like flip that.
I guess in my mind as a womanand who I am, I'd be like, sure.
(09:17):
Would you?
I'd be like, yeah, of course.
I hope not.
Well, we're together.
No, I was in the study because I thinkwomen are more friendly, whereas men are a
little bit more scared to speak to women.
So I feel like they're not as outgoing.
That's where I got that answer from.
But.
Now that you reacted like that, I'm goingto assume that men are like, yes, please.
And women are like, judgey andlike, no, you're not my type.
(09:39):
Is that right?
Here's the interestingthing about this study.
Wait, which one's right?
I'm about to tell you.
It's about 50 50.
So 50 percent of men agreed to sayyes to the woman and 50 percent
of women agreed to say yes to theman asking them out on a date.
But here's where thestudy got interesting.
Out of those 50 percent that said yes,they then followed that question up with
another question, Will you come backto my apartment and have sex with me?
(10:04):
Ew.
Now I'd like to ask youa question, Stephanie.
How many women agreed to having sex withthe man just on their first encounter?
I'd like a second date.
No, not a second date.
A first.
I've just met you.
Would you like to go outfor a coffee, Stephanie?
You say yes.
I say, actually, you knowwhat, let's skip that.
Go straight back to my house.
You'd say no.
I'm worth more than that.
(10:25):
I agree.
But how many men do you thinkagreed when the woman asked them,
you know what, screw this coffee.
Stephanie, just come back to bed with me.
When the man said that to the woman.
No, when the woman said that to the man.
And she said that to him.
This was a study.
This was a study done.
He would be like, yes, please.
Of course he would be.
(10:45):
So 60 to 70, so 70 to 75 percent of menagreed on that first encounter to go
back and have intercourse with the woman.
That didn't actually happen, but it wasjust a social experiment that they did.
Yeah.
So here's the first point aboutmen that we need to be aware of.
They are weak to the flesh.
(11:06):
Fact two, study two.
Men on average work four to sevenhours per week more than women.
There's obviously a biological discrepancythere because women have birth and they
have time off, but generally speaking,men are addicted often to working.
They try and find their purpose in that.
Yeah.
Can we agree on that?
Yeah.
Okay.
(11:27):
Here's another interesting fact.
Men are almost twice as likely tosuffer from erectile dysfunction
when being married to someonethat earns more than them.
I can understand why.
Can you?
Yeah.
Well, because of, because of whatI know now, what you've taught me.
There you go.
So men, men are almost twice aslikely to suffer from ED when dating
(11:50):
someone that earns more than them.
Of course.
It makes him feel less thanand not like, yeah, anyway.
Another one for you.
These statistics will vary depending onthe study, but generally speaking, men are
two to three times more likely to changetheir biology, become a trans woman, than
what women will convert to being trans.
Amen.
(12:11):
Would you have guessed that?
Um, no, I wouldn't have guessed that.
Interesting.
What does, why is that relevant?
It's relevant because men are havinga harder time accepting their biology.
Yeah.
Their God given role as a man.
Because they, like, for women, we givebirth, we know what our purpose is, like,
(12:31):
from the, from the, Straight off the bat.
That's correct.
We'll dive into that.
Men are three to four times morelikely to take their own life.
I knew that one.
Yeah.
Which says to me that there is aspiritual battle that men have to face.
Why?
We'll discuss in a moment.
The last fact I want to share, boyswith single parent households are three
(12:52):
to four times more likely to get intocrime when raised by a single mother.
Yeah.
Stephanie, you have been a single mother.
You are a great mother.
Yeah.
But clearly, the facts say thatthere is a big problem when there
isn't a male present as a rolemodel in the house for boys.
Yep.
So there's my evidence.
Can I expose myself really bad right now?
(13:13):
Do it.
My son is 16, he'll be 17 in January.
And up until probably sixmonths ago, I was making his
lunchboxes still for school.
He's in year 10.
That's me nurturing and I wanted to makesure he had the food that he liked and
I'd cook for him and make sure it's fresh.
(13:34):
Because I wanted him to eat.
He's also got celiac disease so Ialways, I was always concerned about him.
And you really pulled me up onthis and said enough's enough.
Like he needs to be self sufficient.
for himself.
Now he gets up by himself.
And I was getting him up for schooltoo every morning, waking up super
early to get him up and ready.
Because I was, I was always justtrying to control everything.
(13:55):
And now he gets himselfup, makes his own lunchbox.
And I want to say to you.
Thank you.
Because you really helped me.
He didn't say thank youwhen I first challenged you.
No, I found it really hard to let go.
He said he's my baby boy.
I can't not do that for him.
He was the cutest baby.
Oh my gosh, he came out with a mohawk.
But anyway, to the point.
(14:17):
Big blue eyes.
He's six foot now, like, he's amazing,but which is, which is beautiful that
you wanted to look after him and youalways want to nurture him hindering him.
And I didn't realize that because I wasjust doing what I know and having that
time as much time as I could have withhim before he leaves the house, which I,
by the way, I think he never will causehe loves it too much at home, but yeah.
(14:38):
So having you.
And, and showing and revealing to mea different perspective and also the
harm that that could have been doinglong term was pretty eye opening
for me and very hard to accept.
This is Whoa.
Ugh.
I'll get upset in a second.
You'll get emotional.
Because he's, yeah, he's my baby.
Anyway.
Big baby.
Ugh.
(14:59):
I'm such an ugly crier.
I'm not going to do that.
I don't agree with that.
I think you're a cute crier.
Anyway, yes.
This is um, Now, if we, if we stripthe titles of man and woman, and
we don't speak biologically, we canalso categorise these things into
the masculine and the feminine.
Okay.
Which we've been talking aboutmany times on this podcast.
(15:21):
If this isn't your first time here,you'll have a bit of a grasp of
what we're talking about, but thesetopics are a little bit nuanced
and often, uh, misunderstood.
So in the previous episode, we talkedabout the fact that the feminine, the
nature of femininity is multidirectional.
It's nurturing, it's caring, it'sfeeling, feeling for the individual,
the person and everyone around them.
(15:42):
So it's very much concerned abouteveryone around them and wants
to make sure that everyone Okay.
Mm hmm.
Which is lovely.
The masculine, on the other hand, isall about doing what they believe to be
right, or what they believe to be true.
They're willing to say, this is true,this is false, regardless of whether or
not it hurts someone else's feelings,because they believe, or the masculine
(16:05):
energy believes, that truth is true.
Outranks all.
So the masculine is directional.
It's acting, it's doing,it wants to conquer.
Now, generally speaking, when we talkabout men and women, men will typically
lean more to their masculine energy.
It doesn't mean that they'renot feminine by nature.
We both have masculine and femininetendencies, but men will typically lean
(16:27):
more towards their masculine energy.
Lead more to their masculine, whereaswomen will typically lead, as Steph
is giving you a perfect example rightnow, lean more towards their feminine.
Yeah.
So, whether we speak about menand women, it's irrelevant, we're
talking about these qualities whichmost of the time we lean towards.
Was that inclusive enough?
(16:49):
Am I still making you nervous?
No, no, I think there's truth in that.
And especially in our circumstanceand what we're going through and
what happens in our household.
And a lot of our households as well.
That's right.
And this is like, I think thesetruths, last time we spoke about,
these are just universal laws.
The law of polarity, there is always goingto be an equal opposite to, to everything.
(17:11):
Um, if we try and play the sameroles, try and act exactly the same
in a relationship, we butt heads.
Last time you spoke aboutit like a magnet, right?
Yeah.
Like the same sides of a magnet repel.
Yeah.
There has to be a time in this dancethat we are trying to play together
where one of us leads, one of usfollows, one of us acts, one of us feels.
(17:31):
And we flip.
I'm not always the leader.
Sometimes you lead.
Sometimes I feel morethan what you might feel.
You might be in a state of your,you know, masculine energy and
trying to do things and, and, and.
Whatever it is.
I might be sitting there feeling alllovey or sad or whatever it might be.
So it can flip.
But what we've found is that Itflips a lot more for me with my
hormones, I'll tell you what.
(17:52):
And we should actually dive intothe hormonal patterning of women.
I would love to do thaton our next episode.
I'm going to dedicate it.
Lock it in, people.
So if you haven't already subscribed.
or followed or whatever you do onwhatever platform you're listening on.
Because it's a whole another ballgame.
Do it now, because yeah, we'vegot a lot to say on that.
That's for sure.
(18:12):
Before we get too far intothis, I want to give you some
recognition and a compliment.
Oh no, I'm not good at that.
Yes, you're going to haveto take it, Stephanie.
Eww, cringe.
Here's what I want to say to you.
Can I just say something?
Yes.
I was always taught, and this is whyI cringe, in case anyone understands
(18:33):
why women cringe when they giveyou, when you give them compliments,
most women cringe, one, becausethey've been taught to be humble.
Two, they've been taught that, um,having, being, I guess, too confident
and narcissistic is unattractive.
And then three, they mightnot have much self worth.
Sorry, I sit somewhere inthe middle of all of that.
(18:53):
So I don't naturally find iteasy to accept a compliment.
Do you know that that falls exactlyback into the feminine and the
masculine, which we just spoke about.
So you don't want to say I'm thequote unquote shit because it might
make someone else feel less than.
So you're holding back yourconfidence to make sure that
everyone else around you feels okay.
Yeah.
(19:13):
The nurturer.
Yeah.
Whereas the male or, you know,the masculine person is going
to say, you know, I'm king shit.
It doesn't matter if thatpisses you off over there.
As long as it makes me feel good, then.
I'm going to own it.
So I don't think that that's a bad thing.
I think that that just makes youthe beautiful feminine that you are.
(19:36):
So it's not a bad thing.
And to be fair, like, it's funny whenyou, when you think relationally,
like women tend to be a little bitmore attracted to guys that are a bit
more confident and sure of themselves.
Uh, and are willing to say, I'm great,whereas I think men don't typically
find that as attractive when girlswalk around and say, I'm, I'm the
(19:56):
shit and you'd be lucky to have me.
That's not exactly a warm and inviting,uh, vibe that a woman could project
to a guy and he find that attractive.
So I think the way that you handleyourself, it's very attractive.
Anyway, the compliment that I wasgoing to give you in the first
(20:21):
episode of this podcast, we spokeabout, um, how we got together.
And I mentioned that I prettywell fell in love with you
the first time that I saw you.
I was drawn to you, but I didn'texactly commit myself to you
until something specific happened.
Do you know what that was?
(20:41):
Okay.
It happened years later, right?
It happened years later, because foranyone that didn't watch that first
episode, we knew each other for about fiveyears before we actually got together.
So we had an established friendship.
Um, the first time I saw you,I thought you're incredibly
attractive and something, uh,spiritually really drew me to you.
Um, but we didn't pursue anythingfor some time afterwards.
(21:02):
It wasn't until we got to know each otheron a deeper level that we actually meshed
and connected, but there was somethingvery specific that happened early on in
our dating or courting journey that youdid that was like a game changer for
me that I thought to myself, this is.
My woman.
This is the one.
Which was?
(21:24):
Do you want to give your versionor do you we talking about
when we had a fight at coffee?
I am, yes.
It's always over coffee, isn't it?
Sorry, I know.
Here we are with the coffee again.
So we went out for a coffee.
I'm very straw today.
I'm dying.
We went out for a coffney.
Oh, coffney.
We went out for a coffee and yougave me some advice You Oh yes, this
(21:48):
was like pretty good damn advice.
But you gave it in a way that wasvery forceful, where it didn't feel
like I had much of a choice and I,uh, gave a bit of a rebuttal and
said, maybe that won't work for me.
And you said something along the linesof, well, make it work for you, Jamie.
I did not say that.
(22:08):
You were, I felt that you were,um, not accepting of my answer.
You wanted me to do it your way.
Yeah.
It's something that I truly believedin and was passionate about.
So in my passion, I was sharingit and saying like, this is the
way and you're like, yeah, well, Idon't really do that and be like,
but you have to, you got to try.
Like I was kind of like alongthose lines, like pushing it again.
(22:30):
I wasn't like, Oh, do it or else.
Like I was just like still talkingpassionately and you weren't taking it.
I was like, and then I felt a littlebit frustrated because I'm like, why
isn't he just being open to this?
And this was the start of our disputes.
Um, which we have, we have many disputes,um, because when second coffee date ever,
uh, yes, I believe it was like a coaching.
(22:51):
Yeah, no, you're right.
We weren't dating yet.
Um, but we were obviously a littlebit interested in each other.
Um, but anyway, you gave that advice,um, from a, probably a loving place,
but also a bit of a forceful place.
Um, and I was very resistantto it because if you haven't
already worked out about men.
They don't exactly likebeing told what to do.
(23:12):
Um, we left, anyway, weleft, this story gets better.
Make it happen.
It turns, it turns positive.
We left and, um, I wentoff and went to the gym.
I was doing a workout.
Uh, a buddy was there.
And I said to him, you know, toldhim a little bit about what happened.
I said, uh, we just went out.
We had a, like a bit ofa weird moment though.
(23:33):
She was, um, getting real intense with me.
She was trying to tell me what to do.
That's a little dramatic.
Well, that's from my perspective anyway.
Um, and I said to him, like, I just,I just don't know if I can do this.
Like, I don't know ifthis is going to work.
You said that behind my back.
Well, you were, yeah, I didn't, Ithought we were, we butted heads.
And as we've already talked about, Iwasn't used to a whole lot of conflict.
(23:56):
Um, so when we had conflicts so earlyon, um, I thought maybe this isn't right.
Um, but then, this iswhere the story gets good.
About, I would say two hours later,you knew I was training at the gym, uh,
this was the gym that we owned, so itwas just, you know, it was easy to pull
up and there wasn't many people there.
Um, you pulled up and you got out ofthe car and I wasn't expecting you to
(24:19):
show up, but you did show up, and yougot out of the car, and as soon as I
saw you, You smiled at me, I smiled atyou and everything that just happened,
that dispute just washed away, uh,because you came to me and not only did
you come to me, you came bearing gifts,you brought me some food, um, and I
(24:44):
came and met you, we hugged, I thinkwe, you know, I don't think we were
dating, so we didn't kiss, but we hugged.
And you said to me somethingalong the lines of, you know, I
didn't like how we left things.
Um, and I think that we've got a goodthing going here, and I'd hate for
you to, um, think that, you know, wedon't, um, because I'm really into
(25:05):
you, um, and I want to work on this.
And we don't have to agree on everything,but I want to work on this and I
just want to stop in and make sureyou're okay and give you this food.
Now, that wasn't even the best part.
That was very, um, lovely, but it wasn'tthe best part because the next day,
uh, you came into the gym where we wereboth working at and you said, you came
(25:27):
in all excited and you said, Jamie,I've just done all of this research.
I've been listening to YouTubesand podcasts about men and I worked
out what I did wrong yesterday.
Um, and I was very much also notjust saying I was in the right.
I was clearly in the wrong aswell, being a stubborn bloke.
Um, I said, you know what?
(25:49):
I did the same.
Um, I've been thinking about it nonstop.
Here's what I think happened to me.
Here's where I could have gone better.
And you came and you said,well, I learned this and here's
where I think I went wrong.
And then we talked and we conversed.
We were both very intoself development back then.
Self development.
Still today.
Still today.
Hence the podcast.
Um, Um, we then had all of theselearnings, um, and then applied them
(26:13):
to our relationship moving forward.
But that was the moment whereI knew that you were really
invested in making this work.
I knew that I was invested, but the momentI found out that you were invested, I was
just like, this is too good to be true.
Let's, let's lock this in.
That's how I felt.
(26:34):
And I can't help but notice that many,uh, women don't necessarily take that
much effort into maybe understanding men.
Men have a, they have to understandwomen to get it, to get what they want.
Yeah.
From women.
So given that first, um, study thatwe talked about, how, um, men are
(26:58):
far more likely to, um, say yes toestablishing a relationship very quickly.
Um, Uh, due to their weakness of theflesh, they very much have to learn
about women to get it, what it isthat they want, but because women are
really born with value and men perceivethem born with value, um, maybe they
(27:19):
don't have to do as much learning.
Whereas you haven't been like that.
You've been very curious into thenature of men, uh, being with me.
And I think that that's a, that's beena great thing and very attractive thing.
It's funny when you weregoing back to women.
Don't really, these days, make muchtime to invest maybe in men or get to
(27:44):
know them and the way that they tick.
Why is that?
Do you agree with that?
I think, well, there'sobviously your group that does
and then groups that doesn't.
I'm not saying that allwomen are like that.
Um, but I was just thinking back toCinderella days and then, you know,
Rapunzel being stuck in the tower.
It's always like, I'm here, I'm beautiful.
(28:06):
whatever they think about themselves.
I'm worthy and you've got to go,you know, fight off the dragons
for me and you're going to dothis for me and come and get me.
And it's all about.
men having to work for thewoman's affection, right?
Would you agree?
A hundred percent.
So I feel like even in today's society,women are, have, are a little bit like
(28:27):
that where they're like, I'm like,and by the way, don't get me wrong.
I think it's great to have self worthand to think highly of yourself and
look after yourself and know, andnot just take crap from anybody.
Agreed.
Like, I think that's an, an, Good andhealthy quality to have because once
you're with someone you want to makesure that you work You just don't
get with someone for the sake of it.
I don't know if I'm spinning circlesright now, but um Sorry, I feel like
(28:51):
because of that sometimes women don'twant to take the time to invest in
the male until they invest in Well,I think they just don't need to.
Like if you've got men approaching you,um, maybe there's just not the need.
I don't think it'snecessarily a lack of care.
Like we spoke about before, thefeminine wants to make sure that
she's nurturing everyone, right?
(29:12):
And making sure that everyone's okay.
So I don't think it's a lack of care.
I just think inherently theydon't necessarily need to
because they've got more options.
And that's a perfect analogythat you just said, like with
Rapunzel, Rapunzel is born.
She's beautiful.
She's desired.
She is great, right?
It's not until the man or theboy turns into the prince or the
(29:35):
knight and he creates himself intosomeone that is worthy of her,
that he can then go and pursue her.
But he couldn't just wake upas a, as a teenage boy and say,
I'm going to go fight a dragon.
He'd get demolished, right?
Yeah.
Is that the story of Rapunzel?
Am I getting that right?
I think, I think.
Is there a dragon?
Or is that why I thinkit's something different?
No, that's what I was thinking.
I'm like, I don't know why I'mlike, I know she's got long hair.
(29:59):
She's in a tower, and I think heclimbs up her hair to get to her.
Is there a dragon oram I thinking of Shrek?
I think I'm thinking of Shrek.
But there's just the concept ofa man fighting a dragon to get
to the woman that's chained upor locked up in the tie up tower.
And even with Cinderella, it's like,she was like the princess and he
had to go find, get the shoe to putit on her foot and chase after her.
(30:23):
Regardless of the story, it is the same.
myth.
It is the same.
Like Netflix, sorry to interrupt, but evenin like Netflix shows, it's like the same
all about that girl and the guy falls inlove with the girl and chases the girl.
And actually now it'sa little bit different.
I think about it.
It's about the womenchasing the man, isn't it?
I don't know.
I don't know.
We're not in the dating society.
(30:45):
That's just like what wewere taught to expect.
And that, and to befair, like that is true.
Like I said, women areborn with value, like men.
very much pedestalize women.
Like I don't, you know,boys like their toys.
They want to go out and buy things,but ultimately like, what's the thing
that they would put before any toy?
(31:06):
It's a woman.
So women are born with value.
I think this is the first thing thatwomen don't necessarily understand
about men, which is that men arenot actually born with value.
Necessarily.
They have to create value.
You sent me a really coolpodcast the other day.
Not a podcast, sorry.
It was a YouTube podcast.
clip and it was short, but you werebasically saying, he was saying that,
(31:27):
you know, women came from something theycame from, like Adam and Eve days came
from the man's rib and the man came fromnothingness, like dust from the ground.
Yes.
For anyone that has any biblicalknowledge, if we can reference that,
which I would love to reference,um, in the Bible, it states
that Adam was created from dust.
(31:49):
He was created from nothing.
Adam was then in the Garden ofEden and was somewhat purposeless.
God came along and said, I needto provide you with a woman.
God took the rib from Adam while he wassleeping and created the woman for Adam.
So the woman, Eve, was createdalready with a purpose, which
(32:15):
was to connect with Adam.
Adam was there wanting tothen try and connect with Eve.
But here's the thing, Evedidn't necessarily need Adam.
Adam very much needed Eve,because Eve was created for Adam.
Yeah.
You tracking?
He, she was created for Adam.
(32:37):
Correct.
Yeah.
But Adam was created from nothing.
Yeah.
And if you take away Eve,Adam is back to nothing.
Yeah.
If you take away Adam, Eve, aslong as there's a few other fellas
around, has probably got options.
Or was impregnated by Adamand had her and her baby.
(33:00):
Correct.
And had purpose raising.
Purpose.
That's right.
And this is a important factor to considerabout men, which maybe they haven't
even thought about for themselves, but
women's journey is somewhatlaid out in their biology.
And like, I don't know if you canreally dispute that, like, they're,
(33:21):
they have already these physicalchallenges that they have to
overcome, whether they like it or not.
Like, you have to go throughmenstruation every month.
You have to deal with thephysical discomfort of that.
You have to, if you choose to, give birth.
And go through the extreme.
(33:41):
That hurts.
It really hurts.
Go through the extremephysical discomfort of that.
And by the way, talking about birthstories, I was like, no pain relief.
I want to feel everything.
I've worked hard to grow this baby.
I want to feel it come out.
I regret that now becauseit was very painful.
Um, but yeah, you're so right.
Like it's constant pain and discomfort.
(34:02):
You are subjected to physical brutality.
Yeah.
And here's what's interesting.
Men are not.
Men, if they want to, canstay in their basement.
They can play video games theirentire life and never subject
themselves to any physical brutality.
You know, what's really interestingthough, God created men with a
(34:24):
physical advantage over women.
We can say that we're supposed tobe stronger, faster once we get
ourself developed and trained.
And yet men have the option todevelop themselves physically or to
abandon their physical advantage.
their God given ability andcreate something from themselves.
(34:45):
And this is, I think the, you know,very interesting thing that should be
recognized about men, that they have tostep into their struggle voluntarily.
Women have their strugglelaid out for them.
They don't get a choice.
Whether you like it or not,you are going to bleed.
If you choose to give birth, you aregoing to have to go through that.
(35:05):
Men don't.
They can avoid it.
They can run.
Yeah.
And here's one of the important thingsthat men might not have considered for
themselves, at least I know for, for me.
If you don't take on any physicalbrutality, any physical challenge, if
you don't develop yourself into yourstrength, your God given ability, you
will always be a victim to the flesh.
(35:29):
You're going to be that guy that isseeking only the affection of women,
whether that be digitally or physically.
I don't believe you should bewatching, or whether that be, you
know, always surrendering to the mercyof a woman that they find desirable.
Yeah.
It isn't until you develop thephysical discipline within yourself
(35:49):
that I think you can conquer thetemptations and desires of the flesh.
So if you're a woman listening andyou're in a relationship and your
man isn't, isn't stretching himself,lifting weights, running, whatever
it is, please encourage him to do so.
How does she do that withoutbeing bossy though, right?
Well, this is the thing.
(36:10):
I think if we know that men pedestalizewomen, if they actually were brave
enough to say, you're getting abit out of shape there, buddy.
You don't think he'd take action?
This is the funny thingas well with the feminine.
She won't want to say that becauseshe doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
But maybe he needs that to stepinto himself to find his manhood.
(36:34):
So, just to go back on that, like aman though could never tell a woman,
Oh, you're getting a little bit punchy.
Like, Oh, you tell me.
I like, I'm, I don't know if I'mjust weird, but I would want you to
tell me if you thought I was weird.
Getting out of shape.
I know that's really touchy, but I wouldwant to know if there was something
(36:56):
like, I really want to impress you.
And I always want to be attractiveto you and I want to, I don't
know, do as much as I can in ourrelationship to make it great.
So eating well, being healthy, causeall of it, all of commitment again,
that you displayed so early on.
Yeah, all of that will,will, uh, obviously come
(37:16):
through in the relationship.
Same with you.
Like if you take better care of yourself,you're strong, you know, I feel like
when one person lets themselves go alittle bit, whether that's like then,
you know, I don't know, they quit theirjob or they're eating really crap.
They're sleeping all day long.
If someone's like, I don't know,not in the best head space, it
(37:36):
drags the other person down.
And I feel like you also loseconnection because you want
your values to align as well.
And I feel like when you are healthyand you are like, eating well and taking
care of your spiritual health as well,I feel like that makes for a great
relationship and you're both doing that.
But how would a guy say to his partnerthat she's let herself go without consent?
(38:00):
Without shit hitting the fan.
Is there a way?
Or is it always going to hit the fan?
And should he speak up orshould he not speak up?
It depends.
Does she know?
And is it something she's strugglingwith and needs support in?
I don't think a man shouldever demean a woman and say,
Oh, you need to get in shape.
Like that's awful.
Like especially if she's givenbirth to your children and she's
(38:22):
gained a little weight afterwards.
Like I feel like thereneeds to be grace as well.
100%.
And I feel like the best way that hecould encourage her to take better care
of her health is to be like, you knowwhat, why don't we do this together?
Try that first, like doing bondingactivities together where it's the,
you know, whether it's at the gym or Toinvite her to Eat better, like if you're
(38:44):
eating pizza Because you're trying tohit your calories and you bring home
pizza, she's going to want to eat it too.
Like you, why don't you lead by example?
Ooh.
Uh oh.
True.
Good point.
So instead of coming at herand saying, Hey, listen.
Yeah.
It's time to pull your shit together.
Yeah.
He should lead.
Lead.
Start getting active and inviteher to be a part of that with him.
(39:05):
Exactly.
Don't cut her off from it.
And I think when she also sees youdoing that, she's going to, inevitably
want to do it herself, right?
And if she doesn't, and she's notinterested in it, maybe have a chat
to see what's going on with her.
How are you feeling?
What's going on with you?
What's Is there any way he can help?
Yeah.
Like what's the actual reasons you'renot motivated to maybe get fit?
(39:27):
Maybe she's feeling awful about herself.
Maybe she doesn't know where to start.
Like She needs help.
Yeah.
Help.
Don't just sit there andsay you need to do this.
Get off your fat bum, blah, blah, blah.
It's like Good point.
That's not going to motivate her.
She's going to go screw youand then go eat more food.
Because food makes you feel better.
So this is going back to thefeminine and the masculine.
So the feminine would like to benurtured and be, and be led, let's say.
(39:51):
Whereas I think the guy you couldprobably get away with saying,
listen, it's time to pull it together.
The masculine enjoys beingchallenged to some degree.
He won't like it.
He'll get shitty about it.
Yeah.
But he enjoys being challenged and hewill respond to that most of the time.
Yeah.
But yes, the way in which you communicatethat with a woman would be very different.
And that's where the man will have tohave some of those feminine tendencies
(40:14):
where he'll have to call upon that,to communicate like that, because
that won't be easy for him to do.
Correct.
Yep.
That's something, if you didn't watchthe previous episode, go and do that.
Because getting in touch withthe feminine, your feelings,
as a guy, is very important.
Very important, the masculine and thefeminine, we both need these things.
(40:35):
So, we covered the weakness of theflesh and what to do about that.
The next thing that I spokeabout was that men typically, on
average, work more than women.
Now, obviously, there's a biologicalcomponent there where, um, women are
going to give birth and need timeoff and whatever else, but I think we
could probably agree that, generallyspeaking, Men are willing to work extreme
(40:59):
hours, put themselves in extreme andpossibly, you know, unfavoring positions
to try and prove themselves, right?
To try and make something of themselves.
Why?
Goes back to what we talked aboutbefore, the man in the back of his
mind probably believes he is nothing.
And he does not have a path laid outfor him, so he must choose his path.
(41:21):
And many times, guys will choose work astheir path and become obsessed with that.
And I think this goes back to thestruggle that I think that maybe women
don't necessarily comprehend with men.
Because as we talked about, thewoman has her path laid out for her,
has her physical struggle laid outfor her, has her, you know, earthly
(41:43):
purpose laid out for her if shechooses to give birth to a child.
You know, she's already got that,she's already got that burden
on her, whereas men don't have aburden, they need to go and find
and voluntarily choose that burden.
And when it comes to working, I thinkthe problem with that is that they
then can become so obsessed with that.
And try and want to prove somuch that they are not nothing,
(42:06):
that they then get lost in it.
So, this is a challenge.
This is a challenge I don't think womenfully understand and comprehend about men.
Because often it's seen like, youknow, he's just always working, or
he's just always, you know, doing this.
But ultimately what he's trying to dois trying to make something of himself
so he feels like he is something.
(42:28):
Sorry.
Men will bury themselvesin work to find purpose.
Because men aren't born with a purpose,so they will go out and try and seek it.
And if they don't go and seekit, They have an opportunity
whether they seek it or not.
They can either bury themselves inthe VR, is that what it's called?
VR?
Virtual reality.
And games and avoid it because it'stoo hard and they're not motivated.
(42:53):
No, I don't think that's true.
I think that that's a way thatthey feel like they can conquer.
Oh, right.
Through video games.
That's right.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
If you never, if you don't understand,another thing that women probably don't
understand about men is that boys areoften attracted to video games because
it gives them a sense of accomplishment.
Yeah.
But the, the awful thing aboutit is that there's actually
(43:14):
no risk associated with it.
Yeah.
So there's no honor.
in winning a video game, there'sno like earthly real world
status that comes with that.
So then they truly get lost in thislike virtual reality of nothingness.
Yeah.
Like a fake, literally a fake reality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And nothing more attractive, right?
Than a guy that just plays video games.
(43:35):
I didn't want to say it, but I'lllet you know something about women.
We don't like, we don'tlike, We aren't attracted.
Unless we're into gaming ourselves,we're not really attracted to men
who play video games all day long.
Whoa.
How dare you.
Like, if they want to go and, like,please, I don't like you playing video
games, but like, if they wanted to just doa little bit here and there, that's fine.
(43:55):
But when they're driven by it and it'sall they do, that's like Why don't you
like me playing video games, Stephanie?
Because I want you all to myself.
Wrong.
You want me to live in reality.
I want you to be building, help buildingthe empire and doing our life together.
However, if you is doing that,plus having a little video game
on the side, that would be okay.
(44:15):
Yeah.
As a little release, let's say.
Yeah, you do actually.
You go You go I don't know if I shouldexpose you right now, but you know Can I?
Yeah, you expose me, go on.
You will go to, you know, there'sthese memes about men going
off to the toilet for hours.
This is the, that's like the man's cave.
Yeah, you will take This is wherehe gets away from the chaos.
(44:38):
I will, sometimes we're workingand I still have the earpiece in,
because we're sharing the earpiece.
And then you'll go to the toilet and I'llbe just back in the office and then I hear
this like video game through my headphoneand you're on the toilet playing and I'm
like he's doing this behind my back thisis you're like a closet video player.
(45:01):
Where you do it likein secret in your time.
So yeah, I don't mind that you dothat because you're still building the
empire, but I'm talking about womenwon't find men attractive who are just
hidden in their basements all day long.
Yeah.
Like eating and playing games.
Like it's purposeless.
It is.
It's purposeless because it's not real.
Unless you make a career out ofit and you play professionally.
(45:22):
How many people fall into that category?
Probably not many.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there you go, there's atip for the gamers out there.
Jamie's a closet player.
Yeah, I have a little 20 minuteplay when I get the chance.
A 20 minute toilet break.
Sometimes.
Half the time I don't even thinkyou're going to the toilet, I just
think you're going in there to play.
That's not true.
(45:43):
Come on.
No, that's not true.
That's too far.
Be real.
No, that would be next level.
That's too far.
Um, so to the point that,yes, um, guys have a hard time
establishing their purpose.
Um, and I think for women out therelistening that, um, either have a son
or have a partner that is strugglingwith their purpose, you know, maybe
(46:04):
they've conquered the flesh, the firststruggle that men have to overcome
and they're, you know, they're fit,they're looking after themselves.
Um, but they are getting lost inwork or they're not sure what to do.
They don't have any career aspirations.
Um, geez, how do you guide him?
What's your advice?
How do you guide him through that?
I think that.
You know, first, first thing would besitting down with him and actually helping
(46:27):
him discover what he feels and what hewants to do, what his desires are, because
again, like guys, it comes so easilyto women, but guys don't necessarily,
you know, many guys aren't in tunewith what they feel and what they want.
They were taught, you know, always, um,Um, and you know, rarely do men ever get
(46:50):
asked, you know, what is it that you want?
Because they're always so busy cateringoften, uh, to the women in their life,
as we just spoke about, because theypedestalize them from a very young age.
Um, so if you're in that situation andyour man doesn't really know what he
wants to do, sit him down and say, youknow, what do you want from your life?
In a very non accusive way.
(47:11):
Sorry.
What do you want?
What can I, what can, you know, what is itthat you want to contribute to the world?
Or if he really doesn't know, maybeencourage him and say, You know what, I've
noticed that you're really good at this.
Have you ever thought aboutbuilding a career in this?
(47:31):
Sometimes one thing I learned is guys liketo come up with the idea themselves, but
women just have to like guide them therewithout actually telling them what it is.
Frustrating for you, huh?
Yeah.
It's like, really?
Can we just not like, can we just say it?
Do we have to do this whole like getaround thing so you're not like offended?
(47:52):
If I tell you to do something,like I have this idea.
Nine times out of 10, you don't doit, but if you come up with something
similar by yourself, then you'll do it.
But I gave you the idea somehow,but then you came up on your own
terms of what it would look like.
That's quite different to mine, butkind of the same, but not like, then
(48:13):
you'll be more inspired to do it.
And you do this a lot.
Like, I feel like I've told you so manythings, like all these ideas and not
once have you ever taken any of them on.
And I'm like, these are great ideas,but then it takes a year and then you're
like, yeah, I think we should do this.
And I'm like.
This is the stubbornness ofthe man in the masculine.
He wants to, he wants to conquer himself.
(48:36):
He doesn't, he wants tolead and conquer himself.
We're wasting so much time.
Yeah, but this is, this probably goesinto some, um, tips for women because
I remember, do you remember that movie,um, I think it's my big fat, fat Greg
wedding, um, where the wife's like,um, talking to the, um, I don't know
if it was the daughter or the son.
And she was saying like, um, you know, hemight be the head of the house, but I'm
(48:57):
the neck and the neck will turn the head.
My mother always said thatabout my father, Italian man.
She's always like the neck turns the head.
But then, but then it goes into a scenewhere she doesn't tell him what to do.
She just like says, what about this?
What about that?
And then she almost coerces himinto coming up with the idea himself
when he takes immediate action.
(49:17):
Now that's a skill.
And that's what we have to do.
Otherwise, you're just going, no, no.
You know what's funny?
It would like, there's twotrains of thought I can hear
people thinking already.
First train of thought would be women,like you said before, that's just stupid.
We shouldn't have to do that.
It is exhausting.
It is exhausting.
Believe me, there's some exhaustingthings about women that men
have to deal with as well.
(49:39):
Believe me.
Pay now.
Um, so there would be one trait of awoman that says, that's ridiculous, I'm
not doing that, he can just grow up.
It's like, well, good luck with that.
You know, welcome to the mind of men.
Um, play it out and seehow, see what happens.
Yeah.
And then maybe the more.
established woman might maybebattle with that concept because
they see it as a manipulation.
(50:00):
Yeah.
Um, I don't think thatthat's manipulation at all.
I think that's helping him guide,helping guide him to truth.
Yeah.
Like one beautiful part aboutwomen is their intuitive nature.
Like you often will come to aplace of truth, um, before I
might, because of your nature.
And sometimes I mightnot be ready to accept.
(50:22):
what's happening, um, but you mighthave to sometimes lead me there.
Yeah.
And the way in which youdo that is important.
So funny, like, ever since we've starteddoing this, so many people, um, get
really triggered and offended, like,why should just be able to be me?
And they should just beable to put up with that.
It's like, try that.
(50:43):
Try that in real life ina long term relationship.
Just be you.
Have no consideration about yourpartner and see how it works out.
Sometimes you just need to compromise.
I remember when I, like seconddate, I said to that to you,
like, you know, relationships areabout compromise and you got mad.
You couldn't comprehend that.
Cause I was in that mindset.
I was like, um, no, well, you know, if,if someone loves you, they should just
(51:04):
love you for all of you unconditionally.
They should love you.
every part of you and you shouldn't haveto bend your will to the other person.
What a fucking joke.
That was that same date you weretalking about earlier, where I
also said that in a different one.
That was the first one.
Yeah.
But yes.
And you couldn't comprehend that.
And I knew that what that was becauseI had had kids at this time and I was
(51:25):
like, I know all about compromise.
And you were like, nope.
To be fair, I have some empathy forpeople out there that are under that
belief that your partner should justlove you unconditionally, failing to
realise that we're not speaking aboutyour mother, we're speaking about
your significant other, who does nothave to love you unconditionally.
There's always probably going to besome conditions to that, just like
(51:46):
you will have conditions of them.
You have to have compromise.
in a relationship and kind of workwith the other person, like dance
that you talk about, flowing together.
And unfortunately it can't be like yourway, my way, because you will butt heads.
Sometimes you do just have tolike get to know the person really
well, ask questions, figure outhow they work so that you can flow.
(52:08):
True.
Very true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is not easy to do, but yeah,the longer that you are together, the
more you figure it out really quickly.
Yeah.
I feel like in the first year of yourrelationship, you're so just enjoying
being the best versions of yourselfand it isn't till after you've been
a while together that you start toget a little bit more irritated and
what made you fall in love with himnow irritates you and vice versa.
(52:30):
And, you know, so it'sjust like a matter of like,
Knowing how to bring out thebest in each other and listen to
each other and learn that dance.
Yeah, I think that that very muchstarts with, um, not starts with,
but I think it's important for womento conceptualize the fact that,
um, men are not the same as women.
(52:51):
We have different challenges, um, andmen's path are not laid out for them.
They, they need to discover their path.
Um, obviously women have to discovertheir path as well, but there are some
things that are laid out for them.
Like we said, they are going tobe exposed to physical hardship.
They are going to be exposed, or notexposed, they, they do have a path set
(53:12):
for them inherently with motherhood.
Um, whereas guys get to choose, getto choose how involved they are, if
it's fatherhood, they get to choosehow involved they are with their
physicality and whether or not they'rewilling to develop themselves, um,
and become, you know, a fitter,stronger version of themselves.
Um, but these are the things, and thisis why I think that it's important to
(53:34):
recognize that being a guy is very mucha It's a spiritual battle in the sense
that, you know, they have to learnwhat is true within themselves and
what is true about the world because,you know, there's no, there's no path
that's, that's laid out for them.
They're literally writing thescripture of their life day by day.
(53:56):
Um.
Yeah.
And it's not, definitelynot an easy thing.
And I think that that's often, um, yeah,it's rarely conceptualized or appreciated,
um, from a woman's standpoint.
And how could it be?
Like, there's no, there'srarely ever talked about.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
That's why men suffer in silence too.
And like you were saying earlierwith those stats, like, Men are
(54:18):
more likely to take their own life.
Men are more likely to This is why.
Yep.
Turn, change their gender.
Yep.
You know?
Men are more likely to doIt is a spiritual battle.
Yeah.
They suffer in silence for sure.
To work out how to be a man.
Yeah.
Because it's even funny like the,one of the most commonly Googled
things is like how to be a man.
Like what, what does that even mean?
Is that the most commonly Googled thing?
I made that up.
(54:38):
I'm sure it will be up there.
I know that, I know that I've watchedplenty of those videos because I've
struggled with this exact thing.
Um, because again, it'snot, it's not laid out.
Like it's not, um, anotherlike interesting thing.
I know we're pushing time, but towrap up on is like, there's no,
there's no, There's no milestonethat a man or a boy goes through to
(55:01):
transition him from boyhood to manhood.
Yeah.
Like there's no event.
Maybe some cultures have In tribes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Some, some cultures, tribeswill have certain rituals
that they will put forward.
Maybe they'll go send the young boys offinto the jungle for a week and then they
come back and then they have a ceremonyand they celebrate them now as men.
Yeah.
Whereas in Western culture,that is not a thing.
Whereas for women, You know, oncethey bleed, it's congratulations.
(55:25):
I'm a woman.
You're a woman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whereas for guys, there's no event.
There's no milestone.
And this is, I think, whymany Boys continue to be boys.
So facial hair doesn't count?
I've got a beard!
Many boys will continue tobe boys up until the age of
20, 30, 40, maybe even 50.
Who knows?
(55:46):
Like this is, this is a thing that theyhave to work out and it's definitely,
it's not an easy thing to work out.
And maybe that's something that wecan talk about a little bit more in a
future episode and how to work it out.
how to work that out.
Maybe there's some steps to take, but wehave laid out some steps in this episode.
We just didn't have time today,but we wanted to get this out.
And I think we have, you know,we've brought to the table
(56:09):
some things to think about.
Things to think about, things to consider.
women to consider about men.
They struggle, even thetoughest of men struggle.
And women, you know, sometimesThey might not look like they're
struggling, but they're struggling.
Yeah, they, they do.
And they want love as much asanybody else and acceptance.
And they're just trying hard to findthemselves and it can come across
(56:31):
like they don't care because they'reso hungry to find their purpose.
But, at the end of the day,you know That's their mission.
And our mission is to have familiesand nurture and give birth and I don't
know, not for everyone, but most women,there's that like protection thing.
Don't want to say anythingtoo crazy, but, um, yeah.
(56:54):
So just my advice to youladies at home with your man.
Um, show him a little bit of love andcompassion and what's the word, um, you
always tell me this word, um, Empathy?
No, um, grace.
Oh yeah.
Grace.
A little bit of grace becausehe's still finding his way.
(57:17):
You may be like, you're 40, youshould know what you're doing by now.
Sometimes they just don't, youknow, um, just give them grace and
maybe help him figure that out andhave these conversations because
that's what you're there for.
You're a team, you know?
rise each other up.
Um, but don't, yeah, if he'squiet and he's not talking about
anything, he's thinking a lot.
(57:37):
He's thinking a lot.
People are like, oh, he's a man's man.
He doesn't really care about that stuff.
No, he does.
He does inside.
He just doesn't let you know about it.
That's it.
Yes.
Don't be, don't be afraid tochallenge him, but challenge
him from a loving place.
Not a judgmental place.
The only thing we didn't get toproperly cover of those things that
I read out at the start was the, um,the boys growing up in single parent
(57:58):
households, like without the, withoutthe father around, uh, cause the father
will inherently want to challengethe boy and make sure he does what is
right, not what makes him feel good.
Um, like guys need and want to bechallenged, but the way in which you
do that definitely is uh, is important.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
Yeah.
And I think grace is probably a good word.
Let's challenge with grace.
(58:18):
Yeah.
And help him evolve to becomethe man that ultimately you want
him to be as a woman especially.
Yeah.
Not shame.
Shame is thrown around a lot.
And for any guys listening as well, um,the, the whole, like how to be a guy
space is very confusing and confrontingbecause once you go down that rabbit
(58:39):
hole, you get down a very weird path.
Like guys will be super often, superobnoxious, um, misogynistic, um, there's
not much balance it seems in this space.
Like once you go down that rabbithole, you get to this really extreme
corner of, you know, guys saying youshould treat women like crap and yeah.
And like.
That's not at all what I would considerto be a, the ultimate expression of a
(59:03):
man, like a man is a carer and provider.
This could actually be a part one.
to this episode on men.
I think it needs to be a two part seriesbecause there's so much more to cover.
Um, so let's cap it here at part one.
If you want to hear part two and you'reinterested in part two, please comment
(59:24):
part two below this post on YouTube.
And we will look forward to doing that.
We are going away to Bali next week.
So that's going to, thisweek, sorry, in two days.
What day am I living on?
Um, so when we get back from that, we'lldefinitely shoot a episode, hopefully
with some more wisdom and some more stats.
(59:46):
Yes.
Thank you very much for tuning in.
Like we said at thebeginning, please subscribe.
If you're on YouTube, please follow.
If you're on one of the podcastplatforms, if you found this useful,
please leave a rating and review.
That would be incredibly helpful for us.
We are still aiming forfortnightly episodes on this.
Um, but if we can increase things andif we can gain some traction, who knows?
(01:00:06):
Maybe we might end up doing this weekly.
So we appreciate your support.
We appreciate you tuning in.
And.
And.
We'll catch you on the next episode.
Peace!
I always go, peace!
See you next time.
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