EP 006: Why Is He Always Distant With You? (What Women Need to Know)

Unlocking Men’s Potential: 5 Ways Women Can Build Stronger Relationships with Men

 

In this episode of Life in Depth with Steph & Jamie...

 

We dive deep into what women can do to better support their husbands, boyfriends, or male partners.

 

Steph and Jamie uncover the common missteps women make when trying to motivate men and how these actions can unintentionally backfire.

 

Steph opens up about her personal journey of understanding Jamie’s need for space, how it shaped their relationship, and the lessons she learned along the way.

 

Together, they explore the essential needs of men (praise, space, affection, and intimacy) and provide actionable insights on how women can foster these needs to create a thriving partnership.

 

They also tackle the impact of frequent criticism and threats, offering practical advice for building healthier, more constructive communication.

 

Discover what not to say to a man and why embracing mutual growth can transform your connection into a deeply fulfilling relationship.

 

Tune in to gain powerful tools and insights that can make all the difference in your relationship!

 

——————————

 

Proudly Sponsored by NEXUS NUTRITION

 

If you or your partner are into training...

 

Be sure to check our the Nexus Supplements:

https://nexusnutrition.com/

 

We highly recommend their Protein Water & PER4M Pre-Workout!

 

——————————

 

REFERENCES:

 

1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

 

2. The Hidden Messages in Water by Dr. Masaru Emoto

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Coming up on the Steph and Jamie Podcast.
There are certain things youshouldn't say to a man when trying
to encourage him to do better.
That's part of the burden that I think menhave to carry and one of the reasons why
they try and hide really intense emotionsbecause they don't want to put that on you.
When men are young, theirmothers praise them.
And so men, when they getinto a relationship, expect

(00:21):
the same from their women.
So I understand the desire andwhy you would want to critique.
But at the same time, like you've alsogot to allow him to figure it out on
his own, have the patience for him todevelop himself into that king that
hopefully you believe that he can be.
I don't want to say this is amanipulation tactic, but you can get
him to do what you want him to doif you approach it in the right way.

(00:44):
Oh, if you, this is what womendon't really understand about men.
They have a superpower.
They do have a superpower and theycan get him to do whatever they want
if they've got the right strategyand the right approach about it.
Welcome to Life in Depth withSteph and Jamie, learn What She's
Feeling and What He's Thinking.
Starting now...

(01:05):
So welcome back to another episodeof the Steph and Jamie podcast.
This is number six, six, six.
Can you believe it?
We made it.
We've done a few now.
For anyone that is just joining usfor the first time, whilst it's not
necessary that you see all the previousepisodes, it is a good idea because a

(01:28):
lot of these things that we're talkingabout do stack on top of each other.
Um, there was a few comments lasttime that, you know, thought that we
missed a lot of information, uh, notrealizing that much of the information
that was, Um, said that was missing wasactually covered in previous episodes.
So be sure if you're really committedto this journey with us to try

(01:48):
and watch, uh, all of the episodesand keep up to date on that topic.
Please subscribe.
If you are on YouTube, please followif you are on the podcast channels,
that would be very much appreciated.
And today, Stephanie.
Yes.
We are going to be talking about, Ifeel like it should be about, like last

(02:10):
week we talked about women and theircycles this week I should talk and like
what men shouldn't do basically when awoman's having a cycle and around that
time of the month and feeling vulnerable.
I feel like today we should couple thatwith what not to say to a man, especially
a man that's leading your household andsomeone that you want to take care of you

(02:30):
and, and To have success and get the bestout of, I feel like there are certain things
you shouldn't say to a man when tryingto encourage him to do better, better.
Cause I feel like women will try andencourage him by bringing him down,
saying that you can do it better, whichis actually not encouraging at all.
It does the opposite to whatthe woman is trying to achieve.

(02:54):
And I think there is a lot aroundthis that we can discuss today.
That I've learned the hard way and alsoresearched on and, um, yeah, from my
experiences and probably yours as well inour personal relationship, you can share some
things that I'm happy for you to talk about.
All right.
Sounds good.
Well, for anyone that didn't seethe previous episode, we titled that

(03:15):
this is why she's always mad at you.
And as Steph said, we talked deep intothe hormones that women have to go
through, the hormonal cycle specifically.
And there was a lot of guys that.
We're a little bit unhappy, uh,with how much credit we were
giving, uh, the menstrual cycle.
There was a lot of criticismfrom men saying, well, she should

(03:36):
just be able to pull it together.
Um, she shouldn't be like that nomatter what her hormonal structure is.
And I found that there was a reallack of empathy and understanding.
Uh, from men.
This time we're flipping the switch and we'regoing to talk about the woman's side, because
with every relationship, there is two sides.
It's not just one way.

(03:57):
This time we're talking about what thewomen can do to better cater to the men.
And I feel like we should probably prefacethis for women watching that these tips and
things that we will be talking about are for.
You, if you are in a relationship with aman that is committed to you, if you are
in and a relationship, which is toxic,which is not healthy, uh, then by no means

(04:19):
are we suggesting that you implement ortry and implement, uh, these strategies.
If you are in a position that isn'tfavorable, you have every right to leave,
but for the people that are with, in acommitted relationship with a man that's
trying his best and you are here wantingto try your best and meet him halfway.
Uh, here's some things Iguess that we have learned.

(04:41):
Okay.
But before we get intothat, let's talk Nexus.
I'm so hot in here.
I've been waiting tocrack this cold baby open.
It's like boiling.
It's like 31 degrees here.
But we do have a delicious,uh, refreshing drink.
We did discuss this last time, but wehave just recently, uh, been sponsored
by a company called Nexus Nutrition.

(05:01):
Which is very exciting.
We're a big fan of their products.
This one specificallyis absolutely delicious.
This is my favorite flavor.
It's your favorite because it's caffeinated.
I do love a bit of caffeine.
The drink itself is a protein water.
So yes, it does have a bit of energy, onlya hundred milligrams of natural caffeine.
So like a small coffee, butalso a good hit of protein.

(05:24):
We've got 15.
5 grams of protein per serve andit's just, and it's delicious.
So.
I'm scared to crack mine open because lasttime we had an incident, I had an accident.
I don't drink a lot of fizzies.
I've been drinking these andyou've got me on to Coke now, diet
Coke, sometimes here and there.
And even that I spill it allover myself and I'm hopeless.

(05:48):
But yeah, these guys, hang on, I'mnot, I haven't heard the crack yet.
Oh, go.
Oh yeah.
You actually did that very neatly.
I didn't spill it.
Go me.
Well done.
Cheers.
Cheers very gently.
Cheers.
Yeah.
These drinks are delicious.
And not just this particularproduct, but they've got many
products, which are fantastic.
My other favorite istheir perform pre workout.

(06:10):
Yeah.
I've been using that as well.
And given that it is December, if youare looking as any women out there, uh,
looking for a good present for theirsignificant other, you can't go wrong.
With pre workout.
With pre workout.
If your man is into gym, trust me, performpre workout especially, give it a try.

(06:31):
You won't regret it.
You won't regret it.
And by the way as well, I thinkanyone in Australia that's watching,
uh, you can actually purchase thesedrinks, the ready to go drinks,
um, in either Woolworths or Costco.
So both of those, uh, outlets thatyou can now, uh, shop at in person
or otherwise online nexusnutrition.
com is where you would go to, uh, get anysupplements, whether you're in Australia

(06:53):
or internationally, uh, either way is fine.
So back to our topic of the day,you said that you had some things
that you were going to share.
So where are you going to start?
I'm interested.
We've been together nearly nine years.
Yes.
I feel like the first couple of yearsof your relationship, it's kind of fun.

(07:17):
You're still on cloud nine.
Maybe one to two years, I know we were.
The honeymoon phase.
Yeah.
And we obviously had the kids that youcame into my relationship with me having
two kids and, uh, it wasn't, uh, Wedidn't really get a honeymoon as such.
It was still cloud nine, but not your normal.
We still had responsibilities.
Do you know what I mean?
It wasn't just like easyflowing from the beginning.

(07:38):
It was always a little bit difficult,but I do remember there were a lot of
like happy feelings and you would, if Idid something to irritate you or you did
something to irritate me, it was easyto let go because we were all in love
and you just kind of let things slide.
And then as you move into likeyears three and four, it changes.

(07:59):
And I think.
You know, in your relationship, you kindof, as the years go on, you have to grow
in that and allow for each other's flawsand figure out what it is that irritates
the other person, have more understanding,more patience, learn what ticks them
off, what they respond to, and that allkind of, yeah, that's why relationships

(08:20):
get hard and by that stage, most peopleeither leave or it falls apart or they're
just not in a good place because that's,that's, that's The part of the relationship
after the honeymoon period that reallytakes work and a lot of energy and most
of the time you both have to be doing it.
If one person's doing it, allthe energy and all the fixing and
changing and the other person isn't,it makes it really, really hard.

(08:41):
Um, so if you can both come to a pointwhere you both, I guess, put in the work
and have a general interest in growingyourselves individually and the relationship.
You're unstoppable, really.
And for the people that don't havethe patience and then they leave,
you'll find you'll go to anotherrelationship and after maybe a year

(09:02):
or two you'll have the same issues.
These are the people that like areforever chasing that honeymoon phase and
they go from one relationship to anotherrelationship trying to chase the honeymoon.
It's that feeling, that feeling of, youknow, the sparks and the butterflies.
And because they lose it with someoneinitially after a year or two or
whatever it might be, they think,Oh, well, the relationship's over.

(09:25):
Yeah.
You know, this person can't be right for me.
They can't be the one, but like, you know,what we have found absolutely is that whilst
you know, feelings, hormones, chemicals arealways going to be changing within your body.
That doesn't mean that the relationship'sover, that means that you hit, you know,
a bit of a wall, but if you actuallyhave the courage, patience, and love

(09:47):
to push through that wall, on the otherside of that block is something far more
meaningful and special than just purelythis honeymoon phase of like an influx of,
you know, really chemicals in the body,like a boost of serotonin, dopamine, all
of those happy hormones, Like eventually weget accustomed to each other, that doesn't

(10:08):
mean that that person's not right for you.
If you can get through that phase,then you can unlock some magic.
That's for sure.
Yeah.
So, in the last episode, we talked about,uh, why women are always mad at men, and
given that men have a very difficult timefollowing the hormonal changes, the mood
swings that women inevitably have to face,again, to no fault of their own, this is

(10:31):
just a part of who they are, their biology.
Um, men have a different biologicalmakeup, um, and therefore we often
need and require different approacheswhen relating to each other.
So I think there's a slow movement that'shappening where people are, they're, they're
Um, we're starting to accept now that menand women are in fact quite different.

(10:51):
It was pushed upon, uh, for a long timethat we're the same and there's not many
differences, um, in our relationship.
And if you're in a long term relationshipand especially if you have kids or
even animals, for that matter, We havetwo cats at home, a boy and a girl.
You can see very much the differencebetween the boy cat and the girl cat.
You can see very much the differencebetween our son and our daughter.

(11:15):
You can see very much thedifference between myself and Steph.
We are different.
Just like, funny about the cat.
So I was just thinking about itthen, like Piper, she's the girl cat.
She always goes to Sam, who's very masculine.
Like she wants to go in, cuddlehim and lick him straight away.

(11:36):
She comes over to him like all likefeminine, like I want to cuddle.
She goes to like sniff his head and thenshe like kind of does one lick on his
forehead and then flattens her with onelike side swipe, just takes her down to
the ground and starts biting her stomach.
And they're like, they're friends andthey get along, but he, he doesn't
handle her loving on him very well.
It's funny.
She always wants to cuddle him.

(11:56):
Uh, yeah, get close to him andsleep near him and be around him.
And, uh, he just wants his space.
He just says back off.
Yeah.
Leave me alone.
Yeah.
And they like, they, yeah, like I said,it's not because they don't get along.
He appreciates her and they're alwaysout exploring in the backyard with
each other and they get along, butyeah, but when it comes to like, That
affection, if he doesn't want it.

(12:19):
Yeah, it's just, yeah.
Funny, huh?
Yeah.
It's just, it's interesting seeing, likeyou said, the male and the female dynamics.
Masculine and the feminine.
We've talked about this at length.
I think probably episode two, if youhaven't seen that is a good place to start
where we dive a lot deeper into that.
But yeah, these, these, uh, twoenergies, they're two ways of being.
Uh, the feminine is all aboutrelationships, all about love, nurture,

(12:42):
care, uh, and ultimately feelings.
Um, I think the, the subtitle that, how we'vedescribed this podcast is life in depth, um,
what she's feeling and what he's thinking.
So the feminine feels, whereas the masculineis all about thinking, doing, logic, action.
Um, so these are thosetwo, those two polarities.
But one thing that's very interesting youmentioned with the cats is that Sam, who's

(13:05):
the boy, there's Sam and Piper, uh, Sam,who is the boy, he really likes his space.
He tends to, she's always wanting to getclose to him, uh, and he's always wanting
to at times get close, but also havesome distance, which, um, brings me to
a theory in one of our favorite books.
Um, men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

(13:27):
Mm hmm.
Uh, he called it, the authorcalled it the rubber band effect.
He talked about is a very, uh,common concept, especially with men,
uh, where they tend to pull awaytemporarily only to come back stronger.
And this is incredibly confusing tomany women, especially a feminine woman.
But it comes off as cold and uninterested.

(13:47):
Yeah.
It comes off as cold.
It comes off as disinterested.
It comes off as harsh or even mean.
Yeah.
And like, you might perceive that of,of me saying, Hey, I just, you know.
Um, I need, I need my space for a second.
I need to figure some shit out essentially.
Um, whereas you might be wantingto say, you know, let's, let's come
together and let's work this out.
well, more so because there'sno communication around that.

(14:08):
It's like, what have I done?
Like, why?
I'm nothing.
It's all good.
What have I done?
Like, and then the person on the otherend is like stressing out because
you've just gone cold and pulled away.
And then they like in theirmind thinking what's happening.
Like, is it, are we done?
Like what, whatever.
And it's anxiety provoking.
Yeah.
There is a few reasons for that.
Yeah.
Would you like to share withwomen today why men pull away?

(14:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why do men pull away?
Um, many reasons I thinkdepends on the situation.
So let's go with conflict.
In a time of conflict, uh, guyswill often pull away because they
struggle to contain their emotions.
Like women are very good verballyat expressing themselves.

(14:53):
Men are not.
And when men get heightened Uh, you know,statistically, if you look at the, you know,
prevalence of violence with men and women,like violence is far more common with men.
And I think that men are very awarethat they can't really lean into, uh,
that side of themselves and nor shouldthey, especially in a relationship.

(15:16):
But I think that there, there isa point in time where men need
to get themselves under wraps.
Otherwise they are fearfulthat they might lose control.
Obviously that's.
Never happened to me.
Um, and I'm not condoning that,but that is like a reality.
Like, I think you're foolish tonot consider that as a reality.
Like this is a real thing.
You're, uh, coming at that from saythere was a confrontation and the

(15:42):
male got upset and then he needed amoment and he went away cause he was
worried that he might do something.
It's not just that though.
It's also, uh, A moment to go awayand think in silence without the
woman's voice in his head or just.
I think, yeah, Einstein said thatyou cannot solve a problem in the

(16:03):
same state in which it was created.
So I think men often will be tryingto communicate and with the, you know,
the, just the nature of the feminine,which is quite chaotic by nature.
It's as we've talked about, it's verymultidirectional, you know, first minute
of the conversation you're talkingabout this problem over here, he's
trying to understand and, you know,explain himself about that situation.

(16:27):
And then a few minutes later, now we'reonto this subject and he's like, oh shit.
And then he'll get confused,overwhelmed and often, yeah, the best
thing that he can do is just take aminute, uh, to come back to center.
You do something that makes me really mad.
Do I?
What is it?
When we're having, we're chatting andlike I'm bringing something to you and

(16:47):
then I can feel like it's getting heatedand then I'm like, And then you're
like, we'll talk about this later.
I'm like, no, like, I want to,like, can we talk about this now?
And you're like, and you cut it off.
And then just leave.
Like, you're like, nah,I will come back around.
Nah, nah.
I just need space.
And it is the most frustrating thing.

(17:09):
But I'm, yeah, what you don't realizeis I'm like fighting the urge to scream.
Little healthy screamings.
Men are told that that's not okay.
Men are told that it is not okay to scream.
Uh, they are taught from a very youngage to respect women, to treat them with
care, uh, which I think is a good thing.

(17:32):
But.
in situations where he's trying toexpress himself, um, it is so socially
unacceptable for him to lose his temper.
And given, uh, you know, we can't ignorehistory and ignore the fact that there
has actually been a lot of violence, uh,from men, you know, perpetrating women

(17:54):
historically, like this is a real thing,like a part of the hormonal balance
between men and women is that we have.
10 to 20 times the level of testosterone.
Testosterone is the performanceenhancing, uh, hormone, which is
responsible for libido, but alsoresponsible for our strength, muscle mass.
So naturally, you know, wedo have a level of physical.

(18:16):
Um, superiority specifically around strength.
Yeah.
So if push comes to shove, like I'vegot, you know, I've got 40 kilos
on you as our weight difference.
I lift bro, so don't, don'tthink I can't take ya.
But let's, let's, let's justhold on that for a second.
I know that we've talkedabout that in anger before.

(18:36):
Let's bring it back to point one, whichis give him time and give him space.
So let, if you want the bestout of your man, I think.
When you can see there's conflictor you can see he's, something's
happened at work and he's distantand he doesn't want to talk about it.
Don't push it.
Just give him time.

(18:58):
Just give him time to, to have a momentto think, like let him go into his
cave and, and just sort his own brainout and then come back and maybe ask
again or say, can I help in any way?
Like I'm here to talk to you.
But I think when you're trying to forceit out of someone, when they're not ready
to talk about it, it doesn't end well.
Some, one thing that you do really well.
Uh, well, sometimes I used to be a foursub, by the way, you did, but one thing

(19:21):
you did really well, uh, or have done verywell in the past is if we're in a situation
of conflict and you can see it's not goinganywhere, um, you'll encourage me and
be like, just go to the gym, would you?
Or like get out and go for a walk, um, likeencourage me to go and find some space.
Um, because I'm not actually,uh, necessarily a runner.
Um, I won't say.
Uh, Hey, I need a moment unlessI'm like really feeling myself

(19:44):
get worked up to a point to whereI feel like I'm going to scream.
Uh, and then I know that that'snot going to be productive.
That's going to make you feelincredibly unsafe, um, and probably
diminish your level of trust in me.
And, um, that, that's somethingthat I think like from a woman's
standpoint should be recognized.
It's like, you can yellat me, um, and I'm not.

(20:06):
I might be emotionally threatened,but I'm not physically threatened.
If I start yelling at you aggressively,like you will be emotionally
threatened, but you'll also bephysically threatened to some degree.
Um, and I think that that, that's part ofthe burden that I think men have to carry.
And one of the reasons why they,Uh, try and hide, uh, really intense

(20:27):
emotions such as anger, um, becausethey don't want to put that on you.
Like, I love you.
I don't want you to make me feeluncomfortable, but how could you not
feel uncomfortable if I was screamingat the top of my lungs at you?
Like, that's a very threatening anddangerous situation that I would never
want to put you in, which is a bigpart of the reason why I bite my tongue
and why many other guys do as well.

(20:47):
That's not because they, you know,have a hard time expressing themselves,
they're doing that out of love, care andcompassion for you because they don't
want you to feel unsafe in many times.
That's so funny.
Like later on in our relationship,and especially, especially last year
when we had a really, really hardtime personally, financially, just
everything like fell apart last year.

(21:09):
People wouldn't realize because.
We just show up and weget on with it, don't we?
Like, in public, we don't really let alot of people know what's really going on.
And It's not all sunshine andrainbows, put it that way.
Yeah, last year we had areally, really hard 12 months.
And, um, it got to the pointwhere you were yelling.
Mm.
Um, and not a lot, but we, we bothweren't very good, um, which is

(21:33):
why we're actually here today.
We had, we had to do a lot of selfwork and now we've got a story to tell.
But I remember saying to you, youcan't do that anymore with me.
Like do not yell at me like that again,because it, it triggered in something,
triggered something in me from myown upbringing with my own father
and all the issues that I have there.
And I see you as a bit ofa yeller back in his day.

(21:55):
My dad's an Italian man.
Uh, so he was very hard on us growing up,but, um, I, I noticed in our relationship
that it's, it's something came up inme where it was like this resistance
and I was like, Oh, what is that?
Like something happened inme when you were doing that.
I'm like We went almost eight years, uh,with me, I don't want to say biting my

(22:15):
tongue, but controlling my emotions and lifepushed us to a point or pushed me to a point
where I struggled to control my emotions.
Yeah.
And I wasn't used to it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this is, but this goes back to my pointof like, you know, why he pulls away from
you or why he might be distant from you.
Like, like there's not, it's, it's notlike times before that didn't occur where

(22:36):
I wanted to probably yell, but I was ableto, uh, withstain from that because I, to.
You know, I knew what it would do.
But I also think like when I went throughthat experience with you, it was like, I
don't like the way I felt when you did that.
I don't think that's great for ourrelationship, as you do with me when
I'm carrying on in a way that youdon't think is productive at all.
Um, and we are very lucky that we cancommunicate like that with each other, but I

(23:00):
also think it's, you know, In a relationship,you should put up your boundaries of
what you will and will not tolerate.
Um, and so for me, that was one of them.
I'm like, that makes me feel a certain way.
It brings me up emotions from whenI was younger that I do not like.
And like, it's not makingme feel safe at all.
Like you mentioned earlier.
Um, so yeah, I think like, Put yourboundaries in place with your relationship.

(23:21):
And that, that goes both ways as well.
It's not just one way that you have a,you know, you're going to set a boundary
with me raising my voice successfully.
No, I mean, we're not perfect.
No one's perfect.
But even just to let you know, that'show it makes me feel, makes you a
little bit more self conscious aboutit, which is why you do walk away.
You're like, well, I don'twant to put her through that.
And I am human and I'm angry right now.

(23:41):
One thing, one thing that you told me,uh, is that like, if you're going to do
that, just communicate when you do that.
Um, and what you're doing, like, don't juststorm off, don't say anything and disappear.
Um, like make it known that I hear you.
I, I'm trying to understand whatyou're saying, but I'm feeling
myself lose control a little bit.

(24:02):
And I don't feel like this isgoing to be productive anymore.
I love you, but I need some space right now.
Yeah.
You'd write me a note andthen slip it under the door.
Yeah.
The door would be closed and you'd write mea note saying, I need to go have some time.
I'm not leaving, not leaving you.
It's not over.
I just need to go and go for a drive.
Clear my head.
Yeah.
Then I'm not stressedthat you've suddenly gone.
I don't know where you are andI'm sitting here all vulnerable

(24:22):
and like, what's going on?
There's communication.
There's communication.
And.
By the way, guys, like, I just want tosay that we weren't always like this.
There was a lot of slammingthe door and running out.
This is just what we do now, throughthe years of being together and knowing
each other and trying to be better.
Because We're not perfect andwe're still figuring it out.

(24:45):
But we have found for us personally, whenI was like, it makes me feel abandoned
when you leave, you just slip a noteunder now and for you to even get in
that headspace of like being able towrite something's pretty incredible.
And I don't always expect that of you,but just letting you know that when
communicating that when this happens,it makes me feel just so you know.

(25:06):
You're like, well, I love this girl, soI don't wanna make her feel like that.
And vice versa.
Like, if you're telling me, don'tsay this because it brings up
this in me with all of my power.
When I'm in the worst state of mind,I'm, it's gonna ring through my head.
Whether I act on it or not is anotherquestion, because when you're in a
state, it is hard to, to, to comprehendthose, the expectations of someone else,

(25:28):
especially when you're angry at them.
But it's still.
A part of growing and learning and goingthat extra mile in your relationship and
making it a great one is that communication.
Yeah, and I think this is part of,uh, the reason why we're spending so
much time talking about relationships.
Cause I think like, having, having arelationship, especially a long term

(25:48):
relationship, you are forced to faceall of these things about yourself that.
Uh, you know, you can't actually keephidden or, you know, in the background,
in the shadows, uh, that you can just,you know, hide essentially you can hide
from, uh, you know, your shadows for along time, unless you're around someone
long enough that they just inevitablycome up during situations of stress.

(26:09):
And this is why, like our relationshiphas been without a doubt, the
best tool of growth in my life.
Uh, like I've learned far morebeing with you, uh, than I would
have ever learned being by myself.
Like I know that for a fact.
Um, and like there's so many guys,especially after the last one we did,
when we're talking about some ways thatguys can better, you know, understand

(26:31):
women and navigate their way around that.
So many guys would say like, you know,well, I shouldn't have to do that.
I just give up and just like not evenput in any effort, but you fail to
realize like, if you don't put in anyeffort in understanding this, and if you
don't have the joy of actually having.
a long term relationship, you don't getthe growth that you would otherwise.
And like, there is a lot of growth that youcan get with being with someone and working

(26:54):
through those struggles with, instead of justsaying, oh, well, shit, this is too hard.
I give up.
Like.
Especially when that person'smirroring back to you.
Exactly right.
Like the things that youdon't want to see in yourself.
Exactly.
It is so confronting, uh, and, And reallyfull on, like you've, you've got so much
growth potential that you can have if youactually lean into, uh, some of the hardships

(27:16):
and discomforts that inevitably come witha relationship because no relationship is
like smooth sailing at all times where it'shappy and dandy and we're all just so in
love and like, no matter who you are, Idon't care who you are, you are going to
have some hard times and those hard timeslead to the most incredible growth if.

(27:36):
You can surrender into them, growthrough them, and not run from them.
Yep.
Which so many people do,and it's a real shame.
And when we talk about, you know, menhaving to change themselves around the
woman's cycle, in this episode we'retalking about how women can uplift their
men, um, and get the best out of theirrelationship with him and help him grow.

(27:59):
So he doesn't go silent and treather, you know, like she doesn't exist.
Um, which brings me to point two,by the way, let's keep it rolling.
One of the major things that I struggledwith still to this day and that have
learned is if you want him to be productiveand you want him to have success and
you want him to be motivated, don'tdo it in a way that criticizes him.

(28:26):
Example, you know, we may be building,I don't know, right now we're building a
nutrition service, service at the moment.
And I have all of these ideas.
You have these ideas, I have a differenttime frame to what you have, like
we're, we're struggling to get thisthing done because we're so busy.

(28:49):
Example is I can come at youand be like, this should have
been done like two weeks ago.
What are you doing?
Where are you spending your time?
You should be spending less timeat the gym to get this done.
Like we need to get, do you know what I mean?
Coming from a place of criticism,you're not doing enough.
Where's all the time going?
We should have been doing this.
It's, it's not encouraging toyou, and it doesn't motivate you.

(29:11):
You don't go, oh, oh my gosh, she's right,I better quickly get off my phone, or I
better not go to the gym today just to getthis done and like kill myself doing it.
It's not, it's not, it doesn't, itdoesn't empower you to, to finish it.
So Do you know what'sfunny about that approach?
What?
That approach makes me feel like, well screwyou lady, I'm not even gonna try anymore.

(29:35):
That's like you're, you're speaking, uh,negativity into me that I am not enough.
So why try and prove you otherwise,if you've already made up, you've
already made up your mind about me.
So why try and prove otherwise?
Yeah.
And a lot of women do this witheverything, whether it's the kids, do
you want to take the kids out today?
You don't ever spend time with them.

(29:56):
They miss you and you're always working.
How about, do you want to takethe kids out to the park today?
They would love to spend time with you.
Maybe I can, um, have dinner readyearly for you guys when you come back.
There is such a difference, likein love, like there's something
that you want and that's fine.
And you're, you're conversing that, but thenthe criticism, the motivation in a woman's

(30:16):
eyes that comes afterwards, the frustration.
Then undoes that whole thing.
Now he's like, Oh, great.
Now I have to take the kidsout or she's going to crack it.
And, Oh, I do spend time with them,but now I don't want to, because
she feels like I don't anyway.
Like you just said, it's like, what'sthe point when she doesn't even see
what I do for her or thinks it's enough.

(30:36):
This is where like, there's a thingwith women that's often talked
about, which is the shit test.
The shit.
Shit test.
Like women will always beshit testing their men.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, for a very specific reason, asfar as I understand it, um, a big
part of that reason is like, how,how safe actually am I with this guy?
Like if we know that the primary, one ofthe primary objectives for the feminine

(30:57):
is to feel loved, but also, uh, justas importantly to feel safe and you're
only going to feel safe if you test him.
And if he passes your test, itmeans that, okay, I can actually
lean even more into my feminine.
I can relax even more becauseinherently I am going to be on guard
because I'm somewhat vulnerable.
Um, like there's lots of threats around,so I'm always going to be on guard.

(31:19):
But if I can test you so that I can, youknow, believe in you, then I can just relax.
I can breathe.
So there's a, there's a very specificreason why I think these shit tests happen.
Um, there was something that you said,which was really good just then, which was
instead of saying to him, using your example,you just never spend time with the kids.

(31:39):
I'm going to, I'm going to give you alittle framework here that women can use.
Level one, which is like the pinnaclelevel that I think is worth starting with.
Is instead of saying, you never spendtime with the kids, come at him with a
compliment and say, geez, you're a great dad.
The kids enjoy time with you.
Even, or, or that, even if that's nottrue, maybe you can lean into, Hey,

(32:02):
the kids love spending time with you.
And I think when you do that, that reallylights me up and makes me feel great.
It makes me, and it makes me lookat you in such an adoring way.
Yeah.
Let's just say.
Can I just, by the way,this is the exact point.
About the periods when we were wantingmen to, to act and be a certain
way during that vulnerable time.

(32:24):
This is the flip, this is the other version.
This is the flip side of what we haveto do for you in order to get what
we want as well, which is connectionand love and to have you motivated.
So it's like, it's, uh, it'sa two sided expectation.
Exactly right.
It is.
So let's say that you said that youuse level one approach, uh, with me.

(32:44):
That didn't work.
I didn't get the message.
I'm too busy thinking about other things.
Um, you know, not present.
I, I don't, I don't get it.
It doesn't resonate.
The next thing, instead of, um,you know, coming at me saying,
Hey, you need to go and do this.
Lead with the question, whichis what you said before.
You said like, how wouldyou feel about doing this?
Rather than you should, how wouldyou feel about doing whatever it is

(33:07):
that you're trying to get him to do?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If that doesn't work, level three, Iwould say it would mean a lot to me,
it would, in fact, it would make myday if you could go and do whatever
it is that you're wanting him to do.
But again, a very different energyto just go and do it, idiot.

(33:27):
You can get him, I don't want to saythis is a manipulation tactic, but you
can get him to do what you want him todo if you approach it in the right way.
If you, this is what, this is what women.
Don't really understand about men.
They have a superpower.
They do have a superpower and theycan get him to do whatever they want
if they've got the right strategyand the right approach about it.

(33:50):
The level four was the last one, I'lljust give, it's coming to me now.
The ultimate, if nothing else works.
You make a deal.
Men are logical.
Come to him and you say hey.
If you do this for me, I'll do somethingfor you, whatever that something might be.
You better not be using sexuality asa way to manipulate a man, hunbun.

(34:12):
Yeah.
How could you?
I'll tell you what.
Which brings me to my third point,by the way, I don't think that you
should use things against your man.
Example, say like you do somethingand it's really ticked me off.

(34:32):
And I'm like, I'm so mad at you right now.
And then I withdraw love fromyou and withdraw everything.
So I'm like, I'm not goingto wash your clothes now.
Cause I wash your clothes.
I'm the housey wifey.
I cook and I clean for you and everything.
So imagine if you like, you did somethingand I'm like, I'm not going to cook for
you, I'm not going to clean for you.

(34:53):
And you use, um, thingsagainst him to punish him.
I don't believe.
That is the right thing to do.
If, however, he's done something reallybad, like he's cheated on you, and then
you don't want to do things for him, fine.
I'm talking about like the little thingswhere he's, yeah, where he's ticked
you off for the day, or you've hada disagreement and you're like, nah.
I feel like you should alwayscontinue to just be you and

(35:13):
raise up the concerns with him.
But I think punishment toa man doesn't work well.
Like withdrawing sex or, like I said,affection or as simple as cooking, whatever.
I feel like don't do that.
Definitely.
Don't do that to a man.
Definitely not.
If he's like, it hasn't done, like he's justannoyed you, like it's really not worth.
Which is hard as well, because, uh, I can.

(35:34):
I can empathize with women that they willsee him from their perception doing that.
Like we talked about that rubber band effect.
Like they will, they will see himtemporarily, uh, withdraw himself when he's
in a situation where he just can't see.
Can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
He doesn't know what the answer is.
So temporarily he will withdrawpresence and probably what you

(35:55):
feel is he withdrawing love.
Yeah.
That doesn't mean that he withdrawshis responsibilities to you.
Like I'm sure he still remains committed.
I'm sure he still, Yeah, he's notsaying, Oh, well, I'm, I'm going to
block the bank account from you nowbecause you've been a little so and so.
Yeah.
That's right.
How would you feel if he did that to you?

(36:15):
You'd be livid.
That's right.
Getting more into the stereotypicalroles now of like man, woman, husband,
wife, like the reality is like the, thewife or the woman is going to always.
Control the access, let's say tosex, which is important to men.
Like we can't get around this.
Like we talked, we spent an hour or so lasttime talking about the hormonal differences

(36:39):
with women, like the main hormonal differencebetween men and women that separates
us apart from the fact that you bleedand you go through all these different
things is our increase in testosterone.
And like that, that's a real thing.
Like we can't just dispute that.
Like men will always have a higher drive.
Yeah.
With their libido.
Yeah.
High drive with their sexuality.
And that, that has to be present tosome degree in order to maintain a

(37:04):
healthy balance between each other.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's all credit of you.
Like, you never deny me.
I mean, I never deny you sexy time.
Yeah, that's right.
I think I remember a fewpeople, um, don't remember.
I know a few people were like, thisguy's just simping all over this chick.
Um, yeah, yeah.
They were saying that about me.
Um, and I'm, I thought about it and I'mlike, what even is the definition of simp?

(37:26):
And a definition of a simp is someone thatgives more than he gets back, essentially.
Um, and I have to say, I was like,man, trust me, I'm getting back
just as much as I'm putting out.
And this, this is the balance that like,this is like, we both have, um, we both get
a mutual benefit of being with each otherand like, it's not just a mutual benefit.

(37:49):
It's, it's like a gift, a giftthat we can give each other.
These are just the beautiful aspects of,you know, when men and women come together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's another point I'm goingto make, which is point four.
I didn't say there was like one to fivetips or anything like that, but I'm
just, I'm trying to keep it on track.
Cause I know that you and I just start.
Synergizing and going everywhere.
Um.

(38:11):
I think another really importantthing with what not to do with a man,
especially if you want to get thebest out of him in your relationship,
and this one is so hard, especiallybecause it is based around most likely.
What was demonstrated to you as a child.

(38:33):
And I can speak on myself with this,what I was, what was demonstrated
to me without exposing too much withmy family, but there wasn't a lot
of like safety in the relationship.
And so, um, when it came to us,when things got hard, I would
automatically want to pack up and leave.

(38:54):
And I think the worst thingthat you can threaten to a man.
is I'm done every month on your periodor when things get really hard, but
your intention isn't to leave, butyou're threatening because you've hit
your red point and you're desperate andyou can't, you're frustrated and you,
you'd have nothing else left in the bag.

(39:15):
So you're just like, I'm done.
I think that that does somuch damage to a relationship.
Not only, uh, not, it does, it breaksthe trust and safety that he feels.
When he's with you, because it, it puts acrack in the relationship, like a little

(39:36):
bit of a fracture in, in the, in the groundor what would you call it, the foundation
of the relationship, it fractures it.
And when you repetitively like say,I'm going to leave, I'm going to leave.
Number one, he starts tonot believe you anymore.
It's just a threat.
Number two, that fracturegets bigger and bigger.
And then the foundation of yourrelationship starts to become uncertain.

(39:57):
He doesn't trust you anymore.
And then it also invokes feelingsof, uh, not feeling safe with you.
And I think because of women's hormones,I'm not speaking For everybody, but
just coming from a general understandingof how tough relationships can be.
I know that a lot of women feeldesperate and they call upon
that as their last, like, resort.

(40:20):
And I feel like it is so damaging.
To come back from that, even thoughit's just words and she might be like,
it doesn't matter, like if it givesme, it's creating so much resistance
and tension in the relationship.
And so that's why it's really importantas well that when women feel like
they're hitting their tolerance pointto recognize that before they say
things that they're going to regret.

(40:41):
Because you can't take those things back.
Just like when you saynasty words to your partner,
it, it creates that in him.
So if you're wanting him to besuccessful, run a business, do this,
do that, at the same time, you'rebasically got a hammer and putting little
fracture cracks into his foundations.
He's not going to becomewhat you want him to become.

(41:03):
He's not going to, he's going tostart to believe that he is hopeless.
If you're saying you're hopeless, youdon't do this, you don't get anything done
on time, he's going to start to believethat and then act out those things that
you're basically saying and become thatbecause that's what you're sowing into him.
Um, and it's the same with men, withwomen, and I feel like they've done
studies where they had, I think it was,uh, rice, where they said really awful,

(41:28):
horrible words to this thing and itstarted to create mold and started to
die just from words and speaking over it.
No, it was, it was water.
I think they did it with rice as well.
Was it rice and water?
they put, it was really fascinating.
I've got a book at home, um, wherethey filled up cups much like this and
they, um, would put labels on it, uh,different labels that had different.

(41:50):
We're going a bit spiritual now, buthave different energetic vibrations,
because like, if you say you hate me,or if you say you love me, like, these
are just words, like nothing's changed.
I'm just making noise at you, butlike, I guess this theory is that
there's a, there's an output.
There's not just words, there's anenergetic output or a vibrational

(42:11):
output that comes with those two.
Things, those two feelings, because weare human, we feel, um, and there are
feelings beyond just our five senses.
There are feelings or thereare senses that we cannot see.
And this is one of them.
So they tested the theory, um, and yeah,they would write things on the cups.
One was hate, one was love, uh, and allof these different tests that they ran.

(42:35):
Anyway, they, they left the cup for a coupleof weeks, came back to it, uh, and the
one with love, uh, written on it was like.
Crystal clear, it looked immaculate.
Then they even put it under amicroscope and they could see this
like most beautiful, uh, crystallizedsculpture of the anatomy of the water.
They did the same thing with thecup that said hate, and it was, um.

(42:57):
Yeah.
And it was like, moldy, they put themicroscope on it, it looked like a
little demon, like, and it's, it'sjust so fascinating that the energetic
output, what that can actually doand why those words are so important.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
It's like, stop convincing the other person.
That they have these issues because they'regoing to start seeing it in themselves and

(43:19):
it's going to drag them down and they'regoing to start acting that out because
that's what they, you expect of them andthat's what they expect of themselves.
So it's like lift that person up, evenif they're, even if they're hard work,
like I bet you guys have partners thatjust drive you crazy and you don't want
to because you feel that mad at themand you're just so resistant to them.

(43:41):
Doesn't mean that you can't fix it becauseyou either, you've got two options.
You either leave.
And go find someone better that's bettersuited to you and your values, or you stay
and realize that most humans are the same.
We're all just trying our best and we're allflawed and you work it out with them because
you can have a beautiful relationship andyou can come back from damage that's been

(44:05):
done if you both put in the work and heal.
And I think it really starts with healing.
Starting to lift each other up,instead of tearing each other down
constantly and having that bad, lowvibrating energy surrounding your
relationship and infiltrating your souls.
Well, this is where going back to like thedifference with men and women as well, like
where women need to be particularly carefulbecause we've talked about the feminine

(44:28):
being very expressive with her emotions.
Yes, and believable.
And believable.
Yep.
As well.
Often also in a, in a state mightconflate to certain issues, like there
might be a small thing that happens thattriggers her and it feels really big
and then she makes it sound really big.
And then all of a sudden he's thinking,well, shit, maybe all of these
things she's saying about me is true.

(44:48):
Maybe I, maybe I suck.
Um, when in reality she's just going withher feelings and her flow and she might
just be frustrated and just trying to get,Um, get that feeling off of her, but he
needs to be very careful not to absorb that.
But it's so interesting, like, um,when you, when you get down to the
root cause of like, if you were touse that example of women saying, you
know, I'm just fed up, I want to leave.

(45:08):
Like the root cause, I would assumeas to why she's saying that is
because she doesn't feel safe.
And naturally she doesn't feel safe.
Yeah.
Biologically, like that'syour primary concern.
I'm vulnerable here.
So like you can't take care of me, my body.
You can't give me the lifethat I envisioned for myself.

(45:29):
From a men's standpoint, like their,their vulnerability isn't in their body.
They're not thinking, well, youknow, I've got to be with her.
So she keeps me safe, my physical body.
But what a men crave, what mencrave is the safety of their heart.
Like their emotions.
Yeah.
And when a woman threatens to leave.
Oh!
Oh!

(45:50):
They're breaking his heart.
This is the thing, I think, why womenneed to be so careful with what they say.
Because, that's the pinnacle reason.
Like, men aren't with women.
To be safe, physically.
There with a woman hoping to be safe withtheir vulnerabilities and their heart.
Do you know what's really funny?

(46:10):
You bring it up.
It's not funny, but it's just,it was really eyeopening for me.
My nephew, we were babysitting him theother day and he was putting like little
blocks inside of, This thing and tryingto get them to fit in and, and every
time he did, I would, he's like one and ahalf and I would clap and praise him and
he would look at me and then clap backwith so much excitement, so much joy.

(46:31):
And you're just watching this phenomenon.
And, um, you go to me, do you see that?
I'm like, what?
I'm like, he's cute, huh?
He's like, no.
You're like, do you seewhat's happening right now?
And you said.
When we are young, men are young, theirmothers praise them when they fall over,

(46:52):
they give them affection and pat their, theirsore knee and say, it's okay, it's okay.
And give them so much reassurance and love.
And so much time and energy.
And they're just so gentle withthese little boys as they grow up.
And so men, when they getinto a relationship, expect
the same from their women.
Because that's what theyha that's all they know.
That's what the woman in theirlife, their mothers, gave them.

(47:15):
When, you know, they couldn't dowrong and they were praised the whole
time for everything that they did.
Good job.
Whereas for little girls, they observedtheir mother critique their father
in many cases and they act that outthinking that that's how it should be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Miss bossy in the house.
If the woman wasn't happy, she'dbe voicing it to the husband.
So we grew up watching our mothers bosseveryone around, control everything.

(47:37):
And boys grew up with their mothers sayinghow great they were and when they get
out into the real world in relationships.
And they face criticism.
They think this isn't right.
And the funny thing is, not the, Igotta stop saying the funny thing.
The interesting thing, well, the eyeopening thing to that, the interesting
thing about that is, These boys with theirmother's praise go on to do really good

(47:59):
things because they believe that theycan, because they have that self doubt.
Yeah.
They're like, I can do anything.
I, I, I get praised when I do this andI'm doing a good job and I'm growing
and I'm learning, I'm getting better.
And, and so when a woman, when they get witha woman and the woman's more of a negative
type, the whole world comes crashing down.
And then suddenly they start to believethat they can't do things and that they're

(48:21):
not worthy and that they're hopeless.
And then they become that.
And so.
And that's why I was saying withpoint four, it's like so imperative,
or was it point four or point three?
No, it was point three.
Whatever it was.
It's so important to make sure thatyou are lifting that person up.
Speaking light into him rather than darkness.

(48:42):
Speak light.
And belief.
Belief you can do this because youwill be amazed when he has your
faith in him, what he will do.
In episode four, we talked a littlebit about the, um, Adam and Eve
story and the symbolism behind that.
Um, I, I expanded a little bit more as Iwas running with that story and, and trying

(49:06):
to identify the symbolism of that, um,just for my own interest, curiosity's sake.
And one thing, um, I found out wasthat I always found it interesting
that Adam was created from dust, right?
He was brought into the garden ofEden to look after the garden, right?
So he was put to work as hisprimary objective, but then
there was something missing.

(49:26):
Uh, so God created Eve, but God createdEve differently to how God created Adam.
Adam was created from dust, Evewas created from the rib of Adam.
Now, what's interesting symbolically behindthat, is that the rib, I didn't know this
until recently, the rib is the, one ofthe most regenerative bones in the body.

(49:48):
So symbolically to me, I think that meansthat like Eve is put there to help Adam to
regenerate or revive his energy so he cancontinue thriving in the garden of Eden.
And like going back to our pointhere of like speaking light into him
and the power that comes from that.

(50:09):
Like there is a lot of power.
If there's a king in every guy.
And a fool, you speak to the King,he's more likely to come out.
Yeah.
When you do real good stuff,I'm like, that's King energy.
When you're being a bit of a brat, I'm like,you're being a Prince Jamie, Prince Jamie.
Interesting.
Interesting.
That word brat, because I'llgive another insight, um, with

(50:32):
women and how men perceive this.
Yeah.
Um, whilst, You know, boys oftenget encouraged, not all boys, but
most boys get encouraged by theirmum and praised by their mum.
At some point when he's trying todifferentiate himself and into the world and
create himself and become a man, naturallyhe wants to distance himself from his mother.

(50:52):
Yeah.
Figure it out on his own.
Figure it out on his own.
He wants to be, you know, the tough guy.
He wants to conquer, you know, that that'slike a very masculine type role and a very
natural transition from boyhood to manhood.
So when a partner, a spouse, startsacting like a mother, that will turn

(51:13):
him off and pull him away fasterthan anything else that you can do.
Because naturally, like all guys, likeguys have a desire to feel powerful,
to feel strong, to feel Like lookat the, you know, the little boys,
heroes, like they're superheroes.
They've got their shit together.
So he's got this desire that Iwant to have my shit together.

(51:35):
I want to be in control.
And when you start parenting him, becausemaybe you feel like he's not doing
X or he's not doing Y or whatever itmight be, it pulls him away from you.
So fast and can really damagethe, the intimacy component
of the relationship as well.
Yeah, because he's doing it like a mother.
Yeah, no one wants tosleep with their mother.
Or very few.
You.

(51:57):
Yeah, I know.
But you can see the problem in that.
And I do empathize from a female standpoint.
If like you see, you know, oftenThose critiques come from a place of
A, wanting to feel safe, but also B,wanting him to grow and, and make sure
that he's keeping up with everything.
Um, so I understand the desire and whyyou would want to, you know, critique,

(52:18):
but at the same time, like you've alsogot to allow him to make mistakes, even
if you're watching him make mistakes.
Allow him to make those mistakesand figure it out on his own.
Have the patience for him to develop himselfinto that king that hopefully you believe
that he can be because you picked him.
Mm-hmm . So there's gotta besome degree, something in him.
Yeah.

(52:38):
There's gotta be some degree of somethingwithin you that believes in this guy.
Yeah.
And if you can lean into that, whoknows, maybe he'll just come out.
Yeah.
But if you start parenting him and treatinghim like a child, he's never gonna come out.
Mm-hmm . He'll remain as a boy forever.
So.
Is there anything to bring it topoint five, or was that point five,

(53:00):
don't treat him like he's your son.
Is that point, don't treathim like a child, that five.
Yeah.
And I'll say just expanding onthat, because I know that that
will probably trigger some women.
Um, that also means thathe needs to man up as well.
I'm just saying, giving him,give him the space to do it or a
chance, give him a chance to do it.
But if he continues to.

(53:22):
Uh, you know, proceed in his boy like wayswithout taking responsibility and growing
into his manhood, then maybe you need to havethe conversation with yourself as a woman.
Is this man or boy right for me?
Yeah.
So, you know, if he continues and it'syears on end of him not developing
himself, uh, and you've given him thatchance, then by all means, like you,

(53:44):
you've got free will, you can walk away.
But if you're choosing to bewith him and you believe in him,
then give him a chance to grow.
Yeah.
Is there anything before we end this that youwanna make sure that women need to know about
men, um, that we may have missed out on?
Um, I think that was probably the majors.
You guys are pretty easy, right?

(54:04):
Pretty easy to please feed us, look after us.
, give us space.
Give us space.
Uh, be mindful cuddles,be mindful of our heart.
Speak light into us.
Um, all right, hang on.
You'll find a, have a.
You, drastically differentrelationship with your man.
He's my real right here.

(54:24):
You're real.
Here's what I believe men want.
Tell me.
To be fed, to be cuddled, cuddled slashaffection, slash intimacy, slash intimacy.
And then three, to be left alone.
Time out, man cave.
What was the first one?
To be fed.

(54:44):
No, you're missing one.
Is there another one?
Praise.
Okay.
Here's what, here's what men want.
Yes.
To be praised.
Yes.
To be fed.
Yes.
Intimacy slash cuddles.
Affection.
Affection.
Yes.
And then to be left alone.
Space.

(55:05):
Sorry.
Space.
Is that it?
I think you did pretty good.
I think there's one The way to a man's heart.
I think there is one more thing thatI'll add, and I think this goes for
both men and women, but I think, uh,naturally this probably is more relative
to women than what it is maybe to men.
And then we'll finish on this point.
Okay.
Last point.
Um, you, can I compliment you?

(55:28):
Yeah.
You do a phenomenal job.
With?
Looking incredibly presentable.
Oh, thank you.
And sexy.
I feel like my face is melting off right now.
You put in a lot of effort tomaking sure that you look great.
You're always in some cute outfit.
You've always got your hair nicelydone, your nails done, your makeup done.

(55:50):
You eat with this phenomenal diet thatmost people are not able to follow and
you've done that on for years on end.
You work so hard in the gym.
You, like, put in a lot of effortto making yourself look great.
Great.
Why are we complimenting me?
Because you said, here's what men want.
I think that it shouldn't be ignored, andit's probably a little bit controversial,

(56:13):
but it shouldn't, shouldn't beignored that men are visual creatures.
And when he sees a woman, and by the way,the, the inner giving of all of these other
things that we just talked about is farmore important, I would argue than looks.
But if we were trying to like designthe full package of like what a
woman can bring to make this guy.

(56:35):
Head over heels, like looks are important.
Like dress yourself in a cute outfit,get your nails done, get your hair done.
And also like, even if it's not doing itfor him, like do it for you, like light
up your inner feminine and hopefullythat makes you feel great, but don't
think that he's not watching and don'tthink that he doesn't appreciate it.
And don't think just because hesays, Oh, I like you in anything.

(56:59):
That it doesn't mean anything whenyou dress up and look fantastic.
Like when he sees you in a nice dressor he sees you, you know, done up to the
nines, like a whole new man comes out anda whole new, you know, energy comes out
about you and you do a great job with that.
Ladies, you can do this low budget.
You can get stick onnails that came up for 5.

(57:19):
You can go to the op shop and geta real nice dress, some 4 shoes.
There's, there are ways tolike, just give a bit of a zazz
without like, Blowing the budget.
Yeah, blowing his budgetor your budget or whatever.
Um, but yeah, I think self care is good.
I think, yeah, smell good,wash your hair, wash your face.
And it goes both ways.
Like women don't want to datea, or be with a fat slob either.

(57:41):
Um, so it definitely goes bothways, but I think we know that
men are very visual creatures.
Like one statistic I was going toshare was like, we think if we're
thinking sexually and relationally, likepornography, 80 percent is consumed by men.
Visual pornography.
Mm hmm.
Um, that's not probably a surprise tomany people, but what's interesting
is, uh, literal pornography.

(58:03):
Books.
Yes.
How much do you think isconsumed by women versus men?
A lot.
The actual statistic, I wrote it down, Igot it from somewhere, 84 percent of exotic
novels were purchased by women, right?
So the point of that is that womenare very concerned with the, the
story and who the guy is as a person.

(58:24):
Um, and like the inner strength that hehas, his looks are relevant, um, but him
as a person and as a man is far superiorfrom the female standpoint, correct me
if I'm wrong, than what his looks are.
Whereas, you know, for men, it dependswhat age you are, but for men, the visuals
are a component that shouldn't be ignored.

(58:46):
But even to couple that with the visuals.
It's also a representation that if shelooks after herself, she's going to
look after his babies in the house.
Oh, good point.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, he's going to go, okay, well, I can seethat she works really hard to put effort in.
Which is a crossover for other things.
Um, so I guess that's for single peoplewhen they're trying to attract a mate, like

(59:11):
just be, you know, if you want to attractsomeone amazing, you have to be an amazing
and to attract an amazing, like that energythat you put out, you will receive back.
Otherwise that's a whole nother dating.
There's a whole nother thing.
There's a quote that came to mind,which was, um, I think it was how you
do one thing is how you do everything.
Yeah.
So like, if you're putting in, youknow, little effort into yourself,

(59:31):
then what are the chances you'regoing to put in much effort into
the relationship or into your kids?
If you're, you've got a, you know,someone gets into your car and
there's McDonald's all over the floor.
Yeah.
High chances your house is dirty too.
Yeah.
High chances your personalhygiene is dirty too.
Yeah.
Um, sorry.
Hygiene's like my thing.
I, I love good smells.

(59:53):
I like a nice smelling house.
Nice smelling man.
I like to, I'm, I drenchmyself in nice smells.
Um, yeah, it's a thing.
That's a heightened thing.
We should talk about datingfor singles next time.
I think like that's really important.
Cool.
It would be interesting to know.
Maybe we can open up.
A chance for the listener.
Okay.
Drop a comment.
Comment below what we've,we've kind of bounced between.

(01:00:15):
Some ideas for men, some ideas forwomen and bounce between the two.
But what is it that you think wouldbe a value for you and your current
circumstance, whether you're in arelationship or whether you're single,
what would you like to know next?
We are so open to ideas.
Um, we could obviously keep talking, uh,you know, forever, um, but it would be,
we want to be of value and of service.

(01:00:36):
We so appreciate you being hereand listening, especially if you're
still listening to this, howeverlong we've been ranting on for.
It does.
Yeah.
Well, it does mean the world to us.
Um, this is a very new thing to us still.
We're only six episodes deep and we've stillgot a lot more to say, but like I said, we
do want to be of value and service to you.
So please let us know how we canhelp, um, and what you're interested.

(01:00:59):
in knowing and we can share someof our experiences and some of
the things that have helped us andhopefully they can also help you.
And another big thanks to Nexusfor sponsoring today's video.
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(01:01:46):
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Make sure you train for 2025and get your health right.
Other than that, thank you for watching guys.
Thank you for watching until next time.

(01:02:09):
Peace out.
Peace out.