EP 007: How to Attract Your Dream Relationship in 2025

Finding Love in 2025: Self-Improvement and Authentic Connection

 

In this episode of Life in Depth with Steph & Jamie...

 

We dive deep into the keys to attracting your perfect partner in 2025.

 

We discuss the importance of focusing on self-improvement, developing confidence, and being authentic while looking for love.

 

Through personal stories and valuable insights, we explore how to break the cycle of failed relationships by creating meaningful change.

 

Join us as we talk about balancing masculine and feminine energies, cultivating presence, and understanding the importance of spiritual and emotional connection.

 

Whether you're single or in a relationship, this episode has valuable advice for you!

 

——————————

 

Proudly Sponsored by NEXUS NUTRITION

 

If you or your partner are into training...

 

Be sure to check our the Nexus Supplements:

https://nexusnutrition.com/ 

 

We highly recommend their Protein Water & PER4M Pre-Workout!

 

——————————

 

KEY TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 - Sneak Peek Inside This Episode

1:04 - Don’t Hope for Change in the New Year - Make It Happen!

4:12 - Introduction: About This Episode

4:38 - Story: Man Searching Outside Instead of Inside

5:37 - The Importance of Inner Work for Attraction

6:43 - The More You Search - The Further Away It Gets

7:50 - The Pressure of “The Biological Clock” for Women

8:57 - Focus on What You Can Control (Not What You Can’t)

9:27 - The Importance of Letting Go

12:06 - Cultivating the Faith Required to Let Go

14:08 - Quick Recap of Our Story

14:55 - Accept Being By Yourself

15:40 - The Concept of Manifestation & Attraction

16:49 - Desire Without Desperation

17:42 - Putting the Action into the Law of Attraction

20:00 - How to Become Attractive

21:46 - Attraction Tips for Women

22:45 - Attraction Tips for Men

25:45 - Importance of Self Acceptance for Men

28:09 - Women Sense When Men are “Hiding Things”

28:44 - Don’t Be Fake (Be Authentically You)

29:56 - Sponsorship: Nexus Supplements

32:42 - The Power of Presence for Men

34:19 - Energy Projection & Vibration Energetics

35:16 - Energy Trumps Looks

37:10 - The Map of Consciousness (Demystifying the “Woo-Woo” Behind Energetics)

39:07 - How Steph Introduced Herself to Jamie

41:24 - Ladies, Don’t Be Afraid to Introduce Yourself!

42:44 - Flirtation vs Seduction (Tips for Women)

46:34 - Cultivating the Confidence to Introduce Yourself

47:20 - “Hitch-Like” Ideas

49:34 - Why “Good Guys” Don’t Get a Chance

50:21 - How Men Can Overcome Rejection

51:58 - The Problem with Online Dating

55:26 - Mind-blowing Statistics About Online Dating

58:26 - Make the Effort to Get Out!

1:01:23 - Exercise: Write a Description Of Your Dream Partner

1:02:18 - Steph Wrote About “Him”

1:04:53 - Go for the Heart First

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Coming up on the Steph and Jamie podcast.
The year is 2025 and there'll bemany people out there that are
looking to start a new relationship.
We live in a world where menare timid, women are too afraid.
More and more people don'teven look at each other.
They stay in their own lane.
What did you think from a male's perspectivewith that high energy and just putting myself
out there so freely and being free in myself?

(00:22):
What was your thoughts on that?
I was like, yeah, sheintroduced herself to me.
He's like, what?
That just doesn't happen.
There's a difference between being areal flirt and then carrying yourself
like a woman and being confident.
Ladies, this is what I'm saying.
It doesn't make you a bad person to goup to someone and introduce yourself.
You don't have to be a flirt.

(00:43):
Just be confident and belike, Hey, I am approachable.
There's one thing I feel like a man mustobtain in order to be attractive to women.
And it's not what you think.
Welcome to the Steph and Jamie podcast.
By the time this video or podcastgets released, it will be 2025.

(01:09):
Yes.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year to you, Stephanie.
And happy new episode.
New year, new you, right?
That's what they say.
That's what they say.
I feel like that's a sham.
Well, for some people, I thinksome people might be able to turn
it around, give them some hope.
It's all good and well to hope,but make plans and stick to them.

(01:30):
Like if you have a desire to havethe best year of your life and do
things differently, actually dothings differently and stick to it.
Don't just like make plans andthen not even put in the effort.
Well, today we're supposed to betalking about, uh, how single people
might be able to attract theirperfect mate, their perfect partner.
Um, So the goals for the singles thisyear is to find their perfect mate.

(01:52):
Well for many people that will be their goal.
You have to completely go in theopposite direction as you were.
There's a saying that goes, somethingabout banging your head on the wall
and expecting a different result.
The definition of insanity is doingthe same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result.
Exactly.

(02:13):
So I think my hesitation withthese new year goals is like, stop
doing the same thing over and over.
Yeah.
I bet you, you had the same plans for newyears of 2024 and then it dropped off.
What can you do differently this year thatactually puts you on a trajectory for change?
So hope is not lost, but if you are goingto expect the change, you need to change.

(02:36):
Change creates change.
And it's hope plus action.
That's what I think it is.
Sometimes hope seems so airy fairyand hope, hope is like motivation.
It's like a feeling within, but then ifyou do nothing to accompany it, it's just
a feeling of like, ah, things will change.
But yes, things will change.

(02:58):
if you put things in action, youactually follow through and you're
accountable for yourself and youback yourself in your decisions.
You don't need your mum's permission.
You don't need, you know, a group of15, 000 people following your journey.
Just back yourself.
And I think, I think when youdo that, It changes who you are.

(03:18):
You start respecting yourself,which means you, you know, you
put yourself more out there.
You see change and then you keep goingand it keeps rolling over from there.
But you do have to backyourself when no one else will.
That is one thing I did learn in 2024.
Don't expect that.
Things to change without putting inthe work and don't, if people aren't
supporting you, you don't need theirsupport, you, you support yourself, you

(03:41):
believe in yourself and then if you backyou, you can't be disappointed because
you're not relying on anything for thatmotivation or that hope that you just
talked about, you're backing you for it.
and you're accountable to yourself for it.
So my, my gift and my wisdom to youis 2025 be the year of action and

(04:02):
be the year of backing yourself.
Yeah, definitely.
So relating.
Wow, that sugar really kicked in.
I know I got the motivation coming out now.
Yes, Lee.
So the year is 2025.
And there will be many people out there thatare looking to start a new relationship.
And there are many people that will bemaybe frustrated at previous relationships

(04:25):
and feeling like they keep ending up inthe same position over and over again.
And what you're saying is that weneed to create some type of change
in order to create the change in yourrelationships that it is that you want.
Yes.
And there was a, there was an interestingstory I was going to start this
episode with, if you bear with me.
Mm hmm.
It's a very short one.

(04:45):
Don't worry.
Uh, it's a story I first heard byWayne Dyer and the story goes something
along the like of, there was a man onetime who lost his keys, uh, inside his
house and all of the lights went out.
The power went out.
He, uh, looked around for alittle while, but he couldn't find
it because it was pitch black.

(05:05):
And then he had this really great ideabecause he saw out the, um, out the
window that the streetlight was still on.
And he thought, well, it's light outthere and it's dark in here, maybe
I'll be able to see if I go out there.
So he goes out into the streetand looks around for his keys
and obviously they're not there.
A neighbour walks by and says, youknow, can I help you find your keys?
Sure, sure.
They bend down and they start lookingall over the place and then the

(05:27):
neighbour gets frustrated and says,are you sure you dropped them out here?
And he said, no, I dropped them inside.
And the neighbor is confused andsaid, why are we looking at here?
And he said, well, it's lightout here and it's dark in there.
And when it comes to how that relates,I guess, to singles from my perspective
is that people often seek thesolution outside of themselves rather
than looking inside of themselves.

(05:48):
People seek, uh, You know, the brightshiny object that they think is going to
be the person that's going to make themfeel better without actually going inside
themselves and doing the deep work that isnecessary in order to attract the person
that really will make them feel great.
And I think that that was oneof the things that we definitely
did when we first got together.
We've been together nearly nine years now.

(06:10):
And if we relate back to that story, wedid do our very first podcast on that
exact story, um, and elaborated on that.
But if we touch back to our story and howthat might relate and help to the singles out
there, I remember a few things that I did.
I premeditated and got myselfprepared for what I thought someone

(06:30):
like you would be attracted to.
Rather than trying to go outthere and find you, I was trying
to get myself prepared for you.
And I think from memory, hedid something somewhat similar.
I did.
I was searching for a husband.
I had left a husband.

(06:51):
I left a marriage that I had mytwo children to, my ex husband.
I got married very, very, very young and,uh, just to my second boyfriend ever.
Um, and Obviously, there was a lot ofreligious things around that and, um, being
so young and parents influence and things.

(07:11):
And I just, yeah, I definitely wasn'tready to get married, but we did and we
tried to make it work at our children.
Anyway, that fell apart.
And then.
I was like, okay, I need a husband.
I need a husband.
I need to replace this person.
I don't want to be alone.
And the more I searched, the further itgot from me, the more I would look at
every single male as a potential husband.

(07:33):
Gee, pressure much for any guy.
So I just got to a point where I just gotsick of being let down and trying to search.
I didn't go on apps oranything like that at all.
I was talking about when I say searchingfor a husband, it's like every time I
had a conversation with a male in the gymor anything, I'd be like, is this him?
Is that the one?

(07:53):
Which I don't think, you definitelywouldn't be alone in that.
I don't think many out there wouldbe thinking the same sort of thing.
And the worst part is, we get like that.
because of the clock that we're on?
There's just, there's definitely,uh, more pressure for women.
There is a clock and especiallyif you're going to try and
settle down and have a family.
Exactly.
You can't put it off until 50.

(08:14):
Exactly.
You might have missed the chance.
Exactly.
Because biologically mendon't have that same pressure.
Yeah, you can keep having kidsfor the rest of your life.
So as we age, for us, there is more pressureto quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, you
know, find a husband, quickly have kids.
Um, so yeah, and it becomes harder.
When we got together, you were, uh, 28.

(08:36):
So you were, you were still quite young.
Yeah.
Very young.
And I think, um, we're, we're going totry and, uh, share some insights from our
journey and share some tips, uh, for singlesto try and attract, uh, the perfect mate.
And by the way, For anyone that's ina relationship watching this, this
episode is still, I think, goingto be very much relevant to you.
Um, as I just tried to demonstratewith that story, I think the, the

(08:59):
thing that needs to be the focuson is you rather than the person.
Um, there are a few external factors,things that we cannot change.
Um, you just alluded to age for women.
Um, a common one for men is height.
Okay.
So these are two, um, things that are outsideof our control, but if we focus on the things
that we can control and the things that wecan do to attract that right mate, then, um,

(09:21):
hopefully these are some of the things thatwe can apply, uh, to our, our dating journey.
Um, but yeah, we gottogether when you were 28.
But going back to that story though, itwas, I, I attracted you when I let that
pressure go that I had on my, for myself.
I was just like, I am just goingto be the best mom that I can.

(09:42):
And I am just going to enjoy just beinghappy, enjoy time with them, enjoy my
job, which I was working for you at StrongGeelong at the time as a personal trainer,
enjoy my girls, my, that I'm training.
And when I really letthat go and just, I guess.
Focused back on you.
Well, focused on me, but also justsat in it and felt content in it.

(10:06):
and went, this is okay, I feel okay and I'mgoing to be okay if this is just all I have.
The moment that I did that and completelylet go, and now I'm not talking about a Let
go in your mind, because anyone can do that.
Yeah, I'm over it.
Whatever.
I'm moving on.
No, I'm talking about like a fullylet go in your soul and your heart

(10:26):
where you actually feel the presenceof letting go and, and you actually
have not just in your mind, but within.
And when I did that, that's whenyou and I sparked up pretty quickly.
Can you share the moment that that happened?
Cause I know that there was amoment if you're so willing.
What do you mean?
Which moment?
You said that, um, before we got together,there was a moment on the bathroom floor.

(10:50):
Oh, so, so I am very faith filled.
I am a Christian, been a Christian mywhole entire life, believe in having a
relationship with God, and I, I rememberthat moment that I, like, let go, I remember
putting the kids to bed and I was exhaustedbecause I was just running from my job

(11:10):
to daycare to this to just running aroundto bath time to just being a single mum.
It was really hard.
Because at the time, um, my kids were quiteyoung and one of my, my boy had autism.
My daughter had diagnosed ADD as well.
So the two of them at that age wereabsolute chaos, just craziness.

(11:33):
And I just felt like I was run off my feet.
Anyway, I remember putting them to bedone night, absolutely exhausted, and I
dropped on the floor in my bathroom andI just started crying, just like crying.
Like, You know that wrenching cryingwhere you just feel like your whole
body's just tight and you just, yeah,I just remember being so broken.

(11:56):
So you're, so you're on the bathroomand you had a moment where you're
willing to let everything go.
Obviously what, what you were doingwasn't working at the time, uh, and that
was when you decided to make a switch.
Yeah, so I was on the bathroom floorand I was just crying and then I
just like prayed and I was justlike, God, like I give it all to you.

(12:16):
Like I trust, you know, inmy heart that I want someone
amazing and you know what I want.
And I just felt like for me to move onand let go that I just had to focus on
the being the best version of myself.
So the next day, like I woke up,I'd given it to God and there's a
saying called let go and let God.
So I was like, I'm going to let go of this.

(12:38):
He knows my heart.
I'm going to put it out there and I'mjust going to be the best version of me.
I woke up the next day, I was likelistening to podcasts, listening to
preaching, just feeling my cup back up.
Investing in yourself.
Yeah, my cup was empty.
And how can you you know, give yourselfto someone else when you're already
empty and you have nothing to give.

(12:58):
Can't give what you don't have.
Exactly.
So I was just filling my cup back upagain with like personal, um, growth
podcasts, with spiritual podcasts.
And, uh, My sister's calling me.
I know you told me to put myphone on silent, but anyway.
Um, yeah.
And I just felt so fulfilled andI went to work the next day, just

(13:21):
feeling just like a new woman.
And yeah, I think that when I really just letgo and filled my cup back up, that's when.
Things changed rapidly for me.
What's interesting about that was youwere still quite young, you're only 28,
but you did have two, uh, I don't wantto say special needs kids, but kids
that were slightly more high maintenancethan most and many women listening that

(13:43):
might be in a similar position might beterrified, I would imagine, uh, to let go
and just, uh, let it be because, you know,there might be a notion in their mind of.
One of them might think, you know, I,I must get someone, uh, sooner rather
than later, but when that happened andwhen you did have that moment of just

(14:03):
completely, you know, allowing thingsto be, we kind of drew closer to each
other and we actually knew each other.
For anyone that didn't watch the firstepisode where we described how we did get
together, we knew each other for a few years.
I think it was four or fiveyears before we actually began
romantically seeing each other.
And it was interesting, like previously,like whilst I found you very attractive,

(14:27):
um, there wasn't, there was neveran opportunity where we could have
meshed and started a relationship.
Um, we were both, you know, on and offwith previous relationships ourselves.
Um, but in that moment, I was alsojust coming out of a relationship
that was a lovely girl, but wasn't,um, wasn't working for me either.
We both had past relationships and clearlywe were doing something that wasn't working.

(14:50):
It wasn't the bond or the type ofrelationship that we shared today.
And I think a big part of that reasonwas because we were trying to, as you
said, um, you know, fill our cup withsomeone else when our cup wasn't full
in the first place to begin with.
Yeah, I was willing to, to kind ofsettle for someone that wasn't for me
just because I didn't want to be lonely.
Yeah.

(15:10):
So I was like, I would ratherhave this person than be alone.
And I think when you really face your fears,especially if yours is being alone and say
to yourself, I'm okay with being alone.
Yeah.
I'm going to be okaysitting here for a while.
Which is so paradoxical becauselike, again, you think I'm, well,
I'm single and I would like a person.
Yeah.

(15:30):
And it seems so counterintuitiveto think, well, no, I'm going
to actually let that need go.
And then that will actually bethe thing that draws someone in.
But it turns out, like, we hada similar sort of experience.
Yeah.
It's like manifestation though.
Like, if you're fearful of something,not having something, it's basically
telling the universe that you don'thave it because you're fearful of it.

(15:52):
So it pushes it further away.
Whereas if you're like, I am fine as I am,and this is nice and I will have someone
and it will come in the right time, it'slike you're letting it flow and you're
saying to the universe that, oh God, that.
I already know that this is coming.
It's just a matter of time.

(16:12):
And I believe that because I believe,I believe that God knows my heart.
I think the big thing is just like,like attracts like, and therefore
desperate attracts desperate.
And then when you come at someone or youbegin a relationship with that desperate
type energy, uh, often what happens is youfind a desperate codependent type person

(16:32):
who's Uh, that you end up just clashing withand um, going back to that story that we,
uh, spoke about at the start, like this iswhy it's so important to first focus on you
because you have to get to a certain placeof self fulfillment to be able to say, you
know what, I don't need this relationship.
I want this relationship,but I don't need it.
I am okay with who I am.

(16:54):
And if someone is able to come intomy life, then we will make it magical.
And I would love to share my life with thatperson, but I don't desperately need to
grab onto them and bring them in because itcreates such toxicity between both of you.
And as I said, desperate attractsdesperate and no one, you
know, no one likes that energy.
That's a lot to, that's a lot to carry.

(17:16):
Yeah.
A good analogy is like,like you bought Trump.
Put a key into a hole, right?
Sometimes the key will fit intothe hole, but then it won't turn.
It's like you might find someone ina desperate state and put the key in
and force it to try and turn, but nomatter what you do, it just won't spin.
Whereas when you find the right keyand you're in the right place and
it connects together, then it turnseffortlessly and unlocks the lock.

(17:38):
And I think you have to be thelock willing to fit the key in
order for that to kind of occur.
Yeah.
So when I had a bit of a differentexperience to what you had, um, I
didn't just say I want to let go.
Um, I had a more of an action orientatedtype approach to attracting you.
Um, I thought to myself, you know,there's a specific type of woman that,

(18:00):
that I want to attract into my life.
And we knew each other and wewere friendly, um, but I wasn't
necessarily set on pursuing you, but Idefinitely found you very attractive.
And I thought that the idea of you wassomething that I would like to have.
And I thought to myself, or I askedmyself, what is it that someone, if we
use you as an example, what is it thatsomeone like Steph would be attracted to?

(18:22):
You know, someone that is, um,gorgeous, someone that is fit, someone
that, um, you know, has ambition.
Like who would I have to become inorder to be attractive to that person?
And at the time I was, uh,I was pretty out of shape.
I wasn't, uh, doing, uh, as much as Icould in terms of taking care of myself.

(18:42):
Um, and I flipped it.
I flipped everything.
I said, you know what?
Um, it's time to pull my shit togetherand time to focus on creating the
best version of myself because.
naturally, I just assumed if I couldbecome the best version of myself, then
I must attract the best version of thepotential partner that I want into my life.
Um, and we had a similar sort ofapproach when you focused on yourself

(19:05):
and you're focused on improvingyourself as a person and a mother.
I was focused on improving myselfas a man and as an individual.
Uh, that was when we just naturally.
connected at that point.
And then after some discussion, which we'lltalk about a bit more in part two, um, of
this video of how we sort of might, you know,some questions that might be worth asking
before you get super serious with someone.

(19:27):
Uh, but we, we connected andwe felt like it was right.
Yeah, I think we connected when we foundout that our values were very similar.
They did.
Our values ended up aligning, which we'lltalk about in our next episode, I think.
Yes.
How to actually communicate those valuesand find out someone's values so that
you don't end up with the wrong person.

(19:47):
I think right now, now that we've talkedabout a little bit about our journey,
why don't we discuss our journey?
Some of the ways that anindividual can make themselves more
attractive to a potential partner.
Some key pointers to help people actually dothis for 2025 is all well, good and well to
tell our story, but we want the key points.

(20:08):
Tell us how to do it.
You tell me, Stephanie, what are, whatare women looking for in men today?
What can they do to improvethemselves, uh, to become a more
attractive version of themselves?
Well, I'm going to use my sister as anexample in this story because she's,
she's a perfect example because shealways says, I want him to look like this.

(20:31):
I want him to be into the gymand I want him to be X, Y, and Z.
Like really super nice.
Um, but really masculine.
I'm like, okay, Katie, well,sorry, I said her name.
Her name's Katie, guys.
Currently single.
Currently single.
Um, anyway, so she, I said,well, are you going to the gym?

(20:53):
She's like, no.
I'm like, okay, well, are you inyour, like, are you in your feminine?
Do you think you're super feminine?
She's like, nah, not really.
To attract the masculine.
Yeah, to attract a masculine, right?
Her equal opposite.
Nah, not really.
Because she's a single mum, right?
So it's very hard for her to be setin her feminine when she's having
to be everything and everyone.
And I'm like, do you think thatyou're empathetic and kind?

(21:17):
Or do you reckon you don'thave much patience for anyone?
And she's like, yeah, I'mpretty low on patience.
I'm like, okay, well, it's going tobe very hard for you to attract this
dream man when you're not what he needs.
And I think what you were trying to saybefore is like, who do you have to be in
order to attract what you are looking for?
Going back to that story we talkedabout at the beginning, she's

(21:39):
looking outside under the streetlamp.
Yeah.
And the keys are inside.
Yeah.
I'm like, you need to changeyourself to attract him.
So if you want a super masculine,you need to become more feminine.
If you want someone who's really fit andinterested in the gym and health, you need
to be interested in the gym and health.
no doubt he'll be looking for someonewho is interested in health and

(22:00):
fitness because it's important to him.
Because he's going to want a lifepartner who wants to be fit and train
with him and do things with him.
Um, so, and I know that that would rufflea lot of feathers because some girls might
be like, well, I shouldn't have to do that.
I just, he should just love me for me.
Is it working out for you?
Uh, and you know what?

(22:22):
There's a lot of truth to that as well.
Like sometimes with yourpersonality, there might be.
things that he doesn't like thatattracted him to you in the first place
and he should love you for those things.
There are things that he should just loveyou for and be patient with and there's
also things that you need to be lovable.
Um, you're, you're almost describing,uh, the, what the, what the women can

(22:43):
do and how they can change themselves.
Yeah.
But the original question, Ithought that's what you asked me.
No, I asked you what can men do?
They're going to make themselvesmore appealing, uh, to women.
Okay.
What would you be looking for?
If you were single in the year of 2025,which you're not, but if you were, what
would it be that you would be looking for?
What would you encourage men todo in order to, you know, make

(23:03):
themselves more appealing to women?
Masculine is great.
Masculine energy.
Yeah, but an authority, like standingtall in a room, like chest up.
So confidence.
Confident.
So work on your confidence, men.
Being.
in shape because the strongeryou look, the more we're going

(23:24):
to think that you can protect us.
It's not just about, hey,he's fit, got a good body.
There's something biologically,is that the word I'm looking for?
There's a biological desire becausewomen are apparently more vulnerable.
Yes.
Carrie Young.
Yeah.
Which, and the, you know, let's face it.
It is biological.
It's just what we're attracted to.
Yeah.
Like you're, you're physically, um,more at threat than what men will be.

(23:47):
Yeah.
Men can, you know, obviously have forhundreds of years, perpetrated women.
So there is an absolute, uh,biological reason that you would
want a strong mate to protect you.
Yeah.
There's also something that men willfind very, very hard to swallow.
Yeah.
It's one thing.
I feel like a man.

(24:08):
must obtain in order tobe attractive to women.
And it's not what you think.
What is it?
I know there's masculine and I knowthere's strong and there's confident,
but there's this one thing that gets us.
It's warmth.
Warmth?

(24:30):
Describe warmth.
Kind eyes.
Like when you're talking to himand his eyes look at you and they
look like they're kind and warm.
Like you're looking, like you,like you're giving me eye contact.
And I know that men struggle with eye contactbecause they're always looking for threat.
They're always trying tosee their surroundings.
But if you just zone in and give me yourpresence and just give me that one on one

(24:54):
eye contact, it's going to melt my soul.
I think the key word there is presence.
Right.
Yeah, but it's, it's, okay, um, I saywarmth and kindness because that's what you
have in your eyes and that's what got me.
The moment I saw your eyes and youlooked into mine and I could, I could
feel the warmth and I could feelthe softness that was in your soul.

(25:15):
You weren't, you were masculine,but you weren't just hard.
You were like, there wassomething there that, that got me.
And I know that most men wouldprobably struggle to figure out
what that is or how to do that.
But maybe it is just a matter oflook into her eyes and show her
presence and she will see your warmth.
Well, a common way thatintimacy is described.

(25:35):
Intimacy.
Intimacy.
And I think that it says a lotabout a person if that they can,
um, yeah, maintain eye contact.
It's hard to do.
Maintain that connection because for,you know, many guys, you're right,
absolutely will struggle with that becausethey are always on guard and looking
around and, you know, guys are often,uh, taught societarily, culturally,

(25:57):
that, um, they shouldn't be vulnerable.
They shouldn't open up.
They shouldn't let people in.
Um, partly because there's a lotof dark skeletons in here that he
probably doesn't want to let her in on.
Um, but if a guy can work on himself tothe point where he's at peace with some
of those skeletons and at peace with someof those shadows that, you know, he feels
embarrassed about or whatever about,then he actually has an opportunity to

(26:19):
connect with her from a place of truth.
in a place of love.
This is so hard because a lot ofyou guys probably don't know, but
Jamie shared his skeletons with me.
Your most inner, um.
We both did.
Yeah, but that was easy for me to dobecause I'm just a woman and I blurt
everything out, I can't help myself.

(26:39):
But you, as a man, shared them with me.
But you said that once you didthat, you felt such a release.
Yeah, I think, uh, it was more aboutself acceptance because I think that,
um, guys, I think women as well, but guysnaturally feel, um, well, how do they feel?

(26:59):
They feel like Suppress likesomething is wrong with them.
In fact, I'd even argue thatthey're taught from a young age
that something is wrong with them.
If they're too boisterous or if they'retoo loud or if they get an erection or,
you know, all of these different things,like they're told, you know, settle down
young men, like keep it in your pants.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, don't be too loud, um, berespectful, all of these different things.

(27:20):
Um, when sometimes they might have thesethings that come up and then when they're
often fed that message of, you know,don't express yourself, um, that gets
conditioned and then They hide all of thesedifferent shadows, if we call them that.
Um, but the problem with that is if there'sall of these, like I said, skeletons lurking
in the background, it means that you willreally struggle to actually get to that

(27:43):
point of intimacy, intimacy, when you'retrying to connect with your loved one or
potential loved one, um, that you'll be, youknow, you'll be presenting, your advocate,
like this, this fake persona of you ratherthan the real integrated version of you.
And if you can embody that integrated versionof you, all parts of you, uh, it means

(28:04):
that you're going to have a much greatertime and build a much greater connection.
And trust.
And trust in your relationship.
She knows when you're hiding stuff.
She's like sus on you.
Like, we have this inner intuitionand discernment where we can feel
and see that something's not right.
And we can't put our finger on it,but we know something's not right.

(28:26):
And we will probably hound youuntil we get the answers and you
can hide all you want, but we know.
So, you can just keep hidingthat and never get close to us.
That's always true.
We're going, I think that thatprobably happens later on in a
relationship rather than stuff.
Yeah, I know we're not, I knowwe're talking about singles, but I
just had to let people know that.
That like we, even when you getwith someone, don't be fake.

(28:48):
Like, don't be the best version ofyourself that's not even real when
you're putting yourself out there.
Like this persona that you're talkingabout building, what would she want?
Make sure it's authentic.
Don't do something that youcan't even like keep up with.
Like you become this fit person for ayear and like this and that and whatever.
whatever it is that you think shewants and then the moment you've got

(29:08):
her you just laze off and then it'sjust you're back to old same you.
It's like that's not going to work.
Like this has to be authentic toyou and actually like a life change.
Good point.
So the more that you can integrate thosedifferent parts of yourself and come
to terms with whatever has happened inyour life, in your past, um, you know,
make sure that you are okay with that.

(29:30):
Make sure that you're okay with you.
You know, if you're okay with you, thenyou've got pure love to give rather than
this like faltered, flawed love thatyou're going to project onto someone else,
which generally comes from that place ofinsecurity, hoping that they'll be able to
fill your cup like we talked about before.
Uh, but when ultimately you need tofill your own first before you can
give, give to that other person.

(29:53):
So how to cultivate that?
How does a man cultivate presence?
I just want to quickly stop this podcast to,uh, thank our sponsors for today's drinks.
This is Nexus Nutrition.
So these drinks, uh, proteinwater, we've both got a protein
water, which we are sipping on.
It's become a constant theme in thispodcast, uh, which we are very grateful for

(30:15):
their support and also just very gratefulfor these delicious drinks that are not
only delicious, but also nutritious.
Oh, that rhymed honey.
Yes, they're very nutritious.
They have zero sugar in them.
Uh, mine doesn't have caffeine.
Yours does.
The drink, the drink that I'mdrinking today is Sour Raz.
It's quite, um, fruity.
And the one that I have todayis the White Blizzard, which is

(30:37):
their newer flavor, I believe.
Um, and as Steph said, uh, my one iscaffeinated just with a bit of caffeine, but
enough to, uh, give you a bit of a buzz on.
So if you are an energy drinking typeperson, do yourself a favor, ditch the crappy
energy drinks which just give you this bigcaffeinated rush, make you crash and make
you feel awful with zero nutritional benefit,uh, and replace it for something like this.

(31:01):
Uh, which will give you that hit ofprotein that you need to keep those
muscles going and you looking great.
Um, and give you that spike of energy,uh, just enough to keep you through
the day without that significantcrash that you might get otherwise.
Yeah.
The best part about these, uh, they'renot milky, you know, protein shakes are
very milky and sometimes you just don'tfeel like that, especially in the heat.
So these are quite refreshing and justa great source of protein, especially

(31:24):
if you are running around and lowon time and you don't have food
prep with you or whatever it may be.
Uh, just chuck.
it in your handbag or your car.
And they do have many other great products.
If you are someone that trains and lookingfor some supplementation to support
your training and enhance your results,uh, make sure you go and check it out.
We can also get some pre workout.

(31:45):
Their pre workout is the Perform,uh, pre workout, which has
become my all time best friend.
It really has.
And my son's.
Yeah, he's loving it as well.
But he's so excited.
Stealing ours.
Yeah, I know.
It's frustrating.
I mean, like, get your own.
Yeah, it gives you a great kick.
Uh, great pump.
Very flavorable.
Very flavorable.
They nail the flavors everytime, but definitely something
that I would, uh, check out.
And highly recommend.

(32:05):
Um, and by the way, you can alsoget these drinks, uh, not just
in the ready to go, uh, cans.
Yeah, you can get it in a powder.
You can get them in a powdered version,um, which is equally delicious.
Yep.
And nutritious.
So be sure to check them out.
We very much appreciate their support.
Um, a way that you can supportus is by supporting them.
So exactly.
Uh, head to nexusnutrition.

(32:25):
com or if you are Australia based,you can pick up a can, uh, in
either Woolies or Wurst or Costco.
Now back to the podcast.
You said, how can a man makehimself more attractive to a female?
And I was talking about having thatpresence when he looks at you with his eyes.
That is.

(32:46):
Honestly, that will get a girl mosttimes because it's not something
you really see with people.
Is that because it's rare, you think?
I think so.
I think because it's intimidating.
So a lot of people struggle with, You know,looking one on one, uh, and also it's, it's
vulnerable inducing because you're lookinginto someone's soul and it's almost like you

(33:09):
can see someone's soul in the depths of theireyes, the depth, the depths of their eyes.
And I know even when we are fighting, we'vetalked about this on the podcast before.
when I do look into your eyes duringthe middle of a fight or like after
a fight, you get me every time.

(33:29):
I think that's because of the connectionthat we have built over years though.
I think that that's a difficultthing to cultivate for newly,
uh, newly weds, let's say.
So the, um, I think that the main thing thatI think can be worked on and should be worked
on in regards to the presence is just like,like we keep talking about is going within
yourself and making sure that the, the energythat you are projecting Uh, is pure, not one

(33:55):
of judgment, not one of scorn, not one of,um, you know, hatred or resentment or any
of these really, uh, impure, uh, feelingsor emotions, or if we talk of vibrationally,
the energetics that you actually project.
Uh, is, is so important and if you canwork on yourself, uh, let go of some
of the resentments that we, we allhave, uh, try and find a place of, of

(34:18):
self love and love for others aroundyou when you do have that connection,
uh, and project that positive vibe.
Um, it's, it's pretty addictive, like,and that was something that really hooked
me in with you is, um, you very muchhad that same energy and I feel like our
energies really match when we, when weactually started to get to know each other
better, um, and had those conversations.

(34:40):
We just sort of meshed at that point.
Yeah, that vibration and thathigh energy is really important
when trying to attract a mate.
I, uh, had a look on threads theother day, which is the new platform
that Instagram has released.
somewhat ran my algorithm isn't curated yet.
It's like curated, should I say.
It's all over the place.
So there's lots of random stuffgoing in there because I don't use it

(35:01):
enough, but someone wrote on there,what makes a girl really attractive?
And I was just reading the comments to aman and the guys were like, I think very
little guys were saying boobs, bum and looks.
Most of it was like this, I'm not joking,this is just random guys, Christianity,
like having a relationship with God.

(35:23):
Um, another one was likesomeone playful and fun, light.
Someone else was like,um, someone who's happy.
So it was a lot about like spiritualityand energy, more so than looks, because
I think we are in a world that isjust fixed centred on the physical.
Fix, like even those dating apps, likeswiping, physical, online, the picture,

(35:49):
the profile picture, which people just,it's catfishing anyway, put the best
up of the best or the edited versions.
And it's all based around that.
And people just want to come back tothat spiritual connection and the, um,
the vibration of people and, and that.
that happiness that we don'thave a lot of in the world today.

(36:09):
People want people who aregoing to make them feel good.
And that's what people lookfor in a partner as well.
Like, do I make you feel good, Jamie?
When I'm around you, am I high energywhere you just like, I'm like a battery
to you, where I just charge you.
That's what I told youwhen we first got together.
I was a Addicted to your energy, likeI've never met, like, you know, we've
all met the energy vampire, right?

(36:30):
The person that you meet thatyou just sucks the life out of.
Yeah.
And you're like, get away from me.
And if you, if you really thinkabout like how rare it is to find
someone that is like that battery.
Yeah.
Like fills you up that when you have aconversation, you don't, you know, leave
feeling drained or leave feeling neutral.
You leave feeling charged.
Yeah.
Like that is the person thatcan attract whoever they want.

(36:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Provided that that same person, you know, theperson that they do attract, I'm sure, will
be at a similar level of vibrational output.
Yeah.
And for anyone that's like a little bit,you know, sus on this whole concept,
because I know some people get a littlebit like, well, this is a bit woo woo
ing out there and spiritual or whatever.
There is a fascinating book thatI would highly recommend reading.

(37:14):
Uh, called Power Versus Force by Dr.
David Hawkins.
Um, I've got his map ofconsciousness printed.
We love that map of consciousness.
If you haven't heard ofthis, you need to look it up.
It, it, yeah, literally changedmy life and changed my perspective
on a lot of these things.
Um, I sort of, When we got together,I hadn't read this book, but after I
did, um, yeah, it definitely changed myperspective on, uh, really creating the

(37:38):
ownership of myself and making sure thatI was balancing my own energy and spirit
rather than expecting you to do it for me.
Because as I said, You know, many people arelooking for someone else to fill them up, but
if you can find it within yourself to fillyourself up, then everything gets unlocked.
And if you look at that map, reallyinteresting, like the bottom level,

(37:58):
uh, of that map, I think is like,um, the lowest, uh, emotions.
I probably have to describe what the map is.
So the map is a guideline to uh, youknow, low vibrating emotions versus
the highest vibrating emotions.
The lowest one I believe is shame.
So if we live in a place of shame, you know,I'm sure you've probably talked to people

(38:19):
that are shame ridden and, you know, whilewe feel extremely sorry for them, they are
physically and emotionally exhausting, uh,people to have a conversation with, um,
versus if we talk to someone that is at aplace of acceptance for themselves, um, or
at a place of love for themselves and others.
These are the types of people thatyou feel like energetically charged.

(38:42):
And there's, you can dive into thescience behind this whole theory and
concept within that book, if that'ssomething that you're interested in.
Um, but this is absolutely a real thing.
It's something that has been testedand proven, uh, and definitely
something that should be considered.
Yep.
Yep.
Um, so.
Where were we?
Yeah, just attracting.
Now that I think about it, I um,when I did come up to you in the gym

(39:05):
and I was like, Hi, my name's Steph.
I see you here all the time.
I'm sure you were like, Oh, this girl's nice.
What did you think from a male's perspectivewith that high energy and just putting myself
out there so freely and being free in myself?
What was your thoughts on that?
Yeah.
So for the anyone that didn't watch the,um, I think we talked about this in the
first podcast, but the first moment that Imet Steph, uh, we met in the gym, uh, which

(39:32):
we can, we should talk about as well, uh,where to meet people, but we met in the
gym, which is a shared interest of ours.
Um, I was working in the gym.
Steph was a patron at that gym.
Um, we saw each other a few times and Ithought, you know, she, she looks there
on, um, but then you actually, After wehad seen each other around a few times,
you came up and introduced yourself to me,um, bounced over with a big smile, always

(39:56):
got a big smile on your face, and you,you held your hand out in front of me,
ready to shake my hand, which by the way,I've, you're the only, Um, I don't think
it's a very common thing with, with women.
So it was always a bit taken back.
I was like, what's going on here?
Um, no, there's something to this story.

(40:17):
Didn't you tell like anolder gentleman in the gym?
And what did he say to you?
I told a client, uh, like thenext day, anyway, I'll get there.
But anyway, you, you came overand you put your hand out and
you, you said, hi, I'm Steph.
I see you here . Hi.
You say it, huh?
Do it justice for all.
I'll do it how I said it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With play.
Okay.

(40:38):
Let me just have a moment.
Pop over.
Okay.
I pop over . Hi, I'm Steph.
I see you here all the time.
It's really nice to meet you.
I think you said, um, I'll shake your hand.
Yeah, that's okay.
Oh, gentle.
Sorry, it's too strong.
And sweaty.
I think you said, now yousaid, um, hi, my name's Steph.
I see you here all the time and Ifigured we should introduce each other.

(41:00):
Or we should, we should get introduced.
Yeah, I'm thinking, why is this guyWho's here every day is the head trainer.
I'm coming in here every dayand you haven't even met me yet.
That's so rude.
I was like 18 years old at the time.
You're the head trainer.
It was your duty to like be friendly.
Well, I was a bit intimidatedby the hot chick in the gym.
I was just keeping Ladies,this is what I'm saying.
It doesn't make you a bad person to goup to someone and introduce yourself.

(41:24):
You don't have to be a flirt.
Just be confident and belike, Hey, I am approachable.
And this, but this is also another point to.
reference, because I think althoughthat, you know, that was what started
our relationship, um, that did get youinto some stickier situations in the
past being so vibrant and friendly.
Yeah, because it comes off as flirty.

(41:46):
Flirtatious, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But at the same time like, if you, ifyou're, a single person, like you've got
to be willing to have those conversationsand whether or not that's perceived for
an insecure person or a judgmental personthat might perceive that as well she just
puts herself out there and that's tooflirtatious because I think that that's
often said to women that are like thatand then all of a sudden they go into

(42:07):
their shell and they get closed off.
You just could, there's a differencebetween being a real flirt and then carrying
yourself like a woman and being confident.
I think.
And a confident seduction flirt, that'sdifferent to just like being really
hyperactive and like with everyone andjumping from boy to boy at the gym.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Carry yourself differently, likea woman, the woman that you are.

(42:32):
So for the women listening,what does that look like?
Well, what, what separates the, uh,the bouncy immature girl from the woman
that your conversations and your, how.
you introduce yourself.
Like for myself, I wasn'tlike, hi, I'm Steph.
Ha ha ha.
What are you training today?
It was like, Hey, I seeyou here all the time.

(42:54):
I feel like it's about time that we met.
I'm Steph.
It's like commanding.
It's like directing the conversationand being sure of myself.
It wasn't just like throwingmyself around everywhere and just
going from one thing to the other.
It was directional meetingyou kind of in the middle.
And I think, yeah, if you're at thegym, it's like, Hey, I'm so and so.
Um, let's just say that theyare at the gym meeting a person.

(43:16):
They've seen a guy from across the room.
He, she feels like he's giving her a bit ofa vibe, but he won't come and speak to her.
Hey, um, so I saw your work.
I saw you here last week.
Um, what are you training today?
Oh yeah, same.
I'm going to be hitting the shoulder.
Although I feel like sometimeswhen I'm doing the presses, it
just doesn't quite feel right.
Maybe there's somethingthat I'm not doing right.

(43:36):
Do you reckon you can helpme and watch the next set?
Now, You may think, I don't need help, butI was actually being quite manipulative
in what I said just then because now hehas to come over, watch me train, which
means he's going to be watching my body.
And then secondly, I'm going to beasking for his help and men love to help.
So now he's like looking at my body.

(43:58):
So seeing me, no, I mean like seeingYou're like the female hitch right now.
It's a good movie, but he's seeingme, seeing me, having a conversation
and seeing me and being present withme, like not looking around the room.
He's looking at my body because hehas to because he's going to watch me
spot, which means I have his presence.
Not meaning that in a really sexual way.

(44:18):
Anyway, so, and then after that, I'mgoing to be like, thank you so much.
That was so helpful.
So not only have I asked for his helpand he's felt needed, I've actually
given him gratitude afterwards, whichthen he's going to make him think
about me because he wouldn't receivethat very much, assuming he's single.
So it's like, sometimes you justhave to command in a certain way.
That's not just like, hi, oh,what are you doing on the weekend?

(44:39):
I'm going out.
He's like, I don't care.
Do what you want.
I don't do that.
I don't go out.
I, I'm here at the gym.
I work hard.
I go home and eat and then I sleep.
Do you know what I mean?
Like it's risky to play that kind of behaviorof like bouncing around, be directional.
So tell me, Stephanie, if you're talkingabout how women can approach men, but

(45:02):
as I said, when I was younger and Ifirst saw you, I probably didn't have
the, um, The guts, let's say, to goover to you and start the conversation.
I was grateful that you did thatand initiated that point of contact.
Um, mind you, it was like, uh,many years after that point that we
actually began seeing each other.
Um.
Wait, we never got to back to whatthe guy said when you said that

(45:24):
to him, that I came up to you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said to, um, the client, uh, that Isaw the next day or something like that.
And I said, Hey man, this, thischick that I met yesterday, like.
Um, I think maybe you were inthe gym and like, he was like,
Oh, geez, um, she looks alright.
Do you really?
I think so.
That's scary.
Okay.
I'm talking back like a decade.

(45:46):
But anyway, um, and I was like,yeah, man, she introduced me,
she introduced herself to me.
He's like, what?
And I was like, yeah, she came overand shook my hand and went and like
said her name and like, we had aconversation and he was like, man.
That just doesn't happen.
Like, I'm telling you, there's,there's something in that.

(46:07):
Which I do think, I do think that thatmight be, um, like women, uh, although
the advice that you just gave was great,um, women should probably proceed with
caution because men are very easily led on.
No, I mean, do that to someoneyou're interested in, not just
all the random guys at the gym.
Like, if you're wanting to.
But then I'm sure that many women outthere would have that same sort of.

(46:28):
hesitation with uh, doing that, like how dothey cultivate the confidence to do that?
Then if that's you, if you don't wantto go up and talk to someone, that is
completely fine and you want them tocome and chase you, that is completely
fine and I also highly agree with that.
But make yourself open.
Don't be at the gym with yourhead down and your headphones.
and your phone and unapproachable.

(46:49):
And that's fine.
Some people are at the gym to train.
I hope that you were all there to train andnot pick up, but I'm just using the gym as
an example of a place where we met and thatsome people may have also met, that if that
is someone that you are looking for a gymperson, then you And someone who has a like,
like minded like you who is into healthand fitness and you're hoping that you may
find someone at the gym, be approachable.

(47:11):
I thought of another one,another hitch like idea.
Say you're a woman, you'rewalking with your headphones.
Yeah.
Just accidentally drop one nearby.
Ew, why?
Because then he can pick it up andthen he can initiate the conversation.
I don't think she should dropher headphones, they might break.
Maybe the water bottle.
Drop the water bottle.
No, it's got to be something smaller.
It's not really obvious.
So is she going to drop it likeit's hot and then slowly come up?

(47:34):
No, just like accidentally, accidentallydrop it accidentally behind herself.
She doesn't notice.
She keeps walking.
He says he can be the savior.
Yeah, let's just keep it.
Exactly.
Let's just keep it simple.
If you want to attract amale, he loves helping, okay.
He wants to do things for you,and he wants to be appreciated.
He wants to be the hero.

(47:54):
They're just simple.
Ladies, men are simple.
That is it.
They want to feel likea hero and feel needed.
So I'm, I'm telling you, a way that he canfeel needed and, And that's what I'm saying.
And that's the same thing withhelping her do a set or spotting her.
He's needed.
Yes.
And then that, Oh, thank you so much.
He's the hero.
The difference with that is thatshe has to start the conversation.

(48:15):
Whereas in that situation,he's starting the conversation.
Even though she's planting the seed.
Yes.
He still gets to start.
Excuse me, you dropped this.
I'm just.
coming at it from today's perspective.
Like if I had, if I could have my choice,I would love for a man to approach a woman.
I feel like that's how it should happen.
I'm old school, right?
But we also live in a world wheremen are timid, women are too afraid.

(48:38):
It's just, I feel like more and morepeople don't even look at each other.
They stay in their own lane becauseeveryone is scared of each other or
upsetting someone or whatever it is.
We've become very antisocial in today's society.
we're all online and on our phones.
So I feel like because of that, Iwould hate for a woman to miss out
on an opportunity and not put herselfout there when she can potentially see

(49:02):
that he's interested and she's waitingand waiting and nothing's happening.
It won't hurt just to let himknow that you're not scary.
I'm not saying be masculineand do all the approaching.
I'm just saying if it comes to that pointand you need a way in, that's a little
trick or something that you can do in just.
open yourself up to just help start theconversation and then he can lead from there.

(49:24):
That's fine.
I think in men's defense, a lot of goodmen will get dismissed or they won't even
get the chance with women because theyhave been told to, uh, they've been fed
a message, which is to respect women.
And the way that men interpretthat is just to leave them alone.
Don't look at them.
Serve them when necessary.
Um, but let's say he mightbe, you know, desire her.

(49:47):
He's not going to put himself forwardand say, excuse me, I'd like to date you.
Um, and the problem with that isthat it, it means that he loses all
authority over himself and losesthe opportunity to connect with her.
And so many guys lack theconfidence, I think, to, to do that.
Um, and it's a difficult one.
It's a really difficult one forguys to overcome, um, because of

(50:09):
that message that gets fed to them.
But you're saying that Uh, guys should beable to approach a woman in a friendly manner
and she received that with Um, if she'sannoyed at it and she's like, Oh my gosh,
like go away, then she's not for you mate.
And that's fine.
Like, let it go.
Like you put yourself out there and now youcan respect her decision and leave her alone.

(50:34):
So there are many people that if theywent through that experience and faced
that rejection that would put them off.
forever and they would never try again.
Okay, well then you need tostart building your resilience.
Which I think goes back to the veryoverarching message of this, uh, of this
podcast and this episode and how to attractthat right person is be okay with yourself.

(50:56):
Don't come from a place of desperation.
If you're coming from a place ofdesperation, then a rejection will feel
like the biggest slap in the face thatyou probably will never recover from.
If you're coming from a place of fullness,Then a rejection just means, perfect,
like, thank you for not wasting my time.
You're clearly not right for me.
The right one is justmaybe the next one there.

(51:17):
Exactly.
Don't take it as in like, Oh,she hates me or women hate me.
I'm just so pathetic.
Exactly.
Like you said, she's not for me.
That's fine.
I'm still okay.
I'm still a good guy.
Yeah.
If you are so insecurethat a rejection like that.
you know, does you over.
It means that you haven't,you're not coming from a place of
authenticity or purity with your love.

(51:39):
It means that you're coming from anabsolute place of dependency, which is
going to create, uh, you know, a reallytoxic relationship in and of itself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, there was something that I thinkthat we should talk about, which
is the way that most people meet.
We haven't even talked about it.
I know we keep getting off track and weneed to start talking about ourselves.

(52:01):
To go back to how most people meet,which today, in today's age, as
you alluded to before, is online.
So online dating, online apps, is howmost people are trying to find someone.
Like total empathy for someone that issingle and looking to find a partner and
who believes that that is a good idea.
Maybe it's their only option because theydon't go anywhere apart from work and home.

(52:22):
Yeah.
I think to find someone that you sharean interest in, like they say opposites
attract, like that is true in terms of likethe, we talked about a lot in this podcast,
the masculine and feminine, like those twoenergies, those two charges will attract.
But I think it's importantto share a similar interest.
And if you can find someone.
Um, doing a shared activity thatyou both enjoy, such as the gym or

(52:45):
whatever it is that you're into.
Maybe you go to a running club, maybe yougo to a basketball club, maybe you go to,
I don't know, chess club, whatever it is.
Like, I think it's, it's absolutelyworthwhile putting yourself out there if
you're single and looking for someone,like going to these events, not the club.
going to these actual events where you canfind someone that you can enjoy a shared

(53:05):
activity with because online, um, it's not,not often that you hear really successful
stories of people, uh, online dating.
And I think anyone that is onlinedating, no fault to your own, but
you, that inherently is coming froma place of kind of desperation.
Like, you're deliberately searching forsomeone to meet whatever the criteria

(53:29):
it is that you have created in your mindand hoping that you're going to find that
right person out of a hundred people orhowever many people that you, you swipe on.
And it's not a, it's definitely notan authentic or natural way to start.
That being said though, there has beenmany people that have had success.
Meeting online and it's been their onlyoption, but I think that if you are

(53:52):
going to go down that road of datingonline, that just vet them before wasting
your time and meeting them in person.
Vet them with the hard questions in a,in a DM or however they do it these days.
And if they get bored or don't respond orhave very superficial answers, don't bother.
Like get deep with someone on therebecause there will be a select few who

(54:14):
actually are on there for the rightreasons, not just to have a quick hookup.
Um, it's just a matter of siftingout and hitting those questions hard.
And if they can be bothered, youknow that maybe there's something
there and then go on the date.
But then when you're onthe date, hit them again.
Definitely, but it kind of does go againstwhat we're saying, does it not, where it's
like you have to be okay with being aloneand be okay with, uh, not desperately

(54:39):
searching for someone to fill that hole.
Like if you, if you approach it asif you're already whole, then do
you need to be on there and wouldyou not be better to find someone?
Well, I think, I think it's reallyrelevant for the people who, like I
said, aren't going to public places.
Like basically their only meatplaces are work and the supermarket.
And I feel like that's really fairto put yourself online, just have

(55:03):
connection with people to stay sane,but without being desperate, like this
person, this person, this person, andthen opening up 17 conversations with
all these random people and just beinglike, finding that kind of desperation.
I'll share with you some statistics forthis episode about dating apps because

(55:24):
I knew that that's going to be a veryhot topic for the singles out there.
So, um, New York Post surveyed athousand people in America, uh, about
their experience with online dating.
Yep.
Okay.
Eight out of 10 people reported thatthey felt burnt out by using dating apps.
They found that two out of 10 people lie.

(55:44):
Lie on their profile, whether it beabout their age, height, employment,
income, hobbies, dating history, andeven their current relationship status.
On average, people are using dating appsaround 15 minutes a day, swiping, looking.
This is the average takenover a thousand people, right?

(56:07):
In the US, if we use that as aplatform, because I've got the
most data, um, Tinder has 7.
8 million active monthly users.
Tinder's base, uh, demographics was75 percent male and 25 percent female.
Wow.
Oh, wow.

(56:27):
Men have a match rate of approximately 0.
6%.
Meaning that they, the people thatmatch with them, like other females.
There is a less than 1 percentlikelihood that a female will swipe on
them to say that they're interested.
Okay.
Mm hmm.
Women enjoy a match rate of around 10%, soit's a fair bit higher for women, naturally.

(56:50):
Yeah.
Okay.
We've talked about that before.
Um, now, let's take thosestatistics and break them down.
I did the math, 7.
8 million monthly users on Tinder in the US,and given the match rates that I just talked
about, that means that there is a total of230, 000 people per month that are actually
going to get a match, which means that thelikelihood of someone getting a match is 2%.

(57:17):
Two percent of getting a match.
So someone spending 50 minutes a day ona dating app, they've got a likelihood
of finding a match at two percent.
Slot machines at the casino havea two to ten percent success rate.
So you are more likely to winat the casino on a slot machine
than you are on a dating app.
Now tell me, do you think it's a good idea?
So they should just go playbingo and they'll meet someone.

(57:42):
Might not be the best place to meetpeople, but the point is that whilst
yes, you're right, there are exceptions.
But then there's also a rule.
And if you run those numbers, then therule is that most people, the majority,
aren't having much success on apps.
In fact, I might argue that if people onaverage are spending 50 minutes a day on

(58:02):
there, swiping, looking at a desperation,because it almost becomes like a game.
You're gamifying the dating experience.
Then what does that mean?
That means relationships become a game.
Yeah.
Rather than become a, becomea thing of authentic love.
Well, then I feel like if you are someonethat does not get out, it's time to start

(58:23):
playing golf or it's time to start goingto bingo or some type of something to meet
more people to have more opportunity to havelike more authentic relationships in person.
This whole online thing that welive in this world, it's empty.
It's so empty.
Those statistics have changed your views.
No, I, I always speak on behalf of.

(58:44):
Yes.
I think I need to be always fair, soyou will be like this, and I believe
like exactly what you believe, but Ialso have to speak fairness for those
who are on the other side of what webelieve, because I also see their point
of view, it doesn't mean I agree with it.
But I always want to make sure thatthey're okay and know that they're

(59:06):
not There is an exception and a rule.
Yeah, I don't want to isolatepeople who are on that dating
app and just give them no hope.
We spoke about hope atthe start of this podcast.
The hope is that if you are goingto be on there and do that, that
you be wise and ask the hard hittingquestion and filter out the filth.
And then if you are on there and you wantto meet more people in person, but you

(59:28):
don't have that opportunity, maybe it'stime to get out of the house and join a new
sport or a new group or a new community ofsomething to meet other people, to widen
the pool, but also work on yourself anddo things that you enjoy because naturally
when you do that and fulfill yourself, youwill open yourself up to high vibrations

(59:49):
and more of a chance of meeting somebody.
Instead of just beingisolated and on your phone.
This is the masculine andthe feminine in action.
Yes, always going to takecare of everyone else.
The feminine is the nurturer who isinclusive of everyone and their feelings.
The masculine says there's a right and wrong.
Yeah.
So people, Get off the apps.

(01:00:10):
Or if you are on them, it's okay.
You're, you're okay.
You're okay, but you'd be better togo meet them in person, I might argue.
I have never, ever been on a dating app ever.
And I bet you my face is allover it, but I am not on there.
Someone has stolen my image.
People have told you.
Yes, they have.
They have sent me my own profiles.
Catfishing.
Catfishing people.

(01:00:30):
I'm like, oh my gosh, that is so scary.
God help us.
Um, but I can definitely tell youif you have seen me on a dating
app, I've never ever been on one.
So I don't, I can't ever speak on that andunderstand what you go through on there.
But I can imagine from what I hear frommy sister who is on them, that it would
be very difficult and very frustrating.

(01:00:51):
Well, to go back to, to summarize,I guess the, the point in which we
are trying to make and what we did.
Uh, to begin our relationshipis we focus on ourself.
We let Fill your own cup first.
Fill our own cup first and make sure that youdevelop yourself into the type of person that
would be attractive That you want to attract.
Yes.
Yes.
To the person that you're wanting to be with.

(01:01:11):
And a really great exercise that, um, I'veoften heard, uh, Tony Robbins talk about is
writing down a list of all of the differentthings that you would like in your person.
Right?
So, are they kind?
Are they caring?
Are they loyal?
What do they look like?
Where do they live?
What's their occupation?
Um, what's their hair color?
Like as much detail as you can possibly get,like spend a good amount of time on this.

(01:01:37):
Then refine that list, the thingsthat are nice to haves and the
things that are their must haves.
Once you get a definitive list of whatit is that you're actually looking for,
without just going to the superficial,I want him to be six foot, I want her
to Big bum or whatever it is, like getdown to the root of who your person
is, like who your potential person is.
And once you create that persona, whenyou actually are going out and meeting

(01:02:03):
people, all of a sudden you'll be able toso easily identify whether or not they're
your person or whether they're not.
Jamie.
Yes.
I write about you.
You did.
You actually did.
I did.
I wrote in my diary, theheading was him, H I M, him.
And in it, I wrote what I wanted in a hymn.

(01:02:26):
I wrote about you.
I said, um, what did I say?
I was like, I want my husband to be kind.
I want him to be inspirationaland active with the kids.
And all of these things about you.
And implementing you in my life.
At what age was this?

(01:02:47):
I wrote one at 16.
And then another one after my divorce.
And nothing was about looks in there.
Not one thing.
Not his height.
Not his anything.
It was his spirit and who he was.
as a partner in my life.

(01:03:07):
A little bit like if you are single andyou're sleeping in the middle of the
bed, start sleeping to the side so you'releaving room for your potential him.
Start, put another plate outat the table and make dinner.
No, no, that's too funny.
Yeah, it's too extreme.
But like act as if he's alreadycoming and write down what it is that
you want and then just let it go.

(01:03:28):
Like a vision board.
Just let it sit there, let it go.
And you can go back every nowand then and read about him.
'cause you know that he's coming.
But yeah, my, you are everything inmy hy And when I went back and read
it a long time ago, years later, Iwas like, oh my gosh, he's everything.
But it's so funny because you didhave some other relationships,
um, and they weren't the hymn.

(01:03:49):
Yeah.
It's almost, it's almost like you, um,like Yeah, it was funny opening that.
diary that you kept and then realizing thesimilarities with the relationship that we
have, which we're very fortunate to have.
Um, but then knowing that, um, youprobably discarded a lot of those
qualities or forgotten about them or, uh.
Because I was in desperationbecause I didn't want to be alone.

(01:04:10):
Compromise them too much.
Yeah.
But imagine if you stuck trueto those things that you define.
Yeah.
Maybe we found each other earlier, who knows.
Yeah.
And I think it's really important to gomore spiritual and value wise and what
is described him because I think it'sall good and well to, you know, to say,
I want him to be tall and whatever.
But if you sometimes do that and getso specific on every single little

(01:04:33):
detail, it's kind of superficial.
Him might be there, but then you'relike, Oh no, he's actually not six foot.
So it can't be him.
Sorry.
That's why I said the niceto haves and the must haves.
Yeah, I feel like go for the heart firstand then you can start saying other
things like blue eyes, whatever, andget very descriptive if you want to.
But my greatest advice isto look at the heart first.

(01:05:00):
And when you're looking athim, does he love his mum?
Does he speak ill about his ex?
What's he like if he's gotchildren to someone else?
What's he like with his kids?
Like, go deeper and look at him.
As a, a, a being and a spirit anda soul and who is he, not just,

(01:05:20):
is he hot, has he got muscles?
Go further than that because if you'relooking for a life partner, which I'm sure
we all are and you are, uh, someone you aregoing to grow old with, you want to be able
to connect with and make sure that they'reyour it person for the rest of your life.
Funny, we, we're talking a lot, uh, aboutthe spiritual component of a relationship

(01:05:44):
because we, we know now how important thatis, uh, going through our, uh, experiences.
A good point of reference that Ithink is worth talking about is
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right?
So we keep talking and mentioning, uh,coming from a place of desperation, like
if you look at the Hierarchy of Needs.
On the, on the bottom level of, um,what Maslow describes we all need,
right, is our physiological needs.

(01:06:06):
So we need food, we need shelter,we need water in order to survive.
And then he's created this pyramid of like,well, once we have this thing, it's then we
can progress on to seeking the next need.
So after we have the water,the food, the shelter.
What do we then look for?
Maybe we look for belonging.
So we try and find a tribe or we tryand find our family to fit in with.

(01:06:26):
Yeah.
Once we found that, what do we then needin order for to, to fulfill ourself?
Well, we then need somesort of love and connection.
Maybe it's an intimate partner.
Um, what do we then need?
We then need some type ofcareer or something to do.
And at the top of that pyramid is, um,what he describes as self vaculization.
Yeah.
So it's coming from a place of like thehighest point of, um, self reliance.

(01:06:48):
self discovery.
And I think when you're at that point,you have to realize that when you go
away from the body, the needs of thebody, we all crave some level of deeper
connection, um, which is why I think wekeep talking about and mentioning it.
Like, you have to be able to connecton that level to, I think, obtain long,
lasting relationships with someone.

(01:07:10):
And if you can't meet someone at thatlevel, then the chance of it being just
a short term fling or a physical lustfilled type relationship is highly probable
if you can't connect at that level.
Yeah.
Well, I think we break it there.
Break it there.
Have a little break and comeback for part two of this series,
which we will be talking on.

(01:07:30):
In this episode, we have discussedhow to prepare yourself and the
importance of preparing yourself.
But then we also, the other component ofthat is to vet, uh, someone else and find out
whether or not they actually align with you.
I think if you get yourself so wellprepared, uh, naturally you will
repel the wrong and attract the right.
Um, but even still, I think it'sso important to be able to guard

(01:07:53):
yourself with some questions.
Um, that you can ask.
I imagine like if I was a fatheradvising a daughter, there would be
questions that I would ask potentialmates that are interested in dating her.
Um, and some things that I think thatwe could pass on that women could
maybe ask for men and vice versa.
Men can ask for women.
So we'll discuss that in part two,in part two, but hopefully this

(01:08:17):
gave you a bit of insight into theimportance of self discovery, self love.
Um, and it's something that I definitelythink that we can all, all take on board,
whether you're not in a relationshipor if you are in a relationship,
self love is such a big component.
Like no one else is going to be able tofill your cup more than yourself, right?
Yeah.
A hundred percent.
Fill your cup first and back yourself.

(01:08:37):
Yeah.
For 2025.
And the more that you do, themore value that you have to give.
Yeah.
So.
So thanks for watching today's video,subscribe to our channels all over the place
on the podcast channels and on YouTube.
If you like what you saw, please leavea comment or if there's other things

(01:08:57):
you want us to talk about, drop acomment and we can address that as well.
You can also comment on the podcast platform.
So if you're on Spotify, pleaseleave a rating, a review and
a comment on this episode.
That would be very much appreciatedin a small way that you can
help us reach more people.
Um, otherwise we hope.
Hope to catch you on the next episode andhope to catch you in future episodes if
you're able to follow us moving forward.

(01:09:18):
Sounds like a plan.
Peace out, guys.
Thank you for listening, watching.
Thanks for listening.
Don't forget to follow usand leave a rating or review.
See you next time.