Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Coming up on the Steph and Jamie Podcast.
These aren't questionsto ask on a first date.
Like one, two, three, you gotsix questions and this is it.
And you don't pass.
This can be a complicatedone for many people.
And there's no right or wrong answerfor any of these questions, but based on
the person's response, you can start towork out a thing or two about whoever it
is that you're potentially looking at.
(00:20):
By the way, you vetted me and I didn'teven know you were doing it because I
was just enjoying talking about myself.
People love talking about themselves.
But when you answered these questions, Iasked you, that was when I actually fell.
Ooh, ding, ding, ding, I got it right.
Far deeper in love with you, becauseif you do get into a relationship,
deep into a relationship, you'vegone a year, two years, whatever, and
then all of a sudden it comes out.
(00:41):
Yeah.
That you've had.
That's going to cause issues.
Then that can create an irreparablerift in the relationship.
And from my perspective, farbetter to know this up front.
Yeah.
It baffles me that someone can getmarried and not know the answer to these
questions that we are talking about.
Welcome to the Steph and Jamie Podcast.
(01:02):
Learn what she's feelingand what he's thinking.
Let's begin.
So.
So, welcome back to another episodeof Steph and Jamie, Steph and
Jamie, the Steph and Jamie podcast.
Thank you very much for being here.
And this is part two, so we're pickingoff, picking off, oh no, what the hell.
(01:23):
We are attempting to film this in one day.
Hopefully we can be as, uh, as we werein the first one, but I think it's good
because we just finished that conversationthat we had in the previous episode.
If you haven't gone and watchedthat one, make sure you do that.
And while you're at it, you may as well justgo and watch all of the previous episodes,
(01:45):
uh, we are on episode, this will be episodenumber eight in the previous episode.
Uh, we talked about, uh, howpeople can find or attract their
perfect mate in the year of 2025.
Mm hmm.
This time, to expand on that conversation,we're going to talk about how to vet
or some questions that are worth askingbefore you get too involved with someone.
(02:06):
And it really, I think, is important thatyou listen to that previous episode because
we Discuss the importance of creating orcultivating a sense of self love, uh, before
you try and seek love from someone else,because you cannot give what you do not have.
And um, if you try and bring someone intoyour world before you are okay in your own
(02:27):
world, then the chance of that relationshipbeing a success, uh, slim to none.
So it is so important and we discussed a lotabout our journey, the absolute importance
of making sure that you're okay with you.
Once we've done that, then the nextstep, the next step or stage to, uh,
You're slurring your speech as well.
(02:48):
The next step or the next stage to thatequation is we're going to be meeting people.
What are some questions that we can beasking them, uh, in order to make sure
that they actually fit the criteriathat it is that we are looking for?
Yeah.
Um, I think just to reiterate onepoint on that previous episode, we
mentioned it at the end, of the episode.
We'll mention at the start of thisepisode, uh, worthwhile activity.
(03:11):
Is to write down all of the thingsthat it is that you are looking
for in your potential partner.
Narrow that list down from the thingsthat are must haves to nice to haves.
Focus on those must haves.
And then if you can do that, you'llalready be a step ahead of so many people.
Because you'll be looking at peoplefrom a place of knowingness as to
(03:31):
what it is that you are looking for.
Rather than looking at everyone from a placeof desperation and forcing them to try and
fit your picture because they're there andavailable and you're like, There was an
interesting story that I was going to startwith to kick this off that I heard the other
day that I thought kind of encapsulated,uh, a little bit about this message because
I think what happens is, like I said, manypeople who are lonely won't go to the extra
(03:54):
effort of trying to vet someone, trying toask that person questions because they're
just, you know, desperate for affection.
Um, but what happens is you then getstuck into a really terrible potentially.
Yeah.
So the story I'll tell it, uh,Quickly, it was a snake, right?
Uh, the snake was very lonelybecause everyone avoided the snake
(04:18):
because he kept biting people.
Poor snake.
Poor snake.
So the snake went and, uh, sought advicefrom one of the local elders, um, and
said, you know, why I'm so lonely.
How do I get people to come and talk to me?
And the elder or the wise man, whoeverit was said to the snake, you need
(04:38):
to stop biting people and then you'llbe able to connect with people and
people will want to be around you.
That's what I say about my cat too.
Say him to Piper, stop biting her.
That's right.
Yeah.
So anyway, so the snake slivers off.
And, uh, all of a suddenhe stops biting people.
He makes a vow not to hurt people.
But then what happens is that all of asudden he gets treated like dirt because
(04:59):
he loses that element of fear and respect.
And he loses himself becausehe doesn't set any boundaries.
He just slithers around.
And once people realize that theycan walk all over him, they do.
And they beat him down andthey treat him awfully.
And the snake comes back tothe elder or the wise man.
And he says, um, he looks awful, he, youknow, he's been beaten up, he's been stomped
(05:22):
on, and he says, elder, you, you asked menot to bite and I did, but look at me now.
And then the elder or the wise mansaid, silly snake, I told you not to
bite, but I never told you not to hiss.
Because after that, the snake supposedlywent out and he hissed when necessary.
He set his boundaries, he vowed never to hurtpeople, but he also was willing to hiss and
(05:46):
we spoke about in the last episode, comingfrom a place of love when, when trying to
attract someone, it is lovely to come froma place of love, but you also need to have
a backbone about you because there willbe people that might exploit that love and
take advantage of you if you are a So openand it's necessary, I think, to have some
(06:09):
smarts about you to vet someone to makesure that they're going to be an appropriate
fit for you and not take advantage of you.
There was also another story,which I'll add to your story,
talking about taking advantage.
There was this chick who worked.
as an, an agent, um, in high security.
(06:31):
And she basically went around to thejails and asked the predators basically,
the criminals, who do you prey on?
Like when, like out of all these peopleon the street, showed them videos.
This is a true story?
Yeah, yeah.
She, she showed them videos because they'retrying to gather more information about
criminals in the mind and why they attackand who the types of people they attack.
(06:53):
And, uh, she showed them videos andthey She went around to different jails
and different cells and all of them hadbasically the same answer as to who they
would attack on the street when theywatch this video, what type of person.
And it was the person who was like headdown, like kind of walking like with
their feet just slow and all over theplace and wasn't walking with authority.
(07:16):
So people who looked vulnerable andliterally like every cellmate had the same
answer, like that person, that person.
Or that person because they, they'reon their phone and they're not
looking around at their surroundings.
So you were talking about, you know, beingable to hiss, um, but not bite and protecting
yourself from, from vulnerability, but alsomaking sure that you're open and aware.
(07:42):
So there has to be a certain way, yeah,a balance where you still, you're open.
And you can be approachable, but alsoyou don't look like you're someone that
is walked all over by people and takenadvantage of and being an authority.
Yes, because we talked about that alot in the last episode, the importance
of being open and willing to startconversations, create conversations.
(08:04):
And, um, we also discussedvibrational outputs as well.
We talked on Dr. David Hawkins work, um,The Map of Consciousness, which we can
put somewhere on the screen here now forthose watching, um, and the importance
of cultivating within yourself a senseof self love so that you can, uh, project
or radiate whatever we talk about.
Um.
(08:24):
A positive vibration.
And when we do this, we naturally,uh, bring people in that are going
to also add to our positive charge.
Whereas if we live in a negative vibration,um, You'll just attract more of the same.
Yeah.
One of guilt, one of shame, one of anger,whatever it might be, we attract that.
And those people that I'm sure you'rereferencing in that example would
(08:44):
have been people that are walking andvulnerable and guilt and shame and
haven't resolved some of these things.
And it's important that whilst youwork on yourself, you also take extra.
Portion when, you know, talking with othersthat they're doing the same sort of work
that you are doing and making sure that, likewe said, you don't yet take advantage of.
Yeah.
So there are some questions that I'veoutlined that we can, uh, discuss, but
(09:08):
before we get into that, I'm thirsty.
You're thirsty.
You're thirsty.
I've got so many drinksaround me, around here.
The one, uh, in screen and theone that we are holding is a
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This particular product also comes in apowdered version, so if you didn't want it in
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(09:32):
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(09:55):
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Um, I'm very grateful that these guys areusing high quality ingredients and minimal.
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(10:20):
but you're also getting like the protein,you're getting the collagen or the caffeine
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And these guys have done really well tomake sure that it's good for your gut
(10:41):
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There are many supplement companies thatcut corners to cut costs and then end
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So I've got these questions written out.
I will be referencing my phone, soplease don't think I'm being rude.
I just said No one can seeyou on the podcast, it's fine.
Well, for the people watching onYouTube, I think I'm just casually
texting midway through the conversation,but I'm actually not texting anyone.
(11:47):
I've premeditated some questions thatI would be asking if I was single
in the year of 2025, these are thethings that I would be liking to know.
And also many of the questions that Iactually asked you before we got together.
Before we get there though, Ithink that it's good to, um.
Prefaces with, you know, the previousepisode, we talked about the importance
of finding someone that shares likeminded values, which is, you know, often
(12:09):
talked about, uh, in relationships.
You know, the importance of finding someonethat has similar, um, Yeah, similar values.
But I think it's really hard toidentify someone's values, um, just
from a face to face value conversationwithout knowing what questions to ask.
Because if you lead with thequestion, Hey, what's your values?
What do you prioritize?
(12:30):
Someone can very easily lie.
They can concoct, uh, you know, an idea thatsounds appealing to make themselves look good
because they're wanting something from you.
Um, whereas I think with the questionsthat I've tried to, uh, write down and
premeditate here, I think it's quitedifficult to lie from these questions.
And I think You will get a very good idea ofwho this person is that you are potentially
(12:53):
going to enter into a relationship with ifyou lead yourself with these questions rather
than try and ask the stereotypical questionsof, you know, well, what do you value?
Um, where do you seeyourself in five to 10 years?
Like all of these things are very standardand someone can very easily concoct an
answer that might sound appealing based offwhat they might think that appeals to you.
(13:15):
You like footy?
I like footy too.
I like footy for today.
Don't ask me a month from now.
People are like, what's footy?
It's like your version of, your version ofAFL is like your version of rugby, isn't it?
Yeah.
The majority of people that do listento this podcast are in Australia.
Oh, that's good.
Okay.
Second, uh, closest is the U S sofooty, football, uh, is we have our own
(13:40):
Australian rules football, um, which isa big thing down here, down under, um,
whereas I think their football is like NFL.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's savage.
Touchdowns and all those exciting things.
But anyway, just have somehow youalways find a way to integrate
a bit of Australian knowledge.
You're not so funny though.
(14:00):
I'm half Italian.
I'm half Italian and half Australian.
I know I'm blonde, but I'mnaturally nearly black.
My natural color is nearly black, black hair.
But anyway.
Anyway.
So let me ask you these questions, Stephanie.
Yes.
These are what I have thought of.
Uh, six questions that I think you coulduse to determine what someone's values are.
(14:23):
And then based on that information, you canthen, you know, determine whether or not
they're going to be a suitable match for you.
So this is how to HISS.
We're going to do six ways how to HISS.
By the way, you vetted me and I didn'teven know you were doing it because I
was just enjoying talking about myself.
People love talking about themselves.
And at the end of it, I'm like.
I didn't ask him any questions.
I feel like I was justbeing interviewed just then.
(14:44):
Like what just happened?
Yes.
But when you asked, when you answeredthese questions, uh, that I asked
you, that was when I actually fell.
Oh, ding, ding, ding.
I got it right.
Deeper in love with you.
I knew that you were, um.
A good egg.
Yeah.
I knew that you were right for me.
Yeah.
Based on your responses tosome of these questions.
All right.
Well, let's fire these questions off.
What's the first one?
(15:04):
So the first question that I would be asking.
If I was single in the year of2025 and potentially getting into a
relationship is whether or not theperson has any spiritual beliefs.
Do they believe in God?
What do they believe in?
Because we all believe in something.
Maybe they're religious, maybe they're not.
If they're not religious, it's importantto realize that while they might not
worship God, they do worship something.
(15:26):
Because we all worship something.
And I think that that isimportant to know upfront.
What is your God?
What is your version of God?
Do you believe in no God and maybe spend allof your time focused on material success?
Maybe it's wealth.
Yeah.
Maybe it's your looks.
What is it?
What is it that you believe?
What is it that youprioritize above all else?
(15:48):
From my perspective, when we gottogether, as you've talked about,
you were a very faith filled woman.
You had a strong, uh, religious Christianupbringing, uh, and from my perspective,
you were very grounded in that.
And you had a very close connection, uh,with God, uh, which I found very attractive.
Because I knew if you have a goodrelationship with, let's call it, the man
(16:10):
upstairs, I know that you're going to havea good relationship with me, because it
gives you a good sense of relating to men.
That paternal love thatonly, I think, God can give.
And I knew that that was a, a brilliant,uh, foundation for our relationship.
Doesn't mean that everyone has to bereligious, but it's a worthwhile thing
knowing, because like I said, we allworship something and it's important
(16:33):
to determine what this person worships.
Yes.
Anything to add?
You also had a very strong Christianbase as well, so that was like
a value that helped us connect.
Absolutely.
It was a belief.
It was a belief, and I think that thebeliefs that you do have, I think,
excel or demonstrate your values.
(16:53):
Like there are plenty of values that aredemonstrated in the Christian faith, if
you're a Christian, um, which you canthen, you know, expect from each other.
Yeah.
So this is a good backing.
Um, all right.
Question number two.
This is a big one.
You're right.
Itchy.
Itchy.
Question number two.
What's your relationshiplike with your parents?
(17:14):
Now, this can be a complicated one for manypeople, and there's no right or wrong answer.
In fact, there's no right or wrong answerfor any of these questions, but based on
the person's response, you can start towork out a thing or two about whoever it
is that you're potentially looking at.
I had an ex once.
As a partner.
Yeah, go on.
And he treated his mom poorly.
Okay.
Hmm.
I remember seeing him, he tookforever to introduce me to his mom.
(17:36):
He didn't want me to meet her.
And I finally did.
She was lovely, lovely lady.
And then I saw him interact withher and I was like, Oh my gosh,
that is so like such a turnoff.
That is so not okay.
He was so disrespectfulto her and really mean.
And I was very unsettled by that.
So I think it's really important that hehas a good relationship with his family.
(17:59):
It baffles me how many, we talk about women,um, how many women just excuse that behavior.
If you're looking at a man and hesays, look, I've got a complicated
relationship with my mother, that's fine.
Like, it is so normal to have familydisputes, complications, whatever.
Maybe he's been abused, maybe,who knows, maybe all sorts of
different things can happen.
(18:19):
But if he cannot, um, demonstrate a levelof forgiveness, Mm. Towards the way that
he was brought up, towards the way thathis mother or father was, then that is a,
you know, a bit of a red flag in the sensethat he's holding resentment in his heart.
And if he's holding resentment in hisheart for the people that brought him into
this world, then what's the likelihoodof him developing resentment for you?
(18:42):
Obviously that's circumstantialdepending on what's happened in his
childhood, and I'm sure that Absolutely.
There's many reasons as to why, and I guessasking those questions, what happened and,
and coming from a place of understanding,but yeah, in, in my situation, it was
like, this lady was lovely, um, sure she'sprobably got her issues and there was
issues with him and her growing up, butthe fact is she's older now and she was
(19:07):
providing a home for him and taking careof her own mother at the same time and.
Yeah, I felt like seeing theirinteraction was just really eye
opening and quite scary for me.
I know we all have our issues, but I waslike, wow, you don't have to be that mean.
And same also goes for, uh, women andthe relationship with their fathers.
(19:30):
I think that, you know, they say that womenoften marry their fathers and men marry their
mothers or someone that resembles a close,uh, representation of their mother or father.
Um, and the way that they relate to theirparents of the opposite sex is important.
And like I said, obviously thingshappen and no parent is perfect.
Maybe there's some absent parents.
(19:51):
Maybe there's some parents that havereally horribly abused, um, you know, them.
But at the same time, like Ithink there needs to be a level of
forgiveness that's demonstrated.
And if there's not, and if there isthat bitter frustration that you're
talking about, then the chance of thatthen flipping onto you is highly likely.
Yeah, I say that kids go throughthree different phases, which is.
(20:13):
The idolization phase of their parent, Ithink their parent is, you know, keeping
all clean, knees to knees, uh, they then gothrough the teenage years of demonization,
where they think, well, you live stupid.
I don't like the way that you live.
Um, I want to live different.
I want to be myself and createmyself as my own person.
So I'm going to reject your ideas and createmy own ideas, which is their very natural way
(20:35):
of trying to find their own way in the world.
And then the, finally, after the demonizationphase, the humanization phase, Where
you realize that your parent is just aperson, they're not a king or a queen,
they're a deeply flawed individual nodifferent to you, and they did the best
that they can with what they know how.
And once you can foster forgiveness inthat, you then open up a whole new sense
(20:59):
of love and appreciation for them, and ifyou can do that with them, then I think
there's a much higher likelihood that you'llbe able to do that in your relationship.
Cause I'd argue that you go through asimilar sort of phase in your relationship.
We first idolize each other.
We then might demonize each other forour flaws, because you might point out
flaws in me, I might point out flawsin you, which can be hard to grasp.
And then we humanize with each other andfind a way to live and cohabitate together.
(21:24):
All right, so.
Moving on.
Moving on.
Question number three.
We talked about the relationship, uh, withthem and how they relate to their parents.
Yes.
But the other question I would askis what was their relationship,
your parents relationship like?
Oh, yes.
Okay.
Sorry, that took a second to hit.
I thought we're going generational, liketheir parents, parents, parents, parents.
(21:44):
No, but their parents together, your parentsrelationship together, what were they like?
Were they toxic?
Were they.
Correct.
Because how, how they related,whether we like it or not, how they
related to each other is very likelyhow you will relate to your partner.
Monkey see, monkey do.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
When you get into a relationship, if, youknow, the person that you are talking to,
(22:07):
um, says that, you know, their parents hada really toxic relationship, that doesn't
mean that that rules that person out ofbeing a good person, but it does mean that
that was modeled to them, that behavior.
And I think the follow up question to thatis, if there was, you know, a level of
toxicity, which would be very traumatic, uh,to the child that has to view that, and now
(22:29):
to the adult that's carrying on that, youknow, have they had any therapy counseling
to try and resolve some of those things?
Some people don't know they'recarrying it until they get into a
relationship and then it comes outduring the high pressure circumstances.
This is why we talk about relationshipsso much, because from our perspective, a
relationship is the best tool for growth.
Uh, that you can have because youwill be forced to face all of these
(22:51):
different things about yourself thatyou didn't even know were there.
Oh yeah.
It's easy to hide things.
Didn't even know they were there.
Yeah.
It's easy to hide things when you'realone and under pressure, but when
you're under pressure and you've gotsomeone there with you, they're going to
see things in you and you're not goingto be able to hide things from them.
So that's something worth noting.
What, what was yourparents relationship like?
(23:12):
Yeah.
Was it good?
Was it bad?
If it was bad, how do you feel about that?
Would you do things differently?
Well, your parents used to dancein the kitchen and I was like, ew,
cringe, but now you do that with me.
He grabbed me in a dance and it's sweet.
That's so cute how you watch your parentsdo that and you're probably like disgusted
when you were younger, or maybe youthought that was cute, but then you kind
(23:34):
of want that for your own relationship.
I always hear, I've watched, um, you know,Bachelor and certain dating shows and you'll
hear the men go, you know, I just wantthe, the relationship that my parents had.
They're so in love.
They've been together 50 years.
I just want that for me,that long term life partner.
(23:55):
Because that was.
expressed and shown to them when theywere younger, just like you said.
However, you've got the flip side to that.
And then that brings a whole heapof traumas and issues to that young
individual who had to view that, theirown values, again, not feeling safe and.
what commitment looks like.
(24:15):
So you're right, like what we have modeledto us plays a huge part when it comes to
our own relationships, especially long termones when the person you're with will bring
up those traumas and things that you nevereven thought were a problem or that you even
had issues you didn't even know you had.
until someone points them out in you.
(24:37):
And then you're like, what?
So yeah, that's interesting.
I think as well, like from, likeyou said, my parents had a great
relationship, but even, uh, if.
Their parents had a great relationship.
Another thing to observe or noteis their expectations of, of their
relationship, their new relationship.
Because if you viewed your parentsbeing perfect, Oh, you expect your
(25:00):
relationship to be perfect as well.
Correct.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I got real passionate just then.
Yeah.
Yes, that's exactly right.
So it's not.
I don't think it's a detriment if someoneexperienced parents with a bad relationship,
but I think it's a detriment for someone toexperience parents with a great relationship.
I think what is important is to determinehow this person feels about their
(25:20):
parent's relationship and whether ornot they plan to model something similar
or whether they've learned from the,you know, the modeling that they, um,
We're exposed to growing up and whetherthey plan on doing things differently.
Yep.
Some level of self reflection into theirupbringing is necessary because in your
upbringing is those pivotal years thatwhether we like it or not, create who we are.
(25:41):
Yeah.
And it takes a lot of, youknow, self development to
actually work those things out.
And I think some self developmentis important to be demonstrated.
All right.
Next question.
Question number four.
How did your last relationship end?
Mm, were you saying, she was crazy,she just like, was doing this,
(26:04):
doing that, like, yeah, hard work.
Or he was just a psycho.
A psycho.
He was controlling, he was a nightmare.
Yeah.
Not good.
I don't care what they did, like, I feellike the moment that someone's bitching about
their ex, no matter what they did, like, it'sjust, I don't know, there's something about
(26:28):
that because it makes me feel like the momentthat I cross you the wrong way, you're gonna
carry on about me and bring my name down.
Let's just say that theperson was an awful person.
You can say, hey, it ended becausethis person really struggled and
they were going through a periodin their life where they weren't.
in a good place and I couldn't,I couldn't carry that anymore.
(26:49):
Like, there's a certain way to be ableto say that you were with someone awful
without saying you're with someone awful.
Even there are obviously situations whereyou might even experience an abusive partner.
Yeah.
Which is, is so valid to say thatthis person was really awful to me.
Yeah.
But at the same time, if we go throughthose, um, three stages that I just talked
about with the parents of You know, firstidolizing, then demonizing and humanizing.
(27:14):
If you can get to that point of humanizingwith your partner, even as hard as this
might be, even if they were in fact anabuser, realizing that they are just a
flawed human being, experienced whateverthey experienced in their upbringing, and
unfortunately and unfairly and unrightfully,they carried that out onto you, let's say.
(27:34):
There is no excuse for it, but at the sametime, hopefully, you can find a level of
empathy for them, forgiveness for them, toknow that, you know, that they're just a
human too, because there's always two sidesto a relationship, and I think it would
be unfair to say that, you know, even inthat situation, that you, Did everything
(27:56):
perfectly, like no one is perfect, wherethere are always two sides to a story.
And if you can demonstrate someform of accountability when you talk
about a past relationship, you know,whether it be the forgiveness or the
accountability of, you know, well, Iwasn't quite in my right head space.
Um, I could have been better or, youknow, they were just dealing with
lots of things and it didn't work out,unfortunately, um, you know, that, that
(28:19):
tells a lot about someone's character.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Start dating this person that you'retalking to about this situation with
your ex. Then you can open up more whenyou're comfortable with each other.
But I think when you're in that whole datingscenario and you're trying to vet someone.
Just be careful not to bringpeople down and talk about.
(28:39):
Your ex and everything that they didstraight up like it's just and be careful
if that person is talking ill of theirex. Yeah, yeah, just briefly ask what
happened, you know, and just see theresponse and then kind of leave it.
Don't you don't have to go deep in itand bring up all the baggage and then
suddenly just talking about the ex.
No one wants to do that on a date.
(29:00):
Definitely doesn't have to, by the way.
Like just to cut into this, thesearen't questions to ask on a first date.
Like one, two, three, you got six questionsand this is it and you don't pass.
In, in the courting process, howeverlong that takes, which hopefully should
be a little while rather than jumpingstraight into bed with each other,
which we'll talk about in a moment.
Oh gosh.
(29:20):
Hopefully there's an opportunity where youcan converse and get to know each other.
That's how we started.
And I think that that is the, thebest way to build a solid foundation.
Uh, of a relationship, because youcannot build, what's the saying?
You cannot build a, a, a buildinghouse on a rocky foundation.
That's right.
Yeah.
There needs to be some level of understandingbetween these two individuals, if you're
(29:42):
going to be able to make this work.
So the next question, leading onto what I just talked about, how
many relationships have you had?
And how many sexual partners have you had?
People are so awkward about that.
They want to know, but they don'twant to ask it because they feel
like it's none of their business.
There's two components to it.
Let's start with the easier one.
(30:03):
How many relationships have you had?
Why is that important?
I think that's important because itdemonstrates a level of commitment
that someone might have had.
If they've only ever had shortterm, six month type relationships,
obviously this is age dependent.
If the person's very young,maybe that's, you know.
Maybe there's an exception to this, but ifthey're in their late twenties, thirties,
whatever, and they've only had a periodof very short relationships, you've got
(30:26):
to ask yourself, that does say somethingabout their commitment levels and their
ability to compromise and work with someoneif they haven't not yet had a long term
successful relationship with someone.
So I think that is worthwhile knowing.
Regarding the harder part of that question,how many sexual partners have you had?
I'll just go ahead and say, there is no rightor wrong answer, but there is an answer.
(30:49):
And I think that's somethingthat we talked about.
And hopefully that's somethingthat the person that you are
talking to won't be ashamed of.
They can just give you an honest answer,um, if they get skittish and upset or shy,
maybe they've had a challenging upbringingdue to whatever reasons, and they've
gone down a path of sexual, you know.
(31:10):
Expression.
From askewity, whatever you wantto call it, um, that's okay.
That's a part of their journey.
But I think it's worthwhilefor both men and women.
This often gets talked aboutfrom a men's standpoint, that
they want to know her body count.
But I think it's also valid for women,like, because this, this tells you a lot
about the person's level of impulsivity.
Yeah.
You know, are they quick to try and finda fix or are they someone that's willing
(31:34):
to put in the hard yards and someone thathas a level of self respect that they
don't give themselves away so easily?
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
And like I said, there's no right or wrong.
If you've had a sexually expressivepast, let's say, that's fine, that's your
journey, but it's important to be upfrontwith the person that you are potentially
getting into a relationship with.
Because if you do get into a relationship,deep into a relationship, you've
(31:58):
gone a year, two years, whatever, andthen all of a sudden it comes out.
Yeah.
That you've had, you know.
And it's going to cause issues.
Yeah.
That you've had, let's say 30partners or whatever it might be.
Then that can create an irreparablerift in the relationship.
And from my perspective, far better to knowthis upfront than finding out all of this
shit that's hidden in the closet, like layeverything out on the cards and find out
(32:21):
whether or not this person can actually loveyou for you, your warts and all, so to say.
And if they can't, then that's on them.
That's fine.
They're not right for you.
Uh huh.
Onto the next.
But this is something that I, I think shouldbe disclosed earlier rather than later.
Yeah.
Disagree or agree?
No, I agree.
Very awkward conversation to have.
(32:43):
Like, hey, how many peoplehave you slept with?
They'll be like, none of your business.
Well, you see, I don't know how muchwe want to tell, but we were both
very comfortable with our number.
Uh, we'd obviously had previous partners, butwe, We weren't carrying any shame about that.
It's so crazy how everyoneviews it differently.
Hey, some people are like my body, my rules.
Other people are like, you know,I'm waiting for my someone or.
(33:06):
And again, no right orwrong, but understand that.
People will have an opinion about it andyour future partner deserves to know.
I feel like they deserve to know.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Because there, there is so much evidence,by the way, like, um, empirical evidence
that supports the fact that the more sexualpartners that you have, the less likelihood
of a successful relationship or marriagethat you're going to have in the future.
(33:29):
Yeah.
So there's a, is a directcorrelation with more sexual partners
equals higher chance of divorce.
or higher chance ofrelationship dissatisfaction.
I'll put the statistic somewhere onthis video, but that is a real thing.
So like it or not, that this is a thing.
Um, again, if you've had aexploratory past, there's no shame
(33:49):
in that, but be upfront about it.
Come to terms with it and be open about it.
Yeah.
All right.
Moving on.
The next question I would like toask is what is the biggest challenge
you've faced in your life today?
Yeah.
Why that's important.
I think that that's important becauseit will demonstrate their willingness to
(34:10):
be vulnerable with you and it will alsodemonstrate their resilience, but also their
ability to communicate their struggles.
If they can effectively communicatetheir struggles, they can
effectively communicate their needs.
Um, and we know that communicationis probably like the most fundamental
(34:32):
thing that is needed for asuccessful long term relationship.
If someone, you know, is not preparedto let you in and is only going to
keep you on the outside and not reallyreveal much about themselves, then
you're not actually dating that person.
You're dating the idea of thatperson that they are putting forward.
You know, so there needs to be awillingness to open up about whatever
(34:54):
struggles that they have been through.
And they, you know, obviously that might taketime for someone to get comfortable enough to
share those things, but at some point thereneeds to be a willing of openness there.
It baffles me how many people willgo and get married to someone that
they, they don't even really know.
Yes, so quickly too, after like eightmonths of being together married.
It baffles me.
(35:14):
It baffles me that someone can getmarried and not know the answer to these
questions that we are talking about.
Mm. Like, there is a, there is a statistic,and I don't know if it's been reported.
I'll find out later on.
Yeah, well, that's right.
There is a statistic that supportsthe fact that couples get married,
you know, within the first, I thinkit's six to twelve months of dating.
Um, the likelihood of divorceskyrockets beyond couples that have
(35:37):
been together, um, three years or more.
I think three years or more is the mostsuccessful time period of courting, uh,
before entering into marriage in orderto, uh, have that marriage be a success.
I knew that you were the one after a year.
Took a year.
No, I knew you, I just knew you're the onestraight up, but I knew that you were going
to be long term after a year because you camein to a relationship with me having two kids.
(36:02):
So there was no like, all the, Iguess honeymoon period as such.
It was straight up kids.
It's like having kids straight awaywhen you just meet someone, right?
Like it's just, it's full on to come into.
And so it was very high stress,plus we were working together.
So we dealt with everything like headon, like rocks coming at us, like head
(36:22):
on, very early on in the relationship.
And we were able to survive that.
So it feels like whatever comesfrom this point forward, we'll get
over it because we've already dealtwith so much adversity early on.
Whereas couples, they get togetherreally, really quickly, get married, do
all the things really, really quickly.
And then the adversity comes later.
(36:44):
And then they realize, yeah,the honeymoon period's over now.
They've had kids and now it's like,Oh my gosh, these kids are too much.
We don't have time together now.
I, you know, I, I just want to be single.
Um, you know, it's, it's sometimesyou need to do things backwards.
It's funny.
We, um, since we've started sharing,uh, clips and thoughts on this
(37:05):
podcast, it's episode number eight.
So there's been seven episodes prior to thiswhere we shared different ideas and so many
people get triggered about the idea of, youknow, well, you guys are having conflicts,
you know, you shouldn't have conflict.
That's, you know, that, that just means thatthere's a conflict is passion or in their
opinion, the Italians would say, you know,often single people's opinion or people that
(37:27):
have only ever had short term relationships.
They come at it from the approach of,well, you know, you shouldn't be arguing.
You shouldn't be gettingfrustrated with each other.
If you are.
That relationship's not right.
And it's like, welcome,welcome to life, buddy.
Like maybe you haven't been through manyadversities in your relationship, but you
will if you stay together long enough.
(37:47):
And when you do, you come back to me andyou tell me about how you never argued.
Yeah.
You never had disputes, how younever had passionate debates.
I would ask, are you bothgrowing in the relationship?
If that's the case, becauseno one's bringing up any.
Issues with each other andthere would be issues there.
They're burying it.
(38:07):
So how is that a growth in your relationship?
Your roommates that share a bed.
Yeah.
Some, you've got to bring thesethings up and challenge each other.
Like if I'm not happy with you,I'll let you know about it.
Well, you might argue as well.
That's the, in my eyes, that'sthe definition of a soul mate.
Like we can, we can be mates at a physicallevel and share bodies, let's say, but a
(38:28):
soul mate is someone that's willing to.
Yeah.
Help your soul, the spiritualpart of you, expand and grow.
I've got an example for you.
It's so funny.
And, and also the rate of resilience fromthe, it helps with resilience in your
relationship when you do bring up things andhow quickly you can get over it and solve it.
And the longer you're together,the better you get at it.
(38:48):
Example today, when we were talking toa friend of ours about his relationship
at the gym, he was bringing upsome issues and things like that.
And then you said to him,Oh, What did you say?
You go, Oh, Stephanie was like.
Uh, yeah.
What did you say?
He was saying, um, you know, it's a bigconcern that she gets mad all the time.
I was like, man, 30 minutes ago,Steph was biting my head off.
Yeah.
And he's like, what?
(39:09):
Because we were just allfriends and talking again.
He's like, what?
Really?
What?
Yeah, it's all right.
I like him now.
Like just our ability torebound quickly and get over it.
When you live together.
You work together, you raise kidstogether, train together, do so many things
together, you are bound to buttheads.
Yeah.
And that's very natural.
There's nothing wrong with that.
(39:30):
When I used to get mad at you earlier onin our relationship, many, many years ago,
I could hold onto that resentment all day.
I could go without talking to you all day.
And why was that, Stephanie?
Because I could just hold onto thatresentfulness, but I also was, um.
Why?
Yes, I know.
I watched my own motherdo that with my father.
(39:54):
She was good at that.
I hope she's not listening to this.
Um, so it was, that was the example Ihad, but anyway, to the point of learning
and growing and you bringing up to methat you think that that's not okay
because your parents were very different.
You showing me another way.
Because I hadn't had no oneshow me a different way.
(40:15):
I only knew what I knew.
And so you had the, the guts andthe tenacity, if that's, if you
will, to come to me and say whatyou weren't and were okay with.
And let me just interject and say thatit's not that this way that I had was
superior because the thing that I reallylearned from you and from, you know,
(40:40):
your family, especially your mother,to give her credit, is that she's a
very expressive woman and someone thatis willing to say what it is that she
thinks and believes in a passionate way.
Which is what I do.
Which is what you do, one of the reasons Ilove you, but something that I was very maybe
reserved in and suppressed in because I wassort of, you know, only ever shown a, you
know, righteous, proper way of doing things.
(41:01):
Um, learning to be more expressive andbe willing to put my beliefs out there,
um, is something that I very much learnedfrom you and obviously from her as well.
So we, you know, we take these bitsfrom our upbringing, we merge them
together and hopefully grow intothat more whole version of our thing.
And then the more we do it and themore we give each other feedback,
(41:21):
the quicker we can get over thingsand the quicker that we can grow.
That's why I was likethat example at the gym.
He was so surprised that I couldbe just normal with you now because
in his situation she goes all day.
So yeah, and I totally get thatbecause I used to be like that.
So it's just interesting.
But as you grow, what once took usa day to recover from now only might
(41:41):
take 10 minutes and then we're over it.
Maybe five, maybe two dependson if you rub my back or not.
All right, let's wrap this up.
Question number, I think this isquestion number six, I've lost count now.
Is it the last one?
Well, I did have the question,what's your, what's your future
(42:02):
vision in regards to marriage, tokids, to work, to where you live?
Like all of these.
Where do you see yourselfin the next couple of years?
Yeah.
All of these really logical things.
I would like to think thatthat's a pretty common.
I'm trying to give questions that,um, you know, most people might not
have the guts to ask or think to ask.
(42:23):
So I'm going to go ahead and assume thatthat's something that should be talked about.
I don't think we need to dive into depthon that particular subject, but clearly
there needs to be some level of agreementthat we're moving in a path that, you
know, resembles each other's visions.
Yeah.
Because if you're moving one way, you don'twant kids, for example, and you do want kids,
then clearly that's going to be a problem.
(42:43):
Although I knew a girl.
That got married.
And she said to him before they gotmarried, I don't want any more kids.
She had two of her own and he had none.
And he was like, I don't care.
I'm okay with that.
And they ended up havinga kid like last year.
So things can change as you growand, you know, do things together.
So don't be hell bent on.
That's what they think andthen that's set in motion.
(43:05):
Obviously, some people actually do saywhat they believe, but yeah, there has to
be some openness that things can change.
Of course, yep.
But I think if, if we, that's why Ithink if we answer these first few
questions, we'll find those values andwillingness to work with each other.
And then I think that almost, um,supersedes the, the logistical question of
(43:26):
where do you see yourself in five years?
Because let's be honest, when no one knowswhere we're going to be in five years,
we might have certain aspirations, butlife's going to happen and we're going
to bend and turn in different ways.
And I think if you can get theseother things, you know, known.
Then, uh, you know, your level ofawareness about that person and their
willingness to compromise and work withyou and meet you halfway is going to
(43:46):
be demonstrated from these questions.
Um, so the final question I had, uh, washow you feel if we get into a relationship,
how do you feel about, uh, having jointbank accounts, sharing social accounts?
Passwords.
Yeah.
Is, do I have my things and you haveyour things, or do we have our things?
(44:08):
Like, what, what is your belief here?
How, how united are we going to be ifwe start this relationship together?
In my opinion, if someone was going tosay, well, no, no, no, I value my privacy.
You have your things.
I have my things.
That might be fine at the start, butthe whole idea of a relationship and
a marriage is, is a union, right?
That we unify together.
(44:30):
Yeah.
And we become.
Hmm.
One.
That's right.
So, like, in our relationship, wedon't have my things, your things.
We have our things.
You're, have very much open accessto all of my social accounts, my bank
accounts, likewise, from me to you.
We have our things.
Yes.
And I think that that is important.
And if someone, uh, isn't open to that idea.
(44:52):
and someone, um, you know, wants tohave their own life and not really
unite with you, then I would arguethat that might be a red flag.
Well, that's what it waslike with my ex husband.
I'm not bagging him out in here, guys.
It's just an experience that I had.
(45:12):
We're all friends still.
We all talk.
It's fine.
Jamie's friends with him.
It's everything's good.
Um, and he, he would justlaugh at this anyway.
But the point is, like, thatwas very separate living.
It was like his money, my money.
We split the bills.
Whereas with you, it's like.
Together.
Our bills, our money that comes in,we work together, everything's ours.
(45:33):
And I prefer it that way because itdoesn't feel like you're my housemate,
it feels like you're my, my soulmate andmy team and we are one and everything is
our stress, not my stress, your stress.
Everything is together and we sortit out together and if there's a
problem, it's a together thing.
Like it's union.
Unity.
Absolutely.
Good to know, Grandma.
(45:54):
Well, they were my questions.
They were, I think, six, six questions thatI would be asking, uh, when potentially
looking to get into a relationship withsomething that I think these things
are worth knowing before you get tooserious, before you get too involved.
Um, Time is precious.
You are worth something, just as theyare worth something, and you want to make
(46:15):
sure that you're both aligned, uh, beforeyou get too involved, because getting
too involved when you're not alignedonly leads to heartbreak, also lessons,
but if we can avoid the heartbreak andgo straight to, um, finding that person
that you can really relate to and sharea joyous relationship with, then, yeah.
(46:36):
Probably the sooner you find them,the better, that is my hope for
you, whoever you are listening.
Yes.
Don't be scared to ask questions.
Don't be scared to hiss.
And, um, just to reiterate, don't forget, uh,this episode might be talking about, um, the
other person, the person on the receiving endof your Your life and your love, um, but you
(46:59):
have to also analyze yourself, uh, which iswhat we discussed in the previous episode.
So if you haven't watched that,make sure you do go and watch that.
Did I miss anything, Stephanie?
Is there anything you'd like to add?
Um, no.
I think what you said was verygeneralized for both men and women.
I think ask as many questionsthat you can get away with.
(47:21):
Um, and do it in a way that'snot accusive or intrusive.
Make it seem generalized andlike you're not vetting them.
Just make it seem like confes conversationthat you're just interested in knowing.
You can break it up a little bit.
You can use all points or two pointsor three points, whatever, but don't
(47:43):
waste all your emotional energy.
By getting into a relationship and notknowing anything about this person and
finding out as you go, that is so much harderand just more baggage that you have to wear.
And it's in a, in a world that is alreadyso heavy, you just want to try and clear
out as much baggage and trash as you can.
(48:07):
And really guard your heart and your soulin today's society and have enough self
respect and confidence to know that you areworth something and that you are allowed
to ask these things and you are allowed tohave a say in who you allow in your life
and to dictate over you or speak over you.
(48:29):
I think guard yourself and back yourself.
That's my saying for 12 saying in theearlier podcast we did back yourself in 2025.
Absolutely.
And recognize the value thatyou bring, I think is, is huge.
If you can, like, if you're hearingthese questions and you're thinking to
yourself, geez, if someone asked me thesequestions, they might not like my answer,
(48:50):
like this is also a good place to start.
That's good.
Then you don't want someone like that.
That's exactly right.
Like there, there is going to besomeone out there for everyone.
I firmly believe that.
And if you are battling with one ofthese questions, maybe you're thinking,
well, you know, shit, my relationshipwith my parents is a little bit flawed.
I haven't really.
Really done much reflection on that.
(49:11):
There's a place to start, like startthere, try and heal that part of
yourself, and then that, who knows?
That might just be the missing piecethat's been holding you back from
obtaining the relationship that you desire.
Like there, there is something in all ofthese things and if you can either reflect
on yourself or reflect on your potentialpartner, then hopefully you can, you
(49:31):
can find something there that will help.
Yeah.
There was one really briefthing, then we'll finish.
One brief story that I thinkis good to close out on.
That's the story of the PricelessJewel, have you heard of it?
No.
So very quick.
Okay.
A wise teacher once gathered a groupof students, hold up a sparkling jewel.
He said, who would like this jewel?
(49:52):
Everyone hands shot up.
The teacher then dropped thejewel into the ground, grinding
it into the dirt with his heel.
He then picked it up and askedagain, who wants this jewel?
Again, everyone's hand rose.
The teacher smiled.
Now watch.
They placed the jewel in muddywater, shook it around until it was
coated with mud, held it up oncemore and said, Who wants this jewel?
(50:15):
Every hand stayed raised.
The teacher said, You all want this jewel,even though it's been dirtied and scuffed.
Why?
One student replied,because it's still valuable.
The teacher nodded, and so are you.
Life may leave you feeling scuffed,bruised or stained, but like this
jewel, your worth remains unchanged.
(50:38):
Do not let the dirt of circumstancesor others opinion make you forget
your intrinsic value as a human being.
So no matter what you might have beenthrough, you have something to give.
Everyone has something to give, but makesure you recognize your value so you
don't get walked on and you find someonethat is willing to appreciate your value
(51:01):
and the value that it is that you have.
There is someone out there for you,there's someone out there for everyone,
that is my firm belief, so I hopethat is a nice way to close out.
That is a beautiful way to closeout, and I think you're totally
right, we all have value, but youhave to see it in yourself first.
And find someone that appreciates it.
And find someone that appreciatesit, sees it, and also nurtures it,
(51:23):
to help you become a better versionof yourself as you are to them.
Well, guys.
If you haven't done so already, if you're onthe podcast channels, please follow us, leave
us a rating, a comment if you're on YouTube,uh, please comment below, subscribe to the
channel if you haven't done so already.
And subscribe to Jamie's storytellingInstagram, it's called Jamie Stories.
(51:46):
No, I'm kidding.
You should have one though, becauseyou're such a great storyteller.
I always sit and listen and justlike, tell me what happens next.
You know how you're a little kid, Idon't know if you ever went to this,
my mom would take me to these, like.
Yeah.
Special rooms where they did like storyreading and it's like all these lights
and you're with all the other kids sittingon the ground, listening to the stories
and Cinderella and all of these things.
And there's some lollies being passed around.
(52:08):
It takes me back to being alittle, like a little girl.
It takes me back.
Yeah.
And I was sitting here andI'm like, tell me more.
Oh, there you go.
Who knows?
Maybe I'll start a stories channel.
I'm going to ask you to tellme stories before I go to bed.
You already do.
I know.
Don't act like you don't.
That's something for another episode.
Speaking of which, if you have ideasfor a future episode, let us know,
(52:31):
drop a comment, send us a message.
We would love to hear from you.
Otherwise, we hope these things arehelpful to you and where you're at.
Um, otherwise we will catch you.
On the next one.
On the next one.
You gotta say it with me.
Peace.
Peace out.
Thanks for listening.
Don't forget to follow usand leave a rating or review.
(52:55):
See you next time.