May 10, 2024 • 29 mins
In an emotionally resonant episode of "Loser Talk with Lar", host Larry shares his personal journey of losing a beloved mother and the profound impacts on his life. This special Mother's Day edition is a touching exploration of grief, acceptance, and personal growth.
The episode begins with an introduction to Larry's new venture, theevolutionoflarry.com, a platform designed as a wellspring of community wellness. He extends a warm invitation for everyone to partake in this innovative experience.
Delving into the heart of this episode, Larry recounts the sorrowful events leading to his mother's demise and his moving eulogy at her funeral. He vividly paints the picture of her grace in face of death, leading to a transformative journey from denial to acceptance.
In his touching tribute, Larry portrays his mother's bravery and unyielding optimism, a testament of her strength that continues to inspire him. He also details the contributions of his extended family, who were instrumental in offering love and support till her last moments.
As Larry navigates through this narrative, the episode presents a vivid understanding of grief, its immediate impacts and the long-lasting changes it induces. Larry's deep introspection and developed resilience offer a glimmer of hope to listeners facing similar challenges.
The episode encourages listeners to re-examine their relationships, especially with their mothers, offering an avenue for introspective healing. As a balm to its audience, the episode concludes with the comforting possibility of feeling the maternal presence, even in her absence.
Listeners are urged to follow Larry's journey on his website, theevolutionoflarry.com, or through his social media platforms. They are also invited to join his private Facebook group for premium wellness content. The episode celebrates the invincible strength of mothers, their endless love, and their enduring influence.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(01:05):
Oh, when the losers go marching in, oh, when the losers go marching in,
they will be led by Larry's Losers Orchestra.
Of course we're being led by Larry's Losers Orchestra.
(01:26):
And just listen to them. Show them some love. Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(01:47):
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Loser Talk with Lair. Losing a lot more than just weight.
This is the special Mother's Day edition.
Thanks so much for being with me.
I have exciting news.
Listen to this. I am the proud papa-mama-papa-mama combo of a website.
(02:13):
I gave birth. This really happened.
I gave birth over the weekend to the evolution of Larry.com.
That's right. I'm a dot com.
Can you believe it? IMA.com. It's a work in progress, but it is so beautiful.
(02:36):
It looks just like me. You can see it.
Pics of me and my family, my fur children, Boston, hummingbirds,
Berkeley, all the things near and dear to me.
So make sure you visit the website, leave your email so you you can sign up
for our loser link letter that will be forthcoming.
(02:59):
It will include all the loser happenings and news and all sorts of ways to stay
connected with your health and wellness journey.
It will be a one-stop shop hub for losers everywhere. So get excited.
The evolution of Larry.com has been released to the world. older.
(03:22):
Of course, I also have all my social media too.
Follow me at LarrysLosers22 on Instagram.
The Evolution of Larry is still on Facebook.
Ask to join our private Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook.
That includes exclusive ways to connect with our loser family.
(03:44):
We even have our own Loser Masterclass
Zooms, and everyone on a health and wellness journey is invited.
So make sure you get all the information to join us.
If you're liking the work of this podcast, I have provided my Venmo link on here to leave a gift.
(04:09):
On Facebook and on the new website, site, there are other ways to donate too.
I'm honored that you're here listening with me. Thank you so much for being with me.
Now I want you to think about your relationship with your mother, good or bad.
Take some time and let it wash over you.
(04:32):
Now, think about how it has formed you and your relationships with others.
But most importantly, how has it shaped your relationship with yourself?
That's the question. With yourself.
Think about those things as I go through losing my precious mom.
(04:53):
I'm going to read the eulogy I presented at her funeral. and it will chronicle
that last year we had to dance with lung cancer and how it has shaped me since.
Below are my thoughts from mom's funeral that Saturday.
I spoke there these thoughts, and I'm speaking them now because it helps me
(05:17):
to get this out into the universe as I still and I always will go through this
grieving process. Hi, everyone.
Thank you for coming. We appreciate all of your love and support.
It's helping us work through this very difficult, extremely hard time.
We are here to celebrate, although it's so hard to celebrate,
(05:39):
the extraordinary woman that mom Donna Jean Wittenmeyer Critchfield was and
is as she continues to live on through all of us.
Her beautiful spirit, strength, humor, compassion, and boundless love we will
(06:00):
draw from and use as an example for the rest of our lives.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and please grant me the wisdom to know the difference.
(06:21):
This has always been one of Mom's favorite prayers. It hung in our living room
for as long as I can remember.
I've sought it out often in my life to help me, especially now.
Mom lived in that serene place of things that can't be changed this past hard year.
I, not so much.
(06:43):
I tried everything I could to tame the beast that was growing in her chest.
The beast that would take her from us. I, we, fought it with everything we could.
Mom didn't care. She went along for the ride, savoring every moment she could,
(07:05):
knowing she was ready to leave, accepting it with peace and serenity.
We found out about the tumor in her right lung in that January 2021.
She had been struggling with her breathing for a few months,
but that was nothing new for her. She had smoked for 60 years.
(07:27):
She got bronchitis twice a year at least, allergies, et cetera.
We would try different antibiotics, steroids, decongestants,
inhalers, and it would seem to get better.
I was so good at knowing you got to take this at this time.
You got to do this inhaler at this time. She would call, she would call, and Google Dr.
(07:47):
Larry was on it. I knew exactly what would cure it and when.
And usually, Larry was right, usually.
But when I went to see her in January, I knew something wasn't right.
So I convinced her, let me take you to the ER.
That's when the mass was found. And eventually, the biopsy confirmed it was cancer. I'm sorry.
(08:12):
The biopsy confirmed it was cancer. I just remember sitting in that dark parking
lot and it was snowing and I couldn't go in because of COVID,
and she was in there, and she texted me and said they had found something,
and I just knew it was pneumonia.
It wasn't a lump. It wasn't a tumor. It was pneumonia. That wasn't going to
(08:34):
happen. Anyway, I'm getting it together. I'm sorry.
We were officially given the news at the pulmonologist, hearing it for the first
time. This happened exactly what I'm doing right now.
Tears streamed down my face. She interrupted the doctor, as she often did.
She made him shut up, and she said, Larry, why are you crying?
(08:57):
Don't cry. This is fine. We've talked about this.
I will be fine. And we had talked about it. She told me, don't you cry.
There's nothing to cry about. I'm ready. She reassured me. So the journey began.
We were referred to the oncologist immediately.
(09:17):
I remember the first appointment. We were alone in the exam room writing for him to appear.
And she said, Larry, to me again, Larry, I'm totally fine with this.
When God decides it's your time, it's your time.
She said that her whole life. And I said to her, I agree, Mom,
(09:38):
but I also know God helps those that help themselves.
Next followed some silence for a few seconds, and she turned to me,
laughed, and said, Oh, you're good. That's really good.
So it was that moment we would agree, we would try our options,
(10:00):
see how things went. if it became too much for her, I would be at peace with
things that can't be changed.
I promised her I definitely, of course, would not put her through agony.
One of the last times she was in the hospital, her breathing just wasn't improving.
(10:21):
The scans and x-rays were showing some nodules on her left lung moved from her
right lung to her left lung, which could be explained by fluid and infection.
The PET scan didn't light up on those areas.
So Google Dr. Larry did his research and found a condition that it could have
been. Different infections it could have been.
(10:41):
Fluid it could have been. And we were all convinced that this was something we could control.
So we were happy that day we spent. We were happy.
Later that day the door opened and the oncologist walked in with tears in his eyes.
Instantly, we knew it was out of our control. He explained that despite the
(11:02):
treatment, it was spreading.
It was in her left lung now, fluid around her lung, and now it was in bones.
It was in a bone in her neck. It was moving up. And we know what that means.
As he was giving the news, mom, of course, interrupted and said,
(11:26):
look, there's a hummingbird.
In the midst of him telling her the cancer is spreading, on the fourth floor hospital.
Window, mom interrupted him and said, look, there's a hummingbird.
Such a beautiful moment of her light shining through the darkness.
(11:53):
She was not afraid of the cancer.
She was in awe of God's creation. She was in that serene place of acceptance.
The next day, she was released. The nurse that wheeled her down to the car pulled
me aside as Jim, her husband, and mom pulled away.
(12:13):
She wanted me to know what a special person she was. She told me the story of that night.
All the nurses and staff gathered in her room.
She said to me, I just can't explain it. We just wanted to be near her.
She made us happy. She made us laugh.
She's very special. I explained to her that she didn't need to explain it.
(12:39):
I completely understood the light that she is and her whole life that has drawn all of us to her.
That light shone brightest during the darkest times.
Last Friday, Mom was given the news that we could keep fighting.
Waiting, but since she was so tired and struggling, she chose to do hospice.
(13:02):
When I saw her Saturday, I knew she was leaving us soon.
I could see it in her face. And I asked, are you depressed?
What's happened? I mean, you just changed overnight. And she told me, no, I'm just sleepy.
I was preparing Preparing to leave that night, she was crying.
Sorry, this is so hard. I hated to see her cry or struggle.
(13:27):
Sorry, you guys, I didn't know this was going to be so hard.
So I, of course, asked what I could do to make it better. She responded with,
I just need to cry, Larry, that's all.
She responded, I didn't realize it would be this hard.
I had planned to work that next day. I was a coach for Weight Watchers.
And that Sunday, I had workshops in the morning. And then I was going to go
(13:51):
right over to Brandy's where mom was.
Brandy is my niece. Is my niece. And I was going to go over as soon as the workshops
were over and be there all through the evening.
But Brandy called me early in the morning and said that mom had been asking for me.
And it was a rough morning. Mom never asked for me. If mom was asking for me,
(14:13):
something was happening.
So I drove over immediately. I missed my workshops. I didn't work, of course.
And I went to be with her, knowing the time was coming very soon.
I had to get there, and I had to give her the morphine speech,
which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
(14:33):
But she listened to me because we made a pact that at that moment we knew was
coming no more pain and so the morphing began and so did that part of the journey,
i'm so sorry i didn't know this was gonna be so hard okay that night and the
(14:55):
next day we would watch her as she struggled and transitioned.
Staying coherent and smiling, she did.
She smiled till the very end as that demon would howl and hiss in her chest, that noise.
She would have moments where she would relax and I would nod to her and then
she would share a smile, both of us knowing peace was coming soon.
(15:21):
God was going to tame that beast and take her away from its grip.
I got to hold, kiss, and love on her, which was so special.
At one point, I asked how I could make it better, and she responded, I'll be fine, Larry.
I just have to get there.
(15:43):
She got there at 7.25 p.m. on Monday evening.
There was no warning, no rhythmic change in breathing, no discoloration of her
legs and feet, no slowing of her heart, nothing.
Brandy, they all left the room. Not long after they left the room, I was sitting there,
(16:08):
and in a flash, the fight was over, and she left us, so peaceful and serene.
Just how she had accepted it all along, peaceful and serene.
At this point, I thanked my family. I thanked my dear friend, Ann Timberlake.
(16:28):
She is a dear friend of the family. She was our hairdresser and she was the
light in mom's world. Mom had a hair thing.
She loved, well, she had a love-hate relationship with her hair.
All she talked about was her hair and she couldn't get out.
So Ann Ann would come and cut her hair. So that was the bright spot in mom's
life there at the end because when Ann would come over, that was a treat.
(16:53):
So I told Ann, you know, you did such a great job with mom's hair and she did
her hair and makeup for the funeral.
Truly comfort her knowing that Ann was going to be doing that.
She told everyone that Ann was doing her hair and makeup for the funeral.
If anyone knows anything about mom, that her hair was never good enough. It was straight.
(17:14):
It needed to be curly, short. It needed to be long. She barely got any gray,
as you could see if you had been there.
And she was so, it was dark. She barely had any gray at all.
And she wanted white hair and it definitely wasn't white. So all it was was
hair, hair, hair. And it was constant.
She wanted to lose her hair.
(17:36):
Listen, it was hair constantly. You think I'm nuts? That's, well,
you're right. It was constant.
She had a rough year of not being able to get out and do things.
And every time she got to see Anne, she was pampered by Anne.
It was such a bright spot for her.
She was always so excited to see Anne.
(17:56):
And then I gave a shout out. Anne owns Exclusive Hair Salon on 4th and Voorhees in Terre Haute.
For all your beauty needs, there's your shameless promotion. and can pay me later.
And then I spoke about Jim, mom's husband. She loved him so much.
(18:16):
He was such a great gift to her.
He made her happy. He made her smile and laugh, and she needed that.
He took care of her. You know, he waited on her hand and foot, and he's not young.
He's in his 80s. Drove her to her appointments, helped her walk to the restroom,
cooked, cleaned, even learned how to do laundry again, which was hilarious.
(18:39):
She had many, many, many conversations with me about leaving and how he was the one worry.
She wanted him to be taken care of. She made me promise, even though it wasn't necessary.
We are forever grateful to Jim. And so I thanked him during that part.
(19:00):
And then my sweet, sweet, sweetheart niece, Brandy. What a light in the world.
She took mom in. She waited on her hand and foot.
She's always been the giver. She just is the best. I'm just so proud of her for everything.
Her kids, her marriage, her life.
(19:20):
She was such a gift to mom, always. She and Anwar, my nephew-in-law,
opened their home, took mom in.
Whatever mom needed, they made it happen.
They helped so much. They helped me tremendously.
I don't know what I would have done without them. You're so brave and so strong, Brandy.
(19:42):
I know you don't feel like you are, but look what you did and faced.
You jumped every time she made a noise and you ran and checked on her.
Jim and I could rest because we knew she had the best care.
We are all so blessed we had each other and we had quite a team.
She couldn't have had better care, couldn't have been loved more.
(20:06):
Brandy was comforting mom from behind at one point.
Brandy was setting mom as she sobbed. Mom opened her eyes.
She had been asleep, or we didn't know if she was unconscious at that. We didn't know.
And mom opened her eyes and smiled and said, are you bawling again? Cry baby.
(20:27):
That sharp sense of humor and smile was still present till the end.
Oh my God, it made us laugh so hard because that was mom's wit and sense of
humor. Oh, it was so funny.
And then on were my nephew-in-law, Brandy's husband.
He has been an angel in our family from the very beginning.
(20:47):
He just, mom loved him.
Anyway, what I wrote is, you've been a blessing from day one when you entered
our family. You fit right in.
Not sure you want to advertise that, but congratulations.
You've always been one of us. Mom loved you as her own. You were her sweetheart.
She always wanted to know what her sweetheart was doing, what he was wearing.
(21:12):
She couldn't have loved you more. You have always been there for us,
coordinating with doctors, consulting with each one.
He's a doctor, by the way. being on the other end of the phone with my freak
outs and Brandy's freak outs.
You took all of Google Dr.
Larry's late night texts with medical articles asking, could it be this?
(21:33):
And what if we did this, et cetera?
You made sure mom had anything she wanted, including pillows.
Mom had a thing about pillows. The pillow had to be just right, just like her hair.
Pillow had to be just right. She had to have just so many arranged in a certain
way. And she had to have three. and this one had to be there.
And at one point we needed to prop her up more.
(21:54):
So Onwer was the go-getter at the last part.
He was too nervous to stand there and watch. So we stayed while he went out and did things for us.
So this job was go get pillows.
So Onwer disappears and comes back a few minutes later with hundreds of pillows.
(22:16):
I swear to you, every pillow in the house, including couch cushions.
I'm thinking the neighbors want their pillows back too.
I mean, seriously. And if you guys know me, I'm a freak about Diet Cokes.
I'm addicted to Diet Coke.
Every time I'd take a sip, there'd be a fresh new Diet Coke in my hand.
He, I mean, just the best, the best. Thank you for being you and being there always.
(22:44):
In closing, I just want to say it's always been said that the price of love is grief.
I know I will be paying for the rest of my days with huge amounts of grief,
but I got quite a bargain from being loved by my mother.
(23:04):
The day she left was September 6, 2021. 21, my life ended and began in a way
that I'll never be able to explain.
My body and mind completely changed that day, and I never could have prepared for the impact.
I was in shock for over a year.
(23:27):
My body went into complete shutdown with physical pain, and I was diagnosed
with fibromyalgia 10 days after she left from the trauma it had left on me.
I always thought when you had grief, it was all about the crying and the mental
anguish, which of course, as you just heard,
(23:49):
I had, but mine wasn't about that as much because of the shock I seemed to find
on the the surface, but inside I was being torn apart physically.
It changed my body and mind drastically.
But you know, now I live for me, in peace.
(24:13):
I say things out loud. I've always been a very vocal person, just like mom.
But now I more get to the point I don't have time for wasting.
I want to savor what I have and appreciate all that's been given me.
(24:34):
She gave me a beautiful life, and I love it so much.
She left me with so much, and I don't take any of it for granted anymore.
I have so much of her in me. I'm proud to stand tall.
I'm proud to be loud. And I'm proud no one will ever take that away from me.
(25:00):
This has all helped me complete the circle, the wholeness of loving who I am and becoming myself.
And that's all she ever wanted for any of us.
So now I want you to go back to your relationship with your mother.
What can you take away from it? And how has it made you and your social circles?
(25:25):
And more importantly, how has it made you, you?
Find that strength. You can draw from it.
Even if there's darkness there, there's always strength that you can use to help you.
Find it. Let it guide you. My hope is that if anyone is hurting and missing
(25:47):
their mothers like I am on this Mother's Day, that we find peace,
that serene place where we can connect and reflect, hear their laugh,
feel their arms around us, smell their perfume, surrounded by the love of Mother always.
I wish that for all of us.
(26:11):
Now, don't forget to check out my new website, theevolutionoflarry.com.
You can actually see pics of me and mom on there. Oh my God, so beautiful.
It's a work in progress, and that will be our loser hub of all things Larry's Losers.
So make sure you stop by and leave your email there so you can keep up with
(26:33):
all the happenings. Also find me on Larry's Losers 22 on Instagram,
The Evolution of Larry on Facebook.
And don't forget to ask to join our private Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook,
where our loser family gathers with exclusive content and fun ways to stay connected
(26:54):
and motivated on our health and wellness journeys.
We even have our very own Loser Masterclass Zooms, and all of you are invited.
If you're liking the work of this podcast, I have provided my Venmo link for gifting.
On the website and Facebook, there are other ways to leave donations too.
(27:15):
I'm so honored that you are here listening with me.
Now before I leave you,
here's some words of wisdom the backbone of a mother is the strongest yet most pliable of them all,
(27:38):
to bend over backward and still be a pillar,
some call it magic,
I call it my mother.
Thanks so much for listening. See you next time.
(27:59):
Music.
Music.
(01:05):
Oh, when the losers go marching in, oh, when the losers go marching in,
they will be led by Larry's Losers Orchestra.
Of course we're being led by Larry's Losers Orchestra.
(01:26):
And just listen to them. Show them some love. Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(01:47):
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Loser Talk with Lair. Losing a lot more than just weight.
This is the special Mother's Day edition.
Thanks so much for being with me.
I have exciting news.
Listen to this. I am the proud papa-mama-papa-mama combo of a website.
(02:13):
I gave birth. This really happened.
I gave birth over the weekend to the evolution of Larry.com.
That's right. I'm a dot com.
Can you believe it? IMA.com. It's a work in progress, but it is so beautiful.
(02:36):
It looks just like me. You can see it.
Pics of me and my family, my fur children, Boston, hummingbirds,
Berkeley, all the things near and dear to me.
So make sure you visit the website, leave your email so you you can sign up
for our loser link letter that will be forthcoming.
(02:59):
It will include all the loser happenings and news and all sorts of ways to stay
connected with your health and wellness journey.
It will be a one-stop shop hub for losers everywhere. So get excited.
The evolution of Larry.com has been released to the world. older.
(03:22):
Of course, I also have all my social media too.
Follow me at LarrysLosers22 on Instagram.
The Evolution of Larry is still on Facebook.
Ask to join our private Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook.
That includes exclusive ways to connect with our loser family.
(03:44):
We even have our own Loser Masterclass
Zooms, and everyone on a health and wellness journey is invited.
So make sure you get all the information to join us.
If you're liking the work of this podcast, I have provided my Venmo link on here to leave a gift.
(04:09):
On Facebook and on the new website, site, there are other ways to donate too.
I'm honored that you're here listening with me. Thank you so much for being with me.
Now I want you to think about your relationship with your mother, good or bad.
Take some time and let it wash over you.
(04:32):
Now, think about how it has formed you and your relationships with others.
But most importantly, how has it shaped your relationship with yourself?
That's the question. With yourself.
Think about those things as I go through losing my precious mom.
(04:53):
I'm going to read the eulogy I presented at her funeral. and it will chronicle
that last year we had to dance with lung cancer and how it has shaped me since.
Below are my thoughts from mom's funeral that Saturday.
I spoke there these thoughts, and I'm speaking them now because it helps me
(05:17):
to get this out into the universe as I still and I always will go through this
grieving process. Hi, everyone.
Thank you for coming. We appreciate all of your love and support.
It's helping us work through this very difficult, extremely hard time.
We are here to celebrate, although it's so hard to celebrate,
(05:39):
the extraordinary woman that mom Donna Jean Wittenmeyer Critchfield was and
is as she continues to live on through all of us.
Her beautiful spirit, strength, humor, compassion, and boundless love we will
(06:00):
draw from and use as an example for the rest of our lives.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and please grant me the wisdom to know the difference.
(06:21):
This has always been one of Mom's favorite prayers. It hung in our living room
for as long as I can remember.
I've sought it out often in my life to help me, especially now.
Mom lived in that serene place of things that can't be changed this past hard year.
I, not so much.
(06:43):
I tried everything I could to tame the beast that was growing in her chest.
The beast that would take her from us. I, we, fought it with everything we could.
Mom didn't care. She went along for the ride, savoring every moment she could,
(07:05):
knowing she was ready to leave, accepting it with peace and serenity.
We found out about the tumor in her right lung in that January 2021.
She had been struggling with her breathing for a few months,
but that was nothing new for her. She had smoked for 60 years.
(07:27):
She got bronchitis twice a year at least, allergies, et cetera.
We would try different antibiotics, steroids, decongestants,
inhalers, and it would seem to get better.
I was so good at knowing you got to take this at this time.
You got to do this inhaler at this time. She would call, she would call, and Google Dr.
(07:47):
Larry was on it. I knew exactly what would cure it and when.
And usually, Larry was right, usually.
But when I went to see her in January, I knew something wasn't right.
So I convinced her, let me take you to the ER.
That's when the mass was found. And eventually, the biopsy confirmed it was cancer. I'm sorry.
(08:12):
The biopsy confirmed it was cancer. I just remember sitting in that dark parking
lot and it was snowing and I couldn't go in because of COVID,
and she was in there, and she texted me and said they had found something,
and I just knew it was pneumonia.
It wasn't a lump. It wasn't a tumor. It was pneumonia. That wasn't going to
(08:34):
happen. Anyway, I'm getting it together. I'm sorry.
We were officially given the news at the pulmonologist, hearing it for the first
time. This happened exactly what I'm doing right now.
Tears streamed down my face. She interrupted the doctor, as she often did.
She made him shut up, and she said, Larry, why are you crying?
(08:57):
Don't cry. This is fine. We've talked about this.
I will be fine. And we had talked about it. She told me, don't you cry.
There's nothing to cry about. I'm ready. She reassured me. So the journey began.
We were referred to the oncologist immediately.
(09:17):
I remember the first appointment. We were alone in the exam room writing for him to appear.
And she said, Larry, to me again, Larry, I'm totally fine with this.
When God decides it's your time, it's your time.
She said that her whole life. And I said to her, I agree, Mom,
(09:38):
but I also know God helps those that help themselves.
Next followed some silence for a few seconds, and she turned to me,
laughed, and said, Oh, you're good. That's really good.
So it was that moment we would agree, we would try our options,
(10:00):
see how things went. if it became too much for her, I would be at peace with
things that can't be changed.
I promised her I definitely, of course, would not put her through agony.
One of the last times she was in the hospital, her breathing just wasn't improving.
(10:21):
The scans and x-rays were showing some nodules on her left lung moved from her
right lung to her left lung, which could be explained by fluid and infection.
The PET scan didn't light up on those areas.
So Google Dr. Larry did his research and found a condition that it could have
been. Different infections it could have been.
(10:41):
Fluid it could have been. And we were all convinced that this was something we could control.
So we were happy that day we spent. We were happy.
Later that day the door opened and the oncologist walked in with tears in his eyes.
Instantly, we knew it was out of our control. He explained that despite the
(11:02):
treatment, it was spreading.
It was in her left lung now, fluid around her lung, and now it was in bones.
It was in a bone in her neck. It was moving up. And we know what that means.
As he was giving the news, mom, of course, interrupted and said,
(11:26):
look, there's a hummingbird.
In the midst of him telling her the cancer is spreading, on the fourth floor hospital.
Window, mom interrupted him and said, look, there's a hummingbird.
Such a beautiful moment of her light shining through the darkness.
(11:53):
She was not afraid of the cancer.
She was in awe of God's creation. She was in that serene place of acceptance.
The next day, she was released. The nurse that wheeled her down to the car pulled
me aside as Jim, her husband, and mom pulled away.
(12:13):
She wanted me to know what a special person she was. She told me the story of that night.
All the nurses and staff gathered in her room.
She said to me, I just can't explain it. We just wanted to be near her.
She made us happy. She made us laugh.
She's very special. I explained to her that she didn't need to explain it.
(12:39):
I completely understood the light that she is and her whole life that has drawn all of us to her.
That light shone brightest during the darkest times.
Last Friday, Mom was given the news that we could keep fighting.
Waiting, but since she was so tired and struggling, she chose to do hospice.
(13:02):
When I saw her Saturday, I knew she was leaving us soon.
I could see it in her face. And I asked, are you depressed?
What's happened? I mean, you just changed overnight. And she told me, no, I'm just sleepy.
I was preparing Preparing to leave that night, she was crying.
Sorry, this is so hard. I hated to see her cry or struggle.
(13:27):
Sorry, you guys, I didn't know this was going to be so hard.
So I, of course, asked what I could do to make it better. She responded with,
I just need to cry, Larry, that's all.
She responded, I didn't realize it would be this hard.
I had planned to work that next day. I was a coach for Weight Watchers.
And that Sunday, I had workshops in the morning. And then I was going to go
(13:51):
right over to Brandy's where mom was.
Brandy is my niece. Is my niece. And I was going to go over as soon as the workshops
were over and be there all through the evening.
But Brandy called me early in the morning and said that mom had been asking for me.
And it was a rough morning. Mom never asked for me. If mom was asking for me,
(14:13):
something was happening.
So I drove over immediately. I missed my workshops. I didn't work, of course.
And I went to be with her, knowing the time was coming very soon.
I had to get there, and I had to give her the morphine speech,
which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
(14:33):
But she listened to me because we made a pact that at that moment we knew was
coming no more pain and so the morphing began and so did that part of the journey,
i'm so sorry i didn't know this was gonna be so hard okay that night and the
(14:55):
next day we would watch her as she struggled and transitioned.
Staying coherent and smiling, she did.
She smiled till the very end as that demon would howl and hiss in her chest, that noise.
She would have moments where she would relax and I would nod to her and then
she would share a smile, both of us knowing peace was coming soon.
(15:21):
God was going to tame that beast and take her away from its grip.
I got to hold, kiss, and love on her, which was so special.
At one point, I asked how I could make it better, and she responded, I'll be fine, Larry.
I just have to get there.
(15:43):
She got there at 7.25 p.m. on Monday evening.
There was no warning, no rhythmic change in breathing, no discoloration of her
legs and feet, no slowing of her heart, nothing.
Brandy, they all left the room. Not long after they left the room, I was sitting there,
(16:08):
and in a flash, the fight was over, and she left us, so peaceful and serene.
Just how she had accepted it all along, peaceful and serene.
At this point, I thanked my family. I thanked my dear friend, Ann Timberlake.
(16:28):
She is a dear friend of the family. She was our hairdresser and she was the
light in mom's world. Mom had a hair thing.
She loved, well, she had a love-hate relationship with her hair.
All she talked about was her hair and she couldn't get out.
So Ann Ann would come and cut her hair. So that was the bright spot in mom's
life there at the end because when Ann would come over, that was a treat.
(16:53):
So I told Ann, you know, you did such a great job with mom's hair and she did
her hair and makeup for the funeral.
Truly comfort her knowing that Ann was going to be doing that.
She told everyone that Ann was doing her hair and makeup for the funeral.
If anyone knows anything about mom, that her hair was never good enough. It was straight.
(17:14):
It needed to be curly, short. It needed to be long. She barely got any gray,
as you could see if you had been there.
And she was so, it was dark. She barely had any gray at all.
And she wanted white hair and it definitely wasn't white. So all it was was
hair, hair, hair. And it was constant.
She wanted to lose her hair.
(17:36):
Listen, it was hair constantly. You think I'm nuts? That's, well,
you're right. It was constant.
She had a rough year of not being able to get out and do things.
And every time she got to see Anne, she was pampered by Anne.
It was such a bright spot for her.
She was always so excited to see Anne.
(17:56):
And then I gave a shout out. Anne owns Exclusive Hair Salon on 4th and Voorhees in Terre Haute.
For all your beauty needs, there's your shameless promotion. and can pay me later.
And then I spoke about Jim, mom's husband. She loved him so much.
(18:16):
He was such a great gift to her.
He made her happy. He made her smile and laugh, and she needed that.
He took care of her. You know, he waited on her hand and foot, and he's not young.
He's in his 80s. Drove her to her appointments, helped her walk to the restroom,
cooked, cleaned, even learned how to do laundry again, which was hilarious.
(18:39):
She had many, many, many conversations with me about leaving and how he was the one worry.
She wanted him to be taken care of. She made me promise, even though it wasn't necessary.
We are forever grateful to Jim. And so I thanked him during that part.
(19:00):
And then my sweet, sweet, sweetheart niece, Brandy. What a light in the world.
She took mom in. She waited on her hand and foot.
She's always been the giver. She just is the best. I'm just so proud of her for everything.
Her kids, her marriage, her life.
(19:20):
She was such a gift to mom, always. She and Anwar, my nephew-in-law,
opened their home, took mom in.
Whatever mom needed, they made it happen.
They helped so much. They helped me tremendously.
I don't know what I would have done without them. You're so brave and so strong, Brandy.
(19:42):
I know you don't feel like you are, but look what you did and faced.
You jumped every time she made a noise and you ran and checked on her.
Jim and I could rest because we knew she had the best care.
We are all so blessed we had each other and we had quite a team.
She couldn't have had better care, couldn't have been loved more.
(20:06):
Brandy was comforting mom from behind at one point.
Brandy was setting mom as she sobbed. Mom opened her eyes.
She had been asleep, or we didn't know if she was unconscious at that. We didn't know.
And mom opened her eyes and smiled and said, are you bawling again? Cry baby.
(20:27):
That sharp sense of humor and smile was still present till the end.
Oh my God, it made us laugh so hard because that was mom's wit and sense of
humor. Oh, it was so funny.
And then on were my nephew-in-law, Brandy's husband.
He has been an angel in our family from the very beginning.
(20:47):
He just, mom loved him.
Anyway, what I wrote is, you've been a blessing from day one when you entered
our family. You fit right in.
Not sure you want to advertise that, but congratulations.
You've always been one of us. Mom loved you as her own. You were her sweetheart.
She always wanted to know what her sweetheart was doing, what he was wearing.
(21:12):
She couldn't have loved you more. You have always been there for us,
coordinating with doctors, consulting with each one.
He's a doctor, by the way. being on the other end of the phone with my freak
outs and Brandy's freak outs.
You took all of Google Dr.
Larry's late night texts with medical articles asking, could it be this?
(21:33):
And what if we did this, et cetera?
You made sure mom had anything she wanted, including pillows.
Mom had a thing about pillows. The pillow had to be just right, just like her hair.
Pillow had to be just right. She had to have just so many arranged in a certain
way. And she had to have three. and this one had to be there.
And at one point we needed to prop her up more.
(21:54):
So Onwer was the go-getter at the last part.
He was too nervous to stand there and watch. So we stayed while he went out and did things for us.
So this job was go get pillows.
So Onwer disappears and comes back a few minutes later with hundreds of pillows.
(22:16):
I swear to you, every pillow in the house, including couch cushions.
I'm thinking the neighbors want their pillows back too.
I mean, seriously. And if you guys know me, I'm a freak about Diet Cokes.
I'm addicted to Diet Coke.
Every time I'd take a sip, there'd be a fresh new Diet Coke in my hand.
He, I mean, just the best, the best. Thank you for being you and being there always.
(22:44):
In closing, I just want to say it's always been said that the price of love is grief.
I know I will be paying for the rest of my days with huge amounts of grief,
but I got quite a bargain from being loved by my mother.
(23:04):
The day she left was September 6, 2021. 21, my life ended and began in a way
that I'll never be able to explain.
My body and mind completely changed that day, and I never could have prepared for the impact.
I was in shock for over a year.
(23:27):
My body went into complete shutdown with physical pain, and I was diagnosed
with fibromyalgia 10 days after she left from the trauma it had left on me.
I always thought when you had grief, it was all about the crying and the mental
anguish, which of course, as you just heard,
(23:49):
I had, but mine wasn't about that as much because of the shock I seemed to find
on the the surface, but inside I was being torn apart physically.
It changed my body and mind drastically.
But you know, now I live for me, in peace.
(24:13):
I say things out loud. I've always been a very vocal person, just like mom.
But now I more get to the point I don't have time for wasting.
I want to savor what I have and appreciate all that's been given me.
(24:34):
She gave me a beautiful life, and I love it so much.
She left me with so much, and I don't take any of it for granted anymore.
I have so much of her in me. I'm proud to stand tall.
I'm proud to be loud. And I'm proud no one will ever take that away from me.
(25:00):
This has all helped me complete the circle, the wholeness of loving who I am and becoming myself.
And that's all she ever wanted for any of us.
So now I want you to go back to your relationship with your mother.
What can you take away from it? And how has it made you and your social circles?
(25:25):
And more importantly, how has it made you, you?
Find that strength. You can draw from it.
Even if there's darkness there, there's always strength that you can use to help you.
Find it. Let it guide you. My hope is that if anyone is hurting and missing
(25:47):
their mothers like I am on this Mother's Day, that we find peace,
that serene place where we can connect and reflect, hear their laugh,
feel their arms around us, smell their perfume, surrounded by the love of Mother always.
I wish that for all of us.
(26:11):
Now, don't forget to check out my new website, theevolutionoflarry.com.
You can actually see pics of me and mom on there. Oh my God, so beautiful.
It's a work in progress, and that will be our loser hub of all things Larry's Losers.
So make sure you stop by and leave your email there so you can keep up with
(26:33):
all the happenings. Also find me on Larry's Losers 22 on Instagram,
The Evolution of Larry on Facebook.
And don't forget to ask to join our private Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook,
where our loser family gathers with exclusive content and fun ways to stay connected
(26:54):
and motivated on our health and wellness journeys.
We even have our very own Loser Masterclass Zooms, and all of you are invited.
If you're liking the work of this podcast, I have provided my Venmo link for gifting.
On the website and Facebook, there are other ways to leave donations too.
(27:15):
I'm so honored that you are here listening with me.
Now before I leave you,
here's some words of wisdom the backbone of a mother is the strongest yet most pliable of them all,
(27:38):
to bend over backward and still be a pillar,
some call it magic,
I call it my mother.
Thanks so much for listening. See you next time.
(27:59):
Music.
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