April 25, 2024 • 17 mins
In this episode of "Loser Talk with Lar", our host shares his personal journey of navigating family dynamics, breaking societal molds, and finding his identity. With listeners from all over the world, Larry dives into deep analyses of his upbringing. Drawing comparisons between his and his siblings' childhoods, he uncovers the impact of his family's history on their respective lives and personalities, and the divergent paths they eventually tread.
Larry recounts his childhood experiences, his high school years, his entrance into the world of music, and his profound love for the city of Boston. He talks about the difference in the upbringing he received, compared to his siblings', and the consequent impact on his life and growth. Larry reflects on his close bond with his mother, her expectations of him, as well as the challenges and advantages of being raised as an independent individual.
During the episode, Larry also addresses complicated emotions like feeling outcast, wanting to be different, and the pressure of societal expectations. He then narrates his journey of coming to terms with his true identity, personal growth, and taking the leap to follow his own path.
Apart from his profound personal experiences, Larry also invites listeners to join the Larry’s Losers VIP group on Facebook, encouraging them to share their personal stories and connect with the community in a fun and engaging way. In the poignant conclusion of the episode, Larry draws powerful wisdom from Dolly Parton, urging his listeners to unapologetically embrace their true selves.
Tune in for an insightful journey towards self-discovery and don't forget to follow, rate, and review the podcast for more episodes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(01:05):
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade.
Well, I have seventy-seven trombones leading Larry's orchestra.
Why, you ask? Well, because we are overachievers. Just listen to them.
(01:26):
They are incredible. Give them some love.
They are now world famous. Yes, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Give them some love. Thank you. Speaking of world famous, we have listeners
(01:52):
from France, Italy, Germany, Japan,
the Netherlands, Austria, United Kingdom,
Norway, Canada, and of course, all of you here in the U.S.
Thank you so much for following.
It means so much to me. I just can't believe it. It's worldwide.
(02:15):
Continue to find me on Instagram at LarrysLosers22, Facebook,
The Evolution of Larry, and on there,
ask to join our private, exclusive LarrysLosers VIP group where our loser family
is gathering and growing with lots of fun ways to connect.
(02:37):
On this health and wellness journey.
We even have our own Zooms. It's open for anyone to join.
So lots of fun ways to connect with us.
Please join us. We'd love to have you. Don't forget to follow,
like, rate, review, download, all the things for this podcast.
(03:01):
I've even provided a link to my Venmo for you to provide a gift if you're liking
the work you are hearing.
On Facebook, there's lots of other ways to donate too.
I so appreciate all of you for being here with me on this discovery of Lair. Thank you so much.
Okay, okay, I heard you. Calm down and stop rioting. My God, I heard you.
(03:28):
Last week, I left you with a lot of questions about my relationship with my
mom and how I was raised differently than my brother and sister. You had questions?
How do you think I felt? I really had never considered the death of my sister
before me affecting my relationship with my mom?
(03:52):
And I know you're thinking, well, dummy Larry, why would you not consider that?
I really don't know why I never really thought about that.
I always just thought my brother and sister were raised so hands-on because
they were stunted and so damaged by my real father leaving us when they were 12 and 13 years old.
(04:15):
Now, of course, that would have something to do with it too.
But last week when I realized that, here I came.
After mom lost her baby girl so soon before me, and then her husband leaves
not so long after I arrive,
(04:36):
I would think there's bound to be some automatic resentment towards me subconsciously
that couldn't be helped, right?
I mean, I wish mom were here to speak for herself.
I mean, I so wish she were so that we could talk about this.
But I mean, now a lot of this makes sense to me, right? That just adds up.
(05:01):
Last week, I was just in wow mode.
She was very hands-on with my siblings, very involved with their lives,
constantly bailing them out of trouble, constantly to the rescue.
I was never in trouble.
I was always excelling in school, doing extracurricular activities.
(05:22):
I started playing musical instruments and singing.
I couldn't run or play or doing any of those things because I had severe asthma.
Strenuous exercise would bring on the asthma. Back then, everyone smoked.
The house was always full of smoke. I was a victim. Am a victim of secondhand
(05:46):
smoke. God, that smell of smoke.
Constantly waking up to stale ashtrays. Oh my God, so disgusting.
It's horrible. Yuck. That was just how life was back then. So gross.
Anywho, I couldn't do anything. Strenuous. So I turned to my other talents and
thank God I was full of them. So full of talent.
(06:11):
And I wanted to play piano in seventh grade. So mom and I went to an auction. It was so cool.
And she bid on this beautiful upright piano and she won it. It's actually sitting right behind me.
We won the piano, $800, and it was coming home with us.
(06:31):
So now she said, kid, you wanted it, you're doing the rest.
So, find the piano teacher. I had to get myself to lessons.
I had to practice every day. I had to do it all. This is what I meant when I said she was hands-off.
All through school, she always seemed not so impressed with my achievements.
(06:54):
I don't want that to sound like she didn't love me because that's not what I mean.
I didn't ever feel like that. She just always expected me to be the greatest.
And it was like she was always preoccupied with worry about all the other crap
that the others were doing. And trust me, it was crap.
(07:15):
She came to most performances of mine.
When I said I wanted to go to Berklee College of Music, she never said no,
which is so incredible to me, if you actually knew where I come from and the whole dynamic.
That's pretty incredible. Mom and dad never said no. They were never fazed by that.
(07:41):
She said her famous, if there's a will, there's a way.
Of course, I had to do all the applications and get all the recommendations
and do all the auditions and set up the recordings and get the permissions and
on and on and on. I had to do all the work.
Comparably, my brother, who would have never obviously would have done any of
(08:05):
this, but if he did, she would have done every step of that for him.
That's just giving you an example. That's the difference between parenting.
My sister would have had her husband do it for her. She was always too involved
with her man and her daddy syndrome.
So there's a difference.
(08:26):
So then as I went away to college, that's just it. I knew I needed to get away
to college. I didn't fit in.
I didn't fit in anywhere. I didn't fit in. Mom and I were extremely close and bonded.
We always have been and always will be, but I always felt out of place,
(08:47):
out of place in the family, in the town, everywhere.
I knew if I stayed there, I would be miserable and I wouldn't grow the way I needed to.
I needed to find people that understood me.
I was younger. I was young. I didn't know all of this, but I knew all of this
instinctively, if that makes sense.
(09:08):
And I'm so glad that I did.
Mom and my grandma Vandiver, who was her mom, got on a plane with me and took me to Boston.
Grandma, who was 80 years old, had never flown and none of us had ever been to Boston.
I had never visited Berkeley like a normal college kid that visits their school
(09:32):
before they decide if they wanna go.
I wasn't that normal kid, obviously.
I was aching inside the whole time because I knew they were going to be leaving
me in two days and I would be alone for the first time,
away from them for the first time, really away for the first time ever. And it hurt.
(09:55):
Growing up really hurt. And I knew it was coming.
It took me a couple weeks of crying constantly. And this is real.
It was a couple weeks of crying constantly, but then on the phone with her.
But then I was free to see all the beauty around me. Boston was my place, my home.
(10:19):
I felt wanted and alive. I finally fit in. I felt like no one cared.
People were weird and musical and artsy and fashionable and trendy and everything.
All at once, and no one cared.
I could be me, whatever that was, whatever that turned out to be, and it would be fine.
(10:39):
It would all be okay.
The way mom raised me was perfect, too. Strong, independent.
I learned real fast that I had to be thick-skinned and real and proud and upfront
and respect honesty and have a voice,
all the things she was that she gave to me helped me navigate fast city life perfectly.
(11:08):
When I graduated from college and moved back home, I was living with mom and dad and waiting tables.
I met someone and started dating. Mom and dad met him.
Of course, I didn't say, hey, mom and dad, here's my boyfriend,
but here's my roommate because we moved in together.
It was always strange because mom would never come visit.
(11:29):
Now with my brother and sister, when my sister lived close, she was always visiting
their houses, but never mine.
I would always resent holidays because all of my brother's stray girlfriends
and their stray kids, mom would feel obligated to buy them gifts,
and she would always worry about how much to spend on these strangers every holiday.
(11:51):
And my life was always left out, which I know was my fault because I didn't
say, hey, I have this person, but there was no effort to ask if I did either.
It was just always ignored.
Larry was always ignored. My life continued, outworking and excelling.
(12:13):
I was traveling and opening retail stores across the country,
and my brother and sister ended up back living with mom, drinking and drunk,
after they both had their problems that mom needed to help solve.
Horrible. I had a tie between jobs.
I ended up back there. My God, it was horrible.
(12:35):
I ended up back there, all three of us grown.
Well, of course, I eventually got a job and was driving back and forth until
I got enough money to move.
So I'd be working all day. I'd come home to them falling over drunk.
This is real. I'd come home to them falling over drunk. I'd be so angry,
(12:56):
so angry and so hurt for mom.
But if I'd be sick one day and have to miss work, mom would be upset with me,
mad at me because I couldn't work that day, but they could drink every day.
She'd be upset with me for missing work if I was sick, but they could drink all day.
It was just stuff like that that didn't make sense to me. But now I understand.
(13:20):
I understand even more now. She always held me to a higher standard.
And I appreciate that because where they are now is unfortunately unfortunately,
their darkest of dark that they have created for themselves.
Last week when I started talking about this, and I was trying to process this
(13:43):
all as it was unfolding in real time,
and I told you that my niece had sent me a quiz about attachment styles and
how they are formed in your formative years,
and it all goes hand in hand with this, my attachment style is avoidant.
Now, I want you to listen to this.
Listen to the definition and you tell me.
(14:05):
Yeah, here it is.
Avoidant attachment is characterized by having discomfort with emotional intimacy,
a strong desire for independence,
and difficulty wholly trusting others.
(14:28):
In other words, the person avoids getting too close to someone else. Hello!
Right? I'm here to tell you that mom and I couldn't have been closer.
She created a strong, independent human that is filled with love and lots of emotions.
(14:49):
I'm so thankful that her mothering style was completely different than my siblings.
It sent me on a different path. It sent me away and brought me back.
I was her boomerang that came back to care for her when those other two that
(15:10):
are broken and miserable can't see past their own problems.
I'm so grateful that she is my mother.
What if you took time to think about your socialization in those formative years?
How does it affect you now?
Would that answer questions about your social health? Maybe about your health in general?
(15:35):
This gave me peace of mind. It helped me learn a lot about me.
And actually, it will help me uncover a lot more about me as I keep digging.
And I hope that it can do the same for someone else.
Please let me know what you think. Find me at LarrysLosers22 on Instagram,
(15:59):
The Evolution of Larry on Facebook, and they're asked to join our private,
exclusive Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook.
Our Loser family is growing on there with fun ways to get healthy and connect.
We even have our own Zooms and everyone is welcome.
So please join in on the fun.
(16:21):
If you're liking the work of
this podcast, I have provided my link for Venmo on here and on Facebook.
There's other ways to gift also.
I'm so grateful to you for being here with me.
Now, before I leave you, here's some words of wisdom.
This is from the wise words of Dolly Parton.
(16:45):
Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
Thanks so much for listening. See you next time. Love you all.
Music.
Music.
(01:05):
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade.
Well, I have seventy-seven trombones leading Larry's orchestra.
Why, you ask? Well, because we are overachievers. Just listen to them.
(01:26):
They are incredible. Give them some love.
They are now world famous. Yes, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Give them some love. Thank you. Speaking of world famous, we have listeners
(01:52):
from France, Italy, Germany, Japan,
the Netherlands, Austria, United Kingdom,
Norway, Canada, and of course, all of you here in the U.S.
Thank you so much for following.
It means so much to me. I just can't believe it. It's worldwide.
(02:15):
Continue to find me on Instagram at LarrysLosers22, Facebook,
The Evolution of Larry, and on there,
ask to join our private, exclusive LarrysLosers VIP group where our loser family
is gathering and growing with lots of fun ways to connect.
(02:37):
On this health and wellness journey.
We even have our own Zooms. It's open for anyone to join.
So lots of fun ways to connect with us.
Please join us. We'd love to have you. Don't forget to follow,
like, rate, review, download, all the things for this podcast.
(03:01):
I've even provided a link to my Venmo for you to provide a gift if you're liking
the work you are hearing.
On Facebook, there's lots of other ways to donate too.
I so appreciate all of you for being here with me on this discovery of Lair. Thank you so much.
Okay, okay, I heard you. Calm down and stop rioting. My God, I heard you.
(03:28):
Last week, I left you with a lot of questions about my relationship with my
mom and how I was raised differently than my brother and sister. You had questions?
How do you think I felt? I really had never considered the death of my sister
before me affecting my relationship with my mom?
(03:52):
And I know you're thinking, well, dummy Larry, why would you not consider that?
I really don't know why I never really thought about that.
I always just thought my brother and sister were raised so hands-on because
they were stunted and so damaged by my real father leaving us when they were 12 and 13 years old.
(04:15):
Now, of course, that would have something to do with it too.
But last week when I realized that, here I came.
After mom lost her baby girl so soon before me, and then her husband leaves
not so long after I arrive,
(04:36):
I would think there's bound to be some automatic resentment towards me subconsciously
that couldn't be helped, right?
I mean, I wish mom were here to speak for herself.
I mean, I so wish she were so that we could talk about this.
But I mean, now a lot of this makes sense to me, right? That just adds up.
(05:01):
Last week, I was just in wow mode.
She was very hands-on with my siblings, very involved with their lives,
constantly bailing them out of trouble, constantly to the rescue.
I was never in trouble.
I was always excelling in school, doing extracurricular activities.
(05:22):
I started playing musical instruments and singing.
I couldn't run or play or doing any of those things because I had severe asthma.
Strenuous exercise would bring on the asthma. Back then, everyone smoked.
The house was always full of smoke. I was a victim. Am a victim of secondhand
(05:46):
smoke. God, that smell of smoke.
Constantly waking up to stale ashtrays. Oh my God, so disgusting.
It's horrible. Yuck. That was just how life was back then. So gross.
Anywho, I couldn't do anything. Strenuous. So I turned to my other talents and
thank God I was full of them. So full of talent.
(06:11):
And I wanted to play piano in seventh grade. So mom and I went to an auction. It was so cool.
And she bid on this beautiful upright piano and she won it. It's actually sitting right behind me.
We won the piano, $800, and it was coming home with us.
(06:31):
So now she said, kid, you wanted it, you're doing the rest.
So, find the piano teacher. I had to get myself to lessons.
I had to practice every day. I had to do it all. This is what I meant when I said she was hands-off.
All through school, she always seemed not so impressed with my achievements.
(06:54):
I don't want that to sound like she didn't love me because that's not what I mean.
I didn't ever feel like that. She just always expected me to be the greatest.
And it was like she was always preoccupied with worry about all the other crap
that the others were doing. And trust me, it was crap.
(07:15):
She came to most performances of mine.
When I said I wanted to go to Berklee College of Music, she never said no,
which is so incredible to me, if you actually knew where I come from and the whole dynamic.
That's pretty incredible. Mom and dad never said no. They were never fazed by that.
(07:41):
She said her famous, if there's a will, there's a way.
Of course, I had to do all the applications and get all the recommendations
and do all the auditions and set up the recordings and get the permissions and
on and on and on. I had to do all the work.
Comparably, my brother, who would have never obviously would have done any of
(08:05):
this, but if he did, she would have done every step of that for him.
That's just giving you an example. That's the difference between parenting.
My sister would have had her husband do it for her. She was always too involved
with her man and her daddy syndrome.
So there's a difference.
(08:26):
So then as I went away to college, that's just it. I knew I needed to get away
to college. I didn't fit in.
I didn't fit in anywhere. I didn't fit in. Mom and I were extremely close and bonded.
We always have been and always will be, but I always felt out of place,
(08:47):
out of place in the family, in the town, everywhere.
I knew if I stayed there, I would be miserable and I wouldn't grow the way I needed to.
I needed to find people that understood me.
I was younger. I was young. I didn't know all of this, but I knew all of this
instinctively, if that makes sense.
(09:08):
And I'm so glad that I did.
Mom and my grandma Vandiver, who was her mom, got on a plane with me and took me to Boston.
Grandma, who was 80 years old, had never flown and none of us had ever been to Boston.
I had never visited Berkeley like a normal college kid that visits their school
(09:32):
before they decide if they wanna go.
I wasn't that normal kid, obviously.
I was aching inside the whole time because I knew they were going to be leaving
me in two days and I would be alone for the first time,
away from them for the first time, really away for the first time ever. And it hurt.
(09:55):
Growing up really hurt. And I knew it was coming.
It took me a couple weeks of crying constantly. And this is real.
It was a couple weeks of crying constantly, but then on the phone with her.
But then I was free to see all the beauty around me. Boston was my place, my home.
(10:19):
I felt wanted and alive. I finally fit in. I felt like no one cared.
People were weird and musical and artsy and fashionable and trendy and everything.
All at once, and no one cared.
I could be me, whatever that was, whatever that turned out to be, and it would be fine.
(10:39):
It would all be okay.
The way mom raised me was perfect, too. Strong, independent.
I learned real fast that I had to be thick-skinned and real and proud and upfront
and respect honesty and have a voice,
all the things she was that she gave to me helped me navigate fast city life perfectly.
(11:08):
When I graduated from college and moved back home, I was living with mom and dad and waiting tables.
I met someone and started dating. Mom and dad met him.
Of course, I didn't say, hey, mom and dad, here's my boyfriend,
but here's my roommate because we moved in together.
It was always strange because mom would never come visit.
(11:29):
Now with my brother and sister, when my sister lived close, she was always visiting
their houses, but never mine.
I would always resent holidays because all of my brother's stray girlfriends
and their stray kids, mom would feel obligated to buy them gifts,
and she would always worry about how much to spend on these strangers every holiday.
(11:51):
And my life was always left out, which I know was my fault because I didn't
say, hey, I have this person, but there was no effort to ask if I did either.
It was just always ignored.
Larry was always ignored. My life continued, outworking and excelling.
(12:13):
I was traveling and opening retail stores across the country,
and my brother and sister ended up back living with mom, drinking and drunk,
after they both had their problems that mom needed to help solve.
Horrible. I had a tie between jobs.
I ended up back there. My God, it was horrible.
(12:35):
I ended up back there, all three of us grown.
Well, of course, I eventually got a job and was driving back and forth until
I got enough money to move.
So I'd be working all day. I'd come home to them falling over drunk.
This is real. I'd come home to them falling over drunk. I'd be so angry,
(12:56):
so angry and so hurt for mom.
But if I'd be sick one day and have to miss work, mom would be upset with me,
mad at me because I couldn't work that day, but they could drink every day.
She'd be upset with me for missing work if I was sick, but they could drink all day.
It was just stuff like that that didn't make sense to me. But now I understand.
(13:20):
I understand even more now. She always held me to a higher standard.
And I appreciate that because where they are now is unfortunately unfortunately,
their darkest of dark that they have created for themselves.
Last week when I started talking about this, and I was trying to process this
(13:43):
all as it was unfolding in real time,
and I told you that my niece had sent me a quiz about attachment styles and
how they are formed in your formative years,
and it all goes hand in hand with this, my attachment style is avoidant.
Now, I want you to listen to this.
Listen to the definition and you tell me.
(14:05):
Yeah, here it is.
Avoidant attachment is characterized by having discomfort with emotional intimacy,
a strong desire for independence,
and difficulty wholly trusting others.
(14:28):
In other words, the person avoids getting too close to someone else. Hello!
Right? I'm here to tell you that mom and I couldn't have been closer.
She created a strong, independent human that is filled with love and lots of emotions.
(14:49):
I'm so thankful that her mothering style was completely different than my siblings.
It sent me on a different path. It sent me away and brought me back.
I was her boomerang that came back to care for her when those other two that
(15:10):
are broken and miserable can't see past their own problems.
I'm so grateful that she is my mother.
What if you took time to think about your socialization in those formative years?
How does it affect you now?
Would that answer questions about your social health? Maybe about your health in general?
(15:35):
This gave me peace of mind. It helped me learn a lot about me.
And actually, it will help me uncover a lot more about me as I keep digging.
And I hope that it can do the same for someone else.
Please let me know what you think. Find me at LarrysLosers22 on Instagram,
(15:59):
The Evolution of Larry on Facebook, and they're asked to join our private,
exclusive Larry's Losers VIP group on Facebook.
Our Loser family is growing on there with fun ways to get healthy and connect.
We even have our own Zooms and everyone is welcome.
So please join in on the fun.
(16:21):
If you're liking the work of
this podcast, I have provided my link for Venmo on here and on Facebook.
There's other ways to gift also.
I'm so grateful to you for being here with me.
Now, before I leave you, here's some words of wisdom.
This is from the wise words of Dolly Parton.
(16:45):
Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
Thanks so much for listening. See you next time. Love you all.
Music.
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