Love & Cherish

It seems to me; most people nowadays think that happy couples are somehow lucky. That they perhaps managed to find ‘the one’ and that the seemingly blissful union they share is a result of good fortune. Most people have it wrong. It is truer to say that often, those of us who would describe ourselves as fulfilled and secure in our unions, have in fact worked hard at creating such harmony and strength as a couple over time.

One of t...

What is your relationship with yourself like? I ask many clients this question as it often occurs to me early on in our working relationship that people don’t appear to know themselves very well at all. The knowing of oneself is an essential aspect of the feeling of wholeness and a necessary component of authenticity. These feelings are worth striving for. They are a worthwhile goal and something meaningful to aim at. They are some...

Self-regulation is a facet of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to engage control over our own thoughts, emotions, and impulses. It is at the heart of healthy and mature relationships.  If our relationships are to survive, we need to develop a capacity to pause when we are faced with a difficult thought or feeling. Take some time to consider it before we act, so that we can decide what might be the best way forward.

1. Tu...

Relationships do not maintain themselves. Day-to-day work in committed relationships is vital for their survival. I am convinced it is this consistent effort that ensures couples stand a chance of creating a relationship that is more healthy, more stable, more enjoyable, and more satisfying.

It is this steady care and attention, that serves to protect relationships from running into serious and potentially insurmountable trouble la...

Relationships, like cars, require regular maintenance in order to keep running smoothly and to avoid breakdowns. We must commit to addressing problems as they arise. This is in fact part of good relationship maintenance. If our partner starts making a noise, or we do for that matter, usually in the form of some kind of unhappiness or dissatisfaction, we must take it seriously.

We must be interested in what they or we are experienci...

Are YOU a good partner? A good husband? A good wife? There seems to be a lot of talk about bad partners, but not so much about how to become GOOD or BETTER partners. I suspect, however, that if we thought more about whether WE are in fact good partners, our relationships would improve significantly. Set a positive example in YOUR relationship! Here is a list of 12 qualities a good partner or spouse should have. If all of these appl...

Why exactly do so many women stop having sex with their husbands? Is it due to a lack of care for their men, or is it because they have withdrawn over time because THEY don’t feel cared for? To help you work this out for your specific situation, I’ve put together a list of common reasons wives stop wanting to have sex with their husbands. The more you can eliminate from this list the better, but one or more might apply to you. I en...

When a husband emotionally checks out of a marriage, it doesn’t take too long for it to unravel entirely or for it to become at best, platonic, bland, and functional.

So why do so many good men emotionally detach from their wives? Is it due to a lack of care for their wives, or have they withdrawn over time because THEY don’t feel cared for?

To help you work this out for your specific situation, I’ve put together a list of three co...

Withholding is an expression of conditional love, whereby the withholder refuses to provide their partner with an emotional or physical need unless certain conditions are met.

Withholding examples:

• Stonewalling or ‘The Silent Treatment.’

• Withholding sex or physical affection.

• Refusing offers of physical affection.

• Failing to celebrate your partners achievements.

• Avoiding deep or meaningful conversations.

• Withholding ver...

Needing closeness with your partner and wanting them to meet reasonable emotional needs for you is not weakness or co-dependency, it’s attachment and it’s our shared nature. When our needs are consistently met by our partners, we feel secure, and our bonds grow stronger. Our nervous systems regulate, we're less stressed, and we experience better physical health and all-round wellbeing. On the other hand, when our needs are not met,...

If you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage with a spouse that doesn’t appear to care about you, and for whatever reason, you can’t or won’t leave then as far as I can see, you have two choices.

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We are supposed to give our partners the best of ourselves, not the worst. Exceptional relationships are created by individuals that are radiating health and wellbeing. If y...

I would say that libido is one of the key indicators of general female health and quality of life. If you are a woman and your sex drive is low and you want it to improve, then this video is for you.

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Remember, your feminine libido is YOURS and it’s a beautiful and unique part of what makes you the woman you are. If it’s low or lost, then a part of you is low or...

The key to solving conflict problems in marriage lies in our capacity as a husband or wife to address them as a team. This requires commitment to truth and open communication.

In a healthy marriage, each partner understands that the relationship needs to be discussed, and each person feels safe to bring their concerns to the other. In a healthy marriage no topic is off limits. Whether it’s time together, money, division of labour, ...

Maintenance sex is the concept of having sex with a partner who you love, in order to strengthen the relationship and improve intimacy – even when you might not be in the mood for it yourself.

It is something you are willing to do for the health of the relationship, to feel connected with and to care for your partner and it is a mutual decision made by both of you. It is an effective and hopefully temporary strategy for a couple t...