Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, and welcome back to the Math twenty podcast. This
is going to be an odd episode. We've got a
few updates, We've got a few things to share, and
this is one of the first episodes I've ever recorded
where I have no notes, no script, and we're just
going into this one. I was gonna say raw, but
that sounds day. We're going into this one blind. Some
(00:26):
of you have noticed I haven't uploaded an episode for
a month now, some of you have messaged earlier this week,
I had a meeting with the network this podcast is
signed to and they were like, you've uploaded no episodes
because you like when she signed to a network, you know,
this commitments in terms of deliverables, when these adverts attached
and all that stuff, and they were like, he's everything
(00:48):
good And then so this feels so weird that record
with no like no guide. Yeah, but before I get
into that, what's the title of this is? I have
bad news for the cast and good news for you.
So yeah, first of all, the bad news for the
married at First Site cast is I've just read an
article where our Australian seasons, like the most recent ones,
(01:11):
have now been sold to more countries. So they're now
going to start airing in Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland and
Canada and they've just picked up I think the past
two years of seasons. So for are those former cast
members who listen who have now like finally got over
the trauma and the stress and the trolling. Yeah, brace
(01:34):
yourselves because at some point in the next few months
you're going to have some Canadians in r DMS, then
some Icelandic people, some Norwegians and like the cycle never ends. Yeah,
I thought that was quite interesting. It's weird because there's
so many countries now with their own version of Maths,
but the Australian one is just regarded globally as the biggest,
(01:55):
the best, and the one everybody wants to watch, and
therefore these countries are buying. And then, still on the
subject of Maths, next year's season wrapped I think about
two and a half weeks ago. Now they film the
reunion in Sydney. I'm going to do an extra episode
kind of covering what to expect from that series, a
little guide, not with spoilers, but just like a teaser.
(02:15):
But what I will say is for those of you
who prefer this show to be full of drama and
fireworks rather than genuine connection and real love. Then you
are in for a treat because the upcoming season, from
everything I've been told, is a shit show. And then
like some people may roll the rise of that, and
other people may like, oh great, like that's what they want.
(02:40):
And if yep, if you like drama, then brace yourselves
because there's going to be a lot of it. And
now back to my hiatus, my little break to be
completely transparent with you, I was going to end this
podcast and delete it and delete the maths funny pages. Again,
(03:00):
this feels so weird. I'm like, like, I'm laughing because
it's just awkward. Uh. I think you guys saw at
the start of this most recent season of Master being filmed,
the one we'll watching the end of January. Like you know,
I did the weddings again like usual, and like I
never go into the full specifics of them because most
of those tips I get come from just random people
(03:21):
who stumble upon them. But like, there are people connected
to the show, often these cast members, who are like,
oh yeah, come get some content here, and I would
never reveal those people. I never throw people under the
bus because firstly, like they trust me. But then a
couple of weeks into this season being filmed, there was
like that incident where one of the grooms then starts
sending me threatening messages which I did not vibe with
(03:45):
at all, and that made me question, do I want
to like attach myself to half the people on this show?
Do I want to have that personal connection? Because the
more I thought about it, I didn't like it brought
such a stress into my life that I often am
not mentally strong enough to deal with. And like, I
(04:07):
started the map twenty page what six six years ago
and the word in the title is funny, And I
started that page because I like to just make dumb,
fun content. And obviously as that page grew, the content grew,
and then therefore my involvement in this show grew to
the point like this past season, I know there was
two or three occasions where mid dinner part your Commitment ceremony,
(04:30):
my name was brought up in camera and they have
to cut recording, and the boss of the show she
comes on screaming if anyone mentions Josh like you're You're
off the show. And then John Aikin was apparently standing
up ranting about me. And then the more I think
about that, I'm like, how did it get a How
can me when my initial intention has always been just
(04:50):
to make dumb fun content around a dumb show, Like,
let's be honest, it's a dumb show. That's where we
watch it. It's kind of mindless. Escapism entered and then I just, yeah,
I start a question when I started to receive personal threats,
I'm like, what is this? Does this maths whole thing
(05:10):
in my life? Like does maths as a whole? Does
it bring me enjoy anymore? Is it enjoyable or is
it now just does it feel heavy? And the last
season felt heavy with the storylines and the domestic violence,
which I felt compelled to speak about given personal things
in my life and experiences. But then when those threats
started this year, and like there was the pressure for
(05:32):
a lot of people for me to go to the police,
and I deleted the podcast on it and I saw
comments and things, people speculating why and the reason why
because it was just bringing a heaviness to me. But
at the time I felt I had to respond, but
I can't. I couldn't give all the facts of like
how I ended up at that cast Night Out because
someone could lose the job if I reveal sources who
(05:54):
are like go get content, So like I just be
like I was told, well, I was told by the venue,
like yo, these my people have arrived. But then you
know over people are anyway, Like the specifics don't really matter.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is I've spent
a while and now kind of grappling with this, this
thing that I started as a passion project because it
brought me joy. The more I think about a question, well,
(06:15):
does it bring me joy anymore? Or has it just
become too tainted? Is that the word? And like, over
the last maybe three months of my life, I having
going through some other stuff that has also been quite heavy,
and like I'm prone to depression that I've suffered with
that as long as I remember, since early teenager and
(06:36):
then you know, these episodes of manic depression that often
come out of nowhere, and when there's you know, other
things causing either distress or a sadness or a heaviness,
like it doesn't help. And like probably about a month
ago as probably the lowest I've been in a good
(06:56):
couple of years, And at the time I had like
my biggest project today work wise, away from all of this,
so I couldn't really retreat to recover, if that makes sense.
I had to push through because there's so much only
I could do work wise. And then, like it in
my life, like I always end up in these dumb situations,
and it's weird because I've always been this person where
(07:18):
if something extreme or stupid will happen, it just happens
to me, and like I laugh about it often, but
often like it actually gets to me. And like it
was about two and a half months whore I started
filming the documentary series if you see my socials I've
been doing, And the day we first start choosing, I
get a call that my my grandmother back home just died,
(07:39):
which obviously quite sad. And then I couldn't really process
that because I've got a crew and all these people
kind of relying on me for this huge project people
had invested in. So I'm like, okay, sad, put that
to the side, push through. And then around the same time,
it was like the guy I was kind of seeing
that fizzled out and got a bit not very good
(08:03):
for me. And then like we start probably filming this
show and I had like the whole castning Citney for
seven eight days to make this documentary series, and then
the first day of that at three am before everyone,
I was a set seven. I'm attending that female for
my grandmother on FaceTime, which is sad and like not
being able to be there back in England with my family.
(08:26):
Then everything circles back to this thing about the things
that bring me joy. Often the more involved I get
into them, the more they then don't bring me johe
in there's a heaviness attached. And the example here, which
is the first time I realized this was growing up
high school, like it was a closet guy. I diagnosed
(08:49):
the depression quite young. And there was this band in
the UK that like, you know, the single was my idol.
I just got into rock music. He was like the
Emo pin up, the very big band doing arenas. And
then at seventeen, I somehow got to meet the singer
and hang out and he took like a weird liking
to me, and at the time I was like, oh
my god, like wow, I'm not like to give a
(09:10):
fans with friendly. You know, he spent like two hours
with me after a concert and then we we'd message
on Twitter, and you know, he was probably thirty five,
so I'm just turned seventeen, and then obviously I'm age
of consent, but I was also a closet game. Anyway,
he was my idol. He knew that, and then he
(09:30):
was weird and creepy and like he'd kind of, you know,
maybe we'd hug, and then we met a fair few times,
and these all these pictures I look back on now
and like he's kind of groping my ass or staring
at me in a weird way and just touching me,
not like sexually necessarily, like years ago after that. So
(09:52):
maybe when I'm about twenty two, that guy got arrested
and he got sentenced to thirty five years for being
well I pedophile, and what what could have happened to me?
Even though I was seventeen. I always put this barrier up,
even though I was a fan and he was my idol,
because I felt there was something off. But as he
was arrested and charges came out like he did similar
(10:14):
with a lot of fans who weren't over the edge
of consent, And yeah, I don't want to go into that.
You can only imagine when I'm skirting around here anyway.
In the midst of that project, I was filming a
few weeks ago, the day after the FaceTime of my
grandma's funeral, when like, I've got a lot in my
head anyway, and then trying to film the show, so
I'm trying to be happy and present, and then I
(10:36):
can already feel like these clouds looming over me, only
getting darker and darker. And then I hadn't been sleeping
and then I wake up at like three am and
my phone is just ding ding ding ding. I'm like,
what is happening? And the guy who was still in
jail had basically just been murdered, and everyone from my
(10:58):
life back in England had forwarded mid the breaking news
article because the one knew I had like an odd
connection with him, and I used to know him even
though I had like a pum reflection, and I met
him like six times as a fan, and he kind
of took advantage of that, the fact that I was a fan,
and remember trying to get me drugs and shit and anyway, again,
there was always that barrier, and then that hit me
in the weirdest way that again, nothing ever really happened
(11:21):
with me, And you know that he's got a lot
of victims out there who I can only imagine what
their life are like now trying to deal with what
he actually did to them. But reading that news, like
I don't know, it was, this weird wave just went
over me and I didn't I didn't know how I felt,
and it just I started to have this thing of
(11:42):
what if, Like what if I didn't it sus something
was off with him back then, because you know, things
could have gone further between him and I, but I
felt we're At the time, I was a virgin as well,
so obviously all that was new to me when I
could feel he was making advances and yeah, I don't know.
I think I'm just trying to say, Yeah, the reason
(12:05):
I haven't really been on here and doing much is
because it's just everything has felt heavy and to go
back to that thing of things that bring you joy
then no longer bring me joy. Like that band. That
guy's band were one of my biggest passions in high school,
Like I idolized them. They were like my escape when life
felt too tough, you know that their music, And then
as I got to know him, everything changed and over
(12:26):
the years, there's more charges were laid like it. I
no longer listen to that band because those memories are
kind of tainted. And then it kind of like, in
a weird sense, as I started thinking about, oh, I
should come on and do a podcast, I start to think, well,
I just can't be bothered like it. I loved Maths
(12:46):
for the ridiculousness of it. That's what got me into it.
But then everything, just as I said it, every year
it feels more intense, more heavy, and then starting this podcast,
I find myself dragged into shit I don't care to
be able to. Then this past week I thought about
this podcast and I thought, well, maybe no, I shouldn't
because it does still bring me dry. I do enjoy
(13:08):
this is like a project and a side thing, and
I'm not gonna like just make me a slight bit
of money out to podcast. It's not like life changing
and still of another job, but you know it's a
source of income and I know people do enjoy it.
So then I've kind of setting this boundary. I think
going into the new season that I need to remember
that the initial reason I started and the title of
(13:29):
the word funny because it is easy with a show
like that, as the storylines get heavy, that the coverage
then gets heavy and I think in an odd way,
which this all sounds ridiculous, I know, because I'm covering
a reality TV show. I'm not out there saving lives.
I suppose I just need to be mindful as that
heaviness happens on screen. I'm covering the show too. I
(13:51):
don't want to say protect myself, but like keep that
barrier where it doesn't consume me like it has before,
and how it started too early. This. Yeah, I hope
this has made some sense. I know I am rambling,
but yeah, for those people who have messaged and asked,
is everything good, I'm okay. Now I'm coming out of
that like depressive episode that I can see the sunshine
(14:15):
again amongst the clouds. But yeah, the last couple of
months especially, I've just been difficult for an endless amount
of reasons and then it was like it all hit
me at once as soon as I could collapse. Yes, sir,
I even feel like so then where it's the circle
(14:37):
back to the title of this. Bad news for the cast, Yeah,
bad news because the shows are being sold to every
country under the sun. But the good news for you
guys is this podcast will not be ending. I think
my coverage may just try to skew back to the fun,
which is so easy to get lost because this show
often isn't fun. But yeah, I do appreciate everyone who
(15:00):
reached out, everyone who listens to everyone who listens to
this right now. I promise the next up Lord will
be happier. And also I appreciate everyone who tagged me
in their like Spotify Wrapped Things yesterday said this was
their top podcast. That was very sweet of you. Have
a lovely weekend, everyone,