June 18, 2025 • 20 mins
As the Josh and Stefano series comes to an end, we both read our final letters before I sat down for a debrief with my mum on some of the main things I've learned throughout this whole thing.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome back to the Matsuny podcast with me
Joshua Fox, and welcome to the final episode of the
josh and Stephano mini series that I had going on
on here. Although the podcast element of that kind of
dropped off because it was actually so hard being in
that experiment and in that relationship and navigating the real
(00:22):
feelings that developed there with filming and content and Pediro
producing and yeah, it was a lot. But as many
of you may have seen on socials, now Stefano and
I have split up and that's all ended, and there's
no point really dwelling on the wire trying to make
drama other than just me noting here how two people,
(00:42):
no matter how strong the chemistry may be and how
strong the connection they may start to form, maybe like
if they lack any long term compatibility away from those things,
Ultimately it's never going to go anywhere unless they're both
willing to make extreme sacrifices which go against maybe their
(01:02):
morals or lifestyles or beliefs or whatever. And yeah, as
I've said many times, there's been no right or wrong here,
no good or bad person, no hero, no villain. It's
just the sad reality is that we were two people
who developed feelings for each other. I did like each other,
but long term we just were not compatible. And although
this has actually been tough at times and so much
(01:24):
more emotional than I ever expected, as you know, everything
was real, the feelings were real. I do not regret
this at all, and I'll only ever look back on
this and think positively of Stefano, who really is a
great person and someone I hope I can eventually establish
a friendship with once maybe all the heightened feelings at
(01:45):
the minute like fade a little. Actually, one other important
thing I've learned here is I now sympathize and understand
what their contestants on actual reality shows go through so
much more like it's weird. They always say that pressurized
bubble and fuck I get it. Anyway, back to the
point of this episode, So Stephano and I were initially
(02:06):
going to end this series with some kind of final
ceremony where we wrote letters for each other about what
we'd learned about ourselves, about each other, what we're both
thankful for. But I decided I did not want to
do that anymore together, so I read mine alone in
a video on Instagram I posted on Sunday. Stephano has
since done the same. And then I reflected on the
(02:29):
whole thing in a call with my mum. As some
of you guys may remember, like this whole thing started
with an episode where I phoned her to explain what
I was doing. And now, yeah, I suppose I'll end
it with that, So I will now play the grab
of me reading my letter, the grab of Stephano reading his,
and then the chat I had with my mum, kind
(02:50):
of just reflecting and everything. And also just last note,
thank you to everyone who has followed this journey, whose
message to his commented, who was sharing the post, who
generally got behind it and supported it. Stefano. When I
first met you, I thought that I'd win the gay lottery.
You have this smile and positivity that I found just
(03:11):
so compelling. But beyond that, I slowly got to see
a side of you that not many people ever do.
That you're not just your job title or an object
for people to lust after, but you're someone who is
so pure and as beautiful on the inside as you
are on the outside. But as it started to become obvious,
our lack of long term compatibility meant that connection would
(03:33):
only take us so far. I had this constant battle
between my head and my heart, which is why I
first ended things three weeks ago now, the night we
had that disagreement in the city which people watched us
talk about in the last video, I cried on the
street as I said to you, I don't deserve better
than you, because you are a great person. But I
(03:53):
deserve a partner who meets my needs and won't challenge
me in moments where they can see. All I want
is to feel heard and supported, and you deserve a
partner who can match your energy and lust for life.
We then spent three days apart, and as sad as
that was, I still knew it was for the best
until you convinced me that we should carry on, and
I agreed because seeing you and hugging you again when
(04:15):
I was planning on filming the ending for this, I
was just reminded how strong my feelings were for you still.
The last time we saw each other, we both said
we had no regret about this experience, but I was
lying to you there. I regret agreeing to continue this
after I first ended it, because I knew it would
only lead to more hurt and us struggling to leave
(04:35):
with even a friendship, which is where we're at now.
So many times in my life I've tried to change
myself for other people into a version I feel they'd
like her accept more. When you grow up feeling so
unsure of who you are and suppressing so many parts
of yourself because it just wasn't safe to be yourself,
that sticks with you. But one thing I have learned
(04:56):
over the last month or so is that I am enough.
I am sensitive, and I am emotional, and I do
get anxious in certain situations, and I have struggled with
depression my whole life, and I know what works for
me and what doesn't. But none of those things define me,
and I should never feel like I have to try
and justify these things I like to make me a
(05:17):
burden on somebody else's life. Although I know that you
have never done anything to try and intentionally hurt or
upset me. You have actually helped me realize more than
ever what I deserve in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And you will make.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
The perfect part of someone out there that's just not me.
And until you find that person, please never stop smiling,
because you don't smile since the first time I ever
saw you, I thought, it's just the most infectious, beautiful thing.
So thank you Stefano, and thank you to everyone who
has followed this journey. I'm sorry that we couldn't deliver
(05:52):
the happy ending that people wanted.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Who marries a strange apparently mean and it wasn't just
an experiment for me. It was a real emotional challenge.
I have always been very picky when it comes to love,
even for sex. I need to connect first, to talk
and feel something real, which is not very common in
(06:18):
the gay world. Let's be honest. So I imagine waking up
one day and being married to somebody I didn't even know.
Saying yes to This was in random, It came from
something much deeper. My parents broke up when I was
(06:39):
a baby. I never saw what a couple really looked like.
I didn't have that that image in my mind. My
mum always told me, never do to a girl what
your dad did to me. Spoiler, I didn't fall in
love with a girl. Those words stayed in my mind,
(07:04):
in my heart, and to protect myself, I create my
own rules. Friends with benefits you get to enjoy nice moments,
but with all big promises or risk of betrayal, and
I came into this show with a lot of emotional wolves,
(07:25):
and then I met Josh. At first, I honestly didn't
think he could be my partner. We are very different,
and outside this experiment, I couldn't have chosen him. But
with time, we build something real. It wasn't fake, it
(07:46):
wasn't acting. I started to see how beautiful he's inside,
his heart, his kindness, the way he took care of
me and listened to me. He opened up to me
with very deep things, and that helped me open up too,
(08:06):
and it helped It helped me grow, It helped me heal.
But I also have to be honest. Sundays we're really hard.
I cry more than once, and not just because of arguments,
but because I wasn't used to being around someone whose
energy was often low and emotional and heavy. It will
(08:31):
sometimes wait on me, and I found myself feeling drained,
questioning things I usually handled with confidence. But those harrm
moments told me a lot too. I learned patience, I
learned how to support someone different from me, and I
learned how to stay present even when he felt uncomfortable
(09:00):
for me to be monogamous I need to really love
the person. Only then I can let go of my
sexual freedom without any doubts. And yes, many people judge
me without knowing the full story. You have just seen
around thirty videos, but you cannot know the person with
(09:23):
just two minutes video every day, and you can know
all the things that happens behind the scenes. But I
learned something very important. Love cannot be forced. It has
to grow with the time, the experiences. And even though
(09:47):
deep down I knew Josh was not the one for me,
I gave this relationship my best I truly committed. I
gave an effort time, I gave my heart. Today I
walk away knowing I grew up, knowing that I grew
(10:09):
I help parts of myself I didn't even know. We're
still hurting. And even if this story didn't end in
a happily ever after, it was a beautiful sorry, a
real one. So thank you Josh truly. No matter what
(10:30):
happened next, you always have you always have a place
in my heart and if you ever need me, I
will be there.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Welcome back to the map Swhony podcast. You were a
UK correspondent and not gonna lie. You failed spectacularly at
that job because you went on holiday before the season
ended on your side of the world. But then also
at the same time, I married a stranger, so we
both got a bit distracted. But now here we.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Are, no where we are? So houns miss on, how
are you doing? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Like, I'm okay that the marriage is now officially over
and that's done.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
It's not finished terms, has it?
Speaker 3 (11:15):
No.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I think if we kept it going any longer than
it could have become really negative between us, which we
both said from the start that night was wanted, and
it definitely went longer than it should to the point
like the differences between us we're just getting bigger and
bigger and we couldn't really ignore them anymore.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But right, okay, so are you going to say friends?
Do you think? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Like, I hope we can. I think it will take
a little bit of time because everything right now feels
so raw and confusing. But I'm always gonna care about him,
and I'm wanted him in my life to some extent somehow.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
It's a shame.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
It's sad because I was a foulp in that world.
Work out and that you'd find you're happy ever after,
and you will do and you will find that person
that wants similar to you.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Actually do you know? The main thing I've learned lately,
and it's kind of a thought and a feeling I've
always had and it feels like it's been confirmed lately.
But I've always felt like I'm boring as a gay
person and I don't fit into the community. And it
always comes down to the fact that I don't like clubs.
I don't like getting wasted every weekend. I don't like
(12:31):
partying and being hungover every Sunday.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
And trust, You're not boring. You are being you, and
I'm proud of you for that.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I get that, but it just feels so hard sometimes
to find someone who also like their dream Saturday would
just be waking up for what I hike at sunrise
and then maybe we'll have a chill barbecue luntry friends,
and then by nine o'clock we're falling asleep in front
of the telly.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I'm sure there's lots of people out there that would
love to do that with you, or would just love
to do with that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I know, but like when you're a big city gay
and this sounds stupid, but like in a big city
like well, I live in Manchester, London and now Sydney,
like the community always does seem to just be centered
around partying and kissing people in clubs and being out
every weekend until six am and drugs and like there's
(13:26):
no judgment there from me. That's that's just a reality
for so many gay people and it is so normalized now.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You don't have to go following what other people do.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
You're choosing to do what you want to do, which
is a massive thing. Sometimes that's hard to do.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, but like I'm also no angel when it comes
to this, and I spent so long trying to follow
other people too. Fitting like that and like even in
Sydney these days and not even just be gays, like
it's so rare you'll have one night out without someone
casually just pulling out a bag and like it is
just as casual as being like, oh do you want
(14:05):
to get a beer? Oh should we get on this?
And so many times in the past, even like up
to what earlier this year, I'd be like yeah, all right,
and I'd get involved and afterwards I'd be like, why
did I do that? I didn't want to And it
always comes down to the fact I think, well, if
I don't. People are gonna think I'm not cool and
(14:27):
am I not going to be invited out again? And
I'm not going to be part of the group. And
it's not even pay pressure, because no one's ever like
making you do anything, But it's always me actively making
that choice where I think, well, if I don't get
involved here and be part of the group or whatever, like,
are they just gonna then go up? Josh's the boring one.
(14:48):
Let's not invite Josha again, joshua'sn't like the party, Like
do you know what I mean? Like it sounds stupid
that I keep saying it, but you do end up
feeling like you're the boring one, like you're not one
of the gayers of the group.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, well can You are definitely not boring, and there's
going to be lots of like minded people like you
out there. It's just how do you find these people
because you're not going to go to clubs.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Well, then the main of a way to meet people
if you're not on the scene in the bars and
the clubs or whatever is the apps. And then, as
you know, for me, like that just become this sad,
toxic cycle that does mess with your head.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
No, and some of the apps dangerous as well, because
you never know who you're going to meet.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
No, But you know.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
What as well, don't put yourself down. You are a lovely,
genuine person and you've got a lot to offer, a
lot of love to give. And I'm sure that you
will find the right person or the right person is.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Going to come and find you, and then I hope
you get.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
Your little happy ever after. That's all I want. I
know it's your mom for your kids. All you want
is for your kids to be happy, and I'm getting
all lots at but as mom, that's what I want.
Just want you happy, And I think you are happy
most of the time. You are living the dream. You're
doing a lot that a lot of people can only
(16:12):
dream about. You're doing it. You're living the dream. You've
got a lovely a fit sure if you could find
the right part.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Oh yeah, Like you don't have to worry about me.
Like this is sad, and I have been sad and upset,
but I'm not sad now because I know this is
for the best for both of us. And like last time,
I probably texted with Stefano like a week and a
half ago, maybe he said, how do I feel? And
I said conflicted, And he said, what do you mean?
(16:40):
And I was like, well, I miss you. I miss us.
I miss having you in my life every day, and
you know, having that person to just chill with, fall
asleep with, to give a hog, to share a meal with.
But again, I know it's for the best. So yeah,
like I'm trying to focus on that. I just remember
(17:01):
the good times. But yeah, I suppose now it's back
to trying to find someone to share this apparently dream
with exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
It was an experiment, same as Max. It's an experiment.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
You've tried it, but hopefully you'll get a nice friendship
out of this.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I hope we will get to that point, and I
think we will. Like one thing as well. I think
I've realized lately is just how much I admire him
and the way he lives his life, like just exactly
how he wants and like, as I said just said,
I've done things before because I felt I just wanted
to be included and for the proval of others when
(17:41):
I didn't want to do them myself. But then he's
the opposite, and he's just created this life and lifestyle
that most people would dream of with his own rules
and he's the only one following them and if you
don't like it, like he doesn't care, which is admirable
in a way. People like CAUs who work normal jobs
like idiots for doing that. Like we've got alarms waking
(18:05):
us up every day, and then we're getting stuck in
traffic to go to jobs. Most of us don't like
to sit in offices surrounded by people we mostly hate.
And then you get people like Stefano and other people
who just do content and they wake up when they want,
they work when they want, like and they're making more
money than most of us ever will.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
No, you're not, you're not the good yet you've got work,
and you all show me that structure in your life
to function.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
That you do need structure.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I know, and I get that, I suppose. I just
wish I had more of his resilience, maybe in how
he does just do what he wants or when he wants,
and has created this life where he's happy mostly with
it and he's content and if you don't like it,
he doesn't care because he's still just doing his own thing.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
All the think. Just get on with your life. You've
got a lovely life. You live in the dream, you
live in the Sidney. Now, you've got a really good job,
you've got lovely friends, and you've got a good family
behind her as well. And never forget that one. But
I give sef I always do as well. He's telling
you what's what. He's being honest, he's being upfront about
(19:20):
his life. He's being truthful, he's being upfront. So you
have to him for that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, that's why I have nothing bad to say about him,
and I only have respect for him.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Doan You know what. You both give it a try.
You get one life. You tried it. Sometimes things work out,
sometimes they don't. So I'm goad.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Sure, Okay, that's my main concern. And if you're not fine,
you could jump on the plane and come home to mother.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I have never in my life called you mummy, so
please don't say it on this podcast, so people think that.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I do well. Now come home to your mom.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So you need to just get back to real life
for a while and routine and the job of been
the black thing for six weeks now. But thank you,
and I will maybe see you at Christmas, if not
this year, next year. Yeah, that's the joys of living
on the other side of the world.
Hello, and welcome back to the Matsuny podcast with me
Joshua Fox, and welcome to the final episode of the
josh and Stephano mini series that I had going on
on here. Although the podcast element of that kind of
dropped off because it was actually so hard being in
that experiment and in that relationship and navigating the real
(00:22):
feelings that developed there with filming and content and Pediro
producing and yeah, it was a lot. But as many
of you may have seen on socials, now Stefano and
I have split up and that's all ended, and there's
no point really dwelling on the wire trying to make
drama other than just me noting here how two people,
(00:42):
no matter how strong the chemistry may be and how
strong the connection they may start to form, maybe like
if they lack any long term compatibility away from those things,
Ultimately it's never going to go anywhere unless they're both
willing to make extreme sacrifices which go against maybe their
(01:02):
morals or lifestyles or beliefs or whatever. And yeah, as
I've said many times, there's been no right or wrong here,
no good or bad person, no hero, no villain. It's
just the sad reality is that we were two people
who developed feelings for each other. I did like each other,
but long term we just were not compatible. And although
this has actually been tough at times and so much
(01:24):
more emotional than I ever expected, as you know, everything
was real, the feelings were real. I do not regret
this at all, and I'll only ever look back on
this and think positively of Stefano, who really is a
great person and someone I hope I can eventually establish
a friendship with once maybe all the heightened feelings at
(01:45):
the minute like fade a little. Actually, one other important
thing I've learned here is I now sympathize and understand
what their contestants on actual reality shows go through so
much more like it's weird. They always say that pressurized
bubble and fuck I get it. Anyway, back to the
point of this episode, So Stephano and I were initially
(02:06):
going to end this series with some kind of final
ceremony where we wrote letters for each other about what
we'd learned about ourselves, about each other, what we're both
thankful for. But I decided I did not want to
do that anymore together, so I read mine alone in
a video on Instagram I posted on Sunday. Stephano has
since done the same. And then I reflected on the
(02:29):
whole thing in a call with my mum. As some
of you guys may remember, like this whole thing started
with an episode where I phoned her to explain what
I was doing. And now, yeah, I suppose I'll end
it with that, So I will now play the grab
of me reading my letter, the grab of Stephano reading his,
and then the chat I had with my mum, kind
(02:50):
of just reflecting and everything. And also just last note,
thank you to everyone who has followed this journey, whose
message to his commented, who was sharing the post, who
generally got behind it and supported it. Stefano. When I
first met you, I thought that I'd win the gay lottery.
You have this smile and positivity that I found just
(03:11):
so compelling. But beyond that, I slowly got to see
a side of you that not many people ever do.
That you're not just your job title or an object
for people to lust after, but you're someone who is
so pure and as beautiful on the inside as you
are on the outside. But as it started to become obvious,
our lack of long term compatibility meant that connection would
(03:33):
only take us so far. I had this constant battle
between my head and my heart, which is why I
first ended things three weeks ago now, the night we
had that disagreement in the city which people watched us
talk about in the last video, I cried on the
street as I said to you, I don't deserve better
than you, because you are a great person. But I
(03:53):
deserve a partner who meets my needs and won't challenge
me in moments where they can see. All I want
is to feel heard and supported, and you deserve a
partner who can match your energy and lust for life.
We then spent three days apart, and as sad as
that was, I still knew it was for the best
until you convinced me that we should carry on, and
I agreed because seeing you and hugging you again when
(04:15):
I was planning on filming the ending for this, I
was just reminded how strong my feelings were for you still.
The last time we saw each other, we both said
we had no regret about this experience, but I was
lying to you there. I regret agreeing to continue this
after I first ended it, because I knew it would
only lead to more hurt and us struggling to leave
(04:35):
with even a friendship, which is where we're at now.
So many times in my life I've tried to change
myself for other people into a version I feel they'd
like her accept more. When you grow up feeling so
unsure of who you are and suppressing so many parts
of yourself because it just wasn't safe to be yourself,
that sticks with you. But one thing I have learned
(04:56):
over the last month or so is that I am enough.
I am sensitive, and I am emotional, and I do
get anxious in certain situations, and I have struggled with
depression my whole life, and I know what works for
me and what doesn't. But none of those things define me,
and I should never feel like I have to try
and justify these things I like to make me a
(05:17):
burden on somebody else's life. Although I know that you
have never done anything to try and intentionally hurt or
upset me. You have actually helped me realize more than
ever what I deserve in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And you will make.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
The perfect part of someone out there that's just not me.
And until you find that person, please never stop smiling,
because you don't smile since the first time I ever
saw you, I thought, it's just the most infectious, beautiful thing.
So thank you Stefano, and thank you to everyone who
has followed this journey. I'm sorry that we couldn't deliver
(05:52):
the happy ending that people wanted.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Who marries a strange apparently mean and it wasn't just
an experiment for me. It was a real emotional challenge.
I have always been very picky when it comes to love,
even for sex. I need to connect first, to talk
and feel something real, which is not very common in
(06:18):
the gay world. Let's be honest. So I imagine waking up
one day and being married to somebody I didn't even know.
Saying yes to This was in random, It came from
something much deeper. My parents broke up when I was
(06:39):
a baby. I never saw what a couple really looked like.
I didn't have that that image in my mind. My
mum always told me, never do to a girl what
your dad did to me. Spoiler, I didn't fall in
love with a girl. Those words stayed in my mind,
(07:04):
in my heart, and to protect myself, I create my
own rules. Friends with benefits you get to enjoy nice moments,
but with all big promises or risk of betrayal, and
I came into this show with a lot of emotional wolves,
(07:25):
and then I met Josh. At first, I honestly didn't
think he could be my partner. We are very different,
and outside this experiment, I couldn't have chosen him. But
with time, we build something real. It wasn't fake, it
(07:46):
wasn't acting. I started to see how beautiful he's inside,
his heart, his kindness, the way he took care of
me and listened to me. He opened up to me
with very deep things, and that helped me open up too,
(08:06):
and it helped It helped me grow, It helped me heal.
But I also have to be honest. Sundays we're really hard.
I cry more than once, and not just because of arguments,
but because I wasn't used to being around someone whose
energy was often low and emotional and heavy. It will
(08:31):
sometimes wait on me, and I found myself feeling drained,
questioning things I usually handled with confidence. But those harrm
moments told me a lot too. I learned patience, I
learned how to support someone different from me, and I
learned how to stay present even when he felt uncomfortable
(09:00):
for me to be monogamous I need to really love
the person. Only then I can let go of my
sexual freedom without any doubts. And yes, many people judge
me without knowing the full story. You have just seen
around thirty videos, but you cannot know the person with
(09:23):
just two minutes video every day, and you can know
all the things that happens behind the scenes. But I
learned something very important. Love cannot be forced. It has
to grow with the time, the experiences. And even though
(09:47):
deep down I knew Josh was not the one for me,
I gave this relationship my best I truly committed. I
gave an effort time, I gave my heart. Today I
walk away knowing I grew up, knowing that I grew
(10:09):
I help parts of myself I didn't even know. We're
still hurting. And even if this story didn't end in
a happily ever after, it was a beautiful sorry, a
real one. So thank you Josh truly. No matter what
(10:30):
happened next, you always have you always have a place
in my heart and if you ever need me, I
will be there.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Welcome back to the map Swhony podcast. You were a
UK correspondent and not gonna lie. You failed spectacularly at
that job because you went on holiday before the season
ended on your side of the world. But then also
at the same time, I married a stranger, so we
both got a bit distracted. But now here we.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Are, no where we are? So houns miss on, how
are you doing? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Like, I'm okay that the marriage is now officially over
and that's done.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
It's not finished terms, has it?
Speaker 3 (11:15):
No.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I think if we kept it going any longer than
it could have become really negative between us, which we
both said from the start that night was wanted, and
it definitely went longer than it should to the point
like the differences between us we're just getting bigger and
bigger and we couldn't really ignore them anymore.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But right, okay, so are you going to say friends?
Do you think? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Like, I hope we can. I think it will take
a little bit of time because everything right now feels
so raw and confusing. But I'm always gonna care about him,
and I'm wanted him in my life to some extent somehow.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
It's a shame.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
It's sad because I was a foulp in that world.
Work out and that you'd find you're happy ever after,
and you will do and you will find that person
that wants similar to you.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Actually do you know? The main thing I've learned lately,
and it's kind of a thought and a feeling I've
always had and it feels like it's been confirmed lately.
But I've always felt like I'm boring as a gay
person and I don't fit into the community. And it
always comes down to the fact that I don't like clubs.
I don't like getting wasted every weekend. I don't like
(12:31):
partying and being hungover every Sunday.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
And trust, You're not boring. You are being you, and
I'm proud of you for that.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I get that, but it just feels so hard sometimes
to find someone who also like their dream Saturday would
just be waking up for what I hike at sunrise
and then maybe we'll have a chill barbecue luntry friends,
and then by nine o'clock we're falling asleep in front
of the telly.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I'm sure there's lots of people out there that would
love to do that with you, or would just love
to do with that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I know, but like when you're a big city gay
and this sounds stupid, but like in a big city
like well, I live in Manchester, London and now Sydney,
like the community always does seem to just be centered
around partying and kissing people in clubs and being out
every weekend until six am and drugs and like there's
(13:26):
no judgment there from me. That's that's just a reality
for so many gay people and it is so normalized now.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You don't have to go following what other people do.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
You're choosing to do what you want to do, which
is a massive thing. Sometimes that's hard to do.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, but like I'm also no angel when it comes
to this, and I spent so long trying to follow
other people too. Fitting like that and like even in
Sydney these days and not even just be gays, like
it's so rare you'll have one night out without someone
casually just pulling out a bag and like it is
just as casual as being like, oh do you want
(14:05):
to get a beer? Oh should we get on this?
And so many times in the past, even like up
to what earlier this year, I'd be like yeah, all right,
and I'd get involved and afterwards I'd be like, why
did I do that? I didn't want to And it
always comes down to the fact I think, well, if
I don't. People are gonna think I'm not cool and
(14:27):
am I not going to be invited out again? And
I'm not going to be part of the group. And
it's not even pay pressure, because no one's ever like
making you do anything, But it's always me actively making
that choice where I think, well, if I don't get
involved here and be part of the group or whatever, like,
are they just gonna then go up? Josh's the boring one.
(14:48):
Let's not invite Josha again, joshua'sn't like the party, Like
do you know what I mean? Like it sounds stupid
that I keep saying it, but you do end up
feeling like you're the boring one, like you're not one
of the gayers of the group.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, well can You are definitely not boring, and there's
going to be lots of like minded people like you
out there. It's just how do you find these people
because you're not going to go to clubs.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Well, then the main of a way to meet people
if you're not on the scene in the bars and
the clubs or whatever is the apps. And then, as
you know, for me, like that just become this sad,
toxic cycle that does mess with your head.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
No, and some of the apps dangerous as well, because
you never know who you're going to meet.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
No, But you know.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
What as well, don't put yourself down. You are a lovely,
genuine person and you've got a lot to offer, a
lot of love to give. And I'm sure that you
will find the right person or the right person is.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Going to come and find you, and then I hope
you get.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
Your little happy ever after. That's all I want. I
know it's your mom for your kids. All you want
is for your kids to be happy, and I'm getting
all lots at but as mom, that's what I want.
Just want you happy, And I think you are happy
most of the time. You are living the dream. You're
doing a lot that a lot of people can only
(16:12):
dream about. You're doing it. You're living the dream. You've
got a lovely a fit sure if you could find
the right part.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Oh yeah, Like you don't have to worry about me.
Like this is sad, and I have been sad and upset,
but I'm not sad now because I know this is
for the best for both of us. And like last time,
I probably texted with Stefano like a week and a
half ago, maybe he said, how do I feel? And
I said conflicted, And he said, what do you mean?
(16:40):
And I was like, well, I miss you. I miss us.
I miss having you in my life every day, and
you know, having that person to just chill with, fall
asleep with, to give a hog, to share a meal with.
But again, I know it's for the best. So yeah,
like I'm trying to focus on that. I just remember
(17:01):
the good times. But yeah, I suppose now it's back
to trying to find someone to share this apparently dream
with exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
It was an experiment, same as Max. It's an experiment.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
You've tried it, but hopefully you'll get a nice friendship
out of this.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I hope we will get to that point, and I
think we will. Like one thing as well. I think
I've realized lately is just how much I admire him
and the way he lives his life, like just exactly
how he wants and like, as I said just said,
I've done things before because I felt I just wanted
to be included and for the proval of others when
(17:41):
I didn't want to do them myself. But then he's
the opposite, and he's just created this life and lifestyle
that most people would dream of with his own rules
and he's the only one following them and if you
don't like it, like he doesn't care, which is admirable
in a way. People like CAUs who work normal jobs
like idiots for doing that. Like we've got alarms waking
(18:05):
us up every day, and then we're getting stuck in
traffic to go to jobs. Most of us don't like
to sit in offices surrounded by people we mostly hate.
And then you get people like Stefano and other people
who just do content and they wake up when they want,
they work when they want, like and they're making more
money than most of us ever will.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
No, you're not, you're not the good yet you've got work,
and you all show me that structure in your life
to function.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
That you do need structure.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I know, and I get that, I suppose. I just
wish I had more of his resilience, maybe in how
he does just do what he wants or when he wants,
and has created this life where he's happy mostly with
it and he's content and if you don't like it,
he doesn't care because he's still just doing his own thing.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
All the think. Just get on with your life. You've
got a lovely life. You live in the dream, you
live in the Sidney. Now, you've got a really good job,
you've got lovely friends, and you've got a good family
behind her as well. And never forget that one. But
I give sef I always do as well. He's telling
you what's what. He's being honest, he's being upfront about
(19:20):
his life. He's being truthful, he's being upfront. So you
have to him for that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, that's why I have nothing bad to say about him,
and I only have respect for him.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Doan You know what. You both give it a try.
You get one life. You tried it. Sometimes things work out,
sometimes they don't. So I'm goad.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Sure, Okay, that's my main concern. And if you're not fine,
you could jump on the plane and come home to mother.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I have never in my life called you mummy, so
please don't say it on this podcast, so people think that.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I do well. Now come home to your mom.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So you need to just get back to real life
for a while and routine and the job of been
the black thing for six weeks now. But thank you,
and I will maybe see you at Christmas, if not
this year, next year. Yeah, that's the joys of living
on the other side of the world.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com