June 7, 2024 • 12 mins
Summary
In this post-interview episode, Dr. Marc Reynolds discusses the importance of managing ego in personal and professional relationships. He provides practical tips for recognizing and balancing ego, as well as strategies for checking and managing ego in the workplace. The episode emphasizes the impact of ego on communication, relationships, conflict resolution, leadership, and personal growth.
Chapters
00:00 Understanding How Ego Influences Personal and Professional Relationships
03:25 Recognizing and Balancing Ego
07:41 Strategies for Checking and Managing Ego
Takeaways
- Managing ego is crucial for improved communication, healthier relationships, conflict resolution, effective leadership, and personal growth.
- Recognizing ego in oneself involves identifying signs such as defensiveness, inflexibility, seeking validation, blaming others, and a constant need for control.
- Balancing self-confidence and humility in a professional setting involves acknowledging strengths and limitations, practicing active listening, seeking feedback, showing empathy, and continuously learning and growing.
#egomanagement #personalgrowth #communication #conflict resolution #leadership #workplacerelationships #MakeWorkWorkBetter #Dr.MarcReynolds #FYVConsulting
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Welcome to the
Make Work, Work Better podcast,where we delve deep into the minds
and experiences of some of the mostinspiring leaders in business today.
I'm your host, Dr.
Marc Reynolds, today we're doing the postinterview episode after interviewing
Lauren Crampsie.
We're actually going to do three of thesebecause there's three really great topics
that we want to talk about in more detail,So you have practical tips
(00:28):
for how to take
what was talked about in that interviewand really put it into practice. In
today's episode,we're going to be talking about
how your ego is not your amigo.
I loved when she shared that.
Next time we'll be talking a little bitmore about sitting in silence.
But for today, your ego is not your amigo.
(00:49):
And how to navigate relationshipsand work without self-centredness.
This might seem obvious.
It might seemmaybe for some people, simple.
But for myself, it's not easy.
Ego is one of those really sneaky thingsthat likes to work its way and everything.
First, let's talk a little bitabout how understanding and managing ego
(01:11):
is crucial,
both in your personal relationshipsand in the workplace for several reasons.
First is improve communication.
Think about it.
If you're talking to someone and,their ego is clearly in the way,
or they're super focused on their ownachievements or how smart they are
how much do you really want to engagein that conversation?
(01:32):
I can't counthow many times I've watched conversations
going back and forth or basically peoplewere just talking about their experiences
and successes and name dropping, and it'snot really a great way to build trust.
It's a great way to create competitiveness
of comparison and not really any progress.
By being more aware of your ego,
(01:56):
how it manifests itself,how it likes to creep
in, you're going to find strategiesand we're gonna talk about some later
that help you get past that
or helpyou just be aware of when it's creeping in
so that you can communicatemore effectively.
It also helps with healthierrelationships.
As the title of this suggests,the kind of ego we're talking about.
(02:19):
And there's been differentdefinitions of ego throughout time.
If we're going back to Freudian theoryand moving forward.
But the type we're talking about
really comes down to a more simple word,and that is self-centredness.
Managing ego allows individualsto prioritize empathy, understanding,
and compromise,
which are essential for maintaininghealthy
(02:41):
and fulfilling relationships,both personally and professionally.
So really important helpswith conflict resolution.
By managing ego, individuals can approachconflicts with an open mind, willingness
to listen, and focus on finding solutionsrather than trying to win the argument.
It makes for more effective leaders.
Leaders who understand and manage theiregos are more likely to inspire trust,
(03:02):
motivate their teams, and make decisionsthat benefit
the entire organizationrather than serving their own interests.
Then finally, is personal growth.
By recognizing and addressing egodriven behaviors and attitudes,
individuals can become more resilient,adaptable,
and successfulin various aspects of their life.
Sounds great right?
So let's dive into this.
(03:23):
First we're going to talk abouthow can I recognize ego in myself.
Second, we're going to talk abouthow do I balance
self-confidence and humilityin a professional setting.
Then we're going to finish offwith talking about
some practical strategiesfor checking your ego,
for managing that egoas it tries to creep in.
So first let's talk a little bit about how
(03:47):
we can recognize ego in ourselves.
One of the best thingsis to find your trusted in people.
Talk to them, see what's triggering them,what's making them distance from you,
what's causing themto react in a negative way, or pull away.
If you'll pay attention to those people,
you're going to start seeing the placeswhere ego probably is trying to creep in.
(04:08):
Some specific things that you might watchfor our defensiveness.
If you're feeling yourselfgetting defensive and trying to defend
why you're important, why you're valuable,why you're right, why they're wrong.
That defensiveness is a really good
indicator that there's a egothat's gotten wrapped into this.
There's no ego.
We listen, we pay attention.
(04:29):
We take on what someone saying,
consider it if it's true or right,
then we move on that if we knowfrom our own mind and experience
that it's not, we can still listen andvalidate that other person's experience
and make our next decision of whatwe're going to do according to that.
Inflexibility as another signthat egos in the way being resistant
(04:49):
to change, new ideas, feedbackall causes huge problems.
If you're not flexible,then how are you supposed to grow?
How are you supposed to develop?
How you will stretch, change?
Now, obviously there's a balancehere, right?
We need to also draw boundaries
And we need to make sure that we'rebeing true and fair to ourselves as well.
If you're comparing, you're competing,you're seeking validation
(05:12):
and engaging and competitive behaviors
to prove your superiorityor to gain recognition...
Egos in the way check it at the doorIf you're seeking approval,
external validation, or praise to boostself-esteem or self-worth.
If if you're looking for that raiseor that promotion of that new job,
because that's going to tell youthat you're worthy, you're a good person.
(05:33):
Instead,what's going to help you most is saying,
Who's the type of person that I value,that I appreciate that
I love that I'm connected with,and how do I become that person.
If I'm becoming that, I'mgoing to value that.
If you're blaming others, making excuses,being overly critical of others
to protect one's self-image, avoid takingresponsibility.
Ego. Now, does that meanwe can't hold people accountable?
(05:56):
Of course we can hold people accountable.
The best way to dothat is to stick with the facts.
Here's what I'm seeing.
Here's what I'm hearing.
Here's what I'm noticing.
It makes me think this.
It makes me feel this.
Tell me your side of the storyand sit back and listen.
If you have this strong desirefor control,
power, dominance in relationshipor situation, sign of ego
(06:17):
A powerful leader is one that can empowertheir people to do their best job.
Just thinking practically,
if you have to be in control all the time,there's only so many places you can be.
But if you can empower all your peopleto do their best work,
even if it might be slightly differentthan how you do it, the diversity
in thought, approaches, opinions is goingto only make your product stronger.
(06:41):
Judgment and arrogance.
Making harsh judgments about others.
Feeling superior.Displaying arrogance or entitlement.
Inability to listen.
If you can't just sit there and listen
to others, actively listen,not just passively.
Why are you thinking about what you needto get the grocery store?
But if you're activelylistening to others,
or if you're being dismissiveof different perspectives,
or you're
always wanting to be the one talking,or you keep interrupting other people
(07:03):
look for ego.
If you're your constant need for attentionor you have a fear of failure rejection,
check the ego and you're like, okay, well,I think there's not a human on earth.
Maybe there is that hasn't experiencedthis at one time or another and doesn't
probably facesome of these things on a daily basis.
So what am I supposed to do about that?
Stay tuned before we do,I want to answer the question
(07:24):
how do I balance self-confidencewith humility in professional settings?
And there's some really easy thingsthat you can do.
First, this question is interesting to mebecause the implication here
is that self-confidenceand humility are opposites.
That self-confidence meansthat we are prideful, that we're arrogant.
(07:46):
And that's not true.
We can be self-confident and humbleat the same time.
Humility comes downto placing other people first
about valuing other peopleas much or more than you value yourself.
Here's some strategies to help you developthis balance.
First, acknowledgeyour strengths and limitations.
(08:06):
You can do that by journalingand writing things down.
You can do that out loud.
You can find a coach or someone elseto help you really find those.
Some people really strugglewith finding what their strengths are, or
with clearly identifying their limitationswithout becoming the victim or feeling
like someone else is doing this to meor taking on too much responsibility.
(08:28):
So if you can go about thatand acknowledge the areas where you can
improve or learn or not, downplayyour accomplishments
and what you have to bring to the table,that's number one.
Number two, practice active listening.
Now anecdote twomy boys are about to go to a dance.
And self-disclosure dancehas always made me feel uncomfortable.
(08:49):
I was always dealt with thatby being the one in charge,
the one of running a dance, makingsure is all organized, put together,
doing things behind the scenesso I didn't actually have to engage
the dance itself.
So I was sensitive to the factthat maybe my boys are uncomfortable
going into this, or how do I make thisthe best experience possible for them?
And what I told them was,
instead of worrying about whatother people think about you,
(09:11):
or if you're having a good timeor if you're uncomfortable,
look for the person that you can maketheir time at the dance better,
As soon as we do that,it becomes a lot more fun for ourselves.
So join the dance, practiceactive listening, practice
making and helping someone else's day,
career, or skill set better.
(09:33):
Seek feedback.
There's nothing more humblingthan getting really genuine feedback.
It is actually really hard.
That'swhy executive coaches are really valuable.
That's why anonymous surveys are valuable.
That'swhy having employees throughout a company
that you know, are going to be honestand straightforward with you and not,
just tell you what you want to hearare really important as well.
(09:57):
Give credit where it's due,which goes also with practicing gratitude.
Show empathy.
Put yourself in the other's shoesand consider their feelings, perspectives,
and challenges.
If you can't do this, itprobably means you just need more detail.
You need to sit and ask,have you sat down and asked, “How's
the rest of your life going?” Ifyou had to rate the quality of your life
(10:19):
outside of work,how would you rate it from 0 to 10?
you rated a four.
Tell me why.
Start finding ways to be gratefuland to recognize the success of others,
and to point out and lift those around
you and shinea happy light on the people around you.
Set realistic goals.
Be approachable.
Lead by example.
(10:40):
Continuously learn and grow.
Dealing with ego
isn't so much about being like,oh, I'm bad and I have a lot of ego.
I need to get rid of that.
It's about shifting your prioritiesand making sure that in your mind
and your heart and your behaviorthat there are more important things
truth, helping those around you,loving those around you, lifting the team,
(11:01):
contributing, building the worldto become a better place.
Down below I'm going to listsome resources, some books, some articles
and online resources, some workshopsand courses that you can take.
If this is something that interests youand you want to learn more, dig into this
link down below.
I'd love to hear what you have to say,what you've learned, what you think
(11:23):
about the interview,and about what we're talking about today,
about checking that egoand how your ego is not your amigo.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
Please don't hesitate to comment downbelow.
Please try to keep it respectful.
of the other people on here.
Don't forget to like and subscribeand follow us for future episodes.
(11:44):
Tell us what you want to hear,what you want to talk about.
We'd love to hear what you have to say.
Finally, there are things that you can doto keep ego
in check, to keep minimizing itand getting rid of it.
Pulling it out of the workplaceso it doesn't get in your way.
It's one of the biggest stumbling blocksto effective teamwork
and to your own personal relationshipswith in the workplace
(12:06):
and outside of the workplace.
Join us next timewhen we talk about sitting in silence.
Look forward to seeing you then.
Welcome to the
Make Work, Work Better podcast,where we delve deep into the minds
and experiences of some of the mostinspiring leaders in business today.
I'm your host, Dr.
Marc Reynolds, today we're doing the postinterview episode after interviewing
Lauren Crampsie.
We're actually going to do three of thesebecause there's three really great topics
that we want to talk about in more detail,So you have practical tips
(00:28):
for how to take
what was talked about in that interviewand really put it into practice. In
today's episode,we're going to be talking about
how your ego is not your amigo.
I loved when she shared that.
Next time we'll be talking a little bitmore about sitting in silence.
But for today, your ego is not your amigo.
(00:49):
And how to navigate relationshipsand work without self-centredness.
This might seem obvious.
It might seemmaybe for some people, simple.
But for myself, it's not easy.
Ego is one of those really sneaky thingsthat likes to work its way and everything.
First, let's talk a little bitabout how understanding and managing ego
(01:11):
is crucial,
both in your personal relationshipsand in the workplace for several reasons.
First is improve communication.
Think about it.
If you're talking to someone and,their ego is clearly in the way,
or they're super focused on their ownachievements or how smart they are
how much do you really want to engagein that conversation?
(01:32):
I can't counthow many times I've watched conversations
going back and forth or basically peoplewere just talking about their experiences
and successes and name dropping, and it'snot really a great way to build trust.
It's a great way to create competitiveness
of comparison and not really any progress.
By being more aware of your ego,
(01:56):
how it manifests itself,how it likes to creep
in, you're going to find strategiesand we're gonna talk about some later
that help you get past that
or helpyou just be aware of when it's creeping in
so that you can communicatemore effectively.
It also helps with healthierrelationships.
As the title of this suggests,the kind of ego we're talking about.
(02:19):
And there's been differentdefinitions of ego throughout time.
If we're going back to Freudian theoryand moving forward.
But the type we're talking about
really comes down to a more simple word,and that is self-centredness.
Managing ego allows individualsto prioritize empathy, understanding,
and compromise,
which are essential for maintaininghealthy
(02:41):
and fulfilling relationships,both personally and professionally.
So really important helpswith conflict resolution.
By managing ego, individuals can approachconflicts with an open mind, willingness
to listen, and focus on finding solutionsrather than trying to win the argument.
It makes for more effective leaders.
Leaders who understand and manage theiregos are more likely to inspire trust,
(03:02):
motivate their teams, and make decisionsthat benefit
the entire organizationrather than serving their own interests.
Then finally, is personal growth.
By recognizing and addressing egodriven behaviors and attitudes,
individuals can become more resilient,adaptable,
and successfulin various aspects of their life.
Sounds great right?
So let's dive into this.
(03:23):
First we're going to talk abouthow can I recognize ego in myself.
Second, we're going to talk abouthow do I balance
self-confidence and humilityin a professional setting.
Then we're going to finish offwith talking about
some practical strategiesfor checking your ego,
for managing that egoas it tries to creep in.
So first let's talk a little bit about how
(03:47):
we can recognize ego in ourselves.
One of the best thingsis to find your trusted in people.
Talk to them, see what's triggering them,what's making them distance from you,
what's causing themto react in a negative way, or pull away.
If you'll pay attention to those people,
you're going to start seeing the placeswhere ego probably is trying to creep in.
(04:08):
Some specific things that you might watchfor our defensiveness.
If you're feeling yourselfgetting defensive and trying to defend
why you're important, why you're valuable,why you're right, why they're wrong.
That defensiveness is a really good
indicator that there's a egothat's gotten wrapped into this.
There's no ego.
We listen, we pay attention.
(04:29):
We take on what someone saying,
consider it if it's true or right,
then we move on that if we knowfrom our own mind and experience
that it's not, we can still listen andvalidate that other person's experience
and make our next decision of whatwe're going to do according to that.
Inflexibility as another signthat egos in the way being resistant
(04:49):
to change, new ideas, feedbackall causes huge problems.
If you're not flexible,then how are you supposed to grow?
How are you supposed to develop?
How you will stretch, change?
Now, obviously there's a balancehere, right?
We need to also draw boundaries
And we need to make sure that we'rebeing true and fair to ourselves as well.
If you're comparing, you're competing,you're seeking validation
(05:12):
and engaging and competitive behaviors
to prove your superiorityor to gain recognition...
Egos in the way check it at the doorIf you're seeking approval,
external validation, or praise to boostself-esteem or self-worth.
If if you're looking for that raiseor that promotion of that new job,
because that's going to tell youthat you're worthy, you're a good person.
(05:33):
Instead,what's going to help you most is saying,
Who's the type of person that I value,that I appreciate that
I love that I'm connected with,and how do I become that person.
If I'm becoming that, I'mgoing to value that.
If you're blaming others, making excuses,being overly critical of others
to protect one's self-image, avoid takingresponsibility.
Ego. Now, does that meanwe can't hold people accountable?
(05:56):
Of course we can hold people accountable.
The best way to dothat is to stick with the facts.
Here's what I'm seeing.
Here's what I'm hearing.
Here's what I'm noticing.
It makes me think this.
It makes me feel this.
Tell me your side of the storyand sit back and listen.
If you have this strong desirefor control,
power, dominance in relationshipor situation, sign of ego
(06:17):
A powerful leader is one that can empowertheir people to do their best job.
Just thinking practically,
if you have to be in control all the time,there's only so many places you can be.
But if you can empower all your peopleto do their best work,
even if it might be slightly differentthan how you do it, the diversity
in thought, approaches, opinions is goingto only make your product stronger.
(06:41):
Judgment and arrogance.
Making harsh judgments about others.
Feeling superior.Displaying arrogance or entitlement.
Inability to listen.
If you can't just sit there and listen
to others, actively listen,not just passively.
Why are you thinking about what you needto get the grocery store?
But if you're activelylistening to others,
or if you're being dismissiveof different perspectives,
or you're
always wanting to be the one talking,or you keep interrupting other people
(07:03):
look for ego.
If you're your constant need for attentionor you have a fear of failure rejection,
check the ego and you're like, okay, well,I think there's not a human on earth.
Maybe there is that hasn't experiencedthis at one time or another and doesn't
probably facesome of these things on a daily basis.
So what am I supposed to do about that?
Stay tuned before we do,I want to answer the question
(07:24):
how do I balance self-confidencewith humility in professional settings?
And there's some really easy thingsthat you can do.
First, this question is interesting to mebecause the implication here
is that self-confidenceand humility are opposites.
That self-confidence meansthat we are prideful, that we're arrogant.
(07:46):
And that's not true.
We can be self-confident and humbleat the same time.
Humility comes downto placing other people first
about valuing other peopleas much or more than you value yourself.
Here's some strategies to help you developthis balance.
First, acknowledgeyour strengths and limitations.
(08:06):
You can do that by journalingand writing things down.
You can do that out loud.
You can find a coach or someone elseto help you really find those.
Some people really strugglewith finding what their strengths are, or
with clearly identifying their limitationswithout becoming the victim or feeling
like someone else is doing this to meor taking on too much responsibility.
(08:28):
So if you can go about thatand acknowledge the areas where you can
improve or learn or not, downplayyour accomplishments
and what you have to bring to the table,that's number one.
Number two, practice active listening.
Now anecdote twomy boys are about to go to a dance.
And self-disclosure dancehas always made me feel uncomfortable.
(08:49):
I was always dealt with thatby being the one in charge,
the one of running a dance, makingsure is all organized, put together,
doing things behind the scenesso I didn't actually have to engage
the dance itself.
So I was sensitive to the factthat maybe my boys are uncomfortable
going into this, or how do I make thisthe best experience possible for them?
And what I told them was,
instead of worrying about whatother people think about you,
(09:11):
or if you're having a good timeor if you're uncomfortable,
look for the person that you can maketheir time at the dance better,
As soon as we do that,it becomes a lot more fun for ourselves.
So join the dance, practiceactive listening, practice
making and helping someone else's day,
career, or skill set better.
(09:33):
Seek feedback.
There's nothing more humblingthan getting really genuine feedback.
It is actually really hard.
That'swhy executive coaches are really valuable.
That's why anonymous surveys are valuable.
That'swhy having employees throughout a company
that you know, are going to be honestand straightforward with you and not,
just tell you what you want to hearare really important as well.
(09:57):
Give credit where it's due,which goes also with practicing gratitude.
Show empathy.
Put yourself in the other's shoesand consider their feelings, perspectives,
and challenges.
If you can't do this, itprobably means you just need more detail.
You need to sit and ask,have you sat down and asked, “How's
the rest of your life going?” Ifyou had to rate the quality of your life
(10:19):
outside of work,how would you rate it from 0 to 10?
you rated a four.
Tell me why.
Start finding ways to be gratefuland to recognize the success of others,
and to point out and lift those around
you and shinea happy light on the people around you.
Set realistic goals.
Be approachable.
Lead by example.
(10:40):
Continuously learn and grow.
Dealing with ego
isn't so much about being like,oh, I'm bad and I have a lot of ego.
I need to get rid of that.
It's about shifting your prioritiesand making sure that in your mind
and your heart and your behaviorthat there are more important things
truth, helping those around you,loving those around you, lifting the team,
(11:01):
contributing, building the worldto become a better place.
Down below I'm going to listsome resources, some books, some articles
and online resources, some workshopsand courses that you can take.
If this is something that interests youand you want to learn more, dig into this
link down below.
I'd love to hear what you have to say,what you've learned, what you think
(11:23):
about the interview,and about what we're talking about today,
about checking that egoand how your ego is not your amigo.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
Please don't hesitate to comment downbelow.
Please try to keep it respectful.
of the other people on here.
Don't forget to like and subscribeand follow us for future episodes.
(11:44):
Tell us what you want to hear,what you want to talk about.
We'd love to hear what you have to say.
Finally, there are things that you can doto keep ego
in check, to keep minimizing itand getting rid of it.
Pulling it out of the workplaceso it doesn't get in your way.
It's one of the biggest stumbling blocksto effective teamwork
and to your own personal relationshipswith in the workplace
(12:06):
and outside of the workplace.
Join us next timewhen we talk about sitting in silence.
Look forward to seeing you then.
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