S1 E4 Mini Workshop - Sitting in Silence

Summary   In this episode, Dr. Marc Reynolds discusses the value of sitting in silence and provides practical tips on how to apply it. He highlights two situations where sitting in silence is crucial: during one-on-one conversations and before meetings or presentations. Dr. Reynolds emphasizes the importance of listening, planning questions, and giving others the opportunity to think and respond authentically. He also explains how sitting in silence can create a space for open communication and better decision-making. The episode concludes with actionable steps to incorporate silence into daily routines.   Takeaways

• Sitting in silence allows for better communication and understanding in one-on-one conversations.
• Taking time to listen and plan questions leads to more effective communication.
• Silence gives others the opportunity to speak and be heard, fostering a more open and authentic dialogue.
• Sitting in silence before meetings or presentations helps calm the mind and improve decision-making.
• Incorporating silence into daily routines can lead to better self-control and influential leadership.

Titles

• The Value of Sitting in Silence
• Creating Space for Open Communication

Sound Bites

• "If you talk to any expert interviewer, they will tell you the most powerful tool is silence."
• "A common trend I see when I'm working with executives is that they never stop. They're always going."
• "Executives should be in control, but the primary way that they need to be in control isn't of other people. It's in control of themselves."

Chapters   00:00 Introduction 02:02 Sitting in Silence in One-on-One Conversations 03:28 Creating Space for Open Communication 04:25 Sitting in Silence for Better Decision-Making 05:22 Incorporating Silence into Daily Routines 07:19 Conclusion   Keywords   sitting in silence, communication, listening, decision-making, meetings, interviews, self-control   #sittinginsilence #communication #listening #decision-making #meetings #interviews #self-control #FYVConsulting #DrMarcReynolds #Consulting #Coaching #ExecutiveCoach

Episode Transcript

(00:07):
Hi and
welcome to the Make Work, WorkBetter podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Marc Reynolds.,President of FYV Consulting.
Today is another micro.
Workshop Where we're going to discuss.
The value of. Sitting in silence.
We encourage you to go backand watch the initial interview
with Lauren Crampsie,
where she shares with us the importanceof learning to sit in silence.

(00:30):
Today, we're going to give yousome practical tips of how to apply that.
There are two situations.
That we want to talk about todaywhere sitting in silence Is crucial.
The temptation when you're in a meetingor before a meeting
or presentation Is to be go, go, go!
We have so much to do.We have so much to share.
We have goals we want to achieve.
We have things we want to say.

(00:50):
We want to fix problemsand get to the root of things quickly.
In which I will give youone of my favorite pieces of advice
that one of my mentors told me frequently,
and that is to “Make haste slowly.”So what are these
two situationsthat I'm wanting to share with you?
Firstis when you're in an interview situation

(01:12):
- A one on one conversationwith someone else.
The person that is in chargeis the one that is asking the questions.
Second,the more you listen and gather information
first the betteryour communication will be.
The more succinct, the more direct,and the more accurate.

(01:33):
Take time to really listen.
Take time to plan the questionsthat you're going to ask.
If they don't have an answer.
If they're. Thinking,if they're struggling.
Give them the opportunity and permissionto take their time
to think and to come up with a genuine,authentic answer.
Also, give yourself permissionto sit there in silence

(01:57):
and wait until they communicatewhat they have to say.
Now. Ifyou talk to any expert interviewer,
they will tell youthe most powerful tool is silence. Why?
Because if you just wait and sit there,
even if they walked in the roomand you said absolutely nothing

(02:17):
but just stared at them, expectantthat they're going to start talking to you
they're going to start sharingwhat's on their mind,
what they're most concerned withwhat's making them anxious or nervous,
or whatthey think needs to be talked about.
I don't encourage that you just sit therein silence when they enter.
I encourage you to be friendly.
Kind, put them at easeand make them comfortable.
But I say that to make the pointthat sitting in silence

(02:39):
gives them the opportunity to speakand to be heard.
When people. Feel heard.
And seen and valued.
First, they're much more likely to listen
and respond in a way that isn'tdefensive, isn't reactive, and where
they return the favor when you decideto share what you need to share.
So what does it look like?

(03:00):
It looks like Sitting there.
Pleasantly,as if you just asked a question.
The more inviting you are, the more honestthe response will probably be.
Even if it's a disciplinary actionor it's a really Difficult conversation,
or you're really angry or upset.
Do not communicate when you're angry.
Don't have those conversationswhen your heart's beating fast,

(03:22):
when you're feeling all ramped up, wait
until you can sit theresilently and be calm
and in full control of your mindand faculties.
That brings us to the second situation.
A common trendI see when I'm working with executives.
Is that they never stop.
They're always going.There's so much to do.

(03:44):
They're so busy.
They have so many people to talk to,
so many meetings,so many goals, so many objectives.
They feelthis constant need to go, go, go.
That constant need to go, go,go means that
they don't always take the timeto gather their wits,
just to let themselves process and think
and be in a place where they arecalm and centered and focused,

(04:08):
and communicate and listen in a place
that is genuine, authentic, kind,
and focused on making the best decisions
for the company, and not satisfyingyour immediate emotional needs.
Most executives I have worked withso far Have been amazing people
that are humble, gracious, kind,and tremendously hardworking.

(04:32):
One of the things.
We regularly share is to take timebefore any meeting, interview, phone call,
whether it's five seconds, 5 minutes
or 10 minutes to sit in silence.
First.
To calm your body down, to get into theparasympathetic nervous system, and then

(04:53):
to think throughand then envision your objective
and what the ideal version of this meetingwill look like.
And what the best outcome will Look like,so that when.
you walk into that meeting, you are calmand in total control of yourself.
Some executives like the control.
Some others don't really care for itone way Or the other.

(05:13):
They're just good at having.
control Executives should be in Control.
The primary way that they need to be incontrol isn't of other People.
It's in control of themselves.
Ultimately, that leads to a powerful,influential leader.
That not only changes businessesbut changes their employees lives.
You might think this sounds great,

(05:35):
but how am I actually goingto make this happen?
Let's break it downinto really simple steps.
Right now
you're going to put into your calendar,however much time you think you need.
whether it's five seconds,five minutes, ten minutes
where you're going to sit in silencebefore a meeting.
Or if you're going to have a meetingyou could just do “S.I.S”.
to remind yourself.Then you'll build that habit.

(05:57):
And once you build the habit,it'll just be part of who you are
and you won't have to think about itanymore.
But here, initially,
you're going to have to be very deliberateabout making the plan,
scheduling the time, and setting that up.
Another tactic that people have usedvery efficiently is, every time
they're going to walk through a doorway,
they'll stop for five seconds,

(06:19):
take a few deep breaths.,and slow everything down.
My dad and two of my older.Brothers are doctors.
And they're regularlyin the operating room.
So I remember one day,talking to my dad and my oldest brother,
and they're talking about having to rushTo the emergency room,
I was surprised to learnthat surgeons are trained
not to run when there's an emergency.

(06:42):
Now, for surgeonsthere's a very practical reason for that.
If you're running and your heart rate'sup, you're not going to be calm enough
and your hand'snot going to be steady enough.
When you go to cut someone open.
Well, the Analogy.
is true for business as well.
When we have someone in front of usin a meeting., Especially
when that person is aggravated,They're scared.

(07:04):
they feel insecure, or they're angry.
Those Are the most crucial situationsto slow down,
breathe, take a moment to sit in silence,and Then communicate
from a place where you have a cleardirective and a calm mind.
I hope this helps you.
don't forget to clicklike, subscribe, follow.

(07:24):
We look forward to Seeing you next timeand in helping you make work work better.