November 25, 2025 • 12 mins
In this episode of The Menopause On the Mic Podcast, host Misti Graham humorously delves into the seven stages of a hot flash, likening it to an Oscar-worthy performance. From initial denial to a final reflective aftermath, each stage is described with vivid, relatable, and comedic detail. Misti also provides practical hot flash survival tips, such as keeping fans everywhere, wearing layers, and avoiding heat sources. The episode encourages listeners to embrace their unique experiences with humor and offers resources like her website and coaching packages.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hello? My hot hormonal hell raisers.
Welcome back to The Menopause On the Mic Podcast.
The only show on earth where sweating through your bra is considered both a survival skill and a badge of honor.
I'm your host, Misty Graham, coming to you from the sweatiest corners of midlife.
(00:23):
Today's episode is a masterpiece, a saga, a full-blown, dramatic production.
Because we're talking about the seven stages of a hot flash and why mine deserves an Oscar.
So listen, if I'm gonna spontaneously combust on a Tuesday afternoon for absolutely no reason, I want recognition.
(00:48):
I want applause and I want someone to carry out a trophy and say, congratulations on your outstanding performance in blaze of glory, the Menopause Chronicles.
So grab your portable fan, peel off a layer of clothing, and let's get into it. 10 00:01:05,96.666666667 --> 00:01:07,106.666666667 Let's begin with stage one. 11 00:01:07,106.666666667 --> 00:01:09,476.666666667 otherwise known as the denial phase. 12 00:01:09,746.666666667 --> 00:01:17,486.666666667 This is the cute stage, the polite stage, the I still think I have control over my life stage.
(01:17):
You feel the smallest shift of warmth, the gentle whisper of heat, and your first instinct is to blame literally.
Anything except menopause. 15 00:01:29,378.333333333 --> 00:01:31,808.333333333 Oh, it's just the sun coming through the window. 16 00:01:32,78.333333333 --> 00:01:34,808.333333333 Maybe my coffee was just a little hotter than usual. 17 00:01:35,78.333333333 --> 00:01:36,818.333333333 Maybe I'm just moving around too much. 18 00:01:37,263.333333333 --> 00:01:40,833.33333333 Girl, you haven't moved in 45 minutes. 19 00:01:41,373.33333333 --> 00:01:52,913.33333333 This moment is usually short-lived, but it's important because this is the last time your brain functions at a normal temperature before the chaos begins. 20 00:01:53,483.33333333 --> 00:02:01,673.33333333 Sometimes you'll even try to talk yourself out of it with that fake positive self-talk, like, no, everything's fine. 21 00:02:02,708.33333333 --> 00:02:03,788.33333333 I'm fine. 22 00:02:03,788.33333333 --> 00:02:06,758.33333333 suddenly, boom, out of nowhere. 23 00:02:06,848.33333333 --> 00:02:08,288.33333333 Stage two hits. 24 00:02:09,98.33333333 --> 00:02:11,168.33333333 Stage two, oh no. 25 00:02:11,798.33333333 --> 00:02:13,508.33333333 Oh no. 26 00:02:14,78.33333333 --> 00:02:15,848.33333333 This is the realization phase. 27 00:02:16,418.33333333 --> 00:02:17,648.33333333 It starts small. 28 00:02:18,548.33333333 --> 00:02:20,943.33333333 Maybe it's a quickening pulse in your neck. 29 00:02:21,788.33333333 --> 00:02:27,343.33333333 Maybe it's that weird internal buzzing, like your organs just sent a group text to each other that says. 30 00:02:28,43.33333333 --> 00:02:28,883.33333333 Oh sweet. 31 00:02:28,883.33333333 --> 00:02:30,53.33333333 Mother of sweat. 32 00:02:30,113.33333333 --> 00:02:31,223.33333333 Here we go. 33 00:02:31,713.33333333 --> 00:02:38,973.33333333 your inner monologue breaks the mental sound barrier with a silent scream of, ah, shit, here we go again. 34 00:02:39,843.33333333 --> 00:02:41,253.33333333 Your body knows what's coming. 35 00:02:41,628.33333333 --> 00:02:42,738.33333333 You know what's coming. 36 00:02:43,248.33333333 --> 00:02:48,828.33333333 Even your pets can sense what's coming and they scatter like you just whispered. 37 00:02:48,948.33333333 --> 00:02:50,208.33333333 Vet appointment. 38 00:02:50,388.33333333 --> 00:03:07,308.33333333 Under your breath, your partner might glance at you noticing you froze mid-sentence like your brain hit this spinning rainbow wheel of death and innocently asked, are you okay? This is the moment that you stare into the void and whisper. 39 00:03:07,398.33333333 --> 00:03:07,938.33333333 No. 40 00:03:08,328.33333333 --> 00:03:10,488.33333333 As a matter of fact, I am not. 41 00:03:11,478.33333333 --> 00:03:24,108.33333333 Then we move into stage three, what is better known as the spontaneous combustion or otherwise known as becoming the sun? Welcome to Nature's Punishment for Being a Woman. 42 00:03:25,8.33333333 --> 00:03:28,668.33333333 This stage arrives fast and it arrives hard. 43 00:03:29,178.33333333 --> 00:03:34,38.33333333 If stage two is the warning siren, stage three is the meteor strike. 44 00:03:34,848.33333333 --> 00:03:36,738.33333333 Your entire body lights up. 45 00:03:37,158.33333333 --> 00:03:40,128.33333333 It's almost like you swallowed a flamethrower. 46 00:03:40,678.33333333 --> 00:03:43,108.33333333 your organs are trying to escape your body. 47 00:03:43,798.33333333 --> 00:03:46,858.33333333 Your scalp gets hot, your ears get hot. 48 00:03:47,168.33333333 --> 00:03:49,118.33333333 your elbows get hot. 49 00:03:49,478.33333333 --> 00:03:58,958.33333333 At this stage, you're starting to strip off layers like you're speed running a costume change at a kindergarten play, cardigan comes off, shirt is untucked. 50 00:03:59,177.33333333 --> 00:04:05,387.33333333 Neckline is pulled forward like you're trying to vent steam so you don't actually blow a gasket. 51 00:04:05,617.25567142 --> 00:04:10,387.25567142 You could hug a bag of ice, like a long lost lover and still be sweating. 52 00:04:10,657.25567142 --> 00:04:16,867.25567142 This is also the stage where your partner should not speak or look at you or exist too close to you. 53 00:04:18,262.25567142 --> 00:04:25,432.25567142 The wrong comment will unleash a level of feral rage, typically reserved for raccoons guarding garbage. 54 00:04:26,62.25567142 --> 00:04:30,412.25567142 Now we move into stage four, what I like to call the sweat tsunami. 55 00:04:30,982.25567142 --> 00:04:32,272.25567142 This is not sweat. 56 00:04:32,482.25567142 --> 00:04:33,532.25567142 This is liquid. 57 00:04:33,592.25567142 --> 00:04:44,828.92233809 Regret your pores throw open their emergency escape patches and push every ounce of moisture to the surface of your skin that your body has ever known. 58 00:04:45,122.25567142 --> 00:04:50,792.25567142 Your upper lip glistens like you just finished running a marathon that you absolutely did not run. 59 00:04:51,242.25567142 --> 00:04:53,402.25567142 Your back becomes a slip and slide. 60 00:04:53,702.25567142 --> 00:04:57,842.25567142 Your hair is stuck to your neck like it's signed a least to live there. 61 00:04:58,202.25567142 --> 00:05:01,142.25567142 Your bra turns into a wet hammock for your boobs. 62 00:05:01,562.25567142 --> 00:05:05,342.25567142 Your underwear turns into a moist panic room for your lady bits. 63 00:05:06,2.25567142 --> 00:05:10,292.25567142 This is the strip stomp swear and start over stage. 64 00:05:10,772.25567142 --> 00:05:15,872.25567142 I swear to God, if someone touches me, I will turn this hot flash into a crime scene. 65 00:05:16,877.25567142 --> 00:05:25,157.25567142 And then we move into stage five, the unholy burst of rage, or in other words, no one is safe. 66 00:05:25,817.25567142 --> 00:05:29,927.25567142 Every hot flash comes with a sprinkle of emotional instability. 67 00:05:30,47.25567142 --> 00:05:34,157.25567142 But stage five, this is psychological warfare. 68 00:05:34,637.25567142 --> 00:05:45,647.25567142 You suddenly hate fabric, people, noise, air, the shape of objects, the sound of your own thoughts, your partner's blinking pattern. 69 00:05:46,382.25567142 --> 00:05:50,582.25567142 You're irritated by everything except ice, water, and silence. 70 00:05:50,802.25567142 --> 00:05:58,632.25567142 This is when someone in your house, usually your partner or your child daress to say it's not even that hot. 71 00:05:59,262.25567142 --> 00:06:05,982.25567142 And then that's when you consider faking your own disappearance just so you don't end up on a True Crime podcast. 72 00:06:06,372.25567142 --> 00:06:08,82.25567142 The rage is real. 73 00:06:08,412.25567142 --> 00:06:12,72.25567142 The rage is valid, the rage is hormonal. 74 00:06:13,2.25567142 --> 00:06:20,142.25567142 Now we move into stage six, which I call the Sudden Chill, also known as the Antarctic after party. 75 00:06:20,877.25567142 --> 00:06:23,697.25567142 Just like that, the fire is gone. 76 00:06:24,267.25567142 --> 00:06:29,187.25567142 You go from human flamethrower to auditioning as Elsa in frozen. 77 00:06:29,787.25567142 --> 00:06:38,97.25567142 Now your cold, damp, confused, wrapped in a blanket and questioning your entire existence. 78 00:06:38,517.25567142 --> 00:06:42,477.25567142 This stage is the emotional equivalent of a hangover. 79 00:06:43,287.25567142 --> 00:07:04,202.25567142 You're shivering thinking what the actual fuck just happened and why was I briefly fighting for my life? this is also when you start putting your clothes back on with a defeated sigh, and you put your dignity back together like IKEA furniture, confused, sweating, guessing, and swearing. 80 00:07:05,72.25567142 --> 00:07:12,32.25567142 Finally, stage seven, the existential aftermath and Oscar worthy reflection. 81 00:07:12,962.25567142 --> 00:07:14,942.25567142 After the chaos, there's silence. 82 00:07:15,392.25567142 --> 00:07:25,412.25567142 You sit, you breathe, and you stare into the middle distance like a camp counselor who's given up on controlling the kids, and then it hits you. 83 00:07:26,12.25567142 --> 00:07:33,392.25567142 That was a performance, a Shakespearean level breakdown act one. 84 00:07:34,37.25567142 --> 00:07:34,667.25567142 Denial. 85 00:07:35,147.25567142 --> 00:07:40,247.25567142 Act two meltdown, act three, redemption kind of. 86 00:07:41,87.25567142 --> 00:07:46,427.25567142 And if this was an actual movie, you would've won Oscars in the following categories. 87 00:07:47,447.25567142 --> 00:07:48,827.25567142 Best leading drama queen. 88 00:07:49,442.25567142 --> 00:07:54,902.25567142 Reason for winning, for delivering a performance so emotionally chaotic. 89 00:07:55,142.25567142 --> 00:08:06,2.25567142 You cried, sweated, raged, apologized, froze, combusted, and threatened in intimate objects all in one hot flash. 90 00:08:06,452.25567142 --> 00:08:12,422.25567142 Critics called it raw, brave, and frankly concerning, truly a leading role. 91 00:08:12,482.25567142 --> 00:08:14,252.25567142 Only your hormones could write. 92 00:08:15,947.25567142 --> 00:08:30,17.25567142 Best special effects for producing Hollywood level visual chaos with zero budget, instant facial reding, steam rising off your chest, sudden arctic frost spontaneous shirt removal. 93 00:08:30,497.25567142 --> 00:08:38,897.25567142 All performed without AI makeup or a trained pyrotechnics team, just pure indoctrine sorcery and a prayer. 94 00:08:40,37.25567142 --> 00:08:55,287.25567142 Next best original soundtrack, reason for winning for composing a sonic masterpiece featuring dramatic fanning, whispered profanity, crackling joints, frantic thermostat beeping. 95 00:08:55,407.25567142 --> 00:08:58,42.25567142 And finally, an exhale. 96 00:08:58,107.25567142 --> 00:08:59,607.25567142 So powerful. 97 00:08:59,847.25567142 --> 00:09:03,777.25567142 It registered as a tropical storm warning, a soundtrack. 98 00:09:03,777.25567142 --> 00:09:05,397.25567142 So iconic. 99 00:09:05,757.25567142 --> 00:09:08,637.25567142 That Spotify would censor it for emotional safety. 100 00:09:09,87.25567142 --> 00:09:11,997.25567142 And lastly, best choreography. 101 00:09:12,417.25567142 --> 00:09:15,297.25567142 Reason for winning for flawlessly. 102 00:09:15,357.25567142 --> 00:09:21,477.25567142 Executing the menopause Ballet, a frantic routine involving ripping off layers. 103 00:09:21,777.25567142 --> 00:09:30,597.25567142 Fanning yourself like a deranged Victorian debutante pacing dramatically opening the freezer door like it wronged you. 104 00:09:31,317.25567142 --> 00:09:48,7.25567142 And performing the signature, hands on knees, full body meltdown, bend, graceful, And honestly, the Academy should add a menopause category for those who deliver the best lead performance in a hormonal breakdown. 105 00:09:48,892.25567142 --> 00:09:58,282.25567142 But for now, back to the business at hand, here are some hot flash survival tips for those who actually like trying to live through them. 106 00:09:58,912.25567142 --> 00:10:06,142.25567142 These are unchanged, just expanded with more real life commentary because we are thorough and we are unhinged. 107 00:10:06,652.25567142 --> 00:10:08,602.25567142 Number one, keep fans. 108 00:10:08,977.25567142 --> 00:10:20,77.25567142 Everywhere you need a bedside fan, a desk fan, a clip-on bra fan, a car fan, a purse fan, and an emotional support fan. 109 00:10:20,437.25567142 --> 00:10:23,587.25567142 You should be able to create a wind tunnel at any moment. 110 00:10:24,187.25567142 --> 00:10:29,257.25567142 Number two, wear layers like you're preparing for a rapid climate shift. 111 00:10:29,707.25567142 --> 00:10:33,67.25567142 Number three, ice water isn't a preference. 112 00:10:33,187.25567142 --> 00:10:34,627.25567142 It's emotional support. 113 00:10:34,987.25567142 --> 00:10:39,487.25567142 You don't drink it, you hold it, cuddle it, and whisper. 114 00:10:39,727.25567142 --> 00:10:41,752.25567142 Don't leave me during hot flashes. 115 00:10:42,442.25567142 --> 00:10:46,552.25567142 Number four, learn to intimidate your own hormones. 116 00:10:46,912.25567142 --> 00:10:51,892.25567142 Look them dead in the eye, metaphorically, of course, and say, not today. 117 00:10:51,892.25567142 --> 00:10:53,422.25567142 Satan's space heater. 118 00:10:53,932.25567142 --> 00:10:56,2.25567142 Number five, family rule. 119 00:10:56,422.25567142 --> 00:10:59,692.25567142 Do not ask questions during a hot flash. 120 00:11:00,292.25567142 --> 00:11:02,782.25567142 They need to learn to recognize the signals. 121 00:11:03,172.25567142 --> 00:11:08,127.25567142 If they need something, they should wait, and then they just need to pray. 122 00:11:09,232.25567142 --> 00:11:11,962.25567142 Number six, avoid heat sources. 123 00:11:12,502.25567142 --> 00:11:21,472.25567142 This includes ovens, dryers, candles, sunlight, and high stakes, emotional conversations. 124 00:11:22,132.25567142 --> 00:11:26,332.25567142 And finally, number seven, except your new superpower. 125 00:11:26,542.25567142 --> 00:11:33,922.25567142 You are a dragon now, a sweaty, unpredictable, beautiful, majestic dragon. 126 00:11:34,942.25567142 --> 00:11:48,262.25567142 So in closing, there you have it, the seven stages of a hot flash broken down with scientific accuracy, otherwise known as my own personal experience and theatrical flare. 127 00:11:49,432.25567142 --> 00:11:58,402.25567142 So if you've lived through one of these, congratulations, you are a full-fledged member of what I like to call the Hot Flash Hit Squad. 128 00:11:59,62.25567142 --> 00:12:10,207.25567142 So please remember to follow, download, subscribe, and share the Menopause on the Mic podcast with any other members of the Menopause mafia you think would benefit from a laugh. 129 00:12:11,542.25567142 --> 00:12:16,12.25567142 Be sure to also visit my website@themenopausemafia.com 130 00:12:16,342.25567142 --> 00:12:18,802.25567142 and catch up on the brain fog blog. 131 00:12:19,132.25567142 --> 00:12:25,102.25567142 Learn about my menopause coaching packages and purchase some funny menopause merchandise. 132 00:12:25,792.25567142 --> 00:12:34,912.25567142 Until next time, stay hot, stay hydrated, and stay unbothered, or at least as unbothered as one can be while actively melting. 133 00:12:35,542.25567142 --> 00:12:38,932.25567142 This is Misty Graham, and this is Menopause On the Mic.
Hello? My hot hormonal hell raisers.
Welcome back to The Menopause On the Mic Podcast.
The only show on earth where sweating through your bra is considered both a survival skill and a badge of honor.
I'm your host, Misty Graham, coming to you from the sweatiest corners of midlife.
(00:23):
Today's episode is a masterpiece, a saga, a full-blown, dramatic production.
Because we're talking about the seven stages of a hot flash and why mine deserves an Oscar.
So listen, if I'm gonna spontaneously combust on a Tuesday afternoon for absolutely no reason, I want recognition.
(00:48):
I want applause and I want someone to carry out a trophy and say, congratulations on your outstanding performance in blaze of glory, the Menopause Chronicles.
So grab your portable fan, peel off a layer of clothing, and let's get into it. 10 00:01:05,96.666666667 --> 00:01:07,106.666666667 Let's begin with stage one. 11 00:01:07,106.666666667 --> 00:01:09,476.666666667 otherwise known as the denial phase. 12 00:01:09,746.666666667 --> 00:01:17,486.666666667 This is the cute stage, the polite stage, the I still think I have control over my life stage.
(01:17):
You feel the smallest shift of warmth, the gentle whisper of heat, and your first instinct is to blame literally.
Anything except menopause. 15 00:01:29,378.333333333 --> 00:01:31,808.333333333 Oh, it's just the sun coming through the window. 16 00:01:32,78.333333333 --> 00:01:34,808.333333333 Maybe my coffee was just a little hotter than usual. 17 00:01:35,78.333333333 --> 00:01:36,818.333333333 Maybe I'm just moving around too much. 18 00:01:37,263.333333333 --> 00:01:40,833.33333333 Girl, you haven't moved in 45 minutes. 19 00:01:41,373.33333333 --> 00:01:52,913.33333333 This moment is usually short-lived, but it's important because this is the last time your brain functions at a normal temperature before the chaos begins. 20 00:01:53,483.33333333 --> 00:02:01,673.33333333 Sometimes you'll even try to talk yourself out of it with that fake positive self-talk, like, no, everything's fine. 21 00:02:02,708.33333333 --> 00:02:03,788.33333333 I'm fine. 22 00:02:03,788.33333333 --> 00:02:06,758.33333333 suddenly, boom, out of nowhere. 23 00:02:06,848.33333333 --> 00:02:08,288.33333333 Stage two hits. 24 00:02:09,98.33333333 --> 00:02:11,168.33333333 Stage two, oh no. 25 00:02:11,798.33333333 --> 00:02:13,508.33333333 Oh no. 26 00:02:14,78.33333333 --> 00:02:15,848.33333333 This is the realization phase. 27 00:02:16,418.33333333 --> 00:02:17,648.33333333 It starts small. 28 00:02:18,548.33333333 --> 00:02:20,943.33333333 Maybe it's a quickening pulse in your neck. 29 00:02:21,788.33333333 --> 00:02:27,343.33333333 Maybe it's that weird internal buzzing, like your organs just sent a group text to each other that says. 30 00:02:28,43.33333333 --> 00:02:28,883.33333333 Oh sweet. 31 00:02:28,883.33333333 --> 00:02:30,53.33333333 Mother of sweat. 32 00:02:30,113.33333333 --> 00:02:31,223.33333333 Here we go. 33 00:02:31,713.33333333 --> 00:02:38,973.33333333 your inner monologue breaks the mental sound barrier with a silent scream of, ah, shit, here we go again. 34 00:02:39,843.33333333 --> 00:02:41,253.33333333 Your body knows what's coming. 35 00:02:41,628.33333333 --> 00:02:42,738.33333333 You know what's coming. 36 00:02:43,248.33333333 --> 00:02:48,828.33333333 Even your pets can sense what's coming and they scatter like you just whispered. 37 00:02:48,948.33333333 --> 00:02:50,208.33333333 Vet appointment. 38 00:02:50,388.33333333 --> 00:03:07,308.33333333 Under your breath, your partner might glance at you noticing you froze mid-sentence like your brain hit this spinning rainbow wheel of death and innocently asked, are you okay? This is the moment that you stare into the void and whisper. 39 00:03:07,398.33333333 --> 00:03:07,938.33333333 No. 40 00:03:08,328.33333333 --> 00:03:10,488.33333333 As a matter of fact, I am not. 41 00:03:11,478.33333333 --> 00:03:24,108.33333333 Then we move into stage three, what is better known as the spontaneous combustion or otherwise known as becoming the sun? Welcome to Nature's Punishment for Being a Woman. 42 00:03:25,8.33333333 --> 00:03:28,668.33333333 This stage arrives fast and it arrives hard. 43 00:03:29,178.33333333 --> 00:03:34,38.33333333 If stage two is the warning siren, stage three is the meteor strike. 44 00:03:34,848.33333333 --> 00:03:36,738.33333333 Your entire body lights up. 45 00:03:37,158.33333333 --> 00:03:40,128.33333333 It's almost like you swallowed a flamethrower. 46 00:03:40,678.33333333 --> 00:03:43,108.33333333 your organs are trying to escape your body. 47 00:03:43,798.33333333 --> 00:03:46,858.33333333 Your scalp gets hot, your ears get hot. 48 00:03:47,168.33333333 --> 00:03:49,118.33333333 your elbows get hot. 49 00:03:49,478.33333333 --> 00:03:58,958.33333333 At this stage, you're starting to strip off layers like you're speed running a costume change at a kindergarten play, cardigan comes off, shirt is untucked. 50 00:03:59,177.33333333 --> 00:04:05,387.33333333 Neckline is pulled forward like you're trying to vent steam so you don't actually blow a gasket. 51 00:04:05,617.25567142 --> 00:04:10,387.25567142 You could hug a bag of ice, like a long lost lover and still be sweating. 52 00:04:10,657.25567142 --> 00:04:16,867.25567142 This is also the stage where your partner should not speak or look at you or exist too close to you. 53 00:04:18,262.25567142 --> 00:04:25,432.25567142 The wrong comment will unleash a level of feral rage, typically reserved for raccoons guarding garbage. 54 00:04:26,62.25567142 --> 00:04:30,412.25567142 Now we move into stage four, what I like to call the sweat tsunami. 55 00:04:30,982.25567142 --> 00:04:32,272.25567142 This is not sweat. 56 00:04:32,482.25567142 --> 00:04:33,532.25567142 This is liquid. 57 00:04:33,592.25567142 --> 00:04:44,828.92233809 Regret your pores throw open their emergency escape patches and push every ounce of moisture to the surface of your skin that your body has ever known. 58 00:04:45,122.25567142 --> 00:04:50,792.25567142 Your upper lip glistens like you just finished running a marathon that you absolutely did not run. 59 00:04:51,242.25567142 --> 00:04:53,402.25567142 Your back becomes a slip and slide. 60 00:04:53,702.25567142 --> 00:04:57,842.25567142 Your hair is stuck to your neck like it's signed a least to live there. 61 00:04:58,202.25567142 --> 00:05:01,142.25567142 Your bra turns into a wet hammock for your boobs. 62 00:05:01,562.25567142 --> 00:05:05,342.25567142 Your underwear turns into a moist panic room for your lady bits. 63 00:05:06,2.25567142 --> 00:05:10,292.25567142 This is the strip stomp swear and start over stage. 64 00:05:10,772.25567142 --> 00:05:15,872.25567142 I swear to God, if someone touches me, I will turn this hot flash into a crime scene. 65 00:05:16,877.25567142 --> 00:05:25,157.25567142 And then we move into stage five, the unholy burst of rage, or in other words, no one is safe. 66 00:05:25,817.25567142 --> 00:05:29,927.25567142 Every hot flash comes with a sprinkle of emotional instability. 67 00:05:30,47.25567142 --> 00:05:34,157.25567142 But stage five, this is psychological warfare. 68 00:05:34,637.25567142 --> 00:05:45,647.25567142 You suddenly hate fabric, people, noise, air, the shape of objects, the sound of your own thoughts, your partner's blinking pattern. 69 00:05:46,382.25567142 --> 00:05:50,582.25567142 You're irritated by everything except ice, water, and silence. 70 00:05:50,802.25567142 --> 00:05:58,632.25567142 This is when someone in your house, usually your partner or your child daress to say it's not even that hot. 71 00:05:59,262.25567142 --> 00:06:05,982.25567142 And then that's when you consider faking your own disappearance just so you don't end up on a True Crime podcast. 72 00:06:06,372.25567142 --> 00:06:08,82.25567142 The rage is real. 73 00:06:08,412.25567142 --> 00:06:12,72.25567142 The rage is valid, the rage is hormonal. 74 00:06:13,2.25567142 --> 00:06:20,142.25567142 Now we move into stage six, which I call the Sudden Chill, also known as the Antarctic after party. 75 00:06:20,877.25567142 --> 00:06:23,697.25567142 Just like that, the fire is gone. 76 00:06:24,267.25567142 --> 00:06:29,187.25567142 You go from human flamethrower to auditioning as Elsa in frozen. 77 00:06:29,787.25567142 --> 00:06:38,97.25567142 Now your cold, damp, confused, wrapped in a blanket and questioning your entire existence. 78 00:06:38,517.25567142 --> 00:06:42,477.25567142 This stage is the emotional equivalent of a hangover. 79 00:06:43,287.25567142 --> 00:07:04,202.25567142 You're shivering thinking what the actual fuck just happened and why was I briefly fighting for my life? this is also when you start putting your clothes back on with a defeated sigh, and you put your dignity back together like IKEA furniture, confused, sweating, guessing, and swearing. 80 00:07:05,72.25567142 --> 00:07:12,32.25567142 Finally, stage seven, the existential aftermath and Oscar worthy reflection. 81 00:07:12,962.25567142 --> 00:07:14,942.25567142 After the chaos, there's silence. 82 00:07:15,392.25567142 --> 00:07:25,412.25567142 You sit, you breathe, and you stare into the middle distance like a camp counselor who's given up on controlling the kids, and then it hits you. 83 00:07:26,12.25567142 --> 00:07:33,392.25567142 That was a performance, a Shakespearean level breakdown act one. 84 00:07:34,37.25567142 --> 00:07:34,667.25567142 Denial. 85 00:07:35,147.25567142 --> 00:07:40,247.25567142 Act two meltdown, act three, redemption kind of. 86 00:07:41,87.25567142 --> 00:07:46,427.25567142 And if this was an actual movie, you would've won Oscars in the following categories. 87 00:07:47,447.25567142 --> 00:07:48,827.25567142 Best leading drama queen. 88 00:07:49,442.25567142 --> 00:07:54,902.25567142 Reason for winning, for delivering a performance so emotionally chaotic. 89 00:07:55,142.25567142 --> 00:08:06,2.25567142 You cried, sweated, raged, apologized, froze, combusted, and threatened in intimate objects all in one hot flash. 90 00:08:06,452.25567142 --> 00:08:12,422.25567142 Critics called it raw, brave, and frankly concerning, truly a leading role. 91 00:08:12,482.25567142 --> 00:08:14,252.25567142 Only your hormones could write. 92 00:08:15,947.25567142 --> 00:08:30,17.25567142 Best special effects for producing Hollywood level visual chaos with zero budget, instant facial reding, steam rising off your chest, sudden arctic frost spontaneous shirt removal. 93 00:08:30,497.25567142 --> 00:08:38,897.25567142 All performed without AI makeup or a trained pyrotechnics team, just pure indoctrine sorcery and a prayer. 94 00:08:40,37.25567142 --> 00:08:55,287.25567142 Next best original soundtrack, reason for winning for composing a sonic masterpiece featuring dramatic fanning, whispered profanity, crackling joints, frantic thermostat beeping. 95 00:08:55,407.25567142 --> 00:08:58,42.25567142 And finally, an exhale. 96 00:08:58,107.25567142 --> 00:08:59,607.25567142 So powerful. 97 00:08:59,847.25567142 --> 00:09:03,777.25567142 It registered as a tropical storm warning, a soundtrack. 98 00:09:03,777.25567142 --> 00:09:05,397.25567142 So iconic. 99 00:09:05,757.25567142 --> 00:09:08,637.25567142 That Spotify would censor it for emotional safety. 100 00:09:09,87.25567142 --> 00:09:11,997.25567142 And lastly, best choreography. 101 00:09:12,417.25567142 --> 00:09:15,297.25567142 Reason for winning for flawlessly. 102 00:09:15,357.25567142 --> 00:09:21,477.25567142 Executing the menopause Ballet, a frantic routine involving ripping off layers. 103 00:09:21,777.25567142 --> 00:09:30,597.25567142 Fanning yourself like a deranged Victorian debutante pacing dramatically opening the freezer door like it wronged you. 104 00:09:31,317.25567142 --> 00:09:48,7.25567142 And performing the signature, hands on knees, full body meltdown, bend, graceful, And honestly, the Academy should add a menopause category for those who deliver the best lead performance in a hormonal breakdown. 105 00:09:48,892.25567142 --> 00:09:58,282.25567142 But for now, back to the business at hand, here are some hot flash survival tips for those who actually like trying to live through them. 106 00:09:58,912.25567142 --> 00:10:06,142.25567142 These are unchanged, just expanded with more real life commentary because we are thorough and we are unhinged. 107 00:10:06,652.25567142 --> 00:10:08,602.25567142 Number one, keep fans. 108 00:10:08,977.25567142 --> 00:10:20,77.25567142 Everywhere you need a bedside fan, a desk fan, a clip-on bra fan, a car fan, a purse fan, and an emotional support fan. 109 00:10:20,437.25567142 --> 00:10:23,587.25567142 You should be able to create a wind tunnel at any moment. 110 00:10:24,187.25567142 --> 00:10:29,257.25567142 Number two, wear layers like you're preparing for a rapid climate shift. 111 00:10:29,707.25567142 --> 00:10:33,67.25567142 Number three, ice water isn't a preference. 112 00:10:33,187.25567142 --> 00:10:34,627.25567142 It's emotional support. 113 00:10:34,987.25567142 --> 00:10:39,487.25567142 You don't drink it, you hold it, cuddle it, and whisper. 114 00:10:39,727.25567142 --> 00:10:41,752.25567142 Don't leave me during hot flashes. 115 00:10:42,442.25567142 --> 00:10:46,552.25567142 Number four, learn to intimidate your own hormones. 116 00:10:46,912.25567142 --> 00:10:51,892.25567142 Look them dead in the eye, metaphorically, of course, and say, not today. 117 00:10:51,892.25567142 --> 00:10:53,422.25567142 Satan's space heater. 118 00:10:53,932.25567142 --> 00:10:56,2.25567142 Number five, family rule. 119 00:10:56,422.25567142 --> 00:10:59,692.25567142 Do not ask questions during a hot flash. 120 00:11:00,292.25567142 --> 00:11:02,782.25567142 They need to learn to recognize the signals. 121 00:11:03,172.25567142 --> 00:11:08,127.25567142 If they need something, they should wait, and then they just need to pray. 122 00:11:09,232.25567142 --> 00:11:11,962.25567142 Number six, avoid heat sources. 123 00:11:12,502.25567142 --> 00:11:21,472.25567142 This includes ovens, dryers, candles, sunlight, and high stakes, emotional conversations. 124 00:11:22,132.25567142 --> 00:11:26,332.25567142 And finally, number seven, except your new superpower. 125 00:11:26,542.25567142 --> 00:11:33,922.25567142 You are a dragon now, a sweaty, unpredictable, beautiful, majestic dragon. 126 00:11:34,942.25567142 --> 00:11:48,262.25567142 So in closing, there you have it, the seven stages of a hot flash broken down with scientific accuracy, otherwise known as my own personal experience and theatrical flare. 127 00:11:49,432.25567142 --> 00:11:58,402.25567142 So if you've lived through one of these, congratulations, you are a full-fledged member of what I like to call the Hot Flash Hit Squad. 128 00:11:59,62.25567142 --> 00:12:10,207.25567142 So please remember to follow, download, subscribe, and share the Menopause on the Mic podcast with any other members of the Menopause mafia you think would benefit from a laugh. 129 00:12:11,542.25567142 --> 00:12:16,12.25567142 Be sure to also visit my website@themenopausemafia.com 130 00:12:16,342.25567142 --> 00:12:18,802.25567142 and catch up on the brain fog blog. 131 00:12:19,132.25567142 --> 00:12:25,102.25567142 Learn about my menopause coaching packages and purchase some funny menopause merchandise. 132 00:12:25,792.25567142 --> 00:12:34,912.25567142 Until next time, stay hot, stay hydrated, and stay unbothered, or at least as unbothered as one can be while actively melting. 133 00:12:35,542.25567142 --> 00:12:38,932.25567142 This is Misty Graham, and this is Menopause On the Mic.
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